#guys. guys. im being so fucking normal right now. im being so fucking normal right now. im not even shedding my skin or breaking every bone
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Can you write Namgyu with a kink for humiliating you? I just know this man is a sadist with the way heās so mean.
It can be making you cry, making you lick his shoes clean, suck his fingers, spitting in your mouth & making you swallow! All while cruelly insulting you calling you a cunt and a bitch.
He loves to embarrass you! Youāre just his personal stress-toy in these stressful games <3
(Love your work btw!!!)š
holy fuckfbk nam-gyu will always be my fav , hes such a sadist HES SUCH A SADIST you'll be crying and everything literally making such a mess and he'd be staring at you like this: š«¤ guys i got a good twitter vid for this one (i made reader a bit a bimbo im sryš)
sadist!nam-gyu x reader <3 warnings: 18+, DARK content, SMUT!!, humiliation kink, knifeplay, humping shoes ā¤ļøāš©¹, twitter link, dubcon, orgasm denial, death threats (1), degradation, voyeurism, pwp
ć¤ā ļ½”ā ā when you'd meet at the games, he just immediately sees how fuckable you are. you were bickering him about the stupidest things, he was angry, how you almost lost them the six-legged race, of course you'd defend yourself. without any class, he'd spit on you, out of 'anger'. obviously he only wants to test how you'd respond, the games were getting boring, he needs to release some tension. "fucking swallow, bitch. you'll do that, right?" he says, like it's second nature, it was your first time literally getting spat on! it felt so weird! you'd swallow full of shame, looking him in the eye. "fucking-" his dick would twitch from the sight, like he was taking your virginity. "bitch, you tryna' tease me?" it's like he didn't expect you to do as he says. you were actually so submissive it makes him cry. it makes his dick cry, definitely.
he's probably the type of guy to jerk off right in front of you. he invited you to come and eat with him and his other allies, saying how it's much more safer with a team rather than being alone, but once you finished your lunch and everyone's going somewhere else, nam-gyu shamelessly moves his hands past the waistband of his pants, it makes you panic, scared, and clueless, -- you don't know what to do, the good person in you says to help him :( and you do, offering your hand, tilting your head and asking "do .. do you need me?" nam-gyu knew he is never gonna get enough of you. ever. he scoffs, he was about to bust a nut right there, "don't fucking assume, cunt." but you just wanted to help him :( he swears you knew what you were doing. "do you even have a brain?" you'd freeze, and he removes his hand under his pants to pull your hair to face his groin. "i'm sure you know how to suck. so suck." he doesn't give you any time to think before pushing your head to his clothed dick, making your squirms muffled against his hard-on. "mmph- m-mister-" your drool staining his pants, "take my pants off, duh. are you genuinely stupid?"
now you were forced to take on his dick, because of your 'volunteer' spirit. atleast he was a bit nice about it though.. i mean he did take it slow until the tip of his cock was hitting the back of your throat, after that, it's a different story. "you sick little freak. you offer your services to any person with a cock?" is what you'd hear, and the 'glug glug glug' sound of your throat. "no decent woman would offer herself when she sees a man jerking it." you were taking him in so well, and he was conversing like it was a normal day. "you. are. a. fucking. freak." he'd pull you away from his dick, "answer me, you're a whore aren't you?" he tugs, "what are you?" "a whore..." you whimper. he just laughs, shoving right back into your mouth.
everything was too fast D: you'd swear other men were looking. no they definitely were. probably even stroking their own dicks while watching. player 124 was so lucky.
even after that, your throat was sore, making you unable to speak, it wasn't like you were much of a talker in the first place. you'd stay by him though, even if you could hear nam-gyu tell his experience about you to thanos, saying how 'mediocre' you were. that hurts.. :(
ć¤ā ļ½”ā ā outside of the games ->
you were probably someone who absolutely loves the idea of 'making love', he'd just absolutely break that ideology in half. :/ you guys wouldn't have met in the club, he probably met you in a dating app. he made himself such a presentable person, deeming himself as a family man raised by his grandmother who loves owning pets, long walks on the beach, cooking for his girl, all that stuff. of course you'd fall in love. your second date was cooking with him, he finds it cute how clumsy you are with the knife, he chuckles, playfully teasing: "you're such a cute dummy." getting behind you, putting his arms on top of yours as he guides you on how to safely cut vegetables. he's such a sweetie.
but.. when he has that knife pressed right to your throat, thankfully not cutting you, his body caging yours on the counter, your back pressed against his chest. whispering, "you're such a dumb bitch, who the fuck believes shit from people who work at the club?" he did have a point, he said he was a club promoter right off the bat, but your view of him did a full 180ā° real quick.
pushing your pants down, he presses the handle of the knife right in between your legs, making a soft moan escape your lips, how could he think you don't like this?
the knife goes back to your neck, as his other hand was deeply shoving his fingers against your leaking pussy, "you can't cum, alright? m'not afraid to slash your neck." he threatens, he curls his fingers at the same time, how were you gonna survive.??
now when you're trembling right infront of him, he'd stop all forms of physical touch, getting away from you, you'd fall to the ground, mostly because of your legs shaking, and how the knife infront of your throat blocked you from doing any movements. "please, let me cum, please, i've been good..!" you begged, looking up at him. his eyes darkened even more at the sight, you were so desperate, it was hot. "fine. spread your legs."
(this video) <- twt link ^o^
he presses the insides of your thighs to fully spread them wide open. nudging the tip of his shoes on your clit, the friction was good enough </3.
"you're an embarrassment to women, jeez, you're fucking gonna cum from this." he always seems so mad. you shake your head, you're better than this, you swear. he only chuckles from how you're trying to defend yourself, pressing your thighs together as if to close them, you still wanted that sweet release :( " pfft. stop trying to deny it, i'm not gonna let you cum unless you become a worthless whore for me," fuck it, you were desperate, you'd cum from anything at this point. erasing any self dignity, you spread your legs again. props to you, despite his mean nature, he was gonna cum from the sight.
-
lastly, in a group setting, you know he is the biggest boot-licker when it's with his friends at the club, always wanting to impress them and shit, showing how you're his prized possession! he'll make you hang out with his friends, the purple-haired one included, all doing lines and taking puffs of weed, as he "sweetly" guides you to grind on his thigh. saying how: "nobody's gonna notice, they're too high to notice you being so pathetic." and you whine, tears in your eyes because you feel so embarrassed and vulnerable :<, hearing his other friends laugh, you could only hide your face in the crook of nam-gyu's neck. he'd pull on your hair to get you to look at him eye to eye, "you wanted this didn't you? you're asking for it all the time, why not now?" his words are so condescending, it didn't help how your clit is sweetly nudging against the wrinkles of his pants, sometimes you'd even move a bit higher to feel the bulkiness of his belt. or even the tent in his pants in general, but he'll immediately lift you up, because he doesn't wanna give you the satisfaction that he's aroused too!
he's such a perfect guy, you love him. you do. if you actually do, sucks to suck, he thinks you're fucking pathetic.
subby nam-gyu soon? (and kim seowan) prolly will do a few asks, too busy for all this stuff i need sleep! also, guys i love the dark asks, keep them goinnnnnnnnnš„²
#squid game 2#squid game#nam-gyu#player 124#squid game x reader#squid game season 2#squid game smut#nam gyu#namgyu#nam-gyu x reader#nam-gyu smut#nam gyu smut#nam gyu x reader#squid game imagine#squid game spoilers
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THIS IS DEDICATED TO @cup1ds-bow (iām being held hostage)
itoshi sae doesnāt understand why you can never make eye contact with him.
whether itās him who starts the conversation or itās you, you will gaze anywhere but his eyes. kinda like your main focus is the stuff behind him, the things that perfectly align with his head, or maybe the way your hands become clammy every time you accidentally pass his gaze with your own. well, the main point is that it feels like he is never your main focus.
eye contact just comes naturally to him because of all the interviews and the intense matches with other teamsāprobably other things too. he basically chases your eyes but like a track-star, he canāt seem to catch up with your fidgety eyes.
itās not like itās impossible to make eye-contact with him but it sure does feel like it. every time you try, you canāt help but realize how bored his eyesāspecificallyālook and thatās how itās always beenāthatās the appealā¦ mostly.
it feels like an insult straight to the heart to look directly at them, like his eyes are telling you to fuck off even if heās speaking directly at you.
can someone kill you right now? you promise you wonāt press charges!
āsome dude tried to get my number. what a creep.ā he says. āreally? which one was it?ā you ask while scrolling on your phone (youāre legit not scrolling on anythingāyour phone is dead).
sae raises an eyebrow at your questionable action what the fuck are you doing. āā¦eyeliner guy.ā he starts speaking slowly because he is utterly confused on why youāre swiping on a black-screened phone.
āuh-huh! thatās weird.ā you nod
ācan you at least look at me?ā and you doākind of? you look at him the way you always doāyou donāt.
he continues to speak and you continue to listen. heād say you almost look interested if it werenāt for the way your eyes kept wandering anywhere but his eyes.
itās become quite normal for him to ignore your ignorance to his very obvious advances to make eye contact but now heās just irritatedādoes he just not matter to you anymore?
with a quick move, he catches your chin between his fingers (IM SO CLICHE STOPP) in hopes of getting you to look at him. and you do but only for a split second.
your eyes are wide in surprise before looking away (which defeats the whole purpose of this cringy move š
). āhahaā¦ whatās this about?ā you sheepishly laugh at the gesture to play it off cool.
āgeezā¦ even like this, you wonāt look at me.ā he groans and lets go. āwhat do you mean? i do look at you.ā his face contorts to annoyance because are you actually being for real? please tell him you arenāt.
āno you donāt.ā
āyes i do!ā
āyouāre hopeless.ā
now you realize you did.. kind ofā¦ fuck up.
ādo you not realize the way you look?ā you start. āhow do i look??? are you telling me i look ugly?ā heās offended because he knows you know how much he cares about his appearance.
āno! itās not like that!ā you shout with your arms flailing in defensiveness. āitās your eyesā¦ā you admit but it seems he took it the wrong way. āokay so now youāre saying my eyes are ugly.ā
you need to reject that idea because no way in hell were you trying to say that! itās the exact opposite, his eyes to prettyātoo pretty.
and he keeps staring at you!
āi didnāt mean it like that!ā is this what it feels like to self-sabotage? āthen how did you mean it?ā heās questioning you with full intent on still making you make eye contact with him.
āā¦not like thatā¦ā you say only to mentally punch yourself because you donāt even understand yourself. āokay so lookā¦ā he trails off, ālook at me in the eyes.ā he asks the impossible.
āi canāt.ā
āwhy not?ā okay so now it feels like heās a ticking time bomb. ābecauseā¦ gosh if you look at me that way, i might kiss you.ā
āthen kiss me.ā
#bllk x reader#bllk#blue lock#blue lock x reader#sae x reader#itoshi sae x reader#sae itoshi#itoshi sae#HELP KILL ME RNNNN#is this funny#am i comedian#pls tell me i am#į„«į” spilā¦
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My farmer arc
#yeah its way to late in the year to be hatching but this is florida where crackheads and repu-#anyways it doesnt get truly cold until january and they will be fully feathered by then#they have a mom#and she is UH WARM#shes a silkie so you know brooding powerhouse#my mom's silkies actually#these guys arent mine but she dont mess with them and Sarah wanted to brood on a clutch so i let her#FIRST TIME TOO SHE DID GREAT the other 3 eggs are a little younger so they will probably pip tomorrow#only one death and it was from an unobsorbed yolk#being medicated has been fucking fantastic i have a normal relationship with the internet so far and i have been like....idk healtheir?#still haveing heath problems like CURRENTLY RIGHT NOW AS IM TYPING IM IN PAIN but like overall mental health is FANTASITC i dont feel manic#anymore at all its just nice and good and ive gotten out of the years long brain fog ive had for the most part it seems#sorry for the turbo haiatus but i said before i post on my own terms for drwwings and comic#i have to thank you all with being very patient with me so eveeyone gets a cute Chick picture
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more hambone behind the scenes š¤š¤ -> from jordan's insta!
#guys. guys. im being so fucking normal right now. im being so fucking normal right now. im not even shedding my skin or breaking every bone#in my body or eating my own teeth or melting and rotting and decaying and vibrating at speeds high enough to shred the meat from my bones :#hambone hamilton#howard hamilton#masters of the air#mota#behind the scenes pictures my beloved#BRO. BROOOO. IM SO FUCKING SERIOUS. IM SO FUCKNG SERIOUS. HE'S SO FUCKING FINE#oh hambone my beloved i love us o much. so much. so much. my beloved. my silly#THE ONE WITH BRADY???? BYE. BYEEEEEEEE. YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO SHOOT ME.#also i wanna have rlly kinky blood covered sex with him. sigh. hambone you can cannibalize me
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pata hai last kuch din i was very busy with my project kyunki final dena tha and binding karni thi etc to wo karwayi then i went to the bookfair bekaar tha then parso submit karne jaa rahi to subah accident hogaya (bhai ki bike skid hogayi and we fell down) and now i have a big ass blue bruise on my upper thigh and my parents don't even know lmao and kal ek science conference thi to i had to sit in an auditorium for 6 hours listening to accomplished people speak. that's what you missed now your turn
omg i knew everything in this except for the accident cause i stalk your blog vigorously everyday are you okay!!!!!!!!!! did you get tetanus shots!!!!!!!!!! also on your upper thigh oh no that's where future jiju is supposed to write MINE na as per our beloved song guilty as sin?
#did u have fun at the conference it must've been cool huh women in stem and all that#bookfair being bad is so sucky i was so excited for you to go i thought you'd send pictures too of books we like#also u already know everything i posted everything and every thought#i ate chinese but it didn't feel that good because my sister isn't here and we didn't eat it together watching#koffee or splitsvilla and i realised that it's not just the chinese food it's the whole hanging out that i love sm :((#kal well i told you pata hai the brownie place we met it's kinda new and cool types so uske bathroom mein#there was a button and it said press at your own risk and when we did it became a dj like the lights went out and#there when flashing spinning disco lights and party songs were playing mere mein wo aaya hum toh naye andaz hai apna purana#it was sooo cool im adding it to the list of places you'll visit when u come here!!!!!!!#also the food was soooo shockingly reasonably priced everything was under 200 rs!!!!! which is big for a dessert place here#and like great quantity great taste too my stupid people from office used to say it's awesome but i didn't believe them and never tried it#because they're all losers lol but i grudgingly admit that they were right#also ummmm hmm okay pata hai i realised ki oh okay im happy with who i am#like bachpan mein i used to feel very sad and loser like because dad was too strict to let me go out raat ko and everyone in school would#go to this club we went to kal and i always felt i was missing out and i wanted to be all cool and fun too#but it was kinda so boring and normal and i was like wow okay i didn't miss out i was spending days and nights reading books being in#fandoms and i was actually very happy!!!!! so like yay idk small thing bt yk i realised that oh it was okay and everything will be okay too#i kinda want to talk to that guy now like i weirdly feel like im longing for what could've been? which is ridiculous because#we were 11 and i barely talked to him back then because shy and friends would tease and i didn't realise it was a crush#i don't want to DATE him because like tbh i already know we're very different people but like wouldn't it be fun to idk make out once#then i got the urge to download dating app but i resisted the urge and won i don't think im made for casual things#me and my bestie were laughing about this yesterday too she was like i just don't understand how people can have sex one day and then#not give a fuck about each other the next day like idk if we have sex im having your kids and i was like ikrrrr like bhai sex is toh very#big im going to be attached if we hug i literally did!!!!! so we decided no more casual/situationships for us#phew okay more rambling on whatsapp love u bye this became too long#saumyuuuuuu
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless š like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors šÆ like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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I still get scared when i remember kiryu is canonically quite lean and not a fatty at all
#Yakuza loveblog#i really think hes a little tubby and a little shorter#stop making japanese characters taller than 180 ....#you can pick one guy in your series to make that height but not more than tao#two#like there should be a ratio of guys over that height to guys who are normal (160-175 range)#and i say this a lot but i like the idea of kiryu simply being a guy who can dominate the room by presence alone#like he shouldnt be a huge guy he should be above average but being six feet is literally (thinks of a social justice buzzword) whitewashing#fucking haruka is taller than me thats not why im mad i just think that nobody looks at the average height of a country before making their#characters. wait im going to boot up y5 again and see harukas height in comparison to the rest of the people because kiryus always like a#head taller than everyone and while its funny to see him towering over date i think its wrong for him to do that#if anyone tries to argue with me im going to your house and killing myself#sorry i dont feel that strongly about this actually wait i am trying to downplay it im freaking out right now#okay between then and now im okay now but it still makes me so sad
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Hooray... it's 7 in the morning and I stayed up all night listening to the imperium... I feel so happy and satisfied with my life choices...
I am feeling very much not cowabunga, dude
[SEVERE rambling in tags]
#ouww it hurts!! it hurts!!! this is the stuff you're supposed to leave for angst fic writers not make canon in an alt universe?? ERIK PLEASE#i hate the whole entire world right now. genuinely cannot speak to anyone normally for the next 3-4 business days.#I have no one irl to rant to about this FUCK im stranded. im quarantined. im being held against my will free meee#The irl friend i have who knows anything at all about redacted only knows freelancer s1 i cannot drop this bigass plot on them#Genuinely i might start going mad out of repression. Erik writing āhope you enjoyā in the desc as if that wasnt the most painfully torturou#experience I've ever had in my life. The fucking inevitability. I knew Echo was going to pull some shit. IM JUST GLAD VIN AND FL ARE OK#they were NOT the turning point just let them live their cabin in the woods fantasy for however long they can okay...#Also I kinda love imp!vega. not the biggest fan of prime bc of the whole child beating situation but i sure loved this guy.#really knew what he was talking about when it came to revolutions and stuff. Like he's good. no disrespect to avior but vega did good#and he was so gentle with his partner which i find more appealing than torture but that's just me. that's just me i get it#And uh. speaking of that. Imp!sam. Yeah i get why some of yall are goin wild over him and i wish i could say i shared the sentiment but hes#too scary im weak like that. when i know a bastard would simply kill me without a care im just not into that yknow? or maybe you dont#Glad we got twisted gay damihux at the end though MUAHAJAJA that's one of the only redeeming lights that kept me alive#FUCKKKK SHIT FU K SJIT DAM ASHERS ENTIRE SCENE WITH BRACJIUM GOD HELP ME. ID DIE FOR THAT MAN#he's so fucking sad!!! he just wants his husband back!!! HE WANTS HIS FAMILY BACK!!!!!!#No even I don't understand how it's possible to get this attached to characters. I don't know. Im in deep shit.#Is this the end for me? Is my life over? These are the questions I have today. I probably just need to sleep because again#it's 7:30 in the morning. but regardless. These characters mean so much to me and this silly anthology has pulled emotions out of#me that i am terrified of feeling [survivors guilt hits me right in the fucking heart] and im scared. of what? don't know#That little shit Echo was right about one thing. It may not be real but the emotional damage it caused me is real. AND IRREPARABLE#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redacted imperium#redacted imp!asher#redacted echo#redacted imp!vega#redacted imp!sam#redacted vindemiator#tired of tagging. hitting the pillow. good night.
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im CRAAAAZZZYYYY im FUCKING INSANE!!!!!! iām a cycle pathā¦.. HHHHHHHFDRRRRRRRHHHHHGHHHH
#me.txt#IM SO FUCKED RN#IM IN THAT HORRIBLE STAGE OF A NEW HYPERFIXATION FORMING WHERE ITS ALL I CAN THINK AND ALL I CAN TALK ABOUT AND ALL I CAN SEE#which happens to be the VERY ANNOYING STAGE in which i am VERY ANNOYING towards EVERYONE AROUND ME because i wont SHUT UP!!!!!!#talking about anything that isnt isat for more than 30 seconds without bringing it up somehow is like PULLING TEETH to me right now#and my friends are already starting to get sick of and weirded out by it#and i dont want to keep randomly bringing it yp and being annoying but I CANT NOT DO THAT!!!#IT FEELS LIKE MY SYOMACH IS FULL OF BEES WHEN I TRY!!!! MORESO THAN USUAL!!!!!!!!#and its not like i can go on a reblog spree or talk to anyone else about it#BECAUSE IM NOT EVEN HALFWAY THROUGH THE GAME!!!!#AND IM ALREADY THIS SICK IN THE HEAD!!!!! BUT I CANNOT LET MYSELF GET SPOILED!!!!!!!!#CANT keep talking about it to friends CANT go online for an outlet IM GOING TO DIE#I HAVE NO WAY TO SCRATCH THE ITCH IN MY BRAIN AT ALL AND IT KEEPS BUILDING!!!!!!!!!!#AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHRRRRAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#okay. im fine now. im normal. i can survive without bringing it up. i can do it. im brave#<- guy who is not normal and will not survive and is kinning siffrin so hard they feel sick
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NOT ME SEEING SOMEONE ASK IF ITS OKAY THAT, AS A TRANS MAN, THEY PURPOSEFULLY SLEEP WITH LESBIANS BC THEY LIKE THE IDEA OF DYKE BREAKING (THE ACTUAL TERM THEY USED)
FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF??????????? AND THEY MADE THAT POST IN JUNE??????????????????????? DURING PRIDE MONTH?????????????????????????????????????? "IS IT COOL THAT IM INTO LESBOHPBIA AND CORRECTIVE RAPE"???????????????????????????????????????????? IM BEING SO FUCKING SERIOUS WHEN I SAY DROP DEAD.
#DID U EXPECT LESBIANS TO BE CHILL WITH THIS???????????????????????????#'HEY IVE TURNED CORRECTIVE RAPE INTO A KINK. WHAT DO U GUYS THINK?' I THINK YOURE A FUCKING FREAK.#PURPOSEFULLY SEEKING OUT LESBIANS AND NOT TELLING THEM YOURE A MAN AND JUST LETTING THEM ASSUME UR A WOMAN#NOT EVEN REALIZING THEYRE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.#MEANWHILE UR LAUGHING TO URSELF LIKE SOME KINDA CARTOON VILLAIN.#FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF#WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU#im so fucking pissed oh my fucking god#yall need to start being fucking normal about lesbians right the fuck now. im fucking sick of this.#i dont know what gives ppl the confidence to say the foulest shit abt lesbians and then get confused when we're mad about it#what the FUCK#never be near another lesbian ever again#shut up alex
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Man I just give up.
#dora daily#if only there was a way to just stop everything#idk if I want to die but I want everything to stop#like so many times I go out or smth and something bad happens#or I get triggered in public and I try so hard not to lose myself and start drama in public but I just canāt#every time I show any emotion people start laughing#I canāt even try to stop myself from bawling in the middle of the store without someone#just being so insensitive and rude and diminishing how I feel#you know I say Iām never mad and that is true bc I may seem mad a lot online but Iām not like this irl#but for the first time I actually got mad at someone irl and I was literally gonna beat him#I was genuinely seething so bad itās not fair and things keep getting worse and worse#I was so close to just throwing this stupid phone and shattering it and ripping up those dumbass#birthday cards they sell in the store#and that stupid bitch of a sister I have is so fucking stupid#she sees someone anxious and incredibly upset and she acts like that ? fuck her#like bro idek how I have lived for this long and idek why I donāt go and just overdose on SOMETHING right now because#logically speaking I should just give up#but I donāt know why I canāt#like please my life is literal shit okay is replying on time so hard for you to fucking do so I donāt go even more insane fuck all of youuuu#UGHHHDJSOS#I SWEAR TO GOD I am so sick of this just you all wait#none of you deserve normal treatment all you deserve is something even worse than ghosting#just you wait let this stupid semester end and Iāll deactivate my socials go speak to the fucking wall you morons#you think Iām gonna wait around what are you paying me to be here ? if anything IM paying with my sanity#like if this was related to a spouse who was a billionaire but he was treating me as shittily as you guys treat me then Iāll say fine#at least Iām getting something out of this transaction who gives a fuck#but im not getting paid#im not receiving support#Iām getting laughed at and ignored#and used only at YOUR CONVENIENCE !!! what the FUCK ! I donāt exist for anyone and certainly not yall even if I did.
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im too tired to expand on this fully but consider: s10-11 au constructed around chuck not showing up late in s11 but instead joining up with the winchesters after Fan Fiction. specifically as chuck, not as god, though he is still that and not only a prophet anymore. but sam and dean donāt need to know that. they just know thereās a prophet-shaped hole at the bunker.
chuck being a reoccuring character in the background of s10. talking about the mark with sam, getting badgered by charlie about the books, helping to translate the book of the damned. as it becomes more and more clear that samās really going to destroy the mark, he. doesnāt do anything to stop sam. but thereās more and more times where chuck just looks uncomfortable. an emotion thatās a mixture of nausea and fear, that the winchesters can write off as ānervous weird prophet dude having an episodeā.
watching sam and dean a lot, too. in a voyeuristic way, obviously, this is his whole deal, he set them up to be interesting to him, but thereās something else there. grief, maybe. jealousy, definitely.
i just think the whole āoh yeah heās actually god for real btwā set-up would be better if he was actually around for a bit more recently not being god. or pretending not to be god.
#and also because the tragic sibling enjoyer (<- me) wants to see him be fucked up about amara more#also because it would be so so funny for sam to be like I Am Getting Visions From God Right Now while chuck is just. sitting there. like š¬#also also. because it would mean castiel gets to meaningfully interact with him. even if its not as god exactly.#but thereās something there.#also also also because this would be directly self-indulgent for my āgod possessed chuckā theory. at some point he should just flat out say#āwell yeah there was a guy here before me. you met him. heās still kind of here because im him but heās also dead in every way that mattersā#v nonchalantly. like this is normal and not horrifying.#bonus points if lucifer and/or cas are there when he says it and have Reactions to the implication of a vessel being taken by their father#without that vessel technically consenting to it. whether thatās frustratioj at him imposing a rule on them he doesnāt abide follow. or#horror at even their lackluster understanding of consent being fully ignored. or even jealousy that he gets a vessel so easy#chuck shurley#spn#heās just a fucked up little guy. he should be around more.#i know theres the samulet that glows with god nearby but uh consider. it doesnāt actually work and never did.#and chuck just makes it glow when its time for his convenient reveal because he set that up and he canāt not fire chekovās gun.#heās a hack writer but heās not incompetent
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sometimes..so.etimes they change something even after the premiere. sp you appear and watch an entirely new and prolonged monologue. and it's like. FUCK YEAH.
#me showing up at the theatre: be normal be normal be normal be normal be no#me realising they added some things and it adds a lot of characerisation: BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL!!!!!#(misson failed but at least i was Quiet lmao)#the fun thing about seeing this several times tho is that by now ive stopped trying to figure out the plot#bc i Know the plot by now and i can speak along to a decent portion of lines#so now i focus not on what they mean but what exactly they say in any moment#i notice all the small irrelevant lines that still add so much to the characters voices and dynamics#its sooooo fun#and sometimes its also just really funny#'hell do good' 'didnt you just talk to him? the fuck he will. that man cant even pretend to have any self control'#i mean she was RIGHT#my man is out here being such a miserable little fuck being dramatic about his problems#if he could get a grip on himself for like five minutes everyone could have lived! idiot <3#AND THE OTHER GUY#if you had just KEPT AWAY instead of Walking Up To Your Murderer and distracred them for like. a few minutes longer IT WOULD ZAVE WORKED#like yeah youd still be dead BUT THAT WAS THE POINT WASNT IT#LIKE THIS YOU JUST DIED FOE NOTHING#YOUE BUDDY DIES TOO BC YOU GOT YOURSELF MURDERED TOO SOON. idiot#ill be honest. if they had kissed (and if youd seen rhe way they LOOK at each other) things might have actually gone well#im convinced of this#i have Textual Evidence#anyway. i should read the og play and find out if its the play or just the actors#like do the characters actually constantly refer to each other as 'my [name/title]' or did the theatre make it even gayer themselves#ik the actors are doing it on purpose anyway. that is Not coincidence#a biscuit's rambles
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every time i so much as think about that scene where light looks at porn magazines while scowling i go into hysterics its genuinely the funniest thing i've ever seen
#the funniest thing is is that i truly believe he thought he was being 100% convincing. that that's normal behavior for a completely straight#completely allosexual man#light is fucking awful and i hate him but also there's nuance to him. and sometimes i can get a little like. oh thinking about his life#before the series. specifically factoring in my headcanons about him being gay aroace and autistic and stuff. ppl have written some rlly#good fics surrounding those topics.... but yeah thats not even canon stuff but i dont care#anyways its not in a way of making excuses for how he is i just think it adds more to his character#hes total garbage but i think theres really interesting stuff with him when it comes to how he's.... VERY disconnected from others#just in general. he's like aware of how to act ''normal'' on like the most textbook surface level without being like. Aware enough to#be able to make it more convincing. and as ridiculous as it is i do see some of myself in him in that sense#also that person who said light and L is just autistic guy who's been masking his entire life vs autistic guy who's never masked in his#entire life. LITERALLY EXACTLY. genuinely perfect way to describe them they are both so similar when it comes to this#but the ways they go about it are very different. light has been playing the part of the perfect son his whole life. L doesnt try to change#himself for anyone and doesnt care when people think hes weird. both of them arent very socially aware and havent had any real friends#their whole lives. its such a fascinating parallel between them#i could go on a whole fucking thing about how light was pretending to be someone he's not around his family and at school and everything#long before he got the death note BUT. i wont. at least not right now#jesus christ how did i go from laughing about him with the magazine to this. my bad#derailed my own damn post. idk swagever#will say rq tho. watched a vid on youtube that pointed out how light expected his family to think nothing of the fact that he's gone to#such drastic measures to hide his diary when making the plan with hiding the death note which is like#that level of dedication would NOT be normal. so the fact that light expects his family to think nothing of it......#i mean you could read that as light just once again being socially unaware. but it could also imply that light's family kind of Knows#he's hiding something and just doesn't address it. (he's gay. im talking about him being gay)#the video also referenced this comic that i didnt rb cause the actual premise of it (lawlight wedding) is um.#not at all my kind of thing. BUT it was light describing himself as a house with a basement when his family sees him as a one story house#and i thought that was such a cool analogy#ANYWAYYYSSSS i need to go to bed. thanks if you read my ramblings#serena.txt#death note posting#infizero.analysis
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obsessively checking accounts that follow me/like my posts for hints of it being them bc Iām #scared & paranoid
#camera talks#sorry#I feel sick doing this#but like. what if it is what if it is and they can see my stuff again#Iād die. Iāll actually fucking crumple into a ball and die#I feel so pathetic#but I have such a thin veil of safety#i have them blocked on everything so virtually this is impossible#and what do you want to bet they dont actually care this much about this#but im actually so scared of them being able to see my posts. to talk to me again#this isnt a safe space technically. its social media i know but its my fucking safe space#god i dont know why my brain decided right now was the right time to set off the warning bells about this#it absolutely isnt the right time bc im never going to get to sleep now#im going to have a fucking nightmare about them again and im so so scared of that i cant do that#fuck. fuck what the hell.#i wish i could respond to things normally i wish i didnt think about things#vent#delete later#ignore this i'll be fine eventually i just feel really Off right now#and questioning everything about myself and the situation im in right now isnt helping#i love you guys.. sorry i keep putting vents on your dash
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cried at work today! iām now 3/3 for crying at jobs :)
#i just dont fit in#and one guy in particular makes a real effort to exclude me#like straight up ignoring me#if he has a question about what im doing he asks somebody near me what im doing#instead of me#if i greet him he doesnt respond#but heāll greet someone iām standing next to#and others are politer but i can still tell they dont like me#i dont get the humour. i cant fit innnnn#im trying to be nice and work hard but i feel like such a burden and an outsider#also one is so touchy with me and kinda flirty and it makes me uncomfortable lol#so uhmm i just feel like everyone is talking about me behind my back and im the biggest fucking joke#and im probably right lol#ALSO excuse me if this is terminally online coded#but it makes me wonder if im autistic. bc i had the same problem at my last job#where i felt like i was being excluded and wondered if it was bc i wasnt picking up on social cues?#like i want people to just tell me to my face whats up#and i need things explained to me plainly#but idk i might also be like self absorbed and stupid. its very possible#sometimes ur just an idiot who didnt socialise enough as a child and now doesnt know how to be normal
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