#guys dogs can’t perish

[pink-sparkly-witch]

The One That Got Away Timestamp: Adopting Miracle

Summary: Dean has found a friend in Miracle, the dog whose owner perished in a fire. Unable to find a suitable owner, he reluctantly takes the pup to a shelter. Can Dean leave him there to wait for his forever home, or will he have a lot of making up to do with Y/N?

Pairing: Firefighter!Dean Winchester x Female Reader

Rating: General

Bingo Square(s): Adopting a Pet for @j3bingo and “Guess I’m just a sucker for stray dogs and naked guys.” for @jacklesversebingo

Warnings: Fire, dog licks and slobber, implied smut, ruined shoes, ruined roast dinners, a little bit of angst, fluff

Word Count: 2.9k

A/N: You thought it was over for these two, didn’t you? I did, too, but when I finished TOTGA, looked at my J3 bingo card to see what was next, and saw “Adopting a Pet, " I knew I had to expand on how Miracle came into their lives. I hope you enjoy this fluffy little timestamp! 💖

My Masterlist     AO3     Ko-Fi

This wasn’t a fire; it was an inferno, and Dean knew they’d be lucky to get anyone out of this alive. They didn’t have long to sweep the building and listened intently for Bobby’s voice on their radios telling them to get out.

“Can you hear that?” Dean asked Benny, who shook his head.

“I can’t hear shit, Captain,” Benny responded.

Dean nodded but kept inching to where he thought he heard a whine. With the roar of the flames and the creaking wood and cracking walls, it was possible what he heard was just part of the fire. Then he heard a bark and saw movement ahead of him.

“Lafitte! Over here!” Dean approached the dog, faithfully standing by his owner, barking to raise the alarm.

“Hey, buddy. It’s alright. I’ve gotcha now,” he said, crouching to be closer to the dog.

“I’ll get him, Cap. You get the dog,” Benny said, and Dean nodded, picking up the dog and making his way out of the building before it crumbled.

“We need a medic over here!” Dean yells as he exits the building, Benny not far behind with the injured man over his shoulder. As Jack and Jo ran towards them with a gurney, Dean put the soot-covered dog down and held him close while the paramedics cared for the patient.

“It’s alright, buddy. They’re gonna take care of him. I gotcha.” The whining, distressed dog broke Dean’s heart, knowing his owner would be lucky to survive the journey to the hospital, let alone recover from his injuries.

“There’s a good boy,” Dean soothed. “I’ll get you a new home, bud. A real good one where they’ll take care of you. I promise.

As hard as he tried, Dean couldn’t find Miracle a home. Bobby had been kind enough to let the dog stay at the firehouse for the past few days. Still, none of his colleagues could take him because they either already had a pet or lived alone and didn’t have someone to look after him when they were on a twenty-four-hour shift. He’d asked friends, too, and no one was willing to take on the responsibility. After five days, Dean took the dog to a shelter, and his microchip at least gave him a name: Miracle. It was an apt name for him, considering how they met.

It’d be hard to leave him at the shelter, but there was no other option. With both he and Y/N working shifts, he couldn’t see a way to make having a dog work. Sure, he only did two or three twenty-four-hour shifts a week, so having a dog would usually be fine. Still, there would be an issue when they were working the same day or night because leaving him alone for at least fourteen hours would be cruel.

But as soon as a handler reached for Miracle’s leash, the poor dog whimpered and cowered behind Dean’s legs.

“He seems to have a good bond with you,” the handler smiled. “Are you sure I can’t tempt you to adopt him?”

“I wish I could. My girlfriend and I,” it still sounded strange to say and made him grin stupidly every time he called Y/N his girlfriend. “We work shifts. It wouldn’t be fair on him.”

“We have flyers on the desk with highly rated dog walkers, and if you have family or friends who could take him when you’re working?”

“We sometimes work nights. I’m not sure we’d find a dog walker willing to do that. And my brother and sister-in-law just had a baby, so that wouldn’t work. My parents might, though.”

“Sounds like you have something to think about,” the handler chuckled.

“A dog, Dean. Really?” He’d be terrified at the look on Y/N’s face if it wasn't for Miracle licking and drooling all over her. “We work shifts. What are we—no, you know what? You. What are you gonna do when you’re working, and I’m on nights? Did you even stop to think about that?” Taking her seriously while covered in slobber and scratching behind Miracle’s ears was hard.

“I spoke to Mom and Dad, and they’re happy to come by and walk him when we’re working and take him overnight when we’re both on nights. Come on, Y/N! You think I don’t know you love dogs, that you’re literally on the floor showering him with love right this second?”

“It’s not the point, Dean! The point is, this is a huge commitment, and we’ve only been living together for two months, and suddenly we’ve, no, I’m sorry, you got a dog? What if it’s too much? What if it—”

“It won’t. I promise. If this doesn’t work out, I’ll take him back to the shelter, okay, Princess?”

“Alright, fine,” Y/N huffed. “He can stay,” she put on her best high-pitched doggy voice while pouting her lips and letting the dog lick her face, and Dean grinned, knowing he’d won this particular battle.

“Uh, you sure about that, sweetheart? You’ve gone from hating the idea to letting a strange dog lick your face in record time!” he teased. Knowing how much she loved dogs, he knew Miracle would win her over quickly.

“Guess I’m just a sucker for stray dogs and naked guys,” Y/N winked, and he frowned. Did she mean the dog? Or—

“Get your clothes off, Dean!” she chuckled. “You’ve got a lot of making up to do for bringing a dog home without talking to me first, and I’m going to start collecting. Bedroom. Now.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, the sound muffled as he spoke while pulling his shirt over his head.

Y/N had spent hours in the kitchen cooking family dinner. She loved these when she was younger. It was the one day of the week she could let everything with her father go and just be herself. Be a kid. At least until she got home. She wouldn’t go down that rabbit hole tonight, though, not when she had a house full of people to feed.

Grabbing dishes filled with potatoes and other side dishes, she walked from the kitchen into the dining room to put them on the table. “Dinner’s ready,” she called into the living room. Dean, John, and Sam were watching the football game, and Mary and Jess fussed over Matthew.

Smiling, Y/N walked back into the kitchen, and her stomach hit the floor. “Miracle, stop that right now!” she yelled, seeing the dog on his hind legs, front paws on the counter and eating the roast chicken. “Stop it!” she yelled again and walked over to pull the dog away. “Get down from—Dean! Get in here!”

“Bad dog!” Dean said, pointing at Miracle. “No treats for you!”

“No treats, Dean. Really? That’s all you got?” Y/N huffed and directed her attention to the offending pup. “Why is it always me, huh? Why do you never do this to your dad? You just love pissing me off, don’t you? You’re lucky you’re cute,” Y/N scowled at the dog while scratching his head. Miracle whined and put his head on her knee. “And cuddly,” she grumbled.

“Who wants pizza?” Dean clapped his hands and chuckled, trying to ignore the death stare his girlfriend was throwing his way.

“Dean!” Y/N screamed, and he ran upstairs and into the bedroom. Seeing the scowl on her face, he dreaded to think what Miracle had done now. The dog seemed to love tormenting her for some reason.

“These are Louboutin’s, Dean! My favourite pair of shoes, and he’s just chewed them to shreds!”

“Sweetheart, they’re just shoes. I can get you new—”

“These are not just shoes! These are eight hundred dollar shoes!”

“Eight hun—who in their right mind needs an eight hundred dollar pair of shoes?” It slipped out before he could think about it, and as he met Y/N’s gaze, tears swam in her eyes, and her arms dropped to her sides, each hand holding the remnants of a shoe. Dean swore she’d never looked more defeated than right now.

With tears rolling down her cheeks, she stormed past him and out of the bedroom, fleeing faster than he’d ever seen her move.

“Y/N. Princess, come on! Let’s talk about this!” he pleaded, running after her. “Bad dog!” he yelled behind him at Miracle, sitting in the corner of their bedroom, looking all innocent and cute.

He got to the bottom of the stairs just in time to see her throw the shoes in the trash, pick up her purse and car keys and slam the front door behind her.

Dean sighed when he felt Miracle’s fur tickle his fingers. “What am I gonna do with you, huh? Couldn’t go for a cheap pair, could ya? You know I’m going to have to replace those, right? Eight hundred bucks for shoes! Lost her damn mind...” he mumbled as he grabbed the lead, Miracle trotting happily beside him, knowing it was walk time. 

She’d had her worst shift in a while. There had been a gas explosion near the elementary school that had sent multiple casualties to the hospital. The incident has been truly horrific and spawned multiple fatalities. These kinds of accidents were the worst part of her job.

Getting home a few hours later than usual and exhausted, Y/N went straight to bed. She hadn’t eaten since breakfast, but dealing with those types of injuries made her lose her appetite.

Slipping out of her shoes and pulling her scrubs and bra off, Y/N moved to her side of the bed, ignoring her usual sleepwear in favour of her underwear and the vest she wore under her scrub top.

Sighing at the golden lump sprawled out on her side of the bed, she sighed, not in any mood to have this fight with him again. Encouraging him to move with a gentle shake, Miracle raised his head to look at her.

“Time to move, bud,” she said, nudging him to get him moving, but Miracle put his head back down on the mattress, ignoring her completely, and she sighed, tears welling in her eyes.

“Dean,” she whispered, nudging him instead. Miracle might not listen to her, but she knows he’ll listen to Dean. He always does.

“Dean!” she says a little louder, and he jumps awake.

“Hey, baby,” Dean rasped sleepily.

“Can you get him to move so I can get into this damned bed?” Y/N asked, defeated.

“Alright, buddy. Time to get down,” Dean said to the dog, who immediately obeyed the command. Y/N sighed, and her shoulders sank, unable to stop the tears.

“You okay, sweetheart?” Dean asked, noticing her slumped figure and wet eyes.

“Yeah. Bad shift,” Y/N replied, climbing into bed and wrapping herself in the duvet.

“I saw the explosion on the news. Do you want to talk about it?” Dean asked, and Y/N smiled slightly at the kindness of his gesture.

“No. I just want to sleep.”

“Come here,” Dean murmured as he pulled her into his body and wrapped his arms around her.

Miracle jumped back onto the bed and tried to settle in between them again, but Y/N knew if she let him, he’d shove her out of the bed.

“Miracle, down!” she commanded, and of course, he ignored her and began stretching his paws out, trying to push her to the edge of the bed.

“Miracle, get down!” Dean said sternly, and once again, the pup immediately obeyed and jumped off the bed and out of their bedroom; hopefully, Y/N thought, to spend the rest of the night in his own bed downstairs.

“That dog hates me,” Y/N huffed, and Dean chuckled before kissing her forehead.

“He does not,” Dean tried, but Y/N only scoffed.

“Alright, buddy. I can’t live like this anymore. It’s getting us nowhere,” Y/N said to Miracle, and Dean tried to hold his laughter as his girlfriend tried to level with a dog. “We need to call a truce so we can live our best lives and coexist without me yelling at you all the time and you chewing up all my shoes and eating the Sunday roast.”

Dean looked on, amused, as Y/N crouched in front of Miracle. “What d’ya say, huh? You think we can be friends?” she said, scratching behind his ear, and Miracle barked in return.

“I’m gonna take that as a yes! Now, let’s shake on it.” Holding her hand out, Miracle quickly lifted his paw and placed it in her hand. “Good boy!” Y/N said and scratched his chin, prompting Miracle to step forward and lick her cheek.

As Y/N walked Miracle in the park, she made a mental note to herself to find another route for the winter months. It was getting darker earlier, and she’d worked in hospitals long enough to know what could happen to women walking through parks alone in the dark.

Suddenly, Miracle took off running, pulling his lead right out of her hand, and sped off towards the bushes where he’d undoubtedly torment the life out of a poor squirrel or five.

“Stupid dog,” she mumbled as she briskly walked to catch up with him. “Would never do that to Dean, would you? No, because he’s your buddy, and I’m just… I don’t even know what I am to you. A pushover, probably.”

Walking over to the bushes, Y/N hears rustling and is about to call Miracle, but a man’s voice startled her.

“Well, hey there. What’s a pretty girl like you doing here alone in the dark?” The stench of alcohol almost made her reel back in disgust, but she knew the worst thing she could do was show weakness to the stranger.

Before she could answer, she heard the patter of feet and Miracle barking as he ran from the bushes and stood before her, protecting her from the man with vicious snarls and barks.

Y/N was about to attempt as swift an exit from the park as Miracle’s scare tactics didn’t seem to be working. The dog seemed to come to the same conclusion and lunged at him.

Finally getting the drunk to back off, she wasted no more time getting them both out of there quickly. “Good boy,” Y/N praised with ear scratches. “Let’s go home, buddy.”

For the first time since she’d walked Miracle alone—because he was always on his best behaviour for Dean, he didn’t pull ahead of her. Instead, he walked calmly right by her side all the way home.

“Well, it looks like you two are getting along better,” Dean said when he came home later that night, seeing Y/N and Miracle snuggled up on the couch together.

“We had a traumatic night, and I think we’ve finally buried the hatchet. Ain’t that right, my good boy!”

Dean climbed the stairs quietly, not wanting to wake Y/N. She was supposed to finish her shift at seven last night but had to stay on until the wee hours of the morning.

He walked into the bedroom and smiled at the sight before him. Despite constant protests about the dog being on the bed, Y/N was curled on her side, sound asleep, snuggled into Miracle’s back with a small smile curving her lips.

“Hey, buddy,” Dean whispered, scratching behind his ears. “Were you a good boy for Grandma and Grandpa?”

“He’s always a good boy.” Y/N’s voice was heavy with sleep, and she smiled hazily at him. “Your dad dropped him off at about eleven. He would’ve kept him all night, but I thought I was getting home earlier than I did.”

“Sorry I woke you, baby. Go back to sleep. I was coming up to take Miracle for a walk,” Dean glanced at the pup and frowned when he remained where he was, not even his tail wagging. Walks were his favourite thing, and usually, he couldn’t wait to get outside and cause mischief.

“It’s okay,” Y/N yawned, “I should probably get up anyway.”

“Uh, no. Absolutely not!” Dean placed his hands on his hips, trying to show her he meant business. “It’s only gone seven. I got off shift early. When did you get home?”

“Four,” Y/N yawned again. “Then I took him for a walk.”

Dean nodded, now understanding why Miracle wasn’t keen to go out again. Then again, he wouldn’t leave the bed with Y/N cuddling into him like that, either. “So you went to bed when?”

“About five-thirty,” she answered.

“Nuh-uh, nope. Not a chance in hell you’re getting up right now,” Dean huffed as he shrugged out of his flannel, unfastened his jeans, kicked them off and pulled off his socks. “We are going to sleep for a few more hours.” Dean insisted before directing his attention to the dog. “Daddy’s home now, so you’re gonna have to move, buddy.”

With a huff, Miracle stood from his spot and walked to the bottom of the bed, dropping down heavily on Y/N’s feet. “Did he just give you sass? Oh, how the tables have turned!” Y/N chuckled, and Dean shook his head in disbelief.

“Apparently,” Dean huffed as he climbed into bed. “Now, come here, baby. I need some sugar!”

“Sugar?” Y/N chuckled sleepily.

“Yeah. I want some of my girl’s sugar,” he grinned, shuffling as close as he could and opening his arms to invite her into his embrace. “Come here, Princess.”

Y/N gladly accepted Dean’s invitation, shifting as much as she could with a dog on her feet, and rested her head on his chest. She hummed contentedly as he wrapped his arms around her, and she quickly fell into a deep sleep.

Tags: @acitygrownwillow @akshi8278 @ashbatz @candy-coated-misery0731 @chriszgirl92 @deans-baby-momma @deans-spinster-witch @deansbbyx @deanwanddamons @duncanhillscoffeecups @foxyjwls007 @giggles1026 @globetrotter28 @hobby27 @hoboal87 @impala67rollingthroughtown @iprobablyshipit91 @jackles010378 @jamerlynn @jc-winchester @k-slla @kazsrm67 @kmc1989 @lacilou @ladysparkles78 @leigh70 @lyarr24 @michecolegate @mrsjenniferwinchester @nancymcl @negans-lucille-tblr @nelachu2423 @octoberclidan @perpetualabsurdity @roseblue373 @sandlee44 @sexyvixen7 @snackles87 @spnbaby-67 @spnwoman @stixnstripesworld @stoneyggirl2 @suckitands33 @synmorite @tristanrosspada-ackles @twinkleinadiamondsky @waters-2567 @winchestergirl1720

[the-killer-princess]

incorrect quotes centered around Affogato cookie

crunchy chip cookie: Time sensitive question how to flirt boy.

Dark cacao cookie: Throw rocks at him.

Caramel arrow cookie: Hot Dogs.

Affogato cookie: Kill him.

crunchy chip cookie: Thanks guys.

Dark cacao cookie: I am convinced crunchy chip cookie and Caramel arrow cookie share a brain cell.

Affogato cookie: And it's not in use very often, it seems.

crunchy chip cookie: Affogato cookie, I have a couple of words to say to you.

Clotted cream cookie: Please let those two words be “I’m sorry.”

Financier cookie: I’m ready with the bleep button if not.

Financier cookie: Why do you look like that?

Clotted cream cookie, laying face-first on the floor: Like what?

Financier cookie: Like you’re dead.

Clotted cream cookie: It’s because I’m dying. Leave me here to perish.

crunchy chip cookie: Clotted cream cookie accidentally called Affogato cookie “babe” in front of everyone today.

Clotted cream cookie: *sobs into the floor*

Clotted cream cookie: I love you.

Affogato cookie: I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that.

*Clotted cream cookie and Affogato cookie kiss passionately*

Financier cookie, to crunchy chip cookie: You owe me 20 dollars.

Caramel arrow cookie: so what is it like dating Affogato cookie?

Clotted cream cookie: well once he was angry with me and I asked him to bring me a glass of water,he brought me a glass of ice and told me to wait

Caramel arrow cookie: …

Clotted cream cookie: I love him so much 

Caramel arrow cookie : Ooh, somebody has a crush

Affogato cookie: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Cream unicorn cookie I just think they’re cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about them.

*Later that night*

Affogato cookie, very much awake: Uh oh.

Caramel arrow cookie : I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.

Affogato cookie: Screw that, I’m not kissing any of you.

*Cream unicorn cookie walks in*

Affogato cookie: Fine, I’ll do it. Rules are rules you know.

Caramel arrow cookie , to Cream unicorn cookie: I mean, I get complimented all the time-

Affogato cookie: *starts cackling*

Caramel arrow cookie : I do!

Affogato cookie: *laughs harder*

Caramel arrow cookie , knocking on the door: Affogato cookie, open up!

Affogato cookie: It all started when I was a kid.

Caramel arrow cookie : That’s not what I-

Cream unicorn cookie: Let them finish!

Caramel arrow cookie : ....Thou shalt not marry each other, for thy art both sinful... Affogato cookie: I just wanna fucking marry Cream unicorn cookie!!

Affogato cookie: Sorry I can’t be emotionally vulnerable with you, it'd ruin the mystery.

[claredanko]

I’m moving different

This shit ain’t nothing to me man, I’m a dog. I’m biting the fart bubbles in the bath

We smoking Symbiote

Smoking that Whoopi Goldberg South Egyptian fur burger Deluxe Mega Millions scratcher skunk bubba kush

We smoking dung beetle

I’m on 12 vicodins, smoking on Scooby-Doo dick

We smoking Sequoia banshee boogers

We snorting that good Buffalo Soldier tamarind Jordanian gibbies

They must have amnesia, they forgot that I’m him. That Burberry backwoods pack hitting that pussy smell like a Hellcat V8

We smoking shit in a glass pipe, blowing the Lord’s bubbles

I’m sick in the head

I’m on them Broward county Tic-Tacs, I’m on them Georgetown Geronimoes

I’m on them Nashville nibblers

I left my Margiela’s in the Benz trunk, I’ll have to stunt on them next time

I don’t give a fuck if I go blind, I don’t need to see the price tag anyways

I’m high on 12 Jason Bournes, looking to beat the cum out of a thick, fresh oak

We smoking filtered crack you stupid piece of shit, I’ll fucking kill you

Call that pussy The Matrix, cause I’m in this bitch and I can’t get out

Last guy who ran off on the pack got choked out by some Givenchy gloves. The last thing he ever saw was the price tag on them. Slowly faded into darkness, and I let the archangels take him. I need more Sequoia banshee boogers

Don’t be shy girl, I love me some Pastrami mudflaps

I’m moving like French Montana: haan

Welcome to the Cream Kingdom bitch, open up. Blac Chyna, I’d drink her piss out of another man’s balls

My shooter a crackhead, he look like Woody Harrelson

You ain't seen ten bands in your life, jit

Reach for my neck, you'll get turned into an example

Y'all gotta stop playing with me man

I threw diamonds at the strip clubs under the great pyramids. I pushed a camel through the eye of a needle. This shit ain't nothing to me man

Tied the opps to the back of a Trackhawk and dragged them around the block for 24 hours

Motherfucker look like a Resident Evil 5 campaign extra after we was done with him

Opps wanted some initiative, blew up their entire quadrant

I'm moving like Oppenheimer

She dropped that ass on me from an egregarious angle, they thought I was Stephen Wallace

Top shelf zaza, disrupted my circadian rhythm

I have seen the Magna Carta, I have the seen the eye of hor

I was flipping bricks for Mansa Musa before y'all even became a type I civilization

This shit ain't nothing to me you stupid piece of shit

Step the wrong way and you will perish

That pussy feel like Biscoff Butter

You think I care about this shit? Ask me if I care about this shit, cause I don't give a shit

If I had a dollar for every time they said I gave a shit, I'd be broke cause I don't give a shit

My bitch look like David Hasselhoff

I balled so hard they thought I was a fucking nutsack

This shit ain't nothing to me man, I'll kill you, you stupid piece of shit

[ivebeencursedbygays]

Kai: But when all hope seemed lost, I had an epiphany! 

Kai, earlier: I'm going to throw myself into the sea.

Zane: Kai, you can do anything! 

Kai: Anything? 

Zane: Anything! 

Kai, holding a torch: ANYTHING?!?! 

Zane: Wait, not that!

Cole: Guess who just found out the difference between wax paper and parchment paper the hard way? 

Nya: Wait, what’s the difference? 

Cole: One you can use in the oven safely, and the other you can also use in the oven... if the thing you are trying to make happens to be fire.

Kai: Time sensitive question how flirt boy. 

Pixal: Throw rocks at he. 

Cole: Hot Dogs. 

Morro: Kill him. 

Kai: Thanks guys.

Nya: Clownery. Tomfoolery. Absolute fuckery, I am going to revoke your life privileges.

Pixal: You use emojis like a straight person. 

Kai: That’s literally the worst thing anyone has ever said about me.

Kai: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers? 

Jay: Peonies, why? 

Kai: 

Jay: Were you going to get me flowers? 

Kai: 

Jay: 

Kai: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

Jay: Wow, that was quick thinking on that phony sacrifice stuff. 

Nya: Oh, that was all real. 

Jay: Wait, you were trying to help them kill us?! 

Nya: If I’m gonna be sacrificed, I’m gonna do it right.

*The gang is about to do something dangerous* 

Cole: Shouldn’t someone give a pep talk? 

Kai: Go ahead. 

Cole: Be careful. 

Cole: Don’t die. 

Pixal: *Holds back a laugh* 

Kai: Great. We’re all bloody inspired.

Jay: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT! 

Cole: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone. 

Jay: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch? 

Cole: Somehow that's worse.

Kai: I can’t believe my birth certificate says F... 

Kai: ...How did I fail being born?

Cole: Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth, Zane! 

Zane: You can’t expect me to look into your eyes and be straight.

Pixal: You were wise to seek help from the world's most deadly weapon. 

Pixal: It's me.

Cole, in a room with Jay, Kai, and Nya: It’s calm in here. 

Cole: It scares me…

Nya: Fight me! 

Kai, standing behind them and holding a knife: *mouths* Do not.

Zane: Nya got into a fight. 

Kai: That’s bad. 

Kai: 

Kai: Did she win?

Cole: Jay, I don’t think I can handle any more of your tomfuckery. 

Jay: Oh yeah? Well I can keep going until you’re all tomfuckered out!

Kai: Is that a gun?! 

Jay: It's not what it looks like! 

Kai: It looks like a gun! 

Jay: Okay, maybe it is what it looks like, but in my defense, it doesn't have anymore bullets, so I technically can't shoot it anymore. 

Kai: ...ANYMORE?!

Kai, to the Squad: I’d die for you. 

Jay: Then perish. 

Pixal: You will. 

Nya: Please don’t. 

Cole: Cool. 

Zane: I’d die for you first.

Nya: If you got arrested what would be the charges? 

Jay: Theft. 

Zane: Disturbing the peace. 

Cole: Aggravated assault. 

Kai: Arson. 

Pixal: All of the above. In that order, probably.

Nya: You know what I asked Santa for Christmas this year? 

Jay: If you say me, I swear I’ll— 

Nya: You? What? No, I asked him for that cool Ninjago Lego set we saw in Target!

Cole, texting Zane: Zane there’s a moth on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it? 

Cole: Pls hurry because I’m going to cry 

Cole: Zane 

Cole: Zane 

Zane: Zane is dead. You’re next. Love, Moth.

Pixal: A sprite is anything not static. 

Jay: A sprite is a variable object, be it 2d or 3d. 

Cole: A sprite is a fucking soda. 

Cole: You god damn geekass bastards.

Kai: *sighs* I have no friends... 

Jay: 

Jay: *coughs* Bitch, what am I? A roach?!

Zane: *tapping fingers on table* 

Cole: *taps fingers back furiously* 

Jay: …What’s going on? 

Pixal: Morse code. They’re talking. 

Zane: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … - 

Cole: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

Jay: *finds half a watermelon at Whole Foods* 

Jay, holding it up for everyone to see: LIES!

Kai: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one. 

Nya: Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

Kai, singing: I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need— 

Zane: A family. 

Cole: A better love life. 

Nya: Mental stability. 

Pixal: *clueless* Bagels?

Zane: Don't joke about murder. I was murdered once and it offends me.

Jay: I'm sorry. Please talk to me. 

Kai: 

Jay: Hello? World's most amazing person?? Sweet pea? Precious cinnamon roll that's too good for this world, too pure? 

Kai: 'Sorry' doesn't bring back my fucking M&Ms.

Nya: You think that’s cringe? Moms around the world wait 9 months just to end up naming their kid Jay. 

Jay: Hey, fuck you.

Jay: Of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, you fool! I've been the same height since I was twelve!

Pixal: Why is Kai crying? 

Zane: They saw a leaf on the sidewalk and- 

Kai: IT LOOKED SO CRUNCHY! 

Pixal: Please don’t say what I think you’re gonna say- 

Kai: AND WHEN I STEPPED ON IT THERE WAS NO CRUNCH! 

Pixal: NO, NOT THAT!

Zane: Hey, what have you two been up to? 

Nya: We were helping Kai write his vows, but he kicked us out because Cole was making inappropriate suggestions. 

Cole: How is “Jay, I love your sweet ass” inappropriate?

[buppypuppy]

I’m moving different

This shit ain’t nothing to me man, I’m a dog. I’m biting the fart bubbles in the bath

We smoking Symbiote

Smoking that Whoopi Goldberg South Egyptian fur burger Deluxe Mega Millions scratcher skunk bubba kush

We smoking dung beetle

I’m on 12 vicodins, smoking on Scooby-Doo dick

We smoking Sequoia banshee boogers

We snorting that good Buffalo Soldier tamarind Jordanian gibbies

They must have amnesia, they forgot that I’m him. That Burberry backwoods pack hitting that pussy smell like a Hellcat V8

We smoking shit in a glass pipe, blowing the Lord’s bubbles

I’m sick in the head

I’m on them Broward county Tic-Tacs, I’m on them Georgetown Geronimoes

I’m on them Nashville nibblers

I left my Margiela’s in the Benz trunk, I’ll have to stunt on them next time

I don’t give a fuck if I go blind, I don’t need to see the price tag anyways

I’m high on 12 Jason Bournes, looking to beat the cum out of a thick, fresh oak

We smoking filtered crack you stupid piece of shit, I’ll fucking kill you

Call that pussy The Matrix, cause I’m in this bitch and I can’t get out

Last guy who ran off on the pack got choked out by some Givenchy gloves. The last thing he ever saw was the price tag on them. Slowly faded into darkness, and I let the archangels take him. I need more Sequoia banshee boogers

Don’t be shy girl, I love me some Pastrami mudflaps

I’m moving like French Montana: haan

Welcome to the Cream Kingdom bitch, open up. Blac Chyna, I’d drink her piss out of another man’s balls

My shooter a crackhead, he look like Woody Harrelson

You ain't seen ten bands in your life, jit

Reach for my neck, you'll get turned into an example

Y'all gotta stop playing with me man

I threw diamonds at the strip clubs under the great pyramids. I pushed a camel through the eye of a needle. This shit ain't nothing to me man

Tied the opps to the back of a Trackhawk and dragged them around the block for 24 hours

Motherfucker look like a Resident Evil 5 campaign extra after we was done with him

Opps wanted some initiative, blew up their entire quadrant

I'm moving like Oppenheimer

She dropped that ass on me from an egregarious angle, they thought I was Stephen Wallace

Top shelf zaza, disrupted my circadian rhythm

I have seen the Magna Carta, I have the seen the eye of horror

I was flipping bricks for Mansa Musa before y'all even became a type I civilization

This shit ain't nothing to me you stupid piece of shit

Step the wrong way and you will perish

That pussy feel like Biscoff Butter

You think I care about this shit? Ask me if I care about this shit, cause I don't give a shit

If I had a dollar for every time they said I gave a shit, I'd be broke cause I don't give a shit

My bitch look like David Hasselhoff

I balled so hard they thought I was a fucking nutsack

This shit ain't nothing to me man, I'll kill you, you stupid piece of shit

I'm gonna kiss you straight on the mouth.

[urtwice]

MOMO UPDATE !

nov. 09, 00:00 kst

TWICE (minus MM). happy birthd–

MM. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME 🥳 your girl is starting another year of her life with black hair, lots of balloons, and unlike jeongyeonie, cake ! yummy yummy cake ! and of course, with my darling best friends surrounding me~

JH. “darling” ? referring to us ? that’s a first Σ(°ロ°)

MM. in all seriousness, there are so many things that i’m grateful for. my family, my friends, my dogs, a career that i love, and especially, the girls’ willingness to celebrate my birthday separately from jeongyeon’s every year as per my request despite our birthdays being only a week apart (o´▽`o) i appreciate it girls, really~ and i can’t wait to spend another year with you guys, as well as all the other friends i’ve managed to make, by my side ♡

TY. aw, that was actually really sweet (´｡• ᵕ •｡`)

MM. i’m loving this whole home party thing, but i can’t wait for us to head out to celebrate later tonight~ for now ! compliment this adorable cake minari made for me or perish in the hands of the birthday girl (^‿^)

MN. ah, momoring, you didn’t have to mention that (o^ ^o)

[beevean]

Part two! Continues from here. Finally, we can talk about the real stars of this season, Hector and Isaac! Who

...

fuck I can’t do this.

After some discussions with @woodchipp​, I’ve decided to call them Caesar and Abraham respectively, because my brain cannot accept that I’m actually watching the same characters that starred in hit game Curse of Darkness, and my thoughts quickly devolve into gibberish. I choose Abraham to, well, keep the connection with Isaac, to emphasize how Isaac as a character was named after his own cruelly symbolic death (because he’s more than “that weird fetishy guy”, he’s a genuinely tragic villain and this is where I will perish i stg), and because in the Bible Abraham nearly killed Isaac and what am I if not a spiteful bitch? :^) Woodchipp chose Caesar because it means “thick head of hair” lmao - and it fits, because while Hector is both pretty and a badass, Caesar’s cute, soft looks are pretty much the one worthy thing about him.

*sigh* I’ll get there. I so will get there.

(this, btw, was decided before we discovered that Caesar’s little zombie pug was named, in fact, Cezar. The coincidence was too funny to drop. Caesar is also pretty much a shell of a dog, after all :^) )

Is this childish? Maybe! But you’ll understand. I’ll just slap the salt mine video on myself and go on.

Anyway, Caesar and Abraham. I have Words, as promised. As a final warning before proceeding, this post is somewhat image heavy.

I start with the mother of all nitpicks lol: Caesar and Abraham are not Devil Forgemasters, just Forgemasters! And I never realized how silly this sounds until I found a clip in Italian, because in my head, I kept adding “Devil” before it. Admittedly this is more of a translation trivia than criticism, but I wanted to get this out of my chest. In the Italian version of CoD, the term was Forgiatore Diabolico, which is a nearly perfect translation, although it could also sounds like the forgemasters themselves are devilish. Still, close enough, I can tell that this profession 1) deals with creating, and 2) is demonic in nature. But Forgemaster in the show is just Fabbro Mastro, which is the perfect translation of the word, and it’s just unfitting! It means Master Blacksmith, and how am I supposed to get from it, and from simply Forgemaster, that these two are glorified necromancers?

And yeah, that’s what they are. And I don’t have much of a problem about it, tbf. In the game, Hector and Isaac can... well, I have no idea, Hector can deadass nullify Dracula’s curse with his powers which is straight up OP and nothing like what was established before. Isaac also says in the first cutscene that they can create devils from “a wisp of conjured matter” (English)/”a bundle of magical power” (Japanese), whatever that means. As a game mechanic, Hector infuses life into stone statues embedded with gems, which is what makes the most sense to me. In the show, Caesar and Abraham use special tools to put a demonic soul into a corpse: the former uses a warhammer to really drive home the forging part, the latter uses a knife because it’s quick and efficient. I appreciate that they gave us a more definite visual image of their powers, and it still works the same purpose of building Dracula’s army, so okay.

(it does cause a small plot hole later on - how did Caesar learn as a boy that he can resurrect corpses by using a tool, by accident? We see him using two coins in a flashback. What kind of incident could have lead to that? In the manga, Hector doesn’t seem to have control over the animals he attracts, so it makes more sense that he accidentally discovered his talent)

Speaking of things that make sense, Caesar and Abraham’s introduction also gives an explanation as to why they’re still human, while defending them from Godbrand who doesn’t want to defer to two humans: were they vampires, they’d be “driven by thirst”, and probably act selfishly. Since they’re humans, it proves that they’re there because they’re 100% loyal to Dracula, so loyal that they’re willing to harm their own kind. Vampires see humans as livestock and don’t really understand them: Caesar and Abraham’s hatred is far more personal, and drives them better, just as much as Dracula’s own hatred. Well, in canon leaving Hector human was a big fuck up on Dracula’s part (in fact, has Dracula ever vampirized anyone in canon? I only know Annette if you don’t save her in Dracula X), but the logic is sound for now.

Aaand this is ruined by Caesar’s very first line being “Godbrand, you’ve never met anything that you didn’t immediately kill, fuck, or make a boat of”, because writing.mp4. And this is going to be the peak of his character :^)

Deep breaths. I think I need to talk about Abraham first, since he has far less issues. And he’s fine. When I forget who he’s supposed to be, he’s a decent character so far. He’s soft spoken, melancholic, so convinced that love doesn’t exist in this world, to the point that he basically thinks that love and humanity are inversely proportional. His mentality is a little hard to understand, but that’s okay, I will probably get to know him better in the future. I like how he hides a cold heart under his gentle personality, but it doesn’t come off as a façade. He’s also shown to be a force to be reckoned with, as he can kill Godbrand with fair ease (I’m not going to guess how strong Godbrand is, I hate powerscaling). I would say that he’s smart, but after his justification for going with Carmilla’s plan, no, not really.

He lacks charisma, though: he’s way too subdued, serious and quirkless, and most of his dialogue is “muh loyalty, muh love, muh purity” without much that makes him entertaining - I’m not asking for him to approach Isaac’s level of fun, that’s too tall of an order :P just something to make him stand out. Considering how popular he is, though, and what little I spoiled myself with, I have the faintest of hopes for Season 3 and 4.

I think one of the reasons he lacks charisma is the utter lack of any relationship with Caesar. The two are strictly coworkers. Abraham looks down on Caesar, and Caesar barely acknowledges his existence until he’s asked to manipulate him. Abraham even acknowledges that he thinks that becoming friends with Caesar, a human, would be counterproductive in a war against humanity, which... why? I am with Caesar, the two are Devil Forgemasters before being humans, and being allies would actually make them stronger and, y’know, less prone to manipulation, wink wink nudge nudge? I can guess that the two will become friends by Season 4, but it feels like missed potential.

Of all the things I expected him to have in common with Isaac, a connection to pain was low on my list. Abraham self-flagellates as a result of the abuse he suffered as a child and to “discipline” himself, which I took as a mild connection to Isaac’s masochistic outfit (we only see Isaac harm himself once in Prelude to Revenge and probably as a result of his growing insanity, but him being tattooed from head to toe and the random piercings on his abs and bicep suggest that he might like pain a little too much - the subtext became text in the show, basically). Considering his concept art with the vaguely BDSM outfit, I wonder how similar he was supposed to be, and what lead his character to be changed to this point.

Like Isaac, Abraham’s main trait is his unquestioning loyalty to Dracula, but completely opposite to game canon, instead of being seen as the “spare” one, Dracula actually seems to care more about Abraham than Caesar! They’re best buds, they talk as equals, Dracula is 100% honest with him! Dracula saved his life and that’s why Abraham is so attached to him! ... soooo he’s basically human Death. Well, now we know where he ended up!

(don’t know where to put it, but I don’t know how to feel about Dracula seeking Caesar and Abraham out. There is technically little wrong with it, and I see how they tried to make Dracula more sympathetic and Abraham’s devotion more reasonable, but I have two issues. One, we don’t see how Dracula actually met them, and dialogue implies that he already knew about Caesar’s powers somehow, which is odd. Two, one of my favorite parts of Hector and Isaac’s backstories is how they fled on their own and sought refuge in Castlevania as children. Don’t you think it also somewhat humanizes Dracula as well, that he took those poor boys under his wing, even if at the end it was mainly for their powers? Plus, no wonder the two have no relationship if they knew each other as adults, instead of growing up together. Ahhh the missed potential :( )

His backstory... apparently generated some controversies? I’m not sure, and I’m genuinely asking anyone who’s reading this to inform me lol, because the controversies I see, much like with Caesar in Season 3, are not the controversies I’ve seen breaking the fandom. So, he was a slave of a priest (muh church bad), which sure is a way to justify a black Muslim person in 15th century Wallachia, and he went through a lot of abuse. His convinction that love doesn’t exist in this world comes from the brutal way his master rejected his confession. And yes, it was romantic love, in Japanese it was translated to aishiteru. But now I have to be petty: if Isaac is (... ehhh understandably) considered “bad gay representation” because he kisses Trevor while he’s impaling him, why isn’t Abraham being in love with his torturer as a young boy just as bad? Did he really need to love his master romantically? Aren’t you equating homosexual love with abuse and power imbalance? C’mon, be consistent.

(the weird Benedictine monks kiss joke that apparently wasn’t a joke also doesn’t count, I’d almost say that it’s OOC for Abraham)

The ending of the season sets his character arc up. He decides that he will become a more independent villain, although still loyal to the deceased Dracula. Admittedly, I more or less already know where he’s going to end, and it’s a good direction for a character previously defined by nothing but unthinking loyalty... although I could only laugh at the band of over the top assholes who are supposed to make me think “see, isn’t Abraham right to hate all humans?”. writing.mp4 :V

And finally, I very much do not like his design. He’s literally just a guy who stumbled on set and donned himself a Devil Forgemaster outfit - a drab one too, it should have been red, fight me. He looks like Pucci without anything that makes Pucci visually distinct (and from what little I know about him, they’re also similar personality wise). Are the dots on his skin supposed to give him character? Not enough. I don’t know how to feel about the red eyes: at least he still has some red in him, but if they’re meant to represent his magical nature, I prefer Isaac’s vaguely yellowish eyes for being a (I can’t believe I’m saying this) subtler clue that there’s something wrong with him. In short, I’m not going to remember Abraham any time soon. I wish they kept his glorious red dreadlocks :’)

And now, it’s time for Caesar.

Where do I begin with him?

How about the fact that he’s a dog in human form. I thought Guts’ canid motif was obvious, but Caesar beats him by a mile. His personality can be summed up as “puppy”, as Carmilla lovingly does it for us. While he does have a bit of a strategic mind, even disagreeing with Abraham on the best course of action, he’s mainly placid, submissive, loyal, and childish, described by Abraham himself as “a little boy” and a “simple creature”, and by Dracula as a “child in a man’s body” (what do you mean that they didn’t need to tell us? This show loves its pointless exposition! peak writing :V). He’s such an animal lover that he rationalizes Dracula’s plan as the equivalent of culling and controlling an animal species, not senselessly hurting them but not allowing them to harming others - the concept of an animal-loving misanthrope is nothing new, but I actually appreciate how soft Caesar is in this regard. In fact, his worldview is so warped that at one point he seriously compares vampires to cats... to explain how in his mind they’re just as pure as animals. It’s so out of this world that even I wanted to pity him at that point.

He’s even has his own zombie pug, which is funny to me because Hector apparently loved cats in his childhood. They really did everything to make them one the opposite of the other.

By the way, Caesar’s childhood is taken straight from the manga! Alchemist father who only cares about money and power, mother who resents his very birth, him being abused for bringing “cursed” pets at home, a burned down house that forced him to flee (I do like, however, how it was Caesar who killed his own parents, it shows how desperate he was and how there’s some real dark side in him). So I can’t even say “read the manga”. Ellis just made his own OCs and thought they were so much better than canon. Fuck you too <3

The way his backstory is presented in the first episode is so rushed, too, unlike Abraham’s who got a full flashback. We hear his parents’ voices saying the usual cruel stuff, and we hear them burning to death, all while we see adult Caesar in front of the fire with little to no animation. This is all to explain to us very quickly why Caesar is a huge misanthrope, and weirdly enough, we do get a fuller flashback in episode 3 of him resurrecting a dog. But hadn’t I read the manga, where we see in much more detail how hated he was by everyone in his village and his soured views on God, I would have felt nothing for him. This show is praised for its writing.

Caesar’s design is... almost perfect! Nearly 1:1 to Hector’s, obviously simplified for animation purposes (rip holes in his pants lmao). The one thing that bothers me, and I know that it’s going to sound weird, is his hair - I don’t like how neatly cut his curls are, and I get that it’s probably for animation purposes again, but they don’t frame his head well and make him look even more childish.

and what the hell have you done to my baby boy. what is that haircut.

As for the color of his skin, I approve! It contrasts with his hair and it makes him look Mediterranean :) I like to headcanon that Hector is Greek in origin, and what do you know, Caesar apparently hid in Greece! I feel validated :D

(of course, his being nearly identical to Hector means that it’s much harder to pretend he’s a different person. But I won’t give up. For Hector’s sake.)

(also, something that bothers me is that Abraham and Caesar have different symbols on their vest: Caesar has a wind rose which is a simplified version of the Devil Forgemaster crest, Abraham has... a mask? Some kind of rune? This doesn’t make sense. It’s a Devil Forgemaster uniform. They should have the same symbol, that’s how uniforms work! The connection between the two, man!)

Now, he is seen to have some reservations about Dracula’s plans unlike Abraham, which is shockingly canon. While Caesar has no qualms in killing people, he doesn’t want to cause mindless bloodshed, or “gleefully paddling in the blood of children”. As I mentioned, he sees Dracula’s genocide through the lens of an animal lover, and he doesn’t approve of senseless suffering. I would be happy about this, as this could have genuinely been the beginning of Hector’s rebellion in the game/manga that could then spiral into “I don’t want to be a pawn” and “not all humans deserve to die” and “I am human too whether they want it or not”...

(this moment goes to all the geniuses who reduce Hector to a flat “badass”. Will you look at that, he can have more vulnerable moments while still keeping his personality! :D)

Also, unpopular opinion: it’s not impossible that Hector used to be similarly naive back then. Living half of your life in Castlevania cannot be healthy for your development, and he did faithfully serve Dracula until Lisa’s death, so he had been conditioned to obey somewhat. I can imagine a younger, more submissive Hector, especially if he had to live with Isaac and his much stronger personality ovewhelming him lmao.

It was there! The setup is all there! Look at that, how easily you could have flowed from “Hector the innocent animal lover” to “Hector the self-affirming traitor”. Maybe not in Season 2, but as a series-spanning general arc. Man, I so would have loved to see more of General Hector and what exactly turned into the anti-hero we know.

But.

The conflict presented in Season 2 is not about Caesar growing a spine. This is about him becoming Carmilla’s puppet.

Yep. We’re here, folks.

Let’s talk about the ukeification, and I do not use this term lightly, of what is supposed to be Hector.

Caesar falls for the most basic of manipulations, to the point that even Silver in ‘06 would tell him that he should activate his braincells. On one hand, sometimes Carmilla makes sense: searching for the Belmont household to prevent any of their weapons to harm Dracula is a good idea. Or, if Dracula wants to kill all humans, what’s to say that he wouldn’t turn against Caesar and Abraham eventually? This would have been even more poignant had Caesar known that he was lied to by Dracula himself. But other times, the manipulation doesn’t amount to anything more than “oh you’re so smart and talented :) you will do as I say because I say so :)”. Also the way she torments Caesar by following him as he’s walking away clearly uncomfortable... sweetie, that is the worst possible way to make yourself look trustworthy.

But of course, Caesar totally believes a vampire lord who in one breath calls Lisa a pet on virtue of being a human, and in the other acts so concerned about Caesar’s safety as a human. Dracula must be truly desperate, to enlist this fucking idiot as a strategist.

“The castle must land at Braila!”

“And why is that?”

“Because I wish it!”

what a superb chessmaster, no wonder one of Dracula’s best generals had no chance against her :V

I didn’t know beforehand that even Dracula manipulated Caesar to enlist him! With Abraham he’s honest and respectful, but with Caesar, he has to play along with his more benign point of view, “uhhh sure it’s a... it’s a culling, sure why not, whatever makes you happy”. Later on, Dracula says that Caesar’s “a child in a man’s body, and that makes it easy for him to be lied to”. Goddamnit, forget “puppy”, Caesar’s personality is basically “pawn”.

“There's betrayal abroad in the court, but Hector is a simpler creature than that.”

I want to bite someone to shreds.

*sigh* They really took everything Hector stood for and flipped on its head, didn’t they.

Now that’s the stuff <3 hector really said “lol you like being a pawn? rip to you but i’m built different uwu” get his ass you utter savage <3 look at that condescending smirk too <3

isaac here being #relatable. for later.

Okay, back to Caesar. He’s a sweet lil boy who is pushed to betray Dracula, so much for being a general and a strategist. By episode 5, Carmilla can say stuff like “I am in control”, call him “puppy” and #girlboss all over him, she gets to yank and push him around and berate him, and Caesar can’t do shit about it, because he’s “implicated”. Because Carmilla is such a badass, and she’s a badass by shitting on Caesar :^) love how he even admits at the end that he wasn’t even thinking of stabbing her, like he holds no grudge over being tricked, insulted and literally pushed around. So fun.

(oh, and nice rapey vibes from her. “You’re mine now, you have nothing left but me”. In case you didn’t find her heinous enough. I love how this ended up being a red herring in hindsight lmao)

Look, the thing is. Even if I accept that I’m not dealing with Hector, protagonist of hit game Curse of Darkness, the same dude who trekked through half of Wallachia to tear Isaac, Death and Dracula to shreds, first person in history who kicked Dracula’s ass without assistance (which is why I’m calling his Caesar, see I’m not just being a brat)... I really don’t like the treatment of his character. I’m fine with a character being naive to an uncomfortable degree, but not only I keep questioning how in the hell he managed to get such an important position in Dracula’s army, it’s not fun to watch other people shit on him and look down on him. First of all, I get it, stop beating me over the head. Second, character bashing is just not pleasant. I’m supposed to care for him because he gets no respect in canon, and that’s not good writing.

And what comes next sure isn’t pleasant.

There it is. Ellis’ weird fetish for torturing Caesar.

Well, there was the rapey line I mentioned earlier, but now it’s time to unleash my ire against this:

Very rarely does bad writing make me feel almost physically nauseous. I documented on my blog how much I loathed the scene in Other M where Adam shoots at Samus in the back, because it was stupid, humiliating, and way too happy to show a beloved character in severe pain, in all its gruesome voyeuistic detail. Guess what happens to Caesar here?

Look at Isaac’s face that I posted above. That was roughly my expression during this sequence.

I will give this scene one point - we’re not meant to ever sympathize with Carmilla, thank god. But this scene comes out of nowhere, and it’s nothing more than a long Kick the Dog moment for Carmilla, with too much attention on how scared and little and weak poor Caesar is. Look at the focus on him trembling on the floor, curled in a fetal position, like an abused dog (and fuck you so much for making me think that, you even put him on a leash because GET IT HE IS A DOG IN HUMAN FORM I FUCKING GET IT). Look at how Caesar doesn’t try to do anything, not to run away, not to defend himself, even his anger towards the woman who manipulated him to cause Dracula’s death comes off as underwhelming - “go to hell”, that’s your best? Look at the lovingly detailed cruelty. And I know I’m supposed to be horrified and feel sorry for little Caesar, but I’m not. I’m fucking pissed, and not at Carmilla herself.

I know this is a post dedicated to the Forgemasters, but I need to talk about Carmilla now.

Why is she doing this? As a character. What is the purpose of this scene? Shock value, of course; making you hate Carmilla even more, I hope (I hope because she has her fans, apparently, and I really don’t understand y’all). And then? She felt like beating Caesar up, because she could. What does it tell about her? That’s she’s evil? No fucking shit, I’ve been watching her strut around like an evil #girlboss turning everyone into a dumbass since episode 2.

I watched plenty of clips about her. The most common comments (when they aren’t joking about Hector - who is the sick fuck who called the scene of him being brutally beaten “animal abuse”) are all about how ironic it is that Carmilla became what she despised the most. She always rants about “crazy old men”, and she herself is a crazy old woman. So, the appeal is that Carmilla is a huge hypocrite, which I suppose it’s meant to flesh her out. Look at her, pretending to be chessmaster, when she’s not above beating the shit of a weak human like a brute. Ohh, so evil, so twisted.

I didn’t quite understand why I didn’t care for it, until I compared it to a scene in the CoD manga. Yup, you guessed it, it’s time for yet another episode of “Beevean won’t shut the fuck up about Isaac Laforeze”! :D because fuck you i deserve my comfort.

(I could have waited until Season 3, or even 4, where I’m sure we’ll get even more of Carmilla’s oh so unique “hypocrisy”. But screw it. It’s not like her character will get any more interesting from now on. Carmilla is fucking boring and flat as a board, and I know that her character development will simply be “goes insane”. Besides, I’ll have other matters to discuss then. I’m coming for you, Ms. Mommy Fetish, just you wait.)

Isaac’s most prominent character trait after being a horny slut is, of course, his devotion to Dracula. He’s a huge Dracula simp, perhaps the biggest simp after Death. He’s more than proud to serve him, it’s his whole identity, hell he wears a collar to show it! The biggest contrast with Hector is how loyal he is to the point of sealing his fate because of it, while Hector grew a spine and defected.

In the manga, Dracula orders Isaac to find out what happened to Hector and, if alive, to bring him back, so that Dracula can punish him as he sees fit. Very clear cut: Isaac is to find Hector, and that’s it. It’s Dracula who will torture and/or kill him. Hell, Isaac even dared to have one legitimate question, and he got glared into submission:

You do not fuck with Lord Dracula.

(btw, compare this with Dracula in the show who can’t even make himself be respected by his own council. Yeah.)

So of course, when he gets confirmation that Hector is alive and well, Isaac will be a good boy (hehe) and do as told, right?

Yeah. Isaac is a callous, remorseless, sadistic, petty, hypocritical piece of shit, but he has flaws too 💖

Seriously, though, think about it. His hatred for Hector is so strong at this point, that he’d rather slaughter his own underlings using Abel (who apparently can shoot lasers from his eyes here, geez, poor dude got exploded), so that he can kill Hector unopposed, and then go lie to Lord Dracula’s face about it.

You know. The dude who reduced Isaac to a shivering wreck after one question, and who vowed to make Hector drink sewage for the rest of his life? Isaac got into his head that he'd rather lie to him than obey his command to the letter.

His petty desire to take revenge on Hector with his own hands (for having betrayed Dracula? For daring to be better than him? Who knows) is more important than respecting his master.

And he still has the gall to think of himself as loyal!

This is hypocrisy done right. This shows that Isaac is not as pure as he thinks, he’s also willing to do as he wants if Dracula’s wishes no longer align with his own, just as much as the same Hector he so despises. He has the same tiny spark of rebellion as Hector, but he’s deep in denial about it, and while Hector eventually grew to be more and more noble, Isaac’s desires are extremely selfish and childish (huh, almost as if Isaac ran away from his village as a child and therefore his growth was somewhat stunted 🤔 but nahh no depth at all in this character). These are not the hidden depths that make you think “oh they’re not so bad after all”, no this paints Isaac as a wholly awful person, but there is something intriguing in this contraddiction that makes him, well, more human. As much as he might be disgusted by the idea :P

(this whole rant, btw, is entirely dedicated to the very funny people who think that the best way to praise Abraham is to shit on Isaac and call him “fan disservice” and “problematic”, am I right TvTropes guys? :^) )

... well, as much as I would love to keep talking about my darling BDSM disaster, I sadly went on a tangent because I needed to finish my thoughts about the residential #girlboss here. Yay 🙄

So my question is: what does Carmilla’s hypocrisy accomplish? How does it flesh her out? Because what I see is nothing more than sadism for the sake of sadism. And she’s just as stupid as the Stupid Old Man she keeps making fun of. Beating Caesar up was stupid, she already had him, Caesar wasn’t even mad at her anymore. He has no fighting spirit whatsoever, he proved it to her by admitting that he didn’t even think of killing her! She didn’t need to do that at all, there was no logical reason for her to do that, not even an emotional one other than “yay I get to beat up a man!”. Is that it? It’s that her motivation, that she’s a radfem - scratch that, a parody of a radfem? It was a senseless scene. Carmilla is not deeper because of it. Fuck this stupid villain. The whole purpose of that scene is beating us over the head how pretty Caesar is when he’s in pain and scared.

Same energy as Adam shooting at Samus for no reason other than to have a long sequence of our protagonist humiliated, except that here, it genuinely comes off as a fetish.

Now you understand why it makes me sick? This is on the same level of the lowest rape fanfics on FF.net!

And this is still nothing. Oh, I’m so not done with Caesar being turned into a fetish, ma porca di quella puttana schifosa

... Season 3 is going to break me.

I hate everything.

[aphrodaisyacs]

💗 and ❔for the ask game!

💗Is there a scene you can’t wait to write for a WIP?

Without getting too much into the specifics/spoiler territory, I'd say that Dabi's debut in When Hell Freezes Over (my Shiganatsu & Todofam fic) would definitely be it- up until now he's been referenced once or twice every few chapters by Natsuo, so when he finally shows up I hope that there'll have been enough build-up to justify the absolutely buckwild way that he makes everything explode lmao. It's going to involve a dumb misunderstanding, an accidental identity reveal and also the weirdest family reunion ever. Let's just say that the chapter this all happens in is gonna be a fun one ;)

❔Choose a random WIP and talk about it.

So I've made a rough outline for an Akiangel role reversal/power swap AU after binging the CSM manga and perishing. Angel-as-a-human is just as depressed and demotivated as his canon self, and to his dismay he suddenly finds himself saddled with the responsibility of taking care of Denji and Power, all because he's the devil hunter with "the least animosity towards devils" (he just doesn't give a shit). My guy has never cooked a meal in his life and barely bothers to clean his apartment, so suddenly being forced into the role of Responsible Older Brother is going to be quite the ordeal for him

Meanwhile, Aki the Angel Devil is odd in that he seems to despise other devils and prefer the company of humans. He is extremely dedicated to his devil hunting job, even though Public Safety treats him like a wild dog with a short leash on the account of him being a devil. He brushes it off, claiming that it's a safety precaution that he "deserves". Just like in canon he and Angel don't get along at first, though due to several factors they end up forming a closer relationship. He even cooks for Angel, Denji and Power when he visits their apartment later down the line :')

The plan is to loosely follow the events of Part 1, skipping over events that don't change that much from the swap. There's going to be quite a few key differences, especially when it comes to their backstories and also what happens in the final arc of Part 1. There's also the fact that Angel-as-a-human only has 6 months left to live after the Katana Man arc (as opposed to canon Aki's 2 yrs) due to being way more careless about the usage of his contract with the Curse Devil. Oh and Aki wears gloves and consciously avoids touching people

WIP It Good

[robinchan-hananomi]

Okay, movie 3. There is no timeframe where this could be in the actual series. They have Chopper but neither Vivi or Robin. In addition Nami still carries a wooden bo staff.

So we start with Nami telling the others about Crown Island and a legendary treasure. Everyone is up for the new adventure with the exception of Chopper who is not too enthused about risking his life for no real reason.

I kinda love this scene because the crew is all telling Chopper that in a real fight, they expect him to do his best. I also love how Usopp teases Chopper so much, trying to scare him. The moment is ended abruptly when they enter the area of Crown Island and the ship is forced airborne, losing Chopper during the landing.

The inhabits of the island are almost exclusively animals with the exception of one human, a boy named Mobambi. Mobambi was the son of a famous botanist who was murdered by a pirate in front of Mobambi. The boy ended up stranded on Crown Island and the animal king, a massive lion, took Mobambi as his son and raised him. Now the king has passed and the animals are trying to determine the next ruler.

Enter Chopper, falling from the sky and screaming in pain from a rock, prompting the animals to confuse the noise for him saying the word ‘king’. Chopper is crowned the King of the Animals much to his shock. Chopper decides to stay and help the injured animals but he fully intends to rejoin Luffy and the others when they find him, much to Mobambi’s fury as he hates pirates.

The Strawhats meanwhile come across intruders on the island. Count Battler and his minions Hot Dog and Snake have been controlling a heard of horn eaters to round up any horn bearing animal on the island, chop off their horns and leave them for dead, many of which perish from their wounds. They are looking for a legendary horn that will grant great powers to the possessor. Battler is an idiot who tells the whole plan to the Strawhats, prompting them to have to flee and decide that they need to find Chopper quickly.

The Strawhats go to see the animal king, only to learn it’s Chopper. The animals are not happy to see the Strawhats as they don’t trust humans. Battler and his men destroy the remains of Mobambi’s father’s old ship, causing everyone to rush to the scene minus Luffy, Zoro, and Sanji. Luffy ate too much and got the three of them stuck.

While Chopper and the rest confront Battler, Chopper ends up deciding to lure the Horn Eaters away from all the animals. However the animals and Mobambi interpret Chopper’s actions as a move of cowardice. The majority renounce Chopper as their king and decide to leave him to his own fate. Luffy, Sanji, and Zoro arrive and Zoro and Sanji go on ahead. Luffy, Nami, and Usopp talk to Mobambi, who wants to help Chopper but knows there isn’t much he can do. He stays behind as Luffy and the rest go on.

Chopper ends up cornered by Battler and his men, but fortunately Sanji and Zoro are there

Interestingly enough, we break the typical battle set up here. Usually if someone is a swordsman, Zoro is their opponent. This time however, Sanji took on the swordsman, offended that the man thought he was such a ladies man. Zoro took on the kick focused combatant, taking issue that the man thought he was the strongest. The two of course win their respective fights. While this is going on, Usopp and Nami trap the horn eaters so they can’t harm anyone else.

Mobambi goes to the corpse. Of his father figure and former king. He decides he needs to help and to do that, he needs to take the islands greatest treasure, the King’s horns. He is warned that if he does he will be exiled, but he can’t just do nothing anymore. So he does anyway.

Mobambi ends up teaming up with Luffy and Chopper but unfortunately he losses the island’s treasure in the process. Despite that, all the animals of the island swarm in to protect Mobambi. Luffy sends the bad guy flying and Mobambi is crowned king. Mobambi feels more confident and stronger now, having facing the man who killed his father and protected not only his friend Chopper but the entire island.

The ending credits were cute because they emphasized each of the Strawhats treasures and how those items became so important to the Strawhats.

Now I personally love this movie but it is more to do with the actual relationship with all the Strawhats than anything else. Zoro holding Chopper when he rescued him, saying Chopper is their treasure at the end, and overall being supportive of Chopper. It was funny when Chopper introduced the Strawhatsto the animals and Zoro just goes ‘sup’. I also love how worried Zoro was over the crew, asking if everyone was alright after they fell and checking on them. Sanji and Zoro also complimenting each other to their defeated opponents too was really cool.

I loved Usopp and Chopper’s relationship too. Usopp teasing Chopper but also using himself as a decoy to ensure Chopper would survive the stampede of animals was a really big moment for Usopp. And Usopp and Nami working together to trap the heard was great.

Overall of the first three movies I think it’s my favorite but mostly for character interactions than anything else.

[nlerb]

I'm moving different. This shit ain’t nothing to me man. I'm a dog I’m biting the fart bubbles in the bath. We smoking symbiotes. Smoking that whoopi goldberg south egyptian furburger deluxe mega millions scratcher skunk bubba kush. We smoking dung beetle. I’m on 12 vicodin smoking on scooby doo dick. we smoking sequoia banshee boogers. We snorting that good buffalo soldier tamarin jordanian jibbies.  They must have amnesia they forgot that I’m him. That burberry backwoods pack hitting that pussy smell like a hellcat V8. We smoking shit in a glass pipe blowing the lord's bubbles. Im sick in the head. I'm on them broward county tic tacs. I'm on them georgetown geronimoes. I'm on them Nashville nibblers. I left my margielas in the Benz truck, I'll have to stunt on them next time. I dont give a fuck if I go blind, I dont need to see the price tag anyway. I'm high on 12 jason bournes looking to beat the cum out of a thick fresh oak. We smoking filtered crack you stupid piece of shit. I’ll fucking kill you. Call that pussy the matrix cus I’m in this bitch and I can’t get out. Last guy who ran off on the pack got choked out by some givenchy gloves. The last thing he ever saw was the price tag on them. Slowly faded into darkness and I let the archangels take him. I need more sequoia banshee boogers. Don't be shy girl i love me some pastrami mud flaps. Im moving like french montana. Haan! Welcome to the cream kingdom bitch. Open up. Blac Chyna i'd drink her piss out of another man’s balls. My shooter a crackhead he look like woody harrelson. You ain't seen ten bands in your life chet. Reach for my neck you’ll get turned into an example. Yall gotta stop  playing with me man. I threw diamonds in the strip clubs under the great pyramids. I pushed the camel through the eye of a needle. Shit aint nothing to me man. Tied the opps to the back of a trackhawk and dragged him around the block for 24 hours. Mother fucker looked  like a resident evil 5 campaign extra after we got done with him. Opps wanted some initiative so we blew up their entire quadrant. Im moving like oppenheimer. She dropped that ass on me from a egregarious angle, they thought  i was Steven Wallace. Top shelf zaza disrupted my circadian rhythm. I have seen the magna carta. I have seen the eye of hora. I was flipping bricks for mansa musa before yall even became a type 1 civilization. This shit aint nothing to me you stupid piece of shit. Step the wrong way and you will perish. That pussy feels like biscoff butter. You think I care about this shit? Ask me if I care about this shit. I dont give a shit. If i had a dollar for every time they said i gave a shit id be broke cuz i dont give a shit. My bitch look like david hasselhoff. I balled so hard they thought i was a fuckin nut sack. This shit aint nothing to me man i'll kill you you stupid piece of shit

[ozomatli-9]

I’m moving different

This shit ain’t nothing to me man, I’m a dog. I’m biting the fart bubbles in the bath

We smoking Symbiote

Smoking that Whoopi Goldberg South Egyptian fur burger Deluxe Mega Millions scratcher skunk bubba kush

We smoking dung beetle

I’m on 12 vicodins, smoking on Scooby-Doo dick

We smoking Sequoia banshee boogers

We snorting that good Buffalo Soldier tamarind Jordanian gibbies

They must have amnesia, they forgot that I’m him. That Burberry backwoods pack hitting that pussy smell like a Hellcat V8

We smoking shit in a glass pipe, blowing the Lord’s bubbles

I’m sick in the head

I’m on them Broward county Tic-Tacs, I’m on them Georgetown Geronimoes

I’m on them Nashville nibblers

I left my Margiela’s in the Benz trunk, I’ll have to stunt on them next time

I don’t give a fuck if I go blind, I don’t need to see the price tag anyways

I’m high on 12 Jason Bournes, looking to beat the cum out of a thick, fresh oak

We smoking filtered crack you stupid piece of shit, I’ll fucking kill you

Call that pussy The Matrix, cause I’m in this bitch and I can’t get out

Last guy who ran off on the pack got choked out by some Givenchy gloves. The last thing he ever saw was the price tag on them. Slowly faded into darkness, and I let the archangels take him. I need more Sequoia banshee boogers

Don’t be shy girl, I love me some Pastrami mudflaps

I’m moving like French Montana: haan

Welcome to the Cream Kingdom bitch, open up. Blac Chyna, I’d drink her piss out of another man’s balls

My shooter a crackhead, he look like Woody Harrelson

You ain't seen ten bands in your life, jit

Reach for my neck, you'll get turned into an example

Y'all gotta stop playing with me man

I threw diamonds at the strip clubs under the great pyramids. I pushed a camel through the eye of a needle. This shit ain't nothing to me man

Tied the opps to the back of a Trackhawk and dragged them around the block for 24 hours

Motherfucker look like a Resident Evil 5 campaign extra after we was done with him

Opps wanted some initiative, blew up their entire quadrant

I'm moving like Oppenheimer

She dropped that ass on me from an egregarious angle, they thought I was Stephen Wallace

Top shelf zaza, disrupted my circadian rhythm

I have seen the Magna Carta, I have the seen the eye of horror

I was flipping bricks for Mansa Musa before y'all even became a type I civilization

This shit ain't nothing to me you stupid piece of shit

Step the wrong way and you will perish

That pussy feel like Biscoff Butter

You think I care about this shit? Ask me if I care about this shit, cause I don't give a shit

If I had a dollar for every time they said I gave a shit, I'd be broke cause I don't give a shit

My bitch look like David Hasselhoff

I balled so hard they thought I was a fucking nutsack

This shit ain't nothing to me man, I'll kill you, you stupid piece of shit

[zooterchet]

The Golden Age of Piracy (UMass-Amherst Teacher’s Program)

Customs House: this guy processes paperwork, in a language he can’t understand, at receiving port.

Slave Fortress: these guys built a fort on orders of the king, to be missionaries, having raped someone.

 Port: this is a port where goods are occasionally needed.

 Naval Merchants: these guys are in speculation, of perishable goods, having fled an arranged marriage, set up by a homosexual.

 Explorer: these guys committed bestiality, upon public charge, and have been contracted by a princess, on their scheme to find rare animals, after having charmed her dog, a “chooser”, a Prussian girl for a weak man’s marriage.

 Good: this is a good, labor, commodity, contract, missive, courier, or army, that may or may not be needed, with no organization involved.

Freemason: a guy involved in building houses, that is the only one, who can’t see how the system works.

 Pirate: this child was given log toys, so he can’t see his possessions, the inside of the house he built with log toys, but the log toys are his possession; he’s evading charges, from his parents, that he’s gay, for being a self-transphobe, a pedophile hunter.

 Insurgents: pedophiles, who stole anything, from anywhere, from a king or princedom or petty dictator or tribesman, trying to figure out the system as if a collected work of art or academic, to follow the buccaneers back, and take over their country.

[digitalwreck]

My thoughts after reading the newest LU update: The fact that we have yet to see Twilight only heightens the sense of dread for me. With the last panel being one of Time with an expression that isn’t quite hopeful, I think he may be in his last legs. Here’s to hoping the next update gives up some hope. Anyways the lack of Twiddies am I right aha

[snappleapple]

their favorite types of kisses

people in this - dream, georgenotfound, sapnap, wilbur, punz, jschlatt, awesamdude, quackity

headcanon!

the most disgusting fluff i’ve ever written

warning - cursing, i think that’s all but if there is more please do not hesitate to tell me :)

word count - 2k

a/n: okay okay, i might’ve lied earlier about that being my last post but this was short and easy to make which is why i would like to feed my readers this early haha. anyways, enjoy and please disregard the errors in this post, i hate proof reading anything lol. also, i’ve been very indecisive on the title and i might change it later and ooh, my masterlist will be made soon. i’ve just been feeling very unproductive these days. also, please put in requests, i am so bored and dumb therefore there are no ideas in this brain. and if you’d like a part 2, i might add more people for the part 2!anyways, peace!

dream -

i get the feeling that dream’s favorite type of kisses would be cheek kisses

he just likes to watch as you struggle to reach his height

“aw look at those little legs do their thing.”

ends up with you not giving him his kiss

and mans becomes SO pouty

“y/n…come on. don’t be this way.” :(

if you don’t kiss him on the cheek, will also become SO clingy and whiny

“why won’t you KISS ME!”

clenches his fists and stomps away like a teenage girl during puberty

slamming the door to your room

so then you have to go and give him all the kisses he wants

his face is slammed into your pillow

you sit on the side of the bed and pet his hair

leading him to stare up at you with puppy dog eyes

“i will give you all the kisses you want. so stop being so pouty, you big baby.”

will literally leave zero feet of space between you and him

taps his cheek to tell you he wants kisses

when you go on dates, will literally make you stand on your tippy toes to get his kisses

does not bend down at all and actually lifts his head higher to tease you

in other words, clingy but rude hoe

george -

george is a classic romantic

he loves just lip kisses

pecks or lingering ones

he doesn’t care

mans don’t need too many kisses

nor does he need to be too clingy

total opposite of dream and sapnap *ahem clingy ahem*

if he wants a kiss,

he will come over to you and get it

doesn’t get pouty if you’re busy

just waits patiently

doesn’t enjoy it when you interrupt him when he’s streaming so you do your own thing

when you’re watching a movie with him,

he will literally only stare at you with his cute smile

and listen to your every criticism of the movie

he likes to just peck your lips whenever he feels like it

and you’re just not surprised anymore

just likes to stare at your lips whenever you talk

overall, is very sweet but not to an extent with showing affection

sapnap -

omg

sapnap just vibes with neck kisses

it tickles his neck and he loves them

giggles when you pepper kisses along his neck and flushes a deep red

“y/n. stop.” giggles between each word

but when you do, becomes the saddest person in the whole world

“i was joking.” :(

when he’s streaming and he begins to miss you

would leave his room and find you just to get a kiss

just like dream, would get angry if you give him no kisses

“GIVE ME KISSIES!”

very amusing for you

and you love to tease him

“i don’t want to give you kissies.”

continues to stare at you with a large frown until you give in and give him kissies

lsg supremacy but i’ll get into this later hehe

you better give him kisses or you’ll be dealing with a very sad sapnap

sadnap :(

wilbur -

wilbur, wilbur, wilbur

what can i even say

total nose kiss guy

i bet he’ll boop your nose twenty four seven

asks stupid questions just to get your attention

“y/n?”

“yes wilbur?”

“is a hotdog a sandwich?”

“why-“

“boop.”

“did you just say boop while you booped my nose?”

if he’s streaming and you bring him a snack

he will hold your face still and leave kisses on your nose

not too clingy but not too distant

likes to be just right with you

if its snowy outside and your noses get red

makes dumb jokes about he is rudolph and you’re mrs. rudolph

just a lot of smooches from wilby

takes you to a lot of hidden cafes in the city

and while you read, he balances his head on his palm, staring at you in admiration

if you’re insecure about your nose, you legit can’t be around wilbur because he will go on a tangent about how beautiful it is

substantially, soft boy hours all day bro, besides when he gets mad then you leave the hormonal man tf alone

punz -

i don’t see a lot of punz on tumblr so here we go

punz loves hand kisses

not to an extent where he has a hand fetish

god no but just like

when your holding hands, he’ll occasionally pull your hand up to his lips and leave a kiss

lots of hand holding

and i mean lots

constantly gets mad fun of for being a simp but ignores those comments because he genuinely loves you so much

likes it when you play with his hair and messing it up

also likes to compare hand sizes with you

always has a hand on your thigh or your hand in his whenever he is driving somewhere with you

even when you go on dates, always holding hands

no matter how sweaty your hand gets, he will hold on

sometimes if he holds on for too long, you have to tell him to let go

“punz, my hand is super sweaty. lets take a break from the hand holding.”

would flat out decline so you would have to pry your hand out of his

he would also love it when you would kiss his hand

makes him feel all polite and precious LOL

would also wrap his pinky along yours when you walk together

he once came with you to a family gathering for christmas and was so SHY

shy boy held your hand for security while your younger siblings made fun of you

afterwards, when you were under a mistletoe, he kisses you on the lips before kissing you on his favorite part of your body,

your hand

c!jschlatt -

jschlatt is a whole mess

the first time you met, he confessed that he would hate you for as long as you lived because you made fun of his boots

now he says he still strongly dislikes you but you’re more tolerable

doesn’t like it when you make him soft and HATES it when he blushes

“why must you do this to me, mother nature?”

also “hates” it when you even touch him because he “hates” you

when he actually confessed to you that he liked you with his grumpy usual grandpa voice,

you kissed him on his forehead, after he bent down of course

he is an actual giant and threatens to squash you like an ant if he feels the need to

is an absolute monster to you but loves it when you kiss his forehead because it makes him feel secure and loved

likes to watch the wind blow through your hair and mess it up but gives you his hat because he like you being “all pretty and shit”

gets SUPER jealous when you hug children

like for example, when you went over to a family gathering at his house, his cousins came up to hug you

and when you let go of the child, the man child comes and lugs you over his shoulder

gets yelled at by his mom and gives her a sheepish smile before rolling his eyes and throwing you down on the sofa set next to him

his mom doesn’t approve of the way he treats you but you tell her its fine because he’s cute

when you are far from any type of civilization or in the safety and solitude of your own home, he wants kisses on the forehead

pointing up to it and bending down so you could reach it

“y/n, i only love you because of your forehead kisses.”

“you only love me for my kisses?” :(

“mhm.”

actually feels slightly bad

“and because of your personality.”

“thank you-“

“shut up. we don’t talk about this.”

in conclusion, give him his forehead kisses or perish

awesamdude -

sam just adores it when you give him jawline kisses

not because it’s basically the only place you could reach but because it’s a sweet gesture

sam is all about sweetness

i mean have you even seen this man on his stream

he likes to watch you while you have conversations with your friends

not in a creepy way but more like an adoring way

cause man does he love you

i mean not only does he love you but his whole family does

and when you’re alone with sam, you love to bury him underneath all of your love

“i love you sam!”

“no i love you more y/n!”

“NO i LOVE you more!”

“NO i LOVE you MORE!”

“SAM NO. I LOVE YOU MORE!”

“okay thank you sweet pea.”

leaving you a bit confused but happy that he accepts your love

when you cuddle, omg

he never stops peppering kisses all over your face and vice versa because your relationship is disgustingly fluffy

when he lends you one of his sweatshirts, you sure as hell better wear that shit out or else (i am leaving a blank threat here)

sam loves technology but you guys sort of have a system

a system that involves mailing each other love letters rather than texting them

you guys also go on a ton of walks just about anywhere

hand holding is mandatory even though you probably look like a child compared to him

just give sam lots of love and in return, you’ll receive lots of love

quackity -

mans cannot leave you tf alone

likes to do ANYTHING freaky around you

“i will follow you to the ends of the earth, mi amor.” or

“ayy, back off.” if anyone gets too close to you

messes with you twenty four seven and makes it his job to drive you insane

plays horror games at two in the morning for fun

and when he gets scared, hides in the safety of your arms

“mi amor. i’m scared.”

“shut the fuck up and sleep, alex.”

“okay.” shuts up quickly and snuggles deeper into the crook of your neck

loves you so deeply but HATES your cat

“look at that little dumb thing stare at me. you got a problem bro?”

your cat also HATES alex

scratches him all the time and hisses at him

if you think sapnap is babie, wait till you meet alex

“y/n he bit me!”

when you glance down, you don’t even see a scratch

“kiss my boo boo.”

wtf

“what boo boo? there’s nothing there.”

gasps as if you offended him

“this boo boo that your el demonio did to me.”

this man will do anything to get boo boo kisses

istg, you once found him provoking your cat to get some scratches

in alex’s mind, ouchies = kisses from y/n

always has ouchies from god knows where and shows it to you

even though you find it annoying at first, you grow used to it and it sorta becomes your thing with alex

alex is babie and you need to take good care of him :)

[meteor752]

The Double life children, small headcanons

Guys…..I grew attached

And this is what happens when I grow attached to Characters that has little to no pre established character (See The Barduil fam, Knox), I think about them a lot and then I talk about it here.

Anyways, the AU is essentially that in addition to the dl gang sharing lives, they also share a child that just showed up one day unprompted, here’s the link to the post

But yeah, here’s some additional things about the babs, enjoy

Also, tell me who’s ur favorite, I wanna know. Personally I really like Johnny and Liana, but I’m curious about what others think

Liana is younger than everyone else, as while they all popped in a few month old, she was still just an unhatched egg. She’s bullied for this

Jassy has naturally striking white hair, but she dyed a streak in it green to have something in common with Joel

The full moon’s take a lot out of Gertrude, leaving her exhausted both days before and after. She was completely feral during the first few, leaving Ren to help keep her away from everyone so no one is hurt. They both have a lot of scars from this

Novo got too close to Weretrude once, giving him a big ol nasty scar on his forearm. He takes a weird sense of pride in it

Jekiv is completely enamored with death and corpses. He likes to study zombies and skeletons, see what differs them from each other and from other players. When they’ve perished, he takes parts from them, like teeth or brain matter, and keeps them as decorations. Sometimes he makes jewelry out of it, which clashes weirdly with his bright pastel clothing

A part of Novo’s fucked up mental state comes from how both of his parents tortured each other, sometimes in front of him. It sorta messes up your mind to see your dad nearly freeze to death in front of you, or see your mom’s shoulder form an open stab wound, especially when you’re just a few years old

On a lighter note than all of that previous shit, Johnny absolutely fucking loves goats. The ranch goats are his buddies, all of them have names, and he’s very protective of them. If anyone would dare to try and trick them into loosing a horn, they’d be faced with the ‘Tek wrath’, as his pa Jimmy had dubbed it

As a kid, Liana spent a lot of time trying to fly, injuring herself multiple times doing so. It was first until she was six that Grian broke the news that she’d likely never be able to fly, as her wings were too small to carry her. Liana ran away at the news, upset at her dad, and ended up at Martyn’s place who looked after her for a few days until she was ready to see her dad again. Grian almost had a heart attack multiple times during those days

Jassy Naruto runs. She’s also allergic to onions. Just putting that out there

Martyn had almost no involvement in raising Jekiv. He was like a dad who walked out to get milk and never came back, except he lived not too far from there, so it was kinda awkward. Jekiv reject everything to do with his dad, even small things like refusing to dress in green and hiding his blonde hair, just so he has no affiliation to him.

Wes is a total cuddle bug. Like I’ve said before, the guy has a lot on anxiety, but just relaxing and holding something softly helps him immensely. Jekiv is more than happy to assist with this

Despite not having a last name, Liana has almost ten middle names. This is because the only way Grian could compromise and get his way with the name, was if Scar chose the middle name. He went a little overboard. Liana’s full name is Liana Sharina Ace Xelqua Sage Aurelia Francesca Octavia Jellie Monroe. She absolutely loathes it, because it can’t fit cleanly on any business card

Pearl didn’t have much custody of Novo, just every other week, but when she did and had to do something then Tilly was Novo’s babysitter. The lad absolutely loves the dog, even if she’s old by now, and she was always very gentle with him as a kid

Scar tried to do something similar with Liana and the Jellies, but they’re a lot more lazy and negligent, plus Liana is a tiny bit allergic so it was not a good idea. Like many things regarding his daughter, this nearly gave poor Grian a heart attack

Johnny has a flame bite. What I mean by this is that whatever he bites gets a serious burn, almost second degree if he bites hard enough. This was discovered when he was roughhousing with Gertrude, and accidentally bit her. She still has the burn scar on her arm

Speaking of dog gal, she runs on four legs! Well, only when she really gotta go fast, but yeah she a doggo! She’s extremely fast too, even beats Etho and Jassy’s Naruto running

Wes was bit by one of his dads horses as a kid, and has been afraid of them ever since. Has never brought this up with them though, as he doesn’t want to seem silly over a stupid fear

Jassy used to steal Etho’s mask all the time as a bab. Sometimes she’d wear it (despite it being way too large for her) and sometimes she’d just nom on it. Etho absolutely adores his daughter and everything she does, so he’d let her do so without any qualms (This was the reason behind some people seeing Etho’s face for the first time). Joel was usually the one who took the mask back, because he’s fully immune to his daughter’s puppy eyes (He’s not, he’s just stronger)

While Liana is a brilliant businessman and a total silver tongue, it does help during her deals to have Jassy (Badass ninja gal with a cold steeled gaze) standing behind her, sharpening her blade.

Novo has a very weird Frankenstein of an accent, mixing together Scott’s Scottish and Pearl’s Australian. This makes him sometimes incomprehensible, even to his parents. This paired with Johnny’s mysterious country accent that just came out of nowhere made them very good friends as children

Despite Johnny being part demon and Wes being part Imp, aka different species, the two are very similar to each other in terms of physical attributes regarding their species. They both got horns, a tail, sharp fangs, and unnaturally colored eyes. Johnny has a bit more fire imagery going on that Wes, but despite that the two are similar af. They quarrel about this often, fighting over who has better and sturdier horns, who’s tail is stronger and can lift more, who can kill down the best using just teeth and claws, etc. It’s a dumb friendly rivalry they both enjoy

Liana spends a lot of time styling her hair, trying to make it all prom and proper like a true business man. This effort is all futile however, as she inherited Grian’s extremely fluffy hair, and it will all just puff up within twenty minutes no matter how much hair gel Liana puts in it

And now, on a less light note, the deaths

Major tw warning for the shit being written here, it will be describing pretty gruesome deaths in close detail, so be warned

Johnny was the first to go. He was sitting down by the salmon river with Jekiv, fishing, when it happened. His chest was penetrated by a long sharp object, taking the breath away from his lungs as his mouth filled with a thick metallic liquid. Jekiv could only stare on in shock as Johnny choked to death on his own blood, the open wound on his chest lined with faint purple. It was first when he opened chat and saw the death messages, that Jimmy had been slain, that the death was explained. He knew that he needed to get the information to everyone else, that their lives was directly tied to their children’s lives, and he needed to give them that information fast. Too bad he wasn’t fast enough

Gertrude was with Novo when it happened to her. The two were on the way up Pearl’s tower, joking between themselves, when a sharp pain struck Gertrude’s head. She was so shocked by the sudden pain that she let go off the ladder, falling down to the ground with Novo screaming out her name. Gertrude was dead before she hit the ground, her skull pierced open and blood dripping down her face. Her iconic sunglasses that she never took off laid beside her, cracked. Her mouth was hung open in a silent scream, pleading for mercy of the pain that would only hit her in death. Novo cried over her body, confused over what had happened. His mother found him an hour later, and had to physically drag him away

Realistically you’d think that after the death of two children, the people would calm down with the killing. And yeah, two couples do! The yellow lives are rational, they know that both theirs and everyone else’s children are in danger, and that the killing would help nobody. The red lives on the other hand crave blood. The crave violence and gore and death. Their minds barely register that the kids could be in danger, all they are set on is killing off the yellows and killing them as fast as they can.

Liana was by herself when she died. She was watching over the remaining Jellies, scratching their furry faces and trying to keep them in the area of red velvet keep when her head suddenly feels like it explodes. Her ears are hurting so bad they start to bleed, and her eyes bulge out of her skull as the roaring pain stop her from doing anything apart from writhing in pain. The loud noise eventually rips a hole in her eardrums, ruptures her lungs, and leaves her lifeless corpse to bleed out, the Jellies nudging with their little noses, trying to wake her up

Jassy was in the newly constructed fort tower when her death occurred. She was with Wes, still mourning Liana’s death when her dads left for the Nether. It should’ve been a safe journey, they were both highly skilled if not a bit chaotic, so she didn’t expect anything to go astray. That was, until her arm suddenly started burning in a way it never had before. Johnny’s bites hurt a lot, but it paled in comparison to what she felt in that moment. And the feeling didn’t stop, instead it spread up her arm, and formed on her leg, and her back, and everywhere. She didn’t notice she was actually on fire until Wes screamed, the flames coming into her vision when she looked up at him. She screamed out for him, for her dads, for Impulse and BDubs who were standing not too far away frozen in fear, but the burning didn’t stop. Her skin melted off, and bones turned to ash, her whelps of pain becoming strange gargles as the flames ate her up. When she finally grew silent, left behind was only a burnt corpse, doomed to end just the way everything in her father’s path did.

Wes, newly traumatized by witnessing his friend’s death, stuck to his dads after the passing of Boat Boys. The three were left alone on their team to fend off against two separate families, one of which containing two fully unhinged individuals, so it was a bit frightening to walk around. Of course they were attacked, but Wes’ death was quick and easy. BDubs was stabbed by Pearl, accidentally taking Impulse down with him, and Wes died close to his family, almost painless.

Jekiv on the other hand…..After witnessing Johnny’s death just a bit earlier, Jekiv was a fucking wreck. He looked like his step brother Novo, the way he was twitching and staring out into nothing for hours on end. His parents tried to stay out of the killings, hiding in the deep dark while Jekiv was tucked away in Scott and Cleo’s secret bunker, but when they turned red it was hard to resist the temptations. Martyn carelessly went after Pearl, aiming to finally get a victory in one of the seasons and to prove the Watcher’s wrong, but the dogs were too much for him. Jekiv could feel the wolf army, the offsprings of that fucking dog that Pearl always took everywhere, start to nip and bite away on his rotting skin. Chunks of it disappeared in large bites, and he screamed out for help, help that couldn’t come. The feeling of being eaten alive was slightly numbed by the fact that as a zombie he was unable to feel everything, but even with that in mind it was absolutely horrifying for him, and incredibly painful. He could feel the dogs tear his arms off, bite away at his inner organs, rip off his skin, and all he could do was cry. He was eventually saved from a very slow and painful death by Cleo’s fall, which instantly broke all three of their necks.

And then there were only one. Novo had stayed hidden at the base of Pearl’s tower through most of the red siege, staring at the place where Gertrude had died. Her body had been taken away to be buried with her fathers by box, but there was still some blood and bone splinters left in the grass. He stared at chat, letting out a dry sob each time a death message hit, knowing that his friends went with them. Liana, the only one who could keep up with his crazy nature, and always followed along when he had an idea. Jassy, with her infinite patience and wonderfully dumb puns. Wes, who would carry Novo away from any form of danger he put himself into, acting like the caring and loving mother he never had. Jekiv, his brother, the only person Novo considered family, despite that he absolutely loathed him. All of them, gone. Novo left the tower when his father told his mother to meet at spawn. He walked past Tilly on the way there, his caretaker, the best listener when he needed to cry. His parents were both at spawn, staring each other down. Talking. Novo couldn’t hear them, his ears were still ringing from all the explosions that had gone off earlier. He was too far away to see their facial expressions. He tried to call for them, but either they didn’t hear him or they simply ignored him. Nothing new. It was first when his father placed tnt by his feet that Novo really started to panic, picking up the pace to run to them both, stopping whatever madness that was happening between them. He couldn’t. His father screamed something, his mother called out for him. Novo just wailed, as the explosion finished him off, quick and easy.

And then they were gone. Seven lonely souls, all created through forged bonds between people who were made for death, made to kill for entertainment. The fourteen would all move on after the season, build their bases, create their empires, compete in their tournaments. They would forget about the things that transpired on that server, their friendships would reforge and they would all move on with their lives. And seven more stars would be added to the eternal night sky, seven stars who in the big scheme of things were nothing, but in the moment were everything. Seven stars made to be remembered, but doomed to be forgotten.

It got poetic there at the end lol. If you made it here, hi glad to have ya.

I genuinely love these seven dumb ocs, they make no sense and idk how they work but they’re lovely. I might write something about them at some point

If you would be wondering how old these guys all I have absolutely zero idea. In my mind they’re pretty old, like early twenties, and idk if that means that Double life went on for twenty years or these babies just age quickly. Probably the second one tbh.

But yeah, hope you enjoyed this, I certainly did I love writing gore and cool deaths. Don’t forget to tell me who the fave is, because I’m curious, and have a great day!

[vvienne]

RANWAN FIC RECS

Absolute Zero by jitterati

Pathologically solitary academic Chu Wanning left behind a life of research to enlist with the Pan-Pacific Defense Corps Jaeger team when giant monsters began to emerge from the Pacific ocean, eager to leave his personal entanglements behind him and join humanity's collective battle against the threat of extinction.

His goal is to build an artificial intelligence that will allow a pilot to operate a Jaeger mech solo - eliminating the need for pilot compatibility and the mortifying ordeal of being totally known by another person, a "neurological handshake" known colloquially as the drift.

He didn't expect his former students to follow him all the way to front line of the war against the kaiju.

Featuring lots of side character interaction, pining, yearning, questions on the nature of personhood, friendship between jerks, people coping badly with loss, snarky AI, and giant robots. Illustrations by Saika & Daru

Husky and his White Kitten Disciple by JustAMoon123

Within a lonely heart, the seeds of hatred start to grow.

-A 2ha Age and Role-Reversal AU.-

NOTE: This Story is Now E Rated!

[Before meeting Chu Wanning, Mo Ran had drawn his power exclusively from the Wood side of his dual Spiritual Root, and his Qi had always glowed green.

Now, only when in battle did it do so, with Bugui’s blade encased in a tyrannical green light.

Outside of battle, like when he set barriers of warmth; or made Crystal Butterflies to tease golden flowers; or cast a small array to keep a box of food warm, his Qi manifested with a gentle red glow.

Mo Ran’s Wood was destructive, while his Fire was protective.

Ah, Mo Weiyu, Mo Weiyu. Even your power betrays you.]

Burn, Pine, and Perish by moonqueenmaia

It’s been two days since Taxian-Jun’s last visit, and Mo Ran hasn’t touched Chu Wanning at all, beyond gentle and fleeting caresses. Chu Wanning decides to take matters into his own hands by surprising Mo Ran when he comes back to their home after a trip down the mountain.

it's no coincidence (it's a kitty-incidence) by lanzhan (gothguk)

There’s a white cat lounging in the middle of Mo Ran's bed.

to touch you with bare hands (even if it burns) by moonqueenmaia

Chu Wanning is a renowned professor of mechanical engineering at Sisheng Peak University. Beautiful, lonely, and talented beyond belief, he has spent his 32 years mostly by himself, silently and secretly yearning for affection and companionship. Yet Chu Wanning has resolved to himself that he will spend the rest of his life alone, no matter his hidden fantasies.

Enter Taxian-jun, an unruly, arrogant, and struggling student, fiery and domineering, who comes in and shatters the calm of Chu Wanning's life. They enter into an agreement, both burying their feelings underneath a storm of lust and lies. Yet amidst it all, something deeper may be helplessly and slowly blooming.

It is up to them to cultivate it, or destroy it for good.

cursed by devilsoupe

Chu Wanning and his disciples are sent to investigate an abandoned village, and Chu Wanning is hit with a curse.

Mo Ran was determined to treat his shizun respectfully in this life, but what choice does he have?

liar liar cock on fire by lofikv

I (32M) walked in on my roommate (23M) masturbating in our living room. Ever since then I couldn't erase the image of his penis in my mind but I found a sex toy online that is almost as big as him, so I bought it and tried it on myself so that I can imagine how he would feel inside me. I have also been romantically attracted to him ever since we started living together. How can I cope with this?

UPDATE: He caught me in the middle of an emergency.

(Absolute) Unit 311 by devilsoupe

Chu Wanning doesn't have a soulmark.

Neither does Mo Ran.

ducks entering highway by Sectionladvivi

Mo Ran finds out his well-respected, MILF-coded, tears-of-angels-tight-ass robotics professor moonlights as an erotic novelist. He immediately leverages this knowledge for an opportunity to play tonsil hockey.

to yearn by devilsoupe

Chu Wanning starts to cough up flowers. Taxian-Jun is angry. Chu Wanning is not allowed to die pining for someone else.

When it starts happening again in his second life, Mo Ran knows enough to worry.

from blossom to blossom to impossible blossom by Wildehack (tyleet)

Taxian Jun is the victim of a flower curse.

sticky fingers by fakeplasticlily

The man tosses the towel unceremoniously back at Mo Ran’s chest, like he’s personally offended by it. And the fact that his hands had just been all over said chest barely minutes earlier, maybe. “Please pack a box of egg tarts with extra custard filling, a box of red bean paste buns with extra syrup, a rice pudding with extra candied fruit garnish, and a box of osmanthus cakes with extra sweet pear jam.” Mo Ran’s eyes grow progressively wider as he lists the items. It’s him. Not the suburban mother of four, not the elderly guy dealing with a midlife crisis, but quite possibly the hottest guy he’s ever seen. Who also happens to have the highest sugar tolerance Mo Ran has seen in a human being in his two years of running this bakery. 

Hard to Love The Lonely Night by bloodsongs

Chu Wanning glares up at him, adjusting his women’s robes. “Still, why couldn’t you have been the wife instead?”

Coughing politely, Mo Ran looks to the side, avoiding his gaze. “Shizun’s skills with the illusion barrier far surpass this humble disciple’s, and, well…”

He doesn’t need to complete his sentence—it’s infuriating, but Mo Ran is now taller than him, broader than him, larger than him. Very much so. The young sapling he raised in Sisheng Peak is now a full-fledged tree, a man built like the mountains Chu Wanning has seen in his travels.

Chu Wanning and Mo Ran pretend to be a married couple visiting a small mountain town to investigate some suspicious disappearances. Mini Canon AU casefic. Contains spoilers up to Chapter 130 or so of the novel.

Purple Ink by jeejaschocolate

Chu Wanning is a robotics engineer who lives a life of isolation and loneliness, only partially due to his chronic illness. Eventually he gets so sick that he requires the help of a full-time medical assistant.

Of course, these days, all those jobs are given to CyberLife androids.

Chu Wanning resents the android they give him. From his fiery eyes to his long black hair, to his incomparable tenderness and consideration for Wanning’s feelings.

He resents him. All the way until he falls in love with him.

Fallen Flowers in Swallows' Nests by bloodsongs

You deserve better—I refuse to disrespect you ever again. I want to be better. I must be better.

But I don’t know how. I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know where Taxian-Jun ends and Mo-Zongshi begins.

I only know now that I cannot lie to myself: I want you so fiercely that I burn with it, I am consumed with the desire to make you mine and mine alone. To become one with you, feeling your fire twine with mine.

Or, Chu Wanning finds letters from Mo-Zongshi that were never shared with him.

These hitherto undiscovered letters cover a range of emotions that weren't present in the book he gifted his Shizun: contrition, yearning, and desire.

Counterpoint by senchafloat

Five years ago, Mo Ran was just a boy who loved playing piano—there were many things he didn't know. He didn't know how capricious and unforgiving the world of classical music could be. He didn't know just how lucky he was to have Chu Wanning as his teacher.

Five years later, Chu Wanning is now a renowned concert pianist, and Mo Ran is an upstart conducting student. When Chu Wanning shows up unannounced at his alma mater, Mo Ran has plenty of questions, along with a desire to prove his worth to his old teacher. But as it turns out, Chu Wanning isn't as invincible as he once seemed. As old secrets come up to the surface, the two of them are forced to reinvent the ways they'll make music together.

impatient to adore you by riverdanceeee

At some heartbreaking point in his life, Mo Ran accepted that Chu Wanning would never reciprocate his feelings, so he dealt with it as any other person would. He'd rid himself of his affection, respect their friendship, and learn to move on. But Mo Ran's affection runs too deep, and when any opportunity to spend time with Chu Wanning knocks on his door, he goes running to answer and accept. Even if it means he has to break up a potentially dangerous dog fighting ring.

To Bow Before A Willow Vine by bloodsongs

“I…” Mo Ran hadn’t thought that far. He shakes his head, lowering his head in deference, resting his forehead against Chu Wanning’s knuckles. "I'll do anything you want of me."

The silence stretches on for a beat too long.

"Anything?" Chu Wanning says eventually, tilting his head.

Written for 2Ha Week, Day 4: Reverse AU for the 0.5 timeline. When Chu Wanning storms Sisheng Peak and crowns himself the cultivation world's new emperor, Mo Ran trades his life for Xue Meng's. Contains spoilers for up to the end of the novel.

Call me by my name by rinsled05

When the man called Taxian-Jun arrives, years later, it’s the coming of a storm.

He sweeps into a dinner appointment between Chu Wanning and a client, clad in black, a smirk tugging at his mouth. Over the spark of irritation, Chu Wanning can’t help but admire his lean frame, the way his hair, cut rebelliously short, falls over smoldering, dark eyes. The way he towers over him, even when Chu Wanning rises to full height.

Chu Wanning’s heart races as Taxian-Jun leans in close, ignoring the shouts and gasps around them.

“Sakaki of Ran,” he purrs in their native tongue. “You���re mine.”

Chu Wanning lifts his chin. “I don’t know you.”

“You will,” Taxian-Jun says, and leaves.

In which Chu Wanning is a courtesan serving Chinese merchants in Nagasaki, Japan, and Taxian-Jun decides to make him his.

荷官牌型 ♠️ The Croupier's Hand by bloodsongs

In deep financial straits after losing his job as a teacher, a desperate Chu Wanning becomes a croupier at Sisheng's new casino.

The once sleepy town of Sisheng Peak grows busier by the day as the casino draws more and more tourists to their mountains. Consumed by his lingering regrets over the worst mistake of his life that destroyed his teaching career, Chu Wanning is too distracted to worry about anything else but his next shift, his next paycheck.

Except that's when Mo Ran, the reason Chu Wanning lost everything, returns to Sisheng Peak.

As the heir to the casino.

White Rabbit Club by minkit

Desperate to rid himself of a few pesky things called virginity and desire, Chu Wanning waltzes into a world he knows little about and right into the embrace of a mysterious stranger who reminds him of the student he's been dreaming about all year. The lust fueled dreams his student stars in are the very reason Chu Wanning applied to the sex club in the first place, and now he's desperate to get rid of these filthy impulses once and for all.

Congratulations, Chu Wanning, on your acceptance into the White Rabbit Club. We hope you enjoy your stay.

Risk and Restraint by purloinedinpetrograd

There is nobody Mo Ran works with who does not love him. He’s worked hard to cultivate this image while he climbs the corporate ladder at Sisheng, and it’s paid off in dividends. He’s in every WeChat group. He can call in favors with any division of any department. He can make even the tightest of deadlines relax their stranglehold on his team.

That is, there is nobody except, of course, Chu Wanning.

A Lingering Sweetness by theherocomplex

Chu Wanning is now all too aware of what he looks like: a dry stick of a man, never handsome, angular and cold and pale. A drab, short-tempered creature, as appealing as a splinter in one's foot. But Mo Ran looks at him as if he will never get his fill, and part of Chu Wanning thinks, What if —?

At the end of the line by PearlAquaBlue 

“So … I reckon someone thought you needed to loosen up a little bit. Now that you’re here, want to try it?”

Chu Wanning hangs up. Throws her phone on her pillow with a disgusted glare after it. Stands up and paces to the kitchen in long, angry strides. Her cheeks are burning. With trembling fingers, she grabs a glass and pours herself some water, gulping it down in one go. It doesn’t help much. She grips the kitchen counter tightly, then marches back into the bedroom to glare at the phone again. Her fingertips itch, and it’s as if some kind of magnetic force draws her closer and closer to her bed until her fingertips are but an inch away from that tempting black mirror. Before she knows it, she’s unlocked it unsteadily and pressed “repeat” on the last call.

“Welcome to Sisheng Peak – ”

“And what would that entail?” she asks, a little too breathless.

Let's Fall in Love for the Night by purloinedinpetrograd

Chu Wanning could only stare in horror as a large cloud of sickeningly yellow pollen rose from the field, blanketing the place where Mo Ran stood in a heavy fog. “Um,” he said lamely.

“Fuck,” Mo Ran cursed, and Chu Wanning didn’t even have the heart to chastise him for his coarse language, because he was too preoccupied wrestling the surge of fear at seeing his disciple disappear behind the haze of that indeterminately threatening dust.

A million terrible possibilities raced through his mind, each one more dramatic and gruesome than the last. His heart hammered against his ribcage, threatening to crack the bones. “Mo Ran,” he said slowly, “I think you should tell me what that does, now.”

Xue Zhengyong sends Chu Wanning and Mo Ran on a mission to find a specific ingredient for some concoction of his wife’s. Chu Wanning is torn between rejoicing at the chance to spend time alone with Mo Ran... and grieving over the very same thing.

But, well, it’s just flowers. What could go wrong, right? (Spoiler alert: it’s sex pollen.)

the day dawns in your hues by localshabba

2ha Week 2020 Day 1 prompt - Haitang

---

Schoolteacher Mo Ran is having an ordinary day until he has an awkward encounter with the notoriously rigid school librarian, which leads to the start of something new.

Also features: flowers, dinosaurs and lots of tenderness and pining.

helping hands by verity

When Mo Ran was but a young, innocent, virtuous grad student—well, one of those things—she built that couch from a flatpack box with her own two hands. Over the years, the smell of polyester and cheap foam padding has given way to an equally aromatic blend of Chu Wanning's haitang blossom perfume, spilled coffee, and white lithium grease. Chu Wanning herself is always perfectly dressed without a stain in sight. Even right now, her head tucked onto one folded arm, the other loosely gripping her tablet, she looks so formal.

Mo Ran gently rests a hand on Chu Wanning's socked ankle where it peeks out of those tailored white trousers. She really should behave herself.

She really should... behave herself...

in plain sight by localshabba

Written for a prompt fill in the 2ha Kink Meme.

---

"I have a surprise," Mo Ran breathed, coming to stand so close behind him that his breath landed on Chu Wanning's nape. Not touching Chu Wanning any other way, because he likes to make Chu Wanning lean back just a little bit, to seek out that contact himself.

"I think Chu-laoshi will enjoy it."

Chu Wanning is sure he agreed to the whole idea; he's just unclear on when. Things got hazy around the point when Mo Ran turned him around by the shoulders, got down on his knees and...well. Apparently he'd skipped breakfast that morning.

When he returned to his senses, his clothes were all neatly tucked into place, not a stain on them, and a charmingly pink sexual aid was nestled comfortably up his--ahem, inside him.

---

Now available in Spanish!

casually acquainted by tagteamme

Chu Wanning knows what he is and what he isn’t. And where he lacks in pleasantries and outward appeal, he makes up for in untouchable grace and dignity.

It threatens to unravel once he meets a familiar face in an unfamiliar city.

“So quick to run away from me, Chu-laoshi,” Mo Ran says, voice gently teasing as Chu Wanning refuses to make eye contact with him. “After you came all the way from…”

He trails off, waiting for Chu Wanning to let him know, but he sees the map open on Chu Wanning’s phone and grins wider. “You want directions?”

Chu Wanning clears his throat, and shakes his head. He should say something— instead, he stays silent as he looks down at his phone and punches in the hotel name again.

Happily, his phone tells him to try again when he has signal.

The Right Hand of Light by gedsparrowhawk (FaceChanger)

Chu Wanning is asleep on the bed, clutching his hands tightly to his chest and curled in on himself. He’s still wearing the same robes he was in in the water prison. On the writing desk, a bowl of water and clean linen for bandages sit untouched, and a tub of bathwater has cooled without being used. Mo Ran sighs to himself. Wanning is truly hopeless.

He sits on the side of the bed and touches Chu Wanning’s shoulder. “Wanning,” he says. “Wanning, wake up.”

---

Rare 0.5 tenderness, after the water prison.

nothing can consume you by tagteamme

Mo Ran’s violent history has never had to catch up to him.

It’s already embedded itself into him as scars on his body, as a tattoo on his forearm, as the lingering taste of blood in his sleep and finally, as the searing brand pressed against his chest before he’s thrown into the sea as punishment. He knows that this is where all his chances come to an end.

But as the deep fathom of the water swallows him up, something else saves him and pulls him to a tiny cove tucked away off the coast of an overlooked port town. When he wakes up under the care of a mythical creature wearing a familiar face, an even older and more distant past finally finds him.