#guYS I FEEL LIKE IM FUCKING DYING
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me telling my boyfriend he has to be extra nice to me because i’m sick and him responding with ‘sorry baby, i don’t know how to be nice’ is peak dabi
#i then said to him ‘but you’ve been nice to me before :(’#and he went ‘have i? must’ve been a mistake’#he’s kidding obviously#this got a giggle outta me#and then a vigorous coughing fit#guYS I FEEL LIKE IM FUCKING DYING#seriously#i feel like someone took a sledgehammer to each of my vertebrae and smashed them to dust one by one#i’m going to have washboard abs by the time this sickness is over#my fever has come back but it’s okay i can take more medicine soon#i slept for most of the day today buuut my mom brought me veggie maki rolls for dinner which was so <33333333#they were actually so refreshing????? i guess because they’re just raw vegetables and rice LMAO#anyway i am still bedbound waiting for this hell to end#also water tastes like poison rn#bf is tryna get me to drink juice but i doNT WANT IT 。゚(゚ノД`゚)゚。#i couldn’t even write today or yesterday because i was feeling like such hot GARBAGE#like garbage left out on the side of the road on a mid july day#oh when i am awake i’m watching glass animals videos#i can barely remember any of them BUT#i like listening to dave talk (´∀`)♡#also raw if u see this i will reply to ur discord message the moment i can look at the screen for long enough#it took me like twenty minutes to type out these tags#okai okai good byeeeeeeeeeee i’m going to sleep and hoping i wake up feeling a lil better tomorrow#there is a TINY WAR going on inside my body#go white blood cells go!!!!!!!!!#LMAO DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK OF CELLS AT WORK WHEN THEYRE SICK#it’s what i think of INSTANTLY#clari chatters
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I love the idea that, whenever a Cybertronian space-faring vessel lands or docks within a predominantly non-Cybertronian space station or port, that it's required that they either confirm or deny whether their vessel is sentient or not before being permitted to land.
1. For proper accommodation and clarification, along with the chance for communication between the vessel and crews working the station/port.
2. Because there has been... incidents... incidents that have led to the requirement of the above reasons.
#an irate dreadnought with a brain and very big feelings could wreak all sorts of havoc on an unprepared station unfortunately#also. itd be a bit shocking to be just some guy working the fuel station. idly complimenting a shiny cruiser only for it to say 'thanks <3'#transformers#maccadam#tf idw#tf worldbuilding#???#i mean. yeah. its technically world building. we dont see much of that kinda stuff#but im sure as hell thinking about it rn#i love wacky sci fi worldbuilding. theres not enough of it on a broader galactic scale in tf sometimes#like. they mention other aliens and hubs in a few continuities i think. but then they only do so much with it#outside of crossovers ig#idk. i just like thinking of how beings other than humans perceive cybertronians and the colonists#like. they're new to humans. usually. but theyve had other alien neighbors for millions of years#transformers surely are quite talked about on a broader galactic scale. and obv taken into consideration either for good or bad#they're nigh immortal. they're constantly fighting each other and dying. they're peacekeepers. they're warlords. they're big. they're small#they're fucking weird. and somehow end up all over the place#they hate your kind. they love your kind. they think you're disgusting. they're offering to be your car#how many citizens of their galaxy nervously attempt to politely ask a vehicle if its alive or not on a daily bases in popular hubs/stations#its so funny to me#also. thinking about fic stuff relating to idw1. and like. all the background aliens and their factions fascinate me a bit. its fun inspo#mtmte#lost light#nearly forgot those. since other aliens and factions are featured in them a bit#slowly getting through robots in disguise rn. and all the nail stuff got me thinking about neutrals finding homes amongst other aliens#also like. some of the darker stuff thats mentioned about cybertronians being sold or indentured. like. hows that viewed broadly?
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take Charles to the Paralympics
grandpa gonna demolish the competition 😼
he doesnt even need to use his telepathy to read what his opponents are gonna do next to dominate the game grandpa's just Him
#snap chats#hey guys: great news! im probably not dying :)#bad news: its definitely food poisoning and i cant sue my college about it#AND i have my presentation in an hour jesus christ what a day#at least if i suck i have an excuse but thinkin of basketball charles will save me.....#i used to love playing baketball growing up but sicne i am but an inch taller than wolverine. MAYBE two on a good day#i never bothered trying out for teams 😔 i was prob just a quitter i prob coulda fucked it up on the court...#disregard the fact most everyones taller than me .... in this UNFAIR SOCIETY#anyway. im gonna half celebrate the fact im not dying. also have to be prepared to apologize to my dad later jvaELVKEARJ#i called him thinking i was gonna die- granted i did. in my voice mail be like 'hey so like im feeling better aha ill call later..'#but still my dad's Number One worry wart 😭😭 but that enough outta me ......
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The interesting experience of being pro Sasuke, anti konoha, pro tobirama, anti Naruto ending, pro Sasusaku, anti Itachi, pro Sakura, anti SasuNaru, pro Tobirama×Izuna, anti Madara, pro karin, anti Orochimaru, pro Uchiha and anti Hashirama. And also as much as I hate the guy danzo was kind of hot when he was younger...
#I FEEL ITS VERY IMPORTANT TO SAY THAT I COMPLETELY RESPECT SNS TO THE ULTIMATE DEGREE AND I AGREE WITH THEIR SHIPPERS ON MOST THINGS#BUT THE SHIP STILL KINDA PISSES ME OFF IDK WHY IM SORRY IT JUST RUBS ME THE WRONG WAY I HAVE TRIED TO LOVE IT I REALLY HAVE BUT I CANT#AND MADARA HAD SOME GOOD POINTS BUT I THINK ITS SHITTY THAT HE ABANDONED HIS CLAN AND THEN PLOTTED THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD#ALSO ITACHI HAD LIKE OTHER OPTIONS!???? WHY THE FUCK DID HE TORTURE SASUKE TWICE LIKE 😭😭😭#WHAT WAS THE POINT MY G WHY ARE YOU TORTURING HIM I THINK THE MENTAL IMAGE OF THEM DYING WAS ENOUGH DIDNT NEED TO GIVE HIM 500000 EXAMPLES#WE AS A SOCIETY DO NOT TALK ENOUGH ABOUT THE FACT THAT WHEN MADARA ASKED HASHIRAMA TO EITHER KHS OR KILL TOBIRAMA#TOBIRAMA GENUINELY THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT THAT HASHIRAMA WOULD GO AFTER HIS THROAT FOR LIKE- THIS GUY WHO HE USED TO THROW STONES WITH!???#ITS SO DIFFICULT TO FIND PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND SASUKES TRAUMA AND WHO LIKES SASUSAKU 😭😭#COS LIKE ILL 100% ADMIT THAT THE RELATIONSHIP WAS WRITTEN SHITILY AND SUCKED AND DESPITE THE FACT THAT THEYRE SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE BROTHERS#SNS HAS BETTER WRITING THAN SSK OR NRHN SOMEHOW???? ITS WRITTEN SO WELL PEOPLE GENUINELY BELIEVE THE ORIGINAL PLOT HAD SNS PLANNED#BUT ALSO SAKURA IS SO SILLY AND STRONG AND DID ANY OF YOU READ SASUKE RETSUDEN “Trapped by a body he knew perfectly”#OKAY SASUKE YOURE ON A MISSION??? CALM THE FUCK DOWN 😭😭#NO AND IN LIKE SSK FICS SASUKE IS SOME BAD BOY WHO JUST SMIRKS AND IS EMOTIONLESS AND SAKURA IS SOOOOO EMOTIONAL FUCK OFF YOU TWATS!!!!#SASUKE IS THE KITTEN!! SAKURA SO OBVIOUSLY RADIATES DADDY ENERGY YALL ARE FUCKING INSANE!!!#WHY DO WE GET KITTEN SASUKE IN EVERY OTHER SHIP BUT THE FUCKING CANON ONE!! AT MY FUCKING!!!! LIMIT!!!#FIND SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS THE COMPLEXITYS OF SASUKES CHARACTER AND UNDERSTANDS WHAT TRAUMA DOES TO A PERSON YET DOESNT HATE SSK CHALLENG#Uh oh I went a bit mad there hahaha#I REGRET NOTHING SASUKE DID NOTHING WRONG SAKURA IS GIRL BOSS AND THE NARUTO WORLD IS EITHER UNEXPLAINABLY VIOLENT OR FAR TOO FORGIVING#naruto#naruto shippuden#itachi uchiha#pro sasuke#haruno sakura#Pro Sakura#Sasuke Uchiha#sasuke did nothing wrong#It looks awkward to just go from all those long tags to the iddy bitty ones#Moldy-flowers#Kitten and daddy? Tf am i on about I've been watching too much game grumps shi 😭😭
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god why am i so fucking stupid. having adhd is truly a curse and i hate bearing it
#not to vent on main but. fml actually!#in my health assessment lab we had this case study assignment to do and i freaking. misunderstood all of it so bad#idk why but for some reason i thought we were supposed to make up a patient ourselves for it#…we were not#no :) we were not :) there’s a freaking. TEMPLATE for the exact patient we were supposed to do it on in the module#that i opened once and then forgot about because adhd just works like that#and now im literally . kmsing because we fucking . we fucking presented these orally in class#and i was only half paying attention bc i was (incorrectly) documenting my (made-up) patient information on the record#and i thought it was weird that like 2 or 3 people seemed to have VERY similar patients but did not question it further#…which is to say. i may be stupid.#and now i feel like dying because im gonna have to email my professor and TELL HER how stupid i am#and hope that she takes enough pity on me and my cursed brain to let me do it over properly#because my lab grade is now barely a 77 and i need a 75 to pass. and our final assessment is tomorrow.#i genuinely cannot live like this anymore im serious#i need a fucking brain transplant#anyway tl;dr guys please pray for me please please please im actually disintegrating rn#to delete later
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the most rancid drama starters in fandoms are always like "gee i wish this fandom was nicer, why do we have to fight all the time :("
#theres this one guy who is SO vile on twitter lol#he was in my tumblr notifs the other day and has left kudos on all my devils minion fics#idk if he missed the message or whatever#i keep hornyposting about marius so these folks dont get the wrong idea about me LOL#i guess im not hornyposting hard enough#anyway i was dying he's crying on twitter about how fandom is so nasty to each other#but every other tweet is him kinkshaming someone or QRTing a bad take instead of moving along#saying how “these people” (kinky folks) need to be chased off the internet#how marius stans belong on a list#etc#dude the call is coming from inside the house#anyway sorry for vauge posting i just cant believe my eyeballs LMAO#there was also this guy in VC fandom a couple years back who was SO nasty#and he made this huge plea to fandom abt how we need to leave ppl space to grow and learn and walk back their bad opinions when they learn#like my dude YOU are the one attacking everyone!#he was so mean to me lol#he wouldnt shut the fuck up making fun of my asexuality posts lol#like “gee why do queer ppl feel unsafe in fandom? cant be because i mercilessly mock everyone i've decided deserves my ire and abuse!” lol
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Like it’s soooo easy to fall into despair and just assume something is fundamentally wrong and idk man sometimes you are just working with different pieces than everyone else and it sucks! But also sometimes you have to grit your teeth and figure out what the root of the problem is and what you yourself can do to improve it and it’s also going to be soooo easy to think of the solutions as big and daunting and impossible which is why you have to break it down AGAIN and figure out the smallest and most tangible ways to work towards it possible. Like who gives a fuck if your goal is just text one person a day that’s still SOMETHING, and if you keep doing it then maybe someday it won’t be as scary!! Maybe it’s writing for five minutes a day or maybe you start by asking people if they want to hang out and study for an afternoon or maybe you try eating an extra piece of fruit every few days i don’t freaking know but sometimes it really is just about doing something small and manageable over nothing at all and letting it build up. Idk. I’m just some guy who tries to talk in a discord server every day
#SORRY FOR GETTING PREACHY OR SOMETHING. I JUST FEEL STRONGLY ABOUT THE POWER OF SMALL REPEATED ACTIONS#I HAVE SPENT THE PAST COUPLE MONTHS REFLECTING ON QAYS I PERSONALLY CAN CHANGE PARTS OF MY LIFE#AND I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON IT A LITTLE BIT NOW THAT IM NOT DYING AND PLAN TO MORE WHEN IM BACK AT SCHOOL#AND I ACTUALLY FEEL PRETTY GOOD ABOUT MYSELF#and idk. it’s fucking terrifying sometimes but down the line it’ll be like that less and less. you just have to do it.#but again I am just a guy who had to figure this all out over the past 11 years. because adults and professionals hate to see me winning#like so fucking what I feel awkward socially. do it awkward man. do it until you feel comfortable being awkward around people#do it with the social algorithms and calculations do it needing 5 minutes to string words together right but DO IT!
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idk if i've discussed it before (i have certainly THOUGHT about it) but someone on my kuwa suffering ep 89 comp mentioned it and i just had to go off about it like. ok. sensui tells yusuke something along the lines of "you heard itsuki" when itsuki's inside the uraotoko, implying that not only can sensui hear those inside the uraotoko, but that he expects yusuke to be able to as well. which means that yusuke Almost Certainly Heard And Kind Of Ignored kuwabara's prolonged mental breakdown and wailing about how much he needs yusuke to live etc. which. guHHH i hate him yusuke you ass but also listen.
the only acknowledgement yusuke gives to this (if any) is when he says something like "sensui you're sooo fucking cooked this plan's going perfectly (my friends are going to get strong and kill you when i die)." he's trash talking to sensui, ignoring the others because, i think, he doesn't want to acknowledge what he's doing to them.
yusuke is explicitly recreating the experience he had with kuwabara's "death" at the hands of toguro, complete with the announcement of intent (and power) to kill, the inability to impede the threat in any way (barring a power-breakthrough), and the target in some way racing towards/volunteering for their death. yusuke learns through doing, and through tough love-style approaches. it's only effective if it hurts. watching kuwabara die like that was devastating to yusuke, but it sure as hell fucking worked. he beat toguro because of that maneuver. so even if he has to (re-)traumatize his friends in the process, this method will make his friends stronger, and he feels confident in that. but he never had to live with the consequences of kuwabara's death, not really. that's something hiei makes clear before they enter the cave as well, that there are no fake-outs ready to make him or anyone else stronger. the only deaths here will be real. the only power gained will come at a high, permanent cost. hiei's warning is an attempt to keep everyone alive, to keep yusuke from being stupid. and then yusuke decides to take that fatality into his own hands, but it's kind of his friends who would pay the price. he's going to make them live through the days, months, years without him, the actual permanency of loss (assuming they survive for that long), something he never experienced with kuwabara (a new facet of that traumatic scenario), AND he's escaping the emotional fallout of this choice through death. he doesn't have to see them mourn, won't get yelled at, won't watch them fail to move on. he's tapping out and choosing to believe they'll be fine.
but i think he feels guilty. just a little. i mean, yusuke couldn't even believe that people cared about him enough to want him alive in episode one. he's staked everything on his friends, which means he still kind of... doesn't value his own life, at least not compared to theirs. but he believes his friends love him and want him around, and we know that because he has to, or else he wouldn't make a plan that depends entirely on that love. he is actively leveraging the care he doesn't think he deserves, trying to hurt them in a way he is intimately familiar with (only worse), for.... what, exactly?
this is kind of my sticking point tbh. i don't think the answer is... super clear, but let's start with what it's not.
yusuke is not doing this because it is the most practical way to save all of humanity; that would be the mafukan, which he stopped. it could be a gamble to save all of his friends? the mafukan strategy would guarantee koenma's death/eternal imprisonment, whereas this strategy gambles all of humanity on the chance that his friends come out of the Easy Break Oven strong enough to avert the end of the world. if the sacrifice of even one friend is completely intolerable, perhaps he'd accept those slim odds and their steep consequences. yusuke tends to take risks like that, especially when he's got fight-induced tunnel vision. he doesn't think things through too much; his schemes are usually dependent on surprising his enemy enough to oneshot them. truthfully, i think this is the closest we'll get to an answer, and it's a more conventional one for this kind of story. but there is another layer i haven't been able to get from my mind.
i think yusuke is gifting each of his friends an honorable warrior's death.
so, in case it needs saying, yusuke, kuwabara, kurama, and hiei all (at least once, if not several times) exhibit a desire to die in combat in a way they deem noble to give their lives purpose (usually by self-sacrifice, but sometimes by another metric of honor, like hiei's duel with shigure and his desire to die in mutual defeat against an evenly matched opponent; or even kurama's decision to fight shigure in his human form, displaying a sort of passive suicidality via placing being true to himself in this (somewhat symbolic/inconsequential) way over survival). they need to make their lives count for something, because they feel guilty for being alive (kurama and hiei feel guilty for their past actions (hiei's is most evident in his distance from yukina, though that's not its primary reason), hiei, kuwabara, and yusuke have all been ostracized and made to feel like burdens on/unwanted by their caregivers and general society; all four of them have felt profound isolation even from their loved ones (yusuke and hiei are rather obvious; kurama can never tell his mother about the majority of his life nor what she truly means to him in the context of it; and kuwabara is separated from his peers for his spiritual awareness and his "stupidity" (plus his parents aren't around? and he is Desperate to define manhood/manliness through a broader pop cultural one which includes the warrior sacrifice thing bc he has no male role models BUT that's for another post) (i will admit kuwa's the most tenuous one here irt isolation)). they want to die for a cause so badly it's actually physically painful to me. it is passive suicidality, and they define their lives and identities by their relation to, engagement with, and skill at doing violence, etc. they live to die by the sword. anyway. nobody talks about it but i think it's very important to understanding what yusuke's doing here.
because i think he knows that about himself and his friends. they're kindred spirits. at the very least he knows this about kuwabara, who literally made a speech about this before diving into toguro's fingers In The Event That He Is Recreating Explicitly. he is dying nobly like they all want to on the chance that they'll get to break out and fight sensui rather than dying without even getting to take a swing. it's about his pride and theirs. but i don't think yusuke necessarily believes they'll win. he knows better than anyone how strong sensui is, and how wide the gap is between sensui and team urameshi. his stated position that humanity is doomed and that he doesn't care about its fate is, i think, not completely genuine, but if we take it at face value, he's not killing himself so that his friends can survive the end of the world. something's going to come around and kill them eventually. he's doing it so they can survive long enough to fight sensui. he needs them (specifically kuwabara) to be strong enough to free themselves to begin round two. but he's given up on their side winning, on humanity surviving, on his own victory---why should he think his friends are capable of winning? this could be another case of yusuke's fight-blinders. it could be another gamble, more blind faith put in his friends. but honestly it reads more to me that yusuke's giving them a chance to die together on the battlefield. them winning would be great, but it's not his goal. it's a pipe dream.
he knows he's going to be killed. they're probably going to be killed, too. but to make it so they last a little longer against sensui, to make the odds a little more even, so they are killed not like livestock, but like worthy fighters, he'd die a little faster. it's the best kind of death someone like them can have; and he'll deprive himself of it just to make their ends a little sweeter. even if the road to that is far more bitter.
but it's not like yusuke's friends know what he's thinking or agree to it, and he can't exactly make his case for it in the moment. he's making that choice for them. whatever his intentions, whatever odds he thinks they have of beating sensui, he's kind of sealing all of their fates. so how the hell is he supposed to acknowledge kuwabara screaming at him not to die, trying desperately to express what yusuke means to him in what could be their final moments together? this plan is going to hurt his friends terribly. it is already doing so, and he can hear it. his choices to stop koenma from using the mafukan and to die for his friends' strength are both selfish in some way, no matter how you read the scene. if yusuke comforts kuwabara, he might not get strong enough. if he twists the knife, well... how could he forgive himself? and either way by responding he would have to face them all and say yes, i'm doing this regardless of your feelings (with the intention of hurting you). so i think he does what he often does. he avoids it. he lets that emotion glance off him and his bravado and his one-liners so he doesn't have to deal with the fact that he's hurting people, that he's scared and guilty and unsure of himself. that he's about to die again, about to put kuwabara through the grief he saw at his wake again, only worse; about to put his quieter friends through something similar.
yusuke is confronted with the responsibility one has to the people who care for them, and he runs from it in an attempt to give them some small peace. just like when he died before and thought hey, at least my mom and keiko won't be burdened by me anymore. because the only thing he can really do for them is die.
#UGH. sick of this stupid show (<- pathologically obsessed with it (it's just on a downturn rn))#anyway hi welcome back to my terrible mind here's another excruciatingly long yyh meta post no one's gonna read that i should just make a#video essay because nobody wants to squint through all that text but MAYBE they'd listen to me read it out. anyway#i actually made and then abandoned another post comparing yusuke's sacrifice here to genkai's death by toguro if anyone's interested in tha#anyway yeah sorry if im rusty in uh talkking about these guys. they're still rattling around in here dw#that comment just fucking hijacked my brain. my first thought was to make an ep 89 yusuke pov fic but since that's Probably not#gonna ever Actually get done (sorry) i figured i'd put the analysis behind it here bc this fucking choice makes me want to rip my hair out#(in a good way in a painful way)#yeah this gets derailed. ugh i hope all that stuff about yusuke's motivation in this gambit makes sense bc i still don't feel 100% about my#reading of it. his ass IS very much an unreliable narrator. but in what way? ehhhhh it's hard to say for sure in this case. to me.#yyh#yu yu hakusho#yyh meta#yayyy#yusuke urameshi#literally wrote for so long the sun started rising (<- not impressive since you don't know when i began writing. but i can't tell you bc i#don't remember lol)#also: his relinquishing of this fight is very interesting to me. he loses his shit when raizen kills sensui and deprives him of that victor#and he tells the others to stand down once he returns. so clearly he still Cares about beating sensui himself#but when he thinks there's no other choice he's willing to settle for passing that torch to his friends#he's like well they've earned a good revenge killing. as a treat#the real answer is probably something like 'it would fuck with the pacing' but fuck that lol it's in the show i'm going to talk about it#and a lot of this still applies even if he Can't hear them bc he Has to expect the begging and crying bc 1. he's lived it via toguro 2. his#plan depends on it. even if he's only imagining his friends' heartbreak he's choosing to ignore it for the sake of his plan#ANYWAY the real answer for. pretty much everyone is to give up fighting and find something healthier to attach their worth to#which is why kuwa not being in the final arc is a good thing (as much as it hurts me not to see my boy)#yyh really said YOU HAVE TO BECOME WELL ADJUSTED. DYING WILL NOT GET YOU OUT OF IT#i only skimmed thru this once sorry if it's ass
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not to be bitter about the Durins again but it will never stop pissing me off to a burning degree that in the movies Kíli dies off in a little corner with no one but one elf he met two days ago around, and she’s nerfed to the point she’s utterly helpless until RIGHT AFTER he’s killed. It feels so bullshit and unfulfilling. I remember me and a friend were huge fans of the Durins (her even more than me) as well as the little Kíli and Tauriel side story back when the movies came out, and we watched it in theatres and she literally said she would never watch that scene again bc it disappointed her so badly. She skips it to this day. Bc why the fuck did they have Kíli die for an elf he barely knew (I like Tauriel but it is true— they’ve known each other for maybe two or three days total) over the family he ran out into battle to defend, the family he set out on the quest with and the family that he was so proud of. Why was he not with his brother, or trying to defend his uncle who was still very much alive and in danger? Tauriel literally just serves to get Kíli killed in that scene, bc they nerf her (CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD. Even against a tough orc she should be holding her own) but have Legolas out there holding his own, and it is nowhere NEAR as emotionally devestating as the single sentence we’re given in the book of how Kíli and Fíli went down defending their uncle. I can almost excuse the change in how Fíli dies bc it does hold emotional weight, but Kíli’s death going from the devotion of family even to his own doom into dying for an elf he has puppy love for while being totally cut off from the other dwarves fucking killed the scene for me. And there isn’t really even a good payoff for Tauriel afterward either. We just leave her there regretting she ever loved him. It hurts me so damn much, and not least of which is because for every video someone does as a tribute to Thorin and his nephews, it always takes a sharp left turn into Tauriel watching Kíli die all by himself and it doesn’t even feel related to the other’s deaths. I think it would have felt much more like the best of both if they’d kept Kíli dying defending his family, and then have Tauriel come to him as he’s dying. But that’s not what happened. It fucking sucks. I promise I do like the movies but I will stand hard by saying that it’s weakest writing is the latter half of the second and the former half of the third movie. It only really picks up to consistently good scenes at Thorin’s battle with Azog in my opinion. Sorry for another brief hater moment but man. Man.
#lotr#the hobbit#sons of durin#thorin oakenshield#kili#fili#kili and fili#(their last name isn’t Durin but I’m tempted to tag it as such since I see a lot of people use that.#though to be fair what other character is named Kíli or Fíli out there lmao)#I fucking LIKE TAURIEL. but she is not more important than his family. like she is a crush he has but UR BROTHER JUST DIED MAN.#UR UNCLE IS ABOUT TO. IM SORRY BUT TAURIEL SHOULD BE ABLE TO HANDLE HERSELF AGAINST A SINGLE GODDAMN ORC.#ISNT SHE A GENERAL??#PLEASE. it hurts so bad. and they have the GALL to remind us abt Dís w the stone afterward. like family was at all involved#in how Kíli died beyond what sent him up the stairs. I don’t even think his last thoughts were portrayed as his family in the movie.#it looks like all he’s thinking about is Tauriel. not the fact that his mother will never see him again. not that he failed his uncle.#not even that he didn’t get to avenge his brother.#then Thranduil comes in and it feels awful bc she doesn’t seem to get any payoff for her character.#and this is a personal nitpick but the dialogue there just. it doesn’t end satisfyingly.#the ‘because it was real’ like never felt impactful to me. it actually felt kind of cheesy?? Tauriel’s lines actually have weight to them#and then Legolas movie bombs that scene too and we just. forget about Tauriel over there VERY LIKELY dying from elven grief#’go talk to the 12 year old in the north. for some reason he’s already called Strider’#and Kíli’s body is RIGHT THERE. they’re doing nostalgia bait and MCU level ‘ohh this guy’ shit RIGHT AFTER THE DURIN’S DIE
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Fully caught up on the manga (minus spoilers for the last chapter) and..... Ya know what maybe I am a villain stan because I just.... Don't trust that anything really changes in society. Everyone outside of heroes, when given speaking parts, seems to indicate that they'll step in or do something in order to protect themselves - not out of any sense of responsibility or community, but to safeguard their lives in case the other person ends up a villain. Or maybe I'm just pessimistic? But we've seen irl time and again that this ending attitude doesn't work. Doesn't have change. Certainly not long lasting change. I really really wanted to finish the series still liking Deku but throughout the fight, every cut back to someone other than Deku, talking about his heart and how good he was and how much he was doing to fight for the person - and the cut back is just "punch". He never responded to Shigaraki's words. He never engaged with the man himself. And at the end of the day, I feel more trust in Uraraka. More trust that she'll actually work on saving people's hearts. And she's back in construction work like her parents. And of course the camera dies and no one sees Toga's heart. Because how dare anyone think a villain could be a person (paraphrased that one interview guy).
I really really wanted to end this manga happy with it. I'm not stupid enough to conflate the reality of the story with fandom. I'm not. I really wanted to enjoy it for what it is. But when they directly ask "how do we fix villains being made" the answer is "you don't. We can't" and ???? That's supposed to be what the manga was working towards this whole time? I - .....
#the bee talks#idk. maybe im just too damaged to fit in society anymore myself. ha.... fuck.#mha spoilers#bnha spoilers#i think deku still has a lot of growing up to do. i know blah blah his innocence is ruined and he's irrevocably changed but.#.... i think its more that we see other characters understand more than deku has. horikoshi can write it. he just.... didnt for the guy#we're supposed to have placed our hope and trust in.#mha#bnha#like i feel sick to my stomach because this is devasting but also guilty bc i wanted to like it i was hopeful.#i mean!!!! I STILL LIKE THE ENDING. IM GOOD WITH IT!! i just dont like how the underlying themes were finished.#im not even salty about the villains dying- i feel like being alive wouldve always left a way for horikoshi to be pressured to return to mha#like.... story plot wise im good with it! its just that the last few chapters are supposed to be feel good wrap up and im.... empty.#if i was the same person i was when i first started mha and even up until a few years ago i wouldve really really liked it all.#haaa... maybe I'm just too jaded. sorry yall i really tried my best and I'll enjoy whatever the last chapter holds! i will! i just...#need some time to emotionally remove myself from it i guess. (massive props to Horikoshi for making me care about all of the characters)
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Having a B3 overdose be like
#for the record im okay now#but an hour ago i thought i was dying of an allergic reaction#i felt like a vampire stepping out into the sun and catching fire#my whole face chest upper back elbows arms had red patches like hives#no itching no swelling no dizziness could still breathe and blood pressure was good#but i felt like i dived into a pool of lava#i seriously thought “oh shit this is spontaneous human combustion im gonna end up in a ripleys believe it or not special.”#“guess ill die!”#still monitoring symptoms in case i gotta hit the er tonight but I'm feeling better#ive been taking b3 for a long time and never had a response like this maybe my body is thinking fuck this shit we're done#i checked off everything ive drank and eaten today and listed my meds im confident its this shit#still gonna go to the docs tomorrow for a follow up#but if i can dodge a 10000+ ER charge to the medical debt i already carry imma do that#im too impoverished for the weewoo mobile guys#murica for ya#anyway if you take b3 watch your six on this shit#(i know i gotta take it seriously but seeing the humor and making fun of myself helps me cope)#magenta is my vent word
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me when i write a character who is prone to dooming themself and then they run off and doom themself. core traits are stubbornness and a willingness to disregard their own humanity gET BACK HERE IM NOT DONE WITH YOU
#rambling#surprisingly this is not about jakob.. im just really consistent about my favorite character archetypes 😭😭#WARNING THE NOTES ON THIS ARE REALLY LONG I STARTED RAMBLING#“ouhh i have a headache i'll just lie down and rotate my blorbos in no general direction for a while until it goes away” and then boom.#serious plot considerations. 2 questions answered 24million new questions raised. this is specifically Not what i asked for.#so now im sitting here STILL dizzy running mental calculations on how i can get this bitch out of peril without reworking everything#but they literally keep dying in every timeline 😭😭 every single plausible road leads to them running off and screwing themself over#“character who doesn't realize they want to live until it's way too late to look back” VS#“character who is forced to live and handle the things they never though they'd survive long enough to deal with” FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.#fucking hell i have never had this much trouble writing a character as i have with them#they genuinely do just run off and do shit without my permission and then i have to pace for an hour or two wondering#“ok they wOULD do that. but should they. do i feel like i can confidently write that.”#im like constantly in this tug of war trying to get them to CHILL#but also they are absolutely my favorite character from the entire project. but like. FUCK GET BACK HERE#is death the most satisfying end to this arc? is someone who was Set on dying then NOT dying the most satisfying end to the arc?#how many bridges can you burn until you irreparably set yourself aflame too?#would ghost or revival plotline work?? would it make sense with the worldbuilding??#do i just Like Them enough to want them to not die?? where do i draw the line between personal bias and a good arc?#is death not feeling as impactful as survival solely because i've been writing for so long that it's lost the initial impact?#and other such plot considerations...#im gonna have such an easy time writing another character though 😭😭 because THAT character's dynamic in the second act#is to stare at character 1 and be like “why are you like this. i mean i know Why but can you chill. please.” and like damn bro me too#actually wait no i think kaey.a is the hardest character i've ever written i take it back#had to worry about his 20million facades AND his Actual feelings AND canon compliance. shit is hard#i still havent finished the k/aeya fic i started back when the chasm first released which is uhh. two years ago. oops.#i think i struggle writing emotionally repressed liars i think thats what this is 😭😭 anyways.#(voice of guy who has been obsessed with nonlinear narratives and tragedies for several years):#“is it too much to kill this character in a nonlinear exploration game with tragic elements”#like bitch what are you talking about 😭😭 YOU'RE the target audience here figure it out#sorry the notes on this are just my writing journal now apparently
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The leftism leaving peoples bodies when you tell them that literal terrorist organizations arent the good guys just because theyre against a bad guy
#im catching up on last week tonight while i pack to move tomorrow#and i got to the palestine episode that everyone was angry at him about#and i dont... fucking get why everyone was so angry at him#for what? he rightfully calls out how hamas tricked palestinians in their election and killed people#AND calls out the israeli government for committing war crimes and a genocide#like. those are just facts dude#his brief section on the internal politics of how hamas rose to power in palestine#and how palestinians feel about the matter i found very informative and interesting#and it shed a lot of light on the conflict thats been brewing between them and the nuances behind it#westerners whove never stepped foot in the middle east when you present them with middle eastern politics will be like#'okay who is the Good Guy and who is the Bad Guy'#and then apply their dumbass 2 party system to everybody else in the world#where if one person is the bad guy that must make the other the good guy automatically#innocent palestinians are fucking dying and youre wasting time arguing that hamas are Actually Good on a dying blogging site?#and getting mad at a cable tv late night host for telling the truth?#because it wasnt brain rotted enough for you?#get it together man. jesus#some thoughts
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what if i lost the will to live like. as a joke. what then.
#i am fine ftr im just. exhausted haha#NOT to overshare about my personal life too much but my dog is dying. my horse is being given back to his og owner this summer / fall.#my dads kicking me out in two years (in favor of his girlfriend and her kids bc he would rather live w them!!!)#his alcoholism is driving me crazy bc hes treating me like absolute shit and berating me constantly#and stealing from me 🙃#ive lost my healthcare benefits + now have to either raw dog therapy out of pocket or loose my therapist#a therapist that took me a year of being on a waiting list to get in w btw#and idk i just genuinely feel like a loser rn like. im a 23 year old unemployed fat virgin who plays video games all day like. 🧍#where is this going for me. what is the point of it all. in two years im going to be fucking homeless on top of all that#unless some miracle happens bc as is i am too disabled to work.#im just reaching a point where i deeply dont care anymore. whatever happens happens im done fighting it#and ik its the abandonment issues talking here but knowing my dad is planning on abandoning me. 👍#thats two for two on parents leaving me. my entire family has at this point so like truly i cant trust any relationship#like if my PARENTS find me that unbearable. and my best friend who knew me my entire life thought so. then truly every relationship#i ever have is on a fucking timer like. idk if any besties r reading this im sorry i promise this is in no way a dig at yall#bc you guys do really make me feel loved and secure in a way no one else has but. id be lying if i said i wasnt still scared#anyways enough oversharing#i really am fine and safe rn btw like. at minimum u guys r stuck w me until arc*ne season 2 comes out 😂#my post
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with the amount of love for this world i hold within me i could be the worlds greatest poet. but every time i time i try to write all that comes out is a keyboard smash.
#i get choked up about how beautiful everything is#i have been trying to write these tags for 10 minutes. guys. life is so beautiful. beautiful is the prettiest word i know and it isnt enoug#look at Nature!!! look at humans laughing!! living!! how amazing!!!#im going to explode#bugsoda#bro does anyone feel the same or im i dying#this happens like once a week. 💥💥#also just watched secret of kells#unrelated (lie)#go watch it#ART#FUCKING ART#DO YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND HOW BEAUTIFUL ART IS?????? DO YOU#someone shoot me with a tranq
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Hugghsigsjfkw why do i rb stuff that upsets me even when its rlly stupid witowgkwotkwk *dissolves into a puddle*
#me rambles#rambing in tags today yay#basically that one post abt how to write liars. its useful and good and all.... and it also described my speech patterns lol n lmao#and like. i sometimes speak like that to leave clear where did i heard something just in case its wrongful info so i dont present it as fact#but now ehm. yea i feel im kind of a coward lmao#and i have gotten called a competent manipulator#which on one side idk im not smart enough for that but on the other side that is what im doing w this post#and tbh that also mixes w my irl behaviour. the enviroment here is shit so i gotta be an asshole on main#and back up my dad (champion on being an asshole on purpose )#so ppl wont mess w us. but it also makes me a hypocrite bc im here all like lets dialogue peacefully guys :)#but if i try to do that irl. well. lmao dying would be a good fate#so yeah. im trying to. come clean onto the fact that i am a jerk irl even though im hiding it at the same time in the most pitiful wat#but at least im saying it. better than nothing#idk i just have to be more upfront and less deceitful#and also less fucking autistic like my god kachi it was a silly writing post cope n seethe#so yea ramble over. dw guys im jusr letting the upsetties out#delete later
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