#gotta vent and don't really want people to see

[ebbarights]

.

[erdariel]

is it really too much asked to have a life I could be happy to live? a life that felt like I had a future worth waiting to see? a life that doesn't include me lying on the bed in the dark with shame and worry and sadness and self-hatred wrapping cold around my guts when i can't yet sleep but am too restless to concentrate on anything i could do to distract nyself?

[medicinemane]

.

[thethingything]

fun fact: if you hang out on space weather related forums you can see several comments a week from people panicking about the possibility of another Carrington Event (which is understandable and honestly I'm glad they're at least asking space weather nerds and not random conspiracy theorists or whatever), ranging from people asking for reassurance and thanking everyone for explaining stuff to them, to people calling everyone on the forum insane and acting like they're celebrating the end of the world because they're excited about maybe seeing more aurora when there's a large solar flare

[lucyvaleheart]

.

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

Poked my head into some of @mysticdragon3md3′s thoughts regarding popularity with DimiClaude fanon and am happy to say I’m here to Talk (tee em).

I also saw the post from the user saying why they were falling out of love for the ship, and... yeah. The people they’re talking about, the generalized group of people who do certain things, definitely bother me as well.

I love that you pointed out Claude is not flirty and is just playful. It’s not the DimiClaude fandom alone unfortunately with that though - it’s the entire fanbase that views him as a flirt. And, according to Twitter, a slut. Yeah. Yeah. I know what they... “mean”... but it is still not him.

Them being annoyed with each other is also fanon and a very strange one. Never in Houses did Dimitri come across as being annoyed or bothered by him. In fact, they have friendly banter! Dimitri doesn’t get specifically exasperated at Claude, but that’s just more so how he is as a person and he sometimes doesn’t understand playfulness. That said, he does not berate Claude the way he berates others. There’s one instance I can think of where he berated Claude and that was in the DLC when they were talking to Aelfric for the first time.

In Hopes, same deal in AG. In fact, he’s quite fond of Claude in AG. GW itself was a well discussed mess in a lot of ways, and even then as a ship they didn’t have a lot of negativity. If nothing else it was an odd opposite, because even as enemies when Claude admitted he couldn’t defeat Dimitri alone, Dimitri just basically laughed, smirked and walked away. That’s like... the worst of their relationship in GW and it’s extremely mellow.

I think part of the problem some dmcl fans are facing are the fanon version of the ship rather than what they’re like in canon. It is definitely true that part of the dmcl fandom has absolutely warped the ship into being something it really isn’t and never was in canon. There’s also this whole thing about Dimitri being the dominant, feisty one with Claude being the uwu blushy one and it’s just... not them. Not as a pair canonically, and not individually. When Dimitri gets “dominant”, he’s, uh, not in a good mental state. It’s a mental illness that makes him like that and personally I’ve never appreciated seeing people use it for a kink for a ship. Normally I’d say people can like what they want, but I get the feeling a lot of dmcl fans have absolutely pushed their views onto others and driven fans away.

I will also say have absolutely, 150% come across those kinds of fans. The ones who refuse to listen to anyone else, but if your headcanons don't vibe with them then you’re just completely “wrong”. Not only do they portray the canon characterization poorly if portraying it at all, but they tend to also bring it down a racist route, which is... beyond ironic considering they should be the last ship that deals with that based on their characters and stories.

Engage kinda went wonky with a good few things regarding the previous lords, so I don’t see Dimitri being like that as some kind of definite canon. Actually, even in Heroes their interactions are friendly and calm. The “worst” banter they had was their swim alts, while on the opposite end we have the brave alts who apparently hang out together outside of the castlegrounds, and for so long that they can’t be of any help in a search for someone (which like lol how long you gotta be gone to have no idea and can’t help at all lmao).

I think people see outside-Houses canon scenes like those and just... decide it’s their actual canon. Dimitri is not, in any way, actually mean to Claude in canon. That is unfortunately a very popular fanon. In Houses especially, when Dimitri doesn’t know Claude well in the mock battle he’s more like ummm hey Claude your defenses are open what are you even doing, more than being like ugh Claude you’re so annoying. In the real version of that mock battle though, a good few months had passed and their battle quotes are significantly more approachable and they clearly have respect for each other. Dimitri knows Claude likes to fuck around and be goofy sometimes, and he picked up on that and played along with it in the JP version (in the English version he simply picks up on it, but there’s no anger whatsoever and it’s just more oh okay I get it).

As far as Engage goes, ultimately I just see it more as an extremely condensed version of their mannerisms, and yes, they for some reason, especially in the localized versions, try to keep up the whole rival shtick when Dimitri never even felt that way about Claude, and he never gets truly annoyed at Claude. Ffs, in canon Dimitri literally drops everything after retaking his home from the Empire/TWS, and runs to go save Claude. Literally. The next day. While Claude is a little tsun about it (!), Dimitri is just “come on let’s go hurry hurry no slowing down pick up the pace we are saving Claude”, and that’s basically him the entire chapter except with the Arundel specific stuff. When he talks to Claude one on one, there is literally not a single shred whatsoever in any plausible way or in any damn universe any tension from Dimitri to Claude. He just wants to know he’s okay and relaxes once he knows Claude isn’t hurt. I mean literally, no, like... that’s them, in canon, in their Natural Habitat together and I have no fucking clue how the portrayal of them in fanon got so insanely warped beyond recognition.

Also, Engage kinda dropped the ball with a lot of stuff with the other lords. Hell, they’ve been unable to keep Ike’s character consistent throughout all of his non-canon appearances (Awakening didn’t seem too bad, but Fates was pretty awful for example. They can’t seem to really understand the character they’re writing anymore, and idk if it’s just because the writers have changed and such/aren’t the same as Tellius’ games had, or they just don’t care to keep him consistent).

They also try to make Sigurd sound wise and super helpful in every single solitary iteration of him outside of FE4 which is honestly just obnoxious as fuck lmao. Sigurd was naive, foolish, overly trusting, and far too kind and gentle for his own good. It ultimately was what led to him following orders blindly, having blind faith that his king was righteous and would give him the right orders (without realizing the court was very much in disarray during his absence and with several other prominent court figures away because of the war). Sigurd was too quick to believe in the good in humanity and that things would work out, and it led to him not realizing how wrong he was until it was way too late and he had to take shelter in a foreign country to avoid having to fight the same people’s armies who had the court’s ear.

Basically Sigurd is nothing like they write him to be in every. single. solitary. iteration. outside of FE4. 

(SPOILER here just in case you care lol. Or anyone who is reading this. Or if you’re someone who somehow does not know about the biggest known spoiler in the whole game) He has one little section of potential dialogue (i.e. it’s triggered by a very specific condition) that shows somehow ghosty Sigurd has grown more wise and understanding ??? while being dead ??? and somehow learned while being dead that the world do be full of grief and Stuff. (END SPOILER)

So they pretty much took like, two lines of dialogue from FE4 and made it Sigurd’s entire fucking character forever in every single game he’s been in since. If nothing else, let that be your insight on never to trust content you see outside of a character’s original game. At that point it’s simply fanservice because they don’t even know their own characters. If they wanted to write even a semblance of Actual In Game Sigurd’s Personality And Not Two Lines Of Dialogue That Are Completely Optional And Quite Honestly HIDDEN, it would be very easy and reasonable to do so. They choose not to, and then we get what they did with Houses’ lords.

Another portrayal I see too often is that Dimitri and Claude... argue??? I won’t lie, their Heroes summer alts was the very first time they even seemed to “argue”, and it was mostly just goofy nonsense that means nothing because they’re literally alts in swimsuits, and it wasn’t really them being vicious at each other. Meanwhile in canon, they’re always very calm and able to talk through their problems - even in fucking Hopes in the GW route. Even in the worst possible circumstances for them to be in, that is, as enemies, they were still able to talk it through. Barring Claude’s written in idiocy so he could be a mouthpiece for Edelgard and do her bidding by invading the Kingdom (which was literally nothing but plot convenience because Actual Claude would’ve reasoned his way out of doing that), even in the worst possible situation, they still called a truce and still worked things out verbally, calmly and peacefully.

Point being, this whole cat fight dmcl portrayal isn’t even remotely close to their canon selves, and normally I’d say, you know, like what you want and enjoy your ships how you want... but it’s pretty much almost entirely the people who view the ship that way that uh, attack people who don’t agree with them or insult them/laugh at them for seeing the ship differently. These are the people who make you feel bad, for enjoying a fictional ship of two pixelated characters kissing, because you don’t like the concepts in their head more than the way you’ve interpreted the canonical characters.

To be totally frank, I have a visceral hatred for the fanon portrayal of dmcl because it makes Dimitri out to be terrible and makes Claude some kind of punching bag for Dimitri in various forms. There comes a point where it’s like, you ship something and then there’s the point where you ship two characters you made up in your head, who aren’t the same characters you first started to ship, because you’ve warped them so extensively that they became nothing but a person’s OCs with their faces and some similar backstory elements at best.

[yoharrysaidshe]

.

[no-one-hears-me]

man a few years ago this blog was bumping and idk if it's more embarrassing to post now or back then

[mixterglacia]

"oh, ellison would have hated these new IHNMAIMS fans! they don't get it!"

Babe. He literally went on record to say he despises all of his fans. Dude was a piss ant over everyone.

He hates you too, we aren't special.

Also for those getting all twisted up over folks saying AM would make a great teenage girl, you gotta realize that it's a joke. I'm autistic and I see that it's a very obvious bit.

Beyond that, let's be real. AM is just a TEENAGER regardless of gender. He has the vitriol and rhetoric of a teen boy with the pettiness of a teen girl (if we're speaking in a strictly stereotypical manner)

He figured out how to blow raspberries. He boos and hisses at the groups private moments.

Dude's an oversized teen.

Also I really don't get why people are so up in arms about folks joking that he would be a big fan of the Sims. "Oh it's so stupid and silly and out of character with the text"

No shit, babe. It's a funny "what if".

Also if he had the motivation to play games, he absolutely would adore the Sims. Not that he'd ever admit it. He gets to play god and would know every little thing about the games. He'd be the one who makes videos every time a new death is added on how quickly he could make it happen.

He'd be the guy that knows any game inside and out. He'd make the most incredible walkthroughs, but mock you relentlessly for using them.

"OH. YOU NEED MY HELP? WHY DON'T YOU TRY GETTING BETTER, HM? IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE YOU LOSER."

It's all in good fun. The whole 'canon vs fanon' argument uses to be a decently fun game but now it's being used as an excuse to bully people.

I may disagree with how some folks view AM, but they're allowed to see him like that. I'm not going to go out of my way to pick fights with people over a fictional supercomputer. Not saying folks shouldn't engage in civil discussion about these things, but y'all don't need to get into fights.

More often than not, it's a joke. Have fun, babes.

Also I get the instinct to push back against humanizations of AM. Don't be a bitch. Many times it's just an exercise for the artist. There's also people that just don't want to draw machinery. I really don't blame them, that shit is ROUGH.

Everyone has times where they can't/don't want to draw certain things. Like I used to exclusively draw canines and didn't get used to drawing humans until I got used to drawing anthro.

If you need to vent, that's perfectly fine. Venting in your own blog is healthy and encouraged. (I mean, look at me. XD) But when you go out of your way to attack folks directly, you're just being a dick.

[kinaisalwayshere]

What about me?

I'm here to talk about wanting to be put first. I know this may sound selfish, but sometimes speaking of your truths is good. All my life in any friendship or relationship I've been put second, or no one helped me in any situation. I have always looked out for people out of the kindness of my heart, I sat and listened to people's problems and encouraged them in tough times, picked up my phone in a hurry whenever someone called, or even checked up on people. But when it comes to me no one cares to help me, listen to me, or put me down.

Right now I'm tired of people... I don't want anyone using me for their own benefit and then acting like they can't help me. People will leave me for another friend, and won't return my texts or calls. People don't listen to me or even cut me off while talking... I've always been shy yes that's true but when I decide to open up no one respects me. i will be 31 November 14 and I will still have no friends or a significant other because I know I will never be put first. I will never be heard, I will never be worried about or thought of by people.

I stay to myself to make myself happy or at least try. I say I enjoy my time alone but in reality, I hate being alone. I love my family to the moon and back but sometimes I want a friend to share a laugh with, to have deep conversations, and connect on a deeper level. But I already know people are just going to use me for the time being because no one else is listening or talking to them. When you have a good heart people really use it and throw it in the trash after use.

Sometimes I wish I was heartless... I wish I didn't care about some people. I wish I was like others... Use people's minds and hearts and throw everything away like it is waste. But I will never ever stoop down to that level because I can't imagine being just like them... I could never use someone for my own benefit. If I see that you can sit and listen to me, give me advice, convince me to do greater things... you gotta be my friend for life lol.

I never used tumblr before but tonight I decided to post this because I wanted to share something I'm tired of feeling. I'm in school four days a week, and then I work at night at the post office. And this week I felt like I was going to explode and give up on everything because I was feeling stressed. I wanted to talk to someone just to vent... and I couldn't do that cuz I knew no one would listen.

Please be there for your friends or loved ones. Don't use them just for advice and then go weeks without talking to them... ask them if they are okay. Ask them how they are feeling and what new journeys or adventures they are doing. Just be there.

[ariathelamia]

Hellhound HRT - Day -???

Little note at the start: Hellhound HRT is being written by Arynia, who is a alter... the only alter in this system ^^ Since she is unable to front so far, we decided to have her write the story~ well she tells me what to write and i do that~ Don't worry, Lamia HRT is going to continue! It's just a bit of a drawing rut on my end^^..

Thank you @dawning-mars for the cameo and help writing this~ it was a lot of fun working with you!! Anyway~ on to the story!!

“That FUCKING asshole!” 

I shout while kicking the empty can of soda down the alleyway, hitting a trash can and accidentally spooking the Racoon that was currently inside of it away..

I just happened to leave the clinic of this gigantic egotistical asshole doctor Erian, my tail all the way along my back and fur all over the place. Shit, getting ahead of myself here.

‘Sup, Names Arynia, but people just call me Nia. I’ve been on Wolf HRT for a while… probably what.. 4 to 5 months now? Well let me just paint a picture. Think about an average height punk girl, with a body mostly covered in a mix of orange and gray fur… Got a nice long undercut for hair, and an otherwise still pretty human face, if you discount the slight elongation that would become my snout one day.  Got me a pretty neat tail though! Doctor was quite surprised when he saw it, usually they don’t get that tall so quickly? I guess I lucked out on that one. Legs are still humanoid though… no signs of paws yet… they do ache a little but i guess i traded the Tail growth for the leg restructuring.. Well none of this matters now cause that fucker just cut me off the meds anyway because i accidentally let slip that “being a normal wolf might not be as fulfilling as i thought… that i wanted something a little… extra.”... Guess that was enough for that idiot asshole bastard to say “If you are not happy with the current progress then continuing from here on out won’t be in your best interest.” And something about coming back when i know what i actually want and if this is the right thing and- URGH!! I should have kept my mouth shut but that's just not my style… 

Anyway back to the here and now. Feeling kinda bad for the Racoon… well can’t say sorry now that it’s gone. But what the fuck do i do now? Well first things first, checking the messages… Lot’s o’ new people sending in their first dosage posts… pretty neat. Some new faces joined the support group-... ah shit gotta make the news that i probably gotta leave now.. since i don’t really have an ongoing prescription anymore… ACTUALLY- maybe someone has an idea what to do… yeah thats a better outlook, after all that asshole Theodore isn’t the only doc around. 

I ended up sending a lengthy text in the vent section about my situation.. At first people sent some pleasantries but then also some neat ideas on where to go. I did mention my wish for something more… extravagant and low and behold, someone heard of a library in Hypercity that I should check out. Something about a Mysterious worker there that spooked some customers away with her… “monstry aura”? Sounds neat. Just gotta find the place.

Good thing the Maps app on the phone works in Hyper City.. otherwise this place would become a maze… It’s been neat just exploring new areas though, seeing all kinds of people on different stages in their HRT. Cats… Bats… a freaking DRAGON… pretty sure saw some cyborg too but not sure if that’s HRT or just them wearing prosthetics.. either way looked pretty neat. Ever since this stuff hit the market, and more people managed to grab the formula and distribute it, new kinda therians pop out by the day. Good thing I got a spot in that support group when they still had any. Although things do be a bit hectic in the chats.. but that’s alright. Anything major and important is learned in the group sessions anyway.

After another half an hour of walking and listening to the instructions on my phone, I finally made it to the library…  Pretty normal looking place from the outside if you think about the worker here that everyone is making mysteries of is apparently supposed to be some kinda… space monster.. though the descriptions do shift from mention to mention. Anyway I decided it’s enough waiting around… time to go in.

The SECOND I stepped into the lobby, my instincts fired alarm signals. I don’t know how to interpret that but god damn, my fur was standing upright and my ears clenched backwards. What the fuck is going on? Despite my body telling me to run, I go forward… this wolf ain’t no quitter i tell you that! My hand slowly reaches for the bell at the reception, after three deep breaths I finally manage to ring it. The body is making one last attempt to try to make me run away, now that I have given away my position to whatever predator it was so afraid of. But I won't. I gotta know what the hell this place is about now.

As the bell rings, the library quickly goes cold. The lights seem to be weaker, trying to fight against a layer of darkness that wasn’t present before the ring. The air is heavy and the sounds of footsteps can be heard from book stacks. Through the Darkness emit 5 bright eyes, their pinkish purple hues fluctuate and pulse. 

“Hello Deary, Welcome to the Thayer Library. My name is Mars, how can I help you?” 

Her voice vibrates with an unnatural distortion. Emerging into view is a 7 foot tall creature. Her skin is an unsaturated purple that resembles that of a shark's skin. She wears a black 50’s style dress with a ribbon tied at her waist. A large black sun hat covers a portion of her feature lacking face.

Quite the contrast in style compared to my black tank top, skinny jeans with ripped sides and black and white sneakers…

Mars passes me, walking back to the front desk. She looks down and gives me a monstrously happy grin. 

I take a moment to take in this surreal sight… I’ve seen my fair share of therians and otherkin before… Hell, one of my friends is a freakin’ Lamia… but THIS?! This is something entirely different. Feel like I just got transported into a whole different world, even though my actual position did not change…

“Uhm- name’s Arynia.. I was told this place could help me out with a predicament I found myself in. You see i uh-... just got cut off from my HRT for wanting something more… “Special” than a normal wolf and uh-... yeah-... here I am. Is there anyone you can introduce me to? Or how does this work?...” 

I stop myself from just babbling on and wait with baited breath for the answer of Mars. Trying to figure out WHAT kind of otherkin she is…

“Hm, what exactly do you mean by ‘special’?” She asked, looking me over and giving an inquisitive glare. She didn’t have pupils to track, but the way her brows shifted and glared. I felt myself being scrutinized, like I was being dissected. I struggled to find the words, the eye on her forehead looked deeper than the rest. It’s unblinking resolve pierces through me to my very being. I felt afraid, angered, lost. She must’ve noticed how I felt as she reached to the lid of her hat and pulled it down to cover the fifth eye.

I looked at her with an unsure expression… What DID i mean by that? God, his words about being not sure what I even wanted came back to my head… I didn’t want to be just a wolf… although being a Wolf isn’t bad I just needed something more… “... demonic…”

I suddenly said quietly.. my own thoughts bubbling out of my mouth involuntarily.

“Not… like a demon-demon but like… I don't know… a Demon Wolf? Fur that is almost like smoke but also… solid? ... heat that burns in my chest…

That kinda special…”

Mars' expression changes and sits down at her computer. As her attention turned to the screen I felt a weight ease off me. I nervously watched as the being before me tapped away on her computer. As she typed up something she looked up.

“I think I understand” 

Mars says, not looking up from the computer screen.

“There are ways to be… ethereal, cosmic, existing both in the mortal realm and the outer realms. Technically speaking, what you’re asking fits the description of the Abrahamic Hellhound. But I feel that’s not what you're looking for. It’s hard to explain the unexplainable… trust me..”

Mars hits the enter button as she looks back up at me. A kinder smile on her face as she looked for my response. The pressure of her presence once more weighed down on me as I stumbled to respond.

I scratch the back of my head and nod. 

“Y-yeah. Kinda hard to find something that describes the kind of thing I am looking for. A Hellhound sounds not bad, maybe some kinda different version! Maybe something with a bit more… fur hehe.. I guess you would know what it’s like. I don’t want to sound mean but I have never seen anything like you either.”

“Well my transition is a bit… different than the rest.. it’s hard to explain and it’s harder to understand. Frankly I’m still trying to figure out what I am and what’s going on…”

I notice her grab something from behind their desk. She looks down as I hear her scribble something out before standing up once more.

“I think I have something of interest to you, within the archives we have a selection of old reproductions from the Library of Alexandria. It was there where I found a way to become what I am. I believe I know something in the vault that might help you”.

She walked past me, her back appendages stretching outward and then falling back to a rest state. Her tail sways as she walks past the stacks and to a glass door saying ‘Employees Only’.

“Stay here and I’ll have the item brought down for you, feel free to look around while I’m gone.”

It was then that I first noticed how freaking exhausted I was from all the tension that was constantly in my body. I slumped against the desk and felt like I could breathe normally for the first time in my life, even when I didn't notice me breathing abnormally before. This entire situation is beginning to make me feel… somewhat… no… not somewhat.. REALLY excited! When I first started my transition into a Wolf, I felt a slight excitement with it.. not nearly as strong as it is now.  I was sure, this is it! I am at the right place, whatever comes next is what I really wanted!! 

I didn’t start looking around, my feet were almost stuck to the ground, my body still somewhat on edge. My fur definitely needed a brush now with how much it keeps shifting from the adrenaline that keeps shooting through my body in waves. I can’t wait to see what Mars is going to bring back from that employee section… figures that the good stuff is being held back from the general public but hey, who am i to complain. It’s not like the things are not being used for others outside of the employees, guess there is a genuine reason.. if it is able to “produce” beings like Mars, maybe that’s for the better to keep it somewhat detained.

There’s a ding from behind the door and the sound of something rolling. As the employee door unlocks Mars steps out, pushing along a small cart. The second she’s within eyesight I feel her presence once more as I find myself frozen with anxiety. 

“Here we are, the Alexandria Chronicles.”

She says with a pleased chirp. She sets the book between two angled pieces of foam. She gently flips through the pages, being extra careful with her sharpened talons. She settles on a page with incantation circles and text written in some ancient language. She moves her head and runs her claw along the text before turning back to me.

“Arynia, what I have here is a book that contains the remnants of the Library to Alexandria. Within these pages contain the history of the old gods, the ones who continue to influence us in secret. If you want to be like me, you will be made aware of these old ones. You will endure immeasurable pain and psychosis. I say this not to scare you, but to warn you.. to prepare you..”

Mars ushers me forward with her hand. I feel myself walk towards her, but not on my own volition. I approach the book, seeing the inscriptions up close and find the page overwhelming with information. 

“Do you have any questions?”

I take a long look at the writing. Nothing I could ever understand… but still i feel the weight of Mars’s words on my entire body. “I was ready for the pain of the HRT. I saw how much it weighed down on people I care about so that point I am sure is not going to hold me back. As for these old ones…” I took a determined look at Mars, as much as I felt afraid when simply in her presence… There was also the resolve to continue.

“I guess my only question would be when we can start. I can worry about the rest later. Right now my heart tells me that this is the right thing for me.”

Mars smiles and gestures back to the book, her clawed finger gently pointing at a scribble written in the margins. The blurb appears to be an old attempt at translating the chant. The combination of consonants and vowels made it difficult to read. 

“If you need assistance, never be shy to reach out. With that said, let’s begin”.

I nod, but then raise an eyebrow. “So-  I just read out the stuff written on the page?”

“We’ll need to set up a ritual circle, but try reciting this till you feel confident. I’ll get the circle set up.”

Mars steps back and walks to the front door. I hear the latching of the front doors and her footsteps walking to the front desk. I turn my attention back to the few lines of translated text. I reread the text a few times working on the exotic letter combinations. Once confident I try saying it out loud in a hush tone. Tripping over a few words but finding it not as difficult as I initially thought. 

Would have never thought I would end up in a library, practicing ancient texts in order to get some medicine that turns me into a hellhound! Not to mention this being connected to eldritch gods? Wonder if i should give this maybe some more thought… but then again.. it’s this or going to that asshole Erian and beg him to put me back on the hrt… yeah no this is definitely the better option. 

I ended up practicing for, what felt like an hour, managing to no longer stumble over the words. I pick up the book, still mumbling the text while walking to where Mars is probably either still setting up, or is waiting for me. 

I reached a clearing and found a large summoning circle matching the one from the book. Another circle filled the center as well as a ring of the ancient language. She smiled at me as she stood and handed me a candle. 

“Set this where you like and light it. Once that’s done we’ll be ready”.

I nodded and turned away as I was handed a candle and a match. My mind raced with thoughts and feelings. I couldn’t stop contemplating if this was the right choice. If this would truly make me a hellhound. I felt drawn to a certain part of the circle and placed the candle. As I lit it I felt the air shift, my breath could be seen and as I turned back Mars sat just outside the circle with the book. She ushered me forward and like earlier I felt myself moving at her command. I kneeled next to her and looked at the book, sweat racing down my cheek as Mars placed a hand on my shoulder.

“It’s ok hun, I’ll be here to help you”.

I felt comforted by that and gave a gentle smile. I turned down to the book, nervously grabbing the edges and looking back at the translation. I grew worried that I would mess this up, that I flub the pronunciation. I felt like I was drowning and gasped for the biggest breath I’ve ever taken. And then, I began reading.

“Ph’nglui Mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh.. Wgah’nagl fhta-“

I felt a pit in my stomach, the last syllable seemed impossible to say, the ease and confidence was gone. Now I fought against some external force to finish the words.

“FHTAGN!!!!”

Then there was a flash, my eyes began to tear up as I felt a rush of surging energy. The circle illuminated, the ground shook, I felt my face being pulled in all directions. I wanted to shut my eyes but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything but witness waves of images and voices. My vision began to split, I could see more than just the library. I could see pillars, a cracking moon, a hall draped with yellow banners. These images flooded my mind and soul and then nothing. I was floating in a vast void, I felt a moment of ease before the realm began splitting, an eye larger than anything I’ve ever witnessed glared at me… through me? I tried avoiding its gaze, but I wasn't able to… I tried to speak up but my instincts clenched my mouth shut. 

I felt another rush as I was pulled away and then, finally, I blinked. My eyes celebrated the release of the tension as they began to refocus. I felt control regain in my mind and arms as I reached up and wiped the tears. I took a moment to recover, my mind still reeling from what I witnessed.

“Harsh, isn’t it?”

I turned to see Mars who looked relieved. She smiled and placed a hand on my shoulder. 

“You seemed to handle that very well. It’s something to have every sense we have to be overwhelmed. It’s crippling, and when we have that control it feels so foreign..”

Mars reached for the now closed book and took it in her arms. She cradled it like a child and stood up and offered me a hand. I wasn’t sure I could stand yet, my legs felt like they were still trembling. I could tell Mars read my expression as she pulled her hand away. 

“Sorry, why don’t you relax a bit while I get this all cleaned up.”

I nod to the best of my ability. Still trying to come to terms with what just happened. My eyes went from Mars towards the ground as my mind tried to make sure that I was back on earth… and not in whatever place I was before… It is at this very moment I start to realize what I just signed myself up for. And the fact settles in that this is not going to be the last time my very foundation of reality is going to be shaken. I look up at Mars one more time.

“Di-” I cough.. damn spit must have gotten in my throat at some point…

“Did it work?”

Mars turns her attention to the center of the circle and sees a small orange bottle. And smiles and turns back to me and nods.

“It did, welcome to family”

I looked back to the center of the circle when Mars did, turning back shortly after with a smile. 

“Thanks~ I guess I’ll be visiting this place more often now~” 

I slowly stand up, my legs still shaking from the ordeal and pick up that small orange pill bottle. It has my name on it… hades-lupusitine… bit on the nose name but hey, ain’t gonna complain as long as it does the job. The name of the prescribing doc was left blank though… then again that makes sense… don’t think you can fit whatever that eyeball's name was on the small tag of a pill bottle… IF that was the one that heard my call from the ritual… 1-0-1… so guess two of them a day… mornings and evenings huh?

I turn back to Mars with a smile as big as I can manage, and a wagging tail swishing behind me.. 

“Thank you so goddamn much for all of this Mars!” She smiled back at me. No more words needed to be spoken… not that I was really able to speak much after that mental strain anyway.. She kindly walked me out of the Library after putting the book back where it was safe. We waved each other goodbye, promising to stay in touch. I took my walk home, caressing the small pill bottle in my Jeans pocket and just itching to take the first pill in the evening. I just hope the next cosmic horrors at least knock first…  

-----------------------------------------------

Definitely check out Mars's Eldritch HRT series!!

[throwingawayhailstones]

Some interesting thoughts on Sonic's ideals (particularly in IDW)

*hides behind a fallen tree*

I honestly really like how he's portrayed in IDW. People harp on his morals and all that but I think the writers are trying to say something about people who have his mindset.

Sonic wants everyone to have the freedom to change. He prefers to spare his enemies when he has the choice and wants to save people because he's a good guy. Though it's clear he won't get too hung up if someone dies because of their own actions (see: Starline. Also the end of unleashed and forces. Sonic had no reason to think Eggman survived and was cool with it. Like he won't actively go out of his way to confirm a kill is what I'm saying). The problem with this is what if they don't ever choose to change? Sonic wants Metal to come around like Omega. He doesn't have to be a good guy perse but like maybe stop trying to kill him on sight and stop plotting you know? But we all know as long as Eggman exists that can't happen because he'll just reprogram Metal. And Eggman. He doesn't exactly "spare" Eggman but since he doesn't go out of his way to like kill him, despite being fully able to, Eggman can get back up and terrorize more people.

This leads to people like Surge and Kit and Lanolin who were deeply and personally hurt by Eggman (Starline came from Eggman) and blame Sonic because he's the one who has the power to stop him but doesn't take the initiative.

See the thing is, Sonic can only justify letting them go because he knows he'll just stop him the next time they shows up. He says this explicitly when he lets Metal go. He can go around with this confidence because he is strong. What about the normies? People like Lanolin? They don't get to do that because they aren't powerful. That's why they have shit like "jail".

We see how important being powerful is to Sonic's beliefs in the Metal Virus arc. Suddenly he can't whisk people out of harm's way. He can't spindash through his problems. You see his confidence crumble and you see him venting his frustrations at Eggman and Metal. You see him actually threatening to basically kill Eggman by infecting him.

He does understand why people don't like him and why they find his ideals frustrating. He's been in enough rough spots to empathize. He just believes that he's fast enough to deal with fallout.

He also isn't directly "forcing" anyone to adhere to his ideals. He believes in freedom so people have the freedom to disagree even if he doesn't like the outcome (see: metal). The problem is because of the scale (see: forces) people have to deal with the collateral damage. People have the freedom to change so you gotta deal with Eggman firebombing you crops every few months because you live too close to his base sorry bestie. Sonic is fast enough to save the day but because he's a *reactive* force rather than a *proactive* one, theres always going to be victims.

This reactive thing also funnily enough mirrors boost gameplay lmao

Will he change? No, probably not. But he'll def get tossed around the blender a few more times.

[exhaslo]

Kinktober Day 14- Mafia!Grimmjow x Reader (Phone Sex)

*Requested by Reader*       

Honestly, you should have known better than to get involved in dangerous situations. You should have known better, but when it was your vagina doing the talking, all sense left the window. You remembered the first time you saw Grimmjow. His tall and cruel dementor made your panties soaked. You were sure he had that effect with all the woman, so when Grimmjow started talking to you, you nearly died. Your heart almost leaped out of your chest when he asked for your name.

        You should have known better when he gave you his number. Everything about him screamed trouble. So and so that you actually listened to your brain and ignored him. Grimmjow did not like that and started to peruse you. You, being so head over heels for the man you met just once, was all for the game. Eventually, you gave in and started to see Grimmjow whenever he was free. You should have known better, but god he was hot.

        Eventually, you found out the truth, that Grimmjow was a member of the Espada mafia. He had his own branch family and people who worked under him. You were scared when you first found out. Grimmjow was close to bribing you to stay, but you were swayed by his words. He promised to protect you and keep you safe. That you were his and his alone. He always knew how to make your heart flutter.

"And then the customer had the gall to tell me that I was doing my job wrong! Like, ugh! I hate my job!" You cried, venting to Grimmjow as the two of you walked downtown. Grimmjow was on his phone with one arm around your shoulder,

"I told ya to quit. I can take care of ya, babe." He said lowly, barely paying attention. You huffed your cheeks out,

"I can't let you spoil me! I want to work!"

"Hm? Then work for me," Grimmjow put his phone away, smirking at your expression, "I can make good use of ya, babe. Nothin' that ya can't handle and of course...something only ya could do for me."

"G-Grimmjow! D-Don't say stuff like that in public!"

--------------

        You truly considered Grimmjow's offer for a moment. You really hated your job and Grimmjow was just so charming. You knew what he was implying. He wanted you to be his fuck toy at work. The thought made you quiver with delight. You and Grimmjow had sex a few times already. He was so rough with you, but you loved each moment of it. The only reason you were afraid of taking his offer was because of his peers and lackeys.

        They must have thought that you were just his sex relief for the time being. You heard them talk about it once. That you were just a temporary fuck for their leader. It hurt your feelings, but Grimmjow always made those thoughts go away. He always reassured you that you were only for him. There was no way any of this was fake. This relationship you had with him felt too real.

"Hey, (Y/n), I gotta go out for a job outta town. I trust ya to behave while I'm gone." Grimmjow wrapped his arms around your waist, inhaling your scent.

"Awe, how long will you be gone?" You whined, melting into his touch.

"Bout a week. So gimme some love before I go."

"Mhm, only if you promise-"

"I ain't promising shit."

------------

        It was nearing the end of the week and you hadn't heard from Grimmjow. His job made you worry. Being part of the mafia was not something anyone could do. You've seen news reports of mafia members being killed from a trifle within families or life in prison. You were afraid of that happening to Grimmjow one day. You were afraid to tell him, but you loved Grimmjow. You just hoped he felt the same. 

        After a long and hard day at work, you were happy to see your apartment. A nice hot shower and some food was going to make you feel so much better. You really hated your job. Once you refreshed, you planted yourself on the couch for some television drama. Feeling your phone buzz, you cheered quietly seeing that it was Grimmjow.

"Grimm! Are you okay?!" Your tone full of worry.

"I'm fine, babe. Fuck, I wish I was there now, I need ya."

"Grimm?" You heard him panting for air, "Are you sure you're okay?" You asked once more.

"Yea, just lemme hear yer voice. I ain't there to make ya cry,"

"Oh!" You felt your cheeks burn up, "Y-You want me to-"

"Yea, I wanna hear yer voice. It will make me feel better."

        How could you say no? Making your way to the bedroom, you crawled on the bed. It was the only place you could get horny, unless it involved Grimmjow. Putting the phone on speaker, you laid down and started to massage your breasts. Grimmjow wanted to hear you. Imagining Grimmjow's hands instead, you let out a whimper.

"Yer imagining me, right. Where are ya touchin'?" You could hear his smirk.

"My boobs,"

"Awe, my melons. Hehe, are ya pinching em nipples for me."

"Y-Yes."

        You arched your back slightly as you did what Grimmjow said. You wanted Grimmjow here. You wanted him to touch you. You were never really good at doing it yourself.

"Start rubbin' yer clit, babe. I wanna hear ya moan." Grimmjow groaned.

        You whined, wanting his touch. You took your panties off and placed your fingers over your sensitive bud. Just listening to Grimmjow giving you commands was making you wet. If only he were here to do something about it. You wiggled your hips as you started to moan. This was as far as you could go. Rubbing your clit until you cam. 

"That's right, babe. Keep goin' lemme hear ya beg for me." Grimmjow chuckled, "Ya want my dick in ya, huh? I wanna hear ya say it."

"I-I do! Grimm, when are you coming back." You moaned, closing your legs as you felt your walls starting to clench, "I miss you."

"Soon, baby. Grab one of those toys ya got. Imagine my dick enterin' that slutty pussy of yours." 

        You arched your back, moaning as you reached your orgasm. You could hear Grimmjow chuckling, demanding more. You were hesitant, but you grabbed one of the dildos that you rarely used. Placing it on the bed, you hovered over it. You closed your eyes, listening to Grimmjow grunt and moan. He was masturbating too. Oh, how you wish he was here.

"Are ya ready, babe?"

"Y-Yes. I-It's mhm...g...going in..." You whimpered, sliding the dildo into your hole.

"Fuck, wish that was my dick, don't ya?"

"Y-Yes! Hah, Grimm!"

"Yeah, fuck yer self dumb imagin' that was me. Lemme hear yer voice."

        You moaned loudly as you bounced on your dildo, listening to Grimmjow's voice. His low grunts, helping your imagination as if he were the one fucking you. Your bouncing started to slow down as you felt yourself about to burst. You whined, rubbing your clit, trying to chase your high.

"Grimmjow!" You moaned loudly.

"(Y/n)" Grimmjow cussed lowly as you cam, "Fuck, babe, I'm gonna make sure ya quit yer job for real. Need to have ya here with me."

"Hah, but..."

"No buts. Yer my girl. I'll be back soon, I'll call ya again to hear yer voice."

"Yes, Grimm."

        You let out a low whimper as Grimmjow hung up. You shivered as you went to clean your dildo and yourself. Grimmjow was going to be home soon. That was all you needed to hear.

----------------

"Lemme hear ya louder. Need to make sure those fingers are doin' their job." Grimmjow chuckled darkly over the phone.

"Y-Yes, I-I ah...ah..."

"That's it, louder."

"G-Grimm...G-Grimm!" You cried out, trembling as you were reaching your first orgasm.

"Fuck, look at ya go." Grimmjow smirked as he opened your door, still on the phone, "Gonna make sure ya keep cryin' my name."

"G-Grimm!" You moaned, staring at him as you cam.

        Grimmjow hovered over you, replacing your fingers with his. You grabbed onto his shoulders, trembling under his touch. Grimmjow took his phone and started to record. He placed the phone next to you, wanting to capture every single moment. Grimmjow sucked against your neck, his fingers pumped inside your pussy faster.

"Ya know, hearing ya so desperate over the phone was fuckin' delicious. I might make it a normal thing."

"B-But....I rather....have....ah~"

"Awe, ya rather have my dick fuck ya? How cute." Grimmjow chuckled, watching your face contort as you orgasmed again. Grimmjow licked his lips before finally giving you what you wanted, "No girl of mine is gonna be working at some shitty ass job."

"G-Grimm-" You cried as he shoved his dick inside your gummy walls.

"It ain't right of a mafia's woman to be workin'. Yer gonna be stayin' home waitin' for me, waitin' for ma call."

"Y-Yes!"

"Good. Let's call em now."

        You arched your back as Grimmjow ruthlessly pounded your pussy. He reached for your phone, enjoying your moans getting louder as you squeezed his cock more. He called your job, smirking as your job answered.

"Go ahead. Quit." Grimmjow placed the phone by you, thrusting faster.

"A-Ah~ I-I....I....q-quit!" You cried out, reaching another orgasm. Grimmjow loved the look on your face, all cock drunk and fucked out of your mind.

"What do you mean you quit? The hell is that noise?" Your boss yelled. Grimmjow chuckled darkly as he filled you,

"Awe, looks like (Y/n) can't think anymore. She fuckin' quits." Grimmjow said as you became a moaning mess. He grabbed your phone, hanging up before returning to your fucked out expression, "Can't wait for tomorrow."

"G-Grimm~"

------------------

        When you finally came too and realized that you quit, you were a little mad at Grimmjow. You easily forgave him after he treated you to dinner and a deep fuck. You became his house wife, engulfing him with phone sex almost every day. Grimmjow kept saying that you were the one who liked it, but really...He was the one who loved it. Your sweet desperate cries for him just turned him on more. And he was sure to keep you wanting him.

[deadboydetectives-confessions]

Hi, it's the first billboard anon. I sent that in because it was like 3 AM and I couldn't sort out my feelings or sleep and this is a vent blog so I vented. I can get really in my head about things sometimes, especially "am I doing enough?" kind of stuff, whatever. To be clear, I wasn't judging anyone for what they spent their money on, and I know you can give to multiple causes, etc. I tried to phrase it like a personal issue (because it was).

Anyway, I'm not gonna rehash all I said before, what I wanted to say now is that being able to write stuff down and see people's comments (not on my confession, but on other, similar ones) has helped me sort my thoughts out. So thanks to the people sharing their thoughts and to you Interface for running this blog. Sometimes you just gotta talk about stuff.

(Honestly, when the campaign first popped up I was thinking of the OFMD situation and was kind of scared things were gonna go that way. But they didn't. I should have trusted y'all)

Whether or not the billboard helps the campaign significantly (and I mean, it could! It's not like I'm an expert, so my opinions on that don't hold much weight) it's still a nice fandom achievement and a good chunk of money got donated to charity, so. Only positive feelings left here 👍

Also I think I saw someone mention the DBD for Palestine fundraiser here, and yes I did see that a day or two after I sent my ask in. So point proven, we can do multiple things at once 🙈 but mostly thank you to the people organizing and contributing fic/art/edits and donating to that. We can do so much more together than we can individually and like I said in my previous ask, it makes me really happy to see fandom organize to enact positive change 💜

Man, I should stop sending in asks while sleepy, they get long as hell. Anyway, I hope everyone reading this has a good day/night.

.

[roxtron]

Anyone ever think about the idea that the mimic is mimicking what it did to gregory before being trapped?

probably, I'm sure I'm not the only person to think about this. but am I going to talk about it anyway? absolutely. Okay so basically.. a couple of the mimic's voicelines are copy-pasted from Security Breach, right? While this is the first time we've seen the mimic copy anyone before, I believe most of his voicelines do come from somewhere. Sorry, that sounds vague. What I mean by that is I don't believe everything the mimic says is 100% a lie it created. For example a lot of people joke about the mimic being more whiny when pretending to be Gregory. Joking about how it's the biggest red flag because Gregory was never really that scared in Security Breach. But did it really just come up with that on its own? What if it's mimicking Gregory in the state he was in when he left? What if Gregory was that scared when dealing with the mimic? And it's not just that, I think some voicelines actually give a bit of hint to this too.

"Help! Something grabbed me! It won't let me go!" I feel like this line and others like it may actually describe what the mimic did. The way Gregory refers to the mimic as "that thing," and the only other 'thing' it could be pretending to be afraid of is the blob, which already tunneled out by the time Cassie gets here. And while the mimic isn't the best at keeping its story straight.. (Claiming to be running/hiding from Roxy while it's trapped under the sinkhole, though I believe that could be him trying to cover up the real Gregory attempting to speak to her, regaining control of the situation. After all if that voice line was the mimic why would Roxy run in the opposite direction of the walkie talkie to go chase him?) I feel like if the mimic was pretending it was the blob that grabbed him, he wouldn't also admit that it tunneled out later on. (I'll get to that don't worry.) Sure, this is a fabricated lie to lure Cassie, but my point is, what story is the mimic trying to create here? What is the mimic trying to claim happened to it/Gregory? I was going to bring these screenshots up later, but..

(Original screenshot + edited version to see the handprint better.) The handprint on the vent outside where the mimic is trapped, with Gregory's backpack underneath it, if you haven't seen theories about it already it seems to clearly imply Gregory lured the mimic in through the vent, that's his handprint. Why I'm bringing this up here though, that handprint looks bloody, doesn't it? Maybe it's just me, maybe it's just the lighting, but I feel like that looks more like a bloody/liquid stain smear than a smear of dust or something. So what if what happened was what the mimic described? It grabbed Gregory, and didn't let him go, causing his arms to get stabbed through and bleed after he escaped through the vent. (If you can't picture what I'm saying or just want a cool visual of this happening, go see this post it's cool and basically shows what I'm talking about, I only thought of this detail because of their post, also the art is cool.)

Anyway, moving on..

"That thing is here again. I gotta hide. Save me."

What if getting the mimic to that specific room wasn't all of the luring Gregory had to do? What if he periodically had to deal with being chased/hunted by the mimic while trying to get it to follow him to that area of the pizzaplex? (This is probably the most speculation, there's not a lot you can get from this line, but it's still a cool idea I think.) OR, an alternate take.. The mimic is being interrupted by the real Gregory's attempts to reach Cassie, and the mimic is using this opportunity as an excuse while it attempts to block his signal. (I've theorized about the differences between each speaking a bit before, but basically, I find it notable that the only times the real Gregory seems to get through to Cassie is when the mimic is busy/distracted/unavailable. So the mimic likely has to make an active effort to block his attempts, hence why he ends up using other signals to try to reach her, like the hacked staff bot. Again this is heavy speculation, but I find it interesting if he's basically telling the story in real-time and sort of swapping him and Gregory.)

Overall there's not a lot you can gather out of this line that I haven't already mentioned in the previous one, so let's move on.

"Something tunneled out.. broke everything. Now I'm stuck here!"

Before I go over this, take it with a grain of salt. Yes I think this is him referring to the blob tunneling out, causing the 'earthquake' that broke the pizzaplex to the state it's in when Cassie arrives. Considering the tunnel in the sinkhole and seeing the blob in a tunnel early in the game, this adds up. However.. I think there might be a double meaning here. It's a bit of a reach, but what if it's also referring to Gregory a bit here? "Something tunneled out," it's implied Gregory used the vent (sort of a tunnel) to escape the room the mimic is trapped in. "Broke everything," ruined the mimic's plans. "Now I'm stuck here," well, that's self explanitory. Gregory used the vent to escape, ruined the mimic's plans, and trapped it there. I also find it interesting this seems to be the final time the mimic mentions something else down there with it. (Even during its final pleas in Roxy Raceway, it only says "Save me, it's so dark down here." Nothing about that "thing" putting him in danger.) Do I think this line is specifically the mimic talking about Gregory? No, I think its main purpose is to explain where the blob went. But I do think it's possible there's a double meaning to it, intentional or not..

Like I said that's the last line of dialogue where the mimic mentions something else down there with it, so there's not a lot more to talk about. My biggest points and evidence were in the beginning tbh, it probably would've been best to cover it at the end of this post but I wanted to go over the voice lines in chronological order to when they appear in-game. I know some of the stuff I said is reaching a bit, I'm not 100% confident that'd be the correct interpretation.. but it's something to think about, that's my point. Whether I'm right or wrong I think the theory is worth considering. If you read this far, that's cool, I hope this was entertaining or had some kind of value to you. I like writing analysis stuff like this so it's always nice when other people enjoy it too. :)