#gotta vent and don't really want people to see

[ebbarights]

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[erdariel]

is it really too much asked to have a life I could be happy to live? a life that felt like I had a future worth waiting to see? a life that doesn't include me lying on the bed in the dark with shame and worry and sadness and self-hatred wrapping cold around my guts when i can't yet sleep but am too restless to concentrate on anything i could do to distract nyself?

[medicinemane]

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[thethingything]

fun fact: if you hang out on space weather related forums you can see several comments a week from people panicking about the possibility of another Carrington Event (which is understandable and honestly I'm glad they're at least asking space weather nerds and not random conspiracy theorists or whatever), ranging from people asking for reassurance and thanking everyone for explaining stuff to them, to people calling everyone on the forum insane and acting like they're celebrating the end of the world because they're excited about maybe seeing more aurora when there's a large solar flare

[lucyvaleheart]

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[dimiclaudeblaigan]

Poked my head into some of @mysticdragon3md3′s thoughts regarding popularity with DimiClaude fanon and am happy to say I’m here to Talk (tee em).

I also saw the post from the user saying why they were falling out of love for the ship, and... yeah. The people they’re talking about, the generalized group of people who do certain things, definitely bother me as well.

I love that you pointed out Claude is not flirty and is just playful. It’s not the DimiClaude fandom alone unfortunately with that though - it’s the entire fanbase that views him as a flirt. And, according to Twitter, a slut. Yeah. Yeah. I know what they... “mean”... but it is still not him.

Them being annoyed with each other is also fanon and a very strange one. Never in Houses did Dimitri come across as being annoyed or bothered by him. In fact, they have friendly banter! Dimitri doesn’t get specifically exasperated at Claude, but that’s just more so how he is as a person and he sometimes doesn’t understand playfulness. That said, he does not berate Claude the way he berates others. There’s one instance I can think of where he berated Claude and that was in the DLC when they were talking to Aelfric for the first time.

In Hopes, same deal in AG. In fact, he’s quite fond of Claude in AG. GW itself was a well discussed mess in a lot of ways, and even then as a ship they didn’t have a lot of negativity. If nothing else it was an odd opposite, because even as enemies when Claude admitted he couldn’t defeat Dimitri alone, Dimitri just basically laughed, smirked and walked away. That’s like... the worst of their relationship in GW and it’s extremely mellow.

I think part of the problem some dmcl fans are facing are the fanon version of the ship rather than what they’re like in canon. It is definitely true that part of the dmcl fandom has absolutely warped the ship into being something it really isn’t and never was in canon. There’s also this whole thing about Dimitri being the dominant, feisty one with Claude being the uwu blushy one and it’s just... not them. Not as a pair canonically, and not individually. When Dimitri gets “dominant”, he’s, uh, not in a good mental state. It’s a mental illness that makes him like that and personally I’ve never appreciated seeing people use it for a kink for a ship. Normally I’d say people can like what they want, but I get the feeling a lot of dmcl fans have absolutely pushed their views onto others and driven fans away.

I will also say have absolutely, 150% come across those kinds of fans. The ones who refuse to listen to anyone else, but if your headcanons don't vibe with them then you’re just completely “wrong”. Not only do they portray the canon characterization poorly if portraying it at all, but they tend to also bring it down a racist route, which is... beyond ironic considering they should be the last ship that deals with that based on their characters and stories.

Engage kinda went wonky with a good few things regarding the previous lords, so I don’t see Dimitri being like that as some kind of definite canon. Actually, even in Heroes their interactions are friendly and calm. The “worst” banter they had was their swim alts, while on the opposite end we have the brave alts who apparently hang out together outside of the castlegrounds, and for so long that they can’t be of any help in a search for someone (which like lol how long you gotta be gone to have no idea and can’t help at all lmao).

I think people see outside-Houses canon scenes like those and just... decide it’s their actual canon. Dimitri is not, in any way, actually mean to Claude in canon. That is unfortunately a very popular fanon. In Houses especially, when Dimitri doesn’t know Claude well in the mock battle he’s more like ummm hey Claude your defenses are open what are you even doing, more than being like ugh Claude you’re so annoying. In the real version of that mock battle though, a good few months had passed and their battle quotes are significantly more approachable and they clearly have respect for each other. Dimitri knows Claude likes to fuck around and be goofy sometimes, and he picked up on that and played along with it in the JP version (in the English version he simply picks up on it, but there’s no anger whatsoever and it’s just more oh okay I get it).

As far as Engage goes, ultimately I just see it more as an extremely condensed version of their mannerisms, and yes, they for some reason, especially in the localized versions, try to keep up the whole rival shtick when Dimitri never even felt that way about Claude, and he never gets truly annoyed at Claude. Ffs, in canon Dimitri literally drops everything after retaking his home from the Empire/TWS, and runs to go save Claude. Literally. The next day. While Claude is a little tsun about it (!), Dimitri is just “come on let’s go hurry hurry no slowing down pick up the pace we are saving Claude”, and that’s basically him the entire chapter except with the Arundel specific stuff. When he talks to Claude one on one, there is literally not a single shred whatsoever in any plausible way or in any damn universe any tension from Dimitri to Claude. He just wants to know he’s okay and relaxes once he knows Claude isn’t hurt. I mean literally, no, like... that’s them, in canon, in their Natural Habitat together and I have no fucking clue how the portrayal of them in fanon got so insanely warped beyond recognition.

Also, Engage kinda dropped the ball with a lot of stuff with the other lords. Hell, they’ve been unable to keep Ike’s character consistent throughout all of his non-canon appearances (Awakening didn’t seem too bad, but Fates was pretty awful for example. They can’t seem to really understand the character they’re writing anymore, and idk if it’s just because the writers have changed and such/aren’t the same as Tellius’ games had, or they just don’t care to keep him consistent).

They also try to make Sigurd sound wise and super helpful in every single solitary iteration of him outside of FE4 which is honestly just obnoxious as fuck lmao. Sigurd was naive, foolish, overly trusting, and far too kind and gentle for his own good. It ultimately was what led to him following orders blindly, having blind faith that his king was righteous and would give him the right orders (without realizing the court was very much in disarray during his absence and with several other prominent court figures away because of the war). Sigurd was too quick to believe in the good in humanity and that things would work out, and it led to him not realizing how wrong he was until it was way too late and he had to take shelter in a foreign country to avoid having to fight the same people’s armies who had the court’s ear.

Basically Sigurd is nothing like they write him to be in every. single. solitary. iteration. outside of FE4. 

(SPOILER here just in case you care lol. Or anyone who is reading this. Or if you’re someone who somehow does not know about the biggest known spoiler in the whole game) He has one little section of potential dialogue (i.e. it’s triggered by a very specific condition) that shows somehow ghosty Sigurd has grown more wise and understanding ??? while being dead ??? and somehow learned while being dead that the world do be full of grief and Stuff. (END SPOILER)

So they pretty much took like, two lines of dialogue from FE4 and made it Sigurd’s entire fucking character forever in every single game he’s been in since. If nothing else, let that be your insight on never to trust content you see outside of a character’s original game. At that point it’s simply fanservice because they don’t even know their own characters. If they wanted to write even a semblance of Actual In Game Sigurd’s Personality And Not Two Lines Of Dialogue That Are Completely Optional And Quite Honestly HIDDEN, it would be very easy and reasonable to do so. They choose not to, and then we get what they did with Houses’ lords.

Another portrayal I see too often is that Dimitri and Claude... argue??? I won’t lie, their Heroes summer alts was the very first time they even seemed to “argue”, and it was mostly just goofy nonsense that means nothing because they’re literally alts in swimsuits, and it wasn’t really them being vicious at each other. Meanwhile in canon, they’re always very calm and able to talk through their problems - even in fucking Hopes in the GW route. Even in the worst possible circumstances for them to be in, that is, as enemies, they were still able to talk it through. Barring Claude’s written in idiocy so he could be a mouthpiece for Edelgard and do her bidding by invading the Kingdom (which was literally nothing but plot convenience because Actual Claude would’ve reasoned his way out of doing that), even in the worst possible situation, they still called a truce and still worked things out verbally, calmly and peacefully.

Point being, this whole cat fight dmcl portrayal isn’t even remotely close to their canon selves, and normally I’d say, you know, like what you want and enjoy your ships how you want... but it’s pretty much almost entirely the people who view the ship that way that uh, attack people who don’t agree with them or insult them/laugh at them for seeing the ship differently. These are the people who make you feel bad, for enjoying a fictional ship of two pixelated characters kissing, because you don’t like the concepts in their head more than the way you’ve interpreted the canonical characters.

To be totally frank, I have a visceral hatred for the fanon portrayal of dmcl because it makes Dimitri out to be terrible and makes Claude some kind of punching bag for Dimitri in various forms. There comes a point where it’s like, you ship something and then there’s the point where you ship two characters you made up in your head, who aren’t the same characters you first started to ship, because you’ve warped them so extensively that they became nothing but a person’s OCs with their faces and some similar backstory elements at best.

[yoharrysaidshe]

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[no-one-hears-me]

man a few years ago this blog was bumping and idk if it's more embarrassing to post now or back then

[genderqueerdykes]

A transmasc experience i gotta vent about is infanilization. That combined with being autistic makes it so hard for people to treat me like an adult. my friend tried bringing me to a kink event but the organizers didnt let me into the Acual Party because i didnt seem experienced enough. she said it was transmisogynistic because they didn't want to let her bring "something for herself" but it just felt like noody sees me as a person. even when she was upset about the issue, she didnt talk to me like an adult either. the organizers of the event never even talked to me, and only communicated with me through her.

Being transmasc just makes it so hard for people to take me serioisly

i'm so sorry that happened to you, people are really letting this behavior get out of hand. it happens to so many of us, no matter how masculine we are. transphobic people find out you're transmasc and they instantly jump to viewing you as a cis woman and it couldn't be more obvious. the transandrophobia and misogyny is palpable and people don't seem to care when they do this. it's not progressive to treat transmasc people like this

[mixterglacia]

"oh, ellison would have hated these new IHNMAIMS fans! they don't get it!"

Babe. He literally went on record to say he despises all of his fans. Dude was a piss ant over everyone.

He hates you too, we aren't special.

Also for those getting all twisted up over folks saying AM would make a great teenage girl, you gotta realize that it's a joke. I'm autistic and I see that it's a very obvious bit.

Beyond that, let's be real. AM is just a TEENAGER regardless of gender. He has the vitriol and rhetoric of a teen boy with the pettiness of a teen girl (if we're speaking in a strictly stereotypical manner)

He figured out how to blow raspberries. He boos and hisses at the groups private moments.

Dude's an oversized teen.

Also I really don't get why people are so up in arms about folks joking that he would be a big fan of the Sims. "Oh it's so stupid and silly and out of character with the text"

No shit, babe. It's a funny "what if".

Also if he had the motivation to play games, he absolutely would adore the Sims. Not that he'd ever admit it. He gets to play god and would know every little thing about the games. He'd be the one who makes videos every time a new death is added on how quickly he could make it happen.

He'd be the guy that knows any game inside and out. He'd make the most incredible walkthroughs, but mock you relentlessly for using them.

"OH. YOU NEED MY HELP? WHY DON'T YOU TRY GETTING BETTER, HM? IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE YOU LOSER."

It's all in good fun. The whole 'canon vs fanon' argument uses to be a decently fun game but now it's being used as an excuse to bully people.

I may disagree with how some folks view AM, but they're allowed to see him like that. I'm not going to go out of my way to pick fights with people over a fictional supercomputer. Not saying folks shouldn't engage in civil discussion about these things, but y'all don't need to get into fights.

More often than not, it's a joke. Have fun, babes.

Also I get the instinct to push back against humanizations of AM. Don't be a bitch. Many times it's just an exercise for the artist. There's also people that just don't want to draw machinery. I really don't blame them, that shit is ROUGH.

Everyone has times where they can't/don't want to draw certain things. Like I used to exclusively draw canines and didn't get used to drawing humans until I got used to drawing anthro.

If you need to vent, that's perfectly fine. Venting in your own blog is healthy and encouraged. (I mean, look at me. XD) But when you go out of your way to attack folks directly, you're just being a dick.

[kinaisalwayshere]

What about me?

I'm here to talk about wanting to be put first. I know this may sound selfish, but sometimes speaking of your truths is good. All my life in any friendship or relationship I've been put second, or no one helped me in any situation. I have always looked out for people out of the kindness of my heart, I sat and listened to people's problems and encouraged them in tough times, picked up my phone in a hurry whenever someone called, or even checked up on people. But when it comes to me no one cares to help me, listen to me, or put me down.

Right now I'm tired of people... I don't want anyone using me for their own benefit and then acting like they can't help me. People will leave me for another friend, and won't return my texts or calls. People don't listen to me or even cut me off while talking... I've always been shy yes that's true but when I decide to open up no one respects me. i will be 31 November 14 and I will still have no friends or a significant other because I know I will never be put first. I will never be heard, I will never be worried about or thought of by people.

I stay to myself to make myself happy or at least try. I say I enjoy my time alone but in reality, I hate being alone. I love my family to the moon and back but sometimes I want a friend to share a laugh with, to have deep conversations, and connect on a deeper level. But I already know people are just going to use me for the time being because no one else is listening or talking to them. When you have a good heart people really use it and throw it in the trash after use.

Sometimes I wish I was heartless... I wish I didn't care about some people. I wish I was like others... Use people's minds and hearts and throw everything away like it is waste. But I will never ever stoop down to that level because I can't imagine being just like them... I could never use someone for my own benefit. If I see that you can sit and listen to me, give me advice, convince me to do greater things... you gotta be my friend for life lol.

I never used tumblr before but tonight I decided to post this because I wanted to share something I'm tired of feeling. I'm in school four days a week, and then I work at night at the post office. And this week I felt like I was going to explode and give up on everything because I was feeling stressed. I wanted to talk to someone just to vent... and I couldn't do that cuz I knew no one would listen.

Please be there for your friends or loved ones. Don't use them just for advice and then go weeks without talking to them... ask them if they are okay. Ask them how they are feeling and what new journeys or adventures they are doing. Just be there.

[throwingawayhailstones]

Some interesting thoughts on Sonic's ideals (particularly in IDW)

*hides behind a fallen tree*

I honestly really like how he's portrayed in IDW. People harp on his morals and all that but I think the writers are trying to say something about people who have his mindset.

Sonic wants everyone to have the freedom to change. He prefers to spare his enemies when he has the choice and wants to save people because he's a good guy. Though it's clear he won't get too hung up if someone dies because of their own actions (see: Starline. Also the end of unleashed and forces. Sonic had no reason to think Eggman survived and was cool with it. Like he won't actively go out of his way to confirm a kill is what I'm saying). The problem with this is what if they don't ever choose to change? Sonic wants Metal to come around like Omega. He doesn't have to be a good guy perse but like maybe stop trying to kill him on sight and stop plotting you know? But we all know as long as Eggman exists that can't happen because he'll just reprogram Metal. And Eggman. He doesn't exactly "spare" Eggman but since he doesn't go out of his way to like kill him, despite being fully able to, Eggman can get back up and terrorize more people.

This leads to people like Surge and Kit and Lanolin who were deeply and personally hurt by Eggman (Starline came from Eggman) and blame Sonic because he's the one who has the power to stop him but doesn't take the initiative.

See the thing is, Sonic can only justify letting them go because he knows he'll just stop him the next time they shows up. He says this explicitly when he lets Metal go. He can go around with this confidence because he is strong. What about the normies? People like Lanolin? They don't get to do that because they aren't powerful. That's why they have shit like "jail".

We see how important being powerful is to Sonic's beliefs in the Metal Virus arc. Suddenly he can't whisk people out of harm's way. He can't spindash through his problems. You see his confidence crumble and you see him venting his frustrations at Eggman and Metal. You see him actually threatening to basically kill Eggman by infecting him.

He does understand why people don't like him and why they find his ideals frustrating. He's been in enough rough spots to empathize. He just believes that he's fast enough to deal with fallout.

He also isn't directly "forcing" anyone to adhere to his ideals. He believes in freedom so people have the freedom to disagree even if he doesn't like the outcome (see: metal). The problem is because of the scale (see: forces) people have to deal with the collateral damage. People have the freedom to change so you gotta deal with Eggman firebombing you crops every few months because you live too close to his base sorry bestie. Sonic is fast enough to save the day but because he's a *reactive* force rather than a *proactive* one, theres always going to be victims.

This reactive thing also funnily enough mirrors boost gameplay lmao

Will he change? No, probably not. But he'll def get tossed around the blender a few more times.

[ariathelamia]

Hellhound HRT - Day -???

Little note at the start: Hellhound HRT is being written by Arynia, who is a alter... the only alter in this system ^^ Since she is unable to front so far, we decided to have her write the story~ well she tells me what to write and i do that~ Don't worry, Lamia HRT is going to continue! It's just a bit of a drawing rut on my end^^..

Thank you @dawning-mars for the cameo and help writing this~ it was a lot of fun working with you!! Anyway~ on to the story!!

“That FUCKING asshole!” 

I shout while kicking the empty can of soda down the alleyway, hitting a trash can and accidentally spooking the Racoon that was currently inside of it away..

I just happened to leave the clinic of this gigantic egotistical asshole doctor Erian, my tail all the way along my back and fur all over the place. Shit, getting ahead of myself here.

‘Sup, Names Arynia, but people just call me Nia. I’ve been on Wolf HRT for a while… probably what.. 4 to 5 months now? Well let me just paint a picture. Think about an average height punk girl, with a body mostly covered in a mix of orange and gray fur… Got a nice long undercut for hair, and an otherwise still pretty human face, if you discount the slight elongation that would become my snout one day.  Got me a pretty neat tail though! Doctor was quite surprised when he saw it, usually they don’t get that tall so quickly? I guess I lucked out on that one. Legs are still humanoid though… no signs of paws yet… they do ache a little but i guess i traded the Tail growth for the leg restructuring.. Well none of this matters now cause that fucker just cut me off the meds anyway because i accidentally let slip that “being a normal wolf might not be as fulfilling as i thought… that i wanted something a little… extra.”... Guess that was enough for that idiot asshole bastard to say “If you are not happy with the current progress then continuing from here on out won’t be in your best interest.” And something about coming back when i know what i actually want and if this is the right thing and- URGH!! I should have kept my mouth shut but that's just not my style… 

Anyway back to the here and now. Feeling kinda bad for the Racoon… well can’t say sorry now that it’s gone. But what the fuck do i do now? Well first things first, checking the messages… Lot’s o’ new people sending in their first dosage posts… pretty neat. Some new faces joined the support group-... ah shit gotta make the news that i probably gotta leave now.. since i don’t really have an ongoing prescription anymore… ACTUALLY- maybe someone has an idea what to do… yeah thats a better outlook, after all that asshole Theodore isn’t the only doc around. 

I ended up sending a lengthy text in the vent section about my situation.. At first people sent some pleasantries but then also some neat ideas on where to go. I did mention my wish for something more… extravagant and low and behold, someone heard of a library in Hypercity that I should check out. Something about a Mysterious worker there that spooked some customers away with her… “monstry aura”? Sounds neat. Just gotta find the place.

Good thing the Maps app on the phone works in Hyper City.. otherwise this place would become a maze… It’s been neat just exploring new areas though, seeing all kinds of people on different stages in their HRT. Cats… Bats… a freaking DRAGON… pretty sure saw some cyborg too but not sure if that’s HRT or just them wearing prosthetics.. either way looked pretty neat. Ever since this stuff hit the market, and more people managed to grab the formula and distribute it, new kinda therians pop out by the day. Good thing I got a spot in that support group when they still had any. Although things do be a bit hectic in the chats.. but that’s alright. Anything major and important is learned in the group sessions anyway.

After another half an hour of walking and listening to the instructions on my phone, I finally made it to the library…  Pretty normal looking place from the outside if you think about the worker here that everyone is making mysteries of is apparently supposed to be some kinda… space monster.. though the descriptions do shift from mention to mention. Anyway I decided it’s enough waiting around… time to go in.

The SECOND I stepped into the lobby, my instincts fired alarm signals. I don’t know how to interpret that but god damn, my fur was standing upright and my ears clenched backwards. What the fuck is going on? Despite my body telling me to run, I go forward… this wolf ain’t no quitter i tell you that! My hand slowly reaches for the bell at the reception, after three deep breaths I finally manage to ring it. The body is making one last attempt to try to make me run away, now that I have given away my position to whatever predator it was so afraid of. But I won't. I gotta know what the hell this place is about now.

As the bell rings, the library quickly goes cold. The lights seem to be weaker, trying to fight against a layer of darkness that wasn’t present before the ring. The air is heavy and the sounds of footsteps can be heard from book stacks. Through the Darkness emit 5 bright eyes, their pinkish purple hues fluctuate and pulse. 

“Hello Deary, Welcome to the Thayer Library. My name is Mars, how can I help you?” 

Her voice vibrates with an unnatural distortion. Emerging into view is a 7 foot tall creature. Her skin is an unsaturated purple that resembles that of a shark's skin. She wears a black 50’s style dress with a ribbon tied at her waist. A large black sun hat covers a portion of her feature lacking face.

Quite the contrast in style compared to my black tank top, skinny jeans with ripped sides and black and white sneakers…

Mars passes me, walking back to the front desk. She looks down and gives me a monstrously happy grin. 

I take a moment to take in this surreal sight… I��ve seen my fair share of therians and otherkin before… Hell, one of my friends is a freakin’ Lamia… but THIS?! This is something entirely different. Feel like I just got transported into a whole different world, even though my actual position did not change…

“Uhm- name’s Arynia.. I was told this place could help me out with a predicament I found myself in. You see i uh-... just got cut off from my HRT for wanting something more… “Special” than a normal wolf and uh-... yeah-... here I am. Is there anyone you can introduce me to? Or how does this work?...” 

I stop myself from just babbling on and wait with baited breath for the answer of Mars. Trying to figure out WHAT kind of otherkin she is…

“Hm, what exactly do you mean by ‘special’?” She asked, looking me over and giving an inquisitive glare. She didn’t have pupils to track, but the way her brows shifted and glared. I felt myself being scrutinized, like I was being dissected. I struggled to find the words, the eye on her forehead looked deeper than the rest. It’s unblinking resolve pierces through me to my very being. I felt afraid, angered, lost. She must’ve noticed how I felt as she reached to the lid of her hat and pulled it down to cover the fifth eye.

I looked at her with an unsure expression… What DID i mean by that? God, his words about being not sure what I even wanted came back to my head… I didn’t want to be just a wolf… although being a Wolf isn’t bad I just needed something more… “... demonic…”

I suddenly said quietly.. my own thoughts bubbling out of my mouth involuntarily.

“Not… like a demon-demon but like… I don't know… a Demon Wolf? Fur that is almost like smoke but also… solid? ... heat that burns in my chest…

That kinda special…”

Mars' expression changes and sits down at her computer. As her attention turned to the screen I felt a weight ease off me. I nervously watched as the being before me tapped away on her computer. As she typed up something she looked up.

“I think I understand” 

Mars says, not looking up from the computer screen.

“There are ways to be… ethereal, cosmic, existing both in the mortal realm and the outer realms. Technically speaking, what you’re asking fits the description of the Abrahamic Hellhound. But I feel that’s not what you're looking for. It’s hard to explain the unexplainable… trust me..”

Mars hits the enter button as she looks back up at me. A kinder smile on her face as she looked for my response. The pressure of her presence once more weighed down on me as I stumbled to respond.

I scratch the back of my head and nod. 

“Y-yeah. Kinda hard to find something that describes the kind of thing I am looking for. A Hellhound sounds not bad, maybe some kinda different version! Maybe something with a bit more… fur hehe.. I guess you would know what it’s like. I don’t want to sound mean but I have never seen anything like you either.”

“Well my transition is a bit… different than the rest.. it’s hard to explain and it’s harder to understand. Frankly I’m still trying to figure out what I am and what’s going on…”

I notice her grab something from behind their desk. She looks down as I hear her scribble something out before standing up once more.

“I think I have something of interest to you, within the archives we have a selection of old reproductions from the Library of Alexandria. It was there where I found a way to become what I am. I believe I know something in the vault that might help you”.

She walked past me, her back appendages stretching outward and then falling back to a rest state. Her tail sways as she walks past the stacks and to a glass door saying ‘Employees Only’.

“Stay here and I’ll have the item brought down for you, feel free to look around while I’m gone.”

It was then that I first noticed how freaking exhausted I was from all the tension that was constantly in my body. I slumped against the desk and felt like I could breathe normally for the first time in my life, even when I didn't notice me breathing abnormally before. This entire situation is beginning to make me feel… somewhat… no… not somewhat.. REALLY excited! When I first started my transition into a Wolf, I felt a slight excitement with it.. not nearly as strong as it is now.  I was sure, this is it! I am at the right place, whatever comes next is what I really wanted!! 

I didn’t start looking around, my feet were almost stuck to the ground, my body still somewhat on edge. My fur definitely needed a brush now with how much it keeps shifting from the adrenaline that keeps shooting through my body in waves. I can’t wait to see what Mars is going to bring back from that employee section… figures that the good stuff is being held back from the general public but hey, who am i to complain. It’s not like the things are not being used for others outside of the employees, guess there is a genuine reason.. if it is able to “produce” beings like Mars, maybe that’s for the better to keep it somewhat detained.

There’s a ding from behind the door and the sound of something rolling. As the employee door unlocks Mars steps out, pushing along a small cart. The second she’s within eyesight I feel her presence once more as I find myself frozen with anxiety. 

“Here we are, the Alexandria Chronicles.”

She says with a pleased chirp. She sets the book between two angled pieces of foam. She gently flips through the pages, being extra careful with her sharpened talons. She settles on a page with incantation circles and text written in some ancient language. She moves her head and runs her claw along the text before turning back to me.

“Arynia, what I have here is a book that contains the remnants of the Library to Alexandria. Within these pages contain the history of the old gods, the ones who continue to influence us in secret. If you want to be like me, you will be made aware of these old ones. You will endure immeasurable pain and psychosis. I say this not to scare you, but to warn you.. to prepare you..”

Mars ushers me forward with her hand. I feel myself walk towards her, but not on my own volition. I approach the book, seeing the inscriptions up close and find the page overwhelming with information. 

“Do you have any questions?”

I take a long look at the writing. Nothing I could ever understand… but still i feel the weight of Mars’s words on my entire body. “I was ready for the pain of the HRT. I saw how much it weighed down on people I care about so that point I am sure is not going to hold me back. As for these old ones…” I took a determined look at Mars, as much as I felt afraid when simply in her presence… There was also the resolve to continue.

“I guess my only question would be when we can start. I can worry about the rest later. Right now my heart tells me that this is the right thing for me.”

Mars smiles and gestures back to the book, her clawed finger gently pointing at a scribble written in the margins. The blurb appears to be an old attempt at translating the chant. The combination of consonants and vowels made it difficult to read. 

“If you need assistance, never be shy to reach out. With that said, let’s begin”.

I nod, but then raise an eyebrow. “So-  I just read out the stuff written on the page?”

“We’ll need to set up a ritual circle, but try reciting this till you feel confident. I’ll get the circle set up.”

Mars steps back and walks to the front door. I hear the latching of the front doors and her footsteps walking to the front desk. I turn my attention back to the few lines of translated text. I reread the text a few times working on the exotic letter combinations. Once confident I try saying it out loud in a hush tone. Tripping over a few words but finding it not as difficult as I initially thought. 

Would have never thought I would end up in a library, practicing ancient texts in order to get some medicine that turns me into a hellhound! Not to mention this being connected to eldritch gods? Wonder if i should give this maybe some more thought… but then again.. it’s this or going to that asshole Erian and beg him to put me back on the hrt… yeah no this is definitely the better option. 

I ended up practicing for, what felt like an hour, managing to no longer stumble over the words. I pick up the book, still mumbling the text while walking to where Mars is probably either still setting up, or is waiting for me. 

I reached a clearing and found a large summoning circle matching the one from the book. Another circle filled the center as well as a ring of the ancient language. She smiled at me as she stood and handed me a candle. 

“Set this where you like and light it. Once that’s done we’ll be ready”.

I nodded and turned away as I was handed a candle and a match. My mind raced with thoughts and feelings. I couldn’t stop contemplating if this was the right choice. If this would truly make me a hellhound. I felt drawn to a certain part of the circle and placed the candle. As I lit it I felt the air shift, my breath could be seen and as I turned back Mars sat just outside the circle with the book. She ushered me forward and like earlier I felt myself moving at her command. I kneeled next to her and looked at the book, sweat racing down my cheek as Mars placed a hand on my shoulder.

“It’s ok hun, I’ll be here to help you”.

I felt comforted by that and gave a gentle smile. I turned down to the book, nervously grabbing the edges and looking back at the translation. I grew worried that I would mess this up, that I flub the pronunciation. I felt like I was drowning and gasped for the biggest breath I’ve ever taken. And then, I began reading.

“Ph’nglui Mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh.. Wgah’nagl fhta-“

I felt a pit in my stomach, the last syllable seemed impossible to say, the ease and confidence was gone. Now I fought against some external force to finish the words.

“FHTAGN!!!!”

Then there was a flash, my eyes began to tear up as I felt a rush of surging energy. The circle illuminated, the ground shook, I felt my face being pulled in all directions. I wanted to shut my eyes but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything but witness waves of images and voices. My vision began to split, I could see more than just the library. I could see pillars, a cracking moon, a hall draped with yellow banners. These images flooded my mind and soul and then nothing. I was floating in a vast void, I felt a moment of ease before the realm began splitting, an eye larger than anything I’ve ever witnessed glared at me… through me? I tried avoiding its gaze, but I wasn't able to… I tried to speak up but my instincts clenched my mouth shut. 

I felt another rush as I was pulled away and then, finally, I blinked. My eyes celebrated the release of the tension as they began to refocus. I felt control regain in my mind and arms as I reached up and wiped the tears. I took a moment to recover, my mind still reeling from what I witnessed.

“Harsh, isn’t it?”

I turned to see Mars who looked relieved. She smiled and placed a hand on my shoulder. 

“You seemed to handle that very well. It’s something to have every sense we have to be overwhelmed. It’s crippling, and when we have that control it feels so foreign..”

Mars reached for the now closed book and took it in her arms. She cradled it like a child and stood up and offered me a hand. I wasn’t sure I could stand yet, my legs felt like they were still trembling. I could tell Mars read my expression as she pulled her hand away. 

“Sorry, why don’t you relax a bit while I get this all cleaned up.”

I nod to the best of my ability. Still trying to come to terms with what just happened. My eyes went from Mars towards the ground as my mind tried to make sure that I was back on earth… and not in whatever place I was before… It is at this very moment I start to realize what I just signed myself up for. And the fact settles in that this is not going to be the last time my very foundation of reality is going to be shaken. I look up at Mars one more time.

“Di-” I cough.. damn spit must have gotten in my throat at some point…

“Did it work?”

Mars turns her attention to the center of the circle and sees a small orange bottle. And smiles and turns back to me and nods.

“It did, welcome to family”

I looked back to the center of the circle when Mars did, turning back shortly after with a smile. 

“Thanks~ I guess I’ll be visiting this place more often now~” 

I slowly stand up, my legs still shaking from the ordeal and pick up that small orange pill bottle. It has my name on it… hades-lupusitine… bit on the nose name but hey, ain’t gonna complain as long as it does the job. The name of the prescribing doc was left blank though… then again that makes sense… don’t think you can fit whatever that eyeball's name was on the small tag of a pill bottle… IF that was the one that heard my call from the ritual… 1-0-1… so guess two of them a day… mornings and evenings huh?

I turn back to Mars with a smile as big as I can manage, and a wagging tail swishing behind me.. 

“Thank you so goddamn much for all of this Mars!” She smiled back at me. No more words needed to be spoken… not that I was really able to speak much after that mental strain anyway.. She kindly walked me out of the Library after putting the book back where it was safe. We waved each other goodbye, promising to stay in touch. I took my walk home, caressing the small pill bottle in my Jeans pocket and just itching to take the first pill in the evening. I just hope the next cosmic horrors at least knock first…  

-----------------------------------------------

Next

Definitely check out Mars's Eldritch HRT series!!

[eva-does-its-best]

can you shut the fuck up youre making all trans guys look bad so fucking annoying. insane that u cant handle any fucking criticism whatsoever lol holy shit. whole ass fucking paragraph. gotta put that evil mean trans woman in her place right. god forbid someone gets frustrated at being consistently shit on by people in her community. im gonna be so real rn and say that as trans guys / tme people we have it so much easier its actually insane (coming from someone whos been thru corrective rape when i was 12 after i came out as a trans guy btw! theres my fucking pound of flesh. jesus.) not even rly trying to convince u but u just piss me the fuck off annoying as fuck

First off: So sorry about what happened to you, my most sincere condolences. It's the only thing I can really give, hope your life gives you enough peace and happyness to allow you to live with such an event.

Second:

You're making all trans guys look bad

I'm not a trans guy, I'm a transmasc, very different, a difference you should if not care about at least keep in mind if you want to respect less binary forms of masculinity. I don't speak as nor speak for trans guys, because I am not one, maybe if you actually read what I write you would know.

Insane that you can't handle any fucking criticism

Criticism where? Let me be absolutely blunt and sincere: All I see in the posts I replied to is tired, scared and hurt people who cope with said feelings by turning their vents into everyone else's problems.

I vent a fucking lot, everyone can see that, but when I vent I am sincere and point the source of my pain, how I feel, why I feel that way, and which people I believe reinforce it. What I don't do is go out of my way to involve people who have nothing to do with it or with how I feel.

Trust me I know how they feel, and the way they are dealing with it is incredibly self-destructive and I want nothing more than for them to get out of that shitty mental state that hurts them so they can feel better and have a slightly better life and emotional responses to the world.

Whole ass fucking paragraph

Yeah, that is how one transmits ideas. Shocking.

Gotta put that evil mean trans woman in her place right

I've replied to a couple posts so I don't know which one you're talking about, but I've no clue about the gender of the people who I replied to, I simply replied to shitty ideas, don't care who's behind them.

Pretty lame that you try to make this a gender war, don't you think?

God forbid someone gets frustrated at being consistently shit on by people in her community

"her" ok so this is you personally defending someone you know, I can tell.

Statement goes both ways don't you think? You think this is just for fun?? Yeah let's start a conflict that is affecting the lives of real people for fun!

We are fucking tired of the mockery, the disrespect, and the extreme policing of transmasc and trans men's language and experiences by people who have no say in them.

Do you care about that too or are you a hypocrite? Because when I reply to people's shit-ass posts I do in fact care about them otherwise I'd ignore em and let em keep hurting themselves.

"Oh but these ones attacked this person" I. Don't. Give. A. Fuck. There are shitheads everywhere, in every opinion and side of any conflict. There are gonna be shitheads who use this as an excuse to attack people of a certain particular gender they already had something against, it is irrelevant to the ideas exposed. Let's not act like there isn't a whole plethora of posts about killing transmasc please, you SHOULD care avout that too.

As transmascs/tme people we have it so much easier

You're free to have an opinion about your own experiences and I have no horse in that race. HOWEVER:

•You're not the only transmasc in the world and your opinion is very clearly not a universal truth, so don't you dare spit on everyone else's experiences by deciding what's true and what's not without counting with them.

• In your dumbass dychotomy of "tma/tme" transmasc are not the only ones put on the "tme" label and the same way I cannot talk about YOUR experiences you have no fucking right to talk about everyone else's experiences specially the ones from other identities and lives that you did not get to be or experience.

•Without dipping my toes in your opinion or your experiences I profoundly disagree with you.

• Lastly, WHO THE FUCK CARES WHO HAS IT WORSE?! WE'RE ALL FUCKING HURT AND BROKEN WE'RE LITERALLY KILLED IN THIS WORLD FOR JUST EXISTING, YOU WANT A COMPETITION??? GO FIGHT FOR TRANS PEOPLE'S RIGHTS TO COMPETE IN SPORTS INSTEAD OF CREATING OPRESSION OLYMPICS. GET YOUR COMFY ASS OUT OF YOUR INTERNET ARMCHAIR AND GO SEE WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE WORLD FFS.

There's my fucking pound of flesh. jesus.

Again so sorry you had to go through that, but you realize the whole point of this is to be able to have words for those specific forms of opression and awful events right?? To have experiences like that respected and treated with the seriousness they deserve right??? That is what we want.

You experienced transandrophobia, and the people you're defending right now don't want you to have a word for it, or allow only words picked by them as if they had any right to speak for you. Respect yourself more, man.

Not even rly trying to convince u but u just piss me the fuck off annoying as fuck

Hey at least you're honest, good. I don't give a fuck though, if you wanna keep hating me I have good news for you: I don't plan to ever shut the fuck up, enjoy.

The one person you hate is not me anyway, that is plain obvious... but that's a you thing to try and work on.

Sayonara dude👋🏻

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

(( HAI IT'S ME THE LIME LEAF ANON WHO ALWAYS TYPES INSANELY LONG SUBMISSIONS AND ONLY TYPES IN CAPS . SORRY THIS IS REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY LONG BUT I PUT MY ENTIRE HEART AND SOUL AND MANY MANY HOURS INTO WRITING THIS SO I THINK IT'S WORTH IT ))

(( AND JUST WANNA CLARIFY, I'M AWARE THAT EMPATHY , SYMPATHY , COMPASSION , GUILT , AND CARING ARE 5 DIFFERENT THINGS BUT ALTHOUGH THE DSM ONLY REQUIRES LOW EMPATHY IT'S SUPER COMMON FOR PWNPD TO LACK THE OTHERS AS WELL. SO WHEN I REFER TO "EMPATHY" I'M USING IT AS A CATCH-ALL TERM FOR ANY KIND OF SADNESS OR FEELING BAD OVER SOMEONE'S SUFFERING AND WHEN I REFER TO "EMPATHS" I MEAN PEOPLE WHO CONSISTENTLY, NATURALLY AND APPROPRIATELY FIND OTHERS' SUFFERING UPSETTING ))

NPD CULTURE IS WISHING THERE WAS ACTIVISM SPECIFICALLY TARGETED AT NARCISSISTS. BECAUSE TELL ME WHY 90% OF ACTIVISM IS JUST "IF YOU DON'T FEEL AWFUL AND MISERABLE FOR THESE STARVING CHILDREN THEN YOU'RE A TERRIBLE DISGUSTING SUBHUMAN CREATURE AND DESERVE TO DIE. BUT IF YOU DO FEEL BAD AND HELP THEM YOU'RE JUST NORMAL AND DON'T DESERVE ANYTHING SPECIAL" LIKE TRYING TO APPEAL TO EMPATHY 99% OF THE TIME ISN'T GONNA WORK ON US BECAUSE WE'RE NARCS.

AND LIKE WTF. I'M SO TIRED OF EVERY ACTIVIST I SEE DEMONISING A LACK OF EMPATHY AND NEVER SHOWING APPRECIATION TO THOSE WHO DO CHOOSE TO ADVOCATE.

MY FRIEND WITH NPD LITERALLY GOT A CALLOUT MADE ON THEM ON TWT FOR SAYING THEY ARE UNABLE TO FEEL EMPATHY OR CARE FOR THOSE SUFFERING IN PALESTINE ON DISCORD IN A LITERAL VENT CHANNEL . LIKE WE HAVE SERIOUSLY GOTTA START NORMALISING SELFISH ACTIVISM BECAUSE YOU GUYS CAN'T JUST PICK AND CHOOSE WHEN YOU WANT TO SEE PEOPLE WITH LOW EMPATHY AS PEOPLE

I BELIEVE THAT SOMEONE NOT WANTING TO ADVOCATE DOESN'T MAKE THEM A BAD PERSON, THEY JUST AREN'T BEING ADVERTISED THE RIGHT MOTIVATION. AND DEMONISING + DEHUMANISING PEOPLE WHO DON'T DON'T PREACH YOUR ACTIVISM IS GENUINELY NOT GONNA HELP YOUR CAUSE AT ALL PLEASE FIND A HEALTHY WAY TO MOTIVATE PEOPLE 😭 AND AS PWNPD WE HAVE A LOT LESS EMPATHY THAN OTHER PEOPLE. SO THAT'S NOT REALISTICALLY GONNA MOTIVATE US TO HELP

AND THIS IS WHERE MY CONCEPT OF NARC-TARGETED ACTIVISM COMES IN. BECAUSE OF HOW OUR MINDS FUNCTION, APPEALING TO EMPATHY IS NOT REALISTICALLY GONNA WORK ON US. BUT HELPING PEOPLE IS GOOD AND AWESOME AND NICE AND I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD DO THAT SO WE NEED TO FIND OTHER STRATEGIES TO MARKET ACTIVISM TO NARCS

IT IS HUMAN NATURE TO ONLY DO SOMETHING IF IT BENEFITS YOU IN SOME WAY. EVEN WITH EMPATHY, YOU'RE STILL BENEFITTING FROM SHOWING SUPPORT AND CARE TO OTHERS. IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER TO SHOW COMPASSION AND SYMPATHY BECAUSE YOU'RE MIRRORING THEIR EMOTIONS AND YOU CAN FEEL THEM TOO. HUMAN NATURE IS INHERENTLY SELFISH BECAUSE WE ONLY FEEL DRIVEN TO HELP OTHERS WHEN WE CAN FEEL THEIR PAIN. TAKE AWAY THE ABILITY TO FEEL OTHERS' PAIN AND THE ONLY WAY TO MARKET ACTIVISM TO SOMEONE IS TO TELL THEM HOW THEY CAN BENEFIT FROM IT. CLASSIC ADVERTISING :)

YOU'RE STILL TREATING THEM LIKE A HUMAN AND YOU'RE HEALTHILY MOTIVATING SOMEONE TO BE AN ACTIVIST!!!! GOOD JOB! EVERYONE IS HAPPY AND EVERYONE IS GETTING THEIR NEEDS MET 👏👏👏👏🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

AND IN A WORLD WHERE SHOWING EMPATHY IS SEEN AS SOME MANDATORY MORAL LAW AND A LACK OF IT IS VIEWED AS DEPLORABLE AND EVIL, FOR SOME REASON KINDLY ASKING FOR SUPPORT WITHOUT GUILT TRIPPING OR DEHUMANISING PEOPLE WHO DON'T HELP IS SEEN AS..... DEGRADING YOURSELF?? ????? ? !!? I'M SORRY THAT YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE ENTITLED TO EMPATHY AND COMPASSION BUT IF YOU SERIOUSLY NEED HELP THEN YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER THAT NOT EVERYONE FEELS EMPATHY LIKE YOU DO AND Those PEOPLE ARE ATILL PEOPLE ???! AND THEY'RE CAPABLE OF HELPING TOO !!! IF YOU CAN PROPERLY ADVERTISE TO THEIR DESIRES WITHOUT USING SUCH AN EMPATHY-CENTRIC APPROACH !

“I AM IN AN UNSAFE ENVIRONMENT AND NEED TO ESCAPE BEFORE I DIE. YOU NEED TO FEEL TERRIBLE OR ELSE YOU'RE A BAD PERSON. IF YOU DON'T DONATE OR REBLOG YOU'RE AND DISGUSTING AND NOT HUMAN”

“I'm suffering and in pain and I would never forget your kindness if you helped me. just a reblog or donation would mean the world to me. you could be the person I thank for making it to tomorrow.”

ME PERSONALLY AS A PWNPD I THINK IT IS SO MUCH MORE MOTIVATING IF YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I'M SPECIAL AND IMPORTANT AND CHARITABLE FOR CHOOSING TO HELP RATHER THAN TREATING EVERYONE WHO DOESN'T HELP LIKE THEY'RE REPULSIVE AND NOT HUMAN WHILE SHOWING ZERO APPRECIATION TO THOSE WHO DO BECAUSE THEY "DON'T DESERVE PRAISE JUST FOR BEING A DECENT HUMAN"

LITERALLY WHAT IS UP WITH PEOPLE AND DEHUMANISING US I HEAR IT CONSTANTLY IN ANY ACTIVISM LIKE I'M NOT FUCKING EXAGGERATING THAT'S ALMOST ALWAYS THEIR TALKING POINT

AND YOU SHOULD NOT DO THAT ACTUALLY !!!!!!! #1 IT'S ABLEIST #2 GUILT TRIPPING ACTIVISM MIGHT WORK ON EMPATHS BUT IS TOTALLY INEFFECTIVE ON PW LOW EMPATHY AND DEPENDING ON THEIR LEVEL OF GUILT THEY'LL EITHER FEEL LIKE A SHITTY PERSON FOR NOT CARING ENOUGH TO DO ANYTHING . OR THEY'LL GET PISSED OFF . OR THEY WILL JUST SIMPLY NOT FUCKING CARE AT ALL AND NGL I DON'T THINK YOU WANT ANY OF THOSE TO HAPPEN !!!!!!!!!!

AND NOW ...... BEHOLD ... THE NARC–FRIENDLY NARC–TARGETED ACTIVIST POST YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR . ...... . ..

BTW PLEAZ TELL ME HOW MOTIVATING IT IS FOR YOU GUYS IN THE NOTES I NEED FEEDBACK AND SUGGESTIONS TO BETTER MARKET ACTIVISM TO MORE DEMOGRAPHICS OF NARCISSISTS

╞════════════════════╡

NPD CULTURE IS ADVOCATING AND SPREADING AWARENESS OF PALESTINE TO BE A GOOD PERSON FOR SELFISH REASONS. NPD CULTURE IS BELIEVING THAT BEING A GOOD PERSON FOR SELFISH REASONS IS STILL BEING A GOOD PERSON.

I DON'T CARE HOW SELFISH YOUR REASONING IS, YOUR GOODNESS IS VALUED IN THIS WORLD AND SOMEONE OUT THERE ADMIRES YOU FOR IT.

MAYBE YOU'RE AFRAID PEOPLE WILL CRITICISE YOU FOR BEING SILENT.

MAYBE YOU FEEL SUPERIOR TO OTHERS FOR BEING SUCH A GOOD PERSON.

MAYBE YOU'RE DOING IT JUST FOR OTHERS TO LIKE YOU.

MAYBE YOU'RE DOING IT BECAUSE ALTHOUGH YOU DON'T ACTUALLY CARE, YOU KNOW IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO AND OTHERS ADMIRE MORALITY.

OR MAYBE YOU'RE JUST DOING IT CAUSE YOU'D FEEL LIKE A BAD PERSON IF YOU DIDN'T.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IF YOU CAN BARELY FEEL EMPATHY OR CARE FOR THE PEOPLE OF GAZA, OR EVEN IF YOU FEEL NONE AT ALL. THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON.

BUT DOING YOUR BEST TO HELP THEM IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO, AND TRUST ME, DOING THE RIGHT THING BENEFITS YOU A LOT.

I DON'T CARE IF YOU GROAN IN YOUR HEAD EVERY TIME YOU REBLOG AN AWARENESS POST OR FUNDRAISER. I DON'T CARE IF YOU GENUINELY COULDN'T CARE LESS AND HAVE THE URGE TO JUST SCROLL.

DO IT ANYWAYS. DO IT SO YOU CAN FEEL SUPERIOR TO EVERYONE FOR BEING A GOOD PERSON. DO IT SO EVERYONE THINKS HIGHLY OF YOU FOR BEING SO ALTRUISTIC AND CHARITABLE.

IT DOESN'T MATTER. ANY REASON IS A GOOD ONE TO DO THE RIGHT THING.

STILL DON'T REALLY FEEL LIKE IT? JUST IMAGINE WHAT EVERYONE WOULD THINK IN THEIR HEADS ABOUT YOU IF YOU DID.

“... WOW, THEY'RE REBLOGGING SO MANY POSTS ABOUT PALESTINE. EVEN I DON'T REBLOG THAT MANY ACTIVISM POSTS. SUCH A HUMANITARIAN... I REALLY ADMIRE PEOPLE LIKE THAT.”

“WAIT. HUH? THEIR BIO SAYS... THEY HAVE NPD.”

“REALLY? WOULDN'T THEY STRUGGLE WITH EMPATHY THEN? OR SYMPATHY, COMPASSION, AND GUILT?”

“WHAT IF... THEY DIDN'T FEEL A SINGLE OUNCE OF CARE OR EMOTION FOR THOSE PEOPLE...

BUT STILL MADE THE CHOICE TO HELP THEM ANYWAYS?”

“CARING AND FEELING BAD HAS ALWAYS COME NATURALLY FOR ME. I MEAN, I'VE MADE THE CHOICE TO HELP PEOPLE WHEN I DIDN'T HAVE TO BEFORE, BUT THAT WAS ONLY BECAUSE I FELT SOMETHING.”

“I FELT THEIR PAIN AND SADNESS. I FELT AWFUL FOR THEM, LIKE I NEEDED TO MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER.”

“THIS PERSON DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF THOSE FEELINGS... YET STILL MADE THE CHOICE TO BE GOOD.”

“MAN, THAT'S BETTER THAN I AM.”

“IF I DIDN'T HAVE ANY EMPATHY I'D BE SUCH A DICK.”

“THEY PUT EVEN THE MOST ALTRUISTIC PEOPLE TO SHAME — BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY, THEY'RE ONLY BEING THAT KIND BECAUSE THEIR FEELINGS DRIVE THEM TO DO IT.”

“TAKE AWAY ALL THEIR EMPATHY AND THOSE "ALTRUISTS" WOULD PROBABLY ALL BE DICKS TOO.”

“JUST IMAGINE SOMEONE HAVING A DISORDER THAT DETERS THEM FROM DOING THE RIGHT THING...”

“BUT GOING OUT OF THEIR WAY TO DO IT ANYWAYS”

“MEANWHILE EVERYONE ELSE NATURALLY DOES THE EXACT SAME WITHOUT TRYING.”

“IT'S FUNNY,”

“EVERYONE PLACES FEELING EMPATHY ON THIS MORAL PEDESTAL”

“BUT WILL NEVER SHOW EMPATHY TOWARDS SOMEONE WHO LACKS IT.”

“AND WE DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO BE KIND WITHOUT FEELING EMPATHY”

“BUT THEY DO.”

“THEY HAVE TO LEARN”

“THEY HAVE TO PUT IN EFFORT TO BE KIND.”

“BUT WE DON'T.”

“THEY'RE A BETTER PERSON THAN ANY OF US.”

“NARCISSISTS MUST BE THE ONLY TRULY KIND PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD...”

“I ADMIRE THAT PERSON”

“I'D GIVE THEM THE WHOLE WORLD IF I COULD.”

— 🍋‍🟩🍃

PS

(THIS APPLIES TO EVERY CAUSE OF ACTIVISM, I ONLY SPECIFICALLY TALKED ABOUT PALESTINE SINCE IT'S SUCH A COMMON EXAMPLE + EXPRESSING IT VAGUELY WOULD GREATLY WEAKEN MY MESSAGE.

ANY REASON THAT MOTIVATES YOU TO BE KIND AND HELP OTHERS IS A GOOD ONE.

I BELIEVE ALL THIS STRONGLY BUT UNFORTUNATELY I COULD NEVER POST THIS ON MY BLOG OR ACTUALLY SAY THIS TO ANYONE EVER OR ELSE THE EGOTYPICALS WILL TRY AND HUNT ME DOWN LIKE THE SALEM WITCH TRIALS BECAUSE I GUESS SEEING LOW EMPATHY PEOPLE AS HUMANS IS TOO WOKE OF A TAKE FOR THEM

I LOVE YOU ALL PLEASE SPREAD KINDNESS AND JOY)

PPS

(( MY BIGGEST FEAR IS ADMIN GOING "I'M NOT READING ALLAT" ONE DAY AND STRAIGHT UP JUST NOT POSTING A SUBMISSION 💀 I'M SO SORRY MAN I'M HYPERVERBAL I CAN'T HELP ACCIDENTALLY WRITING AN ESSAY FROM TRYING TO CONVEY A SINGULAR IDEA I WANTED TO SAY 💔💔💔💔

(( BUT LIKE I SPENT Actual Fucking Hours WRITING THIS LIKE LITERALLY THE ENTIRE DAY !!!! /vsrs GUYS I'M NOT EVEN GETTING AN ENGLISH GRADE FOR THIS GUYS PLEASE APPRECIATE THIS EXTREMELY INFORMATIVE AND CONCISE AND BENEFICIAL ESSAY GUYS PLEASE PLEASE I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER AND KISS THE GROUND YOU WALK ON YOU WOULD BE SO AWESOME AND AMAZING AND SUPERIOR IF YOU INTERACTED WITH THIS POST BECAUSE I'M BEING VULNERABLE AND DESPERATE SO IT'S LIKE GIVING MONEY TO THE HOMELESS IT'S SO ALTRUISTIC AND EVERYONE WILL ADORE YOU FOR IT . PEOPLE IN THE NOTES PLEASE GIVE PRAISE AND GRATITUDE TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO INTERACTED WITH THIS POST FFOR GOING OUT OF THEIR WAY TO BE SO GENEROUS AND ALTRUISTIC 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 ))

(( I'M USING MY SELF AWARENESS OF NPD COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS TO MANIPULATE EVERYONE INTO BEING NICE TO ME USING THE SAME EXACT LOGIC I'D USE TO CONVINCE MYSELF I'M ALWAYS RIGHT AND I'M ALWAYS BETTER THAN EVERYONE EVER NO MATTER WHAT ))

(( BUT GUYS THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW IT'S ACTUALLY #TRUE OKAY I'M USING MY MARKETING STRATEGY TO ADVERTISE HOW SUPERIOR IT'D MAKE YOU AND I LOVE MY TITLE OF BEING SUPERIOR BUT I'M ACTUALLY GIVING IT TO YOU FOR REBLOGGING SINCE YOU DESERVE IT FOR BEING SO NICE TO ME AND YOUR KINDNESS MAKES YOU BETTER THAN EVERYONE ACTUALLY AND I LOVE YOU ))

PPS

(( ALSO HEY UH ADMIN . WHEN YOU'RE ADDING THE ID TEXT COULD YOU PLEASE HIDE THE PPS UNDER A CUT CAUSE I DON'T WANNA SCARE AWAY MY POTENTIAL CUSTOMERS WITH TOO MUCH UNNECESSARY YAPPING . THE MARKET IS QUITE PICKY !!! YOUR ADVERTISING COULD BE OTHERWISE FLAWLESS AND THEY'LL STILL ALL FIND SOME SILLY REASON NOT TO BUY LIKE ADDING TOO MANY UNNECESSARY THINGS . TOUGH LIFE OUT HERE FOR A BUSINESSMAN (FEMININE) ))

(( OH .. OH SHIT ADMIN I JUST REMEMBERED YOU WRITE ALL MY ID TEXT MANUALLY I'M ACTUALLY SO FUCKING SORRY 😭 ))

(( IF I REALISE THIS HAS ANY MISTAKES AFTER I SUBMIT THIS I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL MYSELF BRO 💞💞💞💞🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈 /not literal ))

(( BTW TO THOSE WHO READ ALL OF THIS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I WILL SMOOCH THE GROUND YOU WALK ON YOU'RE SO AWESOME FOR BEING SO NICE DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE ))

[pt: (( hai it's me the lime leaf anon who always types insanely long submissions and only types in caps . sorry this is really really really really long but i put my entire heart and soul and many many hours into writing this so i think it's worth it ))

(( and just wanna clarify, i'm aware that empathy , sympathy , compassion , guilt , and caring are 5 different things but although the dsm only requires low empathy it's super common for pwnpd to lack the others as well. so when i refer to "empathy" i'm using it as a catch-all term for any kind of sadness or feeling bad over someone's suffering and when i refer to "empaths" i mean people who consistently, naturally and appropriately find others' suffering upsetting ))

npd culture is wishing there was activism specifically targeted at narcissists. because tell me why 90% of activism is just "if you don't feel awful and miserable for these starving children then you're a terrible disgusting subhuman creature and deserve to die. but if you do feel bad and help them you're just normal and don't deserve anything special" like trying to appeal to empathy 99% of the time isn't gonna work on us because we're narcs. and like wtf. i'm so tired of every activist i see demonising a lack of empathy and never showing appreciation to those who do choose to advocate.

my friend with npd literally got a callout made on them on twt for saying they are unable to feel empathy or care for those suffering in palestine on discord in a literal vent channel . like we have seriously gotta start normalising selfish activism because you guys can't just pick and choose when you want to see people with low empathy as people

i believe that someone not wanting to advocate doesn't make them a bad person, they just aren't being advertised the right motivation. and demonising + dehumanising people who don't don't preach your activism is genuinely not gonna help your cause at all please find a healthy way to motivate people 😭 and as pwnpd we have a lot less empathy than other people. so that's not realistically gonna motivate us to help

and this is where my concept of narc-targeted activism comes in. because of how our minds function, appealing to empathy is not realistically gonna work on us. but helping people is good and awesome and nice and i think everyone should do that so we need to find other strategies to market activism to narcs

it is human nature to only do something if it benefits you in some way. even with empathy, you're still benefitting from showing support and care to others. it makes you feel better to show compassion and sympathy because you're mirroring their emotions and you can feel them too. human nature is inherently selfish because we only feel driven to help others when we can feel their pain. take away the ability to feel others' pain and the only way to market activism to someone is to tell them how they can benefit from it. classic advertising :)

you're still treating them like a human and you're healthily motivating someone to be an activist!!!! good job! everyone is happy and everyone is getting their needs met 👏👏👏👏🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

and in a world where showing empathy is seen as some mandatory moral law and a lack of it is viewed as deplorable and evil, for some reason kindly asking for support without guilt tripping or dehumanising people who don't help is seen as….. degrading yourself?? ????? ? !!? i'm sorry that you feel like you're entitled to empathy and compassion but if you seriously need help then you have to consider that not everyone feels empathy like you do and those people are atill people ???! and they're capable of helping too !!! if you can properly advertise to their desires without using such an empathy-centric approach !

“i am in an unsafe environment and need to escape before i die. you need to feel terrible or else you're a bad person. if you don't donate or reblog you're and disgusting and not human”

“i'm suffering and in pain and i would never forget your kindness if you helped me. just a reblog or donation would mean the world to me. you could be the person i thank for making it to tomorrow.”

me personally as a pwnpd i think it is so much more motivating if you make me feel like i'm special and important and charitable for choosing to help rather than treating everyone who doesn't help like they're repulsive and not human while showing zero appreciation to those who do because they "don't deserve praise just for being a decent human"

literally what is up with people and dehumanising us i hear it constantly in any activism like i'm not fucking exaggerating that's almost always their talking point

and you should not do that actually !!!!!!! #1 it's ableist #2 guilt tripping activism might work on empaths but is totally ineffective on pw low empathy and depending on their level of guilt they'll either feel like a shitty person for not caring enough to do anything . or they'll get pissed off . or they will just simply not fucking care at all and ngl i don't think you want any of those to happen !!!!!!!!!!

and now …… behold … the narc–friendly narc–targeted activist post you've all been waiting for . …… . ..

btw pleaz tell me how motivating it is for you guys in the notes i need feedback and suggestions to better market activism to more demographics of narcissists

╞════════════════════╡

npd culture is advocating and spreading awareness of palestine to be a good person for selfish reasons. npd culture is believing that being a good person for selfish reasons is still being a good person.

i don't care how selfish your reasoning is, your goodness is valued in this world and someone out there admires you for it.

maybe you're afraid people will criticise you for being silent.

maybe you feel superior to others for being such a good person.

maybe you're doing it just for others to like you.

maybe you're doing it because although you don't actually care, you know it's the right thing to do and others admire morality.

or maybe you're just doing it cause you'd feel like a bad person if you didn't.

it's not your fault if you can barely feel empathy or care for the people of gaza, or even if you feel none at all. that doesn't make you a bad person.

but doing your best to help them is the right thing to do, and trust me, doing the right thing benefits you a lot.

i don't care if you groan in your head every time you reblog an awareness post or fundraiser. i don't care if you genuinely couldn't care less and have the urge to just scroll.

do it anyways. do it so you can feel superior to everyone for being a good person. do it so everyone thinks highly of you for being so altruistic and charitable.

it doesn't matter. any reason is a good one to do the right thing.

still don't really feel like it? just imagine what everyone would think in their heads about you if you did.

“… wow, they're reblogging so many posts about palestine. even i don't reblog that many activism posts. such a humanitarian… i really admire people like that.”

“wait. huh? their bio says… they have npd.”

“really? wouldn't they struggle with empathy then? or sympathy, compassion, and guilt?”

“what if… they didn't feel a single ounce of care or emotion for those people…

but still made the choice to help them anyways?”

“caring and feeling bad has always come naturally for me. i mean, i've made the choice to help people when i didn't have to before, but that was only because i felt something.”

“i felt their pain and sadness. i felt awful for them, like i needed to make them feel better.”

“this person didn't have any of those feelings… yet still made the choice to be good.”

“man, that's better than i am.”

“if i didn't have any empathy i'd be such a dick.”

“they put even the most altruistic people to shame — because at the end of the day, they're only being that kind because their feelings drive them to do it.”

“take away all their empathy and those "altruists" would probably all be dicks too.”

“just imagine someone having a disorder that deters them from doing the right thing…”

“but going out of their way to do it anyways”

“meanwhile everyone else naturally does the exact same without trying.”

“it's funny,”

“everyone places feeling empathy on this moral pedestal”

“but will never show empathy towards someone who lacks it.”

“and we don't even know how to be kind without feeling empathy”

“but they do.”

“they have to learn”

“they have to put in effort to be kind.”

“but we don't.”

“they're a better person than any of us.”

“narcissists must be the only truly kind people in this world…”

“i admire that person”

“i'd give them the whole world if i could.”

— 🍋‍🟩🍃

ps

(this applies to every cause of activism, i only specifically talked about palestine since it's such a common example + expressing it vaguely would greatly weaken my message.

any reason that motivates you to be kind and help others is a good one.

i believe all this strongly but unfortunately i could never post this on my blog or actually say this to anyone ever or else the egotypicals will try and hunt me down like the salem witch trials because i guess seeing low empathy people as humans is too woke of a take for them

i love you all please spread kindness and joy)

pps

(( my biggest fear is admin going "i'm not reading allat" one day and straight up just not posting a submission 💀 i'm so sorry man i'm hyperverbal i can't help accidentally writing an essay from trying to convey a singular idea i wanted to say 💔💔💔💔

(( but like i spent actual fucking hours writing this like literally the entire day !!!! /vsrs guys i'm not even getting an english grade for this guys please appreciate this extremely informative and concise and beneficial essay guys please please i'll love you forever and kiss the ground you walk on you would be so awesome and amazing and superior if you interacted with this post because i'm being vulnerable and desperate so it's like giving money to the homeless it's so altruistic and everyone will adore you for it . people in the notes please give praise and gratitude to every single person who interacted with this post ffor going out of their way to be so generous and altruistic 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 ))

(( i'm using my self awareness of npd cognitive distortions to manipulate everyone into being nice to me using the same exact logic i'd use to convince myself i'm always right and i'm always better than everyone ever no matter what ))

(( but guys that's how you know it's actually #true okay i'm using my marketing strategy to advertise how superior it'd make you and i love my title of being superior but i'm actually giving it to you for reblogging since you deserve it for being so nice to me and your kindness makes you better than everyone actually and i love you ))

pps

(( also hey uh admin . when you're adding the id text could you please hide the pps under a cut cause i don't wanna scare away my potential customers with too much unnecessary yapping . the market is quite picky !!! your advertising could be otherwise flawless and they'll still all find some silly reason not to buy like adding too many unnecessary things . tough life out here for a businessman (feminine) ))

(( oh .. oh shit admin i just remembered you write all my id text manually i'm actually so fucking sorry 😭 ))

(( if i realise this has any mistakes after i submit this i'm gonna fucking kill myself bro 💞💞💞💞🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈 /not literal ))

(( btw to those who read all of this i love you so much i will smooch the ground you walk on you're so awesome for being so nice don't let anyone tell you otherwise ))]