#gotta die properly | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yippie-madness · 26 days ago

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do you love me?

#no matter what i say; i will always love you; i will always love you #the cure keeping me alive tonight i guess #wanna die woo haha #but the methods ive got acsess to are ass and not horrific enough #gotta die properly #gotta kill myself well haha #*whatever words i say [not no matger what i say im stupid]

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crowliphale · 23 days ago

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Traditional stuff agaig

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yardsards · 7 months ago

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people love an "i'll take care of you" "it's rotten work" "not to me, not if it's you" character dynamic until the character who needs to be taken care of is disabled. then it's supposedly fucked up and toxic for a person to have to take care of someone else.

#eliot posts #this is continuing off that last post i reblogged #that time i was like ''aw tumblr is out of new posts for this character i like. reddit is empty too. lemme check twitter''#BIG MISTAKE #i had to see the hot take of #''it's fucked up to ship this because character A had to be character B's caretaker. that's basically slavery.''#LIKE BRUH???#have you. ever met a couple where one of them is disabled and needs a caretaker? bc that's a very real thing that happens and it's not toxi #honestly usually the risk in those situations is the power the caretaker nay have over their disabled partner #but that imbalance can be properly navigated #and is not a concern in these two characters' case bc there is a very clear mutual respect there #caregiver fatigue is a real problem too of course but that's ALSO something that can be successfully navigated #and in these particular characters' case doesn't seem like it would be an issue because like #character b also has professional caretakers who will likely continue to be part of his life if needed #(and the money to hire more if not)#like it's okay to not like the ship #maybe the age gap of someone in their 20s w someone in the equivalent of their 30s squicks you out #maybe you monogamously ship one or both of them w someone else #maybe you think their dynamic is way more interesting from a platonic angle than from a romantic one #maybe you just aren't interested in their dynamic #those are all fair points! i'm not even ride or die for that ship myself #but jesus fucking christ you don't gotta be ableist about it #oh or the equally bad take i saw on there of #''character a could never be attracted to character b. he just sees char b as a sick dying old dog that he needs to take care of''#like no! character a clearly respects and values character b! they are friends! the issue is just that YOU see character b as a dying dog.

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platypusisnotonfire · 1 month ago

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In one hour I'm gonna be 30.

I never thought I would see 20.

I text my brother, "do you feel young or do you feel old?"

we have orbited the sun the same amount of times. We have gone around the sun so many times apart that I'm not sure who either of us are any more. We have gone around the sun so many times together that I know we are only two halves of one person.

I am 4 years old I am 22 I am 17 I am 1000 years old and Oh so tired I am 6 and oh so scared and I need to know what the other half of us makes of the situation that we are experiencing in two different countries but together.

"I've felt old for years." he responds

Me too.

But also

I don't know if I'll ever be older than 7 and figuring out how to make us toast.

#how the hell do I even tag this #aging #I guess #trauma?#that's for sure #i know everyone goes through a version of this there is no one that turns 30 without some sort of a situation #a reaction #a revelation #idk #30 is a big one #I just can't help but feel i'm having a worse response than most #could just be main character syndrome honestly i'm probably just experienceing being human and being like omg my life is worse than everyon #and like no i get it that in many ways my life is not as bad as so so so so so many other people #I just ....#I feel like I have not emotionally moved on from being a very mature for my age 7 year old #that everyone praised for being so mature and an old soul and so capable #when literally it was like well my brother and I will starve and die If i don't step up so i'm gonna sort this.#every time I do my laundry I feel echos of the panic I felt then trying to figure it out #and I press any sorrt of random buttons until the machine turns on #I never learned to cook properly past the childhood 'gotta feed us' phase and I've survived sure but the idea of using an oven #or a real stovetop terrifies me #I microwave shit #and make sandwiches and salads #I havn't died but i'm definitly malnourished my vitamin intake is wildly abysmal #every time I'm doing a grown up task that I should be capable of as a freaking 30 year old I get this anxiety of #I wish a grown up would help me with this #like I panic I'm doing it wrong and i'm gonna get punished for my wrong laundry selections #or the way i'm sweeping the floor #how often am I supposed to be changin the vacuum bags #oh shit I EXPLODED the vaccuum bag I guess it was more often than that

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mamawasatesttube · 5 months ago

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hi. this is a public announcement that i would die for tumblr user @comphetkoncass <3

#rimi talks #THANK U FOR THE COMMENTS THEY ARE SO SWEET WAHHH you always write such detailed observations and. i would die for u #i will reply properly tomorrow im TRYING to write and gotta go bed soon but. <3!!!!!!!!

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ourceliumnetwork · 12 days ago

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apparently we're not out of the woods on holiday trauma responses just yet - i'm hoping we're on the tail end of it but like. good lord.

#this post brought to you by #dissociating so hard i had to quit playing magic #it wasn't that far into the game and i don't know wtf is going on with this but like. christ.#i'm so tired of having to come down from huge crying jags and panic and the fear of my mother coming to Get Me for not being Good Enough #like #what the fuck man #i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this #i thought i was DONE with the goo stage what do you MEAN there's more #cofronting has at least been less chaotic with only a couple people manning the helm at any given time #but like....christ alive can i just like. i don't know #how do you ask for vacation days off from your own brain? cause i'm exhausted man #i'm exhausted with this shit how is this the way i gotta go through life every day #like i could quit food service when i felt like this - and i did #but like. you can't opt out of your shifts in brain because that's where you live y'know?#ugh. i'm...something is wrong and i don't know what i did to fuck up this time but i don't like this #phrasing intentional to mean ''i have done an activity or action that has caused some sort of disruption in my brain that has made things #more difficult for myself due to brain chemistry and it has been relatively recently''#i don't think it's the meds i'm fairly certain it's the mental illness i already know about and am aware of it's just kicking up a fuss #because i don't enjoy this time of year and i won't start being Cool about things until january starts up properly #and there's always the risk it'll continue on through that due to other circumstances but i'm really hoping it'll just calm down #because the Threat of Christmas Celebration isn't imminent #(we *very* rarely celebrated past couchweek and that was usually involving a lot of travel so once january is here and Festivities die down #i'll start hopefully feeling more like a coherent person and not just a miserable ball of trauma)#anyway. i'm...gonna wait for dinner to be done and i can eat that and then maybe i schedule some i do not exist time to myself where #i just am in my room making no noise and pretending i don't exist but like it's a positive thing and not a negative one #because if i don't exist my ribs can't hurt and also the trauma can't gets me #(this is mostly a joke don't worry about it too much i rarely actually request Quiet Alone Time)#normally i just sorta Acquire it and vibe #until i am reminded i have a physical form and the world can inflict forces upon me

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phagodyke · 5 months ago

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happy flat fuck friday I feel likr I've been run over by a steamroller <3

#someones car alarm (?) went off in the middle of the night and then i couldnt sleep properly again after #and kept having nightmares.. had a rly scary one right before i woke up where i was lactating blood and it wouldnt stop coming out #i onoy noticed at first bc the shirt i was wearing had massive growing bloodstains onnthe front and then i took it off qnd there it was #and no one was around and it was night and i went outside and i was on this empty rocky beach and j had this sudden realisation #that i was going to die here like this. i was rly lightheaded from the blood loss so i sat down and just stared at the water #and then my alarm went off like fucking hellllll. wild dysphoria dream i guess 🫠🫠🫠🫠#anyway yeah whatever just gotta get thru work today hey the moons out sorry unrelated just noticed her. hi #climbing was fun last night tho :^) and i have a concert tomrorow yayyyy #dont know the band super well but only bc i havent listened to much of them but i like all ive listened to theyll be sick live i reckon #my roommate knows them more than i do but wouldnt go by herself so im dragging her with me >:)#and surprisingly a fair few number of ppl from climbing are going too which is cool ill try n say hi to some of them #actuallt there are 2 bands i should listen to the album of the other one before tomorrow too. mahbe on the bus home #guys i am sotireddddd ��😭😭😭#MAY skip my afternoon meds so i can sleep straight after showering and eating once im home. we'll see #depends what i have to do this afternoon at work i dont even rember.. i think i have training maybe #we willl seeeee i dont mind being at work that much anyway its all good. maybe i will take my meds so i can play elden ring later #okayyyy bye #.diaries

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spaciebabie · 2 years ago

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absolutely hate that my brain's immediate response 2 any level of stress is panic. what a horrible instinct. thousands of years of human evolution and my body gave me what is akin ta an "in case of emergency, explode" button.

#spacie spoinks #i would die w/in seconds if this were the old days #now i just flounder and cant think properly when someone asks me a simple question #my logical brain looking at all the work we gotta do: ok lets divy this up. lets go abt this in a sensible manner #the monkey: OUUUUUOUUU AA AA!!! TOO MUSCH TOO SAMMANY TNING!!!! BRAIN OVERLOAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IPRESS THE BLOW IUP BVUTTON!!!#the compromise? sit frozen for 2 hrs

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orcelito · 8 months ago

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It's a little funny. I spend so much time compartmentalizing that I convince myself I'm totally fine, of course, all the time.

But when I was filling out the questionnaire before my therapy appointment yesterday, it was like

.... OK yea maybe I have some problems

Also this one 😂😂😂

#speculation nation #it's ok i am now in therapy and we have weekly appointments set up #i havent always had the best experiences with therapy. and by that i mean it has never really been helpful to me #mostly tho bc it's been depression therapists. and i dont actually have depression.#what i DO have is trauma! and barely managed adhd and fibromyalgia.#and especially grief trauma in the past 5 years. oh God do i have grief trauma.#but i searched Specifically for a grief therapist with this. so she should be equipped to properly help me.#ive managed to reach an okay place regarding my old traumas. but this stuff. man it's hard.#i pushed myself to a near panic attack the other day upon realizing the painting i have is an authentic lithograph #& the realization that i am carrying the mantle of several generations of my family now.#most of the generations above me are now dead. so it's up to us to carry on their memories #and i am The One who is unapologetically incredibly tacky. up to me to carry that legacy.#it's pressure. weight that i didnt want. but i dont want to ignore it bc i dont want them to be forgotten.#so im hoping that with therapy. she can help me sort things out so it's less... difficult.#help me remember them without being paralyzed with panic and dread.#and maybe help me with my death paranoia...? 😅 i dont like feeling like anyone in my life could die at any time.#inevitable after my uncle died with only a month's warning and my dad died with barely more than a day's warning.#idk. for someone whose will to live comes from the people i love. it's rather paralyzing.#just gotta cling to the people i have left. and hold them dear.#negative/#kinda but not really. tagging just in case considering the subject matter.#idk im just trying to sort things out. no one goes through this many sudden deaths without a severe complex over it.#but. im in therapy now. and im trying. i am.

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toxooz · 2 years ago

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maybe im projecting but i feel like Ollie would have a FUCKING HUGE monstera plant in his house thats taking over his living room

#ollie #anytime someone asks about it hes just ''good camouflage for me :]''#in fact i feel like he would have a shit load of plants from his home continent that his mom keeps sending him #but again maybe im projecting AHA #like yeah he can forge weapons of war with his eyes closed and can maul a grown man to death but dammit that man knows his PLANTS #anyway i got a monstera over the winter bc ive wanted one for the longest time but i was sO scared of killing it #bc its higher maintenance than succulents and snake plants all that #and brother i aint got the remembrance or energy or executive function to be taknig care of high maintenance plants but luckily #my obsession has taken over and im doin pretty good keeping up with watering and i plan on getting it better soil for fertilization #it seems to be doing well and is even growing 3 new leaves AAOOOOO #one of the juvenile leaves even grew a lil hole in it and im :')#but i still gotta properly repot it and actually put poles in it to climb bc theyre kinda half ass put in there #but sPRING IS COMING i am ready #also have a monster adinsoniiiiiiihowever tf u spell it but same applies #i feel like just having 1 (or 2 kindof) that are high maintenance is goin good bc i can focus most of my energy on that like a pet PFFT #bc unfortunately i fear that if i had a shit load of high maintenance plants i would get overwhelmed and involuntarily make them all die #which SUCKS bc i want my house to be infested with so many plants sOOO BAD ugh maybe one day i wont be mentally ill lmfao 💗#ANYWAY more pon ti comin soon

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yappacadaver · 1 year ago

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like it's either 'i thought i'd die/fix the demon issue before the smoking became a problem'

or

'i am in denial and i am not thinking about it i just want short-term relief'

and honestly both are good

#you played yourself you stupid old man now you're 54 and you still gotta work this physically intensive ass job and i KNOW your ass is #wheezing #mr i have the tools to take control #fuck he is SO FUCKING POORLY ADJUSTED #blehhhh im raymond im in control of my life so i carry addictions that go completely against my goals and even rope others into #repetitive systems of dependence that they often die from (by my hand) which leads me to a guilty conscience that bleeds out both in my #perpetual apology tour and the fact that I can't even care for myself properly as evidenced by my fucked up appearance and the state of my #private quarters and the snotty tearful messes i put down in each journal entry but like im in control though!! I am unbreakable!!!!#I'VE MADE PEACE WITH IT <- the lying liar

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stonerzelda · 1 year ago

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my prediction which i think i mightve said before is that somehwere in the next 10 yrs there will be a swagaliscious rise in sexy old* women bc 90s babies lack the capability to allow themsekves to ever be seen as anything but desirable like whaybim saying is we r going to get a femme Aragorn soon basically is what i am saying

#i did not manage to say this properly at all i failed the eloquence roll ok. but do u know what i mean #i for one am excited abt it. we need bitches with actual wrinkles to be seen as the hotties they are ok #*old meaning not actually old either like im talking 40s and 50s age range. old in the same way tumblr says 'we gotta fuck that old man'#and the old man in question is like 48 #but actually no fuck it i worked in a retirement home romance doth NOT die in the twilight years AT all bitch

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queseraphita · 1 year ago

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i have to face off the police guard puppet....Murphy

ngl i'm a bit scared

#mikh plays lies of p #lop #mmmmm do i try to level out my advance and technique against the electroshock status #level 27?? i had no idea it was measured out like that but so far im like balanced across the board in stats #it took me a few tries to get down to killing donkey man and being able to backstab properly #lots of running from the elevator past the two big guys then getting my ergo aggro the boss and then booking it back #there is no such thing as the cowards way when were fighting for our life out here #lfkdjaflk its so fun #but from what i understand that boss is like that difficulty spike #the minotaur of smtiv if you will #imma just throw myself at it and see what happens #throw shit at him #maybe level out some stats more once i get a feel #i definitely wont claim to be a Gamer when it comes to these games but it feels alot like raiding which i enjoy #gotta have that ffxiv healer mentality: BUT DID YOU DIE?!#just apply that to myself and the boss: the only health that mattters is the 0% of my enemies

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keeps-ache · 1 year ago

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love how my computer makes some apps stop working so i'm forced to do an update <3 that's really cool dude

#just me hi #clip studio don't die on me #don't diiiiiie #/it's fine i guess it does help me keep up with the updates so i don't kill this 'puter too early but also Oh My Stars My Files. I Didn't #Save Before It Crashed. Sob #//anyway gotta go update and then wait 10 minutes for the computer to actually turn back on after 5 fake-outs and then open every app back #up wait for the apps to run properly and then sign back into everything i had in incognito and then go and see if my files saved so. i'll b #right back :')

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lifegambled · 3 months ago

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feeling bad that i haven't gotten much done on the rp side of things lately. but on the plus side, i got all my errands done today... & now i'm super tired & overstimulated so i apologize that i will most likely not get anything done today...

here's a list of things i got in my drafts for any that is interested ;

DRAFTS — 6 STARTERS — 1

#⧼ ♤°｡— ooc. ⧽#i'm feeling a bit better now that i have been home for a bit & finished my nuggies #but god my brain feels so empty yet also filled with so much cotton #feeling overstimulated always feels like i'm not properly in my body & i need someone to crush my soul back in #but also i will bite whoever touches me LOL #anyway imma go die for the next 2ish hours before i gotta go stream

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sol-flo · 11 months ago

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having now beat picayune dreams on overdrive 2 and 3 back to back i can safely say the hardest part isn't the buffed enemies but how long the bosses take to die. endurance test

#picayune baby im level 100+ just give up and die already #i understand her patterns a lot better now. i hadnt realized how many let you just hit the bricks #now i just really gotta learn demon properly. for that true ending run

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