#got me 20 years old and not knowing SHIT about alcohol

[maybeamiles]

Someone direct me to resources on how to order alcohol without making a fucking fool of myself cause I ordered a Gin and Tonic today thinking "oh, this is similar to other drinks I've had, alcohol + soda base" and learned that A: it literally tastes like the gross sticky fluoride the dentist used to put on my teeth because my insurance didn't cover the kind that didn't taste BITTER AS HELL and B: it's apparently an old lady drink (unlike beer which reeks and I've been avoiding for a while).

[flawssy-227]

AIRWD: Chapt 2 - Something About Us

(ex) best friends dad!Joel Miller x f!reader part 2!

summary: Joel's spirals about you. Is he too old? A creep? Or is there something between you two?

tags: 18+, female reader, always write for woc in mind, but there are no descriptions so everyone is welcome to read. tlou AU, no outbreak au, modern au, age gap ~20 yrs, reader is 28, Joel is 49, alcohol consumption, Tommy and Maria meddling, f!masturbation

a/n: chapter 2 title ib: Something About Us - Daft Punk

w/c: 3.4k

part 1

Joel was decidedly not a fan of hot yoga. It was the second time Tommy had dragged him to this place. Before that it was a rock climbing gym, and before that, kickboxing. Tommy had finally decided at 45 years young, it was time to settle down. House in the suburbs, picket fence, wife, kids, the whole nine yards. He had tried Tinder, but didn’t find much luck. So now, he was certain that he would meet a good woman at one of these places, and once he told Sarah about it during a family game night, Joel was damn near forced to join in. 

“You can’t just rely on construction to keep you in shape, Dad,” she had implored. “It’ll be good for you to get out of your comfort zone.”

He had offered nothing but a grunt in acknowledgement, silently wondering if fratricide was really such a bad thing. 

“Plus,” she said softly, “maybe you’ll meet someone new.”

That had Tommy and her grinning across the card table.

And that brought him here—sweaty in some trendy yoga studio in downtown Austin. Slipping and sliding all over a borrowed mat for the last hour and wondering how the hell anybody found their zen in a place like this. He was pretty sure this spot used to be a family owned dry cleaner, but now, some transplant opened up a $40 a class boutique gym. It definitely wouldn’t have been his choice to meet his future sister-in-law, but Tommy was certain one of these days he would run into the perfect woman.

But to be honest, Joel was tired of Tommy’s bullshit. Tired of him needing Joel as his wingman and definitely tired of these absolutely ridiculous workouts he was paying an arm and a leg for. He still hadn’t met anyone, and Joel swore he was just about to tell him he was over this shit when he called over your shoulder.

“Joel! Look who I just ran into.”

It felt like time was moving in slow motion when you turned to look at him. You were beautiful, somehow looking incredible despite the amount of sweat the class practically required from participants, and he felt the wind get knocked out of him when you made eye contact. And then, it hit him. He knew you. He remembered you and his little girl running around the house, all those times he woke up on the weekend to the two of you giggling downstairs and how happy he was that Sarah had found such a good friend in you. And then he immediately felt guilty for the instant attraction he felt toward you. 

Clearly he was right to feel that way with the abrupt way you ended the conversation, grabbed your friend and ran away from him. 

“Well, she grew up,” Tommy said.

Yeah, you sure did.

Tommy couldn’t stop talking about Maria the entire way home. 

“Got her number,” Tommy said.

“Yeah, you told me.”

He ignored Joel and his less than happy tone, running on a high after finally meeting a woman that was beautiful and funny and kind.

“You know all that from talking to her for five minutes, huh?”

Tommy grinned from ear to ear, still unbothered. “S’just different, Joel. Can’t explain it.”

Joel just nodded his head, offering a noncommittal yeah whenever the conversation called for it. But then, Tommy mentioned you.

“Small world, huh? What are the odds that they’d be friends? And be there?”

This time, the silence that filled his truck turned a bit heavier, more weighted. If Tommy was anyone else, he would have noticed the unpleasant way Joel ticked his jaw or the death grip he had on the steering wheel at the mention of your name. But he wouldn’t be his baby brother if things like that were ever on the top of his mind.

“Remind me, is she the same age as Sarah? She looks good.”

Joel’s really making an effort not to think about just how good you looked in those tiny biker shorts and soaked through tank top he just saw you in. It was weird, right? Ogling his daughter’s friend like that. He felt like such a pervert and Tommy wasn’t making it any better.

“Stop it, Tommy. She’s a kid.”

He scoffed at that. “Ain’t a kid if she’s Sarah’s age. Gotta be 28 at least.” Tommy leans back in the passenger seat and smiles at his phone as it vibrates again. “Besides, I saw the way you were lookin’ at her.”

By Monday morning, Joel was feeling a little fucked up over you. He had dropped Tommy off at his place and spent the rest of Sunday in meager solitude doing household chores he always tried to put off. He had been alone now for a few years, now that Sarah had moved in with her fiance. It typically didn’t bother him. He genuinely enjoyed the quiet that came with an empty house, but some days, he couldn’t help but fantasize about having someone here with him, filling in the quiet gaps with a little love.

So, he looked you up on Facebook. He was certain he had added you years ago, probably when you were still his kids best friend. He vaguely recalled a life update here and there: a college graduation, tagged photos from a beach trip to Cancun. He smiles when your profile pops up. You clearly hadn’t updated in a while, but he scrolled through your tagged photos anyway. More photos from law school graduation, a few from your mom wishing you a happy birthday, and he kept scrolling, further and further back until he landed on one of you and Sarah, crappy digital camera quality from the early 2010s, back when he was a father to a teenager, and you were a teen yourself.

He felt revolted. What the hell was he doing, perving on some 28 year old? He thought back to how quickly you grabbed yours and Maria’s things and ran away from him. Of course you probably thought he was a creep, he figured. Joel was pretty much thinking the same thing about himself right now. So, he did the only thing he could think of to clear the air, and assure you that he was in fact, not, a creep: he sent you a message.

-it was good seeing you. hope me and tom didn’t weird ya out too much. not sure if your parents are still living around here, but let me know if you ever need anything.

It was short, to the point and above all, kind. He left his number at the bottom for good measure.

But now at the worksite, Tommy was buzzing, a little ball of happy energy and it was grating on Joel’s nerves. Maybe it was the fact that he was genuinely feeling a bit lonely yesterday, or perhaps it was the self flagellation he gave himself before sending you the olive branch of a message on Facebook, or maybe it was the fact that he checked again this morning and you still hadn’t responded to him. Stop bein’ so fuckin’ weird, Joel.

He couldn’t help himself. When he wasn’t signing off on contracts and overseeing the construction crew, his thoughts drifted back to you. He wondered how your morning was going, if you made your coffee at home or stopped somewhere to pick it up. Did you have a lot of meetings and contracts to go over? He hoped you weren’t working too hard. Lost in thought, he found himself smiling at the memory of you yesterday in your workout clothes and inadvertently drifted to the idea of you in a tight pencil skirt and black leather heels—

“What’re you smilin’ about?”

Tommy’s voice was jarring, snapping him out of his blissful state. It didn’t help that he was wearing a shit eating grin at catching his brother lost in a day dream.

“Nothin’.”

Tommy let out a disbelieving scoff and settled into the chair across from Joel’s desk. “Yeah, right. Thinking about her, huh?” He leaned back in his seat, far too comfortable for Joel’s liking. “Maybe if things don’t work out with Maria, I can give her a call—”

Joel shot his brother a look that would’ve made anyone else’s blood run cold. “Shut the hell up! Can’t you focus on one woman at a time for once?”

Tommy lets out a laugh, it’s low and short and Joel knows he doesn’t find it funny. “So I can’t be interested in her too?”

“Nope. You’ve got Maria. Yesterday you were goin’ on and on about how special she is. You gonna try to date her friend? That won’t go over well.” Joel quiets as he looks out the window, taking an appraising look over his crew. “Plus, she’s too young for you. For both of us,” he tacks on quietly at the end.

“Ah, I see,” Tommy says, shaking his head. “But what if, hypothetically,” he let’s himself trail off, much to Joel’s disdain.

“Tommy,” he snaps his fingers at him. “The point?”

“Well, what if she was interested in you? Wasn’t worried about the age at all?”

Joel just scoffs at that. Hypothetically, if you were interested, well Joel would be desperate to take someone like you out for dinner. You were beautiful, of course, but what really struck him was how you were already so accomplished and not even 30 yet. During his deep dive on your Facebook profile last night, he saw that you were also a good person, frequently volunteering at women’s shelters and taking on as many pro-bono cases as you could. Somewhere in between that, you took time to travel, have a social life, and apparently do hot yoga on Sunday mornings. If he were a few years younger, yeah, he’d be all over you. But he’s not, so he can’t. He tells Tommy just as much.

He gives him a frown. “Don’t take yourself out of the game so soon, brother.” It was so typical of Joel to not put himself out there and to not be selfish in going for what he wanted. “There’s plenty of older men who date younger women. Hell, I’m 10 years older than Maria.”

It was hard from him to not be aggravated by Tommy acting as if he was a relationship guru a mere 24 hours after he met your friend. His mind went back to how quickly you ran off from him yesterday. “It’s a little more than 10 years, Tom.”

Not one to be deterred, he just leans back in chair and lets out a low whistle. “Like I said, don’t take yourself out of the game just yet, big brother. Maria and I are gettin’ drinks tonight and we want you and her to meet us.”

Joel was up and out of his chair instantly at that, but Tommy, the little weasel he was, slipped out of the office door before he could wring his neck.

What was his obsession with Joel and you anyway? Why would Maria want you both to tag along on her first date with Tommy? Joel tried to focus on his work and the project they were nearly completed with as the rest of his day inched by, and if his workers were feeling suffocated by Joel monitoring their every move, well they had Tommy to thank for that.

“You know,” Tommy started talking over the roar of the Texas highway on his way to the bar, “you really don’t have to be on property anymore, Joel.”

It was true. After decades of grinding and barely making ends meet, Miller Brothers Contracting had turned out to be extremely successful in the last few years. So successful that Joel was able to take a massive step back from the day to day hustle of the job and essentially, sit on his ass and collect a paycheck. He had bought a nice house on Lake Travis with his very own slip two years ago, fully planning on spending his early retirement a bit more relaxed than he had been afforded to be in years prior. But he wasn’t one for being idle and quickly decided that going to work every day was a nonnegotiable.

He glanced back at Tommy. “We’ve talked about this, I wasn’t quite ready to be fully hands off.”

He shrugged, keeping his focus fully on the road ahead. “Well, maybe if you get a pretty, young girlfriend to take up some of your time…”

What else was there to say? Joel was tired of arguing to Tommy about how uninterested in him you would have to be. Repeating for the fiftieth time today about how old he was or how creeped out you must be was doing wonders for his already low self esteem. He had come to terms with the fact that you would probably look at him with disgust and leave after one round of drinks. He figured it was well deserved.

And he was certain, when he felt your eyes on him after he got out of Tommy’s truck that you were going to turn and walk away, but you didn’t. You gave him a shy smile and made your way to him, tucking yourself into his side body like you had always belonged there. He tried to be delicate and not grip your skin as tight as he wanted to, savoring the feel of your bare arms and the incredible softness that only comes with a lifetime of diligent moisturizing. He breathed in your scent, something sensual and sweet, wafting up to his nostrils in waves of ambery cotton candy, and then you pulled away and looked at him, really looked at him, and gave him a genuine smile.

“We’re not gonna be friends.”

You weren’t sure what possessed you to channel your best Margot Robbie and look Mr. Miller Joel Miller in his eyes so seductively and tell him that yes, you would go to lunch with him, but not as his friend, but something did, and now… Well now you were going.

So what, were you going on a date? You tried not to let yourself spiral on your way home. Your stomach fluttered at all the possibilities. He asked you to lunch, which is perfect if things turn awkward, as you could always cut it early and blame it on an emergency case filing. If it was bad, you would just have to tell Maria to never mention his name again, which would probably be challenging for her, but doable. It’s not like you would have a good chance of running into him; hot yoga was a fluke. But if it was good… could you date Joel Miller?

You had determined you had a 21 year age gap. You were nearing 30 and completely independent, so dating a much older man wasn’t that scandalous, was it? You knew a girl in law school who had a 60 year old sugar daddy when she was in her early 20s. Comparatively, this was hardly anything to bat an eye over. He was 49, and he looked good for his age. At the bar, you couldn’t help but sneak glances at him, admiring the golden hue of his skin, the way his muscles were trapped tightly under his t-shirt. His veins protruded on his forearms in the way you’d only seen with men who worked with their hands and the image made heat rise in your body. And his hands were massive; thick fingers that you wouldn’t mind being wrapped around you.

By the time you got home, you were exhausted. Not only did you never go out for drinks during the week, which was already making you want to go straight for your bed and skip your shower, but mentally, your lawyer mind had run all possible scenarios for a lunch with Joel. You hadn’t even gotten his number, you realized. Your only way to reach out to him was either through Maria or Facebook. Despite being a mere 20 feet away from Maria and the other Miller when Joel had asked you out, you decided quickly to keep that detail to yourself, at least for the time being. So, to Facebook you go.

Joel’s message was harmless. You internally scolded yourself for getting so worked up about it for the last 24 hours. You had gotten cozy in bed, legs curled up under your comforter and an old stretched out college t-shirt draped over your body. The alcohol you had earlier in the evening had worn off a bit, making you feel less than buzzed but still just a bit warm. Even warmer now that you were scrolling through Joel’s posted photos.

God, he was so cute. Fluffy brown hair in every photo, strong arms on display in most, and those gorgeous whiskey brown eyes you knew you could get lost in. He smiled in one, one of those wide grins that you rarely saw on his face back when you knew him before, which immediately made the warmth you were feeling trail down toward your abdomen. The sun was bright on his face, making his eyes squint and soft crows feet make an appearance. He was at the beach and the sinful display of his toned torso glistening with sweat made your mouth go dry. What you wouldn’t do to see that image in person…

You felt bad for ogling him the way you were. How gross did you feel, objectifying a 49 year old man on a photo from Facebook, for goodness sake. While your mind was scolding yourself, your body was in its own world. Your nipples hardened and a chill shot through you despite that subtle warmth that had trailed even lower. You let your fingers trail just below your panties and gasped at the wetness there. All from a photo.

It had been far too long since you had sex last, so you needed to do this. You could feel guilty after an orgasm. You let your fingers dip lower, gliding easily through your slick, moaning at the wetness. You propped your knees up and moved two fingers, up and down, teasing your clit and then moving back inside you. You looked back at that photo, Joel loosely holding a beer bottle, thick fingers dwarfing the neck. How much better would it feel with him? you thought. The earlier anxiety you were feeling was quickly transforming into a carnal need you felt to have Joel’s fingers, hands, and lips on you.

The last boyfriend you had was exactly that, a boy. Barely knew what to do with your body and definitely lacked the manhood you had craved. Would Joel be different? He had to be. You were sure he had several partners in the past, a grown man with lots of experience. Would he be soft and patient, pulling pleasure from you like he knew exactly what to do? Or would he be hard and fast, fucking you with an intensity that made your mind go quiet and limbs boneless?

You were lost in your fantasy now, eyes shut tight and imagining it was Joel’s fingers pistoning in and out of you. Soft moans left your mouth at every prod of that soft spot no man seemed to be able to find, your other hand rubbing frantic circles over your clit.

Would Joel find that spot? Would he go down on you, letting his greying beard rub against your inner thighs, leaving soft marks that would remind you that he was there for days? Would he look into your eyes when he made your orgasm?

You let out a soft sigh of his name when you finished.

Fuck. Joel just gave you the best orgasm you’ve had in a while and he wasn’t even here.

You get yourself cleaned up and crawl back under your comforter. You're sated and warm, smiling at the absurdity of the fact that you just jilled off to a photo. You could genuinely say that a photo of anyone had gotten you that hot and bothered before.

You wake up your computer and find your message thread again, adding Joel’s number to your contacts.

And then, you compose a text:

How about lunch on Wednesday? You’re buying.

part 3

[earthytzipi]

I actually loved the writing of caitvi this season for a few reasons:

1. I was very fortunate to meet and consistently date my lovely wife. Having observed other adult lesbians... that shit is MESSY. It's so so so so so common for lesbians to date, break up, date again, break up again, accuse each other of abuse or of being toxic, then date again, break up another time, date another person in the friend group, and so on and so forth. This season felt very honest to me in that way. If everything had been smooth sailing for Caitlyn and Vi, I don't think I would have bought it, especially with all the conflict they set up in s1. I agree that Caitlyn is toxic to Vi in Act 1. I just also don't think that's a deal-breaker for an adult relationship as long as amends are made, and I think that Cait's decision to let Vi release Jinx is a HUGE way that she made amends. I don't think she needed to grovel (nor would that have fit her character)- it demonstrated SO much character growth for her and so much trust in, and love for, Vi.

2. I've seen a lot of displeasure with Vi's writing this season, mostly centered around Vi's loss of agency and relative passivity. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, so, you know, grain of salt. It's just that, in my experience with trauma, you hit a breaking point where nothing matters to you anymore. You can't be resilient anymore. You've lost everything and you're grieving literally everything about the life you thought you had. (For the record, my trauma didn't even involve anyone dying, just abusive friendships, people cutting me off, and conversion therapy, and I *still* got there in my early 20s.) Vi shows a remarkable ability to push forward for Powder in s1, but by the first episode of s2, her resiliency is already breaking down. To me, it made complete sense that she showed more and more passivity and alcoholism as the season went on.

I think there's a misconception that trauma causes people to become strong. That is NOT what it does. It builds these insidious negative pathways of thought in your mind that wear you down over time. Eventually, it's too much. You can't take anything in stride. Everything becomes part of this pattern of hurt.

I think Jinx firing that missile was the breaking point for Vi. She lost her parents, she lost Vander, she lost her formative teenage years to prison, and the only reason she was still going at all was for Powder. That moment is the moment she decided Powder was gone, too. Imagine the grief of losing the last person you thought you had from your old life and not even being able to share that, because that person just killed a lot of people. In that light, the decision to join with the person who still cares about her and has been there for her makes sense, even though she hates the enforcers. I think that decision causes her a lot of pain and self-hatred which is reinforced when Cait leaves her, pushing her into the absolute pit of her trauma. Then all the events at the commune happen. Throughout the season she gains and loses hope about Jinx again and again, but when she's in that prison cell, from her point of view, she's just lost Jinx all over again after finally having her back for a while, and now Caitlyn, who she loves, for good.

In the end, when Cait says she engineered the whole thing to let Jinx escape? She gives Vi hope again in that moment. If Jinx isn't tried, she's still out there and Vi can still find her and try again. If Cait knew she would let Jinx escape and still be there for her, Cait still loves her more than she cares about revenge. Given how Cait almost killed a child to get to Jinx before, I think for Vi, this represents almost a complete 180 and demonstrates that Cait is sorry. I think their actions in that moment make perfect sense.

Anyways! To me, while I think s2 was definitely rushed as hell and had some other pacing issues, I loved the storyline for Cait and Vi.

[wtchland]

Summary: A long night at the grocery store, shifts itching to its end. A recent college graduate just tryna save for her big move when her former professor finds himself grocery shopping just before closing.

Paring: Prof Joel Miller x Reader

Warnings: Protect P in V, Age gap 20 year old graduate & her 50 year old professor, Teacher x Student, Pet names (Bunny, Baby Bunny), No character description other than mention of tramp stamp and a peachy ass, Flirting, A dumb romcom moment, Cursing? No proofreading cuz we don’t do that around these parts, Mentions of Drinking, Self Roasting, F oral receiving

A/N: I forgot I was writing about a college girl for a moment. So what, sue me.

Graduation

The time for you to put on your last college party outfit and drink your night away. Except. Work waits for no one.

In addition to your graduation night it was also the night your petty bitch coworker Miranda called in sick. And you could use the extra money before you quit your job and move to Austin. So now you’re spending your Friday night bent over restocking ground beef.

“Nice tattoo”

You jumped up being greeted by a grin. Joel Millers grin. Or at least as of a few days ago Professor Joel Miller’s grin.

You pulled up your low rise jeans, not like they could go up any higher without a camel toe.

He looked different off campus. Almost hotter. Messy hair, flannel. Definitely here for a quick dinner and some alcohol. Except that’s not exactly how you imagined him outside of school..

Not that you imagined him much. Besides that one time he popped up in your head right before you squirted a few months ago.

Joel cleared his throat. Shit, you’ve been staring for a while.

“Sorry, did you need anything”

Joel raised a eyebrow looking you up and down. He liked when you wore jeans too small for your peachy ass. He really liked when you wore form fitting shirts to match and show off your tattoo.

“Yeah bunny, wheres the beers”

Bunny.

Imagine that voice calling your bunny while he pounds your pussy 6 ways to Sunday.

You pointed to a cooler in the back and he nodded with a grin. Ever the southern gentleman

You watch him walk away while you bite your lip and squeeze your thighs together feeling your pussy throb. If he was any other regular hot man you would've bent over immediately no question but he was your professor he probably didn’t even remember your name let alone your face.

10 minutes till closing. You sat at your register when Joel comes up with a case if beer, a wine cooler and small groceries. Along with a pack of condoms. You stand up and start scanning.

“Got a hot date?”

Joel started bagging his groceries “Sunday Night with a thing called Television Football” You smile and roll your eyes scanning.

“So why aren’t you partying bunny?”

You looked up surprised. He did know you. He did know you were his student. You help him bag his groceries slowly “Well I’m moving more into the city plus someone called into work late so i figured hello extra money.”

Joel nodded with a small hm in a acknowledgment before asking another question. “No one should have to work and sleep on their graduation night.”

You shrug and ring up his total. Joel hands you the cash “Though, your night doesn’t have to be boring. You’re young, hot and have ass for days. Sex saves people bunny. Go have some”

You don’t know if it was the fact that your professor just told you to go have sex or it was the fact that you decided you wanted to have sex with him that baffled you the most.

But you’ve never closed up a register and clocked out so fast in your life. You searched the parking lot for him before you saw a chevy starting.

You asked yourself what dumb bitch runs in a parking lot for some middle aged dick like it’s a romcom. Apparently you. But that would just have to be your secret.

You knocked on the driver window before he could pull off and he rolled his window down with a confused eyebrow.

You didn’t even know what to say. Let’s have sex? Weird. Do you wanna have sex? Shy. Let’s go fuck. Absolutely the fuck not.

“You forgot your receipt.” The fuck? What fucking receipt.

Joel looked at your hands “Did you loose it”

You nodded immediately just going on with whatever so you could just run away and never see him again. Joel unlocked the truck door.

“Unless the receipt is a metaphor for please fuck me I don’t think you ran all the way out here to give me a receipt”

Did he speak incoherent 20 year old girl? This man was a damn dream. A perfect salt and pepper heaven. You did the slut of shame walk all the way to his passenger door climbing in.

Joels loft wasn’t the messy bachelor condo, pool table in the middle of the living room and panties hanging on the wall place you were expecting. It was earthy almost, neutrally brown with real watered plants and books for days. It was pretty.

Could this man get any hotter. No sexier. Is there even a word? You walked around his living room while he puts away groceries.

“Hungry?”

You shook your head. You just wanted your panties pulled down and your pussy on his dick asap. Joel pulled out his phone. “Pizza okay.”

This man. Feeds you. Teases you. Needs to bend you over.

Joel on the other hand was having fun. Watching you squirm. Smelling your arousal in the car the whole drive. Watching as you let out little whimpers every bump because you’re thong had accidentally rolled inside your pussy lips rubbing your clit. He knew when he got you there you were gonna be a mess.

“Wine or Beer bunny?”

You’re gonna need something stronger than both if you have to put up with anymore teasing.

You flop on his leather couch.

“Whiskey”

Joel walks over with two glasses. You down yours immediately looking over at him. You envy how collected he is. How he isn’t uncomfortable and squirming. Joel sets yours and his glass on the table before pulling you on his lap. Ge smells of whiskey and cologne.

Joel lifted your chin kissing you. It was everything you could dream. Sweet, demanding.

You moaned wrapping your arms around him. You felt that grin against your lips as her pulled you closer. The friction of your jeans against his your panties and your jeans against your clit.

You reach down unbuttoning your jeans and joel grab s your wrist pulling away and tutting. “Patience Baby Bunny. Patience.”

Screw him and patience. You needed him immediately.

Joel lays you down on the leather sofa slowly pulling your jeans down. “You smell so fucking strong baby”

In that moment all the slowness escaped from his body and he snatched your jeans down. His big thumb rain across the bow of your panties. Admiring them for a moment before snatching them off.

His hands roughly hiked your legs up and he plunged two fingers inside your snatch. Your breath hitches and your back immediately arches.

Joels fingers feel like heaven. 100 percent than your toys and all you can’t think about is if his fingers feel like this you cant wait to ride him.

“That’s it bunny. Just like that”

You ride his fingers. Wishing he would pull out and replace it already. After a moment of moaning and the wet sounds of your soaked pussy Joel pulls his fingers out.

You whimper and sit up on your elbows watching as he walks to the kitchen digging through the earlier bags. You continue to whimper your impatience.

“Joelll”

Joel grins walking back over “What did I say about patience bunny? Bad girls who don’t listen get bent over the knee. Do you want to be bent over the knee bunny?”

You shake your head immediately. Though the idea of Joel redding your ass to the point where you cant sit down sounds super fucking hot in the moment.

He snatches your legs to the end of the couch and unfastens his pants unbuckling his belt with the same steady movements he’s too good at. The condom slides on just about immediately but at this point you’re so embarrassingly desperate for him you would let him fuck you raw.

Just feeling of Joels tip of his cock alone had you moaning like a bitch in heat. The leaking thick head had your mouth watering at the sight.

Joel sunk in deep. No words were said. What could be said? Thank you for pounding my pussy do well? Thank you for giving me your big cock.

Your moans were music, a song to Joels ear. The way you weathered against his ministrations made him fight to bottom out immediately.

So when Joel felt you clench him through the condom when he felt you close he knew he wanted to wait it out. Wait until his bunny got what shes been begging for all night.

You reached for his hands squeezing them to death. He grunts holding your hands above your head. “Take it bunny, take what you need. Its all about you tonight”

Three more thrust and you cum hard. Harder than the dorm room squirt session. Harder than your first orgasm. Harder than your first toy. And Joel follows right behind you.

He stands there for a moment catching his breath before getting on his knees and licking you clean. You tremble and as soon as Joel finishes he grabs you up by your waist carrying him to his bedroom. He lays you down amongst the huge windows and the king sized bed.

Joel sinks down in bed next to you pulling you in his arms and kissing your forehead before mumbling “Best graduation party?” You give a incoherent response already falling asleep.

This wasn’t gonna be the last leg shaking orgasm your former professor is gonna give you. But it’s definitely the best graduation send off you’ve ever gotten.

[velvetvexations]

That post is absolutely crazy I'm an (almost) 30 year old ftm and like half the trans women I know around my age are the ones who get to go "oh yeah I came out at 14 and my wonderful parents moved heaven and earth to get me on blockers/E, with their support I work a job I love and my bottom surgery was 6 months ago!" (Y'know, the other half not being anywhere near as lucky because luck is not fucking gendered) meanwhile I came out as a kid and spent years being violently abused by my terf mother, got groomed as a teenager, was an alcoholic before my 20s, never got to transition medically, and was homeless for multiple years. Where's this magical universe where I'm the one who's already had hysto and top surgery and been on T since my teens, where I even have the savings to go do a hobby on the weekends? How do I go to this mythical timeline where coming out as a minor didn't almost kill me?

I've spent years teaching myself to not seethe with jealous hatred over every trans person who was luckier than me, years unlearning the gut reaction to spiral in self pity when my friends talk about their hormone milestones and surgeries. And that chucklefuck's allowed to just post shit like this! Why did I waste so much time on being a less miserable, bitter person? Why did I bother to overcome my dysphoric jealousy when it seems to be the leading thesis of every TRF on this godforsaken internet?

Few things have made me feel a fraction of the bleakness invoked by that post existing. No one should have felt comfortable making that post, and yet! The culture within the community that trans women are the eternal victims of the universe and must be given comically endless grace is going to destroy it. Why should community with other trans people come at the cost of however many of our sisters want to bitterly seethe about the privilege they imagine we have? Genuinely why should any trans man bother to be a better part of the community when our sisters are allowed to angrily discount the possibility of us suffering?

And it does indeed push many of them out. It sucks so bad. Part of what I do here is trying very hard to give people the comfort and solidarity they need to not feel totally rejected by the community.

[slashv1xen]

Hiii! I have an idea in my mind, but you don't have to write about it!!!

Maybe Otis brings home a person he liked (not a victim, they met somewhere else) and waiting for them to realise about his deeds and THEN he can kill them because of their reaction. But the person is like "Oh, cool" and continues talking to Firefly family carelessly. What would be his reaction?

ooh this one got me thinking 💭

i reckon otis would be stunned, and have a blank expression on his face as he thinks why this person isn’t scared senseless. ‘what? how they ain’t scared?’

but if otis is interested in u he would probably have a smirk on his face and probably keep u around (ur also now baby’s best friend, good job!), but if not he’ll most likely kill u out of spite.

the two of u probably met in either a bar (this man is a heavy drinker), captain spaulding’s gas station or at red hot pussy liquor (he’s incredibly sleazy what can i say).

one shot 💗

“okay, enough!” you announced as you put the shot glass down, gasping from the taste of the strong vodka. the man beside you, who introduced himself as otis just laughed and took a swig straight from the bottle (much to the bartenders protests).

“what’s wrong honey, i thought you could handle this, hm?” he teased, chuckling at your annoyed expression. “not more than 8 fuckin’ shots!” you snap, in disbelief as he looked at you, amused.

“how about you come home with me, i ain’t so drunk i can’t give you a ride liar and my mama can fix ya somethin’ real nice. least i can do, especially after you paying.” you rolled your eyes at his offer, but a small smile on your face was present.

“fine, you’re right. least you can do after giving me damn alcohol poisoning,” you say, to which otis laughs and says that you’re being dramatic.

after 20 minutes otis pulls up into what looked like an abandoned farm house. if you didn’t know you’d think the house was derelict. the door happened to be unlocked, to which otis let out a grumble and pushed it open, the two of you stepping inside.

the house was a mess, to say the least. you stepped over the empty glass bottle and year-old newspapers and sat on the couch, smoothing over your pants. otis said that he’ll be back in a second, and for you to just “hang tight cutie pie”, smiling as you laughed.

after what seemed like a few minutes two women came down the stairs. a younger one, about your age, and an older one who looked about 55. they both sat down next to you and introduced themselves as “mama firefly but just call me mama” and “baby”.

you were chatting with baby about movies while mama was making you a “special meal”, when otis pulled you aside, a devilish grin on his face.

“well, i figured now would be a good time to tell you…” he started, purposely being slow to create tension (to be an asshole)

“yeah? what did you need?” you reply, looking back at baby who waved to you, and you waved back. otis sighed, that grin still present.

“i tell this to everyone that comes here, and well, none of ‘em have made it out…” you were confused, why was this man talking in riddles? “i’m gonna kill you.” he whispered in your ear, his hot breath on the nape of your neck.

“shit, really?” you ask, no emotion in your voice. he nods, waiting for your reaction. “okay, just make it quick then.” you shrugged and walked back to the couch with baby, chatting again as if nothing happened.

otis however, was dumbfounded. he just said he would kill you, and you didn’t care? how? he was so confused, he can’t even think straight. hell, he can’t even think at all. the smirk slowly returned to his face as he thought of his next move.

‘maybe we could have a future together…’

hi hi, this was so much fun to write! in my eyes, this is so in character and i can totally imagine something like this happening in one of the movies. please never shy away from requests, i’m happy to do anything (that is SFW ofc). have a good day and i hope you enjoyed!

[profoundbondfanfic]

do you have any destiel horrorfic recs?? (prefferably longfics with little to no smut but i can skip smut scenes)

also i love ur account ive found some of my favs on here/gen <33

Here are a few that came to mind (most with very skippable smut):

A Complete Kingdom by komodobits (Explicit, 85k words)

The sea; it swallows me. It comes up to my knees and it swallows me. The boys owe Jody a few dozen favours, and so when her niece goes missing near an old fishing village on the coast of Maine, Dean, Sam, and a newly human Castiel agree to take the case on. They settle into an old abandoned lighthouse-keepers' cottage, and slowly the tide comes in. (post-s8)

Between Love and Agony by Duckyboos (Explicit, 53k words)

Dean Winchester is in love. Like, bonafide heart eyes and deep sighs, hung-the-moon love. There's just one problem: the lucky guy is his husband's identical twin, Castiel. The two of them have been having a kinky affair for years, burrowing under each other’s skin and setting up camp. Which is why, after Castiel goes missing, Dean’s about ready to tear the world apart looking for him. When Castiel eventually returns to him, he’s been through literal hell, managing to drag himself out, bloody and raw, for Dean. Together, they discover a way to make Castiel whole again — though the price will be gruesome… and there will certainly be hell to pay.

empty places by dothraki_shieldmaiden (Mature, 71k words)

There’s something outside the house. Something is moving outside the house, moving inside the house. Maybe moving inside him. Something is outside the house, and it wants in. After tragedy derails his life, Castiel Novak needs to escape. He flees to Lawrence, Kansas, where he answers Dean Winchester’s ad for a roommate. There, he tries to mend the shattered pieces of his life. But as he starts to become closer with Dean, Castiel finds that escape isn’t so easy. The past doesn’t want to be left behind, and there’s something inside the house. Something hungry. And it won’t be appeased until it has him.

Every Part of the Animal by Askance (doomcountry), komodobits (Mature, 47k words)

It’s their first case after the Trials, after Heaven has collapsed: playing back-up to another team of hunters taking out some werewolves in the mountains. It's a routine job, an easy job - at least until the radio goes silent. Sam, Dean, and Cas follow after, but the caves into which the hunters have vanished wind deeper and darker than they could have expected, and something is wrong. Cas can feel it. The Winchesters may not believe what he’s hearing, but there's something down here with them—and it's not the people they came here to find, and it's not the werewolves they've been tracking. It's something else, something older, something violent, and it knows they're here.

Full Fathom Five Thy Father Lies by Ariasune (Teen and Up, 13k words)

"Look, Charlie thinks the Men of Letters have something that can help you actually, you know, find this monster.” “Good,” Dean licks at his thumb to get the last of the chicken salt clean. “Cause right now it seems like we’ve got a monster that’s some 20, 000 leagues under the sea…” He stops. “This isn’t some 20, 000 leagues shit is it?” “It’s a submarine, actually.” Fuck, that sounds like a yes.

Good Bones by emmbrancsxx0 (Mature, 39k words)

An apple pie, white picket fence American Nightmare. Dean and Cas, married and semi-retired from hunting, move into their first house together in a sleepy, secluded town. After a few run ins with the ghost that haunts the place, they must come face-to-face with the house's grisly past.

like a thief in the night by kingdumbass (Mature, 28k words)

Plagued by nightmares since the death of his mother as a small child, Dean Winchester is no stranger to grief. After the sudden death of his brother and the unexplainable disappearance of Sam’s fiancee Jessica leave Dean reeling, the former detective turns towards alcohol to cope with the loss, but when the news of another missing peron’s case all the way out in Pontiac, Illinois jogs Dean’s memory of an old unsolved case with possible connections to the mysterious note his brother left behind, he feels compelled to pick up where he left off. Though once he rolls into town, he encounters more questions than answers. Namely: what’s real and what’s delusion? And how is the creature from his nightmares tormenting the residents of this small, suburban town?

On the Cutting Room Floor by callsigntango (Mature, 23k words)

In an Arachne hunt gone wrong, Dean "wakes up" in an AU style world as what he'd gone undercover as for the hunt: a journalist. But when he shows up to cover what should be a routine story on a suspicious death in Kansas, the world around him starts to unravel in horrific, painful ways. The appearance of a man claiming to be an Angel sends Dean into a tailspin -- but just as something about Cas begins to spark very real memories in Dean, Cas seems to be losing his own grip on what's real and what isn't. And as they struggle to free themselves from this distorted web of reality, something sinister is lurking just beyond their reach.

The Elevator Game by bexgowen, xfancyfranart (Explicit, 88k words)

The game is simple. Get in an elevator, and follow the rules. If you follow them correctly, the elevator will rise and when the doors open, they will open onto a world that is not your own.

the gardener by captcas (Explicit, 17k words)

Dean loves the gardens at 918 Westview Lane. And if that has something to do with the gardener there that just so happens to be easy on the eyes? Sue ‘em. Too bad he hasn’t had the guts to actually talk to the guy. Cas doesn’t take too kindly to people who disrespect the objects of his affection but he does love gardening. AKA the one where Castiel gives us all a lesson in ultra-specialized begonia fertilizer

the inexhaustible silence of houses by Askance (doomcountry) (Teen and Up, 31k words)

Almost two years after the world doesn't end, Castiel falls from grace—and loses his voice in the process. It is the impetus for confession and change; before long, he is settling into a loving relationship with Dean, the Winchesters are tired, and hunting for a place to land has taken precedence to hunting anything else. Dean and Castiel fall in love with the strange little house on the end of Swallowtail Drive, and for a little while life is as it should be—sweet, affectionate, and beginning afresh. But more and more Castiel sees and hears things in the house that beg the question of whether or not a place itself can be alive. The walls and rooms seem to shift and grow and breathe, and one night, Dean comes home from a hunt changed in a way that Castiel cannot explain. In the months that follow, their domestic bliss takes turns for the dark and sour, and the confusion of their circumstances will ultimately test everything Castiel knows about the man he loves, and everything he believes to be true.

These Violent Delights by SomethingBlue42, xfancyfranart (Explicit, 43k words)

Dean Winchester, war vet and functioning alcoholic with a life that’s going nowhere, takes a job at Baltimore Hospital for the Criminally Insane. Dean had never heard of Dr. Castiel Novak notorious serial killer and cannibal given he’d been dodging bullets and performing field triage during Novak’s sensational trial. Seasoned orderly Rufus lays out the rules: Do not touch the glass. Do not approach the glass. You pass him nothing but soft paper - no pencils, no pens. Use the sliding food carrier only, no exceptions. If he attempts to pass you anything, do not accept it. And most importantly: don't tell him anything personal. But Dean was never much for following the rules and Castiel has a way of making Dean feel like he isn’t the grade-a loser his hot-shot FBI agent brother thinks he is. Then, a senator’s daughter goes missing, setting forth a chain of events that put Dean on a path that forces him to choose where his loyalties lie and just how far he’s willing to walk into the dark.

There's also our horror tag which you can check for more fics like these.

Additionally, there's the DeanCasHorrorFest filled with amazing destiel art and fic that might interest you.

[flawedamythyst]

Amazing news!! I finally finished the modern no powers au, slow burn, marriage of convenience, Old Guard Nicky/Joe fic that I started in 2020!!!

You may remember hearing about it in one of my post popular Tumblr posts this year, complaining that I had completed the entire Arabic Duolingo course before I finished the fic.

It's 125k words in 31 chapters and I am very excited to finally post it and move on with my life.

However, I would absolutely love to get a sensitivity reader (or readers) for it first. Joe is Muslim and Tunisian and there is a lot of stuff with his family, as well as his feelings about his religion. In addition to Nicky being Italian, most of it is set in Milan, and he's leaving behind the priesthood and so having some Catholicism issues.

I am English, an atheist, and have been to Milan for less than a week 20 years ago. I did my best with Google but I am bound to have missed things, or not known to look them up. Please, if you are Tunisian, Muslim, Italian or Catholic, it would be so incredibly useful if you have time to read it over.

It's PG, no smut or violence, and mostly pining, banter and found family feels. The plot is basically 'hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but why don't we get married so you get Italian citizenship and I get someone to fund me through a nursing degree?'

Warning tags are Homophobia as a main plotpoint, Islamophobia and Racism as minor plot details, family rejection, and the traditional Booker tags of depression, grief, alcoholism and mention of suicidal ideation, although he's only a secondary character so they're not a focus.

I'm also up for a normal Beta if anyone is up for that, atm I am the only person who has had eyes on it.

And so you can see the kind of thing you'd be getting into, given the length of it, this is the first scene:

The first thing to catch Joe’s attention was the man’s <i>shoulders</i>.

Perfectly broad and tanned even for a white guy, glowing under the warm Maltese sun as they rose up from the ocean, water spilling down them. Joe was so taken with them that it was a moment before he realised that more beauty was being revealed as the guy straightened up and started to walk out of the sea. A set of biceps that also took Joe a moment to fully take in, a chest just as broad as the shoulders, narrowing to a trim waist and a set of hips that he could all too easily imagine curling his hands around. The weight of the water had dragged the guy’s bright red swimming shorts low enough to reveal the cut of his hipbones, glistening with water.

Joe was so taken with them that it took him a moment to realise that the guy had left the water behind and was now coming up the beach, which meant Joe could see just how short his shorts were. His thighs were long and strong, and just as tanned as his shoulders. Holy shit, this had to be some kind of vision of paradise, no man could be this hot in real life, surely?

The man stopped at a beach umbrella a few metres from the sun lounger Joe was sprawled on, and then bent over to grab his towel.

Joe made an actual noise at that, an involuntary guttural exclamation in his throat as he tipped his sunglasses down to make sure he got the best view.

“Jesus, Joe,” said Andy from beside him. “Have some dignity.”

“I’m going to marry that man,” said Joe in a dazed voice, not taking his eyes away for a second. 

The man stood back up, rubbing himself down with his towel, and Joe took the time to actually look at his face. Large eyes and prominent cheekbones and, okay, a lot of nose, but Joe could easily imagine waking up to that face on the pillow beside him. His hair was dark with water, slicked back from his face, and Joe wondered what colour it would dry to, if the strands around his face would fall over his forehead where Joe could push them away for him, fingers gliding over his head as he leaned in to kiss him.

“Wow,” said Nile, half-sitting up to take a look. “I know you said you were going to cut loose and get flirty, but I didn’t realise you’d just straight up turn into a total horndog.” She tipped her head to one side as she took in the vision of perfection. “I guess he’s kinda cute. Nice shoulders.”

“I would dedicate whole years of my life to worshipping those shoulders,” said Joe, barely even letting himself blink as the guy ran the towel roughly over his hair, leaving it damply stuck up.

“Okay, dial it back,” said Andy. “Or at least pretend to. This isn’t Tunisia, but staring at strangers on the beach like you’re picturing them in your favourite porn film is kinda skeevy.”

Joe made himself blink and tipped his sunglasses back on, settling back against the lounger. The guy was packing his stuff up anyway, pulling on a shirt that he didn’t bother buttoning and shoving his feet in a pair of flip flops. Joe was about to watch him walk away, and probably never see him again, but at least he’d be able to live the rest of his life knowing that such perfection existed in the world. Truly, Allah was great.

“Look how tiny those shorts are,” he said. “He has to be gay, right?”

Quỳnh, who had been half-asleep but never missed a chance to judge someone’s outfit, lifted herself on her elbows and inspected him for a moment. “Either gay or Italian,” she announced.

The guy threw his towel over his shoulder and strode off up the beach. Joe took his last look at that perfect arse, sitting up to watch it leave, then collapsed back down onto his sunlounger.

“I have been ruined for all other men,” he announced.

[swappingbryn]

Contest Winning Halloween Costume

My name is Derek, and I everyone around here knows my name and gives me as much space as I demand.

Halloween was coming up and I had secured an invitation to a highly exclusive party, obviously invite only, filled with hot chicks, free drinks, and the best part was the costume contest with a $10,000 prize. The rules were simple, “Best Costume Wins, No Holds Barred.” I had an idea, I’d need my buddy’s help, but he wasn’t invited to the party and I’d cut him in on the prize money if it work.

My plan was to go to the party in a different body, the ultimate costume. My buddy’s dad worked for a government research company that had perfected the technology. Before I even started looking for a body, I made sure all the body swap trope shit wouldn’t be a problem, like it wasn’t a one way trip, there wasn’t an issue with a body swapping back with itself, if the machine was destroyed we wouldn’t be trapped and there were other machines capable of doing the swap in case one malfunctioned.

Satisfied, I went about finding the best, most different than my own, body. I found it as I was leaving the gas station, he was a guy asking for change on the side of the road. He had to be close to sixty, his clothes were dirty and looked greasy, and I could smell him as I approached. I gave him a $20 and asked if he wanted to make more. He thanked me, but looked suspicious and asked what I meant. I explained my plan and offered him $200 to swap, and an extra $250 if I won using his body. I explained that it was safe, that all the safety protocols were in place, that there was no risk. He just laughed and said “it seems like if anything happens, I don’t need to worry about being safe, I’d be making out pretty well.” I guess he was right haha.

We went to the lab and initiated the swap, and it went off without a hitch. I walked out of the room in his old, smelly, dirty body. When I got to the party, I was stopped at the door (which is a good sign that I’d be winning the contest, since no one recognized me), but I presented the invite and explained who I was, so I was let in. I was definitely in a great position to win, no one recognized me, and when the host questioned me, I pointed out he specifically said “no holds barred,” which made him laugh and reply “you’re right bro, you’re right.” I spent the night drinking (which didn’t do much to me since I guess this hobo has a high tolerance), hitting on chicks, who weren’t into it since I looked gross. When the contest winner was announced, it was no surprise I won. The host even said “I know it’s seems like a cheat, but I did say ‘no holds barred,’ which I meant to mean much less drastic measures, but still, his WAS the best costume, no one would ever guess it was him.”

I collected my winnings and decided to leave soon after. Chicks were ignoring me, alcohol didn’t work, other guys avoided me saying I smelled, and this body ached all over with age and years of abuse on the streets. I went back to meet my body and swap back. He wasn’t where we agreed to meet and I freaked out, he was supposed to wait for me and not leave. However my fear subsided as he walked over, saying he didn’t expect me back for a while. Turns out while I was gone, he’d gone to the gym with my buddy who had helped us swap, my body said on their way back he stopped to get a drink from the store, and apologized for using $5 from my wallet. I was so relieved and just laughed, I told him not to worry about the $5.

We went back to the lab and got ready. I gave my body the money and kept his $250 in his pants, and he placed my money in my jacket pocket, since after the swap we’d both have our money. The machine whirled and flashed, but nothing happened. We tried it again, I felt it working, but nothing happened. I asked what the fuck was wrong, and my buddy’s dad said there was a problem with my body, it was resisting the swap. This homeless fuck was preventing us from getting back. He promised he wasn’t doing anything, he was ready to swap back, he knew it was only fair.

My buddy’s dad ran some tests and said he figured out the problem, turned to me and said “it doesn’t look good,” before looking at my body and asking “do you want to swap back?” “Of course, I have to give him his body back, it’s only right,” my body replied. “That’s not what I asked. Do you WANT to swap back or would you rather stay like that?” “Well, I mean, I obviously like this body more. I’m younger, better looking, I don’t smell, and people don’t walk away from me to avoid me. But I know I can’t keep it.” “See Luke, that’s the problem. He is willing to return your body, he’s consenting to it, but he doesn’t WANT to swap back. The machine wasn’t calibrated for a forced swap, and we can’t change that mid swap. Since his mind doesn’t want to swap, the machine won’t do it.”

That was almost a year ago. That fucker has been in my body all that time. He has been living as Luke Potter, the hot jock, the big man on campus. He has been hooking up with everyone he can find, guy or girl, he’s been doing a little modeling and even became an OF star and gay findom.

And I’m stuck as Derek Grainger, the old, fat, drunk hobo. I developed a huge reputation at the homeless camp under the bridge. I’m ready and willing to fight any motherfucker that gets in my way. No one believes me about some swap, they think I’m just an old alcoholic that imagined it.

[jongbross]

i just found you and love love love your writing! if you’re able to, can you do a frenemy to lover (suggestive maybe ) with baekhyun. both are in same friend group but never got along. thank you for your hard work, i love your content

red flag (byun baekhyun x f!reader)

pairing: byun baekhyun x f!reader word count: almost 2k genre: fluffy? i think it suits the best warnings: cursing, mentions of hook ups, alcohol. chanyeol has a good heart, he's just a mess please bare with him a/n: tysm for your support, anon! i got carried away with this, and i still didn't finished. hope you like it anyway <3

"i can't believe this", chanyeol said, wide eyes staring at baekhyun. 

"what?", the short one tried to act nonchalant about it. "he asked for it!"

"dude, you just stood up for y/n!"

never in a million years did chanyeol think he would witness byun baekhyun saying something nice about you - well, technically, he didn't say something nice, but he gave that stupid guy you hooked up with last week a piece of his mind, after saying guy called you a not very nice thing in front of him.

"yeah, so what?", baekhyun shrugged. 

you and baekhyun have been enemies forever. at least if you can call two people who hang out a lot, have the same circle of friendship, and have known each other for almost 20 years "enemies"...

the two of you never got along. it was even quite funny to your friends, see you two bickering every single day but never, ever being able to stay away from each other.

"of course it is a big deal, you hate her!"

"i don't hate her", baekhyun frowned. "i just don't like the way she acts. but that doesn't mean i don't care about her, so of course i wouldn't let that bastard say shit about her."

"well, he was a bastard...", chanyeol agreed.

last week, at a college party, you hooked up with some random dude one of your classmates had introduced to you. he was cute and all, but he definitely was a walking red flag, baekhyun had seen it before everyone else. his suspicions were confirmed when he heard the guy telling chanyeol "where is that bitch friend of yours?".

"wow, yeollie, didn't know you were friends with his mom! how does it feel to hang out with old people?"

childish comeback, i know. but it's byun baekhyun, what did you expect?

"you think you're so funny, byun...", the guy had said.

"thank you! that's only one of the many things i am, and you're not."

"just fuck off, dude", chanyeol rolled his eyes.

"yeah, whatever. just tell y/n that she ain't worth anyway, i had better."

"say her name one more time, and i swear you won't be here to see her not giving a fuck about you", baekhyun stared the dude dead in the eyes.

"exactly", baekhyun nodded. "any other guy would be lucky to be with her..."

"i'm sorry, come again?"

baekhyun looked at chanyeol, who was typing like crazy on his phone. thank god he didn't listen to that. "nothing, i was just thinking out loud."

the taller one hummed in response, quickly engaging in a phone call and forgetting about their talk.

(...)

days went by, and luckily it was friday night again.

happily walking into another house party with your best friend, you took a look around to scan the place. you noticed a few colleagues at the right corner, followed by some of your classmates - you waved at taeyong, who shot you a thumbs up and mouthed a “looking good” -, and then the dude you hooked up with at the last party. all he did was look at you from head to toe and then frown, quickly looking away like he was somewhat disgusted by you.

your best friend seemed to notice too, as he whispered to you. “what was that?”

“i don’t know”, you answered minseok. “he didn’t text me back the next morning.”

“asshole”, minseok cursed.

you chuckled, pulling him by the arm when you finally noticed your group at the very left corner of the party. junmyeon was talking to his crush, while chanyeol, sehun and baekhyun were heartily discussing something - probably their new favorite e-game or whatever.

“hello”, minseok said, dropping on the couch next to sehun, caressing his hair.

“hi, hyung!”, sehun answered, waving away his hand. “could you please tell chanyeol that the only way he can get over the phase he’s stuck on is by using the bow and arrow?”

minseok looked between them like a confused old mom. “wait, what?”

“they’ve been arguing about that for the whole night now”, baekhyun complained, rolling his eyes.

“and you’re probably annoyed because you’re also stuck at that phase and are too proud to use sehun’s tip, am i right?”

your comeback at baekhyun made everyone go silent. of course the two of you started the bickering already.

“hello to you too, y/n”, baekhyun said. “i’m not gonna indulge in your silly little competition tonight, i’m sorry.”

“oh, of course! you have always been a coward, it’s no surprise at all.”

chanyeol laughed out loud at that, being shut by both sehun and minseok holding him back on the couch and giving him the eyes.

“ha ha, how funny of you!”, baekhyun faked a smile.

“if you think he’s a coward you should have seen what he said to that guy you slept with… what’s his name again?”, chanyeol drunkenly mumbled.

at that, baekhyun froze. he snapped his head at chanyeol, praying that the giant dumbass would see in his eyes how he was desperately begging ‘please, don’t mention that, please!’.

but it’s chanyeol we’re talking about. of course he was clueless.

“who? the dude from the mechanics class?”, sehun asked.

“yes!”, chanyeol shouted excitedly. “he was talking shit about y/n this week, but baekhyun made sure to put him in his place.”

you looked over at baekhyun. the poor dude was doing everything in his power to avoid your gaze, while torturing chanyeol in a hundred different ways in his mind. he was playing with minseok’s blouse now, mumbling something like “this is nice, is it silk?”.

“is that why he’s avoiding me?”, you asked loud and clear, and by the tone of your voice, chanyeol knew he had fucked up. he looked over at minseok, who just shook his head.

when baekhyun didn’t answer, you scoffed. “of course i could count on you to ruin everything.”

you walked away at that, walking towards the kitchen. you vaguely heard minseok and sehun calling you back, but you opted to ignore them. all you needed was something strong burning down your throat now.

the dude from mechanics class, whose name you couldn’t actually recall if you were being honest, wasn’t a nice guy. you knew his reputation, you knew he screamed ‘red flag’ in every aspect… and you also knew baekhyun didn’t like him. but he was cute, and you two were tipsy and horny, and you never wanted anything serious anyway - the only reason why you went home with him that night was because you wanted the exact same thing he did.

you couldn’t actually pinpoint why you were so annoyed, but you guessed that it’s never nice to feel rejected, even by a douchebag like him. you didn’t care, but also didn’t not care.

sighing loudly, you got the first thing in sight and poured a little bit at one of those red cups. the liquid went down your throat like fire, making your head spin. your mouth was bitter now, but it was okay.

“hey”, you heard a very familiar voice calling you.

“oh, fuck off, i really don’t wanna talk now, baekhyun.”

you and baekhyun were friends, but also you weren’t. that silly, little taurus guy always got under your skin, with his stupid comebacks and dumb behavior. the two of you just didn’t click, no matter how hard you tried - and gosh, did you try.

he was too silly for your liking; he used to say you were too uptight. he was way too extrovert with people; it took you years to come out of your shell. he was always popular, but never smug about it; you never had many friends, and never understood why he never took advantage of that.

if it wasn’t for his father and your mom being best friends and reconnecting after meeting again at a college throwback party, you would probably never have met him. but they did, and somehow you were stuck with baekhyun forever.

“yeah? well, that’s too bad, because you have to listen.”

“no, i don’t”, you said, walking out of the kitchen - but of course he followed you.

“ugh, you’re just so stubborn! that’s why you were always grounded when we were teenagers.”

you turned around to look at him, not believing what he was saying. 

“why are you bringing this up now?!”

“because you get on my nerves!”

“poor you”, you faked a pout, walking away again.

baekhyun followed you like a puppy, even though you were determined to pretend like he didn’t exist. he stayed behind you as you talked to taeyong, pretending he wasn’t paying attention to the talk. he followed you when you decided to head back to your friends, staying up with crossed arms over his chest looking down at you, seated on the couch beside sehun and talking about something, anything. chanyeol tried talking to baekhyun two times, but he just gave the taller one a deadly gaze both times.

when baekhyun followed you up the stairs to the bathroom, and waited outside until you were done with your business, you finally sighed.

“fine, you win. say it.”

he sighed as well, but out of relief. he legs were starting to hurt, but he would never admit that.

“thank, god”, he rolled his eyes. “look, i’m sorry i ruined your little fairytale with mr. red flag or whatever, but he’s a bastard and i hope you know that.”

“i do know that.”

“great!”, baekhyun smiled. “wait, no, not great. if you knew that then why did you sleep with him?”

“i don’t owe you any explanations, baek.”

baek. he even forgot you used to call him that when you two were little.

“i guess you don’t…”, he shrugged. “well, i’m sorry then. but you can do better than him! he came over to chanyeol calling you something i don’t even want to repeat, and that just made me lose my cool because, honestly, how dare he talk about you like that?”

a little smile took over your lips, and at the back of your mind you hoped baekhyun wouldn’t notice.

“so yeah, i may have said something to him, and that may be the reason why he’s ignoring you”, he went back to venting. “but you know what i think? fuck him! he’s the one losing at the end of the day. any other person would be lucky to be with you, to sleep with you, and that son of a bitch ruined the only tiny, little chance he had with you. so fuck him!”

“what?”, you chuckled. “any other person would be what now?”

i swear, you have never seen baekhyun’s ears get so red so fast. he went silent, staring at you with wide eyes and lips pressed into a thin line.

“nothing”, he mumbled the first thing his mind came up with. “i didn’t say anything.”

“yes, you did.”

“no, i didn’t. you’re tripping”, he desperately said. “i apologized and then i didn’t say anything else.”

to hold back a laugh, you bite your lip. if baekhyun were a puppy, he would be with his tail between his legs now, trying to pass by you after doing something he shouldn't have.

“are you sure…?”

“i am! and now that we’re good, i’ll be back to the party”, his eyes got watery all of sudden. blink, baekhyun, you didn’t blink this whole time!

“okay…”

“okay!”, he almost screamed. “enjoy your night!”

baekhyun turned around and walked away the fastest he could, leaving you alone at the bathroom door with a smile on your lips.

did old little baekhyun still have a crush on you, then?

[yannaryartside]

WHAT WE KNOW ABOUT CARMEN'S FATHER

and the impact of his absence.

This show has me like a fucking detective; if somebody has found more evidence on this aspect, like how nobody seems to know how old even Carmy is, please comment or tag. This is my first Tumblr post and a break from a long writer's block, the power of this show. I would appreciate tips on how to post, especially about how to tag sensible topics showcased in this show.

These are some of the things we know from Cicero's description of Carmys father:

Cicero is related to Papa Berzattos because he describes their father as "more a friend than family."

Did he die? It is safe to assume. Cicero says that they "were" close in age. It is pretty beautiful that Cicero is acting in a parental role to Carmy, even acting as his "provider" and "supporter," wanting the Berzatto family to finally catch a break.

Carmy explained to Cicero on 1x04, "I really didn't know him well enough to miss him." Based on that statement, Papa Berzatto was eighter really absent, or Carmy was like 5 at most the last time he saw him. He said he didn't "know" him instead of "remember" him, which makes me think more of the "absentee" angle; this also could be confirmed by Cicero saying that he saw Papa Berzatto about 20 years ago at the time the show takes place, and I think a safe bet is to assume that Carmy is at least 30 years old, so he was like 10 when his father died, but he didn't know him to much by that time. 

He did drugs/alcohol/gambling, and, again, according to Cicero: "insisted on doing fucking stupid shit all the time."

He had a new career like ten minutes: a broker, a defensive coordinator; eventually, he bought the restaurant The Beef, which Donna later had to be involved in (stuck by his husband), and then Mickey took over. My God, the restaurant is a generational curse. One of Carmy's cousins also owns restaurants, so it's safe to assume this got too many people inside the family, not just Carmy's brothers. 

Not but literally, Cicero says that being 5 minutes in the restaurant "makes him think about bad shit," like the place is actually haunted wtf. Obviously is haunted symbolically; Mickey, being there for most of his adult life, trying to "handle" the business, his parent's business, probably was a constant reminder of what his father was, or what he thinks he is, a failure, a disappointment, a burden, an embarrassment. The reason he consumed drugs. He seems to be defensive about his father when he said in 2x06 Fishes, "This is our father's home, my father's home," like something he had to stand up for, something that deserved respect, all of it while sitting at the head of the table, the place that his father will sit on if he was still alive. 

[frazzledsoul]

Finished Shameless season 4 last night and here are my unsolicited thoughts, once again:

I think if Fiona had not been dating Mike and was just working for the cup company she could have made it work. I mean, she might have done something to screw it up, but if she weren't being fully integrated into Mike's perfect family she wouldn't have felt so much pressure to rebel with the one person she relates to, his shithead alcoholic brother. I think Mike would have backed off, she would have been good at her job, and she would have had more time to spend at home (and notice that Debbie had a 20-year-old "boyfriend", for instance).

On that note, I think Fiona really starts courting danger when she provokes a fight in traffic, she's attacked while in a company car, and she outright lies to Mike about it and somehow acts like he's the one that owes her something. She tended to treat Steve like shit once she found out he was privileged because there was no way his problems could be as bad as hers and I think she has the same disrespect towards Mike, even if she no longer has the same problems. Once she's got all this nice stuff handed to her, she gets overconfident and rebels and screws everything up. It wouldn't have been like that if Mike were just her boss.

This doesn't excuse anything, but I kind of get it with Robbie. Maybe it was because the actor was in Chicago Med and he was actually kind of dull, but yeah he's a little hot....in a scuzzy, chaotic way, of course.

That said, the coke incident was entirely her fault and it doesn't matter that it was an accident because she shouldn't have been doing hard drugs around a bunch of little kids (I also can't picture her doing this in S1-3, either). Her insistence that she's going to fight it because she shouldn't be punished because she didn't INTEND for anything bad to happen...sorry, honey, that's bullshit. The fact that she pleads guilty after Lip had pretty much took over running the household and was literally taking Liam with him everywhere, begs and pleads to be trusted again, and THEN violates her parole and goes out and parties again after one (1) day of unsuccessful job hunting? Honestly, I've been in his position too much IRL to have much sympathy.

I honestly think Lip's struggles at the beginning of the season were mainly because....he's not used to having a real job or a schedule? He's used to scraping along and scamming and hustling and being good at it and he couldn't deal with actual expectations. After the interlude with Mandy early in the season he sort of becomes...a dreamboat, honestly? He's like a completely different person and he was actually succeeding at keeping things afloat and working/going to school. I know he's going to screw it all up and it's going to be awful. Oh, well.

Mandy, as usual, has a completely tragic plot going on in the background that deserves more attention. It's frankly not realistic to me that her boyfriend was allowed to stay in the Milkovich house after he had beat her. Sure, Mickey & co may not have been successful at keeping him away from her, but that doesn't mean they have to let him stay there. Also, that last scene with her waiting on Lip (and pretending not to know him) and his shiny new college girlfriend who shares her name kind of hurt.

Ian completely disappearing for the first couple of episodes of the season while Mickey focuses on unionizing the hoes kind of threw me off guard. Also, I ship him and Ian too much now. I can't believe I have one more season with them and then four seasons of almost nothing. Ugh.

What a twisted family the Milkovich household is at the end of the season: a newly out Mickey, his bipolar boyfriend, Russian hooker wife, her girlfriend, and a baby. Yikes.

The less one says about Debbie's plot the better. Yikes. And the worst is yet to come!

That's really all we get of Bonnie and Carl?!?

Sammi doesn't seem that bad. Honestly, I feel she's the main reason Frank had a real plotline this year.

I would have liked it if Sheila had mentioned Karen at least once, but...nothing. I feel she expended so much energy on finding a surrogate child in Hymie and this season's random kids she wanted to adopt because Karen was just someone she couldn't deal with anymore, and once she was no longer the same person, it made sense to her to send her away. I kind of hope at the end of all of this she went to find Karen and Hymie and got them away from Jody.

Why did I have to watch Kevin and Veronica's incest threesome last year if Veronica's mom was just going to keep the resulting baby and they were going to have their own kids anyway? I assaulted my eyes for nothing.

Nice to see you, Negan cosplaying as a nice guy! I won't get used to it or the newly not-dead Jimmy SteveJack.

So on to season 5. I'm half tempted to skip season 6 because I get a feeling it's just pregnancy drama the entire season and that's quite tiresome to me.

[seasidewanderers]

How Did I Even Get Here? Or As I Like To Call It, How I Became Syscourse Informed

I've been meaning to make this post for a while. I've been in syscourse for years now, more precisely from I think it was 2019. So for those curious of how even does one get into syscourse... Here's all the lore and backstory.

I'll put it under a cut. Read with extreme caution if you choose to, it's... gonna get ugly in here

Warnings: long ass post; talking about trauma, drug and alcohol abuse, self harm/suicide, psychosis

I had just started university and everything was going to shit. Yeah, I like cold opens alright. You should read my stories. A-hem. I had just started university. I was struggling to make friends - I never had friends before university - I had just shaved all of my hair off. New beginning and all that. My grades in high school weren't stellar but I was managing, while in uni it went all down the drain within the first month.

Living alone meant I could be doing everything I could ever dream of! Getting blackout drunk almost every night. I was buying a bottle of gin and a pack of Monster Ultra White cans to mix in my personal gin and Monster tonic every other day. I was an already psychotic teenager fighting regular psychosis with alcohol induced psychosis, having so many nightmares I was consuming the equivalent of 15-20 espressos a day just to stay awake. The only times I managed to get more than 3 hours of sleep I was near comatose. I wish I was misusing the word.

I was near constantly actively delusional.

(I've talked about it once or twice in here in the context of delusions related to trauma and DID, my most prominent delusion is related to survivor's guilt and early infancy medical trauma. I still get episodes, though now it's more chronic bizarre thoughts and sporadic psychotic depression)

In a year, I left my dormitory room to be with other people in the dormitory exactly once.

I also got to know a guy who turned out to be a drug dealer. I mean, a really nice guy otherwise. He never got me on hard drugs (it was his personal policy to not start someone who has never done hard drugs on hard drugs, and I had mad respect for that lad); he did otherwise just give me stuff if I asked for it. Mainly it was sleeping pills.

I was minding my business with a mix of alcohol, tranquillisers and caffeine up until a point where I took a little too much, fell asleep in class, and couldn't wake up no matter how much my friend was trying to get me awake. I got rushed to the ER and now I'm banned from taking sleeping pills again. Somehow my liver is intact though! Yay

So... what does it have to do with syscourse, you might ask. And you'd be absolutely right to ask.

Nothing and everything. I discovered my system eventually in university. I started noticing that even when I was not drinking, I wouldn't remember shit anyway (which only made me drink more, if I'm not to remember anything, why bother staying sober?)

I then started noticing that I didn't remember anything. About anything. My childhood is a blank. Middle and high school is so fragmented I have no idea what happened, and the few memories I have I'd rather forget.

So what does a 19-20 years old with no friends, almost always drunk, lots of the time high as a kite, forgetful and incredibly depressed, do with their free time?

Tumblr. I started out with looking up people who were talking about ADHD, thinking my forgetfulness was poor attention; then nothing really clicked, so I moved on to mood disorders spaces, thinking it was just depression; then again, yes I do have depression, it's been terrible for many years now, but stable enough, so the sudden heightening of forgetting and not being "really there" didn't really make sense to my depression.

By the end of the school year in June by means that I don't fully remember, I landed in system spaces. First just people talking about being plural, then I discovered the pit full of burning acid that is syscourse.

It actually wasn't so bad for me at first, but I was having a nice time online because I was just following that handful of blogs that I liked, and also I wasn't active in syscourse, just lurking around like a bog creature.

When I started expanding my niche of syscourse blogs, it was... something for sure though. I didn't understand why people were fighting. I didn't understand why everyone is so awful all the time. I get that spaces filled with trauma survivors are bound to get emotionally charged, and as the old adage goes, hurt people hurt people. I get that rationally, I get the anger, sadness, and grief, but I wouldn't imagine taking my frustration out on a passerby who's not the cause of my trauma. I don't get being mean on purpose.

At some point a few years ago I stumbled upon @sysmedsaresexist and @thecircularsystem (or rather, circulars-reasoning and circular-bircular)

If I remember correctly, they were both anti endo when I got to their blogs, and I was very pro endo. I didn't, and still don't, have any reason not to be.

I started reading everything they were putting out. Every little link and file they shared got under a microscope by my part.

Part of it was just paranoia - I know they're saying something terrible. There has to be something in there that says endos are all murderers or something and I'll be in so, so much trouble for being pro endo.

Part of it was just curiosity - what do they have to say? Let me take a look at that.

And then... There was absolutely nothing that made me believe they hated me specifically (more broadly, nothing in their resources that disproved the existence of endogenic plurality, but at the time that to me was equal to "if you're pro endo I hate your face and I'll be stabbing you in a dark alley first chance I get")

And... I loosened up a bit. I still didn't properly talk to them until this year, after SAS' Changing Mindsets post, and I can say I regret not reaching out sooner. I kept reading everything they were putting out, laughing at memes, and asked lots of questions. I tried going at it with more and more curiosity and less and less fear of stepping out of an imagined line.

It didn't always go well. I am very paranoid and it takes very little for me to retract into my shell like a turtle. But! I made a lot of progress with that, too. I also learned that a) I don't have to immediately respond to asks, comments, etc out of impulse or anger, I can actually take my time! and b) I don't have to reply at all if I don't want to!!! How great is that!!!!!

I don't know why people keep saying that you can't be friends with pro/antis. That's what I needed to do! I needed to get the fuck out of my own head, get to know other people, talk to them, see where they're coming from.

Though I wouldn't say I'm friends with them exactly, simply because friend to me has a specific connotation, but they are nice people who I love talking to. Who'd have thought the Scary Anti Endo could be *reads notes* a person with their own interests and hobbies?? Oh SHIT this is NEW.

Enough talking about my background, over to the thanks, like it's my wedding day and y'all are my best men.

Circ, Dude (and all other SAS mods, though I know half of you half as much as I would like), thank you. You've done a lot for me even if you didn't know who the fuck I was until two or three months ago. You threw some PDFs and links over to my general direction and, man, I needed that.

I've been very bad. And then I've been slightly better, and then very bad again, and I'm better again. This time I don't plan on going very bad again though. I hope I can get better every day.

[godbrks]

❘ ❘ ❘ ▌ # 𝙶𝙾𝙳𝙱𝚁𝙺𝚂 ▌ : an original character , WELLS STUTLER : originally introduced AUGUST 2022 — reworked into a supernatural setting as of MAY 2025. as weaved by DRUID ( they / them lesbian + 23 + asd / bpd ). this blog is strictly 20+ due to mature themes being present; DD:DNE applies. private + mutually EXCLUSIVE, friends &. plot = priority.

→ 𝗟𝗜𝗡𝗞𝗦 : ⌞ SITE. HC TAG. PROMPT TAG. BLOGROLL. ⌝

❘ ❘ ❘ ▌ 𝙰 𝚂𝚃𝚄𝙳𝚈 𝙸𝙽 : BITING THE HAND THAT FEEDS. [ ... ] even iron still fears the rot. [ ... ] FILTH BEGETS FILTH. [ ... ] damned by the narrative . [ ... ] in order to feel adequate you cannot stop consuming [ ... ] i'm not a bad dog / I DON'T KNOW WHY I BITE. [ ... ] i'd bleed for anything if it held me the right way.

CHOSEN NAME: wells jeremiah stutler. DATE OF BIRTH: august 3rd. AGE: 19 – 27, VERSE DEPENDENT. SPECIES: werewolf. GENDER: transmasc nonbinary. he/they. ORIENTATION: pansexual. panromantic. SHIPPING STATUS: open for NEW SHIPS, with or without plotting. RESIDENCE: born &. raised in STATEN ISLAND, new york. RELIGION: cynical, god-hating agnostic. METAL CONDITIONS: ADHD &. depression (DIAGNOSED). BPD (UN-DIAGNOSED). paranoia. sensory sensitivities. PHYSICAL CONDITIONS: chronic, constant HAND TREMORS. VICES: nicotine. weed. alcohol. sometimes party drugs. PHOBIAS: closed spaces. being underground. POSITIVE TRAITS: observant. LOYAL LIKE A DOG. self-sufficient. adaptable. DARING. protective. problem solver. NEGATIVE TRAITS: impulsive. OBSESSIVE. selfish. cynical. EGOCENTRIC. immature. opportunistic. unstable. SKILLS: obsessive knowledge re: MEDICATIONS &. DRUGS. situational awareness / survival focus. compartmentalization. lying &. DECEPTION. keeping a low profile. resourcefulness.

CONNECTIONS: -> MARIA STUTLER [ ... ] biological mother. alive. -> JEREMIAH REEVES [ ... ] biological father. unknown. -> LACEY MUNOZ [ ... ] half-sister, 10 yrs younger. alive. -> IAN MUNOZ [ ... ] stepfather. alive, incarcerated.

tw for: drug use, drug dealing, mentions of incarceration, mentios of self harm, mentions of unsafe transition practices.

❘ ❘ ❘ -> BACKSTORY: life taught wells the hard lessons from a young age. his father disappeared before his birth, &. his mother MARIA was single &. struggling for the first decade of his life — until IAN came into the picture. even 9-year-old wells knew his new step-dad was a piece of shit, but nothing could get him out of their 'bonding outings', which always comprised of sneaking off for ian to SELL or DO drugs behind maria's back. night after night it was drug dens, halfway houses, abandoned buildings — places a child NEVER should've been. eventually the outings turned to ian sending 14-yr-old wells, to do the deals FOR him. it was around this time that wells' slowly rising dysphoria reached a peak — suffering greatly under the toxic, oppressive, violent hold that ian exerted over the household. he began binding unsafely in secret, simultaneously falling into more SELF - DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIORS like drug use &. self harm. eventually, he broke down during a confrontation with his parents about the needles found in his bedroom — wells having to explain that they were for BLACK MARKET TESTOSTERONE, not hard drugs. ian was furious, but not for the reason wells had expected. his outburst was more about needing control than a true disdain for his stepson's gender transition ( he was a misogynistic asshole who never liked having 'daughters' anyways ), &. wells got a TESTOSTERONE SCRIPT.

wells was 17 when ian was PICKED UP BY THE COPS. it had always been a looming threat, but no one was prepared for it. he was sentenced to prison for numerous drug &. assault charges, leaving behind THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS OF DEBT to various dealers. with no one else to extort for the money, loan sharks forcibly picked wells up after school a few days after ian's sentencing. they threatened him, &. his mother &. sister — &. wells, with no other options available, took up his stepfather's drug running gig. he was only a kid, &. was vastly unprepared for the big game — THINGS QUICKLY FELL APART, &. he fucked up. he couldn't gather the money for one of ian's cash loans, &. it wouldn't be long before a shark SHOWED UP AT THEIR HOME; threatening his family, promising to kill them slowly — a panicked wells put an end to it with a tire iron, unknowingly triggering his LYCANTHROPY GENE.

upon realizing what he'd done, maria quickly came up with a SELF DEFENSE story to tell the police, &. packed wells' bags — sending him with little explanation to live with his PATERNAL GRANDFATHER, HUDSON REEVES. that side of the family was well aware that they carried the lycanthrope genetic, &. was prepared to handle wells' transformation. it was in his rural countryside home that wells underwent his first transition, muscles &. bones splitting apart into a glorious, wretched, agonizing REBIRTH. wells lived with his grandparents from then on, selling off the rest of his drug stash to buy more supply. eventually he rented an apartment 30 MINUTES into the city, often ESCAPING INTO THE COUNTRYSIDE to undergo his monthly transition.

❘ ❘ ❘ -> VERSES INCLUDE: the hunger games. mutant au ( marvel / dc ). yellowjackets. star wars / sci-fi. gotham city au. twilight. the vampire diaries / the originals. fantasy settings.

[alexfreakkkk]

TW! PEDOPHILIA VENT, MENTIONS OF PREGNANCY, SELFHARM AND DYSPHORIA

everyone who can understand or translate this(and if that doesn't trigger them) should watch this video. this is so important to talk about.

well, this video triggered me a bit, and that's why:

in short, the author is talking about russian famous rapper, who was grooming and raping girls. most of these who know about it are trying to excuse him, and author is explaining why there's no excuse.

i lived through kinda similar shit, but a bit worse(im not tryna underestimate the pain of any of the victims).

there was a 45+ yrs old man, and i was 11. he was grooming me every time we met. he was touching me under my shirt right in front of my mother and no one stopped him. i didn't know how to stop this, so i just let this happen. when my puberty started(i was still 11), he offered me this. and i let this happen.

since then he was doing it every weekend, was giving me alcohol, once i overdid it and ended up throwing up somewhere behind the park bushes. i was still 11. some time later i started drinking every day, and then i turned 12 yrs old. things got even worse. i tried to cut myself, i fell in love with a girl, but he was still raping me regularly. he started to offer me to come to his flat to let him do it without my mother nearby. and this lasted for about 3 next years. i don't really remember all that was happening, the only thing i remembered is my panic when i thought i was pregnant(i was 12 or 13). fortunately, i wasn't.

at the same time i was hardly bullied at school, and he was giving me that support i couldn't get from anyone else. i got attached to him even more than before. when i turned 14(or 15, i still can't remember) i told him i won't give myself to him for free, i needed money. and for every time i was receiving about 20$(that's still a lot for me, but now im trying to ignore him). I've almost cut this line, but there's still a small thread i can't cut. i don't know what to do now.

his silhouette is still haunting me everywhere i go and keeping hints of him in my every dream and nightmare. he's still in my life, and he's trying to contact me. i still can't feel my body like mine, i lost this connection in my 12. and that's one of the reasons i hate all the femine parts i have.

i don't know what to say anymore. i want everyone one of my friends to see this, but i don't wanna trigger anyone. this shit is eroding me every time im reminded about this, and i can't control when my mind is gonna remind me about it again.

i just..

i don't know.

sorry for this tonn of text, i just wanted to share that video, but this turned into vent..

[thats-so-weird]

Thoughts on So Weird's 25th Anniversary

It's hard to believe So Weird premiered 25 years ago. It feels like we JUST celebrated the 20th anniversary, but then again the pandemic has completely distorted my sense of time.

Maybe it's because I'm in my 30s now or maybe it's because I was fortunate enough to meet the wonderful actress who brought her to life, but I have discovered that I am in my Molly Phillips era and Molly has overthrown Jack as my fav.

I truly have had a different favorite character for different stages of my life and I love how as I grow older, I continue to love this show for different reasons.

Now as the show is 25, I've been doing a lot of thinking about the lost episode Chrysalis and the character Molly Phillips and the content that is on Disney Plus now and the content we were denied. It was such a missed opportunity.

At the time that So Weird was airing, I was 6-8 years old and my dad was struggling with a disease. I remember asking my mom what it was that my dad had that made him have to sleep on the couch or stay in the hospital and her just repeating "He has a disease!" until I stopped. It wasn't until I was adult that I learned he struggled with alcoholism.

At 6-8 years old, all I knew about diseases were that they could be caused by smoking and that they can kill you so I assumed it was related to his cigarette smoking and feared he was going to die. I also knew that he had stopped smoking for 4 years, around the time he and my mom got married. My sister and I are exactly 4 years and 6 days apart. At 6-8 years old I knew basic math and the conclusion that I came to was that having a second kid (me) must have bad so stressful it led him to smoking. I fully believed for my whole childhood that my mere existence was killing my dad by driving him to smoke.

That is some heavy shit to carry as a 7 year old and a whole lotta shit to unpack in therapy as an adult.

And it was all because everyone thought it was in my best interest not to explain things like alcoholism in a way that I could understand because they thought children shouldn't know about such things.

As a latchkey kid, I was raised by television as much as I was raised by my parents and if the execs at Disney would have allowed So Weird to do that issues show they were so afraid of, it could have been lifechanging. Being able to see my favorite characters discuss alcoholism and provide some context that shows and explains what it is in a way a kid could understand would have been so valuable.

But Disney was too afraid to do an issues show.

Earlier this year, I watched the new Goosebumps series on Disney+ and was surprised to see kids openly making fun of one of the moms for being a wino. I'm glad that Disney is no longer afraid to show real life situations in that alcohol is a thing that exists and kids (well, the ones who aren't extremely sheltered like I was) are aware of it. But as happy as I am to see Disney is evolving to include these elements and showing more kid-friendly horror, all I could think of was the missed opportunity they had with So Weird. They could have done so much good with Chrysalis.

One of my favorite things about So Weird as a kid was that I never felt like I was being talked down to.

As an adult, I absolutely love the depth to Molly that a past struggle with alcoholism brings. It indicates just how visceral losing Rick was, how much pain Molly was in that she needed to self-medicate it away and stop feeling feelings because they were too hard. It shows how strong she is as a person for getting her life together since then, being able to do a comeback tour and be the amazing mom we see her as. It humanizes her on such a real level. She's the best portrayal of a tv mom because she very much is a MOM-- she doesn't try to be best friends with her kids, but she makes sure they know they can talk to her and go to her for help.

Dealing with my dad's unexpected death in my early 20s (which was surprisingly not due to smoking, or at least not primarily) showed me that my parents are above all else PEOPLE-- with flaws, with struggles, who just did the very best they could with the hand life dealt them. Molly represents that so well and I think it's why I've been drawn to her lately.

25 years of So Weird and I am still finding so much to relate to and gush about with this show.

Forever keeping the faith that one day So Weird's full story will be told, either by graphic novel or reboot.

It is still absolutely timeless.