#good to see the fandom is still holding up
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βͺ ππ ππβ ππ¦ ππ¦ π·ππππ $πππ ππ‘. πβπ ππππππ οΌ ππ‘βπππ βͺ
ΰΌΊ Headcanons ΰΌ»
Headcanon ~ Tokyo Revengers (Separate) x Female Reader
Summary ~ Smut scenes with some of the guys.
Featuring ~ Sano Manjiro, Ryuguji Ken, Mitsuya Takashi, Baji Keisuke, Hanemiya Kazutora, Matsuno Chifuyu, Kawata Brothers, Tetta Kisaki, Shuji Hanma, Kokonoi Hajime, Inui Seishu, Kurokawa Izana, Kakucho, Haitani Brothers, Sanzu Haruchiyo, Sano Shinichiro, Akashi Takeomi, and Imaushi Wakasa
Extra Notes ~ *Some will be darker than others but not nearly as dark as I usually write. Also, the Haitani brothers, Kawata brothers, and Kokonoi and Inui are going to be duos.
*Guess who my favorite character is. I have a few but try to name my top one or two. :)
This story should only be posted under eempyreall on my tumblr. Report if you see it posted under anyone else but me.
l apologize if I get any Japanese etiquette or culture wrong, I literally have to research the culture for some of my fandom stories so if anything is wrong, please excuse my ignorance.
Warning ~
You and the characters are 21+. Although I picture the reader as a black cis-gendered female, physical appearance will not be described at all.
Content within this story may not be realistic or factual.
I do not condone any of the behavior displayed within the story.
There may be dark content such as: gore, violence, triggering topics, graphic scenes, vulgar language, explicit content, sexual content, non consensual and/or dubious consensual content, etc.
That being said, this story is for 18+ only.
πππππ¦οΌ
Mikey has you sitting on his lap with his fingers wrapped around the underside of your thighs. He holds your legs up as his thick, lengthy cock is still, plunged deep within the walls of your vagina as you both lean back against the headboard.
βIs this what you want?β His deep voice whispers into your ear as he lifts his hips slightly.
His eyes are heavy-lidded as he peeked through his eyelashes, blonde strands flat against his face from the sweat beading through his skin. He releases a breathy groan as he feels your pussy clench around him, his own girth pulsating, swollen and wet as he adjusted himself.
You accidentally let a grunt slip from your lips as your hips twitched, the clamping of your vagina walls caused the head of his cock to rub against your g-spot with each muscle movement.
βFuck,β you whimpered, the warmth in your abdomen building as your head dropped backwards.
βYouβre so fucking dirty. Squeezing around me like that,β he said with his voice eerily calm. His grip tightened around your thighs.
Your hips twitch as you feel the cock pulsing inside of you. Your pussy continues to clench around the cock as he holds you in place.
βMβMikey, I canβt hold out anymore,β you sobbed.
He didnβt respond as he propped his knees higher before thrusting into you.
ΰΌΊββββββββββββββββββββββββΰΌ»
π·ππππποΌ
The beast pistons his hips against your bottom as your upper body lay curved against the bed, his broad figure leaning over your form as one of his hands is flat against the bed.
βGoddamn,β he grunts as he thrusts into you harder. He chuckled as he eyed the side of your face, his eyes narrowed with sweat streaming down his forehead. βIβm fucking you that good, huh?β
Your eyes are rolled into the back of your head as you lie your face on your crossed arms. Your lips are apart as you feel his cock stretch your vaginal walls.
He groaned when he felt you clench around him, an extra wad of gushing moisture leaking out of you as you orgasm with a loud sob.
ΰΌΊββββββββββββββββββββββββΰΌ»
πππ‘π π’π¦ποΌ
His tongue glides against your nipple as he holds your breastβhis cock sliding into you slowly as his other hand holds one of your legs upright. He gazed at you through slanted eyes as you met his thrusts.
βYouβre taking me in so well, Y/n,β he moaned, leaning forward to rest into the nook of your neck.
You canβt speak because of the passionate plunges that leave you leaking and quivering against his body. He pulled back as he smirked down at you, accelerating his pace as his bangs and lilac strands flap against his skin.
βThat feel good for you?β He moaned as he hovered over you with one hand planted by your head and the other still holding onto your leg. His head dropped forward as he bit his lip, his thrusts becoming harder.
βFuck, Takashi,β you whimpered as your head fell back. You both groaned at the sound of the impact of wet skin-on-skin contact as he fucked you.
ΰΌΊββββββββββββββββββββββββΰΌ»
π΅ππποΌ
Half of your body is leaning on the bed while your feet are on the ground. Baji is resting his upper body on your back as his length viciously slides in-and-out of your pussy.
βDamn,β he breathed, his arms circling around your waist tightly as he lay on your back. βYour pussy is so fucking good, Y/n,β he groaned.
You moaned as you felt the sweat intensify on your back. His thrusts are deep with momentum and your legs are trembling from weakness. If it wasnβt for the bed, you would have fallen out seconds ago.
You feel him bite your side as he brings himself to orgasm.
βBβBaji, pull out!β You exclaim when you feel his cock pulse inside of you. You are not on birth control at the moment, and he did not put on a condom. It was risky, but you couldnβt deny his seduction as much as you tried.
He couldnβt care less if you ended up pregnant with his child. Then youβd be tied to him for a long time.
βHehe, youβre gonna take all this cum,β he smirked against your skin before speeding his pace.
ΰΌΊββββββββββββββββββββββββΰΌ»
πΎππ§π’π‘ππποΌ
You both were on the bed as you sat on top of him, rolling your hips on his cock that penetrated you. His grip on your hips is tight as he guides you along with his thrusts. He had his bottom lip caught between his teeth and a red hue crossing over his face.
His eyes were teary as he gazed at you from below. His staring was so intense that you tried to look away, only for him to reach for your jaw to force your attention back on him.
βHow could you ever leave me, huh? Who else could fuck you like this?β His voice almost bordered a whisper as he pulled your face closer to his own.
Your eyebrows are furrowed as tears stream down your faceβthe head of his cock grinding against your g-spot has you clenching him tightly as a leak of cum dribbles down his girth.
You had broken up with him because you suspected him of cheating on youβsomething that he has done in the past. Everytime you try to leave him, despite whatever reason, he never leaves you alone. Heβll stalk you, threaten you, and heβs even tried to baby-trap you a couple of times.
In this case, he manipulated you with tears and promises that he may or may not keep.
βWho else would love you like I do, baby? Nobody could ever love you more than me,β he breathed before pulling you into a heated kiss. You both moaned into each othersβ mouths as he thrust into you harder.
ΰΌΊββββββββββββββββββββββββΰΌ»
πΆβπππ’π¦π’οΌ
βFuck,β he hissed as you rode him in reverse. His hands are gripping your ass as he guides you against his thrusts. βThatβs so fucking good, Y/n,β he groaned.
Your vaginal walls suck him deeper as he eyed the creamy build up oozing on his cock. His eyes are heavy-lidded as he bites his lip. Thereβs a red hue on his face as his black bangs flap against his head.
Both of you are moving so hard that you feel every beat to your g-spot.
Suddenly, you were caught off guard as he grasped your sides, pushing you onto all fours as he reattached his cock to your inner walls. You groaned as he snatched your hips, thrusting harder and faster as he hovered above you.
βYeah, thatβs fucking good, babe,β he moaned as he smacked your ass.
ΰΌΊββββββββββββββββββββββββΰΌ»
ππβππ¦π οΌ πππ’π¦ποΌ
βMake sure you donβt hurt her too much, Smiley,β Souya said as he caressed your head, his cock deep into your throat as you gagged.
Your body rocks against the man behind you as he enthusiastically fucks into you with his hands grasping your thighs.
βYou tell me that while you make her choke on your dick,β Nahoya chuckled as he accelerated his pace, a wide grin on his expression.
You whimpered as you bobbed your head against the slicked cock inside of your mouth. Saliva and semen slide down your chin as Nahoya curses from your pussy clamping around his girth.
ΰΌΊββββββββββββββββββββββββΰΌ»
πΎππ ππποΌ
βThere you go,β he says as he guides your head to take his cock all the way into your mouth. βLook at me.β
When you shift your gaze to him, you can see the lust circling through his glasses. His eyes are sharp, piercing down at you. For a moment, his head dropped backwards, his adamβs apple bobbing as he swallowed.
Your eyes squint when the head of his cock reaches the back of your throat. His hand held you in place as he lifted his hips. He released a grunt before pulling back and thrusting himself into you with more force.
Tears prick your eyes as he fucks your mouth. You feel pain forming on your knees from kneeling on the hard surface for too long. You tightened your lips around his cock as he grinds against your mouth.
βFuck,β he breathed. βThatβs good. Just like that.β
ΰΌΊββββββββββββββββββββββββΰΌ»
π»ποΏ½οΏ½οΏ½πποΌ
Hanmaβs golden irises bore into you as his tattooed hands hold your thighs apart. His tongue flicks your clit before sucking the bud and repeating the motion.
Your hips twitch as you pull against the restraints on your wrists. He pulls back, kissing your clit, before lifting his hand to his mouth. He slowly sucks the middle finger as he eyed you.
You turn away from the intense look in his eyes before he climbs to hover over you.
βYou think Iβm gonna let you ignore me?β He smiled as he grasped your jaw with the wet hand. βI only want you to focus on me.β
This time, he brings his middle and index finger to his lips before lathering them with saliva. While he balanced himself over you, he lowered his hand to your vagina.
As he watched your flushed expression, he rubbed against your slit before rolling a finger against your clit. You felt yourself gush out more cum from your pussy as you pulsate against him.
βI went through so much trouble just to get you here. You owe me a kiss,β he said before leaning in and attaching his lips to yours just as he slid both fingers into your pussy.
ΰΌΊββββββββββββββββββββββββΰΌ»
πΎππππππ οΌ πΌππ’ποΌ
βYouβre being too soft on her, Seishu,β Koko says behind you as he holds your thighs up with gloved hands. βI donβt think little bitches deserve to have their pain eased.β
His thick cock was embedded within the walls of your ass. The lengthy girth stretched you open painfully as Koko shoved himself deeper in you. You grunt in pain as you sob.
βHβHajime, Iβm sorry,β you plead. βIβI wonβt disrespect you again.β
βItβs too late for that,β he responded with a sultry tone. You could hear the smirk in his voice.
Your body jolts as you feel Inuiβs lips press against your clit. He gives teasing little kisses to the swollen bud as he uses a thumb to pull the hood back. He pulled back as he eyed you while sitting upright between your legs.
βYou should focus on thanking me instead of apologizing. You know that Koko isnβt very forgiving,β he said lowly with the usual heavy-lidded gaze on his expression. His lips are wet with your juices.
You wince at the nails piercing your thighs. βWell, what are you waiting for?β Kokonoi questioned before biting your earlobe.
βThank you, Seishu! IβI really appreciate what you do for me!β
ΰΌΊββββββββββββββββββββββββΰΌ»
πΌπ§ππποΌ
Your arms are hanging above your head with tight restraints wrapped around your wrists. You are kneeling on the floor, as you ride the vibrator with a flushed expression.
Izana sits in a chair, similar to a throne, as he sits leaning against the palm of his hand. He is fully clothed, unlike you who is completely exposed in front of him. His leg is crossed over as his expression holds a content, mischievous smile.
βThatβs right, Y/n. Go faster,β he commanded. βIf you keep holding back your moans, you will be punished.β
You comply with his demands as your eyes squint with tears streaming down your face. The look in his eye is hypnotic as he observes you.
ΰΌΊββββββββββββββββββββββββΰΌ»
πΎπππ’πβποΌ
βIβI canβt go any longer, Kaku!β You exclaim in pain.
You have already orgasmed four times since your session started. At this point, the cock beating against your g-spot hurts as the feeling makes your clit go numb.
The sheets under you are a stained mess of fluids from the non-stop fucking session. Your head is pulled back against the pillow as you scrunch your nose.
βI know you can handle it, angel. You can take it,β he said with a raspy voiceβkissing your ear as his hand is pressing the top of your head.
His other arm is folded under your armpit as his fingers clamp down on your shoulderβhis thrusting hard as he fucks you missionary style. He chases his own release as he accelerates his pace.
ΰΌΊββββββββββββββββββββββββΰΌ»
π
ππ οΌ π
πποΌ
You feel so full.
You have two thick cocks plunged deep within your inner walls.
βShit,β Rin hissed. βSheβs so fucking tight.β
Heβs under you, grasping your body in an almost bone-crushing hold as he gets closer and closer to his own release. His length plunges deep into the slicked hole of your anus, your anal walls gripping him.
βYeah, Iβm gonna cum soon,β Ran grunts in your opposite ear as he thrusts inside your vagina, his body hovering over you along with his long hair that tickles you.
Your head falls back as you hold onto Ranβs shoulders. You sob loudly as they thrust into you faster. The older brother lifts his head to see that your eyes are rolled in the back of your head and your lips are apart.
βYou should see her face, Rin,β Ran breathed a chuckle. βOur slut is taking dick like a pro.β
βMakes sense,β he pants in response. βI wonder if weβll break her.β
ΰΌΊββββββββββββββββββββββββΰΌ»
ποΏ½οΏ½ππ§π’οΌ
The blonde-haired man has his mask pulled down with a finger as he licks your clit. He eyes your expression with an intense, heavy-lidded gaze as he closes his lips around the bud.
You moan as your head falls back, the weight causing you to pull against the restraints wrapped around your wrists. The feeling of his tongue flicking your clit, along with the slow suckles, feels heavenly as you rock your hips slightly against the feeling.
You feel so exposed as he has you sprawled out and naked while he is fully clothed. His expression is one of deviancy, mischief, and amusement as he sucked your clit.
You feel him remove his mouth as he pulls the mask completely off. He used the index and middle finger of one hand to spread your pussy lips open while pulling the hood that conceals your clit back with his other thumb.
Your body jolts as he blows air against the swollen bud.
βOh god,β you whimpered as he planted a small, soft kiss to your clit. He followed with another, and anotherβhis lips barely grazing the bud. His blue irises shined through his platinum eyelashes as he stared at you through it all.
βYouβre so swollen,β he said, his voice soft. βI can tell that youβre really turned on by this, Y/n.β
He climbed on top of you at a patient pace until he reached your torso, his thumbs caressing the skin of your sides as he eyed you with a flushed face.
βI can help you. Iβll fuck you right now,β he begins as he tilts his head. βOnly if youβll beg for it.β
ΰΌΊββββββββββββββββββββββββΰΌ»
πβππππβππποΌ
His hands are grasping your hips as you ride him in the chair. He eyes you with a heavy-lidded gaze as he grunts softly. He lifts his hips to meet yours as you grind against his cock.
You moan as you hold onto his shoulders, the head of his cock rubbing against your g-spot as both of your thrusts get harder.
He slides his fingers around your neck before pulling you down, both of your heads pressed together as he uses his free hand to grab the cigarette between his lips. You already know the drillβopening your mouth as he blew the smoke in.
He sets the cigarette between your lips, all while eyeing you with a lustful gaze before both of his hands wrap around your ass.
βYouβre so good to me, Y/n.β
ΰΌΊββββββββββββββββββββββββΰΌ»
ππππππποΌ
You're kneeling on the couchβs cushion while your upper body is flat against its surface. Takeomi has a hand on your ass with one foot propped on the sofa as he thrusts into your pussy.
He brings the cigar to his lips before sucking in a puff as he guides you to take his cock in further.
βAβAkashi, fuckingβslow down!β You exclaim from the cushion. He blows the smoke out casually as he continued to fuck into you at his desired pace.
He groaned when your inner walls clenched around his thick length.
βThought I told you to call me, Takeomi,β he said before leaning his head back, his cock pulsating inside you. βWhy should I listen to you when you donβt listen to me?β
ΰΌΊββββββββββββββββββββββββΰΌ»
πππππ ποΌ
βShit,β he breathed out as he held your head in place, testicles tickling your chin as he stood over your face.
He has one foot on the couch while the other balanced him on the floor. You are sitting up half way as the head of his cock rests snug on your throat.
His heavy-lidded eyes stare down at you while you gag against his hold. You shut your eyes tightly, only for him to yank you back. You cough as saliva and semen run down your chin.
βI didnβt say you could look away,β he said with a flat tone. Your hands reach his thighs as he forces your mouth back around his cock.
He grunts as he forces you to bob your head against him while standing over you.
#yandere tokyo revengers#tokyo revengers smut#tokyo revengers#tokyo rev smut#tokyo rev x reader#tokyo revengers x reader#tokyo revengers headcanons#sano mikey manjiro#ken ryuguji#mitsuya takashi#baji keisuke#kazutora hanemiya#chifuyu matsuno#kisaki tetta#hanma shuji#kokonoi hajime#inui seishu#izana kurokawa#kakucho#ran haitani#rindou haitani#sanzu haruchiyo#shinichiro sano#takeomi akashi#wakasa imaushi#eetherealgoddess#eetherealgoddesss#eempyreall#nahoya kawata#souya kawata
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The novelita really hit the gas pedal these episodes and everyone is still reeling (worth mentioning, maybe, that this post is hella lengthy and rambles about various characters and plotlines) And by everyone I mean the fandom, because the characters themselves jumped through some mental hoops and, allegedly, stuck the landing? Kinda. Sorta. Maybe. 1. I think it makes sense for Fina to have spent the night at the colony. They are, after all, trying to keep a low profile as much as possible, even if it hurts to be apart. And Marta couldn't have visited Fina's room without raising suspicion or confirming rumors. Therefore, because their circumstances are as painful as they are? Marta has to fall apart on her own and Fina ends up finding out from the newspaper.
2. Marta's devastation when Fina all but begs her to please, marry Pelayo? To please do it for them, for herself and for Fina too? Because the rumor-mill, the slurs and the danger they are in? Itβs all suffocating? Because Fina cannot bear the thought of Marta being exposed and unprotected and because they need a safety net that actually works? Because all Fina wants is to be with Marta, unafraid, and sees Pelayo's proposal as the only way to achieve their dream of a life together, long-term?
It goes without saying there is nothing Marta wouldn't do for Fina: she'd walk through fire, she'd cross an ocean and she'd wear the shackles of a marriage she doesn't want. After all, the sole reason Marta, despondently, acquiesces? Is because she witnesses Fina's own despair. And that breaks Marta. It breaks her heart and her resolve and sets them down an unknown path. One they are hoping will lead to protection for them both and a life together. But one that is also riddled with unknown variables and the unexpected. Which is, I assume, where the upcoming drama stems from.
While theirs will no longer be a relationship that solely involves the two of them? This doesnβt mean it wonβt be rewarding. Yes, it would seem Pelayo is here to stay. Whether we like it or not, and as well-intentioned as he may be, he will also become a center-piece, weighing on their time together.
At any rate, this marriage has social, financial and personal consequences neither of them is truly aware of. It will be interesting to see them explore it. If they carve out a path as friends and accomplices, who care about each other and protect each other? It will be a joy to watch.
I know we'd all like Marta & Fina to live happily ever after in their own little bubble. But is it a viable scenario? I think not. Itβs not sustainable on a show and itβs not sustainable in real life. More so, Marta & Fina exist as characters outside of Mafin. They have their own obligations, ambitions and desires and there will always be other people, or circumstances, demanding their time and attention. What matters? Is that at the end of the day they find their way back to each other. They are each otherβs home, and so to each other they eagerly return.
In the meantime? Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that pent up need? It will be waiting for the right moment to be unleashed. Their most passionate moments (the EMPOTRAMIENTO and Despachamiento) were a direct result of being kept apart somehow, of missing each other desperately, of reaching a breaking point where holding back ceased to be an option. I, for one, am all in favor of that kind of delicious tension and angst. It makes their coming together (pun very much intended) all the more satisfying. Meanwhile, weβll have to see what happens with OP (Operation Pelayo). Who knows, theirs might end up being a long engagement that doesnβt culminate in marriage. Pelayo might end up simply being the ally Marta needs in the boardroom. Wherever they take this? My hope is they become good friends, the three of them. Los tres Diverteros. All for gay and gay for all.
I mean. This kind of scenes are peak comedy. The music, the expressions, the gestures. I hope they keep at it.
And on to arid pastures. TOSSio de la Ruina is a treacherous, back-stabbing lowlife. I find myself wondering if this character can be redeemed. Personally, I don't think so anymore and Iβm done holding out hope. Truth be told, Iβd really enjoy seeing him fall with the Merino. It's only a matter of time.
The nepo-baby who claims he didnΒ΄t ascend due to preferential treatment is named second in command because he voted for the Merino. ItΒ΄s utterly laughable. He also runs his mouth claiming heΒ΄s the same old Tossio and a surname wonΒ΄t change him? Well, newsflash. His every move is motivated by a profound feeling of inadequacy. He never stops feeling like heβs on the outside looking in. Never stops feeling he is less. But he misunderstands the reason. He is less not because heβs the illegitimate son. He his less because of a lack of moral fiber and an abundance of self-righteous pettiness and delusions of grandeur.
Speaking of Tossio being pretty. The chip on his shoulder? Of not feeling equal to his siblings? Heβs so profoundly obfuscated by it itβs hilarious. In some ways, he will never be their equal. Not because of social standing or them looking down on him. They will always be different because they grew up in different worlds.
That being said, Fina is the best example that such differences donβt really matter. The woman Marta proudly calls her wife belongs to the working class. And Marta couldnβt be more proud of her, brimming with admiration and respect. Fina? Fina is every bit Martaβs equal. But TOSSio? He might as well carry a sign around his neck reading Itβs me, Hi. Iβm the problem, itβs me.
And thatβs why Tossio de la Ruina and the MeriNO? A match made in treason and one of the main reasons this business formula will fail, spectacularly. Iceberg, right ahead. The Titanic also had a crew and look where it got them. After all, Joaquin knows he gave Marta's former position to Tossio solely because he voted for him. Not so long ago he too was condemning Tossio's every move and didn't agree with DamiΓ‘n ascending him. In fact, he vehemently disapproved of it, same as Marta. And look at him now: taking over via manipulations, treachery and favoritism. They will fail so badly and I cannot wait to see it all blow up in their faces.
I mean. Itβs already started. Luis in charge of logistics, Tossio second in command? They only need to promote Gema as Encargada, replacing Carmen, and idiocy will reign supreme. If that were to happen, watch Tossio rejoice because heβd finally have Carmen where he truly wants her: jobless, while he plays man of the house. Oh well. Place the cart before the horse, why donβt you. See how it all goes. It would seem the Merino have inherited their fatherβs nose for business, or lack thereof. Leading the business has left no one unscathed, so it will be fun to watch the Merino eat dirt and choke on it. Also. Will be interesting to see if Carmen sides with husband dearest, given she's still annoyed with Marta. That brief phone call with Tossio, in which she sounded thrilled with his ascension and promised to celebrate it with pomp and circumstance upon her return? It gives me pause. Carmen has been shown to be fair and righteous, taking shit from no one. Should she end up not caring her husband betrayed the very woman who supported and ascended Carmen? Who ascended them both? Well. Letβs just say it would be hugely disappointing and a complete 180 for this character. My hope is sheβll, rightfully, give him hell. Weβll have to wait and see.
It also just hit me that Carmenβs kind of the catalyst for Tossio poor decisions. Ever since she dropped the ball on Marta and Finaβs relationship? Tossio has been seeing things that arenβt and making piss-poor decisions based on optical-delusions. Knowing that Fina is Martaβs partner has led him down a path of outlandish conclusions. The mental gymnastics this man performs defy all reason. I canβt wait for his brilliance to shine upon the new directorship. 1 + 1 and weβre all done! Drunk on power, heβs already started making bad decisions and exasperating his partner in crime. Downhill, with aplomb, yes siree.
And damn, I absolutely loved Marta ignoring him completely and bypassing him as if he were a stain on the carpet. Iβm surprised he didnβt freeze over when she glided past. Ice Queen Marta is a thing of beauty.
It also seems Carpena is dead set on removing Marta entirely. He's not satisfied with having deposed as her CEO. No, he knows she's the Queen on this chess board, the one who could hinder their plans. I suspect the Merino will soon find themselves at a crossroads, faced with a familiar conundrum: either make the same choice DamiΓ‘n lived to regret, or show some backbone. Should the plotline lead there, it will be interesting to see how they handle it. Ultimately, trying to destroy Marta for loving a woman, because they cannot destroy her any other way? It might just be the wake-up call they need. Carpena will continue to push for that particular outcome, no doubt about it. Weβll have to see if the Merino's much touted moral checks and balances actually hold, or if their desire for power irrevocably blinds them.
Iβd also love to see a Fina vs. Digna confrontation. Honestly, Fina's reaction once she learns Digna was instrumental in deposing Marta? It would be high on my list. To learn that this woman, who claims to love her like a daughter, used information about them to further her own agenda against Martaβs family. And, ultimately, against Marta herself, whom she also claims to love. Digna needs a good dose of unvarnished truth and Fina delivering it? Would be chefβs kiss. I can also see Digna trying to badmouth Marta once she learns about her marriage to Pelayo: of course she'd throw you aside for power, she's a de la Reina. Alright, alright, I confess. I really want to see Fina rip Digna a new one.
Last but not least. Of course Andres is innocent of murder. The only thing he does is Begona. The rest of the time he can be found between the pages of the dictionary, under the definition of useless. He doesn't deserve Martaβa loyalty. He truly doesn't. El soso mΓ‘s inutil del planeta. Then again, Martaβs the bigger person. Always has been. Special mention to DamiΓ‘nβs all-knowing grin, confronting Marta about her impending nuptials? Gurl, I wasn't born yesterday so out with the fine-print.
DamiΓ‘nβs recently upgraded gaydar working overtime:
I may not be as modem as you, young folk. But I know youβre all about WIFE-I Marta. This Lan connection business offers the security of jiber optics but itβs not the way youβre routed. Did I troubleshoot that or what? *wink wink, nudge nudge*
I love their dynamic so much.
Post-cleanser needed because Iβve spent way too much time ranting about undesirables.
Iβll never get over the way Fina and Marta look at each other. The way they melt for each other. The way their love and devotion for each other cannot be contained. Ever. They way they seek each other out constantly, needing to be close, needing to touch, to reaffirm and love. They are each otherβs home. Endlessly.
#mafin#mafin commentary#mafin speculation#marta de la reina#fina valero#marta x fina#marta y fina#sdl#suenos de libertad#q
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rdj the (whitewashed) electric boogaloo
This is a reminder to everyone who's excited about RDJ's casting as Doctor Doom that this casting is whitewashing. Victor Von Doom is a Romani character and has been a Romani character since his introduction in the 1960s. (Fantastic Four Annual #2 [1964]) Not only that, but his Roma identity and the persecution he and his family faced due to it is integral to his character, it is what forms his identity. (Books of Doom by Ed Brubaker) Even if on the off chance this casting is meant to not be Victor but instead be some variant of Tony or whomever else becoming Doctor Doom, it is damaging to the character to rob him of that important cultural background. Doctor Doom does not exist without that history. Fans have been pushing hard to cast Doom as a Romani actor for years, especially since the MCU has whitewashed other Romani characters. (Wanda, Pietro, etc) This casting is not a celebration moment, it's fucking heartbreaking that the MCU repeatedly ignores the important and nuanced cultural backstories of characters.
I know I can't change anybody's mind on whether or not you want to be excited about RDJ's return to the MCU. But I do think at the very least you should be mad that the MCU is baiting us all and destroying nuanced and interesting characters for the sake of self-referential easter eggs and nostalgia bait. Because that's what it is. Feel how you'd like to feel about RDJ's return, but personally, this is soul-sucking. I had such a deep love for the MCU as a teenager, it was obviously something incredibly formative to me, especially Tony Stark. This isn't recreating what I fell in love with the MCU for. This is turning a well-planned and artistic storyline of adaptations into cheap cash grabs and fan service. Because, I think we're past the point of being able to call the MCU an adaptation of anything. They can use existing characters' names and powers, but to say they're being properly adapted is laughable.
This is not an adaptation of Doctor Doom. This is RDJ the Electric Boogaloo because Marvel's fear of losing the interest of dedicated MCU fans overrides their willingness to tell stories that are genuine to the characters. I don't know what there is to be excited about that. The MCU has lost its authenticity and aside from a few projects, feels heartless. Every movie is a copy of a copy. This announcement isn't something celebratory, it feels like a death knell of a cinematic universe that's so desperate to cling to relevancy it's resorting to nostalgia for a character/actor who hasn't even been dead for a decade. We're not getting anything new, we're just rinsing and repeating the same song and dance.
I get it. I love Tony Stark, his death destroyed me and I to this day, rue the ending he got in Endgame. It misunderstood his arc and it robbed him of a satisfying conclusion. But the solution to that isn't dragging the corpse out of the grave five years later to whitewash an existing character with rich and interesting nuance, just to forcibly tie his existence in the MCU to Tony. Whether he is a variant or not. Why would you want someone else's fave's legacy to be destroyed simply so your fave's legacy can go on? Hell, if we were really all so hellbent on the return of RDJ and/or Tony to the MCU, we have the multiverse for a reason. There were other ways to do it that didn't whitewash and ruin someone else. This just. Isn't something to be happy about.
#... we will not be addressing that i'm a dead blog#no one say a WORD about my inactivity for 4 years this isn't about that /lh#also if anyone tries to get smart about βromani isn't a raceβ i don't care and you can shut up.#it's an ethnic and cultural identity. and it should be portrayed correctly.#ESPECIALLY for a character like *victor von doom* of all people. like it is fundamental to him.#i would've included panels of the comics mentioned but most of them use the g-slur and i don't wish to encourage that here#like listen i don't think you need to be a comics fan to be an mcu fan. they're so divorced from each other atp#nor do i think the mcu owes complete comic accuracy. but i do think you should at *least* care when characters are whitewashed.#look. i really don't want this to be a debate on if rdj's return is good or not#i've been frankly baffled at how many old mutuals are excited but. whatever if you want him back i get it.#but it shouldn't be like this. not at the expense of a different character.#this whole thing made me realize i'm *far* more jaded and turned off to the mcu than most of you guys are.#which is fair you can still be an mcu fan. if it brings you joy i'm so happy for you#but how does this like. bring joy i don't get it.#this is soulless. it's uninspired. it's done purely for shock value.#i occasionally get asks to this blog about why i left and asking me to come back#and i get it. i *want* to come back.#but i don't *care* about the mcu anymore. this is not the franchise i fell in love with.#i don't recognize what once meant everything to me.#winteriron will always hold a special place in my heart (as will tony stark)#but like. i just don't have love for it. and it sucks that this bullshit from marvel actively kills the love i had.#this sours tony stark to me. i'm sorry but it does. because was it really worth this? is this what his legacy has become?#this does cheapen his legacy btw. like without question. it turns him into a cheap cameo reference. heart of the mcu my ass.#my fandom circles have *massively* changed#i'm now entirely surrounded by comics fans bc my primary fandom is dc comics. that's what i'm up to these days#and the difference was actually baffling to me. everyone i follow now is *pissed* about this. comics twitter is so mad.#and then i see ppl on here excited and i'm just genuinely surprised this is something you want. i don't get it.#i don't say that to be rude. i just don't get it. how is *this* actually something people *want*.#do i still care about marvel? eh.#i like winter soldier comics and i could give a comprehensive rec list. and i read some other characters i deeply enjoy.
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there are simply so many things about ""fandom"" that are profoundly baffling to me
#i just dont see the point. what is there to get out of this#as one person's niche specialty sure we've all got dumb shit to go to bat for#but as things 'fandom' as a broad group of people love doing constantly all the time? like. why#ill tell you man i dont love that my ''thing'' right now is an actually large/popular franchise#actually impossible to avoid 'the 'fandom' types' and fandomization as a whole.#bringing back a nastier side of me id rather not revisit.#i dont go out of my way to interact with fandom ever but my work is such#that it's usually pretty good at attracting the kind of people i do vibe with so its still chill#but with such large audiences even a niche crowd is far less.... discerning#and then of course whatever the algorithm picks up and shows you is going to be far less catered. i dont CARE. uuuggghhhh#glass houses of course im hardly any better myself these days. but like.#i think if you dont hold at least a little contempt for the term/concept of ''fandom'' im going to be wary of you.#i look out from my glass house and i think what the FUCK are you doing over there
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I got hit by a huge wave of nostalgia and fell back into the Undertale rabbithole and I just couldn't resist the urge to make a Handplates skeleton lore accurate oc who I am pretty proud of ngl :] adawd
#funnily enough it all started with me finding a commentary of an undertale analog horror#and then i got the mood to play the game and sorta please my inner child by actually completing a true pacifist route#like I shit you not when I first played as a child i just got stuck on the final boss and that was it#i was seething#anyway after that i remembered that a good friend of mine really likes handplates and that I never finished it so I decided#to start watching it and now i'm obsessed X<X#and looking back it's kinda funny how from like my cringey sans fangirl era i grew so much that i can make a balanced and imo well designed#character. still when i was searching other stuff within the fandom it was still nostalgic and sort of heartwarming and interesting to see#how easy it was to impress me at such a young age. man T_T /pos#tbh Undertale holds such a special place in my heart#thinking back if i didn't have these sorta nerdy fixations and interests I would've probably just crumbled and i'm not joking. I'm glad#these things exist#anyway I should probably make an OC intro of this guy sometime#he's called Dr. T. N. Roman btw :] and they're aroace#also they're in a qpr with Gaster bc I love him and yippee#I kinda imagine these silly skeletons like the gems from steven universe (my friend brought this up originally)#like the idea that they have special customs and they probably copulate and multiply differently/asexually.#tbh this kinda skeleverse is steven universe for mlm people /j#auramoeba's art corner#thus spoke auramoeba#auramoeba's ocs#undertale#undertale oc#fan oc#skeleton oc#w d gaster#nostalgia#doomed yaoi
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still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)
#alek insanity#not gonna main tag this but prepare for a tiny rant#home is actually really good zane characterization and its super cool to me how it holds up to this day#s1 characterization is very specific to me because the behaviors displayed by the ninja there (mostly) isnt bc thats how they really are but#its due to societal pressure. cole originally being more 'stone faced tough guy' -> 'down to earth' -> 'really sensible easy to talk to guy'#is because hes always been a sensitive guy... but he felt he couldnt express that true version of himself. thats the whole thing behind his#true potential. jay going from s1 -> s6 -> now is less of societal pressure and more teenager figuring himself out but it still applies. ish#seeing how much the ninja have changed or grown from then to now is amazing because back then they all wore masks. they didnt know each#other all that well. but theyve gained that comfortability with each other and also have grown and matured as people#some seasons / eps characterization for certain people im not a fan of (lloyds random misogyny arc in s13) but i mean the overall trend here#and then there is zane. zane in home was pretty dead on to how he behaves now (at least... when it comes to his faults?) and i dont want to#say people skim over that but i am the sf proclaimed n1 s1e2 fan and overthink every scene. zane's early characterization is some of my fav#for him period. he also goes through a ton of traumatic stuff and a ton of bad writing bouts but why he acts so 'weird' or 'distant' has#always been a thread sewn in. he changed so much he stayed the same in a way... if that makes sense. -> ohhh the ninja get mail and he#doesnt? oh he has no family? he quite literally walks away from that situation. oh the ninja are yelling in his face and asking whats wrong#with him? he literally walks away from that situation. he says its to follow the falcon but seeing how he apologized to them by not only#baking a ton of pies (cough... the food fight is what led to him leaving at first) but he also found them a whole entire new house.#zane is unable to truly value what he does for others. insert him in s11 saying he 'tried' to fufill his goal of protecting others.#everything he has ever done still isnt good enough. then the ninja tried to apologize and he didnt really... let them.#that one post about characters putting on facades and that facade being how people really see them. even in fandom. thats zane to me#the guy who lies about being upset and avoids his problems ran away after being yelled at? and he said he wasnt really mad? that is a lie!!#him being a ~360 when it comes to his character development is neat to me because he never hid behind a mask in the same way the others did#cole wanting to seem tough vs being really soft? kai wanting approval so bad he starts being selfish? kai isnt selfish usually!#he is self centered but that is a whole different thing. just wanting to fit in and breaking free of that. zane's true potential came in the#form of 'i finally know why i am not normal' instead of 'i will be my true self'. zane never pretended to not be weird#(instert book) states he literally didnt know why people got mad at him. he just existed and it was 'wrong'. the mask he hid behind was#avoidance. he was pretty open about how he actually was (most of the time). when he was upset he would audibly sigh and walk away lol#but for him saying he wasnt upset / saddened by the ninja... it felt like a moment of selflessness. if that makes sense. he blamed himself#for the monestary burning down. so he didnt deserve the apologies (ish) in the virtues of spinjitzu zane is shown as the generous one iirc#he puts the needs of others over his own. he will bear whatever burden he needs if others are happy. at that same time he doesnt allow
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honestly the y**ngi dui situation is one of the most interesting events that has unfolded in kpop... maybe it's bc he was my ult for ~3 years and my dad loves him (he has not spoken a word to me about The Situation tho so idk how he feels) but i do think the reaction that came out of fans is why it's so compelling for me to follow to a T
#this is probably the biggest scandal out of any of them in the last few years since they have been mega popular#to be clear i will never defend him. making that clear lol#but some of the shit ive seen on twt these past few days has been........... wow. the defense people have put up#whenever a scandal (from any group) comes out... idk how to word this but the scandal is almost always twisted so that it can be#1) used against the offended fandom ('see your favs arent perfect!! haha u suck!" and 2) used to bolster their own fanbase#('my favs would never!')#theres never a good discussion on 'do i feel comfortable following this idol/group after this has come to light? do i feel comfortable#supporting them?#and ig thats bc sometimes it can be very individual and personal#but for as hive mind as fandoms can be im surprised theres not more discussion on it#there SHOULD be discussion. u SHOULD hold your favs accountable and think critically. and imo a lot of times u can still enjoy them#obv not in all cases but yall get it. i think i hope#anyway im gonna go back to uncritically defending my fav bc ive put charts + twt + fandom above morals. toodeloo! /j#apple lady words#i could go on and on about this. maybe i will
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iβm pretty surprised that you can be in a fandom without really checking the tags regularly for new content or discussions thatβs pretty impressive
ive got twitter for that and twitter has shown me enough as is
#snap chats#i dont even check twitter specifically for rgg its just that my algorithms been formed that way cause friends send me tweets#on the real though jvALEKJEKL ive always. how you say. played with dolls alone#so being alone online isnt hard or anything particularly 'impressive' to me its just how i roll#ive always lived in my head i guess- with my interests that is. its fun up there vlkeajkla#i still like to hear from other people of course but for the most part im happy with just myself im not all that pressed for others#i think its also just. i have. other interests? so i dont really think i want to look at One Particular Thing that day. at least for tumblr#i MIGHT just cause thats how the day goes but i dont think 'i feel like looking at rgg art today'#whatever i see I See and that'll be that yk i love a lot of things and think of a lot of things#evidently SOME things take a hold of me more than others- or ill wanna be more public bout it at least#but thats jsut cause i just feel SO MUCH for Whatever Thing It Is At The Time that i want to share it. so then i do jvlskjs#with that in mind can i really say im 'in' a fandom when i dont particularly interact with it LMAO#again always happy to do so but im like an estranged uncle if anything#come over once a year to drop gifts off then i leave. ill still respond to holiday cards though if theyre sent#also for discussions ill usually just talk to my brother about it since he'll usually be The Main Sponge for my rambling LOLOL#god's strongest soldier i promise i try to hold back but im afraid i feel my brain physically tickle my skull#my brother always has to watch in real time me be consumed by a piece of media. like its a symbiote its really funny#cause at this point we'll meet in the kitchen and ill start like 'you know whats really funny..'#and he'll just. 'ok so who's it about today' LIKE PLEAAAASSSEEE. anyways prepare for my ninth 90 minute lecture about This Character#i also have a friend that i talk about my interests with- not all the time but enough that im like. Yeah Im Good Talkin Bout This#like the dopamine in my brain is activated JUST enough when i get to have quick short convos bout it with her#honestly maybe i should use my blacklisted main and rb ALL of my sideblog posts there#just so the people following that can Also witness me be consumed in real time <- will not do this
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how many times do we need to learn as people that irony and hyperbole can be harmful because 'jokes' aren't easily distinguished from genuine thoughts and feelings until we stop rewarding people for speaking or posting about violence
like even if you're joking/don't actually believe that/think whoever you are insulting is bad/immoral/fictional therefore deserves it - ad hominem attacks always do more harm to the people who share those characteristic then the individual you intend to cause harm to or discredit
#discourse#long post#its genuinely erased so much of my enjoyment of 911blr knowing i have to check accounts or risk seeing bullying/hate#l like its an odd feeling to know that so many people in the same fandom as you actively hold hate or find hate funny against your communit#like tired of people saying others are too sensitive because we dont want to hear or see a person say they want to hurt themself or others#like sorry i put in the work everyday to not let my mental health backslide and to enjoying being alive and accept my queerness#while others seemingly have not#and i know the content i post/share is not all in the same circles as that certain blog and i hate that it still grinds my gears but#its so frustrating to see the cruel glee people have#saying things they would never say to anyone's face irl and only to other blindly devoted/similar bullies#like do these people realise that they are on a razor's edge between 'ironic jokes' and just outright bigotry and threats - like do they#literally the only thing seperating That and conservative bigots is that the bigots are honest about their hatred towards minorities#like a lot of people in the fandom seemingly still need to deal with a lot of intenalised homophobia/racism and just outright hate-#especially regarding queer men and men of colour#because i can not be emphasise enough#It is NOT GOOD OR HEALTHY to be a fully grown adult that actively derives joy from the idea of enacting hate crimes#like you can hate tommy you can want him off the show even want him to die like weird but go off#but its such a next step to unprompted talk about [a character i dislike/hate/dont ship/disrupts my fanon endgame] in derogatory ways -#with rhetoric that straight up is out of terf/rel. right/homophobic/racists bigots and evokes violent hate-crimes......#well i feel sorry for those people cause what a miserable life to spend so much of it unable to enjoy your own life that you target others#anyways I know this is too long but I'm just a very tired man who has studied history and education and working with kids i have seen it -#too many times- harmful words coming from harmful environments or creating harmful actions and thereby perpetuating the cycle of violence#also not super relavent but as Latino Australian i am genuinely appauled at how many people have in their bio they are also Australian-#while actively liking/reblogging and engaging with post that find homophobic violence a funny haha joke - as if activist in our country -#aren't actively trying to dismantle homophobic and transphobic laws regarding issues like conversion therapy#like I know professors that actively got fired for being gay while teaching in religious education context - and its still happening!#so for people to forget so quickly what progress has been made and how much it took and how easy it is to loose - disappointing#(and its the same people who wanna pretend mardi gras is nothing but a party as if 78rs didn't risk their jobs/safety/lives)
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#chills, literal chills
#jose pedro balmaceda pascal#pedro pascal fandom#pedro pascal#pedropascal#just a quick reminder#i'll never shut up about this#im still honestly SO happy about it#i can finally talk about pedro with the people i know because now more than ever THEY KNOW WHO PEDRO PASCAL IS πππππ#like finally bitches he deserves all the damn recognition in the world because he IS a great actor#my cousin told me a while ago that pedro wasn't a good actor and yesterday i rubbed my phone in his stupid face#so he could see pedro holding the fucking award#it was an extremely pleasurable feeling ππ#softiedingo
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.
#having a creative rut feeling#gonna rant#im basically a giant baby and i don't handle angst very well#and i constantly worry that im just. idk mentally weak or a deeply uninteresting person bc of it.#every big fantasy artist i see is usually very into making sad or angsty pieces and like i wish i was like that#like i fall into this mental hole very very often that im just holding myself back with how many subjects i dont write or draw#but also like when i DO write dark subjects it doesn't make me feel any better??#i dont like feeling sad or angry bc once i am its extremely hard to get back out of it.#and thats scary for me.#but also i want to make art that means something instead of my nonestop slew of smut and feelgood content.#i genuinely feel so trapped by my own emotions and its sp frustrating.#i keep getting told how good for you it is to get the negative feelings out but it never helps when i do it#i just feel. worse? i dont feel good.#i kinda wanna delete the one cloud post bc it just doesn't feel good.#ugh#idk i want to have good intelligent things to say and thoughtful art to make#and everything i make feels soft and cheesey and lame.#not that i find those things lame#but just that it feels like im stuck in baby brain.#when i was a teen i would write horror stories!!! i still love horror!!!#but if i make someone suffer in fic now it feels me with this awful awful overwhelming sense of dread and guilt and i end up so upset#im frustrated at me bc this is such a fucking weird sensitivity to have. im tried of telling myself its okay#bc i WANT to feel mentally free enough to create shit that isnt just uwu soft.#i don't think im making sense but like.#you know#I've literally been bullied out of fandom spaces for only making soft content#multiple times.#so idk maybe this is a learned sense of shame#but i feel like a big over sensitive baby and like I'd be able to do so much more if i wasn't#vent ish
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ouaaaaaghhh i've been on a bit of a pokemon binge lately......... i should crack open my old pokemon games and take a peek at my teams :,) i wish i still had my old copy of conquest and black 2 though............ :(
#gu6chan's musings#im so sad because literally ALL my pokemon games i've had as a teen i still have#up to sun and moon which i got on christmas when i was NINETEEN lmao!!!#but yeah pokemon was technically my first fandom ig???? i used to watch my brother play pokemon yellow and crystal a lot when i was TINY#but i never ACTUALLY played pokemon or video games in general myself until my older sister surprised me with my first video game console#and video game when she came up from florida π a black dsi with pokemon black; i was 13 and my dad HATED her for it like 'Why are you#giving her videogames??? she's a girl :/' BUT I HAD IT!!!! MY FIRST EVER POKEMON GAME THAT BELONGED TO MEEEEE#i loved the SHIT out of that game and then got black 2; soulsilver and platinum; pokemon conquest; got the 3ds games...#i still have platinum/soulsilver as well as all the mainline 3ds games i believe#but conquest; black; and black 2 i lost :( literally my FAVOURITES i took them everywhere with me (which is why i lost them lmao)#funny enough i know exactly where black 2 IS though; its in the pocket of a jacket i owned but lost back between 2013-2014???#if i find the jacket it will 100% be in there; i just couldn't find the jacket and tbh idek if its still around anymore or is in storage#but if it is!!!! i'll literally cry lmao#black 2 is where i got my first level 100 pokemon; a magneton....... i ADORED that little bastard ouaaaghh....#i dont believe i ever managed to get past the league in black 2 though bc i remember being so pissed i couldnt get to see the other side of#the map beyond castelia city lmao#14-15 years old and i STILL didn't believe in stat moves π i deserved to get shot#But fun fact: I DID get a new copy of Black a few years back!!! only it 1. already had save data on it and 2. it was full of rare/hacked#legendaries young me could only ever DREAM of having so i can't get myself to restart the save data even though i rlly want to.......#oh but funny enough!!! i also still have the 14 y/o dsi i was gifted back then; it still works though the battery cover is missing so you#have to hold it lol#but aaaaa so many fond memories of playing black and black 2... black 2 especially since i never really got to finish it lol#like#i finished the main CAMPAIGN with plasma and ghetsis trying to fucking kill you and all that (Something which i remember being so :0!!!?!?!#when i first saw it omgggg its such a clear memory aaaa) but i think like#i got up to the league and could never beat it........ so i just went back to training my mons till i got a level 100 magneton lmao#so many good memories; i hope i can get copies of black 2 and conquest again someday...
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man its sad. most of my followers are here from dsmp. i know it βendedβ a thousand times but this one is the real one. its over. the curtain is closed for good. we love you
#dont yall come misconstruing my words saying erm the fandom is actually still going strong#thats not what im TALKING ABOUT#!!!!!#of course i know that. but this fuckin server needed to get taken out back#and done like they did to ole yeller long ago#and they finally did it in a way that was good#so im happy#got to see everyone come together and lose their minds over it again#like they said. it was messed up. and i wouldnt return. but i miss it#love yall#hold hands#personal i guess
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I think some people need to less "separate the art from the artist" and more "separate the you from the art" ... If you know what I mean :)
#listen as long as you don't support jkr financially i don't *really* have a problem with you enjoying the books privately?#i've been meaning to re-read them myself just to see if they hold up (i doubt it but hey)#(and dw this is an old pirated version i have)#i never actually bought any of the books or merch#though i did see a few of the movies in theatres#but with as much empathy and compassion as i can extend to marauder fans#i still find myself uncomfortable around the notion of that '''woke''' version of the hp fandom#like at some point when the author is this terrible and you still have it in you to get attached to the source material?#idk#it just doesn't sit right with me i'm sorry#you're still incapable of saying to yourself 'no this is enough'#'we loved this but i cannot in good conscience enjoy this anymore'#i dunno#it just ... idk#maybe more self-discipline? maybe find something new? at that point it's either unhealthy or you don't actually care about the stuff#you claim to care about#like yeah i'll jump over all those actively dangerous and harmful things just to cling to my childhood obsession#i'll paint over the 'problematic' stuff but still play with the same dolls in the same world#idk ... it's complicated but i think i have the right to feel uncomforable around 'woke' hp fans either way
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I really don't wanna dislike him but between fandom's tendency to forget the bad stuff he did but also seeing people ONLY talk about the bad stuff he did and basically never bring up the good aspects of his character and seeming to resent him I'm worried that's rubbing off on me and like. I don't dislike him but liking him is getting a lot harder these days and it's genuinely upsetting to me
#smol has a vent#Im sure yall know who I'm talking about cause like he's why I'm in the fandom! He's my lockscreen! My first proper fictional crush!#I don't want to not like him! He made me so happy in those first 2 games and seeing him show up after made me happy#But idk man it feels. Weird. Difficult. To talk about him with others cause it always seems to come back to#'ugh he did all this horrible stuff why does fandom love him' and I know I KNOW you're right but please. We know why. He's a good character#Bad stuff included. It could've and SHOULD'VE been written better like a LOT in this franchise but it's especially egregious here#Look this ain't at anyone in particular it's just no matter how often you say 'I still like him BUT' at this point I don't really wanna tal#About him cause I think it's just gonna make me sad. I'm holding off on getting to that point but I ain't got the best mental#Or emotional fortification so. Yeah.#Im just kinda sad tbh.
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Me through clenched teeth with a white-knuckled grip on my pen: My Art has Value, the Only One who has to Like it is Me, My Art has Value---
#tristan rambles#it's so frustrating that i KNOW i should care about my art for me and not worry about the level of attention it gets#but there's still the part of me that just wants someone to look at something i make and go 'wow...' and tell me the details they notice#i guess i want to make something worth falling a little in love with. enough to make an impact and be worth spending spoons to talk about#i want someone to see a character design i make or textures/colors i use and go !!!! and share that feeling with me#maybe i'll get there and feel more solid in my abilities one day! i'm still gonna art regardless and make things that make me happy.#i want to keep growing and learning and i'm still excited for the journey and every step i'll take to becoming a better artist#but i wish it was easier to set aside the internal expectations and not have my joy at making something tarnished because#my brain can't let go of the idea that not getting enough responses/the ''right'' responses means my art isn't ''good enough''#tbh the change in attention is unsurprising given i've shifted into more original character stuff instead of fandom. i expected it too#but the logical understanding doesn't hold up against the emotional yearning sometimes. and it's annoying as heck.#but it's also my problem and my own thing to unpack. this isn't a guilt trip so much as me wanting to throttle the part of my brain#that can't let go of the desire for attention to such a degree it's taking away from my enjoyment of the process#like fuck you my guy let me like things and feel proud without staring at the numbers/replies
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