#obv not in all cases but yall get it. i think i hope

[applejongho]

honestly the y**ngi dui situation is one of the most interesting events that has unfolded in kpop... maybe it's bc he was my ult for ~3 years and my dad loves him (he has not spoken a word to me about The Situation tho so idk how he feels) but i do think the reaction that came out of fans is why it's so compelling for me to follow to a T

[wienerbarnes]

First Fight

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (Cheek to Cheek)

Word Count: 1,469

Warnings: fighting :/ obv but happy ending i promise

A/N: still have a few ideas for the past between these two before moving forward but ugh if yall have requests or ideas or anything ur more than welcome to send em my way!

MAIN MASTERLIST | CHEEK TO CHEEK MASTERLIST

After living for so long under the control of others, you’d dreamt and imagined how heavenly it would be to be on your own; to be alone. It never occurred to you how difficult it would be to be around yourself all of the time, though.

The constant talk talk talk in your head, so much noise in such an empty and quiet space such as your apartment. Bucky’s been stopping by more and more lately, and you hope he doesn’t come today, the voices giving you a headache strong enough to last a lifetime. Not to mention, most of what they talk about involves the super soldier.

To your unbelievable luck, a knock sounds at the door anyway, showing you that you clearly hadn’t hoped hard enough. You sigh exhaustedly before going over to the door and opening it for Bucky, ignoring his greeting and the bags of groceries and dinner in his hands.

He’s talking, telling you about some of the stuff he bought, what you can make with it, that he can run any errands for you if you need, but all you can hear is pity pity pity.

He does it to make himself feel better, knowing he’s doing some charity work helping you out. He knows no one else would. You’re like the old dog at the pound, the ugly one with anger issues that no one wants to adopt. You’ll always end up back at the pound, until the four walls of the crate are the last things your eyes see before death.

“Can you stop.” You seeth, saying it more as a demand rather than a question. 

You turn to see Bucky looking at you; you’re not sure what he was saying before you interrupted him, but he’s clearly confused with your demand as he unbags the groceries.

“Uh… stop?” He questions.

“Stop with the pity party.” You tell him, eyebrows tensing tighter and tighter as the anger and frustration bubbles inside you.

“What are you talking about?” He asks.

“What am I talking about? What am I talking about?! I’m talking about this!” You wave your arm around the table full of groceries.

“I don’t need you to buy me these things, I don’t need you to bring them by, and I don’t need you to run errands for me. I lived a long time on my own and I was fine before you; I managed. So, I don’t need your pity or your charity, and I don’t need you!” You explain, voice low and increasing in volume as you shout at him.

“What are you - Do you hear yourself right now?! Pity? Charity? You - you - sound -” Bucky begins, voice raising in anger at your accusations but you stop him from finishing his sentence.

“Sound what, Bucky? Crazy? I sound crazy? Guess what: I am fucking crazy! Sorry the charity work doesn’t involve photo ops or medals or awards, just some bat shit criminal who doesn’t need or want you here.” You snap.

He stares at you in disbelief of your outburst, completely unsure of where it’s come from. He has no response from you, only shock, it seems, as he scoffs humorlessly before leaving the half-unpacked groceries on the table and leaving without another word.

That didn’t really make you feel any better. The anger and frustration still lingers in your body, making you feel uncomfortable, like there’s an itch you can’t scratch or a high pitched buzzing in your ear that you can’t get rid of. Taking your anger out on Bucky when he was only trying to help didn’t make you feel better, it only made you feel worse.

Not like there’s any way to contact him and tell him to come back.

You try to salvage what you can of the rest of your day; putting away the rest of the groceries Bucky bought for you, separating the food he brought you for dinner into two plates, just in case he changes his mind and stops by again and is hungry.

It’s eight at night when he does. His familiar knock on the door brings relief to you, even though nothing’s changed in the last couple of hours and he has every right to be upset with you after blowing up at him like that.

The two plates are on the table, as you were about to sit down to eat dinner, and you’re glad that you left the second plate out.

You open the door and you and Bucky stare at each out wordlessly. He steps inside and looks to the table, seeing the second plate.

The two of you eat in silence and you’re not sure if he has his built up anger to unleash onto you or if there’s been a silent truce throughout the meal.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky begins after wiping his mouth and cleaning off his plate, “It was never my intention to make you feel as though I was pitying you or using you as charity. But, I can see how maybe some of my actions or the things I say can come off that way to you. So, I’m sorry, and I’ll try to do better with you.”

You don’t know what to say. You were expecting more yelling, maybe throwing things, the reactions you’ve grown used to with your past. The last thing you expected was an apology, he had nothing to apologize for.

“And know that I don’t pity you. At all. I know you don’t need me, you don’t need anyone. You can take care of yourself perfectly fine. But I think of how I was when I was on my own after…” He doesn’t have to elaborate on the fact that he’s talking about his time after escaping HYDRA himself, “And there were so many simple things I had trouble with, so many things I wish I had help with. So, I just try to think of what I would’ve wanted when I was in your position. But you’re not me. You’re stronger than me. Toughest gal I know,” He chuckles.

“I guess it’s just my way of showing I care and that I’m here for you. And I’m sorry it didn’t translate that way.” He finally finishes.

You feel a lump in your throat but you refuse to cry in front of him. Bucky’s too nice to you. My way of showing I care and I’m here for you. You don’t even remember the last time someone’s told you that. You really don’t deserve him, and yet somehow he’s been placed in your life.

“I’m sorry, too,” You finally choke out, clearing your throat to rid the lump before continuing, “I was having a really bad day, and I took my anger out on you when I shouldn't have. And… sometimes I do feel like you’re pitying me with the things you do, but I should’ve talked to you about it instead of exploding on you. Thank you, I really do appreciate everything you do.” You tell him.

He smiles softly at you before standing, grabbing both your plates, and putting them in the sink. He walks back over to where you sit at the table, but he doesn’t sit down. Instead he stands next to you and opens his arms expectantly.

“What… What are you doing?” You ask him.

“C’mon. Give me a hug.”

“Huh? I’m not doing that, we don’t hug.”

“Oh, c’mon, we just had our first fight. We both apologized and now we hug and make up. C’mon, just give me a hug so I can do your dishes.”

“You’re not letting this go, are you? You’re going to make me hug you?”

“Oh, poor you, you have to hug me, the torture,” He continues to tease.

You roll your eyes playfully before standing, looking him up and down as he remains with his arms wide open, softly chuckling before stepping into his arms and circling your own around his slim waist.

His arms wrap around your shoulders and back as you two hug. He’s incredibly warm and smells amazing, but most importantly, you feel his emotions through the hug. His apology, his care. You tighten your arms a bit, a way of emphasizing your own apology, and he does the same.

“Okay, that’s enough.” You finally say, feeling awkward in how long this hug has gone on.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Bucky-”

“I’d like to hug a while longer, please.”

“I don’t.”

“I do.”

“Ugh, I wish I would’ve known you were a hugger before seeking you out after prison.”

“You reap what you sow, doll. Now you’re stuck with me.”

“Whatever, wash my dishes so we can read.”

“Still might need a few more minutes of hugging.” He tightens his arms around you even more.

“Bucky!”

[a-libra-writes]

How the GoT Characters React To You Walking In On Them

It’s been more than a month since I did a longass preference (yikes) aND THIS IS HOW I RETURN SEE YALL IN THE 7 HELLS very nsfw obvs

(for my mobile frens, masterlist is here)

In this preference, you’ll be interrupting: Ned Stark, Robb Stark, Sansa Stark, Jon Snow, Benjen Stark, Jory Cassel, Dolorous Edd, Mance Rayder, Tormund Giantsbane, Yara Greyjoy, Daenerys Targaryen, Jorah Mormont, Missandei, Tywin Lannister, Tyrion Lannister, Jaime Lannister, Sandor Clegane, Bronn, Podrick Payne, Petyr Baelish, Stannis Baratheon, Davos Seaworth, Margaery Tyrell, Brynden Tully, Edmure Tully, Brienne of Tarth, Ramsay Bolton, Roose Bolton, Oberyn Martell, Beric Dondarrion, Gendry

NED STARK

It’s not that he had planned this; you two hadn’t had a chance to be together for almost three weeks, and he thought you’d be here in your shared chambers by now. He noticed one of your cloaks folded so neatly across the bed … Ned was fumbling out the excuses when you walked in, but eventually he just trailed off, asking you not to tease him too much and forgive him. You just smiled as you took his red face in your hands, and he gladly gave into you. “I’ll have to earn your forgiveness, won’t I? What would you have me do, love?”

ROBB STARK

His cheeks were as red as his hair, but he hastily called you over and tried to cover up his embarrassment with bravado. You laughed as Robb pulled you in his lap and instantly dropped his head to your neck. He tried to laugh with you, but it was cut to a groan as you took him in your own hands. Your king eagerly bit at your neck while you stroked him. “I missed you, love, I didn’t want to - I-I think about you all day, you know. It’s maddening when you’re away from me.”

SANSA STARK

You were hoping to make some sort of sexy entrance, but that was shot to the ground when Sansa yelped and nearly jumped off the bed. She was so mortified, she hid her face while you reassured her and rubbed her back. It took quite a bit of snuggling before she was able to face you again. To help her confidence, you let her unlace your dress while she took a deep breath. “I-I know it’s silly, because we’ve … we’ve already -- well, you surprised me! I thought my heart was in my throat. … Having you here is much nicer, though.”

JON SNOW

The blush went to his ears when you caught him and teased him, and he just sighed and called you over. He was going to calm himself and lace up his pants, but he was pleasantly surprised when you started tugging at his tunic and cloak. You were still teasing, though, so he made a point to distract you by removing your clothes and shushing you with a deep kiss. He was trying to be exasperated with you, but it was always difficult to think straight when you were around. 

BENJEN STARK

He’d just have the nerve to smirk, like he was waiting for you to catch him, and he probably was. With absolutely no shame Benjen would grin and casually mention he was just thinking about you. While you’d try to scold him about being at least a little more careful at Castle Black, it was distracting when his hands were already running up your sides and unlacing your blacks. “Would you like to know exactly what I was thinking about? The night we stole in the Godswood. I loved having you that way, Y/N, all mine for the gods to see. Why don’t we show them again?” 

JORY CASSEL

It took your poor love a few moments to notice you, and when he glanced over, he saw you grinning like a cat with a canary in its mouth. Jory nearly jumped out of his skin and jumbled out all sorts of excuses and apologies - he also didn’t notice how close you were until you were crawling on top of him and opening your bodice. He breathlessly laughed and felt very grateful for having such a pretty, loving wife. 

EDDISON TOLLETT

Well, first he cursed loudly, because he hadn’t noticed you until you were right behind him. You were trying to be enticing by leaning on him and wrapping your arms around his neck, but it just served to startle your poor love. Edd sighed but melted into your almost instantly. He kept stroking himself while you kissed his cheek and neck. Eventually you’d slip your hand down his chest to his cock, and he startled and cursed all over again. 

MANCE RAYDER

He’d just be amused that you caught him, although he really feels no shame in it. He was grinning as he called you over, and once you were pulled into his lap, he’d sigh against your hair and switch to touching your legs and stomach, gently slipping his fingers under the fur, but not quite pushing them aside. “I was thinking about you, but that isn’t good enough, is it? I want to look at you, and touch you. Can I do that, Y/N?”

TORMUND GIANTSBANE

If you knew Tormund, and you did, he wasn’t trying to hide what he was doing, nor did he feel an ounce of shame for it. You walked in and he loudly greeted you. By the time you walked over to him, he’d already be tugging at your furs and asking for your mouth, your hands - or better, your body. He’d ignore his cock in favor of stripping you down and pleasuring you first, and his enthusiasm only made you laugh and encourage him.

YARA GREYJOY

She didn’t care a bit that she was caught. Instead, she called you over to her side, insisting you come fix the “problem” you caused. You both had been busy running the ship as of late, and watching you order men around and take control of the ship yourself was driving her mad. Once she got her hands on you, there was no way you were getting out of her strong grip. “Fingers are fine enough, I suppose, but I’d rather have that sweet tongue of yours.”

DAENERYS TARGARYEN

You felt bad for enjoying it so much - not just the show, but Dany’s sulking look when you walked in on her. The expression passed quickly and she tried to play it off like she meant for you to find her, but that was obviously not the case. Still, she was your queen, so you let her have this one. As you pulled her into your arms and she straddled you, she demanded you taste her fingers. You got “scolded” for teasing her the whole day and having the nerve to come home late.

JORAH MORMONT

You hadn’t anticipated him to be so embarrassed, especially when you were admittedly enjoying the show. The poor knight was fumbling for an excuse, and was surprised when you happily sat yourself on his lap and gave him a deep kiss. His shame seemed to melt as he held your waist and squeezed your ass to bring you closer. Jorah was clearly thinking about you, and you were happy to give him whatever he pleased, since he always gave everything to you. “You’re always too good to me, Y/N - I don’t deserve your sweetness.”

MISSANDEI

She blushed and sputtered so hard, you thought she was going to choke for a moment. You hurried to her side and tried not to be distracted by the gorgeous flush across her dark skin. She was mortified and uncomfortable, but you reassured her that it was fine, and apologized for barging in without knocking. You gave her several kisses and pet her hair as she recovered from her embarrassment. It wasn’t getting caught that bothered her; it was that she was having a very vivid fantasy about you and being pulled from it left her a little dizzy.

TYWIN LANNISTER

It was soft touches across your cheek, hair and hips that was beginning to pull you out of sleep. It reminded you of the dream you were having, and you thought you were still there, until the touches became a little more firm and you heard a familiar noise. As you stirred and tried to sit up, you felt warm, comfortable arms wrapping around you and before you knew it, Tywin was on top of you, pressing firm lips against your neck as something much firmer brushed against your stomach. It wasn’t until much afterward that you considered he hadn’t meant for you to see or hear him like that, but he certainly turned the situation to his advantage.

TYRION LANNISTER

He hadn’t meant to get caught, but your cheeky husband tried to make a joke of it and play it off like he was waiting for you to get back. He was ready to cover up and redirect your attention entirely, but you always managed to surprise him. It was a good day when you could get Tyrion flustered and speechless, and pushing the blanket aside to take his cock in your hand - and later your mouth - was a great way to do it. “Darling, you would tell me if you were some kind of figment of my imagination, wouldn’t you? I haven’t just dreamed up these years we’ve been together?”

JAIME LANNISTER

Jaime was brazen about this as anything else in your relationship. He probably knew you’d come in eventually, and didn’t care. He made himself comfortable on the edge of your bed and had one of your nightshifts in his free hand. He hadn’t even bothered to change out of  much of his Kingsguard armor. He laughed at your stunned face and called you over. “Y/N, good timing. Look what you’ve reduced me to - this is a poor substitute for your mouth and your body. I couldn’t decide which to think about ... Why don’t you surprise me?”

SANDOR CLEGANE

He grumbled and cursed under his breath at getting caught, but just a few seconds later he’d tell you to come closer and get your arse over to him. Any teasing and grins you’d have would be quickly silenced by a harsh kiss, and the moment you kissed him back eagerly, he’d already be yanking up your dress. You’d tease that he was trying to distract you away from what he was doing, and he just growled. “Always running’ that smart fuckin’ mouth. I got a better use for it.” 

BRONN

You had just walked into your bedroom and found him, and he kept at it while looking straight at you. Of course he had to make his stupid quips and jokes, telling you that you really ought to keep your doors locked, because who knows what kind of man could come in? Bronn kept up his sassing until you walked over and took his cock in your own hand. He still had that insolent expression, so you had no choice but to stroke him roughly and bite at his lips to shut him up.

PODRICK PAYNE

You aren’t sure who was more surprised, you, or your lover. Pod tried to both cover up and stand up, but he just ended up knocking things over in your chambers. It was a bit silly to be so fearful, since you invited him here, but you hurried to his side to reassure him and give him sweet kisses. You were able to push the squire on the bed and straddle him with confidence. “S-sorry, Lady Y/N, I hadn’t meant to -- well, I did, but - ah! Forgive me, love -”

PETYR BAELISH

Petyr could only chuckle when he noticed you there, and he even made a little joke about it. But when he beckoned you over, his eyes had that distinct hungry glint, one you were very familiar with. Once he had you in his lap, his hands would easily slip up your dress and feel the warmth of your legs. “Now you see what you do to me, Y/N. I think it’s only fair that should make you feel the same. Do you think about me, too? Hmm?”

STANNIS BARATHEONS

He tried to cover up immediately, and you never thought you'd see your husband's face so red. He gruffly mumbled and tried to sputter something out, but you sat behind him on the bed and soothed him. You had a gentle, distracting touch, and he was surprised by your affection, but he didn't turn you away. On the contrary, when you moved to face him, he pulled you into his lap with a surprisingly strong grip. He was still too embarrassed to look at you, though, so he buried his face in the crook of your neck.

DAVOS SEAWORTH

He really hadn’t expected to get caught; it was meant to be quick, to get some relief before returning to his work. It was bad enough his thoughts immediately drifted to you, and now you were on the bed, trying to contain your grin. He felt silly for feeling so ashamed, since you clearly didn’t care. In fact, your enthusiasm to get the rest of his clothes off was flattering. “Right now? It’s the middle of the day, we both got things to -- fine, I did start it, but I didn’t expect ya to… alright, alright. Ya can do whatever ya want, love.” 

MARGAERY TYRELL

She was only embarrassed by the fact she was getting a bit loud, and that’s how you stumbled upon her. She gave you her signature pout as she tried to cover herself up, bracing herself for the teasing you were going to give now and the next day… and maybe the day after that. She huffed and said it was your fault; since it was thoughts of you that brought this on in the first place. Her sulking was all a ruse, though: Once you walked over to her to insist it was okay, she pushed you down on the bed and straddled you. “Ha! Let’s see how long you can keep that cheekiness up.” 

BRYNDEN TULLY

He hadn’t noticed you right away, and when he finally did, the only knight could only laugh at how quiet you were. He was only a little embarrassed, his cheeks just slightly red as he explained that he missed you. He’d take your wrist, kissing your fingertips and trying to urge you into his lap. Once you accepted, he could pick you up like you weighed nothing and adjusted your dress so you could straddle him. “Do you have time for me, Y/N? Ah, you’re too sweet. You shouldn’t let me be so selfish.”

EDMURE TULLY

He nearly falls out of his chair when you walk in - you hadn’t even noticed what he was doing until he made such a clamor - and his cheeks got as red as his hair as he stammered out some attempt at a greeting. When you inclined your head toward his trousers, he made a string of excuses that gradually stuttered out when you stood in front of him and sunk to your knees. 

BRIENNE OF TARTH

She flinches like she’s been hit when you walk in, and you weren’t even that loud. You hadn’t noticed what she was doing, but Brienne’s anxious expression and bright-red cheeks eventually sold her out. You went to her side and assured her it was fine, you two had been together for some time, and besides, you’d done the same thing when thinking about her … that’s when you realized you said that out loud and poor Brienne just became an embarrassed, blushing mess all over again. 

RAMSAY SNOW

He didn’t bother hiding what he was doing, nor did he stop. He was in your room, and impatiently eyeing you up and down and urging you toward him. Nevermind you were coming here to get something and go back to what you were doing … Ramsay didn’t care. When you finally walked over to him and he pulled you to his chest with force, pushing you against the bed and kissing you hungrily.

ROOSE BOLTON

He didn’t care when you eventually woke up and noticed what he was doing. He just pulled you close, burying his face in your neck and letting you sleepily blink and try to shift out of his grasp. He easily pulled you back and placed you in his lap, looking very awake in spite of the hour. He was quick to give you plenty of attention, even if you were still tiredly leaning against him, and he was pleased when you closed your eyes and let him spoil you.

OBERYN MARTELL

He was actually just passing time while waiting for you, since you two had plans tonight anyhow. As soon as you walked in and gaped, he laughed and called you over. The eagerness was very obvious in his eyes and from the flush on his cheeks. You asked if that was your new shawl in his other hand, and he said no - the new one was in a gift box on the bed, along with some other … choice things he bought for you to wear. Oberyn ended up not being patient enough for you to try them on; he wanted you on the bed right away. 

BERIC DONDARRION

Once he settled himself down - you really startled him when you snuck up like that - he just smiled bashfully and asked if you’d sit with him. He obviously missed you, given how he pulled you toward him and gave you several needy kisses. When you’d give into him, he’d get  a little breathless, already starting to pull at your clothes. You just had to tease him for it. “I’m sorry, love, I was thinking about you, today and yesterday …. And before that… I know, I know. You’re just too sweet.”

GENDRY

Your poor love was so startled and embarrassed, he fell over trying to cover himself up, crashing ungracefully on the floor. You had to laugh a little before reassuring him that it was fine, you weren’t bothered. If anything, seeing him so bare was a treat, and you gave him a deep kiss while he was still sputtering and trying to cover up. You hadn’t expected the strength he used to suddenly flip you on your back and keep you under him, but you weren’t complaining at all.

[4haechie]

son of apollo!donghyuck

pairing: son of apollo!donghyuck x child of athena!reader genre: fluff, comedy, some adventure/action, pjo au, e2l au words: 3,173 warning: couple of curse words here n there a/n: i reference a bunch of pjo characters in this so if u haven’t read pjo *crowd booing*

so donghyuck’s the son of apollo right

there’s like no arguing when it comes to that

he’s extremely talented at singing and making music, dancing, rapping, songwriting, so he’s no doubt apollo’s offspring

and he’s naturally gifted at archery as well

you can’t spell haechan without ACE teehee

u on the other hand

you’re athena’s child

you love to read and write you’re incredibly smart ofc

you love competing and winning and taking part in strategy making to bring your opponents DOWN 💅🏼

athena’s the goddess of wisdom as well as warcraft so needless to say you’re exceptional in both fields

you’re not just textbook smart, no no, you’re able to apply all the knowledge you learn…well…irl

not to mention you’re good with all kinds of weapons

ur fave weapons include swords and spears :D

you’re okay w knives too!!! and daggers!!! you’re not picky

but you’re better w longer blades just cuz u have more experience w them

fun fact: you’re the head of the athena cabin and donghyuck’s the head of the apollo cabin

you’re both great leaders, always doing your best to make the best strategies to win capture the flag, the chariot races, and other fun activities chiron plans for the campers 😁

but . you guys are Sworn Enemies

actually the better term to use would be “rivals”

you guys r So competitive to the point where you actually developed a rivalry during your first few years at camp half-blood

donghyuck LOVES to win but so do you… so obv he’s gonna go out of his way to make sure he/his cabin wins

that doesn’t mean you’ve ever backed down from his challenges…

if he’s competitive you’re twice as competitive

one day after breakfast during your fifth year at camp when you’re both about 18, chiron decides to host a good old game of capture the flag

u know . for old times’ sake 😼

once he makes the announcement you immediately turn to your cabin mates

“we have to win no matter what”

“y/n, it’s just capture the flag. we’re not fighting gaea”

“bitch are u in or not”

the entire dining hall is buzzing with excitement

nothing makes a demigod’s day like a capture the flag announcement 😌

chiron suddenly grabs the megaphone again and calls out “this time however there’s a little twist,” he chuckles as everybody goes silent

you raise an eyebrow

“you’ll be in teams of course. everybody has to play. there’s twenty cabins, so there will be ten teams of two cabins each. i’ll pair you guys up myself. each pair gets a flag–so there’s ten flags in total. the game will be won by the pair who manages to collect all flags and brings them back to their base before anyone has the chance to steal their own flag.”

the demigods burst into intense chatter and discussion once more

you turn your head back to your siblings and tilt your head in slight confusion

you’ve never played capture the flag in teams before

“anyone but apollo. i’m literally begging. sam, pray to athena right now”

“y/n RELAX”

“i think if we’re partners with apollo’s cabin i’ll actually jump into tartarus”

“…”

“what? percy and annabeth survived” 🙄

chiron pulls out a scroll and calls out the pairings one by one

poseidon and demeter, hades and ares (good luck to them), so on and so forth

your heart keeps racing . athena’s name has not been called out yet

and just like that your worst fear comes true

“athena cabin with apollo cabin. the game will commence in thirty minutes, which is how much time you have to prepare. good luck and stay safe!”

you drop your head into your palm (aka head in hands meme jpg)

“this is the worst day of my entire life”

“y/n, you’re hands down the most dramatic person i’ve ever met”

maybe it’s just you–bc your siblings seem fine with the apollo kids

they have so many apollo cabin friends :(

curse u and donghyuck’s little rivalry that the entire camp and chiron knows about

so him putting yall together definitely was not a coincidence cough cough

can u blame him

🌤🌈 he just wants all of u to get along 🌈🌤

he’s seen w his own two centaur eyes what happens when demigods fight between themselves

it’s not healthy

he needs u guys to get along bc u and donghyuck are some of the best demigods at camp rn

ur quick wits and amazing sword skills

his position as the camp’s best archer

imagine how powerful yall would be if u two worked together

if only you got along from the start.. but nooooo

ur egos r just too high F

but anyway, back to the present

you’re sitting there, head in your hands, dreading this already when some of the apollo kids swagger over to your guys’ table

donghyuck is in front of them as he scoffs after seeing your dreadful state

“why the sad face, y/n?”

you lift your head up to see him hovering over your seat and roll your eyes

you get up and your siblings follow

you’re just gonna have to make do. you don’t have time to complain

the thing is

you’ve only lost capture the flag once 👎🏼

a few summers ago the apollo cabin defeated the entire camp leaving everybody speechless

it’s true they didn’t defeat JUST you but somehow you thought it was personal

you had the PERFECT record 😕

zero losses . only wins

but bc of the apollo kids your cabin’s record was tarnished

which is sorta why you started hating them (esp donghyuck their leader) so much

donghyuck caught on immediately and made it a point to compete just as hard as u

so yea. that’s how you became rivals

he knows how much ur gonna hate working with him but u don’t really have a choice now do u :/

so he knows exactly why u have a sad face

but this is donghyuck we’re talking about

just bc yall r “rivals” doesn’t mean he’s not gonna tease u 😂😂😂

(or maybe he teases u bc he thinks ur cute and he hopes one day u realise him teasing is actually donghyuck for flirting 🤭)

“you know damn well why, lee donghyuck”

“oh c’mon i think it’ll be fun! if we combine our skills, we definitely have a hundred percent chance of winning”

you cross your arms and glance at your siblings who just shrug in agreement

you sigh loudly

“don’t even think about fucking this is up, donghyuck. and just so we’re clear, i’m in charge”

he laughs, “yup! got it”

so you start talking strategy

you only have 30 minutes so you need to make the best of it

you divide the two cabins into pairs so that an athena and an apollo kid will be paired together and in charge of smth diff

you have plenty of people on your team – 5 in athena’s cabin and 5 in apollo’s cabin

some will handle weapons and safety gear, some will handle mapping out the playing area which was basically the entirety of the woods, some will be setting up traps near your team’s flag to prevent others from coming close

30 minutes quickly pass and after dividing the work and planning your strategy with donghyuck and friends you turn your attention back to chiron who has his megaphone in hand

everyone’s told to gather outside the dining hall at the open field before the game commences

you, donghyuck, and your teammates briefly talk strategy once more . just to make sure everybody knows what they’re supposed to do

“let the game begin!” chiron blows a loud whistle and the demigods scramble out of the field, going to their designated flag locations

your spot is near a little creek, but the forest around your flag is quite dense so u figure it’s relatively hard to locate

it’s not that late so the afternoon sun makes your skin glisten with sweat

“damn, can you tell your dad to chill tf out for a while,” you tell donghyuck jokingly

he just rolls his eyes but on the inside he’s kinda glad you’re being casual with him rather than 😡😡😡😡😡 like u normally are

u don’t know what it is about him today but u swear he’s acting different around u

he wasn’t… as annoying while discussing strategy ????

he actually ?????? listened ?????? to what u had to say 🤔🤔🤔🤔

he didn’t argue, he didn’t even throw around witty burns like he usually does w/o hesitation

u were like… is he ok

little do u know!!! he actually l*kes u 🤭🤭🤭

well… it’s not a 100% fact that HE himself knows as well

but his siblings caught on to his weird behaviour n figured smth was up

mark being one of hyuck’s closest friends n siblings in the apollo cabin, realised he was acting weird ever since yall got grouped together

he seemed nervous ⁉️ which he never ever is

he’s like the most confident person mark’s ever known

so mark was like *thinks*

after putting two and two together mark came to the conclusion that he might have a small crush on u

bc hyuck kept glancing over at u, kept talking abt how ur a good leader (he’s never gonna tell YOU that tho. he crossed his heart on that one)

mark was like i didn’t even ask but ok

mark was confused at first tho cuz everybody and their mom knows about your guys’ rivalry so why tf would hyuck have a crush on someone he considers his rival

mark decides not to get ahead of himself bc hey!!! maybe he doesn’t have a crush, maybe he just thinks ur a good leader

like that’s it u know?

LMAO 🤫

so anywayz where was i

ah right

the flag

OK SO ur team’s flag is yellow ! :D

it’s like the colour of sunflowers

you and donghyuck r in charge of guarding the flag while ur team members scout around for the other flags

easy peasy

you and donghyuck are at your base now, weapons drawn just in case

the flag is hung on a poll couple feet taller than you

you’re dressed in ur usual training clothes – a pair of washed out shorts, a very old orange camp half-blood shirt; your sword’s sheath hanging from one of the belt loops of your shorts

donghyuck’s dressed similarly – a pair of blue ripped jeans, the same orange camp shirt tucked into them, but he has a purple flannel on, which he takes off and ties around his waist

“it’s so freaking hot,” he says, mentally agreeing with the comment u made about apollo earlier

“tell me about it”

there’s a silence that follows, the only sound heard is the subtle flow of the creek water

you’re thankful for the silence

it’s easier to keep an ear open for opponents on their way to steal your flag

just as you think about it, an ares and a hades kid approach your base

they’re on the other side of the creek, less than ten to fifteen feet away

“hi y/n,” the hades kid you’re kind of close to says

you shoot him a fake smile before holding your sword in front of you

donghyuck pulls out an arrow from his quiver and nocks it in his bow, aiming for the two demigods in front of you

the creek isn’t that deep, so the two demigods cross it with ease

they have their weapons drawn; they’re now a couple of feet away from you and more importantly the flag

no words are said as donghyuck lets his arrow fly and knock the hades’ kid sword out of his hands

he didn’t use an arrow with a sharp tip, you note

the hades’ kid stumbles backwards, imbalanced after he gets unarmed

you stand your ground as the ares’ kid scrambles forward, attacking you with her sword

your blades clash defiantly

you continue to spar with all your might

from the corner of your eye you see that the hades’ kid, sword back in hand, is battling donghyuck on your left

the flag is right behind you and donghyuck; you can’t let the two demigods get near it

you and the ares kid are still battling each other, putting all your strength into making sure she surrenders

but u should know better

ares and athena kids have many similarities like their love for winning, their confidence in battle, etc.

it’s like looking in a mirror

you don’t have anything against this particular ares kid, though

“c’mon, y/n, give up already”

that REALLY makes your blood boil

you never give up, no matter what

with one final blow of your sword, you knock her sword out of her hands, making her think she distracted you with her words

she goes flying back, half her body landing in the creek water

her sword lies in between you and her, but you doubt she’ll have the courage to fight again

the hades kid sees this and quickly scrambles away from hyuck, picking up the ares kid’s sword and giving her a hand up

“this is why i hate you and your siblings–your huge ego always gets in the way,” you hear the hades kid grumble to his partner as they run away from you, shame written all over their defeat

hyuck laughs and wipes sweat from his forehead

you can’t help but laugh either

you love it here at 🧡 camp half-blood 🧡

a few moments pass as your teammates emerge from the dense woods, each pair with a different colour flag held between them

you smile in victory

you quickly bring down your flag from its pole and give it to hyuck

“me? it was your plan…”

“yeah, but i couldn’t have done it without you, hyuck”

he almost passes out at your choice of nickname

back at the main hall, chiron announces your team as the winner, and that the prize yall being excused from doing chores all week long!!!!

it’s not much, but hey, at least you and hyuck ended up working together and winning the game, right?

later, hyuck pulls you aside from your cabin mates, and walks you to the lakeside

you two sit at the deck, side by side, watching the water doing nothing in particular

you watch as hyuck swings his feet lightly, his toes barely touching the water

“y/n, do you hate me?” donghyuck asks out of the blue

you’re like 😳 what

now that he asks you that . like straight up . it makes u think

do u REALLY hate him

or do u just hate losing to him

“why would i hate you?” you question back

“i don’t know? i guess because of our, um, rivalry thing i thought you can’t stand me”

you play with the beads of your camp necklace

“i don’t hate you, donghyuck. i just hate losing. i guess it’s the athena in me,” you laugh at how lame you sound

“i hate losing too, but i don’t hate you, in case you’re wondering.”

he takes a deep breath

“i know we started going against one another ‘cause of that one time my cabin won capture the flag, but i don’t want things to stay this way,” he pushes his hair back

“i guess what i’m saying is… i like working with you.” he pauses

“yeah,” he says, as if more convinced now, “and i would really like to get to know you better,” he clears his throat, very clearly embarrassed

you laugh at his flustered state

“stop laughing at me,” he stretches the last syllable as he lightly shoves you with his shoulder

you’re trying even harder to not laugh now, but for his sake, you hold it in

“that’s probably the cutest thing you’ve ever said”

he crosses his arms, “i’m always cute”

you’re like. THE NERVE?????? 😒😒😒

“how ‘bout we go slow? i mean, we just became un-enemies, we’re gonna need to be friends first, right?” you poke his shoulder

“you make a good point”

“i’m literally athena’s child, but okay”

“shut up!”

✨ time skip ✨

both u and hyuck stay at camp over the holidays which means more bonding time!!! yay!!!!!

a year has passed and u and hyuck r basically bffs, attached at the hip, and everybody except mark is surprised as fuck

rmb the days when hyuck thought u were “cute”?

welp 🤭 he’s at that point where everything u do makes his heart flutter

yeah… he likes u Like A Lot

u have no clue abt his feelings for u and he has no clue abt ur feelings for him either

exactly a year after the iconic capture the flag game, ur both seated at the deck by the lakeside, side by side, again

“y/n…there’s something you need to know”

“if you’re gonna tell me about the mixtape you’re dropping with mark, i literally don’t want to hear it”

“THAT WAS ONE TIME”

“YOU GOT THE ENTIRE CAMP’S HOPES UP FOR NO REASON”

both of you burst into fits of laughter

after calming down, he shoves your shoulder lightly with his shoulder, like he always does (only to u tho)

“no, seriously, i need to tell you something”

“what’s up?”

“i,” he pauses, clears his throat, “like you. a lot–i have for a while now.”

you swear your heart stops beating and your brain explodes

HE? LIKES? U?????????

he continues, “i don’t know if you like me back, but i’ve been wanting to tell you this for so long–guess i didn’t have the courage until recently,” he lets out an airy laugh

you’re looking at him in the eyes now; a subtle shimmer of the afternoon sun sparkling in his eyes

“hyuck, i like you too. how could i possibly not?” you chuckle at his shocked expression

he goes :O

he’s genuinely speechless when you lean forward and press your lips ever so softly onto his

you literally feel him freeze, which worries you for a second, but your worry is washed away when he slowly kisses you back

you melt right then and there

he takes your hand in his, interlocking fingers, as you pull away, a faint pink blush painting both your cheeks

“wow”

“really, y/n? that’s all you have to say? what happened to being wisdom’s child, huh?”

“donghyuck, i SWEAR to ALL THE GODS–!”

your sentence is cut off when he presses his lips onto yours again, you smile into the kiss which causes him to smile with you

he kisses you again and again, and then again, until you’re both a giggling mess

“let’s stay like this forever, yeah? what do you say?” he says, bringing his lips to your forehead, lingering there for a moment before pulling back and looking at you

you look at your intertwined hands, and then back up at him, “i’d like that”

[herbal-apparatus]

OK im gonna expand on that last text post now that my computer is up and running lets GOOOOO

first of all fuckign point one. so the hand in game is usually open when not being used, and when you click/use the hand, it closes. neat! but also, did you know that there’s a (potentially) unused sprite where the hand is pointing?

(pictured: AssetStudioGUI is open with a list of textures off to the left. On the right is a picture of a hand pointing with the pointer finger and thumb out)

now i say potentially unused because i simply don’t recall it BEING used. though i could see it being used for either the jukebox, elevator buttons or button game and i simply just don’t remember it (lemme know if im wrong on this!). there’s also a gloved version:

(pictured: the same pose of hand but with the falconer’s glove on it)

now, slightly associated with that, there’s another sprite of the hand i don’t remember seeing in game: one where there is a Hummingbird in its palm.

(pictured: ASGUI again with the same list, but now the picture is of the gloved hand gently holding what looks to be a hummingbird)

i would think that this may be something related to borbra hence the glove and bird, perhaps a tutorial or previous quest related thing for her. or maybe it IS used and i just havent seen it! who knows. if youve seen it please lmk i want to know about the bird Q_Q (also to note: the bird has its own texture which i mean, i could post that too, but this already has a few pictures and i wanna go over other things too, so to save length im gonna skip it)

going onto more unrelated stuff, something that makes sense but is still interesting is the internal names for the slideshow room on the terrace. the slideshow room is referred to as CursedRoom, identifiable by its outside UV texture:

(pictured: ASGUI with a new list. The selected texture is called UV-CursedRoomOutside, and the texture shows, assumingly, the outside of a simple room. On one of the sections of the texture, the shadow habit with multiple eyes and triangles is seen, which in game is shown on the back of the outside of the slideshow room. This identifies that CursedRoom is, in fact, the slideshow room.)

which, the name makes sense honestly. related, those listings of “trauma00″ through “trauma07″ are the pictures inside the slideshow:

(pictured: ASGUI, same list as the previous picture. “trauma01″ is selected, showing the picture of boris as a child, happy and holding his potted lily.)

so, in case anyone DIDNT think it was traumatic, the files sure seem to assert that that whole situation was. (ive heard that in the past people debated on stuff like that...??? i dunno, and i sure HOPE not, but. i’d think it was pretty obvious that this was a Very Bad Event that could Definitely Cause Trauma, but i digress)

my original post about this stuff goes on to talk about audio/video segmenting, but im gonna focus on some audio stuff in general. first of all, it’s interesting to note a few things about the music. while i cant show you what the audio sounds like for obv reasons, i can show you something with the names!

(pictured: a segment of a list from ASGUI, listing a few AudioClip files)

from here, we can see three things: one, dr. habit’s theme and the apartments music have a specific “intro” audio, separate from the main songs. this is likely for looping purposes, i’d think. (also habit’s theme is a “fight”????? it definitely SOUNDS like one but i wouldnt consider the event itself a fight, lol) also, something interesting to note is the listing at the top: “falling asleep ambience 1″. there are no other ambiences (i.e. no 2 or 3), so it does seem to imply that others were going to be considered, maybe switched out for different purposes? not sure, but as someone who gets a little spooked by the sounds, it makes me go 8);;;

some other interesting audios include the following (IDs/names of each AudioClip in parenthesis below each picture)

(horror_splat_with_juicy_squish, which seems to be the sound used when you put the mask on putunia. this one’s more interesting due to the name)

(dish_breaking, which i think seems to go unused?? it sounds like, predictably, a ceramic(?) plate breaking)

and my personal favorite

(bees, which ... sounds like... a child sneezing????? this one also seems to go unused)

yeah i dont get that last one. DJKBGSDKFGJNDS

anyways long post is long, but here’s some more stuff for yall in better detail! i hope u like it! i might make another one soon but i wanna go back to focusing on getting the lines finished. maybe ill post about unused/alternate lines after i get it done :D (for example, there seems to be a line that isnt used/was replaced by another line where lulia mentions that she has, specifically, “87 TV appearences to schedule”! what a busy gal)

[fallout-snippets]

hello its me rising from the dead because i got a cold and im in an im-so-fucking-crazy-for-hancock-period and i got some crap i wanna vent about

i read somewhere that fahrenheit was hancocks “main squeeze” and i first assumed it was just bootycall and she was like convenient or whatever? but then it just really bugged me because like ok so she’s his bodyguard and they occasionally hook up and there is no issue about that at all? no problem dipping the pen in the company ink? like obv. hancock has a pretty free and healthy view of sexual relationships, they don’t have to be a big deal, sometimes you just gotta fool around for a bit and it doesn’t have to mean you have to get married or something, sex can just be sex

but it bugs me because fahr is his bodyguard. so i looked up the definition on urban dictionary and apparently main squeeze is casual relationship, or a person you have sexual relations with and strong feelings but you’re not monogamous and can boink other people and you’re not like “together”. but still super close.

and like how awkward would that be for sole? personally id be superjealous even if it was just a casual booty call once in a while for convenience sake and thats on me, i know thats not the healthiest reaction, and even if both fahr and hancock agreed not to continue id never be comfortable with her continuing being a bodyguard or like being THAT close to him afterwards, and like again i know thats on me, but yknow? i gotta rant and vent

and honestly the only place i can see a reference to fahrenheit being hancocks main squeeze is on her wiki page and it’s written in a physical survival guide which makes me think (and hope) that it was written before anything was truly determined and before hancock was the romanceable character he is now

which also brings me to the point of fahrenheit being hancocks daughter with is super weird because if thats the case, why is she his bodyguard? maybe thats what she’s the best at but like then why doesn’t he give a hoot if she gets killed? if he doesnt know, why wouldnt she have ever told him? or do neither know and it’s just the freakiest coincidence ever?

i dont even know what the code says, if its “parent/child” or “parent/daughter”, because the first one can be explained away that you have the parent A and the child AB as in relation to eachother, if something happens to A then AB will react because they’re connected, but if something happens to AB it doesnt mean A will react because it’s the parent file, it’s like the bottom of the pyramid. if the top falls down its fine, the foundation is still there but if the bottom craps out then the top falls too, if that makes sense. like preston would be A and ronnie shaw would be AB, or parent/child

but if it says the second then its fucking weird, man, because why would you specify gender in code unless it means something specific?

its surprisingly hard for me to ignore canon and because i personally have a knack for making myself suffer even in my selfindulgent fantasies so i really just gotta cement that fahrenheit is only hancocks bodyguard. they have no other relation whatsoever. (just trying to validate myself, if you have other opinions then go nuts my dude, but im losing my cool over this)

hancock has casual flings and hookups but he never enters a state of emotions for anyone other than “these are my people and i have to take care of them” because it would 1. complicate the fuck out of being the mayor and 2. he wants to enjoy fucking around (literally and figuratively)  as much as he wants because isnt that what goodneighbor is all about? and sole is just a special case (because yes i fucking am, fuck off) and they hit all the spots for hancock and like theyre... soulmates or whatever the fuck! its just meant to be! they just happen to be the first person hancock connects with genuinely

im literally just ranting to validate my own feelings and it’s kinda working but if anyone doesn’t mind maybe yall can validate it for me too? like i genuinely get that if i put myself in soles position and wanted to romance hancock id have a super hard time knowing he’s been not only physical but emotionally intimate with his bodyguard that’s supposed to protect him 24/7, then the problem is with me and my insecurities but i just dont have the confidence to trust that he’d be 100% with me no matter how great of a character i think hancock is. these fantasies are supposed to make me feel better and not suffer but that only works half of the time

[angelinajoliesbottom]

i honestly cant believe ppl cant differentiate between civilians being hurt in a natural disaster and fucking politics its so annoying people are so fucking shitty. ive said it once and ill say it again westerners see themselves as individuals under horrible governments but see every other nation as this mob entity that 100% supports their government and its so fucking disgusting because most ppl cant fucking choose where they live. @ all ppl that think that civilians deserve to suffer because their governments are shitty you can just fuck off and die honestly. i hope everyone in izmir and greece stays safe ❤️

Ikrr like we have no choice in the matter of our politics the same way america is stuck between trump and biden is the same as us like there is no better option for us than erdogan why should we suffer for the things our politicians do in that case america deserves the same and worse do yall hear us say shit like oh americans deserves to be killed because of their racist politicians?? Obvs not cause that is inhumane we literally hear that childeren or their mothers died or people under all the buildings for 5 days but shitheads on this hellsite see it as karma like istg i get brainrot from people on this hellsite but tysm angels i really hope everyone stays safe too we already have enough pain to last years😔

[madelvnisms]

(MILENA TSCHARNTKE, CIS FEMALE) - Have you seen MADELINE WOODROW? MADS is in HER SOPHOMORE year. The CREATIVE WRITING MAJOR is 21 years old & is a VIRGO. People say SHE is COURAGEOUS, WITTY, PESSIMISTIC and HOT-HEADED. Rumors say they’re a member of KINCAID SOCIETY. I heard from the gossip blog that SHE’S BEEN TRYING TO FIND HER BIRTH PARENTS WITHOUT HER ADOPTED FAMILY FINDING OUT. (COURTNEY. TWENTY-TWO. GMT+10. SHE/HER.)

tw: slight mention of drug use?? i just wanted to tag to be safe 

yall i literally love essy so much i’ll follow her to the end of the rp world :/// and thats on loyalty. PERIODT. but hi !!! hello !!! i am courtney and this is my dangerously pessimistic devil child whose life is just. i like to make tragic okay, because otherwise, where’s the fun in that??? I HOPE YA’LL LOVE HER AS MUCH AS I DO. also i haven’t rped in a hot minute so please bear with me tumblrs done a whole 360 on me and nothing is the SAME 

madeline woodrow didn’t actually have a name for the first??? three months of her life?? she was born on an unusually cold september night, to two incredibly young teen parents who just so happened to be addicted to illicit substances, her ‘mother’ abandoned her at the hospital with a weak immune system and pretty much fighting for her life. she was born with holes on the heart, resulting in surgery during the first week of her life. however, her ailments soon came right ( for now ) and madeline was adopted into a well-off, seemingly loving family; the Woodrow’s, who happened to have a young child already,,,, you guessed it,,, named.... darcy. eyyyyyy [ tik tok vc ] sibling check 

growing up into a family that valued achievements and success over, well... anything, really, madeline had always felt a little out of place. Her parents were well-off academics who took pride in their work, her older brother seemed to be a genius, whereas school work had never been madeline’s strong-suit. like, yeah, okay, she was smarter than the average person in class, but learning was never something she was interested in. books didn’t interest her like they did darcy and while she was passing all of her classes, there were no outstanding academic awards for barely trying. 

instead, madeline seemed to have a naturally affinity for sports. she loved the outdoors, she was the kid that was always picked to be team leader,,,, u know the kids who think they’re better than everyone on the field..... akskskskks that was HER. she may not have been as academically gifted as the rest of her family, but she would bet none of them could throw an object further than her, that was for sure. 

it was an accident, finding out she was adopted. Robert & Stephanie Woodrow had many quiet discussions over the years as to what would be best for Mads, they both felt she should know, but ig they were just scared??? bc they never??? really. mentioned it to her. buT MORE ON THAT SOON 

madeline loved tennis. it was her favourite sport, she was literally on track to go to the olympics at one point in her life, when disaster struck. she was in the middle of an intense game when randomly, mads passed out on the court and fell on her leg the wrong way. not only had her heart problems come crashing through the door; she now had to have another surgery on her leg along with months of rehabilitation. 

the kicker???? this was around the same time grandfather Woodrow had passed away, leaving the remaining kin to deal with his crippling debt. she was barely sixteen when this happened. well - technically grandfather Woodrow had left her mother, father and brother a huge amount of crippling debt, whereas madeline wasn’t even mentioned in the will. no inheritance to her name, especially no debt to her name - there was no mention of a madeline woodrow in his last will and testament at all. 

that was when madeline found out about her true origins; she was left in a hospital by her birth parents, she was born with holes in the heart and now, now she couldn’t even play tennis again. Ever. 

Madeline, once held on a high pedestal due to her athletic achievements, held on a high pedestal by being a Woodrow, had come tumbling down to reality. She didn’t know, and still doesn’t know who she really is to this day. 

Now that all her athletic careers are out the window - her leg never fully recovered and now on top of taking medications for her heart problems every day, she has a barely noticeable limp while she’s walking or jogging, madeline is majoring in creative writing. she needed a back up plan, and while this is nowhere near what she wanted to do with her life at all, not even close, she has to deal with the hand she’s been dealt. 

because of everything she’s been lowkey trying to find her birth parents without the Woodrow’s finding out bc she doesnt wanna break :// their hearts :// but she wants to KNOW WHO SHE IS 

PERSONALITY & HEADCANONS 

it doesn’t take a lot to get madeline to do anything. she’s down for an adventure (within reason bc she is !! not as healthy !! as she likes to think anymore), pretty easy to get along with. admittedly, her IQ is not as high as darcy’s (she’d never admit that, obV) but she’s witty and sharp with her tongue. because of everything she has been through, has a very warped sense of the world atm. 

won’t admit it but second guesses everything. she genuinely believes?? she’s not good enough??? for the life she’s been given, which is why she excelled in sports, but now that’s out the window too she’s kind of just... flailing. 

despite being a woodrow,,,, does noT have as big of a stick up her ass like the rest of them. but she’s still a woodrow, the stick is still there. sometimes. 

Madeline is used to the finer things in life, however has adjusted since their grandfather royally did a number on them. she wont admit it, but she misses how easy money had been to access. 

she carries !!! a walking stick in her bag sometimes in case her leg is just Extra Bad. she hates to use it. probably never will admit to needing to use it 

is on heart medication. does not stop her from doing Stupid Things 

will literally be like Darcy who??? to your face but as soon as someone say something about him, she will literally fight you. leg and heart problems and all this bitch will throw the fuck down for her brother, and that’s that. 

Acts like nothing is bothering her at all, when in fact.... everything bothers her 

bisexual queen 

love is love af 

is terribly afraid of ants. 

wanted connections !! 

ex best friends - i literally just imagine them being ‘best friends’ because their parents were in the same affluent circle until the woodrow’s crushing debt, now they literally cannot stand each other. could be more in-depth. i love all the angst 

exes - could have ended great, or terribly. i just LOVE ANGST OK 

best friends - i imagine best friends from like ??? kids ??? family friends?? who have stuck by her always??? 

ANYTHING N EVERYTHING HMU 

[iniquity-fr]

i said i would elaborate on my thoughts/lore i guess re: dragons n shapeshifted (humanoid) forms and like.. social rules and whatnot around all that.... and then i wrote a ridiculous amount of notes abt the whole thing, oops.

separated into key sections but still very rambly and stream-of-thought overall, bc, when do i not type..... weird. words are eternally difficult for me and thoughts are a struggle to articulate, but i hope any of this.. makes sense? obviously this is largely abt my own clan/dragons/headspace/etc and not like. headcanons about other ppl’s stuff in general or anything like that haha. this is a LOT to read thru so if u actually go thru the whole thing a) wow thank u so much wtf b) perhaps give it a like so i know how u feel. not required but very very appreciated. :^) also deep apology to anyone for whom the read more breaks or something, oh god.

a tl;dr/basic overview

everyone can shift to humanoid/gijinka/person-shaped forms, differing based on their actual look as a dragon

most day-to-day life within the clan is in shifted forms, partly bc of Convenience, partly bc there’s a lot of Social Rules abt being on relatively equal footing w/ one another and keeping things fair and whatnot

using your dragon form to hurt not-dragon form people or even using it to harm smaller dragons is considered a terrible crime, and harming others while they’re mid-transformation is considered the ultimate taboo.

shifting 101:

everybody can shift between dragon/humanoid (gijinka.. however u wanna word this.... yall know what i Mean) form w/ different results--some more dragon-looking and/or generally monstrous, some looking fairly normal/basically like People, But In Rainbow Colors And With Horns. some may keep tails and/or wings or other things like that, but that isn’t especially common

smaller breeds tend to be shorter, bigger breeds tend to be taller, but there are exceptions & outliers! 

shifted forms tend to be pretty 'set' for most dragons, all obviously dependent on their looks as an actual dragon. their shifted form reflects their dragon form, and they can't make drastic changes to their form like changing entire facial structure/shape or body type or overall coloring.  however, dragons with stronger magic abilities/connections/powers/etc usually tend to have more freedom of their own form and may be able to change certain features at will--not entire faces or body shapes, but things like hair, nails, sometimes even patterns from genes (esp. tert genes)

dragons that are like, deity level or otherwise some sort of not-entirely/not-actually-a-dragon all-powerful creature or w/e usually have MUCH more freedom to change their form completely, if they so choose.

transformation is at will (and cant be done or undone unconsciously... ie a sleeping-in-shifted-form person is Not gonna turn back into dragon form in their sleep) and happens fairly quick for most, usually no long&slow weird animorph-esque thing, though it isn't all in a flash either--usually! once again on the "dragons with More/Better Magic Skillz" concept, a very magic-powerful dragon can usually shift much quicker than others. a "finger snap puff of smoke boom you're done" level of speed is Very Rare, but not unheard of. dragons who are either very young or simply not very talented w/ magic may take longer than others. the largest & smallest breeds also take a bit longer due to having to shrink down/size up every time. all this said, it never takes more than like, 15-20 seconds at Most, and even that range is considered Very Slow. it’s a short window, generally!

things like injury or sickness can make shifting difficult, but typically only like........... basically if you're literally dying you're probably not gonna be able to do it. having a broken leg or the flu shouldn't impact ability much, but bleeding out in the boneyard? ain't gonna make it work, buddy.

idk how clothes work lmfao. they just shift with the dragon i guess? sure. let's go with that. all clothes are magic now. i don't think EVERYTHING through, ok?

ok cool but Why Shift:

shifted forms make for much easier living-together-in-a-big-clan, especially in situations (like my own clan itself) where everyone lives in, y'know, buildings. houses and castles and churches and whatnot. it takes a lot more effort and resources and whatnot to build a house big enough for imperials to comfortably live in in dragon form than it does to just build a regular-sized house that a spiral & a ridgeback both can settle into & live comfortably in in shifted form or smth, yknow. it’s easier to accommodate people than dragons! 

communication & relationships can also be easier to deal with if you are all Relatively Close to the same size range. less leaning down or flying up to try and talk to your friend/coworker/partner/rival/whatever. part of this is also influenced by The Rules About Being On An Even Playing Field We Will Get To In A Moment

for many dragons its just easier to do things like art, music, crafting, writing, or working w/ small & delicate things, etc etc when you have proper hands and lot funky dragon claws. much of the more mundane reasons for these forms is just For Convenience's Sake!

that said, obvs. certain things are easier/preferred to stay in dragon form to do--traveling, for one, since, y'know, Dragons Can Fly, Usually. hunting & gathering is usually done in dragon form as well, though not 100% of the time. maybe u want to be a big and powerful dragon to go take down wild animals for food but just like, chill out w ur buds in person-shape to go have a relaxing fishing trip by the lake. it's up 2 u really.

sometimes dragon forms are preferred for fighting in general, esp against beasts, or if you are a lone dragon trying to protect yourself from threats, etc. in the case of smaller breeds especially, they can also be preferred for making a quick escape instead! (sometimes this is seen as Cowardly to do, but yknow, it’s an Option.)

aaaaaaand now we can get to The Rules which is where things become less abt convenience & common sense and more about my own........... we can call it lore? i guess? sure. it's lore. ok.

The Rules:

all the "for convenience" reasons aside, there are many largely unspoken but VERY important social rules regarding shifting and when you "should" or "should not" be in which form. within my clan/characters/headspace/etc etc it's all just sort of a known thing/smth ur raised knowing, there isn't like, an actual rulebook or smth anyone has to figure out. 

much of these rules are about being on an equal playing field, both socially & in battle. the social rules are much more important & strict within clan living areas, ie. the walls of cities and whatnot. things can get more loose & informal if ur like, out travelling thru the wasteland or wilds or whatever.

it's considered VERY rude to enter/generally be inside buildings in dragon form, usually, unless you're just like... popping in real quick to deliver smth or say hi or whatever.. and you can fit inside said building... and know the ppl there and whatnot... etc...... if you dragon out while already inside somewhere that's usually seen as like, a threat of some sort. due to how much construction & architecture & living spaces are shaped and whatnot, it's deemed unnecessary to bother with dragon forms inside the clan's walls in general, but especially within buildings, bc jesus christ dude ur gonna hit the ceiling or break stuff with your wings or something. be polite.

social interaction in general, esp. when Formal or in work/work-like settings, is seen as something usually meant more for shifted forms... some dragons who are very close, ie family & mates, can be fine in dragon form around each other, bc of the mix of informality & Trust. typically, if you want to have a conversation with someone and Not be seen as impolite or even hostile, shifted form is key. this falls back very much to the fact that dragons come in such VASTLY different sizes, from imps down to faes, and it's seen as unfair and often threatening to present oneself as a giant monster to whom others have to talk to, or as a tiny little creature either down on the floor or flitting around the room. shifted forms have about as much height/size variance as we do as humans, which can be A Lot, and some individuals can be even smaller or bigger than regular people bc Hey Its Fantasy, but generally speaking no People-Shaped height difference is going to be as crazy as dragons' can be.

basically, if you walk into the throne room or the church or anywhere Important & Protected and you're not in shifted form, you WILL be seen as either physically threatening the leadership or as an extremely arrogant & disrespectful fool. walking into shops/businesses in general as a dragon makes you look like you're trying to like, rob the place or smth. even just moving about the streets of the town as a dragon is weird, rude, and will make people uneasy. not to mention it’s potentially destructive!

everything comes back to the idea of being relatively similar in size/shape, in being close enough to equal in ability, strength, weakness, etc, barring the obvious difference that yes some people are stronger/more trained than others, some better at magic, etc etc. it's all about fairness!

this is all MOST IMPORTANT when it comes to FIGHTING........ bc obviously a very large dragon can just squish the bones of a very tiny dragon like nothing...... things like formal duels etc everyone knows OF COURSE this meant for shifted form, it's just an inherently known thing. if u fight with honor u fight shifted.

this even extends to the point that outside city walls, if someone's going to pick a fight with you, you Should still be duking it out in shifted form. it's such an important & revered rule that it's even usual for bandits and such out on the roads to attack travelers while in their own shifted forms. only the worst of all criminals cross the line--from the average petty thief & pickpocket up to professional hitmen and honorable assassins, it's rare to see even career rulebreakers break these rules. it’s That Serious

using your dragon form to attack someone who's shifted is seen as like, a completely horrifying and heinous thing to do, a sign of true cruelty and mercilessness. using your dragon form to escape from people is often seen as a cowardly and weak thing to do, unless ofc ur just like, small and afraid and get fuckin jumped by some big tuff dudes, yknow. being in a real & honorable battle means fighting in your shifted form.

the Ultimate Taboo however is hurting--especially killing--someone while they're mid-transformation, due to the fact that the process--while, as stated previously, is Very Short--leaves someone completely vulnerable and unable to defend themselves. transformation takes focus and action, and you can't really attack or dodge or anything while changing from form to form. the strength and speed and complete lack of hesitation required to end someone's life in the small window of time that it takes to shift is a terrifying thing to behold. killing someone midshift while in your own shifted form is especially weird & scary and means everyone is going to be afraid of you forever, basically, because. dude. holy fuck. how & WHY did you do that.

obviously the Normal reaction that Nice & Good dragons feel knowing someone who has crossed that particular line is, yknow, fear and resentment and seeing them as someone who is heartless and completely evil and terrible. to be avoided at all costs, if not outright arrested and executed for such a thing, in other places where ppl are like. ultimately good & caring abt one another and whatnot. but that ain't my clan babey!

aaaaaand finally a wrap-up w a lil bit abt my clan full of shitty devil babies and how these rules impact their lives hehehe

though the clan is VERY strict abt the larger social rules regarding shifted forms vs. dragon forms, thats more for formality's sake & a part of the clan's entire thing of being like........... full of/ruled by morally bankrupt weirdos and villains and chaotic neutrals mostly And Yet all putting on the show & appearance of being honorable high-status nobles & academics and whatnot. among the court in particular it's all Very Important bc everyone has to behave like stuffy uptight formal folk very often. also their section of the clan home is like, a very compact city w/ narrow streets and stuff, so obviously no one Can just. walk around as a big giant dragon.

a few examples of dragons Breaking The Rules in more 'minor' ways include: -outlaw, who has absolutely 0 issue using the small size of his spiral form to break into houses & businesses and steal shit, or using it to slip away from authority figures and zip off and fly outta there. or to just be able to hide from authorities more easily. -fissure, one of the kings, a guardian, will occasionally use his dragon form as a threat display if anyone shows too much hostility towards his clan. threaten him and his people and he WILL threaten you back big time. -silhouette, royal guard captain, also a guardian, will do the same thing, though she reserves that for people found along the outskirts of the city walls. -sepulcher takes things the other way around--he enjoys the challenge of fighting&killing things 100x his size and if a dragon tries to harm him when he's in his shifted form he gets VERY excited!!!!!

the 2 worst culprits confirmed so far are the high priest, leader of the clan, scary rotten plague cult wyrmwound-worshipping bastard himself, fhtagn......... and the friendly, chatty, fashionable tailor, needle.

the skull mask fhtagn wears is fashioned from the skull of a half-transformed dragon. to have not only crossed the line of killing a dragon mid-shift but to wear a part of them as one's most striking attire that they're never seen without is a truly terrifying sight to behold for most... those of kinder hearts than this clan would see him for the disgusting & dishonorable bastard he is because of that alone, but the clan members--especially the church, of course--revere him for this. fear & horror go hand in hand with love & adoration among the congregation, so of course they love their mercilessly masked priest.

needle does not allow too many people to get a good look at his "trophy room" but it is... certainly something to behold. stitched & stuffed bodies of people killed mid-shift make up his favorite taxidermy collection, and he likes to think of this as.. some form of art. though very private about it, he's still fiercely proud of his collection. go out and bring him such a body yourself for him to work on and he'll love you forever!

anyway that’s it for now. this post is fucking long. i never write this much what fucking possessed me.

if u made it this far i wuv u. thank u :’)

[honorguk]

Dating » Lucas (NCT)

.•° ✿ °•. navigation

-- What it’s like to date Lucas from NCT (based on my assumptions). Enjoy! 

»•» OVERALL:

- lucas is a loud dork so when i say that he is even more of a mess with u i mEAn it

- he’s like hella caring too so if he suspects that you’re feeling down even the tiniest bit he instantly forgets everything’s he’s doing - or supposed to be doing - and turns his attention onto you. unless he’s the one you’re mad at but that’s a different story

- a lil cringy and shows off his girlfriend a lil too much but as if you’d complain

- but he’ll also show himself off and make you brag about him and his biceps but tbh you how can u not

- doesn’t understands periods but still suggests he goes out and buys u things like food and pads. tampons still scare him. 

- he also googles on what will help cramps and even though you already know you still thank him for it

- randomly speaks in korean? and cantonese? as if you understand?

- he also tries pronouncing the words with an english accent in hopes of u getting it

- “i’m a multilingual king, babe”

- will make fun of your height no matter how short or tall (but u know he’s joking cos he’d never be an ass on purpose huehue)

- giggly boy

- “babe.”

- good morning texts!! he even like tracks down your time when he’s away or you’re away or if the timezones are plainly different uwu

- hand literally the size of your head

- “whenever you cup my face i feel darkness engulfing me”

- “big hands... you know what they say.”

- “lucas no that’s not even how it goes”

- u own a collection of his shirts that he keeps growing out of

- so chessy! but he’s so smooth! especially when you make self-deprecating jokes

- “dude i’m such trash”

- “then let me take you out ;)”

- you’ll be constantly reassured that you’re his world and that he loves you

- he makes u do cheesy romantic stuff and tbh it doesn’t turn out to be as bad as you think (most of the time)

- matching lockscreens

- hate will often bring him down but knowing there’s someone like you by his side (as well as the members obvs) he slowly begins to ignore the messages. he’s a strong individual and with a lil help gaining his confidence from his friends, family, and partner he knows how to turn that frown upside down 

- will always cuddle and if you’re both on the couch his head will find a way onto your lap

- loves when you play with his hair and loves playing with yours right back

- couple outfits!! over-the-top matching but at least it shows that you’re each other’s 

- he said “i love you” first

- however cringy or weird this kid is, he still remains your best friend and you his.

»•» DATES YOU GO ON:

- amusement parks! this big child will go bloody bananas over some swinging boat ride and literally scream the whole time hE IS 7 DO U UNDERSTAND-

- he drags you onto roller coasters which i would’t say you’re very fond of but at least you get to slyly hold his hand uwu

- but then again he also doesn’t mind taking you to some park for a quiet walk and maybe a coffee shop after

- he’s a very chill guy if i’m honest he don’t mind he don’t judge

- respectful of your choices too  

- cuddle dates are also an option

»•» PET NAMES:

- “babe”

- “sweet”

- “my love”

- “my lady” (i’m sorry)

- pretty much anything else that comes to mind tbh but those are his main ones

- also comes up with weird shit too like ur waking up and all of a sudden you’re being called an egg mcmuffin

»•» WHILE ON TOUR:

- tbh this boy whiny all the members are begging you to call him so he stops complaining that he’s away from his egg mcmuffin

- constant texts

- sends memes (when he finally gets them cos he is also 80)

- when he doesn’t have access to his phone he asks for mark’s or whoever is around bc he can’t cope

- again,, good morning/good nigh texts

- when on call at night he waits for you to fall asleep then ends the call

»•» ARGUING/MAKING UP:

- he can’t

- literally like you guys don’t really fights only when like when he was being dumb and shoved a fork into the toaster bc the bread wasn’t popping out and you were concerned for his safety

- at first he tries making jokes but then he realizes that you’re genuinely upset and his dorky demeanor will fade 

- he prefers to not yell or break anything because that’s just not the way he rolls

- he doesn’t touch you (he’s big on personal space) and when he realizes he’s wrong he won’t look at you as he’s a guilty pup

- but if he’s confident that he’s right, he’ll stand his ground and as calmly as possible try to explain his point of view

- sometimes it does get heated and he raises his voice, but he’s very conscious when he does it, so if he yells, it’s for a reason

- you always make up - he never goes to bed (and doesn’t let you either) until you guys are completely off each other’s dick

- sometimes you end up BEING on each other’s dick tho (reader in this case isn’t limited to female)

- so spEAKING OF DICK-

»•» NSFW:

- tbh i’ll probably be doing a nsfw a-z on lucas so here’s a summary

- loud! just as he is outside of the bedroom, he is inside

- is so up to trying new things and toys and positions but also respects you and your opinion so if you say vanilla ya’ll go vanilla

- won’t degrade,, he can’t do that to his egg mcmuffin queen

- not acc that kinky?? mostly because he was a virgin before you met lmaoo

- excited!! he’s always hyper even if it’s like hella romantic and sensual he hyper

- needs your guidance sometimes so he likes you on top cos he wants you to feel good first his own pleasure is nowhere as important

- repeatedly say that he loves you and likes it when you repeat it back (you always do)

right folks thanks for reading i really appreciate it i know this was messy and very casual but tbh i only properly write when it’s a book and yall know ya girl aint that commited sooo

[finndoesntwantthis]

Wrestlemania Predictions:

Figured i make this, mostly just so i could keep track of what the matches are. I name the WINNER as who i think will win, and then on some i say who i would prefer wins. :)

- Women’s Battle Royal: i wish this was put together better, and i wish it wasnt just used as a throw away for CERTAIN women who should be top talent, but oh well. i know the girls will do their best to put on a good match. WINNER: Lacy Evans, but i want Asuka.

- Men’s Battle Royal: all comments from above, but also at least we know this will make us laugh because of Colin and Michael. WINNER: Braun Strowman, but honestly i want Jeff Hardy :)

-The Miz vs Shane McMahon, Falls Count Anywhere: excellent build up and this match is gonna be BANANAS YALL. im already disappointed that it will once agian not end in a fast food parking lot five blocks away, as all FCA matches should, but its still gonna be good. WINNER: I feel like Shane will win, but obvs Miz deserves it.

-AJ Styles vs Randy Orton: The most random match on the whole card and yet????? Im so excited??? Love AJ, love his snarky comments to Randrew, and i expect at least 20 RKO’s out of nowhere. also AJ has to defend the entire Bullet Club’s honor! WINNER: AJ Styles

-Triple H vs Batista, No Holds Barred: So my father, Triple H, hasnt had a win at Mania in a while, and the Batista line in the set up to this where he’s all “you’ve never beaten me” makes feel like this is all just so Trips can get a win lol but the whole build up has been fun, and hopefully these old men just have a nice time. WINNER: Triple H

-Roman Reigns vs Drew Mcintyre: So i am looking forward to this because Drew is a fantastic bad guy and watching him beat up the shield has hurt my entire soul, but in a fun, wrestling kind of way. my hope is that Dean comes out and helps Roman win but IDK, if that doesnt happen then i will be depressed for a full year. WINNER: Drew, but yeah i want dean to help ro win :/

Kurt Angle vs Baron Corbin: HATE IT THANKS. best case scenario is that John Cena comes in and beats up Corbin and retires Kurt like we want him to. it could happen. WINNER: Kurt Angle, let the man retire in grace.

-Cruiserweight Championship, Buddy Murphy vs Tony Nese: I love the flippy boys, so i know this will be fun no matter how much WWE doesnt promote it. WINNER: Tony Nese

-Raw Tag Team Championship, The Revival vs Ryder/Hawkins: what a cluster fuck this has been. it should be revival vs aleister/rico, but WHATEVS. fuck tag team wrestling i guess. what i really hope happens in The Revival attacks ryder/hawkins, and then gets on the mic and rants about their treatment (it’s what they deserve) and then perhaps the Hardy Boys come crash the match and win the titles. Probably not tho, that’s too good of an idea. WINNER: The Revival

-Smackdown Tag Team Championship, Usos vs Aleister/Ricochet vs Nakamura/Rusev vs The Bar: Once again everyone in charge of booking forgot about tag team wrestling. I still think the match itself will be good because everyone in there is fantastic, but the build up was all wrong. WINNER: Aleister/Ricochet, but i want the Usos to retain :)

-Women’s Tag Team Championship, BossNHug Connection vs IIconics vs DOD vs Samoan Slaughterhouse: This is going to be one of the best matches of the night! Im actually very happy they 4 established teams as part of, because it allows for more women to be on the main card, and to show that the tag team division is Legit. WINNER: BossNHug, but i’d love either DOD or IIconics :)

-United States Championship, Samoa Joe vs Rey Mysterio: So Rey might be hurt which makes me sad because this match is gonna be RIDIC. these two together should be a lot of fun! Hopefully, if Rey is injured, he gets replaced by Andrade or Ali. WINNER, Rey (or replacement), but i hope Joe retains because i love him.

Intercontinental Championship, Bobby Lashley vs DEMON KING FINN BALOR: i mean yeah we all know how this is gonna go lmao Finn is gonna make Bobby look the best he’s looked in match all year. But you know what? We get The Demon at Mania, and thats all i really wanted. WINNER: Finn, obvs :)

Universal Championship, Brick Loser vs Seth Rollins: so this might be the biggest heart break of the night, just because......it’s the only Hero Loss of the night that wont totally kill the entire crowd. Like yeah we love seth and he deserves the win but......roman also deserved the win last year. I also want Dean to interfere in this match tho :) WINNER: Bork Laser, im sorry, i just think Seth is gonna have to take this L for the team :(

WWE Championship, Daniel Bryan vs Kofi Kingston: this match will put everyone to tears and we all know it. im gonna cry probably as soon as it starts. It will probably be match of the night, and the one everyone talks about for the ages, that’s just a fact, no matter who wins. WINNER: please for the LOVE OF GOD let it be Kofi, i think it will be, but if im wrong, i will never get over it.

Winner Take All, Women’s Championship, Becky vs Charlotte vs Lousy: this match will also be bananas, but i wish it was built better. the smackdown championship shouldnt be in here, but i will live. my one hope is that lousy doesnt win, i really really hope they dont give this to her, she didnt deserve to be champion at all yet anyway. i have no idea who will win this, even though we all know it should be becky. i just dont trust Vince to make the right call when it comes to women, because historically..... he doesnt...... WINNER: IDK, but it should be Becky 

Other things: 

I think Elias will get beat up by John Cena, if John doesnt involve himself in Kurt’s match.

Undertaker isnt listed for anything....... but i still hope he shows up to eat up 20 minutes of entrance time and do something ridic, like.....chokeslam Vince to hell? Yeah that would be good

Im sure Alexa will do a wonderful job as host :)

[spiritroots]

Hey, can I ask for some advice? So a while ago I tried a good grades spell & it didn't work so this made me really insecure and i fell out of my practice But obvs bc witchcraft is in me, i still have my moments but I'm just filled with anxiety that something won't work out and even I know that practice makes perfect, Idk where to start again

Hey there :D This is such an interesting question because it gets into a really huge topic that I’ve thought about a lot, which is getting results in magic and/or witchcraft. I have a rather unpopular opinion about this because the methodologies behind my practice are based on a very Buddhist and Afrocentric worldview, which is totally distinct from and inconsistent with the mainstream perspectives of Witchblr.

I hope this little essay/ramble below shows a very different set of perspectives on magic that may be helpful for you. Take it or leave it. Ultimately I can’t tell you what’s right or wrong, only share my thoughts in the hopes that it’s useful somehow.

Disclaimer: Below is a lot of information about my personal methodologies and worldview, so if anyone disagrees that’s okay! I am not sharing this to preach what I do to others or say that anyone else should or has to emulate it. 

I respect others’ paths, and I simply share this in the hopes that my path is respected also. If it’s helpful to anyone who finds common ground with anything I’ve said, then I’m glad (:

I also talk a fair amount about witchcraft vs. what I do, and I’m not trying to overgeneralize or speak for all witches. There are always exceptions to things, I’m just sharing some of my observations.

[ Ask me anything ] [ About ] [ Buy me a coffee ] [ Spirit Roots Shop ]

Magic Methodologies & Getting Results

I am an equal part of this community just like anyone else, and I respect witches and other magic practitioners immensely for what they do. We learn from each other, and I’ve grown my practice together with yall. So on Witchblr, I read the methodological discussions about witchcraft that I see. Most tend to advocate that witchcraft is whatever you want it to be, any kind of magic can be called witchcraft and included in that practice. A few here and there say that witchcraft is all about results, and although the implications of that opinion aren’t always agreed upon, it seems true that most witches are very results-oriented.

I don’t see any one magic path as better or more effective than any another, but the paths I’ve chosen or been called to walk down with magic and divination are very different than most of what I see across Witchblr. I watch these witchcraft discussions happening around me and standards or rules put forward for witches that don’t really apply to me or have anything to do with what I do because of the paths I’ve chosen for myself.

Since I’m not a witch, I don’t really get worried about what people say witchcraft is or isn’t. I practice magic not on the terms of witchcraft, chaos magick, or what Witchblr says about anything. I practice magic and divination on the terms of my ancestors, on the terms of nature, on the terms of Ifá. Ifá itself actually means “nature,” and represents the traditional African Yoruba worldview of magic, divination, spirituality, and all aspects of life itself.

Another important structure for me that also dictates the terms of my magic practice is Buddhism, especially when it comes to attachment, karma, and ethics. I don’t curse (though I am very pro-cursing in the sense that I support everyone’s right to curse!), I avoid ever casting non-consensual magic on other people, and most significantly for this conversation, I am not results-oriented.

The entire foundation of Buddhism rests on the Four Noble Truths, which explain that attachment is the root of suffering and freedom from suffering can only occur when there are no more attachments. Apply this to magic, and it flies in the face of how most people think about magic because in most cases magic seems to be about trying to make results happen. Yet as a Buddhist, I consider becoming very attached to results in this way to be contradictory at the core to my religious beliefs. So if not results, what motivates what I do? How does it fit into this framework?

In Buddhism, karma means action not results, and the results of your karma are dictated by not just the action itself but also your intentions behind them. For example, from a Buddhist perspective, if you feed ten hungry children just to make yourself look good, your action (karma) seems to be excellent but your intention was egotistical and ultimately the results for you will match that intention. Apply this to magic, and suddenly magic has a whole new spin on it. Regardless of what magical actions are performed, when the intention behind them is cultivating good values such as compassion or loving-kindness for others, then it’s probably good karma from a Buddhist perspective. So, for me, magic isn’t about results, it’s about karma, a combination of my intentions (the magical methodology) and my actions (the application of that methodology). 

One might ask, well what about Ifá and hoodoo? Don’t they have very practical, results-oriented magic traditions? 

There are several different ways of practicing “magic” in Ifá. (I put magic in parentheses because the line between what is “religious practice” and what is “magic” gets very blurred within Ifá since it doesn’t need to make a clear distinction within itself.) Arguably the most important way is through ebo, making sacrifices to the orisha. It is an exchange of ashe between humans and orisha through the animals sacrificed. Ashe is the Yoruba version of “energy” that flows through all life and all of the universe. Ashe can contain messages within it, encoded with intent. When we say oriki (prayers), we are encoding ashe to be sent to a particular orisha and to express certain intentions. The ashe of the human beings involved and their intent through oriki is carried by the animal up to Olorun, where many of the orisha live. This is how ebo works. So there’s action (the ebo) and intent (the oriki), but where’s the results? That is the domain of the orisha, not the humans who made ebo except to continue in their lives toward that goal.

With hoodoo, the thing is, people can say that it’s “results-oriented” all day and night, but when it comes down to it, the traditional views are that you can only manipulate or push forces of nature one way or another by working roots - you can’t gain full control over the entire universe. If you ask Christian rootworkers, they’ll tell you that it’s God - not them - who decides the results. This is why in hoodoo you petition the ancestors, you don’t boss them around. You traditionally pray over candles, oils, etc. you don’t only say incantations. A lot of hoodoo is actually asking your ancestors, spirits of nature, and God or other deities for help and working with them. This is why in hoodoo, divination is typically done before casting any spells for a client. It’s communication to get information about the possible results happens beforehand to find out if it’s even worth trying - or to find out what spell would be effective.

This is all to say that while I see a lot of emphasis on Witchblr about getting results, results are not the emphasis in my practice because Buddhism and Afrocentrism have led me to focus more on other aspects of the process. My focus is first of all, the intention, the magical design, the methodology and purpose, which follows hoodoo and/or Ifá tradition and requires innovation with my intuition at the same time. Then secondly, it’s the actions, the application of that design and that methodology with careful technique and concentration. I believe the results are in the hands of nature and the universe, but my actions and intent are the aspects that I can control.

And strangely enough, I find that when I focus on what I can control in the magical process and let go of my attachments to the results, that’s when my magic is the most effective. My manifestation magic has been at it’s most effective when I express my desire for an outcome through my actions combined with intent and then completely and utterly let go of any attachment to the results. I find this very challenging to do, but when I do it, that’s when the universe tends to respond and we flow together.

And when it doesn’t work out? I trust that it wasn’t meant to for one reason or another. This lack of attachment doesn’t hurt my methodology because every time I cast a spell or do divination, I am very very careful to make my methods and practice as carefully designed and as good as possible. When I say I focus in on my actions and intent, I mean I really work the design of it and the application. I study, I research, I am passionate about the process. The thing is, because I am not attached to the results, I can do all this in a very non-judgmental way that actually allows me to be more mindful and present in what I am doing without being caught up in self-criticism about it. 

I can improve and grow and learn through practice every time, not just after the times that I got unintended results. I don’t get discouraged because I am constantly learning, nothing is ever just a success or a failure, but always a learning process. I am always watching what results I am getting from my karma, and then adjusting from there the things that I do have control over. 

I do not believe that I can simply dominate or control the universe, but I can learn to work its roots. As one string in the cosmic web, I can cause ripples across the intersections and then watch as a student to see what happens and figure out where to go and what to do next.

@hexcuse-me I know that was a lot, but now, here is my advice. Think about your methodology as a witch. I don’t think this question is really just about success or failure or getting results, but asking what does it even mean for you to “succeed” or “fail” when you practice magic? Do your standards for success and failure align with why you began practicing witchcraft to begin with? 

It’s okay to be results-oriented, it’s also okay not to be. I think this gets into the nature of your relationship with witchcraft and magic on a very fundamental level. How do you believe magic works? Why do you practice it?

If you take a step back and dig deep into the heart of your craft for you - not what anyone else tells you it is or isn’t - I hope you will find the direction you’re looking for to start again

[lumiereswig]

Please do the ENTIRETY of Forgotten! Hahaha I’m joking, pick your favorite part because that fic is v long 😍

happily, this gonna get l o n g

“The ball was flawless. In the garden, the roses continued to reach to the sky, and the storm brushed away; the lights shut off in the palace, one by one, and the music faded to silence. The prince went to bed with one or two or three pretty women he wouldn’t care for by the next day. Up in his room, Lumiere popped open a bottle of champagne.”

I set the opening to take place almost immediately after “Lit By The Sun,” though this time showing the evening Lumiere and Plumette never got—the stolen croquembouche up in their bedroom, the sharing of champagne among the servants. In the original timeline, obvs they didn’t get that—they got fire and feathers instead—but yeah. I am totally alluding to my own goddamn fics.

Plumette, lighting the candles by the bed, grinned at him over the flames. He laughed and raised his glass.

It’s not a lumiereswig post if there’s not a fucking fire reference.

“He’s turning just like his father—the prince’s father was like this, too,” Mrs. Potts explains to the musicians, who know nothing about the palace or its politics. They nod and move closer to each other on the bed. “We don’t know what he’d do without us. He’ll be fine, though; we try not to intervene. D’you only have wine up here, Lumiere? I could use a cup of tea.”

Foreshadowing of future bullshit, and also reminding the readers that Garderobe and Cadenza WERE NOT PART OF THIS PALACE-POLITICS SHIT. They did not deserve to be cursed!! fuck you agathe!!!! #justiceforgarderenza2k18

“If you cannot take a little sparkling wine, get yourself to bed, grandmother,” laughs Lumiere, and she swipes at his arms and makes him laugh. He eases into a seat between Cogsworth and Plumette and throws his arms around them.

Really trying to remind everyone how fucking close the staff is. The fam. Also, fuck you bill condon for not letting lumiere hug cogsworth every .3 seconds

“Think how long it has been!” he says. “Forty years for you, Cogsworth, but most of my life for mine. Why, I came here as a teenager—imagine me, only a little older than Chip! Fresh out of Paris and still reeking of the apothecary shop.” He grimaces, thinking of his father’s dusty store in a side-street of the city. He had fled, then, looking for the glamor his missed; in his room in Paris he had practiced dance steps, reveled in fashion, adopted the graceful movements of the court as rebellion against the bourgeois facts of an ordinary existence. He had come to this palace, and he had lit into life; dancing and feasting and glowing like gold made Lumiere’s heart sing.

EYYYY IT’S A HEADCANON I TOTALLY MADE UP

but tbh it makes sense to me (and has always made sense to me) that for all his glamor-gold, courtiers-and-candelabras bullshit, lumiere is not from an upper crust background. he’s too extra to have been born to it. That level of golden eyeliner and tequila has to be aspired to.

“We met in this palace, do you remember, mon trésor?” Plumette is close in his arms; her scent—fresh and light, like candy and macarons—right beside him. “I was only fourteen, and I loved you right away.”

“I loved you before I met you,” murmurs Lumiere. “I could never forget.”

Lots more foreshadowing, and also backshadowing. Gotta remind the idiots in the audience which motherfuckers in this story are in love.

The next day is their day off. It is their one day off in the year.

honestly this makes no sense (one day off a year???) but it’s adam. pre-curse adam. i can write him to get away with pretty much any bullshit and be like “””*shrug* uhhh he’s a beast, dudes, of course he banned puppies and kittens from the palace and hates daisies and sunshine”“

also tbh i hate the whole adam dialogue sequence, it’s really badly written

Adam stands in the lonely, empty halls. If he stands in the tower, he can see them weaving their way through the forest and down to the village, to spend their day in the company of each other, in Lumiere and Plumette’s case, or with loved ones, in the case of Mrs. Potts. No matter what, all the servants have each other. And Adam has nobody.

casual evermore references whenever we can’t get in a flame pun

….after all, at least when he yelled they looked at him.

someone told me this line broke them and i am forever pleased. yes mofos!!! relish my very slipshod, mostly shite grasp of the english language!!!!! revel in my poor grasp of human psychology!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Lumiere! The night grows old.”

 The crone grows young.

to make up for the shit in the previous chapter, I really enjoy this bit. the whole bashing-between-the-palace-and-the-village nonsense just makes me happy.

Belle wakes up to a jolt in the road, and the rough wool blanket on her face, and the smell of cheese and paint and horse and wind clinging to her skin. She rubs her eyes and tries to wipe away the sleep. They’re in the wagon, again, and Maurice is hunched up in the bench, encouraging Philippe to trot faster. The contents of Belle’s entire life are jammed in around her, a moving nest of drawings and gear-boxes and packets of cabbage-seed.

aaand we’re with belle. I had to rewrite this chapter about five million times because it wasn’t working—I had planned it out too much in advance, you know, and was just like regurgitating the writing rather than writing it—but I’m happy with the textural detail of this bit. Again, sometimes it pays to use the words around what you’re going for rather than the literal sensation; in this case, cheese and paint and horse and wind, and that rough wool blanket. Home, but also chill, and travel, and being uncomfortable, and the 18th century equivalent of going on a road trip and eating crackers in the backseat while dad’s up front and the crackers making the seat all gritty and reading books in the light of the passing streetlamps, ya feel?

Lilles, Reims, Amiens

i don’t understand french geography

A tiny, delicate gesture from his long fingers; it is a surprisingly sophisticated movement for a man in a yellow peasant’s vest, with candle wax creased in the dirt between his fingernails.

this whole chapter is slightly hard to read because it’s clearly trying too hard, but i hope i got across (or at least, whacked you across the forehead with) the bits i felt were important: lumiere’s current emptiness, but the last imprints of who he ought to be hanging around. i also tend to mention the peasant’s vest too many fucking times, just because the image of lumiere wearing anything that’s not satin & silk is fucking devestating. also, it will be important later, and i need yall to remember that LUMIERE DOESNT LOOK LIKE HE NORMALLY LOOKS

“I am nothing now,” says the man, in a flash of vehemence so sharp it is like seeing a flame in the middle of the forest. He looks up to her—his face broad, and white; and it is an empty face, and beyond the fire in his words there is nothing there at all. It is as if someone washed out all his color, and left him only with his yellow vest.  

you can tell, again, this is a lumiereswig fic because suddenly the language is all about fires and flashing and flickers and flames and there’s probably going to be a reference to the sun fucking setting at some point

also, honestly, this was hard to write because i was seeing it as a fucking movie in my head, and transcribing ‘ewan mcgregor lies on a village stoop looking fucking dismal’ is not what literary writing is made of

He welcomes her to the stoop with the flick of a wrist and a tiny nod with the pipe,

just to remind everyone once a-fucking-gain, Lumiere Is Not Normal, And You Can Tell Because He’s Not Being Very Welcoming. like honestly if you don’t say hello by doing a song and dance what the fuck are you doing

“I knew someone once who treasured books that way as well,” he says, and a smile drifts across his face, homeless. Something in him is sparking up at the story: dim, and faint, but laughing. “He once made me read the whole Odyssey—”

ok yes thank god the fic is finally getting good again

Sorceresses turning people to pigs, and the lily-eaters forgetting their homes, and Penelope undoing the days until her husband returns

ON. THE FUCKING. NOSE

also if i make a literary reference in a fic i am almost 100% of the time trying to make an obvious as fuck connection between the two

Deeply, deeply frightened. Not of the man on the stoop—she has never seen anyone more harmless, to be quite honest; he is such an empty man, with such silent, lifeless limbs—but of the thing inside his eyes when he speaks of his past. It is Other—a thing not rooted in a Parisian background, or the empty face, or the subdued soul. It is a large streak of gray inside the man’s blue eyes, a gray empty and unnatural and as hollow as cold ice. Staring at his eyes, Belle finds herself clutching her arms with fear.

ahhhh fuck subtlty has gone totally out the window. yall are kind and see what i was going for, but i swear this could be better done if i knew shit

It is obvious to Belle that this is a practiced ritual, the sharing of the secret wine.

in retrospect this fic would be sadder if cogsworth or lumiere weren’t friends, but uhh…i just couldnt bring myself to it.

“Oh là là, he acts as if the French accent is difficult,” says Lumiere, puffing smoke….

LIKE YOU CAN SPEAK FRENCH ANYWAY, YOU SCOTTISH DIPSHIT.

“Get off my stoop!” yells the woman. “D’you have wine down there, Lumiere?“

“If you cannot take a little cheap wine, get yourself to bed, grandmother,” calls Lumiere.

and that’s called taking yourself too seriously and referencing your own fic from a few chapters ago

“Mrs. Potts, the crockery-man’s wife,” says Lumiere, and takes a large gulp of the wine. “I barely know her. Thank God.”

PROBABLY THE BEST LINE IN THIS FIC SO FAR. fucking love the simplicity that does so much more than every labored reference to emtpy fucking limbs or colorless eyes beforehands. one simple line and we’re all fucking realizing THE EXTENT OF ALL THIS SHIT

i gotta head off now but i’ll do the rest later tonight

[send me one of my fics (or a bit from a fic) and i’ll do director’s commentary on it—ask here]

[energyanon]

(Kinda long post ahead sorry)

Really hoping next year will be a better year for Henry, im tired of this non-personal-cold interaction he has going on. Yeah he fucked up and made a whole mess of a lot of things, but idk. Drama like this happens every time he gets a gf so this obv wont be the last time.

I wish the fans would stop setting themselves up for disappointment every freaking time he gets a new gf. Like cmon, most of u r grown women, yall should not be making hate pages on instagram about his gfs and making him the victim every time and perhaps use ur brains and start questioning his actions and intentions instead. (@ the fandom not u)

It makes us look like one of those obnoxious kpop fandoms that get wild over the smallest rumors. I wouldnt even be surprised if Henry thinks his fandom is a joke given that hes barely posted anything personal this year (dont blame him but still?, just shows the drama and everything has affected him mentally) and that his co-stars and ppl he knows irl probably thinks his fandom is immature too

All i ever want from him is more nerdy laid back stuff or just sharing his hobbies in general (though i think his only hobby is gaming & working out?, but like thats enough for me (i love gaming too). Fans would eat that shit up! No matter if they dont even like his hobbies, theyll take anything! Deadass

Hes shown he can do it with the PC build that caught a lot of attention. Man literally went viral. He should just relax and be himself more, but i feel like there is something stopping him, maybe not a person, but his mental state.

(Btw i enjoy ur acc, ur seem rly nice, tho i was kinda OOF by the aries post bc im an aries too 😂)

The HC fandom certainly has a trend from what i've seen of just straight up not liking his GF's, and that can be said for all of them, not even the problematic ones. It's just going to be the case from here on out, I don't think things will really change for the people that are apart of the continued cycle (and that isn't EVERYONE before people bite my face off, it's certain people who have a trend of hating every single one and still slagging them off, like on certain forum sites etc) but even if he dates mother theresa, there is going to be an issue cause it seems that with HC people create a more intense parasocial relationship probably because he does date relatively normal women and therefore is attainable? Idk, but I don't think it will change. Once again, that's not the entire fandom, but you can't deny there is a trend with quite alot of people within the HC fandom. I also would love to see more of his interests cause he was actually kinda fun and goofy when he was more himself. Even when he's near Sam Claflin he is really enjoying himself when he's usually just a bit dry tbh. I wonder why he has decided to stray from that. I know the MT thing is DG's influence, but that doesn't mean you need to hide the rest of yourself.. Also, Sorry Babe, My whole inbox is full of "an Aries has PERSONALLY ATTACKED ME" so maybe it's just the sun sign of some firey people heheh, but, I do have to say the rest of the aries that have contacted me have had methods of self reflection and seem like pretty good people, so I think that it's more that we're bringing afflicted aries' into our life in order to learn something. I read somewhere that we tend to draw certain signs into our life at times that we need to learn something that those signs specialise in, and I am currently in my Aries' phase of people. They're both the exact same people two and it's causing me alot of strife where one I finally broke off with and now the second is alot harder cause they're just always there and no matter how much I ignore they always will be, so I'm trying to find out what it is about them that I need to learn through the pain if that makes sense. So all signs are a blessing. That being said - also someone I thought was a Taurus (they're just on the cusp, and very much more Taurus traited than they are Aries) turns out that they actually are Aries, and although she does have some :\ traits, she is also Super loyal, and super fierce, and loving and giving. So there are good Aries out there for sure, I think it may just be a sign where, if you're drawing from the dark part of it, you're gonna burn the people around you, and if you're drawing from the good part of it, you're gonna be probably the best friend anyone has ever had. Which is where you can draw comfort from Anon cause you sound like you got the good parts :) That can be said for the rest of the signs btw. But it seems like hell hath no fury like an Aries scorned 😈

[michaelmilkers]

things 2 read instead of killing stalking bc that Hell Comic just came on my dash again:

long exposure (supernatural gays)

tj and amal (roadtrip gays)

flowerpot (floral gays including wlw???? i hope *side-eyes eileen and petra*)

starfighter (space gays)

now for some specifics including trigger warnings And All That

long exposure by smokeplanet on tumblr aka my life as we currently know it:

enemies to friends to lovers (yall can pry this trope from my cold dead heads)

tfw u get stuck w/ ur childhood bully on a science project and Shenanigans Ensue i.e. accidentally coming into contact with what might be radioactive waste, being left with some bitching new powers and also very gay feelings

diverse cast of characters (race, body types, etc) from different backgrounds (including a juggalo and i thank the lord every day) and bud. just,, bud. u will love bud.

trigger warnings: none that i can rly think of???? theres use of the f slur once but its censored if im remembering correctly, theres a single nsfw page but its like two panels and no bits r shown

at the time im posting this the latest update was the gayest one yet so get ur asses reading

bonus: the main characters have their own blogs ( @bitchell and @jonaslights )which you can interact with and as far as i can tell occasionally the things they post r hinting to future happenings so eye emoji

the less than epic adventures of tj and amal by e.k. weaver aka My Life Is Different Now after reading this

amal calls off the wedding of him and his soon-to-be-bride bc He A Gay in front of his family to a very negative reaction. he needs to make it cross-country to his sister’s graduation but has basically lost his way there bc tensions with his family r high. in comes tj. shenanigans ensue.

interacial gay relationships can i get a Hell Yeah (chorus: hell yeah)

literally 500 pages of laughs and gay and sweet character development and gay

trigger warnings: amal’s homophobic family, heavy references to drugs, slight references to abuse, sex scenes !!!! all nsfw pages are marked however and arent plot-necessary theyre just a treat :3c

i need yall to read this i am literally a changed man

the ending will fucc u up

flowerpot by leehama on tumblr aka love me some goddamn plants

in this universe there have been outbreaks of the fleurine virus, a disease that causes flowers to take root in the body. sometimes its relatively harmless (flowers growing from the scalp) but other times it can be deadly (flowers growing inside the ears or the wind pipe)

people with the fleurine virus r called flowerpots

super diverse cast wtf!!!!!!

as far as i can tell (im srsly hoping) its not just a m/m relationship. i mean thats the main one obv but a budding w/w background relationship is heavily implied and im Excite

what i love abt this is not only does it address disabilities (recovering flowerpots r sometimes left with disabilities when the flowers r removed) it addresses social discrimination and stigma that stems from misinformation and kinda reminds me of hiv/aids (idk if this was intentional but!!!!!!! addressing stigma surrounding diseases!!!!!!!!! CAN I GET A HELL YEAH)

trigger warnings: there are people who r anti-flowerpot who do things like put up shitty anti-flowerpot flyers which i know can remind people of irl bad things but yeah thats basically it

this is so cute?????????? it addresses things like disability and disease in a super cute way thats easy to understand also the characters r gr8

starfighter by hamletmachine (not hosted on tumblr but the author is on tumblr under the same name) aka WOWEE IM GAY

this is like. the most yaoi-ish out of all of these comics but It Gets Better pls trust me

gays in space??? hell yeah???? 

ok so theyre like fighting this war and there r fighters and navigators and each fighter has to be paired up with a navigator and Yeah It Gets Gay

its not in color and all the characters have code names so its kind of hard to tell what race everyone is theyre all just light skin or dark skin but im gonna give it the benefit of the doubt

REALLY NSFW WOWEE

trigger warnings: its kind of abuse-y at the beginning but pls the art style and the characters has gone through so much development. i understand if u rly cant deal with things like that but if u think u can stick it out please do the payoff is worth it

again this comic is rly nsfw. like its not all sex but there is A Lot and there isnt rly any way to avoid it so like. this is what ur getting and if ur alright with that then go forth and read

also all of these except tj and amal r incomplete in case that wasnt clear

anyways YALL CAN SUPPORT INDEPENDENT AUTHORS AND LGBT FICTION WITHOUT BEING CREEPY FUCKS. you can EVEN HAVE SEX COMICS WITHOUT IT BEING ABT ABUSE AND RAPE (SHOCKING I KNOW) ur literally having ur cake and eating it too rn like???? cmon

[itsjayyyy]

January 10, 2019 12:13 pm

it’s a week after i planned on writing an update, but it’s a thursday so i’m technically on time. I worked tuesday, as i said, and on wednesday rose came over. we first went to the mall so i could show her how decrepit it was, and got auntie anne’s there. I like the mini pretzel dogs, but hate the hot dogs inside them; i just like how the pretzels are rolled up to look like croissants and how the hot dogs imbue the bread with that umami flavor. Then we went back to my place and watched train to busan (the main character was the same guy from coffee prince!), and then went to baanchan for dinner. I remember that she borrowed a shirt and got a stain on it and took it home and said shed wash it but i can’t remember which one. thursday and friday i just kinda lazed around, relaxed for a few days before the semester started. i signed up for postmates, and just today i got an email saying the prepaid card was sent to my address so i’ll activate it when i get home. the weekend was work, as always.

i would like to thank every god for allowing me to live so close to campus, because if i had to wake up any earlier for my 7:30 am calc class i would die. On the first day I woke up at 6, but tbh the earlier i have to wake up, the longer i have to take to get ready so I was kinda rushing and ended up forgetting my wallet. I didn’t want to give up my parking space to go back to get it, so I took the on campus shuttle back to my apartment to pick it up, since i needed my id to get my textbooks. got my textbooks (with no line whatsoever!), went to my evening classes, then went home. oh, and apparently i’m so bad at math. i saw my schedule’s weekly chart and said “oh nice, i have a 4 hour gap in the middle of the day for studying or getting lunch” but apparently it’s a 7 hour gap, from 8 am to 3 pm. coolio.

my calc professor was a bit timid, and has a slight accent. the first day i made the mistake of sitting in the back like last year, and could not focus on a word he said. psychology was chill, we just covered the syllabus. apparently, the psychology department (not my professor) mandates that all intro psych classes’ grades are 10% participating in psychology studies, bc otherwise nobody would volunteer to help them. i hate being forced to do anything, so of course I’m gonna lie and fuck with their studies. asl was my fav class, it’s at 6:30 when campus is empty. we just learned the alphabet (and by that i mean she ran through it once and then we had to go to the front of the class and introduce ourselves). the whole class is immersive, meaning that even on the FIRST day of class we weren’t allowed to speak. as if i understood a single thing she said. there’s a cute girl in that class, we didnt speak to each other (obvs) but when i got stuck while introducing myself, she helped me out since she was in the front row. can i just say i’m PISSED that it seemed like everyone was fluent in asl while i barely knew the alphabet. yall this is an introductory class.

tuesday was a disaster. i woke up at 6 again, but was so beat from the day before that I decided to skip calc, on the grounds that it was all just review and the first unit was my best anyways. i forgot to set a follow up alarm, though, so i woke up naturally at 8:55. and then looked at my class schedule. and saw that my next class was at 9. luckily since i live by campus i was only 6 minutes late, but i forgot literally everything (didn’t bring my phone or my backpack) except for my wallet. I didn’t even have time to shower, or brush my teeth, or comb my hair. immediately after i was done with that class i went home and did all of those. I also went to the pet store to get a new filter for my fish, since my last one broke (after 2 years of having it, which i think is a good lifespan). I installed that, knit more of my gloves, then went back on campus for programming at 6. The professor didn’t even cover the syllabus, he just jumped straight into the lecture. one kid asked about the structure of the class, and at that point he gave a quick summary. it was clear we were all expecting him to start the lecture with the syllabus. i’m so annoyed that last semester i deleted codeblocks, the program used in the course, because i thought i was done with it, and now i have to reinstall it. tuesday evening i watched hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy, which i watched when i was like, 7, but forgot most of. 

wednesday, i woke up at 5:30, so that i would have more time to get ready. I sat in the front of calc, and took really great notes. we finally started getting into psychology, all about behavior and stuff. I did one of their stupid studies before class, it was this survey about “human social perception” but honestly it was asking about how lonely i am. and when you have to actually sit there and quantify how many friends you have, and how often you see them, it really puts it into perspective. kinda felt called out.

ya know how every semester, i creep on webcourses’ list of students in my class? well the cute girl in asl is named “anna” (as per how she introduced herself, it was the only name i could catch), and there’s only one anna in the class, and she has a crazy last name so it was p easy to find her on ig and twitter. i was scrolling down her twitter when i accidentally liked one of her tweets. i quickly unliked it, and i didn’t think she would have gotten the notification bc it was a retweet anyways, but shortly after that she followed me. and then i remembered that my most recent tweet was “so uhh whos gonna tell the cute girl in my asl class that i want to go out with her bc it sure as hell ain’t gonna be me” (cue my death). i deleted it and hoped she didn’t see it, but honestly if she followed me she prob saw it. i hoped that maybe bc i don’t have my real name listed on twitter that she wouldn’t know it was me, but in class i introduced myself as “jay” bc i forgot the symbol for s. pls kill me. and this all happened like 10 minutes before class started. I sat in the back, though, so we weren’t near each other. but at the end of the class we did an activity where we got a card with a word, and we had to find the person with the same card by signing it. we did like 4 rounds, and i was hoping we wouldn’t be together, but in the last round we were. we didn’t talk tho, and as soon as it was over i was gone. 

despite my period being nowhere near, i had a huge depressive episode last night. like, by her ig and twitter, she’s a Distinguished Gay in which she did a high school summer program with Stanford where she did heart surgery on a porcupine, and was an award winning thespian, and has tons of friends and a supportive family, where i’m the complete opposite: no friends, failed 3 classes, family hates me, chose a low paying career, needs alcohol to cope with life. This is one case where opposites don’t attract: she’s not gonna want to be with someone whose life is a complete mess. And then i just got to thinking about how rose tells me that mom lowkey thinks I’m a complete dissapointment for being gay and she only puts up with me bc it’s the muslim thing to do, and how the only way i can make her happy is me being single my whole life so she wouldn’t have to know. how i can never have love. and then rose texted asking for an update and i just kinda lashed out at her. why does she feel the need to tell me about mom talking shit? why would i want to hear that? yea i get the whole “don’t let others talk shit behind my back” idea but sometimes ignorance is bliss. i just don’t want to feel like a pile of shit for once in a while. and of course I’m still so resentful about the way that mom and dad treat rose like a damn golden child while i’ve never gotten 1/10 of the support she has.

This morning i went to calc, then comp, didn’t really pay attention in either. while in comp, heather texted me and was like “we should meet up soon.” rose also texted me; last week we were planning to meet up today but it was kinda dicey since we had that issue last night. and anyways at 11 she said “i got a job interview with izziban at 4, should i go” and i was just like “yea sure” bc i really don’t give a fuck. she always puts everything before me so why bother. then she got all like “if something’s wrong you need to tell me i can’t help if i don’t know what’s wrong” like, how about you read what i sent you last night, that details EVERYTHING that’s wrong. she later said she was gonna skip the interview bc she already has a job and she’s gonna do uber eats, and that she was just gonna have lunch with mom (since mom loves her enough to cook for her) and then head out my way. heather responded that we should meet at 1 today, so i told rose. rose said “should i wait for yall to finish and then come by?” but i havent responded bc i don’t want to see her (ever again).

I soft blocked anna on twitter bc i didn’t want her to see me talking about how i wanted to kill myself on main lmao. anyways i’m gonna go get a smoothie.