My mom has this awful friend, Cynthia. My loathing goes deep enough that I’m not even going to change her name. If she ever finds this she knows what she did.
On multiple occasions my mom asked this horrible irresponsible chicken brained woman to watch after our animals while we were away. I don’t know why once wasn’t enough, because the first failure was so spectacular that anyone in their right mind would know she couldn’t be trusted with any level of responsibility or direction following.
You might be thinking to yourself, FFS, this level of antipathy is surely unwarranted! But you’d be wrong.
To set the scene, we were living in downstairs of our house when I was about fifteen. My mom has always wanted more animals than can reasonably be kept indoors which is how we ended up with three cats. When she wanted to kick them all outside I protested, and so all three cats lived in my bedroom with no access to the rest of the house.
That really wasn’t great, so in an attempt to give them options we made a window cutout with a cat door in it to give them access to the outdoors. Looking back on this as an environmentally conscious adult it’s wretched, cats should be indoor only, but at the time I was desperate to give them some freedom because one bedroom is too small for three cats.
So my parents and I went on a week long trip to visit family out of state. We told Cynthia to come feed and water the cats, and to scoop the litter box. Most importantly, don’t lock the handle of the door, because we only have the key to the deadbolt.
I’m sure you can see where this is going.
Cynthia locked us out. We arrived home after 12 hours on the road, desperate for the comfort of our own beds. We were met with an unyielding door. With a sigh I volunteered, “I can punch in the cat door and climb in the window.”
I slipped behind the bamboo outside my window and pushed in the cutout. A horrible insidious reek wafted out at me. I paused, prickling with foreboding. But I had a job to do, and by god I’d see it through. I hefted myself up into the window and my hand immediately landed in something wet.
Skin crawling, I pulled myself up and surveyed the darkened room as a miserable odor of decay and suffering poured out of the room around me. I could see dark shapes littering the carpet and it didn’t take a genius to guess that the cats had taken up hunting in a big way during my absence.
I pulled my hand out of the pile of vomit it had landed in and dropped into my onetime bedroom turned now into a hellpit of decomposing wretchedness. I turned on the light. I wished I had not turned on the light.
My eyes scanned across the floor, tallying as they went. Two dead birds, a dead baby rabbit, five dead mice, and one dead snake. I paused on my alarm clock, perplexed to see a stain of white on it. I stepped closer and saw a furtive movement.
The tally suddenly contained also: one live bird that had shit in several places, probably in pure terror to find itself trapped in a room littered with decomposing woodland creatures, which honestly, fair. I coaxed it out the window and finished the survey with five discrete piles of vomit.
I unlocked the door and let my parents in. They exclaimed in disgust at the horrible smell. We stood together in my doorway floored by the magnitude of neglect. The unscooped litter box was a subtle footnote in the tangible reek my living space. I disposed of the parade of ecological disaster, cleaned vomit, and scooped the box after a brutally long day on the road. The cats were fine, and happy to see me. They had a huge dish or food and water so Cynthia’s neglect at least hadn’t harmed them.
Then I slept on the couch while my bedroom aired out, the windows flung wide to dispel the uneasy ghosts of the hunted. I spent the whole night cursing Cynthia’s name for this evil she’d visited upon me. When my mom asked her, "Cynthia, didn't you see the dead animals?"
Cynthia responded, "Yes, they smelled so bad, I just ran in and out as fast as I could." I fully don't believe she did any caretaking, and I'm personally of the opinion that she locked herself out on the first day and never came back.
The next day my room had returned to a habitable level of smellscape and I gratefully crawled into my bed that night. I stretched out and froze as my foot brushed something cold and wet?
The final indignity: one last dead snake, inside my very sheets.
the recipe for the brownie baked oats (regular baked oats but with cocoa powder in them, I make mine with frozen raspberries and chocolate chips) calls them a "guilt-free treat" and like ma'am I would have and in fact have had regular brownies for breakfast and did not feel even the slightest twinge about it, the oats just go better with yoghurt
No more calling delicious food “sinful” because is calorie dense or has lots of sugar or cream or whatever. “Sinful” associates a moral value with food when it doesn’t have one.
Instead, try “hedonistic”. It’s divine, decadent, excessive and pleasure seeking and we love that! Put on a satin robe or dressing gown, reach for the chocolate cake, and revel in hedonism, for we are only on earth for such a short time in the scheme of things!
Fat, as an element of your diet, is a crucial food group though. I’ve been putting together lectures about human evolution for my class and the sources keep emphasizing the importance human ancestors and Ice Age hunter-gatherers put on getting enough fat in their diet.
Fat is crucial to being able to metabolize protein from meat. When the savannas replaced the forests and human ancestors started walking upright full-time, they also started relying a lot more on animal products. All that protein was super important for nourishing bigger and bigger brains—but protein without fat can’t be properly metabolized. There’s a condition that’s commonly called “rabbit starvation” that can happen if you eat too much lean meat and not enough fat—you can’t metabolize all the protein from the meat and can die of malnutrition and protein poisoning. And unfortunately animals like gazelle and giraffes that you’d hunt on the plains of Africa tend to not be very fatty. Deer and rabbits are very lean too. Getting enough fat was difficult and humans evolved to crave it and eat it whenever we could get our hands on it. Humans evolved to think fat tastes delicious because we need it!
Of course, nowadays we are very good at putting fats in our food (because it tastes good), and you can’t just turn off a million years of evolutionary pressure. But also, if you’re craving something like ice cream—if what you’ve eaten today are all lean meats or fish, fruit and vegetables, beans, and grains, maybe your body is telling you that you need some fat in there to help digest it all!
designing a teenager tails whose still shorter than his brother because i will not let sonic suffer in the way i have (being the shorter older sibling)
Oil
Pita
Some salad, olive oil and lemon
Yoghurt, cucumber and lemon
Chillies
Pickled red onions
Method:
Start by mixing together your spices. Add a glug of oil to your mushrooms and then sprinkle the spices on top. Mix well to coat every bit of the mushies.
Now grab a skillet and a bit of oil add in the mushrooms. Add something heavy on top, like another pan or a bowl and press down, let cook for 3-4 mins until charred slightly and then flip the mushrooms and repeat the process.
Now mix together your salad ingredients in a bowl and your yoghurt ingredients in another bowl.
Heat up your flatbread, load on the salad and yoghurt, then the mushroom shawarma and then top with Chillies and pickled red onions and ENJOY!!
i cannot wait for the day the “sugar is the root of all evils” diet culture lie dies the same death as its preceding scapegoats. ‘welll telling ppl to cut out all fat has fallen out of fashion, carbs aren’t quite the bogeyman they used to be, but it’s okayyy…. yes we were off the mark every time before… but now THIS time we’ve got it right! it was sugar all along!’ fuck OFF
Elder Bones... what if I... made a ClanGen mod based off of Better Bones.
Sure go ahead!
I hope they take that nutrition mechanic off the backburner soon, I feel like that update would be the perfect opportunity for someone to go in there with a BB-inspired mod.
my parents have been getting hill's science diet for years, what is bad about it? /gen
there’s not anything inherently wrong with feeding hill’s science diet particularly if it is a specialized formula that helps your pet with an issue they have. however a lot of animal nutritionists recommend against it because it is pretty high in carbohydrates and can make the average pet gain weight even if they have a healthy lifestyle. it’s also hella expensive compared to a lot of foods of comparable/better quality. basically afaik it’s not going to like kill your pet a la Hartz products but there’s better options
I wish there was more focus in the food world/food media on general everyday healthy eating that isn’t body-focused or diet culturey. Just good vibes nutritious food for everyday. I think Melissa Clark is really good for this, along with a lot of actual cookbooks, but the current pop culture/food media scene is so saturated either with 3 ingredient no flour no sugar 200 calorie lose 20lb nowww videos or workout/training body dysmorphia stuff OR try our ooey gooeyest cheesiest Mac YET triple chocolate fudgey fried brownie clickbait and I just want to figure out what to do with half a head of broccoli or three kilograms of malanga
looking back I do wonder if a lot of *why* food media is like that isn’t some broad question of diet but instead social media programming - both extreme dieting and extremely indulgent comfort food are a kind of vicarious experience for most of the people clicking and it’s rage bait anyway. But it still sucks (esp as it shows another reason social media gamification can destroy a genre)