#gonna try fasting + cal counting again like I use to

[charonte-simi]

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[fizzitpukezz]

A Little Intro :>

Hiii! So I'm trying to post more so hopefully I get motivated because ive b/ped all month (yikes) Im not new or anything though, i just dont post.

So, I've had mia for like a year now, but the disordered thoughts have always been there like "I need to eat less" or "Im gonna start working out more" but i never counted cals or fasted etc i just wanted to be thinner. I also didnt know much about eds at the time either. But then later on I met a girl with Ana and started becoming really jealous of her and some people said we looked alike even tho i didnt really know her. So out of envy and jealousy, I started stalking her posts and noticed she posted alot of ed bs and I was intrigued. So I started researching more about eds and stuff like that. But one skill ive always had was making my food come up. I never used it for purging I just flexed my stomach muscles and made the food come up to chew it a couple of times before sending it right back down. But then I realized I could take advantage of that. So I started purging really often leading me to developing bulimia. But I started going to the bathroom after dinner really often and my dad noticed. His sisters, my mom and HER SISTERS all had eating disorders which i never knew about until he confronted me about my ed. My dad started not letting me use the bathroom after eating also he was pissed off with me instead of worried. He didnt even send me to recovery or anything either. so looking back at it, he just didnt care enough or he didnt know much about it. (which he should, seeing how much ed history in my family there is) but then I started being sneakier with it so he just kinda suspected I "got better" but then I started vomitting more frequently and he caught me. (Note that he didnt know I was a hands free purger so he just thought I was sick) I made up a lie and said that I havent been able to stop vomiting and that I felt super sick. So, then I came up with a master plan to start doing it in front of him more often, so he'd think I had a stomach virus that was really bad and then he'd take me to a doctor or something and I was hoping that theyd give me some foods to cut out so itd be easier for me to restrict. (little did i know there'd be ALOT more than that) So when we saw a doctor, they asked me some questions they did suggest I cut out citrus foods, acidic foods, greasy foods which kind of helped me restrict. But recently I checked in with them again and I told them I havent shit in weeks AND I GOT LAXATIVES YAYYYY!! But I am surprised that they didnt do any stool tests. The only real check up thing they did was give me an xray on my stomach, but they said everything looked good. Sometimes I feel really invalid because I dont purge with my hands or use anything like a toothbrush. And I do feel really guilty seeing how far I've carried on this lie. But being a hands free purger comes with so many pros.

[bl00dnb0n3s]

my plan to reach 75lbs by november <3

(for reference im 96-95lbs rn)

so my biggest struggles is being with my mom for a week bcuz shes always ON MY ASS!!!!!

-avoiding looking sick

ill always wear AT LEAST a skin tint around my mother because i start to go very pale and yellow, and always do my skincare and wash my face night n day, and always make sure to shower and keep my hygiene up and always stay hydrated.

-hiding my body

i HAVE to wear baggy clothes around her all the time, only sweats n sweaters when im with her and ill also have to make it look like my thighs havent gotten smaller (they used to be HUGE n now its noticeable whenenver i reach a new lw)

-hiding my disorder.

ill have to eat normally but i can ALWAYS portion my meals unless she prepares my dinner, lunch, breakfast. but sense i am finally starting school ill be able to say i had lunch at school and i wont have to worry about that but at the dinner table i cant act disorderd once so ever. no picking your food, no taking off bread crumbs, no try not to say no to fatty foods (thats real hard i always say no)

-fasting

i literally cannot fast at my moms no matter how hard i try she will always try and find a way to make me eat somehow n that triggers my b.e.d which is no good. and i dont wanna gain 10lbs in a week again😭 but if i do i can always fast for few days and the weight will fall off me so its fine for now? i just rather not binge i hate the feeling after i CANNOT handle it. but if i feel like i will im coming on tumblr and asking for meanspo

-calories

my calorie budget at my moms will be 1,200 MAX but my preferred is 700 cals but its very hard to stay under 700 cals when she makes me eat 3 meals a day n snacks. what the fuck. anyways as-long as i don't go over 2000 cals i wont gain a single pound of fat so yeah, and also i will try and cut out sugar when i'm there but its very hard bcuz she bakes all the time

-foods ill be aloud to have when im there

protein bars ofc, greek yogurt, granola, protein shakes, any meat, veggies, fruits but remember to count every calorie!

ill try to avoid getting fast food but if my mom wants to get starbucks with me im not saying no bcuz i dont wanna see her cry again😭

now my plan for my dads

sense he dosent think im disorderd at all and that im healthy its gonna be very easy :)

fasting

ill fast whenever, but try to spread them out and no longer then 5 days max (thats when my body starts to give out, i almost died when i did 6-7 days lol)

-NEVER eat alone. why? i dont have to if no ones making me eat? ill only eat dinner infront of my dad if its not a fasting day. (non fasting days are my omads :))

-eat downstairs when its omad. fasting eat upstairs n give the food to my dog

make it like you LOVE food (i have to do this at my dads n moms so) one way is by cooking!! i love cooking last night i made chicken n a low cal garlic sauce myself n my own recipe!! (lmk if youd like it ;))

n omads at dads r 400 cals max for dinner. if its over dont eat it all easy and try to binge at dads but thats really rare for me sense i have nothing i want to eat here 😭

NEVER GET ON THE SCALE INFRONT OF HIM. MY COVER WOULD BE BLOWN😭

[alienspacerat]

i don’t weight myself anymore, or count calories

yes, you read that right.

and im still losing weight.

i used to count calories all the time. it was very strenuous on me mentally. it was stressful and also resulted in a lot of guilt whenever i exceeded my cal limit, even just by 100 cals.

but at some point, i decided that i was gonna stop calorie counting, and instead just eat very small portions and/or fast. and i still continued to lose weight. i don’t remember why, i think it was environmental factors, that lead me to changing the way i tracked my food intake.

i don’t have a set calorie limit anymore. i just try to restrict as best i can. occasionally, i would add up the calories in my head, but not often.

however, i was MUCH more attached to my weight and the scale than i was cal counting. i weighed myself multiple times a day every day. i would always keep an eye on the third digit.

119.4

118.6

117.2

116.8

i was fixated on the third digit changing each and everyday. it made me feel like i was finally doing something right. what i was doing, was working.

but whenever i see any weight gain on the scale, my world would come crashing down, it seemed. but then i started losing again, and the number in the scale gave me that euphoric feeling.

honestly, i would’ve loved to have used my scale forever. i had the same scale from 152lbs down to 100.8lbs. that scale saw me at my heaviest, and my lowest, and everything in between. it was almost like a friend, as cringey as that sounds. it was my go to, my solace whenever i needed a reality check. my cheerleader, and also my bully.

i didn’t just up and decided that i didn’t have to weigh myself anymore. my scale started to act funny, and wasn’t being accurate anymore. i was going through a lot at the time, so i didn’t have time or much money to go and find batteries for my scale. i had very pressing matters that i had to focus on, so i felt like i couldn’t weigh myself for a bit, but still restricted/fasted

when my personal life finally started to ease up, a bit, i decided to buy a brand new scale! i felt like i deserved it. but when i stepped on it for the first time, i was in shock. i was a lot heavier than i thought. or maybe that scale was also inaccurate? idk, i just could’ve sworn i was 10lbs less than what the scale was implying.

that day, i decided to give up the scale completely. it was only causing me distress, and was decreasing my quality of life. without the scale, i was much more at ease with my weight loss. i was not controlled by numbers anymore. it’s such a lighter feeling.

i still bodycheck like a motherfucker, and take weird photos of my body and like touching my bones. those are my new “scales”. those are the habits that are keeping me on track, instead of being haunted by the numbers. the real evidence will show on my body.

[xenomayhem]

intro wooo

Hey hey! we're gonna work on a proper pinned post eventually i promise but this is a xenogender coining sideblog! feel free to ask for our main :D (also if any of our moots find us: how lol)

Some information about us: We're a quoigenic plurallet who's fine with any systems and syscourse opinions interacting with our blog and using our terms! We are very pro-endo though, so if that makes you uncomfortable or unwilling to use our flags, feel free to block ^^ The host, Cal, is the main one who'll be using this blog, so here's some information about her: (other headmates may use this from time to time)

I'm Cal!! I use she/they/xe/it pronouns (fluctuating) and I'm a northwestern grey wolf therian and a mermaid otherkin and otherhearted! Decided to start this blog for funsies, lets see how long until my motivation fully dies :P I love love LOVE mcyt especially KSMP, LSSMP, UU, Pvp/parkciv, and whitepine!!! My pfp is awag he's my biggest hyperfixation omg

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!! Just drop what you'd like into our ask box and feel free to request anything :D KEEP IN MIND WE ARE BODILY A MINOR AS AM I (Cal) SO PLEASE NO SEXUAL/SUGGESTIVE REQUESTS /SRS THANK YOU!!

For requests, you can request:

A xenogender

Pronoun sets or name suggestions

A desirdae

An alter/headmate package (only one at a time, this was made for coining and they won't be the best or fast ^^')

And the following I can try/do but no promises it'll be high quality:

A dissomei

An intusui

Alter/headmate role terms

A romantic/sexual orientation label

A flag redesign (i'll likely turn them down but feel free to ask, don't ask for the purpose of flagcourse though FLAGCOURSE IS SO STUPID)

People who are NOT welcome to use our terms (and preferably not interact with our blog) (yes I know DNIs don't stop anyone I put this here for my/people on this blog's personal comfort):

Radqueers, transIDs (excluding transgender & transspecies, we don't count those as transIDs in the term (transID)s current meaning), xenosatanists, pro-RadPara

Racists, zionists, anti-semetics, naz!s, etc.

Sexists, misogynists, "male genocide" supporters, intersexists

Homophobes, transphobes, TERFS, transmisogynists, etc. (why are you even here lol)

Queer exclus, including BUT NOT LIMITED TO aphobes, biphobes, anti m-spec lesbian/gay, anti lesboy/turigirl, anti AMAB transmasc/AFAB transfem, etc.

proship, conship, darkship, etc.

ableists, anti-selfdiag, use acoustic/neurospicy or other autistic community slang as an allistic, uses the R slur as an insult (if you're not reclaiming it)

Anti neo/xenogender/pronouns (again why are you here)

Anti furry, anti therian/alterhuman, general pluralphobes, anti agere/petre

Thanks for reading!! Again we'll probably make a better intro post eventually TvT

[aisuru-skinny]

Things from recovery that have made my relapse less miserable

✨I AM IN NO WAY PROMOTING 3D OR ENCOURAGING RELAPSE. I AM VERY MUCH PRO RECOVERY AND WOULD NEVER WISH THIS ON ANYONE✨

But considering I'm currently in relapse and it's a mental disorder and I can't stop any of you, let alone myself, remember to take care of yourselves

🍒 Intuitive Eating - This is probably 85% responsible for my relapse because practicing intuitive eating, I ate every time I was hungry BUT I didn't allow myself to overeat either and I didn't keep eating if I felt like I had too much. I just wanted till I got hungry again. This was like some crazy proof that you can have self control and don't have to binge. If you felt like you messed up with one meal, don't just keep wrecking yourself. Choose that moment to reset IMMEDIATELY instead of telling yourself you'll do it later or if you can have 1 more binge. I used to go in cycles of ⭐vation and then binge for a day to a point where I knew I couldn't fill myself up more but kept going anyway. I haven't had what I would consider a full blown binge in almost 5 months because I know I have control (granted I have overeaten a few times but I don't let myself continue to spiral)

🍒Keto Diet - When we were trying to figure out why everything I eat makes me sick, a keto diet was also test trialed to see if I had a carbohydrate intolerance and the take away from this is that guYS FRUIT HAS SO MANY CARBS it's literally natural sugar that gets converted to carbs and you're weight can just pack back on. I'm not saying don't eat fruit, please do!!! But you have GOT to balance it out with protein and veggies. Having a more savory breakfast, if I eat that morning, makes me last through the day longer than something with fruit or just letting all my meals be fruit. If I do eat fruit, it's a small portion snack or like a little apple sauce pouch situation (there are these things I get called Gutzys and they're just fruit and greens purees with probiotics and 1 pouch is less than 100 cals and they're super filling. I also find if I eat them super quick it helps fill me up and feel a little sick so I don't keep eating after having one.)

🍒 Supplements - PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING. TAKE SUPPLEMENTS. I take hair, skin, and nails to maintain biotin levels as well as probiotics because my digestive system is clinically wrecked. And as much as y'all are gonna hate this one, I also drink fiber. It really helps keep things moving and can debloat you too by keeping movement. I've also heard magnesium can help with sleep and bloating but I personally didn't have a difference taking it. Every body reacts differently.

🍒Cycle Syncing - For those of us still on a menstrual cycle, there's something to be said about cycle syncing and remembering that our bodies do go through change every month (ugh). The closer I get to my period, the more bloating I deal with and also find my digestive system is more sensitive. Love Wellness Bye Bye Bloat pills actually really help with the hormonal bloating and I also find this time in my cycle is typically a good excuse for liquid fasting. Bone broths, miso, and diuretic/digestive teas (Dandelion Root/Ginger/Tumeric) are great. Magnesium levels can also drop a lot around this time and make us more susceptible to hunger and cravings, I find that making a low cal hot chocolate using ultra dark cocoa powder is the way to go. It can be slightly bitter to drink but babe get over it, you don't need added sugars. It helps replenish levels, can satisfy chocolate cravings, and the warm drink can help keep the digestive moving and reduce bloating.

🍒Spices - All I'll say, I got back into cooking and please guys. Use spices. Use salt, it has healthy minerals. I know we're not eating a lot but it doesn't have to taste like freaking cardboard. I never count calories in spices because it's slim to none anyways. If I didn't season my food, I'd probably be more wanting to cave and binge because the food is so bland I'm looking for something more tasteful to eat. Season your food, eat what little of it you want, you're satisfied and won't go looking for less boring food.

Remember to take care of yourselves 🩷

[musicallyiinclined]

For a second Mason thinks that maybe his speech is gonna work, and that Callum will finally quit being so weird and ignoring him. He doesn't know how the guy he hated before his trade became his closest friend on the team so quickly, but it happened, and he's already tired of not being able to talk to him. He... misses him? Yeah sure, he can admit that. It's nice having someone to talk to, and hang out with, and sit next to on travel days. Without Callum he feels like he's drifting again, like he was right after arriving in Ottawa, and he doesn't like it.

So he allows himself to hope, but the feeling is almost immediately shattered against the bitter edge of Callum's laughter. The sound ignites another spark of anger, each word helping to fan the emotion into a full-blown flame. "I am being for real. What the actual fuck is your problem, Holloway?" It isn't the first time Mason has been accused of being self-centered, but this time it burrows under his skin, irritating him even further. "Thinking about someone else is what I'm trying to do!" Okay, maybe it's in a slightly selfish way, but it still counts, right?

That terrible look is suddenly back in Cal's eyes, the one from the other day at practice, but he's more distracted by his question and the way the other man steps into his space. It makes his stomach do something weird, but he ignores it and simply scoffs in response. "Oh fuck off, Callum. Stop trying to put words in my mouth." There's more he could add, but he's trying to get a friend back, not push him even farther away, so for once he keeps the rest of his thought to himself.

Instead he just stares in disbelief, head shaking slowly as Callum's words sink in. "Syver is the reason you're in this mess in the first place," Mason bites out, his anger still simmering beneath the surface. It's got him itching for a fight, and clearly he's no longer interested in protecting their mutual teammate. "He's the one who told me about your crush on me! Otherwise I never--" His pride cuts him off, leaving him unable to admit that he wouldn't have figured it out on his own. "Whatever. Obviously I wouldn't have said all that shit if I had known. I may be a dick, but not to my friends."

Now it's his turn to take a step forward, the few remaining inches between them suddenly cut in half. "Not once have I ever thought of you as a joke, Cal. But okay. If you want to take my mistake and use it as an excuse to push me away for good, fine." He drags a hand through his wet curls and lets out a humorless laugh. "You know, even I can admit that the boys may be jerks at times, but you can't deny that they were right about one thing." Mason smirks, adrenaline pumping hot and fast through his veins. "So you know what? If you want to kiss me that bad, then just do it."

"Don't fucking—" He swats at the hand that pushes him further into the room but doesn't fight beyond that. The conversation seems inevitable, and really he has spent so long putting it off that part of him is relieved that they are here. Or maybe that feeling is the result of having Mason nearby. Callum won't pause long enough to consider either option. Instead, he folds his arms over his chest after tossing his towel onto the bed. As he listens, he squares his jaw and wipes at the water dripping onto his forehead.

It takes effort to focus on Mason's words rather than on the sight in front of him: the worn t-shirt, the damp hair. Unfortunately it's a good look. Luckily, his teammate's attempt to rebuild their relationship is just self-serving enough that Callum can laugh.

"God, I thought it was a front—like, the whole asshole, center of the universe thing—but you're really just that annoying, hm? Be fucking for real, will you? Why do you think I could possibly not want to be around you?" He only pauses a moment as his hands fall to either side, landing on his worn pair of sweatpants. "Or is it too much to ask you to think about someone who isn't you?"

With the amusement gone from his eyes, the same hurt from the practice facility returns and with it the wall around Callum's expression. "You're just so damn irresistible that I can't be around you. Is that what you're telling yourself?" He steps closer to prove a point and to lean into that little flutter in his stomach. "I... liked being around you and feeling like I had someone to talk to on the team." And maybe that led to his feelings expanding beyond the friendship they built. "But the way you talk to me—and not just you..." It's a problem he has faced in locker rooms since before juniors, but at this level, when they are supposed to be professionals in their career, it is even more disheartening. "I'm not a joke. I'm better than that, so I'm done, Mason. I don't need to be friends with you to do my job. I mean... Syver's on the team, and I can work with him just fine." Not that Syver is the only guy on the team who gets under his skin, but it makes his point anyway.

[wastelandcth]

i’ll always come back to you - cth

summary: Calum wore a skirt. A stage reveal happens. 

author’s notes: I have no excuse but I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. 

warnings: Cal in a skirt (please it’s too good), car sex, PIV, calum blanks out a little, she’s back and better than ever!

masterlist || request || more doves

“What do you think I should wear?” Calum asked softly, his hands running through the different items in his closet once more, “It’s a pretty big show, I can’t just show up in something shitty. All I’ve worn for the past two years is either baggy jeans and a t-shirt or shorts and no shirt.” 

It was true, ever since the world had shut down and the band’s tour had been put on hold more times than Calum could count, his passion for fashion and finding new clothes to wear had been put on hold as well. Comfort and trying to stay sane in the middle of a worldwide pandemic had left him reaching for any signs of comfort to hold on to and keep him sane. But with the band’s first show slowly approaching and Calum’s nerves returning in the form of playing a fake bass while he tried to calm his racing mind, he knew he’d have to find an outfit sooner or later, and it’d have to be one to make him feel good about himself on stage once more. 

“I mean, I don’t think anyone would personally complain about you showing up shirtless to a show,” Dovey teased, her eyes tracing the muscles in Calum’s back as she sat on the edge of the bed, “I certainly wouldn’t.” 

“Yeah, but you’re a pervert so you have no choice,” Calum chuckled and threw another shirt towards his loving wife. 

The days had gone by and Calum had been stuck at rehearsals, trying his best to find the groove the band had long for ever since the start of the shutdown, but eventually, Calum found himself at home the morning of the show watching from the green room as the concert went on around the world. His bag, which he’d packed and unpacked multiple times that morning, laid on one of the couches. He knew he’d made the right choice, the look on Dovey’s face when he’d packed away the black fabric before she could get a peek of it enough of a reaction to make him smirk before he had rushed out the door at the sound of Ashton’s horn. 

“So, did you decide on an outfit?” Michael asked as he sat down next to him during a break in their soundcheck, watching as Calum’s leg swung along to whatever beat Ashton was trying to work out with Luke, “Dovey has been texting me all day asking if I’ve gotten a peek at it.” 

“Tell her to fuck off,” Calum chuckled, “I told her she had to wait like everyone else did to see it.” 

“Alright,” Michael huffed, nudging him playfully, “But we’re going to be the first to see it then.”

“Yeah, yeah, and she’ll manage to bully you into telling her somehow.” 

Calum looked in the mirror, inhaling a shaky breath as he fixed the collar of his suit jacket once more as he heard his bandmates chuckling outside of the bathroom door. With one final look at his outfit he opened the door and stepped out, goosebumps covering his skin as the cold air of the dressing room brushed against his legs. 

“Woah! Calum!” Ashton grinned, his eyes wide and his head nodding, “No man, that looks sick! I love it!” 

“Oh man, your dad is going to freak once he sees you on stage!” Luke nodded, “You look so good!”

“Guys, Dovey is literally going to kill us all,” Michael whined and clapped Calum on the shoulder, “You look fucking awesome, dude.”

Calum’s cheeks flushed, turning hot as he chuckled and shook his head, letting the curls he’d been growing out swish against his forehead while he tried his best not to push away his very excited and very supportive bandmates. It wasn’t until the room, which consisted of the four of them and their photographer started chanting for him to do a spin that he’d finally told them to fuck off. But with a spin, and a small bout of giggles that left him when the material of his skirt brushed against the back of his knees, Calum had never felt more prepared to play a show in his life, especially when he knew that Dovey would be in the crowd singing her heart out along with them all. 

Dovey’s eyes watched the crowd around her grow restless as time ticked slowly, minutes dragging on until the show would start. Her adrenaline was high as she heard an announcer overhead shout that the show would start in one minute, the pit in her stomach thrumming with excitement and the thought of seeing her husband and his best friends on stage again after so long. She knew how much Calum missed being on stage with them, how much he missed performing to a crowd of people singing the lyrics back to them, and so she knew that tonight’s performance would be nothing but perfect. The hum of a guitar backstage and the sound of cheers around her had Dovey on her feet before she even knew it, her wide eyes searching the stage for the man she’d married. 

“Oh my god, he did not,” she gasped, her cheers and clapping drowned out in the rest of the crowd as she saw Calum walking out on stage, “That bastard!”

On stage, under the shining lights and for everyone to see, Calum Hood stood grinning as his fingers moved easily over the strings of his bass. The silver chains, which hung across Calum’s waist, shone like his eyes as the set started. Dovey’s eyes tried their hardest to focus, her vision blurred by the tears that sprung out as she watched the love of her life sing his heart out on stage after too many months of being away from the one place he was able to lose himself in. The skirt, which Dovey was already drooling over, swayed along with every movement Calum made as she found herself swaying along with it, stuck in a never-ending dance she wasn’t sure she’d ever want to end. But when Ghost of You played out and Dovey’s eyes found Calum’s it was like the large crowds that had given her anxiety ever since Calum had mentioned the show and the loud music had all disappeared. 

There was no one but her and Calum standing there, swaying to the song that had meant more to them than anyone could have ever imagined. 

She knew their kids were watching from home, giggling and dancing along in the safety of their living room while the sitter recorded them for Dovey and Calum to cry along to later that night. But right now, in the moment, all she could think about was how despite all the things that had gone wrong and how scary the world had turned, she still had her family and the love of her life was singing to her in a room full of people once more. The set was over before Dovey even realized, her legs carrying her back towards the dressing room she’d left not too long ago and towards her husband and his amazingly talented friends. 

The night had become a whirlwind of events, Dovey’s arms wrapping around Calum and stuttering through her praises as her hands and eyes took in his after-show presence. Her mind was distracted throughout the rest of the promo the band had gone to do with the view of him in the skirt and mesh shirt that kept peeking in and out of view from where she stood with the rest of their team. Her eyes never left his as she watched him smile and laugh with the band and it wasn’t until the car door closed next to her and she watched Calum walk in front of the car before sliding into the driver’s seat that she let out the soft breath she was holding in. 

“So, what did you think of the show?” Calum asked as he pulled off the highway, his grin wide as his eyes glanced over at Dovey, “Did you like it? I think we did great. Yeah, the set was short but I think it we-”

“Calum, if you don’t pull over right now I will literally crash this car,” Dovey breathed out, her hand reaching out and squeezing Calum’s thigh gently. 

The car screech to a halt, Calum’s soft gasp lost on Dovey’s lips as she pulled him into a kiss, Calum’s body leaning over the console to pull her even closer to him. He and Dovey might not have been a couple of a thousand words, but he knew exactly what she was doing when her teeth pulled gently at his bottom lip. He also knew that they didn’t have much time before their car was steamed up and their moans echoed against the tinted windows, so Calum had to work fast. 

“Back seat, baby girl,” he breathed out, his forehead resting against his wife’s for just a second before she sprung into action, her soft laughter music to Calum’s ears. 

“I am. So proud. Of you.” Dovey mumbled in between the kisses she was leaving on Calum’s skin, her hips rolling against his and pressed up silver chains of his skirt, “You looked so fucking amazing on stage I couldn’t help but think about all the things I wanted you to do to me tonight.”

“Yeah?” Calum breathed out, his hands squeezing Dovey’s thighs as he helped her push up the hem of the skirt she was more than likely soaking through if his leaking cock wasn’t already at fault for it, “Gonna show me all those things you were thinking of?” 

“Mhm, only have time for one of them right now though,” Dovey smirked, her hand taking his cock and stroking it a few times, listening to the soft whimpers that left Calum as her own hips rocked against his solid thigh, “Have to wait until we’re back home for the others.” 

Calum’s eyes opened enough at one point to see the steam from their act fogging up the windows, the beads of moisture dripping down their foreheads matching the ones racing down the window next to his head. Above him, Dovey looked like an angel, her closed eyes and barely opened mouth making Calum think he was the luckiest man alive. His fingers had dug into her hips, soft whimpers leaving them both with every rock of their hips and Calum wasn’t sure if he’d ever want this feeling to end. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever get tired of the way Dovey felt wrapped around him. He’d happily get lost in her warmth and never find his way out again if he could, but the coil in his stomach kept stretching and stretching, threatening to snap as he listened to Dovey’s moans grow louder and louder as her hips rose and fell with every one of them. 

“Calum,” she gasped out, one of her hands finding comfort in the soft curls she’d been playing with ever since they’d grown out and coiled against his head. 

“I know, I’ve got you,” Calum choked out, his own high speeding towards him as he felt Dovey clench around him as her hips paused and her whimpers were soaked into by Calum’s skin, “Oh fuck, baby, I-”

“Calum,” Dovey whispered, her soft kisses on Calum’s skin making the blinding white stars beneath his eyelids clear slowly, “Hey, come back to me,” she mumbled, the feeling of her fingers running through his hair grounding Calum back to the backseat of his car. 

His lungs hurt, the panting breaths he was taking sounding over the muffled music playing from the radio in the front, and his vision was still blurred as he watched Dovey leaned back against his thighs, her hair tousled and her dress still rucked up over her hips. It took him a couple more breaths, the thick air coating his lungs until finally, Calum’s hand found Dovey’s in the darkness of the car and he smiled lazily. 

“You back with me, Hood?” she asked softly and smiled, the gentle squeeze she gave his hand making him nod. 

“I always come back to you,” Calum whispered, “Always.” 

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[caramelcal]

His Favorite Girl

a/n: HELLO. (sounding like the guy in the cinema cba lol) anyways I have returned for a brief period of time to share this update with you guys. It’s based off of this request here: “ Do you think you could write a Luke x gang again where maybe he has to leave for work during sex and the reader touches herself out of frustration and he comes back and finds her ?” 

STOP BECAUSE THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT WHAT THE REQUESTER WANTED BUT ILL WRITE SOMETHING AGAIN BUT LIKE JUST TH REQUEST IF THATS WHAT YOU GUYS WANT SDGHGDFGBH but this is kinda a part 2 to the Bambi/His Favorite Secret series thingy cause a few people wanted that! thank you guys so much for all the love mwah

i should literally be studying rn but im not so <3 im very sorry for this abomination lol

sorry for the long a/n guys! :( enjoy x 

word count: 3.4k

warnings: smutty stuff (fucking, fingering, anal and all that...ive never written this before so PLS PLS PLS give me feedback omg) uh choking, doesn’t have a daddy kink in this but sir is mentioned. talks of being tied up and being tied up? talks about overstim... he calls her little girl at one point...

“Luke! Stop moving!” She lightly slapped her boyfriend’s hand, to which he groaned in return. Her tongue stuck out slightly from between her lips in concentration, eyebrows furrowing as she returned to the task she had firmly put her mind to. That was, until the blond giant moved again, “Luke!”

“Bambi,” Luke echoed lightly, using his nickname for the smaller girl in front of him who looked up at him with an unimpressed facial expression.

“You’re gonna ruin it,” She mumbled lightly, pointing back down at her artwork which Luke only then first looked at. It was safe to say, although he shouldn’t have been, he was thoroughly shocked.

His nails, which his girl had somehow managed to convince him into painting weren’t black, or blue. No, they were bright, blasting, hot pink. He groaned lightly, wondering just how exactly she had managed to rope him into this and just how he was going to hide his nails from the rest of the gang later on tonight when he -they- met up with them tonight.

She was a bundle of both nerves and excitement, finally getting to meet Luke’s closest friends. It had been about a week since their argument, and now she was meeting his friends. It seemed like everything was moving in the right direction, thankfully. She couldn’t wait to be honest, very much looking forward to being able to hear more about Luke from his friends, and just meeting them in general.

They seemed fun.

Well, as fun as gang members could be. She probably should have been more cautious surrounding them, but Luke got her guard down so quickly and she was yet to regret that. How scary could they possibly be considering the man in front of her, soft blond curls held back by her bunny bath headband, nails painted hot pink, was supposed to be the scariest man in the whole city.

“Cal’s gonna rip the piss outta me for this, Bambi,” He complained softly, with no plans to take the polish off of his nails as he looked at his girlfriend, between his legs, small hand wrapped around the bottle of nail polish with her other hand laying against his knee.

She couldn’t help the small upturn of her lips as she blew softly against the nail polish on his fingernails, not patient enough to let it airdry despite it being a fast-drying polish. She shrugged lightly, head flopping to the side adorably as Luke stared down at her, resisting the urge to run his hands through her hair; another issue he had with the wet paint on his fingernails.

“I think it looks great, we’re matching,” She then flaunted the bright pink color that coated her own nails, and Luke’s lips twitched into a grin, careful not to ‘aww’ at the cute words that came out of the smaller girl’s mouth.

He hummed lightly, leaning back against the couch but his baby blues never leaving her face, “They look a lot better on you than they do me, Bambi.”

“I think they’re cute,” The girl climbed onto his lap, making Luke take a deep intake of breath as she sits barely an inch away from a rather sensitive area of his. She, however, seemed to pay no attention to the risen area of his jeans as she leaned against his chest, face hidden in the crook of his neck, soft breaths from her mouth fanning against his neck.

He twisted to give her a small kiss on the forehead, to which she responds by kissing his neck softly, lips staying against his neck as her hand traveled up his stomach up to his neck, holding him close as she began to kiss the base of his neck more.

“Lu,” She whispered softly, “How much time have we got?”

“Like an hour, baby. Why?”

However, the girl never replied verbally, and instead repositioned herself carefully, Luke’s neck void from her warmth before her hand started to travel down, painfully slow, until it landed right above the tent in his jeans. His eyes traveled up to meet hers, eyebrow raised as she dropped her hand down barely, lips struggling to pull the smirk away.

He lifted his hands to her back, going to reposition her before she shook her head, “Your nail polish, Lu. Hands down.”

His hands didn’t move, frozen in place around her clothed waist. His nails were long since dried, she knew that, but she liked this. She liked the intake of breath he took when her hand ghosted over the hardened cock in his jeans, the way he couldn’t lift his hands; scared to smudge the pink on his nails.

He was restricted. Oh, how the tables had turned.

Her hand gently palmed against his hardened, clothed cock, causing a grumble to emit from his throat. It was a deep rumbling sound, -something that the girl had heard numerous times but would never get used to.

To her, everything about Luke was perfect, even his moans.

“Bambi, you know the rules about teasing-”

Her lips attached to his, cutting him off rather efficiently, pressing softly as she continued to palm him through his jeans, gently rocking on his thigh. He moaned into their kiss, her tongue, as a reflex, finding its way into his mouth. Their tongues pressed against one another, lips still pressed together as her spare hand crawled up to the back of his neck, playing with his soft curls.

Her palm pressed into his fully hardened cock now, his tongue swiping over her lips before tugging on it, pulling apart, breathless. His hands found a place on her waist, guiding her softly but firmly, taking back the control he craved.

Looking her straight in the eyes, one of Luke’s hands went around her neck, thumb pulling her lower lip down as he unbuckled his belt with one hand, taking his cock out of its confined clothing and bringing her hand down to hold onto it. It wasn’t the first time that she had given him a handjob, and it wouldn’t be the last, but she still couldn’t help but be nervous.

Despite not being a virgin when she met Luke, she still lacked a lot of experience that Luke definitely had. She knew that he would never judge her, but that never stopped the nerves that festered.

“All shy all of a sudden, Bambi?” He mocked, hand around her neck tightening as he bit down on her ear lobe, gently tugging at it before letting out a breath, “All big and brave, teasing Sir, aren’t you? If you’re going to start it, then you’re going to finish it. On your knees. Now.”

Releasing a shaky breath, the girl clambered out of Luke’s lap dropping to the floor, in a similar position to the one she had been in minutes before, only in a more sexual manner. Her lips met the tip of his cock, tongue lightly swiping across the base.

His hand grabbed firmly onto the hair on the back of her head, holding her steady as she got used to the feeling of his cock in her mouth before thrusting against her. She gagged as it hit the back of her throat, sending vibrations up him, releasing a deep moan from his throat.

“Suck, little girl,” Luke commanded deeply, leaving no room for argument as the smaller girl abided to his command, tongue swiping over him as she reached up to cover the last part of his cock with her hand.

Yet, she didn’t get much further when a ringing sounded through the room, Luke groaning but ultimately pulling away from the girl who stayed on the floor, watching Luke as he grabbed his phone.

“What?” He gritted his teeth lightly, trying to keep his frustration at bay after being interrupted.

He sighed softly, not looking at the small girl with furrowed eyebrows still on the floor as he pulled his jeans back up, clambering to get shoes on and getting ready to leave, hanging the phone up.

“Luke what’s going on?”

“Gang shit, Bambi. I gotta get going, be ready for six, we’re meeting Cal, Ash, and Mike later, remember?” He offered her no more words, but she can tell he isn’t angry at her, just due to their interruption.

However, she can’t help but be frustrated at the interruption, waiting until after Luke leaves to huff and puff about it before starting to get ready.

. . .

“Luke has this old penguin fan account on Instagram from like seven years ago. There’s this one picture on there with him with a penguin hat-”

“Cal, stop,” Luke interrupted Cal swiftly, an arm going around his smaller girlfriend’s waist who looked far too amused by the embarrassing things about Luke that Cal was telling.

“No, no, Calum please keep going. Please,” The girl begged, feeling very comfortable around the Maori boy. They were pleasant, to her at least, and so far they had made her feel very comfortable and very much at home. It was hard to believe that the people joking with her where infamous mobsters, ones that were feared all across the city, and state. 

They had met in Ashton’s house, who she had already met before, at six o’clock. It turns out gang members like to be punctual, or maybe it was only these ones.

Luke was in a bit of a hurry once he arrived back home, with no time to finish what he and his girl had started before he had to leave in a hurry, leaving her oh so frustrated. This was only magnified when she saw him afterward, ready to head to Ash’s in that pale pink silk button-up that only seemed like it would suit him; like it was made specifically for him.

Maybe it was.

Luke was never shy of customized clothing, cars, or anything he wanted honestly. If you have the money, why not? Was always his answer when she asked why he seemed to wear all of these expensive items. If it wasn’t custom-made, it was a high-quality designer that he wore, she rarely ever found him in anything that didn’t smell of cash and high-class, -far too expensive but albeit intoxicating- cologne.

This money of Luke’s also happened to extend to her also. He was never shy of picking her up a few things, letting her have his card for shopping and now, he started going out shopping with her too. He didn’t look like the type that would go out with his ‘girlfriend’ or anyone, but in the case of her, he followed her around like a lost puppy; willing to hold her bags, let her drain his bank account. Not that she did, anyway. She was still mindful, even if Luke had more money than he knew what to do with.

“Nah, can’t. Don’t want Luke to kill me for embarrassing me in front of his precious little girlfriend,” Calum teased lightly, shaking his head as his eyes darted to meet Luke’s baby blues. Truthfully, Luke could pretend to be annoyed at Cal and the rest for exposing his old penguin Instagram account but he was just glad to see them getting along with the girl that owned his heart.

She was the first girlfriend that his best friends seemed to approve of. He didn’t normally bring his girlfriends to meet them, but the ones he did, the boys he called his best friends didn’t usually like them. For the first time, Luke could actually see a future with the girl in front of him, beamingly smiling as Cal and Michael joke about with her and laughing at their attempts of humor.

God, he loved her.

“So, do you think they like me?” She asked the moment they got home, the door shut behind them. Luke turned around, staring at the wide-eyed girl with a small smile on his lips.

Did she seriously not realize how much they liked her? Especially with how much joking that they had done with her, he was certain that she would have realized but then again, she wasn’t the most self-assured person when it comes to new people. He nodded his head, “Yeah, Bambi. They really liked you.”

Luke would never get over the way her eyes sparkled, his smile only growing. She looked amazing in that red silky dress that he had bought her, and he looked just as good in the coral colored button-up he was wearing.

Their lips met softly, Luke bending down slightly to meet her lips as the girl went up on her tiptoes, bare feet on the top of Luke’s shoes. He didn’t mind, in fact, he barely even realized as he swiped his tongue across her bottom lip for access which she quickly gave him. Her hands wrapped around his neck, one entangling in his blond curls, while his went around her waist and one under her ass, lifting her up.

Her legs wrapped around his waist, lips never breaking away from his as she moaned into the kiss. She pushed herself closer to him as the kiss heated up, eyes closed as Luke tried his best to navigate the way to their bedroom. Thankfully, even with his eyes partially closed and completely distracted by the soft lips on his, he managed to get there, fumbling with the doorknob before kicking the door open.

Luke pulled away quickly to get a breath, now at the edge of the bed as his mouth went to the side of her face, pressing kisses along her neck before whispering in a sinfully sultry voice, “Let’s finish what we started earlier, huh?”

With that, she was placed down on the bed, staring at Luke with a glaze in her eyes, lust, lips slightly swollen as he pushed her dress up, nudging her underwear to the side. His fingers ghosted over her pussy, making her take a ragged intake of breath. He was on top of her, watching her as she awaited every movement of his fingers, completely helpless under his touch.

“So wet for me, baby,” He murmured, pressing a few chaste kisses against the base of her neck as he rubbed her slit. She didn’t reply just yet, whining lightly when he slowed down his movements, coming to a stop, “Tell me what you want baby.”

“You, Lu. I want you, sir,” Her words flooded out of her mouth quickly, the aching between her legs becoming too much. If Luke didn’t do something about it soon then she would have to. She stared up at his smirking face above her. His fingers pulled away from her, making her whine as he reached for his belt, skillfully unbuckling it and letting his cock spring free from its confines.

He looked up at her as he repositioned himself, her squirming with need beneath him before he lined his tip at her entrance, baby blues meeting her eyes, “You sure?”

She nodded vigorously in return, but Luke didn’t move, commanding lightly, “Words, baby.”

“Please Luke, I’m sure. Please fuck me.” He swatted her thigh at the sound of the swear falling from her lips but obliged nonetheless, plunging deep into her letting out a moan, her strangled moan following behind.

He plunged in once again, hitting a spot that made her whimper and moan at the same time, hands reaching around to his back, clawing on the now exposed skin. Luke’s hips are flushed against hers as he goes deep inside of her once again, both moaning.

“Fuck, Bambi,”

Luke’s pace quickened, thrusts becoming sloppier as he continued to thrust into her, hitting her sweet spot over and over, moans filling the room with small pleads from her and soft curses from him.

Then a phone went off. Luke froze inside of her, and she groaned, sweaty, a mess, and incredibly sexually frustrated. She could feel Luke sitting inside of her; how big he was. She thought that he was going to ignore the phone call, to continue something that they were robbed of earlier. He wasn’t really going to let them be interrupted twice today, was he?

He reached over to the bedside table, picking his phone up and looking at the caller ID before sighing. He pulled out of her, baby blues looking at her with a frown, “I need to take this.”

“Luke,” It was a plead. For him to stay with her, to let them finish what they started. She shuffled lightly until she was sitting in front of him, on her knees. Her hand went to the side of his face, caressing it gently as she put her face at his neck, “Stay with me, Sir. I need you.”

He knew exactly what she was trying to do, but he wasn’t going to fall for it. He pulled away from her, gripping onto her side as a warning with his free hand, “No, Bambi.”

His voice was low, a warning for her to stop what she was doing as he sent her a pointed look. He didn’t even let her make another move or get another word in before he was back in his jeans and walking out of the room, leaving her alone.

The seconds that she was alone turned into minutes, and those minutes turned into ten, then fifteen. She shifted uncomfortably, still on edge and incredibly frustrated. It didn’t seem like Luke was coming back as he had left without saying goodbye or telling her where he was going to be or how long. Was this all because she had tried to get him to stay?

Well, if he wasn’t going to get back, she would have to take stuff into her own hands. Leaning back, her hand reached her own clit, rubbing desperately, basking in the feeling once again. This time, she would get the job done.

Her fingers slipped inside of her, curling into her, moans softly filtering out of her lips. She was close, her fingers covered in her own slick as she continued to curl her hands into herself, soft pants falling from her lips as she spread her legs more to get a better angle, trying to go deeper.

Her hands would never be as good as Luke’s though, her small fingers not holding a torch to his digits. He knew everything that made her squirm, even better than she did, he had her all decoded, knew how to navigate her better than anyone else ever could.

“Baby I need to get-” Luke opened the door, stopping when his eyes met her figure on the middle of the bed, fingers inside of her as soft breaths fell from her lips. Her head titled back, eyes lidded as he froze on the spot before a smirk made its way onto his face.

“Really?” He asked incredulously, sauntering up to the bed before grabbing onto her wrist, pulling her fingers out of her desperate cunt making her whine. Her eyes met his, which never strayed, even after he brought her hand up to his mouth and swirling his tongue around her slick-covered digits.

“Lu-”

“Quiet,” He shut her up quickly, voice hard and commanding, something that made nerves bundle in her stomach and turned her on even more. He stood up again, sauntering over to the dresser before pulling a belt from the top of it, grabbing her hands and confining them with the thick leather, “Since you can’t keep your hands off of that pretty little pussy of mine, I guess we’re going to have to do something about that.”

Luke pulled her up to the headboard, hooping the leather around there and tightening it. When he let go, she pulled against the leather restraints, only to find her hands unable to move from their position at the headboard.

“So desperate to cum, baby? Well, you’ll be desperate to stop after I make you come over and over until there’s no more cum left in your body and you're writhing beneath me. Do you understand me, baby?”

“Yes Sir,” She whimpered out in return, nodding her head as she breathed heavily, watching Luke’s hand as it trailed teasingly down her side until it reached her pussy, a finger flicking up and down it, making her hips jerk up.

“But first of all, I need to go deal with the drug run. See you later, Bambi.”

And with a smirk on his face, Luke left his girlfriend there, tied up to the bed, whining for him to come back. And he would, and when he did, she wouldn’t be walking for days afterward.

[simpleserendipity]

Pool Party | Calum Hood | Mature

Pairing: Calum Hood x Reader (best friends with benefits)

Warning: smut, talk about sex, public sex, cock warming

Word count: 1,990 words

You insisted on doing nothing for your birthday but Calum refused to let you go without some celebration, so after a bit of arguing you agreed to get together, your best friend, Jordan, and the band at his house. You weren’t exactly sure why Calum cared so much about having a party, you were nothing more than friends who occasionally hooked up when you were feeling lonely. Both of you were okay with that, it’s just how it is. But you let him have his way and throw a pool party for your birthday anyway. You’re snapped out of your thoughts as the uber had finally pulled up to a stop outside Calum's house. You started to talk to the door but your best friend stopped you. "Cal said to just go through the back gate." She said as she guided you to the gate. You both took a few steps into the yard, hearing the guys talking. "Hi!" You both called out, walking through the yard. Luke was sitting on a floatie in the pool with a beer in his hand, Ashton was laying in the sun next to Michael who was covered by an umbrella and Calum was nowhere to be seen. "Happy birthday!" Michael, Ashton, and Luke all shouted at the same time. "Thank you!" You smiled, setting your stuff on a table out there. "You're old now!" Michael shouts. "That sure is how aging works Clifford." You laughed. "You're growing up too fast!" Ashton wipes a fake tear from under his eye. "Oh shut up." You rolled your eyes. Your best friend had started to pull off her clothes to get into the pool and you copied her actions. Just as you finished pulling your shirt off, the door to the house opened up. "Jordan, _____, you made it!" Calum comes out of the house. Jordan waves before flopping on a floatie next to Luke and begging Mikey to join her, which he eventually does. "Of course we did Cal," You laughed, "What else would we be doing?" "Happy birthday _____!" Calum chuckles. "Thank you." You smiled at him as he stopped in front of you. "Come here," Calum opens his arms, pulling you, "You look so cute." You wrapped your arms around him, "Thank you." You smiled as he hugged you. "Especially when you're wearing my bucket hat." He reaches up and plays with the brim of the hat that you forgot you had stolen from him once. Something brushes against your leg and Cal leans down, scooping up whatever touched your legs. You looked down at his arms, "Duke" You gushed over the dog, that you have begun to think of as your own, buying Duke treats and toys often. "Hand him over!" You held your hands out. Calum put Duke into your arms and the dog nuzzled into your chest, his fur was incredibly soft against your skin, "Look at you guys. So cute." Calum chuckled. You rocked Duke like a baby, "He's so cute and I love him so much." You cooed at the dog. You finally let the dog down and he wanders over to a chair, laying under it. Calum laughs at you, "You talk to Duke like he's a baby."

"He is a baby," You purse your lips together, "He's so cute." We were interrupted by Ashton yelling from where he sat at the edge of the pool, "Are you guys just going to stand over there and talk or come hang out with the rest of us?" “Or are you going into the house to go at it?” Michael jokes it was no secret that you and Calum have been hooking up since the incident where Luke caught you two in the backseat of Calum’s car outside the studio one day. So by now, you were both used to the ridiculous taunts from all of them. "We're coming," Calum answers, shaking his head with a laugh. "You just wanna lay in the sun." You stretched a bit before walking over to a chair beside the pool and sitting on the edge. "Come in the pool with us." Luke whined, "Or get me another beer." "Dude it's her birthday," Michael splashed him, "Let her do what she wants." "But it's not fun if you aren't in the pool with us." Ashton agreed with Luke. "_____ you're being so boring," Jordan whined as You laid on your stomach on the pool chair "Let me relax." You whined and squeezed your eyes shut. They all went silent and you laid there nervously for a moment before they resumed their conversations. You relaxed further into the chair before You felt hands on you. My eyes flashed open, just in time to see Calum grab your arms and Ashton grab your legs. "Do not throw-" You were cut off by them doing exactly what you were going to ask them to not do. They threw you in the pool. You resurfaced and pushed your hair out of your face slowly. I looked around seeing everyone had vacated the pool in favor of the hot tub. “Alright, I’m sorry _____,” Calum says between laughter, “Come here and let me make it up to you.” “No fuck off.” You climbed out of the pool. “Come here,” His voice was demanding enough that you knew you had to go, “_____.” “There isn’t enough room for everyone in the hot tub.” You roll your eyes, walking over to the edge of the hot tub anyway. You stood there having a staring contest with Calum before Luke interrupted. “Just sit on his lap,” Luke rolled his eyes, “It’s not like that isn’t something you’ve done before.” Amongst everyone’s laughter, you climb in seating yourself with your back against Calum’s chest, “Fine.” The idea of the perfect way to get back at Calum for throwing you in the pool strikes you. You had to make sure he’s completely engrossed in the conversation. The guys began talking about some interviewer and Jordan was caught up in the conversation too. This was your window of opportunity, you slowly reach your hand behind you like you’re going to scratch your back. Instead, your hand finds its way to the waistband of Calum’s swimsuit. You feel Calum’s breath hitch against your neck, “What do you think you’re doing?” Instead of answering you continued to pull the shorts down a little, knowing that the bubbles of the hot tub would hide exactly what you’re up to. “What do you think Cal?” Ashton asks Calum a question. “Sorry what?” Calum shakes his head, trying to tune back into the conversation. “We’re asking about when you think you’re gonna go home next...” Ashton gives Calum a weird look. “Oh uh...” Calum paused as your hand enveloped his dick, tugging lightly as you pull it out from his swim trunks, “Probably next month.” They all nod and return to their conversation. Calum leaves one arm around the edge of the hot tub as the other comes down to your hip, “What the hell are you doing?” “Nothing.” You bat your eyelashes and continue to stroke him. Calum is doing well to conceal his moans as his fingertips dig into your hip. “If you wanted to mess around we could have gone inside.” He whispers in your ear again, lips grazing it. “Now why would we do that?” You whispered back in a cocky tone. You stroked up and down a few more times, running your thumb through the slit, earning a hiss in your ear from him. You had finally grown tired of your teasing, so you stood slightly, looking as if you had to adjust where you sat. You carefully sat down again, this time sliding your swimsuit bottoms to the side and sinking onto him. You bit the inside of your cheek to hold back any sounds from the feeling of the intrusion. “What do you think you’re doing right now?” He hissed as you circled your hips slowly. “Hmmm…” You hummed, ignoring the questions and clenched around him. “In front of all our friends?” Calum whispers in your ear as you circled your hips slowly, holding back a groan. Calum’s breath was hot against your neck and it made you shiver with excitement, knowing where this would lead. “Mhm…” You hummed and pressed your back into his chest, relaxing while feeling his chest rising and falling rapidly. You lifted your hips before sliding down again. That was the final action that solidified your fate, Calum was going to be frustrated with you exactly as you wanted. Under the bubbles of the water, Calum’s fingers of one hand dug into your hips, “You’re gonna be in so much trouble later when I get you alone,” His breathing was shaky, “You’re gonna get it.” He murmurs into your ear, lips grazing the back of your head while everyone else too caught up in conversation to notice you two. His words sent a shiver down your spine, “Payback for throwing me in the pool.” You whispered, shakily as you can’t keep focused on your breathing even as you looked between your friends. You sat quietly observing as Jordan argued with Michael about what video game is better and the others are discussing random music and movies. You’re so caught up on the feeling of being full, his threats and fingers digging into your hip are slowly becoming too much. Your dominance is fading. “What are you doing tonight for your birthday, _____?” Luke asks, sipping his beer. Your eyes snap up in Luke’s direction, “I’m not sure.” You shrugged, trying not to move too much, knowing how hard this already was for Calum and that you would get in so much trouble with him later. “I can think of something she’s gonna do,” Ashton jokes, “But I don’t know if it’s more of a treat for her or Cal…” Ashton jokes as he makes a gesture as if he was sucking someone off. “I shouldn’t have asked,” Luke rolled his eyes, “I should have known you two were going to get at it tonight.” “I’m so glad we don’t have to live together anymore,” Michael added in, “I remember the first time you guys started hooking up.” “Oh god…” Ashton laughed, “‘Calum, please! Oh god Calum!’” Ashton used a high-pitched voice to mock you. “Oh shut up.” You roll your eyes and sink further back into Calum’s chest. “Okay, I think it’s time for us to go.” Calum’s arm from around the hot tub reaches down. Both his hands find your hips lifting you off of him, “Get up and go inside, upstairs.” He pulls you up. His demanding tone made you weak in the knees and the feeling of him slipping out made you want more. You were quick to hop out of the hot tub, following his commands. You walked towards the house, hearing all the laughter and comments from your friends. You stopped right outside the door. “Oh god,” Michael groaned, “Seriously Cal? _____?” Michael looks between us. “Really?” Luke laughs out loud at us as Calum hops out of the hot tub, heading towards the house. “We’re still here?” Michael laughed. “Jesus Cal we’re still here…” Ashton laughs. “Don’t care,” Calum flipped them off as he walked towards you, “Stay outside or leave, whatever you want.” Calum shrugged. “Dude seriously?” Jordan laughed, “You’re gonna go hook up and abandon us all out here? I mean it’s getting dark.” “You’ll be fine,” Calum chuckled and stopped right behind you, leaning into your ear, “And why aren’t you inside and upstairs like I asked?” His hands pushed his hips against yours. “Sorry…” You bit your lips and pushed the back door open. “You better be…” Calum groaned, pushing you forward into the house by your hips. It may be your birthday but Calum was sure about to get a treat, using you however he pleases.

[kindahoping4forever]

Handprints // Ashton Irwin

I’m not in the habit of taking requests/fic suggestions but when an anon sent me a Tiktok and said they needed to read about this scenario and Ashton... I couldn’t resist. 🤡 (And of course I’m me so I had to embellish it into a story and somehow it still ended up 3k smh) As always, my eternal love and thanks to @cal-puddies​ for listening to me talk even the simplest fic to death and just generally being my favorite person.

Warnings: Protected sex in an unestablished relationship, male and female oral sex, playfully rough sex featuring dirty talk and brief spanking

Word Count: 3510

Masterlist // Ko-Fi and New 2021 Taglist linked above

Let  me  know  what  you  think!

You’ve never considered yourself a morning person so it’s nothing short of a miracle that you wake up early. You roll over, stopping just short of the center of the bed, your body registering your unfamiliar surroundings before your mind does. You open your eyes to see a head full of long curls, a tattooed neck and a deliciously freckled back. Right.

You smile to yourself as your tired brain begins to replay the events of the night before. It was your last night in town and you took yourself to a fancy hotel bar to unwind. You’d worked hard all week fielding meetings with your bosses’ bosses but you’d finally landed the promotion; the better pay, the freedom to do the type of work you enjoy - these were all things you’d been aiming for and you couldn’t be happier. It’ll be worth the trouble of having to move out to LA.

Especially now, you think to yourself, looking at the sleeping figure next to you before shaking your head, trying to erase those kinds of thoughts from your mind. You’re getting ahead of yourself. You and Ashton had instantly hit it off, amused at being the only two lone patrons, attempting to people-watch without making it obvious - you trying to distract from how awkward you felt being alone and him nonchalantly jotting notes in his phone, a musician looking for inspiration.

You easily could’ve stayed talking to him all night, listening to his stories about the promo tour he and his band were on, him asking questions (and actually being interested in the answers) about your new job and impending move... but when the invitation to “continue the conversation” in his room led to more than just talking… you can’t say you weren’t hoping for that outcome.

You gently ease yourself out of bed, a few slight aches reminding you what a good time you had last night. You pull your phone out of your purse and check your messages. Damn. The meeting to officially sign off on the new position has been pushed up from an early dinner to a late brunch.

You locate your clothes as quietly as you can and slip into the bathroom; you’re staying across town and won’t have time to make it there and back before your appointment so you do as much damage control as you can, utilizing the swanky hotel’s generous supply of amenities.

You decide your top could use a steam and head back out to the suite in your bra and skirt, hoping to track down an iron but instead you freeze at the sight of Ashton awake, lounging in bed, sheets resting distractingly low around his waist. “Thought you’d skipped out on me,” he smirks, muscular arms flexing as he stretches, drawing your attention to the star on his right bicep that you fell asleep tracing.

You feel yourself fighting every muscle in your body to keep from crawling in bed with him, instead retrieving your makeup bag from your purse. “Of course not,” you chuckle, setting up by the mirror across from the bed. “I did just find out I have to be somewhere though.”

“Oh,” he says, surprised. Disappointed, even? You sneak a peek at him in the mirror, groaning under your breath as the sheets fall away to reveal a quick glimpse of his thick cock heavy between his legs before he pulls on a pair of shorts and walks over to you. “I was looking forward to buying you breakfast,” he admits, settling his face on your shoulder as he wraps his arms around your waist, grinning at you in the mirror.

You smile back, spinning around in his grasp and sighing as he pulls you in for a long, sensuous kiss that has you reconsidering how badly you want this promotion. “I wish I could stay,” you share, running your hand over his beard, wondering if it’s his usual style or just for the ease of being on tour. “But I have to sign before my flight so they can start fast-tracking my transfer to the LA office.” You turn back to the mirror, beginning to liberally pat powder from your compact on your face, trying to compensate for your lack of sleep.

“Fast-track… that sounds promising,” Ash comments, standing behind you again, this time pecking lightly over your bare shoulders. “How soon do you think I might see you out there?”

“Probably be there before you,” you explain, recalling the crazy schedule he shared with you. “They want me to start ASAP so they’re putting me up in a hotel until I can find a place.”

“Mmm,” is his muffled acknowledgment as his kisses travel to your neck. “Wonder if it’ll be as nice as this one.”

“Guess you’ll have to visit and find out,” you boldly tease, breath catching as his touch begins to wander down your body.

He presses into you, hands cupping your breasts over your bra and you watch as a slow smirk spreads across his face when he feels your nipples hard against the thin lace, eagerly anticipating his attention.

“I’ll have to… clearly I can’t leave you alone for too long,” he rasps, morning voice made even deeper by desire. You close your eyes and lean back against him, allowing yourself the momentary distraction. “How much time we got, baby? ...Time for a proper goodbye?”

“Some… some time… not a lot.” Your breath grows heavier as his mouth works over your neck and his fingers tease your hard buds through your bra.

You’re surprised to feel Ash pull back from you but honestly your brain is mush from everything that’s happened this week so you don’t even take the time to question it, instead you just move closer to the mirror to try making your hair look less morning after-y.

Seconds later you feel his lips again, this time leaving a trail of kisses down your back, kneeling to peck around your waistband while his fingers nimbly unzip you; he tugs your skirt down and you don’t even give a second thought to stepping out of the material once it’s pooled around your ankles. His thumbs hook inside your panties and they quickly join your skirt on the floor.

You bite your lip, waiting for his next move but Ashton redirects you, insisting, “Uh-uh, baby, you gotta keep getting ready. Can’t have you being late.” He sits back on his heels, gently rubbing up and down your legs, patiently waiting for you to resume your task.

You give him a curious look but do as he suggests. As soon as he can tell your attention has shifted, his hands start travelling higher and higher until his fingers brush along your folds; you hear him exhale as he realizes how wet you are just from all the touching and flirting.

“Guess I should tell you I’ve been thinking about a proper goodbye since I woke up next to you,” you admit, allowing him to widen your stance, shuddering as his thumb grazes over your clit. He hasn’t applied any pressure yet but you can’t believe how much the brief contact has you buzzing, how dazed your reflection already looks.

“Funny, we could’ve started on that sooner if I hadn’t woken up alone,” he jokes, nibbling along your leg.

You giggle, appreciating his wisecrack and the feeling of his scruff tickling your skin. “Trust me, if I had it my way, your wake-up call would’ve been very different.”

Ash laughs knowingly, “I’ll bet.” He goes quiet and you’re just about to see what he’s up to when suddenly you feel the scratch of his beard between your thighs. You groan as he licks up and down the length of your pussy, dragging his tongue through your folds, teasing you until he settles on your clit, lazily circling around it.

“Ashton…” You start, quickly deciding to give up on whatever you were trying to say once he sucks your clit between his lips, hands pawing at your ass and thighs, encouraging you to spread further for him. You curse under your breath, your interest in preparing for your meeting fading with every new jolt of electricity his tongue gives to your core.

He pulls back, nipping at your inner thigh. “Still doesn’t seem like you’re ready to walk out the door, baby, the clock is ticking,” he chides with faux concern. You feel him grin as he flicks his tongue over you. “Anything I can do to assist?”

You laugh at his audacity. “Oh I’ve definitely got a few ideas.”

He continues to work and you moan quietly, hips rolling over Ashton’s face without you even realizing. He lets you do your thing for a few moments and then he’s gone again before you feel two large fingers slipping inside you. You moan, this time much louder than you mean to. He curls his long digits just right and it causes you to lurch forward, bracing yourself on the mirror in front of you.

You open your eyes and take in the version of yourself staring back at you: pupils blown, lips swollen from sucking them between your teeth, a light sheen of sweat on your face as you get more and more worked up. The hand between your legs makes another expert move against your pussy and you watch your eyes roll back and your jaw drop.

“Jesus, that’s so good... fuck me,” you mumble, head dropping.

“Is that a comment or a request?” Ash quips, loudly sucking his fingers clean.

You turn around, an intoxicating surge of power and confidence flowing through you as you look down at him on the floor, hunger in his eyes, palming himself through his shorts as he gazes up at you.

“That felt so good, Ash,” you murmur, brushing his long curls off his face. “But if I’m gonna risk being late, I think we should make it worth my while and get me on your cock.” You stare into his eyes, matching his desirous energy, hand rubbing over his beard, gently wiping at the glisten of your arousal on his lips.

He stands up and suddenly you’re reminded of just how big and broad he is and you feel an immediate need to have him surrounding you; he pulls you into a heated kiss and neither of you can help but grind, grope and grab at each other. He discards your bra and sucks your tits into his mouth, tongue circling at your nipples over and over. When he comes up for air, your hand dips into his shorts, moaning at the feeling of his cock hard and leaking in your hold. You’re only able to get a few strokes in before he’s nudging your hand aside so he can pull his shorts down.

You subconsciously lick your lips as his cock eagerly springs from the material and Ashton has to laugh. “I can tell what you’re thinking but remember we’re trying to be quick here,” he teases, taking your wrist and spinning you back to your spread stance against the mirror.

You watch his reflection as he pumps at his cock while he grabs a metallic packet from the nightstand, hissing as his fingers drag over the head before he rolls the condom on. “I dunno, right now I’m about ready to straight up quit my job if it means I don’t have to wait until LA to have you in my throat again,” you say, heart pounding as he positions himself behind you.

Ash grins at you in the mirror, rutting against your ass before guiding his cock to your wetness, teasing a bit before pushing inside. “That was a highlight from last night, wasn’t it? Took me so well… any way I asked… so good, baby,” he huffs, hips setting a steady pace.

“Did plenty of asking myself if I’m not mistaken,” you reply, whining as he gives your hair a slight yank, pulling you back into a sloppy kiss.

“That’s true,” he laughs, groaning as you start moving back against him. His hands, big enough to each cover one of your cheeks, massage and pinch at your ass and you shudder when you see how enthralled he looks as he watches his cock move in and out of your pussy as you work against him.

He pinches your ass a little sharper than before and you let out a loud moan, earning a smirk and a low “shh” from him. “Think I need to ask for somethin’ like I did last night,'' you pant, wiggling your ass a bit. “Will you?”

“I was wondering,” Ashton admits, giving your ass a smack so loud it nearly drowns out the whimper it draws from you. “Good, baby?”

“More,” you choke out. He delivers a pair of flat-palm strikes to each of your cheeks, the both of you audibly reacting to how it makes you throb around him. “Fuck, Ash, yessss… So. Fucking. Good.” You try to keep your voice down, given the early hour but his cock is hitting every single spot you need and well so you’re not sure how successful you’re being.

Two more smacks to your ass and you’re leaning in to the mirror, turning to bury your face in your own bicep in an attempt to muffle your cries. Ash brushes his fingers over your hair before roughly tugging you back again, growling, “Nah, I wanna hear you, baby. Lemme know how much you’re gonna miss this cock filling you up.”

His hands come up to grab your tits, fitting over each one and squeezing tight, using the leverage to bounce you on his cock. A series of low whines pour from your throat and you hope he understands they mean that you can’t get enough of how he’s making you feel, how you’re so glad you went to that bar last night, how you can’t believe how well he can read your body despite only knowing you for 12 hours. You hope he knows because he’s fucking you so thoroughly these sounds are the best you can do.

Your breathing has become more pronounced and your fingers splayed on the mirror now appear to be clawing against the glass; Ashton notices and lets his fingers roll over your nipples before running one of his hands down your body to your clit. “Feelin’ good, baby?” He softly asks, slowing his thrusts to an almost agonizing rate as he rubs you. You nod, whimpering his name as he adds more pressure. “Tell me what you need, want you to feel so good when you cum for me.”

“Holy fuck,” you sob, throwing your head back. His fingers work your clit while the new pace of his hips is driving you absolutely mad, moving so slowly and deliberately, you can feel every inch of his cock deliciously dragging against your sensitive walls. “That. Keep doing that. Oh my god.”

He follows your direction, touching you and methodically fucking you. He leans in to kiss along your ear and when he gently bites down, that’s it for you. You gasp his name in measured huffs as you pulse around his cock; somehow you manage to pry one of your hands off of the mirror and you grab behind you, pawing at his shoulder, his arm, anything you can reach.

Ash puts his free hand on the back of yours against the mirror, interlacing your fingers and rubbing over your skin with his thumb as you tighten around him. “Oh baby, yes, that’s a good girl… feel so good cumming around me,” he praises you, voice straining, clearly trying to keep it together himself.

“Ash,” you whine, grinding against him, riding out the last waves of your orgasm. You look at him in the mirror, with pleading eyes. “Please…”

Somehow he knows what that means and he turns your head to slowly kiss you. You moan into his mouth when you feel his hand drop away from your clit, your body starting to settle. You go slack in his arms, leaning against him, closing your eyes and sighing heavily.

“You good?” He checks, amused concern in his voice.

“Oh, so fucking good,” you breathe dreamily. Suddenly a mischievous smile paints your face and you spring up from his chest. “Your turn!”

Ashton chuckles as you drop to your knees and peel the condom off of him, pumping at his cock before eagerly sliding your mouth on him.

“I’d say again you don’t have time for this but I’ll tell you right now this isn’t going to take very long,” he laughs, massaging his fingers through your hair.

You pop off to stroke him. “See? Efficient and exciting, it’s a win/win for everyone,” you grin, a shiver running down your spine as he groans watching you take him down again.

You don’t take as much of him as you did last night, thinking you probably shouldn’t risk showing up to brunch with a hoarse voice. But you bob up and down enthusiastically enough that it’s only a few moments before his grip on your hair is tightening and he’s rushing out your name.

He giggles fondly as he looks down at you sitting on your knees, mouth happily open as you stroke him. “Baby, what are you gonna do about your meeting if this gets all over you?”

You shrug. “Guess you better have good aim then, bro.”

Ashton laughs loudly until you lean in to flick your tongue on the underside of his tip. With a quickly choked out “Shit… baby…”, his cock twitches and cum starts pouring onto your tongue. You open wide, pumping his shaft and humming with pleasure as he continues spurting into your mouth.

When he’s finished, you close your lips around him, suckling at the head a few more times and he lets out a loud growl in response. “Fuckin’ hell, baby, I’m so glad you didn’t listen to me,” he mumbles.

You giggle, buzzing with satisfaction as he helps you back onto your feet. He kisses you passionately and you lose yourself in it a bit, playing with his messy curls, not ready for this to be over. He glances at the mirror as he pulls away from you and he laughs, causing you to turn in curiosity. “Looks like you’re leaving with a couple souvenirs there,” he teases, gesturing towards your reflection where two large red handprints are decorating your backside. In a quieter tone, he offers, “I hope that doesn’t hurt.”

“Well I do,” you respond suggestively, moving closer to examine his literal handiwork. “Hopefully these will have just about faded by the next time I see you… and then we can re-up.”

He groans at your comments and you can tell he’s fighting the urge to pull you in again, knowing you’ve really got to get going. You save him the trouble and kiss him yourself, tugging his bottom lip between your teeth as you separate.

“And look,” you grin, pointing behind you. “You’ve got something to remember me by too.”

Ashton steps closer to the mirror, a naughty smile spreading as he notices your two handprints smudged on the glass. “I should cancel housekeeping for the rest of my stay so I can keep your memory here with me,” he jokes.

He pecks your lips once more and then scoops your clothes up off the floor, smoothing them out as best he can before passing them to you. “Think you’ll make it on time? I can call your boss and pretend to be your bumbling driver who’s unfamiliar with the area.”

You snort, picking up your phone to check your route. “Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Oh, the meeting’s been switched to a Zoom. My new boss had to get on an earlier flight so we’re electronically signing when they land,” you say with surprise.

“Oh,” Ash agrees, moving back over to you with interest. “And your flight is…”

You bat your eyelashes at him. “Late.”

“New plan!” He announces, literally sweeping you off your feet and carrying you back to bed. “Nap. Shower. Room service. Obviously we’ll have to say goodbye again.”

“Obviously,” you concur. “Is the order of these events negotiable? I’m pretty hungry and that protein shot I just took down the throat isn’t going to last me very long.”

He cracks up, flopping on the sheets next to you. “Sequence of events is up for discussion, as long as we agree right now that calling the maid service isn’t on the docket. I was serious about keeping those handprints up.”

You nod with mock seriousness. “If we pencil in the shower after food and sleep, I might have the energy to work on a matching set for you on the shower door.”

Ashton strokes his beard, playfully considering your offer. “Might be able to deliver another pair for you as well. I’m thinking the backs of your thighs?”

“Fuck that new job, this is the obviously the best business deal I’ll be making today,” you giggle.

————-

Thank you to everyone who has signed up for the taglist, both for the support and the lovely (occasionally hilarious) feedback! If you haven’t signed up yet, the form is linked above! (If your name is crossed out, please check your blog settings, I was unable to tag you)

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[unknown-drug]

🦋 25 things I wish I knew.. 🦋

1. Doing the same exercises over and over again will not help you lose weight. Switch it up, do cardio even if it sucks and no, weight lifting is not gonna make you look bulky. Lean muscle bruns more cals so think about it. It's better to have them than not.

2. If you are to diving in EDs don't do it for someone other than you. Be completely aware of the long term consequences. Do some research. And honestly, they are not worth the hassle.

3. Food is not an enemy. The day it becomes your alie only then will you really reach the ultimate peace of mind conserning food. You have to work with it not against it.

4. Not all diet will work on you. Don't  get discouraged. Try a few and see what's work. Keep in mind to incorporate a little bit of every food group to make sure you won't lack any crucial nutrients. Again do your research.

5. Do not beat yourself too hard if you slip up. It might get you to binge 10x harder too. Nobody is perfect. We all binge once in a while. And it is acutally good when you hit plateaus and stuff.

6. Reaching my GW or even my UGW didn't made me as happy as I first thought. Yes, I was somewhat glad to reach it but I was still not happy with the results..

7. Weighting yourself every single day is not effective because of the water weight an all.. the scale can shift up to 5 lbs a day. I usually do it once or twice max a week. Always on the same day. So you can see a more accurate graph.

8. No one as the same body as you. Your number compare to others might not look the same. So yes your thinspo is all cute but have you considered all the criterias ?? Keep your mind open.

9. Having something to eat in the morning (even if it is your only meal) will helps you kick start your metabolism for the day.

10. Sleep is mandatory. Don't think that staying awake all night doing exercises is helping you. In fact, your metabolism will go down 10 to 20 % if you sleep less than 6h a night. Get the rest you will need it.

11. Liquid cal and solid one are not registered by your body the same way.

12. There is no magical pill, no tea bullshit and no fucking food miracle to lose weight. But if you do take meds like  laxative or diuretic and diet pill of anykind, you have to switch it every so often. Your body will get use to them so they will feel like there aren't working. Do not take more then the recommended amount. I personally never like those because of how harmful they are to you. Be extremely careful if you are using them and please if you see anything out of the ordinary talk to professionals. It can really mess you up in the long run.

13. Stay hydrated. Your body will give up faster if you don't drink enough water compare to food. If you are fasting or anything, this shit is mandatory. And no, coffee and teas should not count in your water intakes. It is so important for weight loss.

14. Fiber. Fiber. Fiber. They are your biggest allies. Keeps you fuller longer and is the best to avoid the need of extra meds.

15. Those who will notice won't be the one you want. And those who are really there for you are not always the one you thought would be.. But do not throw away the help if you need it.

16. Do your own research on your ED. There is so much false information passed along the community you did be surprise. Do not believe everything you find either.

17. If you ever relapse after more than a year of recovery you have to keep in mind that your body has change. Especially if it went through puberty or if it is somewhere in your adulthood. If you plan on using the same old tricks you did as a teenager, I am sorry to announce you that it might not work. Your relapse is like a whole new ed. You have to relearn everything about your body. It has ajusted to your harsh treatment and will definitely not cooperate the way it did before. So keep that in mind.

18. EDs dont have numbers. Someone who is 200+ pounds is as valid as someone who is 100 and under. Stop bullying people cause they are heavier or lighter than you are. We are all in the shit anyways...

19. Take your fucking vitamins. I can't stress that enough but you need them just to make sure your body will not rupture. It can prevent so much side effects to EDs and even trip to the hospital.

20. Even fully recovered, the numbers won't magically stop in your mind. It will stay there lurking in the shadow.. try not to give in to them.

21. Keep yourself accountable. Stop blaming others or your life for things you have done. At the end of the day, you are the one doing everything. Excuses are not gonna help you acheive anything.

21. The sense of control is only temporary... One day you will have to go up agaist your demon and fight them or die trying.. literally.

22. Mixing BPD and anorexia was one of the biggest mistake of my life. Been the depressed and sucidal kid I was it really was a match made in hell. Actually really surprised I am still alive.

23. If you do purge, you have to understand a few things. Even if you were to purge the entirety of your stomach and that only mere second after finishing eating you body has already absorbed portion of the calories ! A general rules is that about 1/3 to 2/3 of it will be left behind. So no, this is not a miracle erase switch. Also, the calorie absortion start in your mouth. So the trick of chewing and spitting the food will still get you cals and it is even worse for your teeths. After a purge, do not brush your teeth. I swear it will fuck up your enamel even more. Try to swish some bicarbonate and water to bring the ph down and swallow half a glass to ease up your oesophagus.

24. This is not a all rainbows and unicorns illness. It is hard to life through and even harder to witness on someone. You will cry and scream.. feel depressed and suicidal in some case. Some of us dissociate during big binge/purge episode.. Get someone you trust or vent once in a while. Don't keep all the emotions inside, it will break you.

25. And finally, If you are not ready mentally for recovery it will never happen. You got to want it to be able to let go of your obsession. It is the hardest thing to do but it is worth it.

[vanillasakura]

RDRSW21 Day 7: Making a house a "home"

Title: To Love Once Again

Word Count: 1259

Pairing: Sadie/Charlotte

Notes/Warnings: nsfw, Mentions of Cal and Jake's deaths

I'm so happy to have written for this event, I had so much fun doing it!! Can't wait until next year's <3 I adore the dynamic of Charlotte/Sadie so it's only fair that I end this year with a bang! literally

Title from Until I Found You by Stephen Sanchez

≿━━━━━━━━━━༺❀━━━━━━━━━━≾

I would never fall in love again until I found you. I would never fall unless it's you I fall into. I was lost within the darkness but then I found her, I found *you*

“Oh goodness, Sadie…” Charlotte breathed, not thrusting her hips up, not begging for more, simply enjoying the sensations that her lover was giving her. She was lying on the ground in the main room of her house, a pillow keeping her head propped up as Sadie took care of her.

“Can I be honest?” Charlotte had asked one evening that Sadie had come home from hunting, already finished having washed up. The two sat next to the fireplace, sharing a blanket Charlotte had finished knitting a few weeks prior.

“Honesty’s all I’ll ever ask for. What’s on your mind, beautiful?” Sadie had responded, pushing a stray strand of hair behind Charlotte’s ear.

“You’re soaking, y’know. Don’t think I’ve ever seen you so wet before, Charlotte.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever needed you like this before.” she breathed out in return, savoring the feeling of Sadie’s fingers pressing into her right where she needed them to.

“I.. I feel horrible for saying this, but I just need to get it out.” Charlotte had rung her hands together, squeezing like she was doing laundry, and Sadie took one, letting her lover ring her calloused fingers instead. “It’s just that… Willard’s Rest has never really felt like home. This isn’t saying that I don’t appreciate all the work you’ve done to help me make it feel like one, I just…”

Sadie leaned in, squeezing Charlotte’s soft, pale thigh. “You’re awfully relaxed for someone this needy.” she teased, lying down on her stomach and lightly circling Charlotte’s clit with her tongue. Her lover keened, finally raising her hips into Sadie’s touch.

“Oh Sadie…” she breathed. “More, please… I just…”

“You just?” Sadie encouraged.

“I just feel so empty here a lot of the time, especially when you aren’t around. I know I’m not a child who needs supervision constantly, and I can’t ask you to drop everything and spend every second of your life with me, but oftentimes-- and these times are especially prevalent whenever you aren’t here to distract me-- I feel hollow here. It’s like Cal’s spirit is howling at me, eating away at me bit by bit and tearing me down into a shell of a human being.” Charlotte took a deep breath, steadying herself. “I feel haunted.”

“Want to be in my mouth?” Sadie asked, speaking right up against Charlotte. The vibrations caused her to moan, jerking her hips up as Sadie kept hitting the best spot inside of her over and over again.

Charlotte turned red, her blush spreading down her chest. She never understood how Sadie could be so vulgar and not take issue with it, but she’d be lying if she said it wasn’t a massive turn on.

Sadie abandoned Charlotte’s hand in favor of pulling her in close, holding her tight enough so that she would never feel alone again. “That ain’t horrible, I promise. You’ve been through a lot in such a short time, it’s no wonder this place can feel like hell.” She kissed Charlotte’s cheek right below her ear, the closest piece of skin she could reach. “If you want my advice, Charlotte, you just need to make more memories here. Memories that won’t haunt you when you close your eyes or stand here by yourself.”

“Please… nothing ever feels better than when you do that Sadie oh god-” Charlotte’s voice was strangled as Sadie suddenly complied, taking Charlotte into her mouth and sucking, running her tongue all over the bud in all sorts of heavenly patterns. The pleasure was only exacerbated when Sadie hummed and Charlotte whined, desperate for more. “Don’t stop don’t stop please don’t stop I need this oh god Sadie you feel so good Sadie my love oh my goodness Sadie-”

“What kind of memories could I make like that?” Charlotte asked, sounding slightly defeated.

Sadie smirked. “What about the kind that possess you, in the best way possible? The kind that take over your heart and soul and make you feel full? The kind that fill you with so many he… hedon… god, what the hell was that word you used the other day?”

“Hedonistic?” Charlotte suggested.

“Yeah, that. Memories that fill you with so many hedonistic sensations you can’t help but smile? Or shiver.”

Sadie squoze Charlotte’s thigh again, a comforting gesture that conveyed all she would say were her mouth not otherwise occupied. Charlotte shook, feeling her release coming on quickly but when Sadie was this good with her mouth and her fingers it was a challenge to last. She gripped onto Sadie’s hair, holding her in place while she pushed her hips up, trying to bring Sadie impossibly closer to her and so incredibly desperate to come.

“Sadie I’m close please don’t stop please I want to come for you Sadie-”

“Sadie Adler, are you suggesting-”

“Just an idea. We don’t have to act on it if you don’t wanna. Plenty of other memories we could make.”

Sadie crooked her finger just right and suddenly it was all too much, Charlotte let out a hoarse cry as she began to shake, coming apart hard and fast. However, something about this was different. She felt something coming out of her and good god it felt amazing. All Charlotte could do was call out Sadie’s name, helpless to captain the ship as the waves of pleasure beared down on it again and again and again.

As her orgasm subsided, Sadie pulled away, pressing a kiss to Charlotte’s clit that made the woman yelp. As soon as she saw Sadie’s face, Charlotte was shocked that she didn’t come undone again. Sadie was utterly drenched in what could only be Charlotte’s own juices, although she had never seen Sadie that covered before. Realizing it must be… whatever it was that came out of her, Charlotte blushed, about to apologize as Sadie sighed, smiling wider and brighter than Charlotte had seen in a while.

“Gonna bet that, by the look on your face, you ain’t ever had that happen before?”

“Sadie…” Charlotte panted out, shaking her head.

“Feels real good doesn’t it?” she asked, picking up her discarded shirt and wiping her face clean. “Definitely gonna have to work up to that again sometime.”

“Yeah… definitely…” Charlotte agreed, still too tired to say much.

“But see? Wasn’t I right?” Sadie took the shirt and placed it between Charlotte’s legs, gently cleaning her up so she wouldn’t be uncomfortably wet for the rest of the evening. “You just gotta make good memories in order to feel more at home somewhere.”

“I am never going to doubt you again. Ever.” Charlotte laughed, opening up her arms for her lover to come and join her on the ground. “I’m gonna be thinking about this for a long time.”

“Glad to know it helped.” Sadie smiled, kissing Charlotte gently. “I love you a whole lot, Charlotte. I know just how painful it can be to be alive after your husband passes. But I promise you, it will get better. Cal was a great man, and he would’ve wanted you to be happy. I know my Jake would’ve wanted that for me, so I don’t see why Cal would be any different.”

“I know you’re right.” Charlotte pulled Sadie down to her, letting her lover rest on her chest while her hands undid her braid and combed through her hair. “I just hope that everything can stay like this. I’m finally happy, Sadie, and it’s all thanks to you.”

Sadie kissed the top of Charlotte’s breast. “I wouldn’t want to live any other way.”

[winryofresembool]

Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 37

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: New Year’s Eve, pt 2

A/N: A new chapter! We'll finally find out what happened after that annoying cliffhanger in the previous one. Anyway, I would like to note that this chapter deals with some mental health related issues and there is also a mention of a shooting (note: mention) so if you'd rather avoid that kind of stuff, then it may be better to skip this chapter.

That said, I hope you'll still enjoy this chapter! And don't forget that I'm always really happy to hear from you guys!

Words: 3500+

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: panic attack, mentions of shooting 

previous chapter / AO3

...

“Calypso, I think you should come. Something’s not right with Leo.”

It took Calypso a moment to register what Nico had said. She just kept staring at him, a frown creeping on her face as she was trying to figure out if she had heard him correctly.

“Something’s… not right with Leo? Wha-what do you mean?” She finally managed to ask.

“We were just talking… I don’t know, not about anything special… and suddenly some fireworks went off nearby. Like, too close for it to be legal. He got really restless - even more than usual - and he wanted to go and look for you but given his state I told him it was probably better if he sat down while I would find you.”

“When you say restless, what exactly do you mean?” Calypso asked.

“He was shaking and his breathing was labored and he got this panicked look on his face… as if he was seeing something I couldn’t see. And when I tried to talk to him, he didn’t respond. He started tapping with his fingers, like he was trying to message me something that way. I don’t know. But I think he’s having a panic attack.”

Calypso’s heart sank. She wasn’t entirely unfamiliar with panic attacks either so she knew how horrifying it could feel. Based on her own experiences, when you were having one, it was really, really hard to convince your brain that it was going to be OK. It just wouldn’t listen. And that could go on for a long while. The worst part was that it could get triggered totally unexpectedly, like now in the middle of the party.

“Oh gods… where is he now? I don’t think he should be alone.” In that moment Calypso didn’t care what the others thought about her worrying; her instinct to be with him was much stronger.

“He’s still in the kitchenette…” Nico responded and Calypso didn’t waste any time, marching out of the balcony as fast as she could.

“So, you think the fireworks triggered the panic attack?” she asked Nico over her shoulder while she was walking.

It took him some effort to keep up with her. “Probably. Before it happened, he was just explaining to me that his family always needed to put Festus into the most light and sound proof room of his home during New Year and 4th of July because he really hated the fireworks. Apparently Festus’ fear is one of the reasons why he himself doesn’t like them.”

“That would certainly make sense,” Calypso agreed. She didn’t have time to ask more when they already reached Leo’s resting spot. Even though she had seen him angry and scared before, this felt different compared to those times. He had wrapped his arms around his shaky legs and when he heard the others approaching, he looked up, his eyes bewildered. Calypso even noticed that there was also wetness on his cheeks and she needed to brace herself so that she didn’t start tearing up as well. She sat down next to him and started speaking in as soothing a voice as she was capable of in that situation.

“Leo… It’s gonna be OK. I’m right here.” She started stroking his back with light, gentle motions.

“Cal?” He muttered with a broken voice. “Thank goodness… I was afraid that…”

“Afraid of what?” Calypso frowned, still trying to sound as calm as possible. “That I was going to go somewhere?”

“Not… here…” he murmured, referring to the fact that they had several pairs of ears listening to them.

“Oh. Right,” she replied understandingly. “Hey… I’m going to ask Frank if he’d allow you to rest in his bedroom for a moment. You know… just until this passes.”

“Fine,” Leo nodded slightly. Luckily Calypso didn’t have to go searching because Frank entered the room as if on cue.

“Frank, I think Leo needs some quiet space for a moment,” Calypso told him when he was observing the situation. “Can we borrow your bedroom?”

“Sure, of course,” Frank agreed instantly.

“Thanks a lot. Don’t worry, you’ll get your room back once he recovers,” Calypso addressed Frank before turning back to Leo. “OK, let’s go then.”

She took his hand and pulled him up, directing him towards the bedroom. When she turned to give the hosts a reassuring nod, she noticed they were watching her and Leo worriedly.

“Uh, do you need any company there?” Hazel asked.

“What do you say, Leo?” Calypso didn’t want to make any decisions for him.

“Just Cal is fine,” he muttered.

“Thanks, though,” Calypso addressed Hazel. “I will let you know if I need any help. I, um, have some experience with this kind of stuff so I think I can handle it.”

“Alright. We’ll make sure no one interrupts him,” Hazel referred to the other guests who were still partying on the other side of the wall. Calypso didn’t understand how anyone could still feel festive but then again, they didn’t know her boyfriend like she did.

Closing the door behind her, Calypso helped Leo on Frank’s bed and turned on a light on the bedside table. Then she sat down next to him and swept his hair from his eyes, pressing a soft kiss on his forehead. When she pulled away, she sighed:

“I’ve also had panic attacks in the past. I’m no expert by any means, but for me, it usually helps a bit if I lie down and just try to focus on my breathing. Maybe you could try that.”

“Alright,” Leo complied. He laid down on the bed, using her legs as a pillow for his head, and rested his hands over his chest. Calypso ran her fingers through his hair and kept talking to him soothingly.

“So what I do is that I breathe in slowly – I try to count to four when I do that – then I hold it for a moment, and then breathe out just as slowly. And repeat.”

Leo blinked to let her know he understood and followed her advice. Calypso knew that she should try to reduce the distractions in that situation so she didn’t say anything for a while; she just kept combing his hair with her fingers and humming the first song that came to her mind; New Year’s Day.

“Do you feel any better?” she asked once Leo’s hyperventilating seemed to have calmed down somewhat. She herself felt lighter as well seeing that he was starting to recover.

“A bit,” Leo answered hoarsely.

“It’s OK. Sometimes it takes a moment to pass but you’ll get there,” she said encouragingly. “Just keep your eyes closed and try to focus on something that keeps you grounded to this moment. Like something you feel or hear or smell or anything…”

“I like it when you play with my hair. It feels nice,” Leo stated bluntly.

“OK. I’ll keep doing that, then.”

It was quiet for a while again, aside from the sounds outside the room. Calypso was thankful that the firework sounds weren’t that loud at that moment because it could have set back Leo’s recovery process.

“Talk to me,” he said suddenly. “About anything.”

“Alright.” Calypso stopped to decide a topic for a moment. “This may sound weird, but when I’m having one of my bad moments, I try to picture my happy place. I think that was something my mum advised me to do already when I was a kid.”

“What is your happy place like then?” Leo asked quietly.

A tiny smile raised on Calypso’s lips when she started imagining it.

“It’s some place warm. Somewhere where I can see the sun shining and birds singing and smell the salty sea air and maybe some eucalyptus trees… Earlier… when I tried picturing it… I was usually alone there. Like, I wasn’t able to picture anyone else with me there for some reason.” She was glad that Leo couldn’t see her blushing because his eyes were closed. Normally, she would have a hard time admitting these kinds of things but seeing Leo’s vulnerable state, she felt her walls disappear. “But now? I think I’d want you to be there too. And why not Festus and maybe some other animals too if you liked that. Georgina doing her things somewhere in the background. And… Well, that was it.” Calypso did have another wish too, but it was way too personal and way too early into their relationship to even mention it, especially in the current situation.

“I think that sounds great,” Leo answered. A tiny, lopsided smile appeared on his face briefly and Calypso took that as a good sign. He wasn’t trembling anymore either.

“Yeah. Well, what about you? What’s your happy place?”

Leo thought about it for a while. “I… I feel most comfortable with my machines. So… I think I’d like to be in a giant garage. Where it smells like machine oil and where I get to listen to Rolling Stones or some other old school rock bands…”

Calypso remembered that Leo had once told her his mom had used to listen to those bands. “I get why you would want that, but wouldn’t it be lonely there?” she asked.

“No,” Leo shook his head. “I wouldn’t be alone there. I would like you to be there too. If you wanted to. And of course my family and Festus too.”

“But what would I do in your garage?” Calypso asked confusedly.

“You would have your own space there,” Leo answered slowly. “You know, for your own things. Sewing machine, fabrics, painting equipment, you name it. Maybe there would be a greenhouse outside the garage for your plants… or a garden… Whatever you prefer.”

“Oh.” Calypso’s mouth formed an ‘o’ when she tried to picture it. Leo had clearly thought about this topic more than she had expected. “That sounds amazing…”

She was already going to change the topic when Leo surprised her again by continuing: “You and I are both good with our hands, making new things, so we could try to create something together, combining our skills. Who knows, maybe we could even start a company or something together. Once we’ve graduated, of course.”

“Hold on.” Calypso furrowed her eyebrows. “You’ve put a lot of thought into this. Would you actually want to do that?”

“Yeah, why not?” Leo asked, finally opening his eyes and looking up at Calypso. In the darkness of the room they looked almost black but the lamp on the bedside table gave them a warm glow.

“You mean it?” Calypso had never had anyone who would have included her into their future plans in her life before and suddenly she felt a bit overwhelmed with emotion when she understood that someone actually cared about her that much.

“Yeah. Of course. You really think I start joking about that when I’m…” he gestured at himself, “in this state?”

“No, of course not,” Calypso tried to reassure him, removing one of her hands from his hair and squeezing his hand instead. “It’s a… really nice dream. Maybe… if everything goes well… it can become true,” Her voice started cracking because she had just realized how much she’d really want the dream to become true, for both of their sake, but she found it scary to think too far into the future. The quietness from her father’s end kept her on her toes even now and there were a lot of other question marks in the air as well.

“Maybe.”

“You’re not hyperventilating anymore,” Calypso decided to change the topic before she got too sentimental. “That’s good.”

“Your advice really helped,” Leo stated. However, his eyes were focused on something Calypso couldn’t see and that made her believe that something was still bothering him.

“Does this happen to you often?” Calypso wanted to know. “I mean, the panic attacks.”

“Not so often lately,” Leo replied. “Believe it or not, for the past year or so I’ve been pretty good.” He lowered his voice into a whisper when he added: “Even better when I got a new roommate. But before I moved in with my family and got some therapy, it was… it was pretty bad.”

“I hate that you had to go through that…” Calypso tightened her grip on his hand slightly.

“It is what it is,” Leo sighed. “At some point… you almost get used to it. But really, I have made some progress. Um, despite the slight setback at Christmas,” he added when he saw Calypso’s skeptical expression.

“But that was understandable. It can be a difficult time for anyone…” Calypso left the words ‘who has lost someone important to them’ unsaid because she doubted that Leo needed more reminders of that particular incident in that moment.

“Yeah… You might be right,” Leo muttered, and silence fell into the room again. Calypso kept absentmindedly running her thumb on the back of his hand while she listened to the chatting and laughing on the other side of the wall.

Eventually, she asked quietly: “Do you know what caused the attack? If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine, of course.”

“The fireworks… I remembered some things when I heard the bang…” Leo managed to say.

Calypso raised her eyebrows. “I’m sorry if I ask too much, but what things did you remember?”

“It was… I was living on the streets back in those days…”

Calypso allowed Leo to take his time, not pushing him to continue with his answer.

“It was late at night… I was still in Houston back then. I had this spot in the outskirts of the town where I thought I was safe from the cops and other people I didn’t want to run into so I used to hang out there a lot.”

“Safe from cops? What do you mean by that?”

“I knew that if they caught me, they would bring me right back to my old foster home… Or worse, a new one that was even worse than the previous. I’ve told you, I didn’t have good experiences in my foster homes.”

“Yeah… I remember,” Calypso nodded understandingly.

“Besides, I didn’t exactly have a lot of money so I may have had to shoplift once or twice to keep myself alive while I was on the streets. So, not exactly the cops’ best friend. But anyway, that wasn’t the point of this story. I was gonna tell you what happened on one specific day.”

“OK. No rush,” Calypso said. She noticed that Leo seemed to get stiffer again on her lap but as long as still wanted to keep talking, she didn’t want to interrupt.

“So, I was settling into my hiding spot for the night when I heard it. Gunshots nearby. At first I hoped that someone was just out there hunting in the forest, but it was pitch black outside so the timing didn’t make sense. Then I heard footsteps coming closer to where I was hiding and more gunshots. I decided I needed to leave my hiding spot until the people were gone but I made a lot of noise when I tried to withdraw farther from the road so the shooter probably heard me. I don’t really remember what exactly happened after that but I know there was another bang… and a bullet on the tree right behind me… only a few feet from my head.”

“Oh gods,” Calypso gasped. She wished she could say something comforting as a response but it was easier said than done. Leo saved her from the trouble, though, because he added bitterly:

“I got lucky that the shooter had the police after him because he didn’t have time to stop and make sure he had hit me. But… from what I later heard… not everyone was that lucky.” Leo sniffed loudly and rubbed his eyes, trying to hide the tears.

Calypso clenched her fists. “Sorry… I shouldn’t have made you tell me that. But what… What kind of person does that to other people? Especially to kids? I don’t… I don’t get it…”

“Yeah… me neither.”

“But that incident… The sound of the fireworks made you remember the shooting?” Calypso attempted to connect the dots.

“Yeah... When I heard that sound… I dunno. My mind started racing and I started wondering what if it actually was a shooter and not just some fireworks? I didn’t see where the sound came from because the curtains were closed, after all. And when my mind starts racing, it really starts racing. You weren’t there at that moment so I got afraid that something had happened to you. And the panic attack was ready.”

Calypso understood perfectly. When she was having one of her bad moments, she kept reliving her sister’s accident and worrying it would happen again with someone else. It had taken her a long while to convince herself that it was safe enough to drive a car or to be a passenger in one. Even though she was able to drive again these days, the small nagging noise still hadn’t entirely disappeared from her head and she doubted it ever would.

“Well, I’m here now. I’m alright. You’re alright.” She gave him a small, encouraging smile. “Come here.” She patted the spot next to her to tell him to get up from his lying position so she could hug him. Leo looked at him questioningly for a moment, though.

“But what if someone comes in and sees us?”

“I kinda don’t care right now,” Calypso stated seriously. “Besides… I think we are not that great of actors. They probably know anyway.”

“Alright,” Leo replied and sat up on his spot on the bed. He buried his face against her neck and wrapped his arms around her waist, stroking her back as if to get a verification that she was really there with him.

“Gods, I’m making you regret your decision to be my girlfriend, aren’t I?” he mumbled against her skin.

“No,” Calypso said firmly when she broke the hug. “If anything, I think I love you even more when I hear about these things. You’re a really strong person who has just been through too much, too young.”

“But… you shouldn’t have to be my therapist,” Leo noted.

“I don’t see it that way. I want to help you feel better because you’re important to me. Besides...” Calypso added, thinking that a little humor wouldn’t hurt in that situation, “I’m trusting you’ll do the same for me when I need it.”

“Okay, I’ll be prepared,” Leo promised.

Suddenly the two realized that the people outside the room had gathered together and were doing a countdown.

“Ten, nine, eight…”

“Woah, sounds like it’s midnight already. We must have been here for at least an hour…” Calypso said.

“Seven, six, five…”

“Yeah. Time flies fast when you’re having a panic attack,” Leo managed to ‘joke’.

“Four, three, two, one…”

“I don’t get how you can joke about it already, but OK.”

“Happy new year!” yelled a big group of people in sync outside Frank’s bedroom.

“Happy new year,” the flatmates said at the same time.

“Or at least a better year than the previous one,” Leo added. “Although, I will admit it did have some good mo… woah!”

Calypso surprised Leo by gently pulling him closer to her, her hands coming to rest on each side of his neck when her lips touched his. Even though they had already shared a few kisses since the moment when they had decided to cross the line between a friend and a lover, Calypso still felt the sparks flying down her spine like fireworks when she felt Leo responding to it. His lips felt so soft (had he been using lip balm, she wondered) and his body so warm against hers, and it wasn’t until then that she realized that she had been actually feeling rather cold in her dark sleeveless dress.

“Goodness, Cal, you’re freezing,” Leo noted when they broke apart, rubbing his hands up and down her arms. “This is where a gentleman would offer you a coat but as it happens, I don’t have one.”

Calypso smiled at him. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine. Guess I was at the balcony just a bit too long.”

“Oh. Well, don’t do that again,” Leo said seriously.

“What if I will?” Calypso questioned.

“Then I’ll build a sauna into our flat and make sure you use it no matter what my fear says.”

“Wow. I doubt our landlord would love that. I mean, you building a sauna without permission.”

“Pfft, who cares about his opinion?” Leo asked before turning his attention to the sounds of celebration on the other side of the door. “Hey, should we go back to the others? I think I can handle it now.”

“Alright,” Calypso agreed. “And remember, we can leave any time you feel like it.”

“Okay,” Leo nodded and got up from the bed. They held hands for a moment longer before opening the door and having to act like nothing had happened again. Calypso didn’t mind the acting too much, though, when she saw that Leo was able to smile and joke again. Hopefully that year really would be a better one.

[something-tofightfor]

Seasons to Cycles / 4

Pairing: Logan Delos x Reader

Word Count: 10,760

Rating: M (Some language, mentions of sex and drug use)

Summary:  Logan’s got an invitation for you - but is it what it seems? Is it real, or is he looking for something in particular?  Later, both halves of his life come together in an unexpected - but not entirely unwanted - way. 

Author’s Note: Here’s where things start to get very interesting. I hope this chapter answers some questions for you ... but it’s also going to raise new ones. Song lyrics come into play in this one, too, which is what I’ve been waiting for. 

 Enjoy. (Thank you for the feedback!)

ALSO.

A couple people have asked about Logan’s apartment and Juliet’s house, so here are the listings I’m using as reference:  Logan’s High Rise

Juliet’s House

I had one for reader’s studio apartment, too, but apparently it’s not for rent anymore, so it’s not showing. Sorry! 

From the 46th story of Two California Plaza, Logan looked out over the city. It always took him a day or two to get used to being back in the office after trips to the parks, and the abrupt end to the most recent trip had made it worse than usual. But I’m happy to be home. He leaned back in his chair, one arm bent and behind his head, and smiled. At least the weather’s good. He’d been surprised to return to his room at the Mesa and find multiple messages waiting from Ariella, one of them apologizing for the way that she’d acted before she’d left his place - but even more surprised to see a rambling message from you, sent in the middle of the week. She’s curious about the parks and the Hosts.

He’d called his fiancée back, for once ahead of her in time zones, and while the conversation had been fast, the woman on her way to meet with her parents, it hadn’t been unpleasant. But that’s probably because I haven’t looked into what she got up to in Amsterdam yet. Logan hadn’t called you back, though, and he hadn’t returned your text, either. But why? 

 Standing, he pushed away from his desk and began pacing in front of his window, one hand in his pocket and the fingers of the other running through his hair. I wanted to. He had. In fact, he’d thought of you a lot while in the park, his usual distractions occupying less and less of his mind as the days passed. He’d sought out Clementine, not having to look far once they’d arrived in Sweetwater, and spent the night with her before setting out with his business partners the following day. Logan had timed the arrival so that just as they were leaving, Hector and his bandits were arriving, and though that had given him something else to focus on, by the time the four of them had reached Las Mudas as a stopover on their way to Pariah, you were on Logan’s mind again, remaining there for the entirety of the remainder of the ride out to the hidden city.

 The men and women in Pariah were more than willing to accommodate his requests, and the time they spent there was pleasant. Logan let loose and drank heavily, the sweet-smelling air perfumed by the spices sold by the street vendors wafting in through his open windows and keeping him awake long after his chosen partners had drifted off. Hasn’t always been that way. The first time, it was … I wore myself out. 

 Pariah was Logan’s favorite area in the park, because the overall tone suited him, but each time he returned to Westworld, he also remembered what it felt like to be appointed as one of the leaders of the Confederados, the men listening to him without question, following his orders even though they made little sense. Because it’s like it is out there. Just less...real. Even that train of thought led him back to you, though it didn’t happen until he’d read your message and was already back on his way to Los Angeles. Why am I thinkin’ about this? 

 He stopped moving, pulling his hand from his pocket and settling both on his hips, elbows bent. “You’re the boss, Logan. Act like it.” But he lowered his head, hair moving out of place and falling over one eye. “Shit.” He straightened up, eyes narrowed. Get it together. You have a meeting in an hour, and the rest of your week is … But instead of sitting back down at his desk to read through notes, a few minutes later, Logan was sitting beneath one of the permanent umbrellas on California Plaza, his phone in hand, and your number on the screen. He only hesitated for a few seconds before he called, wondering if he’d catch you on a break again, or you’d push him through to voicemail. After two rings, he got his answer. 

 “Logan, hi!” Your tone excited, you greeted him, and he felt a smile spreading over his lips and lifting his cheeks before he could stop it. “Did you have a good trip?” She sounds happy to hear from me.

 “I did.” He leaned back in that chair, eyes on the fountains in front of him. “Got your text.” 

 “Oh, Logan, I shouldn’t have -” Embarrassed? No reason to be.

 “Are you at work now, I hope I’m not -” You assured him that it was fine, and that you were taking a long lunch. “The only way to answer that would be to let you meet Hosts, you know?” He licked his lips, thinking. “An’ it’s different for everyone, so I don’t know how you’d… what you’d think of them.” That was the truth, and though it wasn’t difficult for Logan and Juliet to tell the difference, he knew - all too well - that it wasn’t the case for everyone. “If you were in one of the parks -”

 “You and your sister, Logan. Both of you keep trying to get me into those damn parks when I …” You were laughing. “I’m not the type of person you need to impress, I’m just curious.” 

 “Jules wants you to go to the park?” It was his turn to laugh. Doesn’t surprise me. “Well then you know it must be -” 

 “Maybe in another lifetime, Logan.” You took a deep breath and he pictured the way your shoulders would settle, the subtle tilt of your head. “What did you call for, though? That didn’t answer my …” Maybe she doesn’t need to be in the parks to… He leaned forward, thinking. It would be easy, I can ask… 

 “I’m gonna work late tomorrow.” He stood, heading back for the entrance. “Get some extra shit done, but if you want to stop by the office after you’re out of work, I can answer your question in person?” It was unnecessary, but the seed was planted. “We’ve got a restaurant on-site, so we can get somethin’ to eat, and have a working dinner.” I want to see you, want to see how you… 

 “If you’re working late, it must mean you’re busy, and I don’t want to keep you from…” He heard the doubt creeping into your voice again, and Logan cut it off quickly, already in the elevator back up to his office. 

 “I’m the boss. It’s fine. Promise.” The doors opened to his floor, and Logan stepped in front of his office, leaning down to let the small camera scan his eye, the door unlocking almost immediately. “I’ll text you a visitor’s parking pass, and if you let me know when you get here, I’ll meet you in the lobby.” 

 “Sounds good. Is it alright if I get there around…” You thought for a second. “Five? It should only take me about twenty five minutes, so …” 

 “Perfect.” He was sitting at his desk, fingers flying over the keyboard and he sent you the pass, and again after, as he opened up a blank email. “So I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

 “Yep.” He could tell you were smiling, and Logan smiled again, too. “I’ll be there.” There wasn’t much else to say, and so you hung up shortly after, Logan’s lips still curved upward. This is either going to go really well, or it’s going to backfire on me. 

 --- 

 He met you in the lobby the following afternoon, standing back a few feet while you spoke with Cal, one of the receptionists. One. Your interaction with the man was pleasant but nothing special, and Logan watched you grin at him, reaching out to take the visitor’s badge in one hand. He called out your name, striding over to where you were standing, using one hand to clip the piece of plastic to the strap of your bag. “Logan this place is amazing.” It is. 

 “Didn’t always look like this.” He touched your elbow, guiding you through the lobby. “My father wasn’t a fan of the open plan, wanted everything to feel… intimidating, so when Juliet and I took over, we made some changes. She did, first. Then I… “You’re right though, this is much better.” He eyed you as you took in the tall ceilings and artwork, the sculptures and the fountains; the clear liquid splashing onto the marble tile of the floor and dripping into the recessed drains. “You look tired.” He finally took a good look at you when you stepped into the elevator, Logan typing in his code for access to the lower floors. “Long day at work?” You closed your eyes and nodded. 

 “Yeah, I work in admissions, like I said, so we’re in kind of a … slow spot right now, but the entire system went down this morning, and so I spent my entire shift doing data entry, and I …” You rubbed your eyes with both hands. “My eyes hurt.” He grinned at that, but didn’t say anything. “Thanks, though, for pointing out that -” 

 “Oh, come on. I didn’t mean it like that, I just meant that you don’t look…” He paused. “Alright, yeah, that does make me sound like a dick.” That got you to laugh, and by the time the two of you stepped out into the entryway, Logan was laughing with you. “We’re not goin’ into my office yet. Follow me.” You looked confused, but Logan was eager to show you the first part of the reason he’d invited you to Delos. “This is somethin’ most people don’t ever get to see.” He pressed his hand against a panel next to a set of glass doors, a green light illuminating and the panes separating. “An’ it’s not …” Should I be doing this? “You’ll see.” 

 “Logan, what …” You were right next to him, and though the hall was well lit, the rooms you were passing weren’t, most of them completely dark. “I feel like we’re in a …” But you stopped speaking as you reached the end of the hallway, where the room was well lit. Here we go. “Logan…” He heard it in your voice - the moment you realized where you were and what you were doing, and only a second later, felt your fingers closing around his wrist. “Are those …” 

 “They are.” Only glass separated you from the man and woman in the room, the two of them dancing in a slow circle. “We’re workin’ on a new … project. It’s not a park, and it’s not on the island, so …” He looked over, expecting you to be focused on the window, but instead you were staring up at him, eyes full of shock. She’s lookin’ at me instead of… “So they’re here. Some of ‘em. We’re trying to…” 

 “Logan, they look so much like people, how …” You finally tore your eyes away from him and took a half step closer to the glass, fingers still circling his wrist. “This is …” He remembered what it had been like to see the Hosts for the first time, to speak to them, to touch them - feeling the way that they filled the room at the penthouse bar, Logan only realizing what was happening as Angela giggled and lifted her finger. It was incredible. And it still is. “She’s beautiful, Logan.” You had one hand on the glass and you finally let go of him with the other, reaching up to press your fingertips to your cheek, slowly moving them up and down. 

 “She is. When they design the hosts, they model ‘em off a composite of actual people.” He leaned closer to you, not wanting to raise his voice. “So some of them? You’ll look at them, and it’s close enough that you might think ‘oh, he’s got Timberlake’s eyes, or Skarsgard’s lips… or she’s got Keira Knightly’s…” 

 “Did you just give me a list of the people you find attractive, Logan?” You nudged him with your elbow. “Or are you telling me that I could go into the park and find someone as -” Always listening to what’s between the … 

 “We make ‘em so that they appeal to people.” He set his shoulders, eyes back on the couple, the man and woman still dancing, but laughing at the same time, one of his hands combing through her long, wavy hair. “So yeah, sometimes they pull features from real people, just to… make things more lifelike.” Logan took a breath. “We gotta get permission from them, of course, and even then, the techs change things like eye color or birthmarks, or …” He shrugged. “A lot of the Hosts are entirely new, but we’ve got hundreds of them in each park, and with this project, we need to …”

 “You need to keep things familiar, because this…” You pulled your hand away from the glass, taking a deep breath. “Logan, I’ll be honest with you right now, I’m just looking at them, and it’s hard to believe that they’re real, that this … exists. Any of it. It’s overwhelming. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be in one of the parks, surrounded by …” 

 “It’s a fuckin’ trip.” You turned to face him, though he watched your eyes dart back to the left before they focused on him. “Every time, even though I know none of it is real.” He watched your lips tremble slightly, and Logan contemplated his next words. How much do I … “It only gets as real as you let it, and the parks are designed so that the Hosts can’t really hurt you, but if you forget that - and it’s easy to, sometimes - it can get… pretty goddamn wild.” 

 “I bet.” You swallowed and turned your head back toward the window, not saying anything else, and Logan watched you, eyes roaming over your profile. You weren’t reacting the way that he’d thought you would. He hadn’t expected you to flip out, or talk his ear off, but he wasn’t expecting the almost stoic silence, either. Is she not impressed? Is she … “Why are you showing this to me, Logan?” You took a deep breath. “There aren’t supposed to be Hosts in the United States, Delos signed a -” She’s lookin’ into us? 

 “We did. And technically, these Hosts aren’t in the United States, because they’re confined to this building, to specific floors, and if they leave? They cross the barriers?” He reached out cautiously, knowing that you could see the movement, and when you didn’t stop him, he laid one fingertip at the base of your neck, pressing gently. “They’ve got implants, and… boom.” He felt you shiver, watching your eyes close. Is that causea the… “They keep a close eye on ‘em, too, and the only people that know they’re here are the ones we trust.” 

 “So why am I here?” You turned your entire body to face him, and because the movement shocked him, Logan’s hand moved along the side of your throat and over your shoulder before he could pull it back. Fuck. The contact stunned him, leaving him speechless for the span of two breaths. Oh, fuck, that’s not … He watched the look in your eyes change, realizing that you hadn’t meant for it to happen either, his touch visibly affecting you, and then Logan spoke again, the tiniest wavering of his voice audible. 

 “Because you asked how real they were, an’ the only way to explain it is to show you.” He drew his hand back, sliding it smoothly into his pocket and gesturing with the other toward the glass. “And this is nothing. It’s different when you’re talkin’ to them, or you’re in bed with them, or you shoot one of them, an’ watch them fall, or when they…” He stopped himself. “But.” Logan sucked air through his teeth before letting out his breath. “At least you’ve seen ‘em now, yeah?” You nodded. “An’ I know you won’t say anything about this, because ...” Because I trust you already, and that’s… “Because I think you wanna be my friend, and you know that …”

 “Who would I tell, Logan?” Your eyes were shining. “I never thought I’d…” You looked back, the male Host dipping the female backwards, one of his hands rising to the side of her face, thumb skating over the fullest part of her cheek. “Jesus.” It was impressive - he had to admit it. The Hosts had come a long way in the years since his first private demonstration, and Logan was glad for it. They’re gonna be the only thing that gets me through… He shook his head briefly. Not now. “I won’t say a word, Logan, I promise.” You reached toward him, squeezing his hand and Logan let you, eyes flicking down so that he could watch as you gripped his fingers briefly, not even giving him a chance to squeeze back before you let go. “Thank you for showing me.” 

 That shocked him - not that you’d thanked him, because he’d figured you would, but that you accepted the short viewing of the Hosts as the extent of what he was offering, and hadn’t pushed further. I guess I kind of expected that, too. And it means that I was … “You’re welcome.” Logan’s mind was racing, the man trying to keep up with his thoughts. “D’you wanna go back upstairs now? I meant what I said about havin’ dinner. You can ask questions, or …” 

 “I don’t even know what I’d ask, Logan. I wasn’t expecting … this, and now I …” But you haven’t even … “But yes. Let’s go back up.” We should. “You said there’s a cafeteria? I didn’t actually get to eat lunch today, so -” 

 “Come on, then. Let’s get you some food.” And get to the second part of this. 

 --- 

 The cafeteria - like the rest of Delos - was sleek and modern, wide open, with windows that overlooked the city, and you felt yourself smile as you looked around, more than a few other people still in the space. I’m surprised there’s… 

 But the more you thought about it, the more you weren’t that shocked. Delos was a 24/7 company, employees working around the clock in different departments. And based on what I just saw, it makes perfect sense. Logan showing you the two Hosts had been a total surprise, and you’d been in awe at how lifelike they were - barely a few feet away from you, focused on each other like a couple in love, their mannerisms - from what you could tell - no different than your own would have been. “You’re not even listenin’.” You shook yourself out of your thoughts and focused back on Logan, the man leaning across the table and toward you. “And I thought I was interesting.” Oh, you are, Logan. I just … 

 “Did you have a good trip? Juliet told me one of your guests got sick, so you came back early.”

 “I did. It was niceta get back into the park, and …” He grinned, winking and taking a long drink. “Have some fun.” Can I ask? Should I ask? You wanted to, wanted to know Logan’s take on things, and with a deep inhale, you decided to do just that. “Logan.” You bit your lip, blinking. “When you say fun, do you mean -” 

 “Yes.” He answered without hesitation. “That’s exactly what I mean. Along with some shooting and fighting and …” Ok, so he answered that. But will he… 

 “So when you go into the park, you …” You raised an eyebrow. “Sleep with the -”

 “Not doin’ much sleeping, usually.” He winked at you, but you didn’t let it deter you. You’re not gonna get me that easily, Logan. 

 “Ok, so that’s my next question.” You took a drink from the cup in front of you. “So you don’t consider that cheating then? Since you’ve got a fiancée, and yet you still…” 

 “No.” There was no shame in the reply, Logan’s eyes locked onto your face. “It’s not cheating if they’re not real. And they’re not real, no matter how real they look or feel or act, so…” He ran a hand through his hair. “The Hosts are one of the only habits I haven’t broken yet, an’ between you and me?” He leaned in, tone serious. “Out of all of ‘em, it’s the safest.” You’re right. You widened your eyes as he spoke, but tried to hide it. He… Sex with the Hosts presented very few risks to Logan - or his reputation. The parks weren’t traceable, and there was no chance of getting any of them pregnant - or catching anything from them in return. They can’t hurt him, they can’t start any rumors, and there’s no … there’s no permanence. “Any other questions?” 

 He was resting an elbow on the table, chin atop his hand. So many. But before you could speak, you heard someone say his name, turning your head to watch a man heading toward your table. Oh, this will be awkward, he’ll have to introduce me. “Logan! Good to see you, I didn’t realize you were back.” Logan straightened up, grinning. “Who’s this?” 

 “Hey, Gideon.” Logan nodded once. “This is my friend.” He introduced you, and there wasn’t even time for you to say anything before the man was holding his hand out to you, saying hello. “She had a couple questions about the parks, and I figured it was easier to talk in person.” He gestured to the chair. “Sit with us?” You were focused on the second man, though, eyes on his face and on the warmth you saw in his eyes; green tinged with blue and gold. He’s… The man was attentive, repeating your name even as he removed his hand from yours and dropped into the chair next to you. “What have you been up to?” 

 You watched the two of them speak, both animated as they continued their conversation, turning toward you every now and then to include you. They must be friends, this is … Taking their conversation as an opportunity to observe, you eyed Gideon, smiling as the man reached up to scratch his chin, never looking away from Logan. He’s handsome. You realized it after only a few moments, letting yourself eye the man without restraint. Really handsome, I wonder if all of the employees are … But your thoughts were interrupted by Logan asking you a question, and you pulled your attention away from Gideon, focusing back on the other man. “What? No. I’ve only been to Juliet’s that one time, aside from when you and I went.” I was paying attention, Logan. I might have been watching Gideon, but… “She invited me back out to use the pool again, but so far, no.” 

 “You’ve never invited me out to swim at your sister’s Logan.” Gideon was laughing, and though he spoke to Logan, he was eyeing you. “And you’ve already gotten a callback?” He winked at you, grin widening. “You’ve got to tell me your secrets, about how you won Juliet over so fast.” Logan remained quiet, but as you glanced at him, you saw that he was watching the two of you, barely concealing the smile on his face. But if he’s friends with Logan, wouldn’t… 

 “No secrets, Gideon.” You shrugged, taking a bite out of your burger. “But it is a nice pool.” The man laughed loudly, eyes closing as he nodded. 

 “Fair enough.” He rested his forearm on the table, leaning slightly closer. “Logan said you have some questions about the parks?” You said yes, once again glancing at Logan. I’m almost positive this guy is hitting on me, but … “Maybe I can answer. Logan’s got the money and the power, but I work in Asset Development, so I’m much more … hands on, if you know what I mean.” His boldness took you by surprise, but as you thought about his words, you realized that if he was hitting on you, he was doing it without worry. Logan’s engaged, of course he wouldn’t care that someone was … 

 But even as you continued the conversation with the two men, Gideon supplying answers when Logan couldn’t, the man asking you questions and inviting you to visit him in his office sometime to talk more, you were slightly distracted. But Logan said …  when we were in the apartment, that he liked me … he tried to … You looked back and forth between both of them, trying to keep a neutral expression, and then focused on Gideon’s face. Logan’s too calm. There’s no way that he would … Gideon scratched his chin again and you sucked in a breath, trying to keep it quiet. Not only me, he was basically hitting on Juliet, too, and Logan wouldn’t… there’s no way that … Not if it was real. “Logan.” You whispered  the single word, locking your eyes on the man’s, finding that he was staring at you. “Logan.” 

 “That’s enough, Gideon.” The second man stopped speaking, and Logan continued. “All that we need is too close to be seen.” Without another word, Gideon stood and turned away from the table, heading back in the direction that he’d come from. What the fuck. “You figured it out.” Logan leaned closer, a note of pride in his voice. “How?” 

 “He was a…” Logan nodded. “I thought I was …” But Logan didn’t speak, only watching you quietly. “It was mostly you, Logan. He didn’t do anything, not really, but you … your reaction to him hitting on Juliet and... The way you just sat back and watched? You said it’s never real, and I think that if he’d really been doing that, in front of you? And including me? You wouldn’t have been so calm.” Maybe. He looked surprised at your words, but nodded. 

 “So I gave it away?” You did, but … “Gideon’s one of our newest. We use him as a test subject. He does work in Asset Management, but he’s going to be something else down the line.” So he let me meet a … he introduced me to … “Are you alright?” Logan’s hand moved as if he wanted to touch yours, but he stopped short. “I shouldn’t have …”

 “No, I’m....” You shook your head, lowering it. “I just wasn’t expecting to…” Bringing your gaze back up, you met Logan’s eyes once more. “He scratched his chin a few times, Logan, I caught that. And his eyes were … I’ve never seen eyes like that, especially on someone that seemed like -” But you stopped, not wanting to finish your sentence. I don’t need him to think I’m reading more into this. 

 “Seemed what?” But it wasn’t going to be that easy, Logan still talking quietly. “You gotta tell me.” 

 “I’ve never been hit on by a guy that looks like that.” You gestured in the direction that the man had gone. “But it felt real, so I… went with it.” 

 “Yeah you have.” He gave you a quick smile. “Because I’m pretty sure that I’ve -”

 “You don’t count, Logan. You’re practically married, so… you flirting might be honest, but it’s not going to …” It’s not going to lead anywhere. I don’t know what’s worse - the robot blatantly doing it that could have led to … or Logan, who can’t … “Wait, you were hitting on me?” You rolled your eyes, trying to lighten the mood. “You must be losing your touch, because I -” 

 “Oh, shut up. You know I was.” It was Logan’s turn to take a drink, watching you from over the rim of his glass. “So what did you think? Cal an’ the two in the basement, and Gideon?” Cal? You mean the receptionist? “Yeah, he’s a Host, too. Like I said, we’re rotating the new Hosts through different positions, just to make sure that they can integrate into real situations, when it comes time.” He’s telling me their future plans like I… “So you’ve talked to two of ‘em, touched two of them.” I did, they were … they felt like … “And?” 

 “And … what?” You were confused, overstimulated, still in disbelief that because of a chance encounter, you’d gotten an opportunity to - in person - see and feel the Delos Hosts. “I had no idea at first, Logan. Is that how it is in the parks? Are -”

 “No, they’re dialed back here. They have to be. The parks are meant to be … real, but still over the top. I can’t explain it. They’re tryin’ to get your attention from the second you step offa the train. It’s all a come-on, and everyone’s got a part to play. But here? They gotta fit in, blend in. There, you know that you’re interacting with them a lot of times, but here, you can’t know. 

 “Well they fooled me, Logan. Both of them, I -”

 “Not entirely, though.” He looked slightly worried. “You said you noticed Gideon scratching -”

 “Only because I was already focused on the way you were acting, Logan. Without you right here, I probably wouldn’t have …” Stop talking. The more you say, the more he’s… Logan wasn’t an idiot, and you knew that you’d likely already said too much. The look in his eyes confirmed your suspicions, and the next words he said solidified them. 

 “So you could tell I wasn’t… acting like myself?” You thought about lying to him - for a split second - making up an excuse that wouldn’t make it seem as if you were trying to read into his behavior - and then you didn’t. 

 “I could. Especially with Juliet. I don’t think any man would have the balls to talk about her like that in front of you.” You took a breath. “And I guess, Logan, that I don’t really think you’d just casually try to pawn me off on someone that I don’t -”

 “You’re right.” He chewed on his lower lip for a few seconds. “On both counts, actually. The last person that … disrespected Juliet in front of me? He got what he deserved. Eventually.” You watched Logan’s eyes go cold, lip curling slightly. That’s a sore subject. “And you? You’re damn right that I wouldn’t just sit back and... “ He stopped himself and you felt your heart thud, though you knew it was pointless. He’s just being a good friend. “But a Host?” Logan let out a long breath, closing his eyes and smirking for a few seconds. “They’re built to be fuckin’ irresistable, so…” One eyebrow raised, Logan finished his sentence. “It’s not a problem.” 

 “So wait a second.” You took another bite, needing a few seconds. “Does that mean that if Ariella were to go to the parks, you wouldn’t bat an eye at seeing -”

 “Nope.” He lifted a forkful of pasta salad to his lips, and when he’d swallowed, he spoke. “And I know that a lot of people think that’s bullshit, but as long as you know it’s not real? It makes it a hell of a lot easier to let your guard down, to look at it objectively.” 

 “What do you mean?” I get it, I think, but … “You could just watch her go off with one of them, knowing that -”

 “I could. I have.” He took another long swallow of his drink. “And not just Hosts, either.” That’s… wait, what? “Everyone’s got a history, right? With people, you never know what the fuck the other person’s doing; where they’ve been or who they’ve been with. With the parks? Every Host gets taken offline and cleaned up between Guest encounters, so it doesn’t matter. We’ve gotta protect the people in the parks, and we’ve gotta do what’s right. There’s no risk. No diseases, no pregnancies, no attachments.” His words echoed your earlier thoughts, but Logan continued. “I could take you right now, to where Gideon is, and bring him back online completely. He’d start the conversation with you where it left off. You guys could do whatever, and then go your separate ways… but the next time he met you? He might not remember it, depending on what we’ve had him doing between. To him, it’s like nothin’ happened, when we reset him, even though it did.”

“Logan, that -” 

 “It’s safe. It’s smart. It’s efficient. Think about how many relationships could be saved if people went and fucked Hosts instead of real people? Think about how many fewer problems there’d be, people blowin’ off steam by goin’ to bed with -” He swore, cutting himself off, muttering under his breath. “D’you wanna do that? Go find Gideon, or maybe even Cal? Have some… we’ve got private rooms here, in the building, you could -” Why is he… why does he think I… 

 “No, Logan.” You narrowed your eyes. “Gideon was good looking, but that doesn’t mean that I … it doesn’t matter that he’s a Host, I’ve spoken to him for fifteen minutes, and I -” You paused. “That would have been like you and I fucking in the Whole Foods parking lot with that damn ice cream melting in your trunk.” He snorted at that, giving you a look that you couldn’t quite read. I don’t know what’s going on right now, but this isn’t the same… he’s thinking about something different, something … “It would be different if I was in a park, Logan, and we’d known each other for a couple minutes, because that’s … that’s what it’s supposed to be like. But out here? This is real life. I can’t just get back on a train and leave, it…” You’re explaining this really poorly. 

 “Aren’t you curious? You’ve seen ‘em. Felt them, talked with them. Don’t you want to -”

 “Of course I’m curious, Logan, but that doesn’t mean … this is a lot to think about. I -”

 “What do you think?” His tone changed again, Logan’s eyes once again filled with warmth. “You asked me if I thought it was cheating, fucking the Hosts in the park, but what do you -”

 “It’s not.” You wet your lips. “It would probably be hard the first time, to know that someone I cared about was probably in bed with someo… something else, to see it happen, even just watching y… them walk away with the Host, but it… yeah, for the duration, it’s real, but… fuck, Logan, if I’m paying $40,000 a day? If they are paying $40,000 a day? Fuck all the robots you want and get your money’s worth.” That got a laugh from Logan, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he grinned. 

 “I’m offerin’ you, right now, the chance. No forty grand, no park, no … strings. You and onea those two, in a -”

 “No. Thank you, Logan, but no.” This is… are we really having this conversation? “If I’m going to sleep with one of the Hosts, I want it to be… the real circumstances, not just one basically hand delivered to me by the fucking CEO of the company that’s designing them.” And I don’t really want a Host, either, I… “What does that say about me, hmm?” You tilted your head to one side. “Need someone to play matchmaker for me, and the match isn’t even a real…” 

 “You don’t need me.” Logan interrupted. “I’m just in a position to offer you somethin’ you can’t refuse for a hell of a lot less than the going rate.” The playful tone was back in Logan’s voice, but you still heard some hesitation. What is … why? “Except you’re refusing it. Are you sure? Gideon’s a hell of a -”

 “I’m sure.” Though you were surprised to hear yourself reply so quickly, you were certain of your answer. “I appreciate it, but I…” You shrugged. “He might be designed to be perfect, but I’ll be honest and tell you he’s not what I usually go for.” You saw that Logan was surprised, but the man kept quiet, raising one hand and lifting his shoulder in a shrug. Not even close. 

 --- 

 The following weeks kept Logan busy with finalizing contracts, the man flying between LA and Boston for work multiple times. Though he kept in touch with you via text, you didn’t see each other again, and Logan thought that it was likely for the best. Because the last time she .. she gave me a lot to think about. 

 You’d picked up on his behavior both in front of the Host room and in the cafeteria, though you didn’t know him well. You’d paid more attention to him than to the Hosts that you’d been confronted with, even while Logan had seen you eyeing Gideon, almost in disbelief. And that was before she knew. It had been wrong of him to surprise you with so much information in so little time, but Logan had wanted to see your genuine reaction to the Hosts, and if he’d clued you in, it would have ruined everything. And she … she didn’t … 

 The disbelief he’d understood. Seeing and meeting them for the first time was special, even if their true potential wasn’t on display. But what he hadn’t understood was how quick you were to turn down the opportunity to get closer to either of the two men, though it was apparent that you understood the true stakes of the offer itself. She didn’t care. It wasn’t just about … the experience. You didn’t think that you’d ever make it to one of the parks, and were still willing to turn down the chance to take a Host to bed, no strings attached. Wish my fiancée was the same. 

 Your questions and comments about cheating, about the safety of being with Hosts had gotten to Logan, and though he knew that you had no idea about his relationship’s parameters, he’d been unable to stop thinking about what you’d said - and how you’d said it. She meant it. Really didn’t think I was honestly flirting with her, was surprised at me saying that I’ve watched Ariella… I’m sure she saw the way I reacted to talking about all those relationships. He swore under his breath, propping his feet up on the railing of the balcony. And then I tried to fucking get her to go off with … 

 The look in your eyes as he’d suggested you sleeping with one of the Hosts had surprised him the most. It wasn’t that he didn’t think you’d take the opportunity if presented with it under normal circumstances, but he’d put you on the spot, and he knew it. But she… Instead of agreeing out of shock and excitement, you’d turned his offer down repeatedly, providing him with legitimate explanations for your refusal. There was something she didn’t say, though. He lifted the beer bottle to his lips, taking a long drink as the LA skyline twinkled in front of him. Something she was thinking. If Gideon - or Cal - weren’t your type, then what was? There’s gotta be… 

 He’d told William once that the park managed to seduce everyone at some point, and while he’d been trying to make the man understand what he was in store for, Logan believed the words himself. The park, the Hosts, the stakes … it’s a lot. But she … she’s still...

 The more he got to know you, the more he wanted to understand. She’s not like … Logan’s mind drifted to his fiancée, and at the realization that she’d be back in Los Angeles within sixteen hours, Logan winced. Ariella woulda fucked them both, no questions asked. The woman had very few boundaries, and despite the fact that she was wearing a diamond he’d given her on her finger, that deficiency extended to the bedroom - and to her partners. She’s here for my dad’s party, and then we’ll have some meetings on Sunday with vendors, and then she’ll be gone again, and I … He rubbed a hand over his entire face, letting out a sigh. “Same fuckin’ thing.” 

 Staring up at the slowly darkening sky, Logan watched as the clouds moved across it, his mind racing. He truly didn’t care about the Host interactions, because that was what the parks were for. But each week that passed, each time he checked the woman’s private accounts, or his lawyers had to race to keep stories from leaking about her indiscretions, the amount that he cared about their future decreased, too. Might not be a traditional relationship, but goddamn, she could at least … He knew he was a catch - educated, wealthy, good looking - but Logan’s self esteem dropped each time he saw his fiancée, the woman barely lukewarm toward him, unless she knew the cameras were on. I was in bed with her more when we weren’t anything serious. Who would have … 

 Logan finished his drink and stood, striding back through the living room and into his kitchen, opening the drawer where Ariella had stashed the small container of drugs. I can’t believe this is … Setting the bottle down on the counter, he picked up the tin, turning it over in his fingers, a frown on his face. He felt the faint pull, deep in his chest, thinking about the days when he wouldn’t have thought twice about opening it and seeing what she’d left for him; carrying it into the master bathroom and dumping out a small mound of the white powder onto the back of his hand, covering one knuckle. It’d be easy. His fingers curled, the container solid in his hand. She might not even remember it’s here, so she wouldn’t know it’s gone. He lowered his head. Or maybe when she gets here, we can say fuck Jim’s party, and…

 But before that thought could continue, Juliet’s face - and then Emily’s flashed through his mind. Juliet’s features were schooled into the same mixture of sadness and fear that he’d seen when he woke up in the hospital after Westworld, Emily’s eyes filled with disappointment. I can’t do that. Not to them, not again. Not to myself. His eyes opened and he glanced down, head shaking back and forth before he set the container back down and slid the drawer shut. She’s not worth it. He knew it to be true - knew that every moment following the agreement that they made, every second of their relationship was worse than the last, but Logan was hesitant to let himself focus on it. I can’t. It’ll ruin everything, but no one … no one notices, no one sees… 

 At that thought, Logan also thought of you, the way you’d noticed his actions, noticed the subtle changes in his demeanor after only spending a few hours with him. He thought of the way you spoke to him - unafraid to question him, and even less afraid to tell him the truth, even when it differed from what he said or thought. She would notice. He knew that it was the truth - knew that the moment you saw him and Ariella together, you’d know something wasn’t right. Maybe that would be … He sighed, moving down the hallway and into his bedroom, laying down atop the blankets and folding one arm back beneath his head. But then I’d need to explain, and she wouldn’t … it’d be like I was lying to her, and I’m not. I just can’t … “Fuck.” He closed his eyes. “God fucking dammit.” 

 He’d never done so much as touch you anywhere but the arm or the back of your neck; hadn’t even come close to kissing you or holding you, but Logan couldn’t deny that he was interested in you. And it’s not … not even physical, it’s… everything. He wouldn’t act on it - even with the arrangement he had in place with Ariella - because Logan knew that you deserved more. And I think it’s … I don’t think it would be as easy as … He rubbed his eyes with one hand but didn’t reopen them. And if she knew, it would mean that I’d either have to refuse to say anything else, or … or tell her about Billy, and what started this whole thing. 

 The extent of the William Incident was something that very few people knew. Juliet knew all of it; his therapist knew everything, too. Ariella knew that he’d had a bad experience, but he hadn’t ever found the will to explain to her - preferring to only blame his drug use and excessively destructive lifestyle to nearly dying in the desert, without detailing it. And fucking Jim still doesn’t believe me, otherwise he wouldn’t have … Logan swore again, letting out a long breath. He’d never truly wanted to tell anyone, because the more Logan thought about it, the more he blamed himself - for taking William, for pushing him, for not seeing the signs until it was too late. Do I want to tell someone?

 There were days he believed that it would have been easier if he’d died in the desert - all of his shares in the company and his fortune rolling over into a trust meant for any future children of Juliet’s when they turned 18, the only stipulation that they not be touched by William in any way, shape or form. Fucking him out of that would have been something that he didn’t expect, and it would have… ruined him. That got a small smile from Logan, eyes cracking open as he turned his head toward the window. “But I didn’t.” He repeated the words, sitting up. “I’m still here, and still at Delos, and he isn’t.” 

 Logan pushed himself into a sitting position and swung his legs over the side of the bed, planting his feet flat on the floor. If it came down to it - and you ever met Ariella - Logan knew that you’d have tons of questions for him. But would I answer? He frowned, lower lip jutting out. Do I want her to ask? He sighed, standing. And what would Ariella … would she say anything? Would she see the way… “The way what, Delos? She’s your friend, and …” But if I wasn’t engaged, I think it would be… “Different.” 

 --- 

 “Ari, come on.” He was sitting on the couch, one arm stretched out over the back of it. “We’re gonna be late, we’ve gotta stop over and pick up Jules on the way.” His eyes were on the TV, a movie playing on low volume. “You -”

 “I’m ready, Logan.” He turned his head at the sound of her voice, Logan’s eyes landing on the redhead. “I don’t know why we’re not taking a car, it makes -”

 “Because I need to be able to leave whenever I want to.” He stood, swallowing. “”You look great, Ari. That’s a -” His hand landed on her hip, and the woman’s hands moved to his chest, palms flat. “That’s a good color on you.” He wasn’t lying - the woman did look great, the navy blue cocktail dress hugging all of her curves, her long hair swept over one shoulder and held in place by a jeweled clip. “You look like you got some sun, too, you -”

 “You never know who’s going to be at these things, Logan.” She rose onto her toes, kissing his cheek. “Have to make a good impression, right?” No, you don’t, because you’re going to be my wife. No one will … But he didn’t say anything in response, pulling away from the  woman and grabbing his jacket from where it was hanging over the back of a chair, folding it over his arm. “Who made the guest list this time, Logan? Anyone I’d know on it?” Probably. 

 They rode the elevator down, Logan reciting some of the people’s names that would likely be there, Ariella rifling through her purse as she half listened. You asked, and now you … He rolled his eyes as the two of them exited into the garage, the woman waiting until Logan had opened the door for her to lower herself into the seat. As he slid into his side, buckling his seatbelt, Logan turned the car on and backed out of his spot, hearing the woman let out a breath. “What?” 

 “Can we turn the air on, Logan? It’s disgusting here, it’s so sticky out -” Oh, you better not have … He swung his head to look at her, eyes landing on the woman’s nose before they moved up. But Ariella’s eyes were clear and there was no powder beneath either nostril. So she’s just complaining. Got it. But he flipped the dial, and within only a few seconds, the interior had cooled off. “So why are we picking up Juliet? I thought she’d drive herself, maybe bring -”

 “She didn’t want to drive herself, and as far as I know, she didn’t ask anyone to go with her.” Logan turned onto 10, shaking his head. “So I offered to drive her, because I figured it’d be easier.” And because she’ll have to head home earlier because of Emily. “Besides, it’ll give the two of you more time to talk, since you haven’t seen each other in a while.” Logan knew that Juliet wasn’t the biggest fan of Ariella, and that she felt somewhat responsible for Logan’s situation. But she doesn’t need to. It’s my own … He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, merging onto 110. “Ari, I set up a couple appointments for tomorrow. A wedding planner and a -”

 “Yeah, about that.” She reached over, letting her hand rest on his knee. “Logan, I don’t … Do we have to meet with them? Can’t we just pick one, and then put them into contact with…” Logan groaned, feeling more disappointed than he thought he would. She doesn’t even … “I’ve already narrowed down the dresses, and I think that I’ve found a way to sell the first look at …” 

 “We have nothing planned, and you’re already worrying about who you can sell a story to?” Logan switched lanes, fingers flexing on the steering wheel. “Doesn’t that seem -” 

 “We’ve set a date, Logan. Everything else will fall into place.” She squeezed his knee and then pulled her hand away. “I can have my publicist get ahold of yours so that we can coordinate, but honestly? I don’t… Logan, it’s not like this is …” Yeah. I know. “We might as well make the most of it, right? Get as much out of the whole thing as possible? We don’t need to plan it, we just need to show up.” That’s not what I… But he again fell silent as they continued to drive, Logan unsure of what to say to the woman. So she’s taking it less seriously than I am. I should have known, but … He let out a breath, glancing over at the woman and was unsurprised to see that she’d pulled her phone out, her full attention on the device. I could ask her what she’s been… but I don’t want to fight. I just want to… “Look, right on time.” 

 She finally spoke again as they pulled around a dark blue SUV and into Juliet’s driveway, the gate open. We are. Actually, we’re a few minutes early. “Do you want to come in and see Em? It’s been -” 

 “I guess.” The woman shrugged. “I haven’t really ever spent much time with her, so I don’t know how …” For the first time in as long as he could remember, Ariella looked truly uncomfortable, a small frown on her face. “Does she know who I am?” She does, but … 

 “Yeah, Ari. Of course she does.” He grinned, running one hand through his hair and sliding his keys into his pocket. “Come on.” They walked across the driveway and up to the front door, Logan knocking once before pushing down on the handle and opening it. “Jules? We’re here.” They stepped into the entryway, Logan glancing around the corner. “Em?” He heard the little girl before he saw her; an excited shriek of his name followed by the sound of her footsteps as she ran toward them. Probably in her playroom. The little girl rounded the corner, her arms held out to Logan, who crouched over and reached for her, the grin never leaving his face. At least someone’s happy to see me. He hugged the girl to his chest, turning his head toward Ariella, who was watching with the same uncomfortable smile on her face, but what Logan wasn’t expecting was a second set of footsteps following the little girl’s, abruptly stopping along with the movement that he saw out of the corner of his eye. What … Squeezing Emily one more time, he set her down, still staring. There’s… why? In disbelief, Logan stood up again, lips parted slightly as he said your name, confused. “What are you -”

 “Juliet’s babysitter canceled last minute.” You shrugged, taking a step into the room and toward Logan and Ariella, even as Emily returned to your side, one arm going around your bare leg and your fingers barely brushing the top of her head. “And I was supposed to come over tomorrow anyway, so I …” You shrugged. “I just said I’d watch Em, so Juliet didn’t have to miss the party, and …” He heard it - the slight waver of your voice as you looked between him and Ariella, your eyes never lingering on either of them. “So, while you guys are eating all of that fancy food and drinking that alcohol, and schmoozing... Emily and I are going to swim, and roast marshmallows, and …” He heard his niece giggle, watching as you looked back down. “Have fun, right?” 

 The little girl nodded and Logan felt himself smiling as he watched the two of you interact, you barely paying attention to Logan and Ariella. Where are you, Jules? Why didn’t you … Logan’s heart was thumping in his chest, and he felt closer to panic than he had in months, but he wasn’t quite sure why. “How do you two know each other?” Ariella finally spoke, stepping forward, her heels clicking against the floor. “Are you a friend of -”

 “Logan and I met in a Whole Foods like … six weeks ago?” You tilted your head to one side. “He was buying a card for his housekeeper’s kid, and we talked for a few minutes.” You took a breath, clearing your throat. “Emily, go ahead back into the playroom. I’ll be there in a little while.” But before she did as you asked, the little girl let go of you and sprinted back toward Logan, her arms held out for another hug, which he gave her without pause, telling her to be good for you. As she disappeared through the doorway, you stepped closer to Logan and Ariella, blinking. “And after that, he introduced me to Juliet, because I live kind of close, and …” You shrugged. “It worked out, because…” Logan glanced at Ariella, watching as she assessed you, her eyes slightly narrowed, but still curious. What is… she’s never … “It’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you, Ariella, from both Logan and J-”

 “I haven’t heard anything about you.” Her tone bored, Ariella stepped away from Logan, reaching up with her left hand to tuck her hair behind her ear. Why is she… “Are you sleeping with Logan? You should.” He sucked in a breath at the woman’s question, Logan’s eyes going back to you and seeing yours widen, head jerking back in surprise. “You’re not really his type, but it wouldn’t…” 

 “Ari.” He finally spoke. “Stop, there’s -” But you scoffed, shaking your head and rolling your eyes. 

 “What kind of a question is that? He’s engaged. He’s been very upfront about that since the second I met him and realized who he was. So no, Ariella, I’m not fucking your fiance.” You didn’t flinch as you spoke, which impressed Logan, the man focused entirely on the way that you were holding your ground, arms loosely by your sides. “Besides, even if I wanted to, Logan’s not the kind of person to cheat on -” 

 “You didn’t tell her?” Ariella laughed, looking away from you and back at Logan. “Really?” No, because it’s part of the fucking … “Oh, you...” Ariella laughed again, refocusing on you. “He’s engaged, but it isn’t a real…” Stop it, Ari.

 “Hello, Ariella.” The three of you looked up, seeing that Juliet was standing on the stairs, arms crossed over her chest. “So good to see you.” Logan caught the ice in his sister’s tone. “Thank you for coming to get me, Logan. I’m almost ready, I just need to say goodbye to Emily, and then we can go.” He nodded, still feeling slightly numb. I need to … But he wasn’t sure what he needed to do, and though he’d thought that he wanted you to meet Ariella, the fact that it was actually happening had unsettled him. 

 “Juliet, it’s great to see you.” Ariella smiled brightly. “While you go and say goodbye to Emily, I’m going to go and use your bathroom. It’s so hot out, I want to check my makeup.” Juliet waved a hand vaguely at the stairs as she crossed the hallway toward where you stood, and without even acknowledging Logan, his fiancee stepped past him, taking the stairs quickly. I should follow Juliet, spend a few more minutes with Emily. 

 “You look great, Logan.” He heard you speaking, finally finding it in himself to meet your gaze. “It’s been a couple weeks, your hair got long.” It did. You hadn’t moved, still standing in the doorway, but you’d crossed your arms, a small frown on your face. “I didn’t realize …” 

 “Thank you.” Logan watched you, unsure of what to say. “I need to get it cut, but I don’t…” 

 “Nah, it makes you look younger.” You finally cracked a smile, but he saw the confusion in your eyes. “I’m sorry, Logan. I don’t know why she assumed that -” No. Don’t you dare apologize. 

 “She assumed it because that’s what she thinks of me.” He shrugged, deciding to say as much as he could without saying anything. “I’m used to it, and I should be, because of my past, but …” He wet his lips, frowning. “She had… no right.” 

 “She should know that. Maybe not about me, because she doesn’t know me, but she’s marrying you, Logan, she should …” You looked up, sighing. “It’s not my business. And neither is …” Swallowing hard, you looked at him again, and instinctively, Logan knew what was coming. “What did she mean, Logan? That you’re engaged, but it’s not … not a real what?” He expected it from you - the direct questioning - but still didn’t know how to answer. He paused, searching your face for a few seconds, but before he could reply, Juliet spoke again from behind you. 

 “That might be a conversation for another day, hmm?” He watched as the woman squeezed your arm. “We’ve got to leave, and if you guys get into that, it’ll…” She grinned, but Logan could tell that she was unsettled, too. “Em’s playing with her dollhouse, she knows that she has to listen to you, and I think she’ll be good.”

 “She will.” Logan spoke, pushing his fingers through his hair again as Juliet stepped past you and next to him. “You won’t have any problems. And if you do?” He widened his smile. “Tell her Uncle Logan’s going to -” 

 “Uncle Logan’s going to what?” Everyone’s attention went back to the stairs, Ariella descending quickly, one hand on the railing. “Usually that threat comes before he takes his clothes -” Stop it. Logan’s eyes were on the woman’s face, and it only took him a few seconds to see that she was once again out of it, pupils wide and the smile on her face artificial. You couldn’t even wait until we … He heard Juliet hiss from next to him and Logan fought back a wince, his eyes going to you for a brief second. She looks disappointed. “He’s good at making threats… promises… you name it.” He felt Ariella’s hand on his arm, her fingers curling around the space just beneath his elbow. “He’s good at a lot of things. You sure you haven’t -” 

 “How’d he propose to you, Ariella?” You cut her off, and Logan watched the forced smile on your face, the expression not reaching your eyes. That’s the question she asks? “I saw the pictures in some of the magazines and online, but I’ve been really curious about how he …” What is she doing? Why does she… But Logan realized that you were trying to redirect the woman, reminding her that you knew he was off limits - and Logan didn’t think he’d ever appreciated something more. “I bet it’s a really good story.” 

 “You know, I don’t…” Ariella laughed. “I don’t even remember where we were when he asked.” Logan couldn’t stop the recoil at her words, his mouth dropping open. I didn’t … really? “Oh, come on, Logan. It’s not that big of a deal. We’d been drinking a lot, and it was mostly for show anyway, because we knew that the press was expecting it, so I guess…” She turned her head toward him, smirking. “He probably remembers, though. Logan remembers everything.” 

 “It’s time to go.”Juliet spoke again, her voice even frostier than it had been. “Logan, are you ready?” I’ve been ready. “If you need me, call. I can be back here in half an hour.” Logan watched you collect yourself and then nod at the woman, keeping your eyes averted. She must have so many … 

 “We’ll be fine, Juliet. I promise.” Your voice didn’t waver, but Logan heard something in it, a thinly veiled concern, maybe. I … she… “Hope you guys have a good time.” We won’t. You didn’t say anything else, instead turning away and beginning to step out of the room, but Ariella said your name, telling you to stop. What is … 

 “I meant it.” You looked back over your shoulder at them, and Logan again froze, waiting. “You really should see what he’s like in bed before we get married and he’s not allowed anymore.” The woman laughed and Logan couldn’t stop himself from pulling his arm away from her, eyes wide and jaw dropped. “He might not have told you what the deal is, but I’m here - right here - telling you that I don’t care what he does.” She raised an eyebrow at Logan, lips curved into a satisfied smirk. “Everything stops when we get married, but not a second before, right darling?” He felt rage, the emotion coursing through his blood stronger than it ever had before; moreso than when William had left him in the desert, stronger than when Juliet and his father hadn’t believed him, sharper than when he’d been disappointed in himself for making such destructive and dangerous choices about his health. Because this isn’t just about me. This is … “Then again,” Ariella drawled out the words, her accent all but disappearing. “Someone like you might not be able to stop when it’s time, since I’m positive you’ve never had anyone like Logan before.” 

 You blinked twice and Logan saw that you were close to tears. Unacceptable.  “Enough. It’s time to go.” He reached for her arm, gripping it with his long fingers and pulling her back toward the door. “You’re being a real asshole, Ari.” She only laughed, wrenching herself out of his grip and turning toward the door, her back to you without another word. Juliet moved too, following the other woman, but Logan focused on you, his mouth opening and closing a few times, though he didn’t speak. What do I even… Rather than saying anything, you closed your eyes, shaking your head back and forth before opening them again, gaze locked on Logan’s face. You mouthed the word “go”, reaching up to swipe beneath your eye with a knuckle, biting down on one corner of your lip, and while it was the last thing he wanted to do, Logan felt his shoulders slumping as he did what you asked. I hope she … hope she lets me explain, lets me apologize… 

 But Logan had the sinking feeling in his stomach that the friendship that the two of you had built up over the previous weeks had been damaged beyond repair due to Ariella’s interference - and the information he’d kept from you, despite the necessity of doing so. 

 ---

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[talkfastromance4]

Ride-- c.h blurb

Based off of this ask I saw on lauren’s blog, I hope it’s all right I ran with this idea! Also

Word count: 1,582

Warnings: smut, sensual dom, praise kink

ALSO, ride by somo inspired this but i also listened to earned it by the weeknd :)

Masterlist

• • • •

Calum has been in a rut lately. He’s been on edge and short tempered because of alternating tour dates and trying to reschedule things and he’s also been trying to write some new songs but nothing has been flowing. You’d tried everything to help ease his frustration but he always shuts you out by closing the door himself. 

Luke had invited you both over for a small party in honor of the album doing really well among the fans despite the issue with the Billboard charts. He was pressed on not going but you convinced him that being around the boys would be good for him. He’d agreed grimly and you kissed his cheek happily. 

On the night of the party you were very excited because you’ve been wanting to wear this new dress you bought. It’s black and form fitting with large roses printed all over and a sexy little peephole in the front that accentuated your breasts perfectly. 

Calum had just finished putting his leather jacket on as you came down the stairs tossing your hair over your shoulders as you did so. You saw the way his throat worked as his dark eyes scanned over your body, hovering over your cleavage. 

“Let’s go,” you smile airily and saunter past him to the garage. 

On the drive to Luke and Sierra’s Calum keeps glancing at you as you fix your dress. You love it but now that you’re sitting down, the peephole kind of pinches a little too tightly on your breasts and you’re trying to adjust the fabric so it doesn’t do that. That action inadvertently gets noticed by Calum who curses under his breath, fingers tapping on the wheel.

He puts the car in park so fast it makes you jerk forward in your seat, the belt strap tightens on your chest even more and you let out a little yelp. 

“Calum! What the--”

“Get in the backseat,” he tells you, voice gruff as he’s already opening his door. You watch him through the window and when he opens the back passenger door as he slides in. “Now.”

You scramble to unlatch your belt and scurry into the backseat as fast as you can. It’s rare when Calum uses that tone with you, but when he does you know it’s urgent. He needs you right then and there and it fills  you with excitement each time. 

“C’mere, on my lap,” he pats his thighs and you are more than happy to climb on them. Straddling him causes your dress to ride up a little over the swell of your ass and Calum yanks the fabric up and groans audibly when he sees you aren’t wearing any panties. “You want to kill me tonight, hm?”

His fingers scrape up and down the sides of your thighs then to your ass before he squeezes, the action causes you to thrust forward onto him. Your core rubs against the button of his jeans and you can’t help but moan at the slight pressure. 

“Why aren’t you wearing anything? Hm, pretty girl?” His tone is patronizing but you love it. 

“You’d see the outline,” you say quietly. 

His eyebrows rise in amusement and he kneads the flesh of your ass in his large hands, you’re pushed forward on him again and you whimper. 

“I love this dress on you, cupcake,” he sighs, eyes glazing over your breasts that are situated right in front of his face. “Look fuckin’ incredible. . .”  

He leans forward pressing his lips right in the center of your cleavage, his breath is hot on your skin and his tongue is wet as he licks a stripe between your breasts. You arch closer to him, loving his mouth on you but craving it somewhere else. 

“Cal, please,” you whine, squeezing his shoulders as he does another lick. 

“You won’t be getting my tongue right now,” he hums, lips traveling up your throat. You tilt your head back so he has clear access to your neck. “Want you to ride me. . . can you do that for me?”

“Mhmm,” you squeak. 

“Gotta suck me off first,” he continues to mumble on your skin, placing a few kisses here and there between his words. “So you can just slide right down.”

“Fuck,” you whimper again and he pushes you onto the floor gently so he can undo his pants. You help him by pulling them down past his knees a little and before you can lean forward he takes you by the jaw and gives you a deep kiss, tongue rolling over yours deliciously. 

He pulls away and you waste no time lowering your puckered mouth over his head then swirling your tongue as you go down on him. You take him as far as you can, letting your spit dribble down his shaft before sucking it back up with your mouth so he’s covered. The more slick he gets the easier it is for you to bob your head up and down and the sounds he’s making? Heavenly and sinful all at once. 

When you feel his thighs clench, that's when he lifts you back onto his lap and you groan at the feeling of his cock against your thigh.

“You’re so good at that baby,” he sighs, giving you a kiss. “Ready for me?” 

All you can do is nod as you take him in your hand and guide yourself down on him. He hums watching you slide down with ease, a smirk playing at his lips when he watches your face twist in pleasure. He’s hot and filling you so deep you don’t even wait for him to tell you to begin rocking forward. 

“That’s it baby,” he encourages, hands burning through the back of your dress as he aids you forward and back. “Love watching you like this.”

The deep baritone of his voice vibrates your whole body and you rock faster, grinding yourself up and down on him harder so he can hit the right spot each time. Your clit rubs against the taut skin of his lower stomach and you’re moaning from all the sensations you’re receiving.

His hands on you, his hot breath fanning over your breasts and his cock pushing in and out of you at your control is sending you. 

“Talk to me,” you say breathlessly as you feel your orgasm approaching. 

“Fuckin’ look at you,” he praises tilting his head back so he can watch all of you. Your fingers tighten in his hair and he knows you’re close, he can feel you pulsating on his cock the faster you move. “Take me so well, baby. . . feel so good on top of me. You gonna come for me?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” you nod closing your eyes as your tummy begins to flutter. 

“Yeah, you are . . . such a good girl, come for me, come for me,” he urges you on and you do because his voice pulls it from you. 

You let out a strangled cry of pleasure as it explodes from your lower belly and shoots up in all your veins to your head. You’re filled with intense pleasure and warmth and you can faintly hear Calum praising you through the fog of your bliss. 

Your hips slow to a stop and then you knock your forehead against his. All feeling comes back to you and you can feel the ache in your thighs and Calum’s delicate kisses across your cheeks. 

“That’s my girl,” he praises and lifts you gently off of him. 

You whine at the loss of him inside you and slump into the seat next to him, completely frazzled. To your complete surprise, he kneels as best he can on the floor in front of you and presses his mouth to your sensitive core.

Your fingers fly to his hair instinctively as he works you over with his mouth with speed and vigor. You’re moaning and grinding yourself on his plump lips as he chases another orgasm out of you. Calum hums and shakes his head against your pussy until you’re coming again, body clenched from the feeling of an orgasm so soon after the first. 

When he’s satisfied, he pulls his mouth from you and you watch him grab a towel from his gym bag to clean off his lap then he wipes delicately between your own legs. He gives you another kiss to the cheek. 

“Ready to go in?” he asks letting the towel fall to the floor. 

Your eyes are wide at his question after what he just did to you in only a matter of seconds.

He gets out on his side then jogs to your side of the car opening the door and takes your hand. Your legs are still a little wobbly and you made sure your dress is covering your ass completely before heading inside. 

Your mind is still on what you just did in the car, you’re not even paying attention to the people you’re saying hello to and you stare at Calum in wonder. He’s acting like nothing even happened, signature crinkled grin on his face as he hugs people in hello. 

Later on when you both get split off to converse with different groups, you feel someone’s eyes on you and when you turn around to find the source. Calum’s staring at you. Then he lifts his fingers to his face and swipes his thumb on his lower lip and chin before sucking on it and flashes you a wink.

• • • •

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