#going to sleep now because i am Tired
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i can't believe let sleeping dogs lie is finished. going to get a little sappy about it because it means so much to me and im so proud and in awe at myself for writing this!
it wasnt meant to be such a big thing but as time went on it felt like there were scenes i had to include to tell rue's story, to put her life into words, to give her meaning. everything she does is to find a life for herself and she gets it, eventually
she means so much to me as a character and ive never fixated on one of my ocs as much as i have her. part of me is her ykno? like ive poured pieces of myself into her and explored themes and ideas through her and in a way its been a really eye opening experience for myself
and to finally have her silly little story down? it feels wild. im emotional.
i wrote this for me, to indulge in a ship that has so much potential and it still amazes me that people tuned in to read about her, to root for her and to feel alongside her. i didnt really expect anyone to read it because again, i wrote this for fun, for me and i wanted to share it because i wanted to put my writing out there more
and if youve ever read that fic (or any of my work tbh) just know that i am so very grateful<3 all the kind comments and asks about rue and gortash and their life together makes my day and im so glad to be able to yell out into the void about them and have the void reply back!!
anyway now i can write all my silly fucked up fic ideas for them and go crazy knowing they can fit anywhere in the main timeline. maybe i'll write some nice rue/gale pieces. if people were interested in their life. we'll see
<3
#thank u. truly#rue means a lot to me and im in awe people also like her too#anyway theyre always going to be in my head unfortunately#rotating ruetash around my brain like its a microwave#going to sleep now because i am Tired
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I am exhausted, good heavens.
#hey watch this neat trick I can do [cries]#love that for me#BUT#BUT- the actual EFFORT I put these days to not make a suicide jokes is *chefs kiss* phenomenal#actively shitting bricks as I physically have to stop myself from saying I want a car to hit me for the 50th time that day#I am not progressing any more than I am downgressing or whatever the opposite word is. but girlies#and boysies and peepsies#my lipgloss is popping and my eyebags are gucci- and so I shall prevail#MAN this tiredness is BONE DEEP man- it's like it's engraved into my goddamn clavicles#sorry that was like the only bone name I could remember- I don't even know what a clavicle is#anyways- I need to fall asleep forever and never wake up. But not in like a dying way#I just need to stop waking up tired and being tired and going to sleep tired and living tired like GIRL#WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SLEEP STOPS SLEEPING#I JUST SLEPT 10 HOURS HOW ARE YOU STILL TIRED#I am so tired that i stopped liking shit- like that SUCKS my dudes#I sometimes Don't Like art now and that is WILD to me because that was lowkey the One Thing that got me going#I used to actually LIKE english class! and reading Shakespear and shit!!!! and history class!! Now I don't!! Where did the spark go??????#Now everything feels like a chooooooore and it sucks major dick#and my graaaades are slipping because I stopped giving a damn but I NEED. TO. GIVE. A. DAMN#because those are like highkey lowkey and every-other-key my grades and I need them to go into uni so I don't die <333#I need to spite little mini me who said I wasn't going to live past 13 because BITCH- guess how old I'm turning next week????????#THAT'S RIGHT- 17 YEARS OLD- FUCK YEAH BABY I'M STILL NOT DEAD#SUCK MY BIG ASS SHLONG MINI-ME#and then I have a big biology exam the day after so- funnnnn!!#anywho- should I tag this as vent? this probably counts as vent right? like among us? impostor and shit?#sorry I think my brain is actively rotting out of my ears right now#vent post#personal vent#tw vent#tw sui talk
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Y’all thinking about an older Ares has RUINED me
#hyrule warriors#hw link#kheprri rambling#fucked by the ‘perfect hero’ treatment and is a little hit jaded and scruffy and i am INSANE FOR IT#he does not cope well and i love that for him#obsessed with him. been thinking about him for a couple months now for my wargod au and yall i cannot stop#volga gets the treatment too but its slightly less noticeable coz hes a dragon#also sorry about there being nothing going on. every time i want to start on something i get hit by just utter pain and cant focus#so ive just been playing games and sleeping trying to get through it lol#but that also gave me a lot of thinking time for the aus. especially the main one (and this one obv)#also sorry if u dont vibe with the headcanon/au. hes far from being a dick or entitled hes just tired of being perfect for others—#—and just wants to live in peace with his dragon bf lmao#2024+ is the era of khep(me) forcing myself to draw facial hair because ive always been afraid of not doing it right#actually i love drawinf facial hair and all hair in general tbh im just horrified of people being like ‘lol ur wrong die’ XD#anyways sorry. rambling. too many brain thoughts not enough outlets for#will be posting the mistflier species sheet wip on kofi eventually i just wanna type the words out to make it more legible#it IS still a wip and thats why its gonna be going on kofi until its finished#<- and also coz its tailnrr related
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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STROP TRYING TO CONTACT ME ASKING ME WHY I BLOCKED YOU!!!
I block people for mainly ONE thing!
Ai - I don´t want to see that shit, so if you post Ai under a tag I follow I WILL BLOCK YOU!! - don´t fucking come crying on a NEW FUCKING BLOG about how much you want to see my art!
Just... stop. Please! I don´t care if you followed me or not okay?
Not only is it theft, but the toll on the environment is ridiculous and openai keeps saying they can't keep it up because of the toll, unless a new way to harvest energy is found!! HOW CAN´T YOU SEE THE PROBLEM!???
#no art just talk#im so fucking tired#i cant even count the blogs ive had to blog these last days because of ai on my hand#i am very clear on where i stand and why#pls dont make me block you two times its just weird#going to sleep now but please stop#just blocked another one for ten min ago im so tired of this shit
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bnha manga spoilers!!!!!
EEEEEEEEE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!
his hair!!!!!!!!!!!!! his fucking HAIR!!!!!!!!! i just AAAAH i cannot get over it because !!!!! that is exactly how i picture touya-nii’s hair to look 🥹🥹🥹 just down/undone n fluffy n shaggy n soft <333
anyway i am sickly in love with him, i’m not surprised to see what he actually looks like after the war, but the fact that he’s still got his eyes makes me think that his blue irises must be so stark and vivid and just pop against the rest of his injured body—which makes me both swoon and sad, because goddamn you’d recognize those eyes anywhere, the very moment your gaze meets his…but enji still didn’t, not even when he first came face to face with them, not until they were thrust in his face and screaming at him ._.
#bnha spoilers#bnha manga spoilers#anyway that chapter was Something huh#excited to see what the actual translations are#i always take leak night summaries with a decent grain of salt#i AM concerned that they’re not going to confirm or deny touya’s imminent death though—like EXPLICITLY in the manga#which upsets me a bit but whatever#my boyfriend was like ‘yeah but what if he comes back in like a sequel or something and he’s darth vader??? wouldn’t you be happy???’#like yeah i guess??? but i’d rather he have a good ending NOW#the apologizing threw me for a loop but i guess if touya KNOWS he’s going to die soon then ????? maybe it makes sense??? idk#guess he’s had a lot of time to Reflect in that lil glass chamber he’s locked in#anyway hi good morning i am SO tired because i couldn’t sleep after i started seeing the leaks >.>#pls have a lovely thursday!!! <3#clari chatters
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maybe you should doodle however many or few starcon/helix/damned characters as you like (in human or alien form) in cute halloween costumes! imagine... ZEX dressed up as Ariel thelittlemermaid...
Day 26 - "I hadn't realized humans also had aquatic subcultures!" "Oh, well, uhm..."
#My art#Requestober#SCII#Damned#DAX#ZEX#The Captain#You can't tempt me like this I'm too weak to it agh#I am sorely convinced that with a Slightly longer time frame to work on this I would've gone with my first idea#It was way overly-ambitious for a less-than-24-hour time limit but hhghhh I /do/ want to draw everyone in cute costumes!!!#Super doesn't help that I very broke my sleep schedule and like as soon as this came in I fell asleep for three hours lol#And was still tired!!! That's just not fair says I#But I still managed >:3c Because I limited my scope haha but that's important too!! And it still turned out cute!!!#I mean how couldn't it - ZEX as The Little Mermaid is just-#I'm enamoured it's so perfect for him..........what an excellent idea...........definitely not going to be thinking about this for A While#Funnily enough my immediate thought was actually angst haha - the mermaid has to give up her voice! What would ZEX give up?#That he hasn't already anyhow - and then thoughts of reviving Zelnick but selfishly I just hhghgh I love himm I love themmmm#For now the cutes tho!!!!#It tickles me so bad that a significant portion of Damned takes place in October hehe <3 ZEX arrived in November but still!#And then the Halloween event to get their canon outfits back fjdskalfjd ahhh!!!#I'm many many years too late lol but there's something very lovely about the theme continuing ahh <3 <3#Oh yeah and there's also two others in costume here lol - the Captain's was easy haha <3 Dashing prince! He suits it ♪#For DAX lol at first I considered Triton? But he's not quite That bad about ZEX's human infatuation#Not that he's as admissive or manipulative as Ursula either - at some point it might've just become ''I want to see him in it'' lol#He's so happy about it haha <3#Can you tell I had fun with ZEX's costume lol - sparklies!!! Had fun with the glitter on his shoes :D#I Will find a place to use my scale brush anywhere and everywhere and that's a threat#I wonder what ZEX would think of human animation haha - I only remember there being one movie night at the Institute!#Surely Disney would get the greenlight to be played in the Sun Room! ZEX having a transcendent ''seen'' experience aw <3
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Also I quit my job of what would in about a month or two have been 10 years, and perhaps now I will get to actually be a human being again.
#honestly? honestly?#last week i told the two (2) godawful egomaniac lab head Man In Academia bosses i quit and that we need to formalise it asap and i just#felt like a little feather about to float away on a breeze#maybe now i can do normal people things like eat and sleep and have a routine of some sort idk#i have been slowly losing it for at least 3-4 years now#i took a screenshot and last year i had no fewer than 14 fucking travel orders fulfilled#most of which consisted of like 12+ hour days on ships and docks#i'm just so tired man#not for reblogging obviously#i don't really wanna vent anymore or ponder them and the entire godforsaken institution but like#good riddance tbh#which is really really sad when you think about it! but here we are#it was just... no trace of future anywhere to be seen! entirely a Void!!#gonna post a beefy lesbian paladin real quick to push this post down lmao#but i felt like sharing because i know there's good and concerned people who follow me here and i both appreciate and miss you all#and lord knows some of you have been listening to me vent and whine for ages#am i going to miss some great people and the research community of my field? of course but also it was all just completely unsustainable
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tag vent
#i have to move back to my hometown due to a mistake. a misunderstanding. and being too trusting in others ideas#and my boyfriend is moving an hour away as well. neither of us have been able to get a car or license yet due to money and i dont know when#we can see eachother again after we both move. since we started dating weve been sleeping in the same bed because we were/are roommates#just being gone for the weekend in my hometown is hard because i cant stand to be here but its worse because hes not in my bed every night#ive grown so used to falling alseep in his arms that i dont know what to do at night. i dont feel safe without his arms holding me#ive never felt safe where ive lived before. ive never felt safe in a relationship. ive never felt loved for who i am. that was until him.#now i feel safe in our home. i feel safe in our relationship. i feel loved for who i am. and now we have to be so far apart.#ive done long distance before but this is going to hurt so much my cat loves him she is super cautious and scared around new people but#she loved him since the start. not to mention shes my esa so that really mattered to me. he wants to move with me but it isnt happening#he got definite housing an hour away for super cheap in a town where he knows everyone and i have possible in a town where im surrounded by#people i know but am terrified of. im scared to move back here but have no choice. unless i make that terrifying choice of going with him.#the apartment he is getting is a two bedroom. id only have a studio. hes offered for me to come but im scared to move that far away again#i want to be with him but im scared to move to a whole new town with him. i know hes an amazing guy but we'd be moving away from my friends#and family. i already have to move away from all my friends if i go back to my hometown but this would be a different story.#moving to a whole new town with a guy that i only started dating 2 months ago? like yes. i lived with him previously and knew him for longer#than we dated but im still scared. i think rightfully so. but still.#but there are some pros to moving with him. hometown has no music scene and his town does and thats really important to me.#we'd also be close to his family. but farther from mine. hed be around friends and id have none no matter where i go.#idk im just rambling but i really needed to vent. i lost my best friend recently to the point of them siding with strangers almost and they#helped them break and enter into the house to intimidate me and bf and then a few days later came with cops after saying repeatedly that#they were an anarchist and acab but only when they dont use them apparently. because i guess morals/values only matter when its convenient#im so tired though but i cant sleep so i might write some cringe poetry and try to chill out before going on a late night/early morning walk#tag vent#vent in tags
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a few notable things
we find out that the recycling center is similar to how the dark castle creates a new 73rd demon king, but for a new constellation. anyone who passes the recycling center scenario can become a constellation, regardless of their status before. however, apparently the recycling center scenario is so hard that even yoo joonghyuk avoided it. that's. not good...
lhh is in a forested area, spending days traveling, following a dokkaebi fire that guides him to the recycling center. in his downtime, he reads twsa
yoo joonghyuk ate 8 meals a day...
at one point, lee hakhyun looks at his reflection in the water and.. his appearance looks a little different?
the dokkaebi fire leads him to an entrance with a receptionist. the receptionist asks him some questions, which he answers, but when it comes to his name, he hesitates when answering cheon inho
the receptionist mentions that only invited incarnations can come in. it was dkos who invited him... he speaks a name.
"welcome to the 'recycling center', kim dokja."
#i just went to sleep after reading this chapter i was so drained#(<- may not be because of the chapter. i have other stuff going on)#theres smth there with comparing yjh's daily survival with kdj's survival but i am just too tired to go more in depth right now#but lhh was paralleling those tasks yjh was giving knw with what you need to do in real life#orv spoilers#side story spoilers#side story lb
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I'm the [tumblr] person who overuses comments in tags.
[tumblr] autosaved my tags even though I used them once.
Look in the tags and have a laugh.
(Possible tag game?) @author-of-the-year @jenumarts @thonethatflies620 @iamunabletothinkofablogname @ all my mutuals
#yeah i would've done something about it but now it's too late#he is not happy to be there.#why torture me like this#why all are my favorite characters evil???#like bro why does it sound so ominous#“fedora kink” bro wtf#why is the universe so cruel#you're that mutual that i don't even know why i followed you#and i never played deltarune so idk why i am even doing this#why can't i have them#i like to imagine that humanity wasn't started by adam but by lucifer bc why not#uh is it not normal to chew on nonedible things?#damn i can't do russian or italian because those were already done#also pigeons? damn when i'm at a city i usually chase them#oh my goodness i love this#this is why i love this deer man <3#i love this deer man (aroace ically)#the autism is autisming#goddamn my femboy obsession is acting up#why is everybody i see autistic these days??? wait i think i might be neurodivergent nvm#nah cause why is he trying so hard lmao#don't ask me how i know#so i usually stay up late on my computer until i'm tired enough to finally go to sleep and not wait hours in bed doing nothing
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#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw negative#cw health issues#‘You’re such a heartless and hateful person.’ well have you ever considered that i’m not really a hateful person and i just hate You#like. call me whatever you want to i guess. im definitely selfish and probably heartless but hateful? idk abt that.#i only feel like i hate people that have given me good fucking reason to. sorry i dont have an infinite supply of tolerance & forgiveness??#but im a wee bit fucking stressed so you’ll have to forgive me for being a bitch. well no one Has to forgive me. do whatever you want#‘That 10-day old pasta salad is making me feel sick.’ MF that was made TODAY. IT’S FRESH AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT#if you feel sick how about you look down at the fifteen empty beer cans on the floor next to you and ask them what they think did it#dumbass. whatever man i have bigger problems than your self-induced tummy ache#i feel sick too but i know it’s my fault so i’m not bitching about it. i gave you fresh food while I ate the old stuff to keep from wasting#food. because you act like you’re fucking allergic to leftovers. and yeah it had probably gone off and that’s why I feel sick#but what you ate tonight was fresh as could be so we’re sick for two Very different reasons. and i know how to admit when it’s my fault#everything is my fault. my teeth and gums hurt and that’s My fault for not taking care of them. apparently 3 root canals wasn’t enough#for me to learn my goddamn lesson. i never do. so i’ll have to spend more money on that soon and thats My fault. the dog’s teeth need#cleaning too and that’ll come out of my pocket and i guess that’s My fault for not taking care of him either#i think i have another goddamn UTI and that’s definitely My fault so another $100 trip to urgent care it is i guess!#my Random Nerve Pain has moved to my hands so i can’t use them too much or it fucking hurts and i guess that’s my fault???#my neck pain is back and thats my fault for not clearing my bed off enough to sleep in a comfortable position#my eye keeps twitching and i guess that’s my fault too. i don’t know anymore i just wanna throw in the towel man im so tired#god the UTI tests i wasted money on are arriving tomorrow and if they’re packed in a way that shows what’s inside then i’ll have to explain#That to whoever brings in the mail. great great something else to worry about all night#the living room floor is caving in so now there’s Two room’s floors that need fixing so that’s super fucking fun! 😃#i need to talk to my bank and i need to talk to a tax professional and i need to learn to drive and i need to get an autism diagnosis#well i don’t Need the last one but i want it so bad. but im scared. that i’ll go to all this trouble and they’ll say i don’t qualify#and god it’s NYE now. Besties i’m not gonna get that NMbD NYE fic ready in time. i just can’t make myself write these days. i’m sorry.#i doubt anyone is gonna be That disappointed but I Am. in myself. 3 fucking years now i’ve failed to finish it. w h y. i Want to write but#there’s just too much on me rn. but when is there Not. sigh. idk what i’m gonna do but something needs to change. in my life. soon.
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FIST OF SELÛNE — CASSANDRA GRAYTHORNE
soon i'll come around lost and never found waiting for my words seen but never heard buried underground but i'll keep coming
#meaghan plays bg3#my gifs#my edits#oc: cassandra graythorne#she is technically also#oc: cassandra#BUT this is a different iteration of her because i missed her so so mach#also i have not touched ps in so long this was a nightmare#i hate coloring. that second gif was my worst nightmare bc it was a vastly different environment from the other two#it's so fine though i am sooooo normal#userdekarios#usermooyn#userserenedy#fuck what is everyone else's tag#u know what. whatever you three get to be my tags i'm too tired to go searching <3#good bye i am going to sleep now i think
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It's 1;22 am and I'm googling "How to clean milk burn from electric kettle"
Can you guess how my night is going?
#I am#so tired#and yet sleep evades me#so now i have lukewarm hot cocoa and burned milk on the burner of my mom's electric kettle#because i wanted it with milk#because warm milk and sugar makes me sleepy#this did not go according to plan
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im so fuckin sick rn billy joel please stop plaguing my thoughts i've got enough going on what with the plague (the cold my roommate says she definitely didn't give me that she definitely gave me but no hard feelings) and the literal wars i am fighting in school right i don't need the piano man in my skull please
#help#she really thinks she's not contagious but I'm like girl. maybe your sinus infection isn't contagious but the cold that caused it sure is.#im so fucking tired#i slept 2 hours last night#i was studying for an exam and then I was going to go to bed at 9 pm#but it is now nearly 4 am and I'm still up because something distracted me from literally sleeping#girl#you're tired#go to bed#I feel like a gust of wind could take me out rn#very ill#and fucking billy joel is in my brain and he won't stop singing#PLEASE SHUT UP#billy Joel be quiet#college is a lot#and now I have to deal with billy Joel + don mcclean popping in every once in a while to sing American pie#I don't even like that song#😭#I want to go home#please#free me from this torment#i don't even listen to billy joel's music why won't he leave me tf alone#please ignore#these are the ramblings of a girl in distress
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cant sleep … plagued with thoughts.. overstimmed… also starving… time to scroll tumblr till i have to go to class :,((
#my thoughts#i slept like 3 hours but my roommate kept moving and it bothered me where every movement made me irrationally angry#and i keep waking up and having immediate brainrot lfjkfnfjnf so its fun but also not bc im literally SO drained pleasssseee shut up brain#like baby i have a presentation tomorrow at 8:30AM and i have to do a whole reflection paper#go to fucking sleeeeeeep#and the worst part is i FORGOT to eat . before bed . cuz i was too tired and said fuck it ill eat in the morn#which is horrible bc now im like. starving and gross bc i also didnt do anything i kinda just collapsed JFKDNDKDN#but i dont wanna get up. because. um. four am and i dont wannnnaaa eat.i waanaa eat in the morning#so ive just been holding stan bunny close and thinking thoughts while actively trying to sleep JFKDNFKDJD#anyways. Im a functioning human person!#: D !#GggfrRRRAGGhggh#so annoying bc i usually can sleep on command like its nothing lmfao#but i have too many things on my frickin mind i cant shut it up pensive#anyways THIS IS A LONG TAG THING NSJFJDKFJD UHHHHH runs away#DELETE LATER????
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