#go take a country drive
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the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something
#WHAT AM I DOING!!!!#i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch#too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun#no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point#trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this#WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!!#there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time#my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me#my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job#i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time#i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again#and WHAT DO I WANT!#THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!#I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!#anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed#delete later#i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious)#versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected)#i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want#ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you#i miss that i want that back#whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go
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i had one beer with one of my closest friends and my bf while we watched a country singer preform at a biker bar and it has been the greatest night of my life
#i just wish i could have gotten more drunk#very proud of myself for only having one beer but had i not been driving#i would have kept up with my friends#i WILL be getting plastered tomorrow for a coworkers going away party so that’s exciting#i can see why so many people take up drinking#had a scruffy daddy lean against me for like a minute straight#was so hot but was super weird#wasn’t sure if he was flirting with me#also made friends with this hot as fuck cowboy and we bonded over the performer we were watching#such a fun night#the biker bar we went to was right next to my old apartment and i was always terrified of going there because everyone seemed so threatenin#but everyone i interacted with was so friendly and open and just wanted to have a good time#the country singer came up to my bf and i after the show and gave us a hug which was so sweet
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Tomorrow Is Election Day And I Am So Fucking Stressed
#marzi speaks#marzivents#hi folks. i haven’t been making much art lately. apologies! i want to be#unfortunately shit is Stressful in both my little world (i’m starting to get overwhelmed with my meds and refills and driving)#and on a broader more societal scale (if trump gets re-elected shit is going to go so fucking bad oh my god)#PLUS we’re in the It Gets Dark At 6PM Zone now#i think i’ve lowkey been catastrophizing a bit with all that’s been going on#i should probs look into those psych referrals my doctor gave me#she offered them bc the almost-dying earlier this year was Traumatic and i was showing signs of anxiety/depression#but i think they’ll just be helpful in general#god though i hate being on prescriptions. it feels like there’s a constant timer hanging over my head#refill these pills before this time so you don’t have to miss a day. woops! the pharmacy’s out of stock on this one#so you’ll have to come back at another less convenient time. fail to do so and the medication goes on hold#which requires a phone call where you speak to a Robot that may not understand the nuances of ur situation#grrrgh it sucks so bad. thankfully i refilled my prednisone the other day and have like 3 months’ worth now#and that’s the one i really can’t afford to miss bc steroid withdrawals could really fuck me up#but uggghhh i hate it. so much. bc it looms over me always#i hate keeping track of when i’ve taken my pills too. i keep a checklist for every day#so i remember what i have to take and if i’ve taken it#but god it sucks. i’m at the point where it’s basically routine now so i do it automatically#but i know if i stop monitoring i’m gonna forget if i’ve taken my steroid one day#and either double dose or skip the day. and that’ll fuck me up pretty good#anyways. hoping hoping hoping this election goes well bc idk if i can take it if our country tis of thee elects the fucking fascist#this one’s fine to rb. i think many of us share this sentiment lmao
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Friendly reminder that Francesco Coppino and Prospero di Camulio, contemporaries who were literally getting their information from predominantly Yorkist circles, were both explicitly clear that it was Henry VI who decided to surrender Berwick to Scotland.
Camulio: "King Henry has given away a castle [town] called Berwick, which is one of the keys of the frontier between England and Scotland." Coppino: "[Scotland has] received from the same Henry the town of Berwick, on the frontiers of Scotland, which the Scots have long claimed as their right from the English, as the excellently well furnished guardian of their frontiers, and the place to which King Henry repaired as an asylum after the battle."
The idea that Margaret of Anjou was principally involved in the surrender, or that she was the one who actually made the decision, is based on the claims of later chronicles. Two direct contemporaries, both speaking of ongoing events as they unfolded, who were both getting information from Yorkist-held England, both clearly believed it was Henry who was responsible for this course of action. Neither of them mention Margaret. Sure, you can argue that it was merely rhetorical, and that they were simply automatically attributing such an important decision to the King rather than the queen - but rhetoric is nonetheless extremely important and helps us understand how historical figures were perceived at the time. Margaret's enemies would surely not have hesitated to broadcast her involvement had it actually been true, and Coppino in particular had shown no qualms about criticizing her in favor of the Yorkists before. If she was genuinely believed to have been responsible, and if the Yorkists were actually claiming that she was at the time, I see no reason why Coppino or Camulio would not have emphasized her role in their letters. What these samples instead indicate is literally the opposite: that their contemporaries - probably including the Yorkists who were putting out the information that Coppino and Camulio reported - actually believed that Henry was the one making the decision. I think it's a very large and very unnecessary stretch to go against actual evidence and claim otherwise by placing the responsibility on Margaret instead.
Additionally, these small samples may also reveal what people at the time - once again including the Yorkists - actually thought of Henry's role in the war on a broader level, away from direct Yorkist propaganda which would obviously and perhaps understandably seek to de-emphasize it: namely, that Henry was perceived as the one making decisions and deciding the courses of action for his own side.
Source: Excerpts from the Calendar of State Papers and Manuscripts, Existing in the Archives and Collections of Milan
#henry vi#margaret of anjou#english history#my post#I want to make a longer post detailing the clear indications we have that Henry *was* perceived as the active decision maker of his side#which indicates that contemporaries did not really think that there was some kind of giant 'role-reversal' between him and MoA#but until then the gist is:#after Henry was rescued in 1461 contemporary letters clearly emphasize his own actions; they mostly did not attribute decisions to Margaret#we also know he and Margaret separated when she headed off to the continent;#that he seems to have been involved in border-raids against Yorkist England;#*and* that he avoided capture until 1465#if Henry was entirely passive throughout it all and entirely dependent on Margaret to make decisions#I do not understand how any of this would have been possible#Instead Henry & Margaret seemed to have had more of a partnership with Margaret focusing on gaining international support#which she was very well-suited for given her powerful foreign connections#& with her taking on leadership in his absence (mainly due to imprisonment/incapacity) rather than all the time/when they were together#and like I said when it comes to Berwick contemporaries clearly believed it was Henry's decision#but also like. let's hypothetically assume that Margaret was the driving force behind it. please think of this situation logically.#whoever's idea it was Scotland was very obviously going to want a proper confirmation from the *king*#who was. yk. the actual authority of the country#even if Margaret was the one encouraging this surrender Henry's approval and agreement would have still been required#if not by the Lancastrian party then by Scotland#and again this is assuming that Margaret was actually the driving force behind it. there's no indication that she was#but ultimately contemporaries very clearly believed *Henry* was responsible#we don't know what MoA actually thought of it or what her actual involvement was (she could may encouraged it; she may have misliked it;#she may have simply been told after the decision had already been made)#but ultimately even in the most extreme case - which is contradicted by actual evidence - the final say would have been Henry's#it would be nice if this was reflected by historians?
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What? Why wait? I have a very loose understanding of this line of work. There are... what's the word... ceasefires, yes? - Chef Anon
"The ceasefires don't last very long & ones longer than two days only happen around christmas." Dell explains.
Mikhail grumbles, "One week is not long enough to go back to Russia, spend time with family properly, & come back. Is almost 5 days of travel, only 2 days of rest."
Ludwig sighs, "Germany is technically closer, & there are more options for travel. But getting from the base to the nearest airport takes time, then usually it isn't a straight flight from the US to Europe, so it takes at least a day. If we wanted to visit my home town of Rottenberg, that means even more travel from the nearest airport. There might be one in Stuttgart, but I don't know if it is an international airport or not... And then, we still have to make the trip back on time if we don't want to get into trouble with Mann Co. Travelling between countries is never easy."
"And is another problem too, not everyone on team likes flying. Might be problems with getting babies on plane, they are very young. Boat journey is even longer."
#Lutz and Misha#Texting Guests#tf2#tf2 ask blog#tf2 medic#tf2 heavy#tf2 engineer#chef anon#i live relatively close to my home country & yet getting there by plane takes an wntire day#& getting there by car takes 3#getting there by bus takes 2 (we got lost that one time when going by car)#trains & boats arent that fast either since you do have to drive across the continent & the island to reach them#& i cant imagine how much harder it is to go from america to europe
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yall I want TDS3 tickets so badly 😭 but I don't know who to even go with and I'm not going by myself.... but I'm also seriously thinking I'm just gonna go ahead and try to get tickets on friday anyway
#last year i went with my mom and she enjoyed it#but im not entirely sure she wants to go again#and then my best friend doesn't like kpop at all lmao#but I don't know i might be able to get her to go w me but#i dont know how she'll feel about the traveling in chicago by ourselves thing#bc when we last went there together for a concert we were with her ex and he did the driving#so my last option is my brother lol because i asked the other day if he wants to go to chicago#and he did say yes so i told him attendance at the concert is mandatory#kpop is also absolutely not his genre of music#even though he listens to a little bit of a lot of stuff like country and pop and broadway musicals#like dude you'd love the theatrics of kpop and the gaybaiting they do? thats something he might like#and then one of my choices was my moms best friend bc she said after she saw my moms videos of tds2#that she wanted to go see a kpop concert because she loves showmanship so she saw the eras tour and#fell in love so i think she would like kpop. she loved the wrist light things TS did so lightsticks are definitely#something she'd enjoy and the choreography#i really think it's just the language barrier that's preventing my brother and best friend from wanting to go#and the language barrier that keeps my mom and her best friend from probably enjoying the music as much#because my mom loved one direction so a kpop boyband isn't too far off from that#oh also i think my friend will tell me no because i've already turned her down for plans like a week or two before that#because i won't have PTO to use at work because i'll have just gotten back from a vacay that uses i all#and then i'm gonna turn around and take 2 days off for a concert (travel time sucks)
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i finally pulled the trigger and bought a telephoto lens 😳
#ive been saving for it for a while#and discovered it was WAY cheaper to buy it directly from the manufacturer than from where i was originally going to buy it from#plus the fall duck population has started forming at the pond in front of my apartment building#(we get an insane amount of ducks in the fall)#and i wanted to take pics of them#and also get pics of their babies next spring#AND i want it for when i move across the country next year because we're most likely driving#and if i see wild life i WILL be stopping the car to take pics lol#they speak
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if y’all see a butch dyke out walking her cat with a pretty pink harness…… give her ur number cause that’s me 😘
#🐺#yeah so i’ve decided i’m gonna harness train cricket lolllll#she’s my cat without a doubt#like super bonded to me#and i’ve been thinking about moving in the near future#and i think it would be easier to potentially pack up and drive across the country#if i could just clip the leash on and go#and also it would be fun to hike and camp with her if she takes to it
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Oh boy, I sure hope no one tells me that I shouldn't live my life avoiding people that cause me to have mental breakdowns!!!
#mental illness#vent#i just want to go to the theatre without being scared#i just want to go to a thrift store without being afraid#i want to be calm when i drive by their street#i want to leave my house confidently#and i leave and i put myself in situations that have my body and mind screaming to run i do it every fucking day#i hate when im told what i already know#i shouldnt live like this#i shouldnt have to deal with this#but i do#isnt it lovely?#be kind to each other#most people know what they need to thrive#listen to people with mental illnesses#listen to people with disabilities#so many of us arent “normal” to this system but i swear to god the pain we feel isnt something that can be handwaved away because#“you shouldnt act like that” or “you should be doing more” or “you need to grow up”#this country is actively hostile towards people like me and so many that aren't#to everyone who knows they shouldnt have to deal with what they do#i love you and I'm sorry if anyone has ever made you feel like you're just taking up space#You're human too. you deserve to take up space.
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oh my god cazador’s legendary action is NASTY i’m never actually attempting true honor mode because i could not possibly survive this in one try
#i’ve died twice…. finally broke my streak of never having to retry a battle more than once#i’m going to bed…. also have to drive halfway across the country tomorrow so idk when i’ll have free time to play some more#i need to keep a cazador death tally#no one stands a chance against the monk except cazador with his stupid legendary action#it’s horrible because my monk always has the highest initiative but they don’t do well taking damage. so i can’t get up close to cazador#to punch him to death#if karlach was able to go before cazador it would be so much easier. because she can take a big hit#every single time i’ve failed the cazador fight karlach has always been the last one standing for several rounds after everyone else has#died and cazador has ascended because she’s just unkillable. and i have to slowly and painfully watch her die#AUGH….#missing my wild magic sorcerer bc he just wild magic-ified cazador into a sheep which prevented him from doing his stupid ritual#my next strategy will be relying heavily on dimension door#no one give me tips i have to figure this shit out myself#i’m enjoying myself greatly i love when strategy games make me want to tear my face off#i still can’t get over how absurdly easy orin’s fight was with my monk. compared to cazador’s insane shit#waaaugh…#yeehaws#bg3
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#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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they released the classes for next semester and i’m so 😑 basically the only classes that r in my area of interest which is women’s rights law (which let me note is a VERY broad subject area) are international law classes and i don’t want to take international law 😭 i took an international law class this semester & i just do not enjoy it at all even tho the subject matter is interesting i am just not interested in international law. but like so many of the classes in general r international law i’m like oh so nothing for those of us interested in domestic civil rights law? 😭 bc i am also open to broader civil rights law not just women’s rights but literally like the only stuff is either criminal law which no thank u or an employment/labor law class which i would be interested in but it’s from like 4:30-7pm and it’s like ok kill me i guess. but anyway i am not happy w my options is all. like the classes sound interesting but i think of having to learn abt them from an int perspective & i want to die genuinely do u know or understand how many useless treaties the UN has made (useless bc the UN has no enforcement power)? and do u know how many u can read before u want to blow ur brains out at the thought of reading another? well i do. i was NOT born to be an international law girlie.
#michelle speaks#the thing is that i am certainly interested in doing work to advocate for women on a global scale. HOWEVER.#international law is sooooooooooo annoying i literally hate it. maybe if i can look at the syllabus for the classes i can see if they r#more comparative law ie comparing different countries rather than looking at international law mechanisms bc i cannot do it again.#comparing different countries’ domestic laws i mean. bc that i am fine w. it is just the treaties & stuff i cant stand#bc they r so nothing. they are just aspirational w no enforcement regime. as a law student that drives me insane. like what law is there.#where is the law actually. so yeah i will have to look into them more maybe they won’t be abt those#oh they do have family law though which i am most likely going to take. so that’s smth!#and a reproduction law class but there r only like 16 seats in that so i might not be able to take it#also let me be real w u i dont even really want to take that bc reproduction is such a topical issue i am kind of like. i have heard enough#i mean that like i have learned enough i know so much abt reproduction issues like 😭 i will still try to register for it but like.#sue me for wanting to learn smth new yk……
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omg this basil-ginger veggie stir fry with braised tofu was INCREDIBLE I can see this becoming a staple in my quick weekly dinner rotation. I used this recipe but doubled the sauce (except for the sugar), added a bunch of extra veggies + ginger + red pepper flakes + scallions, and made the tofu in the air fryer (my beloved). YUMMMMMMM. I want to check some labels as I suspect that the sauce mix might have a lot of sneaky added sugar (how else could it be soooo rich and decadent) but yeah this one is a KEEPER.
#jes cooks#woks are incredible how did I let mine go unused all this time#also I feel like apart from Indian food I have explored so little of other Asian cuisines#my SIL recommended this blog and I am psyched that the first recipe is such a winner#maybe I’ll make a recipe from each country in Asia for my remaining new recipes in 2023#also I’ve never lived in a place with so many different ethnic grocery stores#is that a dated term? international grocery stores?#anyway I can get literally any ingredient for any national cuisine within a 5 min drive of my house#it’s amazing and I intend to take full advantage
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I'm sorting & checking files for past exchange students and man I do wish I'd had the grades + motivation to go to the US. Traveling to the UK is complicated but less than taking the damn plane over a whole ocean, y'know?
#like man i am never going to see my mutuals at this rate 😔#i mean that's not the main thing it's more a nice bonus#but like. taking a holiday to the us is a bigger thing than the uk if you live in france#and now i still have to bother with visas and i don't get the european scholarship#but i'm just going across the channel#if i'm going to go live abroad for a year it would have been cool to go all in and leave for the us#but alas. grades not good enough. and my parents aren't rich enoug for that#and i don't think i want to be in a country where the sociopolitical situation is.... like that.#also i can't drive lol#wow i have a ramble tag now
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trying to stop myself buying flight tickets to san francisco
#found return tickets for $1700 with qantas…….#like….#i so could…#i want to do a US trip but 1) i don’t wanna go alone (for safety reasons + i don’t wanna be alone in a foreign country)#2) i don’t want to use all my savings on the trip#3) i feel like it’s too soon (the trip is for february to march 2025 which is not soon but i feel like i need more time)#need one of my friends to take one for the team and come with me fr#also i am way too scared to drive in the US which means i’d have to fly between cities and also use public transport which#american public transport seems way scarier than australian…#maybe im judt biased
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timezones are literally so crazy bc ive never been anywhere further than two hours ahead and that felt so so far in distance like i travelled through multiple coutries to get there. and then there are people who can change timezones without even crossing a border. and thats like. normal for them
#i guess this is just a post about how little space europe takes up. we're so small#ive done like sixteen hour drives going through a handful of different countries. but still all in one timezone. crazyyy
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