#give me good friendships instead
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See you again by Charlie Puth and all them that was written for Paul Walker and Vin Diesel (R.I.P.) can be applied to almost any and all friendship- Ares and Gregor, George Michael and Andrew Ridgely, Curt Smith and Roland Orzabal, Rhysand and Cassian, The Beatles, Keefe and Fitz, Steve and Tony, Natasha and Clint, Aelin and Lysandra, Rowan and Gavriel, Dorian and Chaol, Bruce and Clark, etc etc.
#i love platonic soulmates#so much#they arent in love but they are sooo in love#they are my oxygen#screw ships#as much as i love them#give me good friendships instead#acotar#fast and furious#tears for fears#wham!#besties#platonic soulmates#gregor the overlander#the beatles#keeper of the lost cities#marvel#Throne of glass#dc
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3.13 | į“Źį“ Źį“ź±į“ į“ź° į“Źį“ į“ÉŖį“į“ Źį“Źį“
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link to the post I accidentally wound up prattling endlessly about in the tags š
#doctor who#tenth doctor#martha jones#david tennant#freema agyeman#(good god. without even meaning to I went into 'psycho stream of consciousness tagging' mode. whoops)#always thinking of that one post#where OP mentions how the writing tries to make it seem like Ten looked right through Martha/etc#which is a good concept for demonstrating his grief. but also isnt what we really see throughout S3#(not saying he wasn't a grieving MESS because he was. but he's a multi-faceted character and he can grieve AND value Martha simultaneously)#but we see such fierce protective instinct+trust; a bond between them that obviously isn't some one-sided affair#+ his clear intent to impress her/be admired and respected by her (apropos the post that inspired this sentiment)#but RTD obviously isn't the most infallible of writers#*cough* [list of reasons I cut down b/c long] *cough*#He can make Martha say āhe's not seeing me/he doesn't look at meā but then you just watch with your eyes and you get a different story#It's like the opposite of when Moffat tries to make you believe someone is super important through bold claims without showing his work#instead RTD tries to make you believe Ten is functionally blind to Martha's existence while showing numerous examples of the contrary#then bring in the novels+myspace blog+cartoon that he all signed off on. Which tie together to create a canon backdrop#basically I said all of that to say thisā#it's the whole reason I had to make this blog to get this sort of stuff off my chest (even if it's just for me sometimes)ā#Ten not only SAW Marthaāhe trusted+respected+enjoyed+adored her. And it's a good thing#it doesn't cheapen his grief. I feel like people must think it does which is why I constantly see bad unnecessary takes about them#it just means that Martha was SO important to him and it's ok. they had a killer friendship outside the unrequited minutiae and it's ok#there's even a comic where 'someone' makes him believe she's Martha and he makes her change her appearance because āit's still too rawā#Just saying you don't say that sort of thing about someone whose existence you're all blasĆ© about#Martha already gets fucked by the narrative in enough ways without people totally missing her significance in the Doctor's life#you don't have to ship them to appreciate them on a deeper level#anyway. fuck. if you actually read all of these then I'm so sorry#creating this blog has taught me that there are only like two people who feel the same way about tenmartha matters and itās fine š#but if I didnāt give myself an outlet it would probably form a tumor SO there we are then
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Finally watched tadc ep 4 and ;_;
Gangleā¦ā¦..
(Spoiler talk in the tags)
#I want to hug her and draw with her#she just wanted to follow her passions and be herself nd instead has to juuustā¦ hide behind masks#but her comedy mask did come back. kinda. on its own. and thatās a really important message/bit of symbolism I think#I really love all the little bits of characterization we got here and there#Pomni stepping up even though itās not super fun and trying to work with everyone for the better#(also the gummigoo bit was RUDE AS HELL)#seeing ragatha let loose some and see that sheāsā¦ not really super nice and good all the time#she acts that way bc she wants to diffuse the situations. āI hate you but I donāt want you to hate meā#āI love [ragatha] but it gets hard to tell when sheās being genuineā#it sheds a new light on her character and Iām eager to see how it shakes out when we get more eps#especially hers!!!#and Jax NOT being an asshole was so ?????? he can do that??? bro what?????? fascinating. show me ur layers bunny boy#why are u being nice? is it bc u got tired out? is it bc Pomni seems like she genuinely cares for all of them and he wanted in on it?#or does he actually care under all that jerk face dickery :squints:#AND THEN ZOOBLE MY ANGEL#THEY DID THEIR BEST AND EVEN THO THEY DIDNT HAVE FUN THEY TRIED TO KEEP EVERYONE SAFE AND INCLUDED#and the bit with the spatula hand killed me hfjdjdjdj theyāre trying so hard :ā)#god I love zooble#also can we talk abt the āgiving away pieces of yourselfā thing. how vulnerable that was???#but only to gangle. only her.#those two have a friendship I really love and Iām so glad we got to see more depth to it this ep#also kinger getting to rodeo was hilarious as was Caine n bubble sharing a tongue AND the glitches HFJJDKDK#also also ONE MORE THING. ragatha horse girl and lesbian moment is so funny help me#arty escapades
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mu qing you deserve so much better
#i get that he likes his work but the way the 4 people who've known him from way back see him in a bad light is so funny but sad#xie lian tries giving him the benefit of the doubt while having trauma flashbacks fr#feng xin thinks he tried to murder him??????#hua cheng's just bitter and petty by nature he's fine im not concerned about his opinions#xie lian and mu qing reconciliation should be a default#everyone should not hate mu qing that doesn't make sense#'he's mean' alright so is everyone else from the region get over it#im going to start accusing mu qing haters of classism#he's got a giant sword and burnt his feet in lava can we talk about some other things instead like what about the pride#it's such a funny combination to have a guy who doesn't hate himself think he's treated unfair and then stammer over a friendship request#guy who is no longer a servant showing up to his former employer's mission in disguise like 'yeah i'll help you don't credit me tho'#he hates people bringing up the broom thing but helps xie lian anyway it's so funny he really does know he deserves the status#and doesn't think it's super special or anything but like it's his right#good for him fr#mu qing is so cool everyone should talk about him more
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the truest tragedy of wicked is that elphaba picks fiyero for the lion cub thing and it makes zero fucking sense except heteronormativity so pervasive it exists in OZ???
#ooc. o kaptain.#[glinda upset she doesnāt pick her and girl you have every right. because WHY doesnāt she pick you?? girl canāt even tell you. idk. I never#k. it makes no sense to me every single time I see it. other than the gravitational pull toward a hot guy. which is funny because I LOOOOOVE#book yero. itās musical yero i hate on. but largely thatās becauseā¦ his development to me feels unearned as fuck and a lot of the time his#traits make me go ?????? like the film added him talking to his Horse to finally give the lion cub scene a reason to exist in a semi logical#way. otherwise fiyero just randomly decides vigilantism is The Way for no good reason. but also. WHY doesnāt she justā¦ pick glinda??? they#HAVE enough prior history it wouldnāt be a poor choice. sheās learned she can trust her by then. and thatās why the tragedy of wicked is#that in reality glinda is Not That Girl. I have a lot of feelings about how this is a narrative told BY glinda so SHE can always be read as#SOME central focus. it might not be the protagonist but she becomes the frequent catalyst pleasant in underlying ways. subtextual importance#placed there BY her to convey a store she cannot tell in barefaced words. itās a deeply queer coded lament to a romance that couldāve been#and instead died before it could be. but weāre only sitting squarely in the unrequited camp glinda sees from. (and itās not even unrequited#itās just that she FEELS that way) and so weāre also experiencing her feeling of rejection. which for glinda is a disportionate and insane#concept. she is never rejected. she states outright no one has ever told her no. but itās crazed to me that over and over she not only#allows elphie to deny her but relishes in how she pushes back against her. Glindaās relationship with elphie is so much more than romance#and so much more than friendship and thatās why for good means everything. itās the only time glinda can express the way sheās been changed#to an audience that absolutely cannot accept the comprehension sheās anything but saint Glinda. sheās allowed to say āI was flawed and you#made me betterā and have it received in kind. THATS what love is. walking away with the understanding youāve touched the other positively a#and they will always hold that in their hearts. āfor goodā is v important because āwho can say if Iāve been changed for the better?ā the#entire song is about NOT how theyāve been changed FOR THE BETTER by the other but have been changed FOR GOOD as in PERMANENTLY. no matter#what choice either of them makeā elphaba particularly since she chooses yero (still not forgiving you) ā because they have been changed FOR#GOOD. PERMANENTLY. A HANDPRINT ON ONE ANOTHERāS HEARTS. Iāve been nauseated about this ship for the same amount of years as it takes to#drink legally. I have been sitting on these thoughts for TWENTY ONE FUCKING YEARS. ELPHABA PICKING YERO MAKES. NO. SENSE. EXCEPT IT DOES.#AND THATāS THE TRAGEDY. BECAUSE GLINDA WOULDāVE PICKED ELPHABA.]
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random but is anyone else into yosurise but in a doomed kind of way. like kind of one sided. like a yosuke is into rise in a puppydog kind of way and rise keeps trying to find a relationship but canāt and finally decides to give yosuke a try because at least heās a friend and she knows he wonāt try to take advantage of her being an idol etc. And yosuke is ECSTATIC and wants to give her the world but in an unsustainable kind of way, a desperate āi donāt deserve her but sheās giving me a chance and i need to do anything i can to keep her happyā kind of way. And rise is so flattered and like yosuke is nice but she canāt match that dedication, no one can or should, but itās all so one sided and she feels so guilty about that but she doesnāt want to break his heart or be āmeanā. all while yosuke is becoming almost self destructive by trying to give her āwhat she deservesā but itās an unhealthy level of dedication and itās honestly hurting both of them
#rambles#p4#not tagging this w the ship lol#before anyone even tries anything neither of them are ārightā or āwrongā in this scenario#just a case of two people who arenāt compatible w each other making a relationship unhealthy#like yosuke lacking in self confidence and thinking he isnāt good enough#and rise trying to be into yosuke as much as heās into her but you canāt force that!#and also it can be soooo uncomfortable when someone is way more into you than you are into them#in this scenario she doesnāt break up w him bc I mean heās being so nice. so sheās wondering whatās āwrongā w her#that she doesnāt feel the same way back and canāt force herself to develop those feelingsā¦#btw bc i hate myself this would probably come after rise canāt get over souji no matter what she does or who else she tries to date#sheās a pretty girl so I imagine she would just keep encountering douchebags#and so she decides to give it a try w yosuke bc heās seen the Real her and still likes her right??#meanwhile because itās me ofc itās because souji has feelings for yosuke but canāt bear the thought of ruining their friendship#and so instead he sits off to the side watching his friends drag each other down in a relationship thatās bad for both of them#THIS IS SO MUCH SORRY ITS SLOW AT WORK
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A little art/comic announcement: While Knightfall in Dream Land is still in progress and Iām still working on that Iāve also started plotting out the storylines for both the Daroach backstory comic and the Susie redemption arc comic that I want to do.
Before I started drawing Knightfall in Dream Land I did some very simple pencil sketches with dialogue written on them to get an idea for the direction the story of the comic would go in and get an estimate of how long the finished comic would likely be/how many pages it would likely have. Thatās the stage Iām at right now with the Daroach comic and Susie comic. Iām planning to start posting actual pages for both of these comics in January 2025, because I want to get a little bit further into Knightfall in Dream Land first before I launch the new comics. The final length may vary a little bit depending on whether or not I decide to add more stuff or change some of the dialogue Iāve plotted out, but when Knightfall in Dream Land is finished Iām estimating that itāll be around 34-36 pages, so Iād like to maybe get to page 20 or so before I start posting the new comics. Knowing how slowly I update Iāll probably hit page 20 around late December of this year so January is likely when Iāll be launching the new comics.
Like Iāve mentioned before Iām also still very busy with grad school stuff (Iām working very hard to finish up my PhD in the next year and hopefully get a job lined up if I can so I donāt have to live with my parents when I graduate) so comic updates might get even slower than they already are in the coming months. Thank you to everyone whoās been reading the comic even though I update it really slowly, it really means a lot to me to see people enjoying what Iāve created, and I hope youāll enjoy the new comics too when I eventually start posting them.
#text post#Kirby#my art#Iām still plotting out the storylines for the Daroach comic and the Susie comic but I have some tentative title ideas for both of them#Iām thinking of calling the Daroach comic Second Chances and Iām thinking of calling the Susie comic Incorporated#I have a lot of affection for Squeak Squad as a game since it was the first Kirby game I ever played#and it was one of my favorite childhood DS games in general#so I thought itād be fun to give a little backstory to Daroach and the other Squeaks#and I know that Susie is a kind of divisive character in the fandom but I really like her and find her interesting#and I always see people complaining that sheās not properly redeemed or is still evil#so I thought itād be interesting to come up with a redemption plot for her#in my Kirby AU in general Iām portraying most of the characters as no longer being evil or villainous#like they may do shady or immoral things at times but overall most of them got some character development and became better people#the main theme of my AU the SweetVerse AU is kindness/friendship#so basically Kirby was kind to all of these people and it inspired them to be kinder and do better#idk I understand why other people may like portraying characters as still being evil or being jerks to each other#but I personally donāt feel like thatās very fun and I feel like itās a bit overdone I want to do something a bit different with my AU#I think itās more fun to consider how all the characters would interact as friends/what that dynamic would be like#instead of just writing about or drawing them always antagonizing each other#I also feel like portraying certain characters as still being jerks literally undoes character development they get during their games#idk I just personally donāt find it very fun or interesting to portray everyone as being assholes to each other#I think the friendship angle is more fun and interesting but thatās just me#doesnāt mean they wonāt tease or antagonize each other from time to time but itās all in good fun itās not malicious
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coping with things so well today so iām bragging about it āØ
#had a SMALL emotional reaction to something but then like breathed through it and was very normal#and then something that mightāve made me feel kinda alone and insecure a year or two ago#actually just made me feel happy which is a MUCH preferable reaction#and one that matches the reaction in my head#my emotions are not me#they tell me things but theyāre only a piece of the puzzle and I can still decide how I process things beyond the immediate emotions#also did a bunch more organizing of my stuff for packing#and wrote things in my planner for the first few weeks of school#I already have several plans and events!!!!#and instead of pushing someone away I suggested some plans a few months away#bc that gives both of us kinda a sense of security in the friendship?#theyāre worried about losing me with me going back to school#and Iām worried about losing them bc they have kinda a major obsession w/ someone else rn#(which is pretty cute when my brain isnāt being an insecure dick)#so this makes us both be like āeven if things change we still have plans and our friendship will withstand those changesā#anyway gonna get ready to go walk up a big hill for fresh air#today has been a good day overall#OH AND ANOTHER FRIEND DROPPED BY OUT OF THE BLUE#AND GAVE ME A HAND SEWN EMBROIDERED CHARM FOR BACK-TO-SCHOOL!!!!#and a little card about how theyāre proud of me and will be there for me on this journey!#god now Iām gonna cry#I have the most amazing friends in the whole freakin world#personal
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As much As I LOVE this game to bits and pieces so farā the gameplay can get kinda tedious š esp when you have to redo certain things over and over again
#IM STICKING TO IT FOR THE DIALOUGE/CHARACTERS/ART#(but Iām stuck in act three bc apparently I missed 2 openphrases and I have to do the friendship quest to get-#-mirabelle to read the book on the third floor. AND IM NGL ITS š KINDA GETTING BORING REDOING THIS#Everything in this game is A+ to me besides the gameplay#might be more of a āmeā thing but MAN#and nooooo dont give me the āohhh but thatās the poooint youāre supposed to feel what Siffrin is feelinggggā#WHICH I GET. GOOD META STORYTELLING. but I doesnāt change the fact its a bit boring at certain points#not tryna be āthe whineeeerrrā or anythin but it IS getting to a point where Iām considering watching the playthrough for the rest of it.#instead of playing#<<<CAUSE AGAIN. LOVE THE FUCKING STORY. LOVE THE CHARACTERS. IM STARTING TO KINDA HATE THE GAMEPLAY IS ALL.
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you think you know someone
#two and a half years meant nothing in the face of irrational cruelty and guilt avoidance and lack of basic communication skills#but giving me the benefit of the doubt and not justifying a lack of care and discomfort would mean facing being capable of harm#and they couldn't even handle that. so instead my 'friend' treated me like a threat until our friendship lay in tatters#i am not good at letting go of people who are hurting me. harshest lesson ever
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*chants in increasing volume* ghost AU ghost AU GHOST AU GHOST AU
#dolphin noises#wips#I love me a good ghost AU šššš#Timeline-wise I'm thinking maybe Cedric succeeding in his coup and Asbel arriving at the catacombs too late#Asbel passing right by ghost!Richard like a reversal of that iconic richass shot in the opening~#initially only Sophie can see his spirit due to her own enhanced capabilities#and Asbel can see him when they're all 3 holding hands a la Friendship Pact ššš#but ghost AUs are pretty much inherently tragic since someone's already dead#and if you play this one right you don't even need Lambda. One malevolent spirit is plenty š#Asbel feels guilty for being unable to protect Richard in time but gets a chance to redeem himself this way#by helping Richard with his unfinished business that keeps him from moving on#Initially it's to ensure that his kingdom is not left in Cedric's hands (and maybe get a little revenge)#but Richard's own resentment twists him into wanting to take back EVERYTHING he's lost including things he simply can't get back#Richard's nature turns vampiric as he needs more and more eleth to sustain his continued half existence eventually targeting the valkines#And Asbel who had been so ready to give anything to help Richard realizes his beloved friend is crossing a line. people are getting hurt.#Thus the theme of the story shifts from 'protecting the will to live' to 'learning when to let go'#Poor Asbel having to learn this lesson first. That the best thing he can do for Richard is stop indulging his tainted wishes#and instead grieve together w him over what could have been then move on. It wasnt fair it wasnt kind but neither is what Richard's doing#it's basically the canon story except instead of saving richard and bringing him back it's saving richard and letting him go#it's angsty and bittersweet AF which is how you can tell it's PEAK dolphin AU š
themes of grief and loss and loneliness#helping someone who's lost themselves to obsessive love#'cause that's where Richard's anger comes from. the loss hurts so much because he cared so much. he wanted to fix the world then LIVE in it#dammit this is a half-baked idea and im already weeping š
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misery despair suffering etc etc
#purrs#delete later#two thoughts about separate things both causing the despair. thought / thing number 1 which i think ive talked abt on here many times before#but im saying it again: i am not good at being a friend in the ways my friends need me to be a friend. and in the ways friendship is thought#of societally i guess. i isolate myself constantly. i pull away from the opportunity to get closer with people i donāt know as well. i donāt#text back and then when im finally ready itās been so egregiously long since it was appropriate for me to respond or reciprocate or#whatever it is i am so crushed by guilt and shame and embarrassment that i canāt bring myself to do it. i have so many unread messages and i#wont even let myself open them. and ive been like this for years. and i hurt someone very badly many years ago by being that way. and it was#more complicated than that but sometimes i remember it and how i acted and how i treated them. and i wonder sometimes if they check up on me#and i donāt want to be immature or weird or whatever for talking about it or wondering that openly. but if you do read this and you know who#you are: i am so sorry. i meant whst i said that i would never stop wishing you well and hoping the very best for you. and i hope you have#all of that and more. and im so sorry for not being brave enough to communicate with you or stick around. i really really am. and im sorry#to all the other people i have hurt by pulling away and shutting down and shrinking inside myself and not talking. ik itās weird to post#that instead of just telling people directly but itās the guilt. i am fully aware of how many people / groups of people i owe things to /#for but also justā¦ miss. a lot. and want to talk to even though i wonāt let myself. i donāt know why im like this and i donāt know how to#stop. but im sorry im not a good friend or even acquaintance or community member. and im talking to everyone now i guess including anyone#reading this bc god knows how many asks and messages i have on here. im sorry. i want to be a better friend. but i also never have spoons. a#and i also want to stay spoonless and cocooned on myself forever and never come out. and i hate that. i want to be a friend. i want to be#kind and giving and loving and generous in the ways you all have been with me. i want to hang out with people and send messages and be there#to lift people up and celebrate with them. but all i can muster is tapping like on social media and itās horrific. i have gifts to make and#hello / checking in messages to reply to and roleplay starters to post and i just canāt do it right now and im scared iāll never be able to#again. but itās a self fulfilling prophecy. if i say i canāt do it then iwont. itās not enougu to just be aware of it i have to act on it#and change it. but im exhausted and hurting right now and i have been for years and i need to heal first but what if this is healing.#idk. i rambled on that for much longer than i thought i would so nowim gonna say the second thing in a separate post. and itāll be weird to#post about that in light of this and itāll be weird to post this at all. but its been weighing on me so heavily today and i donāt want#anyone to think im ignoring them or not aware of being like this or whatever. and posting into the void is easier than telling individual#people to your faces even though i know itās cowardly. im really truly sorry. i will try to get better once i have the strength to try.#actually yeah no not gonna say the second thing yet. it would be weird to say it now. this needs to sit a little first
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people that need the proper context and label for every single fucking thing in their lives and need it defined by Some Invisible Authority TM bore me to death. "this is the X space. X space rules state that X space is for doing Y and Z. Therefore in this space we do the assigned Y and Z functions and NOTHING ELSE, because that was not defined within the parameters of the space and IT'S INAPPROPRIATE." "this is a cafƩ; here you order coffee and food and do your job only make eye contact with people you've brought with you or keep to yourself" "this is a club, here you dance and drink alcohol and grind on strangers and suggest sex to people" "this is the supermarket; here you buy grocery and then go home" "this is the feminism circle; here you talk about women according to vague criteria and dont bring up anything else" what if i tell you that you can make a Barista's day brighter by pulling a baby duck out of your pucket and mimicking a duckie voice thanking them and wishing them a lovely day as they're registering your order? what if you debate Hegel's philosophy with someone in a club and you both find out that you've been trying for ages to look acceptable and well-within-the-shallow-lines and you dont have to? what if you go to the supermarket and a grandma asks you to tell them the name of earlier mentioned Duckie and you end up befriending a grandma that introduces you to the best 70s underground obscure psychedelic bands?
The point is, no space is truly defined to contain the full spectrum of spontaneous human expression. You cannot assign protocol behaviors to different "contexts" in a way that doesn't inherently diminish your humanity and kill you inside. the "Normalize blahblahblahā" you dont need normalization, you need your fucking personhood back. The context is you; you happen, other people happen, let yourself happen for fucks sake. "you can't chat a stranger up while you're both standing in line to get movie tickets" listen to meā their bag had a Batman and a Stitch keychain hanging from it, i wanted to tell them that i think Batman and Stitch would be best friends actually, in fact; i did! because here is the thing; i'm alive and i can show love when i feel it and i can do whatever the fuck i want. <3 I'm not gonna wait for some Almighty Invisible Authority TM voice to tell me which parts of my personality are green lighted for which artifically structured context, i'm a whole person, not a fucking puzzle, you dont get to tell me which parts of me do i pick out and leave outside the door as i enter a space. What dies within the inflexible bounds of "expected and appropriate behavior in expected and appropriate spaces" is the intelligent and exhilarating instinct of creativity and spontaneity, and you know what? not on me or my duckie's watch.
#the duckie is a hypothetical entity i dont have a duckie#but he was a necessary plot device for furthering the story's arc#anyway yeah. ''but this context doesn't give me permissionā'' FREE YOURSELF FROM THE SHACKLES OF YOUR INVISIBLE OVERLORDS#YOU ARE YOUR OWN FUCKING PERMISSION#the permission-needing crowd would die if they had to live by the life choices i've made lmaooo good thing they dont have to#but honestly? live a little.#These socially sanctioned contexts wont save you from the inherent humiliation and freedom that comes with being utterly utterly human.#obiding by contextual rules wont protect you#from yours or other people's unbearably faulty and unimaginably endearing and hopeful expressions#i once told about a strange dream i had one night to a guy on tinder and he told me that ''my level of interactions are way beyond the scop#of a dating app'' and that ''this place is for hooking up and sexting''#and i told him that HE had decided that. it was HIS choice to keep to the preconceived arbotrary notions of what that specific chat window#was for. and it was also his choice#to remind me of The Rules to keep things superficial;#he chose that instead of risking to engage a sincere moment of intimacy#and y'all wonder why you never have meaningful friendships and relationships#it's because your protocols kill every chance of potential intimacy#on humanity
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staring at the postcard i drove 1.5 hours and spent $42 in tickets to buy, for my friend who couldnāt get one since the gift shop closed before we could stop by, and wondering why i bothered for someone who just ghosted me after three years of being my closest friend
#i gave this friendship so much grace#iām trying to be open to peopleās faults#and forgive them where i can#and now i just feel so used#well i guess one thing good#is now iāll never try to be actual genuine friends with a cis het man ever again āļø#every single time iāve been abandoned the second the a girl close to them gives them positive attention#this time it just took 3 years instead of 3 weeks or 3 months like before#i hate realizing they saw me just as Girl.#and not a real human friend with dimension#peach posts
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i love community so much man itās seriously one of my favorite shows ever or at least sitcoms ever. i drink my coffee out of a troy and abed in the morning mug every day. i put the fortune teller from the intro in an oil pastel still life that is now a part of my college art portfolio. i own the complete series on dvd.
#itās genuinely such an important show to me in addition to it being funny. i love friendship. thatās what itās about! of course!#i especially love abed. as an autistic person with a film + tv special interest he is very important to me. and also like. itās the#sort of show where itās obviously. unrealistic and no aspirational and a comedy but like. it gives me hope about being an adult. like hey#these fictional characters who are all massive weirdos in their own ways found their people at the worldās worst community college.#and theyāre a mess and insane but they are learning how to be good friends and they care about each other a lot. :(#i like sitcoms in general for that reason a lot of them are like kidās shows where the characters learn a lesson each episode.#community is my little pony friendship is magic if it was about community college students instead of magic horses? is what iām saying#okay goodnight#remy rambles
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for someone that finds it so difficult to connect with peers, its a cruel circumstance to be deprived of any productive familial relationship
#no father a broken mother grandparents who despise us mentally unwell uncles estranged cousins abusive aunts#a lifetime of hurtfully ended friendships#and im crying today after wasting a whole day just because i have nothing that can end this pain because#my mother will always prioritise abusive men and her abusive parents over me and i cant fix her#and i hate her for it. i have so much anger inside me#but she is the only one who has ever claimed to love me#and i will never get another family. ill never have more parents. ill never get my childhood back#i will never know so much love that i only discovered in my adulthood to be something almost everyone else has#and sure i can have a meaningful life of kindness and compassion and responsibility but i will never have unconditional love#this. and now i am free falling through the world#i have to escape and yet anywhere i go i will only be more alone#pacified with feats and impressions and ego. people bragging and trying to attain me. using me. misunderstanding me.#what can i really say to the world? what do i even have to give when im empty?#if one more person says im cool and never makes an effort to know me instead of make them and myself feel ?good? about being ?individualist?#in a way they approve or look up to#they can never understand the pain and separation it takes to be an individual by nature. not choice. not for sport or hobby#for every man I've understood and every friend that ive reassured and validated. ive never once been held myself#ive never been understood and im going to tear concrete apart with my fingernails if i have to feel like this any longer#loneliness so strong i have to build myself a home inside it to survive
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