#getting really bad social anxiety.

[cowsaresushi-coral]

i'm having one hell of a week (today and yesterday really compounded it 10 fold).

[spaghett-onaplate]

depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed

[emoticonnie]

i think to myself, “i want a friend to be insane about this with,“ and then never try. It looks absolutely pathetic

[thedevotionaltour]

actual terrorism against me

[dawnthefluffyduck]

I drew this explanation post for why I was completely inactive for a week, but then felt too anxious and drained to post it, and subsequently disappeared for a second week

Two main blog drawings and one side blog wip later, I remembered I made this and still think it's funny, so even though I stopped being dead (TM) I still wanted to share lol

Brief series of events at work

^^^old, but I'm still taking it easy so posts on both this blog and my alt will continue to be scattered for now

[vifilms]

i’m such a wreck since watching act 3 :(( like what do you mean that’s how it ends??? what do you mean it’s just vi left of her family now?? what do you mean sevika didn’t get to say goodbye to isha or jinx?? jayce and viktor are just gone?? but they didn’t want to go unless it was with each other??? and heimerdinger sacrificing himself for ekko?? i fear i’m going to need 3-5 business days just to process it and then grieve all over again.

it’s been weeks and i’m seriously not over it. honestly, vi’s situation is so heartbreaking and i’m never gonna get over it. sevika not getting to say goodbye and us not seeing that actually gutted me so deeply. my guts are still removed and outside of my body. also, jayce and viktor? that ending scene was just insane. but also perfect. it makes so much sense for them and their entire story. AND EKKO. most underrated character. he really is the savior and everyone SHOULD SAY IT. but yeah, i need to rewatch and really just soak it all in because season two, despite it being rushed and having it’s own faults, is still the most beautiful and detailed animation i’ve ever seen and i’ll die on that hill.

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

honestly it's been really healing being back to actively contributing things and writing out thoughts on tumblr the last week or so, because while twitter tends to be easier for me to write out Thoughts on without getting overwhelmed, the environment in the twitter fandom circles i'm interested in is not only infested with antis but cliqueish in a way that is caustic to the fucking soul if you try to express a thought that's more than three sentences long--a hundred times over if you're autistic in slightly the wrong way--and it's incredibly reassuring to come back to an environment where the very kindest and most inclusive people toward you are not clearly thinking the r-slur the entire time they interact with you lmao

[lilworms]

so

[zafiro-anyejo]

.

[quietlyblooms]

someone explain to me why a crowded grocery store is one of the top ten most stressful places to be bc i was ready to have a meltdown fr 😔

[rosicheeks]

-

[kaesaaurelia]

Tbh I know my boss sounds like a nightmare and he DEFINITELY can be, but I do enjoy that I've found a job where I can be professionally annoying. I always feel like I'm really annoying because social anxiety, but my boss is super forgetful and would rather be annoyed and get things done than be content and forget to do the things, so I lean into it. It's the most confident I've ever felt professionally.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I feel like the post I just reblogged pointing out the all-or-nothing in how many people interact with their deconstruction of systems of oppression is resonating for me right now with so many different moments in my life where someone decides that because some part of myself has access to some of the levers of control/influence/etc that come with the relationship to power, and decides what that must mean about all the other parts of me that might be explicitly refused access to those same levers.

It has happened in so many spaces/aspects of my life, and it can be so hard to feel safe and seen and trusting of others when that's my chronic relationship to being perceived - half truths and obfuscation.

It doesn't really change regardless of who's doing the assuming either. Like, where they land in relation to systems of power may influence which direction they lean in their assumptions about me, but even that is often inconsistent. Both sides of the equation (those who share my marginalizations and those who exist in spaces of closer proximity to power) will still do it nonetheless.

When I was doing my liminal social identities work in undergrad, this was actually a big part of the conceptualization we explored of traumtic alienation of self as individual from self as collective, and what it can do to people to exist in this liminal relationship with your environment and the people in it. As I'm starting to gather my thoughts about my stress modeling, this conceptualization is bubbling back to the surface. I'm finding myself meandering through it on both a path specifically my own, and in an effort to better understand what other paths may be available to people during their version of the process/experience.

Selfhood is so fragile, and so in need of balance between self-construction and co-construction for us humans, and that gives us so many beautiful, even spiritual, experiences of meaning making and generativity of self. It also createa many pivot points where we may find room in our path for vulnerability or blurring of self. As much as these pivot points can be distressing, I think they also sometimes become our foundations of change/personal evolution, when we find that through the distress of existing in shift, something meaningful is occurring or observable in our experience of self-in-transition.

I think something I've valued especially about my own relationship with self is its transience. It doesn't always end up somewhere I would be happy to sustain, but it always allows me a degree of comfort in complexity that I think has made my body-mind a safer place for me overall.

[thelionandtheeagle]

Do you guys wanna see something so immensely Tim Drake it kills the man? (In a good way. Affectionately. I love him so much)

There's so much that could be said here, it's great

[vampire-fanboy]

Rock Trolls shouldn't of been the ones to want to "unite" everyone by making everyone the same as them

said this earlier on twitter but seems easier to say/explain on tumblr idk why anyway

on twitter i said:

"can i speak for a second and say I wish in the second movie it wasn't the rock trolls trying to make everyone the same? its exactly what punk irl isn't about (rock came from punk) idk, I feel it could've been more interesting too if it was a diff type"

(i think some of the things i said there was incorrect like rock coming from punk but who knows i get my timelines mixed up sometimes LOL if that is incorrect ignore i sowy) anyway

i was thinking abt that again bc i think its interesting and like... to talk about it more here like- hm... idk

(click read more or something if you're genuinely interested in this lol)

i wish in the second trolls movie that the rock trolls was not the ones to be trying to make everyone the same as them, i can't begin to describe that is the entire opposite of what "rock" really is, or at least the type of rock they was displaying is the opposite of what it is

they was leaning a bit into the "punk rock" typa vibe with them due to their designs and such, the music not so much but design wise they feel like they lean towards punk rock, and if thats the case we can assume that "rock" in the movie also encapsulates "punk"

so with that being said it bugs me just a tad bit, that rock of all of them was used to be the ones to be like "we want to make everyone like us! make everyone the same to unite us!" bc thats so far from what actual punk is, in fact the whole thing about punk is to go against authority and express ourselves (yk, our differences)

ik im probably nitpicking a bit but i grew up with a punk for a dad (as in he was literally around when punk was formed, 1970's) LOL, its been apart of my life it is apart of my life so i know a bit about punk culture and what they stand for

SO IDK at the end of the day i dont really care, its a kids movie and i can see by default why they chose rock out of their options to be such a role for the movie, but idk! it just makes me a wee tiny intsy bit :( as punk literally does not stand for uniformity, it fights against systems that wants us to all be the same, it fights for individualism

but w/e, punk has that "aesthetic" that makes it easy to be like "wow theyre intense" bc visually they can be intense LOL, they're also easy to paint as """the bad guys""" due to their aesthetic (big quotes around the bad guys as more near the end as we know barb wasnt really trying to be evil, nor in general are the rock trolls aggressive and/or evil inherently)

anyway to end this off i love barb and i love the rock trolls, theyre so awesome i wish we had more time to develop barb a little bit more felt like she didnt get the screentime she deserved imo, live laugh love barb i dont express my adoration for her enough

if i delete this sorry i got anxious i dont expect this to get attention but if it does (positive or negative) im going to delete it (i have bad social anxiety)

soz if you did find this interesting and i delete it blehh

[katyspersonal]

Also @ to anon (or maybe there are two of you? :p) sending me new ER and DS asks almost daily!

I really appreciate the interest and I hope I will be able to get to all of them eventually! You are so kind for this! It is just not only focus and time stuff.. I am also catastrophically unpopular all things considered and not used to attention and interest in my opinions beyond same couple of friends sending me things! Sometimes I even get anxiety and bail on a conversation I myself started when another person shows genuine engagement in it, because I am just not used to it;; Or I remember I once bailed on the idea of drawing doodle requests because I didn't expect to get many of them and got shy

I don't take attention and curiosity for granted at all! It is the opposite problem: I am so used to having to do various attention-seeking and people-pleasing behaviors to get even minimal interaction that I never know how to react when someone shows an interest first, let alone when people want to know my opinions as I literally just sit here and do nothing hjghjjgjhh All this is just to say, I am very thankful but if I am ever too slow or negligent it is not because something was wrong. Brain just starts to lag in unfamiliar situations -_-" Again, it applies to all manners of frozen convos and "ignored" positive interactions, not just asks!