#get a fucking therapist and leave us out of you problems please

[weegeechan]

Everytime I see a post like this, a braincell dies.

It's fucking June, for the love of god shut the actually fuck up please. (I don’t reclaim the word) if your queer BY DEFAULT YOU ARE OPPRESSED. Every year y'all MFs feel the need to jump in this community and start shit. Nobody fucking outside of the internet cares. Please go touch grass.

I don't care how long I know a person, if you harass any of my brothers or sisters I'm beating your ass, every trans man will beat a mofo real quick if you mess with our sisters.

You and others only say this shit online because instead of getting therapy for you issues, you hide behind a username and demonize a group of people you know have little to no voice so you can get off to thier interaction

Less fucking conflict and actually support each other, we don't need baseless rhetoric from sad people when we have our fucking rights being taken away by walking dead people who think we live in the 1820s because thier to stupid to get with the times.

Reminder that transmascs oppress transfems

This shouldn't be a controversial fact in queer spaces, but unfortunately..because TMEs dominate them, it is

[xianle-quartet-shenanigans]

incorrect quotes pt 2

Xie Lian, in a high voice, holding Barbie: Hey, Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

Feng Xin, in a deep voice, holding Ken: Nonsense, Barbie. You’re staying home and having my kids.

Mu Qing: What the fuck are you guys doing?

Xie Lian: Playing systemic oppression.

---

Mu Qing, texting Feng Xin: Any plans for tonight?

Feng Xin: No.

Mu Qing: Loser.

---

Feng Xin: Mu Qing! For the love of god, please turn down that music. I have a hangover.

Mu Qing: *blasting the mii theme at full volume* That sounds like a you problem, not a mii problem.

---

Hua Cheng: *chokes on something*

Feng Xin: Crimson Rain, don't die on us.

Hua Cheng: Don't tell me what to do, I'll die whenever the hell I want!

---

Xie Lian: Why do you look like that?

Mu Qing, laying face-first on the floor: Like what?

Xie Lian: Like you’re dead.

Mu Qing: It’s because I’m dying. Leave me here to perish.

Hua Cheng: Zhen Xuan accidentally called Nan Yang “babe” in front of everyone today.

Mu Qing: *sobs into the floor*

---

Xie Lian: Hello, my name is Failure, and you're watching my life crumble into pieces.

Xie Lian: *waves his finger and sings like he's in a Disney Channel intro*

---

Mu Qing: You use emoji’s like a straight person.

Hua Cheng: That’s literally the worst thing anyone has ever said about me.

---

Hua Cheng: No homo. We’re fresh out. We should get a new shipment in on Monday.

Feng Xin: Can you check in the back?

Xie Lian: There might be some in the closet.

---

Mu Qing: Now it's time for some witty back and forth banter. You go first.

Xie Lian: *sobbing*

Mu Qing: Look, I'm not sure where to go with that.

---

Feng Xin: ARE YOU-

Hua Cheng: Fucking.

Feng Xin: KIDDING ME?! YOU-

Hua Cheng: Fucking.

Feng Xin: IDIOT!

Mu Qing: …What was that?

Hua Cheng: His Highness banned Nan Yang from swearing, so I’m helping him out.

---

Mu Qing: I wish I had more enemies.

Hua Cheng: I’m sure you will someday, honey.

---

Xie Lian: Anyone down to take couples counseling and see at what point the therapist realizes we barely know each other?

Hua Cheng: Idiots to lovers, 20k words, angst with a happy ending.

---

Mu Qing: Any tips on how to make someone like me?

Hua Cheng: Try to make them laugh all the time.

Mu Qing: Oh, wow! You actually help me for once, and it's even good advice!

Hua Cheng: Yeah, the more they laugh, the more time they spend with their eyes closed, so it'd be easier.

[watarfallar]

Desert Duo treats because it's a week until Christmas

Grian: I’m going to get so much done today. Scar: I’ll hold you to that. *8 hours later* Scar: So how much did you get done? Grian: One thing. Scar: Well, that’s one more than usual.

Scar: So my therapist was talking to me and she said that I really just need to break down my walls and let people in. Scar: So I’ve decided to break the fourth wall. Scar: *looks at camera* Hi there. I use humor as a coping mechanism.

Scar: Hey, are you alright with swearing? Asking for a friend. Grian: Yeah? Scar: Bitch.

Grian: *Gives a bouquet to Scar* Scar: You know I'm allergic. Grian: That's the point.

Grian: Is this mistletoe? Scar: Uh, no, no, that is basil. Grian: Too bad cause if it was mistletoe I was gonna kiss you. Scar: Yeah, no, it’s still basil.

Grian: What have I done wrong?! Scar: Everything. For your entire life.

Scar: If it’s any consolation, they got me here on a very misleading text message. Grian: Technically, you are about to be screwed in the biology room.

Scar: What is wrong with you? Grian: Many, many things… Grian: And most of them are your fucking fault.

Scar: Live fast, die young, leave behind a pretty corpse! That’s what I always say! Grian: You should say something else.

Grian: My back hurts. Scar, walking into the room: Take the spine out.

Scar: Everything will be ok. You can not stop it. Scar: Everything will be fine. You have no choice. Grian: What the fuck kind of pep talk is that? Scar: Ominous positivity.

Grian: Scar, what did you just do!? Scar: I took your advice. I stopped running from the problem and I tackled it head on. Grian: I meant try emotional honesty, not murder!!

Scar: I’ve become a bread crumb dealer to four crows at the lake. They pay me with a bit of everything. Like shiny things, fabric, or pens. But recently they paid me with a 20 dollar bill they found somewhere. So I decided to buy them some more expensive bread. They loved it. So they understand what to do. Give me money. I’ve probably racked up about 200 dollars at this point. Is it morally wrong though, I mean. They’re the ones who steal the money from others. Or perhaps they just have a big pile laying somewhere. Should I keep on doing this? Grian: You sound like the start of a Batman villain.

Scar: Detective! The man belonged to some kind of cult that worshipped a divine forest creature with antlers and that’s how he met his end. Grian: Dear God! Scar: Yeah! Exactly!

Grian: You've got to act tough, Scar! Show 'em you can't be pushed around! Show 'em they can't mess with you! Scar: Right. Yes. Tough. Got it. Scar, standing up on their stool and slamming their hands down on the bar: I'LL TAKE A CHOCOLATE MILK.

Grian: Fight me! Scar: gets on one knee and pulls out a ring Scar: Fight me for the rest of our lives.

Grian: Don’t preach to me about romance, Scar. I had a three-way in a hot-air balloon.

Scar: What’s sexting? Grian: I'm not having this conversation with you.

Grian: If I ever had a child, I imagine they would be a lot like you. Scar: Aww, thanks— Grian: Which is probably why I’ve never reproduced.

Scar: What’s your greatest weakness? Grian: Interpreting the semantics of a question, but ignoring the pragmatics. Scar: Could you give an example? Grian: Yes, I could.

Scar: Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time? Grian: AS ENEMIES?! Scar:

Scar: I desire moisture. Grian: Please just say "I want water" like a normal person.

Scar: Babe, you're so funny! Grian: We have 1492 days until your tragic premature death. You will break my trust three times before that happens, but I forgive you. Scar: Awwww, that's sweet of you!

Grian: I didn’t want to do it, no one else wanted to do it, so I made Scar do it!

Scar: You got a date yet Grian? Grian: No… Scar: Well you do now! Get your ass up and hold my hand!

Grian: Dammit, you ruin everything! Scar: You're welcome.

Scar: They called me the B-word. Grian: Motherfucker doesn’t start with ‘b’.

Scar, talking about Grian: WHAT THE FUCK I WAS ARGUING WITH HIM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? HE DID. HE KISSED ME. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO I DO.

[missjomarch]

Josephine - Luke Hughes

A/N: This is the longest thing I have ever written. Like actually. I heard the song Josephine by Pony Bradshaw and my brain was begging me to do something creative with it, so I wrote this. But I'm on my period so it turned very sad and angsty quickly. So now you all get to suffer along with me! With that said please please read the warnings and if at any point you feel uncomfortable click away.

Word Count: 3.7k 😳

Warnings: Grief and angst with no real happy ending or comfort. Cursing, crying, mentions of blood and pain. A half second on 18+ content but no explicit details.

(Portions in italics are flash backs. Enjoy, lovelies. 🫶)

Luke Hughes sat sprawled in one of the cushioned armchairs spaced across the rooftop bar the New Jersey Devils currently resided on. His view of the New York skyline was fuzzy, but he wasn’t sure if it was because of the beer in his left hand or the smoke from the joint in his right. The one thing he was sure of was that he didn’t want to be here, and he damn sure didn’t want to be sober. Luke could feel the pitying looks from his brother and captain all the way across the bar, but at least they hadn’t made any comments tonight. 

The team had won the game earlier in the day by a large margin and Luke wasn’t beating himself up over minuscule mistakes like he used to. No, that wasn’t the issue. In fact, Luke was playing some of the best hockey he had in years. His on-ice performance was probably the only reason he was even still on the team, considering that he had been skipping most morning skates and all public appearances for the past few weeks. 

He had seen the therapist the team provided and taken the weeks off that the trainers had suggested, so he isn’t sure why they insist on continually doing mental checkups on him. It was irritating. Especially when he didn’t give them the answers they wanted, so they sent Jack to pester him instead. All it did was remind him of you. 

“Luke.” 

His head snapped towards where you sat in the passenger seat of his car, eyes shining and a soft smile on your lips. 

“The light has been green for like 30 seconds, babe. What’s going on in that pretty head, hm?” 

Luke always swore that your sweet voice could melt 20 feet of snow in the dead of winter. It was like coming home from a long day to a warm house. It was one of his favorite things about you. So, because he knew you’d ask the question again, he simply shrugged his shoulders in response. He fully planned to keep his troubles to himself in an attempt not to worry you, but then your manicured hand was running through the curls at the nape of his neck.

“Tell me about it, Lu. What’s wrong?” 

With your use of the nickname, he was gone. Suddenly all the world’s problems were spilling from his lips, and he couldn’t stop them even if he wanted to. You tended to have that effect on people. You were just so damn easy to talk to. And the best part? You almost always knew how to make it better. A quick kiss and a Band-Aid, and Luke was back on his way with a smile. 

“Luke,” you mumbled, “Luke…” 

“Luke.” 

Jack stood in front of his brother, shaking his shoulder to break him from his trance. 

“You okay?” Jack questioned, not missing the shine in Luke’s eyes as they were torn from the skyline view. He watched as Luke took a deep drag from the joint in his hand, exhaling the smoke as he attempted to clear the lump from his throat. 

“Fine, Jack.” 

“Bullshit,” Jack couldn’t help the scoff he let out, “Get up, we’re going home.” 

Luke didn’t have it in him to argue. Not that he would have, anyway. He never wanted to leave the house in the first place, especially after the situation Jack got him into the last time they had gone out. 2 months ago, his brother had dragged him to this same rooftop bar insisting that it’d be good for him to get out there again. It took all of 30 minutes before Jack was pushing Luke in the direction of a random girl. “A good fuck will fix you right up”, Jack had claimed. 

“Luuuuke,” the girl below him moaned as he kissed down her neck. He didn’t know her name, didn’t particularly care to either. He was a bit too busy resenting his brother for setting him up with this random girl in the first place. 

He tried to ignore the hot anger flowing through him, tried to focus on the heavy breathing of the blonde and the way her nails were raking down his back. Luke’s hands dipped under her shirt, quickly finding her bra and giving it a harsh tug downwards. His fingers fumbled deftly until they gripped her tits, drawing a sharp gasp from the girl. 

“Oh! Lu, please,” she whined. When he didn’t respond, she went to pull his face to hers. But Luke had froze, brain short circuiting at the nickname he hadn’t heard in over 8 months. 

His throat was burning. His breath turned ragged as he yanked his hands from beneath her shirt. He stared at her with wild eyes, chest heaving. 

“Get out,” he ground out. His heart was pounding. What was wrong with him? 

“Are you okay?” The blond started back at him with a horrified expression, and Luke had to bite his tongue to keep from spitting out any malicious words. The metallic taste of blood filled his mouth as he squeezed his eyes shut. 

“Leave, please.” He begged, unable to look her in the face.

“Luke, I don’t understand,” she tried to reason, “Luke…” 

“Luke.” 

Jack was looking at him expectantly from the driver’s side of his sleek BMW as he navigated the late-night New Jersey traffic. Luke blinked slowly, trying to clear the bitter memory from his foggy mind. 

“Sorry, what’d you say?” Luke questioned, choosing to ignore the concern blaring in his brother’s eyes. Jack seemingly decided to let it be, instead jumping back into whatever he originally asked. 

“I was asking if you thought the stadium series would be a good time to introduce Sydney to mom and dad? I know it’s only been a few months, but I don’t know when they’ll be in town again.” 

Luke nodded, “Are you just going to do it at dinner? Or the hotel?” 

Jack hesitated, clearly contemplating the options before lighting up, “What if I brought her to the family skate? She’s been wanting to learn anyways! It be just like when you brought jo-” Jack choked on his words, immediately recognizing his mistake. He turned towards his brother, attempting to get a read on his face in the dim light of the passing streetlamps. But Luke had already shut down, face turned to stare blankly out the window. 

Jack reached over to give a comforting squeezing to Luke’s left shoulder, “Luke.” 

“LUKE!” you squealed as your hands white knuckled his sweatshirt. He giggled at your skating stance before pulling you to his chest. 

“You alright there, Bambi?” He smirked down at you as you sent him a glare. 

“I’m new to this, asshole. It’s not my fault my teacher is no good,” you threw back at him. It was your turn to smirk as Luke’s mouth hung open in mock offense. 

“I’ll have you know that I’ve taught hundreds of kids across the state of New Jersey how to properly skate.” 

“Those poor kids,” you quickly retorted, sticking your tongue out as he scowled at you. However, that scowl quickly faded into a look of mischief and your face dropped as his arms loosened around you.

“Fine. Suit yourself, Bambi.” Luke let you go, giving you the lightest of shoves backwards. Then you were stranded. Forced to watch as your boyfriend skated backwards away from you, leaving you wide eyed and terrified as you froze on the ice. Your fear quickly turned to anger, and Luke marked the shift in your demeanor with a laugh. 

“Luke Warren Hughes, you come back here and get me right now.” 

“Nope. Come and get me, baby.” Luke winked at you as he skated past, only serving to further frustrate you. You’d never admit that his plan was working, but the anger was motivating. You let out a strangled groan before starting to shuffle forward, sliding your skates like Luke taught you. You were doing well for a while, slowly making your way towards where Luke was taunting you from the boards behind the net. That was until two kids flew past you, knocking you off balance and sending you scrambling to regain it. 

“Luke! Luke, Luke, Luke,” you called, too focused on your slipping feet to notice if your boyfriend was coming to your aid. Then you lost balance completely, tumbling down towards the ice. You closed your eyes as you avoided flinging your arms out to catch yourself, still heeding Luke’s warnings even as he got you in this mess in the first place. You prepared yourself for the cold hard burn of your backside hitting the ice, but it never came. Instead you landed in a pair of unfamiliar arms, barely recognizing that you weren’t on the ground before being hauled to a standing position. You carefully turned around and were met with Jack’s smiling face. 

“Knight in shining armor, at your service,” Jack grinned, adding a small salute for effect. You rolled your eyes, scanning the ice for Luke. 

“How long have you been following behind me?” 

“Ever since Luke pretended to leave you stranded. He planned the whole thing, I was behind you the entire time to save you from your inevitable demise,” Jack poked you, smile growing impossibly wider at the annoyed look gracing your face. 

“Big words for someone who never went to college,” you shot at him, needing anything to level the playing field between you. It was then that Luke finally returned, skating to a smooth stop to your left. 

“What’d I miss?” 

“Your girlfriend was insulting my intelligence after I graciously saved her precious be-hind,” Jack spoke, adding a bit more than his usual sassiness into the bit. Luke turned to tsk at you. 

“Now, now baby. We can’t make fun of people just because they’re less fortunate than us. It’s not Jacky’s fault he’s stupid,” Luke joked, loving the way your eyes lit up when you realized that he was joining your side. Jack, however, stood slack jawed across from you. 

“Now what the hell, Luke? I went along with your little plan, and this is how you repay me?” You and Luke just blinked at him, silly little grins sitting on your face. “Go to hell, both of you,” Jack scoffed before skating off. Once he was gone, you turned towards your boyfriend. Your pout returned, but it was quickly kissed away. 

“I promised you I’d never let you fall, baby. I just never said it’d be me who caught you.” 

You scowled, “you’re such a smart ass.” 

“Love you too, Princess,” Luke grinned. You begrudgingly allowed him to pull you into his chest, the warmth he radiated melting the glare right off your face. 

You turned your head to press a kiss into his jacket-clad chest, right over his heart. A warm smile graced your lips, “I love you, Lukey.” 

“Lukey!”

John Marino stood before him on the ice, stick poised to do the defensive drill coach had instructed them on. 

“You’re out of it today, kid. Are we going to do this drill or not?” 

“Yeah, my bad. Let’s go,” Luke nodded his head, once again trying to shake the thoughts of you from his mind. He had just barely cleared his vision before the puck was dropped, and John was racing towards him. Practice continued like that, Luke losing focus periodically until one of his teammates pulled him back into the moment. 

When he trudged into the locker room an hour later, he was more than ready to go home. These were usually the days he would most appreciate having you to come home to. Leaving a hard practice and coming home to fall asleep in your arms was the best feeling. He tried not to think too much about the gaping hole that memory left in his chest as he untied his skates. 

Once he was dressed in his sweats he rushed from the locker room, hoping to escape the arena before anyone could question his mental wellbeing. Luke made it to the car without any hounding from the guys or trainers, but he had to wait for what felt like an eternity before Jack finally made his way into the parking garage. 

“What the hell took you so long?” Luke questioned, hopping into the passenger seat as Jack unlocked the car doors. 

“Coach wanted to talk to me for a second. You could’ve gotten the keys from my bag, yknow.”

“Yeah, but then I would’ve been tempted to leave you here,” Luke smirked at his brother. 

Jack only rolled his eyes, all too familiar with Luke’s teasing. His mind swirled with the reminders his coach had left him with after their brief post-practice discussion. Coach was getting extremely concerned about Luke and the lack of focus he displayed at practice and games. Jack was also concerned, and so was most of the team. He knew he should bring it up, but the joy in Luke’s eyes was so rare these days that Jack couldn’t bring himself to disturb it. He just wanted to support his brother the best he could, but Luke wouldn’t open up to him. Or anyone, for that matter. Not his mom, not Quinn, not even his old teammates from Michigan. Luke wouldn’t talk to anyone about you.  So Jack took what Luke gave him. Watching late night hockey, Door Dashing dinner, or playing video games for hours on end. Anything to keep his brother occupied, and make him realize that he wasn’t alone. 

Luke finally made his way into his room at 11 pm later that night, feeling relatively okay after eating dinner and watching a Canucks game with Jack. He had felt so unlike himself lately that any small reprieve from reality was a welcomed gift. He also knew that it helped Jack worry about him just a little bit less. 

Luke had just turned out his bathroom light after brushing his teeth when his door creaked open, revealing Jack standing in the doorway. It wasn’t unusual for Jack to check on him before bed, but it had recently become more frequent. 

“You good to leave for practice at 8 tomorrow?” Jack questioned. 

Luke nodded, “Yeah, I’ll be up.” 

“Better be. I’m not in the mood to drag your ass out of bed in the morning.”

Luke rolled his eyes, but the wary look on Jack’s face made him hold his tongue on the snarky response he was about to shoot back. 

“Promise, I’ll be good to go at 8.”       

Jack deemed that a good enough answer, and went to shut the door.

“Alright. Night, Luke.” 

“Luke…” you shakily whispered on the phone. Your voice was wobbly and high pitched, the tears streaming down your face evident in your tone. 

“Baby?” Luke spoke into the phone, “What’s wrong?” 

It was an hour and a half until puck drop, and you should’ve been on your way to the stadium by now. Luke’s furrowed brows caught the attention of Jack in the next stall over, stopping his movements from where he was lacing up his skates. 

“I was on my way to the arena, and I…” a broken sob escaped your mouth, startling Luke as he tried to fathom what could’ve possibly happened after he left the house. 

 “Someone hit me.” 

Luke jumped to his feet, “What do you mean hit you? What happened?” 

“I don’t know. Someone ran a red light or something and they hit my car. I think I spun into a pole,” your breath was growing ragged as you recited the wreck. 

“Are you okay? Where are you? I’m coming to get you,” Luke rushed out as he began grabbing his clothes back out of his bag. Half the locker room was staring now, all with varying looks of concern. 

“I don’t know what to do. I’m bleeding,” you squeaked. “Lukey, there’s so much blood.”              

This sent Luke into a panic. He was stripping his gear as fast as humanly possible while simultaneously yelling at Jack to give him to car keys. Jack’s concerns fell on deaf ears as Luke undressed, and he finally decided that following Luke was the safest option. 

“No. You’re okay, baby. I just need you to tell me where you are, okay? I’ll be there so soon, just tell me where,” Luke begged. He knew logically that the cops would arrive before he could, but he needed to be there with you. 

“Don’t know. But my head hurts so bad,” you whimpered out. Luke tried to ignore the way he could hear your voice weakening as you spoke. 

“Just stay on the phone with me, love. I’m on my way to come get you, yeah?”

Luke tried to reassure you as he shoved his feet into his shoes and rushed from the locker room. Jack was hot on his tail, car keys in hand. 

“ ‘m sorry, Lu,” your whisper was barely heard by Luke as he sprinted down the hallways of Prudential Center. 

“For what, love?” 

“I wanted to be at your game tonight,” you mumbled. 

“It’s fine, baby. There’ll be a million more games for you to come to, yeah?” 

Luke attempted to comfort you as he searched for your location, plugging it into the GPS as Jack pulled out of the parking garage. Luke could only hope the pregame traffic wouldn’t get in the way. 

“Mhmm. Lukey?” 

“Yeah, baby?” 

Your voice was barely a whisper, “I love you.” 

Luke swore he could feel his heart shatter at the crack in your voice. There were tears streaming from his face as he pushed Jack to drive faster. 

“I love you too, princess. So much. Jacky and I are going to be there so soon. I just need you to hang on for a few minutes. Can you do that for me?” 

Luke’s voice was frantic and only grew more so when he heard your phone tumbling out of your hand. 

“Baby? You’ve gotta stay awake, okay?” Luke pleaded, as tears streamed down his face. His hands shook where he held the phone to his ear. 

“Baby? Please tell me you’re okay. I just need you to say something.” 

Luke’s begging continued until the line went dead. 

“Fuck,” Luke muttered, sobs beginning to wrack his body. Jack looked at him frantically as he continued to navigate the streets of New Jersey. 

“Luke? What the hell happened?” Jack kept spitting questions, but he might as well have been talking to a brick wall. “Snap out of it, Luke.” 

“Luke.” 

Luke awoke to Jack shaking him violently, and he tasted the salty tears streaming down his face before he felt them. ‘No. Not again,’  Luke thought. He shot up in bed, sending Jack scrambling backwards to avoid knocking heads. Luke’s head whipped back and forth wildly as his eyes searched the room. ‘Please, please, please,’ he begged the universe. He ignored the way his brain reminded him of the truth, ignored his brother’s pitying look, ignored the cold bed beside him where you should’ve been. It was if the whole world was pointing and laughing at his grieving heart. ‘Look at this idiot,’ they all seemed to say, ‘He still thinks he can save her.’ 

“Fuck,” Luke exhaled, finally giving up his futile attempts at disproving what he knew was his reality. 

Jack stared as his younger brother lost himself to grief once again. Watching as Luke’s hands disappeared into his curls, head bowed as sob after sob wracked his body. Jack felt helpless knowing he couldn’t take this pain from his little brother. All he could do was hold him and promise to be there through it all. 

“I can’t keep doing this,” Luke whispered into Jack’s shoulder. “Every time I wake up, I lose her all over again, and I can’t do it anymore.” 

Jack hesitates, unsure exactly what to say in this situation. You were always the one with the best advice, the one who could handle anything. 

“We’re going to get you through this, okay? You’re not alone in fighting this,” Jack paused, contemplating how to suggest his next thought. “I know you think you’re fine, but I really think you need help Luke. She would want you to get help.” 

Luke nodded, knowing his brother was right. You would hate to see him like this. Ever the caretaker, you had always been the first person to chastise him for not taking proper care of his mental health during hockey season. If you saw him like this, you’d pull him into your arms and then absolutely rip him a new one until he promised to take care of himself. 

“I know,” Luke mumbled, “I’ll start seeing a therapist. I think I need to step away from hockey for a bit too. It’s not fair to the guys that my mental health is affecting the team performance.” 

“I think that’s smart,” Jack agreed. “The guys might not understand what you’re going through, but they know it’s not your fault Luke. They want you to get better too.” 

Luke could only nod, trying to accept Jack’s words as the truth and fight the part of his brain that was saying this was all his fault. Luke was so tired, but he wasn’t willing to go back to sleep when he knew memories of you was what awaited him. 

“I’ll call the trainers tomorrow. I don’t really want to go back to sleep, can we watch a movie or something?” 

“Of course,” Jack agreed, despite the exhaustion weighing him down. “I’ll even let you pick.” 

A slow, knowing grin spread across Luke’s features, “Even Secretariat?” 

Jack’s sigh could be heard all the way in New York, but he smiled nonetheless. Just happy to see that Luke was making small steps towards returning to himself. 

“Even Secretariat.” 

So that’s how Luke and Jack spent their evening, watching movies and eating obscene amounts of popcorn. Luke had smiled to himself for most of the night, feeling a weight lifted off his shoulders. He knew the process would be slow and that he might never truly get back to ‘normal’. But admitting his pain and asking for help, that was enough for now. 

[thehelltingvilleclub]

May Osewai - Crippling Case of the Cringe

you better hope to god she isn't actually sadako, because she will judge you on your search history on her way through your browser--

Mayumi “May” Osewai [09/09/81] Secretary of Manga AOL / Online Users : [sadako_chan] Theme Songs: Living Dead Girl - Rob Zombie | She’s Out of Her Mind - blink-182 | FUNERAL GREY - Waterparks

Favorite Shit: Anime Adaptations, Visual novels, Horror / Gore, Battle Royale(s), Monster Movies, Slasher Flicks, Acrylic Stands, Hard Covers, Asian horror, Foreign Films, Evangelion : Neon Genesis, Ghost in the Shell, Corpse Party, Torrent Sites, The X-Men, Spawn, Teen Titans, Accurate Translations, Uncensored Doujins, Silent Hill, Serial Experiments : Lain

Dude get this girl a therapist and someone other than a rabid werewolf for a brain-worm weird fluttery thought friend GUEHAKL. please. please. With literally no other friends and no longer in an environment surrounded by.. "peers", she kind of has no choice but to keep putting up with Bill despite how much of a creep he gets sometimes. They're like a family.. A horrifically disfunctional family that should maybe only meet every other christmas, and yet they're glued together despite it all. It has to be karma punishing them, right?

We are the weirdos, Mister.

This poor girl has a really bad anxiety problem and is also horrifically oblivious to a lot of things which is not a good combo. She hates the thought of missing something or making someone upset by having to make them explain, but good god she cannot read a room sometimes--

She also maybe most definitely has autism. that might have something to do with it..

She masks well enough that she genuinely just thought she was "weird" and just kinda accepted it when she moved to the states. She didn't even start to think about it until Jerry started bringing up the shit he learned in therapy.

She honestly is just kinda.. Blunt? good or bad, though she does have enough forethought to keep the bad thoughts to herself most of the time. It's more in a quiet "wait, what did she just say?" kind of way.

She struggles to express actual internal monologue, her actual emotions and thoughts on the boys, but she shows it in.. other ways.

She genuinely cares about the boys, yes even bill, though he's like.. Like if Jane and Bill were closer in age and Bill actually wouldn't leave her the FUCK alone.

Though it's not like Pete's any better-- he always so weirdly macho and it's... kinda funny? Weirdly endearing? Like a little terrier going going absolutely ballistic on the screen door. Heh. cute.

May has designed entire pokemon decks and trainer teams for the boys. They'll get posted eventually I promise vuv

She absolutely tries to play card games with Jerry and Matt, though she really only likes the play Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh, but she'll happily watch the two smears duke it out.

its kinda funny seeing Matt lose every once in a while.

May and Josh argue about Evangelion ALL THE TIME and it's honestly annoying but it's also very funny to see Josh get flashbacks about asuka--

She is also one of the first people Josh goes to to hang out with, even if it's just over a phone call.. well, at least for a while. He likes to talk, so she just kinda doodled mindlessly or painted her figures while listening.

... she could tell he needed it.

ALso girls omg she is still the clumsiest woman I have ever seen. She might need a new prescription like seriously.

May got a job at the local family video, so you bet your ASS Pete harasses her at work whenever he can sneak out of his own work duties. He's lucky he's cute...

She may be oblivious to some emotions, but she's not stupid.

She collects stuffed animals, but mostly pokemon plushies and assorted horror mascots. She is still really embarrassed about having them, but literally can't sleep if she doesn't have at least one like it's a problem--

She is also like icy cold. All the time. like she just pulled her hands out of the freezer. Pete uses this as an excuse to hold her hands because he's a fucking smear I swear to god he needs to grow some BALLS

ALSO HI CAN I TALK ABOUT HER SHIRT FOR LIKE 10 SECONDS ITs an indie japanese-canadian band called "Rotten Cherries" and it does rock covers of japanese pop music and even some remakes of songs by The Cranberries and Boa

THanks guYs

Also I enjoy the reference pic for her pajama shorts LMAO

GUYH Have May.

Also sorry for repeat info at the top, it's to keep with the formatting fhdsjkafinfdsajhfkdlsfhl

[akirathedramaqueen]

A little bit of mumbling about the Full Moon episode and Stolitz drama

ALERT: multiple Helluva Boss spoilers, so, please, be advised

Yea, it's another episode of "I can't get over relationship issues of a red lizard and a tall owl", so buckle up, and let me give my share of thoughts about how important was what we have seen in the "Full Moon" episode.

I appeciate if you read it, because it's quite big and I realise, that not much people like longreads, but I desperately wanted it out, and I wanted to try to engage with HB community, as I saw so many wonderful points, analysis, and observations out here.

So... let's go, I guess!

The Growth Concept

Once, my therapist told me, that sometimes, the only way to grow and do better is to face a challenge you cannot avoid anymore, albeit desperately would want to. We do not grow, when everything is convenient and stable, no matter whether "stable" means stability or stalling. We grow, when life pushes us to do so, when we have nowhere to run anymore. When there is... when there is just no other way.

The Full Moon meeting, albeit infinitely sad and hurting, was the challenge for them to become the better versions of themselves. Stolas caused the rumbling, something you cannot take back anymore, something which couldn't be returned to status quo. It was very brave of him to do so, to give the chance to be open and vulnerable for a change.

"It's... we're not... it's not a... It's a transactional fucking, you see" - S1EP5. As you may witness here, in S2EP8, exhibit A is clearly not happy with the transactional deal ending in his favor

But could it be better than that?

Even before the episode came out, I don't think anyone had expectations for the meeting to not turn out ugly. Trailer already hinted at that, and, besides, their earlier interactions gave nothing of "let's communicate" vibe.

Stolas was not clear about wanting to talk their issues out, the viewer was the only one who knew he longs for that. Yes, you may say that Stolas *suggested* to discuss what happened at Ozzie's, as we have seen at the end of the "Western Energy" episode, but immediately retreated after, I am sorry, a simple question "why?". It does not mean "no", yet, Stolas instantly gave up and fell into one-side poor explanation of what he thinks happened, not giving Blitzø space to engage.

People also like to mention Blitzø's one-liners of an answer, implying him not wanting to do anything with Stolas, but I want to point out how Stolas himself bolted out of every opportunity to meet. Blitzø never said "no" clearly, and still Stolas cut every opportunity out.

Notice also how Stolas's messages are much more complicated and over-explaining, while Blitzø's are extra short and on point. I think it also shows in how different environments they were raised in, with Stolas knowing royal etiquitte, where everything is a sub-text, intrigue, rules, and no one is quite clear on intentions, and Blitzø not giving second thought about what leaves his mouth, or, in the case of messages, textbox. It's not only in their ability to simply write grammatically accurate, it's in their style of communication, culture even, where the problems of Stolas is to play the politics, and Blitzø's problem is to simply stay on float for another day.

And Blitzø? Hell, my poor man is deaf, blind, mute, and emotionally illiterate. It took Fizz 40 seconds to crack the case open in the "Oops" episode, and Blitzø didn't even pick up on it, despite being said twice he is wrong about Stolas. He would never come to *that* conclusion himself, even if the whole show cast will scream "STOLAS LOVES YOU" in his face. How can you expect him to even try to comprehend hints in behaviour and messages? And don't be fooled by his "it's only transactional, you see" moments - when he never says he is into Stolas, the show gave us plenty material to doubt that statement. He averts his gaze, saying "it's only a deal", hence he lies. He blushes when seeing Stolas's human form, hence he likes him. He is offended and hurt by Ozzie's accident, hence he cares. He crawls himself on knees and is not bothered by chains, hence he wants to belong to Stolas. He doesn't voice his desires once, but you know they are there.

So, no, before that night, they had no chance of getting better, because they were too deep in their own trauma and world view. I want to make that clear, just in case if someone still wishes it went better.

And that leads us to the Full Moon, where all cards were out

There is plenty of analysis already all over the Internet on every frame of the show, how beautifully it's written, and how masterfully it was performed, when you can see so much in each tail flinch, each face expression, each movement, and each word. I won't go into that, I think I would be rather repeating things said so many times by so many observant fans.

What I want to add, though, is... The fail was unavoidable, but necessary. It was not preventable because of many things, also explained many times... But, shortly, just to carry on the point, you cannot undo years of trauma, self-hatred, and abandoment issues in one night. You cannot revert all of the mess they already created with the whole deal thing.

But you can face the issue. You can stand up to it. You can break the wrong and to try to rebuild to do it right.

And that's what Stolas did. He stood up not only to his fears, but also to Blitzø's, and his desperate attempts to retain status quo.

Stolas challenged both of them.

And a small note: another thing which went wrong is how much of a shock it came out to Blitzø. Stolas was ready to face the challenge, because he couldn't take it anymore, he planned that night for weeks. Blitzø was not ready for that at all, but Stolas pushed him to the point of no return, and Blitzø was forced to adapt to the new reality in seconds.

Their reactions make so much sense. While Stolas was ready, there is a difference between being ready to face it, and being capable of facing it gracefully, and Blitzø... well, he didn't even have a minute to internalize all what's going on, and Stolas being for once extremely clear in intentions didn't help, because trigger already kicked in.

But is it that bad, really?

No, I don't think so. In fact, that fight they had was even good for them.

As tragic as it was, they got something out of it. Now there is no space for doubts about them having feelings for each other. Sure, they might be adamant about other wrong assumptions, that their partner now hates them and they are trash of a hellbeing, or whatever else they heard instead of what's actually been said, but, again, there is no doubt it's fucking serious. They cannot pretend or hide anymore that this is "just a deal".

That exchange opened the space for them to grow. Despite me feeling like I was stabbed after watching the episode, I am... even glad it turned out this way, because now, when all the words are said, all crutches broken, old wounds are opened and actively bleeding, there is a chance for them to heal, and to learn how to walk, not allowing their trauma to shape who they seem to be and inhibit their real selves.

There is now hope for them. You can clearly see them being vulnerable in the last trailer, and being together, on one couch, at least... one can only hope that they will have the capacity of having just one more proper talk.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk, I know I speak too much, and no, I am not okay, but I hope it was at least a bit entertaining for you :d Also, English is not my first language, soooo... cut me some slack with grammar and consistency, please, haha

Happy to carry on the great mission of overanalyzing every bit of information we have about them XD

[monstersinthecosmos]

i hurt my neck while i was getting dressed to go the gym this morning (rip lol old lady behavior) so i decided to take a rest day and now i have some free time before i have to work so anyway

what i was thinking about is like, how often Unethical Therapist Marius gets Armand worked up during a session--it doesn't matter the context here, like, think any of the reasons why it gets handsy like, Armand talks about how he's having a hard time getting an erection with his new SSRI, or how maybe he gets so freaked out about anal that he loses wood during sex and kills the moment, or maybe even if he's trans he's so stressed and tense and has problems with vaginismus, READERS CHOICE PICK SOMETHING YOU LIKE TO THINK ABOUT--and how Marius kinda like, guides him to relax, asks him if he wants to practice, tells him it's okay if he wants to take his pants off and show Marius the problem.

And Marius can just talk him through it, let him know it's okay, that it will get easier over time and just takes some getting used to. He has a drawer of toys and lube and condoms in his desk for occasions like this--he promises they're all single use (are they really?) and that this is a normal part of the process that he explores with his patients. He has different sizes in case Armand needs to work up to regular sex, and Marius offers for him to start small.

Armand nervously accepts, warms up, maybe the first time he never gets past working with his fingers, every couple sessions Marius suggests he goes up a size.

But how often does it happen that like, right as Armand is relaxing and feeling comfortable, maybe he's finally enjoying himself, and after he gets better at it, maybe he's almost ready to come-- how often does Marius cut him off to tell him their time is up, and they can continue next time????

He politely offers Armand wipes, and discretely puts the toys back in his drawer as Armand blushes and puts his pants back on. On the way out he pats Armand on the shoulder and encourages him to continue once he gets home. He knows, as Armand's provider, that Armand probably won't be doing that. He knows the home situation, and he understand why Armand is like this in the first place. But he wants Armand to at least try. He hopes, if he encourages enough, that one day Armand will actually do it. Because, this is fun and everything and Marius is passionate about his job, and enjoys this patient, but the goal really is to help him and make his life better, and it's something Armand wants to sort out.

AND HOW OFTEN does Marius fuck with the clock in the office? Maybe some days he's really edging Armand and sets the time shorter. Or maybe he wants to luxuriate in the tension and set it even longer. At this point, Armand's brain is almost trained that he will never come during a session, so his body just coils up and up and waits for Marius to tell him to stop, and no matter how long the session is, he won't ever actually get there.

But what if it's just a test!

Marius is waiting to see how long he can push Armand, how many weeks he'll just accept this, before he either learns to finish himself when he's ready, or he does it simply out of defiance. How pent up and sexually frustrated does he have to be before he axes down the proverbial door and refuses to leave when the session is up. He's red in the face and panting his back is arched on Marius's couch, one foot on the floor and the other digging into the cushion, his tshirt bunched up under his armpits and his chest gleaming in sweat as he works the toy faster and faster and tells Marius he's so so so close give him two more minutes------- does Marius make him beg? Does he have mercy?

He pretends there's someone after Armand (there's not) and he goes to sit behind his desk and unlock his phone. "I have to call my next patient and tell them I'm running late, please keep your voice down."

((And if this were not a patient, if this were a game in his personal life, Marius would lean into that. He'd probably make a pretend phone call and say stuff like We have to cancel because my thirsty slut of a patient is busy spreading himself on my couch and he takes forever. But he doesn't think Armand is ready to hear that just yet.))

It's all puzzle in the end, because expressing his needs, learning to prioritize his own pleasure and allow space for himself is all part of the lesson here! This is good! This is progress!!!

And if Marius locks the office up and jerks off at his desk afterwards while he listens to the audio recording of the session that's a bonus!!!!!!

[rottenpumpkin13]

What if Tseng and Angeal switched problems for a day. Like you leave Tseng with Sephiroth, Genesis, and Zack and Angeal with Reno, Rude, and Cissnei

14:43 Hours on the SOLDIER floor

[Director Lazard walks past Sephiroth's office and sees a curious scene, so he decides to go inside]

Lazard: Tseng! I must applaud you. I've never seen these two so quiet and hard at work.

[The two in question refers to Sephiroth and Genesis, who are both trembling in fear. Sephiroth was made to tie his hair up. Genesis was forced to move his desk into the office and place it directly in front of Sephiroth's. Tseng is sitting on a tall chair between the two desks watching them like a hawk]

Tseng: Ah, it's not a hard task. I just implemented the use of my own method.

Lazard: Oh, and what's that?

[Tseng pulls out a giant electrical rod]

Tseng: Any time they deviate from their SOLDIER duties, I sick them with this.

[Genesis kicks Sephiroth under the desk. Sephiroth returns the favor and the two start a kicking fight]

[Tseng flares up the rod. It crackles and buzzes with sparks. Sephiroth and Genesis gasp, then immediately put their heads down and return to work]

Lazard: And how did you get Genesis to stop quoting LOVELESS?

Tseng: I made him eat his book.

Meanwhile on the Turk Floor

[Angeal plays therapist and consoles Rufus on the couch in his office. He offers Rufus homemade cookies and tissues while he sobs]

Rufus: And I feel that I try so hard, and yet he never appreciates what I do! It's as if I don't even have a father, I have a higher-up that I can never please! *continues to cry*

Angeal, rubbing his back: I understand, I understand.

Rufus: Sometimes I think that the only way for me to finally find peace is if he were dead!

Angeal: I understand. Your feelings are valid.

Rufus: I've even crafted multiple plans to assassinate him!

Angeal: I understan—WAIT, WHAT!?

[At that moment, Reno and Rude fly past the office door. Reno is holding a flamethrower and positioned on shopping cart as if it were a pirate ship. Rude is pushing him while Reno shouts "HEAVE, HEAVE, HEAVE"]

[Then Cissnei and Elena walk by casually carrying a crate that reads EXPLOSIVES]

Cissnei: Let's wrap it like a present and place it in the labs!

Elena: I love it when Tseng's not here!

Angeal: WHAT THE FUCK!?

Somewhere Else (A dog cage in Angeal's office on the SOLDIER floor that may or may not have been placed there by Tseng)

[Zack and Darkstar are playing with a deck of cards]

Zack: You got any two's?

Darkstar: Woof!

Zack: Dang it! How are you so good at this?

[colonelpancakes]

Watching The Dragon Prince Season Six Part Seven: The Red Wedding. The title of this episode makes me so nervous nothing bad better happen to Amaya and Janai at their wedding.

Okay, first of all, that is NOT Rayla narrating I don’t know what the subtitles are on about, I’m 99.9% sure that’s Ezran.

Skjfklsa I love Rayla, she has absolutely no intentions of getting up, she is way too comfy.

Aww Sneezles.

Also “There’ll be more kisses later” I love how the second they officially get together, Callum and Rayla resume their status as world’s sappiest, most clingy couple.

UHHH. Wait a second. Is Kosmo just. not telling them about the Pearl before they leave?

...That seems like a really bad idea. They’re going to find out eventually and it's a huge potential risk to, you know, have Aaravos’s magic prison in the castle basement and not know it?? Kosmo, telling Callum before the star-truth ritual was a bad idea but you gotta tell him EVENTUALLY. KOSMO!!

I love themmmm 🥹.

Also, yeah, Kosmo just did not tell them. Um. That may become a bit of a problem later.

Hello bitch. Nice to see you again.

Do some of them not know the plan? They seem very surprised to see Sol Regem. Did no one tell them??

Wait, shit, who the fuck is Pharos? I do not remember, I really should have rewatched season five before starting season six. Oh well, hopefully I’ll figure it out...?

Karim, man, that seems like the type of thing you should NOT be staring directly into. That cannot be good for your eyes.

Oh Dang. That was way more powerful than I thought it was going to be

ON HER WEDDING DAY???? YOU HAVE TO DO THIS ON YOUR SISTER’S WEDDING DAY? You cant have a single modicum of politeness and at the bare minimum choose a day that your sister’s NOT getting married on? KARIM.

I also love the continuity of Corvus playing the cello from Breathtaking

Aanya!! I’ve missed her!!

God, I wanna try Sunfire wedding cake too. I want to know what fire tastes like. Also, I think Aanya’s voice has gotten deeper since her last appearance and I really love it. It’s just really melodic and nice to listen too.

Amaya!!! Janai!! They look so good!!

Sjalskfjl I love them.

“Two very special people helped us bridge our differences and understand one another before we learned to do it on our own.” I love them giving Gren and Kazi parts in the wedding so much and how they’re doing both a traditional human wedding ceremony and a traditional Sunfire wedding ceremony.

Also, I know Kazi was confirmed to be nonbinary by the creators but I think this is the first time their pronouns are actually used in the show! Yay!

BAIT! NOOOOO! The wedding food!! I really hope that didn’t include the Sunfire wedding cake

“So, how are affairs in Katolis?” “Oh. Affairs are well, fair.”

This is the royalty equivalent of when someone asks you how it’s going and your life is on fire but you can’t say that so you just reply with “it’s going.” This is an SOS call, someone get Ezran a hug and like. Some cold apple juice. And maybe a therapist. Definitely a therapist.

Aww, Aanya and Ezran’s friendship is so precious. I’m glad that they each have someone who understands what it’s like being a child ruler. They’re so cute.

I love seeing the Sunfire wedding custom and I love Kazi so much.

Zym stomping his little feet so that he can clap!!!

Aww Grennnn. He’s so sweet I love him.

COME ON! Really Karim?? In the middle of their WEDDING?? Let my girls have a nice wedding ceremony! Let them get married and not have to worry about the safety of their nation! Please!

Poor Janai and Amaya but especially poor Janai. Imagine finally deciding to get married after putting off scheduling your wedding because Something is always happening in your kingdom, only to have your fuckass brother decide to take a sixth of your army and invade your fucking kingdom ON YOUR WEDDING DAY right as you’re about to start the vows. I deeply admire the composure of these women, I would have lit something on fire by now.

Karim, shut the fuck up. You are one of the least righteous people out there. You have done nothing but be wrong for this entire arc.

Okay, so I guess that guy is Pharos. I remember absolutely nothing about him I forgot he was a recurring character until right now skjfalskj

OH WAIT, FUCK, What happened there???? I cannot remember for the life of me who this guy is gosh dangit. Curse my stupid gosh dang memory

(It should be noted that, although I haven’t mentioned it thus far, I am watching this season with my family. My brother says that he thinks maybe the guy got bitten by the dark-magic zombies at the great bookery in season five? That sounds like it could be right so I’m gonna go with that for now. I’ll check when I’m done with the episode.)

Ough… My heart. I love the character growth Amaya has gone through so much.

Okay, go, but maybe take Aanya and Zym with you. Just for safety. Also, nooo, this means Ezran doesn’t get to see his aunt get married. Give my boy a break! Please, just let him have a good time where nothing goes horribly wrong 😭

Oh, Corvus and Aanya works too! I love Ezran so much. He’s hopeful and kindhearted but he’s not naive. He goes to negotiate with Karim using words rather than violence, but he takes Corvus and Aanya for backup in case things escalate.

Continued in reblogs!

[lilyfaewood]

A Long Vent

Been sitting on this one for a while so just. Trying to get this out. Gonna be basically a soft life story so, please, don't read if you don't want to. I just need to vent while I wait to get back on the schedule with my psychiatrist. TW: Family/work issues, abuse, manipulation, trauma, lasting things, emotional uncertainty, CPTSD, mention of SH

I have been out of therapy for about 4 months at this point and it honestly kinda came at a really bad time. Before getting too deep, I'm working to reschedule my next appointment, but scheduling is difficult after my therapist had personal biz of their own crop up.

Before the election, I felt like things were moving well, like I was getting into the groove of finally beginning to understand myself. But that crumbled pretty quickly afterwards and I don't think I've really been able to recover. The truth is a lot of my issues and problems come from a CPTSD setting where just ideas were constantly pushed into me at a young age. So I wanna dive into the origin of that.

All of that started with puberty really, something started firing in my brain and I started to struggle in school and personal life. The idea that I was *lazy* or *didn't care* became just self-evident truths. I spent like all my days playing video games and escaping to communities that I felt more comfortable in (thank you World of Warcraft). And my parents fucking hated it. Thought I was burning away my life. Every time I struggled, and I struggled EVERY SEMESTER failing at least one class, the video games were at fault.

So everything that I cared about was a distraction, something that would push me away from being successful. So when I went to college and nearly failed out freshman year chasing my musical passion I was sure that there was nothing left for me. I came back in sophomore year, and struggled my way through college, always having at least something that I couldn't hold up. At least one class a semester that I failed. But I made it through.

I ended up getting a job in esports. Working for a T1 organization and built teams that won world championships. Suddenly the tune changed. The video games worked out, I was successful and it was because of my passion and everything that my parents hated. But they didn't hate it anymore! They were advocates even saying how it was a legitimate business and one that was a viable career.

I felt that validation. Finally. I was working on something that I was passionate about. My parents were finally proud of me and talked well about me to their friends. I wasn't wasting my life anymore!

Then the abuse set in. 80 hour work weeks for minimum wage, working day and night shifts every day, Just keep up the grind. Keep it up and you'll get that raise, you'll get that shiny new *general manager* position. Suddenly I couldn't keep up.

But wait! This is what I'm good at! This is my passion! I can just burn the candle at both ends. I can make it work. Oh I found a new job with more promise! This will be a great way to REALLY make a difference. Why am I failing again? Why am I told I'm not doing enough, I'm working more hours. I'm working for equity not wages. Well let me just cut out food. I can survive on gas station snacks. Oh my coworkers can't afford their homes anymore while they work here and now just moved in the office so they can work more. That carrot's in front of them! It's in front of me too, why can't I push myself harder...

Why can't I push myself harder...

And then I burned out. My passion, my love, everything that I did in my life built to it. And I couldn't do it. My boss hated me and thought I was a nepo-baby because I had a family that financially supported my home during this time. I was just. a tool to use and to discard. Just like the players he told were better off killing themselves than leaving the company. Was I better off that way too?

I was so fractured. I retreated into a shell, one that only my now husband really could help with.

I did eventually get back on my feet, and found my current job that I've been at for five and a half years. But those fears. Those horrible lessons were burned into my brain. That even in something that I care about. It would NEVER be enough. So I slip up. Often. But at least now, I'm not pushed as hard, and I finally have supports that understand this part of me.

Now back to the beginning of this post. I was getting better. And I still think I have some of that figured out, but the stress of this world and for people like me has been eating at me and I feel like my armor is so weak. The work I put into myself to make it so that I could start to get some semblance of self-confidence back has faded a bit. I just. Want to feel safe. And that's really hard right now.

So that's my vent. Just. Wishing I could feel safe enough to have the spoons to prevent these old issues from coming back and rearing their head. I want to do better, I just don't feel like I have the ability to help myself

[john-mary-andco]

“Yoooo we got people watching us, John!”

“Oh…Great…”

“We have what?”

_____

Welcome to the second “John and Mary” ask blog! This one, the time is around when they were in high school, so obviously no Ryder yet (although you could technically send asks about him…for fun…). Here’s some info about some of the characters! More characters will come if people ask for them.

John Emerson- 16, sophomore; Kinda popular guy if I do say…Although he’s popular in the way that everyone is either SUPER nice to him (fake) or scared of him. He’s told people that he’s interested in becoming a cop, and most people tried to get on his good side so they “don’t get in trouble”…He tells them that’s not exactly how that works, but he’s given up at this point. At least he gets to avoid the bullying part of high school. He looks super scary and intimidating (which, he is…) but he’s also really cool and he’ll try to help a person out if they’re having a problem. (Ex: Driving a person home because they missed the bus, he lets people vent to him if he has the time, etc.) He overworks himself a LOT. He has a lot of freedom, but that’s only because his parents. Don’t. Really…care? He guesses that he wasn’t planned, and his parents weren’t really interested in taking care of him after he got to the age where he could take care of himself. Bro is a people pleaser, someone please tell him he’s doing a great job…

Mary Winters- 15, sophomore; She has a late birthday, but everyone assumes that she’s really smart because she’s a year younger than them (She’s a few months younger than John). She IS pretty smart, book wise. People and world wise…Not so much. She’s usually quiet, and focuses on her work. She isn’t picked on much. Nobody really knows she’s there half the time. Where John’s parents were neglecting, hers was controlling. She can’t do much of anything without their permission and supervision. God forbid she goes outside without telling them, she’ll get an earful about it later. All she knows is school, home, and that’s basically it. It seems like her parents don’t want her to…grow up. She doesn’t question it though, after all, it’s all she’s known. She gets absolutely petrified if a boy asks her out (joke or not), her parents would probably ground her if she said yes. She’s not even allowed to go out to eat without her parents being there…Give my girl some damn freedom PLEASE. 😭 (Don’t worry, John does eventually).

Altair Sterling- 14, freshman; He’s the new boy of the group. As a freshman, he used to get RELENTLESSLY bullied, before John took notice of it and people started backing off. He doesn’t really know a lot of people yet, but he’s already taken a liking to John, almost too much. He doesn’t understand it, but he gets abnormally happy when Emerson calls him over from across the hall after school lets out. They get to hang out? He wants to hang out with him? Hell yeah! He mostly likes his math and English classes, but he also likes psychology and space. He plans to become a sort of psychologist, maybe a therapist. He listens a lot…Maybe that’s a good career for him? Ah, he doesn’t know…It’s too early to start planning…But he wants to!

Andrew Barrett- 15, sophomore; He kinda acts like he’s an overly confident person, but he’s actually really insecure, it doesn’t help that he also gets bullied because of his weight. “Andrew, my guy, you don’t look that bad. You’re not unhealthy, you’re fine. Don’t listen to them-“ “Do you think I can do a cartwheel from this end of the classroom to the other when the teacher leaves to go to the bathroom?” “…God fucking damnit, Barrett…” He tries to tease and jokingly pick on John every chance he gets, and tells him ridiculous things that make a man want to throw something. It’s a surprise that John hasn’t kicked him down yet. He is a bro, however. If you need something, he’ll probably go to John because “Emerson knows all” and he’ll fix it for you. If he tries to help? He’ll probably ruin it or make things worse. He’s not one for liking any core subject, but he does like art class a lot. This is his second year taking an art class (it’s art 2, he’s not retaking-). He wants to become some sort of artist, but he doesn’t know which one yet; he likes painting and he doodles a lot in his notes, so maybe a painter?

Now, teacher names! Only the important ones, because 11th and 12th aren’t important.

Mrs. Littrell- 9th and 10th grade English teacher, she’s honestly really good at her job. Everyone loves her.

Mrs. J.- 10th grade math teacher, she’s overly happy, but she brightens her students days with her extraness, they love her (John hates her in the sense of “it’s too damn early for aLL THIS NOISE-“)

Mr. Carroll- 9th grade math teacher, literally so chill, but he also makes sure to get the quota for the day “listen guys, I don’t want to do this either, but I like my job, soooooo….”

Mrs. Kathrine- 9th and 10th grade science teacher, she has two sciences that she teaches: Biology, and Earth and Space. She gives the kids mental health days where “hey, if you have late work, turn it in RIGHT N O W, or it’s half credit for the rest of the year, win or lose, your choice.” She’s that teacher that has all the snacks and literally EVERYTHING a student would ever need stashed in her classroom closet.

Mr. Beach- 9th grade “US history 1” and 10th “US history 2” teacher, he’s similar to Mr. Carroll, but he’s more joking about it. “Oh, you don’t want to work today? Too bad, so sad, *hits his long ruler on the desk* DO IT.” He also taps the ruler on the top of his student’s heads when he’s teaching at the board, because bro is BORED and the reactions he gets are funny. Mary tries to duck away from the ruler, while John grabs it and tries to bonk him in the head with it. He’s lucky Mr. Beach doesn’t like to write people up. He’s strangely interested in all the wars. He also has a rubber duck collection up at the top of his cabinets, his students sacrifices their rubber ducks to him because he’s a cool teacher. Also he claims that he’s married to a woman, but LITERALLY EVERYONE thinks he’s a little gay. “Listen, Mr. Beach said he has a spouse, NOT a wife, plus he doesn’t have kids! HE’S A FA-“ “ANDREW BARRETT IF YOU DON’T SHUT THE FUCK UP-“

Mr. Lawrence- Psychology teacher, he’s THE sarcastic teacher but in the funniest way possible. He turns every complaint and weird comment thrown his way into a salty response. He hates presentations, he doesn’t want to grade them, so he gives the students a puzzle sheet and “claims” that it’s a grade for it. He grades SO SLOWLY. Literally every quarter, there’s at least one student BEGGING HIM to hurry up and grade. “Sorry guys, sports was crazy last weekend-“ “MR. LAWRENCE PLEASE MY PARENTS ARE GOING TO GROUND ME IF I DON’T GET AN A IN THIS CLASS- ITS A C- IT WOULD BE AN A IF YOU’D HURRY THE FRICK UP-“

——

I do believe that’s about it! Please no overly NSFW asks, we don’t do that here. However if it’s a “your mom” joke or something similar to that kind of suggestive, go ahead. They’ll probably make a remark back!

Important tags!

#johnask

#maryask

#altairask

#andrewask

#littrellask

#jask

#carrollask

#kathrineask

#beachask

#lawrenceask

And of course the characters that will be tagged in the post relating to the ask, but I don’t want to type that.

Please note that there’s obviously mentions of child neglect, discrimination, child abuse (…someone gets a little beat at home) and slightly suggestive language (it’s not THAT but y’know…Guys…being silly and joking around���)

Some asks will be drawn, some will be written!

Thank you, and here’s my main account if you need it@stanleyvampire14 -mod

[bijouxcarys]

I didn't have anywhere else to kind of talk about this, and I need to get it out of my system somehow, so I'm just putting this on here. Maybe someone can relate to it?

TW/ self-harm, suicidal ideology, please don't read this if it's going to potentially trigger you.

If you don't think this will trigger you, I still suggest you read on. Anyone around you could be experiencing this right now, and it's a very real thing.

Here's the reality of living as an adult with autism, who wasn't diagnosed until the age of 18.

It fucking sucks. To put it mildly.

Growing up as an undiagnosed autistic child is difficult. Especially if you are beaten down verbally by everybody to the point where you believe that you are, in fact, a bad kid. I'm convinced that's had a hand in why I'm so paranoid about my relationships with people. If I'm doing something to upset or annoy them.

You spend your entire childhood being told that you're the problem, when you're just trying to fucking survive in a world that's hard enough to live in without the added stress of developmental disorders, and you're going to believe for the rest of your life that you're the problem.

That is, unless you're able to go and see a therapist or counsellor.

Which leads me to my next point: we are conditioned to believe that we aren't allowed to ask for help, because we can never take on the advice anyways! 18 years of being told that I'm being dramatic, by my own counsellor as well, definitely dampens your willingness to attend any kind of talk therapy.

You get trauma building up over time from the rejection sensitivity, the amount of friend groups you plow through, the anxiety and depression that come as a result of how your brain is wired. It's not even that you have depression or anxiety; a lot of the time, they are symptoms of our autism. But they don't care. They'll feed us antidepressants.

I've been on antidepressant medication for a long time now. I'd argue about 6 years. I'm 22 now, on 200mg of sertraline daily. Last year I tried to come off my medication. Big mistake. Realised I'm kind of fucked without it.

Back in 2019, I used to take my antidepressant in liquid form because I had a sensitivity to swallowing pills. One day, my inability to read social cues and communicate effectively with my friends led me to drink the whole bottle of Fluoxetine.

When you're undiagnosed with autism and you have to go through regular life every day, it's damaging. So dangerous to the mental health of the child. The more we are put in situations that can overstimulate us, and overwhelm us, the more it takes from your ability to cope with life. You get beaten down, and beaten down, and beaten down, until you're an emotionless entity wandering the Earth with no solid ambitions or aspirations. You've spent your entire life in defense mode, mirroring everyone's behaviour and personalities so that you feel the tiniest bit "normal" out of pure survival, that you lose a sense of who you are as a person. You feel stripped of your personality. You don't know what you're doing.

Then you get thrust into the real world. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? I don't know how to survive in a world that isn't made for me. I don't know how to tell people I'm autistic, because a) they very rarely understand what I mean by that, and what it entails, and b) I don't even know enough about my autism.

Why? Because I wasn't diagnosed until just before I turned 18 - got discharged from CAMHS (Child and Adolescence Mental Health Service) once I turned 18, with no referral to a counsellor that could help me, and no information on what the fuck I should do next.

I've stayed in education because it's the only thing I know how to survive. I went to college, university, and now I'm doing a master's degree online. And I still don't really know what my goal is in life.

I have no friends, and I flip-flop between being upset about it and being absolutely fine with it. I don't leave the house, I don't work, I even struggle to do the most basic of daily tasks.

I'm constantly fantasising about a life I could have, but ultimately realise I can't have.

My brain is fucked up, and I am traumatised by the life I've had to live and survive in. And now I'm stuck in survival mode.

And I don't know how to live, instead of simply exist.

That's where the suicidal ideology comes in. I'm constantly thinking about how much easier everything would be if I did just off myself. But the thing is, I'm not actively planning it, but the thought brings me great comfort. There's always a way out. And I can't expect that I'll leave this world any other way.

Now... when an autistic person, or any person, tells you that they don't want to die, but thinking about killing themselves brings them a sense of comfort and contentment... there's something wrong there.

There's nothing I want more than to start living. But when it takes 110% of my energy to do the bare minimum... living becomes synonymous with existing.

Not being taught how to deal with the meltdowns, the overstimulation, the understimulation, the food sensitivities, the way the world functions... has fucked me up, for myself, and for everyone else around me.

And when given the choice between spending the rest of my life putting all my energy into living the way I do now, and killing myself and saving myself from the pain, the latter sounds far more enticing.

I don't want to die. But to live is too much of an enigma to want anything other than the silence.

[pinkestpurple]

HOW IS THIS SEASON SADDER

1;2;3;4

So it took me a week to finish season 5 of 9-1-1. I don't understand how this season is sadder than season 4 but it was and now I'm scare to watch season 6.

I reacted as I'm watching in twitter and when i finish i compile and translate it here. If you see a comment between square brackets [] is something i added for tumblr.

If you want to get fuck up (an you aren't a minor) here is a drinking game: a sip everytime i said this season is sad and everytime i cry. I say sip an not shot, because that could be a lot of shots, anyways

Here is my reaction!

5x01 Panic

Just a chill way to star...

Is this an terutero invasion??

Ooh Animals scape from the zoo

Eddie you don't need to date Anna, no one is forcing you

The season premiere disasters are getting more creative

My god 💀💀💀 I really don't like Taylor/Buck, mom pick me up

"Te queda pintado!" I'm a sucker for Eddie talking in spanish

Eddie my love go to a therapist

Eddie is like if the concept of repression was human, i.e a latino man

Is me or Buck and Eddie have weird vibes?

Is necessary to have this conversation here guys?

I'm not the most woke friend, I hope Athena kills this man and anyone in the way

5x02 Desperate Times

Oh my god, who gave Buck a clipboard in a time like this??

"That's one word for what you are" jsjsjsj Chim never change

Why Buck hates Ravi so much ??

Eddie please you can't ALWAYS have panic attacks

Athena wanting to use the victims as bait? okay

It could be such a cool idea if she goes too far and it gets corrupted by the system but the show will always find a way to justify her

An Alpaca can be that bloddy look at that face!!

May learning from his father, and always looking for the community for help

Do I have to put up with another 3 more seasons of Eddie not knowing why he was panic attacks anytime he thinks about spending the rest of his life with a woman??

I like the duality of this episodes, Eddie having panic attacks because his girlfriend loves him to much and then is Athena against the horrors

5x03 Desperate Measures

Bobby gives zero shits, Athena kids are also his!!

What a great chracter Michael is!

The guy had such a unsatisfied death :(

Why is Buck and Eddie being weirder with each other??

Is so cringe, Eddie throwing Ana out. Oh no, my girfriend is too pretty, cool and perfect!! kill yourself, get an honest problem Eddie [idk why I'm hating Eddie so much, omg]

Eddie is a good father, but a terrible boyfriend he should stop dating

"Te quiero mucho" AAAAAh Ana, do you want a latino boyfriend? I'm here (?

I knew Maddie was going to leave them!! The first thing this characters do is run

5x04 Home and Away

I hate to see Chim so sad!!

Is terrible that they didn't show us the comversation of Albert telling Chim that he was going to be a firefighter, especialty when Chim already lost a firefighter brother

In the first season there was a rule that firefighters didn't pass the hospital doors and now there are in the hospital like is their home, i just think is funny haha

I don't understand how you can hate Chim for punching Buck in the face, I just scream LETS GO to my telivision

Angela Bassett the woman that you are!

I love May and Harry being sibilings!!

Chim and Hen 💔

Why is this season sadder than season 4??

5x05 Peer Pressure

Buck, Eddie is being weird with you since episode one

"Lucky for you I'm an excellent dancer" Eddie you aren't making easy to hate you

Chimmey being 188 heart means so much to me. They are crumbling without him

May is obsses with Claudette and the woman dosen't care

I can believe the show heard me everytime I say you should slap them [I wasn't thinking about hitting a child tho]

I am agains't hitting children but I undestand Athena

Is Buck still in therapy? Because he should

Is sweet for Taylor to help Buck, I don't hate her, she looks like a good girlfriend. Everytime I say something like this she fucks it up tho, my money is she cheats on him the next episode [I means she didn't cheat on her but she betrays him]

5x06 Brawl in Cell Block 911

I was thinking: This guy is so cheerfull to work in a prision IS THAT FUCKING LUCIFER?

Mark Pelegrino, my counsin, why are you alwasys playing psycopats?

Eddie is so pretty this episode!! Not being in a relationships helps him

Eddie and Buck being all angry as being kindnap? Hot

Mark Pelegrino loves the role of terrible father

"Family Bussinness" HE SAY IT HE SAY IT

Mitchell is a better father than Lucifer, Lucifer could never sacrificed himself for his kids [This is a lie, Lucifer literrally sacrificed himself for Jack, i completly forgot that]

Please Taylor don't make this a news, please

5x07 Ghost Stories

Athena saying that everytime she tries to get close to Harry he push her away. Athena.. this is literally like you and your mother!

Eva agains? This time they don't bother to show it

Taylor trying to be a dectetive is cool, by herself she is not a bad character

Bye Eva, don't come back

"Pot meets Kettle" Buck really cares for Taylor! He is going to be distroy when they break up

5x08 "Defend in Place"

I understand that Michael actor is a anti-vaxxer but Michel is one of my favorite characters!! 😭😭😭

Harry rigth 3 dads is a lot but having Athena as a mother is like having 3 mothers so theres need to balance

I love Michael and Athena friendship

Like a dumbass i forgot that I'm watching 911, of course something is going to explote

I am happy that this season has a lot of bangers

Buck with babies!! Eddie why are you not getting that man pregnant

Poor Claudette!! Imagine losing two kids like that!

I NOT CRYING because Eddie is sad about the kids, not at all

Bobby promising Michael that David is not going to die, I love that Bobby marry Athena and Michael

Claudette, my sister used to cry in her job a lot and she was a recepcionist in a hotel, you can cry when you are a first responder, also we are crying toghter

Michael you don't know how much i love you, and how much i am going to miss you

AND THEY MAKE A MONTAGE SO I CRY HARDER

Nobody will understand how much i love Michael, and now I'm mad at the whole 911 fandom for not telling me that maybe HE GOES AWAY THIS SEASON SO I CAN PREPARE MYSELF

I need five working days to recover

Michael is a the represention that is never to late to be who you are and that is so important to me

5x09 Past is Prologue

I need this episode to not be sad

May interrupting Bobby and Athena jsjsjsjs, my silly little show is back!

"Women flee you? Routinely" KJJJ Ravi don't be like that!

"Taylor is not Abby or Ally. It dosen't even rhyme" Thanks Hen

Bobby: You don't talk with the women you date

Eddie: How does that? *Shit eating grin* Eddie i love you

"To practice our spanish" sure Eddie, what novelas they see, the only iconic ones i can remeber are Brazilian, except la rosa de guadalupe, i don't think they watch that.

Headcanon that Eddie and Christopher watch el chabo del ocho i don't care mexicans hate it

Now that Michael is not here Athena and Bobby became partherns in crime, love it

God, Athena, this happen so long ago who cares!!

Of course Hen is not judging her mother, that could make her an hypocrite

You do think is normal to put just a awful face when you parther tells you: I love you? I did it, but i really didn't like him, Buck!

5x10 Wrapped in Red

I love Christmast Sargent Christopher, poor kid, i know this is a trauma response

Oh, Athena don't having the other two and now May is not passing Christmast with them, the nest is emptying!

I want the Appa plushie that someone donates! There's also a bluey toy there!

"You would be dead next year" 😟😟😟

If i where Eddie i probably also quit my job like rn

I love that is Bobby feeling the nest emptying

Buck gifts Taylor a superman clock and she gives him a sweater jsjsjs yeah, that's their relationship

Buck and Hen friendship 💕💕

Buck is already felling like shit for Maddie and Chim leaving, imagine now that his boyfriend is going away

5x11 Outside Looking In

My dad ask me if that was a quince, and i was like, well, theres a a gigant 15 and mariachis. I don't think a more mexican quince is posible

Eddie being a twitter cm wasn't in my bingo card

"You- you don't have to pretend with me" I'm being so normal rn

"You need to move on, i have" No the dads are divorcing again!!

Bobby loves them so much! Bobby loves every person that calls family without regrets. He is better than me, because if I'm Bucks and Hen boss and they are complaing to me about not having their friends with them los sacaria cagando [idk how traslate that expresion]

oh, blonde girl i know you

No okay, i understand Josh not liking Eddie. Girl, who do you think you are?

Josh:

I love Bobby being cagey like season 1 with new people, of course only people who knows him know how much he change

EDDIE FACES WHEN HE FINDS BUCK IN THE CROWD

And he sees Buck laughing with out him and he says he is no with them. How many seasons i have to deal with this fag??

Buckley, I am going to murder you!

"You are really brave and I can be brave too" Chris i love you, you are a sunshine of a child. Eddie please take him to the barber.

????? EDDie, you exaggerated a lot, pendejo irrespetuoso!! Apologize with Bobby RIGTH NOW

Buckley! All men

This isn't the first time you have a parther with sexual tention Buck, you can do this! (He can, i give him half of a episode) [He could, I'm impress]

5x12 Boston

OMG Maddie try to kill herself?? She didn't plan to run away?? I feel sick

Maddie thinking Chim hates her

Hi Albert! I don't like the moustache, you are also figuring out if you are gay?

Sorry i can react to much, i'm crying

This season is so much sadder than season 4

5x13 Fear-O-Phobia

What do you mean Maddie and Chim broke up!! It makes sense but !!!

The song "We're going to be friends" about spiders jsjsjs

Buck, i hope Taylor fist figth you

Eddie bawling his eyes out! I'm going to eat an entire horse

I hope the next episode is anti military! [this is a usa show i need to stop expecting things like that]

5x14 Dumb Luck

Bobby and Buck taking care of Eddie and Chris 😭

911: 🎶 Everyday is a getting closer 🎶

Me:

Chris asking his father if he is okay, this kid is collecting traumas like pokemon cards

Good god i never cross my mind that Daniel having cancer means it can be pass down

Why should i care about Lucy and the other blonde guy?

Buck drawing a little heart and Eddie judging him jsjsj. I love them

God, Athena you love making me love you and then hate you

Buck and Eddie taking Chris to a barn, literally marry

I'm crying again

5x15 FOMO

Eddie and May being besties!!

JAJSJSSJ i love the conversations in the fire truck

5x16 May Day [a good pun that gets lost in the translation]

Nooo the archives! Save the archives!

Chim brother being there is not traumatic at all

"He waited months to say that" jsjsjs i love the Josh and Eddie loathing

God Eddie's face when Buck dosen't stop talking. Buck, when are you going to fuck him?

Why don't the show understand that Cap can be seriously injuried?? HE IS AN OLD MAN

No wait, this scene is so important for Chim and Albert. Chim is finally getting the admiration he always seek and Albert is finally given permition to be whatever he wants, something that they always wanted from their father!! YES I'M CRYING

Is Jonah racists? How could have guess [I said this because i though he choose Claudette to kill but he didn't, but a the same time he was weird with Chim and Hen and not with Lucy]

5x17 Hero Complex

Why is this kid Bart Simpson??

Well, that makes sense why he is like that

"Do you belive me?" "Always" AAH BEST OF FRIENDS!

Abuela telling Eddie that his mother cook like is a tragedy jsjsjs

"I was allowed to make the tamales" "Gracias!" JSJSJS I love tia pepa and Abuela

Taylor accepting Chim and Hen in their house without saying nothing, she really loves him

EDDIE ACCENT WHEN HE IS WITH HIS FAMILY I CAN'T

Eddie standing up from his father, i love him!

The most fake "I promise" ever

"I try not to be like you" The irony of life Eddie, we don't want to be our parents, but not matter what we are always their child

POOR CHIM! One day people will stop trying to murder you because of the people you love and loves you

Bobby should have hitting him more

"You are the genius, i'm the comic relief *slurp*" JSJSJS I LOVE HIM

"I can imagine my life without you" BESTIES!! I love them

5x18 Staring Over (Volver a empezar, aunque se me acabe el tiempo, volver a empezar, you know, Alejandro Lerner)

The lider of the cult didn't last a minute

Bobby stop putting yourself in danger!! You are old! You are like my dad before retaring

Of course Bobby is getting more reckless because he feels responsible to what happen to Chim and Hen

I love Bobby

"Sorry kid" Father and Son 💕💕💕

God Bobby actually hurting himself, this thinks never go away, uh?

Karen strugulling to forgive Tori is realistic, because of course you are going to forgive your parents, but the parents of someone you love? They hurt someone important to you, that's a lot to forgive

Why i feel that the joke about hating the new place is a meta joke that i don't understand?

Chim saying is this the space to say what we thing about our relationships? because your girlfriend jsjsjsj Chims you are so funny when you hate Buck

"Isn't what we all want in a parther? Knowing that they have your back?" YOU ARE SO RIGHT RAVI, YOU KNOW HOW SAID EACH OTHER THAT THE FIRST DAY THAT THEY MET??? BUCK AND EDDIE

I understand that Taylor is someone that does things and apolgizes later but it could be cool that she apoloziges

Eddie assuring Bobby that the Jonah thing wasn't his fault, i love this family

Nia being the flower girl!! Crying

After all the things that Karen and Hen went through, they deserve this

Tori marrying them! Crying harder

Bye Taylor, she is an interesting character, could be cool to see her as a FRIEND to Buck

"Talking about it makes it less scary" God to think this inteligent, sensible and compressive kid is in the house of Eddie parents that are less affectionated than my parents, how do you allowed that Eddie?? [i'm getting so much ahead of myself]

I like the hopefull endeing, so I don't end in a depression episode. I can't belive this season is more sad than the last one! Increible

My thoughts: I'm so sad about Michael leaving, you can comprehend how much i will miss him.

I don't know why i was being such a Eddie hater in the beggining i really like his arc, about stop runing from your fellings, is a hard thing to do, as a latino raise chatolic myself i understand him, they raise you to do not to feel.

I love Tori second change to love. I didn't like that episode to much but Tori and Hen is a mother/daugether dinamic i love

I don't care to much about Lucy, it could be cool to see how she's feeling about the Jonah thing, because they where kind of close.

I love Bobby so much, and i loved him this season.

I really don't care about Buck and Taylor thing, like, i watch it, idk.

I really like the first episodes and everything to do with Jeffrey (was that his name?) and Harry, i love that the kid got to shine

An okay season, maybe the worst so far? I don't know i feel like i'm not going back to re watch this season

The best arc, or whatever is call, was Maddie and Chim. I was so sad about Chim not being in my screen (and kind of the reason this season is not that great) but him looking for Maddie, and Maddie getting better, was so cool to watch. I really hope they get together again i love them!!

Please never make Chim to leave again, i need that man, this show needs this man

Okay, that's it, this is my opinion. Here is my reaction to season 1; season 2; season 3; season 4

Okay bye

[bookmaker-untaken]

i have options -

play me like a violin - stephen

nonsense - sabrina carpenter

talk - hozier

whoever calls to u strongest

used all three songs cause i couldn’t help myself

Bodyguard! Nanami Kento x CEO! Reader

Summary: But hey, it's not Nanami Kento's fault he's got so much cake. 

Warnings: Attempted Thirstiness, Likely OOC, Cringe, Drinking, Cursing

Word Count: 1,277

i. Think I only want one number in my phone I might change your contact to "don't leave me alone”

These old cronies disgust you. 

It takes everything in you not to throw up at every word they say, and you still gag a little in the back of your throat.

Every policy these higher ups throw your way is so blatantly self-serving, so clearly made to line their pockets, it's almost comical. 

But it's not funny, it's business. 

You curse your Mom for deciding it would be a good idea to retire early and travel the world while you get to stay here and pick up the damn mess. 

Ugh, this meeting should have been an email.

You’re so bored. 

And when you are bored, your eyes wander to the same spot - your bodyguard, standing with his hands behind his back and his arms on full display looking all scrum-diddly-umptious.

You wish you could grab his ass, but you, unlike the dusty old men your acquainted with, you have some decorum.

Even if it is hanging by a thread.

But hey, it's not Nanami Kento's fault he's got so much cake. 

ii. I don't want no one else (don't want) Baby, I'm in too deep (too deep)

Despite your innate capacity for evil and how down bad you are, you do not make a move on Nanami Kento. 

You do, however, yap his fucking ear off. 

Your therapist says she thinks you where neglected as a child. 

You say you pay him well so you can do whatever the hell you want. 

He carries your shopping bags for you and listens as you discuss fashion and complain about campaign lobbyists in the same sentence. "And then ... Kento?" 

He's quiet for too long, alert. "We're being followed." 

"Ugh, it's probably just the paparazzi," You say with a flick of the wrist and a roll of the eyes.  

"Probably," He says. "But the precautions remain the same. Stay close."

He guides you by the small of your back and inside you are literally internally punching the air.  

"You could have said please,"

He glances down at you. Well, you can't see it because of his glasses, but you know the weight of his gaze. "Please."

Your going to melt on the spot, on god. If he's any more sexy you might just kiss him in the middle of the street. 

"It seems they got the message."

"Damn, I was really hoping to see you fight." You say, mostly just to cause problems. You pay this man, but you don't know really what he's capable of. You’ve never had to see.

"That's unfortunate," He says, pushing up his glasses. "Because I do not wish to fight." 

"That's, like, your job!"

"No," He says. "My job is to protect you."

You blush a little. "Stop flirting with me." 

"Believe me, you would know if I were flirting with you." 

iii . This fire in my head's got me on edge I'm going out tonight

You need this man, biblically.

It's embarrassing.

You're suppose to be an independent woman. And falling for your bodyguard?

That's cliche as hell.

You’re disappointed in yourself.

So what do you do? You work out, you work hard, you focus on therapy.

And when that doesn't work - you party, you spend, you drink. 

The air is moist with the sweat of grinding bodies and the smell of much cologne illuminated in electric blue for a second, then cast in halogenic pink. You can feel the beat in your chest.

"Just you and I," The guy is singing over the remixed trap beat. "Far from the places we can't get away from- "

"Kento!" You call over the pulsing music. "I wanna go home!"

"Alright." Is all he says. 

You put your hands out. "Carry me!" You trying him on purpose now. Will he do it?

He turns around, lowering his broad back toward you. 

Your happy it's a piggyback ride, because he can't see the blush forming on your cheeks.

"That was too loud," You complain. 

 Nanami is silent. 

You move your cheek away from his warmth. "Aren't you going to ask why I went?"

"You don't pay me to be nosy." He says.

"What if I wanted to tell you?"

"Then you would," He says. "And I would listen."

"Because you were payed to, right?" 

"It does come with the job description, yes." 

"That's all I am to you, huh, a job description?" You sigh hard. You should have expected as much.

Nanami, notably, doesn't respond - but your a little too far gone and a little too in your own feelings to process that.

iv. I'd be the last shred of truth In the lost myth of true love (hey ya)

One time, you saw a girl flirting with Nanami. 

You where jealous for all of two seconds. You weren't some unreasonable fanfic CEO, he could talk to people damn it!

But the feeling that quickly washed over you was just as icky. 

She was pretty, naturally so. She pushed her hair behind her ear with a bashful smile. 

You wondered if she was the kind of girl Nanami liked. 

If he was gonna hold her hand and they where going to walk off into the sunset and have normal looking poor people babies.

And you would get some older, gruffer looking bodyguard who liked to hit it from the back and never loved you. 

Nanami seemed like the kind of guy who would hit it from the front. … Not that you'd thought too deeply about that. 

You'd die.

Your therapist told you it was okay to want things.

You thought that hag should mind her own business. 

… Even if you payed her and she was one of the only other people, other than Nanami, that always told you the truth.

Anyway, after his lunch break - promptly at 12 o'clock, Nanami arrived to work with a small box.

He slid it toward you.

You raised an eyebrow. 

"You seemed ... upset after that last meeting," was all he said. He cleared his throat.

You wanted to make him wify. Posthaste.

But you knew you’d probably never get the chance.

v. I won't deny I've got in my mind now all the things I would do

You are not one of god's strongest soldiers. 

You know this because of the barking you hear in the back of your head when you see Nanami's hands on full display. 

(How Victorian maiden of you.)

You watch as he unbuckles your heels, slides them off. 

"Fuck me," You breath. 

His hands and taking care of you? It's too much. 

Your therapist says that we often crave things we don't normally have. 

Nanami doesn't respond. 

This frustrates you.

"Hey!" You bark, reaching to throw a pillow at him. "Didn't you hear me?" 

"Yes."

"Then why didn't you say anything?" 

You don't give him a second. 

"Is it because I'm a bitch?"

"Why would you believe anything that comes out out the mouth of those degenerates," He says, with a bit more force than usual.

You feel it react in you like the Advil disintegrating in commercials. 

"Then why not ... " You say, more quietly, hugging the pillow to your chest. 

He sighs. "Now is not a good time." 

You click your tongue at him. "When is it? I've been trying to jump your bones for years!" 

"You're drunk."

"So you'll fuck me when I'm not? Like ... in the morning?" 

"We'll see."

"Kento?"

"Hmm."

"Will ... " Your cheeks dust with color. "Will you kiss me too?" 

"If your good for me now and go to bed, yes."

You puff out your chest, accepting the challenge. "Goodnight, Kento!"

The corner of his lips jump at this. “Goodnight, princess."

[princessfaerygia]

that man is going to end your life one day if you don’t get out of this situation. it’s a tale as old as time i’m afraid. i know you love him but it’s literally impossible for him to love you back and be treating you the way he does. please please please leave.

love you so much. i really do love all of you so much. i cannot muster the strength to believe in God anymore, not the way i used to which once saved me from an abusive relationship. thee wonderful belief in a strong father's parental love and guidance.

but life is life. it is cancerous humanity is cancerous and entropic. i have my real dad who really has a golden heart and loves me lots. but why is it that when some humans breed their children seem to have more evolved minds than their parents? i feel maturity wise, and intellectually and spiritually i am probably more evolved than my parents. it's almost sometimes as if i am their parent. so i do have a loving father but he is weak and i am strong. i love my jolly positive father so much but i do so long for true love, parental gentleness~ compassion~ and guidance ~ and love.

my parents guide me the best way they know how. im lost it's true. i may leave him but i can't stop loving and missing him even considering our separation. he helps me sleep at night. he calms my chaotic mind.

i am a lone wolf whose family is also wolfish but not like-minded with me. um well im not a wolf exactly but i am a loner. and with this isolative self idolizing consumerist world being a loner for me is like being trapped in a cage where all my thoughts go haywire. some of the most ridiculous idiotic intrusive thoughts occur when im on my own without boyfriend.

i understand this issue is a psychological problem that may be fixed through medication but ive been in and out of the mental institution/hospital most of my younger years since age 15. i don't like being a guinea pig. i a am self righteous intellectual and feel most people are idiots and don't have my heartfelt interest at heart. to exude beauty like a flower, heartfelt interest such as deep eternal romance.

I'm fucked up dudes. point is i don't want to see a therapist or do dialectical behavior therapy. i don't want to try new medications that can cause insomnia or weight gain. these medications also affect how long my life is. so yes societal control is a killer, too.

[xplrvibes]

Have you seen the crazy person on Twitter claiming that Colby's using Sam and that Sam is carrying the channel and Colby's not doing his job because he's not posting on instagram.

The guy is fucking editing, leave the man alone, go touch grass.

Need you and Golbrocklovely to state how hard Colby works again so bitches can understand the man works soooooooooooo fucking hard to the point he actually needs to take a break!

I've heard a bit about that. I also saw quite a few problematic shenanigans happening on tiktok and instagram recently, so I know this isn't a problem singular to one crazy person on twitter.

Before I say anything else, let me say that shit like this really drives home the point @golbrocklovely and I have been saying for years: people afford Sam a general sense of respect that they simply do not afford Colby. Colby is their little punching bag, rage room, therapist, fantasy boyfriend and Sim character...but he certainly isn't a human being who they feel deserves privacy, common respect, happiness, etc.

So, thanks for proving us right. We love that lol.

Back to the main point: let me take this opportunity to point out the obvious, here. When Colby was posting on instagram, people were pissed cause he was posting his girlfriend instead of working or sitting around like an unplugged toy waiting for Sam to have use for him or whatever it was people wanted (cause I guess only Sam can have a life and hobbies outside of the snc collective). Now he's stopped posting, and they are *checks notes* pissed because he's NOT posting, so therefore he NOW he ISN'T working?

Pick a lane, I am begging.

As far as the editing goes, they literally just spoke about this in the Quackity stream last week. Colby takes all of the raw footage - HOURS upon HOURS of raw footage- and cuts it down and arranges it into a story, after which it is handed over to Sam and the other editors to gussy up and make presentable.

In Colby's own words (starring at 1:15:40 in the Quackity stream vod on YouTube, for those who would like to experience it for themselves): "We have our own roles...so I cut everything, so I like assemble it and make the story, and then [Sam] does everything else," and my favorite part:

"We have an editor right now that helps out with Sam's job; but I can't give up the assembly, the cutting part."

So, please understand what that means. This man spends HOURS per day meticulously cutting up raw footage and turning it into a 1 hour story. And he does it BY HIMSELF.

You are lucky you see and hear from him at all, quite honestly.

And I mean that. This shit with Colby has been going on for YEARS. He said it himself once: he gets judged for everything he does. Every move he makes (or even doesn't make) is dissected to high heaven and used against him. He gets death threats for growing a mustache. He gets canceled for wishing women a Happy Women's Day. He spends 8+ hours a day editing, only to be accused of not working...while Sam can go off and post about riding in private jets and getting haircuts and training for a marathon and golfing and STILL SOMEHOW, Sam is carrying the channel and Colby is apparently spending his days doing nothing but fucking his, what was she being called again? Plastic Chucky doll of a girlfriend, was it?

I'm telling you this right now - Colby has one foot in the grave when it comes to interacting fans and it's because of this bullshit. Who would want to deal with this? Especially when all around you, your friends are being celebrated for being in openly cheesy relationships and having free time to explore hobbies?

He isn't a perfect human, nobody is. But holy shit is the shit that gets shoveled at him not warranted.

Also, because I have seen this going around tiktok and I have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to this: anyone who thinks wishing a cancer survivor would get cancer again or makes degrading and offensive comments about said cancer survivor's body or health all because he's got a girlfriend and you can't handle that - put all of your money into therapy. Seriously. You need the most professional help money can buy, and then some.

Anyway, I think that about covers the situation.

(And since I know, I KNOW, the only problem people will see with this is that I singled out poor Sam, the patron saint of dealing with lazy partners: I'm not saying Sam can't have hobbies. I'm saying it's ridiculous to compare the content both are posting on social media and come up with the idea that only Sam works. I'm also saying it's ridiculous to act like Colby can't have hobbies or days off while praising Sam for...having hobbies and days off).