#funny writer stories

[pretensesoup]

Did a reading for the novel on Saturday night. I was in Madison, which is fine, and there were a bunch of Madison old-timers in the audience.

So. Most of the time when people write historical fiction, they change the names of the businesses they mention. You don't have to, as I understand it, but businesses can get cross if you don't. But in many cases, I...didn't. At least for the ones that aren't there anymore, I figured what was the harm? No one gets murdered in any of the restaurants, and no one was gonna read the novel anyway except @tryxyhijinks, so why not use the actual names? But there are also some business names I made up.

Anyway, the book opens at a dive bar called Lorenzo's Lounge. That was the section I read. Afterward, an older gent came up to me and said, "You mentioned Lorenzo's Lounge. That brought back some memories."

I said, "I bet," while thinking to myself, "I made that one up though."

Then I started to think, did I? So I googled it.

Nope. I didn't make that up.

[gothamite-rambler]

Flashback: Jason Todd when he discovered one of the trainers the Al Ghul's got for him was a child trafficker

*based off a story from the book

Jason (shocked): They… were just children.

His trainer (indifferent): Don't be so dramatic; it was necessary.

Jason (seething with rage): They were just children… and you were trafficking them.

His trainer (indignant): I did what was necessary—

Jason (raising his voice, gripping a knife): THEY WERE JUST CHILDREN, AND YOU TRAFFICKED THEM!

-----------------------------------

Jason (finishing the story): And then I murdered him in cold blood. It was fun… I think I felt true euphoria that day. Oh, and I let the kids go.

Bruce (too stunned and upset to speak): …

Dick (whispering, impressed): Resist the urge to clap.

Tim (horrified): Holy crap, did you have to detail it like that?

Jason: It's not a good story if I leave out the important parts. Like the time I recounted how I beat you up and won, I had to include the part where I stabbed your hand.

Tim (exasperated): You didn't have to and you didn’t win that! You cuffed me to a chimney at the last minute and ran off! I forgive you though, but I won that fight!

Jason (coolly): Seems like a win on my side to me. Anyway, Ra's kept assigning me trainers who were pedophiles, murderers, drug dealer; people I wouldn't let a child around. They all kept rationalizing their crimes, and somehow they kept running into my knife, or getting in the path of my gun, or “accidentally” falling off a bridge. That’s all I’ll say about that.

Tim rolled his eyes, relieved that Jason hadn’t explicitly detailed those killings. Damian and Stephanie, however, had the opposite reaction and stood up, applauding.

Cass (with a blank expression): Jason?

Jason (worried): Yes?

Cass (nodding approvingly): I’ll allow it.

Jason (smiling): Thanks!

Duke: Can somebody pass the cranberry sauce? Also, can I go next? I can top Jason's story! Let’s just say I didn’t buy that katana; nah, I earned that!

Bruce sighed, covering his eyes in frustration.

Bruce: This is the weirdest fucking Thanksgiving, but at least it hasn't gotten worse—

Alfred (making it worse): Talia and Ra's are here.

Damian (pleasantly surprised): Oh, they actually showed up!

Bruce slammed his head on the table.

Dick: That means "God… Damn it!"

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

if I had to see this while I literally was writing and being distracted by instagram (and now by tumblr since I am posting this instead of writing), y’all shall suffer the same fate

[whatsupmykentuckyfriedfuckers]

I'm gonna write a story about an asexual vampire who just steps right into the sun because they can't eat garlic bread anymore.

[dicenete]

So what if he didn't have the self-discipline? I just thought how cute it is, he simping for MC so hard. Amount of self-control Clavis has is admirable. I think this was from Beast in Heat event? Or maybe it was the AU event where Clavis was a phantom thief? Don't remember anymore xd IkePri Tag Team:

@scummy-writes @goustmilk @solacedeer @m-mmiy @mxrmaid-poet

@pawnkyyy @ludivineikewolf @violettduchess @floydsteeth @wistfulwanderingone

@sh0jun @lorei-writes

[heavenlyraindrops]

Academic Rivals to Lovers prompts

Constantly fighting each other for the top spot on leaderboards

entering the same academic competitions

heated arguments during class debates full of tension

Fighting over the same book that they need in the library

fighting over the same secluded spot to relax/ study in

studying in the library reading until super late, they’re the only people left, seated deliberately far away from each other as they lose track of time. And then they get locked in cause the librarian/ caretaker locked up the place for the night forgetting to check if there was anyone left inside.

when the bickering and fighting in classes get so bad that the teacher yells at them and makes them clean out the classroom together after class as punishment

secretly admiring each other for their intelligence/ grades

forced to tutor someone together by the teacher

A is lacking a subject B is good at, teacher makes B tutor A (or vice versa)

glaring at each other or bumping into each other on purpose in the hallways

Ends up joining the same club, too passionate about it to leave

alternatively, they’re both on the debate team and get in heated arguments during practice

forced to take the same route back home after school

stuck on a group project together and end up carrying the team

alternatively, fighting for leadership/ control within the group

alternatively (again), paired together (instead of a group) and fighting with each other over details and nitpicking each other’s work

forced to sit next to each other in class/ be lab partners for the rest of the term

forced to correct/ grade/ review or look at each other’s work

taking a class test next to each other, A is struggling with a question, B surprisingly helps them

[clj-art-blog]

DFQC (Yuezun Daren), XLH (Goddess Xiyun), SQ (just sweet puppy Shangque as always) and very insignificant YZ Fanfiction from @bellesdiaries

"Repatriation"

For the @lbfad-minibang

[fuckyeahchinesefashion]

OP: I have strange feelings for a reader

Cnetizens:

[simsim54]

achilles: i'm going to flirt with patroclus and make advances on him by pushing him on the bed and rubbing my nose against his patroclus: kisses him achilles: running away .... i did not think this through

[redvioletarts]

[Image ID: A photo of an 11oz black coffee mug with a custom design in white lineart and hand-lettered text. It says "Dear FBI" in large print over art of an Internet search bar with suggested previous searches below. The text in the search bar says "I'm A Writer I Swear" in all caps, and the previous searches read "detect gps tracker on car," "arsenic lethal dose," and "black market prices for..." with the rest of the text cut off. End ID.]

Lines printed up great on this one! The text came out nice and clear.

Writing research got you looking sketchy lately? Throw the Feds off your trail by also buying this. Guaranteed to not get you investigated for your weird search history. Probably. ...Well, it won't hurt.

(Maybe you should get a VPN in any case.)

The design prints up on both sides, to be fair to the lefties for once. All my mugs do.

Dear FBI, I'm A Writer I Swear <- get yours!

[purplebehittindifferent]

Hope y’all have got some kromer or this call might be pretty short.

masterpost

prev (ch:3::2) / next (ch:3:4)

(a quick thanks to my beta reader @prunpplee)

[sp7-mr]

[atalana]

we can talk about buy gold bye all day but in retrospect this is my favourite bill moment from dreamscaperers, because he is having One Of The Days Ever

like you get summoned back to gravity falls for the first time in thirty years, already an excellent start (it is good to be back!)

and to make it even better, you know that one human you had every kind of relationship at once with and whose mind you know inside out but then he realised your true plans and tried to break up with you so you spent several weeks torturing him and now he's been MIA for said thirty years? of the all the jobs this random kid could possibly want from you, you're being hired to go break into his mind and steal from him

(been there done that kid!)

except plot twist! they don't actually mean that guy. they mean his identical twin brother who's been assuming his identity since then

and we get to watch bill have the realisation in real time that not only has he just worked out exactly what happened, he is the only person other than stan himself who has enough information to do so!

(this should be fun)

[companion-showdown]

Who had the worst time aboard the TARDIS?

TOURNAMENT MASTERPOST

[gothamite-rambler]

After Jason found out Superman was the reason Batman didn't kill Joker and he's being petty even if he has come around to understanding why it had to be stopped.

Red Hood: Wonder Woman, Green Arrow, Aquaman—

Red Hood turned to Superman, an intense glare in his eyes.

Red Hood: You don't deserve to be out here enjoying the sun. You should be in a cave.

Superman (defensive): If he had killed him, it would have sparked a war! I stopped him before he made a colossal mistake.

Red Hood (shaking with anger): You're lucky I don’t have kryptonite bullets anymore!

Superman (sighing): Batman, can you tell him what I said?

Batman, too busy sipping his coffee, barely registered the conversation.

Batman (setting down his cup, a distracted expression on his face): Huh? Um, Red Hood, go to the car, and thanks for directing your anger at Superman.

Red Hood (rolling his eyes): You’re still an asshole too, but you’re welcome.

Red Hood walked over to the Batmobile, leaving Superman to glare at his friend.

Batman (calm): Thanks for taking accountability there. He knows I can’t kill because I’d be driven insane and turn into a mass murderer.

Superman (resigned): I... I'm just going to take that as a compliment because you said thanks.

Wonder Woman (perplexed): Batman I don't think... Wait, that actually makes sense.

Superman (scrunching his brow): So I should've killed him?

Batman, Wonder Woman, and Green Arrow (in unison): No, no, no, no, nope, nope!

Superman (frustrated): Okay… so then who?

Batman (nodding): Wonder Woman.

Green Arrow: Wonder Woman.

Wonder Woman (pridefull): Yeah, me.

[phoenixcatch7]

Always love when you go to write down an idea you've had circulating in the back of your mind for months, only for the plot to come out like

strong opening scene

follow up to get the plot moving

???????

Really cool bit you've been daydreaming of for weeks!!!!

???????

Climax scene you thought up a week ago

?????? Resolution??????

Profit