#fully intended subtext

[dropoutconfessions]

It makes me incredibly angry when people say "Riz is canonically aro/ace" and act like you're a horrible person if you ship him with people. Like. Nowhere in the show is it ever stated that he's aro/ace. The conversation people reference as him being "canonically" aro/ace is just him expressing his lack of very specifically sexual attraction, and even then the response from his dad (and by extension Brennan and the show as a whole) is that it's okay, and that it's specifically unclear whether he's ace or whether it's just not something that's happened for him in specific yet. It is intentionally vague as to whether he is ace or not, and there's genuinely zero indication in the show that he's aro other than that he doesn't have a love interest which could be completely unrelated.

Right so I'd like to share my opinion on this for a brief moment. I am still fully here to give people a voice, but this is just, an issue that kinda hits close to home since I'm demiaro.

The most annoying thing in a lot of media is when representation is shoehorned in as a list of labels and buzzwords we're given. Queer people should not have to turn to the screen and say their full identity in order for them to be canonically queer. That's what subtext is for. That's what good writing does. Is not spell it out for you when it's not necessary to do so. They do not need it to be spelt out for it to be very clear that he's ace/aro.

I am going to assume ignorance here instead of assuming malicious intent. The idea that the reason he isn't ace, is because "it's not something that's happened for him in specific yet", is an extremely common thought process behind asexual erasure. I'm sure that's not what you intended, but that is something to reflect on in general.

Both Adaine and Riz have yet to have relationships or display crushes (not counting junior year since most of the evidence comes from sophomore year) . Adaine hasn't gotten an entire nightmare sequence / arc around dealing with here friends all finding partners and leaving them alone. Adaine hasn't expressed or had conversations about any lack of sexual or romantic feels to the extent Riz has. Adaine is headcanoned as ace/aro by some people. Riz is more than that. Riz is very much canonically ace/aro if you do the slightest bit of character analysis. There's accidental coding and then there's Riz Gukgak.

List of every single Riz trait that is hella ace/aro coded

A lack of sexual and romantic attraction to other people (I'm not counting the time where he said he was kinda into Sexy Rat, that whole scene was a bit, and absolutely insane)

Making up a partner/crush in order to fit in (I have 1000% done that and so have a lot of acespec and arospec people)

A fear of being left behind by his friends because of a belief that they will find partners and move on from him, largely caused by alloromantic culture's insane emphasis on how the most important relationship is a romantic one

The fact that almost every other fantasy high pc has been in a relationship or a crush (kristen had tracker and gertie, gorgug had zelda, unit, and mary ann, fabian had aelwyn, ivy, and mazey, adaine had oisin and possibly zayn depends on your interpretation, and fig has had ayda and a string of professionals in a variety of fields across seasons 1 and 2) with only riz as a single character

The fact his sophomore year arc was entirely about his lack of sexual/romantic attraction and fear of being left alone because of it

Like not even a joke, it was that and his dad, that was the whole arc

His junior year arc was also about his obsession to stay together as a friend group, which like I mentioned above, is very clearly based in his asexuality and aromanticism

I am not going to stop people from shipping characters ever. If you want to rewrite character sexualities, that's fine by me, I'm a big believer in "Don't Like, Don't Read". I am not gonna pretend like characters are not their sexuality in canon so that people feel justified in writing their stories. People who rewrite character sexuality can do so without making everyone else assuage their guilt for them. I know I'm on the "piss on the poor" reading comprehension website, but it's not hard to tell Riz is ace/aro in canon, and pretending otherwise doesn't help your case.

[amourdivine]

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃 🤍 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐃𝐎𝐄𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐒.𝐏. 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐊 & 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋 𝐓𝐎𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔?

Hello, lovelies! This was a suggested reading from a dear anonymous.  It had a more romantic subtext, but I hope you take out what resonates & leave what doesn’t! If you have any more suggestions, so let me know! Feedback is always welcome. If you liked this reading, please consider booking a paid reading or tipping me at @ amourdivinetarot@gmail.com! xo. ♡

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how to choose your pile.  take deep breaths for a few minutes & look at each and every one of the piles separately. see which one brings you to a feeling, a place or a memory. take your time and feel free to come back to it later.

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disclaimer. this is a general reading for entertainment purposes. tarot is a divination tool & is not a substitute for medical and professional advice, nor is it meant to be taken as such. i do not take responsibility for any choice(s) made by you or others regarding my readings.

amourdivine. 2021 - 2023 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

PILE ONE 💜

what do they think about you? ten of swords • eight of pentacles • six of cups.

I just heard Coldplay’s “The Scientist”, specifically the bit in which he sings “take me back to the start”. I wonder if you two had a fight, some sort of falling out or heavy disagreement. They think they’ve lost you - this is weighing heavy on their mind. They wish they could go back to when things were simpler, when things weren’t so difficult and anxiety-inducing. I think they feel a lot of shame and blame as well (I heard “blame game”) and I’m not going to lie, pile one, this person may be overthinking this connection, especially the way they see it. It feels heavy, like my chest and my throat are holding so much energy but nothing comes out. They’re not thinking clearly, despite thinking so much, it’s really difficult for them to “think” a way out of this situation you’re in. However, they do wish to work towards a peaceful resolution with you. They want to find a way to make things feel lighthearted and happy for the two of you again. This person could also be listening to a lot of heavy/sad songs, because so many of them are coming through to me. They’re experiencing a lot of self-hatred and very difficult emotions are going through them. They’re mourning some kind of happy ending, but they’re still willing to salvage the relationship if that's something you also desire.

how do they feel towards you? the empress • ace of swords • page of pentacles.

Gosh, there’s so much love here. They not only miss you, but they want to talk to you… to ask you how to work this out. They just want it to work it out between you two, pile one. Even if it’s difficult, like I mentioned in the previous section, they only want you. They don’t see anyone else for them. They don’t want to let you go, to lose you. It’s why their mind is so foggy and so clouded with poor judgment, they feel a lot of despair over the thought of losing the love you two have and shared. If your connection ended, they’re still not over it - they’re refusing to move on, simply because in their heart, they’ve decided it’s you. And I don’t think they’ve fully voiced it out just how much they want you, but they intend to do so. No matter how painful this situation has become, they hold some sort of hope that you’ll want to work things out with them too. They love you in a pure, devoted way and know how unique, how beautiful this connection is.

channeled messages: “i hate myself for what i did to you”, “i can’t forget you”, “you’re beautiful”, runaway, empty roads, highways, road trips, memories, polaroid pictures, “i wish things were easier”, “you betrayed me”, burning bridges, “do you still love me?”, deja vu.

channeled song: ghostin’ by Ariana Grande.

PILE TWO 🩷

what do they think about you? the magician • the lovers • the world

I couldn’t name a more beautiful spread. They put you on a pedestal, sort of - this person sees all that you are and they’re amazed. They admire you, they love you and they can’t see anyone else but you. This person’s got heart eyes when they look at you, maybe their eyes sparkle - pay attention next time you speak to them in person. Although they may wonder if they’re good enough for you, this person truly, deeply is inspired by you. It’s possible this is a friend of yours who’s crushing on you and vice-versa, but neither one of you is willing to admit it yet. This is a dreamy vibe, even, I feel like I’m immersed in Piscean energy. Maybe one of you is Neptune dominant or has Pisces in 1st. It’s the feeling of a high school crush, the intense, beautiful and almost soul-crushing one, but the kind of connection that has a lasting impact. Even if you haven’t known this person for a long time, they are eager to know more about you, all the little things that you do and say are stuck in the back of their mind. They don’t take it for granted. You’re extremely important to them, regardless of the nature of this relationship, you’re someone they want around.

how do they feel towards you? three of cups • five of wands • nine of swords.

They’re anxious, because they’ve got some heavy competition. Even if they see all these positive qualities in you, this person is afraid they’ll ruin the friendship by risking it. So many people are interested in you, that they’re afraid of rejection, afraid of all the people vying for your attention and sometimes, they just wish they could get rid of these feelings already. It’s possible there’s a 3rd party situation going on - either you or them could be in a committed relationship and there’s a lot of guilt and anxiety involved. You’re this person’s wish come true, but they don’t know what to do. They’re stuck in their head about it, fantasizing about coming towards you, talking to you and not feeling so insecure or jealous when they see you with someone else. I got the vivid imagery of someone seeing their crush talking to someone else at a party and being almost soul crushed by the fact that they’re so afraid of approaching the other. It’s giving me fanfiction vibes (in the best way possible, I promise). I’m almost sorry for this person because they’re so blindsided by their pessimism that they can’t fully see a way into being with you, no matter how much they want to. They know they need to make a move before they lose you for good, though.

channeled messages: “i’m so sick of love songs”, “i just want to talk to you”, instagram, DM’s, subtle flirting, “are you alone tonight?”, crush, “i feel invisible”, insecurity, jealousy, bonfire party, college life, “give me back my jacket”, inside jokes.

channeled song: Are You Bored Yet? by Wallows ft. Clairo.

PILE THREE 💖

what do they think about you? eight of cups • six of cups • the devil.

“Gone for good”, I just heard that. My playlist started playing sad breakup songs too, it’s honestly a little heartbreaking and quite bittersweet. This person thinks, well, they know you’ve left them behind and you seem done with them. You left them and they’re triggered. They’ve got so much going on in their head, always filled with “what ifs”. Your connection has turned sour and they think you wanted to pursue something better for yourself, something that didn’t trigger the both of you so much. I feel like this connection may have turned toxic, so they know you needed to leave, but nonetheless, they’re grieving, they’re sour and bitter. I don’t know if this person was heavily immature towards you or even disrespectful, but you left them on a chokehold because they didn’t expect you to simply walk away so easily. I don’t think it’s been easy for either one of you. I’m more so feeling a situationship or a friendship kind of vibe here, not a full, official commitment. Everything they see in you is almost a projection of their worst fears. All your worst traits mirror back to them, calling them to do some soul deep healing. I saw the Death card in the back of my mind, so I think this person knows it’s time to move on, to let you go, but they’re still obsessing over this ending you’ve had and it’s possible they lurk on your social media. It’s not an evil or malicious energy, but they’re not in a good headspace to talk or see you right now.

how do they feel towards you? two of swords • knight of cups • ten of wands.

Sometimes they love you, they miss you. Sometimes they just hate everything that came to be about the two of you. They’re tired, overburdened by their feelings, so sick of feeling so much and nothing at the same time. This person can’t really pinpoint exactly what they feel for you, but I got nauseous and almost sick to my stomach? I think they just wish they could erase this pain forever, but sometimes, they wish they could get some closure from you as well. It’s possible they wish they could give you some closure as well. All these messy feelings are taking their time in this person’s heart and body, but I think this connection, as triggering as it may have been, has brought up a lot of things back into the surface. Regardless of how they feel about you, it all ties back to their wounds, their feelings and themselves. I got some heavy Scorpio feelings in the last section and now I’m getting some Libra - I feel like those were significant energies and placements for your pile. This person’s not only heartbroken but almost… burnt out by everything that went down. They’re slowly trying to heal, to let go and forgive, but they’re not having the easiest time. I don’t think they’re “evil eyeing” you in any way, but I also think some distance will do the both of you some good. I feel like Spirit wants to emphasize how good this ending will be for you.

channeled messages: “you deserve better”, “i want to go back to who i was, mental health, physical health, “get over it”, 777, friends with benefits, messing around, fuck around and find out, taylor swift, moved on, finally, second chances, “i was a second option”, simply unrequited.

channeled song: Berenstein by The Band CAMINO | extra: Favourite Song by Tim Chadwick.

PILE FOUR 🩵

what do they think about you? the magician • ace of cups • six of swords.

You’re so nurturing, healing and magical. This person sees you as some sort of fairy, a beautiful, wholesome person who’s got so much love to give and to receive. Even the song that started playing is one of my favorites, a very healing and soft one. They see you as a safe person, an Earth angel, someone who’s almost like their lucky charm. The vibes here aren’t only romantic - they fit for friendships and familial relationships too. They’ve got a lot of fond memories and stories of you. I see someone going through a photo album and laughing to themselves in joy. This person sees a lot of good things in you and you’ve given them some sort of renewed faith in connections and humanity. They know you’ve been through a lot - they see you’re still healing. Every now and then, they catch glimpses of moments when you’re not feeling so good, but they still see your potential and growth nonetheless. I think your words and presence calm this person down. They value your advice immensely, all your words of wisdom and encouragement. I feel like Gemini and Leo are significant placements for this pile - I got the Strength card in the back of my mind, with the woman caressing the lion in the card. You bring calm and softness to this person’s life.

how do they feel towards you? queen of pentacles • ace of pentacles • two of wands.

I heard “wife you up”, lol. If this is a romantic connection, this person wants to offer you a deeper form of commitment - in whatever way that means for your connection. I feel like this person is smitten by you, even if you’re friends, you’re their closest, most prized friend. They’re making plans for something bigger, something greater between the two of you. This person views you as someone they could have ultimate success in every way, someone trustworthy and someone they intend on making accommodations for to fit in their life. It’s so soft and sweet, I see a woman arranging and rearranging pillows in a soft-looking bedroom to make sure her guests will be comfortable during their stay. I think they’re making room for you in their heart and mind, even their home as well. Maybe they haven’t told you, but they’re giddy to have met you and to spend more time with you. If this person proposes to you soon, please don’t tell them I told you! I’m not trying to ruin their plans, but let me say your connection has some really sweet, lovely surprises along the way. If you get engaged though, let me know, pile four. I’m really happy for you!

channeled messages: “fight for you”, “let me love you”, acts of service, bouquets, rainy days, “put your head on my shoulder”, “it’s okay to cry”, “i want to be there for you”, “you don’t have to pretend with me”, cupping someone’s face in your hands, comfort food, hugs, ice cream, care bears, pisces, cancer, healing, therapy, inner child. 

channeled song: Room Service by Holly Humberstone | extra: Break For You by Valley.

amourdivine. 2021 - 2023 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

[nekrotiize]

I respect that Toriyama was not fond of writing romance and tried to avoid actively depicting it, tending to instead focus on literally every other kind of dynamic. It made things more fun to watch for me, since I’m a gay aromantic and gravely tired of forced heterosexual romances in media- oftentimes they lack any chemistry but in a way where it’s clear they tried really hard to make it look ideal, thus looping it back around to being worse. Oftentimes forced heterosexual romance plots wind up within the realm of misogyny, with a lot of it being able to be summed up with “good guy wins the girl,” as if a woman is a possession- a trophy to be won and paraded around, rather than a fully realized human being with wants and needs and wishes and dreams.

Toriyama’s vague attempts at writing romance lacked chemistry but in a way that was fucking hilarious. These people are married. I’m supposed to believe that they are married, love each other, and function romantically. I’m supposed to believe that they kiss and cuddle and have sex. They’re bitchy dysfunctional best friends at most. His focus on anything but romance accidentally made it so that the most romantic and sexual tension we see are between Goku and Vegeta. I sincerely do not think the gay subtext was intentional, and it’s deeply funny that it worked out that way. It’s genuinely impossible to ignore just how gay they are, especially Vegeta. What the hell was Toriyama on with Vegeta.

I don’t think it was intentional, the way he was written- so, so dearly obsessed with Goku, above all else. Above his son, his wife, his daughter, above his own life, and the fate of the world- the way Goku and Vegeta interact with and handle each other. I don’t think they were intended to be gay, but do you think Toriyama knew? His editors? The publishers? The animators? The fans clearly knew. The staff side of things had to have known at least a little bit, right?

[zorobae]

Luffy and Zoro throughout One Piece (season 1)

Although I've written an entire essay on Luffy and Zoro and their relationship in the manga, I think that their live action versions (and the plot surrounding them) are different enough to make it worthwhile to analyze them separately. So here goes...

Luffy gets introduced to us as someone who is enthusiastic and full of stubborn determination to reach his goal, i.e. to become the King of the Pirates. Zoro gets introduced with a similar determination except that he goes about his goal in a more aimless way. The show never explicitly states why Zoro is spending his time hunting pirates, yet it becomes evident early on that being a pirate hunter is something he does to pass the time or to earn money rather than something he intends to do for the rest of his life. Zoro, the pirate hunter, was in a state of stasis. He wasn’t challenging himself, not moving forward or any closer to reaching his goal of becoming the world’s greatest swordsman. Meeting Luffy is what makes him reflect on that and it’s also part of what makes him initially stay with Luffy. Also, both Zoro and Luffy are straightforward and share the same sense of justice. In fact, there are probably only two things Luffy was looking for in a first mate and that’s firstly, someone who he considers to be a good guy and secondly, someone who is strong. Zoro gets established to be both when Luffy first encounters him.

An interesting change on the show is that we get to see Zoro being recruited by two different organizations. First Baroque Works and then the Marines. However when Zoro refuses their offers, he gets punished for doing so. Those offers serve as a stark contrast to Luffy asking him to join his crew. Luffy doesn't try to force Zoro to follow him nor does he punish him for not agreeing to join his crew. So when Zoro does help and follow Luffy, it is entirely of his own volition. And their teamwork when they fight against Axe-Hand Morgan is just as effortless and badass as it is in the manga. Luffy was definitely right when he said they’d make a good team.

In the first three episodes, Zoro keeps saying he is not a part of Luffy's crew whenever Luffy refers to them (including Nami) as such but he also makes it evident in episode 2 already that he is devoted to following Luffy. And that’s not even subtext but something Zoro clearly states when talking to Cabaji. He not only believes in Luffy but he is also starting to believe that next to Luffy, as part of his crew, is where he belongs. To quote Mackenyu: “Meeting Luffy is the biggest thing to ever happen to Zoro… though, of course, he’d never say that out loud”. Right after they defeat Buggy and leave the island, there’s also that adorable blink-and-you-miss-it moment where Zoro actually turns back and waits for Luffy which is just such... quality first mate behavior.

The first mate behavior slowly but surely gets better from here. Because naturally, the more time Zoro spends with Luffy, the more he gets to see what kind of a person Luffy is. He sees Luffy’s determination and possibly his own reflected in it. He sees his compassion and loyalty and how he’d stop at nothing to protect his crew and realizes that Luffy is someone worth following. And Zoro returns Luffy’s loyalty with his own, so to say. However he still keeps an emotional distance. Or to put it differently, he doesn’t fully commit to following Luffy. And the only reason I can think of as to what’s holding Zoro back is the importance of Zoro’s own dream. He may not want to follow Luffy if doing so gets in the way of his goal. That concern is gone after Luffy decidedly does not stop Zoro from fighting Mihawk. And it’s also why Zoro chooses the moment he wakes up after the fight as the one to vow his undying loyalty to Luffy.

This moment is important for Zoro cuz it is the start of his wholehearted commitment to Luffy and the first time he is “emotional” with him. The emotional distance that was there before — and that prevented Zoro from having an actual conversation with Luffy after he revealed Garp is his grandpa — is no longer here. But this moment is also incredibly significant to Luffy so let me dial back just a bit. Luffy is willing to die for his dream and Zoro has the same attitude. Luffy also said that he “doesn’t do regret”. And yet... he seems to be unwilling to admit it but what else does Luffy feel besides regret and fear when he nearly has a panic attack after Zoro lost to Mihawk. Or when he refuses to eat in order to clean Zoro’s swords. Or when he fails to find the right words to say to an unconscious Zoro. Add to that Nami leaving and Luffy getting bested by Arlong and you have a Luffy who, for the first time, seems to have doubts. In himself and in the path he’s chosen. But those doubts get assuaged by this same moment, thanks to his first mate. In the manga, Zoro is often the only one who understands Luffy and who is his pillar of strength in the rare cases that Luffy needs one. Luffy is always there for everyone when they need him but who is there for Luffy when he needs someone? Well, it’s usually Zoro. And we get another example of that in the following episode.

Not only is this scene meaningful cuz Zoro is there for Luffy when Luffy needs him but it also goes to show the deference and trust that Zoro has for Luffy. Even when Luffy does something Zoro may not agree with, he never tries to undermine his position as the captain in any way. (Zoro has in fact zero tolerance when it comes to anyone disrespecting his captain.) He always follows his lead. Or rather, he always follows his lead in the manga but in this scene on the show, it basically explains why Zoro trusts Luffy’s intuition in the first place.

The respect, admiration, understanding and growing love that Zoro and Luffy have for each other was both wonderfully written and could not have been better portrayed. I’m quite grateful. There are differences to the manga of course but personally, I have no issue liking both versions and I look forward to seeing how having changed the story so far will possibly “change” Luffy and Zoro’s dynamic within the rest of the show~

[senseandaccountability]

“Is this truly our prodigal son?” - meta ramblings about Astarion and Cazador and breaking vicious cycles

“I didn’t have a choice… but it seems now I do.” Astarion is indeed the prodigal son in the sense that he has to return to his home in order to find himself and his purpose. 

For at least half the game, he is - at least outwardly - what he has been made to be. A pretty facade to be consumed. In the mirror he doesn’t see himself, he remembers nothing of his past, he can’t even read the words etched into his own back - he is, in all aspects, unwritten, unmade until he starts walking back into his own life. Reclaiming it. Or rather - remaking it. Because there is nothing sustainable there to reclaim, his heritage from Cazador contains nothing but death and violence. And power built on those two ingredients. Even when he claims that’s what he wants - power, walking in the sun, to never be afraid of anyone again, you can hear how hollow the desire is. Isn’t this what you want for me? he asks Tav, equal parts manipulation and the fact that he probably has no idea whatsoever how to figure out if he wants something like that for himself. He’s never had the luxury of choice. Shouldn’t I want this? When Tav later says that considering slaughter of seven thousand spawns isn’t who Astarion truly is he doesn’t even say she’s wrong, he replies: IT SHOULD BE.

“If I can’t have my freedom, then neither can they.”

Astarion is also, to use the same religious myth, the son who remained behind and keeps count. He counts the injustices done to him, he compares, he gathers bitterness and lust for revenge over two hundred years. Nobody ever did anything to help him. Nobody came to his rescue - he even says so himself early in the game that no hero saved him, it was the mindflayers who did. He admits to Gale that he’s prayed to all deities - but no one answered. When Tav prods about the countless of spawn he’ll sacrifice for his own ritual he brings up the same argument - what about what he’s owed? Everything was taken from him, too!

“You’d almost feel sorry for the poor, deluded souls. But they’re idiots who brought this on themselves, so… don’t.” 

Astarion doesn’t want to identify with the victims because then he has to identify as a victim. (Or even worse, someone who willingly accepted the offer of a vampire, aka idiot who brought this on himself.) And no matter how much he talks about what Cazador put him through, he’s not ready to do that, not fully. Instead he pushes them further away from himself, especially as his guilt and pain and self-loathing gets poured into preparing for the Ascension. That one thing that will finally separate him from everyone else, make him safe and untouchable. The others, the victims, they’re weak, pathetic, nothing like him at all, they’re too far gone, they’re different, they couldn’t survive out there so it’s better he kills them so they serve a purpose. It’s not exactly subtext, either, Tav can outright ask him if he really intends to kill them just because they remind him of himself and his voice breaks when he answers that. “They do not. That weakness inside me is dead. It’s dead. I have a higher purpose.” He comes a little bit closer to breaking out of his cycle with the Gur children, they happened not that long ago, he’s visibly moved by the fact that he had forgotten them and felt nothing when he delivered them and when Tav asks about his feelings on the subject, he admits: “I just… I never want to see these little scraps of misery again. The world doesn’t need to know my shame.”

But it takes the encounter with Cazador to truly break out of the pattern.

“Did I not make you who you are?” “Do not slouch before me, boy! Have you no respect for yourself?” he snaps at Astarion when you first enter his ritual. And when the camera pans to Astarion, so full of rage and fully intent on killing Cazador with his bare hands if he has to, we see that he actually does slouch. He’s that boy again.

He’s returned, the boy who caused so much trouble, who screamed the sweetest when he was tortured, who was thrown into a tomb for a year for refusing his order and who eventually stopped fighting back. Godey says: “You always were sharp, little one. Sharp enough to cut yourself.” The boy who Cazador tried to make something of, but to no avail. He was incorrigible. “I fondly remember your empty boasting, your tired jokes, your endless prattle…” All abuse aside, Cazador hurts Astarion in that precise way only a parental figure can hurt a child - through constant disappointment, the cruelty of not caring. The parent that only punishes, that sees nothing but faults. He even tells Astarion that he ought to be begging their forgiveness for coming crawling back after abandoning them. “Forgiveness? You’ve never forgiven anything.” / “No! No, fuck you and fuck everything you’ve ever done to me.”

“I’m so much more than what you made me,” Astarion tells Cazador when he finally has him on his knees, one last attack away from getting the revenge he’s dreamed of for two hundred years. When he asks Tav for help he - again - brings up the “isn’t this what you want?” Because even if he knows he’s more than what Cazador created him to be, he doesn’t know what that “much more” consists of yet. If you detect his thoughts at that moment you learn that he’s afraid, hungry, intoxicated. That all he can see is the power of the ritual and the freedom to do anything - to be anything.

“I want you to live a life you’re proud of,” Tav pleads. “You can’t be proud of this.” Tav who sees someone else in him, a way forward that isn't steeped in Cazador's tyranny. Tav, who treats him like a person, with autonomy.

“I know you think this will set you free, but it won’t. The power will trap you, just like it trapped Cazador.” And it was this Astarion required to truly remake his life. Returning as the prodigal son to the place that was his home, where he was taught he amounted to nothing, that he was a means to an end, that the only way to ever feel safe in life is to hold power over someone else. 

That’s why I found his “No! No, fuck you and fuck everything you’ve done to me” so powerful, because it’s it’s much more than an insult or a protest. It’s an acknowledgement that you were hurt and that you didn’t deserve it. 

And by extension here - that you’ve hurt others in turn and they didn’t deserve it, either. That perhaps you are just the same as the weak, pathetic spawn in the dungeons. That perhaps we all are. That perhaps the true power lies in daring to hope. For forgiveness, for understanding, for more people out there to have a heart like Tav’s. That you, if you’re given a chance to make choices for yourself, can make a life you can feel proud of. Even if it means you have to let others see your shame. To care again is to live again, like Tav says while they're exploring casa Cazador. And Astarion wants to feel alive.

When you can make Astarion realise he can be better than Cazador, he immediately shows  protectiveness towards the spawn, telling his siblings to lead them to the Underdark and then telling the truth to the Gur but making sure to point out that if they come hunting - they’re hunting their own children. Cazador’s been dead for a couple of minutes and Astarion is already doing a better job as some sort of wretched father figure for these poor souls. Because he's given them freedom to make their own choices, treated them as equals. Shown them the care nobody ever showed him before. That's how you break cycles and pack one hell of an emotional punch. Fuck you and fuck everything you’ve done to me, indeed.

[iseathegalaxy]

rewatched the hobbit trilogy (i love it, fight me) and no-one will ever convince me there's no romantic subtext between bilbo and thorin (intended or not)

because how can you look at me straight in the eye and tell me there isn't something more than friendship when thorin, in the middle of having dragon fever and being completely consumed by the treasure that sorrounds him, doesn't trust any of his brothers, his kin, the dwarves he has always been with but he trusts bilbo, only him, the stranger he just met and didn't even like at first and who he told he was a burden and no help and should go back home

how can you look at me straight in the eye and claim there's just a friendship when, again, in the middle of this all-consuming trance thorin is in because of the piles of gold he still gifts bilbo a mithril mailchain to protect him, all while mistrusting everyone else

how can you look at me straight in the eye and utter that there's nothing there when it doesn't even cross thorin's mind that the one that has the arkenstone could be bilbo but immediately thinks of everyone else

how can you look at me straight in the eye and declare they just share a mission when bilbo is the only one there with him in death (not blaming the others for their absence, merely pointing out a creative decision) and thorin asks for forgiveness and they both share this very intimate last moment

and how can you look at me straight in the eye and speak that there is nothing romantic in bilbo's words when, after balin says thorin will pass into legend, he replies that "to [bilbo] he was never that, he was... to [bilbo]... he was..." and he cannot bring himself to finish the sentence! all while balin is smiling knowingly at him!

be it either because it was on purpose or just another side effect of men refusing to write fully fledge female characters (or a female character at all) and therefore giving the men the kind of deep, complex, incredibly intricate relationships the world refuses to acknowledge for anyone but straight couples, we'll never know, but they're there and oh god, do they make me cry when they end like this one does

[antianakin]

I find it very interesting to look at how different it feels when Padme and Luke both say "There's still good in him" just based on the context and lead-up to that line for both characters and why audiences might view the characters differently because of it despite the intentional parallel.

Let's start with Padme. Yes, Padme's dying words are intended to parallel her son's line from Return of the Jedi and we know that she ultimately ends up "right" about there still being good in Anakin. But the context of Padme saying this gives a very different tone to that scene.

Because Padme is a character who actively tries to pretend that Anakin has no darkness in him at all despite repeated evidence being shown and told to her that he DOES simply because it's more convenient for her to do so.

In Attack of the Clones, Anakin straight up tells her he believes in dictatorship and Padme's response isn't to be disgusted or report him, but to just decide that he must have been making fun of her because it's a lot easier than dealing with the reality that the guy who is supposed to be taking care of her is in fact a fascist. And then just a few days after that, Anakin screams in Padme's face that he just massacred an entire village of people down to the last child because he sees them as animals and her response is to decide that this is just a totally normal response to trauma rather than, again, being disgusted by it and reporting him. And of course that movie ends with her deciding to marry him, despite knowing he's a murderer and a fascist and that this is against the rules for BOTH of them.

In Revenge of the Sith, there's an entire scene where Padme and Anakin sit there joking at each other about how love blinds you. They're joking around and you can see the scene as just a sweet little nonsense scene if you choose to, but it's also very intentionally foreshadowing a lot and has the subtext of the thing that is going to destroy both of them in a few days. When Obi-Wan comes to Padme to ask her about where Anakin is and tells her about what Anakin's done, Padme's response is to deny it. She argues that Anakin would never kill children, despite the fact that she knows he HAS killed children before. And then she lies to Obi-Wan, obstructing his ability to figure out the truth about what happened to his people or to gain justice for the genocide that was just committed against them. And her next response is to go find Anakin so that she can ensure he escapes any consequences for what he's done while still insisting that he hasn't done anything wrong at all.

So when Padme says "There's still good in him" it comes with the context of Padme spending two entire films refusing to actually see Anakin for who he actually is. It comes after MULTIPLE scenes of Padme rejecting the reality that Anakin has darkness in him that he is fully capable of acting on. Sure, she's not wrong that there's still good in him, but the line feels more like Padme just continuing to pretend that Anakin didn't just commit a genocide and bring down the Republic rather than Padme being right about Anakin. It doesn't sound like "Yes, I know that he's done a million terrible things, but I have hope that he can still make the right choice if we approach him the right way" and more like "He was probably just brainwashed or something, he didn't REALLY mean to genocide an entire people."

And this then directly foils Luke later on.

Because when LUKE says it, it comes with the context of the entire character journey Luke has been going through over the last 2.5 films. Luke's had to learn to accept his OWN darkness and face his own worst fears about his heritage and what he could become. He's had to face the reality of losing the people he cares about and seen the consequences of what happens when he lets arrogance and fear blind him. Luke has had to accept that Darth Vader is a part of who he is, he's not infallible, he could fall to darkness just like his father did if he isn't careful. But this comes with the ability to recognize that this could mean that Darth Vader might yet be able to turn around and make the opposite choice. If Luke has the ability to fall, Darth Vader has the ability to rise. Luke knows that it's always about making the right choice, and while Darth Vader has made a LOT of bad choices, it doesn't mean he can never make the right one. Choosing to believe that Darth Vader could still have goodness in him is a result of accepting that Luke has darkness in himself, too.

So when Luke says that there's still good in him, there's no attempt to pretend that Anakin hasn't done monstrous things. Luke really can't pretend that Anakin didn't do them, he's literally stood there and watched as Anakin did some of them. He's down a hand for the rest of his life because of Anakin, he'll have to live with the evidence of what Anakin is capable of forever. He CAN'T sit there and pretend that Anakin didn't do those things the way Padme could, it isn't possible for him. For Padme, Anakin will always be "that little boy from Tatooine," just like she says in Attack of the Clones. But Luke knew Darth Vader first, he's known the villain and the monster longer than he'll ever know Anakin Skywalker. Even when he figures out how to reconcile that these two people are the SAME person, he doesn't know enough about Anakin Skywalker to be able to pretend that Darth Vader didn't do the things he's done. Luke says that there is still good in him with the full awareness that Darth Vader has made a LOT of horrific choices in his life. There's never any attempt to try to convince himself or anyone else that that isn't true.

He sees Anakin in the full truth of who and what he is. He knows EXACTLY what kind of darkness Anakin has in him and is choosing to believe he can still make a better choice ANYWAY. Unlike his mother, Luke knows who Anakin is, he's never been given another choice.

That's why Padme comes off as wrong about Anakin while Luke is right even though they both say the same thing. The line doesn't MEAN the same thing to both of them and the audience can pick up on that because both of them have had several films' worth of context letting us know that.

[ao3cassandraic]

I’m wondering about your thoughts on something I’ve been musing on after S2. How good is Aziraphale’s reading comprehension? How much does he understand subtext and metaphor? Because his behavior this season struck me with the impression that he didn’t really understand the books he collects. He’s clever at puzzle solving, and contains vast knowledge; but he always seems to take things at face value (when he’s not willfully misunderstanding), and refuses to give up black-and-white thinking, which would make it very difficult to analyze texts.

Angels, demons, language, and culture: part 1

You sure ask the difficult ones. (Which is great, I'm totally jazzed about it!)

I delayed answering this ask because it sent me off in a lot of directions:

What is an angel's starting knowledge base?

In contrast, how and what do we humans learn about our world and one another?

Which of these learning methods is not really available to an angel?

What do humans learn from books, fiction especially?

What kinds of information get left implicit in books because authors are humans writing for other humans?

How would an angel fill in those blanks? How would those blanks distort an angel's notion of How Humans and Human Things Work?

What would angels generally and either Aziraphale or Muriel (because yeah, it's hard to have this discussion without thinking about Muriel too) specifically read human-authored fiction for?

I don't have all the answers to the above questions. Not even CLOSE. I happily invite my fellow meta-ists to weigh in on any or all of them!

But let's see what I can tease out. We'll start with factory settings, so to speak.

Angelic vs. human factory settings

(questions 1 through 3)

Angels have (one) language. They have music -- or, at least, they can sing Her praises (likely by rote). At least some, like our Starmaker, have the knowledge to do specific jobs. Note that Aziraphale not only doesn't know how to make stars and nebulas, he's not even clear on what a nebula is. We can safely assume from that that angels don't all possess the same set of knowledge and skills purely by virtue (heh) of being angels.

We don't see, however, how much of what they know is simply an angel's birthright versus how much of it is somehow educated into them. We also don't know how She divvies up necessary knowledge, though I'd think it safe (given most takes on angelology) to guess that angelic rank and intended function are part of Her calculus, perhaps even the whole of it.

What strikes me hardest is that angels seem to be created either as adults or children (which is what I believe the scareable "cherubs" are), and they may well never change that state. The Starmaker is childlike in some ways, but not a child. Likely never was a child! Aziraphale, Before the Beginning, isn't childlike at all; his personality seems pretty close to fully-formed.

And children learn so very, very much. Babies learn so much as babies, while their neuroplasticity is super super plastic! Especially they learn about relating to other beings! (Which the Starmaker is conspicuously Not Real Great at, honestly -- absorbed in the work of creation, the Starmaker does not pick up the feelings Aziraphale is laying down at all.)

Children also learn one OR MORE languages, and that "more" is rather important, because language shapes how we think to some extent (the extent of that extent, and its nature, are objects of fierce debate among linguists and neuroscientists), and different languages shape us differently. Just as Crowley (as plenty of theologians argue) did humanity a favor with the whole knowledge-of-good-and-evil thing, the Tower of Babel (assuming that was a thing that happened in the GOverse; no reason it wouldn't have, I suppose) added a whole lot of nuance and complexity and competing understandings to humanity's sense of itself and its universe.

Exactly how angels and demons manage to speak all human languages (which Crowley indicates they can) isn't clear. If we accept that the Tower of Babel happened, both Heaven and Hell must have had to figure out a way to deal with it.

We do see, however, that angels and demons can be fluent in human languages without being fluent in human thought or human cultures. Gabriel and Sandalphon speak perfect English yet barely know which end of a book is up. Hastur and Ligur can't disentangle ciao/chow. And, I mean, actual food? Fuhgeddaboudit. So I see their linguistic facility as a sort of Douglas Adams Babel fish: it can translate an angel's or demon's thought into the target language, but it can't help an angel or demon think like an actual speaker of that language.

As an example, Gabriel can tell Job and Sitis about their new children, perfectly fluently. His purely-linguistic fluency does not help him understand that they loved their old children, much less why.

This may explain why Aziraphale studied French under M. Rossignol. He perhaps didn't feel he understood how French speakers think, and was interested enough in that to learn the language (as other meta-ists have noted, the language of love!) the human way.

So yeah, if I have a conclusion here it's that angels and demons can seem as off-center as they often do from a human perspective because they wholly missed out on a key period of human brain development.

What they have in its place appears to be... rules. Which is, I think, where I'll take this next.

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Round 2

Propaganda Under Cut

Iris West

Treated terribly by fandom because of racism and misogyny

Iris is one of the oldest Flash characters (well, oldest by measure of the Silver Age Flash) and despite the show's problems she was adapted pretty well. Her being pushed aside 100% has to do with her being Black in the adaptation. The most popular ship on Ao3 for that show is her white husband x a white passing supervillain clearly intended to be read as actually white who has been in LITERALLY ~SIX EPISODES. He DIED IN 2016. THEY ARE STILL DOING THIS

Gets mom friended like you wouldn't BELIEVE. People hate her because she was childhood best friends with The Flash and has chemistry with him :( like it's her fault she's sweet and smart and not the male blue coded villain to the red hero. I am so tired

Stephanie Brown

Literally my best friend ever!!! Every time she shows up in a comic I point at her and smile!!! She’s the vigilante known as spoiler & batgirl & was a robin before getting fridged because of editorial mandate and misogyny she deserves so much better @_@. The m/m that some people hate her for is timkon; like they ARE very gay but people are genuinely insane about hating her instead of also realizing that she too is gay (insane amount of subtext w her bff cass). Basically she was Tim’s girlfriend for a long time on and off. People will literally call her abusive for no reason they’ll be like oh but she didn’t apologize for starting a gang war accidentally and faced no consequences for it :/ as if she wasn’t literally KILLED OFF BRUTALLY. And although hate is rarer for her nowadays from what I’ve seen she’s also a victim of Background Lesbian Syndrome. And also a victim of Woman Not Allowed To Have Ocmplex Feelings in the source material itself (tim is canonically bi now yay but like steph wasn’t allowed to have any complicated feelings at all at her on again off again ex breaking up with her for good???). Anyways she’s the light of my life.

she’s the light of my life my baby girl my everything. she canonically dated tim drake, but people love to ship tim with his male friend kon or his male brothers (🤢🤮) and so they constantly sideline her, making her the quirky wingwoman or sometimes even villainizing her by trying to claim she was abusive to tim. i don’t know why so many people hate her my girl will literally just be standing there and people will hate on her.

Stephanie was first introduced in the 1994 Robin series as a side love interest for Robin, but when she turned out to be really popular she became the main love interest. Because of this, she was fully fleshed out as a vigilante calling herself Spoiler to try and take down her villainous father, the Cluemaster. She later grew a lot closer to other cast members, such as Batgirl and Oracle, to get herself a firmly established place among the bats. Then, she dies in a gang war after taking up the Robin mantle. Eventually, in 2009, she was brought back from the dead and took on the Batgirl mantle. Her and Robin get back together sometime around ~2010 and they are solidly together until 2021. Then, Robin breaks up with her off panel for zero reason in canon, only to date some really boring guy named Bernard. By fanon, she's often demonized and turned into an abuser to make either this ship, or a lot of other mlm ships happen. Either that or things are mysteriously set in the time she's dead despite characters who were not yet introduced until she returned appearing. strange.

[deimosatellite]

i guess something that frustrates me abt how people view queer readings of older media is the complete lack of nuance when it especially comes to queerness. people seem to act like it's very black and white between "this author from 150 years ago fully knew and intended to write a gay relationship" versus "this author didn't know what gay people were you all are crazy for looking into subtext" like. there is so much room between those two positions you know. also the way literary academics will with their full chest analyze beyond authoral intent UNTIL it comes to queerness like. again yall know how you sound right. HDNDKDNNFMF

[charmac]

curious - do you think rcg may have had any notion that they may seriously explore the possibility of mac being gay in s6 era? s5 functionally lays the majority of groundwork for the subtext that they evolved into canonical text and s6 opens with mac fights gay marriage and imo mac is pretty heavily gay coded throughout that season. however, s7 totally makes me believe they hadn’t really considered it, because mac’s gay subtext is almost completely nonexistent, bar the flashback from s6 in 7x10. he is overtly “straight” that season. clearly by s8 it’s fully canon and one of the most logical next steps they could’ve taken with his character in retrospect, but i have always wondered if many of the choices in s6 wrt mac’s sexuality becoming increasingly more ambiguous were deliberate and i’m curious about your perspective.

I do 100%! I've definitely spoken about this before... I'm not sure if it was here or a Discord or maybe even an in-person conversation, but I've always thought it was so insane how they tell you Mac and Dennis Break Up is romantic in some sense. They are realising that their codependency is more than some "bromance" and it spooks them (obviously, really more-so Dennis).

I think acknowledging it on TASP isn't a surprise, but the fact that it's stated in the DVD commentary, before they even filmed S6, makes it clear that this was intentional foundation they intended to work off of. When Dee shatters the glass closet by stating Dennis' codependency with Mac is viewed as an "old married couple" situation, it fucks Dennis up way more than Mac, because Mac is unable to recognise the queerness of their relationship while Dennis can.

Once they make up, they've established something in the writers room going forward for Mac & Dennis that they clearly want to keep a part of their dynamic (again, as reaffirmed on the MADBU TASP episode): they are gay for each other. But they're not going to (mutually) recognise or accept it, because that ruins the joke.

So, in my opinion, they go into Season 6 really digging into that dynamic and playing on the joke by pushing against it: Dennis recognises the issue of being into Mac internally so he needs a wife; Mac recognises the issue of being gay externally so he needs to fight the gays. No doubt in my mind that throughout S6 they were writing and acting with this idea - though probably with no firm idea of where they wanted it to end up.

So we get to Season 7, and your point is the reason why Season 7 is one of my least favourite Seasons as a coherent part of Sunny (keeping in mind the flashbacks in How Mac Got Fat are just a scrapped S6 episode, reworked) - it seems to ignore a lot of the build up in order to make funny stand-alone episodes of the show. Was it because of Fat Mac? (Only one identity at a time for Mac, pls!) Is it because they had a chunk of guest writers? Is it because they thought there was a large chance it was the final season of the show? (They've talked about how when they shot the final scene for S7 (HS Reunion) it was under the idea that they might not get renewed)

Probably only RCG truly know (and maybe they don't even remember). As for me, while I don't think it was necessarily deliberate, like they sat down and said "actually lets roll back the gay [Mac] stuff here..." my idea is that going into S7 they hadn't yet figured out (or couldn't agree) if/how they wanted to make Mac's homosexuality crystal clear.

Maybe they dropped it for a season before deciding... or maybe this downtime served a purpose, because the reveals on Sunny serve one main goal: Subvert expectations.

Going from S5/6 to 8 is very obvious. That is a closeted gay guy. BUT when you have S7 cut in there in the middle, this working-season where they kind of play hard into Mac's aggressive temper and his stupidity and the fact that he's a voyeur, it's a little less-so. You're hit with Season 8 and that attempted kiss kind of comes out of nowhere and then every episode following has some kind of Mac is GAY moment and it's just extremely funny... Like, oh holy shit he's gay and he can't even recognise it.

But that gap does kinda throw you off like, was this a decision once they got renewed going forward that they needed one of them to be obviously gay based on their history? I really don’t think so, the foundation seems too intentional and the evidence we have that RCG acknowledged the character’s queerness (of all them) back then is enough to have me firmly believe the S6 stuff was just further groundwork for Mac’s character and his and Dennis’ opposing relationship

[emotionallychargedtowel]

Intense Subtext in Front of Oblivious Side Characters: "I had no wife in the year six"

There's a thing, I guess it would be considered a trope, that is one of my favorite such things in any form of media but especially any sort of romance-centered story. I don't know of an existing term for this and I'm terrible at being concise so I'm not sure how I could put it briefly. Basically, it's the thing that happens when a larger interaction is happening with a group of people but there's a subtext to it that means something very different--and generally, much more meaningful--to the central characters. You could call it something like Intense Subtext in Front of Oblivious Side Characters.

I've been thinking for a while about possible parallels between BLs and Jane Austen novels and/or adaptations. This is my attempt at taking a small, specific example of a parallel I sometimes notice and talking about it. Austen's novels do a lot of this trope I mentioned. That's in part because of choices Austen made in what she wanted to write about. But it's also because of the social context of her time. There was a lot going on that people couldn't be explicit about, for a variety of reasons. I think one reason why I see similar things happening in some BLs--and maybe one reason for the appeal of certain types of BLs--is the fact that being queer in a homophobic society makes openness complicated in a way that doesn't come up as much for hetero relationships these days. Especially when we get into things like office romances, in which appearances have higher stakes. These complications around openness have a kind of similarity to the reasons Austen's characters had to play a lot of things close to the chest.

Fellow Old Fashion Cupcake fans will remember an example from that series that I think really fits here. Nozue and Togawa agree to attend a goukon, or "mixer" as it's sometimes translated--basically a group hangout intended to help men and women meet for the purpose of finding people to date. Nozue is hitting it off with a cute younger woman, which is bad enough. But then he mentions his "anti-aging" efforts, and because of the mysterious way he words it, the woman asks, "Does that mean you're in love?" which of course catches Togawa's attention even more. He's clearly affected when Nozue answers, "If I were, I wouldn't be here."

@jdramastuff did a great screenshot post of this scene if you want to see what this looked like.

After Nozue's comment, Togawa starts knocking back alcoholic drinks like it's going out of style, ensuring that Nozue will have to help him home instead of going home with the woman who's been flirting with him.

(You could argue that this isn't so much a case of subtext as it is the significance one person assigns to what another is saying. Subtext really requires some degree of communication between more than one person. But while Nozue doesn't fully grasp what's going on, I think he does understand in some ways what he's communicating. I don't want to go on too much of a tangent, so I'll just say that having just read the manga the series was based on, it strengthened my belief that while Nozue is repressed, insecure, even deluded at times, he has glimmers of awareness of his feelings for Togawa and even suspicions of Togawa's feelings for him, and on some level he knows what he's saying, though I don't think he knows in this moment how much these words will hurt Togawa.)

I have another favorite example of this, a scene from Persuasion. It's rendered really well in the 1995 adaptation of the novel with Ciaran Hinds and Amanda Root. (The whole thing is phenomenal, by the way--I think it's the best Austen adaptation ever made, personally.)

A bit of background for anyone not familiar with the story: Anne Elliott was engaged to Captain Frederick Wentworth in 1806 but was convinced by Lady Russell, her neighbor/family friend and a kind of surrogate mother to her following her mom's death, to break off the engagement. She has regretted it ever since. Wentworth was deeply hurt and angry when she broke things off, not surprisingly.

More than eight years later, Anne is visiting her sister and her sister's in-laws, the Musgroves, when Wentworth comes to the area and starts spending a lot of time at the Musgrove place (and with the Musgroves' eligible young daughters). Wentworth acknowledges Anne, but just barely, while paying enough attention to both the Musgrove girls that everyone is gossiping about which one he's going to marry. Anne's sister Mary was away at boarding school when her previous relationship with Wentworth happened, so neither Mary nor the Musgroves are aware Anne and Wentworth were involved and think they were only acquaintances.

At a dinner party, the Musgrove girls try to look up the ship that Wentworth first commanded, the Asp, in the Navy List, a book that chronicles the various ships in the British Navy, their commanders, and so forth. Wentworth tells them not to bother--"she" is not in the current version of the List because "she" no longer exists.

Louisa and Henrietta Musgrove are suitably horrified.

Admiral Croft, Wentworth's brother-in-law and superior in the Navy, remarks that Wentworth was lucky to get a command so early in his career at all, no matter how seaworthy (or un-seaworthy) the ship was.

(Remember, 1806 was the year that Anne and Wentworth became engaged and then un-engaged.)

Gut-wrenching. And nobody else sitting at that table has any idea what just happened. I love it.

I have some more thoughts about this languishing in an excessively long post in my drafts, which I'll try to get out one of these days. I know I've talked to a few people about trying to do some BL/Austen posts and had meant to tag them but the only person I remember talking with about it was @absolutebl. If you're reading this and you want a heads up next time I write about this stuff, let me know!

[i-heart-hxh]

Do you think togashi Will sink killugon in the future by denying the romantic reading of their relationship?

Hi anon! I strongly don't think that'll ever happen. I truly believe including the romantic subtext between them is intentional on Togashi's part, and I want to be clear I'm not saying that just as a shipper, but as someone who has spent years deeply analyzing the series as a whole, as well as Togashi's influences and interests. The deeper I look into it, the more I'm certain he includes all the things he includes with full intention.

Again, I post this because everyone deserves to see it:

Togashi wanted to create works with queer characters before HxH even existed, and he was deeply invested in this concept! It's possible pieces of HxH even came out of this original idea he had--he did say he might publish it someday in "a different form," so it's not an impossibility.

I think likely one of two things will happen with Gon and Killua's relationship in the future of the manga:

Togashi will bring them back and reunite them, and we'll (at least eventually) get some sort of ending for them that may not be 100% undeniably canonically romantic, but likely continues with the same kind of romantic subtext and ambiguity that's been present all along. (Think something like: They decide to travel together again and promise to stay together without it actually saying if they mean it in a romantic way or not, but there might be hints or wording that imply it is intended in that way, with Togashi trusting those of us who see it that way will understand.) Or maybe we hit the jackpot and he does make it explicitly canon. I don't think that's super likely, but if anyone could get away with it, it would be Togashi, for a whole list of reasons I won't get into on this post.

Sadly he won't reach that point in the manga due to his health and how much of the series remains, but he won't say either way what he intends their relationship to mean, and we're free to continue to interpret it how we want.

There are other possibilities of course, but I think those are the most likely outcomes. I do think he fully intends to reunite Gon and Killua and I've written about this in-depth (whether the series actually reaches that point or not). I don't think he intends to "sink the ship" ever because he's the one giving us an uncountable number of reasons to believe in the ship in the first place... And I do think he's doing it out of his own personal interest, not just for marketing reasons or whatever like we see in some other shounen series. It's deeply embedded in the series and the number of things pointing in this direction is just so, so many.

I don't think there's any reason to be pessimistic about Gon and Killua's future, aside from the factor of Togashi's health. However, I try to take the attitude that, in the case that it doesn't ever get finished (and assuming Togashi doesn't have some sort of back up plan, and I suspect he might), we get to choose ourselves how it ends. I deeply hope we get a canon reunion between them someday, the thought of this happening is something that keeps me going in life, but if we do have to continue to imagine it ourselves, it certainly could be worse.

[iluvuiloumi]

Nabokov's Lolita: My Ramblings

Ramblings, episode 2, because not a lot of my friends read classics and someone's gotta listen to me so why not all of Tumblr? Lolita, controversial, misunderstood Lolita, almost seems like Nabokov knew just how badly the book can be misinterpreted. Repeatedly, Nabokov acknowledges the reader within the book and guesses at their horror and reactions, and leaves — frankly — obvious signs that you are supposed to dislike Humbert Humbert, question a certain scene's validity, or worry for the safety of the 12 year old in the situation. Even so, many a person looked at me in horror when I said that is the book I was reading.

"Light of my life, fire of my loins...."

I'd like to begin by discussing just how much significance the writing style holds to understanding the book, and it lies in the writing style being distinctly hard to dissect.

Nabokov's book is intensely loving of the English language, and seems to bend it to his will to properly express either the disgusting nature of Humbert's sexual fantasies. In long twisting paragraphs, Nabokov often switches languages to express thoughts, and I think he does it often to make sure that the audience has to put conscious effort into properly understanding Humbert.

Either by having to manually translate those lines or read into subtext, the reader is forced to play closer attention to and feel Humbert's paranoia or fantasy, and the writing style imitates almost stream-of-consciousness writing in its constant and lengthy elaborations on certain select descriptions to show you just how much he's focused on that or by switching to French, something he does both audibly and in his mind.

This forces you to recognize with Humbert's thoughts, so even if you approach the book with the apprehensiveness or pre-concieved notion of who Humbert is as a person, you are forced to put yourself into his shoes — or thoughts, for lack of a better metaphor — to be able to fully and properly understand him and his motivations.

However, paradoxically, this kind of close examination or living the story through only Humbert's eyes because for better or for worse, he is the only narrator we have been given for the story, also makes the book seem deceptively simple. It's easy right? Focus on what Humbert says and you'll get the story.

Yes, if Humbert was a conscientious or even unbiased narrator. No, instead, you see how he will spend multiple paragraphs, sometimes pages describing how Lolita looks playing Tennis, or how the road curves, or his fantasies. But he glosses over any emotion he does not personally feel.

In a pivotal moment, the 12 year old runs from their shared house after screaming at Humbert that he had murdered her mother. This scene changes everything. They leave the town after this and go back on travel.

However, Lolita gets no dialogue. The fact that she accuses him of killing her mother gets no dialogue. Because Humbert controls the story. He knows and is well aware how that would make him look and how much it would reveal about how Lolita truly feels about their relationship. Humbert Humbert is not Lolita's lover. She hates him. If the dialogue was written out, if Humbert would allow himself to remember that day in full, he would never be able to recover.

So he doesn't, and he doesn't tell you. You have to read between the lines. So, the writing style both heavily helps you by forcing you to pay closer attention to the story, but the voice through which it is told is actively hindering you from it. It is a brilliant novel.

His genius bursts from the pages through which he balances how Humbert romanticizes the story while also laying out red flags to bright they should blind you if you read the way he intends you to (actively) for the reader to pick up on.

I have so much to say about this book that this barely grazes the first throught I had

Poor, poor Dolores Haze. Always cursed to be remembered as Humbert's Lolita and never by her actual name.

Nabokov was a genius.

[yuri-is-online]

Sled Ride Together With Yuu (Jade Leech)

a/n: Yuri write something that isn't about Jade challenge (impossible). This is just some random stuff set during the Harveston event. I have half a thought written out for Idia that was supposed to go on this post but turns out the next part comes out today and I know I won't be happy to finish that until I complete the available story content. Sorry :/

notes: Jade is a red flag and Yuu is implied to be comically short, what are we? energy being answered with a shrug emoji, no one in NRC knows how to communicate and this includes Yuu.

“Well if Mount Moln is involved I might know someone who would be interested.  Not too sure if he’d be down for the sled race, though.” 

“There’s no need to be so shy prefect.”  He had interjected, fully intending to round on you and tease as soon as he was finished making his pitch to Epel.  But you, delightful, unpredictable, beautiful you had instead rolled your eyes at him once he obtained your friend’s blessing and went in on the attack.

“As cute as your self-confidence is, I wasn’t going to suggest you.”  Both he and Epel are left flustered as you sigh and turn to the most unexpected of persons.  “Idia you’re going to miss the QTE.”

“Cute.”  He pouts at your back, you’ve barely spared him a glance this trip unless prompted.  You had avoided commenting on his applepom Idia’s too but he certainly wasn’t paying extra attention to how you treated him, even after he spoke his mind about yours.  His sanity’s only current saving grace was the way your pupils had dilated the first time you had been forced to look at him; otherwise he might have been forced to assume all the careful months of dancing around your unspoken little attachment to one another was the misread of the century.

Thankfully he doesn’t have to wait much longer to find out what you are currently "arguing" about.  The entire trip is practically made worth it with the little stall Epel guides them to, filled with the bounty of the mountain he was so eager to witness.  His eyes dart over the stall, wondering if he can maybe convince Epel he should be allowed back sometime in the future when he has time to spare.  A month perhaps?

“... I have no idea what any of that meant.”  says Sebek as Jade rattles off plant names.

“Sounded like monster or mecha names to me.”  mutters Idia.  You sigh.

“He’s just using the scientific names for the plants; it's not that hard.”  He smiles as you finally move to his side, gladly adjusting to be as close to you as currently acceptable.

“Did you recognize any of them?”  Epel asks, genuinely impressed as you nod.

“I should hope so,” Jade interjects before you can respond “we certainly discuss plants enough in the Mountain Lover’s Club.”

“YOU’RE A MEMBER OF THE MOUNTAIN LOVER’S CLUB?”  Sebek asks at a completely normal volume and you roll your eyes, suddenly remembering that you’re supposed to be angry at Jade who is taking a bit too much pleasure in this revelation.

“Unfortunately.”  You mutter and Jade laughs.

“It’s just the two of us.”

“Oh so it’s Fungus when one of my friends invites me somewhere you want to go but fungi when it comes to storing the climbing gear?”  You huff and Jade blinks.  Oh.

OH.  He has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing.  So that’s what this was all about.

Jade turns towards you, eyes dangerously aglow as he lets out a pitiable, put upon sigh, slipping his right hand free of his glove.  “Darling,” he says with that toothy smile, in just condescending enough a tone you nearly miss the desire swimming in the subtext of how he traces your jawline with his long, cold fingers “you keep suggesting that I’m causing problems for myself on purpose.  If I’ve caused you distress, please do forgive me.”  He leans downward, gently pointedly kissing your forehead and nuzzling your hair, dropping his voice in both tone and volume to murmur in your ear.  “I assure you, I can reach our things just fine.” 

You really, really, r e a l l y want to shriek and cuss him out, but it’s all you can do to steady your breathing with how keenly aware you are of every eye in Kokko Market heavily judging you both.  Jade seems blissfully unconcerned, you know he’s not unaware, as he pulls his focus away from you and back to his purchase and Epel mercifully, though clearly judgemental, tugs you away with the rest of the group deeper into the market.

The merchant is trying hard not to laugh, though Jade quickly notes it’s not at him.

“I used to do the same thing.”  Jade’s polite smile returns, eyes darting momentarily to the small woman sitting next to the stall who appears to be competing in the reddest apple contest Epel mentioned earlier with the shade she’s turned.  “It’s just so cute to watch how far they’ll go before asking for help.”  

“It really is.���  He agrees, pulling his hand back into his glove as he prepares a few fake tears.  “Still I am worried I’ve gone a bit too far this time.”

“Aww chin up.”  the merchant finally audibly laughs.  “I’m sure you’ll find a way to make up for it.”  The red woman sighs, still embarrassed but settled enough to face him finally.

“If you’re looking for suggestions, I might have one in mind.”

~~~

You’re quite finished huffing and puffing by the time Epel allows them to take a break from sledding practice, though Jade’s presence still causes you to stiffen.  He apes embarrassment well enough, though you’d like to think you know enough about his acting that your skepticism is warranted. 

“I don’t suppose you have any comments to offer?”  he asks innocently enough.  “You seemed to be observing quite diligently.”  You snort, he’s practically screaming praise me.

“Not anything substantial.”  you dodge, still too flustered from earlier to even think about throwing Idia or anyone else under the bus again.  “I’m afraid plush sledding is beyond me.”  

“How disappointing, you seemed so enthralled with the animals earlier.”  You sigh and brace yourself, gearing up for another… conversation making the mistake of closing your eyes to center yourself.  “You know I was wondering something.  Earlier when Epel was talking about stuffed animals, he never bothered to ask about you.”  That was not where you were expecting the conversation to go, and when you look up at him he does seem interested to a degree.

“Stuffed animals are popular in my world.”  it sounds lame to say.  Sort of like confirming your world’s humans also breathe air.  You’re so embarrassed you find your gaze naturally drawn to your shoes as you kick lamely at the snow.  “Um.  I had a teddy bear when I was a kid I really liked.  That’s a sort of stuffed bear but it doesn’t look anything like Idia’s-”  Something soft hits the side of your face and you turn to look up at Jade in surprise.  You come face to face with a plush reindeer, similar to the one Jade’s been practicing with for the past few hours being pushed forward to boop your nose.  You sneeze as he laughs, tugging you forward into his arms when you attempt to take the plush; that familiar heat of embarrassment floods back into your chest as you try to resist the urge to squeeze it to death.

“How unfortunate.”  he sighs, but there’s a smile tugging at his lips similar to the way he looks when inspecting a plant he really likes, only this time he’s inspecting you.  “Here I was thinking I finally had a chance at making some progress, but you’re still talking about other men.”  He bends down to your level again, pressing his forehead to yours with a content sigh.  “You will be rooting for me I trust?”

“A bit greedy to want me all to yourself, don’t you think?”  There’s not even a hint of malice in your voice, you can’t bring yourself to pretend to be mad anymore as you try to focus on the gift and not your rapidly beating heart.

“Oya, are you saying I don’t already?”  and technically, no he does not.  He hasn’t asked, but that’s something you are content to keep fishing for later, for now you just blow a raspberry that he kisses into as you sigh in content.

*I left the merchant gender neutral since they aren't mentioned in game to my knowledge. I was picturing a cottage core lesbian couple though.

**I'd like to think originally no one joins the mountain lovers club because they're afraid of Jade and then after this Yuu joined everyone stayed extra far away because they didn't know what was going on, but they didn't want to be in the middle of it. Hence Sebek screaming and Epel judging.

[alto-tenure]

thinking abt akio's grooming of touga to become a "successor" of sorts to him -- a representative of end of the world, bringing him even more fully into the ideas than he was before as leader of the student council. how even though Akio intends for him to bring about revolution by taking Utena's power for himself he still has Touga playing into his hands, with Touga seeing himself as what comes after Akio. this also plays into Touga's later dynamic with Nanami, which reverses as the series goes on. at first we see Nanami as the one going after Touga, with some initially romantic/sexual subtext. but later, as we find out, Nanami is not actually interested in a romantic relationship with Touga at all -- she's interested in being his sister because that's a bond that cannot be broken, and the thought of engaging in incest regardless of the level of their relationship disgusts her. but Touga refuses to tell Nanami that they are biologically related, stating that it's more "romantic" to leave her believing they're adoptive siblings rather than biological. he's already being affected by Akio and his mindset here -- it's clear how his developing relationship with Akio has impacted his relationship with Nanami, since previously he hadn't expressed any interest in her in an incestuous way. but since Akio has become Touga's role model, Akio's incestuous relationship with Anthy has impacted Touga's thoughts on his relationship with Nanami.

Akio grooms Anthy, Utena, and Touga all into fulfilling the roles he expects them to fill. He expects Anthy to continue being the witch, so Anthy betrays Utena and takes the punishment or the swords. He expects Utena to be a princess, so he seduces her and tries to get her to conform more to being a girl. And he expects Touga to be a prince, so he imposes his own toxic ideas of masculinity & being the head of the family on Touga. Touga and Akio's relationship is representative of how the cycle of abuse is self-perpetuating -- Touga sees absolutely nothing wrong with his relationship with Akio, and wants the other members of the Student Council to join him as well in this. Akio, ultimately, as the one pulling the strings wants the Student Council to see him as the model of masculinity that they should pursue. Touga, paralleling Utena's desire to be a prince, is the most vulnerable to Akio's grooming -- and his development spirals towards the worst, rather than improving like his fellow Student Council members.