#fucking s i m p

[seizethegay420]

PHOENIX BECAME A LAWYER FOR EDGEWORTH AGAIN!??! WHAT A LOSER OH MY GOD

[rainbowgod666]

Here is a funny 40k shower thought thats actually a headcanon i had for a while

Skarbrand just. Hates. And hes real chill about that

[gilliontidestriderchampionoftheu]

so what if im putting literal superheroes into a heroes + vigilantes au. let me live my life

[frnkiebby]

i need to be restrained~🎃

[honey-skulls]

Crazy how looking at g/ravity falls stuff all day long for weeks now, and still haven't seen a single com/pro/pedo/rape/incest ship thing, despite the show having fucked up things in it, which you'd think would attract them to use as defense/explanation for their ""dark romance""

Same for c/ult of the l/amb

Meanwhile, fandoms like p/okemon, m/lp, m/ario, k/irby etc are a fucking MINEFIELD

It's almost like it has nothing to do with "anti censorship", and everything to do with grooming kids, and mostly being into kids' spaces for it 🙃

[stormbreaker-290]

storm

Fem Mal to the song "Henrietta Hudson" by Megagonefree

if you haven't listened to the song, be warned

It gave my major pain panic

HSHSEHWJWJHABSHWYWJQGWHAHXBGAYDUWYAHWUWJHANABSNBDNAHXHCUWYWHSWGEYQUEHQUSHEUQHXKNSXBHAEHWHABEHWBEBHQNAJEIAHEJWBSJDGEHADJWOHSIEHQBDHWJAUEHWUAHEWJAHHSUEHAHSBWJABSJEHAJHDJWHAJDJEBSIWHESHHDYEIWYDIEHAJXBSJCBSKDHWIJXKXUSISHXKXNXNSYISWAJXJDHWISBXNSJXHDIDSKSHDKSHDIENSKXHSNDJSHSJAHXKSJSHAIDEHIANDBEBXNDBSHEIWHXJSHCJSJXJSKXNSJXNSKXNWJHDWKXNSNXHSJXJSNJXSJJXJSJDHSJDHWJSHJSWJDHWJSHAJDBAJXBSJXBXJSHUEDSMCMCHSUWKWHQJSJXHEJWHXSHNXUWJDWNICYWIWAHJDBCNXHAKJXKSUSIWHSKXNAJDYUWSJHXJSBXNSJCNSKAHDIWDJSB

[habitual-creatures]

You should be scared. I'm catching up quick. I may not be able to kill you, but I can do just about anything else.

01000000 00100000 01101101 00100000 01101001 00100000 01110011 00100000 01110100 00100000 01100101 00100000 01110010 00100000 01110000 00100000 01101100 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100011 00100000 01100101 00100000 01100010 00100000 01101111

- 👓

...Great. Uh...

Yeah.

[aita-alternia]

AITA for holding a SHITTY BASTARD FUCKWAD DIPSHIT captive in my hive until he FUCKING grows a bulge and explains himself?

I (9, M, blood color none of your business) once knew this useless fucking wet purrbeast of a troll (also 9, M, violet) since we were just out of wigglerhood. He remained a pathetic wiggler even in adolescence, but I guess I kinda liked him anyway. In some ways. He was fun to hang out with sometimes, and he always seemed happier around me, I guess. And he was always miserable and annoying but I thought that was just, y’know, fine?? I thought that was normal for him. He always said he was fine, and like, I guess maybe I kinda knew he wasn’t, but what the FUCK could I do about it if he didn’t want help? Then one day I got news from this FLARP friend of his that he’d gone and FUCKING DIED on me! Like a WEAK LITTLE DIRT NOODLE! Like a FUCKING SPONGEDEAD IDIOT! He was like, my best friend, I guess. Maybe more?? I’m not gonna elaborate on that for you fucking drama-hungry fuckmaggots. Feast on some other troll’s dysfunctions relationship-wise, that’s all you’ll get on that subject from me.

Anyway, I dealt with it, because that’s what you do when life deals you yet another crummy hand in this rigged game we’re all playing. It’s not like I haven’t had people I care about die before. So I pushed forward.

AND THEN 2 SWEEPS LATER, WHO DO I SPOT STARING AT ME FROM BEHIND A FUCKING TUBEFLORA WITH THOSE FUCKING ANNOYINGLY PATHETIC MOOBEAST EYES? THAT’S RIGHT! THIS FUCKING COWARDLY GRUBSHITTING CROTCHSTAIN ON THE FACE OF TROLLKIND FAKED HIS FUCKING DEATH! WHO FUCKING DOES THAT??

So I yelled at him for a few hours (I could’ve gone longer honestly, because really, again, WHO FUCKING DOES THAT??) and at one point he interrupted me to whine at me like the feculent shitbag scum he is about how I had been yelling for “so long that [his] auricular sponge clots [were] malfunctioning” which is UTTER HOOFBEAST SHIT! So yeah, I bit him on the face. And then I smacked him in his fucking insufferable worthless nookshitting face until I felt a bit better. Then I towed him into my hive, sat him down on the couch and told him he wasn’t leaving until I’d heard what I needed to hear.

It’s been like 2 hours now and still whenever he opens his flap all that comes out is a pile of steaming shit about how he “needed to fake [his] death so [he] could be happy,” which like, yeah, okay, I guess I see it! He does look… better. Healthier, I suppose. Maybe happier. Less like he’s about to send himself careening off the nearest cliffside, maybe. So I’ve decided to forgive him for that, even if I’m not telling him that. What I’m looking for from him is a FUCKING APOLOGY for making me think he was DEAD and not telling me he FUCKING WASN’T for 2 WHOLE FUCKSHITTING SWEEPS! He’s a worthless whining idiotic bitch and the words “I’m sorry” still haven’t left his douchebag lips.

Also before I get any comments about how I’ve “wigglernapped” him or some stupid shit like that, I’m being fucking hyperbolic when I say I’m holding him captive; the door is fucking unlocked and he knows it. I don’t even have my lusus guarding the door or anything. Yeah he probably couldn’t beat me in a fight, but I’m not gonna fucking sit on him or anything; if he doesn’t want to talk to me, then I’m not gonna fucking chase him! But instead of saying anything worth saying, now he’s just fucking around on his palmhusk like braindead shitspewing dunderfuck. I’m starting to think I should’ve just told him to fuck off, it’s like he doesn’t even care about me at all. Which is fine! I’ll live. It’s just… disappointing, I guess. I thought we were closer than all of this. But AITA?

[risingsunresistance]

it's so funny when this happens

[softquietsteadylove]

Both are attending a meeting with some business partners but soon they insult and make fun of Gil getting himself shot. Thena isn’t having it at all and soon they are begging for mercy and forgiveness 😈

For the tyrant king au of course 😁

"Then we're agreed."

Gil stood, although he hadn't said nearly as much in the meeting as Thena had with their associates. The businessmen in question were mostly interested in Thena's assets, after all, it was just that some of their 'goods' would be distributed through Thena's channels, as well as through Koreatown and Chinatown.

He wasn't nearly interested enough in what was being said; he wanted to be at home, with Thena, cuddling on the couch or listening to her read in bed while he played on his phone.

"Indeed we are," Thena nodded. The businessmen offered their hands, but Thena looked over at him. The Ice Queen didn't shake hands unless she was already acquainted with her associate.

Gil sighed, extending his hand to shake instead. The things he did for this woman. "I'm sure our doors will be open if you need to discuss anything else about the plans."

"Thank you," the associates traded looks, "Tyrant King. Your reputation precedes you. We have heard so much about your work."

He wasn't entirely sure what that was supposed to mean, but he slipped his hands into his pockets as they prepared to end the meeting, "great."

"Is it true you killed Kro?" the younger associate of the two asked in a near whisper, a juvenile glee coming from him as he asked.

"No," Gil answered without hesitation. The younger man looked disappointed before he moved his thumb towards Thena beside him, "she did."

"Ah yes, the Ice Queen is not without her own methods."

Gil caught Thena's eye for just a second. Again, he wasn't really sure what this young guy's deal was, but he was more and more eager to wrap things up.

"But The Prince Eternal, that most certainly was you!" the other associate now joined in. Technically, it was bad decorum--bringing up past business that wasn't anything they should be concerned with, Gil thought.

"Uh, yeah," Gil blinked. He wasn't sure how they had found that one out.

"Ah," the older one at least seemed to realise how rude they were being. "Forgive the intrusion. We do have quite a skilled information dealer we consulted before coming. Can't be ignorant to our honourable host's reputations, after all."

"You can be a little ignorant," Gil mumbled, although it was taken as more of a friendly joke than how he meant it--a genuine urging for them to get the fuck out of his office.

"You've had quite the past, Tyrant King!" the younger one chimed in again. "A bungled affair, sending business away left and right!"

"You even got shot last year!"

Perhaps they were unable to read the room--like, at all. But the two seemed elated to prove that they knew the lives of their business associates. They even grinned at him as they said it.

"It happens," the younger one waved it off like it was nothing, "I don't think you're past your prime at all!"

Gil bit his tongue. He didn't realise that was an opinion people had of him. What--because he got shot?! He didn't see how that was his fault.

"It was the fall of one of the great families in the business back in Korea! Their daughter still hasn't been seen in public."

Gil resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"Do you know why that is?"

Gil felt a shiver run up even his spine, and he wasn't the one in trouble. He looked at the men who, by the calm looks on their faces, didn't seem to know yet why the temperature had changed so much.

Thena just stared at them, but they didn't make a guess at all. So, she informed them. "It's because I cut off one of her fingers before I sent her back to them."

The two men looked at one another. Apparently that wasn't in the briefing done by their precious 'information dealer' (horseshit). They put on perfectly polite smiles. "We were unaware, Ice Queen."

"Most are," Thena continued to fix them with her icy green glare. She rustled her lace around her shoulders. "I also told her that she would be relieved of her ears next, if I ever saw her near me, or my husband, again."

"Your-"

"We weren't-"

Poor guys didn't even see it coming. They could have just looked down when Thena adjusted her lace to see that she had reached for her hip. Her fingers had grasped the knife she kept around her thigh, which was now driven into the younger man's leg, dangerously close to some key arteries.

She looked at the other one, who flinched just from that. "I take threats - and disrespect - of the Tyrant King very seriously."

"I-I-I would-" he stuttered, trying to back up to the office doors behind him. But he could never have moved fast enough, getting another of her knives launched into the palm of his hand he had been trying to use to show her he meant no harm.

The younger one pulled the knife out of his thigh, but he wasn't in any condition to fight back. Thena used the sole of her heel to push him over in his crumpled posture, like a wounded animal.

"Did you find the story thrilling?" she asked so dryly and evenly. Gil watched as she reached into the younger man's suit jacket and pulled out the weapon he had in an arm holster. She held it in a way that was kind of sexy, honestly. "Did you find it amusing?"

"I'm sorry!" he yelped, trying to crawl, but his leg was all but useless. "I'm sorry, I won't say it again!"

"Do you know where he was shot?" she turned to the other one, who sprinted to the doors and pulled on them to escape.

She shot him from behind, two in the ribs and one by his clavicle (if he had been turned around facing her). "Is it painful?"

Gil just whistled to himself, impressed as always. Thena didn't even look back at him; she wasn't done.

She walked over to the man dragging his bloody hand down Gil's nice, solid oak door. Again, she used her foot to nudge him into looking up at her. "I said: is it painful?"

"Y-Yes," the man snivelled.

"Yes?" Thena glared down at him, flipping his hand over and stepping on it (the injured one).

"Y-Yes--yes, Ice Queen!"

Thena emptied the rest of the clip next to his head, scaring him very literally shitless. She left him kneeling on the floor, watching his life flash before his eyes. The completely empty and useless weapon, she tossed at the head of the other one, letting it smack him in the face like tossing a food wrapper in the garbage.

Gil pulled his hands out of his pockets just to clap. "Holy shit, Princess, that was hot!"

She glared at him, "is that truly the adjective you wish to choose?"

"Okay," he chuckled, walking over to her to amend his compliment. He kissed her temple, wrapping his arm around her, "it was ice cold."

Thena rolled her eyes at the silly joke (as the men screamed and cried in agony in the background). "That was far worse."

"Yeah, but that's why you're marrying me," Gil snickered, positively delighted to bring up their engagement at every possible opportunity.

Thena sighed, straightening his collar and unbuttoning his shirt, now that they weren't in a very important meeting. She liked seeing the edges of his tattoo sleeves encroaching on his shoulders. "I would not say that is why."

"Okay, okay," he chuckled, leading her out of the office that was about to stink of blood and evacuated bowels. "My devilish good looks were too much to resist, huh?"

Thena didn't chide him, at least, letting him lead her away from the mess they left inside. She merely let her lace settle in the crooks of her elbows as he led her to the elevators. "I am willing to agree if it gets us home that much faster."

Gil pointed at his office from the elevator doors, "that's gonna need a good bleaching."

"Understood sir!" his guys knew what that meant, and exactly what evidence to wash out of his area rugs.

Once they were in the elevator, away from prying eyes, Thena allowed him to nuzzle her cheek. "What an exhausting meeting."

"I barely remember anything from it," he agreed, and the way she laughed meant that he didn't need to tell her that. He kissed her cheek, "but I do remember you saying that you felt like sushi tonight."

"Something light, please," she sighed, allowing him to unravel the tight knots that comprised her business persona.

"Anything you desire, Ice Queen," Gil purred for her. He would tell her when they were home how sexy he found her whole defense of him. Maybe he could even get her to be a little pushy with him tonight.

[vero-niche]

they couldnt even get his fucking name right 😭

[princessbunniedoll]

hmm

[teacup-captor]

I AM.GOING TO RESOERT TO VIOLENCE I CAN'Y FUCKING LISTEN TO THE NEW EPISODE

[mondaymelon]

Arlecchino.

yes.

yes anon, go on.

i'd like to hear more.

[87dvhnk]

"i read the wiki and i saw the pages/panels already, why do i need to read the comics?"

because a) some those comics fuck with awing dexterity and stamina b) there's a good chance shit is out of context or simply misrepresented (innocently, humorously, ignorantly or maliciously) and c) you know the beats/endings of tons of shit, but it doesn't impede your enjoyment of it, now does it? sure it's nice to go in spoiler free, but if the gimmick of spoiling material is all a piece of media has, then that piece of media is meritless. you knew who luke skywalker's father was before you saw the movie. is it still worth watching? you knew romeo and juliet died before you read the play. is it still worth reading? do you not want to go on a journey? do you not want to feel something? do you not want to commiserate about the human experience through art? a wiki will never be comprehensive enough to cover everything you would have read or seen yourself--it can't be, not without being the thing itself. even then, you still miss the things not on the page/screen, the things that are only implied, the things that go unstated, or else conspicuously omitted. don't talk to me about shit haunting the narrative if the only haunting you've ever been apart of was your passing despite your dogshit analysis skills haunting the conscience of your eng 101 adjunct professor in perpetual fear of losing their contract and being relocated from their car to under a bridge by demanding college students demonstrate basic reading comprehension, critical thinking, and coherent argumentative skills. boast about killing the author? my friend, you are cain advancing in the fields, skulking, stepping in abel's footprints, filled with murderous intent, with nothing but the chinese telephone-equivalent of a description of a weapon cutting into your soft palms.

[wfuckshit42]

here's my hot take