#fucking exhausting and miserable.

[fvckw4d]

I'm not much of an angry rant kind of guy most of the time. But god it's so fucked up to be trapped in a body where I can't move around too much or I won't be able to to move around much at all for the next several weeks and the general culture is just obsessed with whether or not I'm excercising enough. I have to prevent myself from moving. I want to move around and have to stop myself. I have to carefully ration every movement my body makes. I have to decide regularly whether or not bending down to pick something up is worth the cost of present and future pain and lack of energy.

It's also weird because so much of my life is defined by hunger. I have to actively try to ignore it because most of my day is thinking about how hungry I am, how I'm going to get food, am I going to have enough energy to make food, or even eat it, what can I do to temporarily stop being hungry, and dreading how much pain I'm going to be in when I eat. And I'm not really food insecure in the same way I was even a month or two ago. I spent a good chunk of time actively starving.

I do fucking yoga. I try to go outside and stare at birds for a while instead of being on my phone. I have to walk pretty much everywhere I go. Almost all of my meals are home cooked and with the best ingredients available to me. But the message is constant that it's not my circumstances, I just don't try hard enough. So I fucking sympathize with people who are constantly told the same, not by one person, but kind of by everyone, when that makes no fucking sense. Excercising is good, eating nutritious foods is good, but there are circumstances outside of your control.

Letting go of control was hard enough for me, being told I dont take enough control of my life and that's why it fucked me is really fucking exhausting.

[leeblissy]

hi I'm home sick with covid, am probably not getting paid for my time off, and have had to order quite a bit of food cuz I don't feel well enough to make anything o/-< it's getting very expensive very fast and I don't have much money left, plus the money im losing out on from not working is gonna fucking suck.

I can't draw anything rn cuz my apple pencil doesn't work and I'm just so so exhausted anyway but here's my kofi and my v*nmo is herecomeslee if you wanna help a guy out

[knifekris]

every day i struggle to make choices

[moghedien]

i swear if you people start uwuifying OCD like you did with ADHD and autism I'm going to start attacking

[ultraspacetraveler]

You have a Blacephalon? Those are rare in my neck of the woods.

Does it actually try to drain your life force by scaring you, or is that only a myth?

- @megalo-biology

.

Is that what's happening???

[piebutt]

feel great while drawing

feel like shit the next day

Can we not?

[dnfity]

me rn after waking up and finding out i missed a dream space i was literally fucking awake for and now everyone on my dash is pretty much done talking about it

[arundolyn]

ohhhh my fucking god nobody needs to like know any of this medical tmi but it is literally 11 pm and if im kept up one minute longer when i just laid down trying to go to sleep by my mother YELLING REPEATEDLY that she needs to pee. im going to actually go insane. she got a catheter in. Yesterday. it is working. she won't listen to anyone when they tell her that this is the case. help me jesus. im sure if a nurse comes to check on her tomorrow they'll probably get the same response. my brain will simply explode

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

holy fuck, this gives the zenin so much more lore than what we got in the manga. like the potential is right there to have this great inter-clan generational dispute and cold war but gege just breezes past it and then gets rid of it completely.

with all this cool new shut we’re getting about them, im almost glad that megumi was born a boy. like could you imagine just how much worse the zenin would have been to him if he was a girl? they already have the whole misogyny thing going for them and then their version of jesus pops up and it turns out that it’s a girl who wields their prized technique?

god, i can’t imagine just how much more controlling they would be towards megs, although im still not sure if the whole training until ur bones fall off would still happen. i feel like naoya would be different towards megs but we also know that the zenin are totally okay with incest so i hate where that would go.

It would have been bad.

See, I think the entire training until your bones fall off thing would still happen, but there would be an added layer of cruelty towards it. Because megumi was a little boy who was being trained in a way that even adults couldn’t have handled, so of course he spent a lot of time getting hit and a lot of time crumpling under the pressure and exhaustion. There are very, very few instances where he remembers actually leaving the training room on his own two feet. He usually was pushed until he collapsed and woke up later in the room they kept for him. But if he was a little girl in the same circumstances? They’d make every “failing” about her sex. They’d blame her being a girl for it and constantly use it as a source of sneering superiority.

It would also be bad because she would very much be seen as a source of descendants. Boy Megumi wouldn’t necessarily be exempt from that, but it would happen sooner for girl Megumi.

Bloodline is very important to the Zenin. Inheriting power, techniques—they want to continue the flow of power through the generations. And most of the Zenin clan (and the wider jujutsu world) believe that Megumi is the most powerful Zenin alive right now, if not Gojo’s equal, and the only reason why hes being graded as a Grade Two sorcerer is because gojo’s purposefully sabotaging his development. Like. Mindset is a huge amount of jujutsu ability. Yuuta went from getting beaten up by normal high schoolers to having some combat ability but needing inumaki to handle a semi grade one to being the second most powerful person alive in the span of a few months. He absolutely blitzed the previous second most powerful person alive when he would have lost that same fight a few hours previous. There’s a lot of people convinced Megumi’s on Gojo’s level but he’s been keeping him on a leash since childhood. But the powers still there in his blood.

That’s power the Zenin want to pass on, regardless of gender. But as a boy, Megumi’s got a little bit more leeway—men are accepted as warriors first in the clan, and age won’t affect his ability to procreate. If megumi was a girl? She’s got that goddamn biological clock ticking down. As the ten shadows, I think the Zenin would still expect her as a warrior, but they’d also have a fucking quota she needs to fill before the clock hits zero. And they’d have some very proprietary concerns about making sure no one outside of the clan has a chance to become involved with her. They’d want her to stay within the clan with her partners. And they’d be absolutely creepy and weird about how they went about it. It’s a little bit of a mercy that Megumi’s a boy.

[arthurmargon]

i know we’re shifting into springtime but climate anxiety has me genuinely unsettled and nervous abt the temperature not being freezing anymore 😭 like i let out a big sigh of relief when i saw the forecast predicting snow this weekend as if i was seeing a negative pregnancy test. this is all almost exclusively ronald reagan’s fault i will not expand upon that

[clockworkbibliophile]

lord I am so exhausted of applying to dozens of jobs every week without getting a single response other than your application wasn’t selected. my current job is wrecking me and I am so burnt out and just want a job that pays well and doesn’t make me want to die 24/7. im at my wits end like who do I need to pay to make my resume/linkedin stand out because how do people hear back from jobs??? what am I doing wrong

[castielsupernatural]

oh my god i’m so irrationally excited to be sleeping comfortably in my own bed tonight

[crimeronan]

can I ask why you don’t like monogamous pynch anymore? it’s absolutely fair, and I definitely love seeing polyamory in the trc fandom so I get it, I was just curious if you had a specific reason, though I get it if you don’t want to answer

to be honest i don't want to talk about it right now or probably ever again. it just makes me deeply fucking unhappy in a way that is not fun or compelling.

but if you're truly curious, here are some posts i've made about it in the past.

[frmulcahy]

Boy howdy I love venting about how isolated I feel in therapy and then feeling empty after

[trustymikh]

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[sotiredofstayingalive]

I was born to be miserable.

There's no cure for that.