#i hope he stays miserable
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let's just blame their partner(it's most likely his fucking fault anyway)
#fuck that bitch#i hope he stays miserable#bpd#bpd stuff#bpd thoughts#bpd mood#bpd shit#bpd blog#bpd problems#bpd traits#bpd feels#bpd fp#fp bpd#bpd vent#actually bpd#bpd safe#borderline problems#borderline thoughts#borderline blog#actually borderline#cluster b#actually cluster b#cluster b safe#actually mentally ill#mentally fucked#mentally exhausted#im so tired#vent#venting#.txt file
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post ep 11
#trigun stampede#trigun#meryl stryfe#nicholas d wolfwood#vash the stampede#i cant even elaborate on this episode bc ive spent all day Thinking about it yesterday#and it made me Miserable#i just want to see vash have some autonomy again...#he is a little bit more on the quieter end for stampede as less angry about things but i dont think he's more of a coward in stampede#even though he was transported into his memories and saw and heard those terrible things from the kids and wolfwood#he was able to gather himself and keep going#his resilience has always been the strongest and also saddest thing about him#so it killed me irreversibly when he lost the one person who he could always look back to reliably#the fact knives couldnt even alter anything in rem's dialogue within those memories just stands for how strong her place is in vash's memory#and potentially knives just knows that would be too ooc of her to make in any Universe if she had something horrible.#man. I TALKED ABOUT THIS IN LIKE ALL 3 PLATFORMS. I'm alright with Knives as a character but jesus#- i did it all for you - im so sad that vash had to hear something like that. im so so sad about it#anyway i hope meryl stays safe shes done so much#i love her so much <3#ruporas art
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glad you guys liked that gregor post considering it mostly just boils down to this
#beargregor's property#limbus company#project moon#lcb gregor#i like him i hope he stays miserable forever and fucking explodes#killing him with hammers and sticks and rocks and guns and cannons and hydraulic presses and bats and rabid dogs and swords and axes and
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Each Other's Light [Valjean&Cosette drabble]
prompt: new beginnings
---
The little girl's existence kept him sane when darkness and desperation threatened to swallow him again under the scorching sun in Toulon.
Cosette. Her name was his last thought at night, his first thought in the morning.
She was his reason to bear it and move forward day by day.
She was his light, calling for him, guiding him, giving him hope.
She was his strength that allowed him to escape.
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She only knew darkness, loneliness, and pain.
She called.
Nobody listened.
Nobody answered.
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When he finally found her, his heart bloomed.
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When she was found, her world lit up.
[ao3]
#les miserables bbc#les miserables#jean valjean#cosette#my writing#i have a lot of feelings about valjean being in toulon and thinking about cosette being out there#the bbc version made him stay in toulon for over two years and it's painful to think about it#and how much influence it had on him#i hope to include some of it in my current wip but idk if it'll fit#but seeing how cosette was treated all that time would make his guilt so much worse#like if he didn't fire fantine and listened to her she would not have to die and cosette would not have to suffer for so long#and yes cosette stayed with the thénardiers the same amount as in the book but that's different reality#in this valjean would feel that almost three years of it was his fault#sometimes it's better to write fics than 'meta' lol
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GAO SHI DE HE DOESN’T DESERVE YOU!!!
#LISTEN. Shi De staying way longer in the U.S. without explaining why and ghosting(??) him obviously wasn’t good#but Shu Yi has already hit him TWICE and then told blatant lies (with a bonus side of homophobia!)#in a (partially successful) attempt to make Shi De both jealous and miserable#and threatening other people’s careers just because he’s pissed at an ex???#and he’s being a dick to Bing Wei too for absolutely no reason#I loved Shu Yi in season 1; I really did!!#he was flawed and short-tempered but also sweet and fiercely loyal#I hope I’ll be able to warm back up to him#(to be clear he very much has the right to be mad!! but he doesn’t have the right to express it in this manner)
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flashing colors & loud audio warning
remixed a dust dust curse animation meme on scratch ^_^ this is just so. billy core to me. hes miserable horray
code: YEET_THE_TIGER (scratch) art: kitteqq
#brickbattler#billybloxxer#william billy bloxxer#bettybloxxer#bethany betty bloxxer#defaultguest#roblox#roblox fanart#roblox art#fanart#flashing#flashing lights#artists on tumblr#illustration#scratch#animation meme#crowpost#crowart#this frustrated me to nooo end i have so many bitter and painful things to say to this guy and this project#prject took like the whole day i mean in the span of 12 hours it was painful. also first introduction remix to scratch itself as a website#also messed up the first project and had to export inport everything into another remix project bc i messed up the code#and i didnt know how to evne fix that sooo back at it again. sigh#i hope this guy stays miserable forever in that sealed area#tagging his trio bc they appeared briefly btw lol#i got it done tho!!!! finally!! crossed off smth on my to do list at least so my future self can be happy#brief notes but like snzz his outfit is mostly teared up and gonna have to be restitched constantly#also that he would . keep his trios belongings... hat. or cape. or something.#its a shame that betty doesnt have any items to hold onto like how default does#betty and billly do wear the same outfit though. i wonder that if billy ever looks into his reflection and is reminded of betty every time
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The worst realisation Maverick comes to during dinner is that they don't have anything to talk about other than what they did at work and some funny anectods on which Charlie laughs on her own.
It's seven o'clock, they are almost done eating, Bradley is out with Ice and Slider, and Pete can't remember the last time they talked other than doing small talks about meaningless things. Seven years ago, he turned down a job and posting in Miramar to follow Charlie in Washington and giving some kind of stability to Bradley but now, right now, he would trade any kind of big check he receives every month to be in a stupid burger place, eating fries and listening baby Goose babbling his last adventure at school and listing to Ice describing their last deployment. He could have stayed in Miramar, him and Bradley, half of his squadron always around and a couple less of zero on his bank account but he is sure he wouldn't end up in that way.
"I think we should break up" he murmurs, after another sip of red wine. (He hates red wine, he doesn't know how many times he said it to Charlie but she continues to buy it anyway).
"What, I didn't get that Peter" she answers, laughing at something.
"I said, I think, no, I know, we have to break up. I can't do this anymore."
"That's - wow. You can't anymore, Pete? I had to take the kid home even when I said to you thousands of times I don't like kids and I didn't want one! Even less one that's not mine!"
Finally found what give me inspiration for the "Mav stays with Charlie" part: here.
#apparently it's a wip lol#pete maverick mitchell#charlotte charlie blackwood#basically carole dies a little after goose so mav stays with charlie and takes bradldy with them in washington and built there is lif#*life#until he realises he doesn't like that anymore and he's fucking miserable#nasty stuff are said and mav is out of the houss with bradley and ice takes them in his (and slider's) temporary house#and so it starts the pining the wanting and raising a kid with ice with slider that plays the cool uncle#so it's going to a#icemav#idk if it has already been done or not??? hope i didn't steal the idea from anyone lol#otp: things get old our love is gold#charliemav
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How does one get assigned as sam coded / dean coded ? Do I need a doctors note ? A psych evaluation perhaps ?
#i keep going back and forth on it#bc i used to identify with dean for the longest time bc i was so repressed and emotionally closed off (+older sister)#and at that point id spent my youth very purposefully protecting my younger sibling from our dad#and i guess in my brain i paralleled that with dean staying behind with john while sam took off for stanford#and dean protecting sam from knowing too much abt the supernatural#BUT having grown up ive now become the one resentful and angry at our father while my sister protects him#and our fights remind me a lot of scenes from the show where im obviously identifying a lot stronger with sam#plus the whole thing abt being the families designated academic or whatever#while also feeling cursed from the minute i was born and crushing at the guilt of everything wrong with me#and trying to be a good person and saving others to make for the fact that i feel an intrinsic evilness about myself#so like... yeah sam is very very relatable too in that sense#bc he also has that hope in him- the belief in god. in angels. in goodness. and i have that too !#im just also a miserable cynic at the same time :)#so ????#i havent been in the fandom for long enough to know the full requirements of being a sam or dean girl#(and by that i mean i havent been in the fandom for long AFTER i rejoined from my 10 year hiatus)#i literally would love to read someones page long explanation of what sam coded vs dean coded entails#someone with a spn hyperfixation or special interest needs to provide me with the goods fr 😭#spn
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just found out that instead of my mom my fucking shitass dad is coming home FOR A WEEK
#ugh i really want to kill someone rn im so mad#why can't he just fucking leave us alone#i know he used to be home 24/7/365 days just a year ago but istg it took us no time to adjust to life without him#now he comes home for like 2 days and my blood starts to boil i can't bear him he's so fucking irritating and interfering#mom coming home would have been relaxing finally burden free after 15 days#now the burden will be double tripled he's such a fucking lazy slob he can't even get his own glass of water#and he'll sleep in our room because it has ac UGHHHHHHHJHH it's so yuck i won't have a minute to myself and my mental health will decline#even MORE than it already has like if that's even possible#and he doesn't take his fucking meds so he's all weak and sick and lazy and he expects us to coddle him#well you know what fuck him im not even going to pretend to be happy that he's here or be nice to him and try to make him feel welcome#he broke this family up and it's going to stay broken up forever so fuck himmmm#and i have a freaking 750 ml bottle of vodka lying in my dresser what the fuck do i do with it now huh?????#it's only like 1/4th empty 3/4th is still full#and it's my sisters birthday on 26th and they'll both be here ugh i was sooo looking forward to actually celebrating with her#now she'll feel miserable and horrible and it'll be JUST like every other birthday she's spent at home#fucking grand#ugh god i sooo do not want to cook dinner for 4 people im so sick of this#and he isn't even satisfied with dinner he fucking eats like 4 times a day he wants a hot breakfast and lunch and evening snack and dinner#man i hope something happens to him and he isn't able to come🙏🙏 god if you're real 🙏🙏🙏🙏
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random posts i have saved to my “peter parker core” pinterest board:
#spider man#peter parker#he’s so pathetic#peter parker u disaster asshole loser i love you#i hope he stays miserable it’s more funny that way
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they got me again and they probably can always get me again
#a sock speaks#local construction#I'm going to be helping with the church's junior Bible quizzing program#it's been 4 years since I was told I wasn't permitted to be a church singer or do children's ministry#I asked the pastor and he gave his approval so I'm going to do it#I look back on my Bible quizzing days as miserably stressful but there's a reason I kept doing it year after year#and now I'm an adult. I can tell people no. I have a car and I can leave when I want to. I can participate on my own terms.#maybe I can help these kids have a good/not traumatic experience quizzing#back when I stopped singing on the platform I'd sit in the first row and sing at the top of my lungs#now I can sing louder than they do with microphones#but I was so bitter then. I can choose to leave or stay but I don't want to live in that bitterness. idek that it was wrong#just that it wasn't good#anyway I love my hometown and will want to stay here or return here if I leave#this church is my community. I want to have a place here and a positive relationship with the people around me#even though I don't really know what that would look like#I disagree with many UPCI doctrinal statements but I love the Bible and I think quizzing is fun#and I hope that maybe I can find unobtrusive ways to teach a bit of Bible interpretation here and there
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My boyfriend is recovering from top surgery and I wasn't ready for the slutty little recovery outfit
For the past week, all he's been wearing is:
a crop top (compression vest)
booty shorts (underwear, briefs)
knee high socks (compression socks)
It's just the quintessential hotboy outfit
say congrats to your whore boyfriend on the tit surgery
#asks#Anonymous#also i did not get as much of a slutty post-surgery experience#because my mom was staying with me#and also i was doing well enough the day after that i could haul ass up and walk around museums all day#and they like when you wear clothes#but seriously congrats#hope he's doing well and not just slutty and miserable
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the downside of subscribing to a substack telling me about US trans news: i now know about US trans news
#and i know about one guy who has a real high chance of being elected in my area if he gets past the republican primary#when have we ever not elected a republican? it's all up to who republican voters decide they want to run#serious post#us stuff#would tag this for trans stuff too but I'm hoping this doesn't end up in tags for anything#venting about it in detail would dox me I guess but.#the 'upside' of not having gotten my shit together enough to start hrt or anything: can go back into the closet pretty easily#is it stupid that i'd chose shaving my face and going back into the closet over potentially having to leave my cat?#he's such a sensitive little dude idk if he'd be able to keep food down if I moved him to a totally new environment. he'd be too stressed#not enough money to get a loan for a house and can't rent a place with all the cats so i'd have to just go by myself if i went#they'd be fine here with just mom but. idk man. i guess we'll see what my options end up being#even if we could magically get a house with a really low loan mom wouldn't have a job#and i've found the least miserable job i'm ever going to be qualified for i think. might be stupid to not want to leave it#just so I don't have to go back into retail#but I don't want to leave the job either. not going to find anything better#so I guess I'll stay even if it would be smarter to go#proud to be an american huh? fuck.
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GOD. this guy came in after i already ran his reservation as a no show and i’m trying to figure out what to do and he’s yelling at me like SHOUTING at me and i’m scared and my managers not helping and i don’t know what’s going on
#scariest thing that’s ever happened to me#i was doing everything i could think of to get him checked in and he’s just screaming at me#and i’m trying not to cry i was on the verge of having a panic attack i called my manager#and she was NO help and hung up on me#i was hoping she would stay on the phone with me cause i was so scared#she made ME call the systems customer service to fix the reservation so i was just holding back tears visibly shaking on hold with customer#service when the fire alarm panel starts beeping at me#and i didn’t know what to do#it was chaos it was hell i’m fucking miserable and still shaky#i wanna go home so bad i still feel like crying#snow.txt
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#the worst part is that i know i'll get through this because it's been worse. in january and november and october and the whole first year.#simultaneously i feel 'why isn't it worse? it should be worse' and 'if i'll survive this month too then why can't it just be over already?'#i like to run from pain or so i say. but historically what i do instead is stay still and pretend i deserve it. i can't do that for this#this has broken me and everything else is coming back to devour me. if i don't drown in this black depth then i'll lose to something else#i know it. everything i am proud to be and everything i am and any courage and any pride and any confidence i have ever had#any ability to live and every strength within me. is all because of joey.#and now he's gone and i haven't felt his presence in over a year so i hope he's with paul wherever but. i am fracturing and dessicating and#falling completely to ashes and bones and fur and i can't take it. i always knew i wasn't meant to live long#(and the only ones who felt like i did thought as i did all followed that path before me - except joey. but now he's gone too. and i fear#but i won't say it)#and with this infinite emptiness now and everything else bearing down like a hurricane both past and present my wall is crumbling and i#i will drown for sure. i will.#nonsense#words i speak#joey jordison#in memoriam#miserable grief
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Yknow guys. I have my moments but honestly I’m really glad to be alive and get to experience this beautiful world... like the birds outside my window or my beloved beast bella (there is an animal!!! In my house!!! And she LOVES me!!!) and getting to see my best friend and watching tv and movies together and engaging with media and taking long car rides. Life is so beautiful and I’m so glad I never forget it too long. Every little thing that makes you feel joy is a reason to be on this earth, so cherish every last one, because you deserve it. You deserve to feel how beautiful the world can be. Even if it sucks dick sometimes. Sometimes everything sucks and then you see a cardinal out the window competing with another for a female and everything’s okay again. Theres joy in every day, so please go out there and feel it as hard as you can, embrace everything that makes you happy. Live. We deserve it.
#lion’s lair#me#I. Idk I’m just. Looking forward to another day of seeing my best friend#And the world. And tv. And eating food#positive#tw from this point forward in the tags#I just.#okay so as kids me and my cousin always shared a birthday. Because it’s like 6-7 days apart right and we were best friends#And I loved that. We liked the same things so it was never a problem#As we got older his parents got jealous of the fact he liked staying with our grandparents more and stopped letting him come much#So every birthday was a spectacular treat. That and thanksgiving. Because he’d be there#Then in like 2017 his mom fucking died. Suicide. And he started staying with us a lot again#I almost called him my brother opening this part of the post. Because he is. To me#Just a year older than me#But again his dad heard how much he preferred us to him and stopped letting him come around. Even on the holidays#The last day I saw him was halloween. 2018. Also the last time I saw my non-relative bestfriend at the time#And I can’t even remember if I gave him a hug goodbye. I hope I did.#He died in January the next year after his dad threatened to take away his job. His like last refuge#A lot more fucked up shit happened to him I won’t divulge but. That man made him miserable.#That man killed him. Even if he didn’t use his hands#And I miss him so much. Every day but it hurts so much around my birthday#And every year I’m so scared to age and feel so bad because I’m getting older and. He’s not#He’ll never get any older because he’s dead. Hell never see any more marvel movies or shitty b movies. Never play red dead 2 again#He doesn’t get to have those little joys in life anymore. And it makes me so fucking sad#So please please please just always remember the little joys. The birds out the window and the things and people you love#Because there’s a lot of fucking hate in this world. But there’s so much goddamn love in it too#And wonder and whimsy and things worth living for. Even when life sucks every day. There’s always something. So please stick it through#I’m so glad I’ve stuck it through. I never thought I’d make it to be an adult when I was younger let alone 20#I miss you.#Happy birthday brother. You should be here.
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