#fucking banana ryan

[stupidfuckingwindow]

Stuntman // Colt Seavers

Word count: 339

Content: Smoochin, slightest teeniest NSFW, not writing smth for him was gonna drive me fucking NUTS

Colt Seavers. Professional stuntman second, horny himbo dumbass first.

The same man who'd trained how best to fall in a way that kept him unharmed- "falling like a drunk," it's called- has been lit on fire, and probably dropped out of a building? Yeah, all he's capable of when around you is clinging like a cat submerged in water. The guy who gets paid to have his ass kicked is a stage five cuddler and a sucker for kisses. You'd sent him off to go film with a kiss once and now he's obsessed and can't perform well without one.

He calls you 'Lucky' sometimes, as if magic is actually a thing and not just him pouting for a smooch. Colt constantly refuses to let you go in the mornings for work until he gets a deep morning kiss and holds you close to him every day, all day he needs to be loved. And you'll be damned if you don't let him.

His hands are large and warm on your hips, holding you to his chest with his nose buried in your neck. Colt's breathing is soft, steady, and it syncs up with yours. You can feel every deep inhale, the way his strong arms wrap around your torso and bring your body flush against his. His face buries itself further into your shoulder, lips pressing open-mouthed, breathy kisses against your skin. Fingers slide up your shirt, tracing a slow line up your body.

There's that faint scent of the coconut shampoo that he insisted he needs, and it's one of those fucking three-in-one kinds of brands. Even still, his hair has a perfect shine to it despite the problematic product he's brought into his life. His beard is soft; well conditioned and taken care of like the rest of him.

A deep sigh turns into a chuckle, and he pulls away slightly to peck your temple. When your face turns towards him, he leans forward and plants a kiss on your lips.

"I'll see you later, baby."

[samuraisharkie]

I can’t wait to see how badly this new business venture of Watcher’s fails. I hope Steven, Ryan, and Shane’s America centric self obsessed asses lose everything and I hope Steve has to sell his Tesla and bullshit matcha machine and the others have to downsize whatever else bougie shit they have and LEARN how valuable $6 is, not just in the US but everywhere else. This is going to crash and burn and I can’t wait to see the decline.

[man-down-in-hatchet-town]

Apologies to American Crime Story and AVPM, but Ryan Reynolds, aspiring Town Councilman of Connor Creek, is Darren Criss' greatest performance.

Change my mind.

[madlori]

Y'all, it's broken containment.

So tonight I'm at my friend B's house for our regular campfire hang. Now, B is a) a gay man and b) on Twitter a lot and c) not at all plugged into fandom or fandom things and d) has never seen or have any knowledge of 9-1-1.

He mentioned something about Ryan Murphy and that Menendez stuff going on. I mention that Ryan created my current fandom show but doesn't have a ton of involvement with it these days.

B: OH MY GOD why am I suddenly seeing all this 9-1-1 stuff on my timeline???

Me: It's kind of been in the algorithm lately.

B: I keep seeing that one guy's tits in the hospital bed! And people are tweeting the most insane stuff about it? I have no context!

Me: Yeah, just...ignore it.

B: One of the firefighters is bisexual?

Me: (sighs, <wereinitnow.gif>) Yeah. Buck, the tits guy in the hospital bed.

B: And who's his boyfriend?

Me: The guy with the visitor's badge and the plaid shirt.

B: And who's the guy with the mustache?

Me: Eddie. His best friend. Actually they're all friends. [I give him the quick 90-second backstory]

B: They're saying the visitor badge means...something? That's bananas.

Me: I know.

B: And there was this whole thread about how the camera was on Mustache Guy for like 1 second longer so he's the real boyfriend? WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT.

Me: Welcome to my life.

B: I SAW ONE THAT SAID THEY STOOD NEXT TO EACH OTHER SO THEY'RE BOYFRIENDS OR SOMETHING. Who are these people??

Me: One can only wonder.

[ghostiiess]

[NSB HEADCANONS] - them taking care of you when you’re pregnant!

synopsis: title says it all!

warnings: mention of morning sickness, vomiting, pregnancy stuff… some mistakes here and there

type: fluff

members: everyone

wc: around 200 by members? i think? so around 1.4K

not feeling 100% great atm, so im sorry if theres mistakes :((

reblogs and likes are very appreciated!

OLIVER MOY - the one who would support you by doing the tasks / giving you compliments during that period

The sweetest man

He would literally be the best dad, fr

LIKE HAVE YOU SEEN HIM WITH KIDS??? (Talking abt the members rn 🤣)

He would do all the tasks for you

And compliment you!

Oli would make sure that you eat food and drink your water

« And here’s for you, my love!!! Your favorite pasta! »

he would be soooo supportive 🥹

« Hey baby, I’ll take care of it! Go rest yourself, alright? »

« c’mon my love. Go take a break, I’ll do the chores! »

He’s literally the man we all wish we had in our life

« You look so beautiful with that baby dump »

« our baby will be so pretty »

« Do you think they will have my eyes or yours? Gosh, i hope they will have yours.. yours are so pretty »

OLIVER MOY, STOP BEING SO DAMN CUTE LIKE???

He would literally be the cutest man alive during this time (as if he wasnt enough sweet like that)

like tell me if im wrong (im not)

(Others members under the cut!)

SEBASTIAN MOY - the one who would try to make you laugh / smile

Listen…

This man would try to make the time less crampy

less painful too

Remember the video where he took the pregnancy test? He was screaming.

He knows you’re strong enough, and everything… but he hates seeing you in pain (even though its normal since ur literally pregnant lol)

So, obvs since he know it hurts, he would try to make the time less hard for you :( bc he know that the test and the pregnancy state is two completely different things

he took the pregnancy test and it hurted him so bad... he can't imagine it must be for you

But if he can make the time less painful by making you laugh / smile, he would do it

This man would buy flowers.

I just see him walking in ur house and being like « hey, here’s flowers for the future mommy »

Also, he would try to crack jokes here and there

Pregnancy jokes, even!

« Why did the pregnant woman go on a picnic? Because she was craving a little something extra! »

thank you seb for this joke 😐

He would also bring your favorite food / drinks 🥤

He would search them on google and he would be so proud

"im gonna be the funny one in this family"

He’s the energetic member of the group, but for you, he would try to rest and not move too much 🥲 like this man would, surprisingly, be calm (only for you, babe)

Seb would be such a good supporter too, although affirmations is not his first love language, he would be super cute. i promise you :)

RYAN NGUYEN - the one who would help you with ur cravings / the one who try to make you relax

He would judge you so bad for ur cravings

But he would buy them for you

Why? Bc even though he thinks its weird, he knows it could make u happy and make you smile

And him seeing your smile can easily make his day 😚

« babe, i love you with all my heart, i truly do, but… why are you putting bananas in apple sauce and yogourt…? »

But he loves you! (sometimes hes giving you a side eye)

Also… he would literally take care of everything

A bit like Oliver would do :)

« Babe, don’t worry abt it! I can take care of it »

« Need help? Alright, wait a sec »

He would quit his game for you in like 0.3844843 sec

« What the fuck just happened?!?!- baby? Need help? Yeah, one sec… alright boys, im heading out » (he would say smth like that)

« Go relax, my love. I can do it »

« Baby… stop overworking yourself! I know you can do it, but i want you to relax… you’ve been working all day »

Also, even thought it doesn’t look like it, he would be super supportive

He’s just more an ‘actions’ than a ‘word’ kind of person

JUSTIN PHAN - the one who would send you voices messages during your day to make sure ur taking care of urself and not overworking / help you with your morning sickness

Justin would be the type to grab his phone during a really important moment and just text you / give u voice messages

Although he know u love helping around in the house and doing ur tasks, he make sure that you don’t get overworked

« Hey baby, im with the boys at the store… do u need anything at the store? »

This man’s would also help you during the morning sickness

He just want the best for you 😁

Jp look like the person who knows when there’s a problem without you having to say it

« Hey baby, is everything okay? »

Like idk why but he look like the type that would read faces lol

he has this gut feeling, what can i say?

« Hold on, drink that glass of water, okay? Deep breath, baby… »

« Yeah, just like that »

If he see you vomiting, he would take ur hair up and pat ur back

« it’s okay baby, let it all out, everything's gonna be fine»

«  if anything happen, wake me up alright? I want to be there for you »

Like for sure, seeing vomit is not the most aesthetic thing he saw, but he knows that it’s normal

KANE RATAN - the one who would massage you and listen to you

this man would be so cute.

I literally said that to everyone 💀 but it’s true

We all know how kane give good massages

This man know what he’s doing!

He probably took massages classes when he was younger, bc this man would give u the best massage ever

« come here, i will give you a lil’ massage, baby… let me knock out the stress away! »

Also, during the massage…

He would literally let you talk about your pregnancy, how the cramps are, how is it… or just random stuff haha

In others words: let you vent abt what ur going through during that time, because he knows its not always easy

« Tell me if it hurt, okay? I don’t want to hurt you »

Also, i feel he would be the type to ask this question:

« Do you think we’ll have a girl or a boy? »

« if im being honest, i don’t really mind if its a girl or a boy… as long as they’re happy, im happy »

« Do you think we could play anime music? Do you think it would make them a fan of AOT? Or we could play one piece!! omg baby, do you think they would like aot or one piece more? »

Not Kane wanting to make ur future baby (not even borned yet lol) a fan of AOT… such a relaxing and childish anime, wow!!!

DARREN LIANG - the one who would cook for you and kiss ur cramps away

We all know how Darren is a great cook

So I’m sure he would love to cook for you :)

« hey babe, i just cooked ur favorite meal! »

Isn’t he so cute? 🥹

The con is that he would judge your cravings.. like Ryan.

BUTTTTT he know it can make you happy, so he would obviously make them for you if it can make you happy!

Also, he would kiss your cramps away

To me, he looks like such a sweetheart when it come to pain or smth like that

« Hey baby, are you okay? »

« Do you want me to help you? »

A bit like Kane, dar’ would give you a little massage

« You’re so cute baby »

And he would kiss you 🤭 bc it’s Darren we’re talking abt!

also, if ur in the mood... its ur lucky day!! bc this man's always in the mood!

« Are you feeling a bit better? »

« Come and rest next to me, alright? »

He’s such a sweetheart, woah

REGIE MACALINO - the one who would go shopping with you for baby clothes / decorations

He would be the best dad ever, no joke

He would buy soooo many decorations and clothes, like we all know how regie has style, like there’s absolutely no way his son / daughter won’t have style too

And even if regie says « i put whatever i want » like okay maybe he do, but like it is styled in a way that i can’t explain lmaooo

I’m sorry, he just seem to be the type to search a bit in store, then on pinterest to see what would look good lol 🫢

I’m sure regie would be the type to search on Pinterest some baby decorations

Btw, your baby's room would be sooo messy, im so sorry

Regie would only look for cool bedsheets and fun decorations, but not for organizer bc have you seen his room?? Guys, it’s a bit messy im sorry

So regie wouldn’t be the type to buy organizer, BUTTTTTT he would make sure to let (try) the piece clean with his kid if it can make you happy

Regie seems tough, but he’s indeed a big sweetheart

He has sm love for us the star (his fan) so imagine for his kid-

He would be the cutest dad ever, like I’m sure regie would be there for his kid in all the ways he can

He would take care of you so so much too

He would be like Oliver haha

Sing for you, make you food, do the tasks (look how gentleman he is)… also, he would def make the baby like him more.. im sorry

taglist! (open! send an ask if you’d like to be added) : @nsb-rkive @kentisbaby @firebenderwolf @hyuneee0 @yawnzzznnn @ghostyycat7

Olegie has my heart 🤭

100% recommand this man!

Bold can’t be tagged.

[greghatecrimes]

Title: HOUSE'S HOES' SPOTIFY PLAYLIST FOR CASE SOLVATION

Description: if someone adds more than one fucking song istg -chase

By: PPTH_diagnostics

a_cameron: Taylor Swift – Welcome to New York (Taylor's version) [*deleted by thatguy4man*]

bobertchase: AC/DC – Thunderstruck

thatguy4man: Sir Mix-A-Lot – Baby got back

b13exualremy: FLETCHER – Sting

christophertaub: Imagine Dragons – Thunder [*deleted by b13exualremy*]

groghousy: Lana Del Rey – Doin' time

drjameswi: Blondie – Heart of glass

lorenskatner: Ryan Gosling – I'm just Ken

lorenskatner: dj Shawny – Little Einsteins tangin song

lorenskatner: Harry Belafonte – Banana boat (Day-O)

groghousy: Cyndi Lauper – Girls just want to have fun

– vine anon

thirteen deleting Thunder by Imagine Dragons is fucking SENDING me. and KUTNERP PICKING IM JUST KEN. HE WOULD

also LMAO foreman really saw a hint of swiftie in cameron and said BLOCKED

[phalpz]

BB26 as YouTubers

Angela = Trisha Paytas. Blonde, unhinged, mother, usually crying.

Chelsie = Mr. Beast. Powerful with an undeniable dark aura.

Tucker = PewDiePie. Had a good run.

Rubina = Grace Helbig. Could have been a big deal but ultimately a flop.

T'kor = Alfie Deyes. Disconnected from reality, has an accent.

Quinn = Tana Mongeau. Self-identified villian.

Julie Chen Moonves = James Charles. Actual villian.

Mackensy = Manny MUA. Easily manipulated.

Matt = RayWilliamJohnson. Gone and forgotten.

Cam = GraveyardGirl. Present and forgotten.

Joseph = Jake Paul. Dirtbag.

Leah = Sssniperwolf. Desired by men with porn addictions.

Cedric = Ryan Trahan. Oddly youthful vibes.

Brooklyn = Nikocado Avocado. In need of one or more prescriptions immediately.

Kenney = Michelle Phan. The less I know the better.

Kimo = Rhett and Link. Somehow still relevant.

Lisa = Freelee the Banana Girl. Never shuts the fuck up about food.

[stupidfuckingwindow]

Terrible idea // Colt Seavers

Word count: 372

Warnings/content: Using a vibrator on Colt, public sex, brief mention of Colt eating out reader but non-descriptive. Cliffhanger end.

Notes: I am VERY sorry for how long things have been taking. I've been unmotivated. Thank yall for being patient. I have a few fics in the works that I can hopefully be satisfied with.

Colt already knew this was going to be a bad idea from the minute you had suggested it in the bathroom. He had been horny out of his mind when he'd accepted, having just eaten you out and decided that it would be great for you to have the remote for the vibrator.

Colt was wrong- This is torture and evil, and he would consider it a crime if he could. The vibrator had been at a low, constant setting against the head of his cock while filming today's stunts. You hadn't raised the intensity once during that time, and by then Colt had suspicions it would get worse later. God, he'd been right. And he hates that. Colt had been too goddamn right. This was a terrible idea, he thinks.

And now here he is, fingers gripping the edge of the table tightly while his hips rock against nothing. He knows already that this isn't the highest mode- It's far off from being the highest, and he knows because he's experienced this same vibrator before.

The sensations have only increased tenfold, now that he has a crowd in this little restaurant booth. He's sat across from you, who looks all too pleased with yourself for someone reading over a menu. On top of the current setting, his face is probably red as all hell. Someone has to have noticed all the squirming by now. He's sitting up entirely too straight, and the way he won't stop shifting side to side for more friction must be suspicious.

But Colt can't help it. He's been fighting back low groans since he sat down, having to bite his bottom lip until it was raw to keep quiet. Fuck, he thinks. Why did I agree to this? Fuck.

His nails dig into the table, leaving little crescent shapes in the soft wood. A choked noise leaves Colt when the vibrator setting is kicked up for a second, and he covers it with a cough. Hunched over himself, Colt curses at the raging hard-on straining against the front of his already form-fitting jeans. The intensity of the vibrator rises, and his head falls back against the booth's cushioning.

This is going to be a long night.

[izzyspussy]

Trick or treat!

"Oh, well if we're going need-based," Shane says. The two of them seem to have forgotten Ryan entirely now, but he's finding he prefers that. Beth's face seems to be warping, elongating, like Ryan is seeing them through a funhouse mirror. He feels faint. "Your original contract netted you all of Rome, forever!"

"That happens to be a lot less real estate currently," Beth points out with an irritated sniff. "And you've got all your little fans all over the world. Including some in my territory, poacher! Not to mention this honey pie." They gesture at Ryan then. Under other circumstances, maybe Ryan might like to be referred to as 'honey pie'. But it doesn't seem quite like an endearment in this case, Ryan thinks hazily, noticing in hindsight that all of Beth's compliments have been some variation on sweet. Like the flavor, he's getting now. Like food.

"I don't feed on him," Shane says, like it's just a matter of course, before cutting himself off short. He looks over at Ryan now, as if just remembering that Ryan is here. Ryan meets his wide-eyed look with one of his own.

"Tell me this is a prank," he says. "Or I'm going to fucking scream." Beth scoops up another finger full of ice cream, smug as anything, as Shane gulps and Ryan begins to shake.

"Don't scream," Shane says.

"Tell me this is a prank, Shane," Ryan begs. Shane grimaces.

"His contract had a no-lying clause," Beth explains cheerfully. Shane shoots them a side-glare.

"It's rude to tell people about another demon's contract," he mutters. Beth raises their eyebrows.

"Is it?" they ask, with little effort put into sounding innocent. "Is it rude? Is it perhaps as rude as stealing another demon's property?" They tear off a piece of banana, and lean over towards Ryan. He wants to lean back, away from them, but he can't. He's frozen. Blue Screen Bergara. That's him right now. "He let you think it was just a bit, didn't he? That it wouldn't work and I'd never know?"

[sunnyie-eve]

6 |Could've gotten married

Series: Odds Together

Paring: Ryan Dunn x OFC Margera!

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: None

| MASTERLIST |

~

"You're going to become part of your bed if you don't get up and leave your room." Ryan comes into my room with Raab and Rake.

"Come on, babe." Raab pulls me up and they drag me out of my room to go see what Bam was doing.

Apparently Bam was looking at a website where you can order a bride from Russia for Raab. "I say we flip a coin." Bam gets one out. "Heads, Raab marries mail order bride. Tails-," Raab cuts in.

"I marry Anna." He laughs making Bam and Ryan shout what.

"No, that's not gonna happen." Bam laughs at him.

"You scared of a 50/50 chance?" Raab messes with him.

"Don't I have a say in this?" I raise my hand.

"No. It's fair I pick what tails mean. Heads, order bride. Tails, Anna." Raab says so Bam flips the coin. Luckily it ends on heads and the guys cheer for him and me since I don't have to marry him.

We go downstairs to tell mom about Raab and keeping her and dads part a secret from her. "You gotta come to my wedding Ape. Especially since I had a 50/50 chance at marrying Anna." Raab tells her.

She tells him about being friends with his mom and not stopping it before registering the last part. "50/50 chance with Anna?" She looks shocked.

"He picked me as the tails opinion but it landed on heads." I add as Ryan comes to stand by us.

"Has she been married before?" Mom asks.

"No! Probably." Bam and Ryan say at the same time making me crack up.

"Probably and no." She repeats to they tell her who cares. Bam then tells her to go back because we leave tomorrow morning.

"Why pick Anna for tails?" She looks at Raab.

"It's Anna." He motions at me. "Plus I'm sure you would've been more supportive if I knew my bride and didn't pay for her." He laughs leaving the room.

"I prefer the girl than my daughter. I can't imagine her marrying or dating any of you idiots." She says making me laugh.

"I'm hurt, Ape." Ryan puts his hand on his chest.

"Boohoo, I gotta go pack." I run up to my room.

~

When we get to Vegas one of the first things we go do is for Vito to get a heartagram tattooed on his dent. I also get mine on my upper right rib cage. "I wanna design a small tattoo for you." Ryan says watching me.

"No, I don't trust you."

"Chicken." He rolls his eyes.

"I'm not a chicken."

"Then let me design a tattoo." He smiles.

"Pick a number between 1-10. Whose closer to what I'm thinking gets to design the other person's tattoo and pick were it goes." Bam tells us.

"Three." I say.

"Seven." Ryan says.

"It's was five so both of you have to get one." He laughs making us groan.

We both get a piece of paper to design the others tattoo.

"You're fucking initials?" I whine looking at what he did for my tattoo.

"There's flowers and a crown. Also it's going on the same spot as your heartagram on the left side." He smiles at me.

"Dudes mine isn't even bad and I'm making you put it on your right inner forearm near your wheelchair one." I show him my little banana with smoke that says my person.

He looks at it then smiles, "I get the meaning behind it."

"Mine is a good one with meaning while yours is your damn initials." I whine but still get the shit done with him.

When it was dark out that's when we went to go get Raab his tux. "I wanna see it again." Ryan tries pulling the side of my tank top down on the side to see his initials.

"Stop it." I slap his hand away.

"I love what you did." He puts his arm out looking at his tattoo. "We're the only ones who know you're on me." He smiles at me.

"And everyone knows you're on me." I roll my eyes.

"Hey, your person is on you." He points out.

"And whenever I get with a guy in the future, who doesn't know, will ask what does it mean." I sit down as the woman measures Raab.

"You just say it's your best friend and that's it. He doesn't have to know the meaning of your tattoos.

Raab ends up getting a white tux and we just knew he was going to get so dirty in that. "Look at what you're missing." He jokes doing poses.

"She isn't missing anything." Bam tells him.

Tonight we were going to a hypnotist show and Raab wanted to prove it was all crap. As soon as he got up there and the guy hypnotized him he was out of it. We all were cracking up as he went down. When it came to sniffing the person to them we were dying because of Raab and the chick smelling dad.

"And the more I touch ya. The better it feels. Like a big big big orgasm." The guy tells everyone participating and they go at it.

"Dude, he is not playing along. He's really under." I say seeing the look in Raab's eyes as we keep laughing at him. Especially when he was Elvis.

"Oh my god!" I cover my mouth as Raab starts to dance and the guys lose it so bad.

When they were done he couldn't stop saying how good Raab was during the whole thing.

~

Today I went with Raab, Ryan, and Bam to the airport to pick up his bride.

"Here's your future husband, Raab himself." Bam tells her so Raab kisses her cheeks.

"So you're from Moscow?" He asks her as we start to all leave.

"What?" She asks making us laugh.

"Так ты из Москвы." I translate making everyone look at me shocked.

"What? I learned a few words from going to school in Ireland. There was Russian music teacher. She was really nice." I shrug my shoulders.

"Uhh what's your favorite color?" He asks her and she says what then looks back at me.

"любимый цвет?" I smile and she tells me. "Red, Raab."

"You keep on surprising me." Ryan nudges me.

"Wait till you hear this... I know a lot more languages. It's how I spent my free time."

"So do you want to go to a strip club or something?" Raab asks her and we laugh. "Don't translate that." He points his finger at me as she says what.

"пойти в стриптиз-клуб? I told her I don't know how to say what you asked." I lie to Raab because I told her he said, go to a strip club.

"Say anything to me in a different language and I have to guess what you said and what language." Ryan pats my arm so I tell him in Arabic the reason why I left. 

"I have to use the bathroom to pee? In Hebrew?" He brings his eyebrows together.

"No but then kinda close it was Arabic. I do know some Hebrew."

"Are you gonna tell me what you said now?" He asks.

"Yeah, no." I laugh at him.

Later we all go to the casino but I walk around drinking not wanting to be are Don Vito when he gets pissed. "Hello?" I answer my phone as I find a bar to sit and drink.

"Just wanted to catch up and talk to you instead of a drunk text and voicemail."

I move my phone away from my ear sighing, "Why at such a random time?" I laugh.

"Why not? Are you busy? It's loud where you are."

"I'm in Vegas for a wedding and my parents renewing their vowels." I get up to head outside since it was quieter than in here.

"A wedding? Hopefully not yours."

"Could've been if the quarter landed on tails instead of heads but I got lucky." I laugh.

"You took a 50/50 chance at getting married?"

"I didn't! I was thrown into the shit because of my brother's friend, the one getting married." I explain.

"Good for me it's not you."

"Really?" I ask with a smile.

"Yeah... you should sneak over to LA so we can go out to lunch."

"As nice as that sounds, I can't. I don't have time. The wedding is like in five hours." I tell him.

"I'll buy you a plane ticket. It's an hour flight. We hang out for a few hours than you go back."

"That's a lot of work for a few hours. Maybe next when I'm not busy I'll come visit you." I say as Don Vito is kicked out of the casino. "I'm sorry I gotta go." I hang up as Bam comes out. "I'm gonna go shopping find something nice for tonight." I walk going off. "Meet you back at the hotel later."

About of hour of just walking through stores finding nothing I take a take a seat on a bench because my legs were tired.

"What you doing now?" I answer my phone.

"Really? I'm sitting down taking a break from looking for a dress getting hungry." I yawn a little.

"Go try some food from Strip House."

"I'm sure big places you have to reserve a table and wait forever." I tell him.

"Just go check it out and if it looks nice call me back and I'll call to make a reservation for you."

"Fine, I'm going that way now." I get up walking since it wasn't that far. "You know, I don't have money to even play for the place right."

"So you're in Vegas broke."

"Yes." I laugh.

"You there yet?"

"Yes, and I'm just gonna go to a McDonald's because I can't afford this." I look at the restaurant then start to walk away.

"Fine." He hangs up making me shocked.

"Rude." I put my phone away then someone grabs me making me scream.

"It's just me." I turn around to see the Johnny Knoxville making me panic.

I never told him who I was related to. I never told him my last name. I sure as hell wasn't going to tell Bam I knew Johnny when I was in LA for awhile and ended up staying with him.

"What are you doing here!" I slap him and look around.

"You wouldn't fly to see me so I came to you." He smiles giving me a hug. "You don't look happy to see me."

"I am! I'm just shocked." I laugh.

"So you want McDonald's let's go then." He grabs my hand dragging me along with him.

I think the only reason I never told him I was Bam's sister was because I didn't want to be known as Bam's sister. I bumped into Johnny on accident at a park when he was with his daughter Madison. I was crying and he checked on me so I told him I got kicked out of the motel I was staying because I was low on money. He ended up saying I could stay in his extra room for free as long as I got a job at a near by restaurant. He wanted to help me get my life together especially after telling him about what I went through.

"How long to you plan on staying?" I ask as we walk around store after eating.

"I'll leave when you have to go to the wedding." He gives me a smile.

"You really flew over just for a couple of hours." I shake my head at him.

"I had a good reason."

"To hangout with me?" I ask.

"Yeah. I wanted to see you again." He takes my hand into his as my phone starts to ring.

"What?" I ask Bam.

"We're all at Laguna Spa. You coming?" He asks me.

"I'm still out shopping and you know I don't care for spas." I tell him.

"Okay, after this we're going back to the hotel." He lets me know.

"Okay, I'll be back soon. Bye." I hang up.

"So about one more hour then you gotta go?" Johnny asks.

"Yeah." I give him a sad smile.

"Then let's take our time finding you that dress." He kisses the top of my head.

~

"I'm not surprised you got here before us." Bam says as he comes into the room with Ryan.

"I got back like 10 minutes ago." I get off the bed to fix my hair to go get in the limo with everyone.

When we get to the chapel, I couldn't wait for mom and dad. "Wanna make this a triple ring ceremony?" Ryan jokes quietly to me.

"Very funny, Dunn. Plus did you forget my mom already said non of you idiots." I laugh at him.

"You can't deny I'm the best pick though."

"You're actually one of the worst so I don't know what you're talking about." I laugh more before they start.

Back at their hotel suite I hug my parents congratulating them. "You know what my fantasy is?" Mom shames the top of the cake on Don Vito's face making me cheer.

Soon cake is thrown around and Ryan smashes a piece on my face. "RYAN! What the hell? What did I do to you?" I while wiping it off my face keeping it in my hands.

"Have some fun." He laughs walking up to me so I run my hands all over his face starting to laugh.

"That's fair." He licks his lips. "Have you tasted it? It's good." He asks so I lick my lips.

"You're right." I nod my head.

"I want some more. Come here." He grabs my face pulling my towards him leaning forward with is tongue out.

"No!" I scream getting free and running away from him.

[unfortunate--moth]

Yeah we have a list!

GROUP CHAT JOKES:

Grilled Cheese Veronika

The shoes killed David

EXECUTE ACE MARKEY

Squidturo x Levi

B E E S

Eating Xander's hair

Veronoka

Bald Kotoko PFP's

Ace Afton

Xanana/Xander Banana

Nico coin

Kat is the group chat pet

Boiling time~

J x Rose is Squidturo x Levi all over again

Pencilturo is Ronnie colored

We speak in Pencil language

Fuck I made Xander more livable

The march on Kat's inbox

Crazy Eden

ACE MARLEY AND MONOTG

there’s a minpostor among us

REVIVE MIN JEUNG

Veronilla/Veronika Ice-cream

Blue Fish x Yellow Fish

Eden is a feral dog

who want stobe mjcrowbeelelee

Ryan x Avery

"WE NEED TO KILL ACE WITH BALLS"

Incorrect quotes. Our golden treasure.

Xander x Lightswitch

PONY TOWN

The Ace eats

Avery is eating Europe

Sleep Paralasys Demon

Multicolored Gays

Mikoto Crossiant

Abc's with Ace Markey

Squishing Ace Markey

Room PFP's

Whiteboard PFP's

Pig eating ###

Family tree

Also, there are new ones like Whit Drink (alcohol), David dying in every AU, "THE GAYS!!! THEYRR GAYING!!! THEYRE GONNA DIE!!!" And some I'm probably forgetting

Woaw!!! They weren't lying about inside jokes I don't understand any of these!! /lh

Joking aside i love hearing about inside jokes it's like getting a peak into my friend's lives with their friends it's always so silly and fun. I did however get jumpscared because I have an OC named Avery

[iamaverysadbanana]

Sad Banana's First Impressions: IF

It's just a silly kid movie, I foolishly thought. Something fun and light to watch while celebrating my birthday. What's the worst that could happen? Reader, I fucking cried. You think you're going to get a harmless children's film and instead you find a bittersweet meditation on the realities of growing up and losing your childhood innocence. I found myself touched by the themes of nurturing your inner child, even as you grow older. John Krasinski, you magnificent bastard, you have broken my heart. But I'm not letting Ryan Reynolds, Steve Carell, and Phoebe Waller-Bridge off the hook either. Overall, I found this movie to be surprisingly heartfelt with a strong thematic basis that I think most people can resonate with. I fully recommend watching this film once it hits digital.

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Illustration by Ryan McAmis

+

Jodie Foster Answers the Proust Questionnaire

The two-time Oscar winner and star of “Nyad” and “True Detective: Night Country” on family, fantasy football, and fancy sheets.

BY JODIE FOSTER FEBRUARY 23, 2024 Vanity Fair

What is your idea of perfect happiness? “Watching a great movie in the afternoon and then taking a long nap.”

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? “War. But also a world without sugar.”

What do you dislike most about your appearance? “My boring hair.”

Where would you like to live? “In a tree house just above the ocean, but with nice bougie sheets.”

What is your most treasured possession? “My box of Christmas ornaments.”

What is your greatest fear? “Naming my greatest fear, because then I’ll have to admit it, won’t I?”

Which living person do you most despise? “Any dictator scheming to end democracy.”

What words or phrases do you most overuse? “Howdy, wow, and fuck.”

What or who is the greatest love of your life? “My wife, Alex, and our sons, Charlie and Kit, of course.”

What is your most marked characteristic? “I will use any excuse for an over-the-top holiday celebration, whether the day is real or imagined.”

When and where were you happiest? “Watching my sons ski down a mountain for the first time.”

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be? “We would all be rugged, self-sufficient, and capable. No one would complain or pick up their phones because…you know…chopping wood and stuff.”

Which talent would you most like to have? “Playing piano, so that everyone could gather around and sing their favorite songs together.”

What is your current state of mind? “Guiltily eyeing time alone to do absolutely nothing.”

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? “I would just be content with every moment as it is instead of gnashing my teeth trying to change things all the time.”

Who is your favorite hero of fiction? “The Fat Lady in Salinger’s ‘Franny and Zooey.’”

What is your favorite occupation? “Moving around all my players in fantasy football.”

Who are your heroes in real life? “Issa López, director of ‘True Detective: Night Country.’ She can do it all and be the first one on the dance floor.”

What do you most value in your friends? “Deep and complex thoughts delivered with a wicked sense of humor.”

Who are your favorite writers? “Toni Morrison, Raymond Carver, Mary Karr.”

What is your motto? “More milk, less moo.”

What are your favorite names? “Ginger, Bubba, Georgia, Bananas.”

How would you like to die? “Consciously, filled with curiosity and awe. Hopefully in front of a big picture window.”

[fanthropology]

Can I just say holy shit?

Spirited had absolutely no business whatsoever going as hard as it did.

How? HOW?

Let alone Ryan Reynolds and Will Ferrell. Yes, this deserves to be near the top of their overall comedies, but whatever they’re movie stars with a good script, no surprises there.

But the MUSIC? The DANCING? The absolute bananas concepts for some of the numbers? (There’s thing with flashlights that high school theater kids are going to be obsessed with for like a decade, but I don’t want to spoil it.)

I want to beg everyone to watch it, get past the fact that it’s on Apple TV+, and go put it on, it will be probably the best movie out right now.

Literally perfection. <chef’s kiss> I cannot fucking WAIT for the fan fiction on this one.

Please reblog any self-inserts you see, I beg of you.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Hello there, just some more admin, although I'll try and keep it short as I've got loads to say about series 2. The previous post was the last official series 2 quote, next up points and survey for series 3 and then off we go. Thanks for sticking around! It's nice to see familiar names pop up and to everyone new: welcome to this blog!

Here we go, series 2 stands in a stark contrast to series 1 in my (not so) humble opinion and I am quite aware that this is gonna be an unpopular take. I gushed over series 1, because in my eyes it's really great. And when I go back to watch it, I approach it with a 'hell yes, back to s1!' kind of mindset, whereas when I get to series 2, I'm always like 'all right, let's get it over with'. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate it, however it's one of my least favourite ones, which has got nothing to do with Greg and Alex or the tasks (my favourite was probably the pineapple one though or the building a bridge one), but I do have to admit it gets better around the halfway point. Greg and Alex are as always amazing. My gripes lie mostly with the contestants here. Now, I had heard of Jon and Joe before as I've seen a couple of Cats does Countdown clips, and of Katherine as well (from TBFQOTY, I think). I don't mind Jon actually, in a way he reminds me a lot of how Josh approached tasks, which gives him little to stand out, but he does well overall and he's actually quite witty. Doc is a breath of fresh air for me, I didn't know him and he surprised me positively. Him, Jon and Richard are enjoyable to watch, they don't argue with the tasks and just do them, and occasionally get creative about it (though Richard's attempts can be a bit lacklustre). Now to Joe. Here's the thing: He's insane (and I mean that in a good way), bringing in his wedding certificate, potato gate, "There's strength in arches" ... but at the same time, he often seems like he doesn't want to be there (e.g. the task with Fred the Swede) and I don't know if that is his M.O. but it somewhat annoys me after a while, though overall he is fun to watch and I do enjoy his deadpan delivery. But speaking of annoying: Katherine Ryan. Look, as I've said, I've seen her like only once or twice before and I'm not certain anymore where exactly that was and since then on an episode of Joe Lycett's Got Your Back, but where Roisin was slighly exasperating, which made me laugh a lot, Katherine was insufferable. It can be fun when contestants argue about the wording of a task or Greg's scoring, get irritated with Alex or are incredibly competetive or incompetent, but with her it just gets on my nerves (e.g. when she argues that Doc should be disqualified on grounds of racism, not wanting to share a place with other contestants in the first prize task) and then that weird tantrum she throws during the last live task where a simple question as to whether they had to eat the banana properly or tie the tie properly would've had the same effect. I get that humour is a spectrum and other people find her hilarious (she came third in the favourite contestant survey), I just don't, but I know that that's on me as I find most competitors who are in my opinion overly set on winning rather annoying. She has her moments, granted, like the lordship thing or when they had to build something for the Taskmaster and I do see why she won the series though, as similar to Josh, she usually got mid-table results and won an episode, but fuck me, I'm glad it's over. Fortunately for me, series 3 is just around the corner.

[scattered-winter]

tagged by @soleadita im kissing u on the cheek like a mob boss

top 15 tv shows in no particular order !!

911 on abc (found family. whump. angst. absolute batshit insane shenanigans. jennifer love hewitt and angela bassett. ryan guzman getting blood all over him on multiple occasions. what's not to love)

gen:LOCK (season 1 only) (there is no season 2 in ba sing se) (found family and robots and cool animation and cool music and found family and coolest fucking dichotomy between hero and villain and and and)

rwby (the WORLDBUILDING. the WRITING. the CHARACTERS. the WEAPONS. GENUINELY IT GOES SOOO SO SO CRAZY.)

the bear (im not done with it yet and lack of actual real bears ASIDE. this show is so so beautiful and masterfully done. im literally obsessed)

supernatural (UNFORTUNATELY some of the episodes do kinda go hard.)

daredevil (the CINEMATOGRAPHY the DEPRESSED BLOODIED CATHOLIC BOY the INSANE WOMEN the JOHN PAESANO SOUNDTRACK truly this show is unmatched)

zoo netflix. (is it GOOD? no. but it is very fun and involves found family living on a plane solving mysteries and trying to stop the apocalypse so truly. does it even NEED to be good)

agents of shield (again i havent finished it but ouhghgoughhghh......found family.....whump.....literally this show was GAME CHANGING for me. i would not be the whump enjoyer i am today if it weren't for the scene where daisy gets shot point blank and lovingly lowered to the ground by the man who shot her. truly. also huge fan of the asian american female lead who is a complex multifaceted character. love her.)

dc's legends of tomorrow (THEEE goofysilly funtimes show of the century. queer found family superheroes who live on a time traveling spaceship and try to protect the timestream from anomalies. they are very, very bad at their job. a zombie apocalypse breaks out in the middle of the american civil war. a giant fluffy teddy bear named beebo fistfights an ancient time demon. they have to save college student barack obama from gorilla grodd. a unicorn bites one of the character's nipples off. truly the most show ever. perhaps of all time.)

kingdom (netflix) (kdrama) (GENUINELY the best zombie media i have ever seen in my life. barring train to busan maybe. the costume design is gorgeous and the camerawork is gorgeous and the characters are complex and multifaceted and the zombies are fascinating and the entire thing is a commentary on class and poverty. and it's set in medieval korea so they have to fight zombies with SWORDS)

carmen sandiego (fun characters. u learn lots of cool things about lots of cool places. found family. heists. nonexistent romance subplots so it's a HUGE win for the aros. stupid little french detective who wears a banana suit onscreen. et cetera.)

leverage (LITERALLY THE SHOW OF ALL TIME. anti capitalist. found family. heists. the government is a corrupt system that only serves the people in power. christian kane beating people up. multifaceted characters. autistic character that's actually like. presented respectfully. and realistically. alec hardison. insane people.)

avatar the last airbender/legend of korra (they KINDA WENT OFF WITH BENDING.)

arcane (the animation......the tragic sisters.......the music.....)

green lantern the animated series (the animation kinda sucks unfortuantely. however. HOWEVER. it has my boy of all time. with the character arc of all time. and learning how rage and vengeance are harmful to everyone including yourself. and how grief and rage go hand in hand and the only way to heal from it is hope. and and and and and)

leo already tagged the gc so im gonna tag @frigidboy and anyone else who wants to do it :]