#fucking annoying princess fuck

[liberty-spiked]

my future co-apprentice is a little bitch that doesnt know how close he was to getting wrecked.

[pigdemonart]

And the not super thrilling lost in translation conclusion… 🇮🇹 mamma mia! I listened to this video to get the vibes for Mario and Luigi‘s argument lmao

Read Part 2 here

Also!! The Smasha you on a rock line is from the mario heritage post itself. It never fails to make me sensibly chuckle. :]

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[unfinishedslurs]

The boy stops in his tracks. “I know you,” he says, tilting his head curiously. He’s not tall, but he’s regal nonetheless, dressed all in white. Something about him makes Leia’s hair stand on end, and although she hides it she feels a stirring in her own chest. I know you like I know my own soul, she thinks wildly, and wonders where it came from. Has she gone insane?

“That’s nice,” she says, and shoots him anyway.

He deflects it in a flash of light, a glowing blue laser sword appearing in his hand like magic. She’s only seen one of those before, and it’s Vader’s. If this boy is anything like Vader, she realizes, she’s in deep shit.

She’s smart enough to know when she’s outmatched. Leia makes the tactical decision to run for her life.

Later, as she’s getting the hell out of there, she wonders why he didn’t try to stop her.

She remembers being young and tugging on her mothers skirts, demanding to know why their guest was so sad. “Does he not like it here?” She’d asked, and then, trembling, because Kenobi always seemed saddest around her. “Is it…because of me?”

“Oh, Leia,” her mother sighed, lifting her into her arms. “It’s not that, I promise.”

“Then what is it?”

“Master Kenobi lost a child under his care, years ago.” Breha’s eyes grew deeper, darker. “It was not his fault, but he blames himself. You remind him of that child, that’s all.”

Leia had quieted at that, contemplative.

The next time she’d seen Master Kenobi, she had given him a hug. He didn’t seem to know what to do with that, so she resolved to give him more of them. “He’s lonely,” she’d told her mother. “No one should be lonely.”

Looking at Obi-Wan Kenobi now, the memory seemed so far away. He’d aged thirty years in the ten it had been.

He looks, Leia thinks with a small twinge of regret, very lonely.

“Leia,” he greets. “It’s been a long time.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Leia sees a glint of white.

Kenobi freezes in his tracks. “Luke?” He whispers, and through the distance Leia can hear it as if he’d been speaking directly into her ear.

Master Kenobi lost a child under his care, her mother whispers in her head. He blames himself.

In an instant, Leia understands everything.

Kenobi is still staring at the boy he’d lost so long ago when Vader cuts him down.

Later, as she’s pacing around on the Falcon to Han muttering darkly about Princesses and supernatural abilities, she rememberers the way the boy collapsed, as if all his strings had been cut. Vader was too occupied with him to even look at her as she shot at him desperately.

Luke. She hates him more than she hates herself.

“They know where you are,” he hisses frantically. “They’re coming for you. You have to run.”

“Wait!” Leia quickly pulls up their sonar. Nothing yet, but it would explain the distant queasiness she’d felt since they’d landed. She tended to trust her gut. “How do you know? How much time do we have?”

“Not important, and not enough,” he says. “I have to go, and so do you. You need to leave yesterday.”

“How do I know I can trust you? I don’t even know who you are.”

He pauses. “Call me Skywalker.”

“That’s not an answer, Skywalker.”

“Yes it is.”

She opens her mouth to argue, but there are faint voices on the other end, drawing nearer.

“Shit,” Skywalker mutters. “I have to go. I’ll be in contact, okay? Don’t ever tell me where you are, or where you’re heading. Vader and Palpatine aren’t shy about reading minds. Just leave as soon as you can, and figure out the rest.”

“But—“

It’s too late. The comm has disconnected.

She stares down at it, disbelieving. How would the Empire know they’re here? Why should she trust a stranger who somehow got her personal comm code?

Gut feeling or not, on paper this was a perfect location. Supplied, armored, and most importantly, extremely well hidden. There was no real reason to think it would possibly be found out.

It’s probably a trap. Almost definitely a trap.

Han sticks his head in the door, a sour look on his face. “Hey Princess, can you tell these idiots—“

She makes a decision then and there.

“We’re leaving.”

“What?”

“We’re evacuating, effective immediately.” She pushes past him, and he follows so close he’s nearly stepping on her heel.

“Why? I think it’s pretty cozy here. Actual sunlight doesn’t hurt, either.”

“Apparently too cozy.” She grabs the first person she sees, a pilot who stares at her with wide eyes. “Emergency evacuation. Spread the word to pack everything you can and leave, I’ll let you know where we’re headed when we’re in orbit.”

He salutes and scurries off.

“Woah, hey now.” Han snatches at her elbow until she turns around to face him. “What’s going on?”

“There’s a new informant. He told me the Empire knows we’re here. They’re coming for us.”

“And you trust this person because…”

“I don’t have a choice,” she snaps. Someone runs past them, holding three packs filled to the brim with rations. “It’s either he’s lying and we’re not in danger, or he’s telling the truth and we’re going to die if we don’t listen. It’s not exactly hard math.”

It could be a trap of course, but he hadn’t suggested any sort of direction or destination to follow, and Leia wasn’t inclined to share. Especially not after his tidbit about Vader and Palpatine reading minds.

He squints at her. “That’s not it.”

“What?”

“I don’t believe you,” he insists. He’s so infuriating. Leia doesn’t know why she hasn’t kicked him out yet.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes you do, and you’re either gonna tell me why, or find a different transport when we head out of here.”

“Who said I was riding on your hunk of junk?” She demands. She actually was planning on going with them, since the Falcon has more than enough room for all the supplies that can’t fit in the other ships and none of the trustworthiness of the other pilots, but Han doesn’t need to know that.

“Well?”

Damn him. Damn him for knowing how to read her. She doesn’t know when she let that happen.

“I feel it,” she admits, defeated. “Something tells me he’s trustworthy. We’ll wait and see if it’s right.”

He studies her. She holds her head high, but inside she’s jittery at the scrutiny. They don’t have time for this.

“Yeah, all right,” Han finally says.

“Really?”

“Yes, really.” He rolls his eyes, like she’s not acting absolutely insane by putting all her trust in a random man she’s never even met. “Now come on, Princess, weren’t you the one who said we had to hurry?”

What is it about this man that makes it impossible to tell whether she wants to punch him or drag him into the nearest supply closet? They don’t have time to find out.

“So there’s good news and bad news.”

“Bad news first,” she demands.

“They know there’s a mole.”

“Shit.” Of course they know, how could they not? She should have been more careful, less obvious about the correlation of their movements with the Empire’s plans. “The good news?”

“They’ve tasked me with hunting down this ‘pathetic rebel spy,’” Skywalker says, humor in his voice. “That should buy me some time.”

Leia can’t quite stop the snort she lets out. “Seriously?”

“Yep. You’re speaking to a professional mole-hunter, here.”

“Well congratulations on the promotion, Skywalker.”

“Thank you,” he says grandly. Then, quieter, “It won’t last, Princess. They’ll find out eventually.”

“I know. Just hang in there, it will be over soon.”

“Will it?” He asks, suddenly sounding very young. She realizes that she has no idea how old he is. She doesn’t know anything about the man who has saved them more times than she cared to admit, and the idea rattles her until they sign off.

Later, she looks up the name Skywalker in their archives. There are a few results, but only one sticks out.

Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Knight and hero of the Clone Wars. Killed at the hands of Darth Vader. There are gossip articles too, speculations on his relationship with the pregnant Senator Padmé Amidala, who died around the same time Skywalker did. The baby, it seems, died with her.

Unless he didn’t.

It’s ridiculous. It’s impossible. The idea is so ludicrous that Leia almost rejects it entirely.

But it makes sense. By the Maker, it makes sense.

The child of Anakin Skywalker, it seems, would be a powerful Force user indeed. Powerful enough for Kenobi to take the baby and run. Powerful enough for the Emperor to want him for his own gain. Powerful enough to send Vader after Kenobi and take the boy himself.

Maybe even powerful enough to shield his mind from Vader and Palpatine’s intrusions.

Powerful enough to hide the fact that he’s a spy.

Leia sinks into her chair, covering her face as she laughs.

Maybe Luke isn’t so bad after all.

“No, no, no,” she mutters, digging through the smoking wreckage of the TIE fighter. “Don’t be dead, please don’t be dead.”

“Princess…” Han lays a hand on her shoulder that she immediately shrugs off.

“No, he’s not dead. He’s not. Luke!”

A faint cough answers her, and she’s so relieved to hear it she could cry. Behind her, Han starts bellowing for a medic and, “Some damn help here, do you expect us to move all this ourselves?”

“Luke, it’s me,” she sobs. “It’s Leia. You’re at the Rebel Base. You’re safe.”

More coughing, and there’s a worrying rasp to his voice when he says, “You know…my name?”

“I figured it out.”

“Smart.” This time, the coughing is so bad Leia and Han both wince.

“Shit, kid,” Han says, moving another piece of rubble. “Don’t talk. We’re gonna get you out of here, all right?”

“Stand back,” Luke chokes out.

“What?”

“Stand back. Please.”

Han protests, but something in Leia knows they should listen to him. She drags him back, and motions everyone else to fall back with them. They do, albeit reluctantly.

“Clear,” she calls, hoping Luke can hear her.

The TIE explodes.

“Fuck!” Han goes back in, Leia on his heels with the terrifying feeling that she’d just allowed Luke to die, before they both stop in their tracks. Around them, the broken pieces of the TIE are floating.

And curled up in the middle is a man dressed all in white.

“Luke!” She pushes past Han to start dragging him out, and after another moment of staring around them, he helps her.

As soon as they get clear, the pieces fall to the ground with a clatter. Luke falls limp with them.

Han is still looking at the TIE. “Can you do that?” He asks quietly.

Leia pauses her examination of the unconscious man in front of her to glare at him. “Is that what you’re most concerned with right now? Really?”

“Excuse me for asking, Princess!”

“It’s white,” Luke grumbles, pulling at his hospital gown bitterly. “I hate wearing white.”

“Should I be offended?”

He rolls his eyes. “Don’t even. You look great and you know it. I just feel like I never left.”

“Well,” she says gingerly. “I guess it’s a good thing you got sick of it. If we went around in matching outfits all the time, people might think we’re twins.”

He snorts. “Yeah, right.”

[froglover7789]

ok so the obv follow up to luke skywalker getting eloped at somepoint and not telling anyone is leia doing some serious meddling. like. shes bossy as fuck and at some point post rotj decides that shes sick of luke bothering her all the time (hes just annoying) and tries to set him up with someone.

imagine it please. please imagine with me. itd be so fucking funny. she'd keep trying to introduce him to people at galas or be like "ive got this friend i think youll like him" and luke has not a clue whats going on bc hes stupid and too busy thinking about the hottie hes banging. i love star wars. the sequels shouldve been leia getting increasingly frustrated that luke doesnt realize hes on a date/ being asked out until (insert your favorite luke ship here) tells him. and luke still doesnt believe it. and continues to go on the terrible dates leia sends him on. bc why would his sister send him on dates when she obv knows hes been married for forever? (she does not know this. no one knows this. luke is a fool)

it finally stops when luke tells her he cant visit with whatever mystery man of the week it is bc its his fifth wedding anniversary with (insert your favorite luke ship here) and theyre renewing their vows! isnt that so exciting leia! and he shows her their rings and starts yapping and leia promptly bangs her head on her desk bc how could she have missed that

[rawliverandgoronspice]

anyway to end the series on ganondorf tp's writing, my take (which isn't canon but arguable as a valid "death of the author" read imo) is that he is at his most iredeemable AND that's because he has zero things left to lose and no community left and his goal doesn't even make sense anymore he is parasitic and a ghost and pathologically obsessed by his own godlike legitimacy because that is the only thing he still has and it has prolonged his life in a horrible diminished state in a nightmare dimension so SURELY it must mean something right right RIGHT

[eosphoria]

Kats in middle school is so so annoying that if I were a classmate I'd be like "Oh so you want to be a hero! cool, that's quite common these days, but, uh, if I were to give you any advice, don't mention the H word to that blond mess over there, he won't shut the fuck up about how he will become the greatest hero and surpass all might and how deku fucking sucks because he quirkless and, ugh, look at him, he stands like someone who says extra a lot and that's exactly what he be doing every single fucking tim-"

[red-talkin-graves]

Mistook the opportunist for the narrator at first and was so pissed at him like "excuse me. I kill someone for you and die for it twice in a row and now you try to kill me and call it 'two birds with one stone'? This was gonna be a 100% keep killing the princess run but I changed my mind I'm gonna do everything in my power to free her just to ruin his day. Get fucked birdboy I hope watching the world end hurts" only to immediately realize that was the opportunist being the opportunist. Whoops

I'm still gonna free her. I'm still gonna ruin his day.

[starsonabeach]

keep your smack straight hands smack off sapphic songs smack smack smack

[gryficowa]

Boycott!

It would be easier if it weren't for the link limit, because it creates more posts than it should, which becomes an example of an avalanche…

Now that I have your attention:

[autisticlancemcclain]

i want it to last forever (all the magic and fun at sea) -- beachisode zine fic!

-- -- --

The screech of the comm knocks Keith out of his laser focus. He barely manages to dodge the blow from the Gladiator, aimed for his face, throwing himself to the side at the last second. He calls out for the simulation to end as the comm buzzes and crackles with static, wincing at the feedback. By the time it settles into something that doesn’t hurt to hear, he’s gulped down three water pouches and sips slowly on his fourth, catching his breath.

“No it’s — my — Pidge, let go, it’s my turn!”

“Nuh-uh! You get to announce all the time! I want to!”

“I’m just better at it!”

“Liar! Let — Hunk, I am going to taze you!”

The sound of their squabbling makes him snort. He won’t be hearing any announcement for a while if they’re like this, so instead of waiting around for instructions he just scoops up his comm, tugs on a shirt, and heads to the bridge.

As expected, the sounds of scuffling only escalate. Keith can’t tell for sure, but he’s reasonably certain that Hunk and Pidge have graduated to actively trying to claw the intercom mic away from each other. He thinks he even heard the buzzing of Pidge’s bayard, as threatened previously.

As he’s walking past the kitchen, he hears static again, and then a clunk followed by brisk footsteps. Hunk and Pidge’s whining quickly follows.

“Aw, Coran, no fair!”

“C’mon, you always let Allura announce stuff! We never get a turn!”

Seconds later, another voice fills the radio waves, prim and proper and positively dripping with smug satisfaction:

“All paladins please report to the bridge, we’re receiving a foreign call.”

Keith snorts. Hunk and Pidge should have known it was a lost cause. There are only two people on this ship who Coran blatantly favouritizes, and it is neither of them.

He sees the exact scene he expects to see when he walks into the bridge — Hunk and Pidge sulking in their chairs, scowling at the Princess and each other, and Allura sticking her tongue out at them behind Coran’s back. As Allura mentioned, a calling code flashes up on the screen, dialling into their non-emergency line.

Keith walks over to his own chair and sits down, pulling up the number to look at its diagnostics.

“You smell like a gym bag,” Pidge complains, wrinkling her nose at him. Keith considers throwing his sweat-soaked shirt at her just to hear her scream. She turns to Shiro, who has just walked into the bridge. “Shiro, make him change.”

“Do not even think about it,” Shiro says immediately, looking at where Keith has his hands curled around the hem of his shirt. He rolls his eyes and makes a show of letting go. “And Pidge, stop being dramatic. He’s not even sitting anywhere near you.”

At once, Pidge in Keith are allied again, if only to look at each other and roll their eyes as hard as they can as Shiro watches, hoping to make him as exasperated as possible. Judging by the weight of his sigh, it works.

They smirk at each other. Success.

“So what’s this call?” Shiro asks, sitting in his own chair. He presses a button on his dash and the ringing noise accompanying the flashing notification mute.

“We were hoping one of you would know,” Coran says. “The call came in ten doboshes ago. It’s not a recorded number, and it’s encrypted, so none of us know where it’s from. The closest star we can triangulate to it is BX-SD78R3.”

All three present humans stare at the advisor blankly. He holds up a finger, ruffling through some papers until he finds a folded one, unfolding the thing like a map and staring at it intensely, forehead creasing as he tries to decipher the rudimentary Altean characters.

“Ah. The Road Work Ahead Star.”

“Ohhh, okay,” Hunk says. His understanding is echoed in the rest of the paladin’s expressions. “I know that one.”

A couple years ago, now, Lance got fed up with all intergalactically recognised names for stars and systems. He was not the only one. Try as they might, none of them were capable of memorizing thousands of strings of alphanumeric codes, especially not when they were translated into Terran characters. Hunk helpfully described it as hearing the letters but only static happening in his brain. The codes simply didn’t /mean/ anything, the way that words did. The whole thing was just a mess, and it made it hard for the team to strategise, because the Alteans would name a star or system, and the humans would shrug helplessly at them until they pulled out a map or pointed out the nearest planet they recognised.

Lance, of course, was the first to handle the problem. He spent weeks writing out a list renaming every single star or system to something the humans could understand, with their intergalactic names right next to them so everyone could translate. Many of the names were relevant, and made sense — names like Arus for the Arusian planet, Space Mall Moon for the space mall moon, on and on — but many systems simply weren’t occupied, or didn’t have an easily determined name, so Lance just named them after random pop culture things.

Whatever works, honestly.

“Did they send a message?” Pidge asks, clicking through the lines of code of the encryptions.

“Nothing. It’s just a call.”

Hunk hums, squinting at the calling code like it will turn into answers at his behest. “Do we think it’s Galra?”

“It’s a possibility,” Allura agrees. “If it were a call to our emergency line, then answering it would be worth the risk — many planets are just hearing of us and do not know our proposed safety measures. Besides, that line has all of Pidge’s anti-Empire tracking and encryption software. This line not so much. If we connect it and it’s an Empire infiltration, then we’ll get tracked, and we’ll have to prepare for an ambush.”

Keith whistles. “High odds.”

“Yes. So we’ll have to come to a decision, then. I sent the mice after Lance, he should be here any —”

“I’m here! I’m here! I’m not late!” As if summoned, Lance comes barrelling into the bridge, soaking wet, nearly braining himself on the ground as he slips on water and fails to catch himself since the mice are cradled carefully in his hands. Undeterred, he scrambles back to his feet and slides into his chair, grinning sheepishly at everyone else. “Sorry! I was swimming laps and my comm was in my clothes. Plus the castle signal is iffy in there. I didn’t know there was a meeting until the mice came to get me. Thanks, by the way.” He turns the full power of his beam towards Allura, who visibly softens, raised eyebrow turning into something more amused than annoyed. “Anyways. I’m here now. What are we doing?” He turns to his screen and notices the flashing call code. “Oh, hey, that’s Plaxum’s area code!”

Before anyone can stop him, strangled shouts ringing through the bridge, he slams his hand down on a button on his dash.

Keith hears Shiro’s loud “FUCK!” from behind him, which usually would make him gasp really loud and shout something about virgin ears, just to irritate his brother, but his lungs are currently occupied with the breath he is holding in them, waiting as the call flashes twice and connects.

Luckily, the face that comes into focus is not a smirking Galran officer.

Unluckily, Lance is right — the jellyfish-hat-clad face of a grinning mermaid, blue-skinned and bright eyed. Plaxum.

Lance has mentioned her once or twice in passing. He’s mentioned that he keeps in contact with a lot of people from the planets in their alliance, the mermaid planet included. He had not mentioned that he is in contact with Plaxum so often that he has her area code memorized.

Something gross and bitter churns in Keith’s stomach.

“Lance!” Plaxum — and Keith has never met her, but Lance has made it pretty clear who this person is — shouts, loud enough that it’s clear even through the long-distance static.

“Plax!” Lance shouts back. His beam has gotten ten times brighter, if at all possible. “How are you?”

“Lance,” Shiro interrupts before they get lost in their conversation, “maybe ask what’s going on, kiddo. We didn’t recognize the calling code, we thought it might have been Empire. Scared us when you answered.”

The brightness in Lance’s brown eyes dim considerably. Despite Keith’s distaste for it before, as horrible as that is, he’s sad to see it go.

“Oh,” he says quietly. “I didn’t mean — sorry, guys, I should’ve checked. I didn’t think.”

“All good, lad,” Coran assures, clapping him on the shoulder. “You did think, after all. You recognised the calling code. Next time let us in on it, but your judgement was sound.”

As he always does, Coran has said the perfect right thing, some of the guilt vanishes from Lance’s expression. He smiles at the advisor before turning his gaze back to the mermaid.

“Why did you call the Voltron line? You usually just call me.”

“‘Cause you lost your comm again, dummy,” Plaxum explains patiently. “You stopped answering after your last mission. I called to make sure you were alive. And because I needed to ask you something.”

Lance huffs, matching her playfulness. “Right, let me just ask Zarkon to hold off on attempting to blow me up so I don’t keep losing comms to laser fire.”

“It would be grandly appreciated, thank you.”

“Uh huh,” Lance snorts. “Anyways. Is that the only reason you called? You said there was another reason.”

“Oh yeah!” Plaxum shifts her gaze slightly, pupil-less eyes looking at all the team members. “You are all cordially invited to the Ice Break Festival!”

Lance gasps in delight. Keith is relieved to see he’s not the only one who has no idea what’s going on.

“I thought your planet was completely covered in ice,” Hunk asks carefully.

“For most of the year! But for one small portion, we are close enough to the sun that the heat skyrockets. Enough of the ice melts that we can swim to the surface, and that our plants can receive the sunlight they need to keep alive during the rest of the year.”

“And beaches?” Lance asks hopefully.

“Dozens,” Plaxum replies with a grin. “Actually, the Great Heat hits pretty suddenly, so it melts much of the ice around the shallowest parts of the oceans in the first day, pulling the ice sheet away from the beaches. The water is freezing, but the air is nice and hot. We’ve never had land-dwellers on our planet before, so I don’t know how it would be, but you’re welcome to come a day early and try, if you like.”

Lance is not the only one to immediately turn pleading eyes towards Shiro. Allura has joined in on Lance’s wistful retelling of sitting by the beach on numerous occasions, having many of them on Altea. Hunk grew up on a surfboard as much as Lance did. Pidge has fond memories of visiting the Lake Michigan beaches with her family.

Keith has never been to a proper beach before. But there was this tepid little man-made lake in a provincial park in Arizona. It was hours away from the Garrison. But once a year, every summer like clockwork, Shiro and Adam would drag him out to it, kicking and screaming usually. As much as the water smelt stale and the picturesque sand was replaced with uniform grey rocks, he has fond memories of that, too.

“I’d like that,” Keith says quietly, among the sounds of his friends’ shameless begging.

Shiro raises an eyebrow. “Really?”

Keith shrugs. “Vacation’s a vacation.”

Shiro doesn’t need anymore convincing (his softie ass never needed it from the beginning, honestly). “We’ll leave first thing tomorrow,” he says.

The team erupts into cheers.

———

Lance is practically buzzing from excitement. He’d taken off as soon as Plaxum had hung up yesterday afternoon, hollering something about getting everything packed. He’d been nothing more than a blur from then until late in the evening, rushing from the kitchen to the storage rooms to his own room and to everyone else’s room, too, making sandwiches for lunch and gathering towels and even digging around with Allura to find swimsuits for everyone. He’d spent forty minutes lamenting about sunscreen and how Alteans never invented it and how they were all going to get melanoma before Pidge had snapped and stomped off to go invent some. The whole thing had been very amusing, until Lance had marched into Keith’s room and starting bossing him around (“You can’t wear your boots to the beach, Keith! It’s the beach!”).

As the castle approaches the blindingly white sandy beaches of the usual icy tundra, Lance’s excitement builds in the air, and soon everyone is grinning, clutched onto their towels and beach bags and coolers and pails and volleyballs (or the Altean equivalent, at least.) By the time the castle just barely touches the ground, the anticipation is so great it feels like a balloon blown so wide and stretched so thin it’s a hair’s breadth away from exploding. Keith isn’t sure if he’s even breathing.

The second the ramp extends to the ground, they’re racing out the door, screaming with pure excitement.

“It smells like the ocean!” Lance cries. He’s legitimately jumping up and down in excitement.

“I am going to have such a good nap,” Shiro sighs.

“There are seagulls,” Pidge says gleefully. Keith considers telling her how much she looks like an unhinged toddler, especially with the giant hat Lance “Mother Hen” McClain made her wear, but reconsiders when he notices she is the one holding the pointy beach umbrella.

“Yeah, I’m fighting the urge to call her one too,” Hunk whispers to him.

Keith snorts. He follows the rest of the team down to the waves, carefully committing all the new sensations to memory in his head: the smell of the seawater, the burning sand beneath his bare feet, the weight of seven beach chairs in his arms, the wind whipping his hair all over his face. His favourite feeling of all is the tangible joy in the air, the almost sweet relief of a sunny, well-deserved break, where for once they are all sure that nothing is going to go wrong. It’s a naive assumption, and they’re smarter than it, but they leave their bayards in the bottom of the bags anyway, keeping their heads turned to the sun.

Coran picks them a nice spot to set down their things — close enough to the water that no one will lose sight of any swimmers, but far enough that no one will get wet. They’re pretty close to some rock and cave formations too, which will be a nice shelter from the sun as they say stretches on. Fun to explore, too.

The second everything is set down and settled, everyone gets right to whatever activity they’re looking forward to most. Shiro fluffs out his towel, has Keith slap some sunscreen on his back, then passes the fuck out on the sand. Allura curls up next to him, adjusting her floppy pink hat, sliding on her comically oversized sunglasses, and cracking open her book. Coran, Hunk, and Pidge bust out the pails and shovels and the blueprints they drew up last night to start building their sand replica of the castle. Lance straps a pair of dorky, bug-eyed glasses to his face and turns to Keith, sticking out his hand. On reflex Keith grabs it, curling his fingers into long, thin ones. It’s not the first time he and Lance have held hands (that was once a punishment of Shiro’s; something he would force them to do when their arguing got on his last nerve), but it’s the first time Keith feels his naked palm, rough and calloused all over, press against Lance’s soft and smooth one, no leather between them.

“Come find shells with me!”

Keith couldn’t even dream of saying no.

He follows as Lance pulls him into the water, stumbling after him as he sprints. Lance yanks him into the waves faster than he can process, and he’s up to his knees before the cold sets in, and it startles him so badly he laughs, loud and sudden.

They dive into the next big wave, and Keith forgets to hold his breath, coming up sputtering and coughing. Lance cackles, splashing water at him while he chokes because he is the worst. Keith is so painfully endeared that it’s actually humiliating, and to redeem himself he tackles him into the waves, revelling in his shrieking laughter and his later complaint of saltwater up his nose.

At some point, at what Keith imagines is Allura’s insistence, everyone else joins them in the waves. They immediately descend into a game of chicken. Pidge scampers up Hunk’s shoulders like the little rat that she is (Keith makes sure he’s out of biting range when he says that, and unfortunately does not expect a clump of sand to the head), Allura gleefully throws Shiro on hers, and Lance doesn’t even ask before climbing up Keith’s hip and settling behind his head like a particularly aggravating monkey (something Keith is happy to tell him) thighs bracketing his head and ankles crossed at his abdomen.

Keith goes so violently red that he’s genuinely kind of shocked that he can turn that colour.

“Squeeze any tighter, Lance, and Keefers over there is going to evaporate the entire ocean,” Pidge says drily.

Keith does not wait for her to get situated on Hunk’s shoulders, or for Coran — who’s refereeing — to tell them go. He charges.

Despite his brain relaying a constant stream of Oh God Lance’s thighs are wrapped around your head holy shit he’s sitting on your shoulders and he’s barely dressed his fucking legs are so long why are they so long does he have to be this attractive is that even possible what the fuck is the deal with that, he manages to put his full attention into going absolutely ham. He charges, dodges, leaps and bounds, intent on being the winning team of this ridiculous but admittedly fun game.

Obviously, considering who they’re up against, Keith and Lance are the first ones out. One mighty shove from Allura sends them careening towards the icy waves, shrieking at the top of their lungs.

With Lance’s calves a healthy distance away from Keith’s face, however, he regains his ability to function, and as such he thinks they accept their loss with grace. (Wherein Keith means they complain immediately about the game being rigged and dramatically profess how they are going to ditch everyone’s cheating asses. All in good fun.)

“C’mon, Keith,” Lance says, somehow finding their hands linked again, “let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

They run away to their friends’ teasing booing, sprinting to the sand and ducking past the rocks and out of sight, giggling to themselves.

“Oh, hey, look!” Lance points to a small pool of water surrounded by the same beige-ish rock of the rest of the caves. “A grotto!” He bounds over to it leaving Keith to quickly follow, sliding in as soon as he’s close enough. A sigh leaks out of him as he settles in, water up to his neck. “Oh, God, it’s sun warmed.” He turns to face Keith, flashing a smile. “Come in.”

Helpless to disobey and well aware that Lance could be full of shit, pranking him, Keith does. To his peasant surprise, however, it’s warm, but not hot, like bedsheets on a cold morning. Keith can actively feel the stress leeching out of his body as he leans against the rock.

“God, that’s nice.”

Keith hadn’t realised he’d closed his eyes, but he opens them again when he doesn’t hear Lance’s response, and quickly behinds to panic when he doesn’t see him.

“Lance?” he shouts, making no effort to hide his fear. “Lance? Where the fuck are you?”

Heart pounding, he pushes off the edge of the little pool, craning his neck over to the side, but he doesn’t see a mop of brown curls or a flash of white teeth or a long, flailing limb.

“Lance? Lance, answer me! La —”

“— I can’t believe they have these shells here, too, I mean —”

“Oh my God,” Keith chokes out to himself, hand pressed to his chest as Lance swims out from around the bend, eyes trained on his cupped hands. “Oh my God, I am going to smack you. Come here.”

“Huh?” Lance looks up from his shell, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He quickly understands when he reads the tenseness of Keith’s shoulders, the naked relief in his face. “Oh.” He smiles apologetically. “My bad. Saw something shiny.”

If it weren’t for the wobble in his voice, evident of choked back laughter, Keith would believe his apology. Instead, he glares at him, splashing him with an endless barrage of water until he pleads for mercy.

“Stop, stop, okay! I’m sorry for real!” He curls a hand around Keith’s wrist, squeezing, pulling it towards him so Keith can’t use it. His grin is wide and so so breathtaking. Keith can’t help his own smile in return.

“Thanks for coming with me,” Lance whispers when the water settles again. His grin has softened into something small, buttery and sweet. “Plax was telling me about this place. I couldn’t wait to bring you. It’s been all I was thinking about since we got the call.”

The horrible thing that had settled in his chest, that he had largely ignored since they touched down this morning, begins to dissipate. As Lance links their hands together, floating over next to him, it dissipates entirely.

“Thanks for bringing me,” Keith whispers back. He squeezes Lance’s hand, and he squeezes back, and the sound of their friends laughter echoes over the waves, and he’s warm and settled and happy, and everything is so, unbelievably good.

[hope-was-a-disquieting-thing]

Neil: Wait, you can't kill me! I have a husband!

Kidnapper: And what makes you think I care about that?

Neil: Oh no this isn't a plea for mercy. It's a warning.

Kidnapper: Wha-

Andrew *breaking down the door, knives in hand looking marginally pissed*: Neil.

Neil: Oooh, you're in trouble now.

Andrew: Bold of you to assume I'm here for him. I warned you what would happen if you got kidnapped again junkie.

[evangelifloss]

Listen, Listen, qimir is a beautiful man and a very pleasant Sith to watch commit crimes but I HAVE to ask, how old is he???

From my understanding, Osha is around 20~24 years old, so yes, she's thankfully older than the Disney age bracket (18, or 19 if you're lucky) for female mains. And yet, if Qimir is revealed to secretly be like, 100 years old, then what Disney is pulling in these last few episodes is fucking weird and creepy.

I could make a whole different post about how Disney can't seem to make good girl/bad guy dynamics outside of "the bad guy is far older, more experienced and fairly evil but the far younger and good female intrigues him with her personality quirks that make her different. They have a forbidden romance." So I'm really hoping the acolyte doesn't pull that trope especially since it seems to be all they can do in star wars related live actions.

Praying that qimir is in her age group. I'm begging the execs to let the people have a relationship WITHOUT questionable age gap

[punkeropercyjackson]

When people who're super aggressively anti Punkflower to push the brothers agenda are also huge Hobie simps...............Like oh my god we get it,you're jealous of Miles and wanna do to her what Gwen did to Margo

[nebulousgaythoughts]

Seeing the difference between Tumblr and tiktok's attitude towards Chappell Roan restored my faith in humanity

I knew this silly little gay website would be like "...how about let's stop harassing a young gay woman with bipolar 2 and stop demanding that she be a perfect shiny sexy robot programed to do the hot to go dance when you insert a quarter into her hair."

And Jesus Christ people are so fucking willfully ignorant. She has said she loves her fans, but the people she has a problem with are stalkers/harassers. Nobody is saying you are a bad person for wanting a photo with Chappell. But if you get angry at her for saying no (remember, no means no. You know, like, consent? Autonomy?) and demand that she give you what YOU SPECIFICALLY want from her, then yes. You are a bad person.

Fame is not harassment. Going to a concert is not harassment. Wanting to meet her is not harassment. HARASSMENT IS HARASSMENT. STALKING IS STALKING.

The internet has made us so fucking stupid, I'm genuinely scared for the future of humanity.

[raytorosaurus]

it's so funny when people come to ray's defense in the tags of My posts about him...buddy read between the lines what im really saying is i want to put him through his shitty twin mattress in full view of god snorlax and charmander

[murdleandmarot]

Bluebelle and Bluebeard (Barbe Bleue) because goddddddddddd <33333

Ref image under the cut :)