#I dont know their relationship seems to make his life fuller kind of

[kacievvbbbb]

Just one of the many great tragedies of Mishanks' relationship is that sometimes Shanks wants to feel wanted just as he is, that even beyond the strength he is worth the effort he is worth being loved and unfortunately that just isn't something Mihawk can over him it's just not something he can do, not as he is now at least. That's a level of emotional maturity that he just does not possess to be able to disentangle the strength from the man that makes no sense to him. Strength is all there is. Shanks is a person, has a life outside of his strength, his power is just another aspect of who he is but for Mihawk strength is his whole person, if he is not strong then he is nothing. If shanks is not strong well then....he's nothing to him.

And God that's a lonely way to live.

[dahniwitchoflight]

Homesquared Chapter 14 part b

Alright time for more reactions to Homesqaured- oh jeezus

the last one of these I did was from october last year, hoo boy alright brain time to get back on the time train things are happening fast

we last left off with me thinking they just fucking hilled Harry but I remembered the wrong house so Harrys fine, John not so much

Yeah, John sad but ooh Karkat shows up!

They seem to have a mutual conversation about lost youth and stuff, really makes these characters feel oold

“JOHN: jeez, i'm sorry karkat.

JOHN: i had no idea how much time had passed.

JOHN: i must have gotten a bit distracted by my house being blown up.“

Oh man, John thats a whole ass MOOD

lol at sburb allocated blow job

yeah Karkats right tho, John does kind of need a kick in the pants to see how he might have been useful here, but Johns still stuck in this rut of not seeing anything around him as Real real, so hes blind to all of the consequences of inaction

John its called derealization and depersonalization, you can get help for that yknow

But I mean, cant really blame him, hes being smothered by the fires of Doom all around him

Its interesting to see that Karkat, a Blood player, is more comfortable navigating through things that constrain them and tie them down, since constraint is something Blood and Doom have in common, Chains and Barriers and Laws and etc

Whereas John the Breath player, just gets bogged down, hes totally out of his element

so it ends up being like John: “Id like to cling to some funny moments of my youth pls and try to lighten the situation up a bit because I cant do anything when so heavy”

versus Karkat being like: “BUCKLE UP FUCK TITS THIS SHIT IS YOUR LIFE NOW GETS USED TO WADING KNEE DEEP IN THE SHIT LIKE THE REST OF US GROWN ASS ADULTS”

John: ):

Hmm, both Vriskas have been captured, but Annie basically rescued herself, knowing Vriska Prime she probably has a plan or an idea about that, see well see how that goes

“KARKAT: JANE'S PLAN FOR THIS CONFLICT HAS THUS FAR CONSISTED ALMOST ENTIRELY OF KIDNAPPING VARIOUS HIGH PROFILE CHILDREN.

KARKAT: IT'S BIZARRE.

KARKAT: AS THOUGH WE ARE FIGHTING A WAR OF ATTRITION, WHERE THE MAIN RESOURCE BEING UTILIZED IS THE OFFSPRING OF THE MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE ON THE PLANET.KARKAT: IF IT WASN'T ONE OF THE CORE TENETS OF HER FASCISTIC PHILOSOPHY, I'D BE TEMPTED TO SAY THAT CURBING REPRODUCTION MIGHT HAVE BEEN A GOOD IDEA, IF ONLY TO PREVENT THIS KIND OF FUCKSHIT NONSENSE FROM HAPPENING.

Oh. Well I guess that was Dirk’s “plans” for Jane all along. Obviously he was using Jane as a vehicle to gather “players” for his eventually next session, interesting

But who has Jane kidnapped in total thus far?

Does Tavros count? he was certainly trapped with her for some amount of his life, but I dont know if that counts as a kidnapping, John certainly tried to kidnap HIM though from the epilogues

Annie certainly counts as being kidnapped

Vrissy has JUST been captured so that counts, and Harry so far is still fine

Which bodes so well for Harry’s future Im sure

Yeah, Vriska should have been able to not outwit any capture attempts, but my guess is either Vrissy got capture and Vriska dove in, OR, Vriska’s doing an inside job so to speak and got caught on purpose, dragging Vrissy along as well

I guess we’ll see when we see their “prison”

Anyway John, don’t get so down on yourself, you’re just ignorant to everythiong around you! thats why nothing makes sense and you can’t connect to anything, easy fix! Just try to learn more and care more about stuff lol

Man does this feel like a strong metaphor between people who are into/care about politics and people who feel like they can’t get into it though

Crossing that hurdle from one side to the other is rough

“KARKAT: BUT NOTICING THE PROBLEM AND MAKING MEANINGFUL PROGRESS TOWARDS SOLVING IT ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS.”

yup

man, this is all feeling startlingly relevant to the current times, I should have read this sooner

“ KARKAT: PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME YOU JUST HAD ANOTHER EMOTION THAT WE NEED TO DROP EVERYTHING IN ORDER TO DISSECT. “

hah, oh wow, Karkat when you phrase it like that, it’s almost as if you’ve become self aware of your tendencies to Moirail people out of their problems

Not really that out of character for a Blood player to end up being the Therapy Friend though lol

Just don’t burn yourself out on that though

JOHN: karkat, we still haven't spoken about *you*!

KARKAT: ABOUT ME?

JOHN: yes.

KARKAT: ABOUT *ME*?

JOHN: about you.

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT ME.

JOHN: well...

JOHN: you know, how you feel!

KARKAT: HOW I FEEL.

I know Karkat has probably matured past misunderstandings like this now given he’s really come into a great understanding of his Blood aspect, but by golly do I wish Karkat would misunderstand this as John’s attempts to be Moirail-reciprocal sdkjfhwlijebr

What a perfect way to continue their relationship, on top of more misconstrued romance quadrants XD

Spades is old Hat, Diamonds are in now babey

Oh

this started out funny, but Karkat’s emotional rant just ended up being depressing not funny ):

I have to say though, it is REALLY interesting to see John’s depression manifesting in a very breathy sort of way

Karkat in these panels was more closer together, connected, but as John gets more and more depressed over the course of Karkat’s rant when he realizes Karkat doesn’t know dave died, the panels get seperated by lines of blue, and slowly drift off away from John and from eachother

but thats basically been hows its been manifesting all along

the more John feels Disconnected and Seperate from the reality he finds himself in, the more he finds his will untethered, the more depressed and unable to act he gets

and right now its so much so that even a fuller fledged Blood player is having trouble grounding him back down

I don’t know, I always viewed the depression metaphor as a dark watery void to sink into and feels heavy and encapsulating (but probably thats just my Light-y interpretation of it)

so its interesting to see the depression metaphor as this floating disconnection instead, so much that it leans towards derelaization/depersonalistion/dissociation as well

I wonder if John will start dealing with bouts of actual full blown dissociation as this gets worse?

I mean, Breath aspect has given the literal ability to ghost around wherever he pleases in all other ways, why not literally and physcologically as well?

So John seems to be fully overembracing his aspect here, to a very unhealthy degree here, which I see you asking “aha Dahni, but hes doesn’t have overblown self esteem here, quite the opposite, is this not an inverted state instead? or something else because hes acting like hes inverting to Breath?”

and I say not so! reader, for overembracing is the idea that through your aspect, your will is overwriting the wills of others, and in someone like Vriska, this manifests in a very selfish and over self esteemed way

but is not John’s will overwriting Karkat’s here? Through Breath? And isnt John also being a little selfish here? Considering how he feels about things, more important than how anyone else feels? How Karkat feels?

John is too dissociated to understand that this reality is Real and has Consequences he needs to care about, and Karkat is trying to fight against that, trying to instill his belief that no, this shit is real and it Matters Why Don’t You Care, trying to ground him, trying to give him that dose of Blood he needs

but John’s overembracing Breath is just, blowing that all away, its becoming too strong

Roxy in the epilogues dealt with this as well, when John was really in the shits with it and started to believe Roxy’s whole personality was somehow fake and his own construction, because he convinced himself Roxy would never choose to do the things she did, but Roxy was able to snap him out of it and make him understand and respect it was her own choices that led down his path, not the idea that John’s choices are somehow overriding everyones

But man, John sure is riding that Breath train way too hard, and he keeps snapping back into it as well

Further and Further

[thelittlehansy]

7 Signs of A narcissist father/son relationship.

Going back one one of my favorite subject psychology/psychiatry 😁 and here well i find an interesting video talking about the sign of narcissist father/son relationship by a dr.Todd grande on YouTube ( There were some criticsm in the comment but i tought it was a good video)

So since Hans dad is Said to be one on tv trope and when you analyzed him a little better on the book he does show a lot of traits of the disorder if not all ( on the contrary of hans) and his family dynamic also works like a real life narcissist family ( golden child caleb , flying monkey rudi and runo scapegoat Hans , neutral child lars narcissist supply)

i tought what about took those 7 seven sign and see if it does Apply with the princes of the southern isles in the little stuff we got at the beggining of the book 😁 so here really thats about the princes of the southern isles relationship with their narcissist father as show in the book.

On thing : that video was not about distant narcissist father but too much involve narcissist father.

1- The father is gonna have a huge influence on a son life

I dont think i need to developp a lot there thats is 100% the situation for all the princes their father seems to be at the center of their life looking for approval of him constanly and spreading their father propaganda during the birthday of the queen at the start of the book. Even Hans his father is at the center of his life as he not only pass days daydreaming about being king but also be an only child sharing times with his dad and having his love and approval and basically de discovered that everything hans does his father does have a big influence that is impossible to ignore. All the choice he makes were about what his father taught him. Hans dad has a corrosive influence on him.

✔

2-teach the son a lot of maladaptive behavior regarding how to approach people.

"Maladaptive behavior is behavior that prevents you from making adjustments that are in your own best interest. Avoidance, withdrawal, and passive aggression are examples of maladaptive behaviors" in the video the doctor was telling that the dad is gonna teach things like dont trust woman or dont trust men also encouraging to escalate agressivness.

he taught all of them how to abuse others. that some pretty maladaptive behavior to teach your kids. So...

✔

3- the father has a strong influence on whether or not the son should have kids.

It seems also Thats is 100% acurate to what we get to saw.

Here we are talking about a king so thats a different from real life...But in the book its does say that he encourage his sons to procreate so their argument he need a heir ? Well he has already 13 sons and plenty grandchildrens thats big enought to have heirs 😅 well he is happy with the idea of it and is even the one that set the match for all his sons the king literraly wants granchidlren. What is interesting is that in the video the doctor was explaining that some father just are gonna say do not have kid enjoy life or have kid because they see it as way to spread the legagy of the name of the family and well here with the king mentionning that the westergaard are lion not mices its does tell a lot that the princes dad belong to the second category.

✔

4-The father live viriacously throught the sons in a way that can fit the grandiose fantasy.

Well, the king ask his sons to reflect him they dont even have their own mind their really act like a fan club and when all the princes at the start of the book mock hans only to have his approval well he is not bother at all. Thats their duty to act like their father he wants them to fit his fantasy how westergaard are lion not mice and will not tolerate them to be mices. ( as show with hans) so here i think that a pretty big glue that he live trought his sons Caleb the most since he is the one he give all his attention.

✔

5- the father is not necesserarly emotionally distant but he does not focus on the emotions the son is having.

To be honest i dont really understand what the doctor explain about this one but sure that hans father do not focus on his sons emotions but only caleb and even Caleb that is not sure.he seems to only cares about his own emotions.

Talking About that .......

6- the son may get abandonned for another child perhaps a son or a daughter that makes him feel more fuller

Well that the case for Hans prince number 12 , 11 , 10 , 9 , 8 , 7 ,6 ,5,4 ,3 ,2 since the only one according to Hans at the start of the book who the king show strong interest is the oldest caleb and they all took drastic way to have a little part of his paternal attention even if this is at the expand hans. So i think we got that one also.

✔

7- in case of divorce the father is typically dividing or encouraging the son to side with him against their mother.

Thats what hans dad do toward him...he has makes all his brothers side with him against hans and also put rivalry between the brothers since hans said that everything is about rivalry at home with his brothers.

So know in term of divorce in a modern setting if he do that with Hans and his others son he can very much do that with their mother...if thats not already the case because apparently hans is called a moma boy by the twins and this is suppose to be a negative thing. So maybe the king has already put his sons against their mother without even a divorce 🤔.

✔

So well the princes relationship with their father seems to show the 6 sign except the one that i didnt understand 😄. Even with Hans who he is suppose to be the most distant there are some stuff so kind of complicated but then that means that maybe the king is not a genuine distant father toward Hans in some way.

So in conclusion that means that Hans and his brothers must have live since little with pretty high narcissist abuse 🤔. Thinking about tremaine, gothel, right know 😅

[stanstiktok]

OK so you all wanted it. i could definitely do a fuller analysis over this but this is what im gonna start with bc im thinking about it right now. ill most likely have a thousand more things to add bc ill remember them later after writing this but heres my initial pitch as to why stan marsh is obviously gay. most of this is about his compulsory heterosexuality.

first of all we need to address the elephant in the room being his relationship with wendy. i feel like a lot of ppl are very quick to off him as being bi or pan or something. and while it may seem that way, personally having lived my life being a gay man throughout school, i dont think thats the case. 

his relationship with wendy is INCREDIBLY surface level. it seems forced more than anything. i take a lot of this from my own experience in being a gay boy at school, and i definitely had a ton of compulsory heterosexuality, which is exactly what i feel that stan deals with. you may think that younger boys at school dont really “deal” with that, but i assure you that your friends who are also boys can be brutal about this sort of thing when it comes down to it. 

stan more really seems to like, just like girls because thats the “right” thing to do. thats what everyone else expects. thats what everyone else wants. he wants to fit in he doesnt want to make  a scene and he doesnt want it to be talked about.

nothing about stan really says that his crush on wendy is anything other than this. the dude just likes her because he can, basically. there is no basis to the crush or them dating. honestly when you look at it it really seems like a way to assert the fact that hes “not” gay. putting your life into liking a girl you dont actually have any feelings for is something ive done personally in an effort to show that i was straight when i very clearly wasnt. i convinced myself i liked a girl to the point where it was unhealthily effecting me, i genuinely thought i liked her and thats what i told my friends, because i wanted them to accept me as a “straight” guy. Stan seems to mirror that, as he doesnt really have many reasoning into liking her. its surface level attraction, and he uses that as a ground to show that hes straight. no one questions you if you lie about it and convince yourself otherwise, dude.

if you dont buy into it, its kinda been scrapped as far as recent episodes go, but him throwing up whenever wendy would go to kiss him is an incredibly big indicator at this possible comphet. as its a gag, i wouldnt use it too much into the point, but there really isnt a straight reason to throw up when a girl goes to kiss you.

still on the point of wendy, her being genderfluid canonically also affects stan. stans confused about it, which is fair play to him. hes stressed out about it when she begins to identify as not just a girl. but he doesnt question her decision to do so or take any kind of action to break that crush towards her. i feel if he really was straight, and i know straight men, he would adamantly refuse this and stuff. but he doesnt he just kinda rolls with it. while i still think his crush on wendy is completely comphet, he doesnt make the move to change anything when she identifies as wendyl. its more acceptance towards it, despite how confused and stressed out he is at the thought. its also interesting how they make it clear to show his confusion with his sexuality at this point.

tweekxcraig is another example of this. stan becomes the focus. stan is the one whos confused. everyone else is kind of just like whatever about it, but stans the one up at night threating over 2 kids, who arent even really his friends, being gay! why would stan be a center in this if he wasnt also dealing with his sexuality in some way, it doesnt make sense for him to be like this. straight dudes tend to be god awfully sensitive about their sexuality, but stan isnt at all. stan questions it and questions himself. many others have pointed this out before, too. when there is an episode involving sexuality or gender, it always seems to point in on stan for some reason. always stan.

there are plenty of instances when stan is also called gay in a mocking sense, or kyle is referred to as his boyfriend or something. he never seems to fight that, though. he just kind of takes it! if he were straight he might be more adamant that this isnt the case, but i dont think he is. he brushes it off more often than not.

and lets not forget big gay al, i dont have to say much other than that for this one!

and im most likely forgetting a lot right now, but i really wanted to talk about the comphet aspect of this. i 100% believe that stan deals with comphet feelings and thoughts.

[shay-iamiam]

Get away

Based off this prompt #47 “You’re cute when your mad”

Thank you for the request nonnie hope you like it! I had so much fun writing it!

WC: 1,749 ( I went there)

Parings: Steve x Plus size reader

Warnings:Fluff with a little amount of smut (you have to squint)

Request your own off the list here

Driving along a open country road. There was nothing but a beautiful golden sky in front of you, and all your troubles behind you.

It was a rare for Steve to have actual “time off”. No surprise missions, no random press conferences. For once he would be one hundred percent yours. Knowing that he needed this break more than he would like to admit, you took it upon yourself to make sure his schedule was truly cleared. 

You called and spoke with the team, everyone knew not to call if it wasn’t a true life or death situation. You think you actually scared them a little bit, after your speech everyone just nodded their heads and quickly exited the room.

Planning for this trip was the easiest thing. Steve’s life was hard and overbearing. You knew getting out of the city for a while would do him so good.

You planned a cross country trip riding threw back roads for the majority of it. Your destination was Gatlinburg, Tennessee. You all would be staying at the cutest cabin with a lake near by for a week then continue on to Georgia.

You had a whole agenda planned. You all would have a campfire going one night, go fishing the next day, and snuggle up by the fire on your last day. You wanted him to be as relaxed as possible. You both put your phones in your suitcases and promised not to touch them for the next week, going old school you used a actually map ( SO 90’S right) .

You all were cruising thru West Virginia. The sky was absolutely breathtaking, it seemed like it went o and on with no end. Gazing out the window forgetting your problems was the best feeling in the world.

“You alright Y/N ?” Steve grabbed your hand and squeezed it lightly. “You’ve been quiet for a while.” 

 The way the sun glowed against your skin ,he thought in that moment he had never seen anything more beautiful than the way you looked now, in that moment.

Being in a relationship with Steve was not easy at first, you were not consider the everyday beauty in society eyes. With a shapely figure and more weight in promante areas, you found it hard at first to be with him. You never acted like that before in past relationships you were always proud of the person you were.

But being with Steve was a different ball game. He was constantly in the public eye, you didn’t know if he wanted to be with someone like you. You knew from first hand experience how judgmental others could be. You didn’t want to ruin his imagine or life because he choose to date you.

After you confined in Steve you had both decided that it didn’t matter what society deemed “Beautiful” ( you all basically said “fuck society’s beauty standards). He knew who he wanted to be with, he didn’t care that you were more curvier and fuller than most girls.

 He didn’t care that your clothes where in double digits. Your relationship had grew stronger from that moment.

Know you found yourself turning to meet his gaze. Steve was one of the best things that happen to you. He was kind and understanding never overbearing always giving you room to be yourself. No past relationship had been like that for you.

You scooted closer to his side, carding your fingers through his hair gazing up at his light blue eyes. “I’m good baby.” pecking him on his cheek. 

“I was just thinking about some things.” you gazed out the window once more you couldn’t wait to get to Gatlinburg.

“Okay baby just checking on you.” He reached his hand around your thick thigh giving it a light squeeze. 

He was always touching you in some way. If he wasn’t snuggled up against you he was either holding your hand or had his arm slung around you. He would never admit it out loud but he couldn’t get enough of you.

“I don’t want you falling asleep baby, whos going to stay up and talk to me and read the map if you doze off.” cutting the radio on letting the music play behind you, you all counted down the country road.

You all arrived in Gatlinburg and checked into the cabin, night had fell so you all unloaded the car and headed to sleep for the night having a full day in front of you tomorrow.

The next day was filled with outdoors activities you all went down to the lake and swam than ate lunch at a family owned restaurant in town. By the time you made it back to the cabin you were ready for a nap but Steve insisted that you all should get back in the water.

“Come on Y/N let’s go for one more dip.” he spooned you as you laid on the bed trying to take a nap.

 “Just think about how cool the water is come on darlin I know you want to.” he wouldn’t stop bugging you. 

You thought spending two hours at the lake earlier was enough but apparently not.

“Steve i’m tired why can’t we just snuggle up for a afternoon nap baby.” you faced had changed to a full on pout. 

You knew he couldn’t resist it. He often said your face was his kryptonite never being able to say no to you.

“Alright Y/N will nap for a bit but dont think were not heading back to the lake later.” he kissed your lips softly and basically smothered you in his chest with his embrace. He was so touchy feely but you didn’t mind.

“Steve..Steve “ your voice was muffled in his chest. “Let me go I cant breath.” he realessed you with a sigh.

‘Sorry baby.” he let you go but no to far slinging his arm around you and squeezing awful close to your butt.

“Steve what are you doing.” you began to laugh, he could literally couldn’t keep his hands off you.

“Steve what’s gotten into you.” you tried to give him a series look but you couldn’t not with the way he was smirking at you.

“Northing Y/N.. nothing at all baby.” you didn’t believe him, knowing that he wasn’t telling you something you pressed on for answer. Leaning up you peppered kisses along his jaw knowing that was his weakness.

“Tell me baby or ill stop.” you started to slow down the kisses when he sighed.

“Okay. okay baby i’ll tell you just don’t stop.” he loved when you went to town on his neck, he could get off just from a simple touch from you.

“I wanted to see you in your bathing suit again.. And possibly go skinny dipping.” his faced flushed crimson red. He was clearly embarrassed at his honest confession, but he didn’t want the kisses to stop.

Your eyes could have popped out your head at his confession but you didn’t want to embarrass him. Steve was very old fashioned, he would never say anything like that back in his day. 

He was open to trying new things in bed, he was slowly coming out of is shell. Pepering more kisses to his jaw and neck you looked him in the eyes.

“All you had to do was ask baby if you wanted me naked.” he grinded at your response. He didn’t expect your reply to be like that, he was glad he could confess whatever he was thinking to you. 

Knowing you would always except him no matter what made his heart beat faster.

“Well I didn’t know all I had to do was ask.” he flipped himself on top of you , you let out a surprise yelp as he attacked your face with kisses.

You all headed to the lake later that evening and skinny dipping was done. (You all did that)

decided ing to take a detour and hike back to the cabin. The day had gone perfect. No interruptions, no pending world problems just you and Steve in perfect bliss.

You packed a cute sleeper, steve loved your body so you packed it hoping to surprise him with something. You changed when you got back. Doing your hair and put your cute sleeper on. You walked out into the kitchen Steve was making tea, he had his back turned to you. It was the perfect setup.

“Steve” your voice had goten low and sultry. You tried to be as sexy as possible. He turned around and his eyes winded. There you were in a short sleeper giving him bedroom eyes. You sashayed  over to him.

“Why don’t you let the tea cool and join me in the bedroom.” you grabbed his hand and led him to the room. He was tackled you on the bed and you were wrapped in a heated kiss. Everything was going well you were more than ready when your legs started itching.

“Steve hold on I’m so itchy.”he rose off of you and looked down a your legs. You had all types of red bumps along your legs you couldn’t stop scratching.

“Y/N, baby I think you have poison ivy.” you cried out. You must have gotten it after you left the lake and took a detour back to the cabin.. 

This definitely put a damper on your evening plans.

Steve ran into to town and got you cream for your itch and oatmeal so you could soak in the tub. He called for you to come in the bathroom. You stood in the doorway and continued to scratch your legs. He were now grumpy and mad. A promanited frown on your face.

“Come on baby the tub is ready.” Steve pulled you in the bathroom. He helped you into the tub and watched you soak for a while. He had a smirk on his face.

“Your cute when your mad.” you couldn’t help but give him a small smile and kiss him.

“Move your legs i’m getting in with you.” he stared to remove his clothes. And grab more towles.

“Wait baby won’t you get it to?” he got in behind you and started to rub your shoulders.

“I’m good baby as long as i’m where you are, i’m good.” you all sat in tub for a while into the water ran cold. 

Snuggling and falling into a blissful sleep. You know this was love.

[webmarket01]

9 Tips That Don’t Work for Weight Loss, Say Dietitians | Eat This Not That

New Post has been published on https://weightlosshtiw.com/9-tips-that-dont-work-for-weight-loss-say-dietitians-eat-this-not-that/

9 Tips That Don’t Work for Weight Loss, Say Dietitians | Eat This Not That

As a nutritionist, I’ve heard all the tips for weight loss—the good, the bad, and the totally off-the-wall. From the age-old cabbage soup diet to the more recent strategy of eating cotton balls to fill the stomach, there’s no shortage of trendy ways to shed pounds–many of them are not only strange but also potentially harmful.

Even mainstream folk wisdom about how to lose weight can sometimes steer you in the wrong direction. So what do dietitians (the real weight loss experts) have to say about which tips are solid and which make them roll their eyes? I asked several registered dietitians to get their feedback. Here are nine weight loss tips they say to skip, and for more tips on how to lose weight, be sure to check out our list of 15 Underrated Weight Loss Tips That Actually Work.

“Make eating inconvenient.”

In theory, it kind of makes sense that putting obstacles in the way of your eating—like by using chopsticks instead of a fork or eating with your non-dominant hand—could help you eat less. But it’s not exactly a practical solution to the issue of overeating.

“While you might find yourself eating slower, you can still finish a full meal,” says Carrie Gabriel, MS, RD. “It is time-consuming, and if a person is busy, that could be frustrating.”

Besides frustration, eating in awkward ways might just make you look silly. “Think of the mess a person would make if it was a food such as, say, steak or a burger, which need a hand or utensils to cut it into small pieces,” says Gabriel.

“Put on tight clothes before you eat.”

Another lifestyle change that’ll only lead to discomfort? Changing your wardrobe at mealtimes. You may have heard the tip to don tight clothing before you eat in order to stay mindful of each mouthful. But keeping up a constant awareness of your weight at mealtimes creates negative self-talk—which you definitely don’t need when you’re trying to be healthy.

“There’s nothing wrong with being motivated to realistically fit into your own clothing that you recently wore, but it’s more important to dress the body you have and focus on your plate instead of your closet,” says Bonnie Taub-Dix, RDN, creator of BetterThanDieting.com and author of Read It Before You Eat It—Taking You from Label to Table.

In the midst of a busy day, there’s a time and a place for a probiotic-rich fruit and yogurt smoothie or protein shake instead of a sit-down lunch. But opting out of all meals in favor of weight loss shakes is likely to be a mere quick fix.

“While replacing food with a shake can be effective for some, there are important points to consider,” says dietitian and personal trainer Anthony DiMarino, RD, CPT. “Meal replacement shakes are normally very low in calories and fiber and therefore do not keep people satisfied for long periods of time.”

DiMarino adds that many meal replacement shakes tend to be high in sugar, which can spike blood sugar—a major drawback if you’re living with diabetes or pre-diabetes.

Instead, make yourself one of these 100 Best No-Cook Recipes of All Time.

“Eat only one food.”

Remember the grapefruit diet? Or the potato diet? Or any diet that told you to eat just one food? Monotrophic diets—those that advise sticking to a single food or food group—have been around for ages. The idea goes that you can only eat so much of any food before getting so bored you’ll basically stop eating altogether.

It doesn’t sound like a recipe for a healthy relationship to food, says Gabriel. And it sure doesn’t sound like fun!

“This pushes a person into eating disorder territory, in my opinion,” she says.

Meanwhile, if you go too long without a varied diet, you’re more likely to end up in the hospital than in a bikini competition.

“Eating only one type of food for an extended time period will make you deficient in other nutrients your body needs. Eventually, this could result in life-threatening illnesses,” Gabriel says.

“Don’t eat carbs.”

No one can deny the weight loss-boosting effects of cutting back on carbs on a diet like keto or Atkins. But for many people, opting out of carbohydrates completely can become a too-drastic elimination—one that might not even work in the long term.

“The research suggests you will undoubtedly lose weight by cutting out an entire food group,” says DiMarino. “But at what cost? Depriving yourself from carbohydrates (your main energy source) will ultimately reduce your quality of life over time. Low carb diets can cause you to experience hunger, irritability, fatigue, mood swings, constipation, headaches, and brain fog.”

If you’re considering ditching carbs for weight loss, it’s best to talk to your doctor or dietitian before diving in—as well as to be aware of the risks.

“A low-carb diet can put you at risk for kidney stones, osteoporosis, and even gout,” DiMarino says.

“Chew each bite dozens of times.”

This one’s another throwback: Simply chew your food into a liquid pulp and watch the pounds fly off! The art of “Fletcherism” had its heyday in the early 1900s when food faddist Horace Fletcher (the early 20th-century version of an Instagram influencer) advised his adherents to chew every bite until liquefied to boost weight loss.

To this day, you’ll sometimes see this tip circling back around. And, in truth, it’s not a bad idea to chew thoroughly—but it’s no magic bullet for weight loss.

“While chewing your food multiple times before swallowing is ideal and aids in proper digestion, and eating more slowly can make you conscious of becoming fuller more quickly, this can also be time-consuming,” says Gabriel. “Depending on the food and depending on a person’s relationship with food, it can make them obsess over their food and not actually enjoy it.”

For more healthy eating tips, check out our list of 9 Best Healthy Eating Hacks for Weight Loss.

“Cut out fat.”

If there was one prevailing weight loss mantra of the 1980s and ’90s, it was that eating fat made people fat. Non-fat potato chips, salad dressings, and even (ew) ice creams became staples of “healthy” households. Now, however, research has shown that the right kinds of fats are an important part of a healthy diet—even a diet for weight loss!

“Fat is an essential nutrient that not only helps us absorb fat-soluble vitamins and essential nutrients, but it also helps us feel full and satisfied to help prevent overeating,” says Taub-Dix. “The key when trying to reduce your weight or eat healthfully in general (even if your weight is not an issue for you), is to choose the right fats.”

Monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats are the kind to enjoy regularly in your diet. Taub-Dix recommends including plenty of nuts, avocado, and oils like avocado oil or olive oil.

“Don’t ever indulge.”

Popular weight loss advice is guilty of plenty of untruths—chief among them the idea that, when trying to reach a healthy weight, you can’t indulge in any of your favorite foods. Make one “mistake” by having a donut or pizza, goes the thinking, and you’ve done irreversible damage.

Dietitians know this is far from true.

“Why should you be denied of your favorite foods just because you’re trying to lose weight?” says Taub-Dix. “If you don’t eat any of those indulgent foods you love, there’s a good chance that you’ll wait until you’re ‘off’ your diet to enjoy them. That’s when those foods usually come back with a vengeance—in unreasonable portion sizes and too often.”

Rather than thinking of your weight loss effort as a short window of restricting the joy out of food, you’ll benefit far more in the long-term by (sometimes) including best-loved menu items.

“A weight loss plan that will be sustained should always include foods you love because, after all, this should be a diet you incorporate into your life, not a diet you change your life for temporarily,” Taub-Dix says.

“Just cut calories.”

When it comes to weight loss, we all know the basic concept of calories in versus calories out. It seems like losing weight should be so simple—yet many dieters find that just eating less somehow doesn’t budge the scale. Turns out, multiple factors are often at work in your body to complicate this equation.

“While the prevailing evidence suggests weight loss can occur as long as there is a calorie deficit, the kinds of calories do matter,” DiMarino says. “Human bodies are complex biological systems that process foods with different micronutrient makeups in completely different ways. Physiologic and hormonal changes occur in response to the foods we eat.”

If you’ve found you’re not making progress by sticking to a calorie target, don’t despair! Fortunately, you can experiment (especially with a dietitian’s guidance) with what types of foods and food combinations you consume. One possibility: work on incorporating higher-fiber, nutrient-dense foods as often as possible.

“Choosing to eat less processed, whole foods improve overall satiety (thus limiting overeating), provides steady energy all day long, and improves body composition over time,” DiMarino says.

This content was originally published here.

[themoneybuff-blog]

Questions About HELOCs, Vegetables, Old Papers, Scams, and More!

Whats inside? Here are the questions answered in todays reader mailbag, boiled down to summaries of five or fewer words. Click on the number to jump straight down to the question. 1. Is HELOC the best option? 2. UTMA and UGMA 3. Second job or career advancement? 4. Buying scissors 5. Fresh vegetables and grocery shopping 6. Financially responsible television? 7. Disposing of old financial papers 8. Realities of job applications 9. Financial independence scam? 10. Physical tracking of Triggers questions 11. Thoughts on secular Buddhism 12. Financial advisor One of the strangest things about exercise, at least to me, occurs when you work a muscle that hasnt really been worked in a while. Youll finish and youll feel fine for the rest of the day, but then tomorrow youre really sore in a bizarre place in your body and, often, youre even more sore the following day. I spent most of this weekend walking around with my arms in an awkward position because it hurt to swing them as I normally do when I walk. It was uncomfortable, but it was a reminder that I had worked hard and improved myself. I think this is true of any meaningful improvement in your life. Yes, it will probably hurt a little. Yes, it might leave you feeling a little sore in some way or another. The question is what you take away from that soreness. Is it a sign that youre on a good path? Or is it something to be avoided? On with the questions. Q1: Is HELOC the best option? I live in one of the most expensive areas in the country, in Northern California. My husband and I have an almost-4 year old, and now our second baby due in August. Moving out of the area is not an option for a number of reasons, most importantly that we want our kids raised near family, all of which live in this immediate area. We both have full-time jobs that pay decently well, and are trying hard to eliminate any non-essential expenses. However, just the cost of the mortgage on our small condo, childcare for two kids, and health insurance will be more than were earning. So, we need a way to pay the bills until both kids are in public school, at which time well again be earning more than were spending. Our home has accrued a decent amount of equity since we purchased it two years ago, so our mortgage consultant recommended a Home Equity Line of Credit. What are your thoughts, though? Would any other type of loan be a better option for us? Julia Without a fuller picture of your financial state, I cant guarantee you dont have other options. However, a HELOC is probably the best option available to you with a reasonable interest rate attached to it. Im sure youre aware of the core problem with this situation: you are riding a financial and professional tightrope. If anything happens to either of your jobs, you are almost immediately falling into a seriously perilous financial state. My suggestion, along with the HELOC, is to leverage your family as much as possible right now to help with this. Accept every possible family invitation you get to share a meal or for free/cheap babysitting. Ride-share with them as often as possible. More than probably any point in your life, you need to be very careful with your spending. Any situation in which youre spending more than you earn is one that is fraught with risk. Q2: UTMA and UGMA My wife and I had our first son a couple weeks ago, and are trying to figure out the best savings options for him. He has started to receive some gift checks written out to his name, so we need to set up some type of bank account for him. Can you help explain the difference between at UTMA and an UGMA? He has separate 529 plans already being set-up by his grandparents, but we wanted him to have some experience with a regular bank and interstates that well be able to teach him with once he gets old enough. Charlie Theyre very similar. There are two big differences between the two that really matter and which one you choose depends on which factors you care the most about. With a UGMA, youre restricted to paper assets cash, stocks, bonds, insurance policies, and so on. A UTMA can hold other kinds of assets in addition the one that most people care about is real estate. A UTMA allows the account custodian to control the assets up to age 25 (depending on specific state rules), while UGMA accounts mature at age 18. If you anticipate your child ever having to apply for financial aid for college, I probably wouldnt use a UGMA or a UTMA. The FAFSA assumes that 20% of the balance of the UGMA/UTMA will be used for college education each year, whereas it only assumes that about 6% of a 529 balance will be used in that way. In other words, theyll be able to receive more financial aid if their college savings is in a 529 rather than a UGMA/UTMA. If you think that paying for college is fully in hand without paying for student loans, a UGMA/UTMA can be a very flexible tool that enables you to gift money to a child while still keeping a hand on the wheel until theyre reasonably mature. Q3: Second job or career advancement? I currently have M-F job in a research lab. On the weekends I work for my uncles construction company that I have worked for since I was 17. He has encouraged me to use the weekends in other ways but I always felt like I needed the money. Lately I have been wondering if I would be better off long term spending the weekends building skills, going to conferences, and building professional relationships. Short term I definitely lose income but long term? I cant decide. Jameson Your uncle sounds like a good guy, and hes probably correct that you can be using the weekends in better ways. If youre in a situation where youre financially stable and able to keep paying off any debts and saving for the future with just your M-F job and youre pretty confident you want to be in that career for the long haul, Id lean toward spending weekends building skills and going to conferences and building relationships and such. Take it seriously, though; dont fall into a rut of using that time for idle things. (Theres nothing wrong with thoughtful leisure, though.) If youre not sure what you want to do, then Id keep the construction job and give some serious thought to your future while getting rid of debt just a little faster. In either case, Id loop your uncle into the decision and use him as a mentor. Not only does he seem like a sharp guy, you may want to keep that door open for the future in case things go awry and you need to go back to construction work. Q4: Buying scissors Whenever I buy a pair of scissors they always seem like they get so dull they cant even cut through paper after like 20 uses. Where can I get a decent pair of scissors that arent junk in three months? Bonnie Rather than just buying new scissors all the time, just sharpen the ones you have. Its not a hard process. Get some coarse sandpaper at the store and then cut through a sheet several times with the sand side down. Then, take a piece of aluminum foil, fold it in half four times so its 16 layers thick, then cut through it several times with the scissors. Then, take a piece of steel wool and cut through it several times with the scissors. Your scissors will be sharp after doing that, probably sharper than when you bought them. You just need to do that every several months or whenever you notice the scissors getting dull. Even super cheap scissors will be quite good if you do this. Q5: Fresh vegetables and grocery shopping How do you balance trying to not go shopping as much with buying fresh vegetables and fruits? On the one hand frugal advice is to minimize your trips to the grocery store but on the other hand healthy fruits and vegetables can go bad so quickly. Macey I cant speak for everyone, but heres what we do. First, if something requires genuinely fresh ingredients, we make those meals within a few days of our grocery store visit. They become a priority. Second, we treat flash frozen vegetables and fruits as being the equivalent of fresh for most purposes. We buy quite a lot of frozen vegetables and fruit. Third, we often do a lot of meal prep, meaning that our fresh vegetables and sometimes fruits make it quickly into meals that are popped in the freezer. Ill buy a ton of fresh spinach, for example, but a lot of it will go into four pans of frozen lasagna. Fourth, a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables dont go bad all that quickly. Most root vegetables last and last. Many fruits last for a long time, too. Finally, we store some of the most perishable stuff in the fridge, following directions on how to best store them to maximize life. If we can stretch something that should only last a few days into lasting for a week, thats a big win. Those steps enable us to buy a ton of fruits and vegetables without them going bad. If we notice something starting to become overripe, to the point where we dont want to use it but its not quite inedible, well throw it in the freezer and use it for making stock or for making fruit bread in the near future. Q6: Financially responsible television? It seems like everything on television outside of a few hokey reality shows is centered around people living way beyond their means or else rich people. Everyone is just spending tons of money and living in fabulous houses and buying tons of stuff. I never really noticed this until you pointed it out. Its such a strong subtle nudge to do the same. What can a person watch that isnt about spending money? Mary I completely agree. Depicting expensive lifestyles on television seems to be the norm everywhere, and knowing the the median American household income is around $60,000, the truth is that most Americans cant live like that. It either becomes something to try to emulate, which is a road to financial ruin, or something to try to ignore, which is hard, or else youre watching shows that revel in values that run in opposition to your own. To tell the truth, I dont watch much television at all any more. What I do watch is generally fantasy or sci-fi or documentaries. I mostly read or play tabletop games instead of turning on the television. Q7: Disposing of old financial papers Im following standard advice and keeping old papers for seven years, but what do you do with them after that? The advice seems to be to shred them but the idea of shredding a box of papers seems like a lot of work with a home shredder where you have to unfold everything and it only takes a few sheets at a time. Maxwell One thing you can do is see if theres a community paper shredding day or one sponsored by your bank. Theyll bring in a HUGE industrial shredder that can shred your whole box of documents in a few seconds you literally toss things in there by the fistful and they get utterly decimated by the blades. Another option is to burn them. Just go camping, use those documents for kindling, and then toss them in there while youre getting a few logs burning. One of my friends likes to rip them up by hand, then put them in a big tub of water so that they turn into this giant paper pulp chunk, then he dries that out, then he takes that big paper pulp brick on his camping trips and breaks off pieces for kindling. Q8: Realities of job applications I am a hiring officer for a Fortune 500 company. There are some popular misconceptions floating around about getting a job at a large corporation. I hope you will be able to share this with your readers. Youll often see media reports that open jobs get hundreds and hundreds of applications for a single job. That is true but it is not the whole story. What actually happens is that if we list a job opening, we will get 500 or so applications, but 480 of them are garbage and irrelevant. Probably 400 of those applications dont meet any of the requirements for the job. Another 60 or so only meet one or two of the requirements. Another 20 might be viable for the job but theyve presented themselves so poorly that we can easily disqualify them. This covers things like resumes with several misspellings or cover letters that use offensive language. That leaves 20 people that are legitimate candidates. Do not be intimidated out of applying for a job that youre completely or even mostly qualified for. Just put in enough effort to submit an accurate resume without spelling or grammar errors and a respectful cover letter that actually addresses this specific position. Thats probably enough for you to make it through the cut of 480 applicants to the final 20. It doesnt mean youll make the next cut, but youll be in that discussion. Mark This is really good advice and its something Ive told many people applying for jobs. Make sure your resume is well edited and matches the job youre applying for and also make sure your cover letter actually addresses the position in question. Thats usually enough to make the first big cut because the vast majority of applications dont even make that threshold. Remember, many job applications are just tossed out there like email spam, just sent to anything even vaguely close. Many other people dont have any idea how to present themselves as someone you might ever want to hire. If you can beat those thresholds, youll probably find some success. Yes, some jobs are filled internally and some others are filled thanks to personal recommendations, but there are many that are filled via open job searches. Dont give up. Q9: Financial independence scam? I was at a store in town minding my own business when this guy in a suit comes up to me and starts chatting. I knew him vaguely as I had seen him a time or two before. He eventually starts talking about financial independence and at first I thought he was talking about financial responsibility but then he really wanted to meet me for coffee to talk about it and gave me a business card. Is there a financial independence scam out there? What was going on? Tim This seems way off to me and I wouldnt follow up with it. Theres a very high likelihood that this individual is involved with a network marketing or a multi-level marketing business think Amway or something like that. Part of the pitch to many people centers around the idea of being financially independent because you run your own business, when youre mostly just trying to sell unwanted stuff to family members. I would in general be wary of a person I barely knew coming up to me, striking up a conversation about something like my finances, and then trying to get me to go get coffee with them. Id simply decline the offer and walk away. If I ever did end up accepting an invite and then someone started mentioning anything like that, Id politely get out of there as fast as possible. Q10: Physical tracking of Triggers questions As per your recommendation from late last year I read the book Triggers in January and am excited to dig into these questions. I spent some time thinking about some personal behaviors I wanted to develop and curb and came up with a list of 12 questions to ask myself each day. How do you physically do these twelve questions and record the answers? Could you walk me step by step through exactly what you do? Marie I use a grid-paper notebook (this one, to be specific, though any grid paper notebook would do just fine) and a black pen. I devote a two page layout per month to this. On the left page, I write out the questions I want to answer as a numbered list. So, it might look something like this: 1. Did I do my best today to be an involved parent with my oldest son? 2. Did I do my best today to be an involved parent with my youngest son? 3. Did I do my best today to be an involved parent with my daughter? 4. Did I do my best today to build a lasting and loving marriage? 5. Did I do my best today to create and write meaningful material for my readers? [] My current list of questions for this month numbers 22. It varies month to month. At the end of each month, I give some careful thought to what I want to work on in the next month, and that might mean deleting some questions and adding others. At the start of each day, I review the questions for that month and think about each one for a bit. I try to visualize what I can do today to make that habit happen. On the other page, I simply have a big grid. Each row is simply numbered with the number of the question 1, 2, 3, 4, and so on. Each column is a date 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and so on. At the end of each day, I score each question from 0 to 10 based on how I felt about my effort for the day, not the results. So, if I sat down with my daughter and had a really good conversation with her and then later on also did something fun with her, Id probably score that an 8 or a 9. Some people find it hard to give an exact number here, but I just trust my gut on it. I find it hard to give myself a 10 I do occasionally, but not very often. (The individual numbers are fairly arbitrary just find a system that is meaningful that works for you.) I record that number in the square where the row for that question and the column for that date intersect. Then, at the bottom of each column, I average the days scores. For me, a day where I have an average of a 7 or above is a pretty good day (and I usually know it it has felt like a good day). Anything below a 5 average is usually a bad day unless something really unusual and disruptive has happened (and I usually know that, too). At the end of a month, I will average all of the scores for that month. Questions with an average score of an 8 or above are usually removed as I view that as something Ive firmly adopted and am doing well. Questions with an average score of 4 or below are often removed, too, as its obviously not something Im committed to sometimes it comes back as a refactored question. The other questions usually stick around unless I decide I need a priority change. The whole point of this is to keep new habits and behaviors in the front of my mind all the time and to really keep an eye on my efforts to improve those behaviors. It really seems to work when I take it seriously. However, its worth noting that you wont see giant transformative life effects from changing a few behaviors. It takes time for those to build up in your life. Its like a quarter of a degree difference in an airplane flight it only seems like a big change after a lot of time. Q11: Thoughts on secular Buddhism I cant believe you would share information about Buddhism. I thought you were a Christian. Disappointed. Amy I dont see them being in much conflict at all. I find far more conflict with Christianity in many of the articles I write on strict financial issues than I do in secular Buddhism. Buddhism has absolutely no reference to a singular, personified deity like the Abrahamic God. None. As far as I can tell, Buddhism basically puts the idea of a deity into an area of beyond human understanding and really doesnt worry about things in that category. I would describe Buddhism as non-theist. My understanding is that Buddhism is basically a set of tools to make your own character and values stronger, which is literally how the Dalai Lama describes it. The tools that Buddhism provides can strengthen ones Christian beliefs, or whatever beliefs they might have. To me, its little different than reading about any school of philosophy and using what it can teach in ones life. If you want to dig into this more, I suggest this article. Q12: Financial advisor Do you use a financial advisor? Why or why not? Jerry I do not use a financial advisor. Sarah and I met with one once, partially because I wanted to actually interact with one and also partially because we hoped that a financial advisor could address or at least reaffirm our answers to a few financial questions we had. I felt like the advisor was not explaining anything to me that I didnt already understand from reading a few good books on investing and he was also trying really hard to sell me on products that did not seem like good investment options to me. This was a fee-based advisor; he wasnt even getting a commission from this sale. We just ended up trusting our own research and did things on our own. I would far rather spend several hours reading up on a financial topic and understanding it myself than paying a financial advisor to explain it and recommend options that I may or may not even want. Im going to end up making a lot of money from that invested time. Got any questions? The best way to ask is to follow me on Facebook and ask questions directly there. Ill attempt to answer them in a future mailbag (which, by way of full disclosure, may also get re-posted on other websites that pick up my blog). However, I do receive many, many questions per week, so I may not necessarily be able to answer yours. https://www.thesimpledollar.com/questions-about-helocs-vegetables-old-papers-scams-and-more/