#fuck pcos man
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really not loving this trend lately of acting like shaving makes you a disgrace to the whole fucking queer community
like we really went from "not shaving is totally fine and good, body hair is completely natural & not gross" (correct) to "shaving is disgusting and unnatural, why would you do that to you body" (hmmm sounds kinda familiar) & even "its literally impossible to have dysphoria or sensory issues due to body hair/want to shave for any reason other than to appeal to patriarchal beauty standards & anyone who says they do is lying" (real, actual things i have seen people say, what in the god damn)
you can shave your face you can shave your head but as soon as its below the neck suddenly shaving is some sort of unforgivable crime. god forbid someone doesnt like the way it feels when their clothes rub against every little fucking hair. god forbid they dont like how it holds in sweat. god forbid they dont like how it holds in heat. god forbid they dont fucking like how it looks on them.
like. is the word "choice" not in peoples fucking vocabulary or something
#like all fucking love and respect for ppl who dont shave keep doing your thing especially women ESPECIALLY trans women & intersex women#i see u i love u dont let anyone give u shit for ur body hair or facial hair for that matter#but man. as a transmasc person who shaves Basically Everywhere for a VARIETY of reasons. some ppl are really getting on my last damn nerve#you are not morally superior for not owning a fucking razor.#honestly i think being transmasc is a big PART of why this shit bugs me so much this whole fucking mentality of like#''ummm ew how can u be male(-adjacent) without body hair'' like do you fucking HEAR yourself??#NEVER FUCKING MIND that i have pcos & would already have more body & facial hair than the average afab person WITHOUT being on t#DONT try to start shit on this post i will not acknowledge it i will block your ass and move on with my day
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also like i partially found out i might be intersex because i was looking at trans stuff and there was like "(however many) months on t and finally seeing some bottom growth" and like pictures of t-dicks and i was like.... um.... that's kind of just what my clit looks like anyways. so i was like "hey google give me a quick rundown on this" and learned what clitoromegaly was and then i was like. hm. intersex resources. and it's like a sign? symptom? side-effect? of certain intersex conditions
#i mean like pcos runs in the mums side of my family but i dont have all the symptoms of that#i do also have like. more hair?? than the average afab person#like dark hair on my stomach and chest and back#and my face. whats disappointing about the face hair is that it isnt enough to be able to grow a beard#so i cant even fuck with gender that way#tagging as nsft just because of like genital mention#genital mention#nsft#shoutout to transmascs on t who show their t-dicks on the internet it was really helpful#also i dont know how to describe it but like. my natural face shape is kind of masculine??#like it would be plausible for a cis amab perisex man to have my face without looking feminine#if you get what im saying??#if it sounds like im reinforcing sex or gender essentialism please say i am struggling to find words#unshoutout to the boys in primary school who made fun of me for having hair under my arms and starting a whole decade of insecurity-#-about having hair on my body lmao#for the record i dont think certain face shapes are indicative of gender and all im just going by like. patterns?? in afab vs. amab faces#also not that i think afab vs. amab is the entire categorisation of human sex characteristics but um. working with what vocab i have here#i think what also really kicked it off. was relating to a fair few experiences intersex people have socially#particularly intersex ppl who were afab and faced a lot of pressure to make their bodies conform to feminine beauty standards#and it was like.... oh lol.... my mum did that to me!!#it comes from her own internalised shit bc she has pcos (idk if she identifies as intersex even tho she could if she wanted) but still.#dont project that onto a 10 yr old lmao. she keeps buying me hair removal products#ALSO floored by an experience i have. in which apparently half my friends dont feel pressure to shave their legs#because the hair on their legs is like. light and thin and barely visible and i was like?? huh??#what do you MEAN your legs don't look like your brothers/fathers if you dont shave??#im starting to think they dont shave their arms. their arms might just naturally not have a load of hair#i dont shave my arms though. cannot be bothered with that and also like. why would i do that#also you know that like. happy trail i think its called?? on āmen'sā stomachs??#yeah i have that naturally yeah thats right im naturally sexy#if you cant tell i am putting āgirlsā āmensā āboysā āwomensā etc. in quotes to indicate that is just the normal society way of saying it
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I feel like i still have my trans boy personalityā¦ while simultaneously wanting to live in a barbie world. do you feel me bro?
#nonbinary#gender#trans ftm#nblw#lesbian#bisexual#sexuality#self expression#text#trans man#queer#might pin this#trans lesbian#intersex#rory posts#pcos#them boy hormones in my body fucking my life up sometimes#itās okay tho#weed thoughts
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hey guys! a few weeks ago i got to help organise and host something really cool and important - a transmasc specific menstruation education episode! as far as i know this may be one of the only things out there like this, so i wanted to share it here. some of the information is specific to where i live in aotearoa new zealand (and its made for students of my university) but most is broadly applicable. i think this will be especially helpful for folks either considering going on T or early in the process, but apparently even my mom learned some things from it. give it a watch!
#transgender#trans man#transmasc#transmasculine#hrt#testosterone#ftm#lgbt#educational#menstruation#periods#endometriosis#pcos#this was very cool and fun#im awkward as fuck in the beginning but i get better lmao#me#Youtube
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Something very poetic about me getting my most painful, unbearable period during election week. Doomscrolling while pain shoots down my legs and Iām covered in my own blood.
#I have pcos#I am in pain help#american elections#presidential election#us elections#election 2024#periods#period cramps#also Iām trans man so fuck me
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Family: no you can't go on T
Therapist: no you can't go on T
Gov: no you can't go on T
My body: well fuck you then *makes my own*
#pcos#trans man#testosterone#am I glad that my body is naturally able to access hormones that I would like to have?#yes.#do i have to be happy about the fact that i lay curled up in the fetal position today on my bedroom floor and cursing the gods?#no.#i am a beautiful little man who does beautiful little man things#however if this fucking organ doesn't chill out soon i might just have to carve it out with a rusty kitchen knife#because the heavens know that the government won't fucking do it for me#even if I'm bleeding out like a soldier wounded on the battlefield#fuck the government#trans healthcare#reproductive freedom
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truly detest how pcos tags/forums/etc are absolutely crawling with terfs
#(okay to rb but stay in your lane)#maybe i just want to look and see if anyone else has experienced what i went through today without seeing someone going like#'you'll never be a REAL woman because you DON'T HAVE OVARIES#and will NEVER understand the TRUE WOMANLY EXPERIENCE of having A VERY DISRUPTIVE AND COMPLEX ENDOCRINE AND METABOLIC DISORDER'#like i think there are more important (read: actual) targets to direct our frustration at here than#[checks notes] getting mad at a trans woman for saying she relates to some of the problems caused/faced by having pcos#like. idk. the fucking medical system and lack of research/treatment options#(also. christ. reducing every person w pcos into the 'woman' category automatically bc 'ovary'.#even though it's literally an intersex condition. yikes.)#also i don't know about y'all but i don't wish this on anyone? regardless of gender??#i actually don't want trans women to have to experience this in order to be considered a True Woman#because i don't want ANYBODY to have to experience this. it sucks! it's not fucking fun!#i just wanted to try and see if other people have gone through the same thing i have. not expand my blocklist by half a mile tonight.#i wanna talk about me#even though i didn't exactly find what i was looking for (š) and i had to play fucking whack-a-terf while searching#if there's any bright side to be found it's the number of posts/people affirming pcos as an intersex condition/identity#i saw someone say 'if you don't want the [intersex] umbrella for yourself you don't have to take it#but it's nice to have in the closet for a rainy day'#and. man. yeah.
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I think. the timing of me starting to get vocal about fatphobia as well as genuinely pissed off about it while subsequently finding out I almost definitely have PCOS is. just too on the nose man lmfao
#tetri.txt#i havent been fully diagnosed yet but i have some tests to get done and its like. OH. OH SO. IVE BEEN BEATING MYSELF UP FOR YEARS#OVER SOMETHING I COULDNT CONTROL? AWESOOOOOME#obv i shouldnt have been doing that anyway but. thats what fatphobia does baybbeeeeee#fatphobia#pcos#ive just been googling shit and reading others experiences with it and oh my god man#its just. insane. and the fact that so many things can be traced back to it. things that i attributed to other shit. hooooly fuck.
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Sometimes I wish I was a man just to avoid dealing with a vagina cuz theyāre annoying as hell
#and I am so not looking forward to having to meet a new family doctor on Monday but also visit a gyno too#cuz my last period was way out of whack and I am so servers underprepped for that shit#and I definitely can blame family for that cuz the man are all thatās your moms job#and the women are all oh you only need to go when you have sex or have babies#as if that whole organ wonāt decide to sprout some cancer or have some pcos or some shit idk about cuz I never had a visit years ago#tho one thing I am glad for is that I was not the only one who had this type of parent#also doesnāt help that my friend who gets this also has immigrant parents too#but yeah so Iām not looking forward to getting that done unless it helps with whatever the fuck I have going on rn cuz I have no clue#could be stress but idk i internalize my stress so half the time I donāt register it š#and if itās not then looks like Iāll be making more doctor visits then I had in the last 12 years
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Need some affirmations so: in 27 days i will be able to go on testosterone and i will become super hot and finally stop looking like a prepubescent teenager and my voice will go deeper and my vocal cords will not only thicken but also get longer and i will have fat redistribution and my face will get beautiful and i will have an easier time building muscle and my disability will get easier to manage with that and my shoulders will get broader and my boobs will deflate even more, and my hips will get smaller and i will not put so much weight on on my belly and won't look as pregnant anymore when I'm bloated and gaining weight, and my arms will get bigger, and my face will get gorgeous and how it was always supposed to look, and my skin won't be as dry anymore, and i will recognise myself in the mirror and i will become drop dead gorgeous because i finally look like a man, and I won't have people treat me like a minor anymore, and i will feel more connected to my body, and my dick will grow and i will feel much more comfortable, and once i pass and can be somewhat stealth in public women won't feel so possessive over me and what i want and need anymore and that i should feel comfortable with whatever they feel comfortable because we're both women, and i will like my own voice and i will sing so beautiful and it will finally feel natural when i sing and maybe i won't have so much trouble finding the right pitch anymore, and my ribcage won't be as small and round and i will grow more hair on my body again, and I won't have to lie about my identity and pretend I'm a woman anymore, and i will just be me, and i will meet people who didn't know me before and who won't know my deadname and who will always call me by my name, i will become known under my name,
#own post#trans#trans man#testosterone#also i will become a further bit less fertile bless me#and I won't be on fucking estrogen hrt anymore (the pill)#i was put on it for my periods but i was put on a feminising one without my knowledge or consent because they just assumed that everyone#with pcos will want to look less masculine and i didn't find out until last year and it has undone a lot of what my natural testosterone#levels had given me#fucking shit show#and I can't really go off it because my periods are pretty debilitating and changing pills for a few months isn't worth it because of the#side effects of having to adjust to new hormone stuff#such a fucking shit show
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its like so fucked to me that PCOS is almost always diagnosed in middle aged women bc of fertility issues unless the person in question has a very obvious and severe case or lobbies their doctor at length about it. this would not be so upsetting to me if PCOS didn't massively increase your risk of developing type 2 diabetes in a way that is largely preventable! or if PCOS didn't make it damn near impossible to lose weight, meaning many people have their symptoms dismissed be it for other health problems or PCOS symptoms themselves over something they have next to no control over.
#like its not just infertility insulin resistance fucking sucks#and it can definitely make periods hellishly painful in addition to being irregular#in severe cases (including mine) you can also develop menopausal symptoms or those of early pregnancy#like morning sickness hot flashes constant hunger#dont even get me started on PCOS in trans patients#ive found one. ONE case study on a trans man's PCOS treatment#and instead of answering any of the questions i had the seminar talked abt whether he was put on T too early the entire time#literally did not address the PCOS part a single time#studies are also almost always done on middle aged women bc they're the ones with a diagnosis#meaning if you're a teenager like me the results may not apply to you the same#that's if a study exists at all most of the drugs used for PCOS are for diabetics or menopausal women#and maybe one study of like 40 people exists on how it works for PCOS patients#usually geared towards ensuring regular periods and not what i care about (improved blood panels)#god its just. it fucking sucks having what is treated as like Ugly Fat Woman Disease with the way the medical field is!!#ESPECIALLY as a trans man
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Shout out to the folks at work the other day that enabled/encouraged me to go on a lil infodump about being transgender and who had genuine questions and listened to my answers. Obviously it's not something queer folks should be expected to do but I love being a point of information for people! I love talking about my experiences and my understandings of philosophies that intersect with that and I think alot of cishet people are maybe uncomfortable asking blunt questions? But so long as they're posed in good faith and with willingness to think about the response, I enjoy answering those weirdly specific things. How else to we dispel the willful ignorance that places of power want to foster towards us? I refuse to he a scapegoat and am deeply grateful to the people that are receptive to experiences outside their own
#young 20 something mum and middle aged mother of 3#both just. asking *questions*#what do hormones do? when/how did you know? why is it so important to you?#these ate genuine questions seeking to understand!! and it means so much to me that i can BE that point of understanding!#adfhsjsj they were talking about periods and the younger woman was like. sorry if this is uncomfortable Jason#and im like. lol dont even worry i still get then too and they suck#older woman was like??? i thought hormones stop them??? im not on hormones yet i just naturally have hormonal imbalance thanks to PCOS#its just...if someone genuinely doesnt understand but is willing to learn? its a conversation worth having.#and i cant know that i always have a positive effect but i ways come back to the vaguely right leaning centrist dude i worked with at mcds#who told me i had changed his view of masculinity and gender as a whole#just by talking and explaining ny experiences#even if he ends up being the only other person I affect..its all worth it.because without me or someone like me he would never have changed#sorry i just get emotional sometimes thinking abkut how...probably the majority of cishets who arent plugged into tumblr#do not experience queer people. hell#im sure there are alot of queer people who havent been exposed to queer theory either#and it means the world to me that i can present and explain that understanding. that willingness to understand.#fuck man if you had told me id be doing this in my early teens id never have thought it possible
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I should be able to get a hysterectomy if I want one. Like Iām 23yrs old, I have endometriosis and pcos, Iāve been begging for a hysterectomy since I was 16 and I should be able to get one without some fucking doctor saying I need to have kids first
And I canāt even get the only fucking medication that helps because doctors are so fucking transphobic around here. like instead of testosterone, which has been proven to help me several times, the only medication theyāll approve is the fucking depo shot which makes me bleed nonstop and does nothing to help any of my symptoms
#fuck the us healthcare system#and every fucking doctor that thinks they have the right to keep me in pain#also like I will not have children#I have no desire to bring life into this fucked up world#and even if I did my dysphoriaās bad enough without adding pregnancy#transgender#trans man#pcos#endometriosis
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long winded rant in the tags coming thatās partly about weight but in a very unfiltered sad way so if that triggers you do Not read on
#on holiday I was like oHHHHH this is what living in the moment is! What listening to your body is! what not worrying about how you look is#but doing what makes you happy#and then ā¦ā¦ I came home and got sent the pictures#+ my friend being. unintentionally fatphobic as fuck#while hurtful as fuck too#and itās all just been piling up too since I got home because Iāve been having a lot of conversations and seeing a lot of people that#confront me with who I used to be and who I am now and how Iām really not happy with that#and it feels like itās not gonna get better#like Iām destined to be in a job I like but isnāt what I want because Iām not capable enough and Iāll never know what romantic requited love#feels like. Iāll never cure my vaginismus Iāll never be able to let someone in or they wonāt want me this is just it for me#and SOMEHOW the way I look has become the ultimate culmination of all those things?#my face is suddenly a woman in her thirties face#I keep gaining weight despite not even eating all that much because FUCKING PCOS makes it impossible#my hair in my face grew back. my stomach is hairy and that plus the added beer belly just makes it look like Iām a 50 year old man#I am soooooooo tired of the dysphoria#and the way pcos ruins fucking everything because I can restrict calories all I want and move all I want but will it help ? No !#and of the fact that it impacts the way I feel about myself so much because Iām convinced now Iāll never find anyone#should have tried harder when I was 21 because that was the only time in my life I reasonably fit societyās standards like That was my shot#Iāve been taking supplements everyone says will help but Iām not sure I noticed anything in the past six months and I canāt take berberine#because it fucks with my heart medication. which. That too. I have that too#and Iām in pain! All the time now! ALL THE TIME so I canāt even work out to keep the weight stable because guess what ?#just after a normal day at the office I come home and have to lie down because everhthing hurts so much !#today I got an impromptu massage in an attempt to feel better but it didnāt fix shit and I had to buy clothes for kings day after#and I didnāt try them on just quickly grabbed some orange shit to try on at home and at what I saw in the mirror I genuinely got nauseous#I just donāt know who that is in the mirror but itās not me and I canāt accept it. Iāve been trying so hard but I canāt#it genuinely makes me so sad and I keep telling myself that a reduction will help in feeling more like myself and it will help with the pain#but what if it doesnāt? what if my pain doesnāt go away after af all and my stomach just juts out and I feel like a gremlin all the time#what then. what the fuck do we do then. also Iām so fucking scared of that surgery anyway that I donāt fucking want to do it anymore#I want so many things and all of them feel out of reach and I know my own brain is my worst enemy and itās not rooted in anything real but.#Isnāt it? really ā isnāt it???????
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also idk i feel so fucking good abt myself idk genuinely being consistent with my gym routine has done everything for my mental health and confidence like i still feel bad abt myself sometimes but for the first time since i was probably 9 i'm having days where i look in the mirror and thinking DAMN i look good and those days are getting more frequent it's really the best feeling
#and it's not just the weight loss like. being overweight was such a struggle for me esp bc i've had issues w eds and stuff and.#idk it made me miserable. and i wasn't the healthiest bc i'd gained a lot due to pcos and my periods were irregular etc like it wasn't good#and now i'm medicated and fuck man my period is regular now and my weight is more normal and i just feel like. good abt that#bc i spent so long being unable to lose bc of my hormones and it was so disheartening bc i was doing everything 'right'#i feel a little bad talking abt it bc ik it's a sensitive topic and i have had issues w eds i obv don't think weighing less makes u healthy#etc etc. for me it was the healthy thing to lose what i've lost so i'm proud of that and i did all of that mostly without relapsing#over 2 years and i've had like. maybe a month of relapse total over that time and each time i've come out of it after a week or two#so i'm definitely stronger mentally etc BUT. my point is. the confidence hasn't come from trying to be smaller#and now i'm actively trying to build muscle and for the first time ever my confidence comes from looking BIGGER bc i want muscle growth etc#the confidence truly comes from within and when i was overweight i started to give myself that confidence#by starting to wear cute clothes and stop hiding my body#it is so true that losing weight won't make you like yourself or your body.#like. you can lose weight if you want but you HAVE to respect yourself first. i lost a lot of weight unhealthily in 2019 and regained it#& bc i did it out of self hatred i NEVER felt better abt myself when i got smaller. you rlly have to be able to love yourself as you are rn#it's cliche but very very true#anyway i don't rlly talk abt this stuff on here bc ik it's a sensitive topic but!!!#i really would recommend weightlifting and strength training if you wanna feel more confident#ik it won't work for everyone but for me it's genuinely transformed the way i see myself.#i no longer try to force myself to be as small as possible. and for me that's everything yk#ALSO LIKE. THE MENTAL HEALTH ASPECTS. just having the routine and getting exercise and getting out every day rlly helps too#i really would recommend it i've never felt better or more confident abt myself#the only thing is unfortunately and it's a very real problem but gym/gym bro culture often leans v close to e/d culture#it really sucks bc a lot of gym folks genuinely do love it and are very healthy with it#but the chicken and rice gym bro types are pretty rampant too and there's a LOT of dysmorphia and such in the community#so i kind of avoid gym bro circles for that reason bc i do think a lot of people take it too far and are very mentally unhealthy with it#but weightlifting/going gym in itself isn't the problem and if you're eating properly & taking care of yourself it's not gonna be like that#it's just knowing the types of ppl to avoid bc a lot of the mindset is pretty toxic šš but there are def a lot of ppl who do it healthily#like. i understand why people do it but i'm kind of against bulking/cutting at least for myself#bc for me it's not abt looking as strong as possible it's abt being fit and healthy physically & mentally if i look buff asf that's a bonus#but a lot of ppl take bulks/cuts too far & a lot of it is just regurgitated e/d shit unfortunately. just b careful who you interact with
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So I might have pcos
#chatter#personal#if i do have pcos all my internal problems on myself gets explained#the obesity#the depression#the chronic fatigue#the diabetes#like fuck this shit man#everyone's out there making me feel shit and here i am sick this whole time???#fuck all of you#cant have any shit around here
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