#like. you can lose weight if you want but you HAVE to respect yourself first. i lost a lot of weight unhealthily in 2019 and regained it
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kkujo · 1 year ago
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also idk i feel so fucking good abt myself idk genuinely being consistent with my gym routine has done everything for my mental health and confidence like i still feel bad abt myself sometimes but for the first time since i was probably 9 i'm having days where i look in the mirror and thinking DAMN i look good and those days are getting more frequent it's really the best feeling
#and it's not just the weight loss like. being overweight was such a struggle for me esp bc i've had issues w eds and stuff and.#idk it made me miserable. and i wasn't the healthiest bc i'd gained a lot due to pcos and my periods were irregular etc like it wasn't good#and now i'm medicated and fuck man my period is regular now and my weight is more normal and i just feel like. good abt that#bc i spent so long being unable to lose bc of my hormones and it was so disheartening bc i was doing everything 'right'#i feel a little bad talking abt it bc ik it's a sensitive topic and i have had issues w eds i obv don't think weighing less makes u healthy#etc etc. for me it was the healthy thing to lose what i've lost so i'm proud of that and i did all of that mostly without relapsing#over 2 years and i've had like. maybe a month of relapse total over that time and each time i've come out of it after a week or two#so i'm definitely stronger mentally etc BUT. my point is. the confidence hasn't come from trying to be smaller#and now i'm actively trying to build muscle and for the first time ever my confidence comes from looking BIGGER bc i want muscle growth etc#the confidence truly comes from within and when i was overweight i started to give myself that confidence#by starting to wear cute clothes and stop hiding my body#it is so true that losing weight won't make you like yourself or your body.#like. you can lose weight if you want but you HAVE to respect yourself first. i lost a lot of weight unhealthily in 2019 and regained it#& bc i did it out of self hatred i NEVER felt better abt myself when i got smaller. you rlly have to be able to love yourself as you are rn#it's cliche but very very true#anyway i don't rlly talk abt this stuff on here bc ik it's a sensitive topic but!!!#i really would recommend weightlifting and strength training if you wanna feel more confident#ik it won't work for everyone but for me it's genuinely transformed the way i see myself.#i no longer try to force myself to be as small as possible. and for me that's everything yk#ALSO LIKE. THE MENTAL HEALTH ASPECTS. just having the routine and getting exercise and getting out every day rlly helps too#i really would recommend it i've never felt better or more confident abt myself#the only thing is unfortunately and it's a very real problem but gym/gym bro culture often leans v close to e/d culture#it really sucks bc a lot of gym folks genuinely do love it and are very healthy with it#but the chicken and rice gym bro types are pretty rampant too and there's a LOT of dysmorphia and such in the community#so i kind of avoid gym bro circles for that reason bc i do think a lot of people take it too far and are very mentally unhealthy with it#but weightlifting/going gym in itself isn't the problem and if you're eating properly & taking care of yourself it's not gonna be like that#it's just knowing the types of ppl to avoid bc a lot of the mindset is pretty toxic 😭😭 but there are def a lot of ppl who do it healthily#like. i understand why people do it but i'm kind of against bulking/cutting at least for myself#bc for me it's not abt looking as strong as possible it's abt being fit and healthy physically & mentally if i look buff asf that's a bonus#but a lot of ppl take bulks/cuts too far & a lot of it is just regurgitated e/d shit unfortunately. just b careful who you interact with
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heavysighing-dreamyeyes · 7 months ago
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Stick Around
~1.2k words
Jason Todd is your best friend. But sometimes you're not sure if you're his.
"Back off. I can stitch it myself." He nearly barks at you when you press the towel to his bleeding wound.
"Come on, Jason. Why can't I help?" You ask, trying to keep the worry and pleading from your voice.
"I don't want you to." He says, firm and flat as he pulls away, dragging the towel and the first aid kit with him. He doesn't go very far, but you have a sinking feeling that's more owed to the bathroom being small than him wanting to stay near you.
You shift on your feet, torn between listening– respecting his boundaries or stepping closer to help. You take a step, unable to stay away from him when his lips curl into a frown as he starts stitching his own wound.
"Let me. I know how. You taught me." You try again, careful and soft like you're the one that terrifies the worst of Gotham.
"I said no. Just give me some space." He tells you, hands working steadily to piece his skin back together. You vaugley wonder how many times he's done this alone.
Then his words register. You can't stop your face from crumbling. "You want me to leave?"
He doesn't look up, doesn't respond, too engrossed in his injury.
You nod a little, more to yourself than him as you scoot around him, avoiding brushing any part of him as you slip out the bathroom door. Hesitating, you quietly close the door behind you and linger in the hallway, unsure. How much space did he want? Was he upset with you? Did he want you to leave the apartment?
You let out a sigh and slowly head for the apartment door. You can stay at friends tonight. Stuffing down the emotions welling in your chest, you grab your jacket and start to shove your shoes on.
"Where are you going?" A sharp tone cuts you out of your self pity.
"You told me to leave?" You question, gaze snapping to him.
He stands there, hand over the gauze wrapped on his side and studies you. "No."
"No?" You echo, slowly lowering your coat.
"I only– I didn't want you to get any blood on you. Or see me like that. I don't want you to leave. Why would I ever not want to see you?” He says with a scoff, stepping closer to pull you away from the door, glaring at it like it personally offended him. “You’re the only person I want to be around, it’s maddening, I don’t know why anyone else even tries to speak to me when I can’t get my mind off of you-“
He shudders, like a huge weight has left his shoulders, words cutting off. He presses a kiss against your skin, without thinking, his mouth finding the juncture between your shoulder and your neck, pulling you tight against him. "I want you to stay here. With me." He murmurs against your skin before pulling back just enough to see your face.
"Oh." You fall quiet for a moment, looking anywhere but him as you start to speak again, fighting the heat that threatens to take over your face, "I don't mind. Blood, I mean. Not if I'm helping you."
He can't stop the smile that comes to his face, always so easy and present around you.
Jason reaches out, his fingers touching your chin, gently tapping it, to make you look at him. “Do you still think I don’t want you here? That I don’t want you around?” he asks, voice low.
You waver, eyes trailing back to his. "Well, no, I mean, I know you want me around."
"Good." He says softly, fingers lingering on your skin, on your face, on your waist. It makes you feel wanted, needed, safe.
The moment is so soft, so warm and inviting you want to lose yourself in it. But it feels like a lie to let yourself stay in it. Not when he's all you ever seem to want. When you dream of the color of his eyes and the feeling of his skin against yours. "Are you feeling dizzy? Need to sit down?" You ask, cutting the moment, the feeling that it could be something more, short.
He hums softly, like he expected your avoidance. "You don't have to run from me."
That makes you blink, surprise painting your features. "I'm not running. I'm not going anywhere."
"Oh please, there's so many things I know you've been holding out on me." He laughs a little before kissing your neck and whispering into your ear. "You wanted me way before I knew it was okay to admit wanting you. And now I'm going to make up for all that lost time." He looks at you with an intention you can feel behind his eyes. "There's nothing I won't do for you, nothing that I won't give you because you deserve the world and more." He kisses your forehead and smiles down at you softly as he sighs your name. "So don't run."
That makes your brain short circuit. And then the flood of scrambled thoughts overtake your mind. He knows you want him? Of course he does– He's one of the greatest detectives in the world, maybe even the universe. Why did you think you could hide it? How long has he known? But one thought persists above the rest. He wants you to?
Jason gently taps your hip, dragging your attention from the frantic jumble of questions in your head. "Focus on me. Not whatever's going on in your head. I don't need an answer right now. I just want you to be here." He says your name like it's precious, a treasure to keep close. "Please."
You nod slowly, trying to calm your pounding heart, to get your body to listen to you and answer him or touch him or anything.
"I could just kiss you right here. I could do that. You know, just take advantage of the situation? How you can't seem to believe that I want you. But..." he tilts his head, running his thumb along your jaw, "I want to kiss you when I know you're ready. For you to want it as badly as I do, pretty."
"What if I do?" You ask quietly, scared to break the tension building around the two of them. "What if I want to kiss you, Jason?"
"Yeah?" he whispers, his fingers finally gripping your hair, his thumb lightly caressing your neck. His eyes are locked on yours, and all the emotions that seem to be swirling around inside him right now are all concentrated on one, simple thing: keeping you.
"Yeah." You echo, just as quiet and soft as his voice.
He doesn't ask again, doesn't hesitate, just kisses you with the desperation of years of built of tension and longing glances. He kisses you like you're worth something, and you are. You're everything to him, and he now that he has you like this, he won't let a day pass without reminding you.
Your fingers curl in his shirt, his hand tightens in your hair and everything else seems to fade away when you deepen the kiss. Jason Todd is your best friend. And you're starting to believe that you're more than just that to him.
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motorsportbarbie13 · 18 days ago
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Aftermath - Chapter 3
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When Lando leaves you heartbroken after you get tired of trying to make nothing into something for far too long, Max steps in to help you pick up the pieces.
warnings: this chapter contains language and descriptions that illustrate abuse (mental and emotional). lando is abusive, full stop but like many survivors of abuse, it takes reader a bit to claw herself out of this. as a survivor of abuse myself, I am doing my best to give this story line the most respect and care that i can. please don't engage with my work if you find any of the topics triggering.i'd also like to point out that this is a character i am writing, i in no way am insinuating or implying the real lando is like this in any way. pairing: max verstappen x leclercsister!reader word count: 4.9k
(Extra special shout out to @nitaekook for beta reading and holding my hand through this fic 😂❤️)
Aftermath - MV33 - Chapter 1 Aftermath - Chapter 2 Master List
“Where do you want these plates to go, my dear?” Jade asks from across the kitchen. 
You glance up at her from your spot on the brand new couch that was just delivered to the new apartment that morning. You’re sitting cross legged unpacking a box of the few things that you had brought over from the old apartment. In the kitchen, your best friend Jade (who is also Arthur’s girlfriend of about a year thanks to your meddling) stands holding up one of the new plates that you bought with her yesterday. 
“Wherever there’s room.” You say with a shrug, not really caring where the plates go because everything feels weird.
The apartment is pristine with its gorgeous hardwood flooring that Charles had refinished before you moved in, floor to ceiling windows that face out towards the water, and that new house smell that is totally unfamiliar and a little unnerving. You should be happy, shouldn’t you? Finally being free of the stifling apartment that you had shared with Lando should fill you with so much optimism and a sense of relief, shouldn’t it? But that’s not the case. Not even close. You’re scared and nervous and just the thought of deciding where those plates should go seems like the heaviest question you've ever been asked.
 Simply picking out the plates yesterday with Jade had been an ordeal and you had needed to take several moments to yourself while shopping. You liked your old plates that you had bought with Lando the week you moved in with him but at the same time, the thought of taking those to your new apartment was more painful than leaving them behind.
Jade must notice your anxiety because as soon as she finishes putting the plates and bowls in whatever cabinet that suits her fancy, she comes over to sit next to you on the couch. When she wraps her arm around your shoulders you melt into her in a desperate attempt to stop a fresh flood of tears from falling. It seems as if all you’ve done since leaving the old apartment was cry and if you’re not crying, you’re barely fighting off an incoming panic attack and jumping with every ding of your phone. 
“What’s going on, my love?” Her voice is gentle, like she’s talking to an injured animal that she doesn’t want to spook. It makes you feel pathetic, helpless, and angry for how much Lando has damaged you when he should have been loving you. 
You’ve known Jade for years now and she’s always been one of your closest friends. It was Jade that had been the first of your friend group to pull you aside almost a year ago to ask you if you were truly happy with Lando. She had seen the light dim in your eyes as your relationship with him progressed and watching you lose your spark had scared her. When you had told her the morning after your art show last month that you had finally decided to leave Lando, it had been so hard for her to tamp down her excitement that you had finally worked up the courage to leave him. 
“I should be happy, right?” You ask, voice cracking a bit with the heavy weight of what closing the door on the apartment for the very last time had done to you that morning. “I mean, I know I’ve been miserable for…” You scoff, “a really long time so shouldn’t I feel something other than heartbreakingly sad?” 
Jade tips her head so it rests on your shoulder, a humming sound playing at the back of her throat. “You’ve been with him for a long time, of course you’re going to be heartbroken. Youu’re doing the right thing though, I promise you. He couldn’t even stop playing that stupid video game long enough to support you last month!” 
You nod, memory flickering back to the fight in the hallway in front of Max. You hadn’t heard much from him in the weeks since that night aside from a few texts here and there and you had expected that. He probably was mortified at how you had behaved, embarrassed for you that you had allowed yourself to be treated that way in front him.
You wouldn’t have blamed him if he thought you were a weak little girl who deserved the treatment Lando doled out to you. It was the only way you could rationalize his silence. Seeing how far you’d fallen, how much you’d changed, had obviously had an effect on Max and he had decided he’d seen enough. It didn’t surprise you and you didn’t blame him. Jade was one of your only remaining friends and losing yet another person you trusted and valued in your life was just another thing Lando had taken from you. 
“I’m just so glad you finally are taking your power back, love. I know it feels all wrong right now but when you go from the chaos that you’ve been living in for so long, I’m sure the calm of this apartment feels wrong. You’ll get used to it. It might take some time but you’ll get used to it.” 
Your head swivels around to look your best friend and you search her face for any sign of her lying to you. You desperately want to believe she’s right, that you’re making the right choice. You know you are, deep down in your soul, but you’ve been with Lando for so long and have spent so many nights listening to him rant and rave about how he’s the only one who could ever deal with your dramatics that you wonder if Jade is wrong and Lando is the one who’s been right all along. You don’t voice the doubts though, knowing that those kinds of things are something that you should probably keep to yourself. So instead of voicing all of the fears that are bouncing around in your chest, making it feel heavy and tight with the pressure of doing something that absolutely terrifies you, you just nod and lean further into Jade’s shoulder.
 “I know.” You whisper, staring out over the open living room that is littered with small boxes and suitcases. 
With the help of your brothers and Jade, you had started moving your things out slowly while Lando had been otherwise distracted. Just a small box of clothes and trinkets here and there, over the last month while Charles had the apartment renovated and cleaned. When it was finally ready last week, you had begun looking for furniture and making final plans. 
The timing had worked out perfectly, with the apartment finally being finished perfectly aligning with a weeklong trip Lando had planned to go to Woking to spend time in the sim at the MTC. He rarely bothered you during these working trips, hell he barely bothered you during any of this trips, but his work trips were different, so you knew you’d have a solid week to get everything that mattered to you out of the apartment before he would be any wiser. 
“He’s going to be so mad when he comes home and my things are gone.” You murmur, staring down at your phone which hadn’t received so much as a text message from him in almost 48 hours. 
You hadn’t bothered telling Lando you were leaving, that you were done with him. You shied away form confrontation on even the best of days so telling the man that you’d spent the last three years building a life together that you were leaving him was terrifying. When you had started moving small boxes out while Lando was still in town, you had half expected him to notice but that had never been a problem. He hadn’t even noticed you leaving on several occasions with boxes of your books or suitcases of clothes. 
A larger part of you had another reason for not telling him, though. You knew that if you told him before you were fully moved out he’d try to get you to stay. He’d try to convince you that things would get better, that this time would be different. All the things that he’s said before when you spent the night crying over his neglect. And you knew you’d fall for it. You knew you’d go running back to him if you didn’t get out before he found out. Lando was persistent and an expert manipulator, you knew that and you still fell for it over and over again so this time you were trying to give yourself the chance to put yourself first and not fall back into his trap. 
“He’s going to learn his lesson when he comes home and finds that you’re finally moving on.” Jade says, tone firm but still gentle. She knows what it’s like to be in a relationship like you have with Lando and when you had called her that morning last month to tell her you were finally leaving him, she had decided she was going to make sure she’d do everything in her power to keep you from going back to him. Getting you unpacked and settled in your new apartment was a huge step forward, one Jade hadn’t been sure you would end up following through with. 
You nod, hoping she’s right but you have a feeling deep in your gut that when Lando gets back into town tomorrow morning he’s not going to see it that way. He’s going to be angry and he’s going to try to get you to come back home to him. 
Looking around your new apartment though, you feel something settle in your bones that you haven’t felt in a very long time. It’s a feeling of attachment to this place. Like if you’re careful and thoughtful, this little apartment tucked away in one of the most exclusive buildings in Monaco could be the best opportunity you have for getting your life back on track. You could heal here, you can feel that in the way the sunlight spills through the windows in the living room, in the way your anxiety allows you to breathe when you stand in the kitchen surrounded by things that you bought yourself, and in in the way you feel when you settle yourself on your brand new bed that will have never shared an intimate moment between you and Lando. Those memories have all been left behind and this new apartment seems like the perfect place for a new beginning. 
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As Jade comforts you on your couch, your brother is across town arriving at the Monaco Sports Club where he has a game of padel scheduled with Max that afternoon. He had offered to cancel on him this morning when you spoke to him on the phone, saying that your first full day in the apartment was more important than any padel game, but you had insisted that he keep his game. You had wanted a bit of space to breathe from your brothers, who you knew meant very well and you were very grateful for but sometimes, the three men got to be a little suffocating. So, against his better judgement, Charles had skipped coming over that afternoon in favor of hanging out with Max. 
Max hasn’t stopped thinking about that night last month when he witnessed Lando being needlessly cruel to you. He had every intention of calling Charles that night, had every intention of telling him how the British driver was actually treating you but something had stopped him. He had needed a little more time to process everything that he saw. Max knew that Lando could be an asshole but he never could have guessed that he would have treated you the way he did that night he brought you back to the apartment. It had shaken him and it had taken him a bit to figure out exactly how to approach it with Charles because he knew if Charles really knew how Lando had been treating you, Lando might not make it to the next race alive. Because while everyone knew the relationship was toxic and Lando wasn’t a good boyfriend, no one really realized just how bad it had gotten until Max saw behind the curtain that night of the art show. 
When Max had invited Charles to play padel today, he had finally decided to tell him what had gone down that night. It had taken so long because Max kept waffling between ‘this is none of my business’ and ‘she’s everything’ but when he spotted Charles walking through the padel courts towards him, Max was surprised at how happy Charles looked. 
“You look happy.” Max observes before giving his friend a hug. 
“Oh, it is a very good day, mon ami.” Charles is practically glowing as he smiles over at his long time friend. 
Max lifts a brow, it’s been a while since he’s seen Charles look this optimistic and he wonders if it has something to do with you. 
As if Charles reads his mind, he continues, “We finally got the apartment finished and as of this morning, she’s fully left that piece of garbage.” A smug smile plays at the corner of the Ferrari driver’s mouth. 
The relief that washes over Max is surprising. He hadn’t realized how truly worried he was for your well being until that moment. The guilt that sets in though has his chest aching. How could he have gone so long without saying something to someone about what he had seen that night? Max carefully weighs his decision that he had been so set on just moments before. If you’ve already left Lando and are settling into your apartment, does Charles really need to know what happened that night? It would only cause more drama and Max knew that more drama and anxiety was the last thing you needed. 
In a split second decision that he knows could come back to haunt him, Max decides to keep quiet for now. 
“That is the best thing I’ve heard all day.” With a genuine grin, Max bounces the padel ball against the floor. 
Charles beams back at him and Max can almost see the stress that his friend has been carrying around recently melting away from his features. He had known that your brother was worried about you, had known your entire circle, or what was left of it, was worried but now that this was really happening, Max could practically feel the relief rolling off of Charles in waves. 
“You’re telling me.” Charles mutters before walking to the other side of the court to get the game started. 
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Max hadn’t meant to end up in your old neighborhood, truly he hadn’t. He had been on a run the morning after playing padel for a few hours with Charles when he passed the bakery that was a few blocks from your old apartment. He hadn’t meant to come this far but the pressures of the season were starting to get to him as they usually did around this time of year and he had needed extra time to clear his head. The fact that he couldn’t seem to get you off his mind either plagued him the entire run too. The way you had felt pressed against his side as he walked you home that night last month, the way your cheeks flamed with humiliation as Lando had laid into you in front of him when he walked you to your door, everything about you seemed to be invading his thoughts and it worried him. 
It worried him because he couldn’t let you get under his skin like this. He knew it was a dangerous game he was playing, knowing what you’ve been through and allowing himself to wander down that road. He was just happy you were safe now and hopefully you would start to get that spark back that he knew you still had in you. Everything else would have to wait. 
So when he passed the bakery you had pointed out as your favorite the night he had walked you home, he couldn’t help but follow his feet inside. The smells of freshly baked bread and sweet pastries washed over his senses as the bell above the wooden door jingled, announcing his arrival. He knew exactly what he was looking for before the woman behind the counter even asked and before he was able to second guess his decision, Max was walking out of the bakery moments later with half a dozen of what he knew were your favorite almond croissants. 
A housewarming gift, he told himself. Because what other way should Max welcome his newest neighbor to the building where he had lived for the last two years? He knew these were your favorites and if he had to guess, wandering back into your old neighborhood just for some carbs was probably at the bottom of your ‘to do’ list right now, even if they were heavenly pieces of baked bread and sweet almond filling. 
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While Max made his way back across town, laden down with a large pink bakery box, you were just getting out of bed and starting your day. Anxiety, a feeling that seemed to be your constant companion lately, sits heavy on your shoulders as you move around the new apartment. The quiet hush that blankets the small space is different than the stifling silence you're used to in your apartment with Lando. It was unnerving to say the least but if you allowed yourself to pause for even just a moment, you could almost feel your soul breathing a sigh of relief. 
That wash of contentment is short lived though when a knock at your front door sends your heart rate spiking through the roof. You know that Lando was going to be home today but didn't know what time. It didn’t even cross your mind that there was no way it was him outside your door because he simply didn’t know where you had moved to but just the thought of someone who you weren’t expecting waiting for you and the possibility that it could be your now ex-boyfriend had you spiraling. 
Reaching for your phone, you pull up the security system app that Charles had insisted you get installed, despite the fact that this was a very well secured building with its own doorman downstairs 24/7. The person standing outside your door has confusion knitting your brow together. 
Pancake ingredients forgotten, you pad towards the door shuffling through various emotions: relief that it isn’t Lando waiting for you on the other side, apprehension about seeing the person that was patiently waiting in the hallway for you, and a bit of relief that you hadn’t lost this person like you thought you might have. 
“Max, what a pleasant surprise.” You murmur when you swing the door open. 
In front of you, the Dutch driver is dressed for a workout in athletic shorts and a t-shirt, his blond hair covered in a backwards baseball cap. You’re surprised at the shimmer of pleasure that works its way up your spine when he smiles at you but quickly squash the feeling, remembering the pity on his face as Lando had yelled at you that night he walked you home. 
“I was on a run this morning and remembered you saying this bakery was your favorite. I thought I’d bring you some almond croissants as a sort of ‘welcome to the building’ present.” 
Warmth spreads through your belly at the gesture and you hold the door open to welcome Max into the apartment. “Welcome to the building?” You ask, confused. 
Max grins back at you, rubbing at the back of his neck as he follows you to the kitchen. “I live up in the penthouse. I moved in about two years ago.”
Surprise flickers across your face. When you started dating Lando, your friendship with Max had grown distant so it shouldn’t shock you that you didn’t even know where your friend lived. “Oh, I didn’t realize.” You whisper, guilt settling like a stone in your stomach. 
Max watches you bustle around the kitchen, decidedly avoiding eye contact with him. For a few moments he just observes you, trying to decide if he should leave or push. Charles had mentioned yesterday that you were nervous about living alone and Max wanted to make sure that you were okay. He knew he should probably leave you alone to continue to settle it, with it being only your second day in the apartment alone, but there was something keeping him rooted to the spot where he stood in the middle of the kitchen.
 “Are the almond ones still your favorite?” He asks, shattering the silence that had settled over the room. He knows you’re easily spooked now and Max desperately wants you to be comfortable about him. Maybe if he distracts you from whatever storm is brewing in your head, you’ll open up a bit. 
His patience is rewarded with the first unguarded smile he’s seen from you in a long time. “I can’t believe you remembered.” You laugh, reaching for one of the croissants in the open box. 
“You used to put these things away like nobody’s business when we were younger.” 
The blush that creeps across your cheeks has Max gripping the edge of the counter. The two of you fall into a comfortable conversation of safe topics, mostly about your new apartment and how Max’s cats are doing. You like this, the way you feel around him but you can almost feel your body bracing for the other shoe to fall. You keep waiting to have something stupid slip out of your mouth, causing Max to berate or make fun of you. 
Much to your surprise it never happens though and you spend the next hour talking through memories of when Charles and Max were fighting it out on the karting tracks when you were younger. Max remembered you well from those days, how you would beg to tag along with him and Charles and the older boys. 
The sun sits high in the sky when your phone start buzzing loudly on the counter. At first you ignore it, too lost in the conversation you and Max are having, the way he is so attentive to everything you have to say and how he asks you questions like he’s genuinely interested in what you have to say. You don’t want the attention he’s giving you to end but when your phone starts buzzing for the fifth time in a row, you get up off the couch to retrieve it. It was probably just Charles checking on you, you hand’t heard from him all day after all. 
Your heart sinks and your stomach churns when you see the caller ID though. “Fuck.” The whisper that tumbles off of your lips is broken and harsh, causing Max’s head to snap towards where you’re leaning over the counter, forearms braced on either side of your phone. 
“Everything okay?” Max gets up off the couch to join you in the kitchen, concerned over the way you’ve suddenly gone white as a sheet as you stare down at your phone like it’s about to reach up and strangle you right there in the middle of the room. 
In the couple of hours that you had spent catching up with Max, you had completely forgot that Lando was due to get home soon. “I guess Lando has discovered I’m gone.” The way your voice shakes has Max’s heart squeezing. 
“He doesn’t know you moved out?” 
“Well he does now.” You quip, nervous chuckle falling from your lips. The text messages came in first, it looked like. Nearly a dozen of them and as you scroll through the messages, your face heats. Of course this is going to happen with Max here. Why is he always a witness to your humiliation?
Where are you? Why is the closet half empty, where are all your clothes? Baby, why is your treadmill gone? And your Peloton?  Where the FUCK are you??? ANSWER ME NOW WHERE ARE YOU??? DID YOU LEAVE ME THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY YOU’RE DOING THIS TO ME RIGHT NOW ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE NOW COWARD
Shortly after the messages stop, the calls start. You stare down at the phone as Max watches as call after call comes through. 
“You don’t have to answer him.” Max murmurs, coming to stand right next to you. You have to resist the urge to lean into his warmth, to collapse against the quiet strength that rolls off of him in waves.
“It’s only going to get worse if I don’t.” 
“Does he know where you are?” 
You shake your head, tears threatening to spill over. Why was this all happening right now? You knew you were safe, that he had no idea where you had moved to but just the thought of being in the same city as him when he was this angry is enough to have the panic threatening to strangle the breath straight out of your lungs. 
“Then you’re safe. He wouldn’t ever do anything to put his career in danger, Dovie.” 
You have to laugh at the statement because it’s so true. Lando would never do anything to put his career on the line. He’d do whatever it took to keep you in line under his thumb, no matter how mean he had to be to control you but when it came to his career? His first love? He’d never do anything to put his seat in question and you knew that. You had always come second to racing and what Max said was the total truth. 
Max watches you shrink into yourself as the calls continue to come in, one after another, and he knows he has to do something. He glances at the time and instantly gets an idea. “I was supposed to go to dinner with Danny in an hour. What if you leave the phone here for the night and come to dinner with me?” He pauses, seeing the panic flicker across your face. “With us. Come to dinner with us.” He corrects quickly. “I’ll call Charles and see if he’s free too? It’s been a while since we’ve all had dinner together.” 
Your eyes drop down to the phone, now quiet for the moment, and weigh your options. You know you’re not ready to talk to Lando but the fact that you’re ignoring him makes you feel like a coward. You’re going to have to speak to him sometime but maybe it was okay if you put if off for a few more days. Dinner out with Max, Daniel, and your brother sounds so appealing but you still hesitate. 
“Come on, Dovie. You can’t spend the whole night starting at the phone. He’s going to keep calling and it’s not good for you to be alone right now.” 
The pain that slices through your heart at the gentle coaxing Max’s tone takes on is almost unbearable. Why is he always the one to see you laid so bare, so vulnerable? 
“How did I let this happen, Max?” Your voice breaks, soft and uncertain as you turn into Max’s waiting frame. Without hesitation, Max’s arms circle around you and he pulls you deeper into his chest. Something settles in him then, almost like he’s relieved you’ve allowed him in. The way you shake while he holds you has his chest aching and he’d really like to give the McLaren driver a piece of his fucking mind right about then, but he knows that’s going to have to wait for now. You’re much more important. 
“You were in love, schatje and that’s okay. You trusted him and he broke that trust. It’s not a reflection of you, sweet girl, its a reflection of him. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.” 
You sob quietly into his chest, soaking his t-shirt through with your tears as the dam finally breaks. Humiliation threatens to drag you under but you allow Max’s words to resonate through you. They soften the sharp edges of your heartache and regret, knowing that someone like Max, who you respect and have known for nearly your entire life, doesn’t think this entire thing is your fault. You sink into his warmth, clutching at the fabric of his shirt, allowing his steady breath to ground you. 
Max just stands there, a quiet pillar of strength that he can feel you desperately need right now. Hr murmurs quiet reassurances to you as you cry against him, slowly rocking you back and forth. “Come on,” Max coos, lips brushing against the top of your head. “Go take a shower and then lets go to dinner. I’ll call Charles and see if he’s free. You haven’t seen Danny in ages, right? It’ll be good to get out.” 
Dragging in a deep breath, you hold the air in your lungs until they pinch. “Okay.” 
With one last look at your phone, you turn away and walk down the hallway, leaving Max starting at your phone which has finally gone quiet. For several moments, Max just stands at the counter in the kitchen, unable to move. Relief floods his veins when he hears the shower start though and he knows that you’re finally making a small step towards getting out from under Lando’s control.
@shelbyteller, @martygraciesversion381, @samantha-chicago, @stelena-klayley @dark-night-sky-99 @luckylampzonkland, @aykxz98 @forensicheart @cheer-bear-go-vroom @lieutenantchaos @willowsnook @linnygirl09 @meglouise00 @mixedstyles @secret-agents-stole-my-bunnies @mrosales16 @charlesgirl16 @leclercdream @daemyratwst @dramaticpiratellamas @mochimommy2002 @llando4norris @iamaunknownsecret @maxivstappen @imlonelydontsendhelp @nina-or-anna-or-nora @a1leexxa @littlegrapejuice @sunflowervol18 @freyathehuntress @finn-dot-com @swiftie-4-lifes-stuff @chirasama @lauralarsen @dr3wstarkey @saskiaalonso @rbv3rstappen @ilovechickenwings @guaaafiiburg @mcmuppet @mindless-rock @piastri-fvx @mel164 @schumi-angel @myescapefromthislife @supertrashbread @sunny44 @tinystudentblaze-stuff @sarx164
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mind-intheclouds342 · 4 months ago
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Do it for them - Co-captain reader x Curly
Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4
Swansea: "Could you see anything?"
You took off your space suit helmet to respond to him, your face showing dark circles and a tired grimace. 
"Nothing at all... But... mm... We are following a trajectory but I can't say which one it is, we are not returning to earth but we are also not heading to the delivery zone... I only know that the ship is taking us somewhere else... but maybe-"
You were about to collapse, but Swansea immediately caught you before you fell.
Swansea: "Okay! That's enough, how long has it been since you last slept?"
"I need to find a way to return... Then I'll be able to sleep..."
You held onto his shirt tightly, trying to stand up but your body wouldn't let you, you felt the full weight of the suit on you. 
Swansea: "How could you go out like that? Do you know what would have happened if you had fainted out there?! We were going to lose you forever!"
The man immediately made you sit down and helped you take off the suit. 
Swansea: "Look at yourself, have you been eating? You look pale."
"I have my reverses in my room..." 
You murmured as he helped you to your feet and took you to your room, he could see the pile of accumulated food.
Swansea: "You haven't been eating!"
"Maybe I forgot about that..." 
He began to worry upon seeing all the papers stuck to the walls, written and scribbled, recreating plans of the ship and attempts to return. 
Swansea: "Listen to me carefully, we all appreciate the work you are doing, but we need you to be fine! Otherwise, we won't have a captain anymore!"
You rested your head on his chest and he felt how you wrapped your arms around him, he stood still as he heard you sob, sighed, and returned the embrace. 
"I'm scared - I'm afraid I won't be able to fix this - that I won't be able to see him again - that something will happen to all of you - it's too much"
Swansea: "You don't have to handle everything on your own, we're a team. I know well that Curly was your partner, that you relied on each other, but you can count on us too." 
You slowly pulled away and ran your hand over your cheeks to dry your tears.
"I didn't know you were good at comforting."
Swansea: "Ha! My wife is expecting a girl at home, I'm prepared for these things." 
"She is going to be very lucky to have you as a father."
Swansea: "Of course," he sat down next to you and sighed, "I want you to take a break, okay?"
"...Okay," you nodded. "Can you take care of the others? Delivering their rations and all that?"
Swansea: "If you give me the code, I'll do it without any problems."
"Thank you very much, Swansea... These two months after the crash...have been... Exhausting"
Swansea: "You want to see it, don't you?"
You nodded without saying a word. 
Swansea: "I can distract Anya and you can sneak off to see him."
"No- I can't do that... I will respect his wishes and wait until he feels ready to see me... Have you seen it?"
Swansea: "Nah, the only ones who have seen him are Anya and Jimmy, it seems like he's in a delicate situation."
You lifted your legs onto the bed to hug them tightly, resting your chin on your knees. 
"I'll rest for a week, is that okay?"
Swansea: "Of course, boss" 
He patted your back before leaving.
You looked at the rings on your hands and smiled. 
"You have made me depend a lot on you... I have to learn to control myself..."
You sighed and threw yourself onto the bed to try to get some rest. 
The first few days of your break, you felt extremely anxious for not doing anything about it, but you knew you needed to stay calm. 
One night you heard some knocks on your door, you were doodling in your notebook to keep yourself distracted until you saw Jimmy walk in. 
Jimmy: "I brought you a cup of coffee." 
He mentioned leaving the cup on the nightstand next to your bed. 
"Thank you"
Jimmy: "I noticed you left Swansea in charge."
"He has more experience than the others."
Jimmy: "Shouldn't it be my responsibility? I am Curly's co-pilot."
"What's the point of a co-pilot if there's no pilot's cabin? I'm sorry Jimmy, the answer is no. Anyway, in a few days I'll be back."
Jimmy: "Why do you always have to be a bitch with me?!"
You lifted your gaze from your notebook to see him, tilting your head. 
"I never did anything to you, you were always the one who talked shit about me, but Curly always kept you in line. Now he's not here, so I'm going to keep you in your place, okay?" 
Without saying another word, he left, slamming your door hard, but that didn't scare you or make you react in any way.
Seeing the cup of coffee he brought you, you took it to throw the content in the trash. 
.
.
.
.
.
Jimmy: "You and your perfect wife, your perfect life... It seems they enjoy seeing me as if I were someone inferior."
The man was speaking while placing a pill in his hand. 
Jimmy: "Let's see how much he's going to believe after tonight." 
He brutally opened his friend's mouth, who let out a cry of pain and growls that seemed to come from a helpless animal. 
The sounds from that room were horrible, all caused by the man taking it out on his friend for having everything he wanted. 
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mybelovedfleur · 1 month ago
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,,𝐵𝑒𝓁𝓁𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓃𝓃𝒶" 𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝐼𝐼
(Yandere!Silco x Amnesiac!Fem!Reader)
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!TW! FantasyAU! Heavy Yandere Themes, Silco is ooc for sure, vomiting, sick!reader, violence, mention of death, violence, dark yandere, I will tag every chapter seperately! :)
Description: ,, A series of unfortunate events causes you to completely lose your memory. Now, you find yourself thrust into the role of the Duchess of Zaun, married to a man you don’t recognize. But was this ever truly your life? And why does the scent of blood cling to you, no matter where you go? "
Note: english is NOT my first language, I am very much open for critique and suggestions but pls be nice and respectful :c I DO NOT support any of these behaviors!
─ ⊹ ⊱ -'♡'- ⊰ ⊹ ─
Silco leaned over you, concern in his eyes, as if the slightest sign of your pain hurt him just as much. He carefully adjusted the pillow so that you could comfortably rest your injured head on it.
"Do you feel worse? Should I get a doctor?" he whispered with tension in his voice, the trembling note betraying how much he cared about your health.
You haven't shown the slightest interest in leaving your bed all morning - a completely different behavior from your determination yesterday.
No wonder Silco noticed it right away. Seeing that you didn't even try to get up to eat breakfast, he became clearly worried. From that moment on, he constantly circled you like a tireless bee, trying to help you in every way possible. Instead of comforting you, his excessive concern began to irritate you - it was the first time he seemed so burdensome. You were overwhelmed by the dark memories of the nightmare that still weighed on your mind, and Silco didn't give you a moment's respite to simply delve into your own thoughts.
,,I feel like I always do, I just don't have the strength. It's nothing serious" you said, finally trying to calm him down. But Silco didn't look convinced. His gaze wandered over your body, as if stubbornly searching for something that could betray you
,,I have an important meeting today... " he whispered under his breath, clearly to himself, but you heard it clearly. You didn't have time to say anything, because his gaze fell roght back on your face.
,, It doesn't matter" he said in a confident tone, his voice firm" I'll stay with you"
If you had more strength, and the wound on the back of your head wasn't throbbing with irritating pain, you would have surely jumped up.
"No, please..." you said pleadingly, staring at him. "I don't want to be a burden again. You hardly leave my side anyway"
Silco froze for a moment, as if your words had hurt him more than he would like to admit. When he finally spoke, his tone was unexpectedly serious.
"Don't ever say that again" he said firmly.
You sighed, feeling the weight of guilt gripping your heart."I just don't want to stop you," you began quietly, struggling to gather your thoughts. 
"I want to prove to both of us that I can handle myself, even in times like these. If you go to this meeting... I'll be truly happy"
Silco stood up and began to pace nervously around the room, you could almost hear the grinding of his teeth. His hand involuntarily went to the scarred side of his face, which he rubbed as if trying to quell the growing frustration. You waited tensely, holding your breath, wondering if your words had angered him.
"The servants are well trained" he finally said, his voice full of reluctance, as if each word was difficult for him. "They know what to do. Don't hesitate to send for me if something happens, or if you simply need me."
His gaze finally met yours.
"I'll drop everything and come to you" he added with such intensity that you had no doubts about the sincerity of his words.
─ ⊹ ⊱ -'♡'- ⊰ ⊹ ─ 
It wasn't like you hadn't noticed the estate workers before – they were there, but rather like shadows moving in the background, silently carrying out your husband's orders. They were the ones who helped you with more intimate activities, such as changing or washing. Although it made things easier for you, you quickly noticed that Silco approached this matter with clear reluctance.
When you first asked for a new nightgown and the opportunity to wash up, he fulfilled your wish almost immediately. However, his reaction to this request exceeded your expectations - before you knew it, he was already filling the bathtub with water, sitting you on the stool next to it. When with unwavering determination he wanted to help you take off your clothes, you felt your face immediately turn red like a beetroot.
Embarrassed, you calmly asked him to let you do it yourself. His expression was hard to read - as if he was fighting with his thoughts. From that moment on, he waited for you outside the bathroom door, visibly anxious and even outraged whenever one of the servants helped you with something that he felt should have been his role.
 Now, you had a real chance to make contact with them, maybe even have a short conversation. Up until now, everything you knew about your life had come from Silco's mouth. His stories, while very romantic, were undoubtedly tinged with his feelings, perhaps even idealized – which was no surprise, considering the way he was devoted to his role as your loving husband.
The prospect of hearing something about yourself from an outsider, someone who wasn't emotionally attached to you, seemed almost exciting. It could be a chance to look at your life from a different perspective – and perhaps discover something new about yourself.
You were being looked after by three women: two middle-aged and one clearly younger. They were all dressed in impeccably ironed black uniforms that emphasized their professionalism. They moved around you with mechanical precision – their movements were so perfect and synchronized that they almost resembled some sort of machines. Silco wasn't exaggerating when he said that they were highly trained.
 Your ambitious plans to start a conversation didn't go so well at first. You were too nervous, and their distant attitude only increased your embarrassment.
It was only when the younger girl was left alone in the room to change the sheets on the bed that you felt it was the right moment to speak up. So you broke through, saying the first words
"What's your name?" you asked, trying to make your voice sound natural, although you yourself felt slightly embarrassed. The girl, noticeably surprised, stopped for a moment, as if wondering what she should do, whether to answer you at all.
 A moment of silence passed, which seemed to last forever, before finally, with a nervousness in her voice, she answered
"Erin, my lady"  she somehow radiated a warmth that immediately worked in your favor, and you felt your self-confidence begin to grow.
"Erin" you repeated. 
You noticed how the girl visibly relaxed, and a delicate, almost shy smile appeared on her face.
"Tell me, how long have you been working here?" she put down the pillow she was working on and finally turned her full attention to you.
"Only a month, Ma'am" she replied. As soon as you heard her words, you sighed with resignation.
"The entire staff has been here for a month" she added quickly. At these words, you looked up, and your eyes narrowed in a sign of dissatisfaction and suspicion.
"How so?"
The girl, now clearly regretting speaking, began nervously adjusting her uniform.
"The Duke replaced the entire staff after your accident," she explained quickly, as if these words were supposed to calm the situation, although they had the opposite effect.
You wanted to ask for details, for reasons, for what exactly had happened, but before you could say anything, the door flew open. One of the older women entered the room with a silver tray full of medicines.
The older woman gave the girl a reprimanding look that was telling enough for the young maid to immediately return to her work, lowering her gaze like a guilty child.
When the servants finished their duties, both women bowed low and asked if you needed anything else. You forced yourself to briefly deny it, even though your thoughts were screaming to stop them and force out more information. A moment later, the door closed behind them, leaving you alone in the room, again.
─ ⊹ ⊱ -'♡'- ⊰ ⊹ ─ 
By the end of the day, your strength had returned, at least enough to get out of bed and sit on the edge. You still felt a slight weakness in your legs, but the knowledge that at least you had managed to overcome your constant fatigue was comforting. On the nightstand stood a silver tray of medicines – the same tablets whose bitter taste made you nauseous, and whose effects locked you in a numbing fog. You looked at them with reluctance, the dark purple – almost black liquid standing in the cup almost made you nauseous by its very sight. A decision was made in your head – not now. You would use this moment, when your body finally did not betray you, and Silco did not hover nearby like a guard watching over a prisoner.
Without the constant feeling of sleepiness, you finally felt like your thoughts were your own—clear, clear, unencumbered by the fog of medication. For the first time in a long time, you felt like you could look at your situation clearly. For days, weeks, maybe even longer, you felt like Silco had not only taken control of your life, but also of what you thought and felt. His words, his presence, even his care—all seemed to shape your reality.
But now, as that grip eased, the truth began to weigh on you, something here was wrong. The situation you found yourself in was far from normal, no matter how beautifully Silco tried to present it. There were too many of his versions of events in this story, his sweet promises, his comfortable half-truths. And the answers you were desperately searching for? There were none. There were only gaps, silence, and then his narrative again. You could see it clearly now—and it was that clarity of mind that made the weight of it all seem unbearable.
You knew that if you wanted to regain even a shred of sanity, you had to get out of this room—this claustrophobic prison where everything seemed to reek of control. You wanted to feel the fresh air, to touch the earth in the garden that had only existed for you as a view through closed, unyielding windows.
But you couldn't. Your body was betraying you, just as it had been betraying you all these days. You knew that if you tried, your legs would give out and you would eventually collapse to the floor—helpless, weak, unable to even get up. The arms that should have held you up would fail. Your imagination showed you the image of Silco entering the room, of you lying there—motionless, completely defenseless, yet more proof that you should have listened to his commands.
The thought squeezed you from the inside, and the frustration you had tried to suppress surged like a wave. You felt the stinging tears welling up in your eyes, the helplessness choking you in your throat. You yearned for freedom so much, but you were a prisoner of your own body.
As if all that wasn't enough, you still felt the weight of your nightmare from today, never leaving you. It lingered in the back of your mind like a persistent shadow, blurry but still clear enough to send shivers down your spine. There was something disturbingly familiar about the nightmare, something that wouldn't leave you alone.
Raised voices could be heard from behind the door leading to Silco's office. They were muffled, but their tone indicated that this was no ordinary conversation - it was an argument. You easily recognized one of the voices as Silco's. The other voice, however, was unfamiliar to you, although unlike your husband, he didn't care about the volume of his tone, probably not knowing that someone on the other side could hear them, the words were still too distorted for you to understand anything.
Your eyes automatically went to the tray of medicines, and then to the door leading to the office. Common sense told you to stay in bed, but something else - curiosity, anxiety, maybe even instinct - told you to act. Pushing aside all logical thoughts, you slowly shifted on the bed, trying to get closer to the source of the sound. However, despite your efforts, the voices were still indistinct, and frustration grew inside you.In a burst of courage—or perhaps mad stupidity—you decided to do something more. 
You grabbed the bed frame, bracing your shaking hands on it, and struggled to your feet. The wall was your only support as you took your first step toward the door.
When you reached your destination, your heart started beating faster, but this time not from the effort, but from relief. You made it – for the first time, you had crossed the entire room without anyone's help. But that feeling of pride only lasted a moment, because suddenly you heard the slam of the office door and quick footsteps, clearly heading your way. Your heart froze in your chest. You didn't have time to back up or think about what to do. 
The door opened abruptly, almost hitting you in the face. You were leaning against the door frame and the handle to keep your balance, but the sudden movement took away all of your support. The world around you blurred, and you felt yourself starting to fall. Before you could touch the floor, you felt strong hands grab you at the last moment. 
The grip was firm, almost too strong, you looked up and looked straight into Silco's eyes, which shone with something between surprise and irritation. His face was drawn, as if he was fighting to keep from exploding with anger, but you could clearly see the shadow of concern that was breaking through his mask of composure.
"What are you doing?" he hissed quietly, his voice laced with a mixture of anger and concern.
Silco wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you closer, so that your faces were almost at the same level. You felt his hands grip your waist tightly, holding you in place as if to make sure you didn't disappear from his field of vision. His gaze was intense, piercing, but you avoided it, lowering your gaze and whispering barely audibly:
"I heard noises outside the door... I got scared" your voice was shaking. Silco narrowed his eyes, then looked away, glancing over your shoulder as if searching for something behind you. But that only lasted a moment. His gaze quickly returned to you - now full of irritation, and his expression changed as if someone had turned off the mask of composure he always wore.
"Why didn't you take your medicine?" he asked, anger growing in his voice.
 "Why are you trying so hard to disobey me?!" before you could say anything, his hands moved to your shoulders, gripping them tightly, his voice growing increasingly tense. Before you could protest, you felt him shake your body. Not hard, but enough to force you to look him in the eyes. His hands seemed to desperately hold you to him, as if they were trying to force you into obedience. 
"Look at me" he growled, his voice shaking, but it wasn't just anger anymore. There was something else in his eyes, behind the facade of anger - fear.
Your gaze remained fixed on your hands clasped on his torso, however, Silco clearly had no intention of waiting for your reaction. In a burst of frustration and desperation, his hand moved to the back of your head, grabbing a spot that had not yet healed. Before you could react, he forced you to lift your head and look him straight in the eye.
Pain exploded like fire, spreading throughout your body, and a sudden, suffering cry escaped your lips. Silco froze, as if he had only just realized what he had done. His hand immediately let go of your head, and the rest of your body recoiled in terror, it was enough for your tired legs to give out. You fell to the floor, with nothing to hold on to.
For several long seconds, Silco stood motionless, as if what had happened was unreal to him. His gaze, filled with anger a moment ago, now seemed as if something inside him had snapped.
As you lifted your gaze, trying to catch your breath and control the pain, something about the image before you seemed strangely familiar. Silco stood still, his silhouette silhouetted against the warm glow of the dying fire in the fireplace, but your eyes could no longer focus on the details. The tears that had welled up in your eyes began to blur reality, and you felt as if the room had suddenly become dark.
You blinked once, then twice, and the image before you changed. Instead of a room, you saw something that resembled a scene from a nightmare. Silco stood before you in the rain, his clothes soaked through, drops running down the material in a rhythmic, almost hypnotic pace.
The entire figure seemed to be taken from another world, yet terrifyingly real at the same time. The only thing that remained clear in this illusion was his injured eye. It glowed in the darkness like a cursed light.
You didn't know if it was a memory, a hallucination caused by the pain, or something more. But one thing was certain - at that moment the line between reality and nightmare began to blur, and you felt like you were drowning in this darkness, the epicenter of which was him.
You curled up on the floor, burying your face in your shaking hands. Tears flowed steadily, hot and stinging, as if burning paths into your skin. The pain, both physical and mental, seemed to take over every aspect of your existence.
"Drink," you heard suddenly, his voice hard, almost impervious to argument.
Before you could protest, you felt Silco lift you off the floor. His movements were surprisingly gentle, though you could feel his hands shaking.
Before you knew what was happening, a silver goblet touched your lips. The dark liquid, the sharp smell of which filled your nostrils, was thick, viscous, its bitter taste immediately hit your taste buds, almost causing a gag reflex, but Silco didn't stop
"Drink" he repeated, this time more insistently, and his free hand held your face, not letting you turn away
You felt the liquid pour into your mouth, and he forced you to swallow. His hand, although shaking, was unwavering, and his gaze was focused on only one thing, regardless of your protests.
When he finally moved the cup away from your lips, you felt the remnants of the liquid run down your chin, leaving a sticky trail on your skin. A few dark drops landed on your nightgown, staining the delicate material.
Your body began to betray you – weakened and tired, unable to fight any longer. Your head fell limply, and Silco gently supported it and placed it on his lap. His touch, although full of anger a moment ago, now seemed almost tender.
You felt a piece of his shirt wipe your face. It was a rough, yet surprisingly caring attempt to wipe away the tears, the traces of liquid, and the pain that seemed to be etched into your skin. His gestures were mechanical, as if he was trying to recreate something a loving husband should do.
Your eyelids began to close, heavy with fatigue and tears. You closed your eyes, feeling the warmth of his presence surrounding you, although you didn't feel safe at all. It was more than resignation – it was capitulation to fate, to him.
─ ⊹ ⊱ -'♡'- ⊰ ⊹ ─
Taglist: @missbeeentertainment
Notes: I'm sorry if there is a lot of mistakes, I was writing it on my phone which has a polish auto correction, and I do not know how to turn it off :( Thank you so so so much for all your love and support, every time I see a notification I feel so grateful for every one of you! Thank you so much and hopefully see you again! <3
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daycourtofficial · 7 months ago
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Have I found you, flightless bird?
Pairing: Eris x Rhys’s sister!reader | WC: 850 | warnings: none
Summary: a reflection of a life of secrets and expectations and how, despite it all, a flightless bird found home in an unlikely place
This is technically part of my gingerfucker series but can be read on its own
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What is a cage?
Is it metal bars, designed to keep someone in a small space? Or is it a title - one you were born into, given with no idea of the weight it would carry. Is it the obligations, the expectations? Being primed from a young age on how to behave in high society?
Or is it the knowledge that your father could trade you away at some point? Give you away to some male in hopes for a political alliance? A path you despise and push back as much as you can, mere coincidence that all of your planned engagements had fallen through due to unforeseen circumstances that arise from someone’s wearisome meddling.
Is the cage being grounded forever, unable to stretch your wings once more? In one damning night leaving the cage your father wanted you in but losing your wings in the process?
Was your brother’s newfound protectiveness a cage, your family’s agreement with it suffocating?
Or is the illusion you’ve created for your family, not letting them look deeper, hiding the bond inside of your chest that felt restrictive?
When did you become the cage, hiding the mating bond within yourself for over a century? Tucking the string around your heart extra tight, in continued hopes no one would pull on it and find out the secrets you’ve kept tucked away?
Did you befriend the cage when your brother and mate were locked courts away, leaving you in purgatory? During that time your days began and ended by touching the protective shield around your city, as if paying your daily respects to it, uncertain what the loss of it would mean for you.
That first year you had spent so much time digging and clawing at the shield, searching for any way out. A daily visit to try the most ridiculous schemes you would concoct when you were away from it.
The fight left you fairly quickly, unsure if you were accepting of your new reality or too tired to fight against it, all too aware that your brother and mate were in a much worse cage.
The realization had made you feel awful.
Every year stuck in Velaris you would celebrate your anniversary alone, stroking the bond within your chest like you were tending to a flame, desperate to keep it kindling for just another year.
The release of the shield and the return of your brother made going back to life in the before even more restrictive, becoming more and more reckless as a result to feed the bond that kept wailing to you, screaming that every second spent in secret was a second wasted.
Maybe you were testing the cage, wanting fate to play a hand in spilling your secrets. Maybe you left Eris’s correspondence out on purpose, even if subconsciously, hoping someone, anyone would know about this double life you lead.
There was no way to know, and perhaps it’s better to not know how it all happened. All you needed to know was the weight you had been carrying your entire life - the expectations, the uncertainty, the secrets, the lies - the weight fell from your back, shattering on the floor the night Eris found you in his chambers, some servant sweeping away the broken shards of everything keeping you stuck.
Night was where you grew up. Velaris was home, but home is a place you can’t go back to. It was learning to fly while Cassian laughed when you fell. It was eating every night with your mom, sister, and everyone else, the serving dishes wiped clean, not a scrap of food gone to waste. It was fighting over dolls, mocking Rhys, laughing when the moon was high overhead. It was sneaking out and smoking with Azriel, knowing the bartenders at Rita’s, knowing which cobblestones were wobbly.
But you had outgrown it. One day, the newness of Velaris wore off. It was no longer a city of starlight to you. It was beautiful, but it felt like a place where your past happened, and new memories were impossible to create here.
It felt like the city carried the weight of all that you had endured.
Night was home. It was where most of your life happened, it was where your tiny nephew lived, and it was where the streets were so familiar, you walk through them with ease in your dreams.
Your neck craned, looking at the moon through the canopy of trees. The Autumn forests were still largely unknown to you, paths forged from the steps of others, most of the court unknown to your mind, no muscle memory to guide you back.
The leaves crunched beneath your feet, chirping a song of decay as they broke beneath your feet. Eris’s fingers holding onto your own, his hand caging yours, a shared warmth with the contact.
But this didn’t feel like a cage.
His grip was strong, but you knew if you pulled, he would follow, your legs carrying the two of you deeper into the woods, to a place you never thought you’d have again, to a place that maybe never really existed before.
Home.
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Permanent taglist: @vanilla-seabass @cyrygher @lees-chaotic-brain @topaz125 @chessebookgirl @fides25 @lady-of-tearshed @ashbatz @fxckmiup @lilah-asteria @justvibbinghere @daughterofthemoons-stuff @mybestfriendmademe @heartless-tate @tsunami-of-tears @idrkwhatthisisimsorry @olive-main @azrielsmate3 @pit-and-the-pen @durgenyx @dee-writes-smut @chairofchaos @thelov3lybookworm @berryzxx @throneofsmut @kennedy-brooke @prythianpages @itsswritten @acotarxreader @milswrites @the-golden-jhope @hannzoaks @secretlyhers @tothestarsandwhateverend @sarawritestories @chxosangxl
Eris taglist: @magicstrengthandcourage
Thanks for reading ❣️
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villainsandvictimsalliance · 8 months ago
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So many lonely people on Kaiju No. 8 had found companionship with Kafka.
He's the personification of support. A senpai, a role model, a hero, a friend, a cadet, a reliable worker, even a crush. He's someone you can trust and someone that wants to be there for you. Even the comedy relief guy or the saviour of the day!!
In the latest manga chapters he was a plushie for a little girl.
There's Reno who lost his entire family. Kafka took the role of the senpai with him: guide and teach the guy, talk with him, show him how to survive and inspire him. Reno met a genuinely good guy that was openly offering his help and friendship, so he went back to thank him and do the same. Hey, your dream is not over, Reno said. What did he get in return? Kafka sacrificing his life for him, telling him to run, giving up the most important thing in his life for Reno.
There's Mina, who is terrified of being alone. She found a personal clown in Kafka, yes, but he was also the boy who helped her keep her hope and made things easier. He would always go with her to the shelter during a kaiju attack, even if he was in another school. He told her she didn't have to kill kaijus all alone. He promised to be by her side. Mina was thrown into a world of giant burdens and expectations, where her failures could mean death and destruction. Kafka saw her not as the weapon she was, but as Mina.
Hoshina was constantly disrespected, overlooked and ignored. He gave Kafka a chance because he reminded Hoshina of himself. For his troubles, Hoshina got a guy that would work hard to reach his expectations, that would rival him, that would call him first thing and spend all that time worried and would apologize before turning into a kaiju to save their lives. Kafka became a friend of sorts to Hoshina through hard work and respect.
Kikoru was used to all types of reactions from the people around her, but not to the level of worry and pride and trust Kafka gave her. It was not for show, he was completely open and sincere in his feelings. Kikoru you're an asshole, Kikoru you're amazing, Kikoru pleaseeee take care of yourself, Kikoru I won't disappoint you, Kikoru you have my permission and gratitude if you kill me if I ever lose control, Kikoru I trust you to finish this battle.
The first thing Kafka did during the second part of the recruitment was support Aoi and Haruichi during their subjugation of a kaiju.
He saved Minase's life by partially turning and risking his life for it. He saved Iharu and Reno that day against No. 9.
Narumi told Kafka that only they knew the weight of the burden they carried for being there the day Isao Shinomiya was killed. Freaking Narumi, who wouldn't share that burden with anyone else.
Like it was noted by his boss while he was still part of the Cleaning Corps, Kafka would do his job after complaining, but he'd do it perfectly and do it again if asked to.
He's reliable. I know I said it before, but he is.
In a world where anyone can die any minute, in the Kaiju Country, Kafka is a presence you don't want to vanish. It's what Mina says: everything is easier with him around, anything is possible.
When in the first chapters Kafka tells the little girl to not be afraid because he'll go and everything will be okay— the girl thanks him. In the anime, the little girl even asks Mina to please not hurt the good kaiju. Once people have met him, they don't want him to go. They'd do anything for him not to go, not to die. When Kikoru saw him losing control and remembered her promise, she decided that she'd rather believe in him 'til the end. When Isao was about to disappear, he thought about Kafka and said he'd leave things up to him too.
Isn't that what it means to be a hero? To be able to say "leave it up to me" but also trust others to help you when you need it? Inspire people to support you because you supported them first?
The only thing scarier than the kaijus is to be left alone in the world— and Kafka fights that.
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dekariosclan · 11 days ago
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I had a thought about Gales reaction to/feelings about stretch marks on his partner. Not ones from pregnancy (I personally feel those are kind of different. I have a lot of them just from fast weight gain, and even after losing that weight seeing them seems to only remind me of my shame that I ever let myself go that much).
I feel like I already know the answer - he is so loving, and so truly does not care about physical “imperfections” on his loved one or things that may be outside whatever beauty standards apply in his world. If he knew his partner was insecure about them, he’d likely go out of his way to make them feel better about them. But I’m still curious how you would describe his thoughts on them, if that makes sense. Would he even notice them? What would they represent to him, if he knew they were from a time his partner was neglecting their health (or even being very lazy)?
I hope this isn’t a nonsensical ramble. I think I’ve lately found myself trying to change my own negative perceptions of myself by thinking through the lens of what Gale would see, so asking an expert like yourself for your take might help me get there on this topic <3
Not nonsensical at all anon! 💜 And I love your idea of thinking through the lens of what Gale would see—the world would be a much kinder (and chattier!) place if everyone did so.
Your thoughts about Gale’s response to his partner’s insecurities are spot-on. But he’d also want to reassure them (and you!) that there is nothing shameful about the fact that their body changed shape or appearance. He would hush any disparaging comments about ‘letting oneself go’ or ‘being very lazy’. He’d be very, very proud that his love was no longer neglecting their health, but he would not apply any shame or negativity to their bodily appearance, either in the past or in their present condition.
I honestly think a lot of people struggle to understand Gale’s way of thinking because we have been-force fed toxic beauty bullsh*t for our entire lives. By our society’s beauty standards, Gale is hot. And Gale had a hot Goddess girlfriend; therefore how could Gale love a non-hot person? I’ve seen countless posts about Mystra being his ex and how ‘my Tav could never compare.’ But we’re the ones who have it all wrong; in Gale’s eyes, when he falls in love with Tav, it’s Mystra who can no longer compare.
So I’ve come to think of it like this: we all know Gale loves and treasures books, right? If you try and destroy the Necromancy book, he gets mad. He geeks out thinking about shopping at Sorcerous Sundries. He has a massive overflowing library in his home in Waterdeep. In short, he absolutely adores, respects and reveres stories. And I think, when Gale looks at others, and especially at his beloved Tav, what he sees and values first and foremost is their story—because that’s what defines who they are. Gale doesn’t judge a book by its cover, he judges it by the quality of the writing.
So, to answer your question about how he would react to Tav’s stretch marks, and whether he would notice them, and what they would represent, I believe he would simply see them for what they are: A physical representation of a chapter in Tav’s life. Not an imperfection, not something shameful, but an experience that, like all the other chapters in Tav’s life, helped shape them into the wonderful person that Gale loves today. An experience that helped to write Tav’s story.
And in his eyes, what could be more beautiful than that?
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alittlegiraffe · 19 days ago
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Title: Family Man
Chapter 1: Beginnings
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The year was 1986, and in the gritty streets of Detroit, a young Marshall Mathers, just 14, was finding his voice. Life wasn’t easy; the trailer park, the constant moving, and the absence of stability weighed heavily on him. But through the chaos, he discovered rap, a form of expression that allowed him to articulate his thoughts and feelings.
Marshall wasn’t the type to easily open up, but something changed when he met her. Y/N was new to the neighborhood, your family having moved from a quieter suburb after your father took a job in the city. You were everything Marshall didn’t know he needed—bright, kind, and genuine. You didn’t judge him for his rough edges or the anger he sometimes wore like armor. Instead, you saw the vulnerability he tried so hard to hide.
You met at a local park, where Marshall would often sit with his notebook, scribbling down lyrics. You, curious and bold, approached him one afternoon, y/c/h catching the sun as you smiled.
"Whatcha writing?" you asked, peering over his shoulder.
Marshall instinctively closed the notebook but then, seeing your genuine interest, hesitated. "Just some stuff," he mumbled.
"Can I see?" you pressed gently.
He handed it over reluctantly, watching your eyes scan the page. To his surprise, you nodded in approval. "This is really good," you said, handing it back. "You’ve got talent."
From that day, your bond grew. You became his confidante, the one person he could trust implicitly. Your family welcomed him with open arms, providing the stability and warmth he had long craved. Your father, a music enthusiast, even encouraged Marshall’s passion, letting him practice in your basement and offering advice.
You were a constant source of encouragement, helping Marshall stay focused on his dreams. You believed in him even when he doubted himself. Your love was young but profound, built on mutual respect and understanding. It was a love that was faithful, reciprocal, and light—a beacon in the darkness of Marshall’s world.
As the years passed, Marshall’s skills sharpened. He started making a name for himself in the local rap scene, always with you by his side. You were there for the highs and lows, from his first battle win to the moments when the weight of his past threatened to pull him down. Your presence kept him grounded, reminding him of the life he wanted to build—a life free from the toxicity and pain he had known.
Your relationship baffled those around you, especially as his fame and talent grew. In an industry often marked by scandal and fleeting romances, you and Marshall's enduring love was an anomaly. The media couldn’t understand how a young rapper, known for his raw and sometimes controversial lyrics, had managed to maintain such a healthy and lasting relationship.
But the real surprise came several years later, on the night of the Oscars. It was 2003, and Marshall had just won Best Original Song for "Lose Yourself." The world watched as he and his wife walked the red carpet together, your hands intertwined.
An interviewer approached, microphone in hand. "Marshall, everyone’s curious. What’s your secret to such a successful relationship? You’ve been with Y/N since you were teenagers, and it seems like your love has only grown stronger."
Marshall glanced at you, a soft smile playing on his lips. "She’s my rock," he said simply. "We’ve been through everything together. She believed in me when no one else did. I’m just lucky to have found my soulmate early on."
You squeezed his hand, your eyes shining with pride. "We’ve always supported each other," you added. "It’s about trust, communication, and never losing sight of what’s important."
The interviewer nodded, clearly impressed. "It’s rare to see such a grounded and genuine love story in this industry. You two are an inspiration."
As you continued down the red carpet, the cameras captured more than just a couple in love; they captured a story of resilience, hope, and the transformative power of finding the right person at the right time.
Marshall knew that his journey would have been vastly different without you. You had given him the strength to rise above his circumstances and become the man he was meant to be. And for that, he would be forever grateful.
Tags: @anjee0
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teaboot · 2 years ago
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I have to remind myself that my characters don't have to be tortured or dramatic to be interesting.
My first DND character was a balding, paunchy, post-middle-aged human man whose wife had just left him and whose kids had grown up and moved away.
He quit his menial job and decided to take up music, something he'd never been very good at that didn't pay the bills, and become a bard.
He was bad at it. Really, really bad. His instrument was shit and he'd never had any formal lessons. On top of that, he was pretty tone-deaf.
BUT. He could play very, very bad noises very, very loud.
On our first campaign, he was cornered by a sea dragon and had no weapons, but by making a loud, horrible noise, he was able to startle it badly enough to lose grasp of the boat.
After that, he used it to herd a small crowd of goblins into a trap by sounding far bigger and more numerous a foe.
He never got much better, but he did grow his confidence, and won the affection and respect of his companions, who grew to support him in ways nobody else had before.
I had to stop playing him for a while after that, but last I had him, he was developing an interest in color and flare and fashion that he'd never paid much attention to before.
He didn't lose weight, or grow his hair back, or magically become younger, but he felt brighter, lighter, like he had a new lease on life, like he had something to offer and maybe he deserved to have a bit of fun, now and then, with good company.
He began to wonder if that was what he was missing, before. If perhaps that was why his marriage had wasted away. A lack of drive, of hope, of pride and passion.
I don't know where he would have gone on from there. I don't know if I wanted him to reconnect with his kids, or his ex wife, or his home town. Part of me likes the idea of finding his own way- settling and becoming good friends with his ex, something platonic but warm and fond, and reaching out to his kids and being there for his grandkids and someday passing away bright and loud and loved of old age, asleep in his bed, to be celebrated after by the loudest funeral with the worst music played by the most awful musicians his community had to offer, loud and proud and full of good humor.
Maybe they'd throw a festival, after that. An annual one, with firecrackers and trumpets and clanging pots and pans to scare away the monsters like he did, the roaring hero who came into his own a little later than usual, but wondrously all the same.
A symbol to show that you don't have to bend and squish and contort yourself to fit the space you're in- you can find another space, one that's just your size, and exist there exactly as you are
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allthelovenina · 9 months ago
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Levi Ackerman x reader
Angst, sfw, slight spoilers for season 4
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Something was on your mind. Levi could tell,, but he couldn't exactly put his finger on it. You were losing weight and those eyebags under your eyes weren't unnoticed by him.
It pissed him off. He wasn't pissed just because of your change of habits, but also, the fact that you haven't opened up to him. Why wouldn't you tell him what's bothering you? Wasn't he safe enough for you? Did you not trust him? Perhaps you thought you would bug him.
He had enough of waiting and giving you time. He was going to ask you himself. He found you in the common kitchen one night, you were drinking tea and staring out the window, at the view of the training field. 'Now or never' he thought to himself.
"Hey, brat. Why are you still awake?"
You turned to the voice, the short figure of his standing in the dark, in the middle of the kitchen.
"Hello captain. I could ask you the same."
He raised an eyebrow. "You know I don't need much sleep. What's bothering you? You look like you have a stick up in your ass lately."
You chuckled. His mannerisms when he spoke never failed to make you laugh.
"It's fine. Just...overworking. That's all."
That was a lie. The real reason you've been stressed out was because you finally realized how much you loved Levi and that scared the shit out of you considering how fragile and unstable the situation of Paradis was. Sure, the fact that Eren was gone all by himself in the land of the enemy, the hatred your island was receiving from the whole world and the unavoidable war played their parts. Perhaps if it was 2 years ago when things were much less complicated, you wouldn't be this messed up. But right now you already had so much on your plate and Levi was a new topping on that. You found yourself constantly worried about him, it was ridiculous. You, worrying about the strongest man in the world.
Your sadistic brain kept you up all night thinking about going to Marley, only to lose Levi to their government. Oh if only they knew the power he possessed and the whole "Ackerman clan" history, they would capture him, drug him, put him in a cage and make him mate with random women like an animal just to give them more kids like him and once they are done, they'll leave him with another tragic story. Same thing...no...worse implied to Mikasa. You were so worried about them yet, it was only rational to put those two in the front line because they were the strongest ones.
"You're a talented liar, you know? Except that I can easily tell when you're lying."
"I'm not. Why would I?"
He was annoyed, frowned and clicked his tongue. "Stress is nothing new to you, yet I've never seen you like this. No matter what, you've always been so..."
"Levi, it's fine." He stopped as you interrupted him and let out a breathy sight. "That tea is clearly too cold."
You raised an eyebrow, he could see the amusement in your tired eyes.
He didn't have to know. That's what he realized and why he changed the topic. He needed to stop and calm down. You'd tell him if you wanted to. He had to respect that like he always did. He noticed the sadness and stress in almost everyone and let them be unless they reached out to him for help, but why couldn't he do the same about you? Why did he have to know what was wrong with you? Why was he worried sick in his stomach?
"Let me make you another one, will you?"
"Hmm...I wouldn't mind. Thank you."
Fine, don't tell me.
The next few days were hell for him, at this point he was the one with a stick in the ass. Grumpier than usual, scarier than ever. Even Hange barely could find the guts to talk to him. They would ask you to deliver their messages unless it was something that needed to be discussed face to face, even in that case they asked you to be there during the meeting.
One day, he came to your office with a cupcake in his hand. He remembers the first time he ate one. That was when you offered him one and told him how much you loved cupcakes. He absolutely hated it. Too sweet for his liking that he could throw it up. He left the cupcake on your desk.
"You eating this crap is better than you not eating at all, I guess."
You smiled as you saw the cupcake and took a bite. The flavour brought back your memories of the good old days. Man, you'd never thought you'd be calling those days 'the good old days'. Nanaba, Erwin and Mike. Levi's old squad, your old squad... all gone and the remaining cadets seemed so different now. The rush of memories brought tears to your eyes as your mouth was still full. Your shaking lips and teary eyes didn't go unnoticed by Levi.
"What the hell are you crying about?" His tune sounded a little harsh but mostly concerned. You couldn't tell him, he didn't need a reminder of the ones who got away. Swallowed the cake as tears fell your eyes and smiled. "Thank you, Levi..."
It was as if that was all he needed to hear to figure out everything. He patted your head with sad eyes. "Eat that all, please."
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psychelis-new · 1 year ago
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pick a pile: "Your love life situation now"
take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read about your current love situation (self, platonic, romantic), what you may need to do or how you can deal with it to make it better, make it evolve or change. reminder I don't read the energy of crushes you are not at least slightly in contact with.
don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.
(photos found on unsplash)
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1 2 3
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pile 1
I think you are the pile already in a relationship or something of that type: even if it's not official/labeled, it's like it is (or will be soon, yay you!). For some of you things may go well at this time (especially if you're in a knowing each other-stage/first dates) but for others, there may be difficult times (which is okay in every relationship, it happens for things to go "bad" here and there). The message here is to remind yourself of why you got together, and that you can always talk about your feelings, without the fear of being judged or abandoned (as it probably happened in your past relationships, please be aware of your triggers and fears). Some of you are probably over-stressing on something that is not that big as your fears and triggers want you to believe. A direct calm open communication with your partner could help you solve it all and find your way back to happiness and stability. The choice is yours ofc. I think you need to learn that you can overcome obstacles with your partner, the moment you know you're both being open, true and you can trust and respect each other for the people you are. Nurture yourself as different people but together, nurture your relationship and talk about your needs, both yours and theirs. You don't have to be the only one carrying the weight of the connection and the emotional stress of it.
And if it's your situation, I want to remind you that stressing over what someone else may think of you and each of their reactions over you (either if you're together but even more if you don't know where you stand despite the signs -for a few) won't change anything but just bring more confusion to you. You cannot control them nor their emotions or what they think of you, you cannot really understand every move cause you may be analyzing them through your eyes, your life experience and your triggers, and that won't bring you any objective real answer. You can control what you make mean about you every and each of their behaviours and words (these don't change your worth or deservance); and you can only control yourself and how you behave and think. Without a real honest conversation, it's hard to really read someone else's mind, especially if it's someone we see through the eyes of love, need and fear (of losing/hurting us) too. BTW you don't have to be the first one hurting them if you fear being hurt by them. You can still talk about it: it could just be an exaggeration of your mind feeling unsafe in a new situation (or in the revival of an old similar one).
song: you give love a bad name | bon jovi
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pile 2
Slightly different from pile 1, you may be in a situationship that's not so defined yet or there may be someone interested in you (and you in them) and you may be more or less in contact with them already... somehow. Or you have been in the past (not exes tbh, more like an old acquaintance or "friend").
There's some kind of test going on, maybe not for everyone but for some of you: it's to see if you're ready to let love in for real (for some it could be the first love/crush and may have fears related to their vulnerability and openness, may have some walls around their heart). You may be experiencing confusion in your situation, and try to find a balance within but it's not so easy ofc. You're called to ground yourself and remember that you can stay in control only of your own life (same message I got for pile 1 in the last paragraph) and that you shouldn't change yourself to please anyone, especially someone you're supposed to fall in love with. Masks in love are never useful, they won't help you grow, they'll just make things and *your* life more complicated. Even knowing in details about this person's feelings for you (which you may be stressing on the most and that's also pretty normal/common) won't make it any different: this is your need to know that things will go well before taking a move, to calm your mind and anxiety. But we cannot control others and we cannot always know it all beforehands: at times we just have to wait, try our best and see. To take a risk: even if it won't go well this time, we'll survive and we'll have made a nice experience. Someone not liking you as you'd like to, doesn't mean you're not worthy or you need to change yourself for them: it just means you're not good for that person (and very likely vice versa). Stay true to who you are. Ofc I'm not telling you to go ahead and confess your love out of the blue. What I'm saying is: take your time. Rushing for an answer or for a result, takes away the joy of knowing the other and experiencing other situations with them. It takes you away from the present life, which is what you're here to live. Don't stress over the future, enjoy your now. Live it well and fully. Focus on learning about the other and falling in love moment after moment. Let them fall for you too (some may need a bit more time and effort, some may fall for us first and we need more time and effort to realize our feelings -especially if we don't get the usual "butterflies in the stomach", which may happen too). Whatever it will be in the future, it'll never be time wasted.
Anyway, change in sight in love. BUT please, do let things take their time. Never rush them. Accompany your person and yourself in this path of knowing each other and enjoying each other company first. Or find ways to communicate a bit more, without stressing too much about saying the wrong thing: just be you. I think for a bunch of you, there's someone that will come in your life just for you, but you may end up being in contact with someone else before, again to kinda test you and see where you at in your healing about love (if applies), or to give you another pov/experience in love matters/to make you ready for them.
BTW: what is love for you? (and don't answer "baby don't hurt me don't hurt me no more" please lol)
song: 21 questions | 50 cent, nate dogg
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pile 3
You may be single ("and ready to mingle") and pretty lonely atm. You may have friends around you ofc (or you may be searching for them and not romantic love), but none is a *possible* love interest. I think you're not seeing what is going on around you, and possibly you're not even supposed to. TBH, this pile could also be about self love.
Now, if you are searching for romantic or platonic love, something is being prepared. And it may happen quite suddenly as well. Maybe you don't expect that cause you've been alone for a while, but you know, things can change at any given minute, especially if you too have changed/worked on yourself. "Let yourself be surprised, get ready". It seems you will receive a long awaited gift, maybe also in a quite sudden and weird way too, like through a new endeavour or idea or an invitation somewhere, and you deciding to give it a try even if it's something you generally wouldn't have done. So yeah, it will happen when and how you least expect it. Try to stay calm and enjoy the process, focus on you, remember you can afford anything, even new things and uncomfortable unknown situations (you may be a bit rusty when it comes to making friends/knowing people). You're stronger than you can imagine. This is something that is going to heal you on different levels, especially your inner child (maybe you'll learn to receive your desires again). You can really write your story here, just let Universe surprise you. To get there, try to not let worries sabotage you: start by slowly getting to know you and your fears, what you need and desire in love/friendship. Be open about your real needs: do not downplay them or deem them as too much. Maybe journal/write them down. How should your partner be and behave with you? Try to envision their character/traits and, try also to be objective by acknowledging also their own needs and possible boundaries. What could you compromise on and what not? Be the first one giving to yourself, acknowledging your needs and respecting/loving yourself. By entering this energy, you'll attract people that will balance it too and help you heal (and vice versa).
For those that may have been dealing with a break up or some love-related trauma and now may need to heal themselves: take your time to heal and grieve on what has been. Process your feelings with no fear, and allow to give yourself closure on this situation by letting it all out (move, journal...). Take yourself on a date, know and love your self again. Meet your needs, be nice and respect your own pace. Talk with others, and just go slow. However you are feeling, it's valid. This is a reminder that someone will come in your life just to stay and love you as you deserve, but first you need to be ready for them and don't let the triggers and unmet needs this relationship left inside of you, ruin that beautiful bond. Close with all that pain, get back to yourself. "And let yourself be surprised".
song: promise | ciara
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tainsan · 1 year ago
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misfits XI
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⇥ pairing: ot8 ateez x fem! reader
⇥ warnings: mentions of suicide, mentions of therapy, self deprication, mature scene but it's not crazy
⇥ word count: 9.5k
⇥ a/n: okay i know you have all been looking foward to this chapter, it is an intense one and i hope yall finally enjoy some much needed romantic tension ;-;
⇥ this chapter is for my wife @l0vetiny, ilysm!!!
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--- THIS IS AN 18+ FANFICTION MINORS DO NOT INTERACT ---
Resting in your room, you stand at the crossroads of your emotions, torn between the familiarity of cherished friendships and the allure of a potential romantic relationship. The idea of taking that leap excites and terrifies you, as it means venturing into uncharted territory with people you've known and admired for years.
Whenever you look at your group of friends, you can't help but feel a tinge of envy towards their popularity. They seem to effortlessly navigate social situations and grab attention wherever they go. Would you be able to handle the spotlight that inevitably comes with being associated with them in a romantic capacity? You know about their jealous fans, and the attention you would most definitely receive upon starting a relationship. Not to mention the rumours and bad words that would be spread once someone finds out you aren’t just in a relationship with one of them, yet all of them.
Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and you know that building it anew on different grounds will be a crucial step. In the depths of your heart, you yearn for something more with them, to explore a connection that goes beyond friendship. Their laughter, the inside jokes you share, and the way they understand you have always made your heart skip a beat. Yet, the fear of jeopardising your bond keeps you hesitating, wondering if you can afford to risk what you already have.
You battle with your own insecurities, questioning whether you're ready for the rollercoaster of emotions that a romantic relationship might bring. Are you enough? Can you handle the weight of their expectations? The prospect of letting them down frightens you, and you're afraid of losing not only a romantic partner but also your close friends.
The truth is, you think you want this relationship, yet you acknowledge that timing is everything. The decision weighs heavily on you, and you need to be certain in your heart before taking the plunge. You owe it to yourself and to them to be genuine, vulnerable, and ready to embrace the changes this choice will bring.
You decide to step away from your bed for a moment, feeling the weight of your emotions overwhelming you. Making your way to the bathroom, you start your nighttime routine, pausing for a few seconds to look at the bottle of moisturiser, bringing a flood of thoughts of Yunho to your head. 
Yunho has changed so much since the day you first saw him in the kitchen. His transformation has been quite remarkable. You can't help but reflect on how he's evolved since your trip to the store for your moisturiser. Initially, he appeared rude, his demeanour shrouded in a kind of icy reserve. It was almost as if he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.
However, as time passed, you noticed the shift in his demeanour. When you went to the furniture store together, it was like the walls he'd built around himself were slowly coming down. Yunho's newfound warmth towards you is reminiscent of the time from your high school days, when you sought refuge from the troubles at home and found peace in the warehouse, where he discovered you alone.
Back then, you were both navigating the challenges of adolescence, and life had already presented you with your fair share of hardships. It was in those moments of solitude, away from the chaos of your respective lives, that you forged a unique connection. Yunho, with his quiet strength and understanding, had become a source of comfort and support during those difficult times.
The memories of those moments still linger, etched in the corners of your mind. Now, as you both find yourselves facing the complexities of adulthood, it's heartening to see that the genuine care and compassion that existed between you during those formative years has resurfaced.
Since the heart-to-heart conversation in the kitchen, where the weight of secrets were finally lifted, Yunho has transformed before your eyes. He's become someone almost unfamiliar to you, but in the most delightful way.
It's as if the depths of your conversation unleashed a new side of him, a side that perhaps he had kept hidden or hadn't fully embraced until now. The Yunho you're getting to know is a true gentleman, a man who takes the time to say sweet things to you, even if his cheeks and ears turn a delightful shade of crimson in the process.
Shaking off the thoughts you look into the mirror, peering at your reflection with a mix of uncertainty and self-doubt. As you gaze at yourself, a flood of insecurities surfaces. You scrutinise every detail, the lines on your face, the curve of your lips, the way your eyes crinkle when you smile. Negative thoughts swirl in your mind like a tempest, questioning whether you're worthy of love from such amazing individuals.
You wonder if they see the same flaws you do, if they'll be disappointed when they look at you more closely, or if they'll realise you're not as perfect as they might have thought. It's a daunting prospect to believe that someone could genuinely care for you, especially when surrounded by a circle of friends who seem to radiate charm and confidence.
The fear of rejection and judgement gnaws at you, threatening to sabotage the happiness you yearn for. You can't help but compare yourself to them, feeling like you're an outsider in their world of popularity and allure. It's as if a little voice inside your head tells you that you'll never truly belong, that you're not good enough to deserve their love and affection.
Tears blur your vision as you try to silence the self-criticism, the lingering doubts that seem to echo through your mind. You question whether you'll ever be ready for a relationship with them, wondering if your insecurities will push them away, destroying the friendship you hold so dear.
Moving yourself from the bathroom, you attempt to find a moment of peace to collect your thoughts. Finding refuge in the comfort of your bedroom, you close the bathroom door behind you and sit down on the floor in the centre of the room, feeling the weight of hesitation settling upon your shoulders.
Taking a deep breath, you're confronted by a flood of thoughts about your mental health issues, trauma, and the complex needs you carry within you. The struggle with anxiety, the lingering effects of past experiences, and the emotional scars that sometimes feel too heavy to bear; they all come rushing back, demanding your attention.
In the midst of this emotional whirlwind, a surge of doubt grips you. You begin to question if the boys you have grown to love, who seem to have it all together, would truly be capable of handling the intricacies of your mental health journey. Would they understand when anxiety creeps in, leaving you paralyzed with fear? Could they be patient and supportive when the shadows of your past cast their long shadows over your present?
It's an agitated storm of self-doubt, wondering if your needs might be too much for them to bear. The fear of burdening them with your struggles gnaws at your heart, and you find yourself grappling with the thought that you might not be deserving of their love and care. You so desperately wish to be happy, and the happiness you feel when you are around the boys is stronger than you have ever felt before. You definitely need to talk to Jisung about this, his advice always seeming to relieve the pressure off your heavy heart.
Today you only expected to confront the eight men about the past, finding out answers and you seem to have got more than you bargained for. One part of you is glad you know their affections towards you, yet one half is torn from having to make the decision.
With your room being shrouded in darkness, the only source of light being the faint moonlight filtering through the curtains, you try to relax on the floor, your knees pulled close to your chest, surrounded by the whirlwind of emotions swirling within. You know you should be getting to bed, sleeping for the next day which holds lectures withholding important information. Time seems to stand still as you replay the heartfelt words spoken by the eight men. 
Amidst the turmoil of your mind, there is a sudden knock on your door. Startled, you glance at the entrance, your heart pounding in your chest. Hesitating to answer, the door slowly creaks open for you, revealing the silhouette of Seonghwa standing there, his expression mirroring the same restlessness that is keeping you awake.
“Can I come in?” Seonghwa quietly asks, scared to be turned down, yet as he sees the gentle smile and nod cover your features, accepting the invitation, the man makes his way in. Stepping into the room and closing the door behind him, his presence brings both comfort and a further storm to your heart, as the confession resurfaces in your mind.
"Mingi and I just got back from managing the bar, but I can't sleep," Seonghwa says softly, his voice tinged with vulnerability.
His honesty only deepens the emotional turbulence inside. You are grappling with the same uncertainty, the same fear of what the future may hold.
“Come sit with me,” you say, hoping he will relax next to you.
As he settles down beside you on the floor, there is a moment of silence, both of you lost in your own thoughts. The room is filled with a mixture of emotions – the lines of friendship blurring before your eyes.
“You don't find it weird do you?” Seonghwa says breaking the heavy tension that suddenly coated the room.
“Find what weird?” You question, not sure as to what Seonghwa is asking.
“Us being together, as nine.”
You realise Seonghwa is inquiring about the group's dynamic and relationship. 
“Not really…” you start, not knowing if you should disclose your worries with Seonghwa, yet when you see the pleading look on his features, you feel your walls breaking, “honestly I'm just worrying whether I'll fit in, you guys are so close. I don't know if I will be able to be good enough for you guys.” You admit, feeling slightly embarrassed to be admitting such information.
“___,” Seonghwa says your name softly, feeling awfully upset you would even think you weren't good enough to be with them. “You are perfect for us, you don't need to worry about anything. There is nothing you could ever do that would make us think you don't belong with us. If anything, we don't deserve you. The kindness you have shown us, despite the rumours, despite everything has shown us enough. Whether it is with us or not, we just want you to be happy, you deserve to be happy.”
Gently, you cast a grateful glance towards Seonghwa, feeling a rush of emotions as his words wash over you. They bring both comfort and solace, embracing you in a tender embrace of understanding and support. It stays silent for a while as you let his words touch your heart. 
“I’m doing better…” Seonghwa says, once again breaking the silence and you wonder as to why he suddenly uttered those specific words.
When you shoot him a perplexed glance, Seonghwa responds with a soft chuckle, sensing your confusion. He then proceeds to clarify his statement with a reassuring tone.
“Back when you found me on the rooftop…” Seonghwa trails off as he sees the way you hold your breath reminiscing the night, he relaxes slightly as you nod at him to continue, ignoring the sudden surge of negative emotions clouding your vision. 
“The boys encouraged me to seek help. I was feeling so lost and overwhelmed, like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. But I took that first step, and it changed everything. My therapist helped me understand myself on a level I never thought possible,” Seonghwa pauses, trying to gauge your reaction.
“I’m so happy for you Seonghwa, truly. That is amazing.” Seonghwa helping himself, becoming better and finally feeling alive truly brings happiness to your soul. 
“When I heard you were in this school, I was really nervous at first, I was scared you were going to see me as the guy from high school who was constantly bothering you.”
Seonghwa huckles along with you, the shared laughter carries the weight of old memories and newfound understanding. You can't help but reminisce about the times when Seonghwa would follow you around school like a loyal companion, a testament to his friendship, even if it did sometimes border on being a little bothersome.
“I was worried you were going to be a different person completely, but when I saw you again for the first time in years, even though you have changed physically, you were definitely still the same.”
“What do you mean?” You question, not sure what his words mean.
“Your laugh, your voice, your humour, your kindness, your eyes. They are all the same as back then. But your eyes, they are brighter now, happier. You are just as, if not, even more, beautiful.” Seonghwa admits, “I don’t think I can lose you again.”
Silence falls upon the two of you as you let the tender words of the man in front of you sink in. The words of love play with your heartstrings, making your end decision even more daunting.
"I don't know what to do," you finally whisper, your voice breaking and Seonghwa immediately realises you are speaking of the confession and proposition, “I like you, all of you, yet it just seems so fast, so new.”
Seonghwa listens to your confession and when he senses the depth of your reciprocated feelings, a whirlwind of emotions engulfs him. He feels like he's floating on cloud nine, as if he's on the brink of something incredibly special and profound. Your words have touched him in a way that nothing else ever has. It's a feeling of euphoria, knowing that the person he cares about so deeply shares those same sentiments.
However, beneath this elation, he also senses the subtle undercurrent of fear and hesitation in you. It's completely understandable after so many years of being apart. The prospect of starting a new chapter, especially one as significant as a romantic relationship, can indeed be daunting. Seonghwa empathises with your feelings entirely.
Yet, despite the uncertainty and the challenges that lie ahead, he can't help but yearn for your affection and the chance to call you his own. The connection you share, one that has spanned years and endured the test of time, is something he cherishes deeply.
In Seonghwa's chest, his heart beats with a mixture of excitement and patience. He knows that these things take time, and he's willing to take it one step at a time with you, ensuring that you both feel comfortable and secure in whatever path you choose to explore. For now, he's content with the knowledge that the feelings are mutual, and he's looking forward to seeing where this newfound chapter of your connection will lead.
Seonghwa instinctively reaches for your hand, his touch warm and reassuring, yet as you remember the confession once more, the action of affection makes your reaction extreme, your cheeks heating up, your heart racing faster than usual. 
"We don't have to figure it all out right now," he says gently. "Let's take our time. We'll figure it out together."
“It’s just… I’m still trying to process that you guys are still alive, now I have something else to think about, it all seems too much.”
Seonghwa continues to listen to you and he can almost feel the waves of unease radiating from your very being. It's a raw and vulnerable moment, and he wishes deeply that he could find a way to ease the emotional storm surging behind your eyes.
Unconsciously, his fingers begin to play with yours tenderly. It's a small, comforting gesture, a silent reassurance that he's here, he's present, and he's ready to support you in whatever way you need.
At this moment, Seonghwa isn't focused on any hurry or pressure to define your relationship. Instead, he's fully attuned to your emotions, your concerns, and your hesitations. He knows that sometimes, the most valuable thing he can offer is his patient understanding and unwavering support.
“I’m sorry for not finding you sooner.” He finally speaks, his voice starting to break as he feels his throat tighten up, “I was so lost without you.”
The moment Seonghwa utters those words, you can hear the raw emotion in his voice, and you can see the sincerity in his eyes. His admission that he was lost without you hits you deeply, and it's impossible not to feel the depth of his emotions. The warmth of your touch is a silent reassurance, letting him know that you understand that you've also carried your own share of longing and uncertainty.
"I'm here now," you say softly, your voice filled with understanding and compassion. "Sometimes life takes us on different paths, but we find our way back to the people who matter most."
Seonghwa's eyes glisten with unshed tears, and he nods, his thumb caressing the back of your hand. In this moment of shared vulnerability, you both find comfort in each other's presence, knowing that the past is behind you and the future is filled with possibility.
“Seonghwa,” You begin to call the man’s name, recognising the way he is starting to succumb to his emotions.
“There is not a single day that went by without us regretting leaving you. We just had to make sure it was safe for you before we came back.”
His heartfelt words pierce your heart, leaving your mind a mess.
“It’s okay, I’m here now. I won’t leave you, any of you.”
In the hushed stillness of the room, you raise the hand that was resting underneath his, to delicately caress Seonghwa's cheek, cupping it tenderly. Your touch is gentle, like a soothing relief to his heartache. With a soft stroke of your thumb, you wipe away the tears cascading down his beautiful face, a gesture of comfort that speaks volumes.
When you reach your other hand to cup his entire face, the sensation sends shivers down his spine. The tenderness of your touch makes his heart race with a mixture of emotions. It feels like it has been an eternity since he felt the warmth of your hands on his skin, and in this moment, it feels like an unsaid accomplishment, a connection he had yearned for, an action he has only seen in his dreams, finally being a reality brings warmth to his entire soul.
Tears continue to fall from his eyes, but your presence, your touch, makes him feel seen and understood in a way he has never imagined, yet he no longer knows if the tears are from sorrow or pure happiness. It's as if the weight of his emotions can finally be shared, knowing that you are there to offer solace and support. In the quiet intimacy of this moment, he finds himself silently thanking fate for bringing him to your room tonight.
The world seems to fade away as Seonghwa places his hands gently on top of yours, his touch sending a rush of warmth through your entire being. In this tender moment, you become highly aware of the intimate proximity between the two of you. Your faces mere inches apart, and as you lock eyes with him, time seems to stand still.
Despite the urge to move away, your body seems to have a will of its own, keeping you locked in this position. It's as if the universe conspired to bring you together in this moment, and you find yourself unable to resist the magnetic pull drawing you closer to him.
The softness of his gaze, the way his eyes seem to hold a world of unspoken emotions, leaves you captivated. In this delicate embrace, you feel a sense of vulnerability, as if a barrier that once separated you has been lifted, allowing your hearts to commune in a profound and intimate way.
The air around you is charged with unspoken desires and untamed emotions. Your heart races, torn between the familiarity of friendship and the allure of something more. There is a soft tension in the air, like a dance between two souls on the precipice of a love that has been silently blooming.
Continuing to gaze into each other's eyes, the depth of your connection becomes undeniable. It's a moment of reckoning, where you know you must confront the feelings that have been swirling within you both. Yet, in this suspended moment, the fear of the unknown fades, replaced by serene acceptance of the present.
In this captivating scene, you allow yourself to be immersed in the depth of your emotions, knowing that there is also beauty in the uncertainty, in the uncharted territories of the heart. As you share this intimate space with Seonghwa, you feel a sense of wonder, a willingness to explore the unspoken desires that have led you to this enchanting moment.
As the air crackles with unspoken desires, a gentle breeze seems to sweep through the room, carrying an air of anticipation. Neither of you can deny the magnetic pull drawing you closer, and in this intimate moment, you both surrender to the unspoken feelings that have been lingering between you.
“____,” Seonghwa calls your name softly, gazing deeply into your eyes, “I don’t know if I can live without you.”
Staying silent, you aren’t too sure how to respond, the heaviness of the confession making you too flustered to respond.
“You don’t have to say anything, I just needed you to know.”
Seonghwa's hands remain atop yours, his touch a comforting anchor as you lean in ever so slightly.
“Hwa.” You catch the man’s attention with the old nickname, making his heart race even quicker in his chest. Feeling confident, you slowly start to close the gap between your lips, until they are just a breath away from each other. 
“Can I…” Seonghwa begins before taking a deep, nervous breath in, “kiss you?” Seonghwa whispers, centimetres away from your lips. It takes you less than a few seconds to reply, even though your heart is beating out of your chest, you gently accept. 
With a mix of nervousness and excitement, you close your eyes, savouring the tingling anticipation that courses through your veins.In this suspended moment, time ceases to exist as your lips finally meet in a tender kiss. It's a soft and hesitant exploration, as if both of you are testing the waters of this new intimacy. The touch of his lips against yours sends a quake of delight down your spine, igniting a warmth in your heart that you can't quite put into words. His lips are soft as they move slowly against yours, testing the waters, seeing what you are comfortable with.
Instinctively your bodies draw closer, seeking relief in each other's embrace. The world outside fades away as you lose yourselves in the intoxicating taste of his plump lips. Finding yourself getting drunk off of the way his lips feel against yours, you hesitantly pull away, scared that you will fall in too deep, or make Seonghwa uncomfortable with the sudden rush of love and lust that you begin to feel.
Pulling away, your eyes meet once again with Seonghwa’s brown ones, and you are shocked by the sight. His usual round, soft eyes, now blown out and hooded, an indescribable emotion coursing through his veins.
Before you can utter a single word, you find yourself enveloped in Seonghwa's embrace, his strong arms securely wrapping around your waist as he effortlessly lifts you onto his lap. Your legs settle on either side of his body, the soft carpet cushioning your knees as your chest presses flat against his. The closeness of your bodies sends a surge of electricity through you, and yet, there is an overwhelming sense of comfort in this intimate position.
Gazing into Seonghwa's eyes, you see a mix of desire, lust and tenderness reflected in his gaze. He's careful to gauge your reaction, making sure you are comfortable with this new closeness. Without hesitation, you offer him a reassuring smile, your heart pounding with excitement and anticipation.
When his lips find yours once more, and this time the kiss is less gentle, Seonghwa’s tongue poking at the entrance of your mouth, and you feel an unspoken longing and passion. It's a connection that feels natural and familiar, as if your souls have been searching for this closeness all along. The way his warm lips caress yours is powerful, and you find yourself melting into the embrace, savouring the sensation of being so close to him. The kiss becomes messy as you allow his tongue to enter your mouth, dancing together as you press your body closely against his. Instinctively, you wrap your arms around Seonghwa’s neck, tilting your head to further deepen the intense kiss.
Seonghwa's arms encircle you, holding you close as if he never wants to let go. The world around you seems to fade away, and all that matters is the intimacy of this moment and the way his lips fit so perfectly against yours, the way his touch makes you feel cherished, adored, and hot, so hot.
As the kiss deepens, the boundaries between friendship and something more blur, and you realise that this is a connection that goes beyond labels and definitions. It's a love that defies explanation, a bond that has been quietly growing between you for years.
Seonghwa's touch ignites a fire within you, and you find yourself craving more of his affection, his warmth, his love. It's a feeling that is both thrilling and comforting, like coming home to the one person who understands you in a way no one else can.
His arms begin to rub up and down your back, gently passing underneath your night shirt and landing on your bare hips, gently caressing the bare skin. The warmth of his hands causes a small gasp to emit from your throat, jolting you slightly, making your hips rub gently against Seonghwa’s crotch.
“Fuck, angel.” Seonghwa's low groan reverberates through both of you, the sudden nickname sending shivers down your spine, straight to your core. The way he pulls you even closer, wrapping his arms, still underneath your shirt, tightly around your waist, creates an intoxicating sensation that leaves you breathless. Your skin pressed against his feels like a perfect fit, as if you were always meant to be in this embrace. The raw intimacy of the moment leaves both of you feeling lost in a whirlwind of emotions and sensations.
Seonghwa pulls away from your lips, and you are about to protest, yet the complaints die in your throat as his lips trail to the curve of your neck causing your heart to race, your senses heightened by every touch. He peppers small kisses down the curve of your neck, gently nibbling on the flesh.
The world around you fades into the background, and all that exists is you and Seonghwa. His hands explore the contours of your body with a gentleness that contrasts with the intensity of his desires. Every caress and every whisper of his breath against your skin ignites a fire within you, and you find yourself surrendering to the passion that courses through your veins.
“Seonghwa,” you whisper, your voice almost getting caught in your throat.
“Yes, angel?” Seonghwa mutters against the skin of your neck.
Unconsciously, the nickname causes you to move your hips against the males, desperately wanting a reaction from him. The deep groan that reverberates from his throat leaves you both satisfied and craving for more simultaneously.
“___,” Seonghwa stutters out, the sudden boldness of your movements leaving his head spinning, “we should stop,” 
Pulling away slowly, you give him a worried look, hoping dreadfully you haven't crossed a boundary. Seonghwa gently chuckles at the cute look on your face.
Pinching your cheek softly, he speaks again, “we just started, I want to take my time with you.”
Seonghwa's statement washes over you like a gentle wave, stirring up a delightful mix of excitement and nervousness that sends butterflies fluttering in your stomach. Without hesitation, he draws you close once more, enveloping you in a comforting embrace that radiates warmth and affection. As you rest your head in the crook of his neck, you find yourself basking in the tender intimacy of the moment, cherishing the precious connection you share.
“You should get to sleep, we are going shopping early tomorrow.” Seonghwa’s deep voice reverberates in your ear, sending shivers down your spine.
“Are we going shopping?” You question, feeling a sudden rush of sleepiness overcoming your senses. 
Nuzzling your head even closer into the crook of Seonghwa's neck, you sense the gentle thump of his heart escalating, mirroring the accelerated rhythm of your own. Although you can’t see it, Seonghwa’s cheeks are a blazing hot shade of red as he tries to calm himself from going further. He realises that pushing you to do something when you're already confused is not the right option. As much as Seonghwa wishes to take you, claim you right here, like he has been dreaming for years, he waits patiently, not wanting to overwhelm you. The lingering effect of the shared kiss intensifies the moment, making it all the more electrifying and unforgettable.
"Let's get you to bed, angel," Seonghwa whispers tenderly, his hold around your waist tightening as he firmly presses your body against his own, lifting you both effortlessly from the floor. Your legs instinctively coil around his waist, and as he carries you towards the bed, the red blush intensifies on Seonghwa's cheeks, his heart racing with every step. The intimate closeness and the warmth of the moment leave him adorably flustered, but his focus remains on ensuring your comfort and care.
Tucking you in the blankets, he sits by the side of your bed, watching your weary form with a violent blush  and a wide smile covering his entire face. 
"Goodnight, Seonghwa," you mumble softly, settling into the cosy embrace of your pillow. Witnessing your endearing gesture, Seonghwa feels his heart swell with affection, amazed at how he could fall even deeper for you, a feeling he once thought was impossible. As he watches over you, he can't help but feel grateful for the precious moments shared and the special connection that continues to grow between the two of you. With a gentle smile, he lingers for a moment, savouring the sight of you before finally whispering his own goodnight, his heart full of fondness and admiration. Departing from your bedroom with a satisfied smile on his face, Seonghwa heads straight for his bathroom, desperately needing a cold shower to calm his thoughts of you situated in his lap, looking so pretty. He definitely needs to clear those thoughts before he finds himself running back to your bedroom.
----
The soft morning light gently filters through the curtains, causing you stir from your slumber, a warm and blissful feeling spreading through your entire being. You can't help but smile as the memory of the tender kiss you shared with Seonghwa last night floods your mind, filling you with a sense of giddiness and butterflies in your stomach. The way his lips touched yours lingers in your thoughts, leaving you feeling loved and cherished.
With a contented sigh, you stretch your limbs beneath the soft sheets and sit up, the room enveloped in a soft glow that seems to match the radiance in your heart. You can't wait to see your roommates, to share the joy of this morning with them and bask in the warmth of their presence.
Getting up from your bed, the floor feels cool against your feet, contrasting with the warmth in your heart. You take your time getting ready, savouring each moment as you brush your hair and wash your face. There's an air of excitement and anticipation building within you, eager to embrace the day ahead and the company of your dear roommates.
Making your way to the kitchen, the aroma of breakfast fills the air, and your senses are treated to a delightful feast. To your delight, all eight of your friends are gathered at the counter, and you can't help but notice that they all look particularly handsome today, their smiles radiant and welcoming. You aren't sure if it is because of their confession yesterday, or if they always look this good, but something has changed. The sight of them all waiting for you warms your heart, and you feel a mix of gratitude and affection for each member of the group. It's a feeling of belonging and togetherness that washes over you, reinforcing the deep bond you share with them.
Unconsciously, you gravitate towards Seonghwa, the events of last night still at the front of your mind, who beams at your approach with that charming smile that has a way of melting your heart. His eyes light up when he sees you, and the affection in his gaze makes you feel like the most cherished person in the world. 
When you get close to him, he wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you into his side, causing a small yelp of surprise to leave your mouth, the action catching you off guard making you feel awfully warm in the face.
What surprises you is that neither of the seven men around you even flinch, though they send a questioning look to Seonghwa who just gently shrugs, an amused, smug expression gracing his features as he holds you close to him, addicted to the way your body feels against him. 
Unbeknownst to you, yesterday night was very difficult for Seonghwa. In the quiet hours after your time together, his thoughts were consumed by an intense longing. The memory of your closeness lingered, and his yearning for the touch of your body against his became almost overwhelming. Throughout the night, a compelling desire took hold of him, urging him to find any possible way to feel your presence once more. 
He found himself on the brink of leaving his own room multiple times, his heart urging him to seek the physical connection he so deeply carved from you. Each time, he would pull back, reminding himself of the boundaries and the need to respect your space. It was a struggle that played out repeatedly throughout the night, a battle between his longing and his determination to be patient and considerate. Yet now you are here, with your consent, he doesn't feel the need to hold back, wanting to touch you in any way possible.
When you take your seat at the counter, you can't help but notice a bowl of your favourite breakfast waiting for you, a thoughtful gesture from Wooyoung that fills you with warmth. The gesture speaks volumes of the care and consideration your friends have for you, and you feel incredibly fortunate to be surrounded by such loving and attentive individuals.
“I hope it tastes nice.” Wooyoung says, a shy tone to his voice that has you surprised, wondering where his usual flirty, playful self is.
"I'm sure it's lovely, Woo," you reply with a playful tone, using the endearing nickname that sends delightful shivers cascading down Wooyoung's spine. The affectionate term fills his chest with pride and joy, revelling in the fact that you chose a cute name to address him. The sweet exchange between the two of you leaves Wooyoung with a heartwarming sense of happiness and admiration for you.
Munching away on the food, you allow yourself to completely relax as the flavours of the food warm and caress your tongue.
"Are you coming to the mall with us today?" Yeosang is situated on the other side of you and asks in a hushed tone, his eyes filled with hope as he awaits your response. Meanwhile, the other seven members are deeply engrossed in a somewhat serious yet lighthearted debate about whether butts are considered as two or one. Despite their lively discussion, Yeosang remains focused on your answer, eager for you to join them on the outing.
"Yes, I think so. I desperately need some new clothes," you reply with a smile, feeling the warmth of Yeosang’s undivided attention as he turns his entire body towards you, clearly focused on your words. The genuine interest he shows in your plans for the day brings a sense of connection, making you even more eager to spend time with the group. Excitement builds as you look forward to the fun outing with your friends, hoping it will be a memorable day spent together.
Yet something suddenly nags at your mind, causing you to feel a little vulnerable. “Aren't you worried about being seen with me in public? I don't think people would be happy with me being around you.”
“We don't care what people think, you are one of us.” he says, his tone soft as he peers at your flustered reaction, a smile graces his face.
You feel a rush of flustered emotions as you notice Yeosang's gaze lingering on your lips before returning to your eyes. The memory of the kiss shared with Seonghwa last night briefly crosses your mind, sparking curiosity about what it might be like to kiss the others. However, you quickly push those thoughts away, not wanting to get carried away and get your hopes up too high.
Yeosang, seemingly pleased with your reaction, gently smirks before turning back to the group. Little does he know, his actions have left you feeling even more flustered. As you watch him, you can't help but wonder how he might flirt with you and what that could lead to. The possibility of such interactions excites you, but you also remind yourself to be cautious and not read too much into it.
In his own silent moment, Yeosang decides to take some pointers from Wooyoung on flirting, hoping to make you smile and blush like this forever. The prospect of seeing your cute flustered face becomes a delightful goal, one he can't wait to achieve.
----
The late morning sun casts a golden glow on the bustling streets as you and your roommates step out of the white house. Due to the large shopping mall being a short walk away, the nine of you decide to walk there to enjoy the warm sun, the excitement in the air is palpable. You had mentioned that you needed some new clothes, and the eight men were more than eager to join you on this shopping adventure.
Walking to the mall turned out to be quite the amusing experience. As the group strolled along, you found yourself at the back, flanked by Wooyoung and San, who adamantly refused to let anyone else take their spot next to you. Their sweet insistence brought a warm blush to your cheeks, and you couldn't help but feel flattered by their attention.
Seonghwa and Mingi, not ones to back down easily, bickered with Wooyoung and San, each vying for the chance to be by your side during the walk there. The friendly competition for your company added a playful dynamic to the group, and even Hongjoong couldn't resist getting involved, trying to mediate the situation.
In the end, Hongjoong managed to calm the playful dispute, promising Seonghwa, Mingi, and the others that they could take turns to walk with you on the way back home. Although the rest of the group may have been sulking slightly at not being able to be next to you now, they all understood the importance of sharing the time with you and were happy to have their chance later.
Arriving at the grand entrance of the shopping mall, your eyes widen in awe. The place is massive, with countless stores, boutiques, and displays that promise a shopping experience like no other. You are not able to contain your excitement and feel a flutter of anticipation in your chest.
Strolling through the mall, the group seems to split into smaller clusters, each one of your roommates offering to accompany you to different sections based on your fashion preferences. 
“Are you guys sure you don't need anything?” You question for the third time as they refuse to look in any shop that you walk past.
Upon hearing a chorus of playful "no's" filling the air, you can't help but roll your eyes with a mixture of amusement and affection. Their stubbornness to stay by your side, despite knowing it makes your heart race, only serves to make you appreciate their care and attention even more. It's endearing to see how much they value being with you, and while their determination might fluster you, it also warms your heart to know how cherished you are within the group.
When you reach a particular clothing store, which you usually shop at, you are happy to see they have sales on a lot of clothes. Making your way in, you giggle at the way the eight aimlessly follow you in. They disperse slightly, looking at many different clothing racks, searching for something that would suit you, or something they would like to see you wearing.
Wandering through the racks of clothes, you notice Wooyoung seems particularly focused. He keeps scanning the dresses with a determined expression, occasionally pulling one off the rack to examine it closely. It's clear that he's on a mission, and you can't help but wonder what he's up to.
"Hey, Wooyoung, find anything interesting?" you question, curious about his intent.
Wooyoung turns to you with a mischievous grin, his eyes sparkling with excitement. "Oh, just looking for something special," he replies cryptically.
You raise an eyebrow, intrigued by his mysterious response. The boys exchange knowing glances, clearly in on whatever plan Wooyoung has hatched. It seems as if they have a small mission in their minds.
A little while later, Wooyoung finally emerges from the racks of dresses, triumphantly holding one up for you to see. "Look! This would look stunning on you," Wooyoung, exclaims, holding up a beautiful black dress that caught his eye. It definitely isn't your style, so you wonder as to why he would ask you to try it on.
You examine the short, form-fitting dress that Wooyoung kindly offered, you realise it's not your usual style, and you feel hesitant about trying it on, especially since it's on the sexier side and not something you'd typically wear. Before you can politely decline, San appears at your side, expressing his agreement with Wooyoung's suggestion. He wraps an arm around your shoulder in a tender gesture, encouraging you to give it a try while also assuring you that it's entirely your choice.
Touched by their compliments and support, you gently accept the dress, feeling grateful for their thoughtfulness. With a slightly doubtful smile, you make your way to the changing room, and to your surprise, you notice that all of them follow you eagerly, clearly invested in how you'll look in the dress. 
“Guys you don't all need to come.” You exclaim, chuckling at their eagerness, “it’s just a dress.”
“We have never seen you in a dress before,” Mingi replies, an adorable pout on his face, the others agreeing with him. Chuckling again, you turn around to walk into the changing room. Inside the changing room, you slip into the dress, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness. You realise this must've been their plan and you chuckle to yourself at the thought of them conspiring for this very moment. It gives you a boost of confidence knowing they are eager to see you dressed up nicely.
Standing in the changing room, you find yourself struggling to reach the zipper on the back of the dress, you let out a small groan of frustration. You contemplate taking the dress off and giving up on the idea of trying it on. However, in that moment, a mischievous idea crosses your mind, and a playful smirk appears on your face.
Deciding to have a little fun with the situation, you poke your head out of the changing room, leaving the zipper undone deliberately and you see eight faces waiting patiently. 
You gently call out to the men outside, "Hey, I might need a little help here."
San, Wooyoung, and the others glance your way, and their eyes widen when they notice your insinuations. Instantly, they catch on to your playful game, and a mischievous glint appears in their eyes as well.
Wooyoung quickly volunteers, stepping forward with a grin, "I'll help!"
The others slightly grumble, falling back into their seats as you allow Wooyoung to make his way into the changing room, where you hold up the dress with your arms. Noticing the way Wooyoung's eyes are chasing your form up and down, you feel a surge of confidence rush through your body. Maybe trying on this dress wasn't such a bad idea after all. 
With a teasing smile, you turn around, allowing Wooyoung to reach for the zipper. As his fingers brush against your bare back while he gently pulls up the zipper, a shiver runs down your spine, and you can't help but exchange a knowing look with him through the mirror. When his eyes meet yours, you notice the dark look coating his eyes, making your knees feel weak. 
“How does it look?” You whisper, suddenly feeling a little insecure at how tight the dress is. 
Wooyoung's fingers glide slowly from the zipper of the dress to your hips, where he gently pulls you closer against his body, his chest now pressed against your back. The proximity between you two sends a shiver through your body, and your heart races with a mixture of excitement and anticipation.
His hands gently massage your hips, and Wooyoung can't help but revel in the sensation of your touch against his skin. The way your bodies fit together creates a warm and intimate connection that has him feeling drunk off of your touch. He suddenly feels immensely grateful that you trusted him to come into the dressing room, along with letting him see you in the dress first. 
“It looks amazing,” Wooyoung whispers in your ear, his lips brushing your earlobe, he continues, “You’d look better without it.” His words cause another shiver to ripple through your body, the insinuations of his words has your head spinning.
“Wooyoung, behave.” Hongjoong’s authoritative voice sounds from behind the curtain of the dressing room and you realise that the seven on the other side must have heard what Wooyoung uttered.
Playfully rolling his eyes, Wooyoung reluctantly moves away from your body, grumbling under his breath. Once the curtain opens, you turn around to face the group, playfully twirling in the dress, feeling a newfound confidence and excitement. 
Emerging from the fitting room, you're greeted by a symphony of reactions from your roommates. Mingi and Seonghwa’s expressions border on awe, their mouths hanging slightly agape as they drink in the way the dress contours your figure. Yeosang and Jongho, aware of their own reactions, quickly avert their gaze, trying to avoid any obvious signs of their appreciation for the dress on you.
Yunho and San's widened eyes trace your silhouette, an unspoken admiration evident in their glances. They want you to feel comfortable but can't help conveying how striking you look, their stare piercing you. Hongjoong, known for his unreadable demeanour, studies you intently, his features carefully neutral. When your curious gaze meets his, he raises an eyebrow in a challenge, his lips curling into a smirk as he openly checks you out.
In a playful move, you send a teasing wink his way, a side of you he rarely witnesses. The effect is immediate, causing a noticeable flush to creep up Hongjoong's cheeks. His eyes widen slightly in surprise at your flirtatious gesture, and you can practically see the wheels turning in his mind. Your unexpected action has triggered a shift in his usually composed demeanour, stirring a rush of thoughts and feelings that he's unaccustomed to.
The contrast between your usual innocence and this unexpected flirtation leaves Hongjoong's heart racing and his mind aflutter with indecent notions. Your playfulness has caught him off guard, and it's evident in the way his cheeks continue to heat up. The dynamic between you two has shifted momentarily, and the lingering effects of your flirtatious exchange are bound to make the day even more interesting. 
"You look stunning!" Mingi exclaims, his eyes bright with admiration.
"You were right. This dress is perfect for her," San chimed in, his eyes not leaving the dress hugging your body.
“I’ll go pay for it,” Hongjoong says, getting off the chair he was comfortably resting in. 
“What? No, I'll pay.” You insist, trying to chase after Hongjoong, who just sends you a sweet smile before heading towards the exit of the fitting rooms. 
“Bring it to me when it's off, love.” he says before turning away to walk off, yet he stops and quickly turns around to meet your eyes again, swiftly he looks you up and down, before smiling again, “you look beautiful.” 
Once again, Hongjoong moves to the exit, some of the others following him, not before glancing at you one more time, to make sure the image of you in the dress stays in their minds. You attempt to follow him, not wanting him to pay for something like this. Yet, Wooyoung, who is still in the changing room, swiftly grabs your hand,  gently pulling you back into the cubicle.
“He likes to pay for things, it’s how he shows his affection, amongst other ways…” Woooyoung trails off and you can’t help but wonder what he is implying, “now, do you need help taking it off too?” 
“Wooyoung.” It is San whose voice sounds this time, causing Wooyoung to playfully roll his eyes.
It's just this dress, you tell yourself.
Unbeknownst to you, a pair of eyes diligently observes your every gesture from across the expanse of the clothing store. A faint scowl adorns their features as they take in the scene playing out before them. Arched eyebrows frame their intent gaze, as they persist in their scrutiny, trying to think of where they've encountered you in the past. Curiously, the sight of your seemingly contented presence among the group of eight men evokes an unease within them. Finally they have found Ateez, yet they are extremely unaware as to who you are.
As the day wears on, you notice that your friends seem to be going out of their way to impress you. They help you find the perfect clothes, hold doors open for you, and even sneak in small gestures of affection, like stealing glances or offering gentle touches on your arm. Seonghwa skillfully manoeuvres his arm around your waist as the two of you walk side by side, gently tugging you closer to his side. His touch creates a sense of intimacy. Resting his chin on your shoulder, he conveys a silent closeness, a shared moment of connection that transcends words. The warmth of his body against yours and the weight of his chin on your shoulder create a comforting sensation.
"Wait, this sweater looks so cosy. You have to try it on!" Jongho insisted, handing you a soft, knitted sweater that looked like it would be perfect for chilly evenings.
"And these shoes! They would go perfectly with that dress you tried earlier," Yunho adds, bringing over a pair of elegant black shoes.
Continuing the shopping spree at the large mall, you can’t help but be flattered by their attention and affection. Every time you pause to admire an item for a little too long, one of the eight men would quickly grab it off the rack, insisting on buying it for you. It was both endearing and overwhelming to see their determination to spoil you  with gifts, no matter how hard you try to protest.
Trying on each item, you can't help but marvel at how well your roommates know your style and preferences. Their attention to detail and the effort they put into finding clothes that suit your taste makes your heart swell with gratitude.
The more the shopping bags pile up, the more you protest, telling them that they do not need to buy everything you like. Alas, your roommates are insistent, assuring you that they want to spoil you and show their appreciation for your presence in their lives.
During a quick break at a coffee shop, you find yourself sitting next to Yunho, who has been rather quiet this entire trip, it seems as if there is something on his mind, bothering him. When you look over to him, you notice he is peering at you with a fond expression. He takes a deep breath, as if he is gathering the courage to say something important, the tips of his ears turning a dark shade of red.
"Hey, I just wanted to let you know that... I really care about you," he begins, his voice hushed, soft and earnest , the traces of nervousness evident in his tone. The abrupt confession momentarily leaves you in a state of astonishment, as the unexpected display of affection from him causes your heart to quicken its pace. 
Throughout the day, you've been consistently taken aback by the sudden surge of affection from every man. Normally, the casual slight flirting is something you’ve become accustomed to, but now it has escalated to an intense level, and the realisation that there are deeper emotions beneath their words leaves you feeling light-headed and in a perpetual state of fluster.
"Later, can we talk, one on one, just us two? You deserve an apology and an explanation for my behaviour." Yunho continues.
“I’d love that Yunho.” You smile at the man, who looks exactly like a puppy as his eyes light up with happiness.
His confession leaves your heart pounding in your chest, and before Yunho can respond, Jongho approaches the two of you with a smile on his face. "Don't forget about me," he says playfully, though there is a hint of sincerity in his eyes. "I feel the same way. You're truly special to all of us."
Their sincere words have a profound effect on you, causing a rush of warmth to spread throughout your being. The honesty in their expressions and the depth of their feelings touch you deeply, leaving you unable to hide the telltale signs of your emotions. Your cheeks flush with a gentle heat, the emotions swirling within you.
When the day draws to a close, you leave the mall with bags filled with new clothes and hearts full of cherished memories. Realising that you are indeed fortunate to have such incredible people in your life who love you so deeply.
Making your way home, arms laden with shopping bags, you feel an overwhelming sense of happiness and belonging. The affectionate gestures of your roommates have touched you deeply, and you know that you are truly surrounded by people who care for you. In the end, it wasn't just about the clothes or the gifts; it was about the love and warmth that flowed between you. Settling back into the house, you can’t help but smile as you look around at your roommates, each one beaming with happiness. 
“I am going to put all this stuff away,” you exclaim, announcing your short departure.
"Hey, just so you know, dinner will be ready in about an hour or two," Yunho calls out to you as you busily move the numerous bags into your room. With a quick thumbs-up in his direction, you respond in a light-hearted manner, before disappearing behind your closed bedroom door. Your actions prompt a soft chuckle from him, finding your response quite endearing and cute.
Alone in the quiet of your room, you take a deep breath, attempting to steady the rising tide of anxiety that threatens to engulf you. Today had been a day unlike any other, filled with warmth that had, for a fleeting moment, lifted your spirits. The kindness and affection of the boys had been a balm to your soul, enveloping you in a sense of belonging that you hadn't felt in a while.
Reflecting on the day's events, you're struck by a poignant realisation – it was indeed one of the best days you've had in a long time. Laughter, shared moments, and the genuine care of your roommates were woven together to create memories that you'll treasure. And yet, despite the joy that had enveloped you, a shadow of apprehension had loomed over the day, casting a veil of unease over your experience.
The sensation of being watched, the lingering feeling that someone was trailing your every move, had been a constant presence in the back of your mind. It had woven its way into the fabric of your day, colouring even the happiest moments with a sense of discomfort. The weight of someone's presence, real or imagined, clung to you like a second skin, refusing to be shaken off.
Her face was everywhere and the worst thing is, you feel like you’ve seen it before.
---
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megu-meow · 2 years ago
Text
serious - gojo satoru
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gojo satoru x fem. reader
Summary: 4+1 times Gojo acts like a serious adult
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When you first met Gojo Satoru you found it hard to take him seriously. He was goofy, always acting like a child in an extremely handsome adult's body. The first time he told you he wanted to take you out on a date you assumed he was joking so you rudely laughed into his face. That was the point he decided he would prove to you that he could act like a responsible adult.
I.
It was not often you came back from a mission beaten up. You were a strong woman physically and a uniquely talented sorcerer. It was one of the first things Gojo noticed about you and the main reason he has taken an interest in you. As much as he hated the teachings and the opinions of his clan members, he couldn't ignore it when someone proved themselves as sorcerers, he tended to show respect towards others solely based on their strength. So normally, he was interested in you upon witnessing your strength for the first time.
When you walked into Shoko's office all beaten up, interrupting their gossiping session, he was surprised to see the state you were in. You rolled your eyes upon seeing him in there, expecting him to start making fun of you and snapping pictures with the intent of shoving them to the kids. You were surprised to see the worried expression on his face as he didn't hesitate to quickly eliminate the distance between the two of you, carefully helping you onto the hospital bed so that the brunette woman could check you out and start taking care of your wounds.
You're even more surprised when the next morning, even though you were dismissed by Shoko after she tended to your wounds, he shows up in your room with the intent of changing your bandages. You try to protest but to no avail. He is adamant about taking care of you and you give in. He is gentle and even with his eyes covered you can tell that he's serious and attentive. He keeps doing that every single time until all your wounds are healed up perfectly and he considers you capable of taking on a new mission.
II.
You messed up. You were fighting a stubborn curse and the situation seemed to be hopeless. It was an unregistered special grade that showed up at a busy area in Kabukicho. You did all the formalities like putting up a veil and whatnot, but you didn't notice the elderly woman taken hostage by the curse and upon laying down your domain expansion and exorcizing the curse, the woman lost her life. The higher-ups were furious and they were pestering you for the few days that passed since the incident as if the burden of taking an innocent person's life wasn't enough for you to bear. You were called in for a meeting with the elderly, foolish leaders of the Jujutsu World once again, this time you were convinced you wouldn't get out of there alive. But as soon as you stepped into the dimly lit room, where the cowardly elders were sitting behind panels hiding their identities from everyone, you spotted non-other than Satoru Gojo, in his casual clothes, blindfold nowhere to be seen, his glimmering eyes burning up with hot rage.
"... and I swear to god If I hear about you, weaklings, pestering any of my colleagues ever again I will kill you all with my bare fucking hands. Everyone makes mistakes, that's what being a Jujutsu Sorcerer is about. If I have to come back here one more time, and this is a promise, you grannies will never see the light of day again." he said harshly, storming out upon finishing a monologue. You followed him with your gaze and he turned around, giving you a small wink. It's safe to say, the higher-ups didn't bother you after that.
III.
Ever since your tragic mission, you were slowly losing yourself. The guilt was eating you alive so you drowned yourself in more work, barely taking time to sleep or even eat. Gojo noticed immediately how the glimpse disappeared from your eyes, how your skin was grayer than before, how you started losing weight and the bags under your eyes getting bigger and bigger. Even on your day off, when Yaga refused to give you any more missions for a few days, you were at the school training the students. He wanted to warp out onto the training field to pick you up and force you into your bed right after feeding you some amazing ramen from the restaurant down the street, but he knew you would be furious if he did that in front of the students.
So he stood on the edge of the field, keeping an eye on you from afar. You were slow and you were making mistakes, if it wasn't for the awareness of the students, you could have gotten hurt, but they were holding back, knowing that you were not in great shape. He sensed it. His eyes showed him what was about to happen, so with a clap of his hands, he was right beside you in time to catch you, before you lost consciousness and your limp body fell into his hands.
"Megumi, can you pass me that water, please?" he asked calmly as he laid you down on the ground, lifting your legs so that the blood could circulate toward your brain. You regained consciousness in a few minutes and the white-haired sorcerer handed you the water straight away. You drank the whole thing and you looked at the tall man thankfully. He smiled lightly, picking you up bridal style and he started walking towards the dormitories. You didn't even try to protest, you were too weak to do so.
"I'm going to take you to my room, I will tuck you into bed, you will eat some ramen and you're gonna take a long-needed nap. Alright, sweetheart?" You nodded weakly as you felt your heart beating like crazy upon hearing the worried tone of his voice.
"Why do you care, Gojo-senpai?"
"You don't have to call me that, you know? You can call me Satoru. Actually, I would prefer that over that formal stuff." he said, without looking at you "And of course I care."
You didn't think that was an answer to your question, but you didn't say anything. You were content with what you've gotten.
So that afternoon you did exactly what Satoru said. He tucked you into his bed with a variety of movies, he got you some delicious ramen that you finished in no time. He wanted to leave you so that you could nap, but as he was about to close the door to his room from the outside you whispered a soft 'please stay' and he gladly did. He got under the duvet and you rested your head onto his broad chest. He held you tightly as you napped, softly stroking your hair.
IV.
After that incident on the training field, Gojo kept on taking care of you. He always checked whether you have eaten that day or if you had enough rest, and he made sure that you took care of yourself. How did he do that, you may ask? He would bring food to your office or to your room if he got back from a mission late at night, always joining you for lunch or dinner. If you had dinner together, he would stay the night, cuddled up to you, making sure you got a good night's rest. If you shared lunch, he would sneak into your room at night or text you to join him in his, but the cuddling was a must every single night. You got to the point where you found it hard to fall asleep without him by your side, a realization which led to the conclusion that you have developed feelings for him.
Besides all of those gestures, he never showed any signs of being interested in you. This led to your current situation: drinking away your feelings at a bar close to campus. You were tired of wondering whether he liked you more than a friend or a co-worker, the thought eating you alive slowly. You heard he was kind of a womanizer, however, you never heard about him being with anyone at that time. You didn't want him to be with anyone else, you wanted to be the one to make him want to settle down. The uncertainty was draining tho and it kept getting worse and worse with each passing day.
"There you are! I was looking for you, sweetheart. I was worried something bad has happened to you." he said walking up to your table with a frantic tone, which your slightly buzzed brain comprehended as a crush-like gesture, making you sink into an even more sad state.
"Go away, Satoru!" you said harshly and he seemed offended upon hearing those words.
"What's wrong?" he asked seriously, his cerulean eyes searching for an answer in yours from behind the sunglasses he was wearing. "Talk to me, please. I can't bear to see you like this."
"It's just this guy..." his heart shattered upon hearing your words, he was pining over you, he was trying so hard for you just for you to have feelings for another man "He keeps taking care of me and being the sweetest person ever, but he never really showed me any signs of being interested in me. I am starting to think he sees me as like a little sister he constantly has to take care of or I dunno."
"Oh."
"And we sleep in the same bed almost every night, but he never made a move so I'm confused..."
"Maybe he never made a move because he is afraid you will laugh into his face again." he said nonchalantly and you were fast to look him in the eyes. His sunglasses were lowered onto the tip of his nose, revealing the blue hue of his mesmerizing irises. "I'm pretty sure he likes you back, he would be an idiot if he didn't. You are the most amazing woman I have met, every guy would be lucky to even know you, nevertheless having you as their partner. I'm pretty sure you have him wrapped around your finger since day one, sweetheart."
He is serious. You can tell. There is a slight smile on his face, but the glimmer in his eyes tells you, that he's not joking around. The intensity of his gaze makes your cheeks burn up and suddenly you find the slowly melting ice cubes in the cup in front of you way too interesting. His hand reaches out, slowly lifting your chin so that you would look him in the eyes again and suddenly his face is closer to yours than ever. All the buzz you were feeling from that one drink you had an hour ago is gone and it's replaced by the sobering reality of Gojo's confession.
"Can I kiss you?" he asks lowly and you nod eagerly "I need verbal consent, sweetheart."
"Please, kiss me, Satoru!"
And he does just that.
+1
Two months have passed since that night Gojo kissed you and your relationship didn't change a lot since then. He was just as caring and attentive, you kept spending most of your free time together, however, you started being physically affectionate towards each other. It felt like you were kissing all the time and he made sweet love to you almost every night. You never really talked about the newfound aspects of your relationship, and you never slapped a label onto it either. You didn't know what you were and that bothered you to no avail, especially when other women and men kept flirting with him in front of you without an ounce of shame, despite your intertwined hands or the arm he had around your waist (sometimes even lower than that) constantly.
He knew you better than anyone though, so he noticed straight away that something was wrong. He didn't want to overstep your boundaries though, he knew you would bring it up eventually when you felt ready for it. However, he kept showering you with gifts, reassuring words and kisses, thinking it would make you feel better, which it did, but no Lego Flowers could answer the question of whether you were a couple or not.
"Satoru, what are we?" you asked randomly in the middle of eating lunch in his office, startling him while he kept stuffing his face with gyoza, making him choke on his food. He burst out in a coughing fit, trying to catch his breath.
"What kind of question is that, sweetheart?"
"Well, we never had the talk and we never had a label so I thought I would ask."
"Oh." he said, wiping his mouth with a napkin "I never considered having the talk because I figured we didn't need it."
"What do you mean?"
"Well I thought we were a couple since the first time we kissed. I've been referring to you as my girlfriend ever since, I even showed all these cute pictures of you to a curse I dealt with the other day."
"Are you serious, Satoru?" you asked in disbelief.
"Don't worry, I exorcised it after I was finished with the pictures, it won't come back to haunt you, kikufuku."
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE CURSE, GOJO!" you shouted, startling him "Didn't you think you should have talked to me about our relationship? What if I didn't want to be your girlfriend?"
"YOU DON'T?"
"Of course I do. I guess it would have been nice to know, I kept having these thoughts about you not wanting me like that or something..."
"Sweetheart, I've been head over heels for you since the day I met you, If I kiss you of course I would want to be with you." he said seriously, making a wide grin appear on your face.
"So we've been dating for two months now?" you ask with a content smile.
"Yeah, the best two months of my life, baby." he said, slowly getting up from his seat as he walked up to you and he leaned down to leave a passionate kiss on your lips.
"So, should I feel bad for kissing all those other people?" you asked as soon as he broke the kiss.
"WHAT?"
"I'M KIDDING, SATORU, I'M KIDDING!" you shouted, a breathy laugh escaping your pretty lips "You're the only one for me, baby."
Gojo shook his head disapprovingly, silently adoring the sound of your silly laughs and giggles. Yes, he was a man-child, but he was willing to give everything in him to keep hearing your intoxicating chuckles. Even if that meant losing the fun facade to show you how serious he is about being with you.
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writersblockended · 2 years ago
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Miguel O’Hara - HC
Warnings: no translated Spanish, other than that none??? Just fluff
Miguel O’Hara x reader
First of all that man is extremely romantic
He comes off as a serious man but did you see how he’s able to get bat shit crazy like he did for miles?
So he’s 100% capable of feeling intense emotions and SHOWS it. He’s got no problem with it
So he will shower you with gifts, sugar daddy style
One day you’ll see something in your closet or outside your door and think…I’ve never bought this before did i?
Honestly it didn’t take much to put two and two together, so you would just ask him about it
“Miguel, what did I tell you about buying me things, I’m not gonna have enough space for everything at some point you know?”
“I don’t dont know what you’re talking about.”
You’ll just roll your eyes, he’s never going to learn is he?
He is also jealous, but not controlling
He respects you and trusts you, but he doesn’t trust others
So if you’re in HQ to visit him and you find yourself talking to the different spidermen…
Hobie would be talking to you about politics and the importance of unions for workers, you would animatedly reply
And then walks Miguel…he saw you both and he knew you were going to surprise him
But he couldn’t help but feel jealous
Why couldn’t you go straight to him?
I think those feelings of jealousy come from his fear of losing people
You turn around and see Miguel, you smile
“Hey babe, cómo estás mi amorcito? Te quise sorprender pero ya veo que ya me viste”
“Hola, i see you two are talking, but that can wait. Ven contigo amor.”
You follow him to his lair (or rlly was is it …an office?)
And you go “okay what is it, did you need anything?”
“No, I just wanted you for myself.”
This makes you laugh, honestly Hobie is harmless and Miguel knows this. But he can’t help but feel threatened
He just wants you for himself really.
He’s also a huge cuddle bug, but he doesn’t show his affection in public. He doesn’t have an image to maintain doesn’t he?
At HQ he won’t kiss you unless everyone’s distracted, or he’ll have you sit on his lap while no one’s around.
Honestly it’s so easy to take naps while he’s working on things, those arms are quite literally pillows.
But at home? Oh my god, he’s like him stuck to your hair on a hot day
He will drop that persona and just simply attach himself to you and the nearest piece of furniture.
He will kiss you up and want to lay in bed so he’s fully on you
Sometimes he will fall asleep on you entirely, and he will wake up in the middle of the night panicking thinking he’s hurt you with his huge body
“No te hecho nada no mi amor? Fuck you should’ve told me I fell asleep on you babe”
“Oh my god Miguel you act as if you’ weight a ton, besides it’s no big deal”
He’s honestly such a worrier with you, he just wants you to be happy with him, so sometimes he will overanalyze every aspect of his relationship and you can see the gears turning everytime
Thats when you’ll reassure him and let him know he’s doing great, that he’s an amazing man who should not feel as if you are going to leave him. That simply won’t happen.
He also loved it when you take care of him, mostly bc he’s neglecting himself and it feels good to have someone do that for you u know?
If you give him a massage after a particular long day or tend to his wounds if he’s injured
He will just look at you with these loving glazed eyes and he will just melt under your touch
He acts tough but inside he’s like melted butter, softest guy you will ever meet.
He’s actually so emotional, he’s just good at hiding it
So if you guys argue, he’s upset and will look cranky at work
Once he gets home he sees you and your cold gaze and he will absolutely beg on his knees for your forgiveness, it makes you feel bad instantly, so you forgive him
All in all, your relationship with him is super stable and loving.
So yea this is me attempting to write after two years 😭🫣
Let me know if you guys like it cus idk I’m thinking of going back to writing fanfics and drabbles and all that good stuff ;)
Requests are open!!
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fatphobiabusters · 2 years ago
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I hear a lot about how fatness is a "risk factor" for certain illnesses and diseases. I don't hear much about how so are age, socioeconomic status, experiences of abuse, starvation, sex, race, queerness, and so many other aspects of a person's life. And that's because the world already for the most part accepts that a lot of these factors cannot be changed and that many of these factors are not what actually causes an illness or disease.
You don't develop a medical condition because your bank account suddenly shows a different, smaller number. You developed that medical condition because poverty means unbearable stress every day, less access to healthcare, worse housing, inability to clothe yourself for protection from the elements, having to overwork yourself to be able to afford your basic necessities, going without food, and so many other aspects of oppression. You don't weigh your wallet to measure your health because the amount of money you have is not what actually causes a medical condition.
But no one wants to look at the studies with legitimate methodology and admit that fatness is also in this category—that fatness is not something that we can just choose and will away, that fat people face immense systemic oppression just like any other oppressed group, that the correlation of fatness and illness is not some simple relationship of causation. And that's because doing so would mean no longer making hundreds of billions of dollars off of fat people's oppression and having to admit it's not actually okay to treat fat people as an acceptable punching bag.
When I look at medical information for whatever illnesses, see the risk factors laid out, and the only risk factor the website says to change is fatness? I think about all of the research I've read that shows actual permanent weight loss is as likely as finding Atlantis. The amount of hypocrisy at not telling someone to drink a youth potion as a form of treatment at the same time as they lose weight becomes so palpable that I can taste the dirty money being made off of this website telling people to "just lose weight, fatty." It's as cruel as selling an ill person a random crystal that you tell them will fix their health, which they then rely on instead of actual medical care, causing them to get worse and even die. And if you think that comparison is a stretch, you do not realize how many people die every day because they were told weight loss was the answer or were forced to lose weight before the doctor would actually respect them enough to run tests or so much as touch their fat body.
We live in a world where people with PCOS are told to "just lose weight" to solve their infertility, where that is the very first bullet point listed on a website about a medical condition that makes weight loss even more impossible than the already 95% failure rate for the general population. A world where fat people have to stick their own fat bodies with needles during a doctor's appointment because the doctor is too disgusted by fat rolls to even look at the person's body to give them a shot. A world where fat people with eating disorders are encouraged, applauded, and told to keep going while the thin person with an eating disorder has the "luxury" of receiving help, compassion, and a diagnosis that isn't separated in the DSM with the word "atypical." A world where a fat person accidentally given chemotherapy is told by the doctor "At least it helped you lose weight!" A world where weight loss corporations are making the exact same promises they did in advertisements from 1910, yet somehow over 100 years later we have an "ob*sity epidemic" because diets, weight loss products, and exercise regimens "Really work!!!"
If this single "solution" to ill health has not worked despite well over a century of desperate, constant attempts, maybe we should stop trying to jam a triangle into a square hole.
-Mod Worthy
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