#fuck I need more friends
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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Great now I gotta get friends in order to start a game of VTM
#like I have friends who are into dark things and friends who are into VTM and the circles don't really Venn Diagram#not to mention the friends who are neither ttrp gamers or into dark things#fuck I need more friends#vampire the masquerade
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couldnt draw my thang for mid-autumn so treated myself to a calne redesign instead
#calne ca#hatsune miku#VOCALOID#cw: body horror#<- And I Fucking Mean That We Are Not Fucking Around Today#well we are. as in I drew this as a fuckaround treat for myself#but the body horror tag is the most warranted its ever been on this blog#ask to tag#I am as ever on my journey to make calne ca Worse. her OG version is too cool. even the crab ver is too cool#I need her to be worse to look at. I am also getting myself into to mood to test my hand at boarding a pmv for my friend's cover#I think my thought for this was ''I should try and give her a more insectoid bodyplan''#which in this mostly means gently three-part body and six limbs (my favourite amount of limbs to draw rn)#actually almost gave her eight but didnt like how that silhouette came out so I mermaided her uh. abdomen I guess#though maybe next time I do this I should push that idea more. the head and torso are still very distinct for one unified part#I feel like one of my old attempts was onto something with like. a more horizontal body plan... well! live and learn etc#happy late mid autumn I guess. I should play with touys about it... I miss model kits. mayhaps...
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hey I went to Bad At It island and everyone you know was there. yeah turns out you just see the version of them they put forwards in order to not disappoint and in actuality everyone is just trying their best which doesn't always mean succeeding. yeah you were there as well but it's ok because you're surrounded by your friends and loved ones and if you take a moment you'll realise we are all flawed by nature but we are all full of love for one another and that matters more than any skill or success or achievement.
#listen to my gibberish boy#silly post format but this is something I need to realise more#and I think that might be true for others as well so ((:#BE BAD AT IT AND BE FULL OF LOVE AND KISS YOUR FRIENDS AND FUCK UP PROJECTS IT WILL ALL BE OK IN THE END!!!!!
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a moment of silence for all us disabled ones who had to watch each of their friends move on with their lives without you and get jobs, go to school, have partners come and go, get engaged and move house etc.
shout out to my fellow struggling people who are still sitting in the same bedroom they grew up in. the ones who can't get a job, can't make new friends, can't find a partner or partners, can't move house and can't go to school.
I hope one day we can all find someone to at least sit with us in our rooms. I see you and I understand... and I'm sorry we can't be that person for each other
#hell o void#hell o hadal#disabled#disability#invisible disability#nuerodivergent#nuerodiversity#mental health#agoraphobia#depression#anxiety#chronic pain#chronic fatigue#autistic#autism#i know this applies to more people but i am too tired to think of more tags and i really need to stop posting and do other things#but this is something i struggle with constantly and cant get over so#about#it hurts even more knowing that my friends who have done this are also disabled#like.... what do you mean they can overcome their disabilities and have lives why the fuck cant i do that
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hello. hello. has anyone else seen this
#like fucking HELLO#my friend sent this to me and i haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since#i need to be euthanized i fear#like they could at least TRY to be a little more subtle like whatever happened to couth#jolyon palmer saying there was something fruity going on with kmag#when he should’ve directed that towards these two and lando jesus christ#these two acting like love birds while lando is on the verge of never being heard from ever again#checks out tbh#max verstappen#oscar piastri#formula 1
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i think i'm hilarious -- aka i made blood blossom danny au memes
all of these come from my DpxDC prompt "i am pushing the batdad agenda--" and it's corresponding additions in the reblogs ksdjlf.
i am. rotating them in my head. forever and always. personally i think there should be more batdad aus in dpxdc, their dynamic could be neat. :)
#THAT FIRST ONE TOOK ME A HOT MINUTE TO MAKE. i have never been more careful with a trackpad. imgflip doesnt have an undo button#i think its fucking hilarious#its a batdad au#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dp x dc#dc x dp#mmm i need to come up with a name for this au#found family ftw WHOOOO. i could just do a generic 'blood blossom au' tag but i want a specific one because i like being unique#eldest batkid danny au#chronically ill danny au#danny: im grateful he's helping me but im still kinda apprehensive...#battinson: vaults over a car to escape reporters. likes rock music. isn't fucking evil. punched a cop. actively looking for a cure#danny: ...huh. okay.#furiously pushing the batdad agenda for my own gain. just look at them guys. they're funny little guys.#unofficial witness protection to adoption pipeline.#bruce wayne accidental teen acquisition. save a teenager gain a son#its about the adventure of them going from strangers to friends to family :)#im bored of the bruce slander guys in the words of hermes from hadestown:#“[its] about someone who *tries”*#danny saw a funny man in a funny costume eat the side of a dumpster and has never related more with someone on a spiritual level#“brother eugh i feel that. oh heY WAIT HERO BUDDY?? SAME HAT??? SAME HAT?”#danny's been the only hero he's known since he was 13. on god he is leaping at this opportunity. like YES. PLEASE BE ANOTHER HERO#HELP ME GET AWAY FROM CERTIFIED CRAZY MAN. HELP. YOU'RE SCARY AND HIDING IN THE DARK. EVEN BETTER. HELP A BROTHER OUT HERE#blood blossom au#for the time being thats the name
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can’t stop crying over arthur loving merlin for merlin. like he fr thought he was just some guy but guess what? that’s his some guy. and he’d stick with him forever. i think i’m gonna throw up
#I FEEL SICK. LIKE. THAT WAS ARTHUR’S FRIEND!!! ARTHUR LOVED HIM BECAUSE HE WAS HIMSELF AND HE DIDN’T NEED ANYTHING MORE THAN THAT!!!!!#i can’t fucking do this. genuine tears just spilling from my eyes rn#i know this has been said over and over but i dont care!!! i dont care!!!! it can be said again!!!!!!#cupid de bunny#merlin#merthur#100#500#1000
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Flowey’s so funny and has me so fucked up like he’s a talking flower. He tries to kill you upon your first interaction. He is ten years old. He is damaged beyond repair. He’s a flower named Flowey. He’s become friends with every single character. He’s killed all of them countless times. He knows everything about everyone. He doesn’t care anymore. He takes care of his mom when she can’t take care of herself. He’s killed her before. He doesn’t care if you kill her. He thinks she’s trying to replace him. He just wants to be himself again. He wants to destroy everything. He hates you. You’re the only one who understands him. He wants his best friend back. He’s terrified of them. He believes in kill or be killed because he died by giving mercy to the wrong person. He believes himself to be the wrong person. He doesn’t understand when you show him that kindness he showed others, even when you know he could kill you for it. He’s tried every route. He asks you if you have anything better to do when you try to do the same. He’s a direct reflection of the player. He’s a fucking talking flower named flowey and his only voice line is by Ronald McDonald and his officially licensed plush does a little dance for you
#‘Flowey would listen to i bet on losing dogs by Mitski and cry until he throws up and Chara calls him cringe from beyond the grave’#-me to my friend when I ranted about this last night#he has me so fucked up like oh my god#how is the best character a fucking talking flower#I love undertale’s writing so much like it’s mastered minimal evidence giving away the biggest parts of characters#i can analyze him i can study him under a microscope#i can put him in a terrarium with a sticky note that says gay baby jail you know#he has me SO fucked up#flowey#flowey the flower#asriel#asriel dreemurr#I’m talking about flowey btw not asriel i know they’re the same person but not to me#like how i consider little baby me and fucked up 13 year old me different people#asriel sits on the playground and cries when nobody wants to play warrior cats with him#and flowey sits in the back of classrooms and answers ‘life is MEANINGLESS’ to every question#not speaking from experience ofc (im lying)#love my edgy flower *puts a magnifying glass up to him and notes how fucked up he is*#i think more characters need to be fucked up beyond repair#undertale#utdr#character analysis
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the kalosian worms are quickly eating away at my brain, folks.
#enjoy my shitpost doodles i'll do more serious ones later#mjv!calem is so funny to me i want to study him in a lab#the most fucked up lil dude in all of kalos he's so god damn haunted#just girly things : when an evil ecofascist ceo tricks you into almost killing your friends by brainwashing you <3#i actually need to talk about what happens in mjv!xy instead of just dropping wild out of context jokes about plot points aksflj#pokemon#pokemon xy#pkmn xy#pokemon serena#trainer serena#pokemon az#trainer az#pokemon calem#trainer calem#rival calem#pokemon shauna#rival shauna#pokemon emma#trainer emma#hc : (pkmn) mjverse#chara : serena vidal#chara : zephyrathes '' az '' vidal#<- fucked up in that hc post and forgot to write out his full first name oops#chara : calem durant#chara : shauna bellamy#chara : emma khalil#🎨 : mj draws#tw explosion
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underappreciated Nico detail that I like - he seems to be an angry crier! very frequently he's angry when he cries and he cries when he's extremely angry. very AuDHD of him. emotional regulation sucks my guy and he's just going through it.
#pjo#riordanverse#nico di angelo#also fun to think about Nico getting pissed off and then getting even more pissed off that he's turning into a bawling mess#or Nico getting sad/upset and the rage just flips on so he's sniffling and crying and cussing under his breath while kicking stuff#i mean how many times has nico had a moment of someone trying to comfort him and his reaction like 90% of the time is ''fuck off''#nico thinking about his trauma: [through tears] i need to go kill something right now or i'll explode#nico working on processing emotions character arc except instead of him stopping being an angry crier#it just turns into his friends holding a pillow for him to beat the shit out of until he works the energy out#shoutout to the cupid scene in particular as one of my favorite examples of this#just cause i love Nico having a breakdown and Jason watching it like ''uh oh. i think Bad Things Will Happen if he *actually* starts crying#other favorite example is TTC. Nico being so upset he creates a rift in the ground and tells Percy to die#nico is not uwu sad boy soft baby kitten tears crier#he is yelling things that would get him cancelled on the internet while snotty and bawling#he is insulting and threatening everyone in a 10ft radius
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oh damn i forgor to post this. lol
#art#smiling friends#charlie dompler#i keep saying this 4837974506 times but i. desperately need to draw (AND POST) more. fuck
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'varric's vibe when you pick the 'I'm worried' option after he asks you how you feel about having solas in your head is so fucking funny. the very careful 'so, uh, just... out of casual interest why -- why aren't you putting wards on yourself and your mind to keep him out, and incidentally exactly how might you do it if you did. no reason why I'm asking just. curious. I have no stance on this' probing of it all (that should be the giveaway in itself, really, in hindsight I think real varric would be a lot more freaked out on rook's behalf about this even if he might still have reached the conclusion that the connection to solas was worth the risk, he's got kirkwall blood magic trauma to fill a telephone catalogue). that and the '>:) then I see you've made a choice (so this is basically a little bit on you now, you got fairly outsmarted etc., I don't have to feel as guilty thank you for having youthful hubris that will be your undoing so I can feel less bad about my role in it). honestly if anything I'm doubling down on my previous 'mind!varric is directly controlled by solas the majority of the time and rook's mind is mostly a collaborateur' post. this conversation is transparently solas gathering intel and giving you the 101 on leadership while you're building a small focused rebel force.
in solas' defense... this whole situation is very very funny in an extremely dark kind of way he is nothing if not on brand. the stuff he says about himself in this conversation is like. he's both reading himself for filth AND he can't read all of a sudden he can't uh......... he has plenty of self-insight (a single flower with blackened petals) and it helps him exactly not at all in breaking his patterns lmao
also it makes the relationship between solas and rook so. so much. what an insane intimacy in grieving for someone so much you both conspire to raise him from the dead together, just for a little while, because neither of you can bear to let go. what a violation in being the only knowing party in that. solas can hear rook following through on relaying his apology to 'varric' no matter what else they think of him. and he still does what he does to them in the end. he's feeding them affection (some of it even real eventually, I think, he clearly respects rook as a pure agent of chaos on some level and has some incredulous amused fondness for them no matter how you end up in your relationship with him) and confidence with one hand, and readying a knife in the other the whole time. solas my love my friend my genuine darling I think I will have to strangle you unfortunately
#rye is so polite to solas through that first check-in convo (imperturbable watcher smile from dealing with orlesians for a decade)#solas is SO shitty about it. he's SUCH a bitch if you try to take the high road with him I love him I adore him he sucks so bad fhdsakj#and then when varric asks after he's bluntly like 'your friend is kind of an asshole huh' fhdsak. solas in the fade: well he's got me there#I need you to understand that in some ways this makes me like solas even more. what he's doing is so FUCKED UP. but it is funny#and also genuinely really clever he keeps the balance up so well in the things 'varric' says#feeding rook exactly enough scraps of the love they remember that they won't be able to bear to let it go#AND rarely incriminating himself with anything varric wouldn't know#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#solas#varric tethras#Dynamic: That my keen knife see not the wound it makes
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It's funny because Arthur doesn't know what a Disney Princess is
(@pestobepis thank you for comparing Arthur to that one picture of a girl with a racoon. you are so fucking big brained)
#graedari doodles#malevolent#arthur lester#john doe malevolent#digital art#ipad#procreate#apple pen#hehehe little fucked up guy!!!!#i really am vibin with the arthur design i went with for now#i need to draw him more fucked up though#as my good friend yvoovy said i need to draw him “rawed by the horrors”#graedari malevolent#graedari loves queue
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listen i know we all love steve “completely ignorant of queer culture to the point that bisexuality is a surprise” harrington being roasted and educated in turns by robin and eddie, yadda yadda, good stuff. i read “they made a horror version of rocky?” in a fic recently and cackled. also a big fan of “he knew he was bi from the start and just never talked about it” as a trope, love it excellent well done
but what about steve who realizes after starcourt that the most important person in his life now has this thing that’s a major part of her life that he knows nothing about, and what if he fucks it up? what if he says something ignorant or rude by accident, and hurts her? what if he loses her because he didn’t know the right thing to say? what if he can’t keep her safe because he doesn’t know what to look out for? absolutely fucking not, this steve says
and listen she’d never say anything, because she can tell that he can tell how much she likes teasing him and teaching him things, so he plays dumb, and she thinks it’s very sweet. but she notices when the zines she keeps under her bed that she buys at that one secret bookshop in indy when she can sneak away on family trips start going missing, always one at a time, and replaced in a few days with another disappearing. and she finds the new ones he must have gone to buy the weekend she was at her aunt’s house hidden in the back of his closet when she goes to steal one of his sweaters. and she notices when he slips more of her queerer movie recommendations into his personal take home pile rather than the movie night stack when he thinks she’s not looking.
she doesn’t notice when he drives to indianapolis after she tries to explain to him why she can’t just ask out a cute girl, tries to impress on him the fear attached to every moment of attraction that he simply has never had to feel, but later she finds a crumpled receipt from a diner in one of his jacket pockets when she’s looking for his keys, and the address is across the street from the bar the gorgeous woman at the bookstore told her about, the one she memorized the address of but hasn’t worked up the guts to think about visiting, and she knows he must have gone looking for a place like that, must have been trying to understand, must have been scoping it out to make sure it was somewhere she could feel safe, after she told him she never had.
so when eddie nearly pops a blood vessel when they clock each other and she mentions that steve is the only person she’s ever come out to before, her hackles come up. because she gets it, she does, he’s only known king steve until recently, so it makes sense that he would be afraid, be concerned for her safety.
but steve is her person, and no one- no one- has ever made her feel as protected or as cared for as he does. no one has ever tried as hard to understand her, no one has ever put so much work into making her feel safe and seen and loved. and she thinks maybe even if no one else ever does, that’s ok. because she has steve, and more importantly steve has her, and that means no one gets to question his ally credentials in her presence without a dressing down to remember, no matter how well they mean or how recently they helped save the world.
(and maybe she’s not as surprised as she could be when he figures out bisexuality all on his own, because she’s been reading all the same pamphlets he has, after all. and she’s seen the way he looks at eddie, i mean come on. maybe no one else has noticed, but then, nobody knows steve harrington like she does.)
#stranger things#steve harrington#robin buckley#platonic stobin#steddie#(if you squint)#this got away from me#i just really love love giving steve a bit more credit yk?#like yes he’s very stupid and he has a history of being self absorbed#and we love that about him#he’s very flawed and that makes him interesting#but i really feel like one of his defining traits is his need to be useful to the people he loves#combine that with his abandonment issues and i really feel like he would be scared of fucking up and losing robin#and yeah he would play dumb like he does with dustin and d&d#but i don’t believe he knows nothing about d&d after all this time and i don’t believe he would let himself know nothing about queer culture#i’m just so so attached to the idea of steve who knows that teasing him for being dumb is his friends’ love language with him#so he pretends to be dumber than he is so they have chances to explain things to him#also stobin sharing clothes is so so so important to me just putting that out there#anyway i just think they’re neat#my writing
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