#friend of Jason

[nomaru666]

Hahahahhahaha

[starspilli]

back to my roots…

[monoukotori]

I have seen a lot of fics about the Justice League finding out Bruce has kids and being shocked about it, but what about the other way around? Like imagine Dick ghosting Bruce and ignoring everything related to Batman for six months after an argument and the day he finally decides to visit to make amends he finds fuckin Superman chilling on his kitchen, or like Jason coming back from the dead, ready to fuck shit up, just to get whiplash after finding out that his loser dad has friends and one of them is Wonder Woman

[stickyvoidpaper]

Dick : Jasons been more, relaxed lately. It's unsettling.

Tim : Yeah, I've started spiking his water with mood stabilizers.

Dick : What

Tim : I've been thinking of doing it to the wider gotham water supply. Think about the crime rates.

[redactedrem]

Headcanon where after so many arguments between the batkids and Bruce over his paranoia and complete disregard for his kids privacy, the entire family had compromised with (in the healthiest way possible) downloading life360 on their phones and that's how they all keep track of each other.

Now Bruce knew that this is mostly for his benefit and is supposed to be a healthy alternative for his unhealthy paranoia and helicopter parenting, but what he wasn't expecting was for his kids to start keeping track of him.

He's putting gas in his car and Dick calls him because apparently Dick has been watching him drive around on the app? And Bruce is currently at a gas station thats right around the corner from a Taco Bell and now Dick wants him to get food for everyone since he's already there.

He's driving home from a meeting and Steph calls him because her and Duke were shopping in the area and wants to know if he can pick them up, when he asks how she knew he was on the same street, he gets a "Oh I just like to stalk everyone on the app for funsies." as an answer.

Jason calls him and he can barely get out a hello before Jason cuts him off, "Bruce why the fuck is your phone battery on 5%, charge your damn phone" which completely stuns him because why does he know that. He clears his throat before answering. "Jason, what?"

"Everyone can see each others phone batteries on '360, now charge your phone." Is all he gets before Jason hangs up on him.

[prlssprfctn]

Dick, sighing: Tiktok is getting banned. I am so sad. Like, how else will I get to rate Nightwing edits?

Bruce, sighing in relief: Finally. I still hadn't recovered from that one time when Gazette put a bunch of... edits? Of mine in the article about Wayne Enterprises.

Jason, who is chronically sitting online with VPN only: ...

Tim, who hacked servers to continue thristing over Timkon content: ...

Jason: (silently sends another tiktok in Tim's dms)

Tim: (silently types LMAO)

Dick, glaring at them, trying to hide their giggles: ...You both. Show your phones now.

[aroaceleovaldez]

one of my favorite parts about Percy being Obviously Bi™ is he doesn't universally describe one gender as attractive. Like he doesn't just say all girls are cute and guys are just okay or whatever or vice versa. No, he has specific girls he finds pretty and specific guys he finds pretty, and he voices that opinion.

For example - Clarisse? Thalia? Meh. Even Silena, who is canonically very pretty, Percy is relatively neutral on. But Annabeth? Rachel? Calypso? 100%. And based on differences in descriptions like that we can tell when Percy is attracted to somebody versus isn't. He calls everybody else in Beckendorf's cabin ugly and then waxes poetic about how hot Beckendorf is specifically. He'll describe most guys as just "eh" with plain physical descriptors but every time he sees Luke he feels the need to specify that Luke is extremely hot while being very evil and how much he hates Luke's stupid very very pretty face. love that for you Percy. great work.

[greenapplebling]

Tim: Who suffers more, God or us?

Jason: God will suffer when I get there

Dick: And that's why he won't let you die for real

Jason: Cursed with immortality? Outrageous...

Tim: Or cursed to spend your other life in the limbo

Jason: I'm banned from Hell too??

[neuro-psyche]

I think Dick and Jason would have multiple “what the actual fuck are you saying right now” with Tim and Damian when it comes to quality of life/monetary differences. Sure, Dick and Jason got used to Bruce’s “is $100 a good enough tip on a $30 bill?” shit, but hearing Tim talking about a new laptop he bought for $5000 literally is like a punch in the gut.

If they ever went on a cruise (which they totally wouldn’t because cruises are floating death traps), Jason and Dick would be in awe of the fancy amenities, where as Damian would be unsatisfied with the quality, since he grew up with every single amenity known to man. Tim would just feel like it’s all normal since the Drake’s were extravagant and travelled all over the planet.

Jason : My bedroom is bigger than my fucking apartment.

Dick : I could do a full gymnastics routine with the space in my room.

Tim :

Dick :

Tim : My room is normal sized…

Jason : You grew up in a mega mansion. I hardly think you’re the benchmark of a normal room-

Damian : I must agree with Drake. This room is frankly underwhelming.

Dick, staring wildly at him : What do you mean underwhelming- Dames there’s an aquarium wall in your room.

Damian : Yes. Underwhelming.

Jason :

Dick :

Jason : Do you want to-

Dick : Jump off the boat? Yes.

[meziniart]

Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves

[lunewolf13]

Tim and Jason were munching on Batburgers mid-patrol. Entirely out of the blue Tim says: By the way, I'm bi.

Jason pauses, then swallows his burger: Uh, okay?

Tim: I just wanted to tell you. In case, you know, you think no one would accept you.

Jason: ...Huh??

Tim: Yeah, there's a reason why I brought this up. What I'm trying to tell you is that B told me to tell you that you can bring your boyfriend over for dinner whenever you want.

Jason just stares at Tim, wondering if he's experiencing a fever dream because what??

Jason: What boyfriend??

As far as he knows, there is no boyfriend. Why does Bruce think there is a boyfriend??

Tim being understanding but for a completely different context: It's okay, Hood. I'll tell him you said no. No need to deny it.

Jason continues to be baffled: Thanks. But I don't have a boyfriend.

Tim does not believe him: Sure, sure. So, when's the next time Arsenal plans to visit Gotham?

Jason goes back to eating his burger and pretending he's not totally confused by the change in topic: Uh, this Thursday. I'm gonna help him with Lian's birthday cake, and brainstorm gift ideas.

Tim: Uh-huh. Hope you have guys have fun :)

[jasontoddlawyer]

i need jason 'metalhead' todd to find out tim has a thing with kon (another alt bitch) and just. spiral

jason: you don't want to date alt men, don't date alt men, most of them are jobless alcoholics who sleep in their friend's basement. you know what alt men are good for? looking at, hanging out with and one night stands and even that is questionable. not long term relationships! alt men are horrible flings and even worse boyfriends dO NOT DATE AN ALT MAN. why do you think alt women never date alt men??? BECAUSE THEY KNOW

tim, barely listening: did you have a terrible alt boyfriend

jason: I AM THE TERRIBLE ALT BOYFRIEND

[frownyalfred]

If you’ve never had to pick up an adult over let’s say 100 lbs I think most people don’t realize how fucking impressive it is that we see human DC characters (mostly the Bats, let’s be real) routinely lifting and carrying unconscious people for distances longer than a few feet.

Bruce carrying Dick’s body home after he died in Injustice? Insanity. He walked with ~200 lbs of dead weight in his arms (non-optimal carrying position too) without visible effort.

[ditzybat]

jason in titans tower staring at bruce: how’d you know i was alive old man?

bruce: robin - tim - is an avid follower of your tumblr blog that has mysteriously updated after years of you being deceased

tim: mhm, at mrsbennetluvr88 started quoting hamlet and titus andronicus after years of radio silence, it was the only rational conclusion

jason: … at least you know your shakespeare…

[rh1a]

tim: why would i choose peace when i can ruin lives instead?

jason, trying to remember how people think this is the moral one:

[prlssprfctn]

Jason Todd arrives to the Gotham after being brought back alive for the first time, and while building up his career as Red Hood, visits Harvey Dent in the Arkham. They talk in a surprising peace, discuss this and this, and Jason even shares some of his insane ass lore, because, honestly, who is going to believe Harvey Dent?

And no one doesn't.

But there is a problem. The next time Bruce Wayne visits Harvey, Harvey randomly drops a bomb on him by saying that he is so, so glad that their Jaylad is back, and he grew up so much, looks so much like Bruce now! He even tries to assure him that, you see, yeah, Jason was dead, but he crawled out of his grave, and then, the Lazarus Pit fixed him!

Bruce thinks Harvey finally had reached the end of his line. Like, low-key, the last stage of insanity.

Harvey: God, he is still so well-mannered. I feel so pleased that he came to visit old me first, though. I always thought I was his favourite over you.

Bruce, laughing awkwardly, while asking the medics to add some new medicine to Harvey: Ahaha, yeah, that sounds like our Jaylad.

Harvey: Super happy for him, seriously. I mean, look at him, getting himself a new career as a Red Hood. That's our son. Feel a little bit bitter that he is into Al Ghuls family now, but that's fine.

Bruce, frowning, because Harvey isn't supposed to know about Al Ghuls and their connection to Lazarus Pit or about Red Hood: Uh, had J-Jason said something else to you?

Harvey: Oh, damn, we spoke for the whole night. He was pissed at you, though. Like, for the Tim guy, whoever he is.

Bruce, turning to the doctors: ...Maybe, uh, give me the same pills you gave him. I feel like I need it, too.