#force i feel disgusting
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Only took a week and a half, but guess who finally actually feels sick with covid 😔✌️
#i should know by now that my specific flavour of chronic illness = a delay in symptoms#i *should know this* by now#ive only lived with it since 2016#i shouldnt be this shocked#force i feel disgusting#jesus *fucking* christ this is so *stupid*#wait a moment#vent post#realised i probably ought to tag that...#but ugh#at least now i know what the strange 'new' fatigue ive been feeling is 🙄#and now i know why i cant seem to write#ughhhhhh#>:(#i swear im fine really i am#i just havent been *sick* sick since 2020#completely forgot what it was like#i would take the worst of my usual symptoms over this *any* day of the week#blegh#my one consolation is that this means i can continue reading fic to my heart's content#and that i *dont* have to quote unquote go back to work#(work being. writing. and whatever else i usually do)#(nit that i had the cognitive function for any of that before this anyway.....)#ugh#okay thats all my complaining for the day thanks for listening#im sure ill be back to normal soon#in the meantime: im genuinely going to compile a superb@t rec list#not sure when exactly at this point in time#but soon#love yall
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Decimation
Some members of one of the GIW’s top-secret research facilities have made an earth-shattering discovery.
They’ve found a way to make half-ghosts.
The failure rate is high. For every subject they successfully convert, many more are left burnt-out corpses—or worse, as rabid undead that must be put down with force.
It didn’t matter. The test subjects were cheap, worthless. Their countless deaths were an acceptable sacrifice in the name of progress.
Their operative’ deaths when they begin the full plan… those will matter more. Their warped agents may be more dangerous than normal humans in combat, but legions of foot soldiers still have their place. It would be foolish to leave themself solely in the hands of ectoplasmic entities, even if they’re allies and still partially human. Recruiting and training enough replacements to recover the losses would take time.
But it will all be worth it.
Finally, they will have control of a strong enough army to bring their goals to fruition. Those inhuman wraiths will be eradicated, ensuring the safety of the real, living humans and opening up a whole new dimension of untapped resources.
#danny phantom#dp#not specifically dp x dc but i feel like the “heroes vs GIW” plot type would fit really well#so i’m gonna include a few of those tags:#dp x dc#dpxdc#dcxdp#dc x dp#danny phantom au#dp au#danny phantom prompt#idk how to convey this but they still hate *all* ghosts#using half ghosts doesn’t change that#it’s seen as like. disgusting but necessary#i tried to use words with more negative connotations like “warped” or “more *dangerous*” to communicate that mood but idk if it comes across#dp prompt#guys in white#ghost investigation ward#giw (danny phantom)#i’m pretty proud of the title of this#like it’s not too deep but it feels sorta connected to two differen things through the two meanings of the word#romans had a practice called “decimation” which involved killing 1/10 the soldiers of a group as a punishment#and here the GIW are knowingly killing a portion of their own agents to strengthen their forces#(though it’s a larger fraction so if the “deci-” part were to be kept it’d be like “1 in 10 *survived*” instead of “1 in 10 died”)#and then they also intend to decimate the Ghost Zone (as in the modern meaning of “destroying much if not all of something”
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Let me make this very clear:
When it comes to Hellenic Polytheism, there is no human religious authority, especially not one that stands before or speaks for the gods.
It does not matter what someone tells you. It does not matter if they claim to be a priestess/priest of X deity or a messenger for Y deity. It does not matter what their supposed past life was like. It does not matter if they claim to be the literal fucking Oracle of Apollo.
No one has the right to tell you how to worship the gods. No one has the right to assert their authority over your religion.
And most of all, remember that people can and do lie.
#helpol#hellenic polytheism#hellenic pagan#deity worship#hellenic worship#deity work#tagging this with non-helpol tags because i feel this is a message even the wider pagan community needs to hear#the amount of people I've met who pose as some religious authority is genuinely disgusting#many of these people claimed these things in order to control others in some way#i think that's honestly fucking revolting#as a disclaimer: if you have it in your own practice that you are a “priestess/priest” that's fine#but do no attempt to assert some sort of self-given authority over others#because at the end of day your experience is just that: YOUR experience#do not force others to conform to YOUR experience; they have their OWN experience to learn from#paganblr#polytheism#paganism#pagan#reminder
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'I flirted with the idea that instead of being trans that I was just a cross-dresser (a quirk, I thought, that could be quietly folded into an otherwise average life) and that my dysphoria was sexual in nature, and sexual only. And if my feelings were only sexual, then, I wondered, perhaps I wasn’t actually trans.
I had read about a book called The Man Who Would Be Queen, by a Northwestern University professor who believed that transwomen who were attracted to women were really confused fetishists, they wanted to be women to satisfy an autogynephilia. And though I first read about this book in the context of its debunkment and disparagement, I thought about the electricity of slipping on those tights, zipping up those boots, and a stream of guilt followed. Maybe this professor was right, and maybe I was only a fetishist. Not trans, just a misguided boy.
About a year later, on the Internet, I come across a transwoman who added a unique message to the crowd refuting this professor. Oh, I wish I remember who this woman was, and I wish even more that I could do better than paraphrase her, but I remember her saying something like this: “Well, of course I feel sexy putting on women’s clothing and having a woman’s body. If you feel comfortable in your body for the first time, won’t that probably mean it’ll be the first time you feel comfortable, too, with delighting in your body as a sexual thing?”'
-Casey Plett, Consciousness
#this quote always moves me almost to tears when i remember it#i'm not a trans woman and i don't share the author's specific experiences with transition#but it really moves me that she frame transition as joyfully giving yourself permission to approach your body#not as something that has to be disciplined and deprived and made small in all these various ways#but as a means for experiencing pleasure and joy and delight and for insisting that our feelings and desires are worth#valuing and exploring and treasuring#i always used to think of prioritizing those things for myself as selfish and irresponsible#but who does it harm to want to experience pleasure in your own body?#it's such a beautifully simple and powerful switch to have flip in your head#and equally why are we forced to deny our own pleasure in transition and anything else related to our bodies in the name of moral rectitude#this is why i get so confused and pissed off when other trans people are fatphobic for example#like why are you so invested in politics of shame and disgust that never had any purpose other than#violently disciplining people as if they've violated moral codes by existing in a body#to say nothing of white people being racist in gay and trans communities#like again this system of violence is foundational to homophobia and transphobia#so why are you acting like it has nothing to do with you#even if you are unmoved by the urgency of other people's suffering which btw you should be moved by#what do you hope to gain by acting a collaborator and handmaiden to those systems#Casey Plett#she really is one of my favorite authors i wish more non-canadians read her#this quote is from a series of columns she did ont transition and every single one is a banger#i love when she talks about the people-pleasing elements of dysphoria and transition denial#she's so sharp about noting how many of us deny our own dysphoria on the grounds that others like and validate our bodies#that's how i always felt during my cis conventionally feminine era#it pleased other people so much and also that reception felt so hollow and joyless to me because i hated it#i get less of that positive feedback but that feels so unimportant next to the joy and pleasure i get to experience#said with the understanding that i'm very privileged in being able to prioritize those things without fear. but it was a switch flip#personal nonsense
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Deceptively simple
#danganronpa#my art#art#avis's doodles#drv3#kaito momota#maki harukawa#kaimaki#momoharu#harumota#i think he feels like if he can't forgive maki. he cant forgive himself for what he did#so he forces past his feelings of betrayal and disappointment. and Maki can kind of tell#she feels disgusted being around him because she doesn't understand why someone she hurt would want to stick around.#and maybe having heard her backstory.. having heard how she reacted after her first kill. he just needs to be around someone who understands#someone who understands what its like to kill someone so intimately as maki#god postgame momoharu hurts my heart#she knows its a lie
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hi guys massive trigger warning for bugs and gore but like
one of my all time favorite ideas i’ve come up with for immortal whumpees is peeling back their epidermis and planting larvae inside, and then stitching it back up and waiting for the bugs to hatch. is it physically possible? probably not! but god damn if not for pain it’s still a sensory nightmare. i created this idea for a character of mine named callum. i love him a lot. even if he wants to put bugs under people’s skin.
#whump community#whump#whumpblr#whump writing#whump prompt#torture whump#sadistic whumper#bug whump#maybe force them to eat one too idk#sorry is this too insane#i just think the idea of feeling them wriggle underneath your skin is like#disgusting in a yeah i’d do that to my blorbo way#brain cannot be normal for five seconds#immortal whumpee
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journalists, content creators.. these people given early versions. they are not encouraged to tell the truth. they are encouraged to assist in selling the product in order to work with these people again. if you shit all over the free product, you are not asked to partake again. you break the friendship, you’re out. look at the twitch streamers and youtubers who lose sponsorships when they’re honest in a negative way. who get free games to play and are never contacted again by the publishers to promote a game again if they reviewed it poorly. you won’t play the part and help market, you’re out. you’re losing us money, you’re out. rose-tinted glasses off; these people are marketing. they are selling you a product. the only people you should trust are real people, just like you, who took the plunge when the game released.
#fray.txt#i feel like crying honestly i think it’s time to log off for a bit.#capitalism is digesting and repulsive and being forced to watch people take part of their own free will when they could make a stance#makes me feel like giving up. what’s the point in fighting for better#when no one else gives a shit. and is happy with decline in quality. in being coated with horse shit and laying in it#disgusting * cries
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except home cooked meals are disgusting so there's nothing positive in that
Learn to let love in to your life
#life is a lot more enjoyable when you accept that there is good#so the food you cook isn't great. that's ok i hope you at least gad fun making it. i hope that youll find something else you enjoy#some times you gotta force a glass half full mentality to eventually feel good about life#we have the ground we walk on and the air we breathe#ren won't shut up#sorry that every single home cooked meal you've had has been disgusting. that's pretty sad
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Finally caught up on Protocol's "Well Run" episode and I gotta be right in the same alley as Johnny: for real, does anyone really can find that repulsive creature of the most rancid British nobility anything more than the absolute enemy and monster she is?
Might be my south american blood just fucking thruming with horror and contempt at that tale of aristrocracy and how it could be a pretty realistic situation without eldritch powers in it. The moment that lady spoke, my argentinian soul raged with centuries of sovereignty struggle against lords like that one and started singing the San Martín hymns and my eyes saw Rojo Punzó. My body started moving in its own to boil water and toss it over my balcony to stop british invaders as if I was in 1806. I was about to get on a boat and travel to Malvinas to retrieve it myself with a box cutter.
Bonzo can be hot, the Boneturner can be hot, slimy Elias Bouchard even, anyone, I don't care, love is love, is all super ok. Except on this. The old nobility of the empire? What the hell? no-huh, Only valid kink shame in history. Tossin that shit to oblivion, to beyond the solar system. Yeeting that shit out of this galaxy. Sorry people. Of all the elegible bachellor monsters to choose!
On a more important note: my favorite tale so far, really struck the chords of true hatred and horror within me, it was amazing! Acting was superb as well.
#tmagp#tmagp 15#lady mowbray#disgusting disgusting and the biggest monster yet#no monsterfucker spirit possible with this one#really incredibly well protrayed gotta say. just gave me the same feel as when I ate without looking a spoiled cake and tasted the rot in i#full body shudder before certain death from a force of evil
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so many people can’t conceptualise emotional neglect as anything other than ‘my parents were cold and distant and never talked about feelings with me’, and this, while being just a general awful problem of course, is also what leads to so much john winchester mischaracterisation. in this essay i will
#like. it can also be#a parent who you’re close to who is actually extremely emotional and explosive and reactive#and via forcing you to look after their emotional needs and spilling their problems all over you also teaches you that your feelings qrs re#unimportant and that you’re unimportant. even if they dont necessarily mean to or they dont with their words!#anyway i’m sure john winchester was a mix of the two#but my point is like. God this applies to so much actually#there’s this incredibly pervasive idea that damaging parenting has to be like. i dunno. distant somehow#your parents don’t love you. you’re not close to your parents#and obviously that IS damaging but it’s not the only way a parental relationship can be damaging… far from it#and a lot of what makes john so interesting to me is he DOES love the boys. of course he does#and he isn’t some hyper repressed incredibly macho figure either like some people characterise him#he’s warm with the boys when we see him in s1. sure he turns all his emotions into anger but it’s always very clear he Has deep emotions.#everything he does is powered by ‘love’#(theoretically).#like. hes obviously close with dean. he even has strong ideals about parenting when he starts off (see 70s era john disgusted at how future#john actually raised them lol).#and he’s still extremely abusive and neglectful and damages sam and dean soooo much. like. all that can coexist#and it’s such a disservice to flatten his character and pretend it doesn’t#plus it just offends me. like come on.#idk i guess a lot of people like to project their own bad experiences onto john and it’s not like i’m saying they shouldn’t do that#but. characterisation wise#he’s awful in a very specific way#spn#john winchester#oliver talks
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bleach media literacy is actually just a measure of how you read urahara as a character
#‘irredeemable bastard who violated the geneva convention’ vs. ‘funny perv who is in love with yoruichi’#sorry not ‘vs.’ i mean ‘and’#did we actually consume the same series#y’all know that tiktok song that goes ‘nobody knows me like you do’? that’s me abt urahara#yes i acknowledge the fact that this man has performed human experiments on multiple occasions#no we cannot conflate this with him touching yoruichi bc both actions are violations#those r two different kinds of violations and the last one feels so forced by kubo#‘oh but he doesn’t respect boundaries’ IS TRUE but whennn was he weird and rapey like that before tybw#i can think of one-off instances bc that’s just kubo’s humor but he did him so dirtyyy#ppl js b searching for any reason to ship urayoru like ewww bitch u reel of filler arc 🤢#i’m so sorry i’m only ranting bc of that one person on here who likes urayoru and has literal essays typed up abt it#AND THEY SHIP SHINJI AND HIYORI? DISGUSTING AFFF 😭🤮#i’m not hearing anyone out bro she acts and look like a child and their relationship is essentially family arguing#getting a ship out of that is insane to me#BYE this is staying in drafts and i’m sc it to send to lilly 😭#well sm for staying in drafts#💀#bleach#clorox bleach#kisuke urahara
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Actually, I really wish Tumblr as a whole was less comfortable using feminizing language for gay men, especially gay East Asian men.
#unforth rambles#brought to you by the person i saw call chu wanning 'mo ran's mother' and the person who defended them#putting aside the question of accuracy re his role in mo ran's life#the words parent and father both exist yall#like idk but also wtf#see also girlboss and such being applied to gay men#idk i feel like im in the vast minority on this one#but my whole life ive seen gay men feminized in real life against their will#no matter how masc they were or wanted to be everything became fem#maybe im just to old to be with the times on why this is cute and funny abd okay#but given tumblr demographics and all#like shit like this is imo why so many women and afab nb people in fandom get accused of fetishizing#we older queers remember when doing this was considered disgusting homophobia actually#and imo it goes double or triple when they gay men in question are east asian#i really wish we could just fuckin stop#to be clear im not saying it IS fetishizing im saying i wish there was more awareness of the history of forced feminizing language#being used towars gay men in general and toward east asian men regardless of sexuality#for a lot of people i gotta think the knee jerk reaction to this kinda language being used is these context isnt teehee how cute#its ew who would say that#anyway i blocked op on the mo ran stuff but it still left a bad taste in my mouth
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ACAB includes Tereesz Machejek
#sacred and terrible air#That's the only post I will make about this book#Tereesz Jesper and Khan are so stuck in the past#The Pale is a terrifying force of nature that moves like a tsunami#Everyone in there is full of shit and I love that#The descriptions of the girls' bodies and the ways that a woman's body changes over the years were a bit gross#But in general I wasn't expecting to be comfortable with this in the first place#good art makes you feel stuff#and sometimes what you feel is disgust
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[Through gritted teeth] I still hold firm to the belief that civilians should never be the targets in a war, however. The people of Israel are making it extremely fucking difficult to remember that belief. Doubly so when they're very willingly placing themselves into the war effort to make the life of innocents living hell
#i dont want to talk about it much because my feelings are very very violent and ugly and not 'politically correct'#but god. i dont think there is anything more disgusting than what is going on in palestine rn#showing the absolute ugliest aspect of humanity's nature#and no before anyone says anything- wanting the israeli forces to be blown to bloody bits isnt antiseminism#because i *know* that these human monsters are not following any religion other than the vitrolic hatred in their hearts#judaism has nothing to do with this. it's a paper-thin excuse pulled over the teeth of imperial colonization#to justify the slaughter of natives and the rape of their land
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Tulips by Sylvia Plath
#tulips#poetry#Sylvia Plath#psych ward#medical#hospital#mental hospital#upload#I have a nagging feeling the needle was full of Thorazine#that’s what they do at some mental hospitals. just put you on meds that make you sleep so they don’t have to deal with doing their jobs#I’ve seen people who are literal zombies because the doctors gave them an antipsychotic dosage that was WAY too high#like there were people that would sleep all day because they genuinely couldn’t get up after injections being forced upon them#and sometimes they were literal children#it’s kind of extremely evil#you’re not fixing the problem you’re just drugging someone to a point they cannot function#and that’s disgusting to me
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Teehee asexuality crisis time 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
#i wanna throw up i feel so sick w myself#i feel fucking broken and i want to force myself to just. pretend its fine and that im not disgusted. but no. nothinfs easy.#void thoughts#vent
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