#and sometimes what you feel is disgust
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ACAB includes Tereesz Machejek
#sacred and terrible air#That's the only post I will make about this book#Tereesz Jesper and Khan are so stuck in the past#The Pale is a terrifying force of nature that moves like a tsunami#Everyone in there is full of shit and I love that#The descriptions of the girls' bodies and the ways that a woman's body changes over the years were a bit gross#But in general I wasn't expecting to be comfortable with this in the first place#good art makes you feel stuff#and sometimes what you feel is disgust
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what if gaster in a future chapter calls out the audience for speculating so much about him. the guy canonically has some amount of access to Real Life Social Media. like i started this mostly as a joke but there are definitely some real metanarrative opportunities for a character with recklessly curious impulses, and possibly a fragile sense of self, having nearly limitless access to streams of debate over whether or not he’s a bastard. rude to talk about someone who’s listening etc
#this is very fast and loose character reading on my part but i do get the sense sometimes#that gaster may be asking some of the same questions of himself that we are of him.#’who are you? how should i feel about you? should i sympathize with you or be disgusted by you?’#i said ‘call out’ in the post but i don’t even necessarily think this is a matter of anger#so much as sincere confusion and ego-shattering overwhelm#a character so wrung out by the mechanisms of audience interpretation that even he has no idea who he is anymore#and he’s looking at the audience who looked so hard for him and spent so much energy tearing him apart for clues or answers#and saying ‘you want to know what i am. but you seem to know that better than i do. please tell me. tell me what you think.’#’because i want to know just as much as you do.’#…anyway this is not real speculation. just rambling on an idea i think would be cool lol#$ waltz of a shattered man
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[vibrating a little too fast] Do You Understand My Vision Yet
#twst#twisted wonderland#cereal tries to draw#cater diamond#jade leech#trey clover#and some other guys but this aint about them#girl i do not even begin to know how to tag this one#trejeikei. treycayjay. caterjadetrey. girl fucking help#i still subscribe to jade having a crush on both of them at the same time and Being Weird About It lol#my fave thing in fanart is w/octavinelle if anyone is drawing shipping art of one of them with someone#the other two being either confused or disgusted or just bullying for fun about it#and then my other favorite is riddle being pissed as hell finding out his beloved card soldier besties are turning to the dark side#fraternizing with the enemy. [kissing a fish boy]#cater and trey both picking octavinelle for their union bday dorm choice is still so funny to me#AND THEN RIDDLE WENT AND PICKED JADE FOR HIS THEORETICAL BROTHER CHOICE LOL god dont even get me started on them#i am also obsessed with jade and riddles dynamic but god. no time for dat now goku.#cater voice hey siri what do u do when a boy holds ur hand and Wont Let Go#i love trey but i feel like i only ever draw him as a tiny head icon w/someone else talking about him fkshfkldshf#i mean ive drawn him in more things sometimes. usually treycay. i just dont post him very much#idk why hes so hard to draw LOL#i passively enjoy treyjade i think i used to look it up more in early twst days#but i ALSO like them both with CATER A LOT and u know me. love to tape characters together. into the polycule soup with you boy.#anyway in that first one cay i think was like 'wow jade kinda never expected u and trey to get together lol no offense -'#and jades like 🤝 well i dont mind sharing 😌#SHARING WHAT- theyre all holding hands now the end :]#riddle voice if u break cater and/or treys hearts it is On Sight jade leech#jade voice teehee well we wouldnt want that ill do my best 😌#riddle is not convinced.#anyway shoutout to ME and the like 1-2 people this might appeal to lol
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I wish some people never had access to internet at all...
TW assault, TW r*pe
#this is one of the main reasons why I don't get into the fandom that much and just stay in my own personal bubble#I already have a bad relationship with gilturia and I just can't see those two together without having a bad taste in my mouth#despite the fact there's a lot good art with those two#and I know that not all gilturia shippers are like that#and I understand that most of them ship those two because they just look aesthetically pleasing and look good together but still...#I can't just look calmly at those two especially knowing their background and how Gilgamesh actually treats her#and honestly because of such moments sometimes I feel disgust towards Gil (obviously) but I also feel disgust towards myself#for liking such terrible character#and honestly I fear that someday because of such moments I would stop liking him or even start to hate him#but I don't want that because despite his negative traits he still is well written and very deep character that has a lot of layers to him#plus he helped me to get thought a lot of hardships especially after these past two years throughout which I got attached to him even more#and his quote that he said to Hakuno ''No matter what adversity you face there's no other way for you but forward''#cheered me up a lot of times#sorry for the rant#I just had this things building up in my chest and these tweets just made me kinda snap#my ramblings#personal
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Tulips by Sylvia Plath
#tulips#poetry#Sylvia Plath#psych ward#medical#hospital#mental hospital#upload#I have a nagging feeling the needle was full of Thorazine#that’s what they do at some mental hospitals. just put you on meds that make you sleep so they don’t have to deal with doing their jobs#I’ve seen people who are literal zombies because the doctors gave them an antipsychotic dosage that was WAY too high#like there were people that would sleep all day because they genuinely couldn’t get up after injections being forced upon them#and sometimes they were literal children#it’s kind of extremely evil#you’re not fixing the problem you’re just drugging someone to a point they cannot function#and that’s disgusting to me
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sometimes i think yall must be lying when you’re thirsting after a real existing man
#talking about celebs#i never ever understand and i feel so STUPID 😭#like what are you into…. what is there to look at#muscles????????#the lack of boobs??????#oppression??????#WHATS ATTRACTIVE IM BEING SO FR#then again ive literally never even slept with a man because they disgust me so badly#sometimes i get a celeb crush on a guy and then i actually imagine anything happening and i WANT TO DIE#GET AWAY FROM ME YOU’RE LITETALLY JUST A GUY#STEP AWAY#listen i dont mean to shame anyone im just being silly#also dont want to apologize for not understanding women being attracted to men bc thats weird#yall got the entire world rooting for u#but anyway if anyones offended sorry i guess#but also not really
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As a fellow Dovewing lover, it's frustrating how the fandom watered her down into a whiny brat who never cared about Ivypool. I mean, seriously? Not only did Dovewing care about her sister (reacting in horror when Lionblaze, her own mentor and Jayfeather are willing to potentially sacrifice Ivypool's safety by employing her as her spy instead of trying to get her out of the Dark Forest's clutches, hiding a thorn in her nest to cover for her scarring from her training).
Heck, even the scene where she tries to feed Ivypool her catch during a hunting patrol was demonized because 'she was trying to make Ivypool break the code like SHE does, as if it doesn't matter' and because she got upset when Ivypool started arguing with her! But you guys said she didn't care, right? Plus, people act like being forced into a prophecy is something you should be grateful for, as if it didn't irreparably change her close relationship with her sister? As if Lionblaze and Jayfeather didn't still keep her out of the loop (and for all the fussing they made about keeping it a secret, Lionblaze confesses his power to Cinderheart and Jayfeather doesn't even care).
Meanwhile Nightheart is angry he isn't orange and hates his mom for being exiled and the whole world has to stop for him. 🤪 And Bramblestar is simply so tortured by having an evil father, the only choice is to train with him and his evil half-brother and hide this from his wife! (But remember, it's bad when that witch Squirrelflight hides the parentage of the three from him, even when Blackstar and Leopardstar were still around after being complicit in the torture and killing of halfclan cats.) Why are these male characters sympathized with, even when they actively harm people (Nightheart forcing himself into Sunbeam's life by lying to everyone about being her mate without even asking her if she would be fine with that beforehand), Bramblestar (we all know what he does), but when Dovewing or any other female character is upset, people freak out and call them whiny brats or abusive for (checks notes) asking her partner if he loves her anymore after they argued multiple times in a book. Really makes you think! (Sorry this is so long, you just have based opinions!)
dovewing being characterized as this flighty airheaded vain popular girl stereotype in fanon is like. one of those biggest "we didnt actually read the books" things in the fandom. like theres so much fanart where shes grinning and giggling over the prophecy and shes besties with the trio and shes got preferential treatment, and then in the actual books shes basically the autistic kid no one actually likes. people really, REALLY overexaggerate that one scene where she snaps at ivypaw and brags. (and i dont wanna shit on amvs but i am forever side eying how the animation community handled dove back in the day. more than one person animated her getting murdered. normal.)
i do think its gotten better recently at least. but wow does it feel like at least one person on the writing team has a bone to pick
(also awww thank you <3 no need to be sorry i love getting stuff in my inbox)
#it does also feel so insidious to me just how long the bramblesquirrel conflict was painted as ''equally kind of wrong''#the ppl who put words in squilfs mouth sometimes which. btw ill get to that when i read the book#and tbf part of it is that sometimes abuse isnt as easy to spot if youre primed to the mainstream version of it#like. bramble isnt a born evil wifebeater everyone can see coming from a mile away. hes a complex guy with his own insecurities#and his own goals and people he openly cares about. and even in some fanon stuff i see ppl kinda erase that part of him#(which i wont pretend im above- ive been trying to walk that line myself)#and that doesnt match how abusers are usually percieved by the public. or in this very series.#like. the main excuse for clear sky is literally ''hes sad his sister died and tried to save her! no one changes THAT much''#anyone can be an abuser. you could be an abuser. i could be an abuser. that doesnt mean that we ARE but we are capable of it#and the thing that catches ppl off guard is that abusers are really good at hiding who they are and theyre often charming#i often hear this account of abuse that goes something like ''my parent abused me but no one believed me bc theyre nice in public''#you dont know whats going on behind closed doors. and ik this is about funny kitties at the end of the day but its quite telling#so... yeah bramble has his nice moments. hes got his GREAT moments even. i love his relationship with his mom for example#but those moments dont mean that hes not capable of being worse. of being a monster to his loved ones#its why squilf keeps getting sucked back in. hes not a one dimensional asshole. hes capable of being kind to her.#and thats what makes his disgusting moments hit so much harder#wow ok i got off topic in the tags but yknow. idk i got feelings abt this matter as someone who's experienced toxic relationships
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ok sorry i had to rant for a bit but im back to loving the world now. i love u world i love u ppl in my phone yayyyyyy 🐬🐬🐬🐬
#i promise im really nice actually its just sometimes i have demons in me. i have to release the demons on occasion#no let me rephrase that. sometimes i feel anger and i must express it and that's ok. i guess 🙄#it disgusts me that i am a person who experiences the full range of emotions n therefore feels anger :) but we are working on that#emotions are morally neutral it's what you do with the emotions that counts i say thru gritted teeth
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Am I getting old or the constant need from certain groups to make every morally questionable/utter piece of shit character some uwu soft boi with issues is getting really fucking annoying
#i mean#it could be both#not gonna say what this is about and i've never really posted about it in this blog#but one of my favorite things something i've loved dearly for at least 24 years give or take because that's as far as i can remember#was uwu-fied by an adaptation and by this hellsite and i HATE IT#i feel like they need to make a piece of shit more palatable sometimes like my dude#my dude you wouldn't last one second playing gta 5 as trevor philips for example#dude is nasty dirty disgusting a piece of shit has trauma yes but all he does cancels out everything at most we get some context#but the guy is pure shit! and we love him for it he's so much fun as a FICTIONAL little dude that doesn't have to be the#pinnacle of morality or some bullshit#it's funny how this hellsite takes content for teens and up#something crass and violent and needs to uwu-it#but makes the darkest goriest most utterly depressing aus about children's shows#anyway#long time i didn't vent here i'm just tired of the dni for utter bullshit like...if you only like the uwu adaptation use the block button#that's what is there for
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i did not eat well today 😞
#vent incoming#i ate veggies for breakfast (nothing but broccoli i love broccoli)#but THEN i ate an eclair and some chocolate. not like 2 squares or something it was likeeee 30% of a medium chocolate bar#then i had lunch. fried rice and some fried plantains. i might have overindulged in the plantains#by then i felt bad for eating all that stuff#and now i just ate 2 small cheese empanadas.... ouuhghhh i feel grosss#idk. this wasn't really an issue for me for a while but last month the doctor said i has type 1 obesity and. i just feel really bad eating#nowadays#i wish i could burn off what im eating but i hate lifting weights and shit. it's boring. i would rather take a walk but i can't get out of#the house#uggghhhh i hate having a body sometimes#yes i've heard the whole “there are no bad foods” spiel a million times but it's hard to listen when you've had it drilled into you that#you're fat and disgusting and you better watch what you eat. i wish i could hibernate and then wake up and not feel like garbage
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my toxic trait is i read everything y'all write and i eat it up and i love your ships like even though i probably wouldn't care about them if not for y'all writing i'd read your yelling about them gladly and i'd read 10 page essays about them but then whenever i have brainrot about my own ships i just think i'll be annoying yelling about them 💁♂️
#» out of character — ⌜main sup irl.⌟#i think in part it's#this thing the rpc (in general not league)#always had of 'you actually admit you're interested in shipping? disgusting'#kajsndfkajsnf#because yeah sure shipping isn't all there is to it#it's not all i enjoy writing or that i want in my blogs even#but developing relationships (romantic AND platonic) is literally one of my favorite things about rp#and i /do/ enjoy shipping greatly i love when we mash our little plastic dolls together it's so much fun it makes me feral sometimes#but i do love romance actually. i love complicated romance. i love enemies who have romantic feelings for each other#i love partners in crime and killing machines who get to be soft with each other. i love the idea of love possibly undooming the narrative#i just really enjoy romance (writing it. reading what you all write with it. all the romance)#i'd have hesitated to admit that before but. yeah i'm cringe but i'm free#(still get unreasonably anxious and think i'll be annoying everyone yelling about the ships in any blog)
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gets up on my little stage with my secret little four followers blog and turns off reblogs. i think that a lot of current mcyt/mcyt fandom rn would be defending anne rice literally suing fanfic writers who shipped her characters. creators do not have a say in fan works or fan spaces for a REASON. they dont get to say what we make just like we dont get to say what they make. if we dont like their work we can avoid it just like if they dont like ours they can avoid it- UNLESS. someone else. decides to shove it in their face. can you fucking imagine. youve got this one story trope that you absolutely hate or that makes you really uncomfortable and this one jackass keeps showing it off to you. and that is somehow the norm for some of these fandoms??? i have seen elder fans cringe away in HORROR at the concept of how involved mcyt creators are in their fanbases. i grew up writing fics plastered with "I DONT OWN THIS" disclaimers on a website that, straight up, Did Not Allow You to post about certain works by certain authors. if an author didn't want you to create any fanwork, you Were Not Allowed. Doesn't that sound familiar. stories are built on top of other stories on top of other stories on top of other stories. it doesn't matter if someone creates something that grosses you out- all those authors who were disgusted by the queer shipping of their characters were ABSOLUTELY grossed out. the point isn't protecting the creators from others' creations the point is to take inspiration from something you love and to MAKE !!
#slams fist down on desk like gavel#genuinely i think a lot of people with the moral purity mindset would have a better time if they watched horror movies#fun fact a lot of fiction is supposed to give you feelings and yes fun fact sometimes that feeling is disgust#sometimes a show tries to make me go awwwwww but my response is disgust#it doesnt matterr its just media and different media serves different goals for different people#the consumption or creation of media itself (beyond some Very Specific Examples that are already very incredibly illegal) is not#a morality thing#this is like the one time ill actually talk about my thoughts on this i like the groovin' thru doing what i want cycle more than addressing#but i am still so baffled by fucking. gore. being a problem#and also personally salty because i want to read a fic that will peel the skin from my bones#but the 'safe' thing to create is fluff SO IM ONLY FINDING FLUFF#rrraghgh#classic disclaimer my sleep is v strange rn i may have phrased things weird im just a lil guy its my birthday mercy mercy etc etc etc whate#the point is. i always think about anne rice suing the Shit out of people when people talk about policing creator boundaries#and i am just waiting for the day someone says you can't ship their character with another character the same gender#and how people are primed to beat the everlovin shit out of anyone who does
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I always get a little nervous and uncomfortable when I see people with dni's in my notes, especially the ones that include or are even centered around how people engage with fiction. It's just so fucking scary how expressing any kind of discomfort or disagreement with these practices of performative outrage over complex and personal topics immediately gets people vitriolically assuming the absolute worst things possible in the world about you. Like how did so many people's thinking because so black-and-white and gain this kill switch for cyber-bullying??? It's fucking scary!!!!!!!
It also drives me crazy how so many different things are shoved under the same umbrella, and just talking about one aspect of it will get people trying to correct you that it's "really about x" and casually bring up the most upsetting topics in the world like that's a conversation you can just broach with a stranger you know nothing about. It's not! It's really really not! Do not do that!! For the love of god!!
It's just like, the clearest possible example I can think of of the phenomenon of people becoming so entrenched in an aspect of online culture that they become no longer are aware of how incredibly bizarre and extreme and unkind their behavior is. It's all just so, so, so deeply, unbearably presumptuous.
It's presumptuous to assume you can talk about sensitive topics with strangers, it's presumptuous to assume you know what's going on in someone else's head, that if they interpret a story in a way you hate and don't understand, that MUST mean they saw it in the exact same way you did but had an Evil reaction because they're Evil. That it's not possible to have something resonate with you due to personal experiences and decide to imagine the story differently to acomodate that. That even having that idea OCCUR to you is a surefire sign of Evil, rather than simply a neutral example of the breadth of human experience and imagination.
That being interested in exploring scary and fucked up human behavior safely through fiction is an inherently Suspicious thing to do. That no one moral or kind would ever ever be interested in doing something like that. Like. Classic novels about terrible topics and characters exist and are popular for a reason. No single person can judge what does or doesn't have literary or emotional value to someone else. It's just so presumptuous and close-minded and unkind and I'm so sick of seeing it like it's expected song and dance you must perform to prove you're not One Of Those "Freaks".
(Terrible word to use as a genuine angry insult against Weird people. Like we all know where that word came from right. We are all aware and sensitive to that history. Ok just checking.)
#I always just block if it's bad enough but god. it's! scary! how did we get here!#i think a lot about that article about how in japan's online culture people who do this are called ''the feelings yazuka'' which is so apt.#people really are out here creating an angry mob around their discomfort.#sometimes people do things that make you uncomfortable that you don't understand and you just have to leave them alone and move on.#instead of deciding your fear and disgust are Righteous and they are Evil. life is so much more complicated than that. god.#my posts#not op#idk what else to tag this.#if i get anyone in my inbox 'checking' 'to make sure' that im 'against x' I will blow this whole building up. simply do not talk to me.#SORRY I JUST. HATE IT. I HATE IT. you can't just bring that up. you can't just bring that up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i don't fucking know you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Me scrolling on TikTok and seeing a post about a spicy audio and all of the comments are kink shaming knowing damn well I have all of the kinks they’re shaming
#like I’m sorry I like to be slapped and have my hair pulled#like damn I’m sorry I find being disrespected hot#I feel like we’ve forgotten that sometimes what happens in the bedroom stays there?? it doesn’t trascribe into real life#like no I wouldn’t let any man disrespect me on any setting#there’s actually worse kinks out there#I promise you slapping spitting and choking ain’t it#but then again I’m on a side of internet where almost every kink is acceptable so perhaps I’m the perverted one#but like saying you’re disgusted by said kinks is a lil excessive#like if you don’t like it don’t try but don’t judge others for what they choose to do#sorry for the rant#late night thoughts
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periodically people have to be reminded that you should be against these large generative ai models because its aggregate content theft and not because of like "laziness" or whatever
#like yes the arts are wildly devalued which#goes in hand with this push to replace us en masse with ai to cut labour costs#and its disgusting to see#but if someone says its making art accessible to disabled people. and you talk about a guy who learned to draw with his feet#you need to take a good hard look at yourself#it feels bad to encourage the automation of art when in popular culture so much of our work is devalued but#as an artist!!! i am lazy. i use 3d models i trace photos i use custom brushes#sometimes you just aint drawing all that. the Laziness thing is a bad argument#whats bad is feeling entitled to Take the work of others without permission to train generative models!!! thats the problem!!!#just bc you're taking stuff en masse it doesnt make it better than stealing from one person. thats not the same thng as inspiration shut up#i think technology and tools evolve and its cool that I've found thinvs that support me as an artist#its not fucking about the machine learning its about theft how many times do we have to teach you this lesson
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People here have really got to remember that sometimes life is messy like the amount of people furious about Keeley having sex with her boss is staggering. One, it's fake, the reason this would be upsetting in real life is because real people would be at risk but this is all fake. Two, not all gay representation has to be pristine and clean and healthy. Sometimes people make mistakes in the heat of the moment when they're feeling low and that's okay. That being said, I don't think this was a moment where Keeley was trying to do something self-destructive and toxic, I think Keeley just found Jack attractive and wanted to have sex with her the way we all predicted she would last episode. I've seen so many people getting so pissed off at scenarios that they've completely made up, it's bonkers. Like people were so angry at the idea of Colin and Trent hooking up when all that was was a rumor. I know that's not the same thing but it's a similar reaction of visceral anger at something that really doesn't matter all that much. Keeley, as a bisexual woman, is a allowed to have fun, messy sex with another woman. Is it great that she's her boss? No, but that doesn't mean she's not allowed to do something unadvised. She's a grown woman having sex with another grown woman and most importantly, they're not real so grow up and deal with it. I've seen people saying that it's good she's expressing her bisexuality but she's doing it in the wrong way- like she's doing bisexuality wrong lol? You can get passionate about the show but take a step back and realize how great it is to see casual bisexual representation in a well developed main character. Her character isn't being defined by her relationships, it's one hook-up, if you think she's being reduced as a character, maybe you're just not paying attention to her character unless she's in a relationship.
#be normal im begging you#let her have gay sex she regrets later its a staple in being gay its one of lifes greatest pleasures its the eighth wonder of the world#whats better than unhealthy gay sex it's great lol#its what she deserves#seriously people do unhealthy things sometimes it's not bad and terrible and disgusting it's just normal#chill out#rant tag ig#keeley jones#i feel like i was kind of mean here but its so insane to see people saying she's a bad bisexual for this its like !!! what are we doing !!!#ted lasso
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