#food is so fucking stressful
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"you're not autistic" then why is eating the worst thing ever then why am i ordering plain shit and doubling my side order when given the option of two sides then why is lasagna so fucking gross then why does someone changing the recipe always taste like shit until i get used to it then why is everyone always joking i only eat the same three things then why does texture matter over taste then why do i have to eat everything a specific way
#my post#undiagnosed autistic#undiagnosed autism#audhd#food is so fucking stressful#anyways#just thinking#picky eater#food sensitivities#food anxiety#lasagna taste fine ish#i just hate the way it feels to eat#idk#anyways yeah#i had the most plain childish dish earlier compared to everyone else#it would be ridiculous if it wasn’t comforting
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People keep on asking for more Baby Robin and Papadile so here is more Baby Robin and Papadile. Now never ask anything from me ever again
#My art#One Piece#Long post#Sir Crocodile#Nico Robin#Alternatively panel 5 would've been a close up of Crocodile's face from Robin's POV where he looks like he's giving her a death glare#Not intentionally he's just a big scary bastard with a Resting Murder Face and Robin is a small traumatized child#But I wanted to focus on the silliness of the moment so you get the goofy version instead#IDK man there's just something very funny to me about the idea of Robin just randomly info-dumping about a subject she's read about#And Crocodile being like ''?????????????????????? The fuck you talking about??''#Robin leaves the ship's kitchen and Crocodile just stares at the tomato like ''...It's a fruit? Forreal?''#(Meanwhile Robin is sweating bullets like ''I called his favorite vegetable a FRUIT right in his FACE he's going to KILL ME'')#Robin grew extra feet from the bottom of her feet to reach the counter and that actually isn't me trying to explain bad art away#In the original Papadile comic there was a panel of Robin doing the dishes with extra feet to reach the sink but I cut it out#(It was a stress relief comic I did not feel like drawing a complicated background in detail) (BUT YES I THOUGHT OF IT)#Nico Robin Age 11 is *more* than capable of cooking Crocodile just does not trust her with his food. At least not yet#She did start doing the dishes unprompted and continues to do so (mostly out of fear). Croc told her she didn't have to but allows it#IDK a lot of people seem to headcanon Crocodile as incapable of cooking and like. Surely Mr ''I don't trust people'' knows how to cook#Like he doesn't have to be a master chef or anything but and maybe he enjoys not HAVING to cook (pain in the ass with one hand + knife/hook#But surely he can cook decent enough. SURELY#Botanists don't @ me I know the ''tomato is a fruit'' thing isn't fully accurate this is just a silly little haha comic
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I like to imagine that every once in a while Red Hood just goes off comms for long stretches of time and comes back bruised as shit and exhausted before logging off for the night and the rest of bat brigade is trying to figure out which villain of the week keeps jumping him.
Eventually they, cause communication is a skill no one learned, just start harassing hood’s men to find out whose turf they are invading only to find out they thought the bats were beefing with Red again cause he keeps mumbling about brats.
Now they are trying to find out which one of them is lying about fucking with Jason and no one is owning up, the trackers they keep putting on him are fizzling out, no one as any idea and Jason ain’t saying shit. But like he’s never properly irritated about it or asks for help nor can they find anything out so they let it go for now (read keep trying to track him to no avail).
And then one night Red Robin comes across Red getting chased and then fighting off a feral looking teenager on the roofs of Crime Alley and just when he looks like he is getting the upper hand another drops down from above (how the fuck the nearest taller building is not anywhere near close enough to dive into the fight from what the fuck?!?) and joins the brawl.
Tim is about to rush in to help Jason before the two teens’ heads turn in unison to him with Lazarus green eyes and look like cats when they see a red dot. Jason panics and before he can grab them, they leap and now Tim is in a cartoon brawl dust cloud and all and Jason has joined in and is calling them all brats and how his gunna whop their ass- and there is a foot in his mouth.
And yet through it all Tim never feels afraid. In fact, as he fights he realises they are keeping up and beating him all whilst smiling and punning(?!? They must never meet dick SHIT DUCK) and that won’t fucking do, so he brings out all his tools and tricks and is getting matching by two raccoon twins. 20 minutes later they are all grinning bloody smiles and just as he is about to slam his bo staff up into into the female looking twin, a whistle is blown.
They all freeze and look over in unison as if they all became shining quadruplets at a giant shit house built fucking man. And like Tim has seen big men. Bane is a big mother fucker. Superman is a big mother fucker, and is also shaped like one. Bats is big but this guy even though his is maybe not as large he feels infinitely more terrifying and that’s before you get to the flaming(fucking literally, how does that even work or stay in the pony tail) white hair.
“Alright enough for tonight or foods gunna go cold. Inside.” A voice bellows across the roof before the man disappears??!? At the mention of food the one top of Tim almost starts drooling, gets up and starts dragging Tim’s still prone body across the roof and off of it OH FUCK AND INTO A WALL WHA and they went through it… well
A couple second later Jason and the other dude stumble in. Jason picks Tim up as he is coming down from that mini adrenaline rush at and puts a arm around Tim, half hug half chokehold, saying “say nothing and you get to join once a week. Say shit and you’re haunted.” And walks off to the kitchen and starts bringing out food.
… safe to say the rest of the bats are now confused why Tim of all people is now turning up bruised as well with Jason, cause if it was him to start why has he started loosing all of a sudden??? And he says fuck all but his weapons and fighting style has got more chaotic and terrifying.
Oh and he seems to be eating… well you win some and lose some
#Dick is trying desperately to join to have sibling bonding time#Damian is offended his is not part of the fight club and is demanding entry#Steph can’t tell is she wants to join in whatever is happening or sit on the sidelines and cheer with popcorn#Cass is interested cause Jason and Tim are more in sync than ever ans wants to join the fun#and Duke saw Danny Dani and Jason fighting months ago but is getting paid in blackmail videos of Jason getting his ass beat#oh and videos the rest of the bats eating shit/pavement or fucking up on parol#oh and food#Barbra figured out enough but honestly can’t be bothered to deal with it and just asks duke to bring left overs#Bruce is just stressing and his babies won’t tell him what his going on#the man is so sad his kid are keeping secrets… ignore the closed straining to contain my secrets we are talking about Jason & Tim right now#dcxdp#danny phantom#dpxdc#red hood#dani phantom#tim drake#red robin#jason todd#dan phantom#dc x dp prompt#dc x do#dc x dp fic#lostcoffeeposts
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omg could you do leo valdez with ocd reader 🥺 ... i love how you write him smmmm!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
OF COURSE BABES. first of all for anyone who doesn't know there are a lot of different types of OCD, and no matter what type or types you have, you could not find someone more supportive than Leo motherfucking Valdez. OCD is hard to have and hard to treat and guess what???? he's gonna learn everything he can about it and work with you to figure out how to help you when things are bad and good and all the little uppy downy in between parts.
adding a read more so this doesn't trigger anyone (cw: mentions of contamination, checking, vague mentions of intrusive thoughts, religious ruminations and magical thinking, please do not engage with this post if it could trigger you!!! I love yall <3)
if you have the contamination kind and you're always stuck feeling like nothing's clean enough, Leo understands. He'll take over for you, he'll cast eyes over things and remind you that you did what you're supposed to do and help distract you with something else. He knows to check dates on the groceries he buys you, knows how to help you feel better without accidentally enabling your compulsions.
if you have checking compulsions like relocking doors and making sure the stove is off and appliances are unplugged, he starts doing the closing up routine at night for you. you have a house rule that you're only allowed to check things two times, then Leo will check once for you if you need him to, then he helps you move onto something else. If you're worried that the stove is on and it's going to burn down the house, he never fails to make you laugh by promising to be the one to deal with all the insurance guys.
"Worst case scenario? We pull off the greatest insurance scam in history and retire early to the Swiss alps."
he says it so casually that it never fails to make you laugh, it takes the sting and the stress from your thoughts a little.
if religious ruminations or magical thinking are more your thing, Leo actually knows exactly what to do about that. he pulls out a golden drachma and cuddles with you while he fidgets with it.
"I can get a direct line to any god. If one of them starts beefing with you, I will personally handle it." he kisses you. he mumbles against your lips, and he smiles when he gets you to smile. "I'll also remove every screw, nut, bolt, and support beam in their entire palace and turn everything into breakaway prop furniture."
when your intrusive thoughts get bad he holds your shaky hands and promises that he won't ever let you do anything that could hurt you or someone else, he goes through your affirmations and grounding exercises with you, he reminds you that thought crimes are not crimes.
no matter what your symptoms are or how bad they get, Leo's love for you and deep knowledge that you are an amazing, wonderful, incredible person never wavers. he loves you. he loves being with you, he loves helping you, he loves being the one to care for you. Leo loves knowing that he's able to support you, to ease your burden and make sure you don't feel like you're alone. and you're never going to be alone, because nothing could ever scare Leo away from you. he just loves you too much.
#look if there really are genie rules (aka magical thinking) that bring you down I go dow#with you and we BOTH go down swinging#tw ocd#tw: ocd#cw ocd#cw: ocd#ocd#ocd mention#leo valdez#leo valdez x reader#leo valdez drabbles#heroes of olympus#heroes of olympus x reader#heroes of olympus drabbles#speaking from experience if you couldn't tell lol#yk that tiktok that's like “the cheese is under the sauce”#that's me making sure there's no mold on my food (I already know there's not)#love being in therapy!#in my case specifically love that Leo's just like#he's such a fucking PEACH#I love him so fuckin much#leo when I'm stressed about smth: “what do we do to fix this”#me with a fuckton of religious trauma: “pray harder”#leo: “no-”#but yeah he loves you and supports you#he really is your lighthouse in the turbulent sea of your own mind#he's steadfast and you know that he is#you really get each other through so much#also anon I hope you're doing okay!!! I hope you have whatever resources you need <33 /gen#and I AM NOT QUALIFIED TO HELP PEOPLE IN ANY WAY but if you ever need resources or smth you can always shoot me a message and i'll do my be
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hey hi hello
I know we've all got a lot going on but me and my partner have found ourselves in a rly tight spot and could use some help
January was hell and I lost my job unexpectedly so I won't be getting much if any of a paycheck, and we found out today that my partners check is gonna be significantly less than we expected. Pretty much all of his paycheck is going towards rent and bills we gotta take care of immediately, but that's gonna leave us w/ next to nothing for groceries, gas and medical visits/medication. We've already had to put off paying rent and our phone bill, have used both our borrows on c4shapp, and have pawned almost all our electronics trying to cover last months expenses, so we don't have a lotta options left
I'm trying to get enough to cover some groceries and gas, so if anyone can throw smth our way I'd be extremely grateful
c4shapp - $corpze05
p4ypal - @anarchorot
0/$50
#we're gonna hit up some food banks and pawn the rest of our electronics#but i have a SUPER limited diet due to medical reasons so theres not a lot i can actually get from food banks#ive been trying to put off asking as long as possible but i feel so fucked rn#ive been so ridiculously stressed out i feel like im gonna explode#mutual aid#trans mutual aid#queer mutual aid
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I actually really want Eugene to officiate the Varigo wedding because one, it’s not a very official or proper wedding. If anything, it’s something Rapunzel and Varian put together in one week and is essentially just a giant party where they blow stuff up and eat cake. Varian totally asks Eugene thirty minutes beforehand if he will officiate and after five minutes of sobbing, he agrees.
And two, because I want him to say this line-
“It has been a joy to watch your distracting childish rivalry turn into a distracting childish courtship, which will undoubtedly turn into a distracting childish marriage.”
#B99 mixed with tangled has so much potential#I can absolutely see Varian wanting a wedding but not wanting to put a ton of effort into it so he enlists Rapunzel’s help#Hugo doesn’t really care (secretly he loves it)#Ruddiger and Olivia are the ring bearers#Lance is in charge of all the food preparation#Eugene is on keeping everyone sane duty (he’s also everyone’s right hand man during prep and he’s also weirdly particular ab the decor)#and Raps is in charge of pretty much everything else#Her baby brothers wedding has to go absolutely perfectly#Okay now I need content about Rapunzel stressing herself out for a few days because Varian only gave her like a week to prepare#And she needs everything to be perfect because she loves him so much and he’s done so much for her#And he worked so hard on her wedding#And so much little stuff goes wrong and she breaks down and Varian is just like#“Raps it’s perfect thank you”#🥹🥹🥹#And the rest of the week is enjoyable and fun now that she knows that Varian will love whatever she does#and that he put her in charge for a reason#Oh my gosh the mother-son dance Hugo dances with Donella and Varian dances with Rapunzel wah#And the father son ofc Varian dances with Quirin but fuck it Eugene and Hugo dance#And then they swap#Found family my beloved#tts#tangled the series#rapunzel's tangled adventure#varian#eugene fitzherbert#rapunzel#hugo vat7k#hugo rottewange#team awesome#varigo
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I know you've had to have already touched on it but you ask for Mouthwashing asks and your last post finally made me think of something to say: the one (1) time in the game when Jimmy gets the closest to asking Anya why she's keeping Curly alive. Buddy!! Why are YOU!!! Curly wasn't your Captain anymore the moment he started talking about moving on and leaving you behind; after the crash you realized he was just your little Redemption Barbie now. The first time we open the med cabinet I thought we were going to be able to kill Curly by pouring the disinfectant down his mouth instead of the painkillers. But no, Jimmy goes out of his way to keep him alive. His "why are you keeping him alive" (paraphrasing) felt so accusatory because it *is* an accusation. Everything he does is a self-report. He keeps Curly alive so he can force Curly to be whatever he wanted him to be-- his savior, his junior, his punching bag, his best friend, his mistake, his enemy. Anya escapes from Jimmy the only way she can in the end but by then he didn't give a shit about her anyway because Curly was the easier target.
Him asking that question to Anya could even potentially be a parallel to the pause before he tells Curly he's going to "take care of it" (or "handle it", idr). Curly had the opportunity to rob him of his power-- to stop him from crashing the ship, to assert his authority and step up-- but he didn't. Jimmy asking Anya why she's keeping Curly alive is in a way taunting her with a similar kind of opportunity: she hypothetically has the ability to rob Jimmy of his power over Curly, to use her authority as the medical officer to end Curly's care, but she can't. And Jimmy knows she can't, and she won't stop him from keeping Curly alive to use him, just like he knew Curly wouldn't stop him from crashing the ship. He only gives the chance when he already knows the answer.
I think this is a misconception, Jimmy is the one who brings it up. Anya doesn't even acknowledge the idea verbally outside of saying she feels nauseous, likely due to the pregnancy and the idea of eating him.
He mentions they all agreed to keep him alive and implies the first reason is a back up food source, though, that's likely his first reason and the others just couldn't bring themselves to kill a guy or thought he deserved it to some extent. I like to think of it less as him taunting her power and more him trying to supplement his ideas into her head the same way he would with Curly. It's very reminiscent of the last conversation he had with Curly of doing something dire and not getting any push back, not by way of her agreeing with him but a non answer.
The relationships between Anya, Curly and Jimmy heavily reflect each other specially when it comes to being victimized by him and how he gets in their head. Anya is way more aware than Curly but lacks the position/power to stop it while Curly is less aware/resigned due to how long it has likely been going on despite having the power to shut Jimmy down. Jimmy is dependent on the two to actually solve his problems and do most of the leg work but becomes hostile the moment he feels it undermines his perception of them or himself in relation.
I do agree that Jimmy is aware Anya won't fight back against him like Swansea does or question him like Daisuke will. He is putting her into the same space as Curly but the key difference is he doesn't see her as a person. He is using her to supplement the active role Curly can't be but doesn't have that loyal friend aspect from her as she just fears and resents him. He's projecting on to her a lot but she never really concedes or acknowledges it in the way Curly did. He hates it and the sort of emotional games he plays with her reaches their peak when she locks herself in medical.
It's very interesting to see how he acts in the post crash without Curly as he is 100% worse but you can see how much of that is because he is aware there is no one to actually cover for his sorry ass now.
#also my bad i did just realized that Anya would be 4 months pregnant by the end of the game but I also still believe it wouldn't have made#it to term either way not gonna get into it but its implied she does start drinking the mouthwash and all the stress mixed with rationed#food likely meant it was not being developed in a healthy environment#i just consider things being fucked over at 2 months cause thats when they found the fucking mouthwash and started chugging like a#good captain wouldve atleast said hey thats a bad idea not start doing listerine shots like bro come the fuck on#but yeah jimmy likes to bring things up that no one mentioned and then act like the other person said something awful or had the idea#its likely so he doesn't have to admit to himself what thoughts are his own and makes projection easier cause he doesn't even ask questions#he asks them but answers himself its like genuinely crazy like just talk to a wall man or ur ugly reflection like he has every mental illne#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#nurse anya#captain curly#jimmy mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#ask#lichbarry
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Not this being me at a local grocery store earlier :D
#I was really stressed with some family stuff#And thought it would be a good idea to go walk to the store that I go to almost all the time for food and stuff#Like I literally know almost all of the ppl that work there and vice versa#but yay me I kept being dumb#I hit my hand against those green glasses of water things#The uhh sparkling ones?#Idk what they’re called#And broke them#And it broke me lmao :3#I had a fucking meltdown in the water aisle#It was so fun sis#Not absolutely mortified and embarrassed and won’t be back to that store for the next month#I straight up left my stuff that I was gonna buy and went home#So now I’m ok#anyway hi :)#rey rambles#meme#memes#dumb shit#funny#relatable memes#funny memes#lol#best memes#tumblr memes#twitter memes#dank memes#humor#jokes#haha
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Thing #417 Ryker finds stressful and he would rather hide than do:
Food scatter
#this dog has challenged me as a trainer more than any other dog has#this is still dumbbell related at heart#ive been doing food scatters while holding the dumbbell#i just dont understand him and why this is so aversive#i now highly doubt he will be able to do any rally or obedience#its just too stressful for him#im starting to think this isnt adolescence and this is just him#that once he decides something is bad it become permanent in his mind#im sad that he finds training so stressful#sad that he diesnt want to play this game with me#sad that i fucked up this bad with him and i dont even know how#when i can ill be hiring other trainers to help me figure hik out a bit more#i just cant right now
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reasons i want a job:
affording movie tickets
affording concert tickets
buying books and records and haunted antique items
getting to treat myself to little snacks + drinks
reasons i DON'T want a job:
literally anything else
#i don't wanna pay fucking bills and student loans and stress about how much the price of food is so i can eat#and can we all just collectively email indeed to stop letting fake jobs on the site#cause none of it is real and i'm gonna scream#witch aunt talks✨
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Finally using up the oregano stalks I dried the last time I moved house. I let them sit in the dyepot for a couple days on a low heat and then another day or so while I tried to figure out what to use it on. Settled on the recently frogged bulky sweater yarn, since 1) it's white which is really the only color I will never make a sweater out of, so any other color would be a distinct improvement, and 2) I don't really know what color dried oregano stalks give, especially 18 month old ones.
Mordanted with copper directly in the dyepot with the dye. I've been throwing in one skein at a time to try and get some variety. First one seems to have come out light brown after just a couple hours in the pot, so I'm hopeful I can dye all the skeins, and maybe some of the ones I leave in longer will get darker. Light brown is fine tho. Goes well with dark brown, which is the other color I've already got for this sweater, from the Jacob's fleece part.
I also finally finished plying the last of the yarn. I spun all the old rolags and had partly plied it when I gave up on my wheel. Came back to it only because my roommates moved my wheel and the drive band (cotton at the time) came off. I put my old drive band (rubber ? Idk, stretchy grippy plastic) back on and it spins way better than it had been.
This doesnt surprise me a ton, I had suspected that I was having an exceptionally hard time treadling bc the yarn was clearly just sliding along the wheel rather than turning the flyer sometimes. Im glad this helped, I can kind of spin again on it now that it takes less effort. Not much, but at least enough to ply a hundred yards or so. Idk how much longer that'll last. Maybe I could still use my floor loom, too. Of course, I would have to finish warping it to try 🙄.
#really hoping the partially threaded warp will survive moving#also hope the loom will survive moving. the front roller is super fucked up and i never did figure out why#it just falls off sometimes#also did a little more packing and took down my foldable desk so i could relocate the boxes there which has been nice#and was able to finally see if the height works with my powerchair which it does !!! yay#now i will need a new desk for the computer but wont need a table for prepping food which i was stressing abt#natural dyeing#oregano stalks#spinning#bfl cross
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so hey guys i finished dungeon meshi yesterday and i'm still thinking about it
#ria.txt#i spoiled myself so at first i was like 'this is bonkers wtf are they doing in those last few chapters?????'#but then it was like. yeah. i see#love those ch when it's just clearly putting the squad into Situations#also. izutsumi#what i really liked was how tightly the protagonist and the deuteragonist were wound up in the overall themes#the plot the themes the conflict the characters it was very neatly connected#hence i am also now accidentally invested in whatever going on between laios and marcille#not just platonic not romantic not enemies i just think they work well tgt and deeply care for each other its great watching them develop#it's the leader + most trusted advisor / anxious girlfailure + the annoying freak she's somehow attached to vibes#haha that rabbit chapter with marcille. hahha i was like what the fuck man. it was funny and then boom whump [tears streaming down my face]#those shapeshifter chs were sooo much fun esp seeing other chara's perceptions of each other. stealing that#the changeling ones were great too elf senshi is the fucking funniest he looks sooooooo unserious#marcille's evolving perception with death starting with saving falin and saving the squad and her nightmares of outliving everyone-#-and her dad and her 'temper tantrum' and UGH when at the end she said she was fine with falin not coming back.... WAAA. OUGH.#i think dunmeshi handled the trope of 'prophecy of chosen one becoming king' pretty well and it makes sense why laios is the protag#the worldbuilding is so thoughtful as well i liked seeing different characters with different worldviews interact#very solid and well rounded series wooo#the main 4 has such a fun dynamic together#anyways. dunmeshi au.....#more like borrowing the worldbuilding bc charas are too nuanced for a one to one comparison#ren is like some prince of his own species but he's like 34th in line and no one cares about him so he fucks off to eat monsters#which is why he's both snobbish AND a total freak when it comes to his food taste#false is originally in for the money from ren and plans to scam him but unfortunately the cringefail swag captures her#martyn is Obnoxiously Clueless and thinks he's smart but he's not. he's resourceful but also pathetic and crazy#stress cant cook but she thinks she does so everyone goes (≖_≖ ) when she picks up a pot. they delegate her to killing and chopping duty#the mvp is iskall who keeps on saving everyone's asses and somehow has resources for everyone#i think ren is actually aware false is going to scam him but he has too much money to spend anyway and he thinks shes cool so he lets her??#and somehow she doesnt take the money and run. and goes back to eating monsters w/ the party. everyone is crazy
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Ahahaaaa oh my goddd can you not make "ADHD undereating" and "ADHD overeating" into a competition of who has it worse and who has nothing to complain about, that'd be awesome
#im not even going to reply to that person im not gonna argue with someone who clearly is fucking#grading my symptoms on if they're as bad as their#guess what i also feel like fucking shit when i overeat and it causes my body a lot of stress#and it fucks with my hormones and it fucks with my mood#and i live a piece of shit horrible terrible life whenever I can't get myself out of that and somehow#but my brain makes me do it and it's hard to stop and sometimes i have to eat even when im in pain#cause that's the only way i can concentrate on something or the only way that i can stimulate my brain#even though i feel sick and I don't want to do it anymore so maybe shut the fuck up#oh my godddd#fuck that person#oh i would take overeating any day maybe shut the fuck upppp#overeating especially on foods that stimulate the brain well PUTS YOU IN THE STATE OF UNDERNUTRITION JUST LIKE UNDEREATING#YOU IDIOTTTTT#sorry this is so personal to me and someone just went on a tirade on how much they have it worse cause they don't eat#good lord go fuck yourself#that post was just because i never see anyone talk about this i only ever see the other side of the coin and it makes me feel alone
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Hey sorry I've been dead. Again
There's been a medical situation with my dad and I've been kinda fucked up because of it. And my final semester of college started this week. So I'm. Kinda struggling tbh
#gopher rambles#for the curious: his spleen has bleeding issues apparently and he'll have to have surgery on it. he had my brother drive him to the ER#last thursday night (because our car was stuck in the driveway on the fucking foot of snow ohio dumped on us)#and i stayed awake all that night because i was worried. been kinda playing nurse to him since then#i also might have to push my commissions more so i can help him pay for food and gas and bills and such#honestly I'm just pretty damn tired.every time my life seems to be going pretty simple and easy something NEW steps up to the plate to add#to my stress and exhaustion
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man i don't mean to be a bitch about it but i need to rip my teeth out Badly
#i cant. eat.#i cant chew with the left side of my mouth bc of the cavity and nowi cant chew with the right side bc Thats All Ive Been Using bc of the ca#bc of the cavity and now it hurts from fucking overuse i guess? fuck off#and im still waiting on a fucking consultation!!!!!!! i don even know when or if theyll take them out !!!!#would it sound stupid to say i really wish i was dead. id literally rather be dead than in pain bc of my fucking mouth#im not trying to fish for sympathy i just really cannot stand this. i have no other outlet than to talk about it#tooth trauma#and also i have eczema which being stressed out (bc of a cavity) Cant be good for it !!!!! nightmare#and im taking care of it best i can until i can get it removed! salt water/antiseptic mouthwash/ just fucking picking food out of it#its just all so draining.
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I think the most baffling thing about the Tulpar as a vessel to me is the fact that the ship really did only have a one way communication system.
I know it was cheap but even the most basic of vessels regarding major transport would have some way, shape or form for outside communication. Not only that but there was absolutely no form of innate emergency signal to show they may have been offline or in trouble despite clearly having a system to dock credits if they went off course. It's another factor that really shows that bad situations are made to get worse by design. One person who is required to relay all information to the crew and make all the choices without feedback. No way to update or call for help in case of a dire situation. No way to inform of inner personal conflicts and acquire procedures accordingly.
It really is like they are all in some sort of fucked up solitary confinement. They have their own world with strict roles that are meaningless in the end, as long as the cargo makes it, it doesn't matter what happens on that ship to the company. They don't want to hear anything and will come to conclusions on what happened based on how much pay they can withhold from the workers. Even what they do send is short, sterile and corporate to the extent it was likely written and sent out with a command by some random unmanned computer in an office.
There's something to be said about how unfair it is to force absolute power and control onto one person when you as an entity could do so much more to offload it but I've said it many times before so I won't again.
#its just like idk i dont think Curly was a bad captain because we only have this scenerio and I certainly dont think a man like Swansea#would like him or have very little issues with him specifically if he was incompentent or too lienent in the past but I do think the stress#was making him worse and worse as being a present leader as it dawned on him how much he actually had to handle like I really think he#just wanted to do yknow normal captain pilot stuff and fly the ship and yknow the little stuff like make sure things run right and over tim#the constant stress and strain of having to make every major choice started to grate on him and freak him out cause they cant even fucking#eat unless he pulls out the scanner and starts cooking like he has to choose the meal likely or have a vote and i make that part of the#reason he seems so indecisive and inactive is the fact he has to make the choice all the time and he's hoping he can at least make the crew#feel a little more in control of themselves as people by staying out of affairs like the game or disputes because god he literally has to#choose for them all the time like thats a lot of responsibility monitering their sleep their breaks food consumption thats all on him like#it really should be another persons job entirely as thats almost like absoulte contrl over the lives of everyone else that PE forces onto#that title and its also crazy how everyone accepts it even if they dont like it like they broke the food machine open rather than get the#scanner they all waited two months before Jimmy appointed himself leader its so scary how conditioned they all are to the environemnt#cause that sort of mindset is sadly real where people just wait everyone just waited until it was getting real dire and then they still#followed Jimmy without too many complaints like i saw a fic or post where Anya acknowledges they all kinda just let Jimmy do what they want#because he became the captain and it was stupid on all their parts cause they could clearly see how bad he was and yet he was captain so#they just fell in line to their roles and thats a bigger point towards how PE treated them and the complacency capitalism brings to you#just like something that irks me because idk I know Curly is slow to act but he's not as like unopinionated as people make him out to be#like he does try to find solutions but they are still restricted at the end of the day by what PE provides them and I think his biggest c#crime is being in his own head too much and not giving Anya that emotional stability cause like idk man was he supposed to go to Home Depot#himself and install like padlocks? even if the let Anya sleep in medical after she pointed it out she was already pregnant at that point#like we arent seeing the inherent issue that no one not even Anya herself was thinking of the preventative measures because a)there was a#point nothing was happening that necessitated them b) it would've been the responsibility of PE to address them pre and post incident and c#there is only one person on the entire ship given the authority to do anything. You can not make multiple important choices in one instance#in such little time and Curly should not have had that total power like i think the most interesting thing in takes that really blame Curly#is that level of control they give him over the company. Like again i think about the three days we miss between the eval/party and the#convo/crash like i think people switch them around as if those scenes happen in succession when they are broken up and its heavily implied#Curly and Jimmy just havent been talking vs the depiction that she told him and for like three days Curly was just chummy despite the fact#Jimmy and him just had a blow out fight like the next time we assume they talk is during the crash sequence cause he honestly hangs#around Anya more which i think is really important because she trust Curly to defend her himself but not his judgement to give her somethin#to defend herself as she knows he believes her but also knows she's not seeing the danger the same and its heartbreaking and more
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