#first movie as different characters that are still somehow kind of identical to the ones they played previously.

[mariocki]

Return of the Living Dead: Part II (1988)

"Is it serious?"

"Is dead serious?"

[samthetrekkie]

I feel like I've abundantly established that I don't think the tos movies are the best ones ever made and this one was especially wild to me, but I still do have a soft spot for all of them. I never leave thinking "oh, I didn't like that", even if there were entire scenes were I was like ??? and/or second hand embarrassed. (think, uhura dancing naked, them thinking the alien on the planet is literally god). but then sybok asking when the pain began and spock goes "this is the scene of my birth" was way too funny to me (sorry spock). and the turbo boots scene in the jeffries tube was also really entertaining in a slapsticky way.

the general plot was a bit strange, but it actually reminded me of og tos episodes. at the same time, that's not necessarily a good thing… I liked the shore leave scenes, even though they were a bit long considering how short the movie was. it also reminded me of those old, unauthorized tos books (even though I've never actually read any of those) where they recycle typical tos episodes, but make it a little larger and filled with some non-canon info, like the random pairings. I do think scotty and uhura are kind of cute though! it came out of nowhere, but it kind of makes sense to me. (why do they call each other by their last names though?) and then cut to chekov and sulu in the woods bickering like a couple. makes sense as well. but why are these people serving on the same ship in the same positions again after they've become really high ranking officers? I think it actually made a lot of sense in wrath of khan that e.g. chekov was a first officer on a different ship and spock captain. but considering this, it makes a lot of sense that some (all) of them are bound to date each other at some point. it's like going to class with the same people for 8 years.

I surprisingly liked spock leaning more into his human side and being emotional than usual. it makes sense in my head that, after he was reborn, he kind of saw how short life was and that there was no need to keep up a facade at all times, but still not lose his identity. similar to seven in picard, I am always worried about autistic-coded characters changing their personality heavily after a while, but with spock it feels quite natural and it even worked with seven in the later picard seasons. I just think it's all about the balance. like I enjoy those characters being more comfortable, especially around friends and loved ones, but they shouldn't change entirely how they are and still seem "reserved". and I think leonard nimoy especially did well in that, even if this script gave him some out of character lines I think (like the "damn you, sir!"). have I already mentioned I think leonard nimoy is the best actor in tos…?

speaking of spock's rebirth and rethinking, I do see him being more open with kirk (I almost wrote jim, but that feels weird) and they had very much a married couple vibe in this movie. even the little maritial crisis in the brig was there. so I'd like to think kirk finally made a commitment :) and while there were not too many one on one scenes with these two, the next to last scene was more than one could wish for, spirk-wise. their intense eye contact and "please captain, not in front of the klingons" while standing extremely close to one another and kirk grabbing spock. like I've seen so many posts that shatner denies there was anything between kirk and spock, but the way he played kirk, I mean come on. I'm sure there wasn't a direction in the script that said "kirk stares lovingly up at spock". but he fully did in this scene! we have proof! and kirk holding on for dear life to spock as he rescues him with the turbo boots in the jeffries tube was also something. I mean of course you need to hold on, but kirk was embracing spock with a closeness different than mccoy did. (but then there is this strange thing with mccoy, where I keep thinking: is he third wheeling or is this a three way relationship? I somehow can't see mccoy fitting in with kirk and spock's romantic vibe and I don't see him in an erotic way in general but… tumblr is giving me ideas...)

a very long winded post to say: superfluous, but overall enjoyable movie. while watching, I also suddenly had flashbacks that this was the first (!) piece of star trek that I had ever (consciously) watched. it was on tv when I was like 10 and I kept zapping away and was surprised when it was still going and was like: isn't this supposed to be a tv show? and my dad, who grew up watching tos, had no memory of there ever being star trek movies in the 80s. he also had never heard of pretty much any star trek shows after tos at that point, so he was living under a rock, apparently. anyway, some of the scenes of this movie were really etched into my mind and I honestly think one of the subconscious reasons I wanted to watch tos was to get context to these scenes! (of course besides me wanting to watch all of star trek from the beginning.)

[mask131]

Some times ago Neil Gaiman posted on his Tumblr blog about a project he had of, if I recall correctly, a movie adaptation of “Journey to the West”. One of the reasons he gave as to why he gave up on the project was that he realized that this work didn’t need to be retold by an European - I do not have the exact quote, I am just saying things out of memory. This post, and the topic of “Should non-Chinese people make fictional works based on Journey to the West?” made me think back to a book that would have made me answer “Yes, non-Chinese people can retell Journey to the West”. And this book would have made me answer that - if I had been asked - because it is such a beautiful and funny book. I even hesitated to share about it here because this book is truly one of my little treasures. I read it when I was a pre-teen and it marked me deeply and if I were ever to lost it I’d buy it again because I couldn’t imagine having a library and not having this book with me. And it isn’t just teenage nostalgia speaking because, re-reading it as an adult, I still find new entertainments and fascinating meanings and implications that I completely missed as a young kid not knowing much. 

I had a bad literature school-teacher at the time and when she heard about me reading it, she answered that it wasn’t good for young minds to read these kind of works because they “mixed the genres” and blurred the lines of the categories of literature - she much preferred that kids would have much more categorized works that clearly and easily fit into one genre or the other. That’s the kind of bad literature teacher you’ll probably all recognize somehow, and this already places this book as one of the things these people do not like. But to take this book merely to spite those that wrongly understand literature would be a shame, because this book deserves to be loved on its own for the shere amount of work, poetry and love that its own author put into it.

This book is probably the greatest French reimagination of “Journey to the West” I can think of - it is “Le Singe Egal du Ciel”, “The Monkey Equal to the Sky”, by Frédérick Tristan, originally published in 1972, but still printed to this day. And before the Journey to the West purist start attacking me like rabid dogs, I insist on the term “reimagining”. It isn’t an adaptation of the work, and it is not a question of being a faithful translation of the original epic. It reimagines, re-arranges, re-creates the Journey to the West plot and characters into a story that is, on its structure and foundations, identical, and yet couldn’t be more different than it. And it is a good thing, because it is the power and strength of this book.

I heard that Tristan’s books were translated in English - which doesn’t surprise me given he is one of the great French authors of the late 20th century - but since I do not know if this specific book was translated, and under which title, I’ll use the French title translated into English, The Monkey Equal to the Sky. What is “The Monkey Equal to the Sky”? It is, as I said, Journey to the West retold, but condensed, trimmed down and cut short to fit into one nice fantasy novel of forty-two chapters. Some of you hearing that might feel some sort of self-righteous nausea, saying “If they cut down anything from the original plotline, it is not worth it, better read the full original”. But again this would miss the point of this wonderful book: to someone with bare knowledge or no knowledge of the original epic, it is a great introduction and first discovery, by having a shortened story centered around the key characters and events, while also being different enough so that when said nocive in ancient literature gets to read the original epic, they’ll have an entirely new world to discover. But to the other side, to those who are very familiar with Journey to the West, it will be a fun entertainment and deforming mirror, as Frédérick Tristan truly plays with the original text, creating a game of correspondances and analogies, uniting several different characters into one, inter-connecting strongly the “before” and “after” parts surrounding Sun Wukong’s imprisonment under the mountain, and ultimately making it even more obvious than the greatest monkey of them all is the main character and protagonist of the tale. 

Because this is what Tristan wanted to do before all: tell the story of Wukong, all about Wukong, as the protagonist, hero, antagonist and villain of his own tale all at once. The story might be changed, but trust me, the character of Wukong isn’t in the least, because this book is filled with the spirit of Journey to the West and the Monkey King, if not with the detail. I will tell you already the very bold move Tristan did, to really make this story even more about Wukong than it was originally: in Tristan’s novel, there is no Tripitaka. The monk that is charged with fetching the sacred texts in India and who is surrounded by three disciples is rather... Sun Wukong himself, or rather his fictional equivalent here, The Monkey-Equal-to-the-Sky (also undergoing his religious name, Aware-of-the-Vacuity, Conscient-de-la-Vacuité). It might seem like an insane thing to do, but it WORKS. Of course, those that will be looking for some of the readings of the epic - such as a dissection, exploration and study of the human soul, psyche and personality between the various impulses, emotions and vices, throughout the metaphorical characters of Tripitaka and his disciples - will be disappointed because Tristan’s novel is not a psychological one. But instead, what you have is a careful balance between existential horror and a cosmic farce - some sort of impossible mix of Lovecraft’s cosmic dread mixed with the world-questioning humor of Good Omens, and even then the comparison is a very poor one missing out on the very peculiar, unique and poetic feel of this novel. It is about this monkey, who is all powerful and yet constantly bound and chained by something, it is this monkey that clearly is the voice of reason of the world and yet acts like a madman, this monkey that is a living paradox - and the story is about how his very existence throws an ordered world into chaos and forces it to be rebuilt and undergo a full renewal. It is the story of how, by merely existing, this character that does both heroic deed and monstrous actions, challenges the very notions of supreme powers, of existence, and of reality. It is a buffoonic Shakespearian comedy where the trickster-monkey mocks, beats up and scams everyone and everything, it is an apocalyptic work where we see what happens when something unexpected and that should not exist destroys the very foundations of the world, and it is a philosophical and religious investigation as the monkey searches for, studies, explores and quests for the powers, the meanings, the morals and the truths behind religion, absolute purity, true virtue, and the world. 

It sounds like a LOT for a novel that is actually a shortened and condensed version of Journey to the West, but that’s the secret: by mixing various characters into new ones, by changing slightly the focus of the story, by giving new angles to some episodes and scenes, Tristan opens up a whole new space and vast expanses of literary terrain on which he adds tons of fascinating content and fresh details to retell the story with new meanings. Frédérick Tristan himself put a Warning in his text as a foreword, explaining the various inspirations of his work so that people did not mistook his novel for a mere adaptation of Journey to the West: because beyond the great Chinese novel we all know, he also took elements from other texts that also told of the legend of Sun Wukong (Journey to the West merely being the most famous and most complete of the various tellings of this ancestral legends), as well as various stylistic ingredients and poetic tones from the various historical translations of the work in Europe - such as the first French and British translations. In the same foreword, Tristan does spell out his intentions of completely reversing the original meaning of the novel by making Sun Wukong take the place of Tripitaka during the pilgrimage to India. 

And even beyond his extensive researches surrounding the figure of Sun Wukong himself, Tristan also slid in his novel various elements from both European and Asian traditions. European because he places here and there subtle references to European fairytale structures or old European myths (though I have to say they were subtle enough that I didn’t notice them until it was pointed out to me). As for the Asian inspiration, this allows me to break down another of the arguments people who do not know about about Frédérick Tristan might raise: what does an old white French dude knows about China anyway? As it turns out, a lot, and that’s not just his obsession with the Sun Wukong legend. Frédérick Tristan lived from the late sixties to the mid-eighties half of the time in Eastern and South-East Asia. He was at the time not a yet recognized author, but a mere specalist of the textile industry, forced by his father to inherit the textile business of the family against his son’s poetic and literary aspirations. His positions led him to work on official business matters in China, Cambodia, Vietnam and Laos - and during his trips, visits and stays there he became enamored and fascinating with their history and culture. China most of all became his main dream and subject of study: “The Monkey Equal to the Sky” is but the first of a series of six “Chinese novels” each one taking inspirations from various elements of Ancient China. Sometimes he retells and weaves stories based on Chinese myths, like with “The Monkey Equal to the Sky”, whereas other times he rather explores various religious and philosophical aspects of China through the means of fiction. In one he recreates the koan genre in the rules of the art, in another he proposes a fictional exploration of the roots and teachings of taoism, and in yet another novel he pays homage to the works and style of Pu Songling.

And if he knows so much about China, it isn’t just because he loves to write stories about it - he also published serious, profesionnal, recognized works about Ancient China. His most famous work being “Houng, les sociétés secrètes chinoises”, an essay about secret societies in China centered around the rites and practices of the Tiandihui. And his historical and cultural knowledge of Ancient China, its philosophies, its literature and its secret societies helped him recreate another semi-historical semi-mythical China for “Journey to the West” or rather an anti-Journey-to-the-West, to be played in. 

I could speak much more of Frédérick Tristan, of his work, and of the beauty of this novel, but I will merely say that, if you enjoyed Journey Through the West, and enjoyed its characters, you will definitively find Tristan’s novel very entertaining. And if you ever have the chance to read it in French, do so, because - again - I do not know if an English translation is available, and if it is I cannot attest of its quality since I never read it, but I hope the brilliantness and fun of the text will be carried on throughout the language barrier. 

[the-owl-house-takes]

https://www.tumblr.com/the-owl-house-takes/730475922916081664/httpswwwtumblrcomthe-owl-house-takes73036985?source=share

Camila has her own life too.

Vee would have been left alone with no magic to help her sustain her identity in the human realm because she would not have returned to the BI

Also! As a disabled queer person it's sort of fucked up to me that you're taking the BI, which is a metaphor for unashamed queer identity and acceptance for outcasts and are like "Okay but what if segregation instead" because like. Fuck the Acceptability. I Don't care if my identity makes others uncomfortable. They'll have to sit and stew with that in their hearts and then die mad about it. Separating the weird from the normal is also thematically abhorrent, because "you shouldn't have to change who you are to be loved and accepted" is ALSO a theme of the series.

"And not to make a complete asshole who constantly lies out of her at the end of the series." really taking it personally that the 14 year old who was manipulated and used was afraid the only friends she ever made would turn against her if they knew she accidentally helped the big villain. Mad because she had a character arc even. "Constantly lies" Point at her habitual lying about literally anything that isn't her main character conflict in the first episode of season 3.

"And not to endow her with super anime power" You say as if you didn't also say that you would have preferred if it was like amphibia's ending. Famously known for being devoid of anime super powers.

"and not to allow her to defeat Belos ALONE, destroying the message that there are no chosen ones." Once again *points at previous point* Anne was more All By Herself and there was a Literal Prophecy in Amphibia (No shade, different story, different elements). Luz wasn't *chosen* by anyone. She died and was sent to the inbetween because she was selfless and raced to protect a child that didn't know any better. She was rewarded for her kindness with life being returned to her. She STILL needed help from the others to keep Belos from interfering in her ripping him off the heart with brute strength and magical enchantments. There were no prophecies. It's about rising to meet the challenge of oppressive authority. It's an anti-fascist message. And of course Luz was going to be the one with the most going on in the last fight, she's the damn protagonist. Avoiding that just to be ~subversive~ is also Bad Writing. The main protagonist will come into major conflict with the major antagonist as the climax, whether it is through fighting, or some other means *gestures at A:TLA*.

"As a result, she gets absolutely everything without deserving it and without incurring any losses." What did you want more characters to die? You're aware the team is still bound by the limits of their rating and also what Disney allows. She gets the Good ending because she FOUGHT for it. Every step of the way, with her VERY LIFE. She DID DIE. Even if it wasn't permanent. I think if a 14 year old Straight Up Died and was somehow brought back from being Actually Completely Dead then it might be good if they get to avoid hardship for a while. Plus, there is still the remaining threads regarding the Archivists to consider. If Disney allows for a sequel comic series or a movie or a tv series that isn't the prequel Dana wants about Eda specifically, then we have that existential conflict waiting.

"The ending isn't bad because the only one aspect failed. It's bad at almost everything." I think this is a situation where you walked into it with expectations that could never be met for a variety of reasons and you're just going to have to accept that you bought a cat and were incensed to find it didn't bark.

-

[sleepymarmot]

High Noon (1952)

[Watched on November 30th]

Recently, around Thanksgiving, I came across a post mentioning a certain critically acclaimed western that also might be the vilest, most racist movie I’ve ever had the misfortune to see. Someone commented with a similar sentiment, and mentioned High Noon as a better classic western. So it suddenly jumped to the top of my watchlist, and the short runtime made it suitable for my hurried last-minute viewing session on the last night of the month. I appreciated the coincidence of the protagonist trying to prepare for noon while I was trying (and failing) to finish the movie by midnight. For one of us, the deadline was more literal than the other.

I was enjoyably disoriented by the beginning of the movie: until about halfway thorough I didn’t know who I was supposed to root for. The focus on the three young cool cowboys during the opening titles naturally associates them with the sympathetic narrator of the song. Then we see an old marshal marrying a girl young enough to be his daughter — is this going to be a film about the law being unjust, rigid, and conservative, are the outlaws going to liberate the girl from an unequal marriage? Well, apparently not, this isn’t the way High Noon chose to be subversive.

At the end, I expected either the townspeople to be overwhelmed by their guilty conscience and come out in support of the marshal, outnumbering the outlaws — or for the marshal to make one final grand speech and be tragically shot down. Then I remembered this was made under the Hays Code. Still, I was somehow surprised when the western’s climactic scene was… a shootout in which the protagonist showcased the superiority of his skills and spirit. (He saves the horses! That’s what proves him to be a good guy, above everything else.) It took me way too long to realize that the song was not just literally about the events of the film, but “Do not forsake me, oh my darling” is the heart of both: the wife stands by her husband, and it’s the two of them against the world (both the outlaws and the town). I guess love is real after all!

“Accidental marathon”: both the previous film and this one happen in real time. I swear I didn’t arrange this!

Other notes:

Nice cinematography. I’m fond of the high contrast black and white.

Took me the entire opening sequence to remember why that one face felt so familiar. (It was Lee Van Cleef.)

So so so hard to tell which of these identical men in identical clothes is which.

Helen has the kind of face I’ve only seen on drawings and paintings before.

Both Helen and Amy have equally weird accents in different directions.

The women are pretty stereotypical but they’re real characters. Wow!

This somehow ended up being my first Grace Kelly movie, even though Rear Window was one of my top candidates for the next viewing.

Re: the fistfight in the stable: stop it guys you’re scaring the ho(rs)es

I was losing attention in the middle (no fault of the film, I just have a broken sleep schedule, which is why I was postponing my monthly movie in the first place), but the action sequence woke me right up.

Wikipedia: “Lee Van Cleef made his film debut in High Noon. Kramer first offered Van Cleef the Harvey Pell role, after seeing him in a touring production of Mister Roberts, on the condition that Van Cleef have his nose surgically altered to appear less menacing. Van Cleef refused and was cast instead as Colby, the only role of his career without a single line of dialog.” Outrageous!

[woulddieforloki]

how did avengers loki get his hair to look like that is thanos torturing him but also supplying him with hair gel so he still looks pretty for him?

i am sending this anon because i dont want to admit i have thought too much about loki's hair in various mcu projects. earlier today i wondered whether his hair in thor was just gelled for styling reasons but then it looked a bit wrong on camera somehow and subsequent directors in the franchise saw it and assumed it was meant to be greasy and that's how raganorok happened. i support most of taika's choices with that movie but i cannot accept the idea that loki would ever allow his hair to get into that state.

i feel very strongly that based on general characterisation loki would wash his hair frequently and probably use all manner of products in it to the point where people mock him for it because wtf loki you take hours to get ready and you smell like a lush shop.

the disney plus loki show can be viewed as evidence that it was something to do with wigs and inferior styling products however one could also dispute that with a simple "no actor would let you do that to their real hair that is actually stuck to their own real head." perhaps the in-story explanation for this apparent discontinuity of grease is that mobius introduced his mischevious charge to shampoo, as mobius is quite clearly a man of impeccable grooming which now that i think about it may be intended symbolise his by-the-book bureaucratic (i had to google how to spell that) approach to his world prior to him having a character arc and coming to accept that workplace arson is the solution to most of his problems.

if that last paragraph has piqued your interest i have additional thoughts on sylvie's blondeness and what it might tell us about her character as well as how she might have accessed hairdressing products and/or services while on the run from the tva. i can supply these ideas via further anon messages if you wish to continue this correspondence.

if you somehow guess my identity from this anon message please pretend otherwise as i could never live with the shame of knowing that another human being is aware of how much i care about this and related issues.

kind regards and thank you for your time. and sorry. i only meant to submit that opening sentence but i got carried away by my hubristic nature, which i accept as the tragic flaw that will lead to my inevitable downfall.

i am fascinated by this ask omfg fhsaddkjlfhsjka

okay so I've thought a lot about Loki's hair too but most of said thoughts have been "oh my god I love Avengers Loki's hair" and "ughhh The Dark World Loki's hair does things to me" and "I will crash through my tv screen and wash Ragnarok Loki's hair myself if I have to" so now I really want to think of the in-universe explanations for his hair

first of all, I can totally see Thor (or Frigga or just somebody who's not him) doing his hair in the first movie, because that explains why it's never that neatly slicked back again.

then i think his hair grew a bit when he was with Thanos and before he made his dramatic first appearance on Midgard, he knew he had to fix the mess it had become over the last year. we see in Roxxcart in the second episode of the show that he can dry himself (and, notably, his hair) with magic, so I feel like it would make sense that he can and did try to recreate his pre-exile hairstyle with magic and that's why it's still slicked back like it was in Thor (2011) but it's different because he doesn't usually have to do his own hair (or idk maybe he did do his own hair but he had product he used for it and obviously Thanos doesn't have that in the Sanctuary so that's the best he could do)

and then The Dark World happens and he falls into a state of depression and he doesn't really do anything to his hair for the next year and a half. maybe he has a hairbrush and he brushes it before and after the showers he's allowed to take twice a week in the dungeons, but that's about it. Thor and Odin never come to visit so he doesn't have to look his best for them, he doesn't give a shit what the guards think of him, and he knows Frigga doesn't care what his hair looks like so he doesn't really care, either.

I feel like by TDW, Loki's hair is already getting a lil greasy, but Ragnarok just dumps grease on his head. his hair's (mostly?) neater than dungeon!Loki's, but so much worse. and I think that's because he spends so much time as Odin that he sometimes forgets that he needs to shower his normal Loki self, too. he probably uses that normal Loki form sporadically, and not for days at a time in a way that makes it very clear when he needs a shower (ie it's been three days and tbh any longer than that without a shower is kinda getting gross bro), so he feels like he's only been in this form collecting grease in his scalp for, like, 12 hours max, but actually, the last time he took a shower as himself was two months and a solid five or six Loki-form-days ago and he's just been too busy and too lazy to really notice just how bad his hair was getting and tbh if he'd known Thor was going to expose his ass in front of his people he absolutely would have taken a shower that morning and honestly it was really rude of Thor not to phone ahead and come on Skurge your one job was to give him enough time to wash his hair in case this exact situation came to fruition >:(

and then Loki wasn't in Infinity War at all so we're not gonna talk about that movie. nope. mm-mm. it was a Loki-free film. so tragic that we never saw what became of the main timeline's Loki after Ragnarok.

and then the Loki series happens and tbh there's absolutely no way to explain what happened to his hair between The Avengers and the show but dammit, I'm gonna do it anyway. so when he fixed up his hair before showing up on Midgard, he didn't actually have any product (duh. because, again, he's in the Sanctuary). so it's been a bit of a struggle to make it look nice throughout the movie and he's actually been using a subtle amount of magic to keep it in place the whole time. then he takes the Tesseract, and though he tries to act all casual in Endgame, he clearly isn't controlling it very well because he pretty much falls on his face as soon as he escapes. so when he uses his Tesseract, all of his attention turns to that, and he stops using the magic that keeps his hair looking all snazzy without its product, so the whirlwind of the Tesseract and the fall into the sand really fucks it all up, and that's why it's such a non-greasy mess in the first scene.

his hair really does look better when he's in the TVA and worse when he's with Sylvie, so I firmly believe you're right and Mobius did give him some snazzy TVA-brand shampoo and conditioner and maybe even mousse? (no hair gel tho </3) and Loki was living his best stylish life. and then obviously he ended up in apocalypse world and then back at the TVA and then the Void and it's a whole rollercoaster of hair destroyers and god he needs to ask Sylvie how she keeps her hair so nice through all of this commotion because he's failing at it so badly

this has been my Loki hairnalysis. thank you for coming to my TED talk.

okay but actually I'm v interested in your thoughts on Sylvie's hair. personally I've always kinda headcanoned that it was her way to separate herself from her past identity, and that part of leaving Princess Loki behind and embracing Sylvie was cutting and dying her hair to be as un-Loki as possible (like when a girl gets bangs and you just Know she's going through some shit, y'know?) but if you have another theory I would be very interested to hear it 👀

also if Mobius's grooming skills are due to his pre-character arc bureaucratic tendencies, does this mean that post-character arc Mobius (who better exist like we better get our Mobius back) will have long hair because I would simply Pass Away fhadskjldfhja

[descubriendo-aurelia]

tl;dr trans origin story

So, what have I done so far? How did I arrive to this point? Well, I kind of always knew that I wished I had been born a girl, but for many years I suppressed these feelings. I can remember as far back as age 4, seeing my older female cousin Jaimie and wishing I could look like her.

(Warning: I talk briefly about a sexual encounter below.)

I'd been somewhat familiar with feminizing HRT, FFS and vaginoplasty since I was an early adolescent thanks to cable TV, and transitioning seemed like such an extreme process (because it is) that it seemed impossibly expensive to achieve the results that I wanted for myself. I'd always been fascinated with hearing the stories of trans people and would watch anything related to them them any chance I got. My favourite movie since I was 16 years old was, and still is to this day, Breakfast on Pluto, a story about an Irish transwoman. How curious that it didn't occur to me until later in life that I loved this movie because I wanted to be like the main character.

Throughout the years there were other signs, like playing dress-up with my best friend and wearing their femme clothes, which led to the appearance of my Southern belle alter-ego Annabelle in our late teens while the True Blood series was still popular. Yes, with a big, floppy hat y todo. 👒

Shortly after moving to Seattle, I'd come to the realisation that I'd never been comfortable with a male identity and decided to start identifying as non-binary and using they/them pronouns.

There were two main catalysts that made me come to terms with my inner womanhood this past year. The first was a sexual encounter I had with a bisexual man who wanted me to wear panties for him. As we had sex, he sexualised me as a woman and referred to me as a woman. It made me feel validated and desired in a way that I had never been before, and it felt so right and perfect somehow. This encounter, as you might imagine, made me reflect long and hard about my gender identity.

The second catalyst was an Italki Spanish conversation class. My teacher is a trans woman, and the topic of discussion was gender identity. At one point during our discussion, she asked me, "What part of you wants to cling to the masculine?" and I realised that I didn't really have an answer for her. I realised that I was clinging to masculinity (or vestiges of it, lol) because I wanted to please other people, rather than make myself happy and discover my true identity.

A couple days later, on July 20th 2022, I decided that it was time to start doing something about it. I started by telling close friends, and it wasn't long before I settled on the name Aurelia and started to try presenting as female to the best of my ability. I'm very fortunate to work in a very trans-friendly city at a very trans-friendly business with exceptional health insurance for individuals who seek in gender affirming care. Having already worked alongside several trans people at my job, I felt comfortable enough to start coming out to my coworkers right away. They, of course, accepted me with open arms and have been amazing at using my preferred name and pronouns. A few of them even gave me clothes!

I then, of course, started shopping. In addition to makeup and clothes, I bought an epilator, silicone breast forms, mastectomy bras, a few different styles of gaffs as well as tucking tape. Not at all once, of course, 'cause all that shit was expensive. (Especially the gaffs! I tried two styles, a cheap $20 Amazon that was bulky and inaffective, and a $40 that works amaaazingly. $40 is a lot, but after I started ordering one every paycheque, I think she took notice and started sending me two per order, which was super sweet of her. Thanks, Lexy B Blair!)

I found a doctor who specialises in transgender care through my insurance and on September 6th, I started taking my HRT medications. After 5 weeks, I've seen slight (though not yet visible) breast tissue growth, skin softening, and thinning and softening of body hair. It's hard for me to gauge any emotional or psychological changes, since I was a very emotional person before HRT, lol. I guess I get angry way less often, but I also feel like this was true before I started HRT and has more to do with the relief I felt immediately after coming out that I was finally allowing myself to present female.

On October 13th, I got registered for laser hair removal, and I'll begin my first treatments in November! I'm so tired of shaving every day and having to use orange colour corrector and a full face of heavy foundation just to have a "natural" look. My facial hair comes in really dark, so no matter how close I shave, they leave behind a greenish undertone to my skin, which is why I need the colour corrector.

So, now what? We wait for the hormones to do their job. I probably won't notice any major changes until a year in, and the full effects could take 3-4 years. I asked my doctor about progesterone to help with breast development, and he wants to try it when I'm 6 months to a year in. Depending on how well that works, I may or may not eventually want breast augmentation.

Another procedure I'm definitely interested in is facial feminisation surgery. Because I went through a testosterone-based puberty during my adolescence, my jawline is very angular and I have a protruding brow bone compared to before I started puberty. HRT is supposed to help a little bit with rounding of the face via fat redistribution, but this won't be noticeable for at least a year. So, I suppose the plan will be to see how satisfied I am after the three year mark, and if not, look into getting the procedure.

And then, of course, there's the surgery that cispeople are most obsessed with: ✨vaginoplasty✨. Will I get it? First of all, if you don't already know this, please don't ever ask a trans person this question. As for me, I'm still conflicted. I don't believe in the concept of "completely transitioning" and don't think that genital surgery is a necessary step in a gender transition. I would be completely content keeping my genitals and would still feel as complete of a woman as any other. And yet, when it really comes down to it, I think I would still prefer a vagina to a penis if given the choice... which, I guess I have? But then, of course, there's the whole surgery itself, which is very extensive and scary, with a rough recovery. Plus the extensive dilations. Hmm, I just don't know about all that. If I did it, which I honestly don't think I will, I would want a very talented doctor who will perform a labiaplasty, clitoroplasty, and vaginoplasty, and who has multiple photographs of the results of former patients.

So, that's all, folks. If you're still reading this, thank you for listening to me overshare, lol.

[phoenixyfriend]

Okay so you know how one of my big things with fandom is forcing characters into completely new contexts that they just have to Deal With (recently most commonly with time travel, crossovers, and things like the suddenly omegaverse AU).

So, canon characters get Yanked and somehow tossed into a Modern AU context, possibly just as some Matrix-esque 'your brain is trapped in a simulation' thing, possibly as a Sith Holocron thing, possibly as a weird crossover, it doesn't matter. The point is mostly this:

1. Nobody has the Force. 2. Ahsoka is suddenly human, and she hates it.

This is mostly an excuse for Ahsoka to be overwhelmed by some things (her sense of taste is completely different) and underwhelmed by others (this is your eyesight???) and panicked by others (her sense of echolocation is completely GONE), and then Anakin calming her down by Brushing Her Hair, something she's never had before.

Ahsoka has a meltdown and Anakin, who is also very panicked because the Force is just gone for him, is doing his best to keep her somewhat level and ANYWAY Anakin knows how to do cool, solid, safe braids because Padme taught him how to do her wig-secure crown braids, so when Ahsoka's being overwhelmed by the sensory hell of her new hair touching her shoulders, Anakin brushes it out and braids it up for her while Obi-Wan tries to find them a way out, and Rex and Cody help him notice things like "we can't read this alphabet for shit" and "that's not a speeder... is it..."

The clones are Itchy without their armor in an unfamiliar space. The Jedi keep tripping on sidewalk cracks and stuff because they're not used to needing to look where they're going. Also they don't have their sabers or blasters.

Ahsoka tucked into Anakin's side in a coffee shop that they somehow managed to Exchange Currency at... sipping on something sweet and complicated-flavor that she doesn't recognize and is very confused by because none of these tastes are familiar... a barista asks if she's okay and Anakin has to stutter over "my padawan" in favor of "my sister" because it's kind of safer but anyway could they get a cup of ice water for the kid?

The clones get asked if they're from New Zealand or Australia because of the accents and just Blank Stare until the person leaves in discomfort like "Was it something I said? Maybe they think I should be able to tell the difference?" but no they just don't fucking know what New Zealand and Australia are.

Imagine if she couldn’t really taste sweetness before. She finally understands the appeal of candy!

Ahsoka doesn't like 'being' human but she decides she likes the Expanded Taste Range (now she understands WHY people add spices) and having her hair played with (she's maybe a little jealous of people like Padme now).

Several of the Jedi keep forgetting they can’t jump 20 feet high anymore and keep slamming into fences. One of them tries to jump off something and is tackled by a clone. The clones keep forgetting they can’t jump off things and get caught anymore.

“Normal humans die when they do that!”

The clones don't register as clones to anyone, just Young Hot Guys With Nice Muscles, so Cody and Rex get hit on by strangers more in the Modern AU adventure than in the rest of their lives put together.

They register as twins though. And some people are maybe into that specifically. Strangely, in this context, being genetically identical is more attractive.

The only person in this group that knows how to recognize flirtation and how to flirt back is Obi-Wan.

Someone sees a Marvel movie playing a TV store and just drags the other four over because IS THAT MASTER WINDU WITH AN EYEPATCH. Or alternately IS THAT AN OLDER SENATOR AMIDALA IN BORING CLOTHES.

Per @atagotiak on discord

Hey, it could be worse, it could be literally almost anything else Ewan McGregor is in. I enjoy the other movies I’ve seen him in (though I haven’t seen a lot) it’s just every last one would be jarring as heck to them.

Birds of prey “Wow Obi-Wan, you’re a dick”

It's just Moulin Rouge's steamy scenes and Obi-Wan is like [head tilt] is... is that supposed to be me????

(I'm going to say that none of the Star Wars movies exist in this modern AU, but only because that would get too complicated.)

Ahsoka gets yelled at by Someone (a store employee, a cop, a random douchebag on the street), and Obi-Wan steps in because he's closest and also the person most invested in making sure she doesn't start throwing punches.

Person: Sorry man, didn't mean to scare your, uh, daughter. Obi-Wan's face: [is doing complicated things]

(Being Ahsoka’s dad is probably less weird than being Anakin’s dad. Just agewise and all that.)

Obi-Wan objectively recognizes that this is a reasonable assumption and also a safe one to work with, in that explaining their actual relationship might be sketchy depending on whether or not apprenticeships are a thing on this planet, and going with a person's first not-terrible assumption is usually a safe bet to not draw too much attention!

But 'parent' is a bit of a loaded concept for a lineage so prone to attachment (and tragedy).

Ahsoka finds herself getting inexplicably tired a few hours into a walk that would normally leave her fine, and since Anakin and Obi-Wan are also having trouble, it's apparently not a humans thing, it's... not having the Force. They’re still pretty strong and have good endurance but they’re not superhuman anymore so.

Adding in that Ahsoka's a young teenager who has no idea what she can eat that she can actually stand the taste of yet, so she keeps getting sugar crashes since it's the only thing she can reliably stomach...

[it-was-summer]

Kiss Me Once...Kiss Me Twice (18! Five x Fem!Reader)

Requested: Yes! I’ve been away for so long and college has got me in chokehold so I really hope you all forgive me as I get around to your request! The two of you are 18 in this fic, just to specify)

Plot: Hi! Me again, so soon I know. Hope you won't get annoyed by my requests but its the end of semester and I kinda take anything I can get to keep me sane around this time.I am very partial to Cinderella AUs. I read them, i write them. They're just my favorite thing ever especially with different types of characters that are very different to the Canon.So I was wondering, could you maybe write one with Five and Reader? It doesn't have to be exactly to the movies plot and the characterization would obviously be loyal to the shows. It could be a modern "fits with Canon verse" AU where Five and Reader fall in love and Reader loses something and Five gets it back to her. Or it could be historical/fantasy AU (i would lowkey prefer if you did this one) like the movie where the Hargreeves are royals and Five is a prince who meets Reader and then they fall in love but he has to find her somehow after the ball. I'm not picky at all whichever version you choose as long as it's a general Cinderella AU (with a dash of nosy Hargreeves chaos) and I'm sure you'll do it justice.I may or may not have a couple more requests but I'll only send them in if you're feeling up to them. For now just this is enough and feel free to take your time.Thank you so much in advance! 😊❤️ @oceanspray5​

Word Count: 10,234, I uhhhh went a little crazy, this took up 23 pages in my google docs!

Heads turned in awe, in awe of the beauty, for the crowd had never seen a more handsome couple. Two masks covered their identities, but anyone could look into their eyes and see; see the love they shared for one another. Hands laying over each other as they whisked each other gracefully to the dance floor, their smiles illuminated the room as they danced.

Everyone always talked about that night, talked about how in love they were; your parents. You knew they were in love in a less glamorous way, a less fairytale way. Your father would be walking by the garden, stopping to steal a glance at your mother, as she tended to the garden. You noticed how your mother, even in the worst of moods, always smiled around your father. Their relationship taught you to love and how to be kind, but it also taught you sorrow.

Around age ten is when tragedy struck, your mother had fallen ill one day.  She laid in bed for weeks, chills passing through her constantly, her body growing weaker and weaker with every passing day. At first, your mother didn’t want you to see her condition, she wanted her only daughter to be filled with happiness, but in the end, she let you see her.

Tears distorted your vision as you looked down at her pale figure, missing the glow it had meer months ago. She showed you her best smile, head swimming with things to say, she couldn’t exactly choose her last words for you. Your mother grabbed your hand, pulling you closer. “Darling,” her voice was weak, but still so full of love. “Can you remember something for me?”

Your head nodded instantly, tears shaking loose from your eyes quickly. She gave you another weak smile, finding the energy to let out a laugh. “Good,” her hand slipped for a second, “I want you to remember the golden rules.”

“The golden rules,” you repeated, you knew what they were, there were three.

“Can you tell me the golden rules?”

“Yes,” you held her hand tighter as it slipped down further. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, have courage, and be kind.” you finished, watching a pained smile grow on your mother’s face. She let out a tiny gasp, trying to breathe through her pain, her hand squeezing yours.

“Good,” she gasped, relaxing a little in the bed. “I want you to remember those rules, even if I’m not here to remind you.”

You felt her grip weaken, your father pulled you away from her as you sobbed, pushing you out of the room quickly as your mother slowly died.

It had been eight years since then, and thankfully your sorrow was replaced with the bittersweet feeling of acceptance. You remembered the rules, you remembered your mother, and you created new memories with your father and the cottage.

The sun was shining brightly onto the cottage, rising above the peaks of the roof carefully, dew dripping off of the grass slowly. It was summer and the world was saying a beautiful ‘hello’. Staring out the narrow stone window, you spotted him, your father. Excitement became you as you moved off of your bed, running around the cottage till you got out the front door, running out to meet him.

Your father halted the horse he was riding, sliding off the seat with a small grunt, a smile decorating his face at the sight of you. You were a young woman, beautiful like your mother, and if he was being honest, it was terrifying to see so much of her in you.  

“Father,” laughter escaped you as he wrapped his arms around you “You’re home early.”

He pulled away, walking over to his saddlebag “Since when is this a problem?” he joked kindly, earning a shrug from you. “I have some news for you,” he pulled an item from his bag and then ushered you inside quickly “My dear, I’ve fallen in love.”

“In love?”

“Yes, she’s a lovely woman, with two lovely daughters and I’m going to marry her.”

“Oh,” you let the initial shock settle over you as you stared up at him “I’m so happy for you, Papa!”

You could see the way his eyes lit up upon hearing your acceptance and yet you felt a tugging sensation in your gut, you were sure it was nerves. They had to be since your father-- the trustworthy man he is-- said that these women were lovely, you were sure that they were just that, lovely.

They were not. Elinor was the youngest and the kinder of the three. She never did anything vile, but she also never did anything to stop their torment. Jane was the eldest daughter, beautiful and deadly-- similar to a belladonna flower-- if looks could kill, you would drop dead. Then there was the Baroness, Constance of Blodwell, a cruel woman. They say that the dearly departed Baron died of natural causes, but you wouldn’t be surprised if she was lying.

When they first arrived Father kissed her hand, bought the sisters imported silks and threw uncharacteristically loud parties. He seemed so happy, so who were you to judge his happiness? If he wanted to buy silks, let him buy silks. If he wanted to throw loud parties, then he shall throw loud parties, and you? You would bite your tongue and smile at him. You could tell him to be safe and that you loved him.

During the day the Baroness would watch you read on the windowsill as she played with her needlepoint, setting it down to say “A young lady shouldn’t read so much, it will fill her head with silly nonsense, confuse her.”

You told her you agreed but found needlework wasn’t your strong suit and she would let out a huff, and that is where the conversation would end for the hour.

It started as small things. The Baroness found your boyish antics disgusting, so you were taught to be more ladylike. Jane would blame you for messing with the piano as she hit broken keys over and over again. Elinor would stare, smile at you, and drink her tea. Your father was away, working harder than ever to provide for his suddenly large family of young women.

~~

It was no secret to the royal family that they were strange. Five was a little convinced every family had some deep-rooted issues. As is tradition, the mages ruled over the kingdom; protecting the people and possessing incredible powers of all kinds.

His siblings, mostly married off to other obscenely powerful families, all possessed powers. Vanya was a late-bloomer, but the musicians helped her powers reach their full potential. He could go down the list, but thinking about the others was somewhat exhausting, but it did let his mind escape elsewhere as he sat in another council meeting with his father.

He was listening, hearing talk of peace and plans for the upcoming fall harvest and other important things. He could feel his father’s eyes on him, on the crown prince, how becoming. Five turned his head, raising an eyebrow at his father as he was greeted with the usual frown, great so he didn’t miss anything.

As men and women bid their farewells, Five was left alone with the servants and King Reginald Hargreeves. “You weren’t listening during today’s meeting,”

“Yes, I was,”

“Don’t lie to me,”

“I was only thinking of the dear siblings and their wellbeing, all good things.”

His father’s frown somehow deepened before he shook his head “Five, you’re crown prince because I made you crown prince, do you know why?”

“It’s fun to make me miserable?”

“It’s because you know how hard it is to have responsibilities, I expect you to be better than them.” And with that, he walks out of the room. Better than them? All of them? It seemed a little bit much for an eighteen-year-old, but he guessed that being a crown prince was all about having the burden of trying to outshine the stars.

~~

It was just before dawn, the sky was turning a beautiful indigo, sleep evading you as you waited outside the cottage. Your father was away once more and was due yesterday, but he never showed. Horrible knots twisted against the walls of your stomach, ruining your appetite. You had a horrible feeling that he wasn’t coming home. That he wasn’t going to come back from London. The knots gave way as you heard the sound of hooves beating against the gravel. You peer through the early morning catching his eyes in a moment of pure bliss. He was okay and you could breathe again.

He was paler than usual, the sick shade of exhaustion mixed with the summer heat. In the sitting room, Jane was fretting over one of her newer dresses that had a gold appliqué on the trim and Elinor was nodding along wordlessly. Father was holding Constance’s hand and her eyes seemed tender for the first time in months.

You were sitting there, watching them with a smile. Constance was no mother to you, nor was she a friend but she seemed to love your father, or at least care about him deeply.

He spent the next week recovering, to which he seemed well enough by the end of the week and then he was off again. The whole family stood outside in the early morning, Constance whispering something in your father’s ear, earning her a smile before he turned to you with open arms. “You shouldn’t be working, you’re still sick.” You muttered into his shoulder with a frown.

“I know, but this job is big and I can’t afford to pass it by,”

“Will I see you next week?”

“Yes,”

“Okay,” you said, pulling away reluctantly from his embrace. You watched as he straddled his saddle and smiled up at him as he started to make his way out. Your eyes didn’t leave him, and maybe that’s why you were the first to scream when you saw him fall off. “Papa!”

Your legs moved on their own, running out to him, being followed closely behind by Constance as she screamed his name in sobs, and just like that he was gone. You watched as they lowered his body into the ground, dressed in black from head to toe in the middle of a July afternoon.

~~

Five didn’t enjoy getting in trouble, because if he could just stop himself from getting caught he wouldn’t be in trouble. Sure, with a flash of blue he could be out of the room or out of the palace, but eventually, he would come back. He was the crown prince after all and with no money on the run, where would he go? He would be recognized immediately and in the end, it would all be useless. So here he was, getting yelled at by his father again.

After an hour-long lecture from his father he was left alone once again and against his better judgment, as soon as he was left alone, he left the palace again. Blue flashes lit up the woods for a second and then they were gone and Five was standing in the middle of a quiet forest. He didn’t like to leave the palace to visit brothels or to go into town to see how the commonwealth lived, he just wanted some time alone.

From the moment he woke up it was Five this or Five that, meetings, classes, or lectures. He just needed a break from it all, he needed a break from the responsibilities, no matter the repercussions.

Five drew in a deep breath, smiling as the smell of fresh pine and earth filled his senses. The sounds of a nearby creek drew his attention, his feet following the sound till he stood at the bank. The child in him was eager to jump in and splash about, most likely getting his clothes absolutely soaked in the process, but the adult inside of him screamed that it was a bad idea. Instead, he simply sat on the loose gravel near the bank and watched as the water rushed by at a slow pace.

~~

It had been a little over a month since your father passed, and what a hard month it had been. The baroness had you change rooms, moving you into the cold, dusty, damp, dark attic. When it rained little drops of water would splash on your brows and leave you awake for hours on end.

A humble voice deep inside whispered ‘you should be grateful’ and the fire that raged right next to it roared to fight back, so you simply did nothing. You were obedient, calm in every scenario. If she wanted you to scrub the floors, you scrubbed. There wasn’t a day that went by where she wasn’t asking you to do something.

So you couldn’t comprehend why you were sneaking out like this, in a clean dress and basket filled to the brim with cheese, bread, and fruits. You were supposed to be good, good for your mother, and good for your father. Well, that woman wasn’t your mother anyway so what was the point?

Your pace slowed as you thought about the consequences. Would she throw you out? She was the lady of the house, she had all the power. You were of age, but with no marriage, no prospects, and no money, what good would being homeless do? You turned your head back towards the cottage for a second before you set off towards the creek. This was just a short break after all.

You didn’t initially see him until your feet were already in the water, and the hem of the dress was considerably soaked. His eyes grew wide at the sight of you, his mouth moving in a thousand different shapes before he finally got some words out from those pretty lips, “Who are you?”

“I’m,” you paused, you didn’t know this man, was it smart to give him your name? “I’m Ella!” You practically shouted back in response, earning a small wince from the boy in front of you.

“What are you doing here?” he hissed, his eyes glancing down at your feet before quickly darting back up to meet yours.

“Do you own the river?”

“Well,” he trailed off, chewing on his bottom lip with worry.

“Well?”

“Well, no.”

“Perfect, then I am soaking my feet.”

“Why?”

You laughed gently and kicked up some water at him, “Because it’s fun.” you replied softly, stepping away from him quickly. “Why are you here?”

“Why are you asking?” he challenged, jumping as a few drops of water hit his pants.

“You asked me.”

“Oh, right,” he said, eyeing the basket in your hands, feeling his mouth water as a small slice of cheese peaked through the cloth atop of the basket. “Well, I suppose I’m just here for fun. The same as you.”

“Right,” you replied with a gentle chuckle as you stepped out of the creek, a pleasant breeze moved through your hair as you looked back over towards the boy. “The thing is, you don’t look like you’re having a lot of fun.”

His eyebrows rose in surprise before coming together in a judgemental glare, “And how would you know if I’m having fun?”

You eyed him up and down with a playful smirk at your lips, “You have the face of someone who lights up when they’re truly enjoying themselves.”

His face relaxed at that and a small smile stretched across his face gracefully, small butterflies ate away at your insides when you saw that smile. You should’ve known then. “So,” you quickly interrupted the moment “Do you have a name, or are you a nameless spirit?”

“I have a name!”

“Wonderful, mind if I learn it?”

His eyes searched the waters, earning a smile from you as you realized he was probably going to do the same thing as you did. “It’s Phillip,” he lied lamely, his body betrayed him, almost yelling at him for telling the lie, but you still accepted it.

“Lovely, are you hungry?”

Five was playing with the ends of the blanket beneath him, wondering silently how he ended up here, sitting next to a pretty girl as you talked about what you liked most about the Summertime. He smiled hearing your laugh, a sweet melody that made the world just a little brighter.

He watched you as you pulled a small piece of bread off of the loaf, finding himself watching as you popped it into your mouth, eyes catching on your lips for a second before he ripped them away.

Five felt his knees go weak at a romantic thought, he wasn’t supposed to have romantic thoughts, he didn’t have a romantic bone in his body. Well, he never thought romance could be on the table, not like this. He knew that he was setting himself up for failure by having feelings for you, and he wouldn’t dare call them that, he was just feeling… infatuation, yes!

It was infatuation, of course! The kind of thing that makes princes fall to commoner and the thing that made kings go to war, but Five wasn’t going to be a tragic tale. However, what was the harm in indulging in a small little crush?

“Phillip?” The fake name made his head turn.

“Yes, Ella?”

“Did you hear what I said?”

“I, uh, no.”

“I was saying that we should be friends,” you explained with a nervous smile, Five couldn’t stop the smile growing on his face.

“Friends?”

“I mean if you don’t want to, I understand!”

“No,” he all but yelled, clearing his throat quickly as he shook his head, “No, I would love to be your friend.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” he said, placing a hand over yours, trying to ignore the electricity that was tingling at his fingertips.

“Oh,” you looked at your hands and let out another nervous laugh, a lump rising into your throat as you let out a strangled “Lovely.”

“Yes, lovely,” he repeated as your eyes met his for a moment. Five didn’t feel like himself for a moment, it was as if he was watching the scene unfold from across the creek. Your eyes were wide and were glued to his as you opened your mouth quickly to speak, to say anything.

Against his will, he slowly moved his hand away from yours, missing the heat instantly as he stood up slowly, brushing himself off. “I should be getting back,” he muttered.

You heard yourself say something along the lines of ‘yes’ and ‘of course’ as he walked away, throwing a small smile over his shoulder before he disappeared into the bush.

~~

Five’s heart was racing when he blimped back into his room, the teleportation never took a toll on him, he was fine, so why was he finding it so hard to breathe? It was a terrible feeling of restlessness that consumed him as soon as he calmed down.

He wanted to go out. He wanted to walk by the creek. He wanted to see you again, god he burned to see you again. He flexed his hand gently, trying to ignore the sensation that lingered against his palm.

He was pacing now, thinking, muttering, and sighing heavily. He was apathetic, for the most part snarky, but overall very solid. He didn’t need people prying into how he was feeling and he didn’t want to explain his feelings to people, but today might be the first day that his hard exterior is experiencing a little crack.

He jumped hearing a knock on his door, “His Majesty wishes to see you,” there was a pause “Now.”

Right, right, right, his father would never approve of anything as frivolous as his feelings. “Be right there,” he called back to the servant at the door as he stole a look in the mirror, looking for evidence that would place him in the woods. Evidence that would point to you. Once he was clear he set out for the throne room.

“Five,” his father said, a foreign smile making an appearance, “I have something to tell you.”

Five stepped forward, the giddiness that he had in his room leaving him as he got closer. He didn’t like that face, that smile on his twisted father’s face. It never meant anything good, all signs pointed to doom. “You’re going to get married.”

“Pardon me?”

“Well, you’re not getting married right now, but there is going to be a masquerade ball. You’ll be able to choose your bride, of course. She’ll need to be special to be able to handle you, of course.”

“Of course, and how am I going to find her? Dance with every maiden in the kingdom?”

“How wonderful, you already have a plan! We shall send invitations out to every maiden in the kingdom!”

With that he left the room, leaving Five buzzing with questions and anxiety as he stared at the throne silently. He was trained to be king, he did well in all of his classes, he was well educated, but the thought of having a queen was terrifying. It all seemed to be moving too fast.

The only silver lining was the hope that you would be there in the ballroom, A friend, an ally, maybe? Then a small voice seemed to whisper, to hope, a queen.

~~

Your feet were sore, horribly sore. Yesterday, the baroness noticed your absence and has since then forced you to clean the kitchen, spilling lentils and flour purposefully as she came by to check up on your progress. Eventually, it was done, but now you hurt. Elinor offered you biscuits in the morning but you felt too nauseated to stomach anything.

The only things on your mind were your pain and Phillip, or rather your mystery man by the creek. You caught yourself zoning out, thinking about him, wishing to see him, to visit him. You wondered if he was waiting for you by the creek. You hoped he would come back despite your absence, you hoped he would touch your hand again and you hoped his eyes would linger on your lips for a minute too long.

Hoping was the only thing that was draining out Constance’s shirl voice as she yelled at some of the servants, going on about how there was dust on a frame somewhere and how unseemly dirt was. The first thing she told you when you had come back from the creek was that you were dirty, then she proceeded to lecture you on how cleanliness was close to godliness. A proper lady must never be dirty.

You jumped in surprise hearing a distinct rapping against the front door, for a second you hoped it was Phillip as you went to answer it. “Invitations to the ladies of the house, The Baroness Constance of Blodwell and her three daughters, Jane, Elinor, and…”

“I just have two daughters, sir.” The baroness cut him off as he handed her the four invitations, with a shocked look on his face. You looked over at her, wondering when she had paused her lecture to greet the gentleman at the door. You watched as she read the invitations with hungry eyes, gasping sharply as she pulled a hand over her chest. “Oh, oh,”

“What is it? What are the invitations for?” Jane demanded quickly, bouncing on the soles of her feet like a child next to her mother, an act she would be reprimanded for later.

“It’s for a royal ball, for the crown prince. He’s choosing a bride!” Constance said with glee, handing two invitations to her daughter, your’s still residing in her hand as she shut the door on the messenger boy.

“A bride!” Jane parroted the word with a squeal, while you disliked her it was wonderful to see her so overjoyed. A sudden thought entered your brain, Phillip could be at the ball, it was for the whole kingdom, maybe he had a sister or he would be invited!

“Does Y/N have an invitation too, mother?” Elinor asked, looking up from her’s with an endearing smile. You wished she hadn’t asked, you could tell what was coming next. Constance frowned as she looked at your invitation, your name is written in the same ink that her daughters were written in. She considered it for a moment before tearing the invitation to shreds.

A quiet scream caught in your throat as you reached out to stop her, “Don’t touch me, girl!” she screamed at you as the paper fell to the ground. “You’re barely my daughter, after all, you get along better with the servants, so you will be treated like one!”

“But, I…”

“Did I say you could speak about the matter? No, now we need to make preparations for the ball tonight!” she burst at the seams with a variety of emotions, settling on hope. Hoping that one of her daughters would win the Prince’s heart and become queen.

You were still her daughter, she was all you had. You knew that she would never be your mother nor would she be your father, but she was something. She was the last thing you had, the last connection. “How can you be so cruel?” you felt the words spill out as she turned to look down at you.

“I’m not cruel, I’m saving you from rejection, my dear,” she said, reaching out her hand to graze your cheek. “Clean.” she looked down at the parchment on the ground with a smile before she was walking away.

Jane had a purple dress decorated with gold appliqué, muttering about how she was going as a masked royal because she was sure she would soon be one anyway, while Elinor had a pale blue dress with white appliqué, and Constance was wearing red, and you were wearing rags. They had come and gone, leaving you to cry with the shredded parchment in the attic.

A soft knocking forced you to dry your eyes quickly, “Come in,” you stood up from your bed when the head maid, Elizabeth, entered.

“Hello,”

“Hello,”

“I, well, we have something for you,” she said, a giddy smile from her made your heart squeeze with joy. She motioned behind her and up came more maids, holding a white and gold gown, the material looked soft to touch and elegant. Another maid produced a matching gold and cream mask, the more you looked at it you realized it was a swan, or rather it was a mask for a swan.  It looked eerily familiar, but you couldn’t place your finger on it.

“Oh, oh my,” you cried as you reached out to touch the hem, “It’s beautiful,” you whispered as they looked at you. You could see a pair of shoes in one of their hands, you turned to Elizabeth quickly. “I won’t make it there in time!”

“My dear, do you think we would make you walk? I asked Henry, my husband, to bring a carriage. You need not worry, we have everything for you.”

You felt small tears of joy prick at your eyes “Thank you, thank you.” you repeated quickly as the women surrounded you and helped you get ready for the ball.

~~

Five was staring at himself in the mirror with a frown on his face, the cream color of his coat didn’t suit him, and this collar, disgustingly baby blue was choking him slowly. The bottom of his coat had a small trim of blue as well, and at a closer glance, he could see that his coat had a light gold detail, the royal insignia, and other symbols decorating it beautifully. It just wasn’t for him. In all honesty, it fit him quite well, the occasion just wasn’t to his liking. He didn’t like the idea of walking around with a bunch of masked strangers who were either trying to marry him or trying to make him marry their child.

Nonetheless, at this point fighting with his father would be useless. The damage had been done, people were arriving and he was expected to smile and dance. Five burned his gaze into the mirror, moving a hand up to his hair and messed with its carefully styled beauty before he turned on his heel and headed out towards the ballroom.

~~

With the help of the maids, you were quickly dressed and adorned with white jewels on your neck and ears. The mirror looked like a mirage as you stared yourself down, nothing seemed real. It was already a splendid dream and as you stepped into the carriage the dream began to blend with reality.

Having arrived only a quarter late to the ball, slipping in was easy, it was the stares that made it difficult to calm down. Every step, every sound you made, caused people’s heads to turn as if they were waiting for you. You were excited to be at the ball, but now it was a matter of finding a purpose. Did you only want to come to be included? It had to be because with all these eyes staring you down you wanted nothing more than to turn around and go home.

You took in a gentle breath and closed your eyes, thinking about how Elizabeth told you to have fun and how she whispered how beautiful you looked. Finding solace in the memory, you joined the outer circle of the dance floor, watching as a woman dressed as a peacock spun about the dance floor.

A smile crept its way onto your lips as you watched them, something about the way she laughed as she twirled made you giddy. It was as if the atmosphere had completely changed because of the woman's dazzling smile, a smile that made the world smile back at her.

The man, however, had a strange sense of familiarity to him. Something about the broadness of his shoulders, the brunette color of his hair, and the way his smile never seemed to stay too long on his face all seemed familiar to you. ‘That must be the crown prince’ you thought with a tiny nod, it had to be because this was his ball after all and he was looking for a bride.

The violins soon disappeared, followed by the horns, till the only sound to be heard was the sounds of people clapping as the two split apart. You moved to find a drink, or perhaps a corner in which you could cling to and avoid getting seen. Your feet had other ideas as you stepped on the long hem of your dress, flying towards the ground.

You squeezed your eyes tight waiting for the floor to make contact, but with a muted flash of blue, you felt arms hold you up instead. You peeked one eye open, opening both in surprise to see the golden mask of the crown prince inches from your face. “I’m so sorry, sir.” You gasped as you used his shoulders to stabilize yourself quickly, having the intention to get as far away from him as possible, as soon as he let you go.

His lips opened for a moment before he closed them and swallowed hard. If you didn’t know any better you would say that he seemed just as surprised as you were. Which was a ridiculous idea to even venture, so you pushed it to the back of your mind as fast as possible. “Sir,” you stuttered softly, “Your royal highness, sir, you’re still holding my waist.”

“Oh,” he muttered gently, grip not releasing for a moment before he let out a gasp and exclaimed another “Oh!” as he let go of your waist quickly. You smiled at him, reaching up to adjust your mask swiftly before the prince was holding a hand towards you. You looked at his hand for a second too long, about to question him before he asked “Will you dance with me?”

“Oh,” you whispered as you laid your hand on top of his “I’m not that good, sir.”

“That’s fine,” he said as he led you to the middle of the floor “I’ll lead, all you have to do is follow.”

“Right, follow,” you repeated as the violins began to play a sweet and delicate melody. Your head turned down to watch the Prince’s feet, dreading the idea of stepping on the foot of the future monarch. You heard a laugh as you danced with your head down and before you knew it a gentle hand was moving your chin up.

“You’re supposed to look up,” he laughed again and you could feel your cheeks flush beneath your mask. He stole a glance at the other couples joining the two of you on the dance floor, surrounded the two of you pleasantly, and then he looked into your eyes again. “Spin for me,” he told you and you followed his orders quickly.

When the two of you were face to face again, you gasped quickly as he dipped you with the rest of the crowd of dancers, your hands holding onto his shoulders tight as you felt your loose hair graze the floor. “Relax,” he laughed as the two of you danced “What’s your name?”

You peeked at the floor, looking for his shoes for a second before he cleared his throat gently to give you the silent message to look up. “Well, I’m not supposed to be here,” you let out a nervous chuckle “So, I’m not sure I should tell you my name.”

“You’re not supposed to be here? My father sent you an invitation, didn't he? Isn't that enough to prove that you deserve to be here tonight?”

“I suppose, sir, but my family wished for me to stay at home.”

“So why did you come?”

You faltered for a moment, letting out a slow sigh “I came because I wanted to be included, I suppose. I wanted to experience something for once,” you looked up at him with a sad smile “I just wanted to have fun.”

The prince let out a pleasant hum, reminding you of someone that you had yet to spot amongst the crowd. You gasped as you tapped on his shoulder with excitement “I’m looking for a friend,” you chattered about quickly “His name is Philip, do you know him by any chance?”

The prince’s eyes became wide for a second, staring at you with a shocked expression. You didn’t know if you said something offensive or crude, but his dancing pace slowed as his breathing became quick. “Your majesty, are you alright?” you asked as the two of you slowed to a stop as couples danced around the two of you.

“Ella?” he whispered, his hand squeezing yours tight. Hearing him say that name made everything click for you and then the dance floor began to spin. You struggled to release your hand from his. Philip was the crown prince, and you were dancing with him and you had been so casual with him, that was worth some kind of punishment. You inhaled sharply as his grip became tighter around your waist, stopping all your struggling before you stared up into his eyes, waiting for him to speak.

But, he said nothing. He just stared down at you, staring into your eyes as you stayed in his arms breathless. “Philip, dance,” you said quickly as some of the other couple’s started to stop and stare at the two of you and with that, he started moving again.

Your senses were heightened now, your anxiety playing a role in the dance as you felt his hand squeeze your side nervously and how his fingers itched to be intertwined with yours. He swallowed nervously as the two of you danced to the swelling violins, “Please don’t call me Philip,” he whispered in a meek tone “It’s Five,”

You bit back a snarky comment and nodded slowly “Right,”

“Ella, listen,”

“It’s okay,” you cut him off. “I lied too, that, and you look at your feet when you’re lying.”

Five smiled at that before letting out a strained breath, “I can’t trust that, liar.” he teased as he let go of your hand to move a strand of hair out from your face. The violins were slowing down now, but you weren’t ready yet, you found a new purpose and you didn’t want to leave him just yet. Just a little longer, a voice inside of you screamed, you just needed more time.

“Is there any way we can go somewhere else?” you asked in a hushed voice as you bowed into a curtsey.

“Meet me in the garden,”

“How are you going to find a way out?”

“By causing a scene, of course,” he grinned as you took a few steps back before turning around and heading for the garden.

Cause a scene he did, he walked over to his father, spilled red wine down the front of his shirt before knocking over a candelabra in the process, almost setting a tablecloth on fire. Earning just enough commotion to cause a crowd that would swarm his father, and then he was on his way out.

You were sitting on the edge of a fountain, the lavish lights from inside illuminated the water, vines gripped its base and crept up the sides, and having seen you sitting on its edge, Five swore that you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

When you heard his footsteps get closer, your head snapped away from the shining waters and towards him. You hesitated for a second before you graced him with a kind smile, reaching up slowly to pull down your mask. He knew what you looked like, and no one was around to tell your stepmother that you were here.

Five started a second too long before he started to scramble to take off his mask, laughter built up in your throat and released at a pleasant volume. The two of you stared at each other in comfortable silence for a few seconds before Five cleared his throat. “You look lovely this evening,”

“Well, I did want to look nice for a prince.” you teased in a tone that made Five’s insides turn into honey. You covered your mouth in a poor attempt to hide your growing grin as you watched his eyes grow wide and cheeks turn a light shade of pink.

“Right,” he stuttered out as he sat a safe distance from you on the cement edge of the fountain. He suddenly couldn’t think of anything to say. Did he say that he’s been thinking about you since yesterday? Did he tell you that this feeling was new to him? Did that sound like a confession? That most definitely sounded like a confession.

“You look,” you paused, tilting your head to the side to get a better look at him “Stressed,”

“What? No, no, no,” his eyes looked towards the night sky, his head falling back as he let out a sigh “When I was told that I would be choosing a bride tonight I never thought I would be able to see you again, and yet, here you are,” his head fell back down to earth to look at you “And you just look so lovely and I just think I’m a little overwhelmed.”

You felt your cheeks heat up, knees going weak as you crossed your legs silently. Sure, he had already complimented you once, but when it sounded so sincere, and when he was looking at you like that how could you not blush? “You look rather dashing yourself,” you beamed at him, taking pride in the fact that he was smiling over at you.

“Why thank you, now may I tell you a secret?” Five whispered as he leaned towards you. Your heartbeat raced as you leaned towards him, nodding ‘yes’ quickly. “I just had the most horrid dance partner,” he whispered out with a grin.

You gasped quickly, swatting at his arm as you laughed, “I was not horrid,” you laughed, swaying gently with your laughter, getting dangerously close to falling into the fountain as you giggled. Five reached up to steady you as he laughed with you, his hands on your shoulders sliding down to meet yours and then he let them stay there as the laughter died down.

“Can I ask something of you?” he whispered as he leaned forward.

Your heart leapt dangerously in your chest, knowing how dangerous saying a simple ‘yes’ could be, but you still nodded slowly and said “Yes,”

“I know that we just met and this is completely irrational, but I just light on fire when I’m near you,” he gasped out, hands gripping yours tighter with anxiety. You gave his hands a tiny squeeze and gave him a sinfully gorgeous smile. “I wanted to know if I could,” he trailed off, thumbs tapping against yours nervously.

“Yes?” you urged him gently, fighting back a giddy giggle as he tapped his thumbs against yours, it was nice to see him so nervous, or rather, it was endearing to see him like this.

“I was wondering if it would be okay if I kissed you?”

You felt yourself falter, all alarms in your head screaming something important but they were quickly muffled by something more intense, a giddy haze washing over you. You knew that it would be disastrous to kiss him, if someone saw you two in the middle of the garden they would have a fit, they would exclaim that the prince had found a princess. It wasn’t a good idea, kissing him, but everything in your body burned to kiss him. “You can kiss me,” you replied in a rather confident voice that you didn’t seem to recognize.

He leaned in, a mere inches away from your face, a shaking hand reached up to hold the left side of your cheek as the other held your hand tight. “Are you sure?”

“You’re leaning in aren’t you?”

“Right, well, if you don’t want to,”

“Five,”

“Yes?”

“Kiss me, please,”

“Okay,” he squeaked as he closed his eyes and closed the gap between the two of you, a gentle kiss hitting your lips. You kissed back slowly, eyes fluttering closed as you reached up your free hand to grab hold of the wrist that was cradling your face. You felt the gentleness of the kiss transform into something deeper, lips pushing against yours with a sudden fire.

You were about to kiss him back with the same burning passion as he pulled away, almost as if he surprised himself. “I’m sorry,”

“It’s okay,”

“I just got a little carried away,” he muttered sweetly, whenever he spoke his lips would brush against yours in an intoxicating way. So intoxicating it made your mind fuzzy. You smiled sweetly, a sudden feeling of peace washing over you as the two of you stayed this way for a minute or two.

After many soft caresses against your face and small jokes made inches apart, the two of you pulled away from each other with wide smiles.

“You did get quite carried away,” a voice echoed into the garden. Five jumped away from you at an alarming speed, standing up at the sound of his father’s voice from across the garden. “You’re just lucky that no one can see this little display,”

He seemed surprisingly at ease with this, he didn’t look mad, or disappointed, just slightly amused. “I’m glad you at least found a bride,”

“Bride?” you croaked back, anxiety settling in as you stared up at Five.

“Father, we haven’t discussed that,”

“Well, I sure hope you do, in the meantime I shall go inside and announce the news.” Reginald turned on his heel and headed back towards the ballroom. Five felt his feet stutter, he wanted to run after his father but the sound of your voice made him stop to look over at you.

“I can’t be queen,”

“Ella,” he rushed to your side in a panic. You looked up at him with sharp eyes, chest heaving up and down at a rapid pace as you tried your hardest to calm down.

“My name isn’t even Ella!” you yelled in response to the name, standing up to pace in front of him, absentmindedly chewing on your fingernails as you tried to think. Think about how anyone could view you as capable of being queen. It was impossible, that just wasn’t reality.

“Just calm down, we can talk about this,”  Five grabbed your hands, pulling them down from your face and holding them in his own.

You shuddered at his touch and if you weren’t panicking you were sure you’d be relishing in the way his hands felt so soft. Five’s hands moved to cup your face, those soft hands brushed sweet circles on your cheeks. Those sweet movements made your legs turn to jelly, forcing you to let out a slow breath. “Five, I can’t, in good conscience, be queen.”

“Why not?” Five questioned, surprising himself at his words. He didn’t even think about it before he said it. He felt stupid all of a sudden, the silence only confirming his fears, his heart dropped into his stomach as he stared into your eyes. He didn’t know how to read you.

You felt your bottom lip quiver, you didn’t want to cry in front of him. “Five, you don’t even know my real name.”

“Then tell me it, tell me everything about you, I’ve never felt like this before.” He was speaking from the heart for once in his life and he didn’t want to stop. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise that his father had been there to ruin their romantic evening, but all he knew was that if he could feel like this for the rest of his life, he would be happy. It was a foreign concept for someone like him and his siblings, oh his siblings would love you, god he wanted you to be with him so bad it hurt.

You shook your head slowly as you pulled his hands away from your face and let them drop sadly. “I can’t, it’s not right.”

Not right? Five let those words roll around in his brain, staring dumbly at you as tears glistened in your eyes. Why were you crying? Then you turned and ran from him, it took him a second to follow you, still recovering from your words. He didn’t have time to wonder or time to pity himself, he had to catch up to you. He had to find you, but by the time he made it to the steps of the palace you were getting into a carriage and he knew he wouldn’t be able to catch you in time.

“You know you could just teleport,” Reginald said from the top of the steps.

“What’s the use if she doesn’t want me?”

“I know I’m not the most affectionate,” he paused, eyes landing on a shoe near the bottom of the steps “In fact, I’m not a very loving father at all, but I know what love is. I loved your mother and I love you and your siblings. I know you can’t see it but I do, so trust me when I tell you this,” He placed a hand on Five’s shoulder slowly, “Don’t let her go.”

~~

You were busy stuffing the dress, mask, and a single shoe into a chest. You had cried on the carriage ride home and only stopped when you finally felt a little numb. That numb feeling was replaced by fear as soon as you heard the booming voices of your step-siblings enter the house. Sleep, you could pretend to be asleep, it was as easy as that!

Elinor knocked on the open attic door the next morning, a sad look on her face as you stirred. She always did look a little sad, but today it seemed more prominent. A tiny part of you wished that she won Five’s heart instead of you. You groaned at the memory, holding back tears as you stared at her. “What’s wrong?”

“She’s worse than usual today,” was all she said before she was walking down the staircase with a frown.

You got dressed into your regular simple, stained covered dress and you felt calmer. This is where you belonged, you weren’t trained for petticoats and embroidered gowns, you were living as a maid. You didn’t want to imagine the stress of being a queen, and yet a part of you yearned for Five. Not for his status or the riches, just for him and his smile, his laugh.

The baroness frowned at you as you entered the sitting room, Elinor and Jane, at her side with their needle-points in hand. “The girls had a horrid night,”

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Baroness.”

“I’m sure you are,” she snapped, earning a small jump from you. She held up the swan mask with a vicious glare “You did ruin it didn’t you?”

Panic was an emotion you were getting used to as you stared at the mask, there were two options. You could lie, say it isn’t yours, say it was a simple coincidence, or just tell her the truth. “I don’t regret it,” you smiled back, confidence wavering as she stood. If you could earn a proposal from a prince you could handle your stepmother, it was arrogant but it felt right.

“You will, I’ll make sure of it,” she promised as she stood in front of you, her hand raised in an almost dramatic way, flying down to deliver a blow to your cheek. You squeezed your eyes shut, waiting for the strike to hit, but it never came. Your eyes opened to take a peek at your savior, Elinor, standing in front of you with her mother’s hand inches away from her face.

“My night wasn’t ruined,” she said softly as she looked up at her mother. She swatted her mother’s hand away quickly, speaking in a bold tone suddenly. “Believe it or not, people don’t care for you. They care for your regality, but once they know you, they stop caring.”

Constance felt her eyes widen, mouth opening as her youngest daughter shushed her sharply, “The crown prince is going to come looking for her, you know that, Jane knows that, and I know that. So let him come and marry her.” she finished, pushing past her mother to sit back down next to Jane with a smile. You fought back tears of gratitude as you looked over at her before you turned back to Constance.

“I don’t understand how marrying the prince would be a bad thing. He asked me to and I said no because of you, because of how you made me feel, but,” you swallowed, looking down at your dirty clothes “He chose me.”

“Maybe he just wants another maid, but I will let you see him when he comes, and if he still wants you then be grateful.”

~~

His father had written to his siblings and so they were here. All of them. He loved his siblings, truly, they were just annoying, very, very annoying. Vanya was secretly his favorite, although he’d never tell her that. Klaus was discussing his husband, Dave, with a very annoyed Ben who just kept nodding and going ‘uh-huh’ and Allison was talking to Luther about her daughter. This is how it usually was, they all seemed to ignore the reason they were brought here and just went off into their own worlds. Five only had the attention of Diego and Vanya thus far, funnily enough, they were polar opposites and yet they both seemed so annoyed. “Hey!” Diego spoke up, snapping his head in the direction of his siblings “Can we all focus?”

“Focus on Five having a hard-on for a commoner?”

“Luther, I have a hard-on for a commoner.”

“Klaus, please stop talking about Dave,”

“Can we not call it that, please?” Five whimpered, stuffing his face into his hands, trying to rub away his on-coming headache.

“Dad said he caught the two of you kissing in the garden,” Klaus said, talking as if it was the most scandalous piece of news he had heard all week. “The ghosts of the palace say it was pretty steamy, three cheers for Five!”

“Please, focus.” Five begged his siblings as they laughed. “I just need you all to focus,”

Five waited for all eyes to be on him again before he continued “I propose and she ran off,”

“With your attitude, I would run away too,” Diego joked, playing with a small dagger.

“That’s not the point!” Five snipped, rubbing his temples harder before he let his hands drop with a defeated sigh. “I need to find her, I need to ask her again.”

“Why don’t you just ask someone else?” Luther questioned.

“Luther,” Allison said sharply “If someone told you to find a new wife, would you just simply ask someone else?”

“Well, no, but they kissed. It’s not like Five’s in love with her, right?” He turned his head towards Five, whose cheeks were turning a teasable color of pink.

“Well, I…” he trailed off, clearing his throat quickly to cover up for his embarrassment.

“Oh, he’s falling in love with her,” Klaus said, clapping his hands together with excitement. He mustered up his best, posh accent and said “Charles, let’s have a royal wedding, for the youngest please.” That’s when everyone started talking at once. Five heard some sentences like, ‘oh, I bet she’s beautiful’ or ‘do you think she can handle Five’ and so on.

He cleared his throat again, getting his siblings attention “I need us to split up,” and thus a plan was put into place; Vanya would be searching the inner city with Allison, Luther and Diego would be searching the farmlands, and Ben, Klaus and himself would be searching the grounds near the creek. He assumed you lived near there, but he wasn’t going to take any chances so there wasn’t going to be any stoned left unturned till he found you.

~~

Elinor, Jane, and Constance have long since gone to different parts of the cottage, but you stayed in the sitting room. You had changed to your best dress, one that was crisp and free of anything unseemly and shined the pretty shade of pink, but after that, you were glued to the sitting room. You had tried to read, but your mind was far too cluttered for any books at the moment, so you sat and thought about your mother and father. You thought about love and how they loved each other, trying your best to remember every beautiful detail possible.

Elizabeth broke your concentration when she came running into the sitting room. “Miss Y/N! The crown prince, he’s coming! Oh dear, he’s coming to you with his brothers! Oh, miss, I’m so happy for you.”

“He’s coming here, now.” you gasped, standing up quickly.

“Do you not want him to come, miss?”

“No! No, I do, I’m just,” you paused, hands shaking “Well, I’m scared.”

“He’ll love you, dear,” She beamed, moving to wrap you into a tight hug as a knock was sounded at the door. Elizabeth was off of you within seconds and scurried to the door with a laugh, she looked back at you for a second, waiting for you to give her the okay. You nodded quickly as you flattened out your dress, trying your best to look presentable.

You stood in the sitting room, staring at the door. You felt strange for not opening the door yourself and you felt guilty that you ran away. You should have said yes, you should have agreed to be with him last night. You felt your fingers twitch as panicked thoughts ran through your head at a thrilling speed. Elizabeth opened the door to let them in.

He was dressed differently now, he looked similar to how he looked when the two of you first met, and yet, he looked so different. He was still wearing a formal-looking suit, blues and gold decorated him handsomely and you could feel your heartbeat pounding inside your chest.  His eyes were soft, seeming more desperate and vulnerable than ever. As soon as he spotted you his feet stopped.

Two men followed him in, standing behind him with smiles. One was rather tall with long hair, fashionably dressed, and had the wider smile of the two. The other seemed just as happy but calmer, dressed in more formal attire. The sitting room was filled with silence before the taller man’s voice cut through, “So, you’re the little lady who danced about the ballroom with Five.”

“Klaus,” the other man said in a disappointed tone, his smile dropping as he stared at him. Then the silence continued. Five was looking for something to say, he wanted to say so many things before, but now he couldn’t get the words out. “Maybe we should go outside,” Ben muttered as he took note of the silence, pushing his brother out the door quickly, leaving you and Five alone.

“The suns going down,” Five blurted out quickly as his chest squeezed with anxiety.

“It took you all day to find me,” you joked as you took a step towards him.

Five smiled at you before turning his head down to look at his hands, fidgeting quietly. “I was waiting for my siblings,”

“They’re lovely,”

“Only you would say that.”

“And how would you know that?”

“Because you’re good,” he paused, lifting his head to meet your surprised gaze. “You’re good for me and you’re kind and unbearably naive. I mean who forgets her shoe on the steps of the palace. How childish, truly,” he laughed as he watched your face flush red.

“I would rather you call me something sweet instead of teasing me,”

“I would rather call you by your name.”

“It’s Y/N,” you responded sheepishly, giving Five an unsure smile as he echoed your name back to feel it on his lips. You watched as he blossomed into a large smile and nodded a little. You tilted your head to the side, laughing as you watched him mutter to himself with fascination, “What?”

“I think my last name fits perfectly at the end of that, what do you think?” He was teasing you, surely, he wasn’t doing this here, now? You felt your mouth go dry, butterflies hitting the walls on your stomach as you reached down to hold onto something. Five’s demeanor changed quickly upon seeing you sway, “No, wait, wait, I’m sorry!”

He was hovering over you nervously as you sat on the edge of a chair, his hands nervously finding your face. His thumbs rubbed soothing circles on them as you stared up at him. “You can’t joke like that, not if you don’t mean it.”

“If I don’t mean it?”

You stuttered for a short minute, mouth opening and closing like the mouth of a fish as he looked down at you. You swallowed sharply, stood up, and looked over at Five, “Then do it right, if you mean it, that is to say, propose to me properly.”

“Properly? You know I’m a prince, I was born to be proper.” He was joking at a time like this, earning a gentle frown from you before he was taking your hands in his in one swift movement. “Properly,” he repeated one last time, earning a nervous nod from you in the process.

“Growing up I never really had much optimism in my life, I was born with extraordinary abilities and yet my life was seemingly boring. I always felt as if I was missing something important, missing something that made life meaningful. I had books, royal duties, and standards. I had the makings of a good prince, indeed, but I think I was missing you. You have shown me colors I can’t see with anyone else. I can’t promise to be the best for you or to be the most earnest, or to be the most amiable, but I can promise to love you. So if you’ll have me, will you do me the honor of marrying me?” He finished his speech, moving to the ground to be on one knee, trying to catch his breath. He felt you squeeze his hands tight before pulling him up into a tight hug, kissing his cheek quickly.

“Of course, I will,” you whispered in his ear sweetly, pulling back from him with a smile. Five stood there, panting lightly as you were inches from his face before he let out an excruciating long sigh.

“Oh, thank god.” he released before he leaned in to kiss you firmly on the lips. You tripped over yourself to kiss him back with the same passion, smiling against his lips as you held onto him. Five was beaming, kissing you all over your face as he laughed. You felt laughter spill out of you quickly, swatting him away playfully and then you knew that as long as you had him next to you, you would be fine and the two of you would live happily ever after indeed.

[the-evil-duckling]

And now that Pride Month's over, Let's Talk About Pratchett.

The companies have taken down their flags. The marches and rallies are fading away. Rainbow colours are melting back into grayscale. And now that all the hubbub is dying down, let's talk about an author who did perhaps more than any other to introduce gender-and-sexual minorities to the public (and not just as a cute oddity to be cooed at from a distance, either).

Let's talk about an author whose works are perhaps the most representative, hard-hitting, and wholesome, in all of well-written English literature.

Let's talk about Pratchett.

Before we dive into the lovely little nitty-gritties, I want to just take a quick look at what Pratchett's writing really is, and what makes it so very exceptional. It's pretty simple, really.

He's funny.

That's the "secret" formula to Terry Pratchett's success across the global; he's funny everywhere, everywhen, across multiple generations and multiple decades and multiple geopolitical borders. You don't have to read Discworld with a lot of effort, thinking deeply after every line about the message the author is trying to convey. You don't have to analyze every character and every situation to see how the author is sculpting a crystal-clear mirror and holding it up to the face of Society. When I'm feeling down (cause college and life and pressure and dreams) and wanna start gouging out my forearms with my nails, I can just curl with one of my comfort books (like Men At Arms, or Unseen Academicals) and laugh and chuckle and just feel better. You can just enjoy it.

Now, I think, I can get to the fun stuff; analysing all of my favourite characters and the roles that they represent in mirroring Pratchett's view of People. (I should mention at this point that I am mainly going to be focussing on the Sam Vimes novels, and what I will be writing are my own thoughts and opinions. Anyone who knows more - or has just read/interpreted the books differently - is of course free to add their own musings.)

Fred Colon: Sergeant Colon is that rarest and yet most typical of things: Fred Colon is an ordinary person. He is no hero, or genius, or leader. He is not evil or even mildly malicious. And that is the very point that needs to be understood. People (most people) are not deliberately evil; they are, on the whole, fairly decent people who treat their friends well and try not to make enemies. It is just... petty selfishness, petty prejudices, petty apathy... all summated in every single member of the populace, and suddenly everyone knows that dwarfs are just money-grubbing bastards who'd bite your kneecaps off for a copper coin and trolls are dumber than the rocks they're made off but they'll as soon smash you to pulp as look at you and you can't trust a vampire cause they're too dead to be alive and-

Carrot Ironfoundersson: Captain Carrot is a cliché. Captain Carrot is a cliché wrapped inside a trope hidden in a Mary Sue, all turned on its head. Captain Carrot, rightful heir to the throne of Ankh, leader of all manner of beings, man who once beat Detritus in a fistfight... is not the hero of this story. In any other series, the story would have been of a brave new cop (who is also the king) standing up to the corruption and lawlessness of the Patrician while taking advice from his grizzled old half-drunk commander who dies four chapters into the first book with some vaguely portentous words that the hero remembers at the very last minute to give him the tools/strength/motivation necessary to keep fighting. But this is Pratchett. And the hero of the story, if there is one, is very much the grizzled old commander. Two other points have also always struck me about Carrot. The first is the matter of identity. Biologically, Carrot is very much a human, but in all other ways that matter he is entirely a dwarf - his name is Kzad-bhat, and even the deep-down dwarfs do not question his dwarfishness - and yet that does make him any less a human. In this is reflected the multiplicity of identity (not just of gender, which is what most people immediately jump to, but all identities). The second point is of the relationship between Carrot and Angua, which seemed to me a representation of a healthy dom/sub relationship. Unlike the twisted shit we find on ao3 (and in some published books that I don't feel that I need to name), Angua is at no point portrayed as lesser, weaker, incapable, dependent, or deferent. She is her own person, and the two of them just happen to have this kind of chemistry.

Samuel Vimes: Ahhhh. His Grace, His Excellency, The First Duke of Ankh, Blackboard Monitor Samuel Vimes, Commander of the City Watch. The protagonist, if not quite the hero, of the series. He is not perfect, not even close. He is casually discriminatory (species-ist?) and thoughtless in most of what he says. his saving graces are that his discrimination is universally applied at all beings living and dead, and that he has never, not even once, allowed his personal feelings of prejudice stand in the way of justice (which is at times, all that separates him from Fred Colon). Does that mean that it's all okay, and everything is now fine and dandy and hunky-dory? No. Not even fucking close. Words matter and actions matter and even how you feel deep inside - all of it matters. Prejudice is prejudice, and it is always wrong. there are no mitigating circumstances, no 'yes, but...' that can make it acceptable. But only an idealistic idiot would say that it is not better than the alternative. And this is the reason that Vimes is one of my favourite protagonists; he is not a hero. He is real.

Leonard of Quirm: A parody of the public perception of a genius (perhaps of Roundworld's Tesla and da Vinci), I have loved Leonard as a character ever since I realised he was gay. Allow me to elaborate. As I was recently re-reading Jingo, I noticed a line that went something like 'He started drawing how The-Going-Under-The-water-Safely-Device could be improved, piloted by a muscular man who was not overdressed'. And just like that, a couple dozen other off-hand comments slotted into place and I realized the homosexual truth. And I love this portrayal of homosexuality, because most books or movies or tv shows or fanfictions with a gay MC (or even sidekick) tend to have a storyline roughly equivalent to 'hey my name is [insert name here] and I'm GAY and I have a destiny to save the world and my family and my GAY boyfriend whom I'm dating cause I'm GAY and before I go outside I have to pick my outfit really carefully better go with salmon-rose-flutter pink cause I'm GAY and now I'm outside and I'm not very popular and this is my tragic backstory cause a lot of people don't like me cause I'm GAY and-' Yeah. This is not good writing. By barely mentioning anything, Pratchett somehow still managed to emphasise that a) homosexuality is one of your identities, not all of them and b) just because a story has a character who is gay doesn't mean that the story becomes about a character being gay.

Trev Likely: One sentence. Just one sentence. 'Hating people was too much work.'

If you actually made it this far, you are obliged to reblog. I'm sorry, but I don't make the rules. (Please?)

[twh-news]

We spoke to Tom Hiddleston about Loki, PowerPoint presentations and the nature of free will

Despite a decade of playing Loki in several Marvel movies and now a TV show, Tom Hiddleston isn’t tired of the role. “There is always something new to be found,” he says The edge.

This week is the premiere of Loki on Disney Plus, a six-episode series that marks the character’s first lead role. It is a story of time travel and branched timelines as Loki is captured by an organization called the Time Variance Authority (TVA). It combines action, humor and some old-fashioned detective work, while tackling serious topics such as the nature of free will. There are also some new faces on board as Hiddleston is joined by Marvel newcomers Owen Wilson, who plays a TVA agent named Mobius, and director Kate Herron, best known for her work on the first season of Sex education.

Prior to the show’s premiere, I had the chance to talk to Hiddleston about his time as a character, a presentation that made him feel like an “amateur academic giving a thesis on Loki,” working with Wilson and Herron, and whether our lives are predetermined. Typical Marvel stuff.

The following interview has been edited and abbreviated for clarity.

We are now at a decade where you play Loki. How have your feelings about the character changed or grown over that time?

I’m honestly just thankful that I’m still here. I find that I am always surprised and happy that I get another chance in it. Long before I was cast, Loki was just the most fascinating and complex character with such depth and range, and he’s been in Marvel comics in several iterations for 60 years, and he’s been in our thoughts, in stories we tell as humans, for hundreds, if not thousands of years. I find that even though it has been 10 years, every time I come back, there is always more to discover. There is always more to dig because these impostors are kind of mercurial and shape-shifting. So there is always something new to be found.

"“Loki is out of control. He’s a man on the run.”"

Now that you’ve focused this six-episode series on Loki, what were you looking forward to exploring with this? What were you hoping to dive into?

I think he’s really opening up and bringing out his many different identities and facets. In my preparation to play the character, I’ve always seen him have so many different and seemingly contradictory characteristics. You think, “How can all these characteristics exist in one person, in one being?” And yet they do.

Loki has always been a character in all MCU movies that seems to be very controlled. He seems to know what cards he has in his hand and how he is going to play them. And Loki, in the TVA – this organization that rules time – has gotten out of hand. He’s a man on the run. And he is motivated by a desire to understand. Suddenly he discovers that there is all this information that he does not have, and he has to get his hands on it. And that actually gives the series great momentum. Loki is on the back foot, everyone knows more than him, and seeing how he adapts, seeing how he improvises after that – if improvisation is possible in the TVA. That’s a question we’re trying to raise, whether you have free will.

I read about the Loki school you led to prepare the team for the character’s history. How did you prepare for that? Did you actually know it all, or did you have to do a lot of research?

I wish it wouldn’t be 10 hours long. I knew I had to summarize what I found useful to tell the crew. It came about thanks to Kate Herron, our director who has done an extraordinary job on this whole series, and he thought maybe it would be a good idea to get everyone together because there were so many department heads, different crew members – production design, costume design, cinematography, camera, sound, stunts – and wanting to make sure everyone had the same information about Loki, and it might be helpful to listen to my experience. I was trying to explain how we constructed Loki’s arc across the six movies he’s in the MCU and figure out what was useful in that arc and what we could leave behind.

I suddenly felt extremely nervous, as if I were an amateur academic writing a thesis on Loki. You’ll have to ask the others if it was helpful at all. But at least we synchronized the watches and we started from the same place.

"“If I were tall enough to use PowerPoint, I could retire and become a full-time professor.”"

So is there a PowerPoint file out there somewhere that will leak out one day?

If I was highly skilled enough to use PowerPoint, I could retire and become a full-time professor.

I did have a few clips. I thought there were some clips from the movies that could be helpful. It was interesting, even though it was about how the costume had changed over the years and why. And when does Loki wear the horns? Are the horns a casual thing? Are they a ceremonial thing like a crown? Is it an extension of an inner intention? Do the horns come out if he’s particularly evil? Why is her hair different? Sometimes he wears a cape, sometimes not. Sometimes he uses magic, sometimes he uses his own body to fight in combat. All questions that people were curious about.

I know this was meant for the rest of the crew, but was it helpful for you to go through this again as you prepared to jump back into the role?

Oh yes, absolutely, just to refresh myself about certain decisions we had made and why certain things were changed… sometimes you try to bring very elaborate and beautifully illustrated comic book panels into a physical reality on a movie set and figure out how to merge these two worlds. It was interesting. I got some great questions about how he moves the way he does and where certain things showed up in stunts, especially hair, makeup and wardrobe, how the clothes changed and why we made those choices.

It was interesting to refresh myself on the extraordinary input, because I carry the inspiration of great people with me. [Thor director] Kenneth Branagh and Alexandra Byrne, our costume designer; Bo Welch who designed the first Thor movie; Charlie Wood who was production designer on The dark world; the whole crew of Ragnarok; Mayes Rubeo, the costume designer of Ragnarok; and people like Douglas Noe, who has been doing makeup on Loki for a long time. So there was a lot to unpack.

Both Kate Herron and Owen Wilson are newcomers to the Marvel machine. Is it helpful to have such an external perspective?

Absolutely. Both Kate and Owen came in with so many questions because they hadn’t lived in Loki’s head for 10 years. They have a fresh take on it. Kate was so well prepared and so well researched; she even brought in new Marvel Publishing material that I’d never seen before, about Loki’s inner world. Owen came in and asked me a lot of questions about my experience. I remember him saying, “Tom, why should I?” you do you like to play Loki?” And I found myself saying, “Well, he’s just got this whole range. He can play the light keys, but he can also play the heavy keys in the bass clef. And somehow the character has both.” And he loved that way of thinking about it, he said, “I think I could say that on the show.” And so it was really his very intelligent question that took us elsewhere in the story.

Given the themes of the first two episodes, I have to ask: do you believe in free will?

I hope so. Free will is such an interesting, eternal question. I think people have asked to what extent we have the power of self-determination, self-realization, choice about our actions and whether we can control the course of our lives. It goes back to evolutionary or psychological arguments about nature and nurture and why we are who we are. Maybe it’s the journey of a lifetime to find out, to really take the wheel of your own life. Because we are set on a path in childhood, I think, often by accident – the misfortune of birth, where we were born and when – and we are propelled in many ways by the unconscious.

That’s a complicated answer. It’s a complex question. So I hope so. I hope true free will is possible. But for all of us, I think it can be a long journey of self-discovery.

[kimyoonmiauthor]

Let’s talk Ace representation in Media

I did a post on ace rep before, but I think we need to get beyond the coming out stage? We’re a long, long way from the days of House where you could get your aceness “cured” and sure, it’s getting some visibility, but I kind of feel we’re missing nuances in the current rep (from major TV shows--what do you do with an ace character?)

- The coming out scene and then nothing...

Being ace doesn’t mean NO attraction.

Spooner on Legends of Tomorrow, for example, said, “I’ve never been attracted to anyone.” OK. That’s ace aro, then.

But then the lecture was like out of a dictionary entry (Encyclopedia is too generous). Ace people can still have romantic relationships, etc. A moment of cheering.

And of course, you have to cut the part about ace people can also want sex... because it’s about sexual attraction, not about libido because it’s cable...but

where is the rest of the exploration of the identity? Spooner could still feel romantic attraction, right? Show some romantic attraction. Maybe she’s part aro too? Or she could be gray-ace and/or gray-aro. This happens again...

Sex Education Series 2, kinda fucked up the definition of aceness a bit. Series 3, after the definition dropped, high expectations for Series 3... nothing. The character no longer exists 404, in a plot hole. WTF. ‘cause the character doesn’t want to fuck you don’t think there could be layers to that?

Series 3, is perfect for an ace. The school is called a sex school. So how do they react to the bad sex ed? How do they react to the restrictions? How do they navigate the school when they are sex repulsed?

There’s complexity there. For example, as an ace, I like sex ed. I’m not particularly repulsed as an ace, but I do have my moments where I don’t get it. I totally blank out on getting it, and feel revulsion--for example, meeting someone and having sex with them 2 seconds later. Don’t get it. Or I think that I need some space because it’s too much, so skip ahead in movies or puzzle over things that don’t register. Where is step 2? Being ace doesn’t mean you’re anti-sex or anti-sex-ed either. Where are the degrees of ace rep?

Sex jokes made me feel awkward as a teen and people somehow knew it about me, so would tell them to me, which in retrospect is hilarious.

- Gradation?

One ace character and then nothing. There’s ace people who are in polyamorous relationships. That could be fun to play with.

There’s aces that have sex, but aren’t into it.

There’s aces who like and want sex, but their aceness gets in the way of them having sex, because they require other steps first.

Where are those stories?

And even having an ace react to sex jokes and acting clueless might be fun.

If someone zed says a sex joke that would go against an ace, and the ace doesn’t get it, despite the ace having sex before, and the zed person keeps having to explain it further and further, that can be funny.

- Being an ace can be funny too...

The disconnect between he’s so hot, so he’s not evil, can be fun to play with in a way zedsexual people would get.

- Dealing with Doctors?

The whole “corrective” look at aceness as well. One can play with it, invert it, etc.

If the ace is expecting a corrective talk on the lead up, and then the doctor starts the dictionary lecture to the ace who has just come out and make fun of the disappearing ace--hilarious. A ‘splaining doctor, play with that.

Also can play with doctor who might know more about aceness than the ace as an inversion point. Why not? “Oh you’re ace, are you grey-ace or ace of spades?” Which is a great point to explore shades of aceness, and throw some exploration to the character.

- Ace character might not know what secondary sexuality or romantic attraction they have.

Why not play with that? A gre/ay ace could be gay, or lesbian or bi. You just have to deal with the relationship differently.

They might try to force romantic attraction after the whole dictionary definition dump. I think that could be funny. The point is dictionary dumps after coming out are boring way for a character to be ace. Disappearing aces are no fun. You need own voices to give the characters layers. And BTW, I’m here as well as other aces...

[arvandus]

🎉750!!🎉

Congrats on the milestone!! I’m so happy to see your blog growing because I really do think you deserve it! 💖💖💖

I hope you’re still accepting requests for your event. I can’t decide between Hawks (who I love) and Dabi (who you write so well ❤️) so I’ll let you pick whichever gives you more inspiration. Anyway, can I have “best friends to lovers” headcanons for whoever you decide on?

Thanks and congrats again!!! 😘

Thank you so much! 💕 I will totally write Hawks for you! I've actually been really enjoying writing his character, he's one of my favorite to write for. :) Sorry if this got a bit long.... you know how I am... Hawks x Reader (Friends to Lovers)

🪶 Keigo has never had a shortage of ‘friends.’ That doesn’t mean that any of those friendships are meaningful, though. Fame is like that. Everyone wants to know you, wants to be close to you, to use the word ‘friend’ like a VIP ticket, not realizing that the word has lost its meaning, its value cheapened by fake smiles and invasive questions.

🪶 Which is why meeting you is so interesting.

🪶 The first thing Keigo notices about you is that you’re nice. Not the kind of ‘nice’ that’s used as a tool, that screams of shallowness fueled by selfish motive. No, your kindness comes from within, and it is given to everyone. It is just a part of who you are, genuine goodness wrapped in a gentle smile.

🪶 The second thing he notices is that, unlike so many others, you don’t go out of your way to throw yourself at him. You smile and greet him when you see him, ask him how he’s doing, but you never try to push anything past that. You never try to take more than he’s willing to give.

🪶 It almost makes him feel normal, whatever that means. He’s not familiar with normal, never has been. He’s good at faking it, of course… but real normalcy? What even is that?

🪶 Whatever it is he’s feeling, he likes it.

🪶 Keigo enjoys the gradual slow pace of your growing friendship. It’s a nice contrast to his fast lifestyle. When he’s around you, everything slows down and he can breathe.

🪶 He starts spending more time with you, meeting up for lunches and going out for drinks after.

🪶 Boy, do the tabloid papers enjoy that… rumors fly faster than Hawks’ feathers.

🪶 He 100% gets in trouble with his PR manager; after all, he’s supposed to be Japan’s #1 bachelor.

🪶 The two of you laugh about it though. You two? An item? Please. You’re just good friends.

🪶 The friendship doesn’t grow to best friend level until you two start hanging out in the privacy of your homes. It’ll be small, casual things at first - maybe he’ll come by to pick up the jacket he lent you. Or maybe you’ll drop off some cookies you baked. It’ll happen gradually, naturally. A lunch here, a movie night there.

🪶 Once that happens, Keigo starts opening up more to you. After all, there are no paparazzi watching him, no clicking of cameras, no risk of conversations being recorded. It’s slow going and be patient with him - he’s likely never had this level of friendship before. You open up to him too, and it only brings you two closer together as you two build your trust.

🪶 Once that trust is established, you become the center of his world. He doesn’t realize it though, at least not right away. He just knows that he wants to be around you. All. The. Time.

🪶 Keigo suddenly starts seeing you differently. You shine a bit brighter, catching his eye whenever you’re in his presence. He becomes super invested in your happiness, more so than ever before. He’ll do anything to see you smile, and keep finding reasons to be around you. He might even get a little protective.

🪶 He finally gets his epiphany that he’s falling for you when he drops something work-related when you desperately need him. He’s never done that before, and he notices. Somehow you’ve become his top priority. More important than hero work, more important than anything.

🪶 Cue Keigo’s internal panic. He suddenly realizes how vulnerable you make him and he’s not sure how to feel about that.

🪶 Don’t be surprised if he pulls away at first. Love is scary if you’ve never felt it before. Especially like this.

🪶 Keigo’s entire identity has been defined by his work as a hero. He’s had nothing else. He was literally trained into this role. Suddenly his identity becomes more than that. It becomes tied to you.

🪶 He’s going to be grappling with a lot of guilt and fear. Does he even know how to be more than just a hero? Is it possible to make space for you in his crazy life? And what about you? Could you really handle the pressure that his fame might bring on you? You’ve already dealt with it somewhat as his friend, but handling it as his partner will be so, so different. Most importantly… could he even be enough for you? Sure he’s a famous hero. But deep down he’s just…. Keigo: a lonely man from a broken childhood. When all is said and done, what does he really have to offer?

🪶 It’ll take him some time. Eventually though, he’ll come around. Especially once he realizes that he’s on the verge of losing you (he did ghost you for a while after all…).

🪶 When he finally does come to terms with his feelings for you, he’ll show up unannounced at your door.

🪶 First words: “I’m sorry.”

🪶 Maybe you’ll need time to talk to him. Or maybe you’ll accept him right away. That part is up to you. But when you do finally accept his apology and he learns that not only are you not going anywhere but that you also care for him in return, he’ll scoop you up into his arms and kiss you.

🪶 After that, you two will pick up where you had left off, falling into the deep-rooted habits of your strong friendship. But it’s more than that now. Because the two of you become two halves of a whole, enriching each other’s lives in ways that neither of you had ever had before. It’ll feel strangely familiar and yet wonderfully new. Filled with snuggles, kisses, and laughter, and the promise of a bond that will only grow stronger with time.

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E127 (March 2, 2021)

Tonight’s guests are, of course, Ashley Johnson and Marisha Ray!

Marisha, on her thought process behind the date: “It was a fascinating study on designing something with another player in trying to navigating how to do that in a way that makes sense and wouldn’t be too metagamey or overly scripted or anything like that. I had a bunch of ideas thought out, then I just typed it out and sent it over to him, and then he interpreted it as such.” Liam had ideas, but Marisha wanted him to keep the details a surprise. The theme of “let’s start over” was the leading motif for the design. Three acts: pre-game cocktails at the Nestled Nook, picnic in a field of Xhorhasian wildflowers, and then close it with after-dinner drinks and hot tub at the Steam’s Respite. And the very last thing was “and all the cats were dogs”. Brian: “What was his response to that?” Marisha: “He texted me and was like, ‘Are you serious or is this dog thing a joke?’”

Ashley is asked what it was like to know it was coming but not know the specifics. “For both of us, I don’t think we thought it was going to be right then. I think because it’s been so long in the relationship between Beau and Yasha and it felt like such a natural progression for the two of them, and they’re both awkward together. I think there was something to just being thrown into it.” She spent time thinking about what things Yasha would talk to Beau about on a date. “We got to maybe one of them. It was just so fun! Exploring romance in D&D can be super weird, especially when you��re streaming. But it felt like that’s where our characters were going. There was that excitement of trying something that is out of my comfort zone, and I think so much of Marisha was part of that, as being the initiator as Beau, where I was like, okay, this is where it’s going it. Let’s do it, let’s see what happens!” She mentions how “fun and freeing” it is to trust your improv partner in something like this.

Marisha: “I just wanted Beau to be a fuckboi!” But she highlights that it’s hard to deny the deeper connections that come up in D&D scenarios. “They’ve been with each other through so much that it’s difficult to deny when those bonds start to happen.” She texted Liam in a panic before the game. “What do I wear? And he said, ‘In the game or in real life?’ Both!”

Marisha was expecting a Sam curveball at some point. “My/Beau’s reaction of ‘I love you!’ was pretty accurate. She does care! She’s not just  a troll trying to ruin our shit.”

Marisha on Yasha liking dogs: “I clocked that shit when you bought a dog figurine.” She keeps notes about all the members of the party when they reveal things like that.

Ashley has started taking more detailed notes, partly to play catch-up for events she may have missed earlier. “Turns out, notes are very helpful and can help you in your RPing!”

Favorite parts? Marisha: “The fade-to-black moment at the very end, and I think it’s because Ashley’s eyes--maybe this is going to get weird--we had this moment where we were in the hot tub at the end, and I looked over and was like, ‘hey’, and you looked over and were like, ‘hey’, and I was just dead. I will never forget the look on Ashley’s face. There was just a pure moment.” Ashley: “That’s so funny, because I was going to talk about this one moment with Marisha. It’s just clicking into the scene and clicking into the moment.” Marisha talks about how the moments associated with the game have real, tangible emotional connections. Brian highlights that the emotional side of things is what you remember the most after the campaign is done.

Character thoughts on Kima? Marisha: “I was like, step on me! Please! Both of you! We’d be friends.” Ashley: “It’s also that nostalgia that feels so good at the table. These characters we know and love are still living and breathing and happy together and just kicking ass. For Yasha it was an amazing example of a relationship that works in this world, and something beautiful that these people who are different but are connecting. It was a lot of-- it was cool. I think Yasha’s a very big fan of Kima and Allura. When she gave over the sword, Travis texted me and was like, it’s the Holy Avenger. Looking it up and talking about it, it was like, holy mackerel, this sword is insane. But there’s going to have to be some conversations had to attune with the sword. But I like that Matt presented that challenge, that this isn’t necessarily in your class, but let’s do some RP and see what happens.”

Where’s Yasha at with the Stormlord right now? “I’m curious to explore that more, but knowing that the Stormlord was the first person to bring her back to her own will, of pulling her out of whatever was happening with Oban and the Laughing Hand for however long. It’s also weird to see the relationship that the clerics have, and I think Yasha’s still figuring out how to be her own person, but also... not serving somebody, but still trying to figure out that relationship with her god. But again, he saved her from a very, very dark place, and I think that’s something she values and holds on to.”

Cosplay of the Week: An amazing Essek! (Blushingvioletcosplay on Instagram)

How is Beau handling the Eyes? “All the theories! It’s hard for it to not feel like a ticking time bomb. I always have to try and separate my theories from Beau’s theories. That’s acting and shit. I, Marisha, am very interested if I can somehow utilize this to our advantage. Beau, also interested but simultaneously terrified that it might be a bad idea and I might just get further initiated. When it comes to Matt, you know there’s always something more lurking underneath all of this. As players it’s kind of our job to navigate that.”

How about Yasha? “I think it’s one of the things that didn’t really come up in the date, which is funny, because it’s something I was thinking about. Me as a player, that’s something I’m extremely stressed about. We don’t know what’s going to happen. We kind of got into it, but I think the fact that Lucien was listening, and the Eyes, I think it made me as a player as Yasha very nervous about interacting with Beau, because I don’t know what they’re picking up on. There’s so much we don’t know, and Lucien is so confusing, and the Eyes, and with Matt... we don’t know! It’s a point of extreme concern for Yasha, especially someone that she has feelings for and cares about, it’s an extra level of I don’t know what this means and I can’t lose this person, but I need to protect at all costs.”

What was it like for Beau to discover that Dairon and the Soul not only listened but took action? “That moment was so deeply powerful. Honestly, I was just as taken aback as Beau was. I never in both mine or Beau’s thought process did I think Matt would take action in that way, or that would ever be handled. And I think that’s what makes it so emotional. You condition yourself to think these things just happen, so much so that they permeate your D&D game. So rarely do abusers get held accountable for their actions. What was powerful about it was that he was, and other people cared. That alone was so emotionally impactful, and I was completely thrown by it. I feel like I had to walk away from that situation kind of unpacking those things. What does that say, what does that mean? Same thing for Beau, where the cycle of abuse has happened repeatedly to her with no repercussions to anyone who’s causing it. It’s why she’s always had a weird tenuous relationship with the Soul. It throws you into these layers of reconciliation and thought. I didn’t think this was going to be addressed. What does that say about society? So many different layers to peel back. It all speaks to so many real-life experiences that happen every damn day to so many people. There’s not many examples in media of abusers getting handled, and especially not in a way that’s not some sort of device to motivate somebody.” She highlights how rare it is that the abuser was handled without pulling the victim into the mess. I’m definitely not doing what she’s saying justice with my speed-typing.

How is Yasha feeling about solidifying her identity as a protector? “Putting together this character and starting to play as her, there was a part of me that wanted-- when I work on characters, you go through the list of questions you have as an actor, what’s your motivation and all that stuff. But I very much wanted to see if I could have a character that doesn’t necessarily know what their purpose is, because I feel like a lot of people feel that way. I think when we see movies or TV shows, there’s always a character who says, I know what my purpose is. I wanted to explore what it meant to not know what that is. I left that open with Yasha, and I didn’t want to set that for her, because I thought that was an interesting thing. I still like that idea, but in the conversation with Beau and knowing the date was coming up, there were a lot of internal conversations I was having of how is Yasha feeling in this moment. At the end of the day, I feel that’s a very solid purpose for Yasha in this moment, of all I can really provide is protection - and of course she can provide more than that. But now I’m just, yeah, I think protection for her is the best way she knows how to describe her purpose.” Brian: “And once we arrive there, the goal is to find a greater purpose, to be of service.” Ashley has tied in Yasha’s protectiveness with her grappling with loss.

Fan art of the week: A second amazing Essek! (by Saturday_sky)

Thoughts on the amulets: set-up or bad luck? Ashley: “I thought they were a set-up!” Marisha: “I think [Astrid’s] an opportunist. But I think it’d be much more convenient if anyone other than her killed Trent. To what end, I don’t know.” Ashley: “Me, personally, how I interpreted her crying in that alleyway, I felt like she was crying because of a betrayal. But I don’t know! I think she definitely cares for Caleb.” Marisha: “I also got betrayal tears. That felt like guilt-crying to me.” Brian: “I don’t like any of this.”

What prompted Beau going full assassin? “If they were to get in and out and I could have jumped over that tower without killing that guy, I would have.” She didn’t have a lot of options as a monk and not a rogue assassin, but needed a quick and quiet way to get him out of the way. “I went through so many ideas in my head. I thought of an idea to dump all of the ball bearings under him, then light fireworks” to try to get him to fall off the edge.

Is Yasha’s hope for Molly still alive? “Yes. I think that because Yasha has been on the other end of doing terrible things under someone else’s influence, she has a lot of forgiveness for people. At this point, of course, it’s hope that he’ll come back or have some type of recognition of his life as Molly. There’s a lot of questions. I don’t think she’ll ever give up on him.” The only moment of hesitation was when Lucien was cool with Gelidon leaving with Beau.

How are they feeling about their odds? Ashley: “I feel really great about the ideas that the group has to get out of tricky situations. This one I’m nervous about.” Marisha: “I agree. We have our little side player thread, minus Matt, and I don’t see how we’re getting out of this without some sort of compromise that’s not necessarily in our favor. I think we’re going to get out of it, but I don’t think we’re going to get out of it completely.”

Ashley didn’t tell Brian about the date after the episode ended, but wound up blurting it out right before he was about to watch the episode for Talks.

[attractive-nuisance-esq]

Here’s the thing: After 15x18 - after Castiel’s confession - I will be devastatingly heartbroken with any ending less than a full, explicitly romantic relationship between him and Dean.

Let’s be clear: If they hadn’t had Cas confess, I wouldn’t be terrified about what they’re going to give to us on Thursday night. We’d all made our peace with Destiel never going canon. We never, ever in a million years expected to actually get it. All of us shippers were content to live with what we got on screen, determined to see it live on in our fanfiction, with faith in the fandom to tell the story of Dean and Castiel. We were fine. We were excited! The ending of any show is a momentous occasion, but the ending of this one? With this fandom family? After this long? No matter what happened, it was going to be something we’d cherish forever.

Instead, in the third-to-last episode of all time, Supernatural gave us a confession of love from one of its most beloved characters to the hero of the story. And we all lost our minds. Quite rightfully! We never, ever thought it would happen - no matter how much sub there has been in the text over the last 12 years. You know why? Because of Disney.

We’re used to the Disney version of LGBTQ representation. The kind where about a month before a movie comes out, we see a flurry of articles published about how there will be a “gay character” in it - somehow always for the first time. And the character is always gay; nobody cares enough to draw any distinctions within the community. All of human sexuality that isn’t purely straight is purely gay. *cue the eyerolls* And maybe the first time we got a little excited. (Probably not, but go with me here for a sec.) Maybe for Beauty and the Beast, we thought, “Oh, LeFou was kind of a fun character in the cartoon version. Maybe it’ll be cool to see him have a crush!” But always and inevitably, the “representation” is one of two equally hurtful things: 1) the character’s sexuality is bluntly on display, but it’s a source of ridicule for the person, and the audience is encouraged to laugh at it “with” the character (o hai, LeFou); or 2) the scene is less than two seconds long, or the character is unnamed, or the circumstances of the “representation” are such that they can easily be cut from the project for foreign audiences or swept under the rug in the minds of viewers who’d rather not admit that queer people exist (what up, Star Wars and Endgame?).

And that shit really fucking hurts. We’re told to shut up and be grateful, even enthusiastic that mainstream fiction media noticed we’re here at all. But we’re never main characters. Our stories are never told. This part of our identity is not only left unexplored; it is so exploited for woke points as to be made the single most defining thing about us. It’s offensive, over and over again, to have us included solely because of how we are different.

It fucking hurts.

Things are changing, slowly. We’re starting to get some deeper, three-dimensional representation in television and film. It’s not all starting out in 2005 on the same network that brought us 7th Heaven anymore. My niece is 14-years-old and out, and she will never remember a time when she had to scour the Internet to see queer versions of her favorite characters; she just has them. But all of us adults, well... chances are, our journeys have the potential to look a lot like Dean’s. We didn’t get to come out in high school. We didn’t let our younger selves think too hard about what we knew in our hearts would make us happy. It took us longer to arrive at a place of security and safety in order to be able to admit to ourselves and others who we are. Hell, the whole damn process of recognizing human sexuality is fluid might have taken us years!

Us queer adults - the ones who have been watching and loving Supernatural for longer than its younger audience - can now taste the possibility of seeing something that probably looks a lot like our very own romantic and personal experiences in Dean Winchester. We’ve been celebrating bi!Dean for years on our own, picking up the crumbs the writers give us and clutching them tightly, because what a gift it would be to see this good man, this hero as one of our own! And now... we’re so close to actually seeing it. On screen. For real and for sure.

These last two weeks have been incredibly difficult. We’re ecstatic! Wildly so! What other kind of reaction would we have to the writers allowing Castiel to admit these feelings we’ve all thought would only ever exist in our heads? But we are equally anxious, wary, and - quite frankly - battling hopelessness. Supernatural doesn’t have a great track record with these things. Everyone on Tumblr - even those that don’t watch this show - is well aware that this one is the master of queerbaiting. And then there’s Disney banging around in our skulls, a psychological trauma sounding again like an alarm. We’ve been burned so many times before, by other mainstream media and by Supernatural itself. It feels crazy to hope. I don’t know how many times I’ve watched the confession scene; I still can’t believe it’s real. A male-shaped main character said “I love you” to another male-shaped main character. It can’t be cut out and ignored, or brushed aside as platonic. It wasn’t a joke at the expense of queerness. It happened. It was big, and it was right there.

And now we are so, so close. Fuck.

That’s why if Supernatural doesn’t follow through and give us Dean and Cas unequivocally in love in the final 42 minutes of this beautiful, ridiculous, wonderful, preposterous, absolutely WILD show, it’ll just completely fucking break me. It will be the worst kind of tease, the deepest cut buried in the briniest salt. If they hadn’t given us Castiel’s confession, we’d have no expectations. But they did. And now, if they don’t deliver after all that’s been said and done...

...it will utterly shatter my fragile little bisexual heart into a million fucking pieces.

[nobodyfamousposts]

Miracle Queen Aftermath

Because there is a disappointing lack of focus or depth for the aftermath of Miracle Queen in canon, I have made my own.

Be warned of: Chloe salt. A lot of it. Chloe faces consequences for things.

Some Bustier salt. Some Adrien being called out on things (but he gets better).

Enjoy!

In the weeks following the Miracle Queen incident, a lot had happened.

Hawk Moth had increased his power, and was now able to summon akumas and amoks at the same time.

Master Fu was gone and now Ladybug found herself the official Guardian of the Miraculous—along with the Miracle Box, kwamis, and duties that entails.

Marinette had resolved to let go of her crush on Adrien, and to support him and Kagami in their new relationship together.

And Chloe had been arrested and would now be going on trial for assisting a terrorist.

It was that last bit of news that had caused the most commotion in Paris and the world at large. What people would have dismissed as simply another akuma attack turned into a much greater matter when accusations started to be made about Chloe helping the super villain intentionally. This was soon backed by multiple eyewitness accounts and further proven by leaked video evidence showing Chloe not only attempting to grab a butterfly for herself after she was de-akumatized but even negotiating with the terrorist before the incident in which she betrayed the heroes of Paris and revealed the identities of most of the team.

To say that the people of Paris were outraged was putting it mildly. People were akumatized over it. Chloe was in a secured facility where she had armed guards around to watch her just as much as they were there to protect her. New legislation was being considered to specifically address willingly aiding supervillains. The backlash was so severe that many were calling the mayor’s own position into question.

After all, if his daughter could do all of that, who was to say that he wasn’t also in Hawk Moth’s pocket?

For Mayor Andre, his hands were tied. While he had covered for his daughter and her selfishness in the past, this was one thing he couldn’t overlook. Not when it brought his position as mayor under scrutiny. And certainly not when it opened a probe into his own dealings.

None of this was helped either by the multitude of witnesses of Chloe‘s past behavior. In particular, her many victims over the years.

And there were a lot.

Now that Chloe was actually being held accountable for something, it seemed to have opened a floodgate of outcries as the many people she tormented finally felt able to air their grievances. They came out on TV, on social media, on radio. Stories littered the air and internet of the horrors of dealing with this single teenage girl.

“She tried to cheat during this designing competition. She apparently stole some other girl’s hat design and tried to pass it off as her own.”

“She was the reason the mayor tried to shut down my ice skating rink! To build another gym! Paris has enough gyms! Why couldn’t she just go to one of those?”

“She had her dad shut down Clara Nightingale’s music video and got her akumatized just because she didn’t get to play Ladybug. We waited in that line for HOURS and didn’t get chosen either, but no one else threw a fit over it.”

“She shoved a giant signed poster of Adrien Agreste professing his love to her in my friend’s face just to make her cry! I found out after the fact that he didn’t even know about it!”

“Our entire school was punished for someone pulling the fire alarm except for her because she threatened our principal. So while the rest of us were having to clean up the school, she spent the entire time insulting and making fun of us.“

“Knowing her, she probably pulled the fire alarm in the first place.”

“She tried to crash a train! I don’t think I can emphasize that enough: she tried to crash a train!“

“Chloe Bourgeois joined up with Hawk Moth? Can’t say it’s a shock.”

“Yeah, given how many akumas she caused, I’d been wondering if she hadn’t been working with him all along.”

It wasn’t that unbelievable to the populous. Nor did anyone feel particularly sympathetic towards her for her current situation. Some might have for lack of knowing her, but Chloe had carved herself a special place in the memories and hearts of nearly every Parisian. There was nobody who didn’t know of her or have some experience with her by this point. So when it came out that she was arrested and facing criminal charges, the response was…rather telling.

Practically everyone was calling loved ones as soon as they heard, resulting in high phone and internet traffic. The Ladyblog crashed after making the announcement. Several people threw parties. People over the internet started coming up with a list of “Things We Will Be Allowed To Do Once Chloe Is In Prison”, with a count that currently rested at 139 and was rising quickly. One guy bought 500 cupcakes and just started passing them out to people on the street singing a jaunty little tune from some late 1930’s cult classic American movie. The school had closed down for a couple of days due to several teachers calling out sick—possibly with hangovers from celebrating a bit too hard. Various Queen-related hashtags and memes were trending with each seeming to fight for the top spot of most used. #let her eat cake was currently in the lead. And Mr. Ramier somehow orchestrated a 21 pigeon salute. On Chloe’s rooftop.

As it was, nobody expressed surprise when it came out that she worked with a supervillain. Many were disappointed, shaking their heads and saying “if only something had been done sooner” or blaming the parents and teachers and other adults in her life. Most were angry, mainly that things had been allowed to get this far and that they hadn’t been acted on earlier—particularly after the train incident.

But no. Nobody was surprised.

Except, perhaps, Marinette herself.

Still reeling from the events of Miracle Queen and the aftermath of…well…everything involved, Marinette had been questioning herself. Constantly. Incessantly. Going over and over in her mind all the things she could have done differently. Blaming herself for all the major blows to their team.

She lost her mentor. Her allies have been compromised. Chloe, one of her former allies, chose to betray them all. Hawk Moth had the grimoire now. Marinette didn’t have a grimoire. Fu had no memories.

And it was all because of her mistakes.

Last time, the prospect of never having to deal with Chloe again had been a relief.

Now…it was background static to her.

She could barely hear the announcements and cheers over the endless cycle of her own thoughts.

I should have tried harder. I should have been more aware. I failed them all. This is because of me.

So while everyone else in Paris was celebrating, de-stressing, or just outright reveling in the news, Marinette was grieving. With the help of the kwamis and Chat Noir, she had been trying to come to terms with what happened and figure out the next plan of action.

Hawk Moth had changed the game, so she needed to step up hers.

The days seemed to have passed in a blur. Between working with the kwamis, trying to recreate and retranslate the grimoire, and simply trying to deal with the remnants of Fu’s life that he had left to her, Marinette had barely even kept up with the current state of things in Paris. Or in particular, Chloe.

Not until the day came when Bustier made an announcement.

Chloe‘s trial date was finally decided. And though she didn’t say as such, it was clear that the case against her was pretty solid. There was video evidence. Eye witness accounts. And Chloe’s own words and actions working against her.

The odds were not in her favor on this. Even if her parents did try to help her, she wasn’t going to get off this time. Aside from getting the best lawyers money by, there really wasn’t much they could do.

Maybe that was why Bustier had tried to step in?

“Now class, I have received word that they are moving to the next step with Chloe’s hearing. Right now, they are looking for character witnesses for Chloe’s defense.” The kind teacher explained, causing Marinette to snap to awareness and realize just what was going on. Partly because of the mention of Chloe and her court case.

But mostly because of the sudden dead silence in the class…

To be fair, she wasn’t sure she could say anything either. Marinette felt her throat go dry and her muscles tense. There was a sudden tightness in her lungs that while she could breathe, it felt like she was suffocating. Why was Bustier bringing this up now?

The teacher smiled, seemingly unaware of the sudden tension and Marinette’s slow drowning. “I know this has been a difficult experience knowing that one of your classmates is facing such a trial. And Chloe will certainly need support. So I thought it would be kind if everyone wrote a letter supporting her for the hearing coming up, so the courts can hear about Chloe and understand more about who she is.”

Silence. Dead silence.

Maybe Bustier herself picked up on the growing tension, as she proceeded to move to passing out papers to the class. “I thought it would make for a nice project, so I will give you all the forms explaining the requirements. Take some time to think over what positive things you want to say about Chloe. If you have any questions, please feel free to come talk to me.”

After that, she quickly left the room, citing the desire to let them have this free time to work on the letters.

The class remained silent for a good minute after she left. Almost as if they were questioning if she would return. Or perhaps if she was listening.

Then—

“‘Think about what positive things we want to say about Chloe?’ Well that’s easy!” Alix spoke blithely, curling the paper she received into a ball. “Nothing!” She shouted and tossed it over her shoulder. “Assignment done!”

Murmurs filled the classroom. Some sounded uncertain, but most seemed to be in agreement. Or at least expressing distaste for the assignment.

“Is she serious?”

“Does she really expect us to?”

“Of all the worst ideas...”

Marinette could hear them, but couldn’t seem to acknowledge anything around her. And furthermore, she couldn’t make herself respond.

Chloe‘s trial was set for a point in the next few weeks, and at this point there was no denying just what type of person she was. If anything, this was probably the first time that anyone was allowed to actually speak their mind about the girl, and they were all reveling in it. Her classmates in particular.

Marinette couldn’t quite bring herself to.

Sure, Chloe has tried to blackmail her more than once.

And damaged her gift to their teacher.

And attempted to frame her a few times.

And stolen her hat design.

And her diary.

And a Miraculous.

And all of the other Miraculous.

But...she had been doing better for a while there, hadn’t she?

Didn’t she only betray them all in the end because Marinette had chosen Kagami over her for her own selfish reasons? Didn’t Hawk Moth only capture Fu because of her own mistake? Hadn’t Chloe only revealed everyone else because she felt betrayed? Couldn’t Marinette have done more to prevent Chloe turning?

Wasn’t a simple letter on Chloe’s virtues the least she could do?

So why...

Why couldn’t she seem to bring herself to?

Kim frowned, looking at his paper in worry. “We’re not going to get graded on this, are we?”

Nathaniel huffed. “I’ll willingly take the failing grade any day.”

“Hear hear!”

“But if it’s a grade…” Max murmured to himself. Out of everyone in the class, he took his grades the most seriously, so this was no doubt a difficult choice for him. He looked at his paper with a rather conflicted expression for a minute before sighing and turning it face-down on the desk. “No. It’s an impossible task in the first place.”

Kim rested a hand on Max’s shoulder in sympathy. It wasn’t that he cared as much about grades as Max did, but it was clear that the fallout of refusing could be more troubling for the genius who took his academic performance so seriously. If Bustier did make it a mandatory assignment with a grade, it’d be horribly unfair of her.

“What was it Chloe said before?” Ivan asked, looking over his page with a glare. “Once a monster, always a monster? I guess she’d know more than anyone.”

Mylene hugged him. “You’re not a monster. You never chose to be.”

“None of us did.” Nino agreed.

“Nobody did except her.” Alix bit out.

Mumbles of agreement came from the rest of the class. It was clear that none of them were on board with having anything to do with Chloe, much less try to help her with her current legal woes.

There was a large part of Marinette that agreed with them. But even so, there was also a large part of her that insisted she had to do the right thing and help.

She knew she should say something. She was supposed to say something here. Because it was her fault, after all. She was Ladybug. She had to be the better person. Shouldn’t she?

“Marinette? Girl, are you okay?” Alya asked, drawing her attention. “You look a bit pale.”

It was too much. It was suffocating.

“I think I need some air. Excuse me.”

She didn’t know if anyone watched her leave the classroom. She hadn’t even noticed if anyone had chosen to follow her.

Not until…

“Marinette, are you all right?”

She spun around in surprise.

“Oh! Adrien! Hey! Hi! Hello!” She blabbered. Why was he here? Did he come out after her? Why? She didn’t need this right now! She struggled enough with him under normal circumstances, she wasn’t sure she could handle being alone with him now. Her stress over everything was bad enough, but having him approach her set her anxiety skyrocketing.

“Hey,” he replied, smiling at her—and oh, what a beautiful smile. On any other day, it would ease her worries and make her want to swoon, but right now, it just made her more nervous.

“Are you all right?” He asked again. “You didn’t look so well in class.”

“Y-yeah. Just…” she sighed. “I just have a lot on my mind. With…you know…everything.”

He nodded in understanding. “I know what you mean.”

She smiled. She could always count on Adrien to be a calming supportive friend. He was always so sweet and reliable. If anyone could understand or relate to the chaotic mix of emotions she was feeling, he could.

He sighed in sympathy. “Poor Chloe.”

She froze.

“Chloe?”

“Well, yeah.” He replied, like it was obvious. “I mean, she did a bad thing, but now she’s going through the worst experience of her life. One that could ruin her future. And people are glad about it!” He shook his head. “It’s just too cruel.”

Marinette just stared.

He wasn’t wrong. But…that was what he was worried about?

She couldn’t fault him of course, because Adrien was always so kind and considerate and of course he’d feel for Chloe but…something about this just…pulled at something inside of her and was choking it.

“Chloe is already suffering enough and it feels like no one wants to help her. You heard them.” He gestured back to the classroom. “We’re being given an opportunity to make a difference for her and they’re all just saying she deserves it. Chloe is alone and hurting and they want her to hurt more.”

She felt a denial on her lips but couldn’t give voice to it.

“Everyone is so great with each other. It’s always just Chloe who is kind of on the outside. I know you’ve seen it.”

She hadn’t, actually. Because it was never Chloe on the outside looking in, it was Chloe looking down on them. Whether it was because she genuinely thought she was better or because it made her feel better to do so.

He hesitated for a moment before looking at her. And there was something in his expression that told her he was about to ask something. A gut feeling told her that it was going to be something she wouldn’t like.

“Do you think you could talk to them?” He asked her, looking so sad and despondent that she just wanted to hug him and agree to anything to make that look go away.

“M-me?”

He wanted her to convince her classmates to help Chloe?

“I know you and Chloe have had your differences, but you’ve been able to see past her front. And you’ve done a lot to help her before.” He smiled. “Like the party you threw for her after she became Queen Bee.”

A traitorous voice asked if giving her a second chance with the Miraculous she had previously stolen wasn’t enough? Why did she have to feel bad for her leaving and throw her a party to make her feel special?

“Chloe really needs the help right now. And you’re always so good about that sort of thing.” He looked to her imploringly. “Do you think you could try to get them to at least give Chloe a hand? I don’t know what impact it’ll have in her hearing, but any little bit helps, right?”

Go back in there? With the tension and the suffocation to try and convince her classmates to help when she was questioning whether to herself?

But she had to, right? After all, couldn’t she have prevented this if she had acted sooner? Couldn’t she have helped sooner instead of being focused on her own petty problems? Isn’t that what Ladybug should do?

“Please, Marinette? They listen to you. If you asked them to, I’m sure they’d be willing to at least try.”

Her vision started to dim, seeming to tunnel in on Adrien and his sad and hopeful expression. Her thoughts crying about CHLOE and poor CHLOE and how hurt CHLOE was and how it was her fault for CHLOE—

“I—”

“Oh no! No, you do NOT.”

Marinette suddenly found herself torn away from Adrien by a sudden grab of her arm and pulling sensation. She felt as if she was pushed out of the way by a fierce gale. Like a raging whirlwind had spun her around and behind it.

That whirlwind’s name was Alya.

“How dare you? How dare you try to make my girl be responsible for this!”

Marinette floundered because she had not expected this and oh no now her best friend looked ready to tear her crush’s head off!

“Alya, we don’t have to do this!” She pleaded, trying to calm the other girl down.

“Oh, we most certainly do.” Came another voice. And sure enough, the rest of the class had stepped out as well. All of them looked in varying ranges of frustrated and that frustration was clearly directed at her and Adrien.

Or rather just Adrien, as Marinette discovered when Rose and Juleka pulled her aside and out of their direct line of sight. They were all looking at Adrien, and those were not nice or understanding expressions.

Oh no! This was a disaster! Now everyone was upset and she should have just agreed or said something sooner!

Completely unaware of Marinette’s inner turmoil, Alya stepped forward and jabbed at Adrien in the chest. “You are not going to make my girl feel bad and try to help someone who has never done a single nice thing for her or anyone.” She spat out, forcing him to back away.

Adrien held his hands up in a placating gesture. “Come on, Chloe is not that bad.“

“Not that bad?” Nino exclaimed, shaking his head in disbelief at his friend’s words. “Adrien, Chloe betrayed us!“

“She took over Paris!”

“She turned us into her servants!“

“Not to mention the other things…”

“Do we really have to name each time?” Alya started to count on her fingers. “Chloe CHOSE to take the Miraculous for herself instead of returning it. She CHOSE to transform in front of everyone and reveal her identity to the world. She CHOSE to try and crash a train, risking the lives of EVERYONE on board just to show off. She CHOSE to run off with it when Ladybug tried to take it back.”

“She also chose to continue being horrible to everyone even after Ladybug gave her a second chance.” Nathaniel added, bitterly. “She didn’t get better after becoming Queen Bee. It just became another thing for her to lord over people.”

Alya nodded. “And when Ladybug made it clear to her that she wasn’t going to be Queen Bee again, she felt ENTITLED to something that was never hers in the first place. And because of that, she made the active, knowing, and willful choice to work with Hawk Moth.”

“And out all of us while she was at it.” Kim added. “Turning us into her personal ‘guard’. Making us fight our heroes against our will.” He shuddered. “I don’t know if you were hit by those things, Adrien, but it was NOT a pleasant experience having your body turned into a puppet.”

Adrien wanted to argue that he understood full well, but that was only as Chat. He couldn’t say that here.

Unaware of his inner turmoil, Alya continued. “So no, we are not going to forgive Chloe. We are not going to try and ‘get along’ with her because her own poor choices have led her to have a ‘rough time’.”

Adrien grew nervous at the way the others drew closer to Alya as she spoke, clearly backing her statements as she continued.

“We are not going to defend her or speak up on her behalf to the entirety of Paris she ALSO betrayed. Whatever consequences Chloe has to face—quite possibly the first ones she will EVER have faced in her LIFE—are nothing less than what she deserves.”

“Yeah!” Came the exclamations from the rest of the crowd.

“She didn’t know what she was doing!” Adrien argued.

“Not know what she was doing?! Adrien, she willingly accepted an akuma! She used it to take control of us and revealed us to Hawk Moth!” Alya exclaimed. “That’s just—how can you even justify that?”

With as angry as Alya was, any lesser or wiser man would have backed off.

Adrien…well, she certainly would never call him unwise, so it had to be because he was more strong-willed than that to be willing to stand his ground here.

“Hawk Moth was the one who manipulated Chloe!” He insisted. “And he’s the one who got away scott free and left Chloe to take the fall.”

“And whose fault was that?” Alya countered. “Chloe HELPED him. He only got as far as he did because of her and he only got away because she helped him!”

“Don’t you think this is cruel?” He argued back. “Yes, Chloe was wrong, but she was already called out for what she did by Ladybug and Chat Noir. The entire city hates her. Isn’t that enough?”

“NO!” Alya shouted. “No, it isn’t! Because Chloe has always gotten away with her antics in the past but you’re actually trying to get us to let Chloe off for a legitimate crime here! If Chloe is going to prison, it’s only because she deserves it!”

Around them, several of the others in the class nodded in agreement.

“How can you say that?” Adrien demanded. “Chloe made a mistake and she’s suffering for it! All this time, she’s felt left out and cut off and this only further emphasizes that for her! She’s been alone all this time and now she’s alone and miserable!”

“Then why should that be OUR problem?” Alya questioned, raising her hands in exasperation. “Why are you trying to MAKE it our problem?!”

Adrien drew back, looking genuinely hurt.

"But treating someone badly never made them become a good person."

"Yeah, because letting Chloe have her way all this time has totally made strides in her path to becoming a good person." Alix called out sarcastically.

"If anything, it's made her worse." Max added. "She's gone from simply causing akumas to intentionally becoming one."

“But—”

Alya cut him off. “But nothing, Adrien! You have to have some gall to be trying to get us to make nice with Chloe after she betrayed us all! And here I thought your little lecture to Marinette to make her feel bad for being relieved that Chloe was leaving Paris was pretty hard to beat.”

Nino blanched at that. “You did what?” He turned on Adrien. “Dude! You know that happened after Chloe tried to crash that train!”

“She was just trying to prove herself.” Adrien weakly argued.

“PEOPLE were on there!” Nino bit out. “They could have DIED because Chloe was showing off! And you got on to MARINETTE? Where was this attitude with Chloe?”

“I’ve called her out!”

“Yeah, one time.” Alya groused. “AFTER the rest of us had spent the better part of the day cleaning up after HER mess. Which she never apologized for or admitted to doing, by the way.”

“And in response, she threw a party.” Juleka muttered.

“It was a nice party, sure.” Rose added quickly.

Alya though shook her head. “But being a good hostess is nowhere near the same thing as being a good person. And before the night was over, you rolled over for her and she went RIGHT back to acting as she always had.”

“She made Mylene cry.” Ivan glared. “She made Mylene cry and you just laughed.”

“I didn’t mean—”

“You said it yourself: ‘she’ll never change’. Except you said that like it was a good thing.”

Marinette looked back and forth between the two, everything inside her screaming at her to help. But she was completely lost on which one she was supposed to help. Because Adrien had a point about what Chloe’s going through but Alya was right about what Chloe did and she needed to do the “right thing” and help Chloe but why did everything Alya say resonate so strongly with her and bring such a feeling of vindication—

No. She was getting distracted. She needed to help. And right now, it was Adrien against the rest of the class.

But Alya was worked up. And Adrien was looking past her to Marinette, eyes begging for help and still so hopeful that she would step in. And Chloe was still in prison and Marinette could fix everything if she just tried so why can’t she try?

“Alya,” Marinette tried. “You told me to give Chloe a chance before after the fire alarm incident, remember? You said we were a lot alike.”

“That was to get you to go to a party!” Alya shouted, making Marinette step back in surprise. “I never meant it like this!”

She stepped forward and took Marinette by the shoulders, holding her sternly.

“Marinette, you are nothing like Chloe! Not where it counts! Yeah, you both can be short sighted when it comes to trying for what you want, but you at least notice and CARE how other people feel! And when you make a mistake, you at least TRY to make it right!”

She shook her head.

“Chloe…doesn’t.”

“She doesn’t try to.” Alix cut in. “If Chloe was feeling sad and lonely, that was pretty much her own fault.”

Adrien looked like he wanted to argue, but Alix didn’t even give him a chance.

“It wasn’t like we left her out. We went well out of our way to try and befriend her. We invited her to things. We tried to help her. Hell, you said it yourself—Marinette has tried to help her more than anybody! And each and every time, Chloe only took what we offered like it was something we owed her but that she was also too good for. I mean, I certainly can’t recall a time she ever thanked me. Can you?” She asked, turning to the other classmates.

All around them, there were murmurs of agreement. Maybe a couple hesitated as they tried to recall a time—one single moment of kindness on Chloe’s part only to come up empty.

“Chloe’s had a hard time.” Adrien insisted. “You know how her parents are—”

“Oh yes, her ‘Daddy the Mayor’.” Alix rolled her eyes. “Like we don’t hear enough about him every time it comes to something Chloe wants. She only threatens us or anyone with him every other day.”

Adrien shook his head and tried to explain. “It’s only because her parents aren’t there for her emotionally.”

“Again, not seeing how this is our problem? Or justification for anything she’s done to us? Or how this excuses her willingly helping a supervillain?”

“Because we’re her classmates!” He argued back, gesturing to all of them. “Out of everyone, we’ve all had the most interactions with her.”

“All of which were negative.” Came a cutting remark, followed by grumbling.

“There were good times, too!” Adrien insisted with a frown. His eyes spanned over the assembled classmates before they came to rest on one in particular. “Kim, you have to have seen Chloe’s good side. You liked her before.”

“Before.” Kim replied, emphasizing the word and the timeframe it referred to. “But being humiliated and her sending out that pic to everyone in school kind of crushed that crush.”

“How did she even have our numbers?” Ivan asked.

“But there had to be something that made you like her in the first place.” Adrien encouraged.

The taller boy shrugged, uncertain and uncaring. “Maybe so, but was it something that was really there? Or something I just wanted to see? Because I’m looking back and quite frankly, I don’t know what past me was thinking.”

“Wow, that’s deep, man.” Nathaniel whispered.

“Thanks!”

Seeing Nathaniel gave Adrien an idea. “Wait, Nathaniel! Didn’t Chloe let you put her in your comic?”

“Forced us to, more like.” The artist bit back. “And even when we tried to fit her, we got nothing but complaints from her. It was no wonder we never got past the initial concept art for her character.”

Adrien winced. “It was an attempt, at least?”

Nathaniel wasn’t buying it. “A poor one.”

“She’s been trying to be better.” Adrien was getting increasingly frustrated. This was not how he was expecting this argument to go. “Rose? What about you? You’ve seen it, haven’t you?”

After all, Rose was sweet and caring, always willing to see the good in anyone. Surely she would have something nice about Chloe!

Juleka frowned at him over his focus on her girlfriend and moved to stand beside her. “Don’t push her.”

Still he tried.

“Rose?”

“I’m sorry, Adrien.” Rose said, hugging herself. “But Chloe has done nothing but hurt people. And going out of our way to protect her has only ended up biting us.”

That wasn’t true. Not...all the time at least. There had to have been at least one instance where she did the right thing!

Adrien brightened in realization. “Didn’t she catch you when you fell after being deakumatized during Heroes Day?”

The blonde girl frowned. “Well, yes…but she wasn’t very nice about it. Even though I did the same for her before.”

“Rose, come on…”

She shook her head. “I put myself at risk to help Chloe when she was being chased by zombies, and only got turned into one for my efforts. Chloe never appreciated it. She never thanked me. She didn’t even do anything to help when we were trying to keep her safe!”

“We all ended up kissing zombies because of her.” Alix accused, crossing her arms and looking particularly annoyed. “And not just because she caused the akuma in the first place.”

“Why are you pushing this?” Mylene asked. “We’ve been asked. We said no. Isn’t that enough?”

“But—”

“Adrien, you’ve got a good heart.” Ivan started.

“Easy for him when he’s not the one who has to be on the receiving end of Chloe’s tantrums.” Alix cut in, clearly sounding bitter.

“You’ve got a good heart.” Ivan repeated, sending Alix a look that asked her to back off. “But Chloe…doesn’t.”

Adrien shook his head, remaining insistent. “That’s why she needs help.”

“If she needs help,” Mylene spoke, “It should come from her parents. Her teachers. Any of the adults in her life. She has plenty of adults who are fully capable of helping her. It should not be expected to come from the kids she’s spent years tormenting.”

She gestured to herself and the others around her. “And that’s what she’s been doing: tormenting us.”

“To great joy, might I add.” Max droned.

“She hasn’t been cruel to everyone.” Adrien muttered.

That brought out a backlash of outrage.

“She outted my crush!”

“She insulted Mylene’s cooking and made her cry!”

“She got Aurore akumatized and nearly caused Paris to be incinerated in a volcano!”

“She tried to push Mylene out of the lead role of our movie!”

“She locked Juleka in the restroom!”

Wait...

But that hadn’t been Chloe. She had stayed with the class at the time. The one who did do it was...

He glanced around until he saw her—a redhead in the background behind the rest of the class. She looked anxious and uncomfortable, and almost seemed to be trying to edge around the class to get to the stairs.

Adrien did seem aware. Or rather, he was focused on the fact she was there.

“Sabrina? What about you? Chloe was your friend!”

Of course she would help! Because who better than her own best friend to speak on her behalf?

The rest of the class broke into mutters as they realized the same.

But Sabrina...bit her lip and looked away. Refusing to even meet Adrien’s gaze.

“Sabrina?” Marinette tried, concerned about this reaction. Sabrina had been Chloe’s best friend—or at least the closest thing she could have to a friend. “Minion” or “Servant” would be more accurate. “Slave” would be more honest.

The girl had been Chloe’s only real fan and follower, and had assisted Chloe in some of her worst plots.

Marinette had briefly seen another side to her. A girl who was so desperate for friendship that she latched onto even the slightest bit of kindness and went to the greatest of extremes to appease the “friend” so they wouldn’t leave her. It was no wonder she had fallen in with Chloe—someone like that was perfect for the spoiled girl. Compared to her, Marinette’s anxieties and need to please were nothing.

And Chloe had pretty much been her world for years.

What must she be feeling now?

“Should we really be getting her opinion?” Ivan whispered. “You know how she and Chloe were…”

“Well, if anyone would have anything positive to tell the courts about Chloe, it would be her.” Mylene whispered back.

Sabrina took a breath and spoke quickly—almost shouting in her rush.

“I’m sorry but my therapist said I shouldn’t!”

That got a surprise. The rest of the classmates glanced to each other before looking back to the girl. Adrien in particular looked shell-shocked. Marinette couldn’t blame him. She felt the same.

Sabrina for her part seemed to tense up, as if ready to defend herself from the rest of the class.

Marinette stepped forward. “Sabrina? Are…you okay?”

The other girl shook her head, looking close to tears.

“After word got out what Chloe did, the police had to question me about Chloe. They were able to see that I wasn’t involved, but they…didn’t like what I told them about our relationship. Afterwards, my dad decided to have me see a counselor and she…has been telling me things that I hadn’t really considered.” She curled in on herself. “They all think I should stay away from Chloe and anything directly related to her…for my own health.”

Adrien frowned at that. “But don’t you want to help Chloe?”

Sabrina jumped. “Of course, I do!”

“Hold up, Adrien!” Nino stepped in. “She just said police took her in because of Chloe!”

“But they let her go…”

“It still happened!” Mylene argued. “It doesn’t matter how nice they are, how innocent you know you are, or if you’re released in the end, it’s still terrifying when it happens!”

"And it only happened to her because of Chloe." Alya added.

Rose, in her infinite sweetness, reached out to take Sabrina’s hand in support. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

Sabrina sobbed and covered her face. Aside from Rose, no one else really attempted to comfort her. Most of them simply watched her, pitying her current state. But they also remembered how complicit she had been in Chloe’s schemes, so they were conflicted. While they did feel bad for her current situation, there was a part of most of them that noted how she had brought it upon herself by being Chloe‘s lackey for so long, so their sympathy was limited.

Perhaps it was out of awkwardness, or maybe an attempt to give some respect for Sabrina’s privacy that the classmates turned away from her and instead focused on the heart of the argument.

“Man...” Nino tried. “Maybe you should let it go?” Though it was clear from his tone that he knew it wasn’t likely.

Because Adrien had still not given up, it seemed.

He looked around between of the classmates, growing more desperate. But those that remained either looked at him straight on as if daring him to call on them or looked away. A few of them even closed ranks as if to block his view of certain others. It was clear none of them were willing to help him on this.

None of them except…

“Marinette.” He called out, drawing her gaze to him instantly. “You understand, don’t you?”

She bit her lip. “I…”

“Back off, Adrien.” Kim said, giving the other boy an angry frown as he stood in front of her to shield her from his gaze. “It’s not on Marinette to help Chloe.”

“Yeah! She suffered more than any of us!“ Ivan shouted.

“She has been Chloe’s main target for years.” Nathaniel agreed. “She is the last person who is obligated to help Chloe now.“

Adrien winced at the harshness of their words and in their tone. “I just thought that Marinette could help. Like before.”

“Just because she could doesn’t mean she should have had to.” Alya countered. “She’s a teenager. Dealing with Chloe should have been the job of adults. Her parents. Bustier. Damocles. Any one of them should have done something—and if they can’t, the courts will. It’s their job. Not ours.”

“And getting her to help you wouldn’t make a difference anyway even if you had convinced us.” Max said, shifting his glasses. “Chloe helped Hawk Moth. There is nothing we could say that could undo that. And even if we did try, we would either be guilty of committing perjury or aiding in a conspiracy.”

“What?” Adrien jerked in surprise.

“The best we can do is be character witnesses.” Mylene explained. “But this is a court and we can’t claim something that isn’t true! We can’t say anything nice about Chloe when she hasn’t done anything nice!”

Max nodded and shifted his glasses. “Furthermore, our testimonies—even if they were positive—would only serve to create a narrative about Chloe and the type of person she is. They can’t explain away the current evidence against her.”

He rubbed the back of his head. He knew there were issues, but he also knew Chloe. He knew what she could be like. He knew she was a good person deep down. “I know she’s made some mistakes—”

“No.” Alya stated sharply. “Calling them ‘Mistakes’ implies that her actions were unintentional. ‘Mistakes’ implies that people were harmed by accident. ‘Mistakes’ implies that she would have any point learned from them. They weren’t mistakes, Adrien. They were willful acts of cruelty every single time.”

Ivan shook his head, pityingly. “We can’t save Chloe from this. We have nothing to say in her defense. The kindest thing we can do for her is stay silent.”

“She’s better than you think she is. She threw that party once for everyone, remember? You all went.” Adrien reminded them.

“That only proved that she could throw a party and be a good host, not that she could be a good person. There is a difference.” Nathaniel pointed out.

“Not that Chloe could tell.“ Alix sniped.

Adrien ignored the barb. He had given up on getting any of them to listen and now only had eyes for her. His last hope.

“Marinette….come on…please.”

She hesitated.

Everything in her that was Ladybug and her crush on Adrien and her desire to make people happy and take the high road and give second-third-fourth chances wanted nothing more than to give it to him.

Except...

There was a long pause. No one spoke.

The other classmates have had their say. They were letting Marinette have hers. And she knew in that moment that if she spoke up…if she did as Adrien wished and tried to help Chloe…she knew they would go along with her. It may be more out of respect for Marinette than it would be out of any sort of forgiveness for anything Chloe had done, but it would still help Chloe and it would still make Adrien happy.

…and hadn’t Marinette already done that enough?

“Did you know?” Marinette started, not looking at anyone. “I would have been well within my rights to press charges against Chloe?”

Adrien balked at that.

“She’s stolen from me at least three times now.” She shrugged. “I mean, sure, I wouldn’t have been able to do anything about my diary since she had Sabrina steal it for her, but she did steal my hat design for a competition and I had proof. I could have pressed charges against Chloe and let her face some consequences…but I didn’t.”

She looked up at Adrien. “I also could have pressed charges for what she did to my gift for Madame Bustier. Since she did break into my locker and vandalize my property while it was still technically mine…but I didn’t.

“Adrien.” She spoke almost in monotone, the only sign of her emotions being how she clenched her fists. “Did you know that after the fashion show, my parents and I took a train to get home?”

He furrowed his brows in confusion. What did that have to do with anything?

“It was the same train Chloe took control of and nearly caused to crash.”

Several gasps resounded around them. Apparently this had not been common knowledge.

“Even if Chloe could have bought her way out of any consequence for the other things, we all could certainly have had her face some major trouble for that one…” Marinette took a shuddering breath. “But we didn’t.”

Adrien frowned. “I…I see that—”

“No, I don’t think you do.” She cut him off. “Because instead of any of that…rather than hold Chloe accountable at any point, I catered to her. I tried to understand Chloe. I tried to make things nicer for Chloe. I tried to excuse Chloe. Time and again. Just like everyone else. Just like you wanted me to. Just like you’re asking me to now. And what did that get us?”

The more she talked, the more words filled out and she was unable to stop the torrent.

“I defended her from Alya after Madame Bustier was akumatized, and Chloe stole a Miraculous and nearly got my family killed. I helped Chloe bond with her Mom—costing myself any chance at a once in a lifetime opportunity in the process—and Chloe tried to get me banished from Paris just for saying she wasn’t a superhero. I threw Chloe a party to show her some appreciation, and she willingly worked with a supervillain to take over Paris. Just to fuel her ego and because she felt she was owed something that wasn’t hers.”

She tilted her head, considering.

“What is that American saying? Three strikes and you’re out?” Her eyes narrowed. “I have given Chloe more than three chances. I have done nothing BUT give her chances. And clean up after her. And just…try to help her. At no point has she been grateful. At no point did she ever apologize. Or show the slightest bit of remorse for anyone she hurt. Or just…try to do better.”

She stepped forward. Past her classmates. Past Alya, who looked ready to tear into Adrien herself.

“So tell me, Adrien. How much more am I supposed to do? What miracle am I supposed to achieve to help Chloe to be a better person that I haven’t already done?”

“You can just try.” Adrien begged. “Chloe’s alone. She has no one in her corner. You’ve given her chances before! Can’t you find it in your heart to give her another chance this time?”

“Why haven’t you?” Alya demanded.

Adrien drew back in surprise at that.

But the girl wasn’t letting him off. “If you’re so certain Chloe is the victim in all this, then why aren’t you stepping up to help her? Why are you pushing Marinette and the rest of us to do it?”

Alya wrapped an arm around Marinette in support. “If you truly believe Chloe has some sort of inner goodness that only needs the right person to bring it out, then it’s pretty clear Marinette is just not that person. She’s tried enough.”

Alix nodded. “I’m pretty sure she could’ve demolished a brick wall with how many time she’s banged her head against it by this point trying to drag a decent person out of Chloe.”

Others in the class also nodded and gave sounds of agreement to that.

Adrien frowned, lowering his head despondently. “I’m just one person. There’s only so much weight my word will have. I just...I just want to give her the best chance.”

“That’s nice for Chloe, I guess.” Kim muttered. “But not much for us.”

Adrien looked up in surprise. “What do you mean?”

Alya stepped forward, releasing Marinette in the process. “Adrien, why should we as Chloe’s victims have to help protect her? That’s the thing we’re not getting here. WE are the ones she hurt. WE are the ones she betrayed to Hawk Moth. So why are WE supposed to try and save her from her own consequences? Why are you wanting us to?”

Adrien hesitated.

“Can you even imagine what it was like? Being frozen in time. Unable to move or speak? Only able to hear her voice in your head? Feeling your body respond as she’s calling you and being unable to stop?” She clutched her arms, as if trying to hug herself. “Do you have any idea how terrified I was knowing what she was doing to us but being completely unable to stop it? How humiliating it was when she had us bowing to her and calling her our Queen? And then…” She took a breath. “She made us fight our heroes. Ladybug and Chat Noir trusted us to help them and we used the Miraculous they entrusted to us to try and kill them.”

“We were just lucky that they were able to turn the tables on us.” Kim muttered. “I don’t even want to know what would have happened if we had won.”

“Luka still has nightmares.” Juleka whispered. “He won’t talk about it, but he hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks.”

Marinette winced. She hadn’t even considered that everyone else could be suffering ramifications of Miracle Queen as well.

“We could have killed them.” Max stated. “Given the nature of the Snake Miraculous’s power, we very well could have more than once for all we know.”

“Maybe you wouldn’t have killed them?” Rose suggested, trying to be positive. “I mean, Chloe wanted all of the Miraculous, right? She probably wanted them as her servants as well.”

Max glared. “I’m pretty sure I attempted to send Chat Noir into space. Even a Miraculous can’t protect someone from that.”

Adrien tried not to wince at the memory. How he managed to even move enough to activate the Miraculous, he still wasn’t sure.

“We fought against them. We never wanted to, but we did.” Alya bit out. “Not even because of Hawk Moth this time, but because of Chloe. And now you are wanting us to just…overlook the trauma of the whole thing to help Chloe after what she did. For something she hasn’t shown even the slightest remorse for.”

She shook her head.

“I know you’re nice, Adrien. But this level of kindness is a cruelty.”

He winced. And it looked like he wanted to argue. But he just…wilted.

“I just…it feels harsh. What’s happening to her. The amount of hate she’s getting. That her entire life could be over.”

That was true. While they felt her current status was well deserved, it was a harsh sentence for anyone. Especially a teenager.

Nathaniel sighed. “Adrien, it is harsh. Maybe cruel. But fact is that she still brought on herself.”

“Isn’t that just victim-blaming though?” Adrien countered, frustrated now. “I mean, Hawk Moth manipulated her! How was that her fault? He’s the one who did it. She was…” He clenched his fists in anger. “Chloe is a victim.”

“No, we are the victims.” Alya insisted, gesturing to herself and the other revealed former heroes. “We were the ones used to fight our heroes. We were the ones who had our identities revealed to the world against our will. And now we are the ones having to live with the results of Chloe‘s choices, just like we always are.“

Adrien looked ready to argue. And maybe he would have, except...

Nino rested a hand on Adrien’s shoulder.

“Adrien. Dude. Just stop. We have enough to deal with and this…this isn’t helping.”

Adrien frowned at that, concerned by his friend’s attitude. “Nino?”

Nino lowered his head. “I wasn’t going to say anything. Really, I was trying not to think about it. But my parents are currently talking with police about their options. Now that I’ve been exposed as one of the temporary heroes, they’re questioning if it’s not safe for us at home anymore. There is a chance of us having to go into protective custody.”

Alya winced at that, drawing attention to her. “My parents have been talking as well. My mom quit her job. She said she doesn’t want to work for someone who would let their daughter do such a thing and put me in danger. She’s looking at drawing me out of school since it was pretty much Chloe‘s base of operations. And since Chloe is the Mayor’s daughter…and Hawk Moth…and just…everything?” She looked away, clearly anxious.

“There’s a chance we may have to move out of Paris altogether.”

Marinette gasped.

Alya looked to the other girl, sad and guilty all in one. “I’m sorry, girl. I guess I’ve been hoping it wouldn’t be an issue. I’ve been trying to talk them out of it, but it’s hard given everything that happened. Currently, the only reason they’re willing to stay is to see through to the end of the trial. But after that…” She shrugged, shaking her head uncertainly. “Who can say?”

“No…” Adrien whispered in shock.

The others in class came closer around her, trying to offer some comfort and reassurances—what little they could give, at least. This was a situation that was clearly beyond them. Marinette herself hugged Alya tightly for all she was worth, and the other girl held her back just as much, neither wanting to be parted.

Adrien, however, remained on the outside looking in. Watching the people Chloe had tormented even before Miracle Queen and realizing just how badly they’ve been hurt by this. It hit him then—for what was perhaps the first time just how much pain Chloe had caused his friends. And how unfair he had been to expect them to simply deal with it.

He stayed the lone person outside of the circle. By this point, did he really deserve to join in the comfort? To try to be the one to give comfort? After what he had tried to push on them all?

After minutes passed, they were finally able to draw away from each other.

“I’m sorry for not saying anything sooner.” Alya told Marinette. “I guess I was just hoping…y’know…that it wasn’t real. Or that it would go away and things would work out on their own.”

Marinette smiled. “No, I understand.”

And she did. That’s exactly what she herself had been doing for the past few weeks as well. Trying to deal with things without really dealing with them. Working without acknowledging just what it all meant because she was scared she would break down and that would be just one more thing Hawk Moth would have won because of this whole mess.

“I was kind of the same way.” She admitted, and it felt like a slight relief to be able to say aloud to someone. “I’m sorry I couldn’t talk to you about it.”

She still couldn’t, unfortunately. Not about Ladybug and the kwamis and the Miracle Box.

But…she could talk about Fu. How she lost him. How she feels. She could help support Alya and her classmates and be there for them in the meantime.

She…hadn’t lost everything.

Not yet.

And that was the scary thing…

Adrien gaped at the group. He had thought the trauma was bad enough, and that at least could be worked through. But this...

“I’m sorry. I...I didn’t even realize...”

“Adrien, what Chloe did put a major target on our backs.” Alya explained. “Nobody knows how we became heroes, or that Ladybug was the one to specifically choose us and give us the miraculous to use. Nobody knows WHY we were chosen. It’s not just Hawk Moth, any regular criminal can come after us now in an attempt to get a hold of that power. And we can’t exactly protect ourselves.”

She shrugged helplessly.

“We kind of have enough to worry about with the fallout of Chloe‘s actions. And now you want us to try and protect Chloe on top of that?“

Seeing it now, in this light...it was cruel. It was cruel and unfair and hurtful, and Marinette felt horrible for considering letting herself be talked into it.

Adrien himself felt horrible for even suggesting it.

“We all have to live with the consequences of Chloe’s choices.” Alya stated. “So why shouldn’t she?”

Silence followed. It practically echoed throughout the entire hallway.

He said nothing in response. What could he possibly say? He’d known that Chloe was…difficult with other people, to say the least. He’d known the type of person she was. But she was his friend and friends forgive and support each other, right?

But they were right as well. It wasn’t fair to expect them to help Chloe after what she did. Especially once he knew of the level of harm she’d caused them. He felt the horror trickle in. The trauma everyone felt. The knowledge of what they’d been forced to do. The fact that…

He suddenly found it harder to breathe.

Nino could leave.

Adrien could lose his best friend because of this.

And who knew how many of the others would be forced to leave as well. Aside from Nino; Kim, Max, Alya, and Luka were other heroes as well. Juleka was Luka’s sister. And how many of the other classmates might be pulled out of this class and school because it’s unsafe? And Kagami—oh god, she was outted as well. He hadn’t heard from her in a while. Her mother is probably furious. She could move back to Japan because of this. And Marinette…she had been lucky to not be caught up in that fight since she was a hero only the one time, but that could have been just one more thing Chloe ruined for her…

…what about himself?

He paled.

He was longtime friends with Chloe. Went to school with Chloe. Was in class with Chloe. Chloe, who was currently getting a lot of heat from all of Paris. How was his Father going to react to that? The man was always focused on the company and appearances…what would he do now that Chloe had fallen from grace in such a way? Would he forbid Adrien from talking to Chloe again? Would he pull Adrien from school?

…would he ban Adrien from leaving the house altogether?

How was he only just now considering the impact? For himself or anyone else? Of course people would be hurt. Of course they would be upset. Of course people would respond. Somehow, he knew that, and yet he had only been focused on Chloe that it hadn’t actually hit home until now…

And in that light…

It had been selfish to ask. Honestly, he’d known that when he first tried to approach Marinette. But he felt he had to try. Honestly, part of him had known better than to ask in the first place. But at the same time…there was a part of him that still believed things could just go back to “normal”.

…how foolish. That was a “normal” that nobody else wanted. And even more, it was one that was now impossible…all because of Chloe herself.

“I just wanted to help.”

He deflated, losing all remaining fight.

“I’m sorry.”

The classmates glanced between each other. There was much they could have said, but really, anything they could have said already had been. And with him seeming resigned, it appeared there was no longer a need to defend themselves.

Marinette—ever the mediator, stepped up and hugged Adrien.

“Adrien, this isn’t something you can help with. None of us can. What happens in the trial is up to the courts. And what happens to Chloe is up to her.”

Slowly, he reached up and hugged her as well. The warmth and comfort brought some limited solace in this situation. He felt lost. Out of control. Like the world was moving around him and he didn’t know where he was standing much less where he was supposed to be.

They weren’t ready to forgive Chloe. And he couldn’t force them to be. Given the circumstances, he couldn’t blame them. And it was really unfair of him to try. Especially…

“I’m sorry, Marinette.” He whispered to her.

He had tried to use her. Looking back, he had a bit of a tendency to rely on Marinette to fix things when she shouldn’t have had to. Especially when it was for Chloe’s sake. He knew plenty of times Chloe had done things…but he always seemed to overlook how hurt Marinette was because of it, simply due to how well she always appeared afterwards. She was strong and confident, but also a good listener and willing to forgive. It was like nothing really brought her down.

It was due to this that Marinette was often the one he turned to whenever things happened. Because she would listen. She would understand. And she would always try to help, regardless of her position.

In this light…he may have over relied on her too much.

“I wasn’t fair to you.” He admitted. “I just saw Chloe hurting and only thought about how to fix things for her. I didn’t consider your feelings.” He hugged her more strongly. “I’m sorry.”

She didn’t speak. But she squeezed him back.

He felt another body press against him. A quick glance showed it to be Nino.

“I’m still super mad with her. And I don’t like how you tried to push us to defend her after what she did. But I get that she’s your friend and you care about her. I’d do the same if it were you in her place.” He gave a small laugh. “Not that I think you ever would, of course.”

Adrien smiled back. “Thanks.”

This…this felt much better.

Things weren’t okay right now. He still wanted to help Chloe. His classmates were still hurt. People were still angry. Hawk Moth was still out there.

But whatever happened...in this moment, he felt they could make it.