#finding fictional scenarios where characters I find attractive and interesting can become friends and talk about trauma

[yannaryartside]

I want Carmy to have a best friend.

Besides Sydney.

I have been trying to find this gif, but there is a moment in 2x08 when Carmy is talking to Sydney about where to buy some product. He mentioned, "Yeah, my buddy from high school, he is running an Ibero account," and I went: "bitch you lying. Weren't you a total loner in high school?" he probably just wanted to sound better than say, "yeah this guy I know from high school" maybe to pretend to be more "normal." There are multiple scenes that could be evidence of Carmen having not friends at all growing up, not closed ones anyway:

In 1x04, when Cicero is describing his friendship with Carmy's dad, Cicero says, "We had the same problems at the same age, so we had a lot to talk about," and Carmy says, "That sounds nice," like he had never had a person like that in his life. In 2x05, Carmy says, "You always had so many friends, I don't know, I really wanted that." There is a pause here, his eyes moving because it's a big confession, before trying to continue the conversation and saying, "Mickey had that," to top it all, he mentions in his monologue that he thought Mickey was his best friend. After all, Mickey is the one person who knew him best, despite how little Carmy knew about Mickey. Here is the thing: Carmy still doesn't have any friends. Richie is not a friend. He is more like an older brother, somebody that can scold him. They are not equals. Most of the figures in Carmy's life are authority figures/relatives.

You may argue that Sydney is his friend, and she is, but he hasn't referred to her as his "partner" (business) yet, and I think there may be something behind it. His trauma dumps on her; he shares a passion for cooking with her, but they are not there yet on the emotional stuff. I know they are going to star calling each other friend, or best friend, in future seasons as their relationship grows, but I do not want that responsibility to rely completely on Sydney's shoulder; she is going to be "his person," but I think it may be healthy for Carmy to get a friend that he can talk to besides her, maybe somebody that he can relate to in the things he cannot relate to Sydney. So he can get perspective on things, and find confidence in his value as a "friend" or learn to be a good friend to begin with, to trust deeply on someone. On that note, while consuming fiction, people get this feeling when they see a loner/isolated archetype fall in love with their best friend because he is the "only person who gets them," like some codependency stuff. This will not be the case for Syd and Carmy because he was attracted to her even before they started to connect.

I think Marcus and Carmy don't have that chemistry yet; if there was a chance of them becoming more friends than acquaintances, it would have shown already. This was one of the reasons I was excited to see the new staff, to see if Carmy could get a friend that way. I honestly want Sydney to get some friends too. We don't know much about the staff yet, and there is a position open since they fired that guy.

So here is my wish list: I want somebody Carmy can think of as an equal (not necessarily in the cooking world), but somebody of the same age and preferably with similar issues. Maybe somebody who has tragically lost a dear one or somebody who is in the program (not an addict, that probably would not work, but somebody from a family of addicts). And I want them to have similar interests, like fashion, art, and other stuff. This comes from a person who was really depressed in high school and only started to recognize my own destructive patterns when, one summer, I met my best friend, who was also very wounded and depressed. I had an abusive father, and her classmates harassed her. You see my point here. We held each other through some very dark times. I want that for Carmy, especially when his relationship with Richie (and maybe Sydney) is complicated in what could be arguably the darkest moment in Carmy's life. "The more people I cut out, the quieter my life got," I think he is going there again. That being said, can I suggest somebody? (this is totally a fanfic scenario that I am starting to write to fight writer's block, but here we go).

Listen to me, I know. You don't have to tell me to get over this man. I am currently re-reading Six of Crows as I do once a year.

But here is the idea of the fic. This is Nikola. He is from a russian family (politically persecuted refugees back in the '80s). Ten months before the time of the series, Nikola's father killed somebody in a liquor-induced rage, the victim being the man Nikola's mother was having an affair with. How did the father figure it out? Nikola told him, hoping they could divorce and his father could live with dignity. To make matters worse, Nikola is a lawyer, but after trying to represent his dad, he has a sense of guilt related to his profession, for reasons I explain on the fic. So he tries a new career trying to figure out who he is after this mess, running away from all ot it, and he decides to be a cook, he gets good at the quick stuff (a comi) and the first scene is Carmy hiring him personally (because he wanted to give Sydney a break). Nikola's nickname is "Fox," he is quiet for the most part, serious, and looks perpetually confused and amused by Richie and Fak's shenanigans. Carmy and Nikola start talking about the program for families of alchoholics, and because of Carmy, Nikola goes to his first meeting.

Let me know what you think.

[insanehobbit]

a twenty-five thousand word post about a twenty-three year old “debate”

As time goes on, I’m baffled that it remains a commonly held opinion that:

The LTD remains unresolved

SE is deliberately playing coy, and are (or have been) afraid to resolve it.

To me, the answer is as clear as day, and yet seeing so many people acting as if it’s a question that remains unanswered makes me wonder if I’m the crazy one.

So I am going to try to articulate my thought process here, not because I expect to change any hearts and minds, but more to get these thoughts out of my head and onto a page so I can finally read a book and/or watch reruns of Shark Tank in peace.

To start off, there are two categories of argument (that are among, if not the most widely used lines of argument) that I will try NOT to engage with:

1) Quotes from Ultimania or developer interviews - while they’re great for easter eggs and behind-the-scenes info, if a guidebook is required to understand key plot points, you have fundamentally failed as a storyteller. Now the question of which character wants to bone whom is often something that can be relegated to a guidebook, but in the case of FF7, you would be watching two very different stories play out depending on who Cloud ends up with.

Of course, the Ultimanias do spell this out clearly, but luckily for us, SE are competent enough storytellers that we can find the answer by looking at the text alone.

2) Arguments about character actions/motivations — specifically, I’m talking about stuff like “Cloud made this face in this scene, which means be must be [insert whatever here].”

Especially when it comes to the LTD, these tend to focus on individual actions, decontextualizing them from their role in the narrative as a whole. LTDers often try to put themselves in the character’s shoes to suss out what they may be thinking and feeling in those moments. These arguments will be colored by personal experiences, which will inevitably vary.

Let’s take for example Cloud’s behavior in Advent Children. One may argue that it makes total sense given that he’s dying and fears failing the ones he loves. Another may argue that there’s no way that he would run unless he was deeply unhappy and pining after a lost love. Well, you’ll probably just be talking over each other until the cows come home. Such is the problem with trying to play armchair therapist with a fictional character. It’s not like we can ask Cloud himself why he did what he did (and even if we could, he’s not the exactly the most reliable narrator in the world). Instead, in trying to understand his motivations, we are left with no choice but to draw comparisons with our own personal experiences, those of our friends, or other works of media we’ve consumed. Any interpretation would be inherently subjective and honestly, a futile subject for debate.

There’s nothing wrong with drawing personal connections with fictional characters of course. That is the purpose of art after all. They are vessels of empathy. But when we’re talking about what is canon, it doesn’t matter what we take away. What matters is the creators’ intent.

Cloud, Tifa and Aerith are not your friends Bob, Alice and Maude. They are characters created by Square Enix. Real people can behave in a variety of different ways if they found themselves in the situations faced by our dear trio; however, FF7 characters are not sentient creatures. Everything they do or say is dictated by the developers to serve the story they are trying to tell.

So what do we have left then? Am I asking you, dear reader, to just trust me, anonymous stranger on the Internet, when I tell you #clotiiscanon. Well, in a sense, yes, but more seriously, I’m going to try to suss out what the creator’s intent is based on what is, and more importantly, what isn’t, on screen.

Instead of putting ourselves in the shoes of the characters, let’s try putting ourselves in the shoes of the creators. So the question would then be, if the intent is X, then what purpose does character Y or scene Z serve?

The story of FF7 isn’t the immutable word of God etched in a stone tablet. For every scene that made it into the final game, there are dozens of alternatives that were tossed aside. Let us also not forget the crude economics of popular storytelling. Spending resources on one particular aspect of the game may mean something entirely unrelated will have to be cut for time. Thus, the absence of a particular character/scenario is an alternative in itself. So with all these options at their disposal, why is the scene we see before us the one that made it into the final cut? — Before we dive in, I also want to define two broad categories of narrative: messy and clean.

Messy narratives are ones I would define as stories that try to illuminate something about the human condition, but may not leave the audience feeling very good by the end of it. The protagonists, while not always anti-heroes, don’t always exhibit the kind of growth we’d like, don’t always learn their lessons, probably aren’t the best role models. The endings are often ambivalent, ambiguous, and leaves room for the audience to take away from it what they will. This is the category I would put art films and prestige cable dramas.

Clean narratives are where I would categorize most popular forms of entertainment. Not that these characters necessarily lack nuance, but whatever flaws are portrayed are something to be overcome by the end of story. The protagonists are characters you’re supposed to want to root for

Final Fantasy as a series would fall under the ‘clean’ category. Sure, many of the protagonists start out as jerks, but they grow through these flaws and become true heroes by the end of their journey. Hell, a lot of the time even the villains are redeemed. They want you to like the characters you’re spending a 40+ hr journey with. Their depictions can still be realistic, but they will become the most idealized versions of themselves by the end of their journeys.

This is important to establish, because we can then assume that it is not SE’s intent to make any of their main characters come off pathetic losers or unrepentant assholes. Now whether or not they succeed in that endeavor is another question entirely.

FF7 OG or The dumbest thought experiment in the world

With that one thousand word preamble out of the way, let’s finally take a look at the text. In lieu of going through the OG’s story beat by beat, let’s try this thought experiment:

Imagine it’s 1996, and you’re a development executive at what was then Squaresoft. The plucky, young development team has the first draft of what will become the game we know as Final Fantasy VII. Like the preceding entries in the series, it’s a world-spanning action adventure RPG, with a key subplot being the epic tragic romance between its hero and heroine, Cloud and Aerith.

They ask you for your notes.

(For the sake of your sanity and mine, let’s limit our hypothetical notes to the romantic subplot)

Disc 1 - everything seems to be on the right track. Nice meet-cute, lots of moments developing the relationship between our pair. Creating a love triangle with this Tifa character is an interesting choice, but she’s a comparatively minor character so she probably won’t be a real threat and will find her happiness elsewhere by the end of the game. You may note that they’re leaning a bit too much into Tifa and Cloud’s past. Especially the childhood promise flashback early in the game — cute scene, but a distraction from main story and main pairing — fodder for the chopping block. You may also bump on the fact that Aerith is initially attracted to Cloud because he reminds her of an ex, but this is supposed to be a more mature FF. That can be an obstacle they overcome as Aerith gets to know the real Cloud.

Aerith dies, but it is supposed to be a tragic romance after all. Death doesn’t have to be the end for this relationship, especially since Aerith is an Ancient after all.

It’s when Disc 2 starts that things go off the rails. First off, it feels like an awfully short time for Cloud to be grieving the love of his life, though it’s somewhat understandable. This story is not just a romance. There are other concerns after all, Cloud’s identity crisis for one. Though said identity crisis involves spending a lot of time developing his relationship with another woman. It’s one thing for Cloud and Tifa to be from the same hometown, but does she really need to play such an outsized role in his internal conflict? This might give the player the wrong impression.

You get to the Northern Crater, and it just feels all wrong. Cloud is more or less fine after the love of his life is murdered in front of his eyes but has a complete mental breakdown to the point that he’s temporarily removed as a playable character because Tifa loses faith in him??? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

Oh, but it only gets worse from here. With Cloud gone, the POV switches to Tifa and her feelings for him and her desire to find him. The opening of the game is also recontextualized when you learn the only reason that Cloud was part of the first Reactor mission that starts the game is because Tifa found him and wanted to keep an eye on him.

Then you get to Mideel and the alarm bells are going off. Tifa drops everything, removing her from the party as well, to take care of Cloud while he’s a catatonic vegetable? Not good. Very not good. This level of selfless devotion is going to make Cloud look like a total asshole when he rejects her in favor of Aerith. Speaking of Aerith, she uh…hasn’t been mentioned for some time. In fact, her relationship with Cloud has remained completely static after Disc 1, practically nonexistent, while his with Tifa has been building and building. Developing a rival relationship that then needs to be dismantled rather than developing the endgame relationship doesn’t feel like a particularly valuable use of time and resources.

By the time you get to the Lifestream scene, you’re about ready to toss the script out of the window. Here’s the emotional climax of the entire game, where Cloud’s internal conflict is finally resolved, and it almost entirely revolves around Tifa? Rather than revisiting the many moments of mental anguish we experienced during the game itself — featuring other characters, including let’s say, Aerith — it’s about a hereto unknown past that only Tifa has access to? Not only that, but we learn that the reason Cloud wanted to join SOLDIER was to impress Tifa, and the reason he adopted his false persona was because he was so ashamed that he couldn’t live up to the person he thought Tifa wanted him to be? Here, we finally get a look into the inner life of one half of our epic couple and…it entirely revolves around another woman??

Cloud is finally his real self, and hey, it looks like he finally remembers Aerith, that’s at least a step in the right direction. Though still not great. With his emotional arc already resolved, any further romantic developments is going to feel extraneous and anticlimactic. It just doesn’t feel like there’s enough time to establish that:

Cloud’s romantic feelings for Tifa (which were strong enough to launch his hero’s journey) have transformed into something entirely platonic in the past few days/weeks

Cloud’s feelings for Aerith that he developed while he was pretending to be someone else (and not just any someone, but Aerith’s ex of all people) are real.

This isn’t a romantic melodrama after all. There’s still a villain to kill and a world to save.

Cloud does speak of Aerith wistfully, and even quite personally at times, yet every time he talks about her, he’s surrounded by the other party members. A scene or two where he can grapple with his feelings for her on his own would help. Her ghost appearing in the Sector 5 Church feels like a great opportunity for this to happen, but he doesn’t interact with it at all. What gives? Missed opportunity after missed opportunity.

The night before the final battle, Cloud asks the entire party to find what they’re fighting for. This feels like a great (and perhaps the last) opportunity to establish that for Cloud, it’s in Aerith’s memory and out of his love for her. He could spend those hours alone in any number of locations associated with her — the Church, the Temple of the Ancients, the Forgotten City.

Instead — none of those happens. Instead, once again, it’s Cloud and Tifa in another scene where they’re the only two characters in the scene. You’re really going to have Cloud spend what could very well be the last night of his life with another woman? With a fade to black that strongly implies they slept together? In one fell swoop, you’re portraying Cloud as a guy who not only betrays the memory of his lost love, but is also incredibly callous towards the feelings of another woman by taking advantage of her vulnerability. Why are we rooting for him to succeed again?

Cloud and the gang finally defeat Sephiroth, and Aerith guides him back into the real world. Is he finally explicitly stating that he’s searching for her (though they’ve really waited until the last minute to do so), but again, why is Tifa in this scene? Shouldn’t it just be Cloud and Aerith alone? Why have Tifa be there at all? Why have her and her alone of all the party members be the one waiting for Cloud? Do you need to have Tifa there to be rejected while Cloud professes his unending love for Aerith? It just feels needlessly cruel and distracts from what should be the sole focus of the scene, the love between Cloud and Aerith.

What a mess.

You finish reading, and since it is probably too late in the development process to just fire everyone, you offer a few suggestions that will clarify the intended romance while the retaining the other plot points/general themes of the game.

Here they are, ordered by scale of change, from minor to drastic:

Option 1 would be to keep most of the story in tact, but rearrange the sequence of events so that the Lifestream sequence happens before Aerith’s death. That way, Cloud is his true self and fully aware of his feelings for both women before Aerith’s death. That way, his past with Tifa isn’t some ticking bomb waiting to go off in the second half of the game. That development will cease at the Lifestream scene. Cloud will realize the affection he held for her as a child is no longer the case. He is grateful for the past they shared, but his future is with Aerith. He makes a clear choice before that future is taken away from him with her death. The rest of the game will go on more or less the same (with the Highwind scene being eliminated, of course) making it clear, that avenging the death of his beloved is one of, if not the, primary motivation for him wanting to defeat Sephiroth.

The problem with this “fix” is that a big part of the reason that Aerith gets killed is because of Cloud’s identity crisis. If said crisis is resolved, the impact of her death will be diminished, because it would feel arbitrary rather than something that stems from the consequences of Cloud’s actions. More of the story will need to be reconceived so that this moment holds the same emotional weight.

Another problem is why the Lifestream scene needs to exist at all. Why spend all that time developing the backstory for a relationship that will be moot by the end of the game? It makes Tifa feel like less of a character and more of a plot device, who becomes irrelevant after she services the protagonist’s character development and then has none of her own. That’s no way to treat one of the main characters of your game.

Option 2 would be to re-imagine Tifa’s character entirely. You can keep some of her history with Cloud in tact, but expand her backstory so she is able to have a satisfactory character arc outside of her relationship with Cloud. You could explore the five years in her life since the Nibelheim incident. Maybe she wasn’t in Midgar the whole time. Maybe, like Barret, she has her own Corel, and maybe reconciling with her past there is the climax of her emotional arc as opposed to her past with Cloud. For Cloud too, her importance needs to be diminished. She can be one of the people who help him find his true self in the Lifestream, but not the only person. There’s no reason the other people he’s met on his journey can’t be there. Thus their relationship remains somewhat important, but their journeys are not so entwined that it distracts from Cloud and Aerith’s romance.

Option 3 would be to really lean into the doomed romance element of Cloud and Aerith’s relationship. Have her death be the cause of his mental breakdown, and have Aerith be the one in the Lifestream who is able to put his mind back together and bring him back to the realm of consciousness. After he emerges, he has the dual goal of defeating Sephiroth and trying to reunite with Aerith. In the end, in order to do the former, he has to relinquish the latter. He makes selfless choice. He makes the choice that resonates the overall theme of the game. It’s a bittersweet but satisfying ending. Cloud chooses to honor her memory and her purpose over the chance to physically bring her back. In this version of the game, the love triangle serves no purpose. There’s no role for Tifa at all.

Okay, we can be done with this strained counterfactual. What I’ve hopefully illustrated is that while developers had countless opportunities to solidify Cloud/Aerith as the canon couple in Discs 2 and 3 of the game, they instead chose a different route each and every time. What should also be clear is that the biggest obstacle standing in their way is not Aerith’s death, but the fact that Tifa exists.

At least in the form she takes in the final game, as a playable character and at the very least, the 3rd most important character in game’s story. She is not just another recurring NPC or an antagonist. Her love for Cloud is not going to be treated like a mere trifle or obstacle. If Cloud/Aerith was supposed to be the endgame ship, there would be no need for a love triangle and no need to include Tifa in the game at all. Death is a big enough obstacle, developing Cloud’s relationship with Tifa would only distract from and diminish his romance with Aerith.

I think this is something the dead enders understand intuitively, even more so than many Cloti shippers. Which is why some of them try to dismiss Tifa’s importance in the story so that she becomes a minor supporting character at best, or denigrate her character to the point that she becomes an actual villain. The Seifer to a Squall, the Seymour to a Tidus, hell even a Quistis to a Rinoa, they know how to deal with, but a Tifa Lockhart? As she is actually depicted in Final Fantasy VII? They have no playbook for that, and thus they desperately try to squeeze her into one of these other roles.

Let’s try another thought experiment, and see what would to other FF romances if we inserted a Tifa Lockhart-esque character in the middle of them.

FFXV is a perfect example because it features the sort of tragic love beyond death romance that certain shippers want Cloud and Aerith to be. Now, did I think FFXV was a good game? No. Did I think Noctis/Luna was a particularly well-developed romance? Also no. Did I have any question in my mind whatsoever that they were the canon relationship? Absolutely not.

Is this because they kiss at the end? Well sure, that helps, but also it’s because the game doesn’t spend the chapters after Luna’s death developing Noctis’ relationship with another woman. If Noctis/Luna had the same sort of development as Cloud/Aerith, then after Luna dies, Iris would suddenly pop in and play a much more prominent role. The game would flashback to her past and her relationship with Noctis. And it would be through his relationship with Iris that Noctis understands his duty to become king or a crystal or whatever the fuck that game was about. Iris is by Noctis’ side through the final battle, and when he ascends the throne in that dreamworld or whatever. There, Luna finally shows up again. Iris is still in the frame when Noctis tells her something like ‘Oh sorry, girl, I’ve been in love with Luna all along,” before he kisses Luna and the game ends.

(a very real scene from a very good game)

Come on. It would be utterly ludicrous and an utter disservice to every character involved, yet that is essentially the argument Cloud/Aerith shippers are making. SE may have made some pretty questionable storytelling decisions in the past, but they aren’t that bad at this.

Or in FFVIII, it would be like reordering the sequence of events so that Squall remembers that he grew up in an orphanage with all the other kids after Rinoa falls into a coma. And while Rinoa is out of commission, instead of Quistis gracefully bowing out after realizing she had mistaken her feelings of sisterly affection for love, it becomes Quistis’ childhood relationship with Squall that allows him to remember his past and re-contextualizes the game we’ve played thus far, so that the player realizes that it was actually Quistis who was his motivation all along. Then after this brief emotional detour, his romance with Rinoa would continue as usual. Absolutely absurd.

The Final Fantasy games certainly have their fair share of plot holes, but they’ve never whiffed on a romance this badly.

A somewhat more serious character analysis of the OG

What then is Tifa’s actual role in the story of FFVII? Her character is intricately connected to Cloud’s. In fact, they practically have the same arc, though Tifa’s is rather understated compared to his. She doesn’t adopt a false persona after all. For both of them, the flaw that they must learn to overcome over the course of the game is their fear of confronting the truth of their past. Or to put it more crudely, if they’re not lying, they’re at the very least omitting the truth. Cloud does so to protect himself from his fear of being exposed as a failure. Tifa does so at the expense of herself, because she fears the truth will do more harm than good. They’re two sides of the same coin. Nonetheless, their lying has serious ramifications.

The past they’re both afraid to confront is of course the Nibelheim Incident from five years ago. Thus, the key points in their emotional journeys coincide with the three conflicting Nibelheim flashbacks depicted in the game: Cloud’s false memory in Kalm, Sephiroth’s false vision in the Northern Crater, and the truth in the Lifestream.

Before they enter the Lifestream, both Cloud and Tifa are at the lowest of their lows. Cloud has had a complete mental breakdown and is functionally a vegetable. Tifa has given up everything to take care of Cloud as she feels responsible for his condition. If he doesn’t recover, she may never find peace.

With nothing left to lose, they both try to face the past head on. For Cloud, it’s a bit harder. At the heart of all this confusion, is of course, the Nibelheim Incident. How does Cloud know all these things he shouldn’t if Tifa doesn’t remember seeing him there? The emotional climax for both Cloud and Tifa, and arguably the game as a whole, is the moment the Shinra grunt removes his helmet to reveal that Cloud was there all along.

Tifa is the only character who can play this role for Cloud. It’s not like she a found a videotape in the Lifestream labeled ‘Nibelheim Incident - REAL’ and voila, Cloud is fixed. No, she is the only one who can help him because she is the only person who lived through that moment. No one else could make Cloud believe it. You could have Aerith or anyone else trying to tell him what actually happened, but why would he believe it anymore than the story Sephiroth told him at the Northern Crater?

With Tifa, it’s different. Not only was she physically there, but she’s putting as much at risk in what the truth may reveal. She’s not just a plot device to facilitate Cloud’s character development. The Lifestream sequence is as much the culmination of her own character arc. If it goes the wrong way, “Cloud” may find out that he’s just a fake after all, and Tifa may learn that boy she thought she’d been on this journey with had died years ago. That there’s no one left from her past, that it was all in her head, that she’s all alone. Avoiding this truth is a comfort, but in this moment, they’re both putting themselves on the line. Being completely vulnerable in front of the person they’re most terrified of being vulnerable with.

The developers have structured Cloud and Tifa’s character arcs so that the crux is a moment where the other is literally the only person who could provide the answer they need. Without each other, as far as the story is concerned, Cloud and Tifa would remain incomplete.

Aerith’s character arc is a different beast entirely. She is the closest we have to the traditional Campbellian Hero. She is the Chosen One, the literal last of her kind, who has been resisting the call to adventure until she can no longer. The touchstones of her character arc are the moments she learns more about her Cetra past and comes to terms with her role in protecting the planet - namely Cosmo Canyon, the Temple of the Ancients and the Forgotten City.

How do hers and Cloud’s arcs intersect? When it comes to the Nibelheim incident, she is a merely a spectator (at least during the Kalm flashback, as for the other two, she is uh…deceased). Cloud attacking her at the Temple of the Ancients, which results in her running to the Forgotten City alone and getting killed by Sephiroth, certainly exacerbates his mental deterioration, but it is by no means a turning point in his arc the way the Northern Crater is.

As for Cloud’s role in Aerith’s arc, their meeting is quite important in that it sets forth the series of events that leads her to getting captured by Shinra and thus meeting “Sephiroth” and wanting to learn more about the Cetra. It’s the inciting incident if we’re going to be really pedantic about it, yet Aerith’s actual character development is not dependent on her relationship with Cloud. It is about her communion with her Cetra Ancestry and the planet.

To put it in other terms, all else being the same, Aerith could still have a satisfying character arc had Cloud not crashed down into her Church. Sure, the game would look pretty different, but there are other ways for her to transform from a flirty, at times frivolous girl to an almost Christ-like figure who accepts the burden of protecting the planet.

Such is not the case for Cloud and Tifa. Their character arcs are built around their shared past and their relationship with one another. Without Tifa, you would have to rewrite Cloud’s character entirely. What was his motivation for joining SOLDIER? How did he get on that AVALANCHE mission in the first place? Who can possibly know him well enough to put his mind back together after it falls apart? If the answer to all these questions is the same person, then congratulations, you’ve just reverse engineered Tifa Lockhart.

Tifa fares a little better. Without Cloud, she would be a sad, sweet character who never gets the opportunity to reconcile with the trauma of her past. Superficially, a lot would be the same, but she would ultimately be quite static and all the less interesting for it.

Let’s also take a brief gander at Tifa’s role after the Lifestream sequence. At this point in the game, both Tifa and Cloud’s emotional arcs are essentially complete. They are now the most idealized versions of themselves, characters the players are meant to admire and aspire to. However they are depicted going forward, it would not be the creator’s intent for their actions to be perceived in a negative light.

A few key moments standout, ones that would not be included if the game was intended to end with any other romantic pairing or with Cloud’s romantic interest left ambiguous:

The Highwind scene, which I’ve gone over above. It doesn’t matter if you get the Low Affection or High Affection version. It would not reflect well on either Cloud or Tifa if he chose to spend what could be his last night alive with a woman whose feelings he did not reciprocate.

Before the final battle with Sephiroth, the party members scream out the reasons they’re fighting. Barret specifically calls out AVALANCHE, Marlene and Dyne, Red XIII specifically calls out his Grandpa, and Tifa specifically calls out Cloud. You are not going to make one of Tifa’s last moments in the game be her pining after a guy who has no interest in her. Not when you could easily have her mention something like her past, her hometown or hell even AVALANCHE and Marlene like Barret. If Tifa’s feelings for Cloud are meant to be unrequited, then it would be a character flaw that would be dealt with long before the final battle (see: Quistis in FF8 or Eowyn in the Lord of the Rings). They would not still be on display at moment like this.

Tifa being the only one there when Cloud jumps into the Lifestream to fight Sephiroth for the last time, and Tifa being the only one there when he emerges. She is very much playing the traditional partner/spouse role here, when you could easily have the entire party present or no one there at all. There is clearly something special about her relationship with Cloud that sets her apart from the other party members.

Once again, let’s look at the “I think I can meet her there moment.” And let’s put side the translation (the Japanese is certainly more ambiguous, and it’s not like the game had any trouble having Cloud call Aerith by her name before this). If Cloud was really expressing his desire to reunite with Aerith, and thus his rejection of Tifa, then the penultimate scene of this game is one that involves the complete utter and humiliation of one of its main characters since Tifa’s reply would indicate she’s inviting herself to a romantic reunion she has no part in. Not only that, but to anyone who is not Cl*rith shipper, the protagonist of the game is going to come off as a callous asshole. That cannot possibly be the creator’s intention. They are competent enough to depict an act of love without drawing attention to the party hurt by that love.

What then could possibly be the meaning? Could it possibly be Cloud trying to comfort Tifa by trying to find a silver lining in what appears to be their impending death? That this means they may get to see their departed loved ones again, including their mutual friend, Aerith? (I will note that Tifa talks about Aerith as much, if not even more than Cloud, after her death). Seems pretty reasonable to me, this being an interpretation of the scene that aligns with the overall themes of the game, and casts every character in positive light during this bittersweet moment.

Luckily enough, we have an entire fucking Compilation to find out which is right.

But before we get there, I’m sure some of you (lol @ me thinking anyone is still reading this) are asking, if Cloti is canon, then why is there a love triangle at all? Why even hint at the possibility of a romance between Cloud and Aerith? Wouldn’t that also be a waste of time and resources if they weren’t meant to be canon?

Well, there are two very important reasons that have nothing to do with romance and everything to do with two of the game’s biggest twists:

Aerith initially being attracted to Cloud’s similarities to Zack/commenting on the uncanniness of said similarities is an organic way to introduce the man Cloud’s pretending to be. Without it, the reveal in the Lifestream would fall a bit flat. The man he’s been emulating all along would just be some sort of generic hero rather than a person whose history and deeds already encountered during the course of the game. Notably for this to work, the game only has to establish Aerith’s attraction to Cloud.

To build the player’s attachment to Aerith before her death/obscure the fact that she’s going to die. With the technological limitations of the day, the only way to get the player to interact with Aerith is through the player character (AKA Cloud), and adding an element of choice (AKA the Gold Saucer Date mechanic) makes the player even more invested. This then elevates Aerith’s relationship with Cloud over hers with any other character. At the same time, because her time in the game is limited, Cloud ends up interacting with Aerith more than any of the other characters, at least in Disc 1. The choice to make many of these interactions flirty/romantic also toys with player expectations. One does not expect the hero’s love interest to die halfway through the game. The game itself also spends a bit of time teasing the romance, albeit, largely in superficial ways like other characters commenting on their relationship or Cait Sith reading their love fortune at the Temple of the Ancients. Yet, despite the quantity of their personal interactions, Cloud and Aerith never display any moments of deep love or devotion that one associates with a Final Fantasy romance. They never have the time. What the game establishes then is the potential of a romance rather than the romance itself. Aerith’s death hurts because of all that lost potential. There so many things she wanted to do, so many places she wanted to see that will never happen because her life is cut short. Part of what is lost, of course, is the potential of her romance with Cloud.

This creative choice is a lot more controversial since it elevates subverting audience expectations over character, and understandably leads to some player confusion. What’s the point of all this set up if there’s not going to be a pay off? Well, that is kind of the point. Death is frustrating because of all the unknowns and what-ifs. But, I suppose some people just can’t accept that fact in a game like this.

One last note on the OG before we move on: Even though this from an Ultimania, since we’re talking about story development and creator intent, I thought it was relevant to include: the fact that Aerith was the sole heroine in early drafts of the game is not the LTD trump card so people think it is. Stories undergo radical changes through the development process. More often than not, there are too many characters, and characters are often combined or removed if their presence feels redundant or confusing.

In this case, the opposite happened. Tifa was added later in the development process as a second heroine. Let’s say that Aerith was the Last Ancient and the protagonist’s sole love interest in this early draft of Final Fantasy VII. In the game that was actually released, that role was split between two characters (and last I checked, Tifa is not the last of a dying race), and Aerith dies halfway through the game, so what does that suggest about how Aerith’s role may have changed in the final product? Again, if Aerith was intended to be Cloud’s love interest, Tifa simply would not exist.

A begrudging analysis of our favorite straight-to-DVD sequel

Let’s move onto the Compilation. And in doing so, completely forget about the word vomit that’s been written above. While it’s quite clear to me now that there’s no way in hell the developers would have intended the last scene in the game to be both a confirmation of Cloud’s love for Aerith and his rejection of Tifa, in my younger and more vulnerable years, I wasn’t so sure. In fact, this was the prevailing interpretation back in the pre-Compilation Dark Ages. Probably because of a dubious English translation of the game and a couple of ambiguous cameos in Final Fantasy Tactics and Kingdom Hearts were all we  had to go on.

How then did the official sequel to Final Fantasy VII change those priors?

Two years after the events of the game, Cloud is living as a family with Tifa and two kids rather than scouring the planet for a way to be reunited with Aerith. Shouldn’t the debate be well and over with that? Obviously not, and it’s not just because people were being obstinate. Part of the confusion stems from Advent Children itself, but I would argue that did not come from an intent to play coy/keep Cloud’s romantic desires ambiguous, but rather a failure of execution of his character arc.

Now I wasn’t the biggest fan of the film when I first watched a bootlegged copy I downloaded off LimeWire in 2005, and I like it even less now, but I better understand its failures, given its unique position as a sequel to a beloved game and the cornerstone of launching the Compilation.

The original game didn’t have such constraints on its storytelling. Outside of including a few elements that make it recognizable as a Final Fantasy (Moogles, Chocobos, Summons, etc.) and being a good enough game to be a financial success, the developers pretty much had free rein in terms of what story they wanted to tell, what characters they would use to tell it, and how long it took for them to tell said story.

With Advent Children, telling a good story was not the sole or even primary goal. Instead, it had to:

Do some fanservice: The core audience is going to be the OG fanbase, who would be expecting to see modern, high-def depictions of all the memorable and beloved characters from the game, no matter if the natural end point of their stories is long over.

Set up the rest of the Compilation - Advent Children is the draw with the big stars, but also a way to showcase the lesser known characters from from the Compilation who are going to be leading their own spinoffs.  It’s part feature film/part advertisement for the rest of the Compilation. Thus, the Turks, Vincent and Zack get larger roles in the film than one might expect to attract interest to the spinoffs they lead.

Show off its technical prowess: SE probably has enough self awareness to realize that what’s going to set it apart from other animated feature films is not its novel storytelling, but its graphical capabilities. Thus, to really show off those graphics, the film is going to be packed to the brim with big, complicated action scenes with lots of moving parts, as opposed to quieter character driven moments.

These considerations are not unique to Advent Children, but important to note nonetheless:

As a sequel, the stakes have to be just as high if not higher than those in the original work. Since the threat in the OG was the literal end of the world, in Advent Children, the world’s gotta end again

The OG was around 30-40 hours long. An average feature-length film is roughly two hours. Video games and films are two very different mediums. As many TV writers who have tried to make the transition to film (and vice-versa) can tell you, success in one medium does not translate to success in another. 

With so much to do in so little time, is it any wonder then that it is again Sephiroth who is the villain trying to destroy the world and Aerith in the Lifestream the deus ex machina who saves the day?

All of this is just a long-winded way to say, certain choices in the Advent Children that may seem to exist only to perpetuate the LTD were made with many other storytelling considerations in mind.

When trying to understand the intended character arcs and relationship dynamics, you cannot treat the film as a collection of scenes devoid of context. You can’t just say - “well here’s a scene where Cloud seems to miss Aerith, and here’s another scene where Cloud and Tifa fight. Obviously, Cloud loves Aerith.” You have to look at what purpose these scenes serve in the grander narrative.

And what is this grander narrative? To put it in simplistic terms, Aerith is the obstacle, and Tifa is goal. Cloud must get over his guilt over Aerith’s death so that he can return to living with Tifa and the children in peace.

The scenes following the prologue are setting up the emotional stakes of film - the problem that will be resolved by the film’s end. The problem being depicted here is not Aerith’s absence from Cloud’s life, but Cloud’s absence from his family. We see Tifa walking through Seventh Heaven saying ���he’s not here anymore,” we see Denzel in his sickbed asking for Cloud, we see a framed photo of the four of them on Cloud’s desk. We see Cloud letting Tifa’s call go to voicemail.

What we do not see is Aerith, who does not appear until almost halfway through the film.

Cloud spends the first of the film avoiding confrontation with the Remnants/dealing with the return of Sephiroth. It’s only when Tifa is injured, and Denzel and Marlene get kidnapped that he goes to face his problems head on.

Before the final battle, when Cloud has exorcised his emotional demons and is about to face his physical demons, what do we see? We see Cloud telling Marlene that it’s his turn to take care of her, Denzel and Tifa the way they’ve taken care of him. We see Cloud telling Tifa that he ‘feels lighter’ and tacitly confirming that she was correct when she called him out earlier in the film. We see Cloud confirming to Denzel that he’s going home after this is all over.

What we do not see is Cloud telepathically communicating with Aerith to say, “Hey boo, can’t wait to beat Sephiroth so I can finally reunite with you in the Promised Land. Xoxoxo.” Aerith doesn’t factor in at all. Returning to his family is his goal, and his fight with Bahamut/the Remnants/Sephiroth/whatever the fuck is the final obstacle he has to face before reaching this goal.

This is reiterated again when Cloud is shot by Yazoo and seemingly perishes in an explosion. What is at stake with his “death”? We see Tifa calling his name while looking out the airship. We see Denzel and Marlene waiting for him at Seventh Heaven. We do not see Aerith watching over him in the Lifestream.

Now, Aerith does play an important role in Cloud’s arc when she shows up at about the midpoint of the film. You could fairly argue that it’s the turning point in Cloud’s emotional journey, the moment when he finally decides to confront his problems. But even if it’s only Cloud and Aerith in the scene, it’s not really about their relationship at all.

Let’s consider the context before this scene happens. Denzel and Marlene have been kidnapped by the Remnants; Tifa was nearly killed in a fight with another. This is Cloud at his lowest point. It’s his worst fears come to pass. His guilt over Aerith’s death is directly addressed at this moment in the film because it is not so much about his feelings for Aerith as it is about how Cloud fears the failures of his past (one of the biggest being her death) would continue into the present. If it was just about Aerith, we could have seen Cloud asking for her forgiveness at any other time in the film. It occurs when it does because this when his guilt over Aerith’s death intersects with his actual conflict, his fear that he’ll fail the the ones he loves. She appears when he’s at the Forgotten City where he goes to save the children. The same location where he had failed two year before.

This connection is made explicit when Cloud has flashes of Zack and Aerith’s deaths before he saves Denzel and Tifa from Bahamut. Again, Cloud’s dwelling on the past is directly related to his fears of being unable to protect his present.

Aerith is a feminine figure who is associated with flowers. That combined with the players’ memory of her and her relationship with Cloud in the OG, I can see how their scenes can be construed as romantic, but I really do not think that it is the creators’ intent to portray any romantic longing on Cloud’s part.

If they wanted to suggest that Cloud was still in love with Aerith or even leave his romantic interest ambiguous, there is no way in hell they would have had Cloud living with Tifa and two kids prior to the film’s events. To say nothing of opening the film by showing the pain his absence brings.

A romantic reading of Cloud’s guilt over Aerith’s death would suggest that he entered into a relationship with Tifa and started raising two children with her while still holding a torch for Aerith and hoping for a way to be reunited with her. The implication would be that Tifa is his second choice, and he is settling. Now, is this a dynamic that occurs in real life? Absolutely. Is this something that is often depicted in some films and television? Sure - in fact this very premise is at the core of one my favorite films of the last decade - 45 Years — and spoiler alert — the guy does not come off well in this situation. But once again, Cloud is not a real person, and Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children is not a John Cassavettes film or an Ingmar Bergman chamber drama. It is a 2-hour long straight to DVD sequel for a video game made for teens. This kind of messy, if realistic, relationship dynamic is not what this particular work is trying to explore.

(one of these is a good film!)

By the end of Advent Children, Cloud is once again the idealized version of himself. A hero that the audience is supposed to like and admire. We are supposed to think that his actions in the first half of the movie (wallowing in his guilt and abandoning his family) were bad. These are the flaws that he must overcome through the course of the film, and by the end he does. If he really had been settling and treating his Seventh Heaven family as a second choice prior to the events of the film, that too would obviously be a character flaw that needs to be addressed before the end of the film. It isn’t because this is a dynamic that only exists in certain people’s imaginations.

If the creators wanted to leave the Cloud & Aerith relationship open to a romantic interpretation, they didn’t have to write themselves into such a corner. They wouldn’t have to change the final film much at all, merely adjust the chronology a bit. Instead of Cloud already living as a family with Tifa, Marlene and Denzel prior to the beginning of the film, you would show them on the precipice of becoming a family, but with Cloud being unable to take the final step without getting over his feelings for Aerith first. This would leave space for him to love both women without coming off as an opportunistic jerk.

This is essentially the dynamic with Locke/Rachel/Celes in FFVI. Locke is unable to move on with Celes or anyone else until he finally finds closure with Rachel. It’s a lovely scene that does not diminish his relationships with either woman. He loved Rachel. He will love Celes. What the game does not have him do is enter into a relationship into Celes first and then when the party arrives at the Phoenix Cave, have him suddenly remember ‘Oh shit, I’ve gotta deal with my baggage with Rachel before I can really move on.’ That would not paint him in a particularly positive light.

Speaking of other Final Fantasies, let’s take a look another sequel in the series set two years after the events of the original work, one that is clearly the story of its protagonist searching for their lost love. And guess what? Final Fantasy X-2 does not begin with Yuna shacked up and raising two kids with another dude. And it certainly doesn’t begin with his perspective of the whole situation when Yuna decides to search for Tidus.

Square Enix knows how to write these kind of stories when they want to, and it’s clearly not their intent for Cloud and Aerith. Again, the biggest obstacle in the way of a Cloud/Aerith endgame isn’t space and time or death, it’s the existence of Tifa Lockhart.

A reasonable question to ask would be, if SE is not trying to ignite debate over the love triangle, why make Cloud’s relationship with Aerith a part of Advent Children at all? Why invite that sort of confusion? Well, the answer here, like the answer in the OG, is that Aerith’s role in the sequel is much more than her relationship with Cloud.

In the OG, it wasn’t Cloud and the gang who managed to stop Sephiroth and Meteor in the end, it was Aerith from the Lifestream. In a two-hour long film, you do not have the time to set up a completely new villain who can believably end the world, and since you pretty much have to include Sephiroth, the main antagonist can really only be him. No one else in the party has been established to have any magical Cetra powers, and again, since that’s not something that can be effectively established in a two-hour long film, and since Aerith needs to appear somehow, it again needs to be her who will save the day.

Given the time constraints, this external conflict has to be connected with Cloud’s internal conflict. In the OG, Cloud’s emotional arc is in resolved in the Lifestream, and then we spend a few more hours hunting down the Huge Materia/remembering what Holy is before resolving the external conflict of stopping Meteor. In Advent Children, we do not have that luxury of time. These turning points have to be one and same. It is only after Aerith is “introduced” in the film when Cloud asks her for forgiveness that she is able to help in the fight against the Remnants. Thus the turning point for Cloud’s character arc and the external conflict are the same. It’s understandably economical storytelling, though I wouldn’t call it particularly good storytelling.

As much as Cloud feels guilt over both Zack and Aerith’s deaths, it’s only Aerith who can play this dual role in the film. Zack can appear to help resolve Cloud’s emotional arc, but since he has no special Cetra powers or anything, there’s little he can do to help in Cloud’s fight against the Remnants. More time would need to be spent contriving a reason why Cloud is able to defeat the Remnants now when he wasn’t before or explaining why Aerith can suddenly help from the Lifestream when she had been absent before. (I still don’t think the film does a particularly good job of explaining this part, but that is a conversation for another time).

Another reason why Zack could not play this role is because at the time of AC’s original release, all we knew of Cloud and Zack’s relationship was contained in an optional flashback at the Shinra mansion after Cloud returns from the Lifestream. If it was Zack who suddenly showed up at Cloud’s lowest point, most viewers, even many who played the original game, would probably have been confused, and the moment would have fallen flat. On the other hand, even the most casual fan would have been aware of Aerith and her connection to Cloud, with her death scene being among the most well-known gaming moments of all time. Moreover, Aerith’s death is directly connected to Sephiroth, who is once again the threat in AC, whereas Zack was killed by Shinra goons. Aerith serves multiple purposes in a way that Zack just cannot.

Despite all this, though Aerith is more important to the film as a whole, many efforts are made to suggest that Zack and Aerith are equally important to Cloud. One of the first scenes in the film is Cloud moping around Zack’s grave (And unlike the scene with Aerith in the Forgotten City, it isn’t directly connected with Cloud’s present storyline in any way). We have the aforementioned scene where Cloud has flashes of both Aerith’s and Zack’s deaths when he saves Tifa and Denzel. Cloud has a scene where he’s standing back to back with Zack, mirroring his scene with in the Forgotten City with Aerith, before the climax of his fight with Sephiroth. In the Lifestream, after Cloud “dies,” it’s both Aerith and Zack who are there to send him back. Before the film ends, Cloud sees both Aerith and Zack leaving the church.

Now, were all these Zack appearances a way to promote the upcoming spin-off game that he’s going to lead? Of course. But the creators surely would have known that having Zack play such a similar role in Cloud’s arc would make Cloud’s relationship with Aerith feel less special and thus complicating a romantic interpretation of said relationship. If they wanted to encourage a romantic reading of Cloud’s lingering feelings for Aerith, they would have given Zack his own distinct role in the film. Or rather, they wouldn’t have put Zack in the film at all, and they certainly wouldn’t have him lead his own game, but we’ll get to the Zack of it all later.

The funny thing is, in a way, Zack is portrayed as being more special to Cloud. Zack only exists in the film to interact with Cloud and encourage him. Meanwhile. Aerith also has brief interactions with Kadaj, the Geostigma children and even Tifa before the film’s end. Aerith is there to save the whole world. Zack is there just for Cloud. If it’s Cloud’s relationship with Aerith that’s meant to be romantic, shouldn’t it be the other way around?

Let’s take a look at Tifa Lockhart. What role did she have to play in the FF7 sequel film? If, like some, you believed FF7 to be the Cloud/Aerith/Sephiroth show, then Tifa could have easily had a Barret-sized cameo in Advent Children. And honestly, she’s just a great martial artist. She has no special powers that would make her indispensable in a fight against Sephiroth. You certainly would not expect her to be the 2nd billed character in the film. Though of course, if you actually played through the Original Game with your eyes open, you would realize that Tifa Lockhart is instrumental to any story about Cloud Strife.

Unlike Aerith’s appearances, almost none of the suggestive scenes and dynamics between Cloud and Tifa had to be included in the film. As in, they serve no other plot related purpose and could have easily been cut from the final film if the creators weren’t trying to encourage a romantic interpretation of their relationship.

It feels inevitable now, but no one was expecting Cloud and Tifa to be living together and raising two kids. In the general consciousness, FF7 is Cloud and Sephiroth and their big swords and Aerith’s death. At the time, in the eyes of most fans and casual observers, Cloud and Tifa being together wasn’t a necessary part of the FF7 equation the way say, an epic fight between Cloud and Sephiroth would be. In fact, I don’t think even the biggest Cloti fans at the time would have imagined Cloud and Tifa living together would be their canon outcome in the sequel film.

Now can two platonic friends live together and raise two children together? Absolutely, but again Cloud and Tifa are not real people. They are fictional characters. A reasonable person (let’s use the legal definition of the term) who does not have brainworms from arguing over one of the dumbest debates on the Internet for 23 years would probably assume that two characters who were shown to be attracted to each other in the OG and who are now living together and raising two kids are in a romantic relationship. This is a reasonable assumption to make, and if SE wanted to leave Cloud’s romantic inclinations ambiguous, they simply would not be depicting Cloud and Tifa’s relationship in this manner. Cloud’s disrupted peace could have been a number of different things. He could have been a wandering mercenary, he could have been searching for a way to be reunited with Aerith. It didn’t have to be the family he formed with Tifa, but, then again, if you were actually paying attention to the story the OG was trying to tell, of course he would be living with Tifa.

Let’s also look at the scene where Cloud finds Tifa in the church after her fight with Loz. All the plot related information (who attacked her, Marlene being taken) is conveyed in the brief conversation they have before Cloud falls unconscious from Geostigma. What purpose do all the lingering shots of Cloud and Tifa in the flower bed in a Yin-Yang/non-sexual 69ing position serve if not to be suggestive of the type of relationship they have? It’s beautifully rendered but ultimately irrelevant to both the external and internal conflicts of the film.

Likewise, there is no reason why Cloud and Tifa needed to wake up in their children’s bedroom. No reason to show Cloud waking up with Tifa next to him in a way that almost makes you think they were in the same bed. And there is absolutely no reason whatsoever for a close-up of Tifa’s hand with the Wolf Ring on her ring finger while she is admonishing Cloud during what sounds like a domestic argument (This ring again comes into focus when Tifa leads Denzel to Cloud at the church at the end - there are dozens of ways this scene could have been rendered, but this is the one that was chosen.) If it wasn’t SE’s intent to emphasize the family dynamic and the intimate nature of Cloud and Tifa’s relationship, these scenes would not exist.

Let’s also take a look at Denzel, the only new character in the AC (give or take the Remnants). Again, given the film’s brief runtime, the fact that they’re not only adding a new character but giving him more screen time than almost every other AVALANCHE member must mean that he’s pretty important. While Denzel does have an arc of his own, especially in ACC, he is intricately connected to Cloud and Tifa and solidifies the family unit that they’ve been forming in Edge. Marlene still has Barret, but with the addition of Denzel, the family becomes something more real albeit even more tenuous given his Geostigma diagnosis. Without Denzel in the picture, it’s a bit easier to interpret Cloud’s distance from Tifa as romantic pining for another woman, but now it just seems absurd. The stakes are so much higher. Cloud and Tifa are at a completely different stage in their lives from the versions of these characters we met early on in the OG who were entangled in a frivolous love triangle. And yet some people are still stuck trying to fit these characters into a childish dynamic that died at the end of disc one along with a certain someone.

All this is there in the film, at least the director’s cut, if you really squint. But since SE preferred to spend its time on countless action sequences that have aged as well as whole milk in lieu of spending a few minutes showing Cloud’s family life before he got Geostigma to establish the emotional stakes, or a beat or two more on his reconciliation with Tifa and the kids, people may be understandably confused about Cloud’s arc. Has Cloud just been a moping around in misery for the two years post-OG? The answer is no, though that can only really be found in the accompanying novellas, specifically Case of Tifa.

Concerning the novellas, which we apparently must read to understand said DVD sequel

I really don’t know how you can read through CoT and still think there is anything ambiguous about the nature of Cloud and Tifa’s relationship. The “Because I have you this time,” Cloud telling Tifa he’ll remind her how to be strong when they’re alone, Cloud confidently agreeing when Marlene adds him to their family. Not to mention Barret and Cid’s brief conversation about Cloud and Tifa’s relationship in Case of Barret, after which Cid comments that “women wear the pants,” which Barret then follows by asking Cid about Shera. Again, a reasonable person would assume the couple in question are in a romantic relationship, and if this wasn’t the intent, these lines would not be present. Especially not in a novella about someone else.

Some try to argue that CoT just shows how incompatible Cloud and Tifa are because it features a few low points in their relationship. I don’t think that’s Nojima’s intent. Even if it was, it certainly wouldn’t be to prove that Cloud loves Aerith. This isn’t how you tell that story. Why waste all that time disproving a negative rather than proving a positive? We didn’t spend hours in FF8 watching Rinoa’s relationship with Seifer fall apart to understand how much better off she is with Squall. If Cloud and Aerith is meant to be a love story, then tell their love story. Why tell the story of how Cloud is incompatible with someone else?

Part of the confusion may be because CoT doesn’t tell a complete story in and of itself. The first half of the story (before Cloud has to deliver flowers to the Forgotten City) acts as a sort of epilogue to the OG, while the second half of the story is something of a prologue to Advent Children (or honestly its missing Act One). And to state the obvious, conflict is inherent to any story worth telling. It can’t just be all fluff, that’s what the fanfiction is for.

Tifa’s conflict is her fear that the fragile little family they’ve built in Edge is going to fall apart. Thus we see her fret about Cloud’s distance, the way this affects Marlene, and Denzel’s sickness. There are certainly some low moments here --- Tifa telling Cloud to drink in his room, asking if he loves her -- all ways for the threat to seem more real, the outcome more uncertain, yet there’s only one way this conflict can be resolved. One direction to which their relationship can move.

Again, by the end of this story, both characters are supposed to be the best versions of themselves, to find their “happy” endings so to speak. Tifa could certainly find happiness outside of a relationship with Cloud. She could decide that they’ve given it a shot, but they’re better off as friends. She’s grateful for this experience and she’s learned from this, but now she’s ready to make a life for herself on her own. It would be a fine character arc, though not something the Final Fantasy series has been wont to do. However, that’s obviously not the case here as there’s no indication whatsoever that Tifa considers this as an option for herself. Nojima hasn’t written this off ramp into her journey. For Tifa, they’ll either become a real family or they won’t. Since this is a story that is going to have a happy ending, so of course they will, even if there are a lot of bumps along the way.

Unfortunately, with the Compilation being the unwieldy beast that this is, this whole arc has to be pieced together across a number of different works:

Tifa asking herself if they’re a real family in CoT

Her greatest fear seemingly come to life when Cloud leaves at the end of CoT/beginning of AC

Tifa explicitly asking Cloud if the reason they can’t help each other is because they’re not a real family during their argument in AC. Notably, even though Cloud is at his lowest point, he doesn’t confirm her fear. Instead he says he that he can’t help anyone, not even his family. Instead, he indirectly confirms that yes he does think they’re a family, even if is a frustrating moment still in that he’s too scared to try to save it.

The ending of AC where we see a new photo of Cloud smiling surrounded by Tifa and the kids and the rest of the AVALANCHE, next to the earlier photo we had seen of the four of them where he was wearing a more dour expression.

The ending of The Kids Are All Right, where Cloud, Tifa, Denzel and Marlene meet with Evan, Kyrie and Vits - and Cloud offers, unsolicited, that even if they’re not related by blood, they’re a family.

The ending of DVD extra ‘Reminiscence of FFVII’ where Cloud takes the day off and asks Tifa to close the bar so they can spend time together as a family as Tifa had wanted to do early in CoT

Cloud fears he’ll fail his family. Tifa fears it’ll fall apart. Cloud retreats into himself, pushing others away. Tifa neglects herself, not being able to say what she needs to say. In Advent Children, Tifa finally voices her frustrations. It’s then that Cloud finally confronts his fears. Like in the OG, Cloud and Tifa’s conflicts and character arcs are two sides of the same coin, and it’s only by communicating with each other are they able to resolve it. Though with the Compilation being an inferior work, it’s much less satisfying this time around. Such is the problem when you’re writing towards a preordained outcome (Cloud and Sephiroth duking it once again) rather than letting the story develop organically.

Some may ask, why mention Aerith so much (Cloud growing distant after delivering flowers to the Forgotten City, Cloud finding Denzel at Aerith’s church) if they weren’t trying to perpetuate the LTD? Well, as explained above, Aerith had to be in Advent Children, and since CoT is the only place where we get any insight into Cloud’s psyche, it’s here where Nojima expands on that guilt.

Again, this is a story that requires conflict, and what better conflict than the specter of a love rival? Notably, despite us having access to Tifa’s thoughts and fears, she never explicitly associates Cloud’s behavior with him pining after Aerith. Though it’s fair to say this fear is implied, if unwarranted.

If Cloud had actually been pining after Aerith this whole time, we would not be seeing it all unfold through Tifa’s perspective. You can depict a romance without drawing attention to the injured third party. We’re seeing all of this from Tifa’s POV, because it’s about Tifa’s insecurities, not the great tragic romance between Cloud and Aerith. Honestly, another reason we see this from Tifa’s perspective is because it’s dramatically more interesting. Because she’s insecure, she (and we the reader) wonder if there’s something else going on. Meanwhile, from Cloud’s perspective it would be straightforward and redundant, given what we see in AC. He’s guilty over Aerith’s death and thinks he doesn’t deserve to be happy.

Not to mention, the first time we encounter Aerith in CoT, Tifa is the one breaking down at her grave while Cloud is the one comforting her. Are we supposed to believe that he just forgot he was in love with Aerith until he had to deliver flowers to the Forgotten City?

And Aerith doesn’t just serve as a romantic obstacle. She’s also a symbol of guilt and redemption for both Cloud and Tifa. Neither think they have the right to be happy after all that’s happened (Aerith’s death being a big part of this), and through Denzel, who Cloud finds at Aerith’s church, they both see a chance to atone.

I do want to address Case of Lifestream: White because it’s only time in the entire Compilation where I’ve asked myself — what are they trying to achieve here? Now, I’d rather drink bleach than start debating the translation of ‘koibito’ again, but I did think it was a strange choice to specify the romantic nature of Aerith’s love for Cloud. I suppose it could be a reference her obvious attraction to Cloud in the OG, though calling it love feels like a stretch.

But nothing else in CoLW really gives me pause. It might be a bit jarring to see how much of it is Aerith’s thoughts of Cloud, but it makes sense when you consider the context in which it’s meant to be consumed. Unlike Case of Tifa or Case of Denzel, CoLW isn’t meant to be read on its own. It’s a few scant paragraphs in direct conversation with Case of Lifestream: Black. In CoLB, Sephiroth talks about his plan to return and end the world or whatever, and how Cloud is instrumental to his plan. Each segment of CoLW mirrors the corresponding segment of CoLB. Thus, CoLW has to be about Aerith’s plan to stop Sephiroth and the role Cloud must play in that. In both of these stories, Cloud is the only named character. It doesn’t mean that thoughts of Cloud consume all of Aerith’s afterlife. Case of Lifestream is only a tiny sliver of the story, a halfassed way to explain why in Advent Children the world is ending again and why Cloud has to be at the center of it all.

Notably, there is absolutely nothing in CoLW about Cloud’s feelings for Aerith. Even if it’s just speculation on her part as we see Sephiroth speculate about Cloud’s reactions in CoLB. Aerith can see what’s going on in the real world, but she says nothing about Cloud’s actions. If Cloud is really pining after her, trying to find a way to be reunited with her, wouldn’t this be the ideal story to show such devotion?

But it’s not there, because not only does it not happen, but because this story is not about Aerith’s relationship with Cloud. It is about how Aerith needs to see and warn Cloud in order to stop Sephiroth. By the end of Advent Children, that goal is fulfilled. Cloud gets his forgiveness. Aerith gets to see him again and helps him stop Sephiroth. There’s no suggestion that either party wants more. We finally have the closure that the OG lacked, and at no point does it confirm that Cloud reciprocated Aerith’s romantic feelings, even though there were plenty of opportunities to do so.

I don’t really know what else people were expecting. Advent Children isn’t a romantic drama. There’s not going to be a moment where Cloud explicitly tells Tifa, ‘I’ve never loved Aerith. It’s only been you all along.” This is just simply not the kind of story it is.

Though one late scene practically serves this function. When Cloud “dies” and Aerith finds him in the Lifestream, if there were any lingering romantic feelings between the two of them, this would be a beautiful bittersweet reunion. Maybe something about how as much as they want to be together, it’s not his time yet. Instead, it’s almost played off as a joke. Cloud calls her ‘Mother’, and Zack is at Aerith’s side, joking about how Cloud has no place there. This would be the perfect opportunity to address the romantic connection between Cloud and Aerith, but instead, the film elides this completely. Instead, it’s a cute afterlife moment between Aerith and Zack, and functionally allows Cloud to go back to where he belongs, to Tifa and the kids. Whatever Cloud’s feelings for Aerith were before, it’s transformed into something else.

Crisis Core -- or how Aerith finally gets her love story

The other relevant part of the Compilation is Crisis Core, which I will now touch on briefly (or at least brief for me). In the OG, Zack Fair was more plot device than character. We knew he was important to Cloud — enough that Cloud would mistake Zack’s memories for his own -- we knew he was important to Aerith — enough that she is initially drawn to Cloud due to his similarities to Zack — yet the nature of these relationships is more ambiguous. Especially his relationship with Aerith. From the little we learn of their relationship, it could have been completely one-sided on her part, and Zack a total cad. At least that’s the implication she leaves us with in Gongaga. We get the sense that she might not be the most reliable narrator on this point (why bring up an ex so often, unsolicited, if it wasn’t anything serious?) but the OG never confirms this either way.

Crisis Core clears this up completely. Not only is Zack portrayed as the Capital H Hero of his own game, but his relationships with Cloud and Aerith are two of the most important in the game. In fact, they are the basis for his heroic sacrifice at the game’s end: he dies trying to save Cloud’s life; he dies trying to return to Aerith.

Zack’s relationship with Aerith is a major subplot of the game. Not only that, but the details of said relationship completely recontextualizes what we know about the Aerith we see in the OG. Many of Aerith’s most iconic traits (wearing pink, selling flowers) are a direct product of this relationship, and more importantly, so many of the hallmarks of her early relationship with Cloud (him falling through her church, one date as a reward, a conversation in the playground) are a direct echo of her relationship with Zack.

A casual fling this was not. Aerith’s relationship with Zack made a deep impact on the character we see in the OG and clearly colored her interactions with Cloud throughout.

Crisis Core is telling Zack’s story, and Tifa is a fairly minor supporting character, yet it still finds the time to expand upon Cloud and Tifa’s relationship. Through their interactions with Zack, we learn just how much they were on each others’ minds during this time, and how they were both too shy to own up to these feelings. We also get a brief expansion on the moment Cloud finds Tifa injured in the reactor.

Meanwhile, given the point we are in the story’s chronology, Cloud and Aerith are completely oblivious of each other’s existence.

One may try to argue that none of this matters since all of this is in the past. While this argument might hold water if we arguing about real lives in the real world, FF7 is a work of fiction. Its creators decided that these would be events we would see, and that Zack would be the lens through which we’d see them. Crisis Core is not the totality of these characters’ lives prior to the event of the OG. Rather, it consists of moments that enhance and expand upon our understanding of the original work. We learn the full extent of Hojo’s experimentation and the Jenova project; we learn that Sephiroth was actually a fairly normal guy before he was driven insane when he uncovers the circumstances of his birth. We learn that Aerith was a completely different person before she met Zack, and their relationship had a profound impact on her character.

A prequel is not made to contradict the original work, but what it can do is recontexualize the story we already know and add a layer of nuance that may have not been obvious before. Thus, Sephiroth is transformed from a scary villain into a tragic figure who could have been a hero were it not for Hojo’s experiments. Aerith’s behavior too invites reinterpretation. What once seemed flirty and perhaps overtly forward now looks like the tragic attempts of a woman trying to recapture a lost love.

If Cloud and Aerith were meant to be the official couple of the Compilation of FF7, you absolutely would not be spending so much time depicting two relationships that will be moot by the time we get to the original work. You especially would not depict Zack and Aerith’s relationship in a way that makes Aerith’s relationship with Cloud look like a copy of the moments she had with her ex.

Additionally, with Zack’s relationship with Angeal, we can see, that within the universe of FF7, a protagonist being devastated over the death of a beloved comrade isn’t something that’s inherently romantic. Neither is it romantic for said dead comrade to lend a helping hand from the beyond.

SE would also expect some people to play Crisis Core before the OG. If Cloud and Aerith are the intended endgame couple, then SE would be asking the player to root for a guy to pursue the girlfriend of the man who gave his life for him. The same man who died trying to reunite with her. This is to say nothing of Cloud’s treatment of Tifa in this scenario. How could this possibly be the intent  for their most popular protagonist in the most popular entry of their most popular franchise?

What Crisis Core instead offers is something for fans of Aerith who may be disappointed that she was robbed of a great romance by her death. Well, she now gets that epic, tragic romance. Only it’s with Zack, not Cloud.

If SE intended for Cloud and Aerith to be the official couple of FF7, neither Zack nor Tifa would exist. They would not spend so much time developing Zack and Tifa into the multi-dimensional characters they are, only to be treated as nothing more than collateral damage in the wake of Cloud and Aerith’s great love. No, this is a Final Fantasy. SE want their main characters to have something of a happy ending after all of the tribulations they face. Cloud and Tifa find theirs in life. Zack and Aerith, as the ending of AC suggests, find theirs in death.

Cloud and Aerith’s relationship isn’t a threat to the Zack/Aerith and Cloud/Tifa endgame, nor is it a mere obstacle. Rather, it’s a relationship that actually deepens and strengthens the other two. Aerith is explicitly searching for her first love in Cloud, revealing just how deep her feelings for Zack ran. Cloud gets to live out his heroic SOLDIER fantasy with Aerith, a fantasy he created just to impress Tifa.

There are moments between Cloud and Aerith that may seem romantic when taken on its own, but viewed within the context of the whole narrative, ultimately reveal that they aren’t quite right for each other, and in each other, they’re actually searching for someone else.

This quadrangular dynamic reminds me a bit of one of my favorite classic films, The Philadelphia Story. (Spoilers for a film that came out in 1940 ahead) — The single most romantic scene in the film is between Jimmy Stewart’s and Katherine Hepburn’s characters, yet they’re not the ones who end up together. Even as their passions run, as the music swells, and we want them to end up together, we realize that they’re not quite right for each other. We know that it won’t work out.

More relevantly, we know this is true due to the existence of Cary Grant’s and Ruth Hussey’s characters, who are shown to carry a torch for Hepburn and Stewart, respectively. Grant and Hussey are well-developed and sympathetic characters. With the film being the top grossing film of the year, and made during the Code era, it’s about as “clean” of a narrative as you can get. There’s no way Grant and Hussey would be given such prominent roles just to be left heartbroken and in the cold by the film’s end.

Hepburn’s character (Tracy) pretty much sums it herself after some hijinks lead to a last minute proposal from Stewart’s character (Mike):

Mike: Will you marry me, Tracy?                      

Tracy: No, Mike. Thanks, but hmm-mm. Nope.

Mike: l've never asked a girl to marry me. l've avoided it. But you've got me all confused now. Why not?

Tracy: Because l don't think Liz [Hussey’s character] would like it...and l'm not sure you would...and l'm even a little doubtful about myself. But l am beholden to you, Mike. l'm most beholden.

Despite the fact that the film spends more time developing Hepburn and Stewart’s relationship than theirs with their endgame partners, it’s still such a satisfying ending. That’s because, even at the peak of their romance, we can see how Stewart needs someone like Hussey to ground his passionate impulses, and how Hepburn needs Grant, someone who won’t put her on a pedestal like everyone else. Hepburn and Stewart’s is a relationship that might feel right in the moment, but doesn’t quite work in the light of day.

I don’t think Cloud and Aerith share a moment that is nearly as romantic in FF7, but the same principle applies. What may seem romantic in the moment actually reveals how they’re right for someone else.

Even if Aerith lives and Cloud decides to pursue a relationship with her, it’s not going to be all puppies and roses ahead for them. Aerith would need to disentangle her feelings for Zack from her attraction to Cloud, and Cloud would still need to confront his feelings for Tifa, which were his main motivator for nearly half his life, before they can even start to build something real. This is messy work, good fodder for a prestige cable drama or an Oscar-baity indie film, but it has no place in a Final Fantasy. There simply isn’t the time. Not when the question on most players’ minds isn’t ‘Cloud does love?’ but ‘How the hell are they going to stop that madman and his Meteor that’s about to destroy the world?’

With Zerith’s depiction in Crisis Core, there’s a sort of bittersweet poetry in how the two relationships rhyme but can’t actually coexist. It is only because Zack is trying to return to Midgar to see Aerith that Cloud is able to reunite with Tifa, and the OG begins in earnest. In another world, Zack and Aerith would be the hero and heroine who saved the world and lived to tell the tale. They are much more the traditional archetypes - Zack the super-powered warrior who wants to be a Capital-H Hero, and Aerith, the last of her kind who reluctantly accepts her fate. Compared to these two, Cloud and Tifa aren’t nearly so special, nor their goals so lofty and noble. Cloud, after all, was too weak to even get into SOLDIER, and only wanted to be one, not for some greater good, but to impress the girl he liked. Tifa has no special abilities, merely learning martial arts when she grew wise enough to not wait around for a hero. On the surface, Cloud and Tifa are made of frailer stuff, and yet by luck or by fate, they’re the ones who cheat death time and time again, and manage to save the world, whereas the ones who should have the role, are prematurely struck down before they can finish the job. Cloud and Tifa fulfill the roles that they never asked for, that they may not be particularly suited for, in Zack and Aerith’s stead. There’s a burden and a beauty to it. Cloud and Tifa can live because Zack and Aerith did not.

All of this nuance is lost if you think Cloud and Aerith are meant to be the endgame couple. Instead, you have a pair succumbing to their basest desires, regardless of the selfless sacrifices their other potential paramours made for their sake. Zack and Tifa, and their respective relationships with Aerith and Cloud, are flattened into mere romantic obstacles. The heart wants what it wants, some may argue. While that may be true in real life, that is not necessarily the case in a work of fiction, especially not a Final Fantasy. The other canon Final Fantasy couples could certainly have had previous romantic relationships, but unless they have direct relevance to the their character arcs (e.g., Rachel to Locke), the games do not draw attention to them because they would be a distraction from the romance they are trying to tell. They’ve certainly never spent the amount of real estate FF7 spends in depicting Cloud/Tifa and Zack/Aerith’s relationships.

At last…the Remake, and somehow this essay isn’t even close to being over

Finally, we come to the Remake. With the technological advancements made in the last 23 years and the sheer amount of hours they’re devoting to just the Midgar section this time around, you can almost look at the OG as an outline and the Remake as the final draft. With the OG being overly reliant on text to  do its storytelling, and the Remake having subtle facial expressions and a slew of cinematic techniques at its disposal, you might almost consider it an adaptation from a literary medium to a visual one. Our discussions are no longer limited to just what the characters are saying, but what they are doing, and even more importantly, how the game presents those actions. When does the game want us to pay attention? And what does it want us to pay attention to?

Unlike most outlines, which are read by a small handful of execs, SE has 23 years worth of reactions from the general public to gauge what works and what doesn’t work, what caused confusion, and what could be clarified. While FF7 is not a romance, the LTD remains a hot topic among a small but vocal part of the fanbase. It certainly is an area that could do with some clarifying in the Remake.

Since the Remake is not telling a new story, but rather retelling an existing story that has been in the public consciousness for over two decades, certain aspects that were treated as “twists” in the OG no longer have that same element of surprise, and would need to approached differently. For example, in the Midgar section of the OG, Shinra is treated as the main antagonist throughout. It’s only when we get to the top of the Shinra tower that Sephiroth is revealed as the real villain. Anyone with even a passing of knowledge of FF7 would be aware of Sephiroth so trying to play it off like a surprise in the Remake would be terribly anticlimactic. Thus, Sephiroth appears as early as Ch. 2 to haunt Cloud and the player throughout.

Likewise, many players who’ve never even touched the OG are probably aware that Aerith dies, thus her death can no longer be played for shock. While SE would still want the player to grow attached to Aerith so that her death has an emotional impact, there are diminishing returns to misdirecting the player about her fate, at least not in the same way it was done in the OG.

How do these considerations affect the how the LTD is depicted in the Remake? For the two of the biggest twists in the OG to land in the Remake — Aerith’s death and Cloud’s true identity in the Lifestream — the game needs to establish:

Aerith’s attraction to Cloud, specifically due to his similarities to Zack. This never needs to go past an initial attraction for the player to understand that the man whose memory Cloud was “borrowing” is Zack. Aerith’s feelings for Cloud can evolve into something platonic or even maternal by her end without the reveal in the Lifestream losing any impact.

Cloud’s love for Tifa. For the Lifestream sequence to land with an “Ooooh!” rather than a “Huh!?!?”, the Remake will need to establish that Cloud’s feelings for Tifa were strong enough to 1) motivate him to try to join SOLDIER in the first place 2) incentivize him to adopt a false persona because he fears that he isn’t the man she wants him to be 3) call him back to consciousness from Make poisoning twice 4) help him put his mind back together and find his true self. That’s a lot of story riding on one guy’s feelings!

The player’s love for Aerith so that her death will hurt. This can be done by making them invested in Aerith as a character by her own right, but also extends to the relationships she has with the other characters (not only Cloud).

What is not necessary is establishing Cloud’s romantic feelings for Aerith. Now, would their doomed romance make her death hurt even more? Sure, but it could work just as well if Cloud if is losing a dear friend and ally, not a lover. Not to mention, her death also cuts short her relationships with Tifa, Barret, Red XII, etc. Bulking those relationships up prior to her death, would also make her loss more palpable. If anything, establishing Cloud’s romantic feelings for Aerith would actually undermine the game’s other big twist. The game needs you to believe that Cloud’s feelings for Tifa were strong enough to drive his entire hero’s journey. If Cloud is shown falling in love with another woman in the span of weeks if not mere days, then the Lifestream scene would be much harder to swallow.

Cloud wavering between the two women made sense in the OG because the main way for the player to get to know Aerith was through her interactions with Cloud. That is no longer the case in the Remake. Cloud is still the protagonist, and the player character for the vast majority of the game, but there are natural ways for the player to get to know Aerith outside of her dialogue exchanges with Cloud. Unless SE considers the LTD an integral part of FF7’s DNA, then for the sake of story clarity, the LTD doesn’t need to exist.

How then does the Remake clarify things?

I’m not going go through every single change in the Remake — there are far too many of them, and they’ve been documented elsewhere. Most of the changes are expansions or adaptations (what might make sense for super-deformed chibis would look silly for realistic characters, e.g., Cloud rolling barrels in the Church has now become him climbing across the roof support). What is expanded and how it’s adapted can be telling, but what is more interesting are the additions and removals. Not just for what takes place in the scenes themselves, but how their addition or removal changes our understanding of the narrative as a whole vis-a-vis the story we know from the OG.

Notably, one of the features that is not expanded upon, but rather diminished, is player choice. In the OG, the player had a slew of dialogue options to choose from, especially during the Midgar portion of the game. Not only did it determine which character would go on a date with Cloud at the Gold Saucer, but it also made the player identify with Cloud since they’re largely determining his personality during this stage. Despite the technological advances that have made this level of optionality the norm in AAA games, the Remake gives the player far fewer non-gameplay related choices, and only really the illusion of choice as a nod to the OG, but they don’t affect the story of the game in any meaningful way. You get a slightly different conversation depending on the choice, but you have to buy the Flower, Tifa has to make you a drink.

So much of what fueled the LTD in the OG came from this mechanic, which is now largely absent in the Remake. Almost every instance where there was a dialogue branch in the OG has become a single, canon scenario in the Remake that favors Tifa (e.g., having the choice of giving the flower to Tifa or Marlene in the OG, to Cloud giving the flower to Tifa in the Remake). Similarly, for the only meaningful choice you make in the Remake — picking Tifa or Aerith in the sewers — Cloud is now equidistant to both girls, whereas in the OG, his starting point was much closer to Aerith. In the OG, player choice allowed you to largely determine Cloud’s personality, and the girl he favored — and seemingly encouraged you to choose Aerith in many instances. In the Remake, Cloud is now his own character, not who the player wants him to be. And this Cloud, well, he sure seems to have a thing for Tifa.

In fact, one of the first changes in the Remake is the addition of Jessie asking Cloud about his relationship with Tifa, and Cloud’s brief flashback to their childhood together. In the OG, Tifa isn’t mentioned at all during the first reactor mission, and we don’t see her until we get to Sector 7.

Not only does this scene reveal Tifa’s importance to Cloud much earlier on than in the OG, but it sets up a sort of frame of reference that colors Cloud’s subsequent interactions. Even as Jessie kind of flirts with him throughout the reactor mission, even with his chance meeting Aerith in Sector 8, in the back of your mind, you might be thinking — wait what about his relationship with this Tifa character? What if he’s already spoken for?

Think about how this plays out in the OG. Jessie is pretty much a non-entity, and Cloud has his meet-cute with the flower girl before we’re even aware that Tifa exists. It’s hard to get too invested in his interactions with Tifa, when you know he has to meet the flower girl again, and you’re waiting for that moment, because that’s when the game will start in earnest.

After chapter 1 of the Remake, a new player may be asking — who is this Tifa person, and, echoing Jessie’s question, what kind of relationship does she have with Cloud? It’s a question that’s repeated when Barret mentions her before they set the bomb, and again when Barret specifies Seventh Heaven is where Tifa works — and the game zooms in on Cloud’s face — when they arrive in Sector 7.

It’s when we finally meet her at Seventh Heaven in Ch. 3 that we feel, ah now, this game has finally begun.

It’s also interesting how inorganically this question is introduced in the Remake. Up until that moment, the dialogue and Cloud are all business. Then, as they’re waiting for the gate to open, Jessie asks about Tifa completely out of the blue, and Cloud, all of a sudden, is at a lost for words, and has the first of many flashbacks. That this moment is a bit incongruous shows the effort SE made to establish Tifa’s importance to the game and to Cloud early on.

One of the biggest changes in the Remake is the addition of the events in Ch. 3 and 4. Unlike what happens in Ch. 18, Ch. 3 and 4 feel like such a natural extension of the OG’s story that many players may not even realize that SE has added an whole day’s and night’s worth of events to the OG’s story. While not a drastic change, it does reshape our understanding of subsequent events in the story, namely Cloud’s time spent alone with Aerith.

In the OG, we rush from one reactor mission to the next, with no real time to explore Cloud’s character or his relationships with any of the other characters in between. When he crashes through the church, he gets a bit of a breather. We see a different side of him with Aerith. Since we have nothing else to compare it to, many might assume that his relationship with Aerith is special. That she brings something out of him that no one else can.

That is no longer the case in the Remake. While Cloud’s time in Sector 5 with Aerith remains largely unchanged though greatly expanded, it no longer feels  “special.” So many of the beats that seemed exclusive to his relationship with Aerith in the OG, we’ve now already seen play out with both Tifa and the other members of AVALANCHE long before he meets Aerith.

Cloud tells the flowers to listen to Aerith; he’s told Tifa he’s listening if she wants to talk; told Bigg’s he wants to hear the story of Jessie’s dad. Cloud offers to walk Aerith back home; he offered the same to Wedge. Cloud smiles at Aerith; he’s already smiled at Tifa and AVALANCHE a number of times.

Now, I’m under no illusion that SE added these chapters solely to diminish Aerith’s importance to Cloud (other than the obvious goal of making the game longer, I imagine they wanted the player to spend more time in Sector 7 and more time with the other AVALANCHE members so that the collapse of the Pillar and their deaths have more weight), but they certainly must have realized that this would be one effect. If pushing Cloud/Aerith’s romance had been a goal with the Remake, this would be a scenario they would try to avoid. Notably, the other place where time has been added - the night in the Underground Shinra Lab, and the day helping other people out around the slums — are also periods of time when Aerith is absent.

Home Sweet Slums vs. Budding Bodyguard

Since most of the events in Ch. 3 were invented for the Remake, and thus we have nothing in the OG to compare it to (except to say that something is probably better than nothing), I thought it would be more interesting to compare it to Ch. 8. Structurally, they are nearly identical — Cloud doing sidequests around the Sectors with one of the girls as his guide. Extra bits of dialogue the more sidequests you complete, with an optional story event if you do them all. Do Cloud’s relationships with each girl progress the same way in both chapters? Is the Remake just Final Waifu Simulator 2020 or are they distinct, reflecting their respective roles in the story as a whole?

A lot of what the player takes away from these chapters is going to be pretty subjective (Is he annoyed with her or is he playing hard to get), yet the vibes of the two chapters are quite different. This is because in Ch. 3, the player is getting to know Tifa through her relationship with Cloud; in Ch. 8; the player is getting to know Aerith as a character on her own.

What do I mean by this? Let’s take Cloud’s initial introduction into each Sector. In Ch. 3, it’s a straight shot from Seventh Heaven to Stargazer Heights punctuated by a brief conversation where Tifa asks Cloud about the mission he was just on. We don’t learn anything new about Tifa’s character here. Instead we hear Cloud recount the mission we already saw play out in detail in Ch. 1 But it’s through this conversation that we get a glimpse of Cloud and Tifa’s relationship — unlike the reticent jerk he was with Avalanche, this Cloud is much more responsive and even tries to reassure her in his own stilted way. We also know that they have enough of a past together that Tifa can categorize him as “not a people person” — an assessment to which Cloud agrees. Slowly, we’re getting an answer to the question Jessie posed in Ch. 1 — just what kind of relationship does Cloud have with Tifa?

In Ch. 8, Aerith leads Cloud on a roundabout way through Sector 5, and stops, unprompted, to talk about her experiences helping at the restaurant, helping out the doctor, and helping with the orphans at the Leaf House. It’s not so much a conversation as a monologue. Cloud isn’t the one who inquires about these relationships, and more jarringly, he doesn’t respond until Aerith directly asks him a question (interestingly enough, it’s about the flower she gave him…which he then gave to Tifa). Here, the game is allowing the player to learn more about the kind of person Aerith is. Cloud is also learning about Aerith at the same time, but with his non-reaction, either the game itself is indifferent to Cloud’s feelings towards Aerith or it is deliberately trying to portray Cloud’s indifference to Aerith.

The optional story event you can see in each chapter after completing all the side quests is also telling. In Ch. 3, “Alone at Last” is almost explicitly about Cloud and Tifa’s relationship. It’s bookended by two brief scenes between Marle and Cloud — the first in which she lectures him about how he should treat Tifa almost like an overprotective in-law, the second after they return downstairs and Marle awards Cloud with an accessory “imbued with the fervent desire to be by one’s side for eternity” after he makes Tifa smile. In between, Cloud and Tifa chat alone in her room. Tifa finally gets a chance to ask Cloud about his past and they plan a little date to celebrate their reunion. There is also at least the suggestion that Cloud was expecting something else when Tifa asked him to her room.

In Ch. 8’s “The Language of Flowers,” Cloud and Aerith’s relationship is certainly part of the story — unlike earlier in the chapter, Cloud actually asks Aerith about what she’s doing and even supports her by talking to the flowers too, but the other main objective of this much briefer scene is to show Aerith’s relationship with the flowers and of her mysterious Cetra powers (though we don’t know about her ancestry just yet). Like a lot of Aerith’s dialogue, there’s a lot of foreshadowing and foreboding in her words. If anything, it’s almost as if Cloud is playing the Marle role to the flowers, as an audience surrogate to ask Aerith about her relationship with the flowers so that she can explain. Also, there’s no in-game reward that suggests what the scene was really about.

If there’s any confusion about what’s going on here, just compare their titles “Alone At Last” vs. “The Language of Flowers.”

I’ll try not to bring my personal feelings into this, but there’s just something so much more satisfying about the construction of Ch. 3. This is some real storytelling 101 shit, but I think a lot of it due to just how much set up and payoff there is, and how almost all of said payoff deepens our understanding of Cloud and Tifa’s relationship:

Marle: Cloud meets Tifa’s overprotective landlady towards the beginning of the chapter. She is dubious of his character and his relationship with TIfa. This impression does not change the second time they meet even though Tifa herself is there to mediate. It’s only towards the end of the chapter, after all the sidequests are complete, that this tension is resolved. Marle gives Cloud a lecture about how he should be treating Tifa, which he seems to take to heart. And Cloud finally earns Marle’s begrudging approval after he emerges from their rooms with a chipper-looking Tifa in tow.

Their past: For their first in-game interaction, Cloud casually brings up that fact that it’s been “Five years” since they’ve last, which seem to throw Tifa off a bit. As they’re replacing filters, Cloud asks Tifa what she’s been up to in the time since they’ve been apart, and Tifa quickly changes the subject. Tifa tries to ask Cloud about his life “after he left the village,” at the Neighborhood Watch HQ, and this time he’s the one who seems to be avoiding the subject. It’s only after all the Ch. 3 sidequests are complete, and they're alone in her room that Tifa finally gets the chance to ask her question. A question which Cloud still doesn’t entirely answer. This question remains unresolved, and anyone’s played the OG will know that it will remain unresolved for some time yet, as it is THE question of Cloud’s story as a whole.

The lessons: Tifa starts spouting off some lessons for life in the slums as she brings Cloud around the town, though it’s unclear if Cloud is paying attention or taking them to heart. After completing the first sidequest, Cloud repeats one of these sayings back to her, confirming that he’s been listening all along. By the end of the chapter, Cloud is repeating these lessons to himself, even when Tifa isn’t around. These lessons extend beyond this chapter, with Cloud being a real teacher’s pet, asking Tifa “Is this a lesson” in Ch. 10 once they reunite.

The drink: When Cloud first arrives at Seventh Heaven, Tifa plays hostess and asks him if he wants anything, but it seems he’s only interested in his money. After exploring the sector a bit, Tifa again tries to play the role of cheery bartender, offering to make him a cocktail at the bar, but Cloud sees through this facade, and they carry on. Finally, after the day’s work is done, to tide Cloud over while she’s meeting with AVALANCHE, Tifa finally gets the chance to make him a drink. No matter, which dialogue option the player chooses, Tifa and Cloud fall into the roles of flirty bartender and patron quite easily. Who would have thought this was possible from the guy we met in Ch. 1?

This dynamic is largely absent in Ch. 8, except perhaps exploring Aerith’s relationship with the flowers, which “pays off” in the “Language of Flowers” event, but again, that scene is primarily about Aerith’s character rather than her relationship with Cloud. The orphans and the Leaf House are a throughline of the chapter, but they are merely present. There’s no clear progression here as was the case with in Ch. 3. Sure, the kids admire Cloud quite a bit after he saves them, but it’s not like they were dubious of his presence before. They barely paid attention to him. In terms of the impact the kids have on Cloud’s relationship with Aerith, there isn’t much at all. Certainly nothing like the role Marle plays in developing his relationship with Tifa.

The thing is, there are plenty of moments that could have been set ups, only there’s no real follow through. Aerith introduces Cloud around town as her bodyguard, and some people like the Doctor express dubiousness of his ability to do the job, but even after we spend a whole day fighting off monsters, and defeating Rude, there’s no payoff. Not even a throwaway “Wow, great job bodyguarding” comment. Same with the whole “one date” reward. Other than a quick reference on the way to Sector 5, and Aerith threatening to reveal the deal to cajole Cloud into helping her gather flowers, it’s never brought up again, in this chapter, or the rest of the game.

Aerith also makes a big stink about Cloud taking the time to enjoy Elmyra’s cooking. This is after Cloud is excluded from AVALANCHE’s celebration in Seventh Heaven and after he misses out on Jessie’s mom’s “Midgar Special” with Biggs and Wedge. So this could have been have been the set up to Cloud finally getting to experience a nice, domestic moment where he feels like he’s part of a family. And this dinner does happen! Only…the Remake skips over it entirely. Which is quite a strange choice considering that almost every other waking moment of Cloud’s time in Midgar has been depicted in excruciating detail. SE has decided that either whatever happened in this dinner between these three characters is irrelevant to the story they’re trying to tell, or they’ve deliberately excluded this scene from the game so that the player wouldn’t get any wrong ideas from it (e.g., that Cloud is starting to feel at home with Aerith).

Speaking of home, the Odd Jobs in Ch. 3 feel a bit more meaningful outside of just the gameplay-related rewards because they’re a way for Cloud to improve his reputation as he considers building a life for himself in Sector 7. This intent is implicit as Tifa imparts upon him the life lessons for surviving the slums, and then explicit, when Tifa asks him if he’s going to “stick around a little longer” outside of Seventh Heaven and he answers maybe. (It is later confirmed when Cloud and Tifa converse in his room in Ch. 4 after he remembers their promise).

Despite Aerith’s endeavors to extend their time together, there’s no indication that Cloud is planning to put down roots in Sector 5, or even return. Not even after doing all the Odd Jobs. If anything, it’s just the opposite — after 3 Odd Jobs, Aerith, kind of jokingly tells Cloud “don’t think you can rely on me forever.” This is a line that has a deeper meaning for anyone who knows Aerith’s fate in the OG, but Cloud seems totally fine with the outcome. Similarly, at the end of the Chapter 8, Elmyra asks Cloud to leave and never speak to Aerith again — a request to which he readily agrees.

Adding to the different vibes of the Chapters are the musical themes that play in the background. In Ch. 3, it’s the “Main Theme of VII”, followed by “On Our Way” — two tracks that instantly recall the OG. While the Main Theme is a bit melancholy, it's also familiar. It feels like home. In Ch. 8, we have an instrumental version of ‘Hollow’ - the new theme written for the Remake. While, it’s a lovely piece, it’s unfamiliar and honestly as a bit anxiety inducing (as is the intent).

(A quick aside to address the argument that this proves ‘Hollow’ is about Cloud’s feelings for Aerith:

Which of course doesn’t make any damn sense because he hasn’t even lost Aerith at this point the story. Even if you want to argue that there is so timey-wimey stuff going on and the whole purpose of the Remake is to rewrite the timeline so that Cloud doesn’t lose Aerith around — shouldn’t there be evidence of this desire outside of just the background music? Perhaps, in Cloud’s actions during the Chapter which the song plays — shouldn’t he dread being parted from her, shouldn’t he be the one trying to extend their time together? Instead, he’s willing to let her go quite easily.

The more likely explanation as to why “Hollow” plays in Ch. 8 is that since the “Main Theme of FFVII”  already plays in Ch. 3, the other “main theme” written for the Remake is going to play in the other chapter with a pseudo-open world vibe. If you’re going to say “Hollow” is about Cloud’s feelings for Aerith then you’d have to accept that the Main Theme of the entire series is about Cloud’s feelings for Tifa, which would actually make a bit more sense given that is practically Cloud’s entire character arc.)

Both chapters contain a scripted battle that must be completed before the chapter can end. They both contain a shot where Cloud fights side by side with each of the girls.

Here, Cloud and Tifa are both in focus during the entirety of this shot.

Here, the focus pulls away from Cloud the moment Aerith enters the frame.

I doubt the developers expected most players to notice this particular technique, but it reflects the subtle differences in the way these two relationships are portrayed. By the end of Ch. 3, Cloud and Tifa are acting as one unit. By the end of Ch. 8, even when they’re together, Cloud and Aerith are still apart.

A brief (lol) overview of some meaningful changes from the OG

One of the most significant changes in the Sector 7 chapters is how The Promise flashback is depicted. In the OG, Tifa is the one who has to remind Cloud of the Promise, in a rather pushy way, and whether Cloud chooses to join the next mission to fulfill his promise to her or because Barret is giving him a raise feels a bit more ambiguous.

In the Remake, the Promise has it’s own little mini-arc. It’s first brought up at the end of Ch. 3 when Cloud talks to Tifa about her anxieties about the upcoming mission. Tifa subtly references the Promise by mentioning that she’s “in a pitch” — a reference that goes over Cloud’s head. It’s only in Ch. 4, in the middle of a mission with Biggs and Wedge, where Tifa is no where in sight, that a random building fan reminds him of the Nibelheim water tower and the Promise he made to Tifa there. There’s also another brief flashback to that earlier moment in the bar when Tifa mentions she’s in a “pinch.” Again, the placement of this particular flashback at this particular moment feels almost jarring. And the flashback to the scene in the bar — a flashback to a scene we’ve already seen play out in-game — is the only one of its kind in the Remake. SE went out of the way to show that this particular moment is very important to Cloud and the game as whole. It’s when Cloud returns to his room, and Tifa asks him if he’s planning to stay in Midgar, that this mini-arc is finally complete. He brings up the Promise on his own, and makes it explicit that the reason he’s staying is for her. It’s to fulfill his Promise to her, not for money or for AVALANCHE — at this point, he’s not even supposed to be going on the next mission.

The Reactor 5 chapters are greatly expanded, but there aren’t really any substantive changes other than the addition of the rather intimate train roll scene between and Cloud and Tifa, which adds nothing to the story except to establish how horny they are for each other. We know this is the case, of course, because if you go out of your way to make Cloud look like an incompetent idiot and let the timer run out, you can avoid this scene altogether. But even in that alternate scene, Cloud’s concern for Tifa is crystal clear.

Ch. 8 also plays out quite similarly to the OG for the most part, though Cloud’s banter with Aerith on the rooftops doesn’t feel all that special since we’ve already seen him do the same with Tifa, Barret and the rest of AVALANCHE. The rooftops is the first place Cloud laughs in the OG. In the Remake, while Cloud might not have straight out laughed before, he’s certainly smiled quite a bit in the preceding chapters. Also, with the addition of voice acting and realistic facial expressions, that “laughter” in the Remake comes off much more sarcastic than genuine.

It’s also notable that in the Remake, Cloud vocally protests almost every time Aerith tries to extend their time together. In the OG, Cloud says nothing in these moments, which the player could reasonably interpret as assent.

One major change in the Remake is how Aerith learns of Tifa’s existence. In the OG, Cloud mentions that he wants to go back to Tifa’s bar, prompting Aerith to ask him about his relationship with her. In the Remake, Cloud calls Tifa’s name after having a random flashback of Child Tifa as he’s walking along with some kids. Again the insertion of said flashback is a bit jarring, prompting Aerith to understandably ask Cloud about just who this Tifa is. In the OG, this exchange served to show Aerith’s jealousy and her interest in Cloud. In the Remake, it’s all about Cloud’s feelings for Tifa and his inability to articulate them. As for Aerith, I suppose you can still read her reaction as jealous, though simple curiosity is a perfectly reasonable way to read it too. It plays out quite similarly to Aerith asking Cloud about who he gave the flower to. Her follow ups seem indicate that she’s merely curious about who this recipient might be rather than showing that she’s upset/jealous of the fact that said person exists.

For the collapsed tunnel segment, the Remake adds the recurring bit of Aerith and Cloud trying to successfully complete a high-five. While this is certainly a way to show them getting closer, it’s about least intimate way that SE could have done so. Just think about the alternatives — you could have Cloud and Aerith sharing brief tidbits of their lives after each mechanical arm, you could have them trying to reach for each other’s hand. Instead, SE chose an action that is we’ve seen performed between a number of different platonic buddies, and an action that Aerith immediately performs with Tifa upon meeting her. Not to mention, even while they are technically getting closer, Cloud still rejects (or at least tries to) Aerith’s invitations to extend their time together twice — at the fire and at the playground.

One aspect from these two Chapters that does has plenty of set up and a satisfying payoff is Aerith’s interest in Cloud’s SOLDIER background. You have the weirdness of Aerith already knowing that Cloud was in SOLDIER without him mentioning it first, followed by Elmyra’s antipathy towards SOLDIERs in general, not to mention Aerith actively fishing for information about Cloud’s time in SOLDIER. (For players who’ve played Crisis Core, the reason for her behavior is even more obvious, with her “one date” gesture mirroring Zack’s, and her line to Cloud in front of the tunnel a near duplicate of what she says to Zack — at least in the original Japanese).

Finally, at the playground, it’s revealed that the reason for all this weirdness is because Aerith’s first love was also a SOLDIER who was the same rank as Cloud. Unlike in the OG, Cloud does not exhibit any potential jealousy by asking about the nature of her relationship, and Aerith doesn’t try to play it off by dismissing the seriousness. In fact, with the emotional nuance we can now see on her face, we can understand the depth of her feelings even if she cannot articulate them.

This is the first scene in the Remake where Cloud and Aerith have a genuine conversation. Thus, finally, Cloud expresses some hesitation before he leaves her — and as far as he knows, this could be the last time they see each other. You can interpret this hesitation as romantic longing or it could just as easily be Cloud being a bit sad to part from a new friend. Regardless, it’s notable that scene is preceded by one where Aerith is talking about her first love who she clearly isn’t over, and followed by a scene where Cloud sprints across the screen, without a backwards glance at Aerith, after seeing a glimpse of Tifa through a tiny window in a Chocobo cart that’s about a hundred yards away.

The Wall Market segment in the Remake is quite explicitly about Cloud’s desire to save Tifa. In the OG, Aerith has no trouble getting into Corneo’s mansion on her own, so I can see how someone could misinterpret Cloud going through all the effort to dress as a woman to protect Aerith from the Don’s wiles (though of course, you would need to ask, why they trying to infiltrate the mansion in the first place?). In the Remake, Cloud has to go through herculean efforts to even get Aerith in front of the Don. Everyone who is aware of Cloud’s cause, from Sam to Leslie to Johnny to Andrea to Aerith herself, comments on how hard he’s working to save Tifa and how important she must be to him for him to do so. In case there’s any confusion, the Remake also includes a scene where Cloud is prepared to bust into the mansion on his own, leaving Aerith to fend for herself, after Johnny comes with news that Tifa is in trouble.

Both Cloud and Aerith get big dress reveals in the Remake. If you get Aerith’s best dress, Cloud’s reaction can certainly be read as one of attraction, but since the game continues on the same regardless of which dress you get, it’s not meant to mark a shift in Cloud and Aerith’s relationship. Rather, it’s a reward for the player for completing however many side quests in Ch. 8, especially since the Remake incentives the player to get every dress and thus see all of Cloud’s reactions by making it a Trophy and including it in the play log.

A significant and very welcome change from the OG to the Remake is Tifa and Aerith’s relationship dynamic. In the OG, the girls’ first meeting in Corneo’s mansion starts with them fighting over Cloud (by pretending not to fight over Cloud). In the Remake, the sequence of events is reversed so that it starts off with Cloud’s reunion with Tifa (again emphasizing that the whole purpose of the infiltration is because Cloud wants to save Tifa). Then when Aerith wakes, she’s absolutely thrilled to make Tifa’s acquaintance, hardly acknowledging Cloud at all. Tifa is understandably more wary at first, but once they start working together, they become fast friends.

Also interesting is that from the moment Aerith and Tifa meet, almost every instance where Cloud could be shown worrying about Aerith or trying to comfort Aerith is given to Tifa instead. In the OG, it’s Cloud who frets about Aerith getting involved in the plot to question the Don, and regrets getting her mixed up in everything once they land in the sewers. In the Remake, those very same reservations are expressed by Tifa instead. Tifa is the one who saves Aerith when the platform collapses in the sewer. Tifa is the one who emotionally comforts Aerith after they’re separated in the train graveyard. (Cloud might be the one who physically saves her, but he doesn’t even so much give her a second glance to check on her well-being before he runs off to face Eligor. He leaves that job for Tifa). It almost feels like the Remake is going out of its way to avoid any moments between Cloud and Aerith that could be interpreted as romantic. In fact, after Corneo’s mansion, unless you get Aerith’s resolution, there are almost no one-on-one interactions at all between Cloud and Aerith. Such is not the case with Cloud and Tifa. In fact, right after defeating Abzu in the sewers, Cloud runs after Tifa, and asks her if what she’s saying is one of those slum lessons — continuing right where they left off.

Ch. 11 feels like a wink-wink nudge-nudge way to acknowledge the LTD. You have the infamous shot of the two girls on each of Cloud’s arms, and two scenes where Cloud appears as if he’s unable to choose between them when he asks them if they’re okay. Of course, in this same Chapter, you have a scene during the boss fight with the Phantom where Cloud actually pulls Tifa away from Aerith, leaving Aerith to defend herself, for an extended sequence where he tries to keep Tifa safe. This is not something SE would include if their intention is to keep Cloud’s romantic interest ambiguous or if Aerith is meant to be the one he loves. Of course, Ch. 11 is not the first we see of this trio’s dynamic. We start with Ch. 10, which is all about Aerith and Tifa’s friendship. Ch. 11 is a nod to the LTD dynamic in the OG, but it’s just that, a nod, not an indication the Remake is following the same path. Halfway through Ch. 11, the dynamic completely disappears.

Ch. 12 changes things up a bit from the OG. Instead of Cloud and Tifa ascending the pillar together, Cloud goes up first. Seemingly just so that we can have the dramatic slow-mo handgrab scene between the two of them when Tifa decides to run after Cloud — right after Aerith tells her to follow her heart.

The Remake also shows us what happens when Aerith goes to find Marlene at Seventh Heaven — including the moment when Aerith sees the flower she gave Cloud by the bar register, and Aerith is finally able to connect the dots. After seeing Cloud be so cagey about who he gave the flower to, and weird about his relationship with Tifa, and after seeing how Cloud and Tifa act around each other. It finally makes sense. She’s figured it out before they have. It’s a beautiful payoff to all that set up. Any other interpretation of Aerith’s reaction doesn’t make a lick of sense, because if it’s to indict she’s jealous of Tifa, where is all the set up for that? Why did the Remake eliminate all the moments from the OG where she had been noticeably jealous before? Without this, that interpretation makes about as much sense as someone arguing Aerith is smiling because she’s thinking about a great sandwich she had the night before. In case anyone is confused, the scene is preceded by a moment where Aerith tells Tifa to follow her heart before she goes after Cloud, and followed by the moment where Cloud catches Tifa via slow-motion handgrab.

On the pillar itself, there are so many added moments of Cloud showing his concern for Tifa’s physical and emotional well-being. Even when they find Jessie, as sad as Cloud is over Jessie’s death, the game actually spends more time showing us Cloud’s reaction to Tifa crying over Jessie’s death, and Cloud’s inability to comfort her. Since so much of this is physical rather than verbal, this couldn’t have effectively been shown in the OG with its technological limitations.

After the pillar collapses, we start off with a couple of other moments showing Cloud’s concern over Tifa — watching over her as she wakes, his dramatic fist clench while he watches Barret comfort Tifa in a way he cannot. There is also a subtle but important change in the dialogue. In the OG, Tifa is the one who tells Barret that Marlene is safe because she was with Aerith. Cloud is also on his way to Sector 5, but it’s for the explicit purpose of trying to save Aerith, which we know because Tifa asks. In the Remake, Tifa is too emotionally devastated to comfort Barret about Marlene. Cloud, trying to help in the only way he can, is now the one to tell Barret about Marlene. Leading them to Sector 5 is no longer about him trying to help Aerith, but about him reuniting Barret with his daughter. Again, another moment where Cloud shows concern about Aerith in the OG is eliminated from the Remake.

Rather than going straight from Aerith’s house to trying to figure out a way into the Shinra building to find Aerith, the group takes a detour to check out the ruins of Sector 7 and rescue Wedge from Shinra’s underground lab. It’s only upon seeing the evidence of Shinra’s inhumane experimentation firsthand that Cloud articulates to Elmyra the need to rescue Aerith. In the OG, they never sought out Elmyra’s permission, and Tifa explicitly asks to join Cloud on his quest. Rescuing Aerith is framed as primarily Cloud’s goal, Tifa and Barret are just along for the ride.

In the Remake, all three wait until Elymra gives them her blessing, and it’s framed (quite literally) as the group’s collective goal as opposed to just Cloud’s.

In the aptly named Ch. 14 resolutions, each marks the culmination of the character’s arc for the Part 1 of Remake. While their arcs are by no means complete, they do offer a nice preview of what their ultimate resolutions will be.

With the exception of Tifa’s, these resolutions are primarily about the character themselves. Their relationships with Cloud are secondary. Each resolution marks a change in the character themselves, but not necessarily a change in Cloud’s relationship with said character. Barret recommits to AVALANCHE’s mission and his role as a leader despite the deep personal costs. Aerith’s is full of foreshadowing as she accept her fate and impending death and decides to make the most of the time she has left. After trying to put aside her own feelings for the sake of others the whole time, Tifa finally allows herself to feel the full devastation of losing her home for the second time. Like her ultimate resolution in the Lifestream that we’ll see in about 25 years, Cloud is the only person she can share this sentiment with because he was the only person who was there.

Barret does not grow closer to Cloud through his resolution. Cloud has already proved himself to him by helping out on the pillar and reuniting him with Marlene. Barret resolution merely reveals that Barret is now comfortable enough with Cloud to share his past.

Similarly, Cloud starts off Aerith’s resolution with an intent to go rescue her, and ends with that intent still intact. Aerith is more open about her feelings here than before, it being a dream and all, but these feelings aren’t something that developed during this scene.

The only difference is during Tifa’s resolution. Cloud has been unable to emotionally comfort Tifa up until this point. It’s only when Tifa starts crying and rests her head upon his shoulder that he is able to make a change, to make a choice and hug her. Halfway through Tifa’s resolution, the scene shifts its focus to Cloud, his inaction and eventual action. Notably, the only time we have a close-up of any character during all three resolutions (I’ll define close-up here as a shot where a character’s face takes up half or more of the shot), are three shots of Cloud when he’s hugging/trying to hug Tifa. Tifa’s resolution is the only one where Cloud arcs.

What of the whole “You can’t fall in love with me” line in Aerith’s resolution? Why would SE include that if not to foreshadow Cloud falling in love with Aerith? Or indicate that he has already? Well, you can’t just take the dialogue on its own, you how to look at how these lines are framed. Notably, when she says “you can’t fall in love with me,” Aerith is framed at the center of the shot, and almost looks like she’s directly addressing the player. It’s as much a warning for the player as it is for Cloud, which makes sense if you know her fate in the OG.

This is followed directly by her saying “Even if you think you have…it’s not real.” In this shot, it’s back to a standard shot/reverse shot where she is the left third of the frame. She is addressing Cloud here, which, again if you’ve played the OG, is another bit of heavy foreshadowing. The reason Clould would think he might be in love with Aerith is because he’s falsely assuming of the memories of a man who did love Aerith — Zack.

For Cloud’s response (”Do I get a say in all this?”/ “That’s very one-sided” depending on the translation), rather than showing a shot of his face, the Remake shows him with his back turned.

Whatever Cloud’s feelings may be for Aerith, the game seems rather indifferent to them.

What is more telling is the choice to include a bit with Cloud getting jealous over a guy trying to give Tifa flowers in Barret’s resolution. Barret also mentions both Jessie and Aerith in their conversation, but nothing else gets such a reaction from Cloud.

It also should go without saying that if Aerith’s resolution is meant to establish Cloud and Aerith’s romance, there should have been plenty of set-up beforehand and plenty of follow-through afterward. That obviously is not the case, because again, the Remake has gone out of its way to avoid moments where Cloud’s actions towards Aerith could be interpreted romantically.

Case in point, at around this time in the OG, Marlene tells Cloud that she thinks Aerith likes him and the player has the option to have Cloud express his hope that she does. This scene is completely eliminated from the Remake and replaced with a much more appropriate scene of father-daughter affection between Marlene and Barret while Tifa and Cloud are standing together outside.

The method by which they get up the plate is completely different in the Remake. Leslie is the one who helps them this time around, and though his quest to reunite with his fiance directly parallels with the trio’s desire to save Aerith, Leslie himself draws a comparison to earlier when Cloud was trying to rescue Tifa. Finally, when Abzu is defeated again, it is Barret who draws the parallel of their search for Aerith to Leslie’s search for his fiance, making it crystal clear that saving Aerith is a group effort rather than only Cloud’s.

Speaking of Barret, in the OG, he seems to reassess his opinion of Cloud in the Shinra HQ stairs when he sees Cloud working so hard to save Aerith and realizes he might actually care about other people. In the Remake, that reevaluation occurs after you complete all the Ch. 14 sidequests and help a bunch of NPCs. Arguably, this moment occurs even earlier in the Remake for Barret, after the Airbuster, when he realizes that Cloud is more concerned for his and Tifa’s safety than his own.

Overall, the entire Aerith rescue feels so anticlimactic in the Remake. In the OG, Cloud gets his big hero moment in the Shinra Building. He’s the one who runs up to Aerith when the glass shatters and they finally reunite. In the Remake, it’s unclear what the emotional stakes are for Cloud here. At their big reunion, all we get from him is a “Yep.” In fact, when you look at how this scene plays out, Aerith is positioned equally between Cloud and Tifa at the moment of her rescue. Cloud’s answer is again with his back turned to the camera. It’s Tifa who gets her own shot with her response.

Another instance of the Remake being completely indifferent to Cloud’s feelings for Aerith, and actually priotizing Tifa’s relationship with Aerith instead.

It is also Tifa who runs to reunite with Aerith after the group of enemies is defeated. Another moment that could have easily been Cloud’s that the Remake gives to Tifa.

Also completely eliminated in the Remake, is the “I’m your bodyguard. / The deal was for one date” exchange in the jail cells. In the Remake, after Ch. 8, the date isn’t brought up again at all; “the bodyguard” reference only comes up briefly in Ch. 11 and then never again.

In the Remake, the jail scene is replaced by the scene in Aerith’s childhood room. Despite the fact that this is Aerith’s room, it is Tifa’s face that Cloud first sees when he wakes. What purpose does this moment serve other than to showcase Cloud and Tifa’s intimacy and the other characters’ tacit acknowledgment of said intimacy?

(This is the second time where Cloud wakes up and Tifa is the first thing he sees. The other was at Corneo’s mansion. He comes to three times in the Remake, but in Ch. 8, even though Aerith is right in front of him, we start off with a few seconds of Cloud gazing around the church before settling on the person in front of him. Again, while not something that most players would notice, this feels like a deliberate choice.)

Especially since this scene itself is all about Aerith. She begins a sad story about her past, and Cloud, rather than trying to comfort her in any way, asks her to give us some exposition about the Ancients. When the Whispers surround her, even though Cloud is literally right there, it's Tifa who pulls her out of it and comforts her. Another moment that could have been Cloud that was given to Tifa, and honestly, this one feels almost bizarre.

Throughout the entire Shinra HQ episode, Cloud and Aerith haven’t had a single moment alone to themselves. The Drums scenario is completely invented for the Remake. The devs could have contrived a way for Cloud and Aerith to have some one-on-one time here and work through the feelings they expressed during Aerith’s resolution if they wanted. Instead, with the mandatory party configurations during this stage - Cloud & Barret on one side; Tifa & Aerith on the others, with Cloud & Tifa being the respective team leaders communicating over PHS, the Remake minimizes the amount of interaction Cloud and Aerith have with each other in this chapter.

On the rooftop, before Cloud’s solo fight with Rufus, even though Cloud is ostensibly doing all this so that they can bring Aerith to safety, the Remake doesn’t include a single shot that focuses on Aerith’s face and her reaction to his actions. The game has decided, whatever Aerith’s feelings are in this moment, they’re irrelevant to the story they’re trying to tell. Instead we get shots focusing solely on Barret and Tifa. While the Remake couldn’t find any time to develop Cloud and Aerith’s relationship at the Shinra Tower (even though the OG certainly did), it did find time to add a new scene where Tifa saves Cloud from certain death, while referencing their Promise.

A lot of weird shit happens after this, but it’s pretty much all plot and no character. We do get one more moment where Cloud saves Tifa (and Tifa alone) from the Red Whisper even though Aerith is literally right next to her. The Remake isn’t playing coy at all about where Cloud’s preferences lie.

The party order for the Sephiroth battle varies depending on how you fought the Whispers. All the other character entrances (whoever the 3rd party member is, then the 4th and Red) are essentially the exact same shots, with the characters replaced. It’s the first character entrance (which can only be Aerith or  Tifa) that you have two distinct options.

If Aerith is first, the camera pans from Cloud over to Aerith. It then cuts back to Cloud’s reaction, in a separate shot, as Aerith walks to join him (offscreen). It’s only when the player regains control of the characters that Cloud and Aerith ever share the frame.

On the other hand, if Tifa is first, we see Tifa land from Cloud’s POV. Cloud then walks over to join Tifa and they immediately share a frame, facing Sephiroth together.

Again, this is not something SE would expect the player to notice the first or even second time around. Honestly, I doubt anyone would notice at all unless they watched all these variations back to back. That is telling in itself, that SE would go through all this effort (making these scenes unique rather than copy and pasting certainly takes more time and effort) to ensure that the depictions of Cloud’s relationships with these two women are distinct despite the fact that hardly anyone would notice. Even in the very last chapter of the game, they want us to see Cloud and Tifa as a pair and Cloud and Aerith as individuals.

Which isn’t to say that Aerith is being neglected in the Remake. Quite the opposite, in fact, when she has essentially become the main protagonist and the group’s spirtual leader in Ch. 18. Rather, her relationship with Cloud is no longer an essential part of her character. Not to mention, one of the very last shots of the Remake is about Aerith sensing Zack’s presence. Again, not the kind of thing you want to bring up if the game is supposed to show her being in love with Cloud.

What does it all mean????

Phew — now let’s step back and look and how the totality of these changes have reshaped our understanding of the story as a whole. Looking solely at the Midgar section of the OG, and ignoring everything that comes after it, it seems to tell a pretty straightforward story: Cloud is a cold-hearted jerk who doesn’t care about anyone else until he meets Aerith. It is through his relationship with Aerith that he begins to soften up and starts giving a damn about something other than himself. This culminates when he risks it all to rescue Aerith from the clutches of the game’s Big Bad itself, The Shinra Electric Company.

This was honestly the reason why I was dreading the Remake when I learned that it would only cover the Midgar segment. A game that’s merely an expansion of the Midgar section of the OG is probably going to leave a lot of people believing that Cloud & Aerith were the intended couple, and I didn’t want to wait years and perhaps decades for vindication after the Remake’s Lifestream Scene.

I imagine this very scenario is what motivated SE to make so many of these changes. In the OG, they could get away with misdirecting the audience for the first few hours of the game since the rest of the story and the reveals were already completed. The player merely had to pop in the next disc to get the real story. Such is not the case with the Remake. Had the the Remake followed the OG’s beats more closely, many players, including some who’ve never played the OG, would finish the Remake thinking that Cloud and Aerith were the intended couple. It would be years until they got the rest of the story, and at that point, the truth would feel much more like a betrayal. Like they’ve been cruelly strung along.

While they’ve gone out of their way to adapt most elements from the OG into the Remake, they’ve straight up eliminated many scenes that could be interpreted as Cloud’s romantic interest in Aerith. Instead, he seems much more interested in her knowledge as an Ancient than in her romantic affections. This is the path the Remake could be taking. Instead of Cloud being under the illusion of falling in love with Aerith, he’s under the illusion that the answer to his identity dilemma lies in Aerith’s Cetra heritage, when, of course, the answer was with Tifa all along.

Hiding Sephiroth’s existence during the Midgar arc isn’t necessary to telling the story of FF7, thus it’s been eliminated in the Remake. Similarly, pretending that Cloud and Aerith are going to end up together also isn’t necessary and would only confuse the player. Thus the LTD is no longer a part of the Remake.

If Aerith’s impact on Cloud has been diminished, what then is his arc in the Remake? Is it essentially just the same without the catalyst of Aerith? A cold guy at the start who eventually learns to care about others through the course of the game? Kind of, though arguably, this is who Remake!Cloud is all along, not just Cloud at the end of the Remake. Cloud is a guy who pretends to be a selfish jerk, but he deep down he really does care. He just doesn’t show this side of himself around people he’s unfamiliar with. So part of his arc in the Remake is opening up to the others, Barret, AVALANCHE and Aerith included, but these all span a chapter or two at most. They don’t straddle the entire game.

What is the throughline then? What is an area in which he exhibits continuous growth?

It’s Tifa. It’s his desire to fulfill his Promise to Tifa. Not just to protect her physically, but to be there for her emotionally, something that’s much harder to do. There’s the big moments like when he remembers the Promise in Ch. 4., his dramatic fist clench when he can’t stop Tifa from crying in Ch. 12, and in Ch. 13 when he watches Barret comfort Tifa. It’s all the flashbacks he has of her and the times he’s felt like he failed her. It’s the smaller moments where he can sense her nervousness and unease but the only thing he knows how to do is call her name. It’s all those times during battle, where Tifa can probably take care of herself, but Cloud has to save her because he can’t fail her again. All of this culminates in Tifa’s Resolution, where Tifa is in desperate need of comfort, and is specifically seeking Cloud’s comfort, and Cloud has no idea what to do. He hesitates because he’s clueless, because he doesn’t want to fuck it up, but finally, he makes the choice, he takes the risk, and he hugs her….and he kind of fucks it up. He hugs her too hard. Which is a great thing, because this arc isn’t anywhere close to being over. There’s still so much more to come. So many places this relationship will go.

We get a little preview of this when Tifa saves Cloud on the roof. Everything we thought we knew about their relationship has been flipped on its head. Tifa is the one saving Cloud here, near the end of this part of the Remake. Just as she will save Cloud in the Lifestream just before the end of the FF7 story as a whole. What does Tifa mean to Cloud? It’s one of the first questions posed in the Remake, and by the end, it remains unanswered.

Cloud’s character arc throughout the entire FF7 story is about his reconciling with his identity issues. This continues to develop through the Shinra Tower Chapters, but it certainly isn’t going to be resolved in Part 1 of the Remake. His character arc in the Remake — caring more about others/finding a way to finally comfort Tifa — is resolved in Ch. 14, well before rescuing Aerith, which is what makes her rescue feel so anticlimactic. The resolution of this external conflict isn’t tied to the protagonist’s emotional arc. This was not the case in the OG. I’m certainly not complaining about the change, but the Remake probably would have felt more satisfying as a whole if they hewed to the structure of the OG. Instead, it seems that SE has prioritized the clarity of the Remake series as a whole (leaving no doubt about where Cloud’s affections lie) over the effectiveness of the “climax” in the first entry of the Remake.

This is all clear if you only focus on the “story” of the Remake -- i.e., what the characters are saying and doing. If you extend your lens to the presentation of said story, and here I’m talking about who the game chooses to focus on during the scenes, how long they hold on these shots, which characters share the frame, which do not, etc --- it really could not be more obvious.

Does the camera need to linger for over 5 seconds on Cloud staring at the door after wishing Tifa goodnight? Does it need to find Cloud almost every time Tifa says or does anything so that we’re always aware of his watchfulness and the nature of his care? The answer is no until you realize this dynamic is integral to telling the story of Final Fantasy VII.

I don’t see how anyone who compares the Remake to the OG could come away from it thinking that the Remake series is going to reverse all of the work done in the OG and Compilation by having Cloud end up with Aerith.

Just because the ending seems to indicate that the events of the OG might not be set in stone, it doesn’t mean that the Remake will end with Aerith surviving and living happily ever after with Cloud. Even if Aerith does live (which again seems unlikely given the heavy foreshadowing of her death in the Remake), how do you come away from the Remake thinking that Cloud is going to choose Aerith over Tifa when SE has gone out of its way to remove scenes between Cloud and Aerith that could be interpreted as romantic? And gone out of its way to shove Cloud’s feelings for Tifa in the player’s face? The sequels would have to spend an obscene amount of time not only building Cloud and Aerith’s relationship from scratch, but also dismantling Cloud’s relationship with Tifa. It would be an absolute waste of time and resources, and there’s really no way to do so without making the characters look like assholes in the process.

Now could this happen? Sure, in the sense that literally anything could happen in the future. But in terms of outcomes that would make sense based on what’s come before, this particular scenario is about as plausible as Cloud deciding to relinquish his quest to find Sephiroth so that he can pursue his real dream of becoming at sandwich artist at Panera Bread.

It’s over! I promise!

Like you, I too cannot believe the number of words I’ve wasted on this subject. What is there left to say? The LTD doesn’t exist outside of the first disc of the OG. You'll only find evidence of SE perpetuating the LTD if you go into these stories with the assumption that 1) The LTD exists 2) it remains unanswered. But it’s not. We know that Cloud ends up with Tifa.

What the LTD has become is dissecting individual scenes and lines of dialogue, without considering the context of said things, and pretending as if the outcome is unknown and unknowable. If you took this tact to other aspects of FF7’s story, then it would be someone arguing that because there a number of scenes in the OG that seem to suggest that Meteor will successfully destroy the planet, this means that the question of whether or not our heroes save the world in the end is left ambiguous. No one does that because that would be utterly absurd. Individual moments in a story may suggest alternate outcomes to build tension, to keep us on our toes, but that doesn’t change the ending from being the ending. Our heroes stop Meteor. Cloud loves Tifa. Arguments against either should be treated with the same level of credulity (i.e., none).

It’s frustrating that the LTD, and insecurities about whether or not Cloud really loves Tifa, takes up so much oxygen in any discussion about these characters. And it’s a damn shame, because Cloud and Tifa’s relationship is so rich and expansive, and the so-called “LTD” is such a tiny sliver of that relationship, and one of the least interesting aspects. They’re wonderful because they’re just so damn normal. Unlike other Final Fantasy couples, what keeps them apart is not space and time and death, but the most human and painfully relatable emotion of all, fear. Fear that they can’t live up to the other’s expectations; fear that they might say the wrong thing. The fear that keeps them from admitting their feelings at the Water Tower, they’re finally able to overcome 7 years later in the Lifestream. They’re childhood friends but in a way they’re also strangers. Like other FF couples, we’re able to watch their entire relationship grow and unfold before our eyes. But they have such a history too, a history that we unravel with them at the same time. Every moment of their lives that SE has found worth depicting, they’ve been there for each other, even if they didn’t know it at the time. Theirs is a story that begins and ends with each other. Their is the story that makes Final Fantasy VII what it is.

If you’ve made it this far, many thanks for reading. I truly have no idea how to use this platform, so please direct any and all hatemail to my DMs at TLS, which I will then direct to the trash. (In all seriousness, I’d be happy to answer any specific questions you may have, but I feel like I’ve more than said my piece here.)

If there’s one thing you take away from this, I hope it’s to learn to ignore all the ridiculous arguments out there, and just enjoy the story that’s actually being told. It’s a good one.

[theyanderespecialist]

Romantically- well, I think I like both genders tbh, sure, looks is a small part in it for me but personality and compatibility is what I think I want more out of the relationship. Sexually speaking, I think I do want to try stuff when I get the chance, but at the same time I’m like “Nope- naw, a fist bump/awkward hug would do” Like, it’s weird for me cause I’m not too good with knowing how I feel/what I want most of the time

From my personal knowledge and research, it sounds like you are the very least Biromantic you may be Panromantic. Biromantic is where you are attracted to more than one gender (not just boys and girls) and panromantic means you are attracted to anyone and gender does not matter and that you like the person for their personality and if they suit you and what you want.

Now you could with sexuality (it sounds like at least) that you are demi or ace which means a lack of sexual attraction to others. Does not mean you hate sex, not at all, or that you are repulsed by it. Being Asexual means that you do not feel sexual attraction to anyone. Though this does mean you can still have sex. There is a wide spectrum on what Ace and Demi are okay with when it comes to sex.

For example. I am Demi and I am okay with doing sexual acts that are even with people I am not connected to. But as soon as they try and return the favor I am like nope nope fuck that XD also, I hate kisses and cuddling unless I am connected to that person. Even then I have to be in the mood for that.

A friend of mine is leaning toward more disgust with sexual acts such as he does not like watching real-life porn. It makes him super uncomfortable and grossed out and really needs a connection to be sexually attracted to someone.

Now this does not mean Demi and Ace cannot read smut, watch porn, role play, or find fictional characters attractive

it is best described as I think, Fictional characters or fantasy about real people is that a fantasy something you know you never have to do in real life. for example. If you have a guy in your class and you had scenarios in your head of what sex be like with them and it turned you on. But as soon as they try anything sexual you are like nope nope no thank you and not interested sexually? It is because it is fantasy and everyone in the world can have fantasies about sex for Demi and Ace it is safe where they can fully enjoy sexual thoughts without the risk of being grossed out.

Personally, I LOVE fictional characters and simp for them hard reading tons of smut about them but if they were real in real like I will be like nope nope unless I am more like serving you. Nope, I want no sexy time.

So Ace means not sexually attracted to anyone but Demisexual means attracted to someone when you have a deep connection with them.

So From what I know you sound more biromantic/Panromantic Ace/Demi.

Remember there are more sexualities getting their names as Demisexuals were always a thing they just got a name in like 2006 because no one talked about them. Same with Bisexual it was not always a word but it was always there. And so on with trans and gay and lesbian. The world keeps growing and becoming more accepting slowly letting people figure out who they are.

So if right now you think your one thing but learn more about another sexuality and you feel that fits you better it is okay to change what you describe yourself as.

I went from straight to bisexual, to lesbian, to pansexual, to panromantic Demisexual. It took me over a decade to figure out who I am. So what you label yourself now does not mean that is who you are. For those who do know this is what they are that is great! But for those who are still discovering themselves, it is okay to take time, just as long as you are happy with who you are. That is all that matters and that you are not hurting others and no just existing does not hurt anyone :D

I hope this cleared some things up :D if you have more questions feel free to ask me.

[ordinaryschmuck]

Top 10 Favorite Fictional Couples

Happy Valentines Day, people on the internet who probably won't read this! I'm an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons. And even though I'm a lonely bastard who will absolutely die alone one day, I am also a sucker for romance. If a story decides to include a cute couple in it, then you better believe I'm going to gush over them for an unhealthy amount of time for a man my age. Even more so if they answer the three most essential questions that I think applies to every romantic couple in fiction:

Why do they like each other? (Looks don't count. It can be an option, but it shouldn't be the only option.)

Would it make sense for them to be together? (Like, if this couple would exist in real life, would you expect them to last.)

Do they have chemistry? (This is the most important one as a couple can dominate just by the chemistry alone.)

So today, I am going to rank my top ten favorite couples in fiction, who just so happen to answer most, if not all, of these questions. Now, I could be cute and make a top fourteen list...but not too long ago, I just listed off the twenty best-animated series of the 2010s, so I think it's best if I stick to the basics. Also, I should make a few things clear:

A. These are couples, not ships. The pairing has to have a canon kiss, or at the very least, a canon confession to be on the list. This means sorry, Lumity fans, but Luz and Amity are not going to be on this list...even though they would absolutely be #1 if they could be!

B. The couple has to at least spend an entire episode being together, which means no last-minute hookups because the writers wanted to drag out the romantic tension. (Sorry, Catradora fans)

With that out of the way, let's get started with--

10. Laura Hollis and Carmilla Kernstien from Carmilla (Web Series)

The chemistry between these two is on point. Laura’s and Carmilla's actors Elise Bauman and Natasha Negovanlis are so convincing when acting like a couple that I am honestly shocked to find out they never actually dated. This is good because everything else about Laura and Carmilla's relationship is...kind of the worst. Don't get me wrong, as a couple, these two are fantastic, adorable, well-written, and well-performed. But the writers seem very fond of keeping them bickering and broken up rather than actually having them together. And that is where the issue lies. If the writers committed to Laura and Carmilla being together instead of doing this whole "will they or won't they" crap, on top of them being selfish idiots in season two, then you better believe they would be in the top three, at least. As they are, they at least act adorable enough to make the top ten.

9. Gregg and Angus from Night in the Woods

Ok, I'm gonna level with you: I just wanted to put an mlm relationship on this list, and this was the best I can come up with (I haven't seen Good Omens, nor have I finished Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts yet to see Benson's relationship with Troy. Leave me alone). As a male bisexual, I'm kind of disappointed. I know that male pairings exist in media, but for the life of me, I don't think they are as celebrated as much, or as frequent, as female pairings have been. This is sad because I would honestly love to see how more couples like Gregg and Angus.

These two act so much like a real couple. Gregg and Angus care and support each other so much, yet they still have big arguments as any couple would. They clearly love each other but still have issues they both need to deal with if they want to grow. Plus, I'm just a sucker for opposites attract. And you can't get more opposite than the loud and bombastic Gregg and his quiet and serious boyfriend Angus. There are probably better mlm pairings than these two (And if there are, then let me know. I'd love to check them out), but Gregg and Angus prove that any relationship, no matter the gender, can be the same as any other. Both the wholesomeness and the faults.

8. Peter Parker and Michelle Jones from the Marvel Cinematic Universe

I put these two a little low because we barely see them spend time as a couple. Peter and Michelle got together at the end of Spider-Man: Far From Home, and we only get a glimpse of how their relationship works in the last few minutes. However, I'm willing to argue that they count because they are guaranteed to be a couple in the sequels, and we'll be allowed to see them grow. How often do you get to say that for other fictional couples who get together at the end of a long story? Plus, Peter and Michelle earn extra bonus points for being the best couple in a Spider-Man movie. Michelle is a league's better character than the MJ in the Sam Rami trilogy, and the chemistry is still adorable but not overtly cutesy like it was in The Amazing Spider-Man movies. So even though Peter and Michelle just got together, they show a lot of promise, if you ask me. Their interactions are adorable, you can tell that Michelle likes Peter for Peter, and they are the most accurate depictions of young love you’ll ever see. Just look at that first kiss. It was one filled with inexperience and awkwardness and I just love it! I’m already interested in what these two have to offer and I can’t wait to see what happens next with them.

7. Andy Dwyer and April Ludgate from Parks and Recreation

The best description you'll ever hear about this couple is that they are what happens when a dog and a cat fall in love. Andy is dopey, happy, and loyal to no end. April is intimidating, cynical, and is already plotting your murder as we speak. What I'm saying is that these two shouldn't work...but they do. Somehow, by every leap of logic, Andy and April complete each other. They are both so far gone from reality, yet at the same time, both keep each other grounded in more ways than one. It's a weird paradox that never ceases to amaze, nor does it cease to be adorable. They do go through bullcrap love triangles and a "will they or won't they scenario" in seasons two and three, but once that crap is over, the writers lean into the potential these two have as a great couple. And trust me when I say that it is all lovely to watch.

6. Rapunzel and Eugene from Tangled: The Series

Huh. I guess romance really does exist after Happily Ever After.

Joking aside, I was surprised by how well these two work as a pairing. Usually, when the Disney Prince and Princess get together in the end, there is nothing more to the relationship. And even if their movie gets a spin-off series, the dynamic is as generic and forgettable as it can be. For Rapunzel and Eugene, it is different. Their chemistry is top-notch, their constant love and support for each other are admirable/adorable, and the complete trust they have for one another is absolute perfection. I was already surprised by how good Tangled: The Series was, but the fact that the main couple is somehow better here than they were in their own movie is something I would have never expected.

5. Rigby and Eileen from Regular Show

And seeing how we're talking about surprises, who saw these two being the best couple in the series? With the number of times that the writers focussed on Mordecai's romantic hang-ups and how often Muscle Man and Starla were considered the only canon couple, I was shocked when it turned out Rigby and Eileen have the best loving relationship in Regular Show. Even crazier, their relationship is built entirely in the background of the first six seasons. Since her introduction, Eileen has been head over heels for Rigby since the beginning (for reasons I'll never understand), and Rigby slowly reciprocated. Until the big reveal in the season six finale, there was nothing but implications as they were trying to hide their relationship and not rub how perfect it is in Mordecai's face (no matter how much Rigby wants to). But once we get to see them as an official couple, it all becomes clear why they work so well. Eileen loves Rigby for Rigby, and will always support him, faults and all. Rigby pays it all back in spades, wanting to be a better person, as well as a better boyfriend, for the one person who always believes there was something good inside. Not even his own best friend had that much faith in him. And on top of all of that, they're just cute. They may not have been the central hook in the series, but they are definitely much appreciated.

4. Chris and Elise from Dan Vs./Millie and Moxxie from Helluva Boss

These four are tied because they pretty much have the same dynamic. Chris and Moxxie are these pathetic losers who somehow managed to marry Elise and Millie: Badass assassins who could effortlessly marry any man they want. And what they want are their pathetic losers. It's extra wholesome for Chris and Elise, as Chris really can't do that much right, especially in comparison to the ever-perfect Elise. Yet, she still cares deeply for Chris and will promptly destroy anyone or anything that causes him harm. That being said, while Millie and Moxxie are both equally deadly, there is an odd hilarity to the fact that these literal demons from hell are so gosh darn wholesome. Seriously, their literal job is to kill people who screw over those who went to hell, and I'm always going "D'aww" when M and M always do something cute. Explain that logic to me!

There's nothing more I can say about these four, as they're adorable couples that prove love comes in the most impossible circumstances and the unlikeliest places.

3. Ruby and Sapphire from Steven Universe

I'll always remember that Ruby and Sapphire are the first couple that proved to me that there is nothing wrong with a same-sex pairing, especially in children's media. Before Steven Universe, I wasn't necessarily told that same-sex couples are wrong, but they're not meant for kids. Then I found out that these two girls, on a kids show of all places, we're madly in love and my first response was: "...Huh." And this was before I knew I was bisexual, so I wasn't even that obsessed about it at the time. But the more I saw Ruby and Sapphire, and the more I learned about how starved the LGBTQ+ was for representation, the more I really appreciated them. Ruby and Sapphire never fail to be precious, and the fact that they barely spend any longer than a few minutes apart is downright heartwarming (and incredibly literal if you've seen the show). They also broke a ton of barriers to proper representation. Not only were Ruby and Sapphire one of the first explicit lesbian couples in children's animation, but they're also the first ones to actually get married. Because of such a power move, many networks and shows make it less of a challenge for writers to include more gay characters in their stories. There is still a lot of hard work that those writers face, but it certainly seems it's less of a challenge than it would be before Steven Universe came out (Ha!). Ruby and Saphire are the first fictional gay couple I have been introduced to and have made an incredible impression ever since.

2. Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum and Marcelene Abadeer from Adventure Time

But while it's Ruby and Sapphire that introduced me to the concept of a same-sex couple, it's Princess Bubblegum and Marceline that made me root for one. In (I want to say) 2017, I started rewatching Adventure Time, knowing that queer relationships were indeed a thing. This means that not only did I finally caught the INCREDIBLY noticeable subtext in "What Was Missing," but I was legitimately chanting, "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" when I got to the episode "Varmints." And when they finally did kiss in the series finale, I full-on jumped out of my chair and screamed, "YES!" That never happens. Not even for the straight couples that I've obsessed over before this. Either I coo at how adorable they are, or just smile a warm and gentle smile. But letting out a very audible cheer that my college roommates definitely heard? That shows how deeply I cared for these two. And can you really blame me?

Not only is the chemistry on point with Bubblegum and Marceline, but it's interesting getting to see their relationship evolve through the course of the series. They have a dynamic of a couple who broke up on bad terms (long before "Obsidian" confirmed this), and you slowly get to see them reconnect to that spark they lost long ago. Plus, the more you see them interact, the more of their history is revealed, and thus it becomes clear why they fell for each other in the first place. Bubblegum keeps Marceline responsible, while Marceline helps Bubblegum learn how to loosen up. They balance each other nicely, and after some much needed growing up from the both of them, that spark returns. And they're much more of a loving unit than they were years ago. It's incredible to watch, and I would honestly see an entire spin-off series about them. But, as great as Bubblegum and Marceline are, there is a reason they are not my number one.

(There’s no art for this one because they’re characters from a book and I don’t want to steal someone else’s fanart for the sake of my crappy Tumblr post)

1. Percy Jackson/Annabeth Chase from Percy Jackson and the Olympians/Heroes of Olympus

And that reason is that I can't resist the first-ever pairing that I obsessed over. Percy and Annabeth might just be the example I live by for how couples should be written in media. Dynamic wise, of course. In terms of telling a story, their relationship was handled poorly in Percy Jackson and the Olympians. It was filled with agonizing love-triangles, a very long wait, and they were one of those couples who didn't get together until the end of the series. Which is a major no-no, in my opinion. But, when they finally get to be a couple in Heroes of Olympus, it is downright perfection. Percy and Annabeth are what happens if these two badass warrior heroes fell in love. They worry about each other and are willing to die for each other (if need be) but still have an intense amount of faith and trust for one another. The number of times Percy or Annabeth knew they would be alright because they have each other is incredibly high, no matter what series of books they appear in. They work well together, as well as off each other. Percy is this bumbling idiot who wins his battles through a mix of luck and skill, where Annabeth is this intelligent warrior who has trained since the age of seven. They compliment each other perfectly, and their constant playful bickering is always fun. I love these two, I love their love, and they will always be one of my favorite fictional couples in media.

(That is until Luz and Amity from The Owl House become cannon. In which case, you better believe they'll be number one.)

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And those are my favorite couples. Out of curiosity, what are yours? Or, at least, what are your top five? Don't feel afraid to let me know or even make a list of your own.

Have a happy Valentine's Day, with whoever you want to celebrate it with and however you want to do it.

Now, if you don't excuse me, I have an entire to-do list of s**t I have to do, and I gotta figure out which to work on first.

(Should I review Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles next, or do that scene breakdown for Amphibia? Oh, the possibilities are killing me...)

[t100ficrecsblog]

an interview with @easilydistractedbyfanfic (she/they)

what are you working on right now? I don’t typically take prompts, but after finding out about the Bellarke Writers For BLM Initiative and how their goal is to raise money for BLM via various fandom prompts that are requested by readers and written & illustrated by various writers and artists, I wanted to get involved. I’ve finished two prompts and am working on my third, which is a Murphy/Raven smutfic set during their years on the Ring. It’s definitely an idea I can work with - it’s over 10k at this point with a lot more to say, so hopefully the anon who requested it will end up pleased! Go check out the tumblr page and the ao3 collection - there’s various t100 pairings/ratings and you can choose the cause if you want to request a fic!

what is the fanwork you’re most proud of? I struggled with this question! My stories are all like my kids, and even if some of them could use a bit of improvement with pacing or dialogue or whatever faults I see when they age, ultimately I do love them all and I’m glad I wrote them. I do sometimes play favorites but that often depends on what I’m in the mood to read myself. That said, I really do always feel proud of my story called What You Need. It’s a darker version of Raven & Murphy, but one that I don’t find unrealistic under the circumstances of the fic. I surprised myself with where my head went on this one. In a good way, because it was really fascinating to dive into the minds of who these particular versions of the characters were. 

I’m also pleased that I have over 500k on ao3 at this point. I never expected anything like this when I started writing, and it kind of blows my mind that this is my hobby now. It’s so strange to me that there are stories in my head at any given moment now.

why did you first start writing fic? I started writing in June 2018. Never wrote any fanfic before that, ever - though I did read plenty! I wrote three stories super fast, posted them all on ao3 on the same day and haven’t looked back. I think I started writing out of a combination of just really needing more content for my faves, but also I wasn’t in fandom before s5 and was quite desperate after s4 to talk to other people about Raven & Murphy. So I needed to get the stories out but also I had this hope that it would invite conversation when I didn’t know anyone in fandom.

what frustrates you most about fic writing? Just because I want to write doesn’t mean I can. Having prompts on my plate right now, I feel a real responsibility to finish them, but even when I carve time out to write, sometimes the words just don’t feel right. The muse doesn’t always strike when I have the time available. Also, it’s super ridiculously important to me that scenes and dialogue FEEL right based on the characterization I have in my head in any particular story. I can look at a scene I’ve written, especially an emotional one, and sometimes it’s just not resonating with me the way I know it could or should. It’s tough not to just push through and post it as-is, but I know that would never satisfy me, even if it means a much longer turn-around time on a story or chapter update. Often I will find that I get an a-ha moment that cracks open a better understanding of why a scene isn’t working for me, but this can take time and I have to trust in this process.

Not to preach, but it’s also frustrating when something you spend a lot of time and effort on doesn’t get much in the way of comments. I see posting fic on ao3 as a sort of conversation, so when there’s mostly silence even as the hits (and hopefully kudos) tick upwards, it can feel really...disheartening to feel like you’re talking into a void. And I say this as someone who has been fortunate enough to have regular readers who DO give feedback! I think every writer understands that they need to write for themselves first and foremost, but I wish more readers understood that feedback and enthusiasm will absolutely result in MORE CONTENT! I try very hard to follow this guideline myself by supporting and commenting on everything I read as time permits.

what are your top five songs right now? I listen to a huge mix of songs & my childhood influenced me a lot. 

Some floating in my head include - 

Chris Cornell’s live cover of Nothing Compares 2U Indigo Girls - Romeo & Juliet The Decemberists - Once In My Life Tori Amos - Silent All These Years The Chicks - March March 

what are your inspirations (books, songs, other fic)? I find inspiration in a lot of things, which I think is lucky. One of my biggest is the characters themselves. I love getting deep into understanding who I think they are, what their motivations are and why they’d make certain decisions, whether in canon or in an AU. What parts of their personalities do they keep when they aren’t tortured and under trauma on the regular? What would happen if I change this one scenario in their lives? I could probably go on forever just based on these sorts of thoughts, but I do also find inspiration in simple things like tropes, or song lyrics and the lore of the show itself. Quite a lot of my ideas in my inspiration notebook have sci-fi themes too. A few of my stories have already touched on sci-fi topics, and I absolutely plan more of them because I love how creative that can be. I also love the idea of suspended belief - can I have sentient plant life from an alien planet that can mindread & communicate by projecting thoughts into characters' heads? Yes, yes I can! (I wrote this story, fyi - Flora Incognita, part of a series) 

what attracts you to Murven? what first attracted you? Hey, do you have all day? Ha! Seriously, I could talk about this until everyone wants to strangle me! I loved Raven immediately - not so much Murphy! But I really disliked Finn, so ep 1x10 when Raven finally broke up with him had me interested. In that ep, you can see that Murphy is present, awake & nearby in the Dropship and probably overhears everything Raven says. Then he gets up and looks at her to make sure she’s still sleeping before he carries out his revenge plans. I’m not kidding - that one look absolutely and completely hooked me! Murphy was still awful then but he was so much more interesting than Finn, and back then I remember thinking how I’d really like to see them interact as two stubborn, strong personalities, because no doubt sparks would fly. And then when they did interact more, their dynamic was exactly what I’d hoped for and then some! 

I love that they’ve seen each other at their worst and at their weakest and most vulnerable, yet they’ve built a strong foundation of trust, faith and understanding. They have so much in common but they’re also different sides of the coin in some ways too. Fandom talks about Bellarke being the head & the heart, but to me Raven and Murphy are the intellect & the instinct - they complement each other, provide some of the qualities that the other needs, their differences improve each other. For me, nobody gets Raven like Murphy & nobody understands Murphy like Raven. Maybe not a lot of people notice, but Raven & Murphy check in with each other a lot - Raven tends to say “I got this” but Murphy is the only person who replies to her “Do you?”. And Raven listens to Murphy’s ideas and suggestions and plans even when she’s known as the genius because she knows that he has valuable things to say. They have fun together, make each other smile and enjoy each other’s company, which is in such short supply in this show! 

I know there’s parts of fandom that don’t ship them because Murphy shot Raven in s1. I have a lot of thoughts on it and have had quite a few tumblr posts about it. This is a fictional show - it does not reflect reality. I’ve been on the fringes of fandom for a long time and I know shipping doesn’t always mean yes, I want to see this relationship in real life. For me, I think it’s absolutely fascinating that someone Raven should hate has become one of her closest and most trusted friends. That she forgave him, and we as the audience get to see this dynamic change and grow, and that Murphy has always felt guilty about it even though he was being presented as selfish and out for himself - it’s such a huge, huge part of each of their character’s journeys. This is getting rather meta, but I don’t think either of these characters would have survived this long or evolved to the extent that they each have without specifically being around each other. 

And I absolutely can not discuss my love for Raven & Murphy without mentioning the whole way these two LOOK at each other! OMG have you SEEN it?!?? How could I not ship them when they look at each other like that! LOL! Also, I want to keep talking about this but I’ll stop now because I truly could go on forever and anyone who follows me already knows I’m wordy.

BESIDES Murven, what’s your favorite ship in t100? Honestly, nothing else comes close to Murven for me, but I did like Kabby before the show just eviscerated their characters. I like the possibilities of Niytavia still. I can see why people ship Murphamy in the earlier seasons. Definitely think Echo/Roan could’ve been something intriguing. And I’ve got this weird thing going right now where I wouldn’t hate Murphy/Russheda, but admittedly that’s mostly about the aesthetic! I tried really hard to like other partners for Raven & Murphy since they’ve always been my faves, but I’ve been meh about all the possibilities except Luna as a partner for Raven or as a Luna/Raven/Murphy threesome. At some point I might write that. Otherwise I’d say I tend to like the friendships more than the ships.

what are some things you’d like to recommend? I always hesitate to recommend other stories & authors because I can’t stand the idea of people feeling left out if I forget to mention them! But I would like to say that I really and truly love my fellow Murven shippers who read & support my stories and who create content like fic and art and gifs and fanvids. I find so much inspiration in them even though sometimes I can’t get through 30 seconds of a fanvid before I have to pause it because the angst is too much for me!

Since you’re kind enough to ask me this question and maybe a few people will read this answer, please - I recommend that everyone educate themselves on social justice and climate change and Black Lives Matter and capitalism and unions and what intersectionality & solidarity truly mean! Vote like your lives depend on it because THEY DO!

ed’s note: compiled a few resources -Rebel Well: A Starter Survival Guide to Trumped America -Jacob and Al’s Intergalactic Intersectionality Adventure -Get involved in your local chapter of DSA -Join Your Local Mutual Aid Group -Keeping Yourself Safe Online In This Capitalistic Hellscape -Angela Davis’ book Are Prisons Obsolete? -Resource about defunding the police

You can find @easilydistractedbyfanfic here on Tumblr, on Twitter, and on AO3. You can also a request a fic written by her via @bellarkefic-for-blm!

[dfordeejay]

Fazbear Frights #1: Into The Pit - Review

Where do I begin with this one?

It’s basically an anthology of 3 medium-sized stories; each one from a unique perspective of the FNaF universe. They put human characters and robots whom we know into a new scenario, new plotlines, and new ways to look at them. I loved it. I loved reading them, even though the first one seemed slow at times. I liked the twists and as a fan of science-fiction, they were awesome. Surreal, weird and disturbing. And when I mean disturbing, I mean bone-chillingly disturbing that I wonder how the book was OK for the 12 and up range. This is meant to be a YA novel at least. The last 2 end in a way to play with your heartstrings, and sweet lord they stung for me.

Now, just like the title says, I will dive into the pit of spoilers. Reader beware, if you have any plan to read the books, stop now. Go read them, I promise they are worth the cost (Kindle or otherwise) and a fun read for anyone who likes the Freddy’s games. Come back and continue reading when you’re done. I’ll wait. For the rest of you, let’s dive in.

1. Into The Pit

This is the most ludicrous of the bunch. The whole concept was weird to me. I’m not saying it wasn’t scary, if anything it has its fair share of creepiness, I’m just saying this story was all over the place. We start with Oswald, the kid and we set him up. He likes manga, Japanese flicks and likes drawing animatronics. Fun stuff. Then he discovers a ball pit which enables him to time-travel to Freddy’s circa 1985? Look, Scott is a pro at grabbing you by the balls and whisking you into realms of huge disbelief, but this feels like it’s moving into fantasy and the realm of Stranger Things. It doesn’t feel in the realm of possibility, even with the rules this series has set up.

It did set up a nice tale which we have heard before - the murder of 6 children by a guy in a golden Bonnie suit (see cover), but where it goes weird is when Oswald’s father gets replaced by golden Bonnie and everything goes as per normal. This is so out of left field and confusing. Does the book explain why? No, as it leads into a climatic showdown to defeat the bunny and save his dad. And when the dead wakes, end story and happily ever after.

It’s anti-climatic, leaves a lot of questions and is ironically the most fun to read. Mainly because you are in disbelief and confused 60% of the time.

2. To Be Beautiful

This is my favourite story of the 3, because it touches on a real issue with a lot of kids the age of the character: body insecurity, in a darker story.

Sarah struggles with wanting to look pretty, looking at the popular girls of her school and her handsome crush. She has a best friend who doesn’t care about her body and is cool with the way she is, providing a yin-yang for Sarah and her struggles. I’m not dismissing the feelings of people who struggle with this - I used to struggle too - but she goes borderline into an eating disorder. Focussing on caloric intakes, avoiding things she can do as a kid, breaking down when her crush turns up his nose at her, you feel for the kid. Enter the tie-in to the Freddy’s franchise with this junkyard robot girl, whom we know based on the descriptions as Circus Baby. Sarah rescues and reactivates the robot, who grants her the wish of wanting to be beautiful on the condition that she wear a necklace. One can assume they are sound illusion discs for the twist later stated here.

With the help of the robot, she becomes beautiful; attracting the attention of some shallow SOBs and the equally shallow boy she likes, to the disapproval of her friend. Cliche, I know, but unlike other depictions of this storyline, she does not get a redemption arc. She does not get a happy ending, as the story ends with the revelation that her body has been replaced into a robotic husk and the doll can now pose as Sarah as the real girl is left to rust and fall apart.

Why do I like this one? It tells a similar story as a lot of these kinds of concepts, but in a more bleak way by stripping away her happy ending and redemption moment. She doesn’t get to reconcile, she doesn’t get to be with the boy, she just falls apart as a scrap heap because it was her doing.

This was her downfall. This was her mistake. She deserved this, and frankly we feel bad but we also know this was coming and that she shouldn’t have wished like this.

It delves into actual psychological horror as the reveal that the Baby doll has been sawing off her body parts piece by piece and storing them somewhere to wear like a skinsuit. It’s also the most grounded and down-to-earth story with a sympathetic and likable cast of human characters.

3. Count the Ways

This is a good story as well. A goth girl who hates people finds some guy she likes, but gets heartbroken because surprise, he’s got a girlfriend and she got in the fabled friendzone. Add that with other issues and now she’s emo, she’s sad, so she finds a Funtime Freddy in her grandpa’s garage and wants to hide in it. But oh no, the bear wakes up and asks her to choose the way in which she dies. She chooses beheading, thinking there might be an escape if she dodges the blade, and it’s unclear if she actually does survive. The ending however is hinting at her death, as her grandpa is shown to still love her, despite the back-talking bitchiness.

Let me be real - this is the worst of the bunch. I don’t hate this story, it’s just cliche. The character is a brat, the story is fine but not as good as the first 2 and it offers little tidbits of new and interesting information and twists.

Conclusion

In order of which stories are good (worse to best) it’s Count the Ways << Into The Pit << To Be Beautiful. It’s a good entrance into the format and style of the Frights series. Scott and Elley, you two did a wonderful job writing into an established world and keeping it fresh and intriguing.

I would rate Into The Pit a solid 3.5 stars, and I can’t wait for Fetch, coming this March.

[whatwashernameagain]

I’m dying to be with you - Chapter 7

Warnings: Hypochondria, insecurity, talk about spiders

Masterpost

____________________________

Virgil allowed himself only a moment to contemplate whether it was a good idea to sneak into a patient’s room late at night. He did not want to disturb Patton, but he knew he was often awake at night and appreciated the distractions and he really needed to talk to a friend, he was freaking out here.

Of course, the fact that the object of his anxiety and anticipation was very loudly snoring in the same room was not helpful at all! For such an elegant and handsome man, he sure snored like an old trucker. It soothed Virgil somewhat to see some sides of the man he could be playfully annoyed about instead of becoming more intimidated by him and what he contemplated doing.

Dating.

He contemplated dating the man.

He groaned, pulling at his hair. He did not date, he did not go out with men and made himself vulnerable to them, he had put those rules in place for a good reason! But he could not ignore his attraction, or his affection any longer. He liked Roman. He wanted to spend time with him and argue about his annoying habits and banter and discuss the books they both enjoyed and he wanted him to kiss his knuckles and smile at him in the morning and he wanted to soothe that fear that always left the writer a nervous, irritating mess. He finally wanted to be there for him. And he could not do that from the other side of a door. Steeling himself, he quietly knocked and eased the door open.

Patton stilled his quiet pacing and frowned at the door. Had doctor Sanders come back? He had hoped he was feeling better. His heart skipped a beat as his kiddo peeked into the room. Just the person he had wanted to see! He really wanted to talk to someone who knew the gentle doctor, and Roman unfortunately did not count in this case. The poor thing really needed the rest after his exciting day. But why was Virgil here, his shift was long over!

“Um, hey Pat, can I talk to you?” He mumbled, nervously glancing at the bed Roman had just rolled over in with a grunt.

“Of course!” Patton squealed, sliding over on socked feet to hug his distressed kiddo. Had his squeal not woken Roman, his misjudgment of the speed and distance that made him crash into Virgil’s arms with an ‘oof’ would have certainly done the trick.

The author shot upright with an almost indistinguishable “Whassit?!”, pillow creases marking one cheek and usually luxurious locks standing up on one side. He blinked at them owlishly. “Aryuhurt?” He mumbled, concern seeping into his slurred speech as he rubbed his eyes.

Virgil melted a little. Patton a lot.

“Awwww it’s all good, Princey, we were just having a chat! Sorry to wake you.” He cooed lovingly.

“Oh. About what? Do you need me to-”

“NO!” Virgil interrupted vehemently. Anxiety flooded his nerves. He felt too shaken by the recent realization to have Roman here and be disheveled and caring. He needed to go!

“You need to leave! L- Sanders is in the mess at the corner booth, go! Sit with him!” He ordered. In his stress, he had almost slipped and called Logan by his first-name. No one did around Patton, since they all knew he harbored the romantic notion that he would wear the man down and get him to tell him himself in a show of trust or something ridiculous like that. It was eerie how Patton had all of them in the palm of his hand. Anyway, Logan was probably there right now. It was where he went to think at night. Had he gone home, his phone would have already gone off with worried messages about how he was not home yet. Such a mom. Clearly, it made perfect sense to make them keep each other company. Roman just did not know that. He looked quite taken aback and a little hurt.

Virgil hated when he looked hurt.

“I – sorry, I don’t mean I don’t want you here – I don’t! But- we need to talk! About – uh-” He broke off abruptly as the caring writer approached him and took a calming hold of his upper arms, only minimally grimacing at the material that had probably been worn by other nurses in the past.

“It’s fine. I’ll leave. But, if there is anything I can do, anything at all, let me know, alright?” He offered gently, his green eyes earnest.

Virgil swallowed hard, a flush climbing to his cheeks that was hopefully hidden by the darkened room. This was why he instantly hissed and growled at the man. If he couldn’t, he became a tongue tied mess. Nervously, he reached up quite automatically and twisted his hair back.

The author’s eyes were drawn to the movement, like they always were, he realized. They were very soft. Only this time, Virgil was very aware of his attention. Awkwardly, he snatched his hand away, twisting it into the fabric of his scrubs.

Oh no.

Roman had noticed.

His eyes widened as he put two and two together. Virgil had figured it out! He released the nurse’s arms, stepping back hastily. Oh god, he would surely kick him where it hurt! How could he have been such an idiot, writing him into his book in such an obvious way instead of owning up to his feelings, and with such a plump metaphor too! Portraying him as a trans-girl? How could he have chosen such a blunt picture for the subtle nuances he had noticed in his character? The way his eyes softened when he observed a cute, older couple together? The way he had seen him expertly braid the hair of a young girl in his care until she felt pretty and was distracted from her troubles? The way he admiringly brushed his nimble fingers over the soft fabrics Patton wore so well or how he curled into his arms, needing to be held. Those things did not make him any less of a man, he had not wanted to give that impression! Just like a male body and the need to uphold a tough, fearless exterior had not made his fictional character any less of a girl. Still, men did not like being compared to women as a compliment, even to a strong one, stupid!

He lowered his head, cheeks burning and ready to accept Virgil’s well known rants, as the young man hesitantly stepped closer.

“Hey, it’s okay! I just – I need to talk to Patton, okay? Please?” He asked softly, pleading with him to respect the boundaries he was setting. Roman nodded.

This was better than what he could have hoped for. They would probably discuss how to let him down gently while they banished him into the filthy cafeteria where all the patients had touched everything with unwashed hands, rude! But Virgil’s friend would be there, and Roman would use that. Virgil’s uncharacteristic gentleness gave him a flicker of hope, a flame of determination. Before he could turn him down, Roman would give this relationship one last try. He would be brave and honest and open this time instead of hiding behind his illness and annoying the lovely nurse, like the knight he wished he could be. Deep down, he knew he was more mouse than man, he could not even delude himself enough to make his literary alter-ego the hero. That was Virgil’s role. Yet this time, he would be brave enough to make himself vulnerable and give them one last try.

Fueled by the courage his mission gave him, he grabbed shoes, jacket, phone, face-mask, rubber gloves and disinfecting spray (the barest minimum required for a trip outside) and valiantly ventured into the hospital.

“He sure is dramatic.” Virgil mumbled as Roman strutted out of the room like a peacock on a mission.

***

Roman shifted his grip on the paper wrapped stems once again. They were sweaty. He should have kept his gloves on, this was gross! But who wanted to accept flowers from a man essentially dressed for a surgery?! He really was doing his best, but his resources were sadly limited! He glared at the unrepentant doctor to make sure he was reminded of the fact that his misery was entirely his fault! SO uncooperative, what sort of villain stood in the way of true love?!

Admittedly, he had been rather attentive and willing to listen – after he had established that he had only the best interest of the temperamental nurse on mind! Jeez, who knew they lived together and the stiff doctor could become so protective? Secretly, he was glad to hear the young man had managed to let someone in though. Logan really was a sweet man when you looked past all the regrettable stiffness and the overall lack of charisma. He had no idea what Patton saw in him – aside from the tall, handsome built, the elegant hands, the general competence, the free and easily available healthcare and the adorable attentiveness and badly hidden urge to take care of people. The man probably adopted filthy strays from the streets when no one was looking. Ew! Yet, he supposed he could live with allowing Logan into his life. And no, he had no qualms about pestering him for his first-name and using it continuously despite the resigned glare. He wouldn’t tell Patton of course, that little angel was scary when he did not get what he wanted.

The doctor had declined accompanying him upstairs, looking so flustered that Roman had almost thrown caution in the wind and hugged the cardiologist. Almost. He was not suicidal, the man could have been elbows-deep in somebody’s torso a while ago. He did wonder what had happened though and vowed to find out from Patton – the flirty little minx was sure to know, and help as much as he could.

Now, however, he had to survive the greatest challenge of his young life – asking Virgil on a data without directing his attention away from his earnest affection with his complaints or starting to bicker with this beautiful, exasperating creature. Those tactics to protect himself had no place in this scenario. Steeling himself, he knocked.

Patton opened the door and beamed as he saw him, bless his sweet soul. “It’s for you!” He chirped over his shoulder, before he stood on his little tiptoes and kissed Roman’s cheek. Then he was gone, skipping down the corridor and cheerfully greeting nurse Tabia who had just arrived for the day shift. Had they really talked for such a long time?

He was pulled from his thoughts quite abruptly by the sight he had been hoping for. It made dread and warmth uncurl in his chest with equal fervor, making him dizzy. Virgil looked at him with wide eyes, taking in the effort he had made with his hair, the nice clothes he had fished from the hospital’s laundry service – thankfully he always kept a few sets here, and the flowers he was clutching in shaking hands. They felt woefully inadequate.

Virgil’s heart lurched at the sight of the writer standing in the doorway. Despite his clear nervousness, he looked ready to conquer the world. His shoulders were squared, his eyes determined – it was a good look on him. His obvious handsomeness make the nurse even more nervous, especially as his gaze landed on the large bouquet clutched in front of the man like a shield. How had he missed it? Oh right – Roman’s general attractiveness that habitually made his brain short-circuit.

Wait, did that mean what he thought it did?! Had Patton and he really spent all night making plans for each other, just for Roman to beat him to the punch? So all of their hard work and Patton’s attempts to talk some courage into Virgil were for naught! He was so fucking relieved. Asking someone out for the first time was an experience he had not been looking forward to at all! Also, he had secretly been dreaming about Roman doing it.

Getting up, he slowly dared to cross the room on shaking legs, trying to shallow his doubts. Patton had assured him that the book, the looks, the attention, the flirting and annoying that had been consistently going on for all the years they had been coming here, all of those were not part of an elaborate practical joke, Roman would not laugh at him. But the insecurity was hard to shake. He did not understand what the man saw in him. Where had he found the inspiration to depict him as a determined protector in his writing? He did not feel like a hero at all. Surprisingly though, the flowers helped. No one had ever given him something so beautiful in his entire life. His heart fluttered with awe.

The bouquet in his hands was created from a collection of purple, sweet smelling lilac, delicate petals of pale lavender sweet-pea blossoms, softly curved, opening buds of freesias and delicately curled pale violet roses. Virgil had to swallow around a lump in his throat. Nobody gave men like him something so – so utterly pure and gorgeous. It just did not happen in his world!

After a few, speechless moments, Virgil noticed a few loose leaves fluttering to the ground. Though beautifully put together and an absolute pleasure to admire, the flowers looked a little worse for wear. It felt fitting, considering the man who was holding them, and the fact that they were now even more interesting to the curious nurse.

“What happened to those?” he asked softly.

Roman’s tan skin flushed crimson. “Um, in my defense, it is very hard to find flowers people refrained from ruthlessly poisoning with pesticides and artificial fertilizer at this time of night. Additionally, I really wanted to make sure my first present to you would not end with a tragic accident that might hurt you.” He elaborated, looking shy.

Virgil snorted. Amused affection lightened his nerves. He felt so close to this strange man suddenly.

“How could your flowers hurt me?” He asked, his smile growing helplessly. Roman spluttered.

“Of course the flowers would not harm you, I would never choose plants that could hurt your fair skin! However, bouquets have been known to harbor terrible, well camouflaged hunters ready to bite any unsuspecting victim! Goldenrod spiders hunting on flowers and being overlooked by careless florists are a constant threat!”

Even while he was delivering his passionate speech, he realized that he had taken things too far again in his worry. Normal people did not worry about spiders in the flowers they gifted loved ones with. He had only honestly meant to protect him though. He knew his constant worry was a nuisance, but he could not help himself. His mind had gone into overdrive as he had considered all the possible risk to his lovely nurse.

Virgil did not laugh at him though, or snarl at him like he usually did. The smile lighting up his face was soft. Tentatively, he reached out for them. Barely believing his luck, Roman handed them over.

“So what did you do to them to clear them for me?” He asked as his slender fingers brushed over the petals reverently. They complimented his fair skin and purple locks perfectly. Roman required a moment to gather his scattered whits.

“Um – actually I had planned to have them put through an MRI scanner, but Logan, a.k.a. doctor donnish would not let me!” He wailed, once again enraged by the lack of effort the man invested in the care of their precious nurse.

Virgil howled with laughter, imagining the look on Logan’s face as he had been forced to argue that no – flowers did not qualify for medical imaging procedures. The petals were butter-soft under his fingertips and filled the room with an irresistible sweetness. It seemed to fill his head, make him feel luxuriously warm and sensual and desirable. It was not a feeling he was used to, despite his numerous sexual encounters.

“How’d you do it then?” He asked, casually stepping closer to the taller man. His breath hitched, making Virgil feel wanted. He liked the feeling.

“I – that is – we disassembled to bouquet and – and used properly sterilized operating equipment to – to check any possible hiding place. Which is why some of the petals might have come a tiny bit … loose.” He finished lamely, lamenting the fragility of flowers when poked with metal tweezers.

Unable to escape the hilarity of the image of a sour-faced Logan operating on some expensive weeds in the middle of the night, Virgil hid his face in the flowers and giggled. Tears were streaming down his pretty face. He felt like he could fly. Confidence like he had never felt before flooded his body. For the first time, there was no hesitation as he looked up at the gorgeous mess before him.

“Yes.” He uttered softly.

Roman’s eyes widened. “Yes – as in – yes, you will go out with me, let me court you and spend the rest of your life in my arms?” He rambled hopefully, his filter shot to hell.

Virgil snorted, his chest swelling with emotion and relief. “Let’s start with a date, okay?”

His smile felt too bright for his face, felt as bright as the perfect one Roman almost blinded him with. He wondered if this perfection could last, if they would not be bickering before their date had come to an end. He didn’t care, looked forward to it in fact. He was so close to the other man, he could see the possibility in his eyes. His dream of holding someone’s hand, of a man playing with his fingers and kissing them without making crude remarks or demanding to touch. Having tender fingers run through his hair and play with the strands, making him shiver with innocent pleasure. Having his cheeks cupped in larger hands before he was kissed like he was worth something. He wanted all of it. The shy looks, the dates, the little things he had never experienced. And eventually he wanted to climb this gorgeous man like a tree and enjoy those broad shoulders and strong arms. But there was time. For now, even if he was not innocent himself, his dreams were, and Roman looked so willing to indulge him.

A fierce protectiveness rose in the young nurse. He grabbed his hand, firm and safe. He would look after this idiot.

*****************************************************

Next Chapter

[shiedagabe]

My Experience With Dissociation

Author’s Note: I’ve had dissociation as long as I can remember. I feel like this is a disorder that has much to talk about, especially during CoVID where more and more people might seek refuge in dissociation. I have come to share my experience with it throughout the years and, hopefully, it will help you understand yourself as well.

Note: I’m probably going to write more chapters, but I have to find out how to express myself.

Belongs to: Unknown, Piqsels.com

Trigger Warnings: Existencialism, Self-Doubt, Mention of Suicide

Word count: 2200

What is dissociation? This answer may vary from person to person as all people who present this disorder don’t feel the same way. Perhaps it would be better if I gave an example. Imagine the following scenario - imagine you’re at a restaurant with your significant other and both of you order the same dish. Despite the fact that your lover does not like shrimp you decide that it would be a good idea for them to try it out, only for them to hate it, as they always have. Dissociation works quite in a similar fashion: while I may have more mundane experiences with dissociation that may be caused by my down to earth nature and rational thinking, a person who would be more impulsive and illogical would, certainly, experience different dissociative episodes and, in turn, be more or less affected by this disorder. Perhaps they imagine themselves as being a hero in their made-up world and the characters in those worlds being a mere reflection of the people they meet in real life. They travel through long and beautiful worlds while staying still on the same spot, thinking of a better life for themselves when they’re stuck on this Earth.

As for me this would be a completely different story. I imagine very mundane scenarios, all of them being very likely real, causing me to be unable to distinguish them from reality. If I had to make a real world comparison I’d say it’d be very similar to a movie projector from the 1950’s. You’re rewatching the same scenario over and over again until the roll burns out and you can’t relive it anymore. Until all emotions are drained from it like a sponge and my so-called real experiences get hurt in the process. I’ve always had a hard time recalling events from my past, even though I have an overall good memory. I think the problem lies in the fact that I can’t tell if I chose to forget those memories or if they have been washed up after being left for many years on the shore of life. Now they are deformed versions of their past selves, limbless abominations, if you will, and I have to complete them with what I see fit, but every time I try to do so I only create a half-starved chimera who begs to be put down. I feel as if I have to retry that process countless times until it seems believable not only to others, but also to me. And the memories I am able to recall are faded, as if I were remembering the time I remembered them. It seems weird, in an interesting way, that the human mind, in order to protect itself from its inner machinations, decides to shut down the “emotion lever” as to shield itself from what it cannot comprehend. I’m sure many others face a similar issue, being trapped in their own minds like rats in a maze, unable to understand the complexity of their jail while imprisoned in their own distress. I wish there were a more simple solution to this disorder, but it seems to be caused by unbelievable amounts of stress and, interestingly, I don’t seem to recall the event that started this whole journey. Was it parental neglect and the ever-excruciating need to be heard? My parents do seem to love me now, but people do change and they can always fake their emotions. Or perhaps it might have been peer rejection? I do have people I can call friends at the moment, but I do remember feeling left out and excluded from every social group I’ve known, except for a small group of people, who, to this day, I still call friends. Or maybe all of these situations are complex alternate realities that my imagination has brought forth and modeled to my liking. This is, without a doubt, one of the worse things about dissociation. The inability to distinguish real, livable moments from imagined perceptions of reality.

I want you to imagine the following: imagine you have two choices for breakfast, you either eat cereal or you eat a sandwich. I know reality isn’t as simple, but for simplicity’s sake I’m dumbing down the argument. Now you decide to eat the cereal, but your mind later tells you repeatedly that you should’ve eaten the sandwich because you would’ve enjoyed it more and it simulates the smell and taste of said sandwich and, by the time someone asks you what you ate for breakfast you couldn’t tell them what you had. You’ve felt the experience of eating both, their taste, their smell and seeing them right in front of your eyes. Without physical evidence of you eating said cereal, for example, a bit of cereal stuck in your gum, you wouldn’t know that you ate it. If we now apply that to actual scenarios it becomes tens, if not hundreds, times more complicated. “Did I hang out with this person? Have I ever told them about an intimate secret that they should know for their own sake?” These questions float around in my subconscious and I try to make an effort as to not get consumed by more existential thoughts. The best solution my incomprehensible mind has found was deleting any and all memories I had until only their hollow remnants remained, some sort of apoptosis, if you will. On one end this manages to work out quite well - I no longer have to worry about my memories being faked or transmogrified because I know all of them aren’t real, at least to their full extent. The only times I do recall events is when other people remind me they happened or when I pick up an old object that I still hold dearly to my heart, like stuffed toys or old trinkets and charms I have lying about. On the other hand, however, I am an empty husk without any sort of experience I can tell people about, a modeless play-doh that still needs to be reshapen. In my personal opinion, this might also be the reason why I can relate so much to other people. I assimilate the parts of their personality that they show me, or that they find attractive or engaging, leaving me with a stronger bond with that person in particular. Since I don’t talk to only one person, however, it’s to assume that I have many personalities inside my own mind, each one catered for the person I’m talking with. I also have a feeling I have a “base” personality that’s friendly and welcoming that, in its due time, develops into what the person likes. If I’m interacting with a more extroverted, outgoing person I might be more careless and unaffectionate, as they simply want to have fun, but more introverted or just overall shy people need someone who cares for them and treats them kindly, something I can also very much offer. Although this leaves me with a problematic conundrum – who am I, in reality? Am I the carefree, enthusiastic person, just like person A, or am I shy and caring like I am with person B? Am I an entirely different person whom I haven’t discovered yet? A mumbling freak with no personality of their own, who fumbles around for scraps of personality from my ever-darkening mind? Some of these questions I haven’t been able to answer for months. If I don’t have a sense of self-identity, how can someone love me for the person I am, and not for the projection I show them? And if I don’t know who I am, how will they? Some people have tried to read me before but I always find something that’s quite not right, and I legitimately don’t know if they’re right and I can’t admit it or if they’re wrong and I still incorporate the personality trait they have listed off.

Of course, like other people who suffer from dissociation, you might find yourself with this puzzling task. Fret not; the solution may be closer at hand than you think. For you to discover yourself you have to try out new things without any sort of peer pressure or anxiety issues. If you’re shy or antisocial, like I once was, you should try going to small events and see how much you like them – that being bars, small, indie concerts, parties with a close group of friends, whatever peaks your interest. If you don’t enjoy those types of events it’s completely okay, not everyone enjoys everything and you shouldn’t force yourself to do them. You don’t need to force yourself to do something just because it’s normal. You can be a closeted bookworm or a nymphomaniac extrovert, it does not matter, just do things that you find interesting, within the boundaries of morality and legality, of course. If I were to be honest, I, and many others, find people who aren’t “normal” fun. They usually have many more stories to tell, be them fictional or real. People who follow the norm just because they want to be accepted socially usually don’t have many stories to tell, and if they do you can and will hear that story many a time from them or from other people, since they usually hang out in large groups just to feel accepted. I’m not saying that these people are completely uninteresting, however, but their need to hang out in groups leaves them with little to no unique experiences of their own.

With that out of the way I’d like to move onto a different topic: dissociative amnesia. For those who aren’t familiar with the term, it can be divided into three categories, which I will not go in depth here, but it basically represents a lack of memories from a specific time or from specific events. Although many people won’t have this issue at all, since it only occurs in 1% of the male population who suffer from dissociation or 2.6% of the female population, I still find it important to mention this issue. I feel like I don’t remember myself from my childhood, as if all those memories had been forcefully removed from my mind, for one reason or another, that the only memories I do, in fact, have are extraordinarily recent. I do recall some events from my childhood but I also feel like most of them have been lost to time. This has always been quite troubling, not only to find and maintain a sense of identity, but also to keep a conversation flowing smoothly. I have met many people before who have asked me to tell them some interesting facts about my life but I’m always dumbfounded and out of words because I don’t know who I am, I can’t tell them something about me. I’ve seen a lot of things in my life, you can take my word for it, but I can’t remember them, for the life of me. Sometimes I wonder if remembering my entire life would be a better option. At least if I remembered what I lived through I’d be able to decide if I wanted to forget those things or not. It just feels like most of the stuff I remember about my life as a child was uncomfortable or straight-up depressing. The first time I proposed to a girl I immediately got rejected because of my own stupidity. I lived in a fantasy world, even back then, and I legitimately had no clue what to do. My friends did say I was romantic, but I know they were only calming me down so I wouldn’t look even more like a clown. If I were to be honest, life is a vicious cycle of momentum – if you don’t hang out with people you won’t know how to socialize and if you don’t socialize you won’t be able to hang out with people. I understand now that it’s a difficult cycle to break, luckily I have been able to exit it because I moved into a different environment and I finally feel like I’m starting to understand myself, but I still find myself without a feeling of uniqueness. I notice that I’m not myself still, that this more “party animal” personality I have was created because of the people I met in the past. It was my cliché version of an out-going personality should be and it managed to work out, despite all of my expectations.

I remember mentioning that my dissociative episodes were very mundane, yet I failed to give an explanation as to why. I know there is a difference between daydreaming and dissociating, those two concepts are very much alike, but they differ in small ways. I feel as if I can’t pay attention to anything. If I try to I start imagining literally any other thing – it might be the person talking, but I won’t hear any sound; or perhaps, even, that we’re in a completely different environment. If I’ve been with that person for a long time I might imagine us in different situations, as if we were on the beach or watching the sun set. However, since I’m stuck in my own imagination, I can’t remember anything they’ve said. I usually blame it on something else, like my bad hearing, which is partly true, but I guess I’m too afraid to admit that I wasn’t paying attention. Consciously, I feel like this isn’t my fault, but I have to spend so much time explaining this feeling that I don’t know if it’s worth it. On the other hand, they might also not understand what I mean and think I’d be playing them like a fiddle. I can’t trust anyone, no matter how long I’ve known them for – I don’t know if they’re wearing a façade and pretending to be my friend only to, later, have the “last laugh”.

[inloveandwords]

I read a total of 14 books between June 14 & June 27 and there were so many great ones!

All of the books I mention in this video can be found and purchased on my storefront here.

  Quiet Girl in a noisy world by Debbie Tung

4 stars

This is a graphic novel that is basically a series of scenarios that will be very relatable to true introverts. I am much more of an extroverted introvert, so there were some things that I didn’t fully relate to, but I totally understood. The illustrations were adorable and I read this book within an hour. I think this book would make a great gift for your introvert friends who don’t get enough love in this noisy world.

Can I Come Over by Whitney G

4 Stars

I saw that a friend of mine on bookstagram was reading a couple of Whitney G novels and this was one of them. It definitely inspired me to pick it up since it was my birthday and her novels tend to be short and sweet – like a little treat on a day of relaxation.

This book had so many great romance tropes happening in it. First of all, the heroine, not unlike Whitney G, is a successful author of short, self-published, steamy romance novels. She joins this sort of pen pal ish service that is supposed to be strictly platonic and starts talking to this guy. At first he’s a douche, but then they work things out. Turns out he is her dad’s good friend. So there is a forbidden and age gap scenario.

I have to be honest, I didn’t love this at first. I really didn’t like the way the hero was talking to our heroine at all and I worried he wouldn’t redeem himself.

He did and I ended up really enjoying this. Whitney G does what few authors can when it comes to steamy novellas: she builds chemistry quickly and crafts a believable romance in otherwise outlandish settings. Her and Katee Robert are my two very favorite short, steamy, romance writers for that reason.

When a Scot Ties the Knot by Tessa Dare

5 Stars

I finally did it! I read a Tessa Dare novel and everyone was right. I freaking loved it.

This book is about a woman who is incredibly introverted and to avoid having to do the typical coming out in society thing, she makes up a pretend boyfriend. A Scottish soldier who, it turns out, actually exists.

He has been receiving her letters and learns all about her from them, so when he shows up unexpectedly at the house she inherited because of her fake engagement to him, she’s obviously surprised.

For those who don’t normally like historical romances, I think Tessa Dare is the perfect place to ease your way into the genre. Her heroines aren’t annoyingly innocent and naive. Her books feel modern even though they are not.

This had so many elements of a great romance: fake dating, a little bit of enemies-to-lovers, and an adorable meetcute.

I can’t wait to read more Tessa Dare!

The Black Flamingo by Dean Atta

5 Stars

This is a coming-of-age memoir about a mixed-race gay teen who eventually finds himself when he discovers drag, written in verse. Obviously I can’t personally speak for the rep in this novel, but I can tell you that it was beautifully written.

I’m a big fan of modern poetry and though I connected a little more with the poetry in The Poet X a little more, I still really liked this one. While I loved the audiobook, I have seen a few pages of the book and I wish I had it as I was reading as well.

I feel like this book is so important for young people to read, to help them see outside of their boxes – or to help them find themselves on page. To help them not feel so alone.

Cherry Magic

4 stars

My very first official manga was gifted to me by my sweet friend, @genkireader, for my birthday. There was definitely a learning curve when it came to reading this. I was messaging her on Instagram with questions like, “Wait, this book is backwards, where do I start? Do I read right to left or left to right?” It was surprisingly more difficult than I expected, but I REALLY enjoyed this book. So much so that I ended up buying a few more of her favorites.

This book was quirky and cute. It’s about a guy who has developed the power to read people’s mind through touch and he thinks it is because he’s a 30yo virgin. He ends up reading the mind of a charasmatic, good-looking guy in his office and discovers that he is attracted to him. So many adorable moments ensue, a ton of over-thinking and awkwardness, but also super sweet, swoony moments, too. I feel like this will speak to any of us who overthink every little thing when we are falling for someone. Especially when it is unexpected.

Thank you, De’Siree for this gift, it was like you gifted me a piece of yourself because I know how much you love these stories. Lovelovelovelovelove.

Rafe by Rebekah Weatherspoon

3 Stars

This is a cute romance between a buff, tattooed nanny who begins working for a savant young surgeon and mother of two girls.

This book was fine, though I didn’t see anything special about it. Maybe I gave in a little to the hype surrounding it and that was the issue, but mostly the romance was just ok. I felt like it was a little rushed, I wished there was more pining and more of a forbidden aspect to this, but it seemed like they both gave in pretty quickly.

Loving Mr. Daniels by Brittany C Cherry

5 stars

This was a super angsty, emotional story about a girl and a guy who are both dealing with terrible tragedy and find solace in each other. The first night they meet is filled with unbelievable chemistry, it’s almost too good to be true.

And it turns out to be. Because it turns out he is her high school teacher.

The heroine was held back in school because of a medical condition, so she is 19 years old and a senior. He is a young teacher, in his early twenties, so the age gap isn’t really a thing, but it doesn’t make it any less forbidden.

When they realize the situation, it’s heartbreaking because of how intense their first meeting was. A series of super angsty things happen and it’s all very intense, but in the best epic love kind of way.

I was rooting for this couple the entire time, but not only that, I loved the heroine’s relationship with her step siblings even with all that drama.

All American Boys by Jason Reynolds

5 Stars

This is a super relevant fictional story that is somewhat reminiscent of The Hating Game.

This is about a boy in the ROTC in high school who is falsely accused of stealing by a racist, hateful police officer who ends up beating him until he is unconscious which stirs protests in his town that is sick of this constantly happening.

Sound familiar?

What’s interesting about this story is how it follows the perspective both of the victim and a white boy that goes to his school who is linked to the police officer.

I was completely invested in this story, while also cautious. I was super curious about how this book would end. Would it be far too optimistic or would it be realistic?

When I finally came to the end, I very much appreciated it. It was hopeful without being naive. It left questions that we still need answers to, but it didn’t feel too unresolved that it leaves you unsettled. I almost took it as… let’s let current events tell us how this story is going to end.

The Prince and the Dressmaker by Jen Wang

5 Stars

I read this sweet, heartwarming graphic novel with my girls. They adored it from the very first night we read it before bed.

This story is about a prince who likes to wear dresses and hires, in secret, a dressmaker to make him custom dresses.

I didn’t tell them what it was about, I wanted them to discover it on their own and ask questions as they came up.

Books are an essential parenting tool for me.

The girls begged me every night to keep going. They loved the characters in this book and they were excited to see what was going to happen.

This entire book, but especially the ending was so adorable. I absolutely loved it and can’t wait to read more from this author. Especially if I can share the experience with my girls.

Addicted series books 1 & 1.5 by Krista and Becca Ritchie

5 stars and 4 stars

A lot of my friends have read and loved this series, between that and the premise, I’ve been super excited to read it.

This is about a woman who is a sex addict and her best friend she’s in a fake relationship with who is an alcoholic.

This is a super angsty, dark, gritty series so far with such a strong romance. These are extremely troubled characters who are using their relationship and each other to hide their addictions.

I found this book, ironically enough, addicting to read and I can’t wait to read on in the series.

The second book did seem to drag on a bit, I feel like it could’ve been half as long as it was, but I know it was necessary.

Take a Hint Dani Brown by Talia Hibbert

5 Stars

I am absolutely LOVING these Brown sisters books! Chloe’s book was fantastic, but I think this one might be my favorite so far.⁣

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Dani is a smart, independent savvy woman who is not interested in a long term relationship. Zaf is basically the complete opposite.⁣

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The two of them have not had much more than a nice rapport – he’s the security guard at the school she teaches at, until Dani gets trapped in an elevator and Zaf rescues her. This wouldn’t be a big deal if the entire rescue didn’t get caught on film and go viral.⁣

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The “going viral” thing seems to be really popular lately and it’s not normally something I would gravitate towed. Honestly, I tend to prefer if romance novels just pretend that social media didn’t exist. I think it’s tricky including anything involving technology in contemporary romance novels only because things change so rapidly, it’s easy to become outdated.⁣

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However, I didn’t care what this book was about, I knew I was going to read it and fully expected to love it … and I was right.⁣

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As always, Talia’s steamy scenes are SO on point, but more than anything, she writes sweet heroes SO well. I adored Zaf with everything I am. I can’t handle how much I love his side job and that despite being a big guy, he’s a big softie. ⁣

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And, of course, I adored Dani. I love how badass and confident and independent she is, even if it does complicate her relationships.⁣

Becoming by Michelle Obama

5 Stars

I borrowed this on a whim from my library. I’ve been reading a few nonfiction books lately and have enjoyed all that I’ve picked up.⁣

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I have to admit, though, I loved this one the most.⁣

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I didn’t realize Michelle’s father had MS. As soon as she mentioned his symptoms, my stomach dropped and I just KNEW it. It’s always hard for me to read about people who have Multiple Sclerosis, especially nonfiction because I’m always wondering if that will be me and when.⁣⁣

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As a romance reader, I adored Michelle and Obama’s romance. I officially ship them SO hard. Watching their relationship unfold was so satisfying and adorable.⁣

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I’m not a big crier while reading, but I got choked up so many times. When she talked about visiting the VA, when she talked about Sandy Hook… it wasn’t overly dramatic, but it was enough to have me covering my mouth with my hand trying not to cry.⁣

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I’ve always admired this woman, but even more now than I did before learning more about her. ⁣

  Recent Reads: June 14-27 I read a total of 14 books between June 14 & June 27 and there were so many great ones!

[spiritlyy-blog]

Week 5: Computational Art and Postphenomenology

When it comes to technology, VR is all about virtual reality. To me, VR is like a controlled dream, where you can set up what you want to see and experience in advance and present it to you in the form of Vr. In interpersonal interactions, it's like controlling your brain to show you what you want to see. Except one is in the brain, and VR is through vision. It's a promising technology for the future. It allows a lot of people to experience a lot of things without leaving their homes. It even gives paralyzed people hope to travel. But in my opinion, VR is not good. It's addictive. If so many things can be seen at home through VR without going out, then why do I exercise and go out? The above link is a video I've seen with my VR glasses on. I once went to a tech fair where I used to generate electricity from exercise and ride my bike while wearing my VR glasses, which made me feel like my idol was really there He and I have a very "close" relationship, let me feel a lot of things that are not possible at ordinary times seems to have a virtual possibility. When combined with head-mounted displays, the VR experience was particularly immersive, and participants felt as if they were actually in a virtual world. The immersion of the experience can be further enhanced by adding other sensory functions such as spatial audio and tactile stimulation. Therefore, the virtual environment can replace the original physical environment, and become a new "real" world. The intersection of intimacy research and virtual reality holds great promise for progress in both areas. In Social Science Research Laboratories and mainstream society, virtual reality is becoming an increasingly popular and viable tool and method not only to help study intimate relationships such as romance and friendship but also to enhance the understanding of relationships At the same time can be used for the formation and maintenance of relations. In addition to using virtual reality as a means or tool to research theoretical interests, such as adult attachment theory, virtual reality can also be seen as a platform for forming and maintaining relationships. With the influx of new VR home users and the growing popularity of VR, Facebook Spaces, Sansar (the developer of second life) and Altspacevr are on the shelves It's easy to imagine a world where people meet and form relationships in virtual space, all without leaving the comfort of the bedroom. There are potentially broad implications for building and maintaining relationships in Vr. Imagine Summ coming home from work, wearing a VR headset, walking into a virtual town square and seeing other similar users. Then, in a small cafe in the corner, Summ heard the two friends talking and noticed that the other man was browsing the quaint bookstore. Moving on, Summ enters an open collaborative art space where anyone can draw and create. Next, Summ meets an attractive woman, Rachel, and invites her to paint with him. As they talk, the two find they share similar interests and promise to continue meeting in the virtual world. Eventually, Summ and Rachel develop a romantic relationship. Although this is just a fictional scenario for illustration purposes, social VR is becoming a mainstream reality. With the aforementioned social VR world, users can already interact with other users in a digital 3d space, which has the potential to form and sustain relationships. As a result, it is increasingly important to explore the consequences.

Unfortunately, so far there has been little research in this area. Research on social VR focuses on learning and specific aspects of social interaction through virtual reality, such as the ability to "change" the appearance and behaviour of virtual characters. While the latter area of research may help to understand specific aspects of relationship formation in Vr, such as impression formation and interactive dynamics, most research involves only one interactive session. Only a handful of researchers have conducted Longitudinal Studies and explored the effects of VR socializing over time. As a result, the long term effects of VR socializing remain largely unknown.

[xheartsigh]

high on fairy dust

sugakookie oneshot, ~5k, fluff, fantasy au, college au

a.k.a in which fictional characters are born into the real world after they die and that’s how art student jungkook meets fairy yoongi

There are several ways Jungkook would describe Suga: ethereal, unearthly, out of this world. Which he kind of really is.

He was his best friend and loyal companion during kindergarten. The one you build fictional worlds with. He was also the one whom little 6 years old Jungkookie first cried over when he died in the webtoon. Such a cruel fate for the lovely, pointy eared, mint haired character. Jungkook remembered sending a letter with his mother to the writer that she cannot do this. She can’t just let Suga die. His family still like to tease him about how much he adored that comics and grew attached to one of the side characters. Still, his imaginary friend felt too real to not to be true but he grew up knowing it wasn’t real. Wings was just a story and Suga was just a character, a fragment of his imagination.

That's why Jungkook is absolutely sure he must be dreaming. Because there's no way Suga is standing right in front of him in the hallway of the university and looking at him expectantly like it's no big deal.

He’s a little shorter with a more fragile posture but still a nice figure. Confidence radiating from the way he stands with straight back and hands hovering over his bag. His skin is pale and he has long, musician fingers. His hair is faded green with a touch of silver and the colour of his dark leather jacket hardens the soft edges of his face. Maybe it's the contrast or the lights above that make his eyes glimmering with dying stars of the universe. He's so, so... beautiful.

“What?” The grumble shakes him to the core. The voice is low and smooth. No wonder it takes him a few seconds to realize what happened. WHAT? Did he really just say that out loud?

Jungkook wants to facepalm himself because wow, that's a new record, he made a fool out of himself in a span of a minute.

“Yeah... um... the lights, you know and the colours...” he murmurs awkwardly.

Gosh, now he's rambling while Suga looks him straight in the eye with a frown on his face. Jungkook wishes that the ground would shallow him up to make him stop before the situation gets even more awkward. The guy - because no matter how much he resembles Suga, he can't be him, that's not possible, right? - is surely not interested in his mumbling so he shuts up and hangs his head to look at their shoes. While he wears his favourite Timberland boots, the light haired guy has Converse and light blue jeans on that reveal a slight stripe of his ankles. Right, he can't be... because Suga never wore shoes.

“You're Jeon Jungkook, right?” The stranger asks straightforwardly and Jungkook snaps out of his thoughts. He lifts his head up so fast he's almost sure he got a whiplash. He lets out a non-coherent grunt while his mind is hyperventilating at the question how? How does he know him? Like at all because he’s deadly sure they have never met before and it’s unlikely that they have the same class...

“Did you draw this?” The used-to-be wild mint haired guy shoves a picture to his face from the last issue of the university’s magazine that stops Jungkook’s train of thoughts before it gets crazier. On the photo there’s one of his experiments with a new technique using only colourful pens without black ink. It made everything look softer and his Graphical Design professor liked it so much he included it in said magazine.

“Yeah,” Jungkook nods slowly because there’s no point of denying. The string of his name is printed on the corner of the page.

The guy hums in recognition and stuffs the paper into his back pocket.

“Do you do commissions?”

“I don't even know who you are,” Jungkook deadpans out of a knee jerk reaction because well, he’s awkward with strangers. Especially with attractive, ‘hey, you look like a fairy from a webtoon’ kind of strangers and he panics.  Luckily, the other guy doesn’t scoff at his rudeness, instead he extends his right hand waiting for him to take it.

“Min Yoongi, fourth year in music production and I need an album cover. Now that you know me, can we talk?”

 ❀ ❀ ❀

 They end up in a café shop nearby the university. It seems Yoongi is a regular here because the pretty cashier girl beams at him immediately when they step inside. She looks a lot like those cosplay artists around the campus with her bright blue bob hair. Yoongi orders ‘the usual’ and then looks questioningly behind him where Jungkook immediately get flustered but manages to stammer out an ‘Americano, please’.

On the way here they haven’t exchanged any words so Jungkook doesn’t know what to say or how to start. He’s still kind of lost between the He can’t be Suga and the Oh man holy shit, someone want to pay for my art phrases.

“Sooo whose album are we talking about?” he singsongs dragging out the first syllable as soon as they seat at a table next to the window with their drinks. “I should at least know the genre and maybe a sneak-peek could also help so that I know what kind of cover would be the best...”

And there he is rambling once again. He quickly grabs hold off himself looking down to his cup and takes a sip of his coffee which is so hot, hot, hot it burns his tongue.

The other guy chuckles, not out of spite but rather a little amused. Jungkook feels relieved, maybe he hasn’t messed up his chances of getting paid yet.

“Mine. And it’s actually a mixtape,” Yoongi replies with ease while his fingers are tapping on the plastic table. He has delicate fingers, the younger notes observing the multiple silver rings on the other’s hand. One of them looks like a curved angel wing.

“Oh.” For a moment, Jungkook forgets about comparing and stares at the guy bewilderedly. “So you rap.”

It’s a statement but sounds like a question and the musician raises an eyebrow.

“You sound surprised.”

“I am not. Not really,” he protests because he doesn’t want to seem like that person. The one who judges at first sight. But he also tries to be honest. “Well, okay, yes. In my mind rappers are big bad boys with golden chains and you don’t really look like that.”

Yoongi unconsciously touches his pastel coloured locks.

“Well, not everything is what it seems,” he mutters and sips a little from his drink. From the way the golden coffee stirs it looks like liquid caramel or melted sugar. The epitome of sweetness. A little whipped cream sticks on the corner of Yoongi’s mouth and Jungkook knows he’s doomed because he likes sweet things way too much.

 ❀ ❀ ❀

 Later that week he gets an e-mail with an attachment named agustd_sample.zip.

Just tell me how much time you need and name a price. - MYG

It’s short and straightforward with no emojis, strictly business which makes Jungkook panic. What if he will ruin everything and his drawing will be lame? What if nobody ever wants to work with him again? What if he will blurt out something stupid like ‘I like your hair’? The too many what if scenarios make him cringe and he hits the play button as soon as the software is done uncompressing the folder. For a moment he stills when he hears the first loud beats. It’s definitely not what he expected.

For someone who looks so soft, Yoongi has a way with raw and harsh words that pull the strings of your heart. Only a five minutes preview of a whole mixtape made Jungkook realise that there are dozens of untold stories behind those onyx eyes. Maybe he’s a bit rough around the edges and they only met once but the younger wants to peel off the layers one by one.

Two weeks at tops and you’ll pay depending on how much you like it - JJK

Ps. I liked the sample. Can’t wait to hear it all.

No, it’s too much. Keep it professional! Don’t let your inner fanboy break out.

Ps. You’re talented.

 ❀ ❀ ❀

 After agreeing on the job Jungkook finds out that it’s rather easy to bump into Min Yoongi. Especially in the coffee shop where the musician often holes himself up with his laptop, earbuds plugged in to work on a new track. It’s silently becomes a routine that he sits across the older and scrabbles a few sketches in his notebook constantly asking for opinions.

By the end of the week Jungkook has dozens of drafts. Half of them are full of dark colours with edgy figures and symbols. The other half has watercolours, soft patterns but scrawled font scribbled onto the background creating a contrast. Jungkook isn't satisfied with either. The mixtape is so complex, nothing seems to do it justice.

“Stop whining and draw the first thing that comes to your mind,” Jimin, one of his crazy roommates groans after Jungkook throws another creased paper towards the bin and misses it. Their dorm’s floor became literally an ocean of dismissed ideas.

“I can’t,” the younger boy utters a theatrical sigh burying his head into his paint and ink marked hands. “He’d glare me to death if I drew him with wings. It has nothing to do with the album and on the top of it, it’s weird.”

The look Jimin gives him is close to stunned and rolls his eyes scenically.

“You’re still hung up on the Suga thing? I told you he may be cosplaying 24/7 or he’s a loyal fanboy like yourself.”

Laughter starts scratching Jungkook’s throat at that and he chuckles in the end.

“Unlikely but thanks, hyung.”

“You’re welcome,” his roommate replies but not really pays attention as he scrolls down on his phone until he looks up confused.  “But for what?”

Even if it’s not for wings but maybe Jungkook has another idea that might work. He grabs a pencil and engrosses himself in creating again.

 ❀ ❀ ❀

 Suga in the webtoon was a little mischievous character, sometimes sassy but warm-hearted no less. Yoongi is a little more laid-back, reserved, and really hard to see through. He’s so much more than what first meets the eye. There’s a whole different atmosphere around him. Even when he’s just walking carelessly, there’s grace in his every move as if he was walking on thin air. The way he carries himself doesn’t attract a lot of attention because he’s like smoke: just there and then gone. Yet, he always finds himself in the company of little birds and colourful butterflies even in the colder season. He isn’t even aware or at least he said so when Jungkook jokingly claimed it's because of his hair colour. For someone who says he doesn’t care and acts all mighty about it, he's doing a pretty good job at feeding the campus’ birds with his half-eaten sandwiches. Sometimes Jungkook even catches him humming a melody to himself and it looks like he's not doing it on purpose, just out of habit. The song is melancholic and nostalgic yet his warm tone could make flowers bloom. Yoongi always smells faintly like blossoms, nothing artificial but more like that rich wildflower scent that you can't buy as cologne. Jungkook slowly gets addicted.

 ❀ ❀ ❀

 It's the first time Yoongi visits Jungkook’s dorm. It's not planned, just a spontaneous idea of checking out a few drafts and sketches because the artist has to make sure they match the rapper's idea. When the idea of visiting popped out of his head in the coffee shop he really didn't think this through because the moment they step into the tiny room he shares with two equally crazy guys, Taehyung and Jimin, Yoongi halts. Jungkook is in the middle of explaining some techniques he used when he notices the sudden movement - the lack of it, actually - and turns to the other guy in surprise. Yoongi isn’t looking at him but stares at his wall covered by his drawings. He follows his gaze mindlessly, already fearing what caught the older’s attention because in the chaos there's an especially big and detailed piece. Of no other than his beloved webtoon character, Suga.

He faintly remembers the assignment he did last year and how his professor adored this picture. He was as well proud of this spring festival themed work of him. It portrayed the minty haired fairy smiling toothy with a lovely flower crown on his head and fireworks in the background. But the essential part of the drawing was his wings: the almost transparent, barely there light blue and green touches of human sized butterfly wings as it was showed in the comics. It was a little more than a fanart, almost worship and maybe that's why Jungkook flushed to tomato red as soon as he realized why Yoongi’s steps died.

In the last few weeks he stopped comparing Yoongi and Suga, almost forgetting about their obvious similarities. Almost because right now he's painfully aware of the fact as Yoongi watches the picture. It looks like him. A lot.

“It's not what you think. It's not you. He's a webtoon character, you know…” Jungkook finally catches his breath and that’s all he can manage to say to save the situation. And he’s doing a terrible job of it. He knows he’s stumbling over his words and his ears are scarlet because embarrassment choose this exact moment to come over him. But God is gracious as Yoongi interrupts him before he could make an even bigger fool out of himself.

“It's pretty.”

“Hah?”

To say that he’s dumbfounded is an understatement and he just stares at the boy analysing his work.

“You're talented,” the musician mimics his exact words from the e-mail while running his fingers through his silky, light-coloured locks. Jungkook faintly wonders how soft they must be and his palm starts itching. He’s never been more grateful for the sudden change in topics. “So where are those album cover drafts?”

Oh yeah, the drafts. That’s why they originally came for before the artist got a mini mental breakdown. Yoongi hums while looking at the drawings, sometimes points out a ‘that’s good’ or ‘not bad’ but his gaze is always flickers back to the picture on the wall. Jungkook can’t quite decipher the look in his eyes but that tiny little sly smile in the corner of his mouth gives him away.

After discussing the concept once again, the passion that is evident in Yoongi’s expression is all what it takes for Jungkook to finally finish a cover that he’s proud of. It only takes 3 hours to draw and digitalize the whole piece. It's like a vision with a boy on the top of an overturned truck with the silver moon above and fireflies around while the city behind him is on fire.

 ❀ ❀ ��

 “I like this one the most,” Jungkook points at a song title when he gets the honour of visiting Yoongi at his made-shift little studio and listening to the whole mixtape.

“It's just the interlude,” the rapper furrows his eyebrows while stretching in his chair. He looks so soft with his fluffy freshly washed hair in his oversized hoodie. Maybe the younger found him intimidating (for one tiny millisecond before the realization of his resemblance with Suga struck him) but now he knows Min Yoongi is such a softie. No wonder why he has forest flavoured candles, cactuses and a huge Kumamon plushie in his studio.

“I know but it makes me feel like home,” Jungkook shrugs lightly and he thinks Yoongi’s eyes are saying ‘Me, too’.

 ❀ ❀ ❀

 It’s a surprise visit. A never-expected one leading to even less expected events.

It happens when he sneezes. First, Jungkook think it’s just flower pollen but then Yoongi coughs a little and suddenly tiny golden crystals swirling in the air and that can’t be solemnly because of the ridiculous amount of flowers in the apartment. It looked more like a flower shop than a home of two university students but Jungkook always thought that it’s maybe because of Yoongi’s roommate.

“You... are you okay?” Jungkook takes a step closer so he can check the look on the older.

Is he sick? Or… maybe he really just takes this cosplay thing way too seriously? Recently he found himself agreeing with Jimin. Maybe he’s right after all because the other day Jungkook would have sworn he had seen pointy ears under Yoongi’s hair. And now this weird, not quite known where is it coming from substance?

“Yeah, fine, don't worry,” Yoongi dismisses his stupid question with a wave. He looks around searching for a broom but Jungkook won't shut up.

“But... but you sneeze glittering stuff. That's not normal. That's exactly what fairies do in comics kind of not normal,” he adds half-jokingly half seriously but doesn't expect an explicit answer.

Meanwhile the silence is a quiet pray while Yoongi cast down his eyes.

“Yeah, I know that,” he sighs. Okay, so he knows that. That’s not mind-blowing or anything because if he’s really a fan of Wings, he should know about this little detail but the look on this face tells otherwise. It’s like something is cracking inside of him. A kind of resolve. He shrugs. “It happens.”

“You…” Jungkook isn’t sure he can process what's going on anymore. He gapes at the other guy like fish do. He feels like a broken record played too many times. “Are you for real? Is it really fairy dust? Are you really a fairy?”

The last question is almost inaudible because suddenly he feels shy and very self-aware of the craziness of the situation. You don’t just go to a stranger, more like a friend but not quite asking them if they’re fairies. It cannot happen… right?

Yoongi’s disbelieving snort is comforting in a way. Maybe he’s just dreaming or hallucinating. Jungkook doesn’t know anymore which one would be worse… or better.

“Not just any fairy, thank you very much,” the faded mint-haired boy’s huff is downright resentful as if any other implication was insulting. Then he adds something in a lighter, pleading voice. Like a wish. “You know who I am.”

Jungkook violently shakes his head. He doesn’t know anything, he thinks too much and understands too little. But then Yoongi steps closer smelling like wildflowers and his eyes are the most beautiful chocolate seas the younger has ever seen. Yet, the most amazing and unbelievable thing happens when the older’s bare feet touches the wooden ground leaving growing flowers behind. At the sight, the artist feels out of balance and he really needs someone to slap him awake.

“Suga?” he tries faintly and sounds unsure with his voice uneven and quiet. Yoongi sighs characteristically.

“I thought you’d already figured it out. The picture…”

“Oh no! I told you it's not you,” he protests immediately but bites his lower lip when Yoongi gives him that look. The knowing look Suga always used in the webtoon. The striking similarities finally make sense but not really. How is this even possible? “Well, yeah, it's you after all but it was before we met and I just can't believe…”

As he trails off, Jungkook sits back on his heels to take a closer look at the glittering substance.

“Don't touch the dust!” Yoongi… Suga warns him hurriedly and sounds just a little bit worried. “In an intense dose it makes you high.”

“Oh so it's all true? It happened because I surprised you?” Jungkook looks up curiously. In the webtoon fairies emitted fairy dust when they had high adrenaline level which was produced by sudden emotions such as fear, surprise or even love.

“Let’s say that. I can’t control it,” the fairy boy grumbles out in an undeniably uncomfortable manner. Suddenly, his elfish ears stick out in a way that can’t go unnoticed anymore. The younger wonders how he could not notice them for so long. “Come on I'll give you some herb tea so you don't faint and I'll explain everything.”

 ❀ ❀ ❀

 “People see what they want to see. The universe doesn't want them to freak out and hunt us down. It's in the balance. Those who die in a fictional world, get another chance in the real one.”

They sit on the coach in the living room of Yoongi and his roommate’s apartment and the fairy tries his best to explain everything to the overly eager and quite shocked boy who seems like never running out of questions.

“But-but what if the antagonist die?” Jungkook blinks innocently because the thought of story-escaped magical creatures and evil characters running around freely in the world is a little bit scary. Yes, even for a webtoon-lover, comics scribbling enthusiastic like him, okay? Especially for him who knows exactly what it’s like to create a world with a few words or strokes and how easy it is to destroy it with another.

“Oh there's another factor. People have to think the characters didn't deserved death,” Yoongi adds and the younger is quick to agree.

“You didn't.”

“Thanks,” the fairy murmurs. His voice is soft and grateful. “Maybe that's why I'm here.”

What he doesn’t say: maybe you’re the reason why I’m still here.

Jungkook is never the one who can be satisfied with only the outlines. He needs more than just the highlights, he needs circumstances, details and colours.

“And then what? You just woke up in this world?”

“Well, it's a little more difficult than that. It's magic after all,” Yoongi shrugs and with a flick of his finger tiny snowflakes starts raining down on them. In the webtoon, fairies wasn’t only associated with spring and warm but every aspect of nature. The winter wonders were portrayed just as beautiful as blooming flowers in summer. Like it should be. “Yeah, I woke up in a bed like it was just a dream. The family I was assigned to and everyone involved believed I was always here and it was easy to forget about my earlier life. I only remembered while I was dreaming until I met Seokjin.”

“Your roommate? Is he a…” Jungkook blinks in surprise and tears his gaze away from the snowfall. He’s still processing that all of it is real.

“Yeah, he is. I mean Jin is definitely not a fairy but he also came from a book. He was once a prince if you wonder. He introduced me to others like us. Sunny is a mermaid and Jackson is a lame excuse of a warlock,” he scoffs trying to mask his amusement as he mentions familiar names. After a few moments of silence he lowers his gaze from the snowflakes to glance at the boy sitting on the other side of the couch. “But I’ve never met any human before who could see through the Mist.”

“The Mist?” the younger frowns at him at the weird word.

“It makes ordinary what isn't in people’s eyes,” Yoongi nods and then laughs. “Like last year, that earthquake in Japan. That was a dragon on loose actually.”

Jungkook faintly remembers the destruction caused by the unpredictable volcanic activity. Then it all makes sense; that’s why he didn’t see the extraordinary and odd signs around.

“Oh... Like your ears,” he murmurs.

“What about them?”

“They're pointy but I couldn’t see them for a while.”

“Yeah, just like that,” the older looks him in the eye. Maybe he just wants to see what changed. How could these pretty dark orbs resembling so much to chocolate brownies suddenly reveal a whole new world? But his gaze is so blunt and he stares for so long that it makes Jungkook blush. It makes him think even wilder things.

“Please…” he pleads because he doesn’t really know how to put his request into words.

“What?” Yoongi gapes at him which makes him gulp. For a few moments he’s hesitating: should he say it or should he keep it to himself? It’ll sound weird but the what if is worse, isn’t it? He’ll lose either way so he gives it a chance.

“Let me see your wings,” he blurts out with reddening cheeks.

The fairy looks taken aback at the sudden request and shakes his head vigorously.

“No.” It’s harsh and definite but Jungkook doesn’t know how to give up.

“Hyung…” he pouts.

“Maybe you won't even see them.”

It doesn’t work. Jungkook has the same determination in his eyes that he has when he draws, it’s like chasing perfection. And now he’s cheating, using his cute puppy eyes to manipulate the older’s weak, sensitive heart.

“Okay,” he sighs and grabs the hem of his shirt with fidgeting fingers. Quickly like he wants to get over it as soon as possible he pulls it up so the material rolls up on his back revealing his smooth white skin under.

But nothing else. No wings.

“Oh,” Jungkook puffs and disappointment is boiling inside him while Yoongi looks like he's afraid he freaked him out.

“Is it that bad? I think they're pretty but I…”

The younger hangs his head down and even if he doesn’t say it out loud, his tone is apologetic. “I can't see them.”

“O-oh... I told you so,” Yoongi whispers but he looks even more disappointed.

 ❀ ❀ ❀

 “You’re staring.”

It should sound like an accusation but it doesn’t even compare.

“Your hair is pink now,” Jungkook states in awe eyeing the pastel colours of the fairy’s locks while he watches him work.

“Nice observation, Sherlock. Now can you stop staring?” Yoongi shuffles a little uneasy and clicks a few buttons to arrange the vocal levels. The edge of his voice is not that intimidating as it once was. Since he has nothing to hide from the younger, he acts more Suga-like and doesn’t even care explaining himself when sometimes the artist catches him floating a few inches above the ground or leaving flowers petals all over the floor. It’s only been a few weeks since the big revelation but Jungkook still can’t get over the fact that he’s friends with a fairy, not to mention his favourite webtoon-character ever!

“No,” Jungkook replies without a second thought before he can stop himself and immediately has an internal mental breakdown.

Yoongi makes an unamused grunt and looks away. But hey, is that a blush creeping its way on his cheeks? Blame his pale skin that gets rosy too easy. Blame the heater that works overtime in this cold weather. Blame anything but his irregular heartbeats and the subtle (and not-so-subtle) fleeting touches that leave behind goosebumps in their wake when Jungkook sits just a little bit too close.

 ❀ ❀ ❀

 The two of them spend more and more time together even after Jungkook’s commission is long over (and no, he didn’t let the rapper pay instead he asked him to go get lamb skewers together). There’s still no end of the younger’s curiosity. He wants to know everything about the world Yoongi came from (Is it true that you only drank flower nectar?) and what happened to him after he woke up here (What made you pursue music?). When he asks ’do you only date fairy girls?’ Yoongi can’t help but laugh. Jungkook doesn’t know what it means.

To be honest, he doesn’t know a lot of things. He’s too young and awkward, making a fool out of himself too often but he wears his heart on his sleeves and he’s passionate about the things he likes. The people he likes… loves. He’s just a boy but in a sense of the word Yoongi is too but in-between late night talks and surprise back hugs under magical crystals none of it matters at all.

Once Jungkook asks tremblingly if he misses the other world and Yoongi looks at him for a long time before replying. ‘No’ is an answer of a character destined for a tragic end and a man who found what he was looking for among humans. This is the reason why he prefers to be called Yoongi and not Suga anymore.

Sometimes it makes Jungkook wonder why can't they move on, why are they stuck at the limbo between being strangers, friends and something else, he’s not sure what but something more. Other times he's painfully aware of it: the Mist is still there. Some things he sees, other things he can't see. Yoongi says it’s okay, says that people have a hard time accepting the other world as a whole but Jungkook doesn’t want to be just anybody. When they exchange secret smiles and knowing looks, Yoongi’s eyes whispering ‘not yet’ and the younger becomes anxious. Then when?

Soon. Soon. Soon. The universe tells them when once Jungkook is careless enough to gets high on fairy dust and Yoongi keeps tangling his fingers in his hair while the younger sleeps off the aftermath in his lap.

 ❀ ❀ ❀

 It happens when neither of them thinks about it. They’re watching a movie with the double trouble while eating ice cream in dead ass winter to celebrate the end of their exams. The living room is filled with loud hassle about changing the channel although they’re already in the middle of the film.

“Give it to me…”

“No, you can't switch…”

Typical. Jimin and Taehyung are fighting over the remote control. Again. And it may be a careless limb or perhaps an elbow that knocks the spoon out of Yoongi’s hand but either way it results in the rainbow-coloured ice cream splashing all over the oldest’s shirt.

“Oh shit. Sorry, hyung,” one of them mumbles while the other quickly adds:

“Really sorry, but it was totally Jiminnie's fault.”

While they’re arguing about it, Yoongi just sighs tossing his half-eaten ice cream aside and looks down at his shirt that slowly becomes soaked with the sweet dessert and he feels a little cold.

“Brats,” he just grumbles and stands up not really knowing what to do. Luckily, Jungkook is quick to react.

“You should wash it out before it dries, I'll give a clean one,” he offers like it’s common between them. The clothes-sharing. For a moment, he regrets his straightforwardness but Yoongi sounds grateful.

“Okay,” he nods and shuffles awkwardly to the tiny bathroom.

Meanwhile the younger searches for his smallest shirt to fit Yoongi’s delicate frame which is almost as broad as his but not as built. When he finds a good enough Nirvana tee he passes by the still arguing duo and walks into the bathroom without hesitation. It's a mistake. Definitely, because Yoongi has already took off the damaged shirt and placed in the sink letting the water flow do its job. It shouldn't be a problem, he has seen half-naked men, hell, he has to deal with his roommates on daily basis. But it's Yoongi.

Yoongi who has the nicest curves and the smoothest skin he's ever seen. Not to mention that he has the most beautiful eyes that mirrors his equally breathtakingly gorgeous soul. Suddenly, the line of the fairy’s shoulders goes rigid and Jungkook knows he got caught but doesn't care. Not when he can see it. Them: the wide stretched wings that spout from the hallow between his blade bones. Even now, sniffed with tension they're utterly magical. They're technicolour yet transparent, smooth like silk and fragile like glass at the same time. They tremble a little when Yoongi tears his gaze off the mirror and turns to directly look at Jungkook.

“What?” He rolls his eyes but cannot hide the pink on his cheeks and the younger knows he must be a sight too with his wide eyes and mouth agape.

“They're beautiful,” he whispers the most honest thing ever to the world to know. “You're beautiful.”

They meet somewhere halfway. The kiss is sloppy and overexcited but Jungkook smiles when he feels the fairy wings flutter because of his touch. It’s an act of recklessness and it tastes like the strawberry ice cream they just ate which should be gross but Jungkook doesn't care. Not when Yoongi smells like flowers, fairy dust and home in his arms.

[toraonice]

Yuri on Ice interview translation - Febri 2017/03 (p29-33)

Finally the interview from Febri is finished! I like Kubo’s interviews but I swear I don’t want to see any more for some time... This one is also mentioning a lot of stuff that I haven’t read in other interviews so far. It’s a bit long but definitely worth reading!

Translation is under the cut. I might fix the format a little later on to make it visually better, now I have to leave to go to Wonder Festival... (who needs sleep?). If you have any questions about the interview feel free to message me.

***If you wish to share this translation please do it by reblogging or posting a link to it*** 
***Re-translating into other languages is ok but please mention that this post is the source***

Staff interview Original plan / manga storyboard / character plan Mitsurou Kubo Mangaka Mitsurou Kubo is the one who, together with director Sayo Yamamoto, created the basis of the series. It was the first time that she worked on a story about sports and that she was involved with the production of an anime. We have asked her her feelings about this series.

—We know that this project started when you were invited by director (Sayo) Yamamoto. Yes. Originally I only watched figure skating on TV whenever I felt like it, but when I talked about that on the radio director Yamamoto listened to it and contacted me to ask me “would you be willing to create an anime about figure skating with me?”.

—That was the first time you met director Yamamoto, and you didn’t know each other before then, is that correct? Yes. However, and this is something that I was told later on, previously (Yasuyuki) Okamura-chan, when he was drinking with some members of the staff of the anime “Space Dandy” (broadcasted in 2014), messaged me on LINE to tell me that among them there was a person that was my fan. At a later time I found out that this person was director Yamamoto. I was surprised because I never even thought I had fans in the anime industry, and I would have never expected that one day we would end up working together like this.

—That is indeed a curious coincidence. When did you first become interested in figure skating? I used to watch it on TV every once in a while since when I was a kid. But I didn’t really know the rules and the athletes, my impressions were really just like “this skater is so cool!” or “this performance is so moving!”. I enjoyed reading what one of my friends who loves figure skating wrote online. The reason I was talking about figure skating on the radio and on TV is that it was during the Sochi Olympics, and I was saying things like “Mao-chan (Asada) is so tough” or “what (Tatsuki) Machida-kun said impressed me”, in other words the typical level of a person who watches it on TV. I only started to look up the rules and technical elements when I began working on “Yuri on Ice”.

—Basically, you were not just interested in male figure skating, but in figure skating as a sport in general. Yes. If Mao-chan was skating on TV I would watch her, and if (Yuzuru) Hanyuu-san was performing I would cheer on him. It’s a sport where Japanese athletes are doing great in international tournaments as well, so I really felt like cheering on them regardless of the gender.

—What do you find fascinating about figure skating? Of course I also find it amazing that they’re challenging the limits of the human body, but what most attracted me is that, while being a sport, they dance to the music. On the ice you are also required to be a performer that expresses something. Bound by surprisingly strict rules, you compete to get the best score. I think that the unchanging charm of figure skating lies in how athletes are able to always surprise and give new emotions to the ones who watch them, no matter whether they’re people who don’t have much knowledge about the sport or people who always support it.

—When director Yamamoto talked to you about “Yuri on Ice” did you decide to accept right away? Ever since the first time I met director Yamamoto I felt that it would be fun working with her, and that impression hasn’t changed. However, my knowledge of the sport was really basic, and since it’s a major sport with so many fans, at the beginning I wasn’t confident that I would be able to create something convincing that anyone would appreciate. I still decided to accept nevertheless mostly thanks to director Yamamoto’s enthusiasm. She knows so much about figure skating and loves it so much more than me, that I felt that with her I was willing to and would be able to create something. I too wanted to be influenced by her.

—This is the first time that you write a serious story about sports, is it right? Until then, even though I was interested in drawing manga about sports, I couldn’t find the courage to try. First of all you need technical knowledge of the sport, and most importantly I had no experience in playing anything myself. Of course there are mangaka who draw manga about baseball even though they have never played baseball, but I’m too scared and would never be able to do it. However, one time when I consulted George Morikawa, author of “Hajime no Ippo”, about this, he told me “I’ve never been a champion, but I’m drawing a manga about a champion”. He made me remember that indeed, writing about someone that you would never be able to become is one of the basics of fiction, and the real thrill of manga is that it allows you to do something like that. I did have this strong feeling that I wanted to show people how interesting figure skating is, and since there are so many fascinating athletes even in real life I thought that if I was going to create something I would have liked to come up with anime characters that would also feel fascinating. I came to the conclusion that “I would never be able to do that alone, but maybe together with director Yamamoto it will be possible to work it out”. Therefore I accepted her offer.

—Would you have avoided this theme if it were a manga serialization that you had to draw alone? No matter how much I love figure skating, I don’t think I would have done it alone. There’s an implicit rule in manga serializations, if they are popular they will go on forever, if they’re not popular they will be cut short, so I definitely wouldn’t be able to do it. You have to develop the story so that it’s always interesting while you have no idea whenever it will end, and at the same time you have to finish it neatly right away if they tell you to end it. It’s quite a feat if you think about it (LOL). Of course there are many mangaka that can do it just fine, so if you tell me “that’s because you’re not good enough” I won’t deny it (LOL).

—This time the story wasn’t made into a manga but into a 12 episodes long anime. Did it feel different? It almost never happened to me to create a story whose length was already decided from the start, so it felt new. Also, if you are doing a manga serialization you can still adjust the course of the story based on the response from the readers or reflect other people’s opinions in it even after you have started it, but in this case when episode 1 aired my job was basically over already, so I couldn’t receive any feedback from the audience while I was creating the story and I felt a kind of pressure I had never experienced before. However, the method of deciding the ending first and then directing the story so that it would get more and more exciting until the final climax is something that I think was worth trying at least once as a mangaka, so I enjoyed that aspect.

—How did you create the plot and the characters, which are the core of the story? The foundation of the plot is something that director Yamamoto already had in her mind when I first met her. The basic concept of a Japanese athlete as the protagonist, a foreign top skater that becomes his coach and the two participating in the Grand Prix Final hasn’t changed from the start. From that concept we decided the events and matches to show in every episode, and the conclusion where Yuuri ultimately cannot get the gold medal. These are all things that were fixed at an early stage. Regarding the detailed course of events in every episode, it wasn’t always the same. Sometimes we would discuss it together, and sometimes one of us would come up with a draft proposal and we would adjust it. There are editors who have a talent for creating stories, and it felt to me like I was working with that kind of person. Anyway, the scenario, including all the dialogues, was created by me and director Yamamoto.

—Didn’t you feel anxious that it was only the two of you creating the story? We dissipated any concerns by assuring each other that it was interesting (LOL). Also, when I think that something is interesting, usually I’m right. I don’t mean to say that I have a special talent, on the contrary it’s because I’m an ordinary person with ordinary sensibility that many people sympathize with me. I know this from experience, therefore I wasn’t really worried.

—I heard that your storyboard for all 12 episodes was about 900 pages long. Yes, it was more or less that. It took me a little more than a year, so considering the working pace I think I was actually pretty slow.

—Is there something you had a hard time with when you created the storyboard? In every episode, especially in the early part, I had trouble fitting the characters into the story. I drew about 10 pages but it felt really incoherent, so I had to draw it again from the start. That happened over and over. The story was already decided, therefore I couldn’t change it a lot. I mostly changed the situation or dialogues, and tried again until it felt right.

—It felt innovative that the story becomes completely focused on the tournaments as it progresses, and at the same time it was also very fascinating. Director Yamamoto really wanted to show until the Grand Prix Final, so the structure of the episodes naturally became like that. Also, I didn’t want to portray the other athletes like side characters that are obviously going to lose, therefore I tried to create a story where all characters would get their highlights. On top of that, the director was towing the series with overwhelming power, surprising everyone by saying things like “all songs must be newly-written” and “let’s use an orchestra to create the music”. Looking at her I thought I had to do my best too and so I tenaciously strived to incorporate all elements into my storyboard without making compromises.

—How did it feel to see your storyboard become an anime and not a manga? It’s not like I don’t think I’m one of the creators, but it felt more like I was simply “one member of the anime staff”, so in a way I was more worried that my storyboard would get in their way. I put my heart and soul into that storyboard, but I didn’t necessarily want them to do everything exactly like it, I was happier knowing that it could become a nice base on which to build the anime. It’s also the first time that I had someone else work on my drawings, but actually my drawing style has lots of lines, so it’s not really suitable for an anime. The most important thing was that the viewers would think the anime pictures were the best, so I was focused on watching the new fascinating style used in the anime and didn’t really care whether my art style would be maintained or not. Starting from the chief animation director (Tadashi) Hiramatsu-san, I completely trust the anime staff, so I told them to change anything they needed to make the art easier to animate. As a result, in some cases the characters’ expressions changed from the storyboard, and in other cases they were just the same translated into animation, but as a whole the pictures were improved compared to the storyboard and I’m really satisfied with the result.

—You also went location hunting to write the storyboard, right? Yes. We went to China, Russia and Barcelona in Spain to watch actual figure skating tournaments.

—Did physically going to arenas and getting a deeper knowledge of figure skating influence the storyboard? We couldn’t directly speak to the athletes in tournaments, therefore to recreate their feelings and thoughts in fiction we had to put together the pieces from the outside. We were planning to create a story centered around the bond of an athlete and their coach, in other words Yuuri and Victor, but before going location hunting we didn’t really have a clear image of that in our minds. If you put too much focus on expressing the bond people will say “it’s just a fantasy created by the mind of a woman, isn’t it?”. In fact, when I wrote “Moteki”, there were people saying “this manga doesn’t understand a man’s heart at all”, and at the same time I also received many comments like “how is it possible that a female writer understands the feelings of a virgin guy?”, but in the end there are no limitations as to how a person can interpret a work, therefore the only correct thing a creator can do is release their work into the world with a strong resolve. Either way, I thought that if I didn’t draw “Yuri on Ice” with very strong feelings I would lose my way, but I had a hard time deciding what would be the core of these strong feelings.

—I see. At that time, a certain athlete said “I can skate for love”. In their case, “love” was probably referring to their lover, and they meant to say that even if they are apart they can do their best thinking about that person and this also helps them achieve good results, but when we heard this director Yamamoto and I felt shocked like we had been struck by lightning. We realized that indeed, in real figure skating many athletes express an overwhelming love and sensuality on the ice. I myself had never drawn a story about someone doing their best for love in such a straightforward way, but I thought that if I had to try my hand at it this series was the perfect chance. It’s a theme that can be dealt with in the sport of figure skating, and also it’s pretty classic to connect sport and love in fiction. Yuuri Katsuki doesn’t skate for his own love, but to prove all kinds of love, including Victor, and when as a result his strong desire for a gold medal was added to it, I had the feeling that this series had finally found its powerful core. I believed that any kind of love representation, if crafted with the utmost care, would feel interesting to the viewers. What was important to me and director Yamamoto was not “who to deliver this work to”, but to create a solid work that would “be able to reach as far as possible”, and one of the elements that contributed to make it strong was the representation of the bond called “love”.

—That is also something that is reflected in the characters’ personalities and dialogues. I wanted to depict the athletes’ nature, their passion and dedication, with care. That’s why I decided to use lots of strong dialogues that are like a punch in the face, and surprise the viewers with their facial expressions and the situations. I did my best to pour my personal style into these parts, while of course being careful not to spoil the main story line.

—At the same time, the skating scenes are really realistic and contain almost no fictional elements. I left the skating scenes to the animators who are in charge of them, trusting that they would be able to make them convincing. I was really pleased to see the final result, because they were able to create amazing scenes with the characteristic taste of an anime, so even if the story is fiction they took a very serious approach to it.

—I see. Who was the hardest character to write? I had a hard time drawing the relationship between Yuuri and Yurio. Especially Yurio, I think he’s easy to grasp as a character and I was sure he would become popular, but for the same reason it was difficult to make him unpredictable. I wanted to depict him and Yuuri as rivals, however figure skating is mostly a battle against yourself, a sport where you fight to pursue your personal best, and after their direct confrontation in episode 3 they also become physically separated, so I was careful about the balance when making them think of each other.

—Yuuri and Yurio had a kind of relationship that made it difficult to tell exactly whether they were getting along or not. We had already decided from the start that Yurio would hinder Yuuri’s victory in the Grand Prix Final, therefore I had to think about how to develop their relationship in a convincing way, so that the viewers would also feel a catharsis in that moment. When portraying rivals it’s important not to fall into stereotypes, that’s why I created the stir over Victor, Otabek and Yurio becoming friends in episode 10, and so on. It was for the purpose of reinforcing the fated connection between Yuuri and Yurio, and to consequently cause the viewers to want to cheer on Yuuri in the Grand Prix Final. However, at the same time the bond between Yuuri and Victor became deeper and deeper, and as I couldn’t really find enough place to put the spotlight on the rivarly with Yurio eventually Yurio stopped moving inside my storyboard, to my surprise. In that sense, I had to struggle to depict Yuuri and Yurio’s relationship until the end.

—Still, Yurio’s lines were all powerful, and I think he really stood out as a character. How did you create those memorable lines such as “I’ll make you into a borscht in Moscow” and “there are no gold medals for pigs!!”? Just naturally (LOL). Sometimes lines are born because the story requires them, and some other times a line a character would totally say eventually connects to the story, so it doesn’t really feel like I came up with all the lines myself. Ideally I was aiming to create lines that people will want to say right away the day after the episode is broadcasted, that they will want to say out loud. It’s not just about Yurio of course, but since voice actors were going to read the lines out loud it was a good occasion to throw in lots of strong dialogues (LOL).

—The bond between Yuuri and Victor became more and more extreme by the end of the series. Yuuri is just calling it “love” because of what he wants to express, without being afraid of the values arbitrarily decided by others, but I decided to go ahead and use any kind of representation if it was required by the story, without reserve. I believed that the buildup of such a relationship would lead to a special ending, I actually hadn’t envisioned their relationship from the start. In the end the bond between them became extremely deep, and I myself was surprised.

—The scene of the rings in episode 10 was the most outstanding example, it was quite shocking. Considering what you just said, was that also the course of events? It wasn’t the course of events, it was necessary! At least, when I was writing the storyboard that’s what I thought, and I wrote it seriously. I had really been wanting to draw the scene of Yuuri and Victor’s reunion at Fukuoka airport, and at that time neither me nor director Yamamoto actually had in mind to drop any bombshells in episode 10 or 11. However, episode 10 was the last “break” before the Grand Prix Final, and as we were thinking about what to put in it to make it an absolutely enjoyable episode, we also wondered whether it was possible to further deepen their bond too. Since we had already done hugs and scenes like in dramatic TV serials* we thought we couldn’t go it any farther, but then I suddently thought that they might want an item for support when facing the Grand Prix Final. When I tried browsing the websites of ring brands I found out that engagement rings aren’t necessarily something for people who get married, but that they can be given as presents to soulmates too. And I thought, “this is it!”. Besides, looking through the material we gathered during location hunting in Barcelona I found pictures of a church with a choir, so I was like “this is the place!”. [*translator’s note: In Japanese she says “scenes like in a getsuku drama”. “Getsuku” (月9) are serial TV dramas broadcasted on Fuji TV on Monday at 9 pm, hence “getsuku” which means “Monday 9”. Especially until a few years ago they used to be very popular, you might have heard the titles of some of the most known ones like “HERO” and “Long Vacation”, both starring Takuya Kimura. They mostly center around or include love stories, but not necessarily, and they tend to have lots of dramatic twists, so sometimes people will refer to dramatic or tense scenes in other works as “getsuku” because they remind of the typical developments of these dramas. In YOI I would say she is referring to either the scene in the parking in ep.7 or the one at Fukuoka airport in ep.9.]

—It’s like everything connected naturally, as if it was meant to happen. It was a period where I was at my wits’ end, but I drew this part all in one go. It was before the anime started, so I didn’t know what kind of response the anime would get and how this would be interpreted. Even if someone said “this makes no sense!” I wouldn’t have cared (LOL).

—As a result, the viewers were ecstatic. If it were a manga I think that scene would have actually looked much lighter and less important, but I was positively impressed to see how much impact it could have when in an anime.

—Still, the response from the public got more and more terrific with each episode. What surprised me the most after the end of the series is that my father was actually watching it. He has never read any of my manga except for the 4-koma ones, yet he was watching “Yuri on Ice”. He said “at the beginning I felt a little sick*, but I watched it until the end. Will you make a sequel?” (LOL). I was moved thinking that my father, a 70 years old Kyushu man, managed to overcome nausea and was able to enjoy the anime. Anyway, this series received response from such a wide range of people, something that could not possibly happen in my life as a mangaka. I feel a lot of fervor coming from both the positive and the negative opinions. [*translator’s note: It’s a bit vague, but based on how it’s worded I think they are referring to motion sickness probably caused by the skating scenes.]

—When did you start realizing that you were receiving a huge response? I’d say from around episode 5, when the real tournaments started. I was a bit tense because in manga it happens often that people will say the everyday life parts are more interesting than the competition scenes, but I was very happy to see that in fact we were getting more response after the tournament started. Also, after episode 7 I realized it so clearly that I even began to think “this is reaching too many people”. On Twitter I saw lots of comments like “I cried so much I feel sick” and I thought “people’s autonomic nerves are going crazy” (LOL).

—Now that the series is over and you are probably less burdened by work, how do you feel looking back on “Yuri on Ice”? More than the sense of fulfillment for being able to express what I wanted to draw, I feel so undescribably happy that I could help director Yamamoto build the world she wanted to create. I was contacted about this series right after I finished my serialization of “Again!!”, and it was a time when I was thinking about what kind of manga to draw next and my mind was completely blank. Like Victor in episode 1, I couldn’t feel any motivation to start my next work and I wasn’t able to come up with any idea. Just at that time I met director Yamamoto and I was able to deal with things I had been avoiding, like the theme of “doing something for love” and “a series about a sport I had no experience in”, and I was able to reach a level that I could never have reached alone. However, due to my nature, I absolutely don’t think that “now that I gained this experience, I will use it as a weapon to draw lots of interesting manga!” (LOL). I can see myself worrying about lots of things again the next time I sit at a desk, but still, I believe that I earned something thanks to this series. I feel that even if you leave your area of expertise, if you have the sensitivity to find something interesting and enough luck, you can create something that other people will sympathize with, and I also think that getting away from my usual work of manga serializations helped me notice many new things.

—So, did it help you gain more confidence? It’s not that simple (LOL). If you become too sensible you will lose your ego as a mangaka and the works you create might actually become boring. Sometimes I think that to write manga you need to become like a rabid dog. There are surely many things I earned working in the production of an anime, but whether I can put them to good use in my manga is another story, and at this moment I still can’t tell.

—I see. Lastly, many people are hoping for a sequel to “Yuri on Ice”. Could you tell us your current plans and whether you have a desire to continue? Even between me and director Yamamoto, we still haven’t discussed about it concretely. Besides, we cannot create an anime alone, and we do not know whether the important anime staff will have their schedules free. But we cannot move forward until we create something that will allow us to say “we have come up with this sequel, please follow us”, therefore, as one of the main creators, the first thing I want to do is conceive an interesting sequel. Actually, I’ll be going on a trip abroad with director Yamamoto soon. It has nothing to do with location hunting for a sequel, but like when we first discussed about “Yuri on Ice”, I hope that we can start to gather the external pieces while talking about figure skating every day. I think that the characters are out there somewhere, waiting for a chance to move again, and we are going on a trip to look for them. I hope we can find them.

[ruixuemaoblog-blog]

Paprike(2006) - Satoshi Kon’s Dreamland Invasion

Paprika (Japanese: パプリカ) is a 2006 Japanese science-fiction anime film co-written and directed by Satonshi Kon, based on Yasutaka Tsutsui's 1993 novel of the same time, about a research psychologist who uses a device that permits therapists to help patients by entering their dreams. It is Kon's fourth and final feature film before his death in 2010. The significant philosophical claim advanced in the movie Paprika is that any consciousness can live as an existence inside dream and reality with or without noticing. Dream is another world with freedom, people tend to show their deepest desire and wishes there. Therefore, dreams can be powerful. Desire, as a thought, can also be alive. Thus, a dark desire can be alive as an evil form, a justice war of dreams starts. This is the journey that all the characters in the movie have been through, to pursue the most real oneself, and ultimately it is the lesson that the movie conveys to its audience.

In anime film world, the moon is often used as a metaphor for Satonshi Kon. Thinking process is the feature of his twisted work which matches the cold society. However, you can always get that last hope from his work till the end. It is like the moon, bringing people the perfect time to meditate. Movie starts with the circus scene. Flashing light with excited audience in the seats, detective  Konakawa Toshimi (use as Kon below) experiences a series of unbelievable weird things with a red hair lady. Suddenly, he wakes up. It was just a dream. The red hair lady smiles next to him. The opening of story begins with the confusing mystery. In the near future, in order to treat more and more modern human beings, more and more serious mental illness, the Institute of Psychiatry in Tokyo has developed a machine that can reflect the dreams of others. The red hair lady is the avatar of Dr. Atsuko Chiba (use as Chiba below) who is the one of concept founders of the dream machine - DCmini. Back to the storyline, Chiba and her partner (close friend) engineer Tokita (use as Toki) found out DCmini is stole from the hospital. Patients and even doctors are getting crazy one by one after the stealing case. They are hurting themselves and others blindly with the excited twisted facial expression.

In order to stop more victims, Chiba and Toki with their team started more investigation to catch the “murderer” behind the scenes. The main character Kon is invited in the team, in the meantime, his personal “date” (which is actually the mental treatment）with the red lady - Paprika is still going on only through the computer. Because typically, Paprika can only exist in the dreamland. Talking about this point of the story, I always find that it is very interesting to compare the dream world with the computational system, which I mean the website itself  through the screen. They are both existing in the “unreal” world, they are both untouchable and they are both addicting. What’s the deeper thoughts behind this comparison?

More victims get involved in the case. The assistant of Toki escaped with one of the DCmini, his condition is getting out of control. The only way of saving him is going inside his dream. This is the moment of inviting Paprika - Dr.Chiba’s avatar of the dream. When Paprika arrived inside his dream, she found out the dream is full of deepest desire, overwhelming fear and twisted forms. She is surrounding by the physical forms of some kind of twisted metal world. The patient himself already turned inside his own desire. In other words, the deepest desire takes control of his physical body and mental mind. He is his desire, his body is his fear.

With this kind of horror fantasy atmosphere, the team successfully found the missing assistant. However, the DCmini is already melted inside his head and they have to take it out with a serious surgery.

Things are getting seriously dangerous. When they found out the assistant is also a victim, they realized that the big boss is actually more powerful than they thought. Back to the main character, also the clue character - detective Kon, he continued his regular dream treatment session with Paprika. Because of a homicide case, he is still struggling with his weird dream. He has a recurring dream of being trapped in a cage at the circus, surrounded by people with his own face. He also dreams that he is trapped in a elevator where each floor is a different movie scenario starring himself and Paprika, and the number 17 seems to repeat itself.  

Without even noticing, detective Kon mixes his personal experience and memory inside his dreamland. It is a perfect example of the core of this movie. Dream, as a powerful media, is sucking every thoughts, memory and experience of us. And reflect them inside our dream world while our bodies are keeping the most relaxing mode. Any thoughts of human being can become a physical form living inside the dreams. For those forms that we may never figure out, dream is their warm cozy blanket. Without rules and limitation, desire can grow faster as overwhelming virus without control. That’s also why dream can be also so attractive to human being through the long history. Similar theory was mentioned in monster theories, people feel scared and curious at the same time while they are talking about monsters. So, do human being want to experience what does it feel to become a monster? Without any consequence, maybe dreamland is a better place to release our dark side?

During the metal treatment with detective Kon, Paprika realizes that someone is intruding on Kon’s dream. All the victim’s dream are merging into detective’s dream.    

That is the point that the movie shocked me. I have never thought about dream can turn any unstable feeling which is without physical shape into a solid physical form. In other word, an evil thought within a second can become powerful and unexpectable. It can’t live inside the real 3D world, but it doesn’t mean it can’t live inside 4D dreamland. Therefore, never get an evil thought go, because it is equal with the actual physical evil action. The only difference is just happening in two different world.

The big boss starts appearing behind everything. It is the chairman of the hospital. He is struggling with his useless legs and envying other’s lives. Thus, he is trying using DCmini to take over the world by hijacking people’s dreams.   

Because of inability, he wants to destroy ability. Such an evil thought turn into a total twisted mess inside dreamland. His assistant became a puppet operating things for him. And the people who are puppets turned into the physical empty nasty skin in their dreams.

Meanwhile, Detective Kon has entered his own dream and is waiting for Paprika. He is drinking at the bar in his dream and two bar men are questioning him about why he doesn’t like movies. He suddenly realizes the significance of the number 17. When he was 17 years old, he made an 8 millimeter film with his close friend and they talked about making more movies together. Kon soon decided that he wasn’t going to pursue film, and his friend felt let down by him. His friend turned out to be terminally ill and died soon after. The detective realizes he has been carrying around the guilt for letting his friend down all these years. The story finally solves the confusing issue which happened at the beginning of the movie. The reason that why he is scared of number 17 and why he is always trapped inside his own dream. I have to say this hidden clue is very deep, even can be considered as the main story clue all through the movie. As I mentioned at the start, dream is an avatar of the real world. It always brings back the deepest desire or the weakest part of us without even noticing. It is almost part of human’s mental function. We experience in day time and release them at night time inside dream, day after day, the strongest and deepest desire or memory stays and grows as the power king inside our dreamland. Detective Kon himself even didn’t realize that why he is scared of that piece of memory. Because inside the dream, the avatar is trying to figure out ourselves. Human, us, probably don’t even know enough about the deepest thoughts and characters of ourselves.        

Story goes to the top of the mountain here. Also, another cultural frame is invited with us - The superhero theory. In superhero theory, they are not born as the superhero. Almost all of them has superhero theory. In superhero theory, they are not born as the superhero. Almost all of them has uperhero tend to “wake up” at the right moment and gather the power and save the world. It is a process of life, a process of learning forgiveness. When they let the certain part of themselves go, the guilt and struggling go with it. Only when Kon really lets himselves face to the memory he avoids, he can re-see himself and save the world. 

Kon “wakes up” and decides to save Paprika who is trapped by the big boss - Chairman. At the same time, the dream world is becoming darker and a giant black hole is appearing connected to the other world. The Chairman, now a haunting black figure towering above the city and spreading the darkness into world pronounces that he can control dreams, even death - he has become the Lord of Darkness.

Paprika realizes that the light and dark reflect reality and dreams. She projects herself as the image of a small child who is swallowing up the darkness and simultaneously growing into a woman at the same time untill she is powerful enough to swallow up the shadowy figure of the Chairman.  

Light returns to the city. Detective Kon doesn’t need metal treatment session anymore, Paprika is also saying goodbye. Detective Kon, free from his previous fears and anxieties, walks out of his office and over to the movie theatre. In the mirror of the street, his old friend is smiling to him. “It’s all over, the dreamland comes from the reality, cherish it.”  Indeed, but who knows, maybe the things happened are real, maybe, they are all just hiding again inside our dreamland and waiting for exploration.

To memorize Satoshi Kon,  the master of dreamland.

[aion-rsa]

How Love, Victor Accurately Portrays The American LGBTQ Experience

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This article contains spoilers for Love, Victor season 2.

When it was announced that the iconic 2018 rom-com Love, Simon would receive a spinoff TV series, many worried it wouldn’t be able to find its own unique portrayal of sexual orientation awakening. In the hands of thoughtful showrunners Isaac Aptaker and Elizabeth Berger and the endearing lead performance from Michael Cimino, Love, Victor is able to cast a wide net of LGBTQ perspectives for the audience to learn and connect to. 

That’s why Hulu’s teen romance series has developed a niche, but rabid fanbase in the past year. As an audience, getting to follow along with Victor Salazar (the aforementioned Cimino) on his journey has been an honest and raw reflection of so many viewers’ experiences with their own sexuality. With the second season having premiered on June 11, excitement has been building to see where the title character goes now that he has a boyfriend and has come out of the closet to his family. 

No piece of media can ever be an all-encompassing overview of one group’s experience, but this show has really turned into a unique survey of the gay landscape, from sexual questioning, to sexual awakening, self-acceptance, and finally learning to live in a world where others don’t respond well to you being your true self. 

There are many stereotypes in media about what it means to be gay, and too often they depict a white, upper-middle class character with family and friends who have no qualms about queerness. The happy-go-lucky approach does not show outsiders just how tumultuous and heartbreaking it often is to grapple with being non-straight. Love, Victor engages the viewer and invites them to learn about a wide variety of LGBTQ struggles. Victor is Latino, lower-middle class, Catholic, and dealing with the upsides and downsides of being a gay man who skews more masculine than feminine. 

Victor has internalized homophobia throughout the first season, taking awhile to figure out that it is indeed okay to like men, no matter what his conservative Latinx parents have taught him in the past. When he reveals his sexuality to his mom and dad in the second season, the audience is treated to the juxtaposition of the parents’ differing reactions. Victor’s father has an easy time putting his love for his son ahead of his ingrained value system; Victor’s mother has a much harder time grappling with whether to put her religion or her son first, but the payoff in that journey is something to behold (and will make you cry). This decision from the writers gives the show a way to relate to the widest array of watchers in the target audience, and shows that love can trump bigotry if you have a decent heart and adore your family. 

Arguably the most tasteful analysis the show pulls off is its depiction of the limbo you are placed in as a gay person, particularly a gay man, where you are stuck between two different worlds based off of your gender expressions. Victor is traditionally masculine, one of the stars of his high school basketball team, yet his teammates feel uncomfortable with him in the locker room. For those who think this type of homophobia is an outdated trope, take a peek at any of the comments on social media at the beginning of Pride celebrations when any male sports teams lend their support to the equality movement. To a sizable portion of the population, being gay is still synonamous with being less masculine, and Victor feels the pain of his being outcasted from the guys he hoops with in a very raw way. 

He then quits the team in the third episode of the second season, only to be poked fun of for being a “former, straight-acting jock” by his boyfriend’s gay friends. In one of the most revelatory lines in the whole series, Victor asks his teammate Andrew (played by Mason Gooding), an eventual ally, what is the perfect amount of gay to satisfy everyone? Too gay to play sports and not gay enough to hang out with more traditionally queer folk, where exactly is he supposed to turn to find his true family? This question is the most daring one that Love, Victor asks of its audience. The show expects you to examine your own opinions on gender norms and expressions regardless of sexual orientation, and teaches everyone that there is no one way to structure your identity. Victor as a character is a canvas for a myriad of interests and personalities, demonstrating the diversity of the Western LGBTQ+ experience. 

This variety is also dissected in what is likely to be the most controversial storyline of the latter half of season 2, when new character Rahim (played by Anthony Keyvan), a closeted classmate of Victor’s, reaches out for some support. As Victor’s relationship with Benji (played by George Sear) starts to go awry, Rahim becomes a confidant, a close friend, and possibly something much more than that. The love triangle that develops as the finale closes will irk many viewers, but that might be in line with the writers’ intentions.

Benji represents many of the privileges that exist in pop culture with gay men: white, rich, and possessing socially liberal parents, he doesn’t fully understand many of the hardships in Victor’s life. On the other hand, Rahim is an Iranian Muslim, with enough flamboyance to match well with much of Victor’s traditional machismo. They are kindred spirits in many ways, and all of their different gayness meshes in a way that is aptly described by Rahim as “magical”. Comparing and contrasting a mixed race relationship (white person with a racial-minority person) with one where both parties are non-white gives the audience a lot to chew on. All of the intricacies of race, gender expression, and sexuality intertwine when Victor and Rahim are together, forcing the narrative to dig deeper and making the show something truly special.

The sheer amount of side characters and the short runtime (each episode clocks in at around 30 minutes each) leaves some stories feeling a little rushed, which would be one of the only flaws in the show’s exploration of teenage sexuality. With the time that is given, you don’t always get the full picture on the peripheral of the main plot, but relationships like Victor and his best friend, Felix, and the bond that he shares with his ex-girlfriend, Mia, are also valuable to the portrayal of a gay man’s inner circle.

Victor and Felix (played by Anthony Turpel) are a beacon of hope that a gay man and straight man can remain as tight after the coming out process as they were before. There is no sexual tension and absolutely no insecurities from Felix that Victor may come on to him; the latter issue is one of the preeminent reasons so many queer people have for holding off on being themselves, as they don’t want their friends to view them any differently than before (I, for instance, had an aunt who dropped one of her longest friendships when she found out the woman was a lesbian). They talk about their sex lives, go to each other for relationship advice, and just have a whole lot of fun; they’re bros (or bone brothers, according to Felix). Victor and Felix do not represent the majority of gay/straight friends, rather they portray the idyllic potential of this scenario in a world that will hopefully become fully comfortable with it some day soon.

As the first season came to a close, Mia (played by Rachel Hilson) is heartbroken after Victor cheats on her in the process of figuring out his sexuality and the showing of her forgiveness in the second season is one of the highlights of the series. Gay men keeping their friendships with ex-girlfriends after coming out is a common stereotype, but it’s rarely shown with such tenderness as in this series. The Victor/Mia bond demonstrates the ways platonic love can be so powerful it can confuse those engaged in it. This makes figuring out one’s sexuality even more confusing for many in the LGBTQ community, and the interpretation of this trope is very warm as seen in these two characters.

When making a TV show that represents a group of people who have been traditionally discriminated against, it is not enough for the characters to simply exist; these folks need to be a reflection of the society that they are fictionalizing. Unfortunately, depictions of the LGBTQ community on screen have long been restricted to one-dimensional sidekicks (the Gay Best Friend trope, examined perfectly here by The Take)  and cheap stereotypes (Carol on Friends was used to insult Ross’s masculinity, insinuating that he turned her lesbian because he wasn’t man enough for her). 

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In Love, Victor, the core discussion around how masculinity, conservative social norms, and the gay experience can merge into one lifestyle is extremely compelling for a myriad of reasons, not the least being that parents of children who look, act, and behave just like Victor can see how normal all of this is. Being gay is so much more than who you are attracted too; sexuality relates to every sector of a person’s life and how they are perceived by the society around them. No other show on TV right now can claim to be as aware of all of these topics, all while making you laugh, cry, and think. Victor says in the second episode of season 2 that he hopes to inspire someone else to be themselves one day; he’s surely already done that tenfold. 

All 10 episodes of Love, Victor season 2 are available to stream on Hulu now.

The post How Love, Victor Accurately Portrays The American LGBTQ Experience appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3gvFrsC

[rogerk471]

HW4case Q3

Facts of the Case:

  In 1974, in the confines of a basement, a small company named TSR began to manufacture a board game that was meant for their close friends.  The game was called Dungeons and Dragons.  It was set in a realm of fantasy where players worked together to combat monsters and dragons.  The game became pretty popular and was soon widespread and well known. However, this setting of high fantasy had game mechanics that used magic, deities and all sorts of other arcane arts for the players to use.  While it is all very entertaining, the public opinion over the simple game soon swung in the direction of mass hysteria.

  Much like the propaganda against marijuana, the media turned public opinion against Dungeons and Dragons, citing ridiculous stories of the occult and suggesting that the board game was secretly a way to summon demons or practice witchcraft.  People say there is no such thing as negative press, but during this time there was also widespread fear of satanism and devil worshiping.  Dungeons and Dragons profits suffered because of being associated with all of these things.

  In response to these harsh circumstances, TSR felt compelled to create a Code of Ethics to circulate among its community in order to ease this public concern and prove that they were not secretly evil.  It almost seems laughable today, but lets not pretend that the media isn’t still playing this game.  Millions and millions of people are living in an alternate reality thanks to a dishonest media.  One that decides what story it wants to write and then searches for a way to make the “facts” reflect their narrative.  Before I go too far off topic, I’ll just say that even though it may seem ridiculous to us it still happens.  In other words, despite our hindsight being 20/20, I can still see how people fell into the hysteria over this.

  I always like to reference Mazes and Monsters as a good example of how people so very sorely misunderstood the pretext of the game.  Anyway, TSR released their Code of Ethics and that is the case we are going to look in to.  If you are interested in viewing the Code yourself, just look for Q1 or Q2 of this case and there is a link provided.

 Analysis:

  To understand this case, we should evaluate certain topics of interest.  First lets take a look at the very first entry into this Code, “Good versus Evil.”  It states that evil should never be portrayed in an attractive light, and should only be used as a foe to illustrate a moral issue.  That is practically word for word what it says.  These days with video-games this concept is so out of place, but remember we have gone through a lot to get to where we are today.  There have been many cases of people talking about violence in video-games or talking about how they could be corrupting our youth.  These days it is not uncommon at all for people to play as a villain.  In fact, these days villains are usually shown in an attractive light to be “compelling” to the audience.  The fact this was their first issue to discuss tells me that it was very important for them to address how they do not condone evil acts, even in a roleplaying game.  That is good for them, and I still respect this stance even in times like these where evil is more nuanced.

  The second point of their code essentially tells players not to try to duplicate any of their experiences in real life.  It instructs the person running the game not to use too much detail and it explains that players should not try to imitate evil plans or use their game experience as inspiration for real life.  I believe the gist of this is telling the game master not to give explicit instructions about anything an evil person is doing, so that it would not inspire or give instructions to players that they might try to misuse in real life.  (Such as making drugs or some elaborate crime scheme.)

  As the list continues they address many hot topics such as violence, sexual aggression, nudity and slavery.  In each of these cases they take a rational approach as to what their expectations are.  They don’t condone gratuitous violence or any sexual violence for that matter.  And if players are using a topic such as slavery it must not be used in an attractive light.  It must be a tool of the evil and must be demonstrated as a system that needs to be abolished.  These types of policies are good in my opinion for fostering a healthy moral compass, and educating players.

  Looking at it from a utilitarian perspective this is good because it teaches about the evils of certain things without being grotesque and even explains what was wrong about them.  If you look at all of the other topics as well, it is clear that they are trying to better their players and create a positive outcome.  Which is certainly the best for all.

  I see more virtue ethics in this than anything though because it explicitly wants good to triumph over evil.  What is considered good or evil by the people playing the game has everything to do with where they live and the times they live in.  The concept is to use whatever definitions they believe to be true, and never allow evil to win in the end.  I also would like to lump in Deontological ethics here because they seem to also address things such as obeying the law, and making sure not to paint law enforcement in a negative light.  They even make a point to say that if you have a corrupt law enforcement official to make sure to address that they are an exception and not the norm.

My Conclusions:

  It is hard to fight against bad press, but I truly believe that this code of ethics served to at least help in that case.  These days D&D is not seen in such a negative light, and it has actually become pretty popular in certain communities.  It definitely does not carry the same stigma that it once did, and part of that has to do with how laughable some of the old claims against it have become.

  Putting the success aside and looking solely at the code of ethics for what it is, I find myself liking it a lot.  It reflects many of my own beliefs and feelings about some of the subjects, even though I find it acceptable to play evil sometimes (in the game of course!!!)  We live in a strange time where it is more strange not to have a dark side, and if someone is completely good they are considered to be a “square”.  Perhaps more than that, we have become more accepting of our failures or shortcomings, and those of others as well.

  I think the reason the code of ethics still resonates with me despite my beliefs on nuance is because it serves as a standard.  We might not always meet those standards or expectations, but it is something that we can strive to and use as a moral compass.  In that regard, TSR’s code of ethics is a massive win.

Future Environment:

  We have come a long way with technology since 1974, and videogames have progressed at a dizzying speed.  I believe that we will continue to see this exponential growth and maybe one day we will have a virtual world with NPC (nonplayer characters) that are able to reasonably think on their own.  When that time comes, the guiding principals in TSR’s code of ethics will be very important I think.

  It may seem like science fiction today, but I predict that it will be a scientific fact at some point.  Though as technology grows so to does the danger of mass extinction.  One or the other will happen, and I hope it is acceptable that I am rooting for videogames rather than conflict.

Future Scenario:

  From the tabletop to a virtual world is a massive leap, but we have a lot of things to look at inbetween these two points in time.  Take online games for example, they have rules and such to prevent from a lot of the same things that we see in TSR’s ethical code, so it stands to reason that they will continue to be important.

  I just hope we continue to value this ethical code in the future so that we can avoid unethical behavior.  The more technology advances the more realistic games will become.  Most, if not all, of the concerns that TSR had upon the creation of their Code would still apply in a virtual environment.  We don’t want people to imitate anything negative or misuse anything from the game in real life.  We don’t want to promote evil things such as slavery, or sexual violence.

  We want good to win.  (I hope)

[mrgameandpie]

Sometimes, I imagine what it’d be like for someone to love me. Like, to REALLY love me, a lot. For spending time with me to be a high priority for someone, something a person wants to do on a regular and frequent basis. For someone to find me attractive, enjoying my silliness and memes and puns, being into my skeletal figure. For the kind of person I am to actually satisfy another person’s desires.

I’ve only had two significant others before, and both relationships ended pretty quickly due to fundamental parts of who I am clashing with fundamental parts of who they were. It can give the impression of me being unlovable, even if it’s just two people out of so many in the world. I tend to get crushes on fictional characters, and I like to cuddle or otherwise engage in affectionate gestures extremely frequently. Neither of those things seem like traits that are fundamental dealbreakers for most people. On the contrary I’d imagine there are a lot of people out there would would appreciate the cuddles, and many still who would accept the fiction pining. However, because these are the two things about me that primarily caused previous relationships to end, it can still generate a negative view about myself regardless.

One element here is that I really crave affection and praise. I want someone to tell me that they love me, that I matter to them, that they want me around and appreciate what I do. I never feel like I get enough validation in my life, and as such its something that would mean a lot to me. If someone were to say that I looked hot or cute or beautiful or really anything positive about my appearance, that’d shock me, but it’d also mean a lot. Nobody ever says that kind of stuff about me. If someone so much as said I mattered to them, that they considered me an important part of their life, I don’t think I’d know how to respond, but it’d launch my mood straight to Jupiter that’s for sure!

I give out this kind of support and praise to others fairly frequently, generally to people who I feel especially close to. I love doing this, letting people know they’re important to me, validating their feelings and providing comfort and assurance, it is immensely fulfilling and I don’t think I’d ever stop. I’d just like to be on the receiving end too sometimes. It’d mean a lot to me.

I guess looking back, there are a few times where people were interested in me. When I was a little kid, preschool through elementary school, all the girls were my friends in essentially any scenario. The secret, of course, was to respect them as people and be kind, who would’ve guessed? As is typical for kids of that age, a couple of these girls did have crushes on me and at least one claimed she was going to marry me. I remember I always said I felt I was too young to really have a girlfriend and a relationship like that. And, yeah, I was too young! Go little GnP, being reasonably mature.

Even in my adult life, there was one woman who was deeply interested in me, but that did not end well at all. Let’s call her Cindy for simplicity. I met her at church, and she asked if I wanted to hang out sometime. I wasn’t going to college at that moment, I think it was summer, though I was looking for a job. I also was pretty lonely, having lost contact with just about everyone from highschool, not having connected with anyone at college, and most of my internet friends were in a busy period. As such, it was a real no-brainer to take her up on the offer.

The first warning sign happened when she arrived at my house and started talking to my parents about marrying me. Like, we had talked maybe once and already she’s talking about this kind of stuff. However, things only went downhill from there. As previously noted, I love physical affection. Can’t get enough of it. Cindy like touching me a lot, generally on the shoulder or one time where she had me hold her, but unlike with anyone else I’ve ever physically interacted with, with her it felt wrong. So very uncomfortable and unsettling. Cindy didn’t like things or do things, and generally never had anything positive to say. She wasn’t in college at all, wasn’t looking for a job, didn’t have hobbies or even any interests like games, shows, or sports. She read books and manga which is pretty cool, but I could never get her to talk about any of these things. If she said anything, it was almost exclusively life drama. I’m certainly willing to listen about that, support one emotionally and the like, but that was the only thing she ever talked about.  On the flip side, when I would try to talk about anything I was interested in, she always made it a point to let me know she couldn’t follow a word of what I was saying, which was always really disappointing. I make videos where I explain how videogames work and discuss what their positive and negative points are, being able to effectively convey such information even to someone generally uninformed about such matters is a skill I typically take some pride in, for someone who wanted to be important in my life to not understand what I was talking about at all despite my best efforts, it was really disheartening.

As time went on she began to get really mean with me. She’d make fun of my interests, chastise me for not laughing at the jokes she laughed at. Even after I let her know, in no uncertain terms, that I wasn’t romantically interested in her, she continued her attempts at flirting regardless. Finally, one day, she poked or touched me in a way that made me extremely uncomfortable and I asked her to stop touching me. She continued touching me, and made fun of me for wanting some space. After I dropped her home that afternoon, I never saw or talked to her again. She had become a toxic source of negativity and discomfort in my life, and I didn’t need that at all.

One good thing did come out of Cindy though. In an attempt to avoid being alone with her, I began to invite an old highschool friend I hadn’t hung out with in roughly a year. The two of us used to hang out every Friday as the weekend started up, but when I began college that stopped for a time. After the incident with Cindy, my friend and I have regularly spent time together every week, which is nice since he’s basically my only IRL friend at this point.

Quite a few years have past since then, but still the fact remains she’s the only person who has expressed any notable interest in me in my adult life. The two significant others alluded to previously tended to be fairly one-sided when it came to gestures of affection and the like. Not to say either never said they liked me or that they never did anything for me, just that it never felt like either were especially head-over-heels for me. Nor has it felt like anyone was that way.

One thing that’s helped me when I felt I needed affection or assurance has been the previously mentioned crushes on fictional characters.  Throughout my life I’ve probably spent more time inside my imagination than in anything resembling actual physical reality, and as such one of the fantasies I live out is having a stable healthy relationship. Jade Harley, Roxy Lalonde, Sanae Kochiya, Mei Ling Zhou, Kibbles, the list of characters I’ve had crushes on goes on really. Sometimes I’ll refer to them as my “waifus” or the like but that’s generally only sarcastically or as shorthand without having to explain further. In truth, waifu culture tends to indicate a degree of interest that I’ve only really achieved once. You won’t find me buying dakimuras or reading innumerable ReaderXCharacter fics or the like, my own casual fantasies are good enough for me. The one fictional woman I really got into was a unique combination of personality, interests, lifestyle, body type, overall aesthetic, and capability that checked absolutely every checkmark I didn’t even know I had, topped off with a RP scenario that actually allowed me to interact with her which hadn’t even remotely happened outside that instance. The original creator of the character completely lost interest in her though, and now she’s actually my character, who I do intend to using in something in the future. Even still, she continues to act as a comforting force within my mind that nothing has really compared to, we’re a lot alike and even though I didn’t originally create her, she’s a strong part of me now, even stronger than numerous characters I made myself. All that said, I hope to grow to a point some day where I don’t need her anymore, where I’ve found someone real who will want to be with me, who will crave my Thomasness that nobody else can really provide.