#dissociation explained

[clever-and-unique-name]

A simplified version of the thing I feel like goes on in my brain.

Blank version under the readmore if you want to be a bit silly+introspective with your own "settings"

[million-with-a-b]

how is DID the most subtle yet obvious disorder ever

[lokilysolbitch]

y'all know when someone keeps talking about their "quirky" childhood and adult habits but it's just like. textbook examples of a complex dissociative disorder. but you can't just be like "maybe you're a system" bc that could freak them out way too much all at once.

or you'll offhandedly mention a Uniquely System Specific Experience and they go "wait i relate to that lol. it must be from my depression/anxiety/etc" like. uhmmmm. not quite, not quite. time loss and seeing people in your head that grow and change independently of you is not uh,,,,,,,,,i don't think that's anxiety uh,,,,,,,,

[blackoutsys]

realizing that my instinct to withdraw the moment anything i post on here gets attention is probably because i feel isolated from other systems and so posting about my own experience is a Daunting Task:tm:

because i feel like us talking about the fact we:

don't switch often [maybe like. twice a year at MOST outside of extremely unusual circumstances]

kiiiinda share memories [there's definitely blankspots and they DO exist but it's relatively cohesive]

rarely if ever hear the others [and when we do it's only a few words]

just feels incredibly alienating and not like the "Typical System On Tumblr Experience:tm:"

[bunnidid-reviews]

Mini DID book review: One Of Us Knows: a thriller

Author: Alyssa Cole

Publication date: 2024

Diagnosis of DID? Yes, the system has known for a while

Fiction of nonfiction: fiction

Is the person with DID portrayed as evil? Complicated but ultimately no; its one of the major plot points

Major trigger warnings:

death (fighting, blood, some gore but its not described much)

implied sexual assault (nothing described)

Self harm

Misogyny(major plot point)

Abelism

Racism (major plot point also)

Stalking

Kidnapping/mishandled foster care

Dormancy of parts (major plot point)

Parts being kidnapped/speculated to be killed off (major plot point)

Rituals taking place (not religious but has to do with everything on this list)

Covid being a thing(major plot point in the first part, lots of anxiety about covid)

Ratings to how I feel personally

Triggering(0 is nothing at all, 10 is could not handle reading this): 4-5 (not a gentle book but not gratuitous

System dynamics(0 is this is bizarrely off, 10 is holy shit this is a book about me): 7-8 (the conflict between parts is very well written, and so is the understanding of how deep the relationships go)

Switching(0 is doesnt work like this, 10 is this is a book about me): 4? (Nearly all of the switches are blackouts)

System communication(0 is never experienced this, 10 is this is a book about me): 8-9 (we talk to eachother like this a lot)

Inner world dynamics(0 is never experienced this, 10 is this is a book about me): 7 (theres a lot of the inner world, like half the chapters happen inside! However the physics of it were a little too realistic at times to what could happen with me, like i dont have to walk or run to get places personally)

Comorbidity with other disorders(mental or physical)(0 is there are none, 10 is i experience all of this): 5 (there is no physical ailments that come with having DID in this book, which isnt a necessity but many people who do have it also have disabilities so it feels bizzare when there are none. Theres anxiety, depression and faint mentions of disordered eating in this book)

Brief thoughts on this book:

The BadDay system(first book ive read where the system has a system name) has been well-established for many years by now, knowing about their DID, communicating with their others for some time.

The host turned persecutor has been dormant for 6 years now, missing out on covid, while the rest of the system had been active online and functioning in lockdown. Now Ken(the persecutor) is back, with the mysterious disapearence of the previous host and caretaker, Della. All eyes are on Ken wondering what the fuck happened and nobody knows how they landed a job as a caretaker of a mysterious castle on an island, that just happens to be the exact same castle from their inner world.

Mystery and thrilling things ensue as Ken goes through the motions of coming out of dormancy and no parts wanting them there, a blossoming romance with an outsider and a complicated romance on the inside too, all tied together neatly with the strange happenings on the island and the trust that owns it.

I don’t really know how to review for a thriller book, because I don’t tend to read thrillers. But the mysteries were mysterious to even me, who can see where plots are going with DID books typically. And the thrills were thrilling. I couldn’t put the book down, I kept wanting to sink in more and more

I was exceptionally pleased that the author didn’t play safe with the DID as some authors tend to when they’re writing something with modern understanding. There wasnt so much shameful secrecy around the disorder, and the questions and impacts were hard-hitting as she delved into things that I’d be worried about posting about myself. Like the dormancies impacting other parts, parts not wanting the host around. Romance and sexuality between parts. The unsavory and the honest, but also the depth of how much each of them mattered in the system and how much they cared for eachother. It was really satisfying to read! The inclusion of how social media effects people with DID nowadays was really nice to include too, and again, I haven’t yet seen any other media to employ the use of system names like how many do in social media now.

I also really really love that the story was just as much the inner world as it was the outer, as most books have the happenings between parts more hidden.. Having the two stories run side by side makes it feel like this characters life is their DID, as it often is for many of us. Idk I’m jazzed about this, this is what I wanted with DID in media. The DID actually mattering as more than a plot device

The only thing I can really fault it on is the constant blackout with switches. But to be fair, this is implied not to be their normal, and ethe events of this book are extremely high-stress situations, so I appreciate that the weight of that is stressed rather than it being another case of an author just not having personal experience enough to know. (She doesnt have the experience to know, but this was a neat way to bridge the gap)

Overall a great book. Not a fluffy one, and since the main plot revolves around the potential of the main character being the DID Killer, inside and out. So please tread carefully if the questioning of such things is hard for you. And also a thriller, so there are thriller things like violence and tension and things outside of a normal slice of life

Would I recommend someone with DID read this? YES! I do feel like this was written with a lot of care for people with DID

[porcelain-pines]

Dolly brain tour

[gn-bee]

KNY Accurate Ume-

At least, a hearty attempt.

I'm not very good at replicating styles, so I'm glad I finally had the willpower and patience (and many many references) to do this, because I've been wanting to for a long time.

Along with some silly taishou rumors/secrets!

This was fun for me, I'd like to do more stuff like this.

[one-voice-of-many]

Splitting is no stranger to those with DID, but I hope this helps someone out there understand this disorder a little better

[dreamyintersexouppy]

haiii green back with another gender thought, realized that as boy as i may be i still exist in a transfeminine body and live a transfeminine life, even if i don't specifically identify as transfeminine i still exist in a tma space in the eyes of society, my gender as a boy doesn't really affect that much. the people who know me and treat me like a boy are not treating me like i'm tme they're just respecting me... so basically all the tmra boys are jealous of me, the one true trannyboy

[carrionhearted]

Thought too hard about I Saw The TV Glow and started crying what did they put in that film

[chamerionwrites]

Potentially unpopular opinion that I didn’t want to add to the last post, because I do agree, but as a related aside: the reason I simply Cannot with a huge number of women-only/women-dominated spaces is because in my experience they are often among the worst offenders for that sort of vibes-based don’t-rock-the-boat can’t-we-all-just-get-along politics. Unlimited passive-aggressive cruelty allowed and even encouraged - especially in defense of the social status quo - but the second you engage in direct confrontation (even as simple and mild as “hey you really shouldn’t treat people that way”) you become the meanest lowest Public Enemy #1 to be shunned, denounced, and if possible destroyed.

[deservedgrace]

i appreciate the curiosity and desire to understand when people ask me what growing up religious/in a cult was like, how religion and religious trauma impacts me, why i'm so against christianity, but i kind of dread those questions now because it's so... impossible to explain it properly. i don't know how to explain to people that don't have that experience that it's everything and it's a million little things.

[n0va-collective]

There’s nothing that I hate more then when my friends will text me (knowing we’re a system and knowing we changed host) talking to me as if I was our old host LIKE BRO. C’MON NOW.

[pigeonstab]

I think reading people's explanations and representation of Killer's conditioning recently has given me a better understanding of c!Tommy's conditioning in the DreamSmp. (I won't speak too much on Killer's story simply because I don't know it enough and I don't feel confident to speak on it, if someone does and wants to add to thsi though I'd be happy to hear that take)

I think my problem at the time of the DreamSMP was that I didn't really understand how that conditioning worked. I found it weird that Tommy would be changed to the extent that he was with what "little" Dream did to him, but in hindsight I do think it was a given.

Tommy's whole exile arc starts with a complete uprooting. Dream gives Tubbo, the new president of L'manburg an unfair ultimatum. His best friend Tommy has to be exiled from L'manburg or he'll cage the nation in.

And Tubbo has been run ragged by his recent presidency. He has so much responsibility weighing on him when he's only sixteen or so, all the adults around him are expecting him to lead and to care of the nation while no one is helping. And this is right after not only his own first canon deathbut the destruction of L'manburg! Both extremely traumatic events that he's had no time to recover from. And there's so much pressure weighing on this decision. Tommy's life means little to those in L'manburg at the moment. With his aggravating personality— (born I think from a need to be seen, to be acknowledged, to be loved) —has already caused problems for Tubbo with the adults that are relying on him. People expect him to keep Tommy in check and Tommy is not helping. Their relationship is getting more distant and strained. So when it comes the time to choose, Tubbo feels he has no other option than to play into Dream's game. He has to exile Tommy.

This first element is decisive for what the rest of Exile is going to be like. Because it puts doubt into Tommy's head. Because Tommy lives in absolutes and to him his best friend was forever. (This thought of his is exactly in the same vein as his need to preserve the past). Because if Tubbo can exile him then what else is he wrong about?

And this is exactly what Dream needed, the chips fell exactly where he needed them too and I'm so insane about that. Everything was in place so that Dream could make Tommy doubt Dream's identity as "the bad guy" as the antagonist who was the first to try and rip the L'manburg dream apart.

—

Dream uses multiple tactics to dismantle Tommy and the way he goes about it is so interesting too and the first thing he does is so specific:

He makes a hole. He tells Tommy to put his stuff in it. He blows it up.

This is playing into one of Tommy's biggest weaknesses, this is ripping his belongings away from him, this is making him lose his progress. It's touching that part of Tommy that feels just like having L'manburg taken away, or his brother etc. And Dream sets up this expectation day after day, he comes, he makes a hole, he blows up Tommy's stuff. And Tommy's always been a spitfire, at the start he keeps fighting it, fighting for what's his and for respect and that's always met with violence. That's met with punishment.

In this way Dream sets up the expectation that taking away Tommy's things is normal. That letting him keep things is generous and he shifts the scale of what's acceptable to do.

The other big part of this is guilt tripping, and Tommy makes this extremely easy because so many people already hate him. He's got a big personality he's alive and he likes to prank people and insult them and he's annoying. He creates problems for the people he loves. And Dream takes that and he uses it. To make Tommy believe that he's an awful person, that he deserves nothing, and so Dream taking away his things is simply retribution, it's Dream making him into a better person, this is improvement. "This will show Tubbo that you've changed, that you're a better person" and since there's that doubt. He believes this.

On top of this Tommy's starting to lose himself. Firstly because all of what he knows has been turned on its head but also because he doesn't eat enough. His food keeps getting blown up. He's got almost nothing but seawater. He's seeing the ghost of his brother on a nearly daily basis, a pale copy of the great man, the visionary Wilbur used to be, acting upbeat and silly, unable to feel sadness as he keeps extracting it from himself, this unable to empathize with Tommy. (Ghostbur is really tragic. But even with how bad it was for Tommy's mental health to have him around he was probably the most helpful thing Tommy had. Ghostbur made him logstedshire, with a little cabin. Not just the shoddy tent he'd been sleeping in. He gave him the compass that pointed to Tubbo. The one thing he felt was his own once again, and a permanent reminder of his best friend. Maybe the care of a big brother transcends death and madness. Or maybe it was just a lonely ghost whims.)

And at some point Dream becomes the only constant in his life. That's what makes his visits become something Tommy looks forward to. And Tommy starts to believe the things that Dream repeats to him that "Dream can't be the bad guy because he's trying to make him a better person. One that's loveable. That's not annoying". And if Dream says to Tommy that they're friends then... Isn't it true? And boom now Dream is using Tommy's isolation and need for human contact to control him. He lets Tommy keep some things to gain his favor, and he even twists his punishments as something that are in Tommy's best interest.

Dream makes sure that Tommy understands that he has control over Tommy's life. When Tommy is in the nether ready to jump into lava Dream catches him. 'it's not your time yet' because he gets to decide that. He decides whether Tommy lives or dies.

And for all of this Dream's been playing keep away with the people around Tommy. Because the only Reason Tubbo didn't visit Tommy wasn't because he hates him like Dream said, it's because Dream has never allowed visitors. And when Tommy sets up his beach party. Inviting all the ones he loves Dream is delighted to intercept the letters from ghostbur. and god, after all Tommy's been through. He set up tables and chairs and parasols, he made cake. And I cried when no one showed up. But Dream showed. And Dream sweet talked Tommy into obedience again.

But that's where Dream made a mistake though. He had a careful balance of praise and punishment and tactic after tactic until then. And it was a stupid, easy mistake. He just pushed too far. Tommy taking the time to build the long tower to jump off of, taking a literal look down at the bigger picture and at the ground at the bottom is what allowed him a moment of clarity. A moment to decide that he wanted to live but not like this. And it's what led him to aim into the water and then run away from his place of exile.

There are so many aspects of Dream's manipulation that make this work. It's a gradual increase, so gradual that Tommy can't see what's wrong until he's almost ready to give up on living.

[apollos-boyfriend]

i probably have some sort of dissociative disorder but i have a job so idrc about that rn

[ilikeyoshi]

some days are just "maybe i have a psychotic disorder and that's why i'm Like That" days