#ffvii crack

[nierielfaegir]

Runs in the family, I guess...

[monstrous-angels]

Sephiroth when he finds out about Fanfics.

[lisutarid-a]

[bubblepopspit]

Enjoy this stupid meme made with a random meme template I found on google, cuz I thought it was funny.

[rottenpumpkin13]

Miniroth and tiny Cloud with their tired Dad Vincent, meet grown up AGZ.

Wait wait let me align this with the lore so far because this is gold:

• Yuffie asks Vincent to try out a broken time materia for her to see if it works, Vincent wakes up in Nibelheim waayyy back in the past.

• He ends up meeting tiny Cloud and miniroth who was on a mission nearby and somehow becomes responsible for these two kids who tag along on his quest to kill professor Hojo and rewrite the future.

• Along the way they meet Veld, who's shocked to see Vincent is alive. Veld lends Vincent his car and from there they go to to the Shinra HQ to kill Hojo.

• On the way there Miniroth finds the broken materia in the car and he and Cloud accidentally use it.

• They teleport about 10-ish years into the future. Vincent finds this out the hard way because once he enters the HQ people are giving miniroth odd looks and whispering about "When did Sephiroth have a child?"

• Along the way Tseng sees Vincent Valentine with a miniature Sephiroth and Cloud Strife and violently passes out.

• Vincent chooses to ignore that.

• Vincent loses Miniroth and Cloud, who end up on the SOLDIER floor of all places.

*Sephiroth and Cloud run past Genesis, Angeal and Zack giggling*

Zack: Was that Sephiroth? And Cloud??

Angeal: It can't be. Those were children.

Genesis: I'm unfazed. If anything I'm finally taller than Sephiroth.

*Miniroth runs up and kicks Genesis in the shins, making him fall below Sephiroth's eye level*

[strayheartless]

Genesis, reading: “ My stockings seams were straight, my lipstick was combat ready, and I was packing Cleavage that could fell an-“

Angeal: Genesis, your doing it again.

Genesis: oh for Gaias sake, I’m reading!

Angeal: yes, out loud. Please could you not?

Sephiroth: what is the book?

Genesis, excited: the adventures of Cloud Strife, he’s an undercover mercenary who goes into Gangs disguised as a woman, in old town Midgar!

Angeal, Mocking: he’s got “ice in his heart, a kiss on his lips, but a vulnerable side he keeps well hidden”

Genesis: oh, you’ve read it?!

Angeal: No. you read it. Out loud. And then said Yowza.

[sly-fin]

Degradation

I started this last November up to half of the shading then had a crisis about my storage and apps crashing and forgot about it until now.

Anyways, this is what i wish degradation was visualized as cause i am a sucker for horror. Also the clothes being affected makes no sense.

[catboyidia]

i will never be convinced that genesis doesn’t have freckles… he is just such a freckle guy!!! he definitely has them all over and just covers them with his clothes and wears makeup to hide the ones on his face

[xekutozoren]

Meeting the Relatives Friends 🫐🪽

Seph and Aqua introducing themselves to each other's friends. I don't see why Zack should be an exception to the "FF characters are all alive in KH" rule considering the other FF characters that met a miserable end are still in KH (even though my AU is not the KH universe :P)

First time drawing Zack... Basic summary of this post is that I'm not really happy with how anything looks...except for the silly chibies haha

Aaahhh....-depressed atm-

I will say that I've been DM'd quite a bit recently with some very heartfelt messages and I am very grateful to those lovely people.

Thanks and hope you continue to enjoy mah scribbles

[prismaticpichu]

Hope y’all are having a lovely weekend!! 💖💕

Summary: On the morning he’s set to leave for Nibelheim, a time-traveling Zack returns to warn his younger self of one thing and one thing alone:

Don’t let Sephiroth take on that assignment.

There’s much confusion, but Zack ultimately decides to accept his future self’s desperate plea—if only because, yes, he agrees that Sephiroth could use a damn break.

[altocat]

sephiroth listens to mama by my chemical romance. how does that go down? guessing that doesn’t go down well 😬

Genesis: *Knocks on Seph's apartment door*

Genesis: "Sephiroth, Mother's Day was three days ago. Really now, darling, this is getting ridiculous. Lazard was asking for you."

Genesis: "Seph? You listening?"

Genesis: "Fine. Fuck you, I'm coming in."

[Opens door. Sephiroth is glammed out in full 2000's goth makeup, screaming into a makeshift microphone at the top of his lungs, background music on full blast]

Sephiroth: "YOU MADE US OH SO FAMOUS; WE'LL NEVER LET YOU GOOOOOOOO🎵"

[nierielfaegir]

Theme songs in the FFVII:R trilogy:

Remake: Hollow (Cloud's song to Aerith)

Rebirth: No Promises To Keep (Aerith's song to Cloud)

???: ??? (Sephiroth's song to Cloud? Or vice-versa???)

[demigod-of-the-agni]

People: Some animals have vertical-slit pupils to maximise sharpness and to enable a greater depth of field when targeting prey. This is especially good for animals who hunt close to the ground, so that when they jump and pounce they have maximum clarity.

Me, nodding: so Sephiroth has vertical-slit pupils because he's dropping down from the sky to stab people

People: no-

[saintcarlyon]

Was he allowed to attend briefings? He had no childhood friends, no "fun", no parents, no basic comforts, and trained almost exclusively by simulation until he was deployed to Glenn's team.

I wouldn't be surprised if this line is intended to make us think Sephiroth blows people off, but it's actually that Hojo has isolated him even within SOLDIER.

[rottenpumpkin13]

Do the boys ever interact with Rufus Shinra?

Ah, yes. The incident...

• It started when Zack went to the Turk's floor to pick up Cissnei. She and Aerith had recently become friendly and the puppy was tagging along on their girl's night.

• He goes to her apartment and she says she's finishing up some reports before she retires for the night. Zack's bored and since he can't sit still for much longer, he keeps touching things he's not supposed to and distracting Cissnei from her work.

• She has enough and tells him to leave the apartment for a bit so she can finish up, suggesting he takes a stroll around the Turk floor.

• Zack's cool with this. He knows exactly what to do. He'll go find Tseng! Tseng's his buddy too, right? So off Zack goes toward the offices, and excitedly knocks on Tseng's door.

• After no answer, he tries the door and finds it unlocked. The office is empty with no Tseng in sight....

• But oh??? What's this??? There's a dog! Er...At least Zack thinks it's a dog. It's wagging its tail at least! And it senses Zack's naturally friendly nature.

• Zack is lovestruck by the dog, who immediately comes up and starts sniffing and licking him. He reads the spiky chain collar. Darkstar! That's her name!

• Enchanted by his new friend, Zack starts to feel sad and confused. Why would Tseng lock away such a cute friend in his office? All alone! With no one to love her!

• He wasn't aware Tseng even had a dog, or better: was a dog person. Poor Tseng. He's so busy he probably doesn't even have time to care for his new pet.

• It doesn't matter. Zack will help! But first, he takes out his phone and snaps a super cute selfie of him and Darkstar. He sends it to the last person he had texted: Genesis.

• Made a new friend! :) I'm going to take her out for a walk! #PupandPup

• Genesis had been working late in his office. He was going to finish all these late mission reports by tonight! Goddess be damned. He was going to prove Sephiroth and Lazard wrong! How dare they claim a lame chocobo had better work ethic than him!?

• He's taking a long sip from his coffee when he hears his phone ding. Ugh, he really shouldn't be entertaining social media nor answering texts. But it's okay, he's been overexerting himself. He deserves a little break.

• Taking another sip of his coffee, he reaches for his phone and—

• Genesis is scrambling. He's throwing open doors, booking it down the hallway and leaping into the elevator.

• He gets to Angeal's door and starts pounding on the door, kicking, screaming, the whole nine yards. Angeal opens it looking bewildered. A concerned Sephiroth is peeking out from behind him. Both men are still in uniform, thankfully, and look to have been in the middle of some drinks.

• Genesis does a poor job of explaining himself. He's hyperventilating, stomping his foot and pointing down the hallway all while mimicking dying fish noises.

• When Angeal and Sephiroth exchange puzzled looks, Genesis pulls out his phone and shoves the picture of Zack in their faces.

• It takes 0.2 seconds for them to connect the dots and run.

• The three are tripping over themselves, slipping and panicking all as they rush to find Zack. They're just—

• Meanwhile Zack is enthused! He and Darkstar are having a blast running all over the tower and playing catch with a rubber band ball he'd found in Tseng's office.

• That all changes when a blur of red leather rushes in and tackles him to the ground. Zack is crushed and pinned by Genesis in place. Angeal and Sephiroth have secured Darkstar by her chains. Her tail's wagging, she's excited as she sniffs Sephiroth's hand. More friends, yay!

• Zack: Hey! What gives? Get off me, you weigh like, a thousand pounds!"

• Genesis: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? DO YOU KNOW WHO THAT BEAST BELONGS TO!?

• Sephiroth: Why is it licking my hand?

• Zack: Yeah! Tseng! He got a new dog and the poor thing was stuck in his office!

• Angeal: Zack! That's Rufus ShinRa's dog!

• Sephiroth: It is now chewing my glove. What do I do?

• Zack: No way! ShinRa Jr. ? I never pegged him as a dog lover.

• Sephiroth: *pets Darkstar* There, there, who's a good.... monstrous abomination?

• Genesis: Yeah, well, he is! And this is his personal guard dog. Do you know how much trouble we'd all be in if you were seen with it!?

• Sephiroth: *continues to pet* You know, the poor creature looks enhanced. This has Hojo's hand all over it.

• Angeal: Look, let's just get this dog back in Tseng's office before Rufus notices it's missing.

• Angeal, Zack and Genesis turn around and—

• .......................

• Genesis: HEY, UH, SEPHIROTH!?

• Sephiroth: Yes?

• Genesis: WHERE'S THE DOG!?

• Sephiroth, looking pleased, points down the hallway where Darkstar is seen running away at light speed.

• Sephiroth: It's free now.

• Genesis: SON OF A—

• The four of them start sprinting after her. The security cameras around that particular area of the tower capture the wild goose chase. Darkstar runs down stairs, into elevators, and finally slows down just enough for Zack to latch onto one of her chains.

• Zack, refusing to let go, is now eating dirt as he's dragged by Darkstar. And Darkstar is only picking up speed.

• Meanwhile, Cissnei is ready to go, and is waiting for Zack at a booth near the Sky View Hall.

• She watches in wonder as Darkstar bolts past her seat with a long chain trailing behind her. Then in comes a screaming Zack being dragged across the ground. Lastly, Sephiroth, Genesis and Angeal are seen running after him.

• Cissnei sighs, then takes out her phone. She texts Aerith: I'll meet you at Goblin's bar in sector 8. Zack's not coming.

• Aerith: Why not?

• Cissnei: Because he's going to be arrested.

• Meanwhile, Darkstar leads the party all the way down into a conference room on the 30th floor. Horror starts to sink in as the 1st class trio remember the interdepartmental meeting currently happening in there.

• Oh no.

• Darkstar throws open the door and rushes inside. Heads turn at the long conference table as every single director (Scarlet, Heidegger, Reeve, Palmer, Hojo, Lazard and the president) watches as Darkstar makes a beeline for Rufus.

• Darkstar barks happily and tackles Rufus out of his seat. Zack crashes onto the conference table, slides across it, then falls directly onto President ShinRa.

• Tseng is hyperventilating.

• Director Lazard sees the 1st class trio appear in the doorway looking disheveled. Sephiroth's hair is a mess, Angeal is out of breath, and Genesis is coughing up blood.

• Lazard passes out.

• Zack sheepishly gets up. Heidegger and Reeve run to help the president, who is bright red and nonverbal with anger.

• Rufus sits up. He's laughing as Darkstar licks him and demands attention. "Poor thing. Couldn't keep away from me for two seconds, could you?" He notices Zack and nods appreciatively. "Lieutenant Fair. Thanks for fetching her for me."

• While Angeal and Genesis run to go help Director Lazard, Sephiroth stares sadly at Darkstar. And then his eyes pin Hojo in place and that sadness is replaced by pure, unbridled fury.

• "You," he hisses, and starts towards Hojo.

[demialwrites]

This is after the Shinra building is hit and Rufus is moved to Kalm. Continuation of this

You sat on the bed in the second store of a house on the Shinra-owned property in Kalm. It was a miracle that Rufus survived at all. You should be concentrating on that fact but the chaos makes it difficult. Rufus is sitting in his wheelchair, staring out the window at the refugees from Midgar streaming into Kalm. You want to ask him what he thinks will happen next and what you should be doing, but you don't want to break his concentration. He's not even resting his cheek in his hand, like usual.

"This is just a transition to something else," Rufus says out of nowhere.

"To what?" The words are out of your mouth before you can stop yourself.

"No one knows the answer to that."

Of course. You shouldn't have asked. If only you didn't have to rely on someone else like this, your guilt says, joining the chaotic swirl of other emotions inside you.

"Not yet," Rufus adds, a minute later.

You go to ask him what he means so you can continue to hold onto the sliver of hope those two words bring you, but then the doorbell rings. It's too early for the Turks to return from their current assignment and also, they would call first. Rufus sits up straighter.

"Hide," he orders.

You obey immediately, sliding behind the bed against the wall.

The men who eventually break into the house argue with Rufus while you lie, frozen, in your tiny slot of space. It feels smaller and smaller the more the argument drags on. Rufus is bullshitting his way out of it best he can; you can tell. But he's in rough shape and can't fight his way out of this when words won't work. Ultimately, the men get frustrated with him and Rufus falls silent. What you hear them say each other tells you they're kidnapping him. It's not hard to figure out why. People want what others have, especially when desperate. The men carry your sliver of hope out the door.

After some silence, you pull yourself up from behind the bed. That they left the wheelchair behind somehow makes it much worse. You call Tseng.

"Hello." His tone indicates he's in professional mode.

"They took Rufus."

"Who did?" Tseng asks, without asking what happened.

"I don't know. They didn't say any names."

There's a pause and then, "Leave the house. Wait somewhere out of sight. I'm sending Reno and Rude to your location."

Tseng hangs up. You normally bristle at being spoken to like you're one of them but today, there's no time for that petty feeling.

You're taken to a Shinra company house in Sector 5, the only individual who is not a Turk that is being allowed inside. Admittedly, it gives you the only little bit of positive excitement in recent days.

So maybe that's why you're standing here, defiantly telling Tseng, "I can't just sit here and do nothing."

You're finishing up a private discussion before the Turks have a bigger discussion about what to do next. About how to find the president.

"I have to know you're safe," he says quietly, but with finality.

You feel chastised but then he presses his forehead to yours, his hand in the back of your hair, holding you like something precious. Right. He can't lose you, too. Not before they find Rufus. You knew you would have to be truly useless one day. It hurts. But you have to endure it.

"Sorry. I won't do anything. I'll be good."

Tseng hugs you tight and kisses your temple. Then he leaves your space, letting anxiety fill it in, to go talk to the others. You have to be good and sit and wait.