#female sexuality

[theaskew]

Eileen Agar (Argentine-British 1899-1991), Ladybird, 1936. Gelatin silver print with gouache and ink, 76 × 51 cm. 

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Guide: How To Decenter Men In Your Life

Consider the values, goals, and desired lifestyle that feel most authentic to you if social scripts/stigmas didn't apply to you

Take time to become radically honest with your desires as an individual – outside of the perception of men, your family, boss, teachers, peers, etc.

Cultivate a sense of personhood and identity established in your interests, hobbies, skillsets, learning capabilities, creativity, and desire for growth in all aspects of life

Act in your own best interests. Speak up for your needs, and advocate for yourself. Be more "selfish." Don't apologize for what you want and go after it. Act in your own best interests

Become confident in negotiating, assertive communication, and standing on your own two feet. Establish relationships in all aspects that are based on mutual benefit and equitable exchange

Unlearn your self-sacrificing & people-pleasing. Stop shrinking yourself or suppressing your needs to make others feel better or more comfortable

Validate yourself: your needs, desires, goals, dreams, preferences, and opinions. You need to choose yourself every day. Your appeal to others means nothing if you don't like the person you are or are becoming to satisfy the needs or desires of others

Consider the ways you're consciously and subconsciously confining your self-expression and belief system to fit the mold/appease the patriarchy. Actively work to deconstruct this mentality and way of being

Be honest with yourself about how men enrich your life. Not the other way around. Do they fulfill you romantically, sexually, both, or neither? There's no right or wrong answer, except the one that requires you to put on a performance rather than live in alignment with your true self

More resources including book recommendations/creators to follow HERE.

[darkness2please]

[elin-moon]

More on Alicent and her inconsistent character in season 2:

I feel like the writers and directors forgot what and who Alicent is as a character, what she represents. From watching season 1, I'd say Alicent is a representation of the women who not only live the way the Patriarchal society wants them to live, but also openly supports the Patriarchal system and shames women who don't live by the expectation, because for them it works so it should work for every woman.

This is most evident in Alicent's treatment of Rhaenyra, constantly going out of her way to put down Rhaenyra's authority amongst the men at court and in the council. Of course, it is all for her own gain, as Rhaenyra having less power means more power for her, which comes in the form of respect from the men around her. In everything Alicent does, she's looking to make herself look more endearing to the men around her by putting down another woman who is not behaving in the typical way that a woman is expected to be.

Such as with the really strong focus on Rhaenyra having bastards, not because she's sleeping around with a lot of men, but because the man she's married with can't have children with her; Rhaenyra is having bastard children out of a necessity to have heirs, but also because it is expected of her as a woman. If she were a man, no one would've cared, which is even said in the show:

"If I were born a man, I could father a dozen bastards." - Rhaenyra Targaryen

A man can have sex with as many women as he wants and have as many illegitimate children as he'd like, but a woman can't. If she does, she's considered a whore, which is exactly what happens to Rhaenyra, and Alicent perpetuates this by further spreading the rumours of Rhaenyra's infidelity and her children's legitimacy, all for the betterment of her own cause, to make Aegon appear as a better candidate for the throne. Alicent uses the Patriarchal system to her advantage to get what she wants, to put her son on the throne.

The most important thing is that Alicent doesn't necessarily see this as wrong. I mean, look at her father, Otto Hightower, who constantly tells her that a woman could never rule, that it must be Aegon that is king, becuase he's the first born son.

"It wouldn't matter if she were Jaehaerys himself come again; she is a woman."

In his eyes, Rhaenyra could never rule on her own as a woman, and he sends this message down to his daughter. Society itself also supports him in his belief, as is evident by the Great Council of 101, where Viserys was chosen over Rhaenys to rule, the very first scene in the first episode. As every woman in the show, Alicent suffers under the Patriarchy, but she's been raised to believe that that is what's right, and any other woman who refuses to suffer the same and tries to push back against the system in anyway is wrong and should be taught better.

Alicent's loyalty to the Patriarchy is also presented through her piousness to the Faith of the Seven, a fictional religion that takes inspiration from real life Christianity. Now, we all know very well that Christianity is being used as a tool to keep women down and subservient to their husbands, encouraging them to be obedient to the men in their lives. Christianity is alos the root of purity culture, telling young girls they must remain pure and chaste maidens for their future husbands, and if they don't do so, they are harlots and whores and sinners and they will surely go to hell. Since the Faith of the Seven is so similar to Christianity, it supports a similar concept of women needing to remain pure before marriage, and Alicent would've been raised with this belief, so evidently believes it so herself. This would not only further tie into her treatment of Rhaenyra, who she believes has sullied herself by having sex outside of marriage, but also her treatment of other girls and women.

For example, Dyana, the maid that Aegon raped. While, by all means, Alicent does help her, giving her contraceptive Moon tea and money so she can get away without trouble, Alicent still helps the maid hide. It is suggested by the show that this isn't the first time Aegon's done this, yet he hasn't really been punished by the law in anyway, because he's a man, and Alicent knows this. So, the best she can do is offer Dyana (and possibly other maids that have suffered similarly) an escape from further suffering. But she also has to keep her son's actions a secret, because they are considered bad, and while Aegon won't get punished for it, it may give him a slightly bad look to the public and give Team Black something to use as proof that Aegon isn't a capable ruler, and Alicent can't have that. So, she makes sure the maids, like Dyana, don't talk of what's happened to them, paying them to get out as soon as possible. She knows she can silence them easily since their voices don't matter as mere maids, so her privilege as queen is used as well, making sure women beneath her struggle in silence.

Her perpetuating Patriarchal values is also evident with her daughter, Helaena. While she doesn't mistreat her in any matter and cares for her dearly, Alicent obviously thinks that what is bets for Helaena is for her to live by the expectations set out for women. She has her daughter married to Aegon at 13, and forces her to have children with him as a teenager. In the book, she's 14 giving birth to the twins, and in the show, assuming she's around 19 and the twins are 4, she gives birth at 15. Either way, she's far too young to be getting married and having children, but this is what society expects of her, and what Alicent pushes for, since she believes it is for the best. Alicent herself was a teenager getting married and having children young, both in the show and the book. Sure, in the book she's 18, but that is still quite young (as an 18 year old myself, I couldn't image getting married and having children), and in the show, she's about 14 getting married and 15/16 having her first child. Alicent lived by society's expectations, and it is evident in the show she doesn't enjoy it, but she believes she must, so she thinks Helaena must as well. In fact, she believes every woman must as well. She sees Rhaenyra doesn't live a life of servitude to her husband, and Alicent hates her for it, most likely being jealous of her freedom, seen most evidently first when Alicent is still young and Rhaenyra is still unmarried and refuses to marry even though she's given plenty of men to choose from while Alicent had been given no choice.

"I think it's rather romantic" - Alicent Hightower

"What's so romantic about being locked up in a castle and made to squeeze out heirs." - Rhaenyra Targaryen

Alicent is jealous of Rhaenyra's percieved freedom, of her ability to choose who to marry, who to have children with. Alicent doesn't see that Rhaneyra is still being forced to marry when she doesn't want to, she just sees the privilege of choice on who that Rhaenyra has, and she wishes she could have that, and feels that Rhaenyra is being ungrateful. As time passes, and Rhaenyra gets away with stuff women wouldn't normally get away with, such as having illegitimate children as her heirs and having an affair with the man she loves, Alicent becomes more and more jealous, and it turns into cruelty, trying constantly to put Rhaenyra down to make herself feel better; she's the one being a good woman here, she's the one following the rules that society set out for her, she she believes she is righteous in what she does. She believes women must live like her, living for the men around them and offering everything they have to men, even their ambition, or else they are wrong.

"You've gone too far!" - Rhaenyra Targaryen

"I!? What have I done but what was expected of me? Forever upholding the kingdom, the family, the law, while you flout all to do as you please! ... Where's duty? Where's sacrifice? It's trampled under your pretty foot again!" - Alicent Hightower

Alicent believes sacrifice is necessary, something women must do, and when Rhaenyra doesn't sacrifice her owns self for the men around her, Alicent believes she's not being a woman correctly, that she's behaving incorrectly because she doesn't live exactly as the Patriarchal society expects her to.

The Patriarchy requires women to sacrifice everything: their very freedom, their very rights, their very desires, all to be desirable to men, and religion is used to make women believed that these sacrifices make them righteous, that it makes them better then other women, which only strengthens the system as the women who are being oppressed support their own oppression.

This is who Alicent was in season 1, and season 2 fails to deliver this. She has sex outside of wedlock even though her religion would forbid it, and she tries to break away from what she started and tries to go back to Rhaenyra even though she hasn't been given a good reason to other than a desire for freedom from the system. While I don't believe her character arc of breaking away rom the system is bad, I feel it was badly written; it all happens far too quickly. In just a few short weeks (at best), she's gone from fully supprting her son taking the throne and being willing to make sacrifices to achieve this, to abandoning her son entirely while he's injured and longing to break away from the cage she's been trapped in for years. It's unrealistic, no one can change that quickly in a few weeks. This arc would make sense if it was more drawn out and build upon slowly. Perhaps Alicent's desire for freedom could be foreshadowed at best in season 2, and in season 3 have it fully manifest, but it being far too late for Alicent to escape and now she has to suffer with her guilt and regrets as she watches everything fall apart around her, driving her mad as she can no longer change anything, no matter how much she wants. She has build her own cage and chains, and now has no choice but to keep to them, no matter how much she hates it now.

But whatever, we shall see what season 3 will do with her character. Perhaps they'll fix up on the inconsistencies and find a way to make her character make sense in a satisfying way that somehow aligns with season 1 and 2, but we'll have to wait.

For now, I'm done.

[onemore2morrow]

Sometimes I remember that (male) psychologists didn’t believe women could have sexual fantasies until the 1970s and I fly into a rage

[womenaremypriority]

healthy sexuality never includes the word “let”, such as in “I let him do it”. Remember that.

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Guide: Pleasure-Centric Sex Ed. Facts Every Woman Should Know

Some basic sex education: Decentralized from men and heteronormative perceptions of sexual pleasure.

Important for everyone AFAB with any sexual orientation: heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian, asexual, trans, non-binary, etc. Here are some ways to reclaim your sexuality from the patriarchy and heteronormative gaze.

Understand your anatomy, seriously. The clitoris is the female sex organ responsible for pleasure, not the vagina. While you may think of the bean as an isolated love button, it is actually anatomically analogous to an inverted penis and extends internally through the inside of your vaginal wall and the inner lips of your vulva. If you want to more aptly gauge your state of physical arousal, evaluate for hardness in addition to wetness (yes, it looks like a mini boner, lol).

All female (genital-induced) orgasms are clitoral orgasms. Whether they're external, internal, or both. Like its male anatomical equivalent, every clitoris has its own unique shape and size, which can be best stimulated in different ways externally and internally depending on your personal anatomy. Common pleasure zones include the external head "the clit," the "G-spot" (around 2-3 inches deep on the front of the vaginal wall), the "A-spot" (around 4-6 inches deep on the front of the vaginal wall), and anal region (stimulates clitoral legs for some AFABs).

Remember your brain is one of the most important sex organs. Sex is as (or more) mental as it is physical. According to Dr. Emily Nagoski, it is more common for AFABs to have a responsive desire style (aroused by their external environment/erotic cues that stimulate the 5 senses) versus a spontaneous desire style ("heat of the moment" sexual desire that requires minimal foreplay/build-up for pleasure and gratification).

The cervix height and density changes (and can affect how you experience sexual pleasure) throughout your cycle. If a certain position hurts sometimes and is pleasurable at others – whether alone or partnered, know this is normal. Your cervix tends to sit lower with a firmer texture from the end of your cycle and progressively raises/gets softer (thanks to rising estrogen levels) until it reaches its peak height & softness around ovulation. The cervix opens slightly during ovulation and right before/during menstruation (haven't seen a study researching the correlation between cervix opening and higher libido, but I would love to see one on this due to the correlation here for so many women). Learn what positions and techniques are most enjoyable for you during different times of the month (consider this practice as cycle syncing for your sex life).

[brknelct4444]

[frigid666]

i would be far more interested in going to see babygirl if instead of following the predictable “empowered corporate woman secretly craves being dominated/submissive” trope, it instead was about a socially disempowered woman exploring sexual domination over men. THAT would actually be subversive. there would be a lot of topics to explore, like gender roles, if power fantasies can truly ever just exist in a vacuum, how society influences kink/fetish, etc. lots of unexplored ideas and definitely risky territory, seeing as how kinks are generally off-limits to dissect or critically examine in mainstream media lest u be accused of “shaming.” female masochism/sexual submission is like the most normative, predictable thing ever. there’s nothing about it that hasn’t been said or depicted already. there’s no real intrigue left. any media that is generated that centers it as a main theme is propagandistic and for the sake of creating more fetish art.

[youre-a-dream-baby]

Because men sexualize women’s bodies, but if a woman expresses her sexuality, she has ‘no respect for herself’

[theexodvs]

"You need to acknowledge that women are sexual too!"

"So, can we chalk up some women's desire to see men emote, particularly through weeping, to dacryphilia?"

"No, not like that."

[haggishlyhagging]

Modern man's womb envy is most forcefully expressed in his resentment of woman's pleasure in sex. The famous argument between Zeus and Hera as to which of them received the greatest pleasure from sexual intercourse was settled by old Tiresias, who, having been both man and woman in his time, was deemed best qualified to judge. He promptly agreed with Zeus that woman's pleasure was ten times that of man.

Men dislike the idea of women's enjoying sex because it suggests to them the treasonous thought that perhaps man was made for woman's pleasure and not woman for man's convenience, as his ego has made it necessary for him to believe. It is this gnawing doubt that has motivated man "in a kind of revenge, for so many centuries to make woman his slave."

The simple fact was, and is, that the masculist man resents the necessity for sharing even sex with a woman. Thus we have the paradox of patriarchal man regarding woman as merely a sex object and yet wishing to deny her any pleasure in sex. It is significant that matriarchal peoples "pleasure" the woman, while patriarchal peoples "ride" her!

-Elizabeth Gould Davis, The First Sex

[womenaremypriority]

Female-female sex acts are not a subpar replication of heterosexual sex acts, nor are they something we’re merely ‘stuck’ with and have to make the best of. They are a world all of their own.

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Guide: Must-Watch TED Talks On Female Sexuality

"Confidence and joy are the keys to a great sex life" by Emily Nagoski (required watch for everyone, especially women/AFAB)

"Reclaiming Female Sexual Desire" by Pamela Joy

"Good Sex Isn't About Knowing What You're Doing" by Sarah Byrden

"Cliteracy" by Sophia Wallace

"Joy of masturbation" by Julie Gaia Poupětová 

"Shame, sex, and silence" by Dr. Faith Harper

"The Vagina Whisperer" by Tami Lynn Kent 

"Women's Sexuality Isn't 'Complicated'" by Sarah Barmak 

"The virginity fraud" by Nina Dølvik Brochmann & Ellen Støkken Dahl

"Why We All Lose When We Talk About Virginity" by Shelby Hadden

"Making sex normal" by Debby Herbenick 

"Let's Talk About Sex: The Reality of the Sexual Pleasure Disparity" by Grace Wetzel 

[lanfykins]

Burr. My dear Burr. You can call it 'muse', or 'folly', or a 'rencontre', but seeing as you generally give a physical description of the woman and often note the price, who exactly do you think you're kidding?

I am torn on how I feel about Burr's casual sex. It often seems to be mutual, and the social and economic status of prostitution is... complicated. On the other hand, comments like 'not bad' do somewhat objectify at least some of the women involved.

Dude. You could just use your right hand.

[lieutenant-teach]

Watched ‘Babygirl’, a very critic-liked film. The producer/director/scriptwriter Halina Reijin spoke about ‘exploring female sexuality’ as one of the topics of this film. The idea is good in and on itself, but…

But the story goes AGAIN about a submissive woman! How many times have the audience already seen it on screen – well or badly executed? ‘50 Shades of Gray’, ��365 days’, ‘9 ½ weeks’, ‘The Secretary’ – just from the top of the head. It’s booooriiing! And reinforcing a stereotype that women only dream of a strong male hand to guide them. Where’s representation of female dominants opening up a man’s submissiveness? Oh, yes, it’s a pre-story of Christian Gray, poor boy, he suffered so much! :( Men are not submissives, apparently, because it’s insulting for them. But for women – as if it’s natural. Where is the story of a poor repressed boy who only dreams of a romantic partner telling him what to do (in bed)? Who flagellates him or makes him kneel (and lap milk from the plate) or makes him feel powerless, and he likes it?

This ‘feminist’ film is an offence that plays on gender stereotypes and doesn’t bring anything new into the topic of ‘exploring female sexuality’.