#feel free to talk about the beautiful parts of your culture

[elijasz]

I've been reading a lot of literature written by people who have been displaced and most recently I've read parts of "The Ungrateful Refugee" by Dina Nayeri, which I can only recommend.

After reading the excerpts, the story has sparked an internal monologue within me. Between the white german perspective I grew up with and was raised on, and the one that started growing when I sat down with my grandma years ago and listened to her story of being displaced.

That side of me that has to carry my grandparents immigration papers and marriage certificate to every visit at governmental bureaus, as proof that they changed their name to fit in. Where they ask me why my birth name is different from the one I carry now even though I have never been married. (And I want to say "because this country deemed their names unacceptable and wanted proof that they were there to stay and wouldn't be easily able to return" every time, but haven't done so yet.)

I grew up unaware of the violence my grandparents and parents had experienced at the hands of the government or their fellow citizens. I didn't experience any. This is important to say. I am white. I only ever had this citizenship and I only ever learned German in my childhood. I am the product of integration so perfect that I didn't even know about the displacement my family went through. But their story isn't the same as that of other people who had to move away from their homes, because my grandparents moved within Europe and looked almost exactly like the people of the country they moved to.

Nowadays they are seen as European and German. They speak German, my grandma lost her accent, though her grammar is still a bit "strange", as her own daughter puts it. I love her strange little sentences and it makes me sad that her own daughter mocks her for it. But I never thought of that linguistic quirk as a marker for cultural identity. I thought of it as my grandma's identity, unrelated to the language she spoke in the past.

It makes me angry that her own daughter now complains that people who flee to this country, "our country" as she likes to call it, as if she wasn't bullied and beaten for her name and behaviour as a child, should try to fit in and be grateful. Learn the language, customs, unspoken rules, so they can become invisible. Abandon their past because it must have all been horrible. Any reminder of their past is a thorn in the eye of the observer. Identity a sharp stone that cuts the soles of feet which walk over them.

I cried after reading the few pages of the book, because I don't relate to my grandparents culture much anymore. I know the smells, the food, the traditions. But they aren't too different from the ones of the country I've lived in all my life. They're from another white european culture and thus more accepted. And still my grandma chose to hide them and my mother chose to abadon them almost completely, only displaying them in the safety of our home and only ever as a memory of the past. They aren't part of my present reality. They are something only presented on holidays and rarely performed unless we visit the rest of the family.

I don't feel like it is my right to reclaim this culture. It feels like I will never belong in this culture because I didn't go through the same hardship as those who openly lived it. I look the same as all the other white people around me. Light hair, light skin, light eyes. I speak the same language and eat similar food. I am "one of them" and I have never had the burden of being seen as different because my grandparents, at least the one who survived, was too afraid to teach her children about their identity. And those children assimilated and integrated themselves and lost their past to the place that said it would help them and then ripped their names from them, their titles, their achievements, their language and culture. And then told them to be grateful. And they are. Oh so grateful. So grateful that every time I criticise this shithole of a place, they say "Be quiet. At least it isn't this other place that we have learned is bad and dirty and barbaric. Be grateful you're born here!" And for so many years I was greatful. But I'm done being grateful for erasure. Grateful for the knife that flayed my ancestors identity, cutting off the unloved pieces. I have no wounds. My mother hides hers under bandages so thick and old she isn't even aware they exist anymore. Or maybe she's in denial. But my tongue itches whenever I hear others speak my ancestors language and my heart grows when I hear their songs.

I would learn their language. But I already learned enough European languages. Sure, I can speak them outside of Europe. They are useful there. But for what reason? I don't want to be the one pushing the knife through others skin, even if just by accident.

So now I'm learning Arabic, as here it is a language many speak in secret because its unacceptable to the white people. I'm cooking Iranian food and Polish food and Sudanese food and yes also German food and I don't care if sometimes someone complains it smells weird when I open my lunch at work. So does theirs, but I'm not complaining. I'm happy they enjoy their lunch. If it tastes good and if the smell makes the heart of a single person grow and their song grow louder and prouder then it was worth the work put in. I have endured a lot, but I am still whole and I am privileged enough to wield a knife myself. I intend to use it defensively, though I know I cannot avoid accidentally cutting others.

I'm a teacher and I want to allow my students to feel understood and represented and not like they have to shave off parts of their identity to be good and acceptable and successful. I don't want them to think they have to endure the knife and the pain to be acceptable.

Cultural Superiority is bullshit. We, as europeans, didn't respect other cultures in the past and we don't do it today. We carry knives everywhere we go to cut off what we don't like and then act surprised when others come wearing armor. You don't need to make yourself fit in to deserve respect. You deserve respect because you exist. You don't have to thank the people who cut pieces from you. You don't have to wield a knife to flay yourself either. And you sure as hell don't have to be grateful for being tolerated.

You are deserving of your identity.

[zeichannnnn]

⚠️ In regards to the natlan controversy (and Sumeru by proxy)

Do NOT accuse people of being racist just because your skin colour cannot be found in a game. Learn to know that people don't live in the same situation as you.

Please read this fully for the reality of things I'm sorry for getting political, skip if you don't want to interact

I’m kinda sad at the fact that a lot of people are quick to hate, judge, and scrutinise Hoyo without understanding the situation.

With recent teaser of Natlan characters, people are rightfully upset at the fact that the characters shown to hail from Natlan… don’t exactly look the part. With characters lighter than my own skin tone (I’m a Chinese Southeast Asian by the way, heya) people are calling hoyo bullshit and accusing them of being a racist for failing time and time again at giving us characters with POC shades of skin. Now I’m not here to defend Mihoyo for their actions, or to tell you to stop being mad at the situation being the way they are. No, I’m here to shed you some light of how life is as a game company under the rule of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and Xin Jin Ping (XJP cause I won’t be bothered to type his whole ass name)

I've highlighted points of each section

Any pages that requires translations, I recommend using DeepL instead of google translate because you can check the meanings of specific words and it's translation are better (imo)

Skip to the last part if you just want a summarised version

Before we get into the nitty gritty that is Genshin drama, I'll give you a run-down on what and how China works.

check the part "In relation to Genshin's design choices and how China's beauty standard influences it" if you want to go straight on to the point

People’s Republic of China

is a Unitary Marxist–Leninist one-party socialist republic. This means that China is under a one-party (Chinese Communist Party) rule with communism ideology on how they rule and govern the country and socialist standards for how they manage their economy and everything else. [.]

The CCP holds a very nationalistic view

[.] which is commonly used as propaganda [.] for them to garner either sympathy or control over the people of China. These nationalistic view, in its raw and most rudest form, simply states that Chinese people are pure by upholding traditional Chinese culture (that's not even traditionally Chinese, more or less more catered towards communism and the CCP's ideologies which are that they're great and everyone else is wrong) and not mixing themselves or tainting themselves with things that are not pure (i.e. anything that isn't Chinese, from China, belongs to China) This nationalistic views, which glorifies China and detests anything foreign (i.e. culture, language, people, etc.) have led to a lot of xenophobia being built and nurtured inside of China's society [1] [2] [3]

Aside from the CCP's nationalistic views,

China's society is very censored and monitored by the CCP

[.] Google, YouTube, or more specifically, the internet itself is heavily banned by the government, electing the people to use the CCP's private internet that allows them to be monitored 24/7 through IP location and private information. [1] [2] [3] [4] Aside from heavily monitored and controlled internet access, people in the real world are also actively being watched and monitored through CCTV with facial recognition features and an AI that can predict people's action (yes, exactly like the akasha, and yes, Sumeru arc is based on reality, I won't talk about it here but feel free to read between the lines and compare it with the sources and news articles I'm about to drop on you) [1] [2. Behind paywall] [3] [4] [5]

With its censorship in mind, let us talk about what brings us all here:

the gaming censorship in China.

In order for a game to be published in China, whether it's made by an indie or a multi-billion dollar company, the game has to go through a complicated preliminary test made and assigned by the CCP to play, test, and go through your game before publishing it anywhere in Chinese media [.] This test includes you company's paperwork, your game's paperwork, the things you're displaying in your game, and the story it's trying to tell. There are not that many rules on what should and should not appear inside of your game, such as: polyamory, the undead (in both graphic and non-graphic manner), etc. That should be considered tame and should cause no problem, however, we do have a problem with one of the rule given which is: Emphasizing Cultural Sensitivity.

Emphasizing Cultural Sensitivity

in the article I've mentioned before, describes it as "Games should impart “correct” information on politics, law, and history, as interpreted by the authorizing agency." Now what does "correct" information entail? Who fucking knows because truth is relative. Facts, when in the eyes of the CCP, are relative to what they believe is to be right and what they want us to believe is right.

Now with that out of the way, let us get into the main deal.

MiHoYo

(not to be confused with Hoyoverse/Cognosphere which is their international branch) is a is a Chinese video game development and publishing company, founded by three classmates from university Cai Haoyu, Liu Wei, and Luo Yuhao [.] That means that Genshin Impact's development, ever since it was at its infancy, first-established days, and updates until the near future, are all subjected onto that game censorship law that I mentioned earlier. Now you might all be wondering, what does all of those rules have to do with genshin characters having dark skins? To that I point you towards the fact that MiHoYo and the CCP are and have been actively working together ever since around September 2021. [1] [2]

Cooperation between MiHoYo and the CCP

Ever since Genshin Impact's massive hit both nationally and internationally, its massive fanbase has hit the internet no one has ever seen before. It is the first ever Chinese game that has gotten world wide acclaim and with that, new eyes begin to look upon China. It is no surprise to anyone that Genshin is very particular about showing and promoting Chinese culture to the outside world. Genshin has somehow become the face to Chinese culture in just a year, with limited events such as Lantern Rite and Moonchase festival to showcase China's cultural beauty. With world-wide acclaim comes a price, wherein the CCP no longer treats Genshin as "another game" but a tool that they can use to promote and advertise themselves into the global population.

Begin the censorship and micro-manipulation of things in Genshin

New gaming censorship dropped after the Genshin Impact became a hit in the industry, with even Venti and Gorou as examples of characters that should not appear in media published in China (effeminate man) [.] In additional to the list I've linked in the "the gaming censorship in China" section, a lot more additional rules have been added to that list, such as: queer representation, morally grey character, but I what I want you to look at more is the section where "historical elements, including characters, maps and clothing, should conform with mainstream accounts." in addition to that, a self-regulation pact was made between game companies and the CCP that bans any and all content that is deemed "politically harmful" and "historically nihilistic." Now focus more onto that "historically nihilistic" point, what does that mean?

Historical nihilism

is a term used by the CCP and many Chinese scholars to describe research or discussions deemed to contradict an official state version of history in a manner perceived to question or challenge the legitimacy of the CCP [.] TLDR; it's a term used for when what you're saying clashes or goes against what the CCP said. Why is this important you may ask? It's because that now, at this point, if anything Genshin does something—whether that'd be plotline, design etc.—that the CCP thinks shouldn't exist or be represented, they have the lawful right to block or stop it from reaching the final product. Now this, this is what happened to Genshin's Sumeru and Natlan cast.

In relation to Genshin's design choices and how China's beauty standard influences it

white has always been a predominant part of modern Chinese beauty culture, for some reason (I don't know and I'm not going to go that deep into it, research it on your own if you're curious) In fact, it's not only China but also Asian culture in general. White skin has always been hailed as pure and beautiful here in Asia, where the line "as pale as the moon" is a common compliment to give to someone. Skin colour that are tan or even darker are connected to being dirty or stinky. Despite the younger generation not really adhering to that view, the older generation (calling out the CCP here) upholds that standard till this day. Pin straight hair, round eyes, pale white skin, and a thin figure are the standards put upon those born as female. Their male counterpart are not that different, with lean and fit being the preferred body type rather than big muscles or bulky forms.

The reason behind why this is the case is because of Asia's strict social code in rules and appearances. We must appear prim and clean, that means no dyed hair, no tattoos, no piercings, and minimal make-up. Anyone that goes against those rules are regarded as delinquents or deviants that usually break the rules and do criminal activities (despite it not being the case) Having a bulky stature also applies to that list, regardless of what gender you are, and especially for men. You're regarded as dangerous, criminal, bad influence if you look like that in public (this is why we don't have that much bulky characters gang and why we were robbed of heavy muscles Itto orz) (he deffo was very bulky in the original design, probably similar to the Nobushi but it got nerfed in final product)

Given all of that in mind, it's no wonder that Sumeru's and and Natlan's casts are mostly white... but were they always that way?

The original skin colour design for Natlan cast might've been darker than what we have in the final product.

As a lot of people have mentioned (especially with the many beautiful edits I'm very fond of) the character designs for Natlan's new up-coming rosters looks better with darker skin tone. Take for examples this edit right here:

taken from @ rarepairz on twitter [source]

Their designs (with darker skin tones) seem to pop more, giving highlights onto their clothes and accessories in comparison to the original design. Here are more examples of this happening:

taken from @ Wabs_nabs on twitter [source]

It is especially clear to anyone with basic colour theory that the colour used for designing the clothes and accessories and highlights in the hair look better with darker skin colour. There is *intent* on making it this way in comparison to woeful ignorance of making them look white as hell. If they were to intentionally to make the characters look white, they would've chosen a better colour for the clothes, less bolder ones and eye-popping ones to contrast with the already luminescent light that's emitting from the skin.

And this is not the case for only Natlan, by the way! The same thing happened when the Sumeru cast was first leaked. Case in point this:

taken from @ animuswonder on twitter [source]

and my personal art of Cyno and Nari:

Look at how much contrast there is between their colour palette or how much resonance there is, with Cyno his more cold-colour attire and hair, in comparison to his deep dark warm skin or Tighnari that's the epitome of a "spring girl" like come on man. There's INTENT in those designs, to have more darker shades than they are in the game. Sadly, they just can't do it due to censorships. Why? Because, as I have mentioned before, darker shades of skin are represented as dirt here in Asia as we glorify pale skin more.

The representation of uniqueness and differences in Chinese game is not common due the fact that most Asian countries are homogenous, which means they prefer everyone and everything to be the same, to look the same, and follow and do the same things. They do not advocate for uniqueness, they do not advocate for individuality, they advocate for us to conform and to follow like a sheep in a herd. Because of that, most people spend their whole life trying to whiten up their skin, keeping them light, and those who are darker than most are shown prejudiced and scrutinised.

Mentioning again the fact that MiHoYo and the CCP are working closely together, Genshin Impact is currently being used as a cultural weapon by the government. With MiHoYo showing numerous time that they've donate and support Chinese cultural heritage, the CCP is using that fact and holding control over Genshin as a way to promote and advertise sympathy towards Chinese culture and the Communist regime by proxy. It's like how your parents are getting you to eat broccoli brownies in hopes that you'd eat normal broccolis and other vegetables by proxy. Everything and anything that Genshin shows in its game are now under close inspections of the CCP and colourism especially will not fly-by their radar.

In conclusion

Your anger and hatred towards the new characters’ designs are justified, however the person you aim those anger and hatred should not be towards Mihoyo, or Liu Wei, or any of the staff members but towards the situation and the laws and the local government MiHoYo has to adhere to.

We're already lucky to have MiHoYo even wanting to represent and shpw different cultures from different parts of the world, telling us engaging stories, and incentivising us to think more and to be be more of us instead of following the crowd and to judge those in power (if you are literate and have the ability of a 6th grader, you know the theme Genshin Impact is showing in its story). In a world where they aren't able to live as freely as people outside of mainland do, they shouldn't have to put their life at risk by creating a game that goes against the CCP's laws that will lead to a deduction to their social points (yes, those actually exist, WAKE UP). Yet they do, they update every month, telling stories, creating characters with many characteristics that goes against Chinese gaming laws, just for us to enjoy.

Do NOT accuse people of being racist just because your skin colour cannot be found in a game. Learn to know that people don't live in the same situation as you.

You are right to be mad, you are right to be upset, but do not condemn them for something they hold no power to. It's between their lives and your fantasies and if you choose to value your delusion over their livelihood then that just shows what kind of a person you are.

Where's this conviction towards other game companies aside from MiHoYo? Where's the rightful air when it comes to companies that breathe much fresher air? Do they not have the same responsibility? Or is it because you actually do not care and merely want to point your unbridled emotions towards something or someone? If so, you're pointing at the wrong person.

[19catsncounting]

I Got Really Into Anti/Proship Discourse And Read +30 Academic Studies - My Findings

(It’s a Yapfest but the whole post is a very long essay and study on morality and fiction and children’s safety and rape culture with a fuckton of freely accessible academic articles and resources on the subject, and I want to talk to other people about it. For a shorter abstract with all the articles and more easily ignored yapping, see my shiny new Carrd:)

It’s been a little shocking lately to have certain discussions with some parts of fandom. I spoke about shipping/harassment and how that contributes to the death of fandom on TikTok assuming that younger folks are just really, really intense about preventing sexual violence, but the more I saw the words “morally wrong” and “disgusting” and “addiction,” the more I thought about this guy-

That’s Jerry Falwell, and I fucking hate this dead guy. You see, Jerry Falwell was a preacher who hated porn, feminism, and homosexuality. And I'm seeing his rhetoric and reworked quotes a lot.

Jerry would say stuff like:

“Pornography hurts anyone who reads it - garbage in, garbage out.”

“Someone must not be afraid to say ‘moral perversion is wrong.’ If we do not act now, homosexuals will ‘own’ America!”

Jerry wanted people to believe that it’s possible to see so much sexual content that it warps your sexuality, because he was gay and wanted to think that was due to thinking about gay sex too much. Jerry did not have a lot of evidence to prove that homosexuality was harmful, so he relied heavily on how “morally distasteful” it seemed to be to suburban Americans.

I spent the majority of my teen years arguing against Jerry’s rhetoric for the right to live as a lesbian online, and I never thought I’d see morality rhetoric in people I’m otherwise very politically aligned with. And I definitely never thought fandom of all things, in all its beautiful subversive glory, would seriously start advocating for censorship, anti-porn, and to consume fanwork with moral purity.

So, I’d like to have a deeper discussion on it, both here on Tumblr and on TikTok, but that does mean checking a few things at the door:

Personal feelings decide your personal life. What you feel is valid for you, not anyone else.

In general, things that do not cause direct and undeniable harm should not be broadly prohibited just because they’re weird or distasteful to the majority of folks. Ex. Loitering does not cause harm and is a tool of systemic oppression.

The discussion of “fictional CSEM” is the most inflammatory fork of this and it is often used to derail these kinds of conversations. This is all I will say on it - the legal status of explicit visual depictions of minors is muddy. In the US, there is just one dude in Utah who pled guilty for possessing explicit lolicon he bought by mail order without also possessing CSEM with real children, and explicit writing about fictional minors has been settled as protected free speech. Dedicated organizations from the NCMEC to Chris Hansen have asked that fictional content is not reported as CSAM as it is not actionable and clogs up finite resources. 90% of NCMEC reports were not actionable last year. There are studies suggesting that virtual CSEM or other non-victim alternatives could reduce actual child harm, but there is need for further research.

We’re all in agreement that untagged NSFW is not cool, and kids deserve kid-only sections of the internet. People who are triggered by or dislike problematic content deserve to be able to not see it. 👍

 (I’ve seen the argument that blocking tags/people should not be required - sorry, PTSD still requires that you manage your triggers, up to and including swearing off platforms just as I have sworn off bars/soap brands/etc to avoid my triggers.)

I have found a lot of accessible and free articles and studies that I will link throughout so that we can discuss the fact-based reasoning, in an effort to have a civil conversation.

(Also because we are not flat earthers, we are Fandom, and if we’re going to be annoying little shitheels in an “Um Actually” contest, we’re going to have the sources to back it up.)

Minors and Explicit Material

I’m not supporting minors engaging with explicit material. I have such little interest in the subject that I’m not even going to bring in articles, but you can feel free to. I personally engaged with explicit material as a preteen of my own free will and did not find it to be harmful, and the majority of people throughout human history have been exposed to explicit material at an early age with varying degrees of harm. There are undeniable legal and harm-driven differences between a 12 year old girl looking at Hustler on her own, a 14 year old boy being sent nudes from a grown woman, and a 6 year old viewing PornHub. (And I think the guardians of that 6 year old should be charged with grooming just like the woman, tbh.)

Personal Disclaimer

I’m an adult survivor of CSA and incest. I’m a happily married adult. I don’t personally like lolicon/shotacon/kodocon. I don’t like kids. I don’t like teens. I’m personally not attracted to underage fictional characters. I have family, the idea of fucking any of them makes me want to throw up and die, so I don’t write or read RPF of my family.

I am really, really fucking intense about preventing sexual violence, supporting survivors, and fandom, which is where this all comes from.

I read and love problematic fiction - my favorites are ASOIAF, Lolita, and VC Andrews. The most “problematic” thing I’ve personally written are Lucifer/Michael fics from Supernatural back in 2012. They are “brothers” in CW Christ, not blood. They do not have any blood.

Gen Z and Online Grooming

In 2002, a survey of 1500 minors from 10-17 found that 4% had been solicited for sexual purposes by an adult online.

In 2023, that number increased to 20%.

While the linked 2023 Thorn report suggests that the vast majority of these inappropriate interactions happened on platforms that allow for interpersonal communication, which by and large minors were greatly discouraged from and had less access to in the early 2000’s, a trauma-informed approach does not allow for blame to fall on the children. The guardians of those children have monumentally failed to restrict and educate before giving children the means to access those platforms.

It is my uncited but personal opinion that the increased rate of grooming, as well as an increased interest in combating rape culture, has led to well-intentioned individuals to become digital vigilantes attacking those who they hold responsible for their traumatic experiences in a search for catharsis and justice denied for themselves as well as a desire to make the internet safer for other children, whom they are increasingly aware are entering online spaces unsupervised at distressingly young ages.

Is harassment and bullying bad for perpetrators of it?

Before we get into how ship-related hate campaigns do not affect predation or combat rape culture, we should acknowledge that it’s actually pretty harmful for the people who cyberbully. Not just in the legal/social consequences, but people who participate in cyberbullying and cyberhate campaigns have higher rates of depression, estrangement from their parents, self-effacing habits, social anxiety, lower empathy, and so forth.

One study suggests that the treatment and prohibitive for cyberbullying, which contributes to a culture of cyberhate and a lower likelihood to report or confront other incidents of harassment or toxicity online, can be combatted with media competency to increase empathy along with other important life skills.

Some Common Pro-Censorship Myths

“Pornography is Addictive/Consumption of Pornography Leads to Increasingly Hardcore Imagery And Ultimately Real-World Violence” - The American Psychological Association does not recognize Porn Addiction as real and the DSM-5 does not classify it as an addiction. Additionally, many methods used in articles claiming that porn is addictive or causes users to seek out more hardcore material were flawed or biased. There is actually some evidence that compulsive porn use, the closest you can get to a porn addiction diagnosis, is associated with shame and the user’s belief that pornography is morally wrong, which sex-negative attitudes encourage.

“Jaws caused shark culling” - That's unfortunately a simplification that ignores a LOT of surrounding context. WW2’s modern naval battles with an increase of ship sinkings and thus contact with sharks prompted the invention and use of shark repellant by aviators and sailors in the 1940’s. The most deadly and famous shark attack of all time was the USS Indianapolis sinking in 1945, which led to 12-150 deaths. The 1974 book Jaws by Peter Benchley, which was the entire basis of the movie, was inspired by One Fucking Dude who started shark hunting tours and overall seemed to have a really immaculate vibe. The interstate highways that finished in the 1950’s increased beach tourism in the 60’s and onwards, inspiring the American surf culture, further increasing the cultural desire to purge sharks for the new swath of beachgoers and their fondness for using surfboards which make them look like seals to sharks. Additionally, 1975’s Jaws inspired a huge desire for education about sharks, and the relationship between problematic media and education will be the core of this yapperoni pizza.

“The Slendermen Killings/Other Fiction Inspired Crimes” - The ACLU states that “There is no evidence that fiction has ever driven a sane person to violence.” Inspired crimes are indeed no less tragic, and thankfully rare, but people who suffer from inability to discern reality and fiction do not necessarily need fiction to commit violence. The “Son of Sam” murder spree was not inspired by a book or movie, but instead Berkowitz’ auditory hallucinations.

“Violent videogames DO cause violence” - After a great deal of funding and study, the American Psychological Association has concluded that teens and younger may have increased feelings of aggression and not necessarily physically violent outbursts as a direct effect, but older teens and young adults do not encounter statistically meaningful rates of aggression.

“Your brain can’t tell the difference between fiction and reality” - Factually incorrect. Children as young as 5 years old can tell the difference, and they can even be more suspicious about “facts” that come from sources they know also host fiction, such as TV shows.

“This stuff shouldn’t be online because it can be used to groom a child” - While I could not find specific statistics on how often pornography is used to desensitize child victims, nor how often that is specifically used in online grooming, and especially not how much of that pornography is made from fictional characters - out of a mixed group of convicted offenders with adult and child victims, 55% of offenders used pornography to manipulate their victim. I would never refute that explicit fanart or fanfic could be used to desensitize a child, but that is by far not the only tool (asking about sexual experiences/identity, making jokes, etc is extremely common grooming behavior), and there is no evidence to suggest that it is used to a statistically significant degree. In my own anecdotal experience, normal vanilla legal pornography is used with far greater prevalence, and there isn’t a similar movement to shame its production for that possibility. Nor should the creators of any material, pornographic or otherwise, share blame in the actions of a predator.

The Fiction Affects Reality Carrd

(No hate to the person who made it, in fact I give props to them for trying to find unbiased sources, I just want to point out that their interpretations of their articles are kinda flawed and one of their studies is a kind of a perfect example on small and culturally biased samples.)

Reading Fiction Impacts Aggressive Behavior - (I cannot access the full study but this article is the primary source used in the Carrd and it goes into detail) - A study showed that 67 university students were more annoyed with a loud buzzer after reading a short story about a physical fight between roommates compared to a story with nonviolent revenge. However, this study was conducted at Brigham Young University, the same campus where we got a whole video series of hot ethical takes like “I’d rather shoot a kitten than drink coffee,” so uh. Yeah. Kind of a prime example on why it’s important to have large and culturally varied sampling. (Another BYU study with 137 BYU students being odd about moral ambiguity in fiction, just because I’m starting to add Dr. Sarah M. Coyne to my list of “Sarah’s That I Dislike.”)

Your Brain on Fiction - a NYT article that describes Theory of the Mind and how fMRIs captured how readers’ minds would light up centers of muscle control when reading sentences like “Peter kicked.” The quote “The brain, it seems, does not make much of a distinction between reading about an experience and encountering it in real life; in each case, the same neurological regions are stimulated” is speaking of motor functions. Emotional centers of the brain were not included in the study.

How Fiction Changes Your World - a Boston Globe article that actually describes how people who read more fiction are more empathetic and tend to believe in a just world. It does not state that the empathy a reader feels for fictional characters extends to corrupting their moral compass. In fact, there’s such a thing as a “fictive license” to explore taboo themes more thoroughly because it is not real - 123 participants were interviewed after watching two actors play the part of detective and murderer being interviewed, and participants who were told it was fake had more varied and inquisitive responses.

The Social Impact of Books - Actually reuses the previous study about the just world, so point remains. Empathy is understanding, not mirroring.

Is Problematic Fiction Good for Survivors of Trauma?

It absolutely depends on the individual.

Writing expressively about traumatic experiences has been shown to be effective to reduce depression, or more effective in reducing dysphoria and anxiety than talking to fellow survivors, and Written Exposure Therapy is broadly prescribed to survivors of trauma, with one study centering on car crash survivors finding that WET resolved their PTSD symptoms and continued to be effective after a year.

In this study, which sadly is not available online but it is too important to leave out completely, survivors of CSA were given fictional novels about CSA and in closely reading and analyzing those stories, were able to understand their own experiences and were indeed drawn to write about their own experiences as well.

Engaging in problematic fiction, like all fiction, allows for consent as well as control. If at any point a survivor does not feel in control or wishes to stop, they can at that instant. They can even rewrite their narratives and take control of their story in fictionalizing and changing the account. They can even try to understand what their abuser felt through fiction, which is helpful considering that the vast majority of survivors had a relationship that had been positive and even loving with their abusers at times.

Is Problematic Fiction Good for Everyone Else?

It again depends on the individual.

Antis might be a little right that most people don't want to read problematic stories. In a study exploring whether fiction can corrode morals, 83% of study participants stated that they would prefer not to read a short story justifying baby murder if they had the choice, even if that exploration isn’t inherently harmful.

This very small sample study of 13 participants discussed how young women interpreted sexual themes in writing, including explicit fanfiction, and how that was beneficial and informative to explore sexual desire and examine healthy and unhealthy relationships in a safe and controlled environment.

This meta-analysis further discusses how problematic and sexual themes in YA literature are useful to illustrate what sexual violence looks like, and begin educational conversations through those depictions to break down harmful myths such as “if she didn’t scream, she wanted it.”

Empowered by the “Fictive License” previously cited, problematic fiction can be beneficial for anyone who desires and is capable of consuming and analyzing it.

This study analyzing abusive aspects of three films - Beauty and the Beast, Twilight, and 50 Shades of Gray - concluded that these abusive themes should be discussed to increase recognition and awareness, not censored based on those problematic themes.

This study of 53 women were asked to read different versions of fictional intimate partner violence flags, or “toxic behavior” like surveillance, control, etc. In every version of the story, whether the female or male had those behaviors either courting or committed, the women recognized the behavior as wrong.

Another study that reading allows for the moral laboratory to explore morality in fiction without decisive impact to corroding moral permissibility.

Is There Ever Any Point Where Fictional Interests Definitively Speak On Someone’s Morality?

In short - not really. Loving Jason Vorhees does not put you at risk of murdering campers as long as you know he’s not real. Writing Wincest does not mean you look forward to family reunions, as long as you know incest isn’t okay in the real world. The real world, where real people are harmed, is where you find the measure of someone’s character.

This Psychology Today article is the best source I could find for quotes from a fantastic book ‘Who's Been Sleeping in Your Head? The Secret World of Sexual Fantasies’ by Brett Kahr regarding taboo sexual fantasies and how they are not only common, but not inherently harmful.

There are people who enjoy problematic media in an entirely nonsexual sense, of course. I myself don’t get off on problematic media - I think it’s just interesting to explore different experiences, and I think that can be revolutionary.

Additionally, fantasies in general have almost always been in the vein of “things you don’t want to really happen in reality.” In a study of 351 asexuals, more than half reported that they fantasize about having sex, but that doesn’t mean that they actually want to. You can fantasize about dating Billie Eilish - it doesn’t mean that you’d be happy dealing with celebrity culture.

(I personally fantasize about the internet being just for adults, but in practice I think that would be incredibly harmful and isolating for at-risk youth and LGBTQ teens) Fantasies always pluck out only the bits of reality that you want to engage with.

If You Get Off On Fictional Kids, You’re Attracted to Something About Them Being Kids

Not inherently, surprisingly. Wearing a schoolgirl uniform is a pretty common roleplay, and it’s not meant to “fool” the participants into thinking they’re indulging in pedophilia. There’s a wealth of emotional and sexual nuance in that specific kink - innocence and virginity play, tilted power dynamics in ‘scolding’ the uniform wearer for dress code violations, even the concept of a sexually provocative “teenager” can be played with without shame, because the world of fetish and fantasy is separated from condonable actions for the vast, vast majority of adults. (The only study I could find on this is this small study of 100 white guys found on Facebook, which itself states it is not definitive, found that while there might be correlation between attraction to children and interest in schoolgirl uniforms, there is no proof of causation. AKA, the rectangular pedophile might indeed like square schoolgirl uniforms, but not everyone - in fact, the majority at nearly 60% in this very survey - that likes square schoolgirl uniforms is a rectangular pedophile.)

Even sexual age play between adults is not indicative of pedophilia because it exists in a setting between two adults who fully understand that the mechanics are completely fake, allowing the power dynamics that would be abusive between an adult and child to be ethically explored.

I don’t have an official-looking study to cite, but I have asked people who like content about underage fictional characters why they do so. Overwhelmingly, a lot of the ones who like underage age gaps like the fantasy of an older and more experienced character taking a younger one under their wing, to have the opportunity to commit violent and blatantly objectifying harm and yet try to create what inevitably does not truly pass as consent, but seems near enough to the characters. Some think that the characters themselves have an interesting chemistry. Some read underage fic and still imagine the characters as adults. Some like to explore the feelings of shame that the older character must feel and how they mentally compartmentalize to go forward with the relationship, and how the younger character found themself in that vulnerable position - which is exploring a harmful situation through fiction to understand how it could play out in real life.

People who like fictional incest like exploring the shameful components of that taboo relationship - and I have seen a lot of works that compare how bad incest could be to other harms, like the Gravecest route in a game with parental cannibalism. And then there are folks who like analyzing the codependency of having one person fulfill every social need - family, friend, lover, AKA Wincest.

What makes a predator if it’s not just sexual attraction?

90% of CSA survivors know their abuser, discrediting the still-entirely-too-popular Stranger Danger myth. And shockingly, only 50% of abusers are pedophiles.

That means 50% of child molesters do not have sexual interest in children because they are children, but they victimized children because they are more accessible in lieu of adult partners, with increased rates of incest.

While I could not find a specific study on the relation between dehumanization/objectification of child victims and child molesters (and if you find one, please send it to me!), this study speaks on dehumanization as a precursor to adult sexual violence.

This study, conducted on convicted child molesters in prison, showed that child molesters tend to fantasize about children while in a negative mood, further contributing to the theory that child victims are dehumanized prior to abuse.

This very small sample study found that in a mixed sample of internet only/contact crime/mixed offenders, offenders who had contact with children had lower rates of fantasizing about children.

In short, half the time a child predator is someone who wants to offend against a child regardless of attraction to the fact they are a child.

Resources To Recognize Grooming/Abuse Victims/Predators

I would absolutely be remiss to not share my collection of resources to help detect signs of abuse/grooming as well as warning signs of a predator who may be targeting elders/women/teens/children:

Darkness 2 Light is a fantastic resource overall, this page details stages and signs of grooming.

RAINN personally helped me through my PTSD journey, and this article detailing the signs of sexual trauma in teenagers is thorough and non-judgemental

Signs of abuse as well as warning signs of predation that does not use gendered language nor play into the Stranger Danger myth.

Education, not Censorship

I think a lot of the energy against taboo content among young people still has a lot to do with the desire to end rape culture. The tools that we Millennial Tumblrinas gave you Gen Z kids were snatches of leftist theory, deplatforming, and voting with your dollar, so it’s reasonable to think that removing taboo content like pedophilia, incest, rape fights rape culture.

It doesn’t.

Rape culture is fought by education. Comprehensive sex education, education about consent. Talking about what consent looks like, what sex can look like, what rape can look like.

There should be more taboo content to talk about these things, to show all the shades it can look like. From a violent noncon to fics that aren’t even tagged as dubcon yet still are in shades that are hard to suss out, we should talk about it.

A Non-Empirical Example Of Good Media Analysis and Education to Combat Rape Culture

Let’s use the example of Daemon and Rhaenyra Targaryen’s relationship in House of the Dragon. Canonically, in both the book and the show, they have a romantic relationship that appears for the most part to be positive (the show being more contentious but I dedicated an aside to Sarah Hess and our beef at the bottom of my Carrd, but feel free to ask how I feel about writing producers with any variation of the name ‘Sarah’) despite an age gap, a sexual relationship that began while Rhaenyra was a minor, and incest - the problematic hat trick if you will.

I have seen anti-Daemyra shippers condemn Daemyra shippers for “Condoning grooming, age gaps, pedophilia, and incest.” Which is not just a broad, inaccurate, and harmful statement, it’s not at all constructive or educational analysis.

It would actually be beneficial to say “Daemon is grooming Rhaenyra as a teenager with gifts, devoted attention that takes advantage of her isolation and vulnerability, frequent nonsexual touches, the extreme desensitization to sexuality in the brothel visit,” etc etc. And even so, it is not useful to say that people cannot still ship the relationship and acknowledge those aspects. They might want to further explore the issues of consent in their dynamic in fiction, they may want to strip away some of them with narrative reimagining. Some might want to ignore the taboos completely and indulge in the fantasy entirely, and some might find the actors hot as hell - AKA, anyone who watches the show.

It’s honestly a little similar to me in how Jerry Falwell would tell his followers not to watch or read or take in any media that dealt with homosexuality unless it was condemning it - even Will & Grace was on Jerry’s shitlist. And so, Jerry’s followers missed out on a lot of media that could have educated them about queerness, could have humanized queer people for them - and that did not make queers go away. Just like ignoring or shutting out media about incest, rape, and other forms of sexual violence doesn’t make those things go away - it just tends to make you less informed, and little less capable of empathy towards people affected by those subjects.

So let’s stop shaming those that ship a complicated dynamic - you get less fanworks exploring those taboos, and less of a discussion overall. You shut down the morality lab of fiction, and to be honest, it’s wet sock behavior.

Some FanFiction Specific Studies

How dubcon fanfiction can flesh out the intricacies and messiness of realistic consent

A review of darkfic written about Harry Potter in 2005 (which, I will personally attest has never been outdone in how profoundly taboo those works were)

Interviews with 11 Self Insert writers who wrote on themes of rape, abuse, control, yandere, etc, and how that was beneficial to some who had experienced sexual violence themselves

Conclusion:

H…holy shit, you actually read all of that?? Congrats dude! That is a lot of time and brain power to dedicate to any one thing!

By the way, I am not really gifted at writing articles or any of that junk, and I tried to make my hyperlexic ass a little more accessible instead of bringing out all the $5 words. I am literally just an autistic who took a couple technical writing classes over a decade ago and really wanted to sort out my thoughts and try to have a platform for discussion. Also, I am really fucking bad at math. I failed two different college level statistics classes twice each. Gun to my head, I could not tell you what a standard deviation is, which is why I worked entirely with the percentages.

And I do want to have a discussion! I would in fact like to not report anyone for sending me gore or death threats or any of that stuff! I don’t think everyone will agree with me, in fact I’m certain that you could find studies that contradict some of mine, and I’d love to discuss them!

I’m sure it will still be tempting to throw around accusations of pedophilia because sometimes, confronting your previously held beliefs is incredibly uncomfortable. If you could not do that, that would be great? I don’t like being compared to someone who profoundly abused me just because I have a different opinion on how to combat rape culture and empower survivors. If you can do that, I’ll do my absolute best to be cheerful and welcoming and respectful as well. 😁

PS - I’m also not really going to be phased if you call me weird or cringe - I am. Always have been. Cringe, weirdness, and autism have made me do and capable of doing some fantastically neat and impressive stuff. But if you try to say something like “proshippers are too yucky and weird to be in fandom” - I’m going to have to refer you to your similarity to Kate Sanders of Lizzy McGuire fame, you “prEpz >:(“ - [My Immortal, legendary author unknown]

[cobaltperun]

Genius (12 - Finale) - I'm Alive

Cairo Sweet x female (G!P) Reader

Summary: It was such a cliché, a reunion she didn’t expect to ever happen, let alone six years after she last saw you. It was supposed to mean nothing, a bit of nostalgia, maybe a brief catching up while waiting for class, it was supposed to be a small wave of nostalgia, not a tsunami that disrupted her entire life. You were her opposite, and as hard as she tried she couldn’t resist your pull.

Story masterlist / First part / Previous Part

Word count: 1.7k

-When you call on me, when I hear you breathe, I get wings to fly, I feel that I'm alive-

I am a shadow. Born and raised in the light, though dark remains my natural habitat. I am a shadow that was given freedom, released from the one who cast me. My greatest achievement? Using that newfound freedom and giving myself a shape beyond a dark figure without a face, without a voice, or identity.

I thought of my home as mundane, mediocre, I wished to leave it behind, searching for something more meaningful. I believed I had accomplished nothing, instead wasting my youth on normal, on boring. Valedictorian, though I am, I found that to be boring, average, not worthy of being called a great, let alone the greatest achievement of my life.

I sought affirmation, I sought recognition of my talents, a love so strong it would transcend conventions, and I found none of that. Instead, I found betrayal. I sought excitement, and instead found stability, support, and someone who built me up, improving me and letting me improve her and us in return.

And we traveled the world. Leaving our lives behind and with little more than a backpack of bare necessities, we traveled. At first, inspired by 'Around the World in Eighty Days' we visited our first destinations, traveling as tourists, and then we changed our minds.

We stopped traveling from place to place, we stayed, we lived there, experiencing the culture, the differences from what we were used to, and the journey around the world became a journey through 10 countries, one month for each one.

That is my greatest achievement, opening my mind to the world, to different values and cultures, learning and embracing the parts that resonated with me the most, and understanding the others. And I wrote about it, pages upon pages flowed through me and onto the screen or paper, and from that a tale was born. 10 stories about life, about will, about what it means to be human and free, each through the eyes of multiple people I met, combined into one.

My greatest achievement is finding my purpose.

You finished reading Cairo’s Yale essay on her greatest achievement and looked up, smiling widely at your girlfriend as she impatiently awaited your response.

“So?” she asked, and you hummed, leaning back on the sofa in the simple hotel room, you glanced outside, seeing the beautiful beach as the Sun began rising. You two deserved a bit of a vacation after the past year, because, well, it wasn’t that you just traveled and lived, you worked in those countries, so, you were taking a bit of a break now that Cairo would apply for Yale. “Y/N?” she warned you playfully as she moved from the sofa next to you to straddling your lap.

You grinned, your hands dropping to her thighs as she leaned in and kissed you. “You want to make out or do you want me to tell you about your essay?” you laughed when she pulled back for a bit.

“Can’t see why we can’t multitask,” she whispered in your ear and bit your earlobe gently.

“I can try,” you kissed her neck several times, making sure not to leave marks, since she needed to go and have a talk about her book with the publisher that was interested in it. “I think you are brilliant,” you told her, and groaned as Cairo, of course, didn’t have to worry about marks on your neck and her nails left tiny red lines along it while she kissed just beneath your ear. “Fuck, Cairo! You know I’m an awful critic when,” you pulled her collar aside and latched onto the skin of her shoulder since that was fair game. “we’re making out!” you complained earning a laugh from the girl on your lap.

“You are an awful, lovestruck, critic in general,” she teased, a low moan slipped past her lips as she pushed her body against you and hugged you tightly.

“Mhm,” you agreed, you absolutely agreed, but she was just as bad. “Remember when I recorded playing an out of tune guitar? You know, when it sounded like a sin against music?” you reminded her and smirked when she blushed. “You said, and I quote ‘It’s perfect’ just because I was making you feel really good,” you dragged your bottom lip up her neck before kissing her. Her mouth opened immediately, and you felt her tongue inside your mouth. “In all seriousness, I think you won. You did it, you overcame it all,” you said, no longer making out with her, instead you were just leaning your forehead down on her shoulder while she hugged you. “You were stronger than everything that happened in that school,” you ran your fingers through her hair, soothing her when she tightened her hold on you. “You’ll get in, I have no doubt in my mind, that’s how good your essay is,” you assured her, completely confident in that being the outcome.

~X~ Five years later ~X~

A smell of wild roses engulfed her senses as she brushed her hair, humming a tune of your band’s new song.

“You are, against all odds, somehow still tone deaf,” came Winnie’s biting remark from the bathroom and Cairo felt her eye twitching at her best friend’s constant teasing. “How can your Biker Girl even handle the sounds you make?” Winnie came out of the bathroom and leaned on the wall.

Cairo had a bit of a lecherous grin on her face and Winnie immediately put her hand up.

“Nope, no way, none of that, I do not need that image tonight,” she stopped Cairo before she could even say that you did, in fact handle the aforementioned sounds in a certain way. But Cairo figured she could show some mercy to Winnie, seeing as the two of them were getting ready for a fairly big concert of your band, the biggest one so far, in fact.

“She sure made it,” Cairo smiled, remembering how you managed to scramble together a band and slowly but surely gain popularity and make it work in the end. A lot has happened since the two of you came back from your one-year break. Cairo just published her third book, Winnie had several art exhibitions and was gaining quite a reputation in graphic design, and you not only had your own band but also worked as a songwriter.

While she went to college you focused on your career, and she was immensely proud of you.

“Okay, get that lovestruck look off your face, your face will get frozen like that,” Winnie laughed and shoved Cairo jokingly, only for Cairo to shove her back until they fell back onto the bed, laughing like they did all those years ago when they were teenagers.

“Come on, I don’t want to be late,” Cairo sat up, a grin still on her face as she went to finish getting ready.

~X~

The bright stage lights, clear night skies above you, the screaming crowd in front of you, and in the midst of it all you saw Cairo standing near the stage, and you heard her louder than anyone else as you sang. The drums and guitars overpowered the crowd as people sang along with you and you had to force yourself to look away from her.

The band was still a bit young, so you were mixing in some covers to get to that three-hour mark and right now, to close things off, you were singing ‘Shapeshifters’ by Hands Like Houses, a fairly fitting song for you and Cairo if you could say so yourself.

“We will be unbreakable! Let's take it all as a reminder we'll never need, every place we dance, in a way, we never leave! We're toe to toe, side to side, beneath the stars, we will be unbreakable!” you sang hyping the crowd up as you played the guitar in your arms. And then you calmed it all down and looked at Cairo once more, and knowing what part of the song was coming up she stopped cheering and just smiled at you, her eyes filled with love. “From up this close, I can't see a thing, aside from you in front of me. I can't recall a night this clear, a better light to lead us here, no brighter diamond in the sky than those embedded in your eyes!”

You finished the song and thanked the crowd, one more concert finished successfully and with the crowd more than pleased with your performance. You just took a moment to take it all in, see how far you’ve come, you and Cairo, and Winnie as well, but Cairo especially. She truly overcame it all, coming out stronger than ever before, and you wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of your life with her, watching her blossom again and again, with each new book, each new achievement, each new thing that brought her happiness.

“Go get your girl,” Rick, your drummer laughed, and you just rolled your eyes, but you weren’t about to complain, Winnie would go back to the hotel with them, you and Cairo on the other hand…

You jumped off the stage and Cairo ran up to you and jumped into your arms, and you spun her around, grinning at the clothes she chose to wear. “Wanna ditch this place?” the two of you already planned this, which was why your precious motorcycle was parked next to your band’s van.

“Mhm,” she kissed you while you still held her, and soon enough the sound of the motorcycle engine roaring as you drove down the highway, taking a break from the big city became the only sound the two of you heard. The scenery around you changed, and you felt Cairo tightening her hold on you. Before she began writing her next book, before you made plans for a tour with the band, before work once again took up your free time, you would just take time and have fun together.

Away from everything else, just the two of you, the way it was long before you even fell in love with one another.

A/N: Short, but I really didn't want to drag things out, I thought there'd be more to write, but this just feels complete as it is. If I knew, I would have just combined chapters 11 and 12. Anyway, there goes another story, unlike with Lost I don’t intend to write side stories so, unless someone requests it, I am saying goodbye to Cairo. It was more fun than I expected and thank you all for reading! Oh, and, there's going to be a poll, yes, I am being evil again. Sorry 🤣🤣

Story masterlist / First part / Previous Part

Taglist: @deimaisgail @bee-keeping @marvelous-disaster @jmwetterlund @tekanparadiae

@alexkolax @ioveyouyouloveme @aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh @autorasexy @lifeforsimp13

@puta1 @minnyyminny

[brights-place]

Floyd dating an S/O that can't speak English

Pairings: Floyd X Reader

Warnings: Floyd being an cutie patootie, Fluff

A/N: As an Person who can't speak english properly or that well I find this request so lovely! THIS IS FOR ALL THE PEOPLE LIKE ME WHO'S ENGLISH IS NOT THEIR FIRST LANGUAGE >:))

- The first time Floyd saw you he stood still and stared in awe like a deer caught in headlights - He wanted to talk to you then and there so he did he stuttered but loved how you smiled but when he noticed your accent he melted into putty

- Floyd loves you so much its well known that he does - He helps you practice English whenever he gets the free time, only if you actively wanna improve, he doesn’t mind otherwise

- Floyd makes sure that you are respected by everyone and if someone points out your accent he smiles while you tell them your from (Your country)

- He loves how you are always smiling when people ask about yourself and your culture along with your genre of music since you were also an troll

- He loves it whenever you sing in your language either in front of the others, or even just by yourself in your room when you think no one is listening to you.( Not that he will ever tell you he dose)

-The thing is that when people of the same culture/ethnicity meet it’s an automatic click and bond so when he see's you chatting with trolls who are the same culture/ethnicity as you he can't help but be happy

- He tries to learn your language which he succeeds in and would see you blush when he calls you "My Love"

- Learns about your culture and tries to make you feel like your at home - The way your heart did a double back flip and a barrel roll when he spoke in your home langage as you got all excited and giddy squealing - He loves how you start to praise him whenever he learns a new word which ends up with you two making out after a bit when he speaks in your mother tongue

- He LOVES IT! WHEN YOUR COOKING! he will tell you directly how much he loves it and hopes you would make more which you do

- When you struggle to speak english he makes sure to hold your hand and smile up at you

- He loves your accent and how you sound so angelic to him

- He likes leave light kisses and kissed all over your face. Your forehead, cheeks, nose, anywhere accessible to him he would kiss smiling while you laugh and try to stop him but he couldn't help but giggle -I swear he just zones out on you. Like he’s just hypnotized by you and all he’s thinking "Fuck i'm so lucky..."

- When you ever get mad he can't help but blush and cover his face with his hand. You switching languages makes him squeal but he also knows when your on the phone speaking to another language he knows that it was to let others around you know that your conversation was not for them.

- When you get mad and are close to ripping someones lungs out floyd has to stop you but sometimes he stays back watching you in awe

- You cursing in your home language and insulting someone he can't help but smile at how gorgeous you looked to him but to others they have fear in their eyes

- But whenever you two fight which is never ever happening unless your in an very bad mood and notice the mess in your house when he had his brothers over

- Like when he see's you fighting with someone he can't help but be smile softly when your yelling at him he would be worried trying to understand you but soon he smiles more and moves closer towards your pissed off expression "Your Beautiful when your mad" floyd said as you blushed

- he made sure to tell his brothers not to cause an mess next time coming over.

- Loves it whenever you come to his defense and cuss whoever is bothering him or making him uncomfortable - You have cussed out john dory face to face for what he had did to floyd in the past and - It warms is heart seeing you do that. You’re actually defending. He covered his face whenever you ask him if he’s OK since he’s blushing under the covered up part of his face with his hand.

reblogs + comments are appreciated ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

©brights-place 2024 — do not repost on another platform, copy, translate or edit my works! if you fit my DNI list please don't interact!

[izzabela]

How about a dark romance between Kuai Liang and fem.reader that Kuai Liang harbors romantic feelings for the reader but he believes she has feelings for Tomas so he takes matters into his own hands when his patience runs thin?

Burn - Kuai Liang x fem!reader

in which Kuai Liang runs out of patience

a/n: scary... i like it

ship[s]: kuai liang , tomas x fem!reader

warning(s): possessive behaviors, toxic!relationship, major character death, post-kanon

Kuai Liang doesn't see himself an impatient man.

He was patient with Tomas when he first joined the family. He was patient with Bi Han and his rants about the fate of the clan.

Hell, he's patient with the state of the Shirai Ryu and how their numbers are barely there.

But the fire within him, the fire he controls, it has no such concept. The pyro element is selfish, demanding, and all-consuming. It burns fields in minutes, towns in hours, and cities in days.

It can burn a human within two to three hours- but he didn't want to burn anyone, not yet. Not when you were part of the equation.

You were not a flower, but a willow tree. Everlasting, timeless, and beautiful, you were the one thing Kuai Liang didn't want to burn.

But fires have no direction, and they burn without care or reason.

You had gone out of the compound with Tomas for some errands. Harumi had already tasked the other servants with chores of their own, so you offered yourself as help. Tomas was free as well, no one to train for a couple hours.

So, you two left to grab some groceries and whatnot for Harumi. It's the least you guys could do since Harumi had opened her home up.

And so as you and Tomas had a blast immersing yourselves in the village and its culture, you did not know of the embers that began to burn for you.

Kuai Liang stealthily snuck out of his training obligations to watch you guys- well, you.

Kuai Liang had his eye on you since you Harumi had introduced you as an ally alongside his childhood friend.

You supplied weapons and armory, especially with a newfound clan like the Shirai Ryu. But you supplied more, you gave Kuai Liang reason to burn brightly.

He didn't mean for it to become like this, not to this degree though.

At first, he made it his goal to just get to know you. Talk to you, walk with you, even have tea with you, Harumi, and his brother.

But with every conversation, he wanted more. He wanted to know you more than just the leader of your clan, more than a friend.

He wanted to know your likes and dislikes, your dreams, your ideal future- and whether or not he was pictured in it.

It started innocently, truly just to get to know you. However, with every passing look you gave him, every smile, wave, and conversation, he craved more.

He'd be by your side every minute of the day. He would shoot dirty looks to initiates, practically threaten them with fire. Hell, he'd pump-fake Tomas if he got too close.

He just wanted to make sure you liked him too. That you'd see his advances and want him just as much as he wanted you.

Then, it grew more when you came to him all sad and mopey. Frowned face, you confided in him about an initiate that had cat-called you and touched you.

"I felt so... dirty," you cried to him that day. Kuai Liang would never want you to feel like that.

Honorably, he'd stain his hands for you. Get down and dirty for you. He would do anything for you.

You never saw him again, but you did wipe an odd stain off his ear once. Still, you paid no mind when he explained it as a sparring scar.

It's also been a while since you'd gone back home to your clan's manor. You loved Harumi and Tomas and Kuai Liang, but you had a family. A loving mother and father, and two baby siblings.

Somehow though, you always felt obligated to stay. Some looming, dreadful feeling that whispered "no", and gently dragged you back to Harumi's compound.

Still, this wasn't enough. He didn't see you reciprocate, see you return his advances or feelings at all. Still, he waited- waited for you to love him the way he loved you.

He keeps his fire contained, but eventually the fire grows too big for water to contain it.

Kuai Liang continued to watch you from afar. Quietly, like a hawk waiting for a mouse to squeak. His eyes zeroed in on you and Tomas again, and the fire that he's held for months is growing stronger and more uncontrollable.

You had interlinked arms with Tomas to traverse the river of people of the town. You both had bags in hand, and you both were smiling as Kuai Liang watched you get whisked away by the one man he thought who'd know better.

When you two finally had time to rest, Tomas brushed your hair out of your face. You smile, but you get distracted with a flower booth and beeline for it.

Whatever he saw sealed the deal. All of his work, for months on end, was for fucking nothing. The men he's killed for you, the gifts, the little things. How he meticulously kept you away from your family.

How did you not see his efforts?

Kuai Liang hops away from the village, heading back to the compound to prepare for the fire that's about to burn.

Home didn't feel out of place for you and Tomas. Initiates were still out training, but they're waning down for dinner and sleep. The house servants are cleaning up as well, around the courtyard and the halls.

When you meet Harumi and Kuai Liang, they're all smiles and take the bags out of yours and his hands to put away.

Seriously, you couldn't have known what would have happened next.

Earlier during the errand run, Tomas helped you pick flowers for Kuai Liang. You had been preparing to ask him out, tell him how much you liked him, but didn't know how.

Tomas helped by picking flowers that he knew his brother liked. Tomas knew Kuai Liang was a rather simple man, and the flowers he helped you pick were perfect for him.

So, once everything was packed up, everyone had eaten and washed up, you had left your room to gift him the flowers. You were ready, heart practically jumping out of your chest as you approached his room.

However, the pungent smell of death lingered in the room next to his- Tomas's room. It would've been fine if he had gone on a mission, but he was with you all day.

Tomas doesn't hunt anymore, nor is he outside for excessive amounts of time.

Still, you approached the room and opened the sliding door, but nothing could have prepared you for what you saw.

The man you would've called your lover held his brother's torso tightly. A huge hole was in it, and you could see his head dangling lifelessly as blood occasionally dripped out.

You signaled your arrival with the soft drop of your flowers, a light plop on the wood. Kuai Liang turned around and dropped his brother's desecrated body to meet you.

"Oh darling," Kuai Liang cooed, his clothes arms, and face covered in blood and scratches. "Darling, you weren't supposed to be here."

You try to leave, back away and run, but he caught your hand and dragged you in. He trapped you from behind, the cool press of his blood-stained clothes soaking into your yukata.

"K-K-Kuai Lian-" you stutter, but you're quieted as his hand is under your chin, forcing your jaw shut as he forces you to look at his piece of art.

"Isn't this pretty, darling?" he whispered in your ear, nipping and licking it too. You can't help but shake in his arms as the full image made you want to puke.

His legs were gone, separated and to the side from his torso. He was split in half horizontally, and the huge hole in his chest had some crisp marks on the edge. No wonder death smelled so pungent- he burned with it.

Poor Tomas didn't have his eyes closed either, so his dark eyes stare back at you with no light in them.

Kuai Liang forced your head to face him, his lips less than an inch from his. He smiled softly as he pressed his forehead on yours, nuzzling and marking you with his scent and blood.

"This is what happens when you misbehave, other people take the punishment," he moves up to kiss your forehead. "You do not want to disobey, hm?"

To save yourself, you nod wearily. You try to fight back the tremors that shook your core, but it's no use when Kuai Liang has you in his grasp. He practically swallows you whole in a hug, pinning you down on the floor before he gently kisses your pillowy lips.

The flowers you brought are completely stained in red, and the fire that Kuai Liang had fought so long to keep tamed broke free.

Except, he'll use the fire as an example- an example of destruction when left unchecked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

guys i think i'm burnt out

if you don't see another fic after this pls don't dm me, imma just need to turn my brain off for a moment

thanks for your understanding! and hopefully i'll see you in the next fic when i can

[treedaddymcpuffpuff]

Excessive Force : Tom Ludlow x Fem Nurse Reader (COLLAB W/ THE INCREDIBLE @johnwickb1tsch) - Chapter One Two Three Four Five Six

TW: violence, choking, mentions of bdsm, abuse of authority, cops, unfair power dynamics, harassment, body fluids and drug use mentions, mentions of harm/accidents

For California, it’s a bit chilly out this morning. The sun is getting a lazy late start, just beginning to yawn golden orange and fiery yellow over the horizon. Julian’s hair in that light is the high shine of fashion magazine model locs, and you’re, as usual, opening your mouth before you think. “What shampoo and conditioner do you use?”

He seems thoroughly amused. “Honestly? You’re going to be mad about it.” 

“Try me,” you prod, slipping inside his little sports car that smells like lemon air freshener and coffee. 

He seems a little cramped in the seat, knees bent up and head almost touching the ceiling, and you wonder if he actually even tried to get into this thing before buying it. 

“It’s a rental,” he explains.

“Did you get into an accident?”

“A truck hit mine while it was parked.” 

“How are you so calm about that? I’d punch someone.” 

He looks over at you with a sculpted, raised brow. “I just cannot imagine you hurting a fly, y/n.” 

“Flies are innocent, truck drivers are free game.” 

He gives you a big laugh that strokes the flame of your ego. “You’re hilarious. I use men’s body wash.” 

“What?” Okay, he’s right, you are a little mad. You use shampoo and conditioner that are specifically supposed to soften your hair, but the poof on your head absolutely pales in comparison to his soft, beautiful mane that gets the luxury of … what? Old spice? Axe body wash? 

“I told you,” he sings, turning on the engine. 

Genetics is a bitch. 

He takes you to a fancy little French inspired coffee shop cuddled into the center of an outlet mall with salt lamps and big ferns and comfy chairs. You settle into a nook closests to the sunned windows so Julian can keep an eye on his rental, which is understandable. No part of LA is good to have a Porsche in, but especially not the inner city. 

“This is delicious,” you tell him through a mouthful of warm croissant, covering your lips in embarrassment when you realize that your table manners are less than adequately prepared for a date with a doctor. 

“They have the best coffee,” he agrees, taking a sip of his steaming latte. 

You don’t have time to stop your brain from comparing Julian to a certain cop you know who prefers his coffee black and bitter, or at least that’s what he told you when he saw you drinking your vanilla cream cold foam at the nurse’s station. 

Julian is talking, you think, and you’re only half listening while you remember how Tom had snatched that drink right out of your hands and held it up in the air. 

“Give it back!” You hissed, reaching up on tiptoes while he laughed at the pathetic rescue attempt. 

“Careful, honey, don’t hurt yourself for this pathetic excuse of caffeine. What is it anyway? Is there even coffee in here?” 

After he walked away with his discharge paperwork, your coworkers were understandably curious about the tall, puckish cop who fucked with you any chance he got. 

Miguel watched his ass move the whole way down the hallway and out the glass exit doors while literally clutching the rosary under his scrub shirt as if a devil had just walked by, then looked over at you. “What a man.”

“Are you alright?” Julian asks, bringing you back to the present conversation with a hand over your forearm. He does seem concerned, and it makes you feel like a piece of shit. This guy is a gentleman and here you are on a date with him fantasizing about the brute that is Tom Ludlow. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You wave away his concern. “Tell me about you, Julian. What do you do for fun? Doctor-by-night, Violin-player-by-morning? 

He chuckles. “Nothing that cultured. I like riding motorcycles.”

“Really?” You ask, genuinely surprised and trying to imagine Julian in a gang of bikers with cracked leather skull and snake jackets. 

“I love them.” He nods. “I have three that I take for long rides along the coast. You get lost in it, the wind and salt and sand. The rumble of the engine under you.”

“I’ve never been on one,” you tell him, “and I’m honestly surprised you ride them after what we see in the ER. Don’t you remember that guy that had his calf hanging on by a tendon? Or that woman who had half her face missing?” 

“Yes, I do. But I go the speed limit and wear the proper gear. And I like the thrill.” 

It’s not just the casual t-shirt and worn jeans or the way the light halos his thick silk nest of hair or the roguish grin that makes you see Julian in an entirely new way, now. “You’re wild, Dr. Mercer.”

He licks spilled cream at the ridge of his coffee cup, rubs at the skin of your forearm with his fingers, and winks. You wonder what he would look like between your legs doing the same thing, except with your fingers gripping that luscious hair. 

“You should let me take you for a ride, sometime,” he suggests, and for a minute you forget you’re talking about motorcycles. 

“Oh, I don’t know, Julian.”

“C’mon.” He nudges your knee under the table and relaxes back into his seat, now reminding you too much of someone else you know. Same height, same hair color, same facial structure. 

Fuck. Really? 

“Good boyfriends take their girlfriends on long, romantic motorcycle rides.” 

“But you’re not my boyfriend.”

His smile droops a little bit and it makes you feel bad for being so illiterately ignorant. Well, you feel bad until he opens his mouth. “I am, though.”

He paints it playful, but it sounds a little bit pushy-bossy, even. “I don’t know about that, either, Julian.”

He tries a different angle. “You know, believe it or not, most women would consider me quite the catch.” 

You hope your face doesn’t betray the little bit of ick you get from him saying something so egotistical. “I don’t doubt it, and you deserve someone that can give you what you’re looking for.” 

“You think you can’t give me what I’m looking for?” He leans across the table in sudden intensity, and you balk at the notion. 

“No, I honestly don’t.”

“Why?”

You start to say something, but he cuts you off. “And, I really mean why? Why can’t you give me what I’m looking for? Enlighten me.” 

“I’m not-I have too much baggage.” You unconsciously lean away from his swelling intensity. 

“That’s a little vague.” He frowns. 

“I’m not normal, Julian. You seem like you would like normal women.” You cringe at the childish sentiment, but truly have no idea how to get the point across except for basically telling him that you’re a freak with a bad past and worse coping mechanisms. You eat slices of bread for dinner and drink out of the milk carton. Julian probably irons his shirts. This will not work. 

“You’re assuming I’m normal?”

“Yes. I guess I am.” You lean back and cross your arms over your chest. 

“Well, I’m not. In fact, I’ll prove it to you.” He takes out his wallet, pulls a laminated card from it, and slides it over the table to you. 

“What..” It’s a little red card framed in black with big bold letters on the front advertising a BDSM club in the heart of downtown Venice. “What is this?” 

“BDSM is bondage, domination-“

“I know what that is,” you interrupt. “I just meant.. You go here?”

“I do.” He nods and takes a drink. “I occasionally engage in scenes.”

You decide that you should coat your suddenly very dry mouth and drink a big gulp of your coffee. “Like with a dominatrix?”

He laughs at you, puts his head in his hand and shakes his head. “No. I prefer to be the dominant one.” 

You look at-really, really look at this man for the first time and honestly cannot imagine him taking that role. 

He must see the confusion on your face, because his laughter grows. “That’s the usual reaction I get.”

Curiosity killed the cat. Curiosity killed the-you know what, fuck it. 

“So, what do you do at the club?” 

“A typical play scene, you mean?” How in the hell he can be so casual and relaxed about this you’re not sure. Because you can already feel the cold sweat breaking along your shoulders and neck. 

“I guess? Yeah.”

“Well, ideally the woman is tied up in some fashion, and of course there’s a safe word, negotiated limits. Perhaps a punishment scenario with pain play. Are you okay?” 

He looks at your table-clutching, white knuckled hands, searches your face, giving you a genuine concerned expression that makes you wonder what actually is going on with you right now. You feel like you're on a tightrope over a ravine of crocodiles and Julian’s on the other end lazily sawing at the rope with dull scissors.

“I’m fine,” you say breathily, suddenly unable to meet his eyes. “Honestly, I’m not sure how I feel about all that.”

His gentle smile is nothing less than kind, though maybe also, a little disappointed. “I get that a lot too.”

“Is that…the only way you enjoy sex?” you ask quietly, leery of the blue-haired old lady just two tables away.

“No,” he seems happy to tell you. “Though it is…the way I enjoy sex most.”

You blink, digesting this with understandable trepidation. He’s basically telling you that it would be impossible to be in a relationship with him without dipping into this eventually. And you…? 

Are definitely intrigued, and you’re not really sure why.

“You said you have baggage,” Julien probes cautiously. You can feel him looking at you, but you’re not quite up to eye contact with him yet. You fix your gaze out the window. “Well, I do too. I haven’t had a perfect life. No one does, and I’m not interested in a perfect girlfriend. I like you, y/n.”

You feel your breath go out in an audible whoosh. It actually makes him smile-you feel it like rays of the sun. How can this man be so warm, and yet have such a dark side?

Well, maybe it’s not a dark side, you reason. Maybe it’s just…a thing he likes, and between consenting adults, what’s the harm?

“So…” You can’t help but think about how odd this is, discussing this in this coffee shop filled with mild-mannered caffeine addicts. What you really want to ask, is what happened to him that makes him like this kind of sexual play, but you know it would be too far, and you damn well don’t feel like talking about your own fucked up past. But there is something you do feel you have a right to know. “Is this something you want to do to me?” 

Again, he fixes you with that bad boy smirk that gives you chills and utterly ruins your panties. “Since the moment you stood up to me over that patient,” he admits. And maybe that should alarm you, that he wants to tie you up and hurt you for being defiant about something that deserved defiance. It does alarm you, but… It also… It sounds a little thrilling. “In fact-“

Julian and the rest of the world and even your own thoughts disappear when you meet a pair of familiar, sun tinted eyes out the window of the coffee shop. He’s grinning-when is he not grinning at you like he knows what it does to your helpless insides?-and licking his fingers, tearing off a yellow parking ticket to slap it under the windshield of Julian’s rental.

“Uh, Julian-“ 

“Just let me finish,” Julian insists. His bossy tone irritates you, but Tom brightens the mood by making a jerking off motion towards the doctor, and then winking at you. 

You can’t help but laugh. It’s honestly involuntary, the loud wheeze that tears from your chest and makes Julian look outside to see the yellow ticket shining under his wiper as Ludlow’s ass saunters away. 

You’re not sure what Julian’s plan is when he storms outside to catch Ludlow by the arm, but you’re definitely following ten strides behind to prevent his untimely death. 

“I’m parked legally.” His voice is a menacing growl instead of the smooth honey you’re used to, and yeah, maybe now you can see a little bit of that Dominant Persona he was talking about. 

“Not after 9AM,” Tom says, unbothered by Julian’s anger, still grinning like an idiot. 

“It’s eight-thirty,” Julian argues, tugging on Tom’s sleeve-that earns him a bent back arm and even the appearance of handcuffs. 

“Tom, stop it, fucking really?” 

“Sorry, honey, your boyfriend’s going to jail.” 

“For what?!” You and Julian both demand at once. 

“Putting his pristine fucking hands on what’s mine.” Tom tugs Julian up on his toes and clicks one handcuff into place. 

You hope he means his uniform, but you have a feeling he doesn’t. 

“That’s way too tight and you know it,” Julian grunts. 

“What, someone likes to dish it out but can’t take it? Don’t be a bitch,” Tom muses, grabbing Julian’s other arm and twisting it-not gently-behind his back. 

“Tom, you fucking dickhead.” 

He looks at you as he’s putting the other cuff on your date. “Oh, I’ll deal with you later.” His grin looks more like a snarl at this point, and you think that Julian could probably take some pretty good Dom pointers from Tom, because your heart is galloping and your clit is pulsing despite the absolute absurdity of the situation. Also-it's a miracle-your sassing mouth has snapped shut. 

After Officer Ludlow practically throws Dr. Mercer into the back of his Charger, slamming the door, he turns to you with a smirk and his thumb in his belt. Goddammit, if that fucking look doesn’t go straight to your lady parts.

“Tom…you cannot do this.” 

A tow truck has pulled up, and is in process of impounding the sweet little Porsche.

He steps up to you in those big black boots that make him a mile tall.

“You’d be surprised what I can and cannot do, sweetheart.”

“Please.” You hate how desperate you know you sound. 

He taps his chin. “Well, I do like the sound of that. But it would be a lot more convincing if you got on your knees and said it.”

“You asshole,” you seethe, even as you can feel the moisture pooling between your legs.

“That kinda language definitely isn’t going to get Doctor Bitch Boy out of my car.”

“What the fuck do you want then?” You know it was a stupid question the moment it flies from your mouth. He’s going to reply with something filthy, and demeaning, and-

“Have dinner with me.”

You’re going to need another tow truck just to get your jaw up off the ground. 

“You’re going to get in trouble for this,” you say. “This isn’t harassing a lowly broke-ass nurse. He is going to sue the shit out of you.”

Tom just snorts at that, unimpressed. “Did you know your friend likes to hang out at a BDSM club in Venice Beach? Whips and chains and shit? Bet this asshole has mommy issues from here to Pasadena. Come on, y/n, you don’t need that in your life.”

It almost sounds like he’s…worried about you?

Officer Ludlow has no idea how badly he’s misjudged you, now that he’s pissed you off. “Maybe I like it,” you snipe back, stretching up so you’re almost in his face. “Fact is, it’s none of your fucking business.”

Ludlow just narrows his eyes down at you, those dark orbs glinting like sharp obsidian. “Well, sorry, guess he’s not tying you up tonight, baby. He’s gotta cool down in the tank.”

He makes to go, but you reach out, not grabbing him, per se, but just touching his chest. He freezes, and you can practically feel him vibrating beneath your hand. With excitement, because he fucking lives for being an asshole, or…you hate to think you know the real answer.

His mitt of a hand covers yours, holding it just above his heart.

“Tom….” Caught up in this tension between you, you’re not even sure what you’re asking now. 

You expect him to say something dirty, or snide, but instead you swear that just for a moment, his gaze softens as he looks down at you. “Dinner?” he asks again, with a note of hope in his voice that is almost endearing, if he wasn’t being such a class A jerk.

“I can’t.”

His demeanor changes in less than a second, drawing up to his full height, his shoulders squared. He flicks down his sunglasses that were on his head, so you can no longer even see his eyes. His voice changes, drops an octave, something. The authority in it makes you shudder inside. “Wave to Dr. Bitch Boy, y/n, we’re going for a little ride.”

Before you can grab him, or do anything, really, Tom is behind the wheel, speeding off with a very pissed off Julian in the back seat.

Your heart drops to your feet as you are left standing there alone on the sidewalk without a ride, and completely at a loss as to what to do.

***

“I’m going to fucking sue you,” Julian grits, kicking the back of Tom’s seat for good measure. 

“Yeah, yeah, with your doctor money,” Tom grumbles, taking a big swig of coffee with one hand and steering recklessly with the other because it’s fun to watch that skinny fuck bounce around helplessly in the seat. 

“I’m not getting booked tonight, Officer Ludlow. I’m calling my fucking lawyer.”

“Sorry, Doctor Bitch, your Lawyer’s busy until tomorrow afternoon, didn’t you hear?”

“You son of a-“

Tom gasses the car over a big pothole and it sends Julian flying into the opposite door. It’s a sight he could almost get off to.

Julian, big goose egg swelling up on his temple, gets yanked out of the squad car and tossed on the shit smeared, needle peppered streets of South Central. “They probably need you here more than the hospital, Doctor. Have fun–”

“Wait! Fuck. I’m still cuffed for fuck’s sake!” Tom gives the little guy credit for being able to get up on his feet so fast with his hands behind his back and a probable minor concussion. “You can’t leave me here.”

Tom pauses with his hand on the lip of the hot car door, but only to memorize the sight of a sweat-stained, wild eyed, trembling distinguished doctor about to get his shit wrecked on the mean LA Streets. He’s guessing Julian’s never visited much outside of Hollywood, Venice, and Santa Monica, and the cute little horrified expression on his face is testament to that. 

Tom taps the hood of his car. “See ya, Doc.” 

“You know,” Julian says, “this isn’t going to stop me from seeing her, Tom.” 

Well, if he wants a fight. 

Tom slams the charger door, whips off his belt, backs Julian up until he falls on his ass into a steaming puddle of unknown origin, and loops the leather around his neck. 

He tugs him up by the belt, onto his toes, eliminating that fraction of height difference just so he can see the whites of this prick’s eyes. 

He doubles the wrap of the belt in his fist, and Julian sputters something unintelligible through a thick choke. 

“What’s wrong? Thought you liked this shit?” Tom pretends to wait for an answer that he prevents. “Oh, that’s right, you like being the one doing the choking. That gets your dick wet, huh? Beating on women?” 

He wants nothing more than to choke this fucker unconscious and leave him on the streets for the hepatitis rats to chew on his toes, and, fuck it, if he ends up passing out by the time Tom’s done saying his peace, then so be it. 

“You can see her all you want, asshole. Take her on as many dates as you like. But if I see one fuckin’ bruise on her-one red mark on that pretty skin-I’m gonna make the rest of your short life very fucking unpleasant. Comprende?” 

[uldahstreetrat]

Now, I am from Turkey and I cannot speak for all Southwest Asian, North African and South Asian people out there, I can only speak of what I've spotted based on the info I have. But Radz-at-han def has some Turkish influence. The lamps on the bazaar are absolutely same with the ones in Grand Bazaar (Kapalıçarşı). There's meyhane! A win for Turkey Iran and Balkans! Also Akyaali (ak yalı in Turkish) means white beach literally. And not to forget Kapikulu. And the npc names: i have spotted fantasty versions of some turkish names. Oh and... Karniyarik is from Turkey (means belly splitted literally bc you split the belly of the eggplant). Thavnair itself does not look like Turkey at all fauna/flora/climate wise.

Tho South Asian influence is also very prominent in Radz-at-han/Thavnair. I think there's a good amount of Mughal Empire inspo there. But I don't have enough info to talk about it. I'll leave it to South Asian folks! I also think there's Farsi inspo. (Satrap is a title of ancient Persian empire). Like I said, feel free to correct me if i'm wrong!

For Ala Mhigo, I would say it has much SWANA influence overall. Especially Levant is very visible for me. Arak being Levantine spirit for example. And Sumerian Ziggurats. Also "ala" prefix/article.

I've spotted Turkish influence ( imambayıldi being a turkish food)(ala mhigan gown having anatolian kilim motifs)(conquest war against the neighboring nations in the past)(visual inspo from eastern, southeastern and inner anatolia for example: Cappadocia, salt lake area and salt industry. Travertines next to M Tribe and Travertines in Pamukkale. Tho Turkey is not the ONLY visual inspo for the region there are many many other SWANA inspos like i said, for exp: ziggurats).

Disclaimer: No matter how much inspo they have from the real world, Ala Mhigo and Radz-at-han are fictional. The inspos overlap a lot and most of the times they're not clear-cut. And sometimes they do not reflect the real world. I only mentioned of the things I've spotted. However, South Asia, Southwest Asia and North Africa are very diverse and beautiful regions with diverse cultures, civilizations and peoples and I don't have sufficient info to talk about it all so I am sure there are many things I've missed out on Ala Mhigo and Thavnair that my fellow SWANA people and South Asian folks can point out! Also both of these fictional countries have inspirations from other cultures as well (like ala mhigan monks). After all, Turkey is only a part of the inspiration both for Ala Mhigo and Thavnair. But it made me incredibly happy to see it. And i hope the real world inspirations in this game made the others happy as well!

(linking to my original post on this convo so i dont lose it again lmao)

thank you so much for your thoughts on this anon I really adore hearing about where people have seen their own cultures within the game! I think it's so super cool and im so glad you shared with me!

[soular-sisters]

Gemini Season: Talkin’ For Hours 🗣️

hey guys, happy gemini season! 💗 amongst the many wonderful things the twin sign represents such as intelligence, flexibility, curiosity, & humor…. communication seems to be the major theme above all. our gems (gemini babies) love to connect & socialize through conversation very much, it stimulates their mind & therefore speaks to their soul. with that being said, gemini in our charts can show us what we love to chat about. **note: this is not the only placement that shows our communication, but it does show some of our favorite topics of conversation.

🗣️ Gemini in the 1st House: I love talking about self-improvement, personality traits you value in yourself, how to enhance your self-image, & ways to connect to your physical body (such as exercise, grounding techniques, etc.).

**you may love talking to: fitness gurus & people who have a strong sense of self.

🗣️ Gemini in the 2nd House: I love talking about how to grow your money, ways to invest in yourself, your favorite foods, & the glamorous part of life (luxurious hotels, expensive restaurants, etc.).

**you may love talking to: financially wise people & beauty gurus.

🗣️ Gemini in the 3rd House: I love talking about your community (can be where your live or even your community of like-minded people), your favorite works of writing, updates in your friend group, & lessons you’ve learned in life.

**you may love talking to: your social group & your classmates.

🗣️ Gemini in the 4th House: I love talking about your family, things that bring you comfort (comfort foods, comfort movies, etc.), your childhood memories, & your hometown.

**you may love talking to: your relatives & your childhood friends.

🗣️ Gemini in the 5th House: I love talking about your children, your creative interests (writing, films, etc.), wild dating stories, & your favorite trends in fashion.

**you may love talking to: your romantic interests & people who inspire your creatively.

🗣️ Gemini in the 6th House: I love talking about mental health, the latest trends in health and wellness, crazy work stories, & habits you want to improve (waking up earlier, eating healthier, etc.).

**you may love talking to: your coworkers & people who encourage you to live a healthy lifestyle.

🗣️ Gemini in the 7th House: I love talking about your favorite relationships, good ways to balance conflict, your ideal partner traits, & your romantic fantasies (where you want to get married, your dream relationship, etc.).

**you may love talking to: your significant other & your best friend.

🗣️ Gemini in the 8th House: I love talking about your intimate experiences, occult subjects (tarot, divination, etc.), your turn-ons, & taboo secrets people share with you.

**you may love talking to: your intimate partners & spiritual gurus.

🗣️ Gemini in the 9th House: I love talking about adventure ideas (beautiful hikes, scenic routes, etc.), philosophical theories, foreign cultures, & places you want to explore.

**you may love talking to: foreign people & well-studied philosophers.

🗣️ Gemini in the 10th House: I love talking about your career, your reputation, personal career goals you want to reach (promotions, higher pay, etc.), & ways to improve your public image.

**you may love talking to: your boss & your business partners.

🗣️ Gemini in the 11th House: I love talking about your friendships, positive social movements that matter to you, your biggest dreams (career dreams, ideal life, etc.), & ways you want to make good change in the world.

**you may love talking to: your friends & social organizations.

🗣️ Gemini in the 12th House: I love talking about healing, spiritual conversations (intuition, the metaphysical, etc.), your hidden feelings, & the meaning of your dreams.

**you may love talking to: the spirit realm & energy healers.

thank you so much for all your love & support! 🤍 also, we are currently running an astro giveaway!!!! winners will receive free personalized chart descriptions & tarot readings. click here to follow the instructions to enter astro giveaway 🔮

i appreciate all of the love on my creative instagram: @dredivinecreates 🤍

[nexionswild]

IN WHICH MANEATER!reader admits their feelings for the van der linde boys. [p.2] [p.1]

includes: charles ∿ lenny ∿ sean ∿ bill

content warning: fluff, a little angsty in bill’s part, no pronouns [GN]

a/n: i think half of them are so ooc nd im so sorry omdgshjq i’m still trying to figure out how to write for lenny and sean but i promise i’ll get better with time 🦾

✦ ﹒ charles smith

you caught him off guard, that's for sure..

charles is used to being perceived as intimidating and scary, considering his origins and his size, but that's what you like about him.

he never noticed how you'd stare lovingly whenever he'd explain his cultural way of hunting down animals or practice some other things.

and you never noticed how much he had to turn his head away when he saw you flirting men according to dutch's plan. but charles have dignity, and would admit to have found himself jealous every time you'd coo love words out of those pretty lips of yours.

probably needs time to acknowledge that you're dead serious about this relationship, and really looking forward to it. he's not against it tho, he's just.. surprised.

be ready because those massive hands of his are never leaving your waist the moment he gracefully accepts your confession. like never ever. and he doesn't have any shame either, and maybe he'll refrain from being too much of a sweetie in camp for your sake, given you can be easily embarassed if he surprise you with his loving demeanour, but he won't hold back as soon as the gang members are away.

"my mother taught me all the ways to treat a lover.. i hope it'll meet your expectations."

unfiltered romantic. it makes you blush how much he says the most romantic thing out of pocket and pretend like that never happened.

your name is the only thing that comes out of his mouth every now and then, you know because arthur keeps mentioning how much charles talks about you as if you were the only beautiful thing that's plaguing his mind.

✦ ﹒ lenny summers

lenny is so flustered, i'm sorry, god, he's baby

he probably stammered like a fool after you confessed, why wouldn't he? you're perfect, so perfect and he's just some kid, trying to be a big bad outlaw. perhaps that's what you like about him. he's nervous like a little kitty, and lord knows how much nervous men makes your day.

"i- i.. ahem.. yes, yes, of course!"

you made him so embarassed, i hope you're proud of yourself.

he'll struggle telling you how jealous he felt, it didn't really struck his mind first before you even confessed, i mean, sure he did think you were charming, but he never really bat an eye at your work.

he only got feelings because you were fun to listen to, you didn’t notice how he’d watch you every time you went on your drunken rants. it’s only recently that you found out according to karen.

for most of the part, lenny would rely on you. i mean you can’t blame him, you’re popular. in a way, you are, you’re like dutch. you have a lot of contacts, and charisma, he’s been a bystander. he’s pretty awkward, he doesn’t know what to do, but you find it cute, somehow.

of course, he’ll start to man up eventually when he feels more confident by the time you’ve shown him what you’re most comfortable with in terms of love languages, and he easily adapts himself to it. i mean, he absolutely loves spending time with you, and the amount of patience you put in for him really melts his heart in a way, but he’ll never admit it. ever.

depending on what you’re most comfortable with, lenny would gladly ride all the way to saint-denis for the simple wish of getting you something expensive, or even bring you along with him so you get to choose what you want. something he didn’t expect to see is you using your flirtatious ways of getting an item for free.

“you really know how to fool a man.. please don’t make a fool out of me.”

✦ ﹒ sean macguire

“ha! i knew ya’d fall for me!”

absolutely did not know you’d fall for him.

sean likes to be confident, at least he likes to appear confident. but often mix things up with arrogance, and if you were to call him out on that, he would tone it down a little. he doesn’t mean to be rude to you, he’s genuinely happy, he just doesn’t know how to properly express it.

sean have a loud mouth, and he didn’t hide the fact that he was getting irritated when men were attracted to you, often times he’d be barked at by arthur or john for fucking up your plan for being jealous. he never understood it, he thought he was being a gentleman chasing those creeps away.

he’s a comedian, on accident. you don’t know how to describe it but there’s something really sweet in seeing him ramble to the point where he’s humorous like that. you guess that’s how you fell for him. sean is so honest. and so dumb, too.

what you most love, is when he gets drunk. that’s where he starts to be overwhelmingly affectionate. and the gang teases you about it, but you couldn’t care less. he’s adorable that way! why would you make fun of something as precious as his honesty? especially when he’s slurring on his words, too?

he’s not a charmer with words, and he knows it. that’s why the best he could do to prove his love is by teasing or joking around with you, he’s trying his best.

“these english men keeps bullyin’ ya… just tell me! i’ll shoot ‘em right between thei’ eyes, yeah?”

he wants to look strong and fearless for you, he wants to impress you in every way he can. sometimes, you’d see him getting angry about the fact that he lost something, wether i’d be a fist fight or a game, but the moment he sees you, he gets embarrassed.

you’re the only one who can reassure him that what he failed to achieve doesn’t matter much, the effort is more important.

✦ ﹒ bill williamson

doesn’t believe you. at all.

bill was always made fun of, or teased by others to get a rise out of him. and he doesn’t believe you, because he thinks it’s just another way to make him mad. but he can’t help and think how evil this is, using you, someone he truly admire, to pick on him?

when you insist that you’re not joking, bill starts to get angry. not at you, but it’s just the way he is, he’s trying his best but he’s still in doubt.

given your reputation with men, and how many times he have to ignore you on duty, he just think it’s purely for the entertainment of seeing him falling like a fool. williamson is someone who’s not joking around, and that you know.

“if you love me, why would you?” he snaps. then immediately regrets. he doesn’t wanna lash it out on you, and he’d drink himself to death if he’s actually convinced that you love him that way.

he wants to apologize, but no words are leaving his mouth. and there’s an unbearable amount of pressure on his shoulders by this point, but when you take your time and explain to him the reason behind your fondness, he softens up a tad.

you had the patience to deal with him, surely you were serious?

“fine. i believe you. but i’m warning you, if this is some sick joke, i’ll—… i’ll…”

he won’t do anything.

for the past few weeks, you’ve been awfully affectionate towards him to prove your point. and he complains about it, tho he secretly enjoy having your full undivided attention. every time dutch planned to take him for a mission, you’ve been prepping his saddle and equipments, and when he came back, you’ve welcome him back with your arms open.

and while you were acting like some kind of stay-at-home spouse, bill would be silently protective over you. when you have to talk to men and women and fake another of your identity to wrap them around your finger, bill would silently sit at a table nearby and watch carefully, making sure no one lays a finger on you.

and when you thank him for his care through kisses, all you hear are grumbling noises and a little “you’re welcome”.

he’s just an angry worked up man, but you love him for it. (surprisingly!)

[inmyicyworld]

Wakanda pt. 2

pt. 1

Summary: Bucky's trigger words are being removed and you finally talk about your feelings.

Word count: 5k.

Warnings: Bucky's trigger words, smut and fluff, a pinch of angst, unprotected sex, oral sex (f receiving), nipple play, size kink?, dirty talk, pet names.

Author's note: so it's the second part of this work. Also, I did some research this time about Bucky's clothes that he was wearing in BP. I read some things about African culture, and I believe that his red piece of clothing is called a shuka. Please correct me if I'm wrong!

Btw, my inbox is open, so y'all can share your ideas or whatever🤍

*English is not my first language, sorry if you find any mistakes*

I posted it again because the first time it didn’t show up in any tags

masterlist my ao3 ko-fi

After that night, you woke up with Bucky holding you tightly to his chest, and it was really one of the best mornings you even had. But unfortunately, Fury called you not so long after because apparently you were the only one who was able to do that mission. 

You two didn’t have enough time to talk about whatever happened between you, and after almost the whole month passed by without any contact, you finally got a call from Shuri, who told you that in a couple of days Ayo is going to officially remove trigger words from Bucky, and if everything goes well, he’ll get a new arm and will be a free man. 

Sitting in a quinjet a few miles away from Wakanda, you felt nervous as hell. You didn’t know what Bucky felt toward you. Were your feelings mutual? Was it just sex for him? Or maybe he regretted everything and wanted to be your friend again. 

Honestly, you wouldn’t be able to handle that. After that night, after you finished your mission and were again alone in your room, the aching feeling in your chest made you want to cry. You wanted Bucky with every piece of your body, and living for a month with a million questions and scenarios was too tough. 

When you finally landed, one of the Dora Milages met you to guide you to the place of the ceremony. It was in the woods, far away from the city and anyone’s eyes. At first, you saw Ayo, who only nodded to you with a small smile. 

But then your eyes fell on him. 

Bucky was already looking at you, and you didn’t quite understand how he felt about your presence. He was sitting near the fire in his usual Wakandian clothes and with a cute messy bun. The fire in front of him danced on his face, and he looked so beautiful but scared and nervous at the same time. It took everything in you not to run closer and hug him. 

Bucky couldn’t believe that you were really there. You came to Wakanda for him, to support him in such an important moment, even though you didn’t have to. You looked gorgeous as always, and the soft smile on your face calmed his overthinking mind. Mumbling a quiet “hey” under your breath, you saw the soft smile blossoming on Bucky’s face and his lips slightly moving as he said it back to you

“Are you ready, James?” Ayo interrupted your silent conversation with each other and came close to Bucky. 

“Are you sure about this?” Bucky looked at the fire, now feeling scared because of this whole situation again. He couldn’t fight the feeling that there was no chance for him to heal and that the piece of the Winter Soldier was forever immortalized in his brain. 

“I won’t let you hurt anyone.” Bucky’s worried eyes slipped back to you for a second, as if the thought of you being there when everything might go wrong scared him the most. He just slightly nodded back to Ayo and took a deep breath.

Honestly, you had never heard or even read Bucky’s trigger words because they created a weird, disgusting feeling in your stomach, so when Ayo started to say them, it sent goosebumps down your spine.

Желание.

Your blood froze in your veins by the way Bucky’s face expression changed. His eyes were glued to one spot, and any piece of that soft and warm look that he had for you disappeared.

Ржавый.

Семнадцать.

“This is not gonna work.” His body started to tremble, overwhelmed with the emotions and memories of his past. 

Рассвет. 

Печь.

Девять.

Bucky’s eyes filled with tears, and he gripped his clothes in his right hand to control his body. You silently cried with him, praying to whoever was up there to let this man be free. You knew that he was strong and that he could fight against people who messed up his head, and seeing that he was not giving up made you feel so warm and proud inside.

Добросердечный. 

Возвращение на родину. 

Один.

Грузовой вагон.

“You are free.” You deeply inhaled, only then realizing that you had held your breath. Bucky completely broke down with Ayo’s words, looking to the ground with tears running down his face.

Ayo looked at you, and that was everything you needed to rush closer to Bucky. You fell to your knees right on the ground in front of him, wrapping your hands around his shoulders and bringing his head to your neck. He sank into you, crying harder and gripping the back of your shirt with his hand. 

“I’m so proud of you. I’m so, so proud of you, James. You did amazing.” Your soothing voice filled his ears while you held him close to you with one hand and rubbed his back with another. 

“‘M sorry.” The hot breath touched your neck when Bucky started to mumble and apologize with a shaky voice. 

You pushed him back by his shoulders and immediately put your hands on his face when you saw the panic on his face. “No. No, Bucky. There’s nothing to be sorry for, okay? I’m here for you. You are so strong, and I’m so proud that you fought back and got rid of these stupid words. You can live a normal life now, and I’ll be there for you as long as you want me to.” Your fingers wiped the tears, not missing how Bucky leaned into your touch.

“Thank you for coming here. It means everything to me. I missed you so much.” He was clearly unsure whether he should say it or not, but you gave him another soft smile, feeling how the tension left his body a little bit.

“I missed you too, Buck.” Your faces moved closer, eyes glued to each other's lips. Bucky almost kissed you, but this little intimate moment was interrupted by the voice of Wakanda’s princess. 

“Sorry to disturb your peace, but me and my brother have a little present here. And I’m not a fan of looking at other people making out, by the way.” Your face got hot when you looked back and saw Shuri, T'Challa, and Dora Milaje all staring at you. 

Bucky quickly stood up, helping you get up from your knees and then leaning lower to dust off your knees. He looked back at you with a frown on his cute face, as if only then he realized that you had been standing on the ground this whole time. You only grabbed his right hand and bit your lip, trying to hold on to your growing smile. 

You led Bucky closer to everyone, and when two women brought a large vibranium box, put it in front of Bucky, you freed his only arm, putting your left hand on his lower back in a supportive gesture.

“Congratulations, White Wolf.” T’Challa nodded his head, and one of Dora Milaje’s stepped in front of the case and opened it, revealing Bucky’s new arm. 

It was truly beautiful. Slik dark vibranium arm with golden pieces. 

“It’s completely my design. This arm is much better than the last one; it’s stronger, it has some cool options, and you can take it off whenever you want to. But what is more important is that I worked hard and found a way to connect it to the nerves so you can feel everything. Not as good as the real one, of course, but still.” Shuri said with her hard accent, obviously being really proud of her own masterpiece. You couldn't hold back the tears, overwhelmed with the fact that she made it for Bucky and didn't ask for anything in return. 

“I can feel?” Bucky’s voice almost broke, and you came closer, pressing your body against his back. “Thank you. Thank you so much, Shuri. And you too, T’Challa. I can't express how grateful I am that you allowed me to stay in Wakanda and are now giving me this.” 

“It’s an honor, Sergeant Barnes. So do you want to try it on?” 

Dora Milaje easily lifted what looked like a really heavy arm; Bucky rolled up his clothes, and, with a quick motion, it was connected with his shoulder. He stayed silent for a few seconds as if he were getting used to the feeling, but then he rotated it 360 degrees, and you heard the soft swirling of the plates. 

He looked down at his new hand, clenching and unclenching his fist, moving each finger, and you stared at this in awe. 

“Can I... hurt someone with it unintentionally?” His eyes quickly shot to you before looking back at Shuri. A smirk appeared on her face, and she exchanged knowing looks with her brother. 

“No. Speaking in simple terms, it’s connected to your brain. Like your right arm, the brain just sends electrical impulses there. If you have no intention of doing something, it won’t happen. I promise this.”  

“Well, I think we can finish it here. You both can be guests here as long as you want to; our country is always open for you. Have a great night.” T’Challa lowered his head, and you mumbled a little ‘thank you’, and after that, you and Bucky were left alone near the fire. 

You felt the tension between you two as you both stayed silent. But what were you doing, for fuck’s sake? It shouldn’t be awkward. You were best friends, and even if you had feelings for him, nothing changed. 

“Can you show me?” You stretched your right hand, waiting for Bucky to feel confident enough to allow you to touch his new vibranium arm. He looked at you curiously, with a hint of fear and insecurity. “It’s just me, Buck, remember?” 

He deeply inhaled before putting his left hand in yours; his eyes were staring at your face, closely looking at your reaction. 

Your hands wrapped around his vibranium wrist, holding it gently and getting used to the feel of the smooth metal. Your right hand went higher to trace golden plates with your fingers, absolutely stunned by their beauty.

 “I– I can feel your touch.” Bucky got a lump in his throat because of your gentle movements and how softly you treated him, even though he didn’t deserve it. It wasn’t exactly how he felt with the right hand, but it was something. The thought of finally being able to hold you and hug you sent a warm feeling through his stomach.

“You deserve it, James. I’m so happy for you.” One of your hands flew back to Bucky’s face, and you bit your lip when the feeling of the moment that you two shared before you were disturbed came back to you.

Bucky once again leaned into your touch, showing how much trust he had for you, while his eyes never left your beautiful, lit by the warm light of fire, face. He stepped closer, finally realizing how much he needed to feel you again. Since that day, almost a month ago, he has thought about you non-stop. Even if the rational part of his brain told him that you just couldn’t call or visit him whenever you wanted, he still convinced himself that it meant nothing to you. That it was a mistake, because how could you possibly want him, out of all people?

But now you've come back. You came here again to visit him on such an important day. You supported him, you touched his metal hand without fear, and you were staring at him in that weird way that made Bucky weak in the knees. 

He didn’t know what to do or how to talk about that night in his hut, but when he nervously licked his lip and your eyes immediately shot there, Bucky couldn’t think straight anymore.

Before you could even process what was going on, Bucky’s hands were on each side of your face, dragging you higher and closer. His slightly chapped lips attacked yours, moving quickly and almost desperately. You were taken aback, but you didn’t mind, kissing him with no less passion. Your tongues were connected, dancing around each other, making you both moan and trying to get your bodies as close as possible. 

It was overwhelming—too hot to handle, actually. If you thought that you just missed Bucky, then during the kiss, your mind and your body screamed for him to take you right on the spot. You needed him closer—on top of you, inside of you. 

You suddenly moaned into the kiss, remembering how fucking good it felt to be so full of him. Bucky freed your face, instead finnally gripping your waist and hips, pressing you closer to his hard chest. 

“Bucky– James, please, I want you so bad.” You whined, clinging onto his shoulders. He pulled his face away, licking his lips to get more of your taste, and when you locked your eyes again, your body tensed, and you unconsciously started to squeeze around nothing.

You both already looked so messy, with red cheeks and hot skin. Bucky stayed silent for a moment, still getting used to being able to hold you with both arms.

“Are you sure, doll? I don’t want you to regre–” 

“No, no, Bucky. I won’t regret it. The last time was the best fucking night of my life. I wish I could stay, but you know that they didn’t allow me. I missed you, and I thought about it so much that it’s embarrassing to admit.” You blurred out. Bucky’s hands tightened around you at your confession, and he nodded more to himself.

“C’mon, my hut is not far away.”

It was really not far away, but still, while Bucky was leading you by your hand, you almost fell. You were just so mesmerized by his strong back that you completely forgot to look under your feet in the almost complete darkness. Bucky’s reflections helped you stay on your feet, and mumbling something like “It’s faster that way, anyway,” he casually lifted you off the ground, making you wrap around him like a koala around the tree. His right arm was under your ass, and the metal one was protectively lying on your waist. 

It was so effortless for him, as if your weight was nothing, and it made you even more wet and excited than the kiss. 

In just a few minutes, Bucky got to his hut, turning on the small light and closing the door. He dropped you down but didn’t let you go far away. 

“You can’t imagine how much I want you, Y/N. Even before our first time. You are so beautiful, so gorgeous, fuck.” He dragged you closer, connecting your foreheads. Your chest felt tight after his words, and you gently rubbed his bearded cheek.

“I want you the same way. Since the day we became friends. I wish you could see yourself the way I do.” You mumbled, not breaking eye contact.

Bucky shook his head, but then leaned closer and connected your lips. It was much softer, without a rush. You both were just enjoying the feeling, happy to be in each other's arms again. You grabbed his clothes, not ending your kiss, and started to go back until you felt the pile of soft blankets on the floor. You then lowered both of your bodies and laid back, so Bucky was now on top of you.

He stopped kissing you and pulled away to look at you. 

It was and felt much different than your first time. He was on top of you, holding himself with his left arm near your head. Even if Bucky knew that you truly didn’t care about it, the fact that he was now capable of pleasing you and treating you the way you deserved made him feel a little bit better about himself. 

Bucky’s eyes slowly checked your whole body, from your pretty eyes and plump, swollen lips down to the soft skin of your legs. He couldn’t help himself and put his large and warm hand on your left thigh, then traced your whole body as if it were his first time. You were shivering under his eyes and touch, but you still didn’t move and let him do what he needed too. 

You understood how hard it was for Bucky to be almost without control the last time you were together. He needed to feel in charge after everything he had gone through, and you didn’t mind letting him do whatever he wanted with you.

“Let me take care of you, doll. Please.” He almost whispered, looking back at your face.

“Do you remember what I told you the last time? You can have me, Bucky.” You put your hands around his body, feeling tensed muscles under his clothes.

I promise that when you get your new arm, I’ll let you fuck me however you want to, okay? 

Bucky growled when he remembered the exact words you told him. 

He caught your lips in a kiss again, rubbing your thigh with his hand and then getting it higher until it rested on your breast, covered in a bra. His mouth moved lower, slightly pinching and biting the tender skin of your neck and collarbones. At the same time, he dragged the cups of your bra lower, finally getting to your boobs. Two fingers took your sensetive nipple in them, slightly pressing on it and making your body shake. Your fingers slid up on his body until you were able to bury them in the soft brown locks.

“So sensitive, hm?” His hot breath on your chest made you unconsciously nod in agreement, and you could swear that you felt how Bucky’s lips curled up in a smirk. “I need to take it off.” 

Suddenly, he was not lying on top of you anymore but sitting in between your legs with both hands on your thighs. He looked flushed and had that kind of shine in his eyes that you had never seen before.

Bucky’s hands moved higher, pulling up the shirt over your head and throwing it somewhere on the floor. Then he looked at your bra, but didn’t do anything.

“You can take it off, Buck. If you remember how to do it, old man.”

The tension in Bucky’s body immediately vanished after your joke, and his brows flew to his hair. 

“Well, then you fuck with an old man, sweetheart. And I do remember how to do it.” He proved his point by sliding his hand behind your back and, with one swift motion, unclipping your bra. “Shit, I almost forgot how good they looked.” 

His hands hesitated for a few seconds, and when you saw that slightly distant look in his eyes creeping back, you decided to slightly push him. 

“Give me your hands, Bucky. Both of them.” He looked at you unsurely but still obeyed your request.

“I’m not sure—”

You completely ignored his words, instead taking both wrists into your hands and placing Bucky’s hands on your boobs. The feeling of cold metal made you hiss, but it felt good against your flushed and sensitive skin.

“Do you remember what Shuri said? You won’t hurt me until it’s your intention. And you don’t want to do it, do you?” You playfully arched an eyebrow, already knowing the answer.

“No, God, no, doll. I would never, I swear.”

“Then I want you to properly touch me with both of your hands and finally take off your damn clothes.”

“You’re hot when you're being bossy.” Following your instructions, he finally gave in and started to play with your hard nipples with his thumbs. His head lowered back to your chest, and then his hot mouth was sucking and gently licking your nipple while the metal hand took care of the other one.

It felt amazing and addictive. You couldn’t control your moans and the way your hips tried to rub onto something, but only met with Bucky’s lower stomach. You were desperate to get more without feeling shame grinding on his torso, and finally, when Bucky was satisfied with giving attention to your boobs, he went lower, kissing your belly down to your shorts.

“Need to taste you, doll. Please let me do it.” You just nodded, and it was everything Bucky needed to quickly drag your shorts and panties down your legs and lay flat on his stomach, trowing your legs over his shoulders. 

Your mouth slightly opened at this picture. You would’ve never thought that Bucky Barnes, your best friend and deadliest assassin, would be in between your legs, asking to taste you.

He didn’t hesitate, instantly diving in and licking a long stripe across your folds. You both moaned. Your head fell back, and Bucky gripped your thighs only tighter to hold you close. He was obviously enjoying it himself. You felt it in the way he circled his tongue around your clit, then went lower and put it in you to get every drop of your juice; by the way he was slightly moving your hips, as if he just wanted you to ride his face; and by the way he moaned into your soaking core when your hand slipped into his long hair and gripped them.

Your orgasm came quick and unexpected, washing all over you and making you desperately moan and squeeze your thighs around Bucky’s head. He licked you softly and gently, helping you to go through it but still wanting to taste your sweet cream.

“S’ pretty, baby. Can spend here all fucking day, I swear.” His face and beard looked soaking wet, but he didn’t seem to mind when the self-satisfied grin appeared on his lips. 

You thought that you liked him that way. You felt good that you were able to bring it out of him, even for some time. Bucky looked different, as he forgot about everything else in the world and even about things that happened just an hour ago. He looked younger and happier, and you bit your lip to not smile like an idiot.

Bucky moved higher up your body, kissing you again. You moaned into his mouth as soon as you tasted yourself on his lips, while your hands started wandering around his body and trying to feel more bare skin. Finally, you unfastened his belt and were able to take off his red shuka, revealing pretty and tanned skin that you hadn't had a chance to see fully the last time. 

He moved away, watching your face while your soft hands touched his skin. You were so delicate, tracing with your fingers from his abs to his left shoulder. Bucky’s body shivered when you finally reached the rough, bumpy skin covered in scars. Besides the Wakandian doctors, you were the first person he allowed to see that, and the fact that your face didn’t show any sign of disgust or fear almost brought Bucky to tears.

“You're really beautiful, Bucky; you know that?” Even in the dark light of the room, you could see the pink flush covering his cheeks. “C’mere, I want you.” You dragged him back on top of you, kissing his soft lips. Bucky finally got rid of his clothes with a free hand, and when you felt the weight of his hard cock on the lower part of your belly, you instantly moaned into the kiss. 

Bucky’s flesh hand gripped your thighs, lining his own perfectly that way, so his cock was sliding back and forth on your wet core. You wanted to continue kissing him, but it was hard to concentrate when his tip bumped into your still-sensitive clit every single time. 

“B-bucky…” 

“Fuck, I missed your moans. Baby—so wet for me, huh? Can just easily slip in…” There were only a few inches between your faces, and your lips were touching with each word, but your head was so light and fuzzy with the stimulation that the only thing that you were able to think of was his dick inside of you.

“Please, Bucky, please, I need you inside.” Your legs wrapped around Bucky’s waist, pulling him closer, and your hands were tightly holding his shoulders.

Bucky bumped his nose into yours in an affectionate way, and the next thing you felt was the way he slowly entered you. 

Your eyes rolled back with the loud gasp escaping your mouth. Bucky growled in your neck, settling in and stretching you out so deliciously. His hand probably left fingerprints on your delicate skin, but he just couldn’t control himself with the way your wet pussy was so welcoming and warm around him. 

“My good girl. Fuck, I won’t let you leave again; you’re mine now, baby.” Bucky quickly pulled himself together, standing on his knees in between your legs, and finally started moving. 

He didn’t hesitate when both of his hands held you tightly in place, so you wouldn’t move with every thrust of Bucky’s hips. He set the perfect steady rhythm, pushing his cock all the way in and then drugging it out so only the tip would stay inside.

You were just a moaning and whining mess, trying to find anything to hold onto. Bucky was standing over you, and as much as you wanted to enjoy his pretty face and perfect body, your eyes were hazy, and you couldn’t really concentrate on anything. 

“That’s right, baby. Feel so good ‘round my cock, takin’ me so well, fuck!” A quick look at the place where the two of you connected almost made Bucky instantly cum. You looked much smaller than him; your pussy gripped his cock so hard, and he was basically drenched in your wetness.

Bucky stretched his right arm to squeeze your nipple, and the change in the angle of his body made the base of his cock touch your clit with every thrust. You couldn’t control the volume of your moans when you dug your nails into Bucky’s arm, and your legs started shaking from the coming orgasm. 

“Bucky, ah—don’t stop, I’m gonna cum! Please!” 

“Cum with me, babydoll, just let it go.” He didn’t stop. He fucked you even harder and faster, moaning your name out loud. You both were in your little bubble, touching each other, scratching and moaning, trying to reach your highs.

It didn’t take you long to fall over the edge. You whined, arching your back from the floor, as your vision became white with a loud noise in your ears. The way you were spasming around him brought Bucky to his final, and not being able to hold himself anymore, he filled you up with his semen, collapsing on top of your body.

You both were quiet for some time—maybe minutes or even hours. Your mind was floating somewhere because the heavy and warm body on top of you made you feel incredibly safe and comfy. Only when Bucky slightly moved away and brushed sweaty baby hairs from your forehead did you open your eyes.

He was flushed and sweaty too, but he had the biggest smile you’ve seen on his face.

Bucky couldn’t help but stare at your pretty face with dreamy eyes. You were so perfect—literally the best human being in the world—and right now you were with him. You accepted everything he had done; you showered him with your attention and your kindness, even before this happened and when you were best friends.

He wondered who you were for him now.

After that, he couldn’t be your friend anymore. Not when he saw you naked, kissed you, or heard you moaning his name. Even if before Bucky tried to silence the voice in his head and lock away his heart, it was impossible to do now. Lost in his head, his mouth finally worked on it’s own, saying things that were created by his stupid brain. 

“I love you.” 

Bucky froze in your hands, as if he had surprised even himself with those words, but you didn’t let him pull away and become distant again. You grabbed his face and couldn’t hold back your bright smile.

“I love you too, Buck. I’ve been in love with you for so long.” Bucky couldn’t believe his ears and stared at you in pure disbelief.

“I—but I didn’t say anything before because I didn’t want to ruin everything between us.” Your foreheads touched as you both closed your eyes to enjoy each other's presence.

“Well, me too. I guess we’re both just stupid.” You chuckled. 

“Yeah, definitely.” Bucky smiled back at you before he closed an inch between your faces and kissed you again. Sweetly and softly, this time showing you all of the emotions that he kept for you.

“So what’s next? What do you want to do? You are free now.” Bucky fell near you on the floor, pulled you closer to his chest, and deeply inhaled.

“I don’t know... I like to be here, but I want to go back to New York, to Brooklyn, and I want to be with you.” 

“Then stay in the compound. Stay with us. Stay with me. We can spend a few more days in Wakanda and then go back to New York. I bet that Steve and even Sam miss you.” Your fingers traced the lines on his stomach, and you looked up to see Bucky's reaction to your words.

“Okay, doll. Let’s do it. I'll be happy to do whatever you want to, as long as you're with me.” Bucky kissed the top of your head, tightening his hand around your back, and you nuzzled deeper into his body, finally being happy and calm.

[l3viat8an]

Hola Ro 🥰

This is gonna be a mouthful but...

Thinking about Human! College au! Dorm neighbor! Beel and Belphie gets like 5 seconds of this lmao

Oc he's still a big eater but imma tone it*way* down cuz he human.

This bitch is the best cook in the entire dormitory. Like there is no broke college boy here because in addition to his job he sells lunch/dinner plates. They're reasonably priced but he sells so many that his profits are pilin' up Belphie has to help pack and deliver the trays.

Just imagine you move into your new dorm and before you even unpack your first item, there's a soft knock on the door. You open it up and you're honestly surprised at how far back you have to tilt your head to see the smiling face of this ginger. You studder a bit as you greet him and he smiles back warmly. "Hey! I'm Beelzebub, but you can call me Beel. I'm a Junior here" He smiles lifting up a tray "Brought over some lasagna, thought you might enjoy it" Oh! So that's what that gigantic tray he's holding has in it! Accepting the tray with a little smile you swear it weighs like 5 pounds. "Thanks... Uh, Would you like to join me? I couldn't possibly eat this much lasagna alone" He tilts his head slightly "You don't have a dormmate?" You shake you're head in response and Beel frowns a little bit. "I bet that's pretty lonely." He shakes his head and then smiles brightly again. "Well feel free to come by our dorm any time. I'll introduce you to my roommate tomorrow"

Beel comes in and the two of you eat lasagna together on your futon with box tables like a scene from a movie and you're taken aback by how much he eats. The tray of lasagna is finished in just under half an hour and you converse for a bit, complimenting him on his culinary skills and talking about classes and schedules. Eventually, he heads back to his dorm because whatever he was cooking in the pressure cooker is done and he needs to go pack meal trays. You offer to help as a thank you for the lasagna and he accepts joking about Belphie needing his beauty sleep anyways.

This becomes a regular thing for the two of you and Belphie is honestly grateful that his naps no longer need to be cut short. And surprisingly Beel's sales go up because you bring the flavors of your culture to the little business. Eventually it grows so much that Beel can quit his job and expenses are still fully covered.

Cutting to the list part of the hcs lmao

𓆦 Beel who finds himself a bit flustered as mix and chop ingredients, occasionally lifting a little spoon to his lips for him to sample the flavor. Admiring the cute satisfied face you make when tells you the flavor is perfect.

𓆦 Beel who eventually gets bold enough to lick a little bit of batter of your cheek, chuckling as your cheeks turn pink from his actions

𓆦 Beel who buys/makes lots of cream filled treat because he loves how a little bit always spills out of the corners of your mouth when you take too big of a bite. Imagining is his cum spilling out of your mouth instead of just the cream of a pastry

𓆦 Beel who jerks off in his room at 1 in the morning because he can't stop thinking about how your small hands were wrapped around the piping bag as the two of you iced mini cakes together. Wondering what it would be like for them to be wrapped around his cock instead. Belphie eventually knocking on his room door, telling him to be quite because the walls are thin and you can probably hear him from inside your dorm.

𓆦 Belphie who visits you in your dorm asking you to please just fuck Beel already because he has to deal with Beel's horny ass all day, every day.

𓆦 Beel who takes you on a proper date before he even tries to make a move on you because he wants to be a gentleman

My fingers are dead from typing this (´༎ຶ ͜ʖ ༎ຶ `)♡

~🍒

Nsfw content MDNI

🍒!!!!!! I have no words oh fuckkkkk-

𓆦 Very silly first thing but Beel who has a poster of Garfield eating lasagna in his kitchen :))

𓆦 Beel who during your date (if you went out for a change) sends a quick texts to Belphie telling him to get out so he can get laid-

𓆦 Beel who is the perfect gentleman throughout your whole date!!! Even asking before he kisses you because he doesn’t want to move too fast…

𓆦 Beel who can’t and won’t stop kissing you after that. The sweet softness fades away into hungry, biting kisses, as he nips at you bottom lip hoping to slip his tongue into your mouth. Only ever braking the kiss long enough to mumble about how good you taste~

𓆦 Beel who tries so hard not to just rail you into next week- he really wants to be gentle and slow…make it feel special for your first time with him…but when you whine and moan like that he can’t help it. Folding you practically in half on the bed and just stuffing you full~

𓆦 Beel who can’t stop telling you how well you’re taking him, how good you feel around his cock…how it’s so much better then he’s imagined and oh fuck- don’t squeeze him like that….he doesn’t want to cum too soon!-

𓆦 Beel who covers your tummy in his cum cuz he’s worried about cumming inside on ‘the first date’ :((

𓆦 Beel who still, after all that, wants to eat you out and have you cum on his tongue…..please? He knows you’re sensitive but it’ll feel good!! He promises!! He would have done it first but he couldn’t wait to feel you around his cock-

𓆦 Beel who carries you into the bathroom to wash the cum off, before taking you back to bed (dressed only in one of his huge t-shirts)

𓃾 Belphie who sneaks in as quietly as he can’t at like 3am….but can’t help peaking into Beel’s room. Seeing your body wrapped around Beel’s, “Good date?” both you and Beel open one eye and whisper back in unison, “Great date..”

[x-bluefire-heart-x]

Dance at a Feast

Happy New Year everyone! The good thing about having two weeks off from work is that I am able to get some writing done! I'm trying to get drafts done for a lot of fics I have plans for, so I can have some things to post when I go back to work.

Also, please feel free to make requests! I have a list of prompts which is linked below, and a master list that has the fandoms and characters I write for. If there is someone and a something not listed that would like to make a request for, feel free to and I will let you know if I know enough about it to write for it. Also feel free to make requests for this verse!

This is another part in the Covered in Steam verse. A fluffy piece between female reader and Thorin, it is set after Covered in Steam.

Warnings: Talks of a sexual nature. Dain being disrespectful - nothing insane just not acknowledging the reader as the Queen *yes I think this should be a warning*

Tag list: @catt-leya @bunson-burner

Master List

Prompt List

Covered in Steam

You fiddled with the sleeves of your dress tugging them down before pulling them back up and then down again. You glanced at the mirror in Thorin’s, no your chamber you hadn’t slept in the chamber that was yours since that night. You wore a beautiful gown in the colours of the family of Durin, the blue almost matched that of your Kings eyes. Your hair had been left down showcasing the braids and beads that Thorin wove into it every morning. You were nervous, this was the first feast since you were behaving as a true married couple. And you didn’t want to do anything that would embarrass Thorin. Which was why you were concerned about the dress, the shoulders of the dress could sit normally or be pulled down to expose your shoulders and collarbones, and the plunging neckline was lower than what you normally wore but it worked the best with the necklace Thorin had gifted you with on the day you got married, and you hadn’t worn it yet.

“Sister?” you heard Dis’ voice call out from the sitting room next to the bedroom where Thorin received any guests that came to your chambers.

“In here!” you called back, shifting the bodice of the dress a little, unsure about the gauzy material that ran in panels down your ribs before forming into the princess style skirt.

“Oh my,” Dis whispered as she laid eyes on you. “I think you may very well kill my brother in that dress.”

“Is it too much?” you spun around eyes wide with concern as you smoothed down the billowing skirts. “It’s a normal style in my homeland but I know it isn’t overly common amongst the women here.”

“You look stunning my Queen,” Dis assured you as she came to stand in-front of you grabbing your hands. “You do not need to pretend as if the culture and norms of your homeland do not exist, my brother would not expect you to only dress as a dwarven woman.”

“I know he has told me as such, but I just don’t want to…embarrass him in-front of his court, especially since everything between us is still so new,” you nibbled your lower lip before yelping a little as Dis pinched your arm.

“You’ll ruin the makeup,”  

“Can’t have that can I?” you laughed, your nerves slowly leaving you in your sister in laws presence. Something she has always managed to do.

“Now, come on,” Dis tugged on you before stopping for a moment. “Wait, you are missing something.” She let go of your hand to go back to your dressing table and lifted the small crown from its resting place to put it on your head. “There.”

You lifted your hand to gently touch the crown as Dis went back to tugging you out of your rooms and towards the main banquet hall. You were still not use to wearing a crown, as you and Thorin both only tended to wear them when you absolutely had to. Such as at a feast welcoming Thorin’s cousin Dain. You could hear the celebrations before the door even came into view, you smiled. Dwarrow truly knew how to throw a feast and celebration.

“Introducing her Highness Princess Dis and her Royal Majesty Queen y/n,” the herald at the doorway announced both you and Dis causing the court to become quiet as Thorin stood from his chair and walked around the table that housed the royals. His eyes burned with a fire as he took in your appearance, you could feel the eyes of every dwarf on you as the king walked towards you and Dis quickly left your side to greet her sons. You could only guess the dwarf sitting on Thorin’s left was his cousin Dain, Lord of the Iron Hills. You briefly caught his eyes only to quickly break eye contact and focus on your husband. Dain had the same colour eyes as Thorin only his were cold and calculating, and you did not like the way he looked at you.

“My wife,” Thorin rumbled, this voice bouncing around the room. “You are a vision.”

You dropped into a small curtsy as your body warmed, your eyes locking onto his as you lifted your head back up. Thorin stepped closer to you to place a kiss upon your lips before gently taking your hand, guiding you to stand in-front of his cousin, who remained seated.

“Cousin, my wife, your Queen,” Thorin’s voice was hard as stone as he noticed the disrespect being shown to you. “Greet her.” Dain’s eyes narrowed before a friendly mask fell over his face as he stood and bowed low to you.

“It’s an honour to finally meet you, Your Majesty,” Dain’s voice didn’t sound overly pleased and you were concerned but you nodded back at him regardless, knowing now was not the time to raise concerns.

“And it is lovely to finally meet you Lord Dain, Thorin has spoken highly of you,” you responded voice soft, your eyes looking at a point over his shoulder as you didn’t want to look into his cold eyes again.

“Come my Queen, you must be hungry,” Thorin’s arm wrapped around your waist and led you away. You smiled gratefully up at Thorin raising on your toes to press your lips to his cheek in thanks. His arm squeezed you in kind, his eyes full of love as he stared down at you.

“Hello aunty mine,” Kili smiled up at you as you walked past. You grinned down at him, unable to resist messing up his hair. Kili pouted up at you as he tried to fix his hair, you dropped a kiss on his head in apology as you did the same to Fili as you walked past. Dis’s sons had been as welcoming as she had when you arrived, always smiling and including you, you were forever grateful for those three Durin’s.

“Aunty,” Fili smiled as you sat down beside him, Dis was in the middle of her two sons, who leaned around her oldest to smile at you. “Don’t worry about Dain. He’s a traditionalist but Uncle doesn’t pay any mind to those old dwarves.” Fili had lowered his voice and leant close to your side. His eyes, the same shade as his uncle was soft and kind as he looked at you. Your heart squeezed at his words.

“Thank you Fili,” you whispered back. “I will keep that in mind.”

“But, should he or any other dwarf look to cause you problems promise that you will let myself, my mother, Kili, Dwalin or Balin know. Of course Thorin should be your first choice but if you cannot find him, you also have us on your side,” Fili added squeezing your arm before letting go and focusing on his food.

You could hear the conversations going on around you as you picked at your food. You never ate much in-front of large crowds, but would always find a plate of food waiting for you in your chambers after a feast. You had always wondered who ensured the staff left it but never thought to investigate it too much.

“Are you alright love?” Thorin asked removing himself from the conversation with Dain to check on you. He had picked up on your added nerves after meeting Dain and wanted to do everything he could to be sure that you were fine.

“I am,” you nodded turning to give Thorin a smile but you could tell from the look on his face that he didn’t buy it. He leaned close enough to whisper into your ear.

“If I had known Dain would show such disrespect to my wife I would never had invited him here,” Thorin promised you. “Tell me at once if he ever does so again or makes you uncomfortable at all. Erebor if your home and you are the Queen.”

“You Durin’s and your need to protect,” you teased nudging your nose against his.

“Oh?”

“Fili just gave me a list of all the dwarves I can tell if Dain or any other dwarf causes me problems,” you explained. “It was pretty much you four and Dwalin and Balin.”

“Hmm,” Thorin hummed his eyes full of pride at your words. “Well, us Durin’s are fiercely protective of those we care about. And once we care for someone it is next to impossible to get rid of us. So I’m afraid my heart, you are stuck with me, and my sister and nephews.”

“Such an imposition that,” you laughed.

“You weren’t thinking I was an imposition this morning,” Thorin growled his eyes darkening as heat filled them. “With my tongue between your thighs.”

“Thorin,” you gasped in shock. “You can’t say things like that here.”

“I am the King,” Thorin shrugged kissing your lips and whispering his next words into your mouth. “I can say such things when I please. And no-one can hear us.”

You playfully glared at him about to say something back when Dain interrupted leaning around Thorin to gain his attention again, sending you a cold look before placing the mask back in place before Thorin could see. Thorin kissed you once more rounding on his cousin, you could hear the harshness in his tone as he spoke in dwarvish. You sipped at your wine, as music started to play, as it always does at a Dwarven feast. The boys beside you quickly stood up looking to find some partners to dance with, Kili raced off instantly looking for Ori. Fili however, hesitated, Dis had left seeking out Balin to discuss some matters.

“My Queen,” Fili said, his voice loud and pointed as he bowed low at his waist holding a hand out. “May I have a dance?”

You grinned up at Fili, standing up and reaching to take his hand but you were pulled tightly against a hard chest. Thorin’s scent surrounding you. Fili smirked, his eyes playfully challenging his uncle, as he continued to wait on your hand.

“My wife will be dancing with me first, nephew,” Thorin’s voice rumbled.

“I think Her Majesty can make that decision, Uncle,” Fili grinned.

“I am honoured Prince Fili,” you grinned, trying to keep your voice regal. “However, I would think you would prefer to seek out someone else to dance…and even maybe court?”

Fili’s face flushed bright red his eyes automatically going towards a dwarven woman that was standing off to the side near Bofur. The look in his eyes was similar to how Thorin would look at you and you knew that maybe you and Dis could do a little pushing.

“I mean…I can’t…” Fili stuttered in an uncommon show of nerves.

“Yes you can nephew,” you encouraged him stepping a little out of the circle of Thorin’s arms but he kept a hold of your hips. “I have seen that young woman look at you, in the same manner you look at her. You are a Durin, take the courage that all you Durin’s seem to possess in enough abundance to take on a Dragon and ask her to dance.”

You felt Thorin’s hands squeeze your hips and his lips pressed into your neck, you could feel the smile that tugged at them. You reached out to squeeze Fili’s hands, forcing his eyes back to yours. The red of his face had calmed down to a light pink.

“Right, yes, true,” Fili nodded.

“You are my heir Fili,” Thorin added reaching out to pat him on the shoulder. “You can do this.”

Fili nodded once more before he turned around and strode towards the woman in question. He forced the Durin swagger into his steps as the two of you watched him in amusement. Thorin tugged you close again turning you around, you smiled up at him wrapping your arms around his neck.

“So, that dance?” you asked. “Better make good.”  

“Come along then,” Thorin smirked. Pushing you backwards, you giggled turning around and taking hold of his hand and pulling him onto the space in the middle of the room that was used for dancing.

Thorin spun you around before tugging you close, wrapping his right arm around your waist and grabbing your right hand with his left, you placed your left hand on his shoulder. You allowed him to led you around the floor trusting him to keep you from backing into anyone. The tune was a fast past one, your skirt flying out every time he spun you around quickly. He grabbed both of your hips and lifted you up and turning the two of you before putting you back down and grabbing hold of your hand again to lead you around.

You giggled as your dress managed to hit Kili and Ori on your way past them, you threw an apology over Thorin’s shoulder causing the two young Dwarves to laugh. Thorin couldn’t take his eyes off of you, your eyes were bright with happiness and you had not stopped laughing and smiling since Fili had first asked you for a dance. Your face was flush from your wine and from the dancing, you had danced to two fast paced songs before a slow paced song started to play. Thorin wrapped both his arms around your waist pulling you as close to him as he could get you. You looped your arms around his neck, using one of your hands to tilt his head down, he grinned as he rested his forehead against yours and swayed the two of you in time with music.

“You truly do look beautiful tonight, my Lady,” Thorin whispered. “Seeing you in my colours, I wish to take you from this hall and feast on something else entirely.”

“My King, was this morning and last night not enough?” you asked, stroking the back of his neck, his thick hair covering your movements.

“I will never have enough of you,” Thorin answered. “I will never have enough of your taste, of your body, of you. I will always want you in my arms.”

[eatmangoesnekkid]

I am my best self when I slow down and nurture my femininity, however, I am in a very toxic work environment that causes me to grow calluses of impatience, stress, and anxiety to cope with the company culture. I am trying to get out of it, but feel so far from who I am when I am most beautiful and stress free. How can I find myself again amidst all of this stress?

The Lover-Warrrior

I have been there before Mama and what I know for sure is that you can create something different for yourself and live inside your desires. Life will get brighter but you do have to be strategic and creative about your energy and where you place your focus and attention as a warrior would. To live inside your lover energy, right now, you actually need the support of your warrior energy to get you there. How can you strengthen your body to channel more of that warrior energy?

The Power of Myth

To move yourself into new narratives, you have to become extraordinary--mythical and use actual mythic stories like the lover i.e. Oshun or the story of Ogun to move you from where you are today to where you desire to be. Practically, I used to meditate every few hours for five minute intervals during one of my most stressful jobs ever. My job became like wearing a costume. I veiled up at work in some way-whether I covered my head with a scarf or ribbon, wore prayer beads or a yoni egg, or decorated part of chest area with glitter. I found creative ways to remind myself that my job was simply that--a job and it wasn't who I was in my heart and soul--a fairy intergalactic cosmic womanly being. I affirmed that all I was experiencing was simply temporary and would eventually pass but in the interim, I needed to find creative ways to build up my frequency, to enjoy my time at work, and allow everything (or most things) to feel good to me.

The warrior in me found a way to make happen what needed to happen like meditation or time outside throughout my day. I was working in leadership and people would think I was downstairs doing paperwork but I was actually meditating. How can you find little private moments to weave in meditation? When you truly have a desire and believe in it, the benevolent universe will begin to meet you in the most mysterious ways. I would find little hiding nooks at my company and close my eyes (destimulation and resting the mind are essential). Also, be willing to streamline your life. What stressors in your personal life can let go of today? Letting them go will give you more energy and personal power. Rub your breasts often to generate the energy of love to radiate more from your body and into your life. Let yourself smile into your organs from the inside out--all of them! Get outside as much as you can to detox the florescent lights and EMFs. Anytime I could laugh with, talk to, or walk a customer outside the building to help them in any way, I would do it, even if when it was pouring down raining. I knew I was being cleansed and carried. Many blessings. :) India

[literaticat]

With parents/guardians regulating  (I hate the word but I think it's accurate) what they want kids to have access to, it makes libraries and the poor librarians have to fall in line and carry what only certain parents 'approve of' (to the detriment of us all). And publishers and writers might not take chances on books they know might be banned or challenged. 

Sooo how much power/influence do publishers really have? I mean in society and pop culture, I guess. I feel like publishers are beholden to everyone no matter what side of the political spectrum you fall on. 

And that old adage 'if you try to please everyone you will please no one' is starting to really be the truth. The recent Scholastic fiasco comes to mind.

(so sorry in advance this turned into a lengthy rant that doesn't answer the question) (but then again, I am not even sure I get what the question part is, so OH WELL, strap in for some book ban talk!)

A very small minority of unhinged, ridiculous parents and horrific politicians are actually trying to ruin schools and libraries for everyone. I mean:

Louisiana has current legislation that would criminalize libraries joining the American Library Association. (ie, yes, a librarian could be ARRESTED AND SENTENCED TO TWO YEARS HARD LABOR what the actual fuck???)

Utah has a law that allows any district to pull any book that any other district has pulled

Florida "moms for liberty" (LOL - FU) are trying to have librarians arrested -- Again and again -- etc etc --

I could keep going but I actually have to work at my job THWARTING BOOK BANNERS today!

So just for what it's worth -- I don't think most librarians want to or are "falling in line" and bowing to these parents. Librarians, hopefully, want to make a library that has a collection of material that will best serve all their patrons. And it truly is a very small number of patrons that launch these bizarre campaigns against books.

They do have budgets though, which are also being slashed in many cases, and obviously if they know that their particular community leans toward a certain mindset, they might make choices that reflect that when curating their collection, sure. But yeah -- all the librarians I know are big fans of free speech and freedom to read, and are willing to go to bat for that -- that's why some places are going so far as to pass LITERAL LAWS against librarians, because short of that, librarians are tough to stop!

I would say, too -- Publishers are not trying to "avoid bans" (I mean they aren't ENCOURAGING them either obviously!) -- but in my experience, they simply don't think that way when deciding what to acquire. They can't, because the fact is, it doesn't MATTER what the book is about. A book doesn't have to have "scandalous content" for people to want to ban it -- PICTURE BOOKS are being taken off shelves -- books with themes like embracing your own beauty. Or making stew with neighbors. Lots of times books are challenged for pretty blatantly racist reasons -- no reason at all, actually, other than a BIPOC person wrote it so it must have "critical race theory" (???) in it. For reals.

(Also -- these "banners" / "moms for liberty" aren't READING the books. It is a few people using canned language that somebody else came up with to paper objections to books across districts where they don't even have children. I'd argue that whoever is pulling the strings here doesn't actually even care about ANY of this -- they are using some batshit people who have too much time on their hands to just heap school districts and public libraries with challenges about every last thing because they want it to become so difficult and annoying that the librarians and library boards just give up. They want all libraries and schools to be privatized. I dunno - follow the money.)

Ugh. Again -- this is probably not answering your question??? Sorry, and I really do have to stop typing now. I guess my point is :

Publishers are beholden, in some cases, to their shareholders -- but really, to readers at the end of the day -- most readers want freedom to read and the free exchange of ideas and freedom of speech, etc -- those are the people who pay for books -- so that's who publishers cater to.

Librarians are mostly pretty staunch advocates for free speech and freedom to read, and publishers are supporting them as well.

Writers hopefully, same!

(In the case of the "Scholastic Fiasco" -- Scholastic wasn't trying to bow to nasty parents, exactly -- they were trying to protect the educators who might get harassed, fired, or potentially arrested by those nasty parents. Unfortunately, as you say, it blew up, because you can't have it both ways, etc etc.)

I really do have to go now sorry I couldn't solve book banning this morning :-/

[coldalbion]

"And in many ways, that complaint has only gotten louder over the decades. Stop talking to each other and start buying things. Stop providing content for free and start paying us for the privilege. Stop shining sunlight on horrors and start advocating for more of them. Stop making communities and start weaponizing misinformation to benefit your betters.

It’s the same. It’s always been the same. Stop benefitting from the internet, it’s not for you to enjoy, it’s for us to use to extract money from you. Stop finding beauty and connection in the world, loneliness is more profitable and easier to control.

Stop being human. A mindless bot who makes regular purchases is all that’s really needed.

Over and over again since that prodigal moment of shame and hurt and confusion, I’ve joined online communities, found so much to love there, made friends and created unique spaces that truly felt special, felt like places worth protecting. And they’ve all, eventually, died. For the same reasons and through the same means, though machinations came from a parade of different bad actors. It never really mattered who exactly killed and ate these little worlds. The details. It’s all the same cycle, the same beasts, the same dark hungers. [...] And while Twitter hurts, I’m not sure anything will ever hurt as much as Livejournal did. It feels like no one even remembers anymore what happened to lovely, flawed, dog-eared, wacky old LJ in the twilight of the aughts and the dawn of the tens. Even though in this year of our lord 2022, when there are some pretty fucking good reasons to remember it, and learn its lessons...

So when Livejournal was sold, not to Viacom or Google, but to SixApart, a company no one had ever heard of, it was confusing. As was its refusal to develop anything like a usable mobile app. When fanfic communities started getting banned for gay content in the name of “protecting the children,” it was alarming and confusing. When it started going down regularly due to constant DDoS attacks, the new owner accused the community of trying to blackmail and destroy him for questioning what the hell was going to happen to all of us, when the Russian Prime Minister was commenting on fucking Livejournal, and when Russian users started put posts in English to let others know what was going on…we all just felt so helpless. It was sold to SUPMedia, a Russian company, and by 2016, had moved its servers to Russia and changed the entire site to conform with that good old very free and inclusive Russian law, but by that time, the community had long fled. Which was the point. Make it unusable and unreliable, bleed off the Westerners and the eye of Western media, and use the database to find and shut down dissenters.

And as hard as it was for us to lose that space where so many of us found family and work and connection, I cannot begin to imagine what those brave dissidents lost. What Russia lost. What they are still losing.

It was a small piece of what was to come. Like Gamergate and the Puppies, an experiment to practice taking apart a minor but culturally influential community and develop techniques to do it again, more efficiently, more quickly, with less attention. To lay out a reliable pathway to commit harm and lie about it for so long and in so many ways that by the time the truth is available, it doesn’t matter, because the harm is a foundational part of the system we’re living in. The harm is the new status quo.

Lather, rinse, repeat."

As someone who's been online nearly 30 years (I'm 18ish months younger than the author) who cut his teeth on dialup BBSses, Fidonet et al rather than Prodigy, I cosign this and beg you to read the whole thing.