#fatimah rambles

[marylily-my-beloved]

Now as much as I love the mrauders fandom, you guys are kind of sleeping on the saphhic ships. I keep seeing saphhic versions of the m/m fics and like I get it! Draw what you want! Write what you want! love it! But if you guys rlly want saphhic things why not draw the *cough cough* actual women in the fandom?

[sleepinginmygrave]

me when @marylily-my-beloved :33333 teehehehehe giggling :3333 <3333

[permetutotheworld]

hi my name is Nyx, I use they/she pronouns, I’m an asexual lesbian, I’m autistic+adhd,

and I’m a minor (please don’t be creepy I’ve already had two people message me being weird and sexual)

I write a lot of poetry and I’m writing a book at the moment based off of the idea of multiple universes existing at a time, I sing and I love performing, specifically musical theatre

I ALSO TAKE REQUESTS!! I write poetry mostly for them but microfics tooo, for good omens, the marauders, percy jackson, les mis and any TJ Klune books that ive read, just pop a prompt into my inbox and ill do my best to get jt to you as fast as i can <3

my fandoms are : Les Mis, good omens, pjo, marauders, hunger games, aru shah, marvel, doctor who

my favourite music: queen, Maisie peters, the last dinner party, the crane wives, Taylor Swift, Florence and the machine, rene Rapp, Chappell roan, David Bowie, blondie, boygenius, most musicals

favourite books: house in the cerulean sea, under the whispering door, in the lives of puppets (all by TJ Klune)

my tags:

Nyx yaps: my silly little commentary on anything that happens to me

nyx vents: my life low-key sucks quite a lot at time so I vent a bit but I make sure to trigger warning everything triggering

nyx writes: I write silly little poems and stories that I post sometimes

Please dni if you’re queerphobic or discriminate against minorities in general, if you support trump or other dickwads like him or if you’re just going to be mean

also I do struggle a lot with mental health so I probably will randomly disappear or vent but I’ll make sure to trigger warning everything

I also have a James potter rp account which you can check out too!! @prongsie-rambles

i also have a nico di angelo one at @nico-sees-dead-people which is really cool too!!

if you like my blog you should check out my amazing mutuals whom I love and adore:

@xenocollector LES MIS RAAA

@sauntering-vaguelydownward literally so sweet ilysm/platonically

@marylily-my-beloved love you Fatimah omg

@cheekyboybeth very purple coded person and very cool also so genuinely lovely

@theoristswan5683 literally so nice omg they have the loveliest vibes 😭

@ashstillalive Amazing writer amazing person will happily beta read for you anytime

@mae-occasionally-reads so sweet so lovely so cool so glad we’re mutuals love you so much/platonic vibes only MY BEST FRIEND

@definitionoffuckup very cool individual

@rafaelthesilly I KNOW YOU IN REAL LIFE POOKIE YOURE THE BEST LESBIAN BUDDIE MY AMAZING SPOUSE ILYSM (platonically)

@ineffable-ezra I have more octopus facts for you!!!!!!!

@garden-of-runar the coolest person alive still can’t believe you followed me back

@ravenwordss literally so sweet love you/pl

@pyromaniacbibliophile my spouse bc we are married

@cossie-fauchelevant the one and only cosette to my enjolras <3

[karamellisokeri]

Dislyte selfship rambles + art (my art & commissioned art)

Very self explanatory, it will be mainly for chu yao and fatimah a lil bit, ill put a separator just in case (also abit spoiler for current event)

Starting strong w the inanna gilgamesh toxic yuri. Gender bending gilgamesh but not enkidu is so,😭😭 in pride month too?? Hell nah dislyte//lh. Actually its just funny crackship cause my oc esther is a lesbian, and their desigh is just matching each other. But im not sure in term of goal and personality. Also its alrd revealed that elif is inanna esper, im not sure if i will keep esther as inanna esper or just changing it to isthar haha //no. But like seriously i LOVE elif, even when i alrd have my own inanna esper.

Anyway lets go to the main thing, my yaoren ship

Surprising not much cause i dont rlly like drawing men 😶 anyway 3&4 pic is commissioned from @/mehcaxz (on twt) and the 5th one is from drunkenn cat (on fb)

Their ship name is... A pun, yaoren in a sense of 妖人. Anyway yeah its my main dislyte selfship 😶 just imagine much younger aggressive dminant bottom and older traditional submissive top 😭😭 god its rlly messy hahaha. Honestly i dunno what to talk abt them, but ling (my other dislyte oc) is actually their love child.

Im open to question btw and would definitely appreciate any😋 see ya later

[bibliophilebookreviews]

When We Were Sisters

When We Were Sisters by Fatimah Asghar

An emotional story about three sisters' lives after a tragedy.

Thanks to the publisher for providing me with the eARC on Net Galley.

Here's the spoiler-free premise: Three sisters, Noreen, Aisha, and Kausar, are essentially left to fend for themselves after the death of their father, their mother having died years earlier. Now, living in deplorable conditions provided by an unnamed Uncle, the three are grappling with grief and adjusting to their new lives, especially socially. As they grow up they also grow apart, but they only have each other.

Alright, I don't want to say it, but I did not enjoy this book. It was nothing like I was expecting based on the description, which is fine. But I didn't feel a connection to these sisters or their story, and while I could tell that some parts were meant to be emotional, I just wasn't moved.

I was going to say that though the language was beautiful, the writing style felt fragmented or like incoherent ramblings at times. But then I discovered that Asghar is a poet. That changed my perspective because I understand the writing style a little better and now it's just a case of it not being my personal preference.

However, I could never tell that time was passing or how much was passing until the last chunk of the book when the narrator, Kausar, would clearly state her age or stage in life. And I just felt like there was no real conclusion; the little vignettes never make a full picture. It was just: here are some things that occurred. And then suddenly *MINI SPOILER* Kausar is an adult and the sisters reunite. But nothing comes of it; they neither address nor repair the broken bonds between them. *Mini spoiler OVER*

I did like the little glimpses into what I am assuming were the parents' thoughts. But again, they just seemed thrown in. It's like Asghar gave us the hints of a story and we are supposed to surmise the rest. And maybe that was the point. In the story Kausar divulges very little to her friends, and her sisters don't really seem to share much with anyone either. But I feel like we didn't get all the things mentioned in the description and what we did get was not clearly executed. So, I would not recommend this book if you're looking for a more traditional and tidy novel.

[asterism-collective]

(Tw // Religion talk below)

Man it’s weird to be a system when it comes to religion, yk?

We’ve got Fatimah who’s a Muslim alter (we were raised muslim so this makes sense ig?) and she’s monotheistic 100%, like believing in any other god is basically against the core values of that religion

We’ve got Maria who I believe is pagan or something and believes in the Greek deities and witchcraft and obv this all conflicts with the other alter’s beliefs (and the way we were raised)

Aiden is Christian from what I can tell but he’s pretty disconnected from it, and other than that I think everyone is agnostic or atheist. Personally I believe in the deities from my source but that’s prob unhealthy lol but yeah

I can’t find shit when it comes to how to deal with such conflicting religious beliefs and systemhood? Please tell me I’m not the only one that’s got this issue— I’ve never even met or heard of any Muslim raised systems (lol imagine an Arab in therapy. Hilarious /s)

If anyone has like any insight feel free to add on, otherwise this is just like some ramble lmaoo

[alittleemo]

5 9 10 23 💕

Thank you Clara for the asks!!! 💕💕 Sorry about the rambling and late response <3

5- what are some iconic soundtrack moments?

I don’t have a lot of the soundtrack down yet but here’s one scene I have down.

I’ve been thinking for ages about what song to use for the slow walk scene in s1- I wanted something powerful, something badass, ya know, but nothing really clicked. (As an extra note, the Eva character in my Skam is based on a friend of mine, and I’ve been trying to use a lot of her music choices in her season.) Enter, M.I.A. I rediscovered Paper Planes by M.I.A. like a week ago and was immediately like, this is it, this is my badass walk song. It’s so easy for me to imagine the squad power walking down some suburban street, acting like idiots (we’re def going for a skam nl vibe here), and just going buck wild to the sound of Paper Planes by M.I.A. My descriptions are sorely lacking but give it a listen it’s a vibe for sure (however there’s a lot of gunshot noises so if that’s a trigger then give it a skip <3).

9- introduce us to your version of Sana

My Sana was originally going to be based off of a canon MCU character from Far From Home named Zoha. I ended up scrapping that idea to make an entirely new character instead, loosely based on one of my school friends. (Zoha might still make an appearance though, who knows). Fatimah is Calliope’s head of photography (Calliope is a creative writing magazine and my version of Russ, I’ll answer more in another ask!). She’s also a talented artist and poet, and is on the Midtown swim team. She’s absolutely the nice aesthetic friend, and her Pinterest is immaculate. She has a younger brother because I love the Sana/Elias dynamic but wanted to switch it up a bit and there’s a lot of sisters here already (but lbr with all the constant editing I’m doing who knows what the families will look like in the end. Even now as I’m typing this I’m thinking about Fatimah maybe having a sister...)

10- introduce us to your version of Even

I could go on for dayssssss about Bonnie Lang. She was the protagonist of my MCU fic Audio Enabled, but I unfortunately never developed a middle plot to the story, so it’s been sitting mostly unwritten in my brain for years now. I can’t say much about her because ✨spoilers✨ but here’s three things about her: 1. Her favorite jacket was her mom’s when she was young. It’s an old yellow fisherman’s jacket (picture huge yellow vinyl coat but its super warm on the inside) and it’s enormously big on her. 2. She’s disabled- Bonnie lost half of her hearing in a childhood accident, and also has scoliosis. 3. Bonnie knows the basics of several different languages and is fluent in ASL! It’s hard to write stuff like this without it sounding like “oh yeah my old protagonist is super gifted aha she has no flaws lol” but I promise that’s not my intention! I realize I strayed from the Even part of this so one last tidbit- out of the two, Bonnie is a much more cautious Even. Her Isak definitely has more of a Shay level of confidence, while Bonnie is often worried of overstepping.

23- what problematic elements would you change in your own adaptation?

I’d try to rework the cheating storyline and the ‘awkward’ scene with Chris P and Jonas. It’ll be difficult to get around the cheating storyline because it’s pretty much central to the season, but I’m going to try and make it work. (I can’t picture my Eva cheating at all, because she is such a loyal, stubborn character, but maybe that’s why it always hurts so much.) And in terms of ‘awkward!’, while she may be less confident in season one compared to later on, this Eva’s still fully prepared to throw down- she’d be more likely to throw hands with Chris P if he made that comment than Jonas would (or maybe she’d verbally smack him down). However, this whole storyline is pretty instrumental to Eva’s season so in the end I’ll probably just try writing it as respectfully as I can.

(Is this necessarily problematic? I don’t really know, it’s just something I’d rather change in my adaptation.)

Thanks again Clara! If I can ever formulate my thoughts some of the other asks will be out soon, I adore all of you for sending them, I’m sorry I’m such a mess <3

[cryptenby]

RAMBLE ABOUT NURSEY'S AMAZING SISTERS GO GO GO

Sorry I’m such a pos, i asked u to send this and then I didn’t even respond lmao although in my defense, I have been moving and packing and traveling. Anywhom! Nursey’s older siblings!

Fatimah Jazmin: the oldest, 12 years older than NurseyShe’s a super genius of course, she’s a super rad OBGYN and very passionate about sexual health and research on uterine/vaginal health. In the future, i am absolutely 100% confident she makes waves on ailments that people with uteruses face. She’s a goddess. She’s beautiful OBVIOUSLY, she’s Nursey’s best friend of all time, he tells her EVERYTHING, they talk on the phone every day if they can, every other day without fail. She picks up on shit Nursey doesn’t even realize he’s feeling and helps him through it in that very easy way of hers. Sometimes when he’s feeling homesick she’ll FaceTime him and just go about her day while he does his paper or whatever. It always works. She’s the oldest, and kind of took it upon herself to like really take care of her sibs even tho they literally have four parents. She doesn’t have kids bc shes super busy but she wants to foster when she’s a little older. She’s queer, specifically a panromantic demisexual polyamorous ciswoman, she’s dating two people right now, they’re great. She’s great

Amina Rose: the middle child and Acts Like It. 4 years older than Nursey, she’s a stereotypical attention seeking rebel child, has a pretty thriving musical career that she started on YouTube, she has perfect pitch, can play like 6 instruments and has the voice of a literal angel. She travels a lot and performs, no one ever knows where she is. she resents Fatimah a little bit bc she was so perfect and wasn’t there for her like she was for Nursey. She’s an adult now so she’s mostly over it, but she harbors a little internal rage for every time her parents ask her why she can’t be more like her siblings. She’s like, kinda goth, but like a very soft goth. She’s Muslim like their mom Aaliyah, and she talks about it a lot on her YouTube channel. She and Nursey don’t talk every day but she’ll just call him at like 2 am on a Thursday like “hey baby, lemme tell u about this BITCH” but it’s okay bc he knows that he can call her too and she’ll always pick up for him. She’s a firm bisexual, attracted to enby’s and girls, she’s like kind of indifferent about gender as a concept, but she uses she/her pronouns.

ANYWAY IM SO SORRY ABOUT THIS MESS AND THIS UGLY FORMAT. But i love them so much and i will answer all questions about the Nurse’s

[dsm-v]

I really just... need some direction, because I have no idea where to really start with this and how to learn more, and it all feels very overwhelming. I apologize if this is at all inconveniencing! (3/3)

I think it’s also just important when you may get overwhelmed and run into homophobic, transphobic etc. people and ideas to understand that there are muslims who are working against these things. I’m grateful for the presence and work of individuals such as Mahdia Lynn, Mona Eltahawy, Dr. Ingrid Mattson, Fatimah Asghar, Blair Imani, Sh. Daayiee Abdullah, El-Farouk Khaki, Dr. Scott Kugle, groups like Muslims for Progressive Values, literally all of the lgbtq+ muslims here on tumblr (seriously, there is a great community of people here).... anyway idk if i’m making much sense other than just rambling on or if I’ve answered your question(s) but please feel free to ask me anything else if you need or wish so and I wish you the best. And don’t let anyone tell you that you have to deny or negate any integral part of your identity in order to be a muslim, if that is what you choose to do. 

[memorycapsules]

Two Roads Diverge

I don’t exactly know where to begin.  I guess just that the last few days I’ve felt like I wanna crawl out of my own skin.  And I want to say it’s not because of Tony but I know I’m lying to myself pretty hard when I try to pull that shit.  Leaving Santa Maria was way harder than I thought it would be at all.  Blindsided me a bit.  I’ve been feeling real down since then. Only three days since my last day there if you include the last day.  And I will because I was a mess all day then haha.  I think this is the closest I’ve felt to being broken up with, I’m realizing.  Even though this is what we agreed on from the start and I know we both still want to be together.  We’ve both been talking to each other as if we’re still together which isn’t surprising because I might be moving in with him in New York City in two months if this cruise ship interview doesn’t work out.  

Matt Koenig’s speech at graduation really struck a chord with me.  As graduation speeches always do with me for some reason.  The whole thing was about how to tackle fear.  There was a part where he was saying that people always get stuck between choices because they’re afraid to make the wrong one.  And he urged everyone to make any choice anyway, just pick one.  He quoted Robert Frost and said “two roads diverged in a wood and I, I...didn’t take either because- long ramble agonizing about the pros and cons of both- so I’m still right here”.  It was clever and kind of just clicked for me because I always agonize about things.  If I learned anything from Tony this year, and fuck did I learn from him, it’s that exact thing.  Just do something.  Especially if you know what it is you want, stop considering that other choice cause you’ve already made up your mind.  And for the love of god be honest with yourself, be direct instead of dragging out a bad feeling because you’re scared.  Mark Booher got me with a line in his speech at brunch too, just because the weight of leaving in a few hours sitting on my shoulders.  Knowing all the goodbyes I had ahead of me and especially not knowing how I’d be able to walk away from Tony instead of just staying for one more minute indefinitely.  Tony sitting right next to me while Mark was talking about what it meant to love working for theater.  He described love as enjoying something past the point of it just being fun anymore.  It just really stuck with me.  But with all that on my mind how could I think of anything but him sitting with me, knowing he was feeling just as rough about leaving because he had straight up told me instead of pretending he was feeling anything otherwise.  Enjoying being with someone past the point of it just being fun.

That what it was when I walked into that relationship in November.  Just a fun thing to enjoy for the remaining six months.  Not that I didn’t think he was cool to be around or talk to but that was just all it was for me at the beginning.  A funny friend who happened to be attractive and I could mess around with sexually.  No real pressure, and we kept to ourselves as much as two people can who live with each other.  It was really nice.  And then I slowly kept finding more and more things about how he is as a person that kept opening my eyes about how I live my life and that shaped me in some ways because of that.  Like I’ve said, he’s direct about whatever it is he’s feeling, he just does things he wants to do without agonizing over it first, he’ll find some wildly different way of thinking than how he currently is, he’ll dive into it and then reassess before he goes totally crazy about it and swings too far the opposite way.  He lives like he designs, I’ve noticed.  Huge, grand, impossible ideas at first and then catches himself and pares it down to a distilled version of that first over the top concept.  He’ll fight a differing opinion very hard at first but if it makes sense deep down he’ll give in to it sooner rather than later.  He apologises readily.  He’s so so distracted by tv, the fucking adhd loser.  But he will register that you’ve said something every time.  It just takes a second to get there.  Stubborn about his cigarettes when he’s drunk.  Knows better when he’s not.  Always singing and dancing and coming up with stupid character voices and with each and every one of those he takes them so much farther than I would ever think a person could.  So far past dumb that they just inherently make me laugh and I hate that he wins me over without fail.  Obsessed with classical art and movies and basketball.  Overthinks everything or doesn’t even think about it at all.  I could go on, believe me.  Anyway I’m pretty messed up about I guess limbo breaking up, to the point where I want to just sabotage this interview or turn it down and dive headfirst into The City and continuing to have fun with him.  Because I know if he’s started changing me this much in only six months there’s so much more of that to come.  And I love it.

I feel crazy for wanting to drop everything and stay with him because I’ve never had the scales tip strongly enough in favor of doing that over pursuing career options elsewhere.  But going to New York wouldn’t be a throw away by any means.  Ideally it would mean freelancing or even this Julliard staff carp job that Fatimah just sent me.  It looks like there’s work there it’s just scary freelancing work, and scary committing to moving into Tony’s bedroom after only dating him for 6 months and scary turning down a cruise gig that pays so well for not knowing where your next paycheck is coming from in a huge intimidating city.  But the alternative is literally making me sick the last few days.  I’ve felt sick and have zero appetite because right now feels like trying to start moving past him, and I don’t want to do that at all.  Even if that means giving up touring on a boat in Hawaii for 4 months.  I just am so afraid of getting this job and being a freelance tech again like 7 months after leaving Santa Maria and having him move on or moving on myself.  And then having no option for cheap housing there with him.  I couldn’t move in to his bedroom again after 7 months apart right?  That’s crazy to think that’s possible.

Here I am agonizing.  It’s all I’ve been doing the last couple days.  Probably why I’m feeling sick.  I think I need to 1. be honest with him.  I think it may have been dumb to break up on Sunday.  I think maybe we should wait until we know for sure if I have that job with Norwegian.  I just want to talk to him like we have been without feeling like I’m being clingy.  And if we’re both feeling it and there’s no concrete reason why we should’ve broken up- especially since moving in with him is very much still on the table- why not just stay dating...long distance... for another two weeks or so.  2. make a choice.  Pick a road regardless of the chance it may be the wrong one.  Because when in life are things so dramatically right and wrong?  I think either way the world will still spin and I’ll still be here.  So once I even know if the cruise ship place is giving me a real offer then all that means is I have a choice.  And all  I have to do is pick a road and start walking.

[dessarps-blog]

“Did you just say you’re pregnant?” // “The doctor said this might help with the morning sickness…” // “You mean I’m going to be a father?” // “I really like this color for the nursery, what do you think?” // “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl yet?” // “I can’t believe we’re finally going to have a baby.” //

“Did you just say you’re pregnant?” (Devmond)

“Did I stutter?” The tone in her voice was obvious irritation, but there was something there that he didn’t recognize. Something about it wasn’t her usual, brash, overly confident manner. Something wasn’t the same as the girl he had taken to bed before, the girl he spoke to so freely on set. Something in Cadence’s tone was off, and Thomas didn’t know if he was just searching for that, searching for some kind of tremor, or if he really heard it. He couldn’t believe he was imagining it, though.

Cadence still looked irritated, though, and she didn’t let him speak after his moment of shock, instead continuing. “I’m going to get rid of it, so don’t worry about it. I’m just informing you so that you know, in case someone gets pictures of me going into or out of the clinic or something. I already have an appointment in place, I just have to go to it over the weekend, and I should be able to avoid being seen. But if I can’t, you know your little wife is going to know what’s going on.”

Thomas wasn’t sure why he wasn’t expecting that. Cadence didn’t love him, and he knew it. As much as it stung to admit, even to himself, she had never loved him. She enjoyed the sex, certainly, but there would be no romance lost between them when the appointment was complete. The thought that she could so easily get rid of their child, though, and that she would do so with no hesitation… It certainly stung, and the knowledge that he couldn’t rightly stop her just made it that much worse.

Sylvie would lose it if she knew. Not in anger, of course. She would do nothing but cry for weeks, and he would never be able to forgive himself for hurting her that way. If she found out about the affair in the first place, that would be bad enough, but to have living proof of it that Thomas wouldn’t even be able to keep himself from seeing… Well. It would just hurt her even more, and he could feel the guilt welling up in his throat already. He could taste it in the back of his mouth with copper clarity.

Still, he couldn’t help himself from saying what he did. The quiet, “I wish you wouldn’t,” was past his lips before he could stop it, and he was surprised to see Cadence stop in her steps, to see her turn slightly toward him for a moment, as though considering his words. When she spoke in return, it was quiet. “I’ll be off the Island for a few months after the appointment. I leave for my movie in the States on Sunday. Don’t wait up to hear anything back. I’ll take care of it.”

“The doctor said this might help with the morning sickness…” (Pyrien)

Pyxis didn’t know if he believed that. The way his stomach was churning, he was positive he would never be able to eat again. It was like an awful flu, the kind of flu that put you into the hospital for an afternoon with dehydration by the time you passed the second day, and he didn’t think he was ever going to get past it. Something in him had thought at first that something was wrong with the baby. He had been convinced of that, as a matter of fact, and had almost made Laurien take him to the doctor.

It was Laurien’s luck, really, that had him agree to just calling the office to see if they had any suggestions. Holding his hand out, Pyxis took the dissolving tablet from his husband’s hand, popping it into his mouth before he moved back to lean against the tub again. It was easy enough from here to just lean forward and throw up again, and as long as he didn’t smell the coffee in the kitchen, the coffee that he so loved in the morning, he seemed to be alright. For the moment, at least.

“I swear to god, if it’s always this bad, I’m just going to die,” he muttered dramatically, looking up as Laurien moved to sit down next to him. “I’m just going to die, Laurien. This is awful.” Of course, the fault for that didn’t lay with Laurien. Neither of them could have known his morning sickness would be this awful. Pyxis’s first pregnancy had gone so smoothly, and that the second one was going so awfully – at least in the sense of his sickness – was a shock to them and their doctor alike.

Laurien gave a slight chuckle, though, and carded a hand through Pyxis’s hair when he settled. “You’re not going to die,” he returned, though his laugh earned him a half-hearted glare from the brunet. “You’ll be fine in an hour. Once the morning sickness passes, it’ll be fine.” Of course, that was assuming Pyxis didn’t get his mother’s penchant for evening sickness as well. But Laurien wasn’t going to bring that up now. Fatimah had come so easily, surely this child would be easier when he adjusted to his nausea.

Pyxis groaned and tilted his head back against the closed shower doors, letting his eyes shut. “Whatever this was, it’s kind of weird. It tastes fruity. What the hell is this even?” he questioned, tilting his head toward Laurien when he rested a cool hand on his forehead. “This is that flight stuff, isn’t it. Drama-something. If I have to take this every morning, I hope you know it’ll probably start to make me sick too. Just from having it so much. This is gonna pass in like a month, right?”

“You mean I’m going to be a father?” (Farrasmus)

Erasmus sounded so surprised that Farrah gave a laugh at his question, nodding her approval. Of course, she couldn’t blame him for being surprised. She was surprised herself, as the doctor had been when she told her the results of her blood testing for the year. It wasn’t something either of them were trying for, or something either of them were particularly ready for, she was fairly certain. But maybe, just maybe, it was going to be a good thing anyway. If luck was with them.

“She had me set up an appointment for an early ultrasound, but she said that’s probably what my weight gain is,” she explained with a slight shrug, reaching out to take one of her husband’s hands. Things lately seemed to be so on the fence for them, so uncertain whether they were going to continue to work together as they got older, but it seemed like maybe, this could be a fresh breath for them. A thing to bond over again, to remind them of why they loved one another in the first place.

That was what Farrah was hoping, at least, as she watched Erasmus’s face pass through the same emotions she’d had when she’d first been told. There was the plain shock, that had started right with his question. There was the nervousness, and the worry, and the outright fear. Farrah’s had been over whether she would really be a good mother, over whether she was ready to have a child, whether she and Erasmus were going to last even after they had a child together. Whether their child would grow up in a split home.

And then, slowly but definitively, came the smile she had been waiting for. Erasmus didn’t look quite as beaming as she was, yet, but he was definitely happy, and he moved his free hand over to her stomach with a low laugh. “I’m going to be a father. You’re not kidding, right?” He could never be sure with his wife. Sometimes her social experiments for the sake of journalism went too far. But the smile on his face did suggest honesty, and he couldn’t help but be a little bit excited as well.

“When is the ultrasound? Will they give you a copy of it to take home?” he started, only moments after that initial question. He hadn’t even given Farrah time to answer, and she found herself letting out another soft laugh and a nod to indicate approval of the latter question. “We’ll have to start looking at houses. We need something bigger if we’re going to have a kid. This is almost too tiny for just us, let alone another person. And you’ll have to figure out when you can take off work.”

“I really like this color for the nursery, what do you think?” (Corchette)

Tyler was looking over a ledger for the bar when Laurent spoke up, and at first, he gave nothing but a noncommittal hum. He wasn’t really listening, his husband knew. Sometimes, when he was deep in work, Laurent would start testing just how much he was listening by saying more and more outrageous things. When he started just getting hums, he knew, it was Tyler being too distracted to notice what he was talking about. Not that he minded that, of course. It was just amusing.

And so, with a slight chuckle, he moved over to his husband and slowly slid the paint chart in front of his paperwork. “I only need you for like a minute,” he promised. “I’m gonna start painting the nursery today, I think. But I want your opinion on the color. I’m thinking about this one. Gender neutral, light, something that can work for either gender, or for multiples, if we should have that kind of luck. What do you think of it?” It was a nice, pale green, barely away from white and easy to make designs over.

“I have an idea for something pretty to do for a border too, something with rainbow colored wings. And I was starting to think about a mural, but I haven’t actually thought much on that yet. I only really paint dark stuff, you know? So doing something light like this, something kid friendly… it’s a little different. Definitely not what I’m usually working with. So I’m still working it out. I’m gonna ask Papa Etienne his opinion when I see him later this week to drop off gallery pieces, but yeah. This is my start.”

Tyler was still only half listening, Laurent knew. Whenever he went off into his art talk, Tyler would let him ramble on as much as he wanted to, and he did enjoy looking at the pieces when they were finished. It was something that he had been attracted to in the first place, after all. But when he got going into the technical side of things, it went right over his head, and Laurent would lose him in moments. He didn’t mind it, of course. It was just something he knew, something he had known since the beginning.

After a minute or so of staring at the patch Laurent was pointing to, Tyler finally lifted a hand and pointed to the one above it, one that was a little more green and less white. “I think this one would be nicer,” he offered, looking up at his husband with a slight grin. “I can barely tell that one is green. This one, or the blue one right next to it. If you did the blue, you could do like, clouds and flying things, since you’re doing wings for the border. I think.” He shrugged a shoulder, dismissing his own thought. “But I like yours too.”

“Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl yet?” (Pleione & Atlas)

Pleione was still staring at herself in the mirror, trying to decide if she looked pregnant or not, when Atlas’s voice sounded from her door, making her jump and move away from the betraying surface. It was getting hard to hide now. She had to get rid of this soon, or she was going to disappoint her parents. She didn’t even want to tell them who the father was. It was a teacher, after all, and she couldn’t risk getting him fired. Not when it was her own fault she had gotten pregnant in the first place.

With a frown, she glanced toward the open hall, and then moved both hands, one moving Atlas further into the room and the other pushing the door shut and locked. She didn’t need any of her other siblings coming around now, or her cousins for that matter, and hearing whatever conversation they were about to have. She wasn’t sure she wanted to tell Atlas the truth, after all, but she had helped the other girl with her makeup and gotten her outfit better the week before… Maybe she could trust her.

But a maybe wasn’t good enough. Turning back toward the mirror, she started adjusting her shirt with silent concealing charms, making sure it hid from all angles. “I’m not pregnant,” she insisted quietly. “I’m just gaining weight or something. I don’t know what’s happening. I just don’t want to look fat when I’m going out with my friends tonight.” It almost sounded like a good lie. Almost, if it weren’t all centered in her lower belly, and if Pleione weren’t one of the more active children in the house.

Which, she knew, was why Atlas scoffed, even as she sat on the edge of her sister’s bed. “You’re not lying well,” she returned, intentionally sounding as mocking as possible. She didn’t always like Pleione, and she was sure they would never be friends, but if Pleione knew her secret, she was certainly going to have one of her own to hold over her sister. Even if it was only going to last for a short time, as it seemed she was going to be rid of what she likely thought of as a problem soon. “You didn’t answer me.”

Another frown was sent in her sister’s direction, and Pleione took a long moment before she turned back toward her. The concealing charms had done their job, at least. It was impossible to tell, even when she was walking, that there was any baby bump there at all. “I don’t know, no. And I’m not going to. By next weekend, it won’t be a problem. And that means mom and dad are never going to know it was even a question either, right?” The look was a warning, but in her eyes, Atlas could see the plea. “They don’t need to.”

“I can’t believe we’re finally going to have a baby.” (Darlingrimm)

The surprise, almost awe, in Selwyn’s voice was enough to make the smile spread back across Alexis’s face as she shifted over, settling in with her head against his chest now. It was something they had given up on, something they had tried for but failed at so many times already. Alexis had started to think something was wrong with one of them, and had considered going in for testing, until she finally got that little pink plus sign. The positive proof that she was, in fact, bearing his child.

With a soft sigh, a happy one, she hummed her agreement. “It seems like it took forever. I can’t believe I’m finally pregnant. I was starting to think it would never happen.” She glanced down briefly, when one of his hands moved from her side to rest on top of her stomach, and smiled a little wider at the sight. It was such an easy affection, but they had been trying for so long already, and to finally get the result they so desperately wanted… Well, could anyone blame her being excited?

Selwyn tilted his head up and pressed a kiss against her forehead before settling back again, letting his eyes close. “We’ll get a nursery set up once you’re past month three,” he offered. “Did the doctor say when she could get you in? You told me earlier, but I was a little too distracted to actually absorb the information.” He gave a slight, embarrassed laugh at that, shaking his head at himself. So distracted by the positive news that he hadn’t listened to the important bits that came afterward.

“Mm, day after tomorrow. She pushed me in early to make sure the test was right, and to get an initial ultrasound. If you come with me, she said we can hear the baby’s heartbeat.” Alexis was most excited about that, in all honesty. Hearing the heartbeat of the tiny, living thing inside of her, the thing that was soon going to be a baby, if things went properly. She was beyond ready to hear that already, and to get the confirmation that their child was, in fact, going to be coming sometime soon.

Of course, that didn’t explain the small knot in the pit of her stomach. The small voice inside her that warned that something could still go wrong wouldn’t be so easily silenced, after all. She wouldn’t succumb to it now, though. Now was the time for excitement, and she let it drop away with a shift up to press a kiss against Selwyn’s lips. “Do you think we can get Hal to paint some nice scripture on one of the walls of the nursery or something? For good luck and all that jazz.”

[marylily-my-beloved]

I feel like one thing we truly do forget in the fandom is that a lot of information we do get from Sirius is tainted a lot, even if it does end up matching up with other people’s memories from before James and Lily died, Sirius had gone to Azkaban. Like for example with Regulus, I don’t remember the exact quote and I sold the books so idc, but I do remember that he did talk about Regulus briefly, calling him a death eater who loved Voldemort quite a lot.

While this is obviously true, I feel like since Sirius had already gone to Azkaban and lost all the good memories of almost everyone and can only remember quite important things, this doesn’t have to be the full truth. We know nothing about Regulus except for that (in a way), and that was said by his brother, who was obviously erased of all the good memories of him as well as probably hated him, this isn’t very reliable.

For other information we get from Sirius, while is more reliable because other people back the information up with their own phrases but also, the way Sirius sees it has to be less accurate and more violent and negative in his own memories.

[oldman-speaks]

This is supposed to be the START

Hi there, I will post my earlier ramblings which have not been published before. While I try my level best to alter some of the contents to make it as current as possible, you may find some of the info as not up to date.

PROLOGUE

Among my peers, most believe that I have a very strong memory. Whenever we have any reunion, big or small scale, I have been the one who they usually refer to when there is conflicts of info. So it is easy to understand that being able to remember well is one of the gifts that I treasure most.

Dikalangan sahabat-sahabat dan rakan, saya dikenali sebagai seorang yang memilik daya ingatan yang kuat. Di mana-mana perjumpaan, baik secara besar-besaran mahupun secara kecil-kecilan, selalunya sayalah yang dirujuk bila berlaku ketidaksamaan maklumat tentang sesuatu perkara. Sebab itulah saya begitu menghargai pemberian yang dikurniakan kepada saya ini.

Some call it as a blessing if one’s mind is filled with sweet memories. But at the same time, painful experiences impregnated vividly on one’s mind could possibly turn the blessing into a curse.

Ramai yang menanggap bahawa mempunyai daya ingatan yang kuat merupakan satu rahmat ataupun anugerah bila kenangan-kenangan manis tersimpan di dalam fikiran. Tetapi di dalam masa yang sama, kenangan-kenangan yang menyakitkan yang terlakar dalam ingatan boleh mengubah rahmat ataupun anugerah tersebut kepada sumpahan.

For me, it is vital to balance both. Always keep positive thinking and be open and forgiving to any flaws because memories keep us happy and make us grateful, lift our spirit and at the same time they compel us to be cautious and concerned, and to tone down our expectations.

Bagi saya, adalah penting untuk menjadikan kedua-duanya seimbang. Selalu berfikiran positif dan terbuka serta memaafkan sebarang kesalahan atau kekurangan kerana kenangan membuatkan kita gembira dan bersyukur, menaikkan semangat dan dalam masa yang sama kenangan-kenangan akan menyebabkan kita berwaspada dan berpada-pada, mengendurkan jangkaan kita. 

On the day I start writing this piece, my 47th birthday is just around the corner. Knowing that I could not hold to my memories forever, for I never know what will happen to me even in the very next second, I decided to write down almost every single thing that I simply consider as memories. This endeavor will always be a work in progress as I don’t know for sure when I will stop writing. 

This may trigger emotional revisit or discontent on my part, but I look positively into preserving my memorable moments for my next generation to read and, hopefully, cherish. 

This is simply a collection of my memories. It is dedicated to my family whose presence has always been very close to my heart:

Ayah is Sulong, my father;

Cek is Tengah, my mother;

Abang is Che Ahmad, my eldest brother;

Nin is Fatimah, my eldest sister;

Mah is Zainab, my late elder sister;

Nan is Adnan, my elder brother;

Joe is Ariff, my younger brother;

Umi is Anisah, my wife;

Sweetie or Aina, my eldest daughter;

Shinie or  Atiah, my second eldest daughter;

Hadi is my only son;

Aisyah is my elder twin daughter;

Anis is my younger twin daughter 

5th May 2014

[marylily-my-beloved]

Im pissed off af so I’m gonna be ranting about how much less notes my sapphic shit get even though I’ve only posted properly about one fucking gay ship (I obviously love all the gay and mlm ships in Mauraders Era I just get pissed off sometimes!)

The first one is a wolfstar headcanon, and in just one day it got 23 notes. The one at the bottom is a marylily headcanon, it got 6 notes in two days. This might be an unfair comparison but I also see how this happens to other blogs. Like I know we know more about wolfstar but tons of people love jegulus and we barely know anything about regulus, so why not marylily? Well my answer is just people don’t interact with wlw or lesbian ships and it’s annoying, because a lot of ppl I know ship these but then you know don’t do much or interact much :/ (not talking abt anyone specific, mostly ppl irl) and this goes for a lot of fandoms, but in those fandoms it’s usually male dominant characters + not enough females to ship which makes sense, but it’s not like that in the marauders, so it pisses me off. Sorry for rambling anyways the main point of this is my blog is sapphic first and foremost and I hate putting mlm ships on this blog for this reason… I might make a side blog for mlm ships idk :(

[marylily-my-beloved]

(forgive me I have only watched the english dub on netflix, ik im part of the annoying people)

A glitter force au, for the marauder era girls (idk their name thingy, sorry.)

Like I can just imagine it, Pandora as Glitter Lucky/Emily 100%, they have the same vibes, and the same whimsical energy, and also while Glitter Lucky is rlly clumsy, she's smart and would proabbly die bc of a failed something she tried to do don't even lie.

Marlene as Glitter Sunny/Kelesy because they're both sporty, and they're both really energetic, and also orange is so her colour (fight me on this /j).

Glitter Peace would sooo be Mary, bc they give off those ~vibes~ and the fact that Mary didn't rlly wanna fight bc it might hurt her friends, and then decided not to?? Like so Glitter Peace. Also Mary is yellow. That is my ted talk yuh

Glitter Spring, is … hear me out y’all … I feel like she is such a Dorcas, cause she's so strong willed, and they both give off green? (in a good way ofc), i also feel like this bc the way April/Glitter Spring acts in the series it shows how powerful she is, and how like she would do a lot for her friends.

Last Glitter person is... Glitter Breeze!! Glitter Breeze is calm and collected and does a lot of stuff, and has a personality rlly rlly rlly close to Lily. The way she is when we see her in school kind of matches up with Lily a lot. I also feel like Lily would rlly like blue, and also lily would so be kind of a leader and helps people + also does everything herself (am i projecting? maybe...)

NOW ONTO THE VILLIANS YIPPIE !!! (am I too happy for this? yes. do i care? no)

Ok so that witch girl? BROOHA BROOHA, I LOVE HER OMG. She gives off Alice vibes?? (plz bear with me) My reasoning for this is that like Brooha (help it autocorrected brooha to Brookhaven? I’ve never wrote that…) isn’t really that evil (am I lying maybe…) and also she works rlly hard and also also, she’s rlly good at messing with ppl? And also I just rlly wanted to add Alice in + they both give me hardworking vibes Wolf guy Ulric feels like he could easily be (pls don't kill me yall) Narcissa, because he thinks a lot, and also (personally) is like the good middle between Brooha and Brute. I also feel like this bc Narcissa would go banger in his outfit ngl. And also not only the vibes, but the way he talks? If that makes sense? And also I know this is in no accurate sorry abt that

Brute is (and again hear me out guyssssss) Bellatrix even though Bellatrix is acc rlly smart, and this is because Brute is always jumping into action like Bellatrix, and also I rlly feel like the way he acts and how he really doesn’t give half a shit about the Glitter Force living or dying unlike the others is really how Bellatrix would be/how she is

thank you for coming to my super long ramble abt AUs

[marylily-my-beloved]

Girl in pieces !!SPOILERS!! Pg 17-30

(Little note: I read the blurb and her name is Charlotte Davis, I didn’t know this until I read all of this lol) 

I love the turtle so much it seems to be so nice 

‘Underwater, quiet, no one around’ the water is so peaceful and calm always the waves and the no noise underwater 

It’s called creeley Center. Six days, six days that’s a lot…

‘I remeber being so scared that Fucking Frank was going to appear in the doorway and take me away, back to Seed House, to the room where the girls cried.’ I don’t like this Fucking Frank guy, I know it’s obvious he’s not a good person, but even the name and the house name makes me want to cry 

‘What’s true is that I want Ellis back, but she can never come back, ever ever… and it’s true that I miss Mikey and DannyBoy, and I even miss Evan and Dump’ Ellis :/ that’s such a nice name and she’s lost so many people that’s so sad, will she ever see them again? I mean probably not

‘Black hole inside me filled with nails and rocks and broken glass and the words I don’t have anymore’ why does this feel so poetic, the feeling is too real you know? It just makes so much sense, even with the minimal words it’s used.’ 

A BACKPACK!!! 

‘“Those boys, they said they were sorry.” I kept walking, but inside, I felt myself pause, just for a second.’ 😭😭 this is so sad, who are those boys? Mikey and Dannyboy? Evan and Dump? Ellis? So many people. 

Black and white pictures barely show flaws, it just makes sense in my head

Ok so Ellie, Dannyboy and someone else were all friends with the girl. Ok 

Anger issues, real and same. I relate to the girl a lot…

She needs to be alert at night!!! Let her be off drugs!!! 

‘Doctors filled me up from the time I was eight until I was thirteen. Ritalin didn’t work… Aderall made me shut my pants in eighth grade… Zoloft was like swallowing heavy hair and not being able to exhale for days.’ Oh shit she has a long history of drugs… from the age of eight??? That’s crazy, they tried so hard 

She got bullied harshly, toilet water.. I almost threw up 

The girls so poetic ‘burning me away day and night.’ Ok I know it’s not really poetic but it’s deep it has so much feeling 

Her father drowned? ‘I want to peel all of my flesh off and walk, just bone and gristle, straight into the river, to be swallowed, just like my father.’ Her father was sick? Really really sick apparently 

Drawing is so nice, even if you’re bad you just express your feelings in a different way than writing, because you just see it, you don’t make yourself feel it

A lot of mention of cigarettes, makes sense I guess tons of people smoke and it smells good sometimes 

I like Louisa, but she seems so sad and it’s like she’s stuck since she’s been here for so long 

‘A good egg, a keeper, a good egg, a keeper.’ I’ve heard something like this before, but a lot of eggs are good so I don’t understand it but I do. So many people are good, so many people are bad but in the end are a ‘good egg’