#ex catholic humor

[good-to-drive]

I want to write a medieval monastery au about the beatles where george takes a vow of silence so he doesn't have to talk to paul and ringo gets in trouble for stealing all the communion wine. John is heavily into witchcraft.

[holts-knees]

Stigmata but it's the perfectly matched bruises and scabs I have from my litany of blood draws over the last week

[somany-fandoms-solittle-time]

Yuu raised w/ Christian imagery: "if you don't start BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS at the count of five, then I'm gonna bring some Old Testiment level punishment on your ass!"

[fromgoy2joy]

me at 17- Fuck religion ! I'm going to eat pepperoni pizza on Friday during lent and I'm NOT going to be ashamed of it.

Me now at 19- uh, yeah. About that... Love the enthusiasm. I do. just to let you know, the ham days are over. And putting any meat on pizza too. How about you just sit down for a second?

[catgirl-soup]

cute date idea: go to a catholic mass and keep reentering the line for communion over and over again to see how many Jesus Cheez-Its you can take before the preist notices

[mytortoisegotstuckinatupperware]

shout out to the religiously traumatized ex-catholics. you can bitch on your old religion as much as you want. you did your time

[squeesquoo]

Whoops 😬

[ddogdeath]

babe they. babe they cut my head off- yes i know i should be dead. yes i can still talk. no i am NOT a cephalophore, they have to- YES they have to canonize me first so i can be a saint-

[mockvangelical]

[mumblingsage]

Speaking of story research, I came across a short book that was somewhat related to my topic but more especially quite funny: Nikolaas Sintobin’s Jesuits Telling Jokes.

Mostly because lots of the jokes are astonishing self-roasts:

So a Franciscan, a Dominican, and a Jesuit all died at the same time and go to heaven. The Franciscan is welcomed by Saint Peter and invited to sit for a meal made especially for him by the best cook in heaven. See Peter also welcomes the Dominican, and a whole team of heavenly cooks prepare an excellent dinner for him. Finally it's the Jesuit’s turn to be welcomed by Saint Peter. But this time, it's Jesus himself who is standing at the stove and preparing the meal. The other two are flabbergasted in protest against the Jesuit’s preferential treatment.

St. Peter explains the situation: "We are full of Franciscans and Dominicans here. But he is the very first Jesuit to arrive in heaven.

And another I really relate to:

A Jesuit arrived in Rome and wanted to go to St. Peter's Basilica. He asked a Dominican to show him the way.

“Father,” said the Dominican, “I'm afraid you'll never find it. It's right in front of you.”

And then there’s:

A Greek Orthodox Christian, a Protestant, and a Jesuit were doing archaeological work together in Jerusalem. While digging, they uncovered a gravestone chiseled with the words: here lies Jesus of Nazareth, who claimed to be king of the Jews and was put to death by Pontius Pilate on the Feast of Passover.

Excited by this discovery, they quickly opened the tomb, only to be dumbstruck when they discovered a crucified body inside.

“Oh no,” said the Orthodox scholar, “the Church and all the good things she has done have been based on a fundamental error.”

“Oh dear,” said the Protestant, “the Bible, which is guided me throughout my whole life, is nothing but a pack of lies...”

“Wow,” said the Jesuit, “Jesus actually existed?”

[all-pacas]

Can you talk more about the whole "Chase and 13 as siblings" deal? I've seen it everywhere,but they seemed more like ordinary friends to me. Neither of them gave me the "found family" vibes.

To be clear, it's totally fanon. They are not found family in canon, they aren't even super good friends. I'm pretty sure it comes from the common perception in fandom that they're House's favorites/the ones who view him and/or are viewed by him as his children. Which I guess makes them siblings? (I don't even think, technically speaking, that's true — House doesn't think of either of them as his kids tbh.) I am a huge enjoyer of it, though, so I can only give my reasoning; the short version is I think they have a lot of potential in this direction.

So first of all, the two of them are like. Lowkey so alike. Like the venn diagram of them is sort of just a circle. They both had traumatic family histories involving mothers who died young and who they resented/'hated.' They're both intensely private people, 13 going ahead and making that a meme but Chase just as good at it as she is. They both have histories on the show of sleeping around and engaging in reckless behaviors as a reaction to depression/trauma; they do both have close relationships with House, I think it's overstated a little in fandom but it's also true; House and 13 are obviously very close but Chase has a whole pair of S8 episodes highlighting the same; he's also the fellow House has known the longest, who stayed the longest. They're both perceptive and bright and have similar senses of humor.

As you said, they are friends. They enjoy one another's company, we see they have fun hanging out. 13 alludes to going drinking with Chase sometimes in Last Temptation. After Hours proves that Chase knows where 13 lives, that she can call him past midnight and he'll show up no questions asked. Despite both being super private and secretive, they know one another's darkest secrets: Chase is the only person besides House 13 has told about killing her brother and going to prison. 13 is the only person besides Cameron Chase has told about Dibala. (House and Foreman figured that one out on their own. Also, last time he told someone it ended his marriage, so it's kind of Insane he tells 13. Like. Wow.) 13 went a year not telling anyone her name, Chase wouldn't even confirm he was catholic when House guessed it, and yet these two tell one another things. Even in Private Lives, before they really knew one another, Chase and 13 were having serious heart-to-hearts about the divorce and whether or not Chase was pretty; these just… aren't conversations he, at least, has with other people.

Also, let's be frank. The show was setting them up to fuck. I think some of this is meant to be ship tease, in all honesty. Chase outright propositions her. One of their earliest bonding episodes is Private Lives, which has a sort of flirty bit at the end and is all about their failed romances. But thankfully — because we all know how much the show sucks at romance — it never happened. So what we're left with is two characters who are weirdly close, have a weird amount of heart to heart moments and bonding (like… compare Foreman and Chase, who have known one another forever but never have these sort of sincere 'moments'), and are incredibly similar. And who also are often framed specifically as 'House's children,' if not as as unit: Chase is the prodigal son, 13 calls herself the prodigal daughter. 'siblings' make sense. People also don't really like to ship them, myself included, although tbh they make a good amount of sense on paper. Maybe because of the built in messiness (she's Foreman's ex, technically; she leaves the show for long stretches; the show sucks at romance), maybe because people love found family, maybe because folks definitely prefer to lean into 13 dating women. And because people don't want to think of them as romantic options for one another, how do you define a relationship between a pair of very attractive people without letting that be a factor? Make them siblings!

For what it's worth, I don't actually think they're siblings, or that they think of one another as that. I think they're good friends. But they're also so alike, and open up to one another in pretty unique ways (especially for Chase), and get along well. In a weird way, I think the fact that they probably were attracted to one another and could have slept together but didn't makes them closer in my eyes: they both sleep around at the first chance, so that they didn't (by chance or choice) means they got to build an entirely different relationship. They're both lonely, they've both outlived family, they're both lowkey sort of depressed. And the idea that they could have a family in one another (Chase, for one, admits in S8 he pretty badly would like one) just really appeals to me. (With the added tragedy, of course, that it could only last a decade or so) I think they're good for one another, in that they have a "no questions asked" friendship, they know one another's worst secrets, and those secrets run parallel enough that they get it. And so even though they aren't siblings… I kinda want them to be, you know? :)

[rosiesramblings]

Anon I don't know what you're talking about that is a top tier proudest moment 10/10

re-reading your chrissy/robin fic, i saw the "st femslash" tag and thought for a second you were offering the fic up to the patron saint of femslash? only to realise a second later it stood for stranger things! not my proudest moment

lmfaooo!!!!! if there is a saint of femslash i humbly offer all of my sapphic fics to Her💓✨

[httyddragonfox]

Hazbin Hotel: Christianity slams vs My Defense

Let's get one thing straight first: I'm a fan of the show. It has an awesome person with my own sexuality in the cast (Alastor). It's not a constant string of dark humor and cussing and actually has a well concocted story with well built characters, unlike south park and family guy.

Of course...I am a christian. I've seen so people react to this that say "This is why Christianity is awful!" Ah ha ha...

I feel like I need to defend myself.

Yes, some branches of Christianity are very bigoted, strict, bias, and just horrible. I don't like associating with those people.

First of all: I'm protestant.

There's catholic and protestant.

Catholic believe in the trinity, and strict following of the bible and church going, of course they also believe the pope is someone who's word is god send, and do whatever their priests say will absolve them of their sins and get them and get them into heaven.

Protestants formed because they believed that people don't have the right to judge or absolve us, only god has that power. They are more believers of following religion and being devout on your own terms, that's why everyone has their own bible to read. Praying is more select and can be done whenever, anything to connect us to god.

Now for the sub branch, as some sub-branches of Protestantism are still pretty strict (I'm looking at you, 'god-fearing baptists')

My branch is called 'the United,' formed when several branches merged into one church. It's mainly Presbyterianism with some stuff added on, I still think Presbyterianism can be a bit strict, that's why I like my branch so much.

My branch considers you apart of the community even if you don't go to church all the time. They won't be mad at you if you don't go to sermons. You're allowed to pray at your own leisure and your own preference, I usually just give a dinner prayer every night.

They like it when you ask questions, because our main teaching is that the bible is interpretive. It was written a long time ago by people who had different views than we do today.

Our branch is super accepting of others, we don't even discuss the prospect of going to hell, so I'm starting to think we don't believe in it. If one is suffering, we don't blame them for their own suffering, we teach them god will still be there for them in their darkest moments.

Yes, my church is called the trinity, but I'm not sure how much we believe in it as we don't talk about it much. I grew up thinking Jesus was just God's son, like a demigod. Yeah, Jesus saved us, but we were taught he saved us from the strict society at the time who would kill people for the slightest moral wrong.

I grew up thinking the devil had nothing to do with the fall of man and it was just a snake being a jerk. I grew up thinking the devil and Satan worked for god to test people's faith and thus were not bad.

We don't uphold all the sacraments, just the bread and "wine" and Communion, not to mention baptism (it's not to save us from sin, it's to welcome us into the church. We don't believe in original sin).

My branch is about unconditional love and acceptance, taking religion in your own stride. We are taught to be a good person, that's all that matters. The commandments are an important lesson, (i.e. don't kill, don't steal, no adultery, don't lie, respect your parents and authority, ex).

Yeah my church upheld COVID laws, but that's because they didn't want their congregation getting sick. My mom and dad are pissy about it because they're anti government. I still have faith in them though.

TL;DR, People in the Hazbin hotel community say Christianity is the worst and full of bigoted, bias hypocrites. Don't hate on me please, because my church does preach unconditional love and acceptance.

[lilphve]

why can’t I be normal or happy? its so unfair every one is happy and has friends and is accepted its not fair why am I never happy why am I always nervous why am I always stressed why am I queer or genderqueer why can’t I be out to some people why do I have to hide myself why do I have to constantly try to convince myself that I’m okay and happy cause I’m not I’m not happy and it’s not fair I want irl friends I want to be liked I wanna have fun I wanna enjoy life so why can’t I its not fair some of the worst people have friends and support and are happy so why not me why do I have to spend every day prepared to be killed or hurt or insulted for my sexuality or gender why do I have to live in fear I’ll bump into a certain person why do I have to live in fear that everyone hates me why do I its not fucking fair I want friends I want love I want everything everyone has cause its not fair hell even pedophiles have friends but not me bullies have friends terrible people have friends but not me how is that fair and I can’t even mention it to someone cause they always say “You want friends too much you won’t get them” or “maybe that’s what god wants” its not fair why do I have to live in fear that I’m sinning and gonna burn in hell when it doesn’t even relate with my beliefs why do I always feel the need to correct someone and let them know I’m not a boy knowing how happy it makes me feel why do I always have to be so sexual why must I depend on others to make me feel even slightly happy why do I go through my exes texts hoping to feel better why am I losing friends why do I not care for any one except for like 5 people why am I so quiet why am I so loud why do I talk so much why do I not talk enough why do I always want more why am I always so ungrateful to a point even my mom tells me it to my face with all honesty why am I so useless why am I so hurtful and mean and hate filled why am I never satisfied why am I always angry why am I so curious why did I let him do that to me and not tell anyone why do I have to be so different I just wanna be normal I wanna be feminine and blonde and have blue eyes and long straight hair and friends and be Christian or catholic and be loved by everyone and be straight and cis and normal and happy why can’t I have that why do I have to be the way I am why do I wanna kill myself all the time why am I too afraid to even kill myself why am I always overthinking why am I always over analyzing why is my safe place my phone why do I cry when I don’t have my headphones why am I so sensitive to sound am I faking it am I just a pick me whose faking being sensitive just because does everyone hate me why do my friends care more for my bullies than me why does no one understand how I feel and whenever someone does they’re older than me and from another state its not fair I NEED friends even my therapist said so why won’t my mom take me to that place for other LGBTQIAP+ kids when that might be exactly what I need why am I so scared to kill myself why am I so scared to live why am I so scared to love why do I not know what love is why can’t I be happy why can’t I be sad why can’t I be nervous why can’t a feel why can I feel so much why am I always alone why do I always feel alone why do I always feel this weird dark gaping empty hole inside me why can’t I be happy I have a few friends who might genuinely care for me why do I ignore their feelings why can’t I feel their feelings why do bullies hate me so much they’re gay too they’re black too they’re single too they have trauma too we have the same humor why do they hate me was it something I said something I did did I breathe to loud too quiet do I need to think slower to I need to be more closer minded why do I upset those around me why don’t I love myself why can’t I go to my mom without her not listening to me why won’t she listen to me why does she try to blame everything on god rather than realizing there’s ways she could help why is she all of the sudden worried about me going somewhere on a Sundays night because “its a school night” knowi she makes

[mockvangelical]

[woneuntonzz]

.☘︎ ݁˖ 𝚋𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝...

📋 i write for: 𝙧𝙞𝙞𝙯𝙚 ☆ 📌

𝙥1𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙮 ☪︎ 📌(coming soon)

𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙚𝙯 ✧ 📌

📗 what i write / haven't and will write .ᐟ

💭 fluff (honestly most of my work is fluff)

💭 angst (some content might include mentions/indications of abuse, neglect, emotional neglect, self-harm, self-exiting, addiction, anxiety —none will be explicitly detailed, however.)

💭 humor / light-hearted fics

💭 texts (-) / reactions (-) / scenarios

💭 idol as _____ / reader as _____

💭 long fics / series (averages 3k words per part)

💭 songfics (stories inspired by songs)

💭 pairings: riize x reader

🕯️ genres:

⚘ contemporary romance

⚘ coming of age

⚘ fantasy (high / urban / maybe fairytales)

⚘ dystopian (coming soon 🙈)

⚘ contemporary

⚘ cozy mystery

⚘ slice of life (i suck at it tho)

🕯️ tropes list:

⚘ enemies to lovers

⚘ forbidden love

⚘ friends to lovers

⚘ love triangle

⚘ opposites attract

⚘ slow burn

⚘ unrequited love

⚘ soulmates (leaning towards fantasy plots)

⚘ tragic love (personal fav ackk)

💽 other specifications ;

i write for afab!reader / amab!reader / gn!reader, mostly afab!reader

(!!) some of my content contain suggestive parts, however they are very tame

open to more specified requests ; (please do), more specified tropes or roles/tags (ex.: unhinged gamer!eunseok —just an example don't at me), & will do requests with specified timelines/plots, will definitely hear you out if you want it shorter / longer :>

📕 what i don't write and will never write .ᐟ

if you are into any of these, unfortunately i am just not comfortable or willing to write any of them ://

🚫 smut (and anything else related)

🚫 polyamorous relationships

🚫 age gap romance

🚫 riize x other idol

🚫 stories involving sensitive medical conditions (mental disorders/disabilites/development disabilities)

🚫 stories heavily involving religion (i am not quite familiar with any religion —but I was once catholic— since i am an atheist, however, i respect all religions)

🚫 incest / stepcest (am not built like that)

🚫 stories with heavy involvement of certain cultures (i am filipino, not that much familiar with cultures outside of mine/south-east asian culture, though, i am quite familiar with american culture and east asian culture, but that's about it.)

🚫 exploiting others' trauma

💽 other specifications ;

regarding the last one, while i do write violently angsty stuff, unless i get the go ahead or i can be assured you are fine with me using a personal piece of your life, i will not write it :((

though suggestive content is implied, i will not write any graphic and detailed sexual encounters .ᐟ