#evil incarnate wanted to try something different and be nice

[ghxst-bird]

Prompt:

Swallowing “Sukuna’s” finger is a great way of omitting the fact that— well, strictly speaking… there is no Sukuna. There’s only Yuji. And, sure, he’s still getting the hang of this whole reincarnation thing, and he’s definitely happy he’s getting his powers back, but… dang it, his reincarnation his making him all soft and mushy inside! And at the rate those sorcerers are going, they’ll all be dead within the next two years if he doesn’t do something about it!

Now he’s just gotta figure out how to make everyone believe he is not, in fact, the King of Curses, and simply his unfortunate and totally gullible vessel…

[venomwrites]

Oh my lord?? I was only hoping for maybe an opinion or a small little drabble at the most but it spawned an actual fic FIC?? I'm so happy what the heck!! You are so very kind. Thank you again for the food- NAY- for the feast, chef!!

Surprise to me too but it was really fun to try and figure out how Silco would manipulate Vi. And then to think about what it would look like for Vi to come of age in a very different environment. And then, of course, to think about what it would look like for Vi and Caitlyn to actually dislike each other (except Vi doesn't want her to get blown up bc her good heart is in there SOMEWHERE).

But you want headcannons? Let's go with headcannons for the missing time that have been hinted at in the fic:

-Silco convinces Vi Vander was full of shit. She's not a good leader, he's not the devil incarnate. Vander was wrong about both of them and they are both stuck with his mess.

-He never makes her work, but he offers it as a way to actually do good. He preys on her better nature in a much more subtle way and uses her guilt to make working for him 'her decision' (it's not).

-BUT Vi looks so much like Felicia and there is a real feeling of guilt there for her almost getting dragged to Stillwater and how fucked up her head is.

-Silco's plans shift much more to the legitimate industrialist side of things. And Vi is a key part of that. Silco has fostered her observational abilities and her natural leadership to get in with some of societies upper crust through their kids. They are legitimate enough to get in the door, but Vi gets the kids eating out of her palm and that door gets a lot bigger. Many deals have been struck when doting father Silco comes to pick up his precious Violet.

-It doesn't work on Caitlyn.

-Vi doesn't look very hard for Powder or Ekko because Silco has manipulated her into thinking she's a horrible person AND that if she accomplishes enough for him, she'll be worthy of Powder. Vi is aware her relationships are very manipulative, but she justifies it with the lesser evil.

-Shimmer is still very much a thing. But Silco keeps Vi away from it as much as possible. She has a thing about it that she can't let go of and Silco has to walk a fine line without pushing her too hard.

-Appearance wise Vi has an undercut and the top of her hair is dyed black. She usually wears it pulled back in kind of a faux-hawk tail so it just looks magenta. When she takes it down her appearance is somewhere closer to season 2 pitfighter/final battle. She dresses much more nicely but all of her clothing is reversible. She always has a 'black' look and a 'magenta' look, pointing towards her dual nature.

-Sometimes she goes by Jinx when she's truly undercover. But Topside she's always Violet except sometimes she tells people to call. her Vi when she wants them to feel like she cares. Silco is Dad.

-Even though Caitlyn doesn't care, she refuses to address her as anything but Vi, Vi will only call her Kiramman. They both loathe how the other says their name.

-Caitlyn and Vi know each other and hate each other. Vi takes Caitlyn working for Marcus as a personal insult (one of many). But Caitlyn is the only one of the rich kids who didn't fall for Vi's manipulation so she might have a little respect for her. Yes they have come close to kissing once or twice and every time Vi insults her for some reason. Couldn't be wanting to protect her, obviously.

-Silco has broken Vi down and built her back up by preying on her desperate desire for love and family. He has her convinced she is worthy of neither but he has the way in which she can have it all. He's set it up so she has enough successes to think she's accomplishing something which only makes the indoctrination worse.

-While Vi can fight, it's not her first instinct. Silco has also steered Vi towards learning to invent with her hands and be educated. Because Vi is not struggling to survive in the same way, she's able to focus on learning and is something of an inventor/mechanic now too. Her hands are perpetually wrapped on missions so they won't be damaged.

-Sevika is the one who spars with Vi. She maybe sort of dislikes this entire situation because Silco's manipulation is so obvious to her, but also things are better. Vi gets to be a kid. So maybe it's not so bad? Except deep down she knows it is but she also knows no-one is coming to help Vi in the way she needs.

OH AND BONUS

-Powder hid behind Vander's corpse when Silco appeared and had to stay there for hours tucked underneath him with a burning building falling on them until someone moved the corpse...

[hollow-lime-green]

I was reading the last chapter of domains (again) and I think there’s a really interesting juxtaposition between Suguru realizing in the spur of the moment that he would let Satoru do anything to him and being completely genuine about it, vs Satoru (who obsesses over their relationship constantly) saying that Suguru could do anything to him, but stuttering while saying because it isn’t exactly 100% true (I think I remember you saying something about it but I can’t find the post anywhere)

yes! their certainties about boundaries/consent and the drivers behind that claimed blanket consent (emotional vs physical) foil each other!

suguru - genuinely certain, justified physically

satoru - falsely certain, justified emotionally

these always get so long since i yap, and i love talking about stuff like this. i want the writing to speak for itself and convey all this stuff in an organic way, but it is nice to open up the hood and talk about what i am intentionally trying to get at too. so here we go, under the cut:

Satoru

satoru's piece of this is from the girlification section of @detta-pica's ask on string theory.

satoru would let suguru do anything to him - definitely true, but also very ill-conceived, and on very shaky ground. the way they both interpret satoru's statement also differs:

satoru [stuttering, lie, psyching himself up]: yeah i'd let suguru do anything to me. yeah i'm totally game, i can take it. i could totally set a boundary, but like, i don't need to. (and oh my god what if that makes suguru sad what if it makes him leave what if-) i'm good. i'm so good. i'm so fucking good bro. satoru: [is not good] suguru [immediate, truth, divine revelation]: oh, satoru would let me do anything to him. he's not capable of setting boundaries. this is bad. (but shit it's kind of hot and turns me on but wait shit fuck am i a bad person am i literally unredeemable am i the actual incarnation of evil-

satoru's driving motivation is almost entirely emotional (he wants to fulfill this role), whereas his complications are all physical. he does like sex at a baseline, though. but that's not why he's doing this.

Suguru

from ch 6 domains -

suguru would let satoru do anything to him - also true, also ill-conceived, but it's on solid ground, in a way.

suguru has a different understanding of boundaries and consent because he's already had his broken. he knows where his lines are, and he is 100% certain that satoru is not going to cross them. i think i may have mentioned this before, but the original way the sex scene in 2sorcs ch 14 played out in rough drafts was essentially:

satoru: "please fuck me" suguru: "uhhh what? i thought you were going to want to fuck me, since you're still pretending you're straight and all. and i was gonna be cool with that. but okay. shit, okay. i guess we're doing this now."

their interpretation of suguru's consent also differs because they're both insane.

satoru [insane]: he can't actually consent to this. oh my god i'm abusing him. i'm taking advantage of him because i'm a gojo (he doesn't care) and a special grade (he is too) and he's straight and doesn't realize i'm actually gay and into him (girl...) suguru [insane plus plus plus]: yeah, i mean, it's whatever. he's a cute, inexperienced little stick man with extreme anxiety. i'm fine letting him experiment. he's way too timid to actually push anything. and even if he did, i don't care, actually, if people do things to my body that i don't like. it's just a body, who cares. it won't hurt me. it's just a physical thing. no connection whatsoever to my mental health. (also no connection to my cursed technique) well, yes, satoru's physical comfort is extremely, viscerally important to me and i am hypervigilant about it. but that's different.

suguru's driving motivation is physical. he is willing to do this because he is so dissociated from his own body that he doesn't clock harm to it or feel ownership over it. which is bad, obviously, but he does have a genuine internal certainty about it. emotionally, it's complicated because he hasn't unpacked why he implicitly supertrusts satoru (and it takes him about 150k words to get there).

we will get more into this in fellas, actually. because in order to unpack suguru's relationship with his body, we kind of need to see the outside perspective (satoru's), since suguru is dead set on Not Thinking About It. and, in his spiral, we will be talking a lot about his CT and the importance of The Body (not the TLT one) in jujutsu.

also, one more thing - it makes me so happy when you/any commenters mention you are rereading FIYM. i reread comfort fics all the time and yet i'm still like "t-they liked it enough to reread?? 🥺🥺🥺"

💜

[geekgirles]

Something I hope we get to see in season 2 is Edred and Emmelyn's relationship developing more positively. Mainly because it could allow for his own relationship with Melinda to change for the better.

Now, what we must understand about Meldred is that it's a love born from adversity. Their whole relationship, all incarnations, has been marked and dictated by their mission and its necessary sacrifices. They both chose to dedicate their lives, throughout countless lifetimes, to fighting The Evil.

And that greatly impacted their relationship and the way it works and how they bounce off of each other.

Relationships born from adversity and crisis tend to become deep and long-lasting fast (as evidenced by Emma and Melinda's eventual bond with each other). The fact that Melinda and Edred have been deeply in love for over a thousand years is proof enough of that.

However, the moment Emma entered the picture, there was a new factor neither could have accounted for that changed everything.

A different kind of relationship. Because Emmelyn, now influenced by Emma's presence and her memories, couldn't keep up with Edred's intensity.

Since their love has been so impacted by The Evil's doing, alongside their more serious and uptight original personalities, the burning passion and love Melinda and Edred feel for each other never had time to simmer down into something more comfortable but equally meaningful.

It never got the chance to be like Emma and Winston's relationship.

As opposed to Melinda and Edred, who were brought together by crisis and have had to intertwine their love for each other with it, Emma and Winston are "simply" childhood sweethearts. They're undeniably close and, more importantly, able to just enjoy their relationship because they were born into money, without any really binding responsibilities, and grew up without a care in the world.

Which is why Emmelyn is capable of laughing and goofing around Winston. It's not necessarily that she doesn't feel anything for Edred—if anything, I'd say her conversation with Winston back in a Love's Last Light about how she had Emma's memories but there was so much more (before the camera focused on Edred) seems to imply she actually has both women's feelings for each of their lovers, but can't act on either out of respect for the other, as @theunawakening can testify—rather, I'd wager it means that their relationship just isn't like that.

Seng said it himself, Melinda had never laughed like that before. And like Edred said, that is because that's not Melinda, but a completely different person.

Melinda can be warm and deeply caring, but outwardly she's laser-focused on their quest against The Evil, deeply scarred by the trauma of what happened to her mother, and acts rather callous and harsh as a result of it. Even when she's trying to do something nice—like how it was implied she kept trying to push Edred away when they first met not because she didn't think him capable of helping or handling himself, but because she didn't want him to sacrifice his everything for their quest, her quest, just like she'd done.

Melinda and Edred's love for each other is deep and long-lasting, but it's been influenced by outside forces for far too long, never given the chance to just be explored and enjoyed. They were always focused on putting a stop to The Evil; they never had time to just be a couple!

I'm convinced there were definitely more subdued moments between them, just like there's been more positive, softer interactions between Edred and Emmelyn (namely, their interactions in The Heart of Kings and Darkness Before the Dawn right before Winston appeared). It's just that they've never had the chance to be together without raising any kind of stakes, like how Edred running away with Melinda directly led to a civil war between the Elves and the forest dying.

But now that they're younger and they get to wear their hearts on their sleeve, now that their approach has shifted from confrontation to compassion in their quest against The Evil, now that Edred has come to accept Emmelyn is not his Melinda...

Now I truly believe they can learn to mellow out, which will then help strengthen their love.

[stromuprisahat]

Though compared to other characters and ships in the books, do you think that darklina could be called toxic from both parties (Aleksander + Alina)? Sorry if this offense anyone I only read the first book.

First of all- fuck offending people. Fiction is written to be discussed among other things and asking a question without ill intent should never be something to be afraid of.

As for the matter at hand- yes, absolutely.

There's plenty written on how did Aleksander wrong Alina and although most of it could be chalked up to caution, strategy and having to deal with mentally damaged girl necessary for his plans alongside more pressing matters like war and incompetent leadership. It's undeniable his feelings got involved, so he hardly remained simply cold and calculating.

He's also a petty bitch, who won't let an offense against himself and his goals slide, if he is in position to take revenge. (See: Genya's punishment, Nikolai's volcralization, partly burning that Saintsdamned orphanage..) Plus he knows words don't cost him anything, but often could work as well as actions (threatening to skin Alina, kill Grishenka etc.).

The main issue is that neither Alina, not plenty of readers see the difference between Alina as a person and her as a strategically important figure, later a leader and figurehead of part of his opposition. Or cannot grasp that a single action rarely has just one purpose with the Darkling.

For example burning that orphanage isn't necessary to prove how far he's willing to go- Alina already sees him as evil incarnate-, but it:

Destroys symbol of the past Alina keeps clinging to, even though it's holding her back.

Destroys one of few things she truly cared for.

Lures her out of hiding, so at least the Civil war can end.

Frees Alina from her shitty mother figure.

Settles the score of dead horrible women that kept damaging their "children" even from afar. And no, I won't cry for Anne Cunt any more than for Ol' Bags.

The other way around is often overlooked. Partly because Aleksander's viewed as a heartless monster by plenty of people, partly because he's the bad guy AND a ("white powerful") man, so he "cannot be abused", especially not by the heroine, from whose POV we see the story unfold.

Aleksander's only role model regarding long lasting relationships is his toxic mother, so he treats harm as affection, therefore we never see him complain, but let's be fair- if he were the one promising Alina to join her, only to proceed trying to kill them both through her powers, he'd be judged for it even more than he already is.

Alina from the first book never saw him as a human being. She found him attractive- yes-, but denied him something as basic as ability to have feelings. and once a salvation in a form of older female figure with puritan attitudes appears, Alina embraces her lies as a word of God, and immediately flees from him, never to stop and think about wider consequences of her sudden disappearance. Her dehumanization of him in the tent scene is quite something.

Alina from following books has fleeing moments of empathy, only to slide back into her "Evil man-needs to be destroyed" attitude. She feels ashamed of wanting him, she finds funny the notion he might've been sexually assaulted, she never considers his points or losses. There's probably more, but this already got longer than I intended, so I'll drop a link to my tag on their interactions I write as I go through the books.

While his unhealthy treatment of her is a combination of centuries of losses, damage caused by narcissistic mother and desperation of a cornered leader, hers of him is about bigotry, shame and will to be responsibility-free no matter the cost.

It's rather ironic, that he keeps trying to teach her- even though it's often the "tough love" he was taught at Baghra's knee-, while she uses "wisdom" of the same woman as ear plugs

Actually, the only truly nice action from her side I can think of is her honoring his last wish.

[anaer]

fic writer asks: 4, 14, 24

✍️ more fic writer asks!

4. a story idea you haven’t written yet

SO MANY. Sukugo lives rent free in my brain. Here is a (not at all comprehensive) list of some of the Sukugo fics I have planned:

The main one on my list is a pre-Shibuya "Sukuna seduces Gojo to evil" fic that I've been thinking about forever. It will be no longer than ten chapters. Ideally, eight or so.

I do also have a big dark, alternate canon stsg/sukugo fic I've been planning that goes AU when Gojo kills all the cultists in Hidden Inventory before Geto gets there, and Geto gets radicalized in the opposite direction supporting the higher ups over Gojo and lowkey gaslighting Gojo into accepting the ensuing punishment and the disastrous way that impacts everything and the resulting fallout which mainly happens when Sukuna incarnates years later. Cuz Gojo is pissed. No one will be good or nice in that fic except probably Yuuji who doesn't ever deserve to be involved in any of this, hahaha.

Then, I also want to write just some toxic no powers AU filthy kinky smut with like 18-20 year old Gojo trying (and succeeding) to get into Sukuna's pants. Not BDSM because nothing about them should ever be safe or sane.

Then there's immortal crime boss Sukuna who kills this pesky guy getting in his way, but plot twist: Gojo is also immortal and pops back up. Annoyingly.

I have also actually started the coffee shop serial killer AU lol, but it feels like I haven't because I only have one page written.

I have more, but these are the main ones directly on my list. This is of course not including the ones I'm already writing. I actually have a written list of JJK fic ideas, for various different ships. Sukugo is just my favourite.

14. where do you get your inspiration?

My hyperfixations, fml. But also talking to other people.

24. how do you recharge when you’re not feeling creative?

When it comes to writing, I don't really have a way of recharging? But I rarely don't feel creative, and if I don't, I try to just write a little bit more anyway. Or I'll rewrite what I've got word for word. Or I'll just jump to a different fic: I can't stay stuck on one fic nonstop; it wears me out on that particular story. I do get distracted with video games, but that doesn't help my creative process at all, hahaha.

If I feel particularly drained by one fandom, I will usually end up jumping ship to another, and finding something new that hits will always recharge my creative batteries. I.e. the reason I'm not writing DC anymore: I feel like I used up all my good ideas, and the comics also started just wearing on me. I'm mostly surprised I still feel like writing for JJK at the moment because when a story disappoints me as badly as this one has (and I could write an essay on all my issues with the storytelling that have brought us to this point), normally I tap out. I feel drained, canon isn't really giving me anything new, I'm honestly not even engaging with canon directly anymore. I hear about what's going on through my friends. That's way past the death knell of my time in a fandom, but. Idk, man. Something about Gojo keeps me going; he's a character I could write forever. I have so many ideas, and I find writing them more rewarding than engaging with canon, which has never happened to me before.

[raxistaicho]

Reyna’s not at the end of dealing with Edelgard yet! Edelgard in Thracia, chapter one

So who’s familiar with ReynaAtTheEnd? She (I remember reading Reyna’s a she from some of her mutuals, I’m going to assume that’s accurate, but if not I’ll swiftly correct it) wrote a fanfic called The Savior King, The Master Tactician and the Queen of Liberation, a sort of Azure Moon/Verdant Wind fusion fanfic that are all the craze with Dimiclaude shippers, in which they form a polycule with Byleth.

Oh and also Edelgard Takes a Level in Dumbass and Jerkass, and only generally makes appearances when it’s time for her to get her shit kicked in by the heroes.

Well, Reyna decided to try her hand at giving Edelgard a redemption story, and we all know how wonderful it is when Edelgard haters try to “redeem” her. And she did this by thrusting Edelgard into the plot of Thracia 776, so uhh...

But before we go any further:

DO NOT, I REPEAT: DO NOT, under any circumstances, harass Reyna! I don’t wanna hear about people leaving her insulting messages, folks! I mean it!

EMPEROR. IT’S EMPEROR. Edelgard is never called an empress, Reyna!

From the summary:

Edelgard lost everything - her country, her ideals, her life - to Agartha and to the choices she made.

No, she lost them to Reyna’s hatred for her. And also to Byleth, Dimitri, and Claude being the biggest god-mode incarnations of themselves I’ve ever seen and commanding a kickass army including both the Kingdom and Alliance unified against her, alongside basically all the Relics, and even Rhea and the Immovable. Yeah, Reyna wanted Indech to kaiju it up on Edelgard so bad she wrote him out of character and had him fight on Byleth’s side.

Queen of Liberation was also the story where Edelgard, after being beaten, was captured by Thales, subjected to her trauma again, beaten, tortured, turned into an enslaved monster, and subsequently dispatched like an enemy of the week with no fanfare.

Just so everyone’s aware of where Reyna stands.

Upon awakening in another world ruined by war, she despaired and began going through the motions; only for another cult of evil and a very different dragon god to force her hand - and, perhaps, truly turn her into the revolutionary leader she had wished to be. 

No, she was a revolutionary leader. I know Edelgard detractors don’t like it, but,

Her detractors have long tried to twist things do that Edelgard can’t be a revolutionary because she’s someone in power herself, but Rhea and Seteth don’t appear to have gotten the memo on that.

On to the first chapter proper:

So we open with Edelgard suddenly waking up and trying to work things out. Very sadly, at that.

Consciousness came to her one bit at a time. It was cool, wherever she was. The pain was gone – the spire of the Viskm ramming through her is the last fragmented memory that she has. 

Yeah she died when the Wandering Beast slammed her through a Viskam. Reyna has a weird habit of making her fight scenes grizzly affairs like something out of fucking Akame Ga Kill!, but still permitting Claude to get paragraphs-long breaking speeches in the middle of a fight because Claude is just so awesome~

It didn't make sense. She died, hadn't she? The miserable joke of her life, her broken ideals and woeful attempt to change the world had ended when the Wandering Beast did her a kindness and slammed both of them through the floor and impaled her demonic body. Wasn't that enough? Wasn't it enough, Sothis?! 

Sothis may forgive you, but Reyna never will, Edelgard. Bolding mine, btw, we gotta get Edelgard nice and miserable before everything else begins.

Myson had brute forced the procedure that she and her loyal mages had been looking into and the transformation had ripped her apart and reassembled her into a parody, a sick combination of the myths of the Crest of the Beast and those dragons. 

The word “dragon” doesn’t appear to exist in Fodlan. Demonic Beasts are always called Demonic Beasts, and Nabateans are always called Children of the Goddess. The only instance we see of the word “dragon” comes from the name of the Dragon Claw gauntlet weapons.

Edelgard soon realizes she’s alive and has her free will again, but her body’s too weak to move. She wonders at first if this is some punishment from Sothis, but no, it’s punishment from Reyna, Edelgard.

Thales's horror. The instinctive reminder felt like a joke, making her feel sick as soon as it rushed up. No, she had participated in that horror and turned her nose up at those who expressed their qualms about it. Horror had been too useful to reject.

Time for Edelgard to castigate herself, folks :)

Useful! Oh, it had been so useful in the end, it turned her people against her and reduced her to a monster, a pawn sacrificed to buy a little bit of time. 

Reyna wants to make damn sure Edelgard knows she was never in control.

The suffering had fuelled the machine of war, alright

That “alright” is taking me out, I can’t picture Edelgard talking that way.

– consuming all that she'd tried to build. Maximus Varley, Ladislava, Randolph... everything they had done had only made the Alliance and the Kingdom more determined to defeat them. Had only caused her own people harm; burning in wild fires in front of the monastery, 

Ahh, yes, that was one of the instances of Claude’s ~~brilliant scheming~~

So, see, he had Constance bolting the Imperial forces because Claude’s ~~brilliance~~ in Queen of Liberation generally came in the form of having access to knowledge the actual Claude didn’t have or telling people to do things they were already going to do and being given the credit by the narration, such as when Constance hit some “dry grass” and started a fire:

The problem with this?

This is at the tail end of the Winter. I know it’s Always Spring in Three Houses, but this is meant to be happening in Winter, as all the monthly narration cards show lots of snow. Further, Garreg Mach is always shown to be quite lush, indicating they get plenty of rain there. I’m from California, I know what dry grass looks like :p

Oh yeah, and the people with Crests doing awesome shit is a recurring theme of Reyna’s work, thus proving Edelgard right about Fodlan! 

Ironic.

starving in the fields as the spring seeds died without farmers to tend to them,

Because Edelgard Took a Level in Dumbass and levied farmers who needed to tend the fields.

 subjected to kidnapping and experimentation and stripping of their humanity.

Because Edelgard Took a Level in Dumbass and Jerkass and kidnapped rando citizens to turn into Demonic Beasts instead of using prisoners or something.

Hey, I’m not saying the latter would be any more moral, I’m just saying it would be the smarter move, meaning the kind of evil pragmatic Edelgard her detractors believe in would go for it.

Edelgard angsts some more:

She had presumed so much. You would think that an emperor would be immune to fanciful thinking. 

Fight Reyna’s control, Edelgard! D: You’re better than thiiiiiiiiis.

After everything she'd experienced, she had thought that her perspective had changed enough that she was. After seeing the rot in the world, she should have been more clearheaded, not less. After seeing her siblings suffer and die, Justine holding on only to be a prisoner in her own body.

...It should have made her care more about the people who's lives she was responsible for, not less.

She does care, Reyna. Stay mad.

That was why she forced herself to use the Agarthans, threw her whole kingdom into the chance of changing that system for good -

Empire, Reyna, Edelgard’s not in charge of a Kingdom. Dimitri is.

...and became the reason her people suffered instead.

It’s funny how the actual Edelgard comes to terms with this before her war even starts, but because that doesn’t leave room for Edelgard being surprised by her ineptitude and castigating herself we need to just edit that out of her brain so she can feel bad, as Reyna wants her to.

This is true despair, isn't it?

Was this what Dimitri felt after the Tragedy? What Byleth felt, after Kronya and Thales were able to kill her father, because she had given the, them easy access to the monastery?

(weak laughter) Reyna, you really are on the Edelhater best hits collection.

Thales and Kronya would have gotten in even if Edelgard weren’t around, Solon already proved that.

Then, Edelgard starts thinking about Dimitri! Oh boy.

Her step brother. How had she forgotten...? 

...Trauma.

He...had remembered her, hadn't he? That's why he had hovered around her, had acted protective in a way she had found bizarre and patronizing coming from a stranger – because he hadn't been a stranger. 

Edelgard, honey, that didn’t happen. Dimitri in Queen of LIberation doesn’t think about you. It takes until the week after Flayn’s kidnapping - a full half a year around her - before he starts thinking about the time he shared with her. Everything before that? Dry and clinical, no thought for his time with you or any thought about you.

Even after his own pain, he'd remembered her and cared; her pain had taken all those memories away and left her feeling nothing. 

Even when Dimitri isn’t around, we have to be reminded how great he is.

We could have destroyed Agartha together, Edelgard thought in a shining moment of clarity, coming out of a sleeplike moment yet again. Him, I, Byleth. Even Riegan, infuriating as he would have been to deal with, we... together, we could have...

It’s a ~~moment of clarity~~ for her that she could have just talked things out worked with Byleth and Claude like a good girl.

Sad. Sad and pathetic. Why was she only realizing this now? 

Because defeating the Agarthans wasn’t your objective, Edelgard. Overthrowing Fodlan’s oppressive Crest-based aristocracy was.

Edelgard asks Reyna Sothis why things gotta be this way, then,

She doesn't expect a response. Edelgard expected less than nothing, really; the active goddess was with Byleth, after all. 

Oh yeah, Sothis doesn’t fuse with Byleth such that she can’t talk anymore in Queen of Liberation, because it’d be off-brand if she wasn’t around to convey her Nabatean wisdom against Edelgard’s cause, but she DOES grant Byleth her... life force or some shit to give Byleth a powerup.

Look, Reyna wanted Byleth to get her shounen mid-season powerup, and she also wants Sothis around as a mouthpiece for how great the Nabateans are. She gets things both ways and you can suck it!

Why would [Sothis] have any sympathy for her at all? Naming her children monsters and ordering their deaths, 

That thing Edelgard doesn’t do!

allying with the Agarthans who hated her.

I wonder how Reyna feels about Sothis having no problem with Byleth going CF?

It’s implied Sothis reaches out to Edelgard, and she falls into unconsciousness. Edelgard wakes up in what is described to be akin to a peasant house somewhere, then,

“...poor dear.” A woman murmured, her hand brushing along Edelgard's forehead again.

“I just found 'er on the side of the road...” A man – no, a boy. Maybe Ashe's age, his voice heavy with an unfamiliar country lilt. “Couldn't see any sign that anyone was comin' back for her, so I couldn't just leave her there...”

“Must have been running from bandits, or Lifis's pirates.” The woman decided. “Or even the army. She's not old enough to have been in one of the Hunts, do you think?”

OH NO, did Edelgard get saved by Ronan? Did she get saved by Mekkah’s favorite RNG meme unit? Probably-Ronan and his mom talk a bit, Ronan implied Lifis’s goons might’ve sexually assaulted her, but his mom assures him there was no sign of it when she bandaged Edelgard’s wound, then she namedrops Heim and the gods.

Heim? Gods, plural? The people of Fodlan would have prayed to the Goddess and her alone. Oh, Sothis had done something to her all right. Brought her back to life and dumped her in some strange place...?

I’m sure we’re gonna see Edelgard take umbrage with the Jugdral gods, but given they’re distant except in times of great peril she probably wouldn’t really care about them.

“I've just about got the tea ready, Ronan.

Oh no T_T

Imagine getting saved by a low-tier scrub unit whose only notable trait is he might move around and attack a lot or he might do nothing valuable on the turn.

Her body aches faintly, but otherwise the bed she's on – while rough and wollen – is comforting in a strange way. No hard operating table, no too-soft mattress that felt increasingly like an embodiment of hypocrisy.

This is some weird tense jumping, I have to say.

Also we’ve just gone full on, “Yet you participate in society. Curious!”

Edelgard mostly just pretends to be unconscious and wangsts while Ronan and his mom care for her.

Edelgard could count on two (three, three, Dimitri had-) 

Again, Edelgard didn’t remember Dimitri and Dimitri was too busy gushing about Claude to remember her.

people after her sibling's death and her father's crippling 

Crippling? Oh no, does Reyna believe in that nonsense “Ionius tried to give himself the Crest of Flames!” theory that’s supposed to “explain” why he looks so sickly?

who'd given her companionship and kindess. And where had that gotten them? Hubert died because of her 

No, he died as collateral damage to Reyna’s punishment of her.

and she spurned Byleth for the sake of her vision because how could she understand when she was hosting the goddess -

Byleth didn’t care about Edelgard either.

Edelgard gets up, Ronan and his mom mention she’s in in Iz, in Thracia, neither of which Edelgard knows, naturally, then asks her where she’s going:

“You wouldn't,” Ronan reassured her. “We're a small village; I doubt most Thracians could point us out on the map.” Thracians? A people who's name she'd never heard. But what else did she expect after dying? “We're right up on the ocean; most of us are fishers, and nobody important lives for miles. We're on the way to some important places, but you'd be in for a bit of a hike to get to them. Were you headed somewhere specific?”

Edelgard thinks briefly of some things she might tell them, and dumps them all immediately. She didn't have a life to go back to; she was a failed conqueror, a villain in a cautionary tale that would last in Fodlan for all time, a... a pawn of greater evil. She felt so numb when that thought circled her mind. Empty and hopeless.

“Not really.” She said with a slight shake of her head. “I had been captured by cultists, and in my efforts to get away from them, fled for as long as I could in a random direction. I lost any sense of where I was, only that I got away.”

This whole fic is going to be Edelgard lamenting her actions and coming to Jesus, isn’t it.

Also, this is some weird tense.

Also also, Edelgard describing the Agarthans as cultists is kinda contrived so we could bring up the Loptr Cult.

Ronan and his mom immediately assume the Loptyrians targeted her for their Child Hunts, thinking maybe they branched out in age, and I have to wonder how well common people knew the Loptyrians were involved? Obviously they’d know the Grannvale Empire was behind it, but the church? Idk.

Anyways, Ronan’s mom promises Edelgard is safe because,

“We aint got no Belhalla bootlickers or Travant's sycophants in Iz. They won't know you're here and none of us are gonna talk.”

First off, what medieval peasant would know the word “sycophant”? Also, considering both Grannvale and the people of the Manster District hate the Thracians, I seriously doubt Trevant has many fans at all in northern Thracia.

Edelgard asks why they’re helping her, and she’s gobsmacked to learn it’s just because they think it’s the right thing to do, because evidently Edelgard in this universe has never considered doing a kind thing for the sake of it, pleaseignorehersupportstheyruinReyna’spoint.

Edelgard offers to help Ronan and his mother around the house in repayment for their help and we get this,

“Oooh...” The mother's brow furrows, wanting to refuse but unable to resist the offer of an extra pair of hands. “You're a kind girl, Edelgard.” Edelgard nearly chokes on absolutely nothing, thankfully managing to pull up her solemn mask in time. It would be rude to laugh in this woman's face over her misplaced compliment.

After seeing how often butwhatifidothis got mad at how self-loathing Edelgard is in The Emperor and the Goddess, it’s ironic as hell that Reyna is doing the same thing in this fic. Just for wildly different reasons.

Anyways, Ronan and his mom just urge her to rest for now.

The twosome leave the room... allowing Edelgard to bury her face in her hands and tangle her fingers tightly in her hair, and wonder what all of this was supposed to mean. Why hadn't she just been allowed to die? Why did she have to live when her ideals had failed her and her empire? 

Your ideals didn’t fail Adrestia, Edelgard, the deck was just stacked inordinately against you because Reyna had a point to make in the previous fic.

Was this some kind of messed up trial?! 

Ahh, yes, I can totally see Edelgard calling something, “messed up”.

What is voice, Reyna? What is voice?

Then we end the chapter with a whopper:

She gritted her teeth and lifted her head out of her hands. And that's when she noticed that the strands between her fingers are a vibrant heather brown. Not white. Her heart almost stopped in shock. After a second, she reached inside herself and tried to pull power from her unwanted Crest, from the blood of the Goddess.

Nothing. It's gone. The Crest of Serios was still there, dormant and lethargic to her calls, but the Sword of Damocles that had hung above her...is gone.

Edelgard slowly ran her fingers through her hair, restored to its natural colour, and slumped back on the bed and stared at the ceiling with wide eyes.

 You are no one's pawn now. What will you do?

Edelgard never was anyone’s pawn outside Reyna’s fic.

I’m a bit curious why she left the Crest of Seiros intact. I could guess it’s better because it’s “natural”, or maybe Edelgard needs to turn to Jesus embrace her Nabatean origins, or something. Guess we’ll find out, huh?

Now that’s the end of the chapter, but before I let ya go, there’s the Author’s Notes:

So! ...I woke up today and wrote multiple pages of this after figuring that I disliked Edelgard too much to write it. 

Disliking her didn’t stop you dedicating entire chapters to Edelgard and her laser-guided karma in Queen of Liberation, Reyna.

Clearly I underestimated my desire to 

make her suffer more

write this plot and all the thematic parallels within. Some readers felt that I was too harsh on Edelgard in The Savior King, 

GEE, YA THINK?

Time to show you folks what Reyna thinks is a fair portrayal of Edelgard.

But as a warning, some of this shit gets pretty brutal and if you don’t want to see Edelgard’s in-depth, lovingly-described suffering, scroll down a bit.

That’s one of the Ten Elites calling her a fool. Yeah the Ten Elites are in Queen of Liberation btw, can’t have a Battle Shounen without a recurring miniboss squad!

Ditto.

Also none of the Ten Elites would call Seiros a hero. They didn’t even know why she was fighting them!

Here’s Edelgard getting bricks tossed at her by rioting citizens, and of course all she can do to restore order is scream “I’m your emperor >:(” at them.

With an added helping of the same rioting citizens telling Edelgard how fuckin’ amazing Claude and Dimitri are!

Here’s Edelgard getting a brick dropped on her by the citizens of Enbarr while she’s getting epically pwned by Byleth’s god mode army at Enbarr. Because medieval peasants will just trust that the invading army has their back :)

Here’s Edelgard getting PWNED by Failnaught so bad that metal bits get stuck in her eyes.

~~Bonus round~~ The metal shards get healed permanently into her eye :)

You know whenever I feel like maybe I don’t portray Dimitri or Rhea as fairly as I could in On Black Wings, I can just remind myself I stick to them losing arguments or losing battles they canonically do lose. I don’t fucking torture them physically while I’m at it.

We’re not done yet!

Of course Lysithea has to also pwn the fuck out of Edelgard, dropping an Abraxas bomb on her (who the fuck gets Lysithea to A faith?) and of course she had Thyrsus because this is a Battle Shounen fanfiction and as such the only way to make Lysithea look impressive is to have her use the Relic everyone staples onto her and have her drop TEH BIG MAGICZ.

And of course, even the Agarthans have to get in on saying Edelgard’s a gigantic fuck up and Thales should’ve totally went with Claudlouch vi Yagami-Britannia instead.

...”Just as planned” is a short-lived catch phrase of Claude’s. I told you Queen of Liberation reads like a shounen.

Anyways, we’re not done yet.

Here’s Myson planning to place Edelgard under mind-control once they take her back to Shambhala.

And here’s Edelgard again being subjected to her childhood trauma by being shackled underground once again.

Here’s random Agarthans insulting her as though she’s not around. One of the random Agarthans is named Matt.

MATT.

M A T T.

Oh but of course Thales has only praise for god-mode Claude:

“There were other factors involved, of course. That boy Riegan... Solon had spoken a number of times about inviting him into the truth, yet in the end he found it all by himself. From what I've learned from our spies that were able to get close to him from time to time, he created this Alliance, he planned the attacks and counterattacks...he knew about our partnership with her before he even knew it was her behind the mask; not by yet another act of stupidity on her part, but solely through guile and extrapolating from what little that deserter was able to tell him.”

Here’s Odesse beating Edelgard.

Here’s Odesse beating Edelgard again, and also calling her such lovely gender-charged insults: “Bitch, useless bitch, pig, inbred cretin”.

In German.

Yes, German is used for the Agarthan language in Queen of Liberation.

You see, the Agarthans may all have Greek-originated names, named their tools after Greek figures, and use Cyrillic, a script derived from Greek script, but eh, what’s the difference, when you get right down to it, they’re both from Europe!

This isn’t even the worst case of Reyna carelessly using one language or culture as a replacement for another: she has Japanese serve as the language of the very obviously middle-eastern inspired Almyra.

The fic that’s supposed to be about racism being bad has racist elements in its narrative, how ironic.

Anyways, back to Reyna’s treatment of Edelgard.

Here’s Edelgard realizing she was a foolish foolish girl and being told what by some rando Agarthan kid.

And to top it all off, Thales turns her into the Hegemon Husk and she’s summarily dispatched without much fanfare like a Monster of the Week.

And to finish it up (though there’s plenty more I could share), here’s Edelgard having a Villainous Breakdown because zomgCLAUDHLID!!! beat her:

As I (paraphrased) put it in a comment,

That’s not Edelgard. That’s Dimitri playing the role of Edelgard and constantly breaking character.

Content warning ends here!

and while I still feel her portrayal is grounded largely in canon

You had Edelgard behave like an idiot who derided Dimitri as a worthless madman and scorned Claude for being mixed race. The only semblance of Edelgard’s pre-existing character in the sad caricature you crafted for Queen of Liberation was that she waged war on the church.

But yeah, this creature isn’t Edelgard. At least not the Edelgard from Three Houses. It’s the one Reyna wanted to fight, a foolish would-be tyrant duped into war on behalf of the Agarthans who then folds and fails like all the red emperors to come before her. A fool who has a breakdown and is punished for the things she did so that Reyna could feel oh-so-superior for having bested her.

Edelgard is not the strawman you crafted for your fanfiction, Reyna. She’s a compassionate revolutionary who makes the hard decision nobody else is willing to make. Graceful and strong, capable of out-planning Claude (recall that in the actual Three Houses, the real Claude, who can lose things, admits that Edelgard was fooling everyone) and beating Dimitri in a fight. And in the end, she’s poised and accepting in defeat.

Reyna doesn’t want that Edelgard. Much like most of Edelgard’s detractors, Reyna doesn’t like the Edelgard that actually exists in Three Houses. She wanted the strawman she could beat and feel good about beating, so she crafted this sad creature for her fanfiction and tried to pass it off as the original. And then, for all that she said she felt bad for having put her through torture at the end, she still did it. With loving detail, with determined consistency, and with zero mercy she heaps just about every indignity and torment one can imagine upon this fictional character. And why? 

It’s fairly normal for a villain to undergo some suffering and breakdown once their karma houdini warranty expires, but I’ve never seen such karma run for so consistent a length, nor go so far, as to compare to what Reyna does to Edelgard. She could also have done it to express why she thinks Edelgard will fail in Crimson Flower - which would likely to be actual excuse if asked - except if that’s all she wanted she could have had Thales express how doomed Edelgard was to the heroes instead - as a way to puff himself up, for example. But no, Reyna wants it all expressed to Edelgard’s face, to punish her and put her in her place.

You don’t write torture in the vivid detail Reyna did out of obligation, folks.

This story will be quite different in that regard, as you can probably guess by the premise!

Really? So far it feels like much of the same, only instead of other people calling Edelgard a stupid failure, this time she’s doing it to herself.

I really wanted to like Edelgard. She makes me sad as much as angry because she's so close to being a really good complex character, but the writing really fell down on her parts. 

Might’ve helped if you actually understood anything about her and didn’t try to simplify her into a tyrannical racist who just wanted power.

I guess a part of me really wanted to give her a chance to be that character, and develop into something more.

Oh boy, can’t wait to see what Reyna’s ideal Edelgard is. It sure won’t involve cunning or guile, given her standard method of making a character look smart is to beam knowledge into their heads or provide them an OC to give them information they wouldn’t otherwise have, and she writes her fight scenes like something out of a Battle Shounen.

There will only be minimum references to The Savior King and the events thereof, and they'll be fairly spread out.

Please let that be true.

As a final note, here’s some choice excerpts from the comments:

I feel like I should reiterate that I think that Edelgard had immense potential to be a very complex and very interesting figure

“So I simplified her and made her a stupid villain.”

but that potential got lost in how selfish and self-serving she is in the games proper. 

As I put it in a tweet that surprisingly blew up:

Imagine taking Edelgard, who only wanted a normal life but instead dedicated the entire rest of it in painstaking  service to the people of Fodlan, who honestly believed her path would end with her alone and maybe even hated by all, and saying she's SELFISH. Good god.

Anyways,

Her backstory is very tragic, and with a little tweaking in regards to the Seven's role in it - emphasizing religious zealotry on their part, have the Agarthans step back to let the nobles seem like the instigators - would have made it perfect.

Reyna thinks Edelgard was unjustified to target the church, so that’s another thing she didn’t understand about Three Houses.

Edelgard targeted the church because the church upholds Fodlan’s obsession with Crests, which was the root of her and many others’ suffering.

I will go to my grave insisting that Edelgard could have been a great character. 

She is, stay mad.

I still dislike her portrayal in the games and very much dislike how Three Houses and especially Three Hopes coddle her and refuse to let anyone criticize her meaningfully

That’s because it’s never in doubt that she’s right about Fodlan’s broken status. The only thing that’s ever in question is her methods.

And here we go with the usual “nobody says she’s bad to her face enough times!”

They almost certainly were!; though I think Arvis was a better realized character than Edelgard in the games proper.

I swear, Edelgard haters insisting that Arvis was so great has made me like him less. I mean, in the end he was just a man with a complex over having lost his mother and really just killed Sigurd out of petty romantic jealousy. His big plan to reform the land has few details beyond, “I will be a better king than the past one” and, unlike Edelgard, he was genuinely being used by his dark mage allies. Also, there should be no situation that sees Arvis involved in any of these events as he never goes anywhere near Thracia.

Lastly, from someone who isn’t Reyna:

The bad thing about this (for Edelgard) is that she just literally ended up in fire emblem HELL. I've played every single FE game, and short of Fates: Lunatic Conquest, with no DLC to boost your exp. This world right here, is the absolutely most horrifyingly painful one to survive in.

Thracia is definitely gonna be a hell of a culture shock for her.

Does this person think Edelgard is unfamiliar with suffering?

Uhh, so yeah. That was bad! I’m just going to take this as a prelude to what the entire rest of the fic will be about: Edelgard hating her past actions, regarding herself as a failure and a pawn, and learning to embrace True Justice by basically learning she should have done things the Dimifan Headcanon way by embracing God and giving to the needy without disrupting anyone’s lives too much. We might even get to see some more abuse heading her way if Trevant, Manfroy, Veld, or Raydrik get their hands on her. I’ll consider it a home run if Reyna somehow fucks up Leif while she’s at it, and considering her earnest love for god mode protags that don’t screw up unless it’s dramatic and said screwing up doesn’t take too long to get undone, she probably will.

It’ll be terrible. And we’ll go through all of it :)

[beardedmrbean]

One thing I don't ever hear about is how awful of a father Elon Musk is to his 10 kids. He seems to treat them like toys or collectables and not individuals. Not to mention the fact that there are like 6 different mothers in the picture. Also he once dated Amber Heard while she was still married to Johnny Depp and refused to take part in the court case.

I haven't seen much about him and his kids, other than the one that died which might have something to do with the way he is towards the others but that's not for me to determine.

Operative part of that 2nd bit is "in the picture" guys got the means to make that not happen I imagine and he hasn't so no sure where you want to put that on his evil-o-meter but if we want to call having several baby mommas a horrible thing I hope you'll apply that line of thinking to everyone not just billionaires.

Amber turd thing is not a big deal imho either, if either party had thought it was important enough to have him involved they could have gotten a subpoena for the dude, he paid out some money for something for her I remember, but that's between them I think.

Don't mistake any of this for me doing anything other than trying to step back and look as objectively as I can at the whole thing, on a personal level I think the guy's a douche.

He's not evil incarnate though, guy that could do with not putting every thought that pops into his head on twitter yes, but not evil.

All told other than the obvious nonsense like the "X" branding and removing the verified status, I think he and his team have done ok with twitter. Should bring back the verified checkmark but charge the 8 bucks for the different features that used to come with with being verified and make that available for everyone, that would be better.

Thing with the auto thingies that different groups were using, he should have left that alone for government groups and non profits too, realtime info for the subway is nice for people that use same with the weather accounts.

[higaneruthyll]

MOETESJU

SSR DMG/Pet - Anemo Ranger Troupe position: Actor mascot Play: Holmoes Birthday: July 14 Join date: 2 months Race: Incarnate (Skyborn, owl parrot) Hometown: Sea of Trees Alias: Happy Journey

Outfit: Fully Fledge - This garment is made of lightweight, warm down. Kear keeps tight control of its weight. Also, the furballs love to cuddle with this outfit and sleep on it.

Weapon: Wings of Hope (Wings) - Carry your wings of hope so high in the sky that there is no room left for disappointment.

Skills:

Awaken:

Voicelines:

Lamb Tea Party dialogue:

Moetesju: Ju! So this secret base really is used for holding tea parties, huh? Though I’m a bit disappointed… I’m glad you invited me over to have some fun! Director: A secret base? You’re being dramatic. We’ve always used this place to hold Lamb Tea Parties. Moetesju: Ju… I just thought maybe a secret base would have… What do you call it? Camouflage? I thought you had access to that and you wanted to show me. That’d be awesome! In fact, a giant robot hides here. +800 Moetesju: Woah! I knew it. This is so nice. Ju! Director, can I become a pilot? I’ve been operating the jetpack every day! Oh, and let’s not forget about my friend Kear. She is beautiful and clever. Definitely the perfect candidate to become a scientist on our team. Director: Sorry… That was a joke. Moetesju: Ju… You lied to me? Well, I am a bit disappointed, but I think you said it to make me happy, so thank you. Isn’t a secret base used solely for a tea party greet? +600 Moetesju: Hmm, something doesn’t feel right, but… That’s still nice. Ju! Especially because this is our first private tea party. Just you and me, Director. It felt different than a Lamb Tea Party. I mean, I don’t attend that kind of party very often… because Kear said Sheru and Ciamkom wouldn’t stop teasing me. But I think that’s just the way they show their friendliness to people. Ju. After any Moetesju: Ah! Perhaps both humans and fairies hold tea parties and tease people to express themselves? That’s why you, Sheru, and the others… I learned something new today. Ju!

Moetesju: Speaking of which, would you like to guess how Kear’s and my race show friendliness? You lick each other's feathers and butt. +600 Moetesju: Ju…! No. What were you thinking? We don’t do that! Did you take us for the Cat Incarnates in the mountain clan? It seems you humans are having a hard time telling the difference between us, just like how we are having trouble recognising humans. You sing and hit a high note together. +800 Moetesju: Ju! Impressive, Director. You got it right on your first try. A hundred points to you! But Kear always complains about me being annoying and giving her headaches… She even said I am more like a cockatoo and less like an owl parrot. Uh… You don’t think I’m annoying, do you? Should I stop talking so much…? You kiss, cuddle, and lift each other up. +600 Moetesju: Nonsense. I-I… I mean, some of us peck at each other from time to time. But we don’t kiss each other! Only humans do kisses, right? Humans have various ways to express their romantic feelings. I simply don’t understand. Ju!

Moetesju: Since I was little, my people have been telling me to stay away from humans because they are corrupted by those evil crystals, which made them violent and vicious and took away their respect for Mother Nature. But the people of this troupe were so friendly. You took us in. You are nothing like the humans I heard about in those legends. Ju! It’s just that… I don’t know what you think of us. We are Incarnates, after all. Outsiders. They suffered from the persecution of Crystalis Conflux, just like us. +600 Moetesju: I know, right? Ju! Many of us were deceived by Crystalis. That’s how they became monsters. They mistreated us. Mistreated the Castaways. And mistreated themselves… So terrible. I feel sorry for them. We will work hard together and defeat Crystalis. Then, I hope you’ll give us a chance to get to know more about your kind. We’ll live together, sing together, and fly together one day. I feel excited at the thought. Ju! You are my best friend and my reliable comrade. +800 Moetesju: Best friend… Comrade… Boohoo… Ju! Director, I know I’m silly, but I just made up my mind. I will fight alongside you. And I will remember every day I spend with the people of this troupe and turn the memories into songs for my people! I’ll tell them there are many nice humans out here. Humans like you, Director. So long as we can defeat Crysalis, we will all understand each other and become friends one day. I believe in that. Ju!

Personality:

Moetesju is determined to one day fly like the rest of her Clan. When she isn’t focused on flying, she is a rather harmless and dazed girl. While she has the appearance of a little girl, she is actually an adult in terms of her species.

History:

Moetesju is a member of the Heaven Clan, a clan of Incarnates with the ability to fly, however she had a growth delay in her wings. Moetesju’s Clan were left away from humans as Conflux persecuted them and destroyed nature.

Relationships:

Personal Story:

Moetesju is testing out her wings but ends up falling on the Director. She explains that she made a bet with someone to fly high and fast one day and was off for practice with her jetpack. The jetpack, however, breaks. Kear tells her that her engine was damaged after colliding, as well as berating the Director for being in a restricted area. For this trespassing, Moetesju decides to make the Director their assistant. The jetpack is fixed and Moetesju falls asleep after some tests on her physical strength. The Director and Kear decide to get some fruit on a stick to lure her to try again. While doing flying practice, Moetesju is blown away by a strong gust and ends up attacked by a nest of bees. She hides in the river with the Director. She tries again and succeeds. WIP.

Chats:

Letter:

Hello, Director! I’m Moetesju, an Incarnate! This jetpack comes from my friend, Kear! Oh, sorry. I forgot you aren’t really here… My bad. I haven’t really gotten my head around this “letter-writing” thing that humans do. But this is very interesting! I mean, we don’t see each other and we can’t talk to each other, but we can still get our messages and feelings across. As I write this letter, it is almost like I can hear your voice and see your face, Director. This is amazing! I’ve made up my mind. I am going to write a letter to you and Kear every day, starting today! Sorry, Director. I don’t think I’m going to write you a letter every day anymore. Kear told me she would no longer be friends with me if I wrote a letter to her every day. I am afraid you might react the same way. I’m sorry. I won’t do it. Please forgive me. Boohoo.

[aimless-aimz]

eeehm. gonna be just .Rambling. lallala. huge text wall under cut

hello chat it's me the devil. so uh. shilk. am i rite. im so so so normal. here's a few things that i interpret to have happened: [pre corruption shilk is going to be referred to blueberry milk, because. the blueberry academy theory. i like that theory a lot. lalala

lighthearted ones yahoo (musings)

-he'd personally tutor some of his students. he was a really really patient teacher. he, out of everyone, knew best that everyone learns in a different way (because of the. autism. you cant look at shadow milk and tell me hes NOT a little bit 'tizzy in the 'wizzy).

-he'd overwork himself, sometimes. not for any particular reason, or for self-destructive behavior. he was just really, REALLY passionate about what he loved. autism incarnate.

-was the founder of blueberry, and ran the school, but he wanted to teach the arts to students personally again; REALLY really passionate about what he loved. as the virtue of knowledge, yes, there are things someone can KNOW, but he loved nothing more than how he loved seeing creative minds coming together. it made him incredibly happy.

-often was the one to organize get-togethers with him and the other beasts. guy who loves his friends soso much. i'm personally a shadowspice shipper, but honestly that isnt a huge thing in the way i interpret him. very silly little guy

-very quiet, most times considering the shadow milk cookie we know today, it really doesnt seem likely lmao. but i like to think blueberry milk was a biiit more shy. liked holing up in libraries with a mug of tea and just. read. like the nerd he is /aff

-he's farsighted shadow milk doesnt wear glasses, but blueberry does. why? firstly, shilk thinks he looks dumb wearing them, so he often wears contacts. second, he's farsighted- meaning when he goes to read over something, He Can't Fucking See (he can see, but he has to strain his eyes, and that hurted. lmao). so he has to have the corrective lenses on him to be able to help others with their work!!

oughhhh the agonyyy (angst)

-he was one of the last of the 5 to get corrupted. milk and salt were the last few to stop caring for the wellbeing of cookiekind. he was incredibly distraught upon seeing his close friends become monsters. he thought maybe he could try to change their mind, help them come to their senses- it.. clearly didn't work.

-and relating to the previous; when he lost it, he LOST IT. he had a whole mental break. it wasnt pretty. tearing his hair out, throwing things across his desk. crying.

-the decent into deceit was a result of this moment of weakness. his whole 'good->evil' moment? his whole reason? truth. knowledge is a wonderful, powerful thing; but as time went on, blueberry milk constantly saw others.. lie about anything they wanted- and if they did it right, any knowledge, any proof, wouldn't have them convinced. if truth was just whatever everyone wanted to hear, then why did he have to be truthful? they'd never appreciate the truth. they only want to hear what they want to be true. and if they're only going to listen to that, then why not have fun with it? tell a story? make it an art?

anywho. i love this blue twink so much hes so dumb I HATE HIM I HATE HIM IM GOING TO KISS HIS DUMB FUCKING HEAD AAAUUGUGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and that is all. have a nice day

does anyone have any lore...trivia.. headcanons... funfacts.. abt their own takes on pre-corruption shadow milk...!!!

i'm working on my own right now, its so fun, and i'd love to see what other people have come up with!!!

...and make sure i'm not TOO horribly off the mark asdjfjgjhgs

[corvase]

when writing: enemies to lovers

hi everyone.

i decided i wanted to start a little series called when writing: (insert trope, plot point, story aspect, cliche). feel free to (and please do) recommend anything of the sort stated above that you have any questions about or want to know how to write.

first one we’ll be talking about is my personal favorite: enemies to lovers.

i had this idea when i was reading a novel that was meant to be enemies to lovers, but then two chapters in everything was resolved—which not only turned me off reader-wise but made me wonder why it was marketed as a riveting enemies to lovers story— when it wasn’t that.

slightly disliking someone isn’t the same as despising them. slightly disliking someone doesn’t make them an enemy, it makes them someone you find disagreeable. those are two different things.

moreover, in my opinion, when two people have been plotting each others’ murder for weeks/years/however long they’ve hated each other, that hatred-filled way they thought of the person isn’t just going to disappear into thin air just because they did something nice for them.

; that’s how humans are.

after thinking one way for a long time, people will not easily be swayed into another way of thinking.

with that, i think, i’ve stated the most important part of enemies to lovers done well.

it’s the rawness, messiness of it all. the reluctance. if you’ve done it in a good way, your characters would have most likely been bloody awful to each other to start. and i meaaannnnn… they’re enemies. they should be.

don’t be afraid to have them be awful to each other because you think the readers will find it too harsh or not be able to forgive them.

i’m not saying make them commit a crime or anything… unless…?

they’re meant to be evil to each other. they are meant to annoy the reader too, so we feel like we’re coming around to the character when our main pal starts to as well. there needs to be that switch.

and chances are, when they do fall in love, instead of thinking something like “i want to write them love letters because i love them so much i feel like i’m on clouds,” they’d be thinking “i want to rip off their smile and put it in my pocket for safekeeping so it’ll never go away.”

so how do we get that aspect across in writing?

well. think of the person you dislike strongly or hate right now. you probably have an image in your head. now let’s say that they gave you a birthday card. would you suddenly forget why you didn’t like them in the first place? would you fall in love?

let’s say i told you that three months from now, you’d be in love with them. what would your reaction be?

right. i heard the laugh you let out just now (which, same).

i don’t think there’s another way to go about it than trying and failing and trying. read and watch lots of enemies to lovers media. good and bad (so you can see what not to do). remember the points i mentioned:

no matter how excited you may be to get to the romance, take your time. don’t let it be a brief hatred— your readers start your story from page one. saying “yeah they did hate each other for the past two years but you didn’t see that” isn’t showing it’s telling. show me at the beginning of the story what their relationship is. establish it. then ruin it and let them fall in love.

let them be awful to each other. don’t let fears of how it’ll be taken get in the way of you having your characters (regardless of age) act immature when provoked by the person who gets on their last nerve. it’s important to have them both be awful too; it’s one thing if one person is an angel and the other is satan incarnate. that is just not a good relationship period and not fun to read at all. in fact i’d say that’s just a toxic relationship. make sure it’s enjoyable awful. let your characters make other characters cry!!!!!!

make sure that the realization (and rest of the character coming to terms that they no longer hate &/ love their enemy) doesn’t undo everything you established in the beginning. just because they no longer hate each other doesn’t mean they never hated each other to begin with. make sure that their past plays a part in their later conflicts. i mean… they’ve been awful to each other. they’re not just going to sweep it under the rug. even if it isn’t the main conflict, it’s definitely not going to be forgotten, especially if the characters are arguing later on and one remembers something the other said to them. (bc we love drama here!!!!)

a lot of what enemies to lovers is is testing out situations, cutting some out, learning what works and what simply doesn’t. have people give you feedback on certain scenes— is this argument contrived? did i cross the line here? would you be able to forgive someone who did this or not? do these characters work together at all?

these are questions you need to be asking yourself throughout the writing process. the answers to these are what makes an enemies to lovers story enjoyable.

there are really important parts you need to remember too— and this isn’t a specific formula but a flexible reminder.

hate —> hesitance —> love.

or in layman’s other terms…

you are the worst thing i’ve ever come across in my life —> … wait… why did i dislike you? —> oh. i don’t (anymore).

without the first, it’s more just disagreeable strangers to lovers. which is okay. if that’s what you’re going for.

i think the fact that they do need to actually hate each other for it to be enemies to lovers is something that is often forgotten— but i think what’s equally forgotten is the reminder that there is no way these characters would just flip a switch and change their mind within a small amount of time. there needs to be that hesitance so it’s a gradual thing— and even if it isn’t a 50k slow burn you simply can’t rush enemies to lovers for it to be realistic.

some enemies to lovers media i recommend to learn from (whether good or bad i am not bold enough to specify here)

the cutting edge (movie)

the unhoneymooners (book; especially good because the main characters have an unresolved external conflict even after resolving their own)

the princess diaries 2 (movie)

shipped (book)

you deserve each other (book; one of my favourites, ever)

me before you (book & movie)

starstruck (movie)

10 things i hate about you (movie)

well met (book)

the hating game (book)

beach read (book)

meet cute (book)

lastly, here are some reluctantly falling in love with my enemy but can’t show it blurbs by yours truly.

as always, feel free to use :)

“oh my God, you absolute dunce. you’re sick, aren’t you?” “i’m not.” “you’re coughing right now! see!”

character b thinking they were having a moment but character a still has the mindset that they’re enemies and thinks it was all a joke… which hurts

ARGUMENTS!!!!! arguments. let them argue. often. especially when they’re falling in love, they won’t know why the arguing has changed from simple “i hate you’s” to “why do you want to get to know me? i thought we’re supposed to hate each other’s” and a bunch of other fun stuff

having character a do something nice for character b but character b instead thinking they have some ulterior motive

“if you die, i’m going to kill you.”

that “wait wait… did i ever hate them?” moment in the end of act two

“so help me God if you smile like that again i’ll eat it off your face.”

those conflicted feelings… character a hating character b but wondering if they hate them enough to give up on the chance to be with them

“you’re smiling at me.” “sure i am.” “i’m literally looking at you and seeing you smile at me right now.”

“i hate you, you know.” “i know.” i hate your smile.” “i know.” “and your face. it’s so obnoxious.” “i know.” “i’ve hated you for [x amount of time] so why is it that i can’t seem to get you out of my head now?”

[sexyminion]

Ok fuck it let me ramble stobotnik (stoneman??) in the Sonic boom canon AU. Under a cut because it’s extremely fucking stupid

Ok since jimbotnik and boom eggman are pretty dissimilar because the tone and themes of the movie vs that canon are pretty different, I’m tweaking the ship dynamic AND Stone’s character pretty drastically. So this is basically….a half step separated from an OC/canon ship.

Boom is a Bad Comedy first and Sonic media second, so the dynamic I’ve landed on that I think is MOST funny? They’re exes. Divorced. Agent Stone is Eggman’s ex husband.

So instead of ever being an assistant, Stone is actually more of a peer/rival villain. I’m thinking they met in grad school for evil or something. He ALSO is a robotics guy but with a different style. All his robots are elegant and sleek and modern, because style and presentation are very important! None of the clunky, retro sci fi style that eggman likes. I’m thinking they’ve gotta have coffee motifs too, because he’s a scientist but a barista and latte artist at heart. Like.. idk a milk steamer that kills you? Espresso that shoots out and melts you like acid?? Coffee bean machine gun??

For his personality, I want to crank up the silliness factor up to 11, because that’s the case with the other characters.. So I’m leaning into the “possessive/obsessive” trait we get a taste of in the movie and we latch on to in fanon. So… he’s a total STALKER. Outwardly he is very friendly and comes off as nice and calm and level headed. But he’s actually totally nuts about eggman. Stone digs up every piece of personal information on him that he can and knows EVERY aspect of his life and history. Eggman was flattered by this when they were younger, but eventually realizes stone is Quite Fucked Up (stone reads his mail, knows his mothers maiden name and social security number, installs hidden cameras everywhere, tries to kill any man who even LOOKS at eggman, doesn’t let eggman out of his site for more than a second). they have an extremely dramatic falling out. years later after they’re split up, eggman is VERY grouchy and filled with contempt at the thought of stone.

So more on the ship dynamic. Stone is very much in cheerful denial that they’re divorced. Like “that’s just a document it’s not important.” He will randomly show up for plot reasons as the Character of the Day at eggmans island fortress like “Did you miss me? :)” (“Yeah, but my aims getting better”). He is much more outwardly pleasant than eggman and most characters are confused why eggman calls him “the devil incarnate”. The dumbest aspect is that every time stone shows back up, eggman bitches and grumbles but EVERY TIME stone wins him over again and makes him fall back in love. It’s a total 180, “I don’t know why we ever split up, why don’t you stay here from now on? We can turn cubot and orbots room into a cafe! They can live outside.” However due to the rules of comedy show, it always goes to shit and usually ends up with a giant evil robot duel. So basically.. they’re on again off again ex husbands.

Some random other character musings:

- he’s still an agent from some sort of… agency. eggman would call him a “lapdog” for it but in reality he’s jealous that whoever stone works for doesn’t want his inventions instead. he has a very men in black aesthetic going on

-he gets along very well with Amy, because they’re both hopeless romantics with an appreciation for style

- sticks HATES his ass SO MUCH. Sonic and tails are just kind of annoyed to have to be occasionally bombarded with the saga of eggman’s romantic life. Knuckles gets an extremely stupid line about not knowing gay divorce was legal

I’m definitely gonna add to this and TRY to draw a character design but there ya go lmfao

[gorogues]

Spoilers for this week’s episode of Stargirl!

The JSA has a problem with Sylvester Pemberton.  The guy keeps flying off the handle and making everything worse, and he's got questionable ideas like taking Courtney out of class to teach her new tricks with the staff.  He continues to treat Pat poorly and just as a lowly sidekick, even though Pat's absolutely wiser and more cool-headed than he is.

Anyway.  The Shade goes back to his usual booth at the diner, and poor Maria the waitress is clearly terrified to get his tea wrong again, but for once he's pleased with it (he does however make a comment about it being about the 44th try, which is quite rude and he should know better.)  But that's when Sylvester and Pat show up to question him about the Gambler's murder, and Sylvester angrily accuses him of the killing, which annoys the Shade and frightens everyone else in the diner.  Later Sylvester and Courtney go to Shade's house to apologize for his aggression, but Shade and Sylvester needle each other so much that Starman blasts Richard across the lawn and yells at him for killing the JSA.  You may recall that the Shade had actually saved Dr Mid-Nite during the melee, and at worst is guilty of not saving the other JSAers who died.

This treatment seriously pisses off the Shade, who tells them that he'd enjoyed staying in Blue Valley but has got his own problems to deal with, and disappears into mist; the green light he saw earlier accompanies the use of his powers.  He later appears in full costume to apologize to Rick for not being able to help bring back Solomon Grundy, but tells him not to give up.  He appears somewhat regretful about his conduct, making a comment about his and Sylvester’s huge egos, and seems unwell or weak.  Then he leaves abruptly once again, and will probably be gone for a few episodes and may return with Jennie or Todd....he probably wants to learn what that green light is.  It's possible Todd's use of the Shadowlands may be affecting his own powers, or maybe he’s been infected by the Starheart.

I thought it unlikely that he'd be responsible for the murder, but before leaving he huffily tells Courtney and Sylvester that he'd been occupied with teaching Maria to make proper tea at the time of the killing.  I still think it's unlikely that Cindy did it, but she does have the Gambler's missing laptop, and that's rather incriminating.  The Crocks are clearly aware they're about to get into trouble for something, but it's probably something else (we know that Crusher wanted to attack Gambler but decided against it).  My bet is still on Helix or someone associated with them, but we'll see.

Meanwhile, Cameron Mahkent is troubled by his nascent powers and is acting unusually moody.  His evil grandparents tell him he's due for great things, and it seems likely that one day he'll be the new Icicle, just like his incarnation in the comics.  Comics Cameron is otherwise rather different, though.  It's nice to see the kindly art teacher (Paintball) back, but it seems he was permanently injured by the incident with Eclipso.

So a pretty good episode, and tensions are ramping up.  Hope it isn't long before we see the Shade again, and that someone reins in Sylvester before he turns into a complete disaster.

[batboyblog]

I watched the new Doctor Who Episode.

as a disclaimer I stopped regularly watching Who sometimes toward the end of the Matt Smith years but from time to time something will pop up so I've been kept generally up to date on whats happening.

any ways The Power of the Doctor. Uh first of the actual plot felt like a 7 year old hopped up on too many pixie sticks watched 3 different Doctor Who episodes but didn't understand they were different episodes so is trying to tell you the plot of all 3 as if they all happened at once. It's a mess and does not work at all. But hey the "plot" was largely an excuse to get to the second half which had the fun stuff

I really enjoyed the mind metaphor and the Doctor getting to talk to themselves. I can't over say how much I appreciate Who not trying to CGI de-age any of the actors or recasting them with look a likes or any silliness. I like that it was not commented on mostly, I like that they trusted the viewers to be adults and understand that hey actors are people who age and it's been 30 to 40 years since these guys were the Doctor they'll look different and we love them and want to see them again.

The hologram Doctor becoming old versions of the Doctor was smart and I'm a sucker for old companions coming back. I loved seeing Tegan and Ace. The scenes between Janet Fielding and Peter Davison and Sophie Aldred and Sylvester McCoy were really good, particularly between Aldred and McCoy, McCoy is a really great actor who doesn't get enough credit and it felt like a good showing from them to show why it was so unfair they were the team that the show was canceled on back in 1989.

I will say while I'm fine with them recasting the First Doctor and David Bradley does a great job, having him there and not having recast the Second and 3rd Doctors feels a little unfair, if they're gonna keep using Bradley and the First Doctor it does kinda erase #2 and #3 because Tom Baker so overshadows all the other old Doctors and Davison, McCoy, McGann, and Colin Baker have been so game to show up in New Who, since Troughton and Pertwee are dead it does feel like their Doctors are getting overshadowed and forgotten.

Speaking of Tom Baker it would have been nice to see him in the mix, it was a little odd to see them keep jumping from First Doctor to 5th-6th-7th-8th. I get that Tom Baker is very old now and so he may have just not been up for it, and also he has a history of being difficult when it comes to getting him to do Who stuff, but it still would have been nice to see him give a few lines. Likewise if they could have gotten Eccleston I know for a long time he wanted nothing to do with Who but in the last few years he's softened up and started voicing 9 in audio adventures so it would have been great to see him. Also Matt Smith or Peter Capaldi it just felt a little incomplete to have the current Doctor meet the incarnation of her incarnations but only like half her faces show up?

I loved the Old companion support group at the end it was very cute, it was great to see old faces like Mel, Jo who is one of the all time greats, and the fact they reached back back back to the VERY start with Ian was it made me a little misty eyed no doubt. It would have been good though if they could have tried to get some New Who people in the mix other than just the current doctor's latest companions, a quick Captain Jack maybe?

also this is very much me, but if we're paying tribute to the companions, to the greats, to girls who grew up into tough women who never stopped saving the world even without the Doctor around. It would have been nice to see a tribute or a nod to Sarah Jane Smith, particularly since the show did nothing when Elisabeth Sladen actually died in 2011.

over all enjoyable, the plot was a mess, the evil plan didn't really make sense or work, but it was cool to see a bunch of old Doctors, old companions, and have one last fun spin around with David Tennant as the Doctor, particularly given the whole theme of the 13th Doctor clawing her way back because her time wasn't up and the 10th Doctor's last words were "I don't want to go" it'd be fitting that he never really moved on, which would have been cool to show if he was the only face that didn't show up talking to #13

[jekacatrina]

Fate don't know you like I do

Hello, guys, have this super cheesy and self indulgent piece I wrote for Bakudeku day! I'm so happy to be part of this fandom and all the wonderful content creators out there, so here's my little contribution, enjoy! I wrote it super fast so sorry for any mistake or typo!

Also, the title is a song I love, please check it out, it inspired the whole thing!

Izuku wakes up to the sight of his bedroom ceiling, body aching and mind restless. He’s no longer wearing his hero suit, except for the undershirt and his pants, everything else is gone. Slowly, the yells of the crowd infiltrate his thoughts and he wishes to run away, to go to where he can’t hurt anyone he cares about.

He has to leave. He is being selfish. Izuku props himself up on his elbows.

“That’s the face of a rabbit ready to bolt,” the gruff voice startles him, and he turns to see Kacchan sitting on his desk, frowning. It adds up that they wouldn't leave him without someone standing guard.

Kacchan has changed out of his hero suit, and a dark grey long sleeved t-shirt hides the bandages on his shoulder and stomach, but Izuku is keenly aware of the wounds he was sporting as he flew around trying to keep him from leaving. By the end, his childhood friend was bleeding through them. That was Izuku’s fault; both Kacchan reopening his injuries and the fact that he has them in the first place.

“Kacchan, I'm so-“

“Save it, nerd,” he abandons the desk chair and shuffles closer.

Izuku takes him in; after weeks of agonizing over the state in which he left Kacchan, seeing him do a perfect arch in the air and stop a villain with a precise AP Shot, filled him with a relief so strong, it paralyzed him, and he was only able to stare in awe.

During the following fight, if Izuku can call it that when it was against his friends, Kacchan was everywhere; coordinating different maneuvers, and he even had a new move. Izuku told his friends they couldn’t keep up, and he remembers vaguely that he apologized, because in reality they’re miles ahead of him.

Still, nobody is like Kacchan: certain and absolute, pure will held together by his convictions. He never backs down, and he never gives up, only marches forward. Izuku never stood a chance against him, in more than one way.

Kacchan kneels by the bed, putting an elbow on the bed, close to his hips, and lazily resting his head on his hand.

“Kacchan, I can’t stay here,” he mumbles, trying to convey all his inner turmoil. He wants to stay, he is so tired and scared, but he will not risk anyone for his sake.

Kacchan frowns in response.

“You can, and you will, dumbass,” he states, surprising him by clutching his forearm. “I’m not chasing your sorry ass around anymore.”

“Then let me go,” Izuku turns his arm, grabbing him as well.

“You’re not going anywhere, Izuku.”

The name travels through his body, lighting him up on the inside, coursing through him with the violence of the first time he used One For All, equally exhilarating and terrifying.

It all comes back to him; the rain, his words, his bow, Izuku collapsing and Kacchan appearing in time to support him.

Izuku.

“You apologized,” he whispers, tears coming to his eyes. “You said all those things in front of the whole class.”

“I had to, asshole, you left before I could tell you in private,” he doesn’t look embarrassed or regretful. Kacchan doesn’t shy away from his decisions once he makes up his mind. “Only a shitty letter for explanation and that was it.” He shakes his head. “You didn’t even let me go with you, idiot.”

“You’re still dealing with the outcome of the last time I let you come with me.” The tears are running freely down his cheeks. “I had to watch how he almost took you away from me.” He scrubs his eyes furiously with his free hand, not letting go of Kacchan. “I can’t allow more people to suffer because of me.” He’s on his way to a full on breakdown, struggling to get air in his lungs, and blood roaring in his ears, the noises muffled.

Suddenly, Kacchan is hovering over him, shoving his shoulder firmly.

“Hey, Deku, scoot over,” Izuku only glances at him through his crying, baffled. “Give me some room to lay down, like when we were kids.” He’s already in the process of climbing on the bed, and Izuku manages to slide his body closer to the other end, grabbing the bed cover when the weight of his childhood friend laying down almost makes him roll over him. “Jesus Christ, you stink,” Kacchan complains.

“I know,” Izuku turns on his side, creating more space between them. Hygiene wasn’t that high on his list of priorities, not even eating or sleeping was, and he feels awful. He didn’t have the energy to shower before passing out.

“You smell like dirt and sweat.” Kacchan scrunches up his nose. “Worst of all, you reek of that goddamn martyr complex, and it pisses me off.” he turns too, and traps Izuku in his red gaze. “If you’re choosing to ignore all I said before, at least pay attention to the last part.” He’s not sugarcoating his words, he’s as brash as he always is. “We all want to fight, because we’re heroes and we want to protect everyone, including the fucking chosen one, whether you want us to or not. I’m not asking for your damn permission, and neither is any of the rest. So, you can either play nice and make it easy for us, or be a self-sacrificial idiot, making it all the more annoying. Your call.”

“I don’t know how to stop,” Izuku grimaces, reaching for him with a shaky hand, and awkwardly squeezes his arm. “I’m not ignoring all you said, Kacchan” he chooses to focus on that, gaze in his All Might covers. “I, I forgave you a long time ago, mostly because I wanted to focus on the good parts, so in a way I let go of it for me.” He forgets about his smell, and scoots closer, resting his forehead close to his shoulder. “But thank you, Katsuki.” He hasn’t said that name in ages, but that doesn’t come from any animosity on his part. Kacchan has always been and will always be Kacchan. Izuku feels him move as Kacchan places his chin on top of his matted curls, and they stay like that for a while, with their past laid to rest at last.

Kacchan speaks up first.

“Listen, Deku, everything is getting pretty fucking real,” he pauses for a moment. “Shit is really dangerous for any of us, but for you it is like a thousand times worse. Your ass is a fucking death magnet, and it’s driving me crazy.”

“One For All is a big responsibility, Kacchan, but it’s not yours.” He does his best to keep his voice low and soft, the weight of the legacy crushing him.

“The Hell is not!” Kacchan retorts vehemently. “You made it my deal the moment you told me!” Izuku winced. “What’s up with that? Wasn't that the biggest secret ever? Are you that much of a blabber mouth?”

Izuku clutches his arm harder.

“I wasn’t going to let you think I lied all those years.” He explains, and in a moment of bravery, he continues. “I’ve never been anything but honest with you, Kacchan.”

The anger in his voice disappears as fast as it came.

“I know that, idiot.” His bigger hand finds Izuku’s hip. “One for All is your responsibility, but you are mine.” Izuku is pretty sure he stops breathing. “Since we were fucking four years old, and you were this quirkless little shit that wouldn’t quit chasing after me, no matter how much I pushed you away.” Kacchan scoffs and his breath tickles him. “Well, congrats, dumbass, now you have me and I’m not going anywhere.” His heart flies to his throat and doesn’t let any word come out. Kacchan growls, clearly bothered by his silence. “All for One VS One For All is the fucking shit show for the ages, and of course you, Deku of all people, have to be right in the middle of that crap.” He talks through clenched teeth, and Izuku longs to soothe him, but there’s nothing he can say to fix the situation. “All those who fell against that fucking maniac and now you have to-” Kacchan chokes up, and punches Izuku on the arm. “Whatever, there's nothing I can do for those nobodies that came before you, but you have an advantage over them.”

“What’s that?” He whispers in a small voice, not believing he is having this conversation in bed with his childhood friend.

“You have me,” Kacchan utters, and Izuku feels like he hit him with an explosion, sweeping his feet from under him. “Just let me set something straight, Deku, I’m not going to be your fucking sidekick, you hear me? You watch my back and I watch yours. I don’t trust anyone to keep up with you.”

I don’t trust anyone else to protect you.

“Kacchan-”

“You deal with this crap once and for fucking all, Deku, and we come up on top.” Kacchan declares, Izuku can hear the smirk in his words, and he has to smile back. “I don’t settle for anything but the best, and taking down fucking evil incarnated, I’m in, Deku, I’m all in.” He disentangles them, leaning back with a vulnerable expression, and offers his hand for Izuku to clasp. “What do you say?”

Izuku wants to say no, push him away from danger and lock him somewhere where he is going to be safe, but he knows Kacchan. He is determined, stubborn to a fault, and braver than anyone he has met. If he sets his mind on protecting Izuku, nothing is going to stop Kacchan, not even him.

That’s why Izuku loves him like he does.

In this space, with just the two of them, Izuku can be honest with himself: He is scared, and he has been for a while.

Scared of not living up to All Might’s hopes.

Scared of never mastering this power.

Scared of letting down all the people that gave up their lives to take down All For One.

Scared of being the wrong choice.

At the end of the day, Midoriya Izuku is terrified of not being enough.

In the midst of all the fear and doubt, he sees Kacchan; the person Izuku admires the most, the hero he has chased since he was four years old, and the driving force behind his progress. Kacchan, who knows all of him, and understands him because he sees Izuku for who he is, all the good and bad parts.

His Kacchan, who is now offering to help him and ease his burden, risking his dream, his precious life in the process, to stay close to Izuku and protect him.

A part of him, the one that imitates All Might, is screaming at him that he has to reject the support, to do it on his own. He should hold the weight of the legacy by himself. However, the other part of him, the one that believes Kacchan is what victory looks like, tells him he isn’t All Might and he doesn’t have to be.

He is Midoriya Izuku, and he is allowed to live his life and fight his battles on his terms, just as Kacchan does.

He clasps his hand, and Kacchan smiles, without a trace of mockery or anger, just plain happiness and relief lifting the corners of his mouth. Izuku hasn't seen him smile like that in years, and he needs to say something. He means to say yes to his offer, maybe thank him, but what comes out instead is:

“I love you.”

The punched out gasp that Kacchan lets out shocks Izuku more than his confession does. He can’t believe the words he has hidden for so long in his heart escaped that easily. More shocking is the fact that he doesn’t want to take it back. Even if he is scared of many things, Kacchan isn’t one of them. Yes, Kacchan frustrates him, he worries him, and makes him nervous, but Izuku is not scared of him, never has been. He can die any day now, any of them can, and he is done with silencing his feelings.

Kacchan is not screaming or scowling, neither he is leaping out of the bed and running away from him, so Izuku would say he is mostly stunned, although he doesn’t see why. His feelings for him are a key part of the person he is. Izuku admires him, cares for him.

Izuku loves him.

“Do you mean it?” The question seems to pain him. He hasn’t released his hand.

“Yes, Kacchan.” Izuku is not hiding it, not anymore.

“After everything?”

The words strike his heart and cut deeply. Izuku doesn’t hold any grudge or resentment, and he can’t tolerate the idea of Kacchan thinking he can feel something for him despite their past.

“Because of everything, Kacchan,” Izuku replies, touching their joined hands with his forehead, shying from the red eyes. “The past doesn’t disappear, but that’s not our present, and definitely not our future.” He takes a deep breath to calm his heart. “You don’t have to say anything. I didn’t say it to get an answer.”

“Deku, you can do so much better,” Kacchan says, bluntly.

Izuku doesn't let the obvious rejection deter him from speaking with the truth.

“I don’t see how,” he stares at him, mustering a wonky smile. “You are you, Kacchan; you’re brave, honest, loyal, brilliant, and hardworking.” The words spill without filter, and he drinks the sight of his pale skin blushing. “It’s not about doing better, just who I choose, because when it comes down to it, I chose you a long time ago, Kacchan.”

Kacchan tips his head up, the blond strands cloaking his eyes. Izuku refuses to regret coming clean about his feelings, but as the silence grows between them, he starts to fidget. Little by little, he realizes the true weight of his confession, and the bridges he might be burning.

“This doesn’t have to change anything, Kacchan.”

“It changes everything, Deku,” he replies, not missing a beat.

Izuku curses his luck; it was just like him to confess his love right when Kacchan finally came back to him, something Izuku hadn’t dreamt in his wildest dreams. Dealing with these feelings much longer, when they are so powerful and consuming is not possible. Still, he should have tried, for the sake of their friendship.

A callous finger touches his chin, breaking his spiral of thoughts, and lifts his face. The fiery eyes are wide and defenseless, embers instead of the wild inferno Izuku expected.

The first touch of chapped lips is an awakening, and his first kiss is over before he can finish tasting it.

Kacchan leans back, and for the second time in his life, Izuku’s mind goes blank and his body moves on its own, chasing after him. Their second kiss is messy, they don’t have any experience, but Izuku is lost to it. He tries to commit to memory every brush of their lips and ragged gasps, how soft is his blond hair, and the feeling of fingers sinking in his curls, guiding the kiss.

They break apart, but stay close.

"You didn’t have to do that, Kacchan,” he says against his mouth.

“I never do shit I don’t want to do, Deku.”

Izuku grabs him again, bunching up his t-shirt, so full of love that he fears he is going to float away if he doesn’t get a firm grip.

“Deku, I-“ his voice quivers and Izuku kisses him again, softly and reassuringly.

“It’s okay, Kacchan, you don’t have to say anything yet.” Izuku told him because he wanted him to know, but he has had years to come to terms with it. He’s not expecting Kacchan to figure everything out right now.

“You better stick around after that, you damn nerd,” he touches their foreheads together. “Or take me with you. Two options, I’m magnanimous like that.”

Izuku giggles, the sound so foreign after the past weeks.

“Okay, Kacchan, for that I’ll stick around.”

“Or you’ll take me with you.”

Izuku is still terrified of anything happening to him, but he trusts him the most.

“I’ll stick around or take you with me,” he promises, and Kacchan nods satisfied, wrapping Izuku in his arms and hugging him closer. “I thought you said I stink.”

“You fucking do,” Kacchan says immediately. “When I think about this, the first thing that is going to pop into my mind is that my first kiss smelled like a wet dog.”

Izuku laughs until he cries, and Kacchan joins him.

At one point, his back is to Kacchan, and he’s playing with his hands. Izuku’s so relaxed his eyes are drifting close, sleep taking over.

“Hey, Deku,”

“Yes, Kacchan?” he says drowsily.

“You have magnificent taste.”

Izuku snorts, pulling his arm tighter around him.

“I’m going to sleep now,” he murmurs, and he jumps when Kacchan buries his face on the crook of his neck. “Wake me up if something happens.”

“You can trust me, Deku, nobody is going to pass through me.”

Izuku believes him with his entire heart, but he still chooses to only think and not say what crosses his mind before falling asleep in his arms:

I would die before letting anything happen to you.

[cacoetheswriting]

chasing a feeling - spencer reid

Warnings: angsty, a lot of cursing, smut (nothing too explicit; just a pretty heated make-out session) Word Count: 4.3k Summary: You and the young doctor used to date. Now, years later, you were back in Spencer’s life - much to his dismay. A/N: it kinda takes a bit to get into so i’m thinking maybe of making a part two cause there was soo much more i wanted to write?? // PART TWO IS UP NOW, link at the bottom

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“There has to be some mistake.” Spencer exclaimed, an irritated expression now outlined his facial features. “It’s not a mistake.” Emily stated calmly as she sat back down in her chair, eyeing the doctor in front of her with caution almost as if she was waiting for him to blow. But he didn't say anything. 

Instead, he was looking down at this hands. Rather at the brown folder she handed him just minutes ago. A folder containing information about the BAU’s new team member. Your information.

He reread your name over and over again. Praying this wasn't actually happening. Hoping this was a dream, a hallucination. 

“Spencer, the decision has been made. She starts today.” His eyes darted up instantly to meet Emily’s. His jaw locked. Yes, he was angry. Of course he was angry; as she suspected he would be once the news broke. And in his own mind, he had every right to be. 

“I hope you don’t think that because we know each other I’ll be the one showing her around.” He spat flinging the folder onto the desk in front of him. It landed with a soft thud. Emily sighed slightly taken aback by his attitude. She’s never seen him act this way. This wasn’t the Spencer Reid she’s worked with all these years. 

“I’ve already asked JJ to take Y/N under her wing.” Spencer flinched at the sound of your name. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl. No. He shook the thought away. To him, at this moment in time, you were anything but. Evil incarnate. Better. 

There was a brief moment of silence. 

“Spencer, if you want to talk-” “I’m fine.” He interrupted and hurried out of the room. Emily watched him cross the bullpen and disappear behind the glass door. She let out a deep breath while glancing at the clock on her wall. You should be arriving any minute now. 

The elevator door opened with a quiet ‘ding’. Taking a deep breath you stepped out where Emily was waiting with a smile on her face. She immediately reached out and shook your hand. “Hi again Y/N, welcome to the BAU.” You squeezed her hand gently - hoping she wouldn't sense your nervousness. “It’s definitely good to be here. Thank you for this opportunity.” 

Emily let your hand fall. Still smiling she said; “No need to thank me. Your professional reputation precedes you, I would be a fool not to hire you.” "Still, it’s an honour.” 

You followed her through the bullpen. She showed you your desk, pointed to where her office is: “I’ll have JJ give you a more detailed tour later on but right now we have a case.”. You nodded in understanding. “Yes, I packed a go-back when you rang me this morning. It’s in my car.” “Perfect.” 

Emily led you to a conference room where you were greeted by the rest of the team. There wasn’t time for deep introductions, just quick shakes off the hand in between a ‘nice to meet you’ or ‘good to have you on the team’.  Although one person was missing from the welcome wagon. And you weren't the only one to notice. 

“Where’s Reid?” Emily asked glancing around the table. She motioned for you to sit down in one of the empty chairs, which you did. “Spence said he’ll meet us on the jet.” It was the petite blonde who spoke, JJ. “Apparently he had something he needed to do before we left.” Emily nodded. She glanced at you with an apologetic look before turning her attention to the screen at the top of the room.

“Let’s get started.” 

As the team discussed details of the case, you stayed silent. You should be paying attention. Your first case with the BAU, your first day. Concentrate. Yet instead your gaze still wondered to the empty seat. 

You shouldn't be surprised that he didn't want to be here. A part of you was relieved, however, another part of you was quite hurt. You thought maybe after all these years he wouldn't have cared anymore. Clearly you were wrong. He’s not worth it. And he wasn't. So you shook the weird feeling away and turned your attention to the screen. 

Later on the jet, you didn't want to cause a scene once the young doctor finally showed himself therefore you settled into a seat as far away from the rest of the group as possible. You looked out the window, onto the grey tarmac and waited. What you were waiting for exactly you had no idea. If he didn't want to see you earlier, he definitely wouldn't want to see you now. Except now he had no choice.

“Hey, are you okay?” Your thoughts were interrupted and you looked up to find Luke smiling down at you. “First day jitters.” You lied smoothly. He grinned. “Definitely know how that feels. You’re doing great so far.” You smiled as he plopped herself down on the empty armchair in-front of you. 

There was a brief moment of silence in which you looked back outside. “So a little birdie told me you knew Reid before his time at the BAU. What was he like?” Luke inquired, making conversation. Your palms began to sweat. How would you even begin to tell him what Spencer was like? Did you even remember correctly? Or was the image you had imbedded in your brain a figment of your imagination; what you wanted to remember.

“Uhm. He was shy.” You smiled to yourself at the thought of the young doctor always tugging nervously at the hem of his shirt. “Well he’s definitely far from that now.” Luke chuckled and added: “Yeah he’s eh, he’s been through a lot in the last year alone. This job squeezes the shyness right out of you.” 

And like a ghost from your past he appeared. Almost as if he heard you talking about him. Spencer Reid. He looked different than you remembered. More grown up, older, tired. Handsome. You sat up straight in your seat; your eyes glued to the boy you were in love with all those years ago. The brown haired doctor stood at the top of the plane, a stern look on his face. He scanned the plane looking for a place to sit. That’s when his eyes landed on you. 

The air caught in your throat as your eyes locked. Should you wave? No. Smile? Definitely not. Your mind raced a million miles per second wondering what the appropriate thing to do would be while Spencer simply turned away; his attention no longer on you. 

“Do you want to go say hello?” Luke asked following your gaze. “Maybe later.” You replied, focused Spencer. From the corner of your eye you could see him nod. He wanted to say something else but he held himself back. “If you don’t mind I’m gonna catch up on some sleep.” He made himself comfortable and without waiting for you to respond dozed off.  

Spencer sensed you still looking at him. Why were you looking at him? He wanted nothing more than to scream, tell you to stop, but he was a professional. Spencer Reid was a professional and he wasn't going to let you ruin- ruin- ruin what exactly? He shook the thought away. You were bound to ruin something. 

He knew deep down he was being irrational. It has been years since the two of you last saw each other. A lot has happened since then, a lot has changed. Spencer wondered if you changed. He found himself secretly hoping you didn't; you were perfect. No, no. He gritted his teeth causing his jaw to clench. 

He glanced in the direction of your seat - why, he did not know. Curiosity maybe. Or did he just want to look at you again. But your seat was empty. 

Instead you were stood by the coffee machine, trying to figure out how the pesky thing worked. He couldn't help but snicker under his breath amused. If he was to state the obvious physically you hadn't aged a day. Your hair was different, longer and a slightly lighter colour. He wondered if it still smelled the same. Coconut. Damn it. How could you still have such an effect on him? 

In that moment he decided to bite the bullet. Better to get it over with and this was his chance. Suddenly feeling nervous Spencer took a step forward and began to approach you. 

“Hi there.” The words came out croaky. No response. You didn't even look up from the machine. Spencer cleared his throat. “You need to turn it off and back on. It’s pretty old so often it needs an additional nudge before it starts working.” 

He pressed the button restarting the coffeemaker. Spencer relaxed beside you; he was so close you could smell his cologne. It was intoxicating to say the least. The blood in your veins was pumping faster than it has been all day. 

And as if his sudden closeness wasn't bad enough, he reached over to grab the mug you were gripping tightly in your hands. His fingers brushed against yours in the process sending an immense tingle down your spine. He froze for a moment and you couldn't help but wonder if he felt it too. 

Eventually, you let out a breath you didn't even realise you were holding. “I thought maybe you would pretend I don't exist.” Spencer huffed at your comment rolling his eyes. The machine began to purr and a black liquid slowly poured into your cup. “I can't ignore you forever. We work together now.”

That last sentence came out harsh. You noticed immediately and your gaze darted up to meet his. The look in his eyes was one you haven't seen before. Dark, hateful even. “If you have something to say just say it. If not, leave me alone.” You hissed as you stared up at him. The coffee machine beeped. 

You began to reach for your beverage but Spencer grabbed you by the arm, intercepting, and pulled you in closer to him. His grip strong. A gasp escaped your lips at the sudden movement. 

“Let me go.” You hissed as you stared back up at him. His clutch on your arm tightened - it was starting to become uncomfortable but you weren't going to let him know that. You only hoped the rest of the team couldn't sense the rising tension and weren't paying attention to this cumbersome reunion. 

“Why are you here? Why are you back Y/N?” Spencer finally asked in an ominous tone. “I’m here to work.” You replied confidently. He scoffed pressing your arm harder into his chest. You could feel his anger spike. His body heat radiating against you due to the proximity of your stance. 

“What, Los Angeles wasn't big enough for your ego?” He jeered. “Gee Spencer, I didn't think you were keeping tabs on me. Careful or I might start to think you still care.” You sneered in a mocking tone. It was the wrong thing to say, you knew that. You knew it would only get him angrier. And he did. 

His blood boiled like lava. You could see the hatred smouldering across his facial features, eyes narrowed. He wanted to explode. If it wasn't for where the two of you currently stood he would allowed for the darkness to swallow him whole. You sensed it. He was aware you sensed it. Even after all this time no-one knew him better than you. Perhaps that’s why he was so bitter. 

“Quite frankly Y/N, I don't give a fuck about you.” He spat letting your arm fall. 

The words stung. Your face fell and for a split second his demeanour changed. A glimmer of sorrow in his eyes. His lips parted almost as if to say something - apologise maybe. But the moment passed quickly and within seconds he was cold again. “Enjoy your coffee.” He muttered before turning on his heel and walking away. 

A lone tear dripped slowly down your cheek. You brushed it away quickly before anyone noticed and grabbed your drink, sulking back in your seat. 

Remainder of the flight was uneventful. The team gathered together once again shortly before landing for a quick briefing. Together you went through any last minute developments in the case. This time you participated, not letting Spencer’s tense poise distract you. Once the meeting concluded Emily divided you into teams of two - thankfully she paired you with JJ meaning you got to avoid Spencer the rest of that afternoon.

You didn't see him again until much later that evening at the local station. He stood by the bulletin board, deep in thought working up the geographical profile. 

JJ asked if you wanted a coffee, you said yes. Spencer’s ears perked up at the sound of your voice but he didn't look away from the map. JJ turned to Spencer with the same question, he simply shook his head and she disappeared leaving you with the young doctor.

Neither of you said a word. He focused on his own work as you reached for the box of the first victims journals you gathered with JJ. Picking up the first one you began to read through it - pacing. Spencer watched you now. Just like he used to all those years ago. He always found it odd that you liked reading while walking around. A small smile circled his lips at the familiarity of it all, but as soon as you glanced up at him the smile faded. 

Soon enough JJ returned with the coffees. You thanked her as she sat down, grabbing a journal from the box. Her presence eased the rising tension you could slowly feel forming. 

“Does ‘blind pig’ mean something other than the animal?” JJ asked taking a sip of her hot beverage. “Yes-” You and Spencer replied simultaneously. You locked eyes for an awkward moment. Spencer cleared his throat, averting his ogling, as you turned to JJ. “A blind pig can also stand for a place where alcoholic drinks are served illegally.” 

“The first victim references that phrase in almost every entry.” JJ said, showing you one of the poorly scribbled annotations. “I’ll ask one of the officers if they know of any restaurants or bars that partake in such activities.” You said placing your coffee and the journal you were reading on the table. “Good luck. They weren't very forthcoming earlier according to Emily.” She smiled encouragingly before turning her attention back to the notebook in her hand. 

Spencer on the other hand found himself following you with his gaze. He watched as you approached one of the policemen. Your hips swaying elegantly from side to side. He watched how you flicked your hair over your shoulder almost in a flirtatious way, a warm full smile appearing on your face. He watched as you laughed at something the officer said, tilting your neck slightly backwards and placing your hand gently on his bicep.

An unfamiliar feeling stirred inside of him. Was it jealousy? No. Spencer Reid wasn't jealous because you were casually seducing some crook of a man. His fists clenched at his side, fingernails digging deep into the palms of his own hands. 

Oblivious to the brown haired doctor staring you down, you continued talking with the officer. “I wouldn't normally ask this, but honestly I’m perplexed and I was hoping you would be able to help me.” You fluttered your eyelashes feeling sick to your stomach that flirting was the only way to get some information. But it worked. Soon enough you were strutting back to where JJ and Spencer where now joined by the rest of your team - a printout of all the places serving alcohol illegally in one hand and the officers number jotted on a napkin in the other. 

“Nice going.” JJ grinned as you handed her the list. “That poor guy didn't stand a chance.” Rossi affirmed with a quiet laugh. Matt and Luke chuckled together soon joined by Emily. The only person that wasn't amused by your theatrics was Spencer. “Yes, whoring yourself out is really a display of skill.” 

The group immediately fell silent. “Reid.” Emily’s tone of voice was far from pleasant as she glared at the young doctor. 

“Spence-” JJ began but you cut her off. “You’d think with an IQ of 187 you would know by now how not to be a fucking prick doctor Reid.” You hissed and tossed the napkin, which was now curled into a tight ball, right at his head - missing only because he ducked. You excused yourself calmly and briskly rushed out of there. 

The cold breeze hit your skin the second you stepped outside. Your break down followed shortly after. Hiding behind one of the pillars to the side of the building you burst into loud sobs - once the floodgates opened they were hard to control. A sweep of tears escaped your eyes, trailing down your face like a waterfall. It was hard to breathe. Your fingers desperately fidgeted with the buttons of your shirt hastily undoing the top few. You placed your hand on your chest, heart thumping. 

Through your heavy cries you didn't hear the door swing open behind. “Y/N?” A familiar voice called out, the cause of your current waterworks.

It didn't take long for him to find you - hunched behind a pillar, one hand on your chest while the other held your head. Cautiously, he ambled towards you leaving only a step between his body and your own. He reached out and gently took your hand away from your face; it was slightly wet from all the tears you caught in it. You didn't look at him so he closed the space between you and placed a finger under your chin, tilting your head up. 

“Congratulations, I guess you got what you wanted.” You whimpered, the look in your eyes completely broken. Spencer furrowed his eyebrows slightly confused. “This isn't what I wanted.” He whispered. “Really? Could've fooled me.” You muttered in between your sobs, trying to free yourself from his strong grip. 

He didn’t say anything. He didn't know what to say. Tell you he regretted that sentence the second it escaped his lips? You wouldn't believe him. Apologise? Yes, he should probably apologise. But as he opened his mouth nothing came out. He looked at you with a sense of hopelessness, this was not what he wanted to happen. “You have to believe me Y/N. I didn't mean-” “Forget it Spencer, I don't want to hear it.” You cried attracting unwanted attention from passersby. 

“I knew this would be difficult, seeing you after all this time and having to work together-” You took a deep breath. “-but I thought we’d at least be mature about it!” Your sadness dissolved into anger. You mustered enough strength to free yourself from his embrace, slightly pushing him back. That was enough for Spencer to get angry too - it was unwarranted yes, but he couldn't help it. Fight fire with fire. 

“God Y/N, you are so entitled!” He hissed taking a step forward, once again closing the space between you. “You only look out for yourself!” He jabbed his finger into you; just under your collarbone. “You are the one that left!” Jab. “You are the one that chose to come back!” Jab. “You are the one that fucking ruins everything!” Jab. Jab. Jab. 

“And you are the one acting like a dick about it!” You groaned aggravated. He gritted his teeth - you stroke a nerve. A sense of satisfaction overcame you; so you continued. “The only one with a problem here is you!” It was your turn to poke him and you made sure to do it hard. He didn't like that. He grabbed your finger, pulling it away from himself. His hand then slid until your wrist was wrapped tightly in his hand. 

He had all the power. And he knew it too. 

The two of you continued yelling insults at each other. You called him “irrational”, “immature”, and “a complete asshole” - amongst other curses. He resorted to bringing up your troubled heated past whilst calling you “crazy” and “a bitch”. Tension rose with every spoken sentence - your faces mere inches away from each other. You could feel his hot breath against your skin as he jeered how much he hated you. The look in his eyes was infuriation, but there was something else. Arousal? Impossible. 

“Do you know why you hate me so much?” You provoked. “Because I don’t stroke your ego. Because all those years ago I decided to follow my own path rather than stay and entertain you like everyone else in your pathetic life!” His jaw clenched. “And I think you're feeling insecure now that I’m back and working with this team because I know things-” “Shut up.” He whispered but you ignored him. “-I know things that could ruin you.” “SHUT UP!”

The sound of his roar caused a couple of people to stop in their path and look towards the two of you. The door flung open and an officer stepped outside to check whether everything was okay, but Spencer was quick to dismiss him. 

Seconds passed in which Spencer composed himself. Taking a step back he let go of your wrist and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked around, in search of what to say next. You however celebrated this small victory. A smirk appeared on your face and you couldn't help but let out a satisfied laugh.

“If you don’t mind, I’m gonna head back inside.” You said coyly. He didn't protest. He didn't even look at you. The smirk on your face faded. The anger began to dissipate. “For what it’s worth if I knew things would be this hostile between us, I wouldn't have taken the job.” 

With that being said, you were about to walk around the pillar when he grabbed you again. Your back pressed to the cold brick and Spencer’s assailed against you. No escape. He leaned down, tilting his head slightly, and you felt your body give way to his unspoken suggestion.

His mouth slanted over yours - all options to deny him taken away. His hands flew to your face cupping it hastily as his fingers buried in your hair, tangling themselves in the thickness. Your arms slid around his waist, trailing upwards, and feeling the hard muscles of his back. Both your heads rotated back and forth to vary pressure. His mouth was possessive and it didn't take long for his tongue to breach your lips. 

All of the emotions that had been churning rose to the surface and exploded all at once - your heart felt like it was on a rampage. The kiss now deeper than ever. Your tongues dancing together, each trying to assert dominance. Spencer bit down on your bottom lip vigorously causing a velvety moan to escape your mouth. The smooth sound of pleasure only fuelled the doctor more as he pushed himself into you more and you felt his member twitch in his pants.  

After what seemed like forever, he pulled away. The pause was brief allowing you to only to catch a quick breath, and in the space of a heartbeat Spencer lowered his mouth back down to yours with immense passion and desire. Your legs felt like rubber as you leaned into him completely. He explored your mouth as his hands nonchalantly made their way from your face down to your collar. 

Now that he’s tasted your lips, after all this time apart, he found himself only wanting more. 

Spencer grazed you roughly with his nails before binding one hand steadily around your neck - giving it a soft squeeze. The other hand continued down your chest, his fingers making their way inside your half-opened blouse. Your whole body was on fire. As was his. 

Slowly, he broke the kiss. Both of you breathless. A hungry look spread across his facial features; now you definitely saw arousal in his eyes. He let his hands fall down by his sides, but his body weight was still pressed into you. He tried to organise his thoughts. Which was impossible to do with you standing right there - your eyes wide open, hair ruffled, mouth slightly parted swollen and red from the kiss. Fuckable. 

He moved away from you because he knew if he didn't his lips would once again find yours. He watched you collect yourself. Fix your blouse, wipe the corners of your mouth with your fingers, adjust your skirt, flatten your hair. None of that helped however; he still wanted to devour you. 

When you finally met his gaze there was a hint of regret in your eyes. All the dirty thoughts and scenarios he had piling in his brain disappeared momentarily because Spencer knew that look all too well - there was an invisible line you had drawn and the two of you crossed it. 

“Tell Emily she’ll have my resignation letter in the morning.” Your voice a bare whisper. 

He opened his mouth to say something, to tell you he was sorry for everything. Sorry for the arguments, the name calling, for ruining your first day, sorry for the kiss. He wanted to take your hand, and tell you that there was a way the two of you could work together after all. That you didn't need to do this. That he was glad you were back. 

But no words came out. His throat locked up. He stood frozen like a deer in headlights and simply followed you with his gaze as you hailed a taxi and disappeared into the night. 

-

| PART TWO | PART THREE |

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