#everything was a knee jerk reaction

[gayofthefae]

Just dissociated into my GA persona again - one of the better/more accurate feeling times this time - and watched the van scene.

And I think it’s function is supposed to be for Mike to finally start to get it and get what’s going on with Will. It being about getting Will’s feelings across to the audience feels a lot more fourth-wall-break-y. If you’ve been paying attention, you already know based on all the lingering stares and lingering camera shots on them and his reactions even when he’s not doing them. His reactions to Mike have been really emphasized. But even so, it can serve both purposes: putting us and Mike in the same shoes. And there is no/minimal informational purpose of a scene that is just two characters being oblivious to each other when it doesn’t even cause a miscommunication. And within just volume 2, without knowledge of season 5 - which is, of course, how it is meant to be watched: chronologically - the implication is that this scene only exists to reaffirm Will’s feelings to the audience (an insufficient motive if it is has such little affect on the characters if you ask me) and to help give Mike the confidence to tell El he loves her. But if that was the only goal it would have been done without the emphasis on Will’s personal feelings. 

In the past, Mike’s said things and regretted them because he knew they hit on insecurities of Will’s and were just generally not super cool things to say and that’s why he felt bad. But he never knew Will’s specific or personal feelings before. Just inferred that it would hurt based on his knowledge of how Will’s been treated and Will’s immediate facial reaction.

But in this one, the entire scene, Mike is entranced. He’s listening to every word. I’ve said before that he avoids interrupting like he’s scared it’ll ruin it - treating it like new information that is fragilely and vulnerably being delivered to him unlike the claim that Will is just repeating it. The entire scene, Mike is entranced. He’s listening to every word. I’ve said before that he avoids interrupting like he’s scared it’ll ruin it - treating it like new information that is fragilely and vulnerably being delivered to him unlike the claim that Will is just repeating it. He’s gaining new information. And that would also be applicable to just the information about El - if it weren’t for the way he looks at Will. And I don’t just mean in a romantic sense. In fact, I mostly wouldn’t consider it one inherently. It’s more about the up and down looks - examining Will’s face - putting the focus on Will. How Will is saying it; what Will’s micro-expressions mean for the subtext of the information - as if how Will feels about the information has bearing on the information itself. Which wouldn’t be true unless Mike believes that Will is truly the one delivering it. 

He is invested in other conversations with Will. He has been the whole rest of the season. And many of them have been emotionally intimate in a similar positive way to this one. But he has always made steady eye contact with him. He has kept that mutual intimacy through eye contact. This time, he’s analyzing Will visually, looking all across his face for answers, he’s darting back to the painting every time El is mentioned...he’s having A LOT harder of a time processing this information. Will in the scene where he’s packing is a great example of being relieved by hearing something you want to hear that gives your confidence back after a fight. He does not break eye contact. He just takes in the moment. He lets it be until it’s interrupted externally. But Mike isn’t doing it. He’s almost looking like he wants to get out of it not to stop the flow of information but just to escape into his own head (which he seems to do in the end). Will is the one more invested in the actual conversation. At the end, he too wants to break off because he needs to cry in private. He wants to break off for a similar reason of being alone with himself to process everything. But while he is trying to juggle processing it emotionally, Mike is trying to juggle processing it logically. He doesn’t want the flow of information to stop. And he is entranced. His full attention is on Will. Even when he glances away, it’s only in a dash because he is holding his focus and taking everything in, trying not to miss anything, and taking it in emotionally - things like why Will pushed him away.

I’d also like it noted that before this, they were also having quite an intimate conversation! An emotional one about how Mike feels and his deep insecurities. Will hadn’t talked much during it but when he did, this was not how Mike treated it. He didn’t treat it as morsels of invaluable information. He treated it like a normal response in a conversation. And yes, Will’s speech is more important information but still. During the speech, his faces aren’t so ambiguous for the audience. No good art is truly created for its audience. The characters in this have motives. Just like we may be placed in his shoes with Will even for those who knew to have confirmation, we are being placed in his here as well. It is ambiguous because he is confused. He doesn’t know how to react internally. He’s still just taking it all in trying not to miss anything vital.

Will’s words aren’t romantic. But the fact that he passes them off as Will’s is. And the fact that he would feel the need to hide them at all is too. Mike knows this. And he doesn’t know what to do with it. And he doesn’t know what to do with the fact that he doesn’t know what to do with it. Because one fact ABOUT not knowing what to do with it is that he doesn’t immediately know. He doesn’t immediately reject the idea mentally. He doesn’t KNOW that the answer is no - even a kind no. A mental “no” is fairly immediately. You just know these things. Of course, this is all just speculation. The entire point is that Mike’s face is unreadable from his confusion. We don’t GET any reactions from him. That’s. the point.

Until the end. He only responds one time, one word. And it’s to look for confirmation. It seems like a close to the information he’s getting: a concluding statement; an answer to his previous words. So he speaks for the first time. “Yeah?” “Yeah.” 

And he’s happy.

HE’S HAPPY with this. He isn’t still confused - I’m sure he is still processing, he goes back to the painting immediately after and continues looking over it (providing motive to look back up at Will, preoccupied enough to not notice Will is crying when looking back up at him, and/or see it and not be able to emotionally or decide he can’t situationally help). But his emotions are visible here. If we’re meant to be seeing Will’s feelings here. And we’re meant to have seen nothing from Mike indicating feelings for Will previous to this. The information we get is still clear: Will has feelings for Mike. And Mike is happy.

I don’t think it was delivered this way so that Mike doesn’t know about Will’s feelings. I think it was delivered this way so that Will doesn’t know that Mike knows.

And this also indicates to me that Mike didn’t know before this. About any of it. We know from an interview with Finn Wolfhard that Mike was, as of Vol 1 to note, completely oblivious. I am applying this to his own feelings as well. One can act in reaction to their feelings without being consciously aware of them. Mike’s reactions in the van scene are almost universally to himself. You don’t do that that much unless you have A LOT to say to yourself. And you don’t have that much to say to yourself if you’ve already had time to think on your own feelings - even if you have a lot of very confusing feelings. No, Mike is grappling with the concept itself. I don’t know that he has logically come to a conclusion by the end of it - in fact he probably hasn’t - but he does have an immediate emotional reaction upon coded confirmation. 

And this gives Mike time. He knows what Will feels now, so he confirms within Will’s code. He doesn’t ask “do you agree”, he keeps Will safe in his code. But he can clearly see and hear the emotion in the way Will answers. That’s the confirmation he needed. And this way, he keeps Will in the dark about him knowing. He gives himself time to sort it all out. And I’m not analyzing the reasons he does what he later does right now but I will say I know this: he does it in an effort to sort it out. Whether that be just to do what he has to in the moment or out of suppression. And I can also say that when Will telling him to tell El he loves her seems to hurt him. Right now, I don’t think because he takes it as a rejection, but rather because he understands more than we give him credit for. He understands what Will is sacrificing. That Will is hurting himself. He might have thought during the van scene that it was meant as a coded confession. A confession with a fallback plan. But now he sees that it wasn’t. That it was actually a secret always meant to stay a secret. That Will’s confession wasn’t him dipping his toe in the water. It was him being as self-indulgent as he would ever allow himself to be.

So now the ball is in Mike’s court. And he knows it. And he already bought himself as much time as he needs. There are loads of other factors including how he takes much of the information covered and not in this post. Who knows if he takes Will’s self-sacrifice as an invitation or a rejection, for example. But ultimately: Mike is the only one who can make a move, he is on his own time to do it, and he knows it. Now it’s just up to what he’ll do with that information.

a little analysis backtracking into s1-3 to explain his oblivion in the tags

[mariusperkins]

one of the central frustrations for me about the inevitable George v Bertha fight in S3 is that it's so unequal. Not in terms of how they view their relationship or their dynamics going into the fight (although, obviously, no matter how much they see each other as equals they still very much live in the unequal 1880s), but that there could never, ever be a flipped version of their situation. Bertha is never going to step over into George's business world and tell him how to do things and even if she was, there's no support for her there (unless she did an entire character turn of being pro union, which, l o l) like there will be for George as Head Of The 1800s Family.

And obviously she's done this specific Duke-based manoeuvre because it was a way to get the specific thing she wanted in the moment, but it's not like she wasn't positioning Gladys in the Duke's sights before that, which as I have said before and will probably say another hundred times before we get to S3, is basically her job as Wealthy Socialite Wife In The 1800s.

And there's just no real recourse for her in the situation. I don't know, I know I'm getting ahead of myself (way, way ahead of myself, given when we can probably expect S3 to air lol), but I can just feel how backed into a corner she's going to be

[unweavinglies]

I’d like to ask a question about Kokichi’s character in Chapter 4, specifically with him seeing the “Truth of the outside world.” Yes, it was a big shift in his character to suddenly want killing, but I’m not entirely convinced that it was because of him losing his mind from seeing the outside world. I think at least some of it was a facade to make others think of him as a bad guy/the mastermind; to make his Chapter 5 character more believable so his plan would work. What do you think?

Well, I'm not here to convince you one way or another.

My theories and personal interpretations are just that--personal interpretations and theories. The narrative is web of interpretations and I only hold a single thread of it.

To me, personally, I think Kokichi's behavioral shift is far too drastic, going from "I'm going to beat this killing game" to "I'm going to become a blackened and kill someone", to plotting with Gonta to mercy kill the whole class. I think this jump has only one true source--the madness of seeing the end of the world you and your fellow classmates have been killing each other over.

I know it's a difficult feeling to imagine--but that's probably why you think differently than me. I cannot fathom what it's like to see the end of the world--and how I personally would react to that, aside from pure devastation. I don't think any human being can truly comprehend what "the end of the world" would look or feel like--which is why the concept often appears in horror plots and the sort. I don't think our brains can truly comprehend becoming an endangered species, the world we knew to be suddenly inhabitable, to be on the brink of death and demise and know that everything you once loved has already left you behind.

So I ask you this as my answer: Do you really think that any human being on this earth could handle the end of the world?

My answer to my own question is: No. I don't think any human could mentally handle seeing what Kokichi saw--and that's why I don't think his "I am the Mastermind" plot is the cause of his personality shift during chapter 4.

It just doesn't make sense to me.

I'm sorry if this comes off as curt or rude--but the amount of asks I've gotten specifically about Chapter 4, and about my Mercy Kill Theory, with the sentiment of "Oh your theory must be incorrect, somehow", is far too grating on me. Never the mind asks that go and try to find loop holes to prove the theory wrong, but I digress--that is neither here nor there.

[daz4i]

how many times do we gotta go over it man. thought crime isn't real. it's okay to feel whatever you're feeling. don't let anyone make you feel guilty for having some reflex reaction to stimuli in a way that is out of your control. the question isn't what you think or how you feel, but what you do. do you act upon those thoughts? do you harm others bc of your feelings? that's where you draw the line. keep it in your brain. vent it out in some personal way like a journal or a password locked blog. it's okay i promise

[unforth]

Actually, I really wish Tumblr as a whole was less comfortable using feminizing language for gay men, especially gay East Asian men.

[pucaantaibhse]

The contrast and the parallels between Tula in the preview for next week’s episode confronting Ava for trying to blame the family instead of letting herself feel sad, and her getting mad at Lila for suggesting that that she’s mad at Geoffrey for dying… it’s delicious.

[thebleedingeffect]

It's crazy how anxiety spikes will have me restless, unable to concentrate, and overall thinking irrationally, only for it to inevitably start coming down and I'm just exhausted afterwards..

[theheadlessgroom]

@beatingheart-bride

"I thought I saw Erika dancing with Father!" June smiled delightedly as she and Callahan returned from the dance floor themselves, June leaning down to kiss her granddaughter's blonde locks, saying softly, "I hope you had fun out there."

"Perhaps I'll get a chance to dance with you, June?" August asked with a small smile, at which his daughter squeezed his shoulder, saying, "Maybe this evening-it looks like the band is taking a bit of a break for now, and the other dancers are relaxing a little. But tonight after dinner, I'd love to dance with you again."

"Maybe I could steal a dance from my grandson too?" Josephine asked with a little smile, turning to look at Randall, whom smiled back rather shyly, saying, "I-I'd be honored...Grandmother."

Gosh, it was so strange to say-to think, he was sitting beside his mother's mother, his grandmother! A woman he felt like he knew, on account of the portraits he'd seen, the recipes he cooked and baked from notes written in her hand, the afghans and blankets made by her that he'd held and admired...it was surreal, in a way, to finally be acquainted with someone he'd never met, yet felt as if he'd known all his life.

[femmeterypolka]

new joanna song’s got me feeling like a mean lesbian

[leofrith]

perhaps nothing makes me want to crawl out of my skin more than trying to write while someone is looking over my shoulder. even if they're just standing in my general vicinity and not actively reading over my shoulder i haaaate ittttt. look away do not perceive my mental process or i will scream!!!!!!

[rooksunday]

cannot articulate how much giving ID to vote makes me want to tear things apart with my teeth. is this rational, considering NI has been doing so for a generation? arguably no! but when (alleged) ~voter fraud reports numbered 1,462 in the uk in the past four years… for an electorate of approx 48,844,292 (elections 2021), of whom 14 individuals received a conviction or caution…

i just…

TEETH TEETH TEETH

[drzephyr]

If we wouldn't be ableist towards someone with any of the personality disorders because we accept that mental illness will always have symptoms that can manifest as harmful for others, or "inconvenient", or as what historically society perceives as a moral failing, maybe we should extend some of that grace to people with anorexia/other eds.

[collegeoflore]

filing these under “lines that make xarrai feel extremely normal” as well.

[aldieb]

me: ugh why do my family members kindly react to my describing a difficulty i’m dealing with by offering me money they don’t really have to spend

also me, on the phone with my brother who’s dealing with some dumb shit: offers him money i don’t really have to spend

[soulsxng]

also the kid meme for Zach and Fele! -fatestouch

@fatestouch | If they had a kid... | No longer accepting!

Name: Fayne (Finnie)

Gender: Transgender, she/her (though she's only just starting to feel out transitioning, so she's still a little nervous, even if everyone around her is very supportive, so far!)

General Appearance: She has Zach's eyes, and his hair color, but Fele's really fine, thick hair, super pale skin, and long fangs. However, she's more wyvern than anything, and so her wings, tail, etc are all similar to Zach's too!

Personality: Cunning and strong, but not really all to sure of herself, just yet. Like I mentioned above, she's just starting to explore transitioning, and though she's feeling more comfortable with herself, she's still only like 14, so it's a scary thing to try to navigate. She can be a little bit entitled sometimes, and has a good bit of sass to her, too. Starting to get really into the whole fairytale romance thing, which worries Fele a LOT, because he doesn't want anyone taking advantage of his baby.

Special Talents: Finnie can probably pick up a car with relative ease, honestly. She's just really physically strong, and doesn't fully grasp the full scope of it, sometimes. Which means that there'll be times that she forgets she has to be careful with things and breaks them accidentally. It's kind of a more recent development that she's had to deal with in the last year or two, though she's always been pretty powerful. She thinks it's really funny to pick up Fele, Zach, or Jinnie, and just carry them around for a bit, though!

Who they like better: Probably Zach. There are times when Felesio kind of slips into how his parents raised him, and will be a little harsh on Finnie when she makes mistakes. He's getting better at catching himself, but it still happens every once in a while, and it makes her a little wary of him at times.

Who they take after more: I feel like she'd be a good mix of both of them, on top of having some mannerisms/habits from Jinnie too, considering the fact that she'd have grown up with Jinnie every day just like she did with her dads!

Personal Head canon: Even though it's more or less what people are expecting, Finnie does NOT want to succeed the throne from Jinnie and Fele. Not even a little bit. She's okay with helping as one of the council members one day, but actually ruling? No thanks. She wants to be able to live her own life, with her own freedoms.

Face Claim:

[gaystropod]

I literally hatr alcohol but i so badly want to not feel anything everytime im doing bad im like lol i should drink. Bc like. I have so much left over from my birthday 😭