#everything is easier when i have them in mind

[lustlovehart]

Dang over 700, that’s impressive congrats!

If you still have requests open, maybe we can see/hear more about Sebek? I love the idea of him as a swamp monster tsundere dumping flowers on MH! Reader and find him fun~

Summary: Humans are pests. They’re the reason Malleus has fallen from grace, and why Lilia is no longer in his prime. He hates you, and everything your job stands for. He hates the way you’re not like them. He hates how you’re too kind. He wants to hate you, yet he can’t at all.

Warnings: Tiny bit of Tsundere Sebek, He thinks about 💀 you (he changes his mind dw guys!!), Mentions of his monster crimes, Little tiny hint of obsession, Implied human eating, Sebek sketch at end!

Your feet are dipped into the water, ripples cascading off where the limbs land, tranquil and cold, the shadows of the trees just further enriching the experience.

The one thing that isn’t relaxing about the water however, may as well be the guardian of the swamp, who’s practically breathing down your neck.

“Well human? Have you had your fill of this sacred marsh? I will not have you linger here longer than necessary! I only allowed you in to show the true essence of beings like us.”

Despite what leaves his mouth, you have a striking feeling that he won’t throw you out.

Because, that’s the fourth time he’s said that, and he’s yet to drag you out.

Through the close proximity, you place your palm on his face, softly pushing him away in your annoyance, yet like a magnet, he attracts himself right back to you, finding his place in the area to be right by your side.

��I’ve drowned many of your kind, don’t push me away so carelessly…!”

“Have you drowned me yet?” He stutters for a moment, racking his brain to find a suitable excuse as to why that is. He stops when you lean back on the grass, looking up at the sky as you lay down.

But to your dismay, he finds one.

“My liege wants you alive, so we must do what he wants.”

“You want the best for him right? What if the best for him is getting rid of me?” You’ve once again stopped any retort on his tongue, your eyes fluttering shut. Your feet continues to dangle in his waters, breath steadying as you let the sound of dew drops falling into the marsh invade your ears.

In your slumber, you don’t notice the way Sebeks scaley face is centimeters away from yours, trembling inhales. You’re right. Getting rid of humans is the best for his liege, for… all monsters really.

His clawed hand reaches up towards your throat, his nails scratching a line in your skin. Webbed fingers tremble, he could, he really could…

He could help everyone.

…

His hand falls, his forehead falling onto yours. His skin is rough, but he takes care in placing his head softly on yours to not wake you up. His palm follows in suit, laying itself on your throat, cold blood feeling the warmth of your mortal body.

And your heart. He remembers reading about human hearts, how they’re important to they’re bodily functions. Without it, you’d die. It’d be easier than killing you himself. He doesn't know which is better, for himself. He could take pride knowing he rid the world of one more wretched monster hunter, or he could rest in comfort knowing you passed in peace.

Sebek doesn’t notice the way the plants have emerged from the water, taking hold of your legs. There’s a particular branch that caresses your face in a certain manner, one completely inappropriate for a human. His mouth hangs up, immediately ripping the wood from your flesh. He throws the twig away, his head turning when your visibly stir at the motion.

He’s not well versed in human care. He's read about it, but obviously he’s never acted upon it! His hands fumble, if he’s correct, one of the quickest ways to knock a human out is to hit them really hard…! But… He doesn’t wanna do that—

Ah, you’re asleep again.

Sebek carefully lifts himself from your body, water dripping onto the grass from his hair. He slowly backs himself into the water, the only part visible being his head, before entirely disappearing into the murky water.

He realizes something in the comfort of his pond.

He… He wouldn’t need to kill you if you just… never left. Neither would you ever disturb the peace of any other beasts.

Under that water, he ties a knot, petals floating above the marsh at his bouquet. As well as a hand, that drops deep down. A coworker of yours. He’s unsure why you’re the only one he’s not too keen on consuming, yet he can so easily do it to those you know.

It doesn’t matter. They’re the same. Taste the same too.

…

You awake to a lonely sight, Sebek gone from the scene. Though, your chest feels heavier than usual. You look down, and an array of different plants and greenery fill your vision. It’s wrapped in flimsy wood bark, moss tying the piece together.

There’s a note hastily inscribed.

Human, leave soon.

Even without reading the message you know it’s Sebek. You assume it’s from his human hatred he writes such mean words.

In truth, that’s part of it. You’ll never know the other is him not wanting to see the corpses at the bottom of his home. Or maybe you will. Especially when you notice a shiny pendant gifted inside the flowers. Assuming it to be a sweet gesture from Sebek you smile at it. Such a happiness slowly fades when you feel a certain familiarity with the necklace.

… You feel like you’ve seen this before.

[wolftarotcrafts]

Hope you enjoy this short tarot reading.❤️

Pile One

TW: Family issues and abuse (I'm not getting anything too serious, but I just wanted people to be warned and not blindsided if something in a way resonates with those topics.)

Hello, pile one, your spirit guides want you to know that it's okay to speak up and use your voice. Communication is important, and it is your key to success. I see you are at war with yourselves and others. I see that some of you are struggling to speak up about something revolving around your past. This could be something revolving around your childhood, or if you have kids, this could be talking about them. I think you are the one holding yourself back talking about a situation or something that's been bothering you. I think this has to do with your home life, like past grievances with family that have never been resolved, but people just pretend like it isn't happening or happened; possibly you are not proud of your actions when you were younger, someone hurt you in some kind of way, or you could be dealing with a custody battle. You could be struggling with a person. Whatever it may be, your guides want you to speak up and use your voice, because you shouldn't have to keep quiet to make others happy because this will only keep you trapped, and others' happiness should not always be put on you, nor should it matter more than your happiness. You should have to make people's lives easier and, in turn, make yours harder. You need to have courage and remember that your guides and the people that love you will be there to support you every step of the way. So, whatever has been weighing on your heart and mind, it's time to let it out and speak. The truth will set you free.

Extra: She Used To Be Mine by Sara Bareilles, 4, 9, 15, 16, 40, 444, 777, "Everything will be okay," pain, trapped, chained up, worried, anxiety, clarity and truth, family, children, August, February, Gemini, Taurus, Aries, B, I, P, R, snakes, purse or bag, scorpion, claws, therapy, crying, Cinderella.

Pile Two

Hello, Pile two. I think that your guides want you to know that you are going to level up. What I mean by that is, some of you may start taking your spiritual and religious practices to the next phase. You are getting more serious about your practice. An example being you may stop just reading books on deities and may try to start communicating with one in particular. For others of you, I see you leveling up in your career or studies. I see some of you may be in law school, and you specifically are going to level up in your studies, but there is also an importance of leveling up in your self-care. I see many of you getting a promotion and getting in a higher position at work, like a supervisor or manager, something with authority. They want you to know that all these good things are going to happen to you because you deserve it and because of the hard work you put in. You should be proud of yourself. 

Extra: Put Your Records On by Ritt Momney, 2, 4, 16, 18, 33, 42, 888, Libra, Aries, Sagittarius, Taurus, Capricorn, earth signs, D, C, Level up, spiritual, religion, win, promotion, money, law school, hardworking, fighter, "keep going.".

Pile Three

Hi pile three. I see that you have been struggling with your finances and career. You have been fighting this battle, and don't worry because the end of the battle is near. I see you are going to come out on top, and, very clearly, your guides are cheering you on and encouraging you not to give up since you are on your last stretch. You are heading for a calmer state of mind. Your hard work is going to be paying off very soon. They just want you to know to keep going and don't give up because they got your back. 

Extra: Wishbone, smiley face, anchor, K, A, R, The caduceus, medical field, snake, love life might start improving too. War is over. I might have picked pile two as well. 

I also have paid readings available here. ❤️

[hrrtshape]

THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN YOU'RE DOUBTING SHIFTING a.k.a REAFFIRMING YOUR MINDSET.

welcome back to HRRTSHAPE's series of: THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN YOU'RE DOUBTING SHIFTING. where i hold your hand and help you through helping your mindset if it was mixed by the blender that is shifttok.

in this chapter, we're talking about the why. why does shifting work? why is it possible? why can you, specifically, do it? the truth is, it comes down to mindset, belief, and the magical soup of existence that connects everything. if you want to shift, it’s not about "if"—it’s about when.

✶ NR ONE. YOU ARE THE ARCHITECT OF YOUR MINDSET.

your mind is POWERFUL. like, you could be chilling in your room and suddenly be in a DR castle because your consciousness is the architect of everything you experience. think of your brain as a projector: whatever’s playing in your mind becomes what you see.

⋆   LAW OF ASSUMPTION. what you assume to be true becomes true. if you walk around KNOWING that you can shift, then shifting is inevitable. your subconscious doesn’t differentiate between “real” and “imagined.” if you FEED it with affirmations and belief, it builds that reality for you.

affirm, affirm, affirm !! "i am the creator of my experiences. shifting is natural for me. my mind and reality align effortlessly."

⋆   WHY IT WORKS. your brain loves patterns and shortcuts. when you repeat affirmations, your brain starts to accept them as facts. it’s like carving a path through a forest—the more you affirm, the easier it is for your mind to follow that path straight to your DR

✶ NR 2. LET'S DIVE INTO SCIENCE.

okay, let's get a little nerdy because i LOVE to sprinkle some quantum spice into this. science might not outright say, “shifting is real,” but it gives us so much evidence to vibe with.

⋆  MULTIVERSE THEORY. every choice, thought, and possibility exists somewhere. you’re not creating your dr; you’re just stepping into the version of reality where it already exists.

⋆ NEUROPLASTICITY. your brain literally rewires itself to match your beliefs and experiences. when you practice visualisation, scripting, or affirmations, you’re training your brain to believe in your dr—and to eventually shift there.

⋆ THE OBSERVER EFFECT. in quantum physics, particles behave differently when they’re being observed. translation? your focus changes reality. what you focus on grows.

✶ NR 3. SCHRÖDINGER’S CAT: HOW A DEAD-AND-ALIVE CAT PROVES INFINITE REALITIES.

now, we're far from dummies, but let me freak down schrödinger’s cat down like we’re having a latte and chatting about quantum mechanics? it’s a wild concept, but soooo perfect for understanding the possibility behind shifting. let’s go:

alright, picture this: there’s a cat in a box. it’s not just chilling in there, though—it’s part of a very weird science experiment. inside the box, there’s:

a cat (obviously), a vial of poison, a radioactive atom, and some device that might break the vial if the atom decays (science is chaotic, let’s move on).

HERE'S THE DEAL.

⋆  the radioactive atom has a 50/50 chance of decaying within an hour. ⋆  if it decays, the poison is released, and the cat dies. ⋆  if it doesn’t decay, the cat lives.

BUT—and this is the trippy part—you, as the observer, don’t know what’s happening inside the box until you open it. so, until you check, the cat is in this in-between state. it’s both dead AND alive at the same time. this is called superposition—when something exists in multiple states until it’s observed. It’s not until you open the box that the reality “collapses” into one outcome: the cat is either alive or dead.

WHAT THIS MEANS FOR SHIFTING. now let’s take that poor cat out of the box (RIP or congrats to it) and apply this to your reality:

⋆  YOUR REALITY IS A QUANTUM SOUP. just like the cat, you and your consciousness exist in a state of superposition. right now, you’re in your current reality (CR), but there’s a version of you in your desired reality (DR) too. both exist at the same time, in the same “box.” ⋆  OBSERVATION CREATES REALITY. in quantum mechanics, things don’t take on a definite state until they’re observed. In the same way, your dr is “waiting” for you to observe and claim it. when you focus your mind on your dr, you collapse the possibilities and step into that version of reality. ⋆  YOU GET TO CHOOSE THE OUTCOME. the cat doesn’t get to choose its fate, but YOU DO. you’re not just an observer; you’re the creator. by choosing to focus on your DR, you make it the “reality” that wins out. ⋆  WHY THIS IS SO MOTIVATING. think about it: schrödinger’s cat teaches us that multiple outcomes exist at once. the universe doesn’t “lock you in” to one reality. shifting works because your dr isn’t some faraway dream—it’s already there, existing simultaneously with your cr. all you have to do is open the box (or, in this case, SHIFT) and see yourself in the reality you want.

HOW DO I USE THIS IN MY MINDSET?

⋆  VISUALISE YOUR DR AS THE CAT. instead of asking, “can i shift?” think of your dr as already existing in superposition. it’s BOTH real and reachable, waiting for you to observe it.

⋆  COLLAPSE THE REALITY YOU WANT. focus on affirmations, meditations, and practices that align with your dr. the more you believe and focus, the more you “collapse” the possibilities into the reality you desire.

⋆  TAKE THE PRESSURE OFF. just like you don’t need to “force” the cat to be alive or dead, you don’t have to force shifting. your dr already exists. it’s inevitable—it’s just waiting for you to claim it.

✶ NR FOUR. SO, WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH DIMENSIONS?

𖥻 3D (third dimension): the "PHYSICAL REALITY." let’s start with what you already know. the 3D is the world we live in every day—the world of physicality, logic, and observation. it’s the “solid stuff” you can see, touch, and experience. things here have length, width, and height.

think:

⋆  that chair you’re sitting on. ⋆  your phone screen. ⋆  the way your crush smiled at you yesterday (!!!).

the 3D is super focused on “what’s real,” aka what you can prove or measure. it’s all about time moving in a straight line (past → present → future) and cause-and-effect logic.

𖥻 4D (fourth dimension): the realm of "THOUGHTS & BELIEF." the 4D is where the magic happens. it’s not just physical—it’s the dimension of consciousness, thoughts, emotions, and POSSIBILITY. time here isn’t linear like in the 3D; it’s fluid. in the 4D, your focus determines your reality, not the other way around.

think of the 4D as:

⋆  YOUR MENTAL PLAYGROUND. it’s where your imagination, affirmations, and beliefs exist. ⋆  THE CREATOR'S DIMENSION. what you think and feel here shapes what you experience in the 3D.

when you’re in the 4D, you’re no longer just a passive observer of reality—you’re creating it. your thoughts aren’t just “floating ideas”; they’re the building blocks of the world you want.

𖥻 3D vs 4D: WHY IT MATTERS FOR SHIFTING.

⋆  THE 3D IS REACTIONARY. it only shows you what you’re currently focused on. if you’re stuck in doubt, negativity, or thinking “shifting is impossible,” the 3D reflects that back to you like a mirror.

⋆  THE 4D IS LIMITLESS. it doesn’t care about the “rules” of the 3D. In the 4D, you can visualize, affirm, and believe in your DR, even if it hasn’t shown up in the 3D yet.

⋆  SHIFTING HAPPENS IN THE 4D. your dr isn’t tied to physical limitations—it exists as a POSSIBILITY in the 4D. when you focus your thoughts and emotions on it, you bring that version of reality closer to your 3D experience.

𖥻 HOW TO USE THE 4D TO SHIFT.

⋆  STOP REACTING TO THE 3D. the 3D might tell you, “you haven’t shifted yet,” (u have. a thousand times) or “this reality is the only real one.” that’s a LIE. don’t let the 3D trick you into thinking it’s all there is.

⋆  TIP, TIP, TIP. whenever doubt creeps in, remind yourself: “the 3D is just a reflection of my past focus. my dr is already mine in the 4D.”

⋆  LIVE IN THE 4D. spend time in your dr mentally. visualise it, affirm it, FEEL it. the 4D doesn’t care if it’s “real” yet; it only cares about what you believe.

⋆  CREATE NEW ASSUMPTIONS. the 4D operates on the law of assumption: what you assume to be true becomes true. assume your dr is inevitable, and don’t waste time questioning it.

⋆  ANYTIME YOU CATCH YOURSELF DOUBTING, flip it into an assumption: instead of “shifting is so hard,” say, “shifting is natural for me.” instead of “what if i fail?” say, “i’ve already succeeded.”

⋆  SEE TIME AS FLUID. in the 4D, time isn’t a straight line. your dr isn’t in the “future”; it already exists, and you’re aligning with it.

⋆  IGNORE THE HOW. the 3D will scream, “HOW is this possible? HOW will it happen?” Ignore it. The 4D doesn’t need explanations. your job is to focus on the end result—living in your DR. the universe handles the how.

✶ NR FIVE. THE IMPORTANCE OF AFFIRMATIONS.

affirmations are your bread and butter, your foundation, your ride-or-die. why? because they reprogram your subconscious to align with your dr. they're not just “words.” they’re instructions to the universe.

HOW TO AFFIRM EFFECTIVELY. ⋆  speak in the present tense: “i am already in my dr.”⋆  make it emotional. the more you feel it, the stronger your focus. add excitement, joy, or calmness. whatever your dr feels like. ⋆  keep it simple: “shifting is easy for me.” ⋆  sneak them into your day. affirm while brushing your teeth, scrolling your phone, or walking. your dr energy should feel as casual as breathing. ⋆  repeat, repeat, repeat. consistency is queen. say your affirmations in the morning, before bed, or anytime your brain tries to pull a "what if?" moment.

✶ NR SIX. THE BOOSTER PACK OF BELIEF.

here’s the tea: belief is EVERYTHING. you don’t have to be perfect. you don’t have to follow a method like it’s a rigid rulebook. you just have to believe it’s possible for you.

⋆  WRITE A LETTER TO YOUR DR SELF. pour your heart out. about what you're doing. what you're excited to do. it makes the connection feel real.

⋆  TRUST THE TIMING. just because it hasn’t happened YET doesn’t mean it won’t. think of it like baking cookies—just because they’re in the oven doesn’t mean they’re not baking. your dr is already aligning with you.

✶ NR SEVEN. THE PHILOSOPHICAL MINDSET.

now let’s take a step back and look at the big picture. why would shifting even be real? why would the universe allow it?

⋆  WE ARE CONSCIOUSNESS EXPERIENCING ITSELF. at the end of the day, you are not your body. you are not your cr identity. you are a soul, a spark of consciousness, moving through infinite experiences. shifting is just a way to explore that freedom.

⋆  REALITY IS REFLECTION. everything you see around you is a reflection of your inner world. if you shift your beliefs, your reality will shift too.

⋆  YOU ARE INFINITE. the fact that you can imagine your dr means it already exists. the universe doesn’t create limitations; it creates possibilities.

✶ NR EIGHT. IT'S ALREADY YOURS.

this isn’t a question of “can i?” or “will i?” it’s a statement: i AM shifting. your dr already exists. your soul, mind &&& consciousness already knows how to get there. the only thing standing in your way is the belief that you can’t. and guess what? that belief? it’s an illusion.

think of shifting like a cosmic cheat code—it’s not “too good to be true”; it’s your birthright. every doubt, every fear, every tiktok rant in your head about ‘what if it doesn’t work’—yeet them into the void. affirm, affirm, affirm.

you are meant to experience everything you dream of. whether it’s walking into hogwarts as a wizard, sipping lattes in a fame dr apartment, or going full demigod chaos—your reality is yours to claim.

[freaky-deaky-cookies]

Can I request headcanons for Dark Urge, Geraldus, Wyll, Halsin, Gale, and Astarion reacting to shy GN s/o who always asks for permission even just to hold hands or a kiss on the cheek please?

Dark Urge, Geraldus, Wyll, Halsin, Gale, and Astarion (Sep) reacting to shy Tav who always asks for permission even just to hold hands or a kiss on the cheek

Dark Urge (redeeming)

Towards the beginning of the relationship they do not really understand why Tav asks for permission

Would initially think that Tav is afraid they would hurt them

For the Dark Urge their whole life was to take anything and everything they wanted

As time goes on and Dark Urge starts to learn from / heal from their past trauma they find Tav asking for permission to be extremely sweet and understanding

Dark Urge has never truly got to experience someone who truly loves them for who they are 

Tav’s requests for permission and their shyness would be a constant reminder that love and affection don’t have to come from a place of control or dominance

“Thank you Tav, you have shown me more love and understanding than any other soul that exists.”

Geraldus

Not sure how Tav and Geraldus even got themselves in a relationship

Geraldus, himself is on the shy side

However, when he is not blushing and mumbling out his own request for affection, his mind is fired listening to Tav ask for it

Geraldus would never say no to Tav

To him Tav is higher than the Gods, they are perfection

“Why would you ask me such a thing dear… I cannot get enough of you”

“Do you think I would ever turn down a kiss from you?”

Wyll

Total sweetheart about it

Wyll finds this to be among the most endearing things about his Tav

At heart Wyll is a true, traditional romantic, and what is more than romantic than the love of their life looking at you and asking for your love and affection

Wyll is another one to hardly ever deny Tav’s request

“You never have to ask, my dear. But I understand that you want to feel comfortable—let me know how I can make this easier for you.”

Halsin (!Halsin Backstory Spoilers!)

Halsin’s eyes are so full of love anytime he hears Tavs sweet voice ask for him

While is was long ago, Halsin appreciate Tav asking permission before they jump him with kisses and cuddles

From time to time Halsin gets in his head about that time he was used as a pleasure servant

As wild as Halsin is, he is still a mortal with a mortal mind

If Tav hesitated, he’d hold out his hand gently or give Tav a soft kiss on the forehead

“My heart, you are true perfection”

Gale

EATS THIS UP

Gale wants to be wanted, especially by Tav

Gale, who is intelligent and often a bit formal in his mannerisms, would understand Tav’s need for permission but wants nothing more than to hold Tav

He believes in the power of trust and would reassure Tav that there’s nothing to fear from him

“Ah, my dear, I appreciate your thoughtfulness, but there’s no need for permission in matters of the heart.” (Sush Gale we all know you want them to keep asking because you love it so much)

Astarion

Astarion would be the most conflicted in terms of his reaction. On one hand, he would deeply appreciate that Tav’s respect boundaries and asks for permission, as he is someone who has a very sensitive relationship with consent. 

However, because of his own traumatic past, his reaction might come across as more self-deprecating or sarcastic at first.

He’d try to tease Tav about it, making light of the situation with his usual charm and wit, but underneath his sarcasm, there’s a genuine desire to make you feel comfortable. 

He would be keen to show you that he’d never force anything on you and might even go out of his way to be overly considerate, so you know that you are always in control of the situation.

“You don’t need to ask, darling... but I suppose I do enjoy the thought of you wanting to be sure.”

[extremely-judgemental]

This is the last time I talk about Elain (hopefully!). I honestly don’t understand where you’re getting the idea that she is sweet. Elain is polite, like ‘my neighbour is nice to me’ sort of way. That doesn’t warrant how everyone puts her on a pedestal.

Her actions are mostly glossed over as self-preservation, but that doesn’t seem right to describe her behaviour either. At least, not in a sympathetic way. I'm sure there’s going to be an overload of trauma to justify this, because how can SJM’s heroines have mere mediocre problems when they can be abused or have lost a loved one?

I digress. Ever since Nesta’s grooming came to light, the same is assumed about Elain—that she’s groomed to be ‘nice’. That’s not entirely true. Their mother and grandmother focus on Nesta because getting the eldest married well will bring more prospects for the other two. In their mother’s words, Elain needn’t worry because she is a born beauty, and so she is not trained in courtliness or politics. And, Feyre has enough liberty to lock herself in their father’s office. As a middle child, Elain chooses the ‘nice’ mask because it’s what gets her attention in a family full of stubborn heads—her mother, her grandmother, her sisters.

During their poverty years, even if she could do chores, it’s hard to believe Nesta let her given how much she coddles Elain. And, Feyre treats her like a fragile doll. Elain essentially enjoys the best of both worlds like her father without contributing much to the family. She benefits heavily from her sisters’ animosity against each other—she’s the kind one while the other is the bitch. She’s also quick to secure a marriage alliance right after they regain their wealth. This isn’t to say it wasn’t out of love, but the plot is set in somewhat medieval times, where the order in which the sisters marry is crucial—Elain already wed before the eldest leaves a mark on Nesta’s reputation, making it difficult for her to find suitors.

Elain goes her entire life without being blamed or hated by her family, or even the IC. To have gone through all those struggles, having done literally nothing, and still cherished by everyone? Kindness doesn’t buy you that kind of a pass. It’s not her fault that everyone puts her first, but it’s the result of the image she actively cultivates to achieve her means.

This is why the paintbrushes don’t hold much value either. She doesn’t make Feyre’s life easier or take away some of the burdens, but gives her presents and everything is okay between them? This comes off like love-bombing to me—making Feyre feel special so that Elain isn’t the villain. Which worked, as Nesta is the one called ungrateful. When you’re struggling and someone offers you a bit of joy and relief, it is impactful, and Elain’s gesture could have been that if she had contributed to the family. But now, it comes off as manipulation.

And here’s my issue with her betrayal in Silver Flames. No one gives two fucks about what she thinks is best for Nesta. The IC won’t sit around and wait till she’s convinced. If she decides to lock herself in her room and cry again, only Feyre might care a little. Until then, she’s never included in any major decisions and she’s too perceptive to not notice this. She doesn’t even have to side with Nesta, but to pack her things to send her away?

She even goes on to throw in a ‘you don’t have to be miserable’ when Nesta is being imprisoned with a man. Imagine Elain trapped with Lucien to get her out of her funk. Feyre violated Lucien’s mind when he asked for a few minutes alone with her. They were chaperoned by the entire family for one simple tea. Clearly, Elain is not so stupid as to not know what she’s implying. She lets Nesta suffer not out of self-preservation but because she, like Feyre, believes Nesta is hopeless.

Later, she manipulates Nesta into scrying and insults her in front of everyone who hates her. She blames her ‘invisibility’—she crafted for herself—on others. It isn’t about her owning her life, because she could have done the scrying right away without that conversation with Nesta. And it’s not about protecting herself from the IC. Her outburst felt more like her resentment, that she couldn’t handle losing her shield.

There are many who want Elain to stand up to the IC, but the thing is, she has no reason to. When none of her actions are held against her, what would she fight for? The IC’s behaviour is borderline psychotic with Nesta to prove she wouldn’t be welcomed into the family unless she becomes reputable enough to be Feyre’s sister and Cassian’s mate. In Elain’s case, she is already forgiven and accepted.

Though it still falls under the broad term, her self-preservation carries heavy undertones of selfishness and manipulation. It is not even a survival response triggered under pressure. Most of her life, Elain never has to make big choices. She always gets what she wants without lifting a finger. No responsibility at home, more attention from family, the only one to receive her father’s love, her engagement to Graysen, going to Graysen for help, being left alone during the battles, having her own gardens in Velaris, learning to cook, leading a simple life, to be away from Lucien, pursuing Azriel. When exactly is she ever denied in the first place to preserve her happiness?

Also, Elain is definitely not a helpless doe. She is an opportunist. Her ‘kindness’ is a mask to escape scrutiny from others when she neglects her responsibilities. It serves her too since ‘Elain is Elain’.

And that’s fine because these flaws add layers to her character and there’s room for growth. But when the narrative ignores them and paints her as an angel because it supports the glorified hero, that is wrong. We see it happen with Feyre, Rhysand, and the Inner Circle. Elain is underdeveloped, yet she shows prominent traits at major plot points and still is considered ‘sweet’. At this rate, she’s just going to be another bland cutout who can never do anything wrong and is universally loved (like Feyre).

On the other hand, all this masking, the cunning, and the pettiness are great agents for her obvious future bonding with Rhysand who is quite similar. But her true nature has to be acknowledged first, which is clearly not happening in the narrative or the fandom.

There are obvious issues to be resolved in Elain’s character—shedding these traits and loving others without exploitation—but the focus will be on what SJM deems worthy for her plot. Elain went from being content to staying in the background, tending to her gardens, and creating beauty to wanting to step out of her sisters’ shadows. Though she never gave that vibe, it will be shoved down our throats because these leads need to be badasses. At this point, she has more chances of turning into another Feyre with her ‘coming out of the shell’ journey because that’s the only way women can grow in this series. I don’t like Elain the way I don’t like Feyre, Rhysand, or Cassian. She is, and will likely never be, held accountable for anything she does. Nesta has self-awareness, her flaws are portrayed as such, and she makes amends for her mistakes because that allows Feyre to be right again. But what reason does Elain have to be better when she hasn’t done anything wrong until now?

[yourstarstruckbeloved]

first glimpse of red

in which seishiro nagi veers dangerously close to the path of nihility.

content/warnings: 1.1k words, blue lock x hsr au??? cross fandom fic— this is not a shipfic!!! acheron is here purely as a guide, a LOT of discussion of nihilism and pointlessness and such, like two mentions of death, acheron might be ooc warning, if there’s anything i missed pls let me know

author’s note: i’ve been OBSESSED with the idea of nihility follower nagi— well, not an emanator since emanators of nihility technically can’t exist, so at least whatever acheron is. this is me trying to coherently put it all into words <3

seishiro nagi rubs his eyes and stretches, yawning as he does so. he boots up his PC once more, and shuts it back off when he realises that even playing another game would be too much effort. nagi is tired. sighing as he closes his eyes, seishiro nagi slumps on his chair. the time blurs into monochrome. 

reason.

what reason did nagi have to do anything at all? why does he wake up in the morning just to go back to sleep at night? he immediately discards the thoughts from his mind, concluding that it would be a hassle to think about them anymore. and unknowingly, he finds himself walking a step closer towards the edge of the looming blackhole in the horizon of existence. nagi isn’t someone who spends his time dwelling on matters like this— he’d much rather get to the root of a problem as quickly as possible and cut it right off, so it would never grow to be a bother again.

nagi doesn’t know what path he treads on. all he knows is he tends to choose those with easy exits and no catches. what does he even want? it just so happens that the easiest path nagi finds himself to be able to tread on is one of listless monochrome. a lot of people have asked him why he finds everything to be a hassle. he shrugs and says that he doesn’t know. it’s true that he doesn’t, but it’s not like he’s ever bothered to find the answer to the question. and it’s not like he’s asked himself why he doesn’t bother.

nagi doesn’t care. he’s been this way for as long as he could remember. 

he meets a purple haired woman in his journey through IX’s landscape. acheron is someone that accidentally stepped into the path of nihility and ventured a bit too far into IX’s shadow. for a fleeting moment, nagi wonders why she couldn’t just have steered course away from nihility, but realises he doesn’t care that much about the answer.

pointlessness.

it finally dawns on him, why he thinks of everything as a hassle. the answer had always been with him, he never had to go look. all of nagi’s actions stem from wanting to eradicate all burden and hassle from his life. he recounts this to acheron, and she comes to the realisation that she and nagi probably weren’t cut from the same cloth; they were two individuals on vastly different courses of life, that happened to intersect at this very moment. unlike acheron who happened to be thrown onto this path completely by accident, nagi seemed like he was destined to follow nihility since birth. he’d always found everything pointless, enough to feel disengaged from everyone and everything around him to some degree, at least. 

but then again, unlike acheron, nagi has an easier exit from this path than she does. she’s carved this one singular path for herself out of the hardest stone, in a resolve to reach the light beyond the black disc of nothingness, and to guide people who cross paths with her by making them pick a certain choice that she offers.

well… calling it a choice offered by her would be putting it in the crudest and vaguely inaccurate terms. she’s not the one steering their lives, even for this fleeting moment; she could never take credit for such a thing. she simply shows people possibilities, and lets them decide for themselves which one they’d like to walk towards.

nagi can articulate now that the basis of his attitude to most things in life is because of the pointlessness he associates with everything. so, what now?

but then this leads acheron to question if nagi truly was someone born for nihility, or if he was just another one of the poor souls that was led astray and accidentally ended up on IX’s monochrome path; because, well, no one’s point of existence could truly be to pursue nihility— anyways, it’s not like the answer to that question matters, she surmises.

there is nothing left for nagi to do in this reality except for think, and so he does. why did he keep pressing on until this moment despite the pointlessness of his existence? well, he wouldn’t say he particularly pressed on to live— had death come knocking on his door, he would’ve followed it out with a shrug of his shoulders. do you keep living despite the pointlessness of it all, or do you actively try to find meaning in your actions?

cut that out, the answer to that question is pointless— humans keep living on, regardless of their answers.

slowly, the pieces of the puzzle come together. some pieces are still missing, but he gets the wider picture. in a first, he asks acheron why humans strive to keep living despite the void of meaninglessness that the universe is based upon. she tells him that red is the colour of existence, and that it will be the first colour that will bloom, only for a fleeting moment in this monochrome universe. she asks him if he would roam in search of that first streak of crimson or if he would pick up a brush and paint it into existence. and when a choice is made, it shall reappear once more. in other words, will you search for meaning, or will you create meaning for yourself?

nagi wonders why her question wasn’t about following the halo of light at the end of nothingness— isn’t acheron a guide to those who walk this path? almost as if she hears his thoughts, she clarifies that it would be a pointless question for her to ask. his mouth opens to question her once more, but the word why? gets caught in his throat, as the realisation hits him like a speeding truck. every life is destined to end with the nihility, no matter what— it’s almost like a primal instinct, the way every being is naturally drawn to the light beyond the nothingness. perhaps, that is why a life that edges closer to death fervently approaches nihility, and further aspires to reach the end of it. so, will you strive to fill your life with meaning, or will you willingly thrust yourself into the meaningless pursuit of the primordial light, like acheron has?

he understands now. he picks up a paintbrush that lies fallen at his feet, streaks and blotches of red trailing with its bristles. he walks, but acheron doesn’t care to discern whether he’s walking towards the blackhole or not. she smiles wistfully, slashing her blade and tearing apart the spatio-temporal fabric of the horizon of existence. seishiro nagi wakes up in a cold sweat, finding himself in front of his PC once more, the words you died plastered in big red letters on his screen.

[azaharinflames]

I just want to get over this. Like why am I still so sad about that how many weeks later? But I am. And I also want to hold out hope but maybe it’s better to quit because the not knowing for sure and just being sad all the time is a lot.

Hi, @phillystrega! Thanks for your ask <3

Listen, I fully get it. Real talk here, I spent a solid week with constant anxiety after 806 - granted, it wasn't just because of 911, it was sort of the straw that broke the camel's back after a lot of shit had happened in the world and my personal life, so.

At the end of the day, 911 was supposed to be our comfort show. And I think, having something like this happen, seeing everything that has happened before, has made it so it stopped being that, and that's bound to hurt.

Your feelings are normal. It was more than a couple we liked breaking up - in context, sure, but also in what meant right after. I said it right after - it truly felt like they responded to the love we tried to send into the world with hate, and they responded to hate from that side of the fandom with love.

It wasn't entirely like that. But at the time it very much felt like that. And it's normal to still be dealing with feelings surrounding that.

Here is my advice (feel free to not take it if it's shit lol):

Focus on life in the fandom if it's fun for you. The BuckTommy fandom truly helped me process my feelings and channel them toward something more positive. Talk to people, be creative, see everyone's art and posts... it truly is healing.

Block anything that threatens your peace of mind. That being accounts, hashtags, or even keywords, so you don't find it in your dash.

Go back to your comfort shows if you have any, or try to find a new one if you feel you need to latch onto a new one. I'm here if you want suggestions. No joke, binge-watching Modern Family made me feel incredibly better.

If you have a hobby, dedicate some time to it. Or try a new one if you want. I had to embroid a tote bag for one of my best friend's birthday and honestly, it truly helped. So much so I want to do some embroidery as Christmas ornaments - we'll see how that works lmao (I sound 60 when I'm mid-twenties, dear God).

All of this will slowly take you out of this mentality, mostly because you will focus on other things. I realized I was focusing too much on how all of this was making me feel - and as much as it's healthy to face our feelings and know where they come from, we don't want to fall into a cycle, or drown in them.

After all of this, with a bit more perspective, maybe it's easier to make the decision of either continue, or move on. You can also stay in the fandom and enjoy it with no expectations, maybe check every once in a while how canon is doing. And if at some point you decide it's worth checking again, you can do it. And if you decide to fully move on, that will also be okay. Overall - protect your peace.

This was very long, but I truly hope it helped you, even if it was a little.

My inbox is always open to rant, vent, or discuss (911 or whatever you want).

Take care <3

[bogor-o]

mother rambles ahoyyy

i think ive said before, but a lot of crowns "influence" on Mother is almost entirely just dulling emotions and it usually does this by means of scrambling their head a little just to disrupt whatever is causing the disturbance and usually its just memories

very early on it's not as bad because they're actively trying not to think about their life before becoming a vessel and as time goes on and they're trying to live in a "virtuous" way that means giving mercy to people who don't deserve it, the crown just softens the wave of emotions that only gradually build up and its what keeps Mother balanced enough to handle a lot of the early years of cult management

the lingering survivors guilt will always chip away at them, ovidia wants to believe they would have done things differently but the reality is that every choice they made before their capture and death was deliberate, and they faced the consequences. being caught and inadvertently led to the deaths of her little sisters was a butterfly effect of ovidia never really letting go of the fear of death, and for a very long time in her denial convincing herself it was because if she didnt look out for herself how could she ensure that her sisters would be safe?

mentally he frames everything as "i did it for their sake" when the reality was "i wanted to live by any means necessary"

ovidias want for a future he envisioned for himself was always a priority in the back of his mind and fueled all his choices: the way he looked for food and how it was divided, always taking a little more than her sisters because "i need the energy to care for them" and it makes sense of course, but it meant they would never have enough

when the hunger made them malnourished and sick that one could no longer stand, the most risk she took was looking for anything to ease her dying.

the youngest was still young enough to lie to, young enough that if she said she would be okay that she would have no other choice but to believe ovidia, she was their caregiver what reason would she have not to.

and the only selfless thing they'd done was still carrying their sister as they ran, but was it just an act of love done too late? or was it because finally now when their moments of away from being caught and killed, did they want to have the appearance of a person who would have done anything for their family?

the thoughts and the guilt are what eat away at his psyche to most and its why the crown has had to intervene so often and numb them.

the way they treat their followers is an idealized version of who they wish they could have been, they wished they could have been virtuous and selfless, loving and caring, a Mother to someone. this also meant becoming ruthless to the opposition and taking out any anger boiling inside out on the bishops and heretics

Becoming Mother is the "best" version of themself and to one day "lose" him and becoming themself again is another challenge entirely that takes a toll on them mentally all over again.

They see themselves as a different person and even attribute all their bloodshed as a different entity all together because its easier than admitting it was always them.

post Mother, they only half accept that truth.

[luciddreamingstuff]

Last Response Before the Matter is Put To bed. Hermitcraft/Vault Hunters.

First of all, to everyone being calm and rational about the whole situation, let me say that I am proud of you. I know for many this has been a tough blow. But keeping your head on your shoulders and being patient and waiting for more information? Good job, take a breath. Now lets get onto the main issue. I did look through the documents thanks to folks making them easier to access for those of us (Me in this case) who don't have Twitter. I've always been a firm believer to stay on the fence and wait until statements are made, receipts here and there (doesn't need to be detailed but providing evidence is always helpful). And more importantly, do not ignore the victim. You never know until you hear everything and see it all. It's a lesson I learned the hard way. I'm also looking at character study and who is involved. Which is why I was quick to halt any work that involved the subject at hand until I had everything in my hands. Obviously, and this should go without saying, it is all real, the screenshots are real, not fabricated and the victims of this are real. I've been with Hermitcraft for a long time, I've been with Minecraft for even longer than that. So when all of this came out, it stung. I'd like to think with years of experience it would jade me enough. But I suppose when this hits pretty close to home? It's hard to say. I met my dearest friends through Hermitcraft. And I've had acquaintances where were Iskall fans. Obviously no longer. With that in mind, let me say this. To the victims of his actions, I wish you well and healing. I hope that you can find peace with everything that has happened. Good luck for wherever life may take to.

[itsrlymine]

hey, it's me again 🪼

So, yesterday my dad didn't get me plantain (in the "3d") but i didn't care, i kept saying that i had it still and that he's going to buy a plate for me every night until Sunday because that's when i go grocery shopping lol. Tonight, he came one time with nothing but i couldn't care less, i was still doubting but every time i would just re-affirm in my head and tell myself that he's coming now with a plate and quickly imagine myself eating the plantain, the crispiness of it and the smell. I imagined him knocking on my door with the plate and everything.

He came again with what ? my plateee !

I also, in middle of November (that's around the time i found your posts), my grandma told me that my extended family was going to come here on the 15 of November .. i did NOT want that, it was too close so i just told myself that they would come on the 15 of December. Mind you, i had my doubts and when i heard noises around her house, i would think "that's probably them" but instead of entertaining that idea, i just told myself that me doubting or saying that doesn't change the fact that they're going to come in December. Today, in the afternoon, she came and said that they're coming in December for 2 weeks, i was so happy ! i didn't ask her the exact date but i know it's the 15 because i said so.

That whole "who cares if i am doubting because it's done and is already happening/happened" ideology is making it so much easier for me, i have a big mass that is lifted and affirming intuitively is the best.

I also ended a 4 year relationship with my abusive ex and while it might not be manifesting but your posts about uplifting yourself and not giving in on negativity made me stop beat myself down so much less and also helps me stop putting myself down and instead uplifting myself and i am done with him. I wanted to end it for 2 years and look now, another page in my life !

#🪼 #jellyfishanon

🪼 babe omg!!!!! It's so beautiful to see how quickly you grasped onto this info and are consciously changing your life! Your dad's job is to get you all the plantain in the world, even if that means he's gonna start a plantain farm in y'all backyard. Have me over if that happens.

But no this is great. I would do the same thing with my family sometimes if i wanted them to come later or earlier as well.

Seriously tho. Doubt is a bitch and she can stay in the next room bc what does she have to do with the fact that I have what I want now???? Girl be fr.

I'm also so proud of you for taking initiative in regards to your ex. you are free to choose whatever it is at any given time and you will have the best success. Thank you so much for sharing doll. I know you have a few more up your sleeve.

[ezrazwrldz]

jesterdoll... anything jesterdoll... Just them being sweet with each other :] (can be art or fic, whatever you have an easier time thinking of an idea for. I just need my gays 😔)

(they’re humanised in this - hope that’s alright! AND IM SO SORRY UTS SHORT!)

comments, reblogs > likes/nf

requests are still open!

it means everything ❤️💙

pomni’s pov

i’ve just arrived home from work after a terribly exhausting day, breathing a sigh of relief as i walk in, seeing my wife, ragatha, reading a book in the living room. having missed her, i sneak up on her, wrapping my arms around, enveloping my lover in a tight hug, burying my face in the crook of her neck.

“..oh, hi there-“ ragatha giggles softly, putting her book to the side, and running her fingers through my black hair; i hum in delight as a response, lightly tightening my grip. i always miss her so much when i’m in work, it feels like hell.

“..hey.. so tired-“ i finally complain, and find myself being pulled onto her lap. not that i minded, not at all. placing her hand onto my cheek, she starts to rub circles with her thumb, and i melt into her touch, loving every single second of it. i wouldn’t have things any other way. she was my world, and i was hers.

“..rough day?” ragatha tilts her head a little, a concerned smile finding its way onto her face. in response, i nod.

“..a little. just had a lot to do. y’know, cause everyone loves to dump everything on me at the last minute. that’s why i’m a little late.” at this, she pressed a little kiss against my forehead, using her free hand to take one of my permanently cold, shaky ones. my face heats up: even though we’re literally married, she’s my ultimate weakness, always has been. i may not have appreciated her enough at first, but, my care for her goes beyond anything i’ve ever experienced for anyone else. she’s my bliss.

and days like this? it means everything.

[guhamun]

THESE PERPLEXING FEELINGS SEEMED to grow all the more, such akin to a tangled web of things he couldn’t quite figure out. It was like trying to pull a butterfly from it, the process one that was painstaking, and, if not done properly, could only make things worse. Jiyan’s comfort in his presence was one he could never quite understand among other things, yet despite knowing of his reputation, of the whispered rumors that could either be true or false, he still seemed so at ease with him. But why him? That was a question he had asked himself countless times whenever he was with the general. In the beginning, he had not exactly been the friendliest individual. His words had often been curt, and his interactions with Jiyan, as small as they had been, were strictly business with him merely wanting to know what it was they wanted of him, and then leaving to see it done. He couldn’t figure out how they had even reached the point that they had, and each time he tried to see where their initial path had diverged, he was left feeling even more lost than he had before.

     Jiyan’s nuzzling of his hand – him instinctively knowing that this was not a gesture done towards anyone else, only made things that much worse. And so, to try and figure out his thoughts and feelings, he wanted to hear the other’s again as if that would help get rid of the fog that constantly hung over him. For whatever reason, there was something about listening to them that made it easier to slot puzzle pieces into place. Nothing was said on his end once more as he moved his hand back to his side; only that silence that came when his mind was working over everything he was hearing and seeing. ❝It’s not like you to make assumptions about others, Jiyan. Rather than assuming what I would say, why not merely ask me the questions you want answered and see from there? I can’t read minds. I may be good at figuring out if someone wants to gut me, but this…is something else entirely. I can't promise that anything I say will make much sense either, but I'd attempt.❞ For you, at least. He glanced away, gaze peering off into the distance where the sun shone its brightest.

     ❝If I have upset you in any way, whether now, or in the past, I apologize. My intention was never to make you feel like some insect under a magnifying glass.❞ What had he done that warranted their last statement? ‘I really wish you could extend me the same patience and empathy I have with you.’ What did that even mean? He was frustrated because he didn’t quite comprehend what in the world Jiyan was talking about, yet he wasn’t quite sure what questions he was supposed to ask to make it make sense. Was he…upset with Calcharo’s callousness towards his own potential death? Was it how he just casually moved on from it? In truth, he couldn’t quite understand being dear to anyone in the manner that Jiyan spoke of. It all circled back to ‘why him?’ Why? He huffed, a small, sigh slipping from him. ❝We seem to be two men who are deeply lost about one another as much as we are about our own emotions. It’s like dumping oil on water.❞ In other words, they wouldn’t get anywhere without proper discussion.

     He understood that much now. 

Calcharo had remained quiet the entire time he spoke, and Jiyan didn't know if that was a good thing or not. He could tell they were listening to him, but it made him nervous as well. But, when they reached out to touch his face... the new scales that temporarily appeared on his jaw, all doubt and nervousness he had felt until then melted. Golden eyes closed as he sighed, allowing himself to enjoy the other's touch, allowing himself to reach out for what he hungered for and lean onto their hand. It wasn't the type of thing that a general should be doing, but he didn't care for any of that right now.

He was happy. Calcharo was so close to him, they were touching him, they existed in this very moment at the same time as him. It made him relax and feel hopeful. It was funny, wasn't it? He was no stranger to hope. After all, hope was what kept him going every day, hope was what he tried to inspire on his fellow rangers, hope was something he would cling to till his last breath. He liked to think that he understood hope well enough. But, while the reason for that type of hope was as clear as water to him, the hopefulness he felt whenever he was with Calcharo wasn't as clear. He could tell it was there, he felt it, and he knew he was hoping for something, for more. But it was frustrating, as well, to not know what that more looks like.

And then Calcharo talked, and the illusion of all being well and on the right track shattered. Still, he couldn't help the brief and weak laughter that passed his lips. It wasn't funny but, at the same time, it was. Careful, he allowed himself to nuzzle the mercenary's hand before pulling away. "Calcharo, have I not been doing just that this whole time? I explained everything, every single time, so what else am I supposed to say?" It took him a while to notice it, but he eventually realized that he was a painfully honest man, one that ended up letting his honest thoughts and emotions slip with those close to his heart.

But they asked him to talk, even if it was abstract and nonsensical, so he was going to talk. "Just like you, I don't like feeling exposed and vulnerable. There are things I would rather keep to myself, things I wasn't planning to tell anyone, but when I'm with you... I don't know, it's so easy to be myself." A pause followed, hesitation showing on his features for a second before he shook his head. "But that doesn't mean I'm okay with being prodded like a test subject. Calcharo, what do you gain from me explaining everything again? What's the purpose of it? It doesn't aid you in any way, so why do you ask things of me you know you wouldn't answer if I asked them of you?" He was frustrated at himself and at Calcharo, which was terribly unfair to the latter, as he couldn't even explain why he was frustrated in the first place. He was making no sense and he hated it. This wasn't like him at all. So he just sighed and rubbed is temples, try to gather his thoughts and make sense of the mess of emotions he was feeling right then.

"I don't know what I'm hoping for. I don't know what I'm feeling or why I'm being like this. I don't know many things, and I'm still on edge because you could have died a few days ago, and I don't know what I would do without you, you have become so dear to me, I can't imagine a world without you in it. But, despite it all, it appears that the fact you nearly overclocked is the last of your concerns. It's confusing and frustrating for me too, and I understand that you must have a lot of questions. I have them too. But I really wish you could extend me the same patience and empathy I have with you."

[sanlangkiss]

having a hard evening so im coping by thinking about hualian dealing with xie lians selective mutism. i imagine they communicate by writing on each other's hands when needed. hua cheng doesn't talk so he doesn't stimulate xie lian any further. he keeps xie lian company, making sure to understand what he needs and what he wants. i love them so much

[ikishima]

My #1 advice for people moving out is to NOT buy nonstick cookware... not only is the lifespan of nonstick a MAXIMUM of 7 years (usually more like 2-5 years) but teflon, aka Polytetrafluoroethylene-- the plastic coating that makes the cookware nonstick, infuses microplastics into your food.

New cookware sets can cost hundreds of dollars so my advice is to look for 100% stainless steel cookware in thrift stores. Safer, cheaper, & instead of needing to replace every 2-7 years they can potentially last you the entire rest of your life AND they won't start shedding plastic into your food

[ms-scarletwings]

The kitten chapter was particularly hard for me to get through, personally. Honestly, I don't know how the turtle bit can be so bad for anyone considering everything that preceded it and its context. Especially when it’s people who finished the book and bring it up after the fact. Like, you made it through about 12 things worse than that specific scene AND still a lot of other brutal ones to come later, and after the entire book the turtle scene was the lowest point you’re still thinking about?

I think I kind of get why though. It was one of the few animal harm depictions that genuinely involved no malice on the part of the perpetrators. It was something many of us may actually even have a comparable experience with IRL for some empathetic reference. For me that made it easier, but for others it probably added to the upset because it’s very easy to put yourself in Max or Newton’s shoes for it. To feel like you’re there helplessly watching with them. I saw what was coming with the turtle from about a mile away though, because I already understood and knew the point that scene was trying to get across. There wasn’t a single thing unexpected about how badly that entire scenario was going to go before they even caught the animal. It didn’t hit me any differently than the bird nest story did.

Meanwhile, the chimp scene put powerful feelings of dread in the pit of me though and I did have to take a break there.

That damn chimp part was placed so perfectly where it was for maximum impact, too. The shit in the plot had not REALLY hit the fan yet, but the chimp chapter was horrific in how it was used as a foreshadowing of just how dark things were about to get. The queasy pull in your body you feel on the uphill climb before the roller coaster drops. It said “here’s a scenario that is already horrific and more viscerally upsetting than you were prepared for… in a controlled lab setting with a non-human victim. Now get ready to see what happens when that cycle repeats unrestrained and onto these main characters you’ve built up some familiarity with over the story so far.”

I don’t blame a single person for picking that place to reconsider if they wanted to stay on the ride. The kitten scene actually does the exact same thing and that’s why my shock and my dismay for it did not stop after the chapter did. It’s also why I really don’t like when people criticize it as randomly inserted cheap gross-out with zero point or contribution to the story. The kitten scene was fully intentioned to stay in your mind as you directly segwayed from that flashback immediately to the present where its implications were about to be followed through. “Here’s what this monster is capable of when he has power over something weaker than himself and he has to be careful and secretive…. Now brace for what’s about to happen when he has that same power over a child (and later on, other scouts), has no one to hide from, and he’s no longer worried about being so careful.”

Cutter was insidiously effective at what he was going for and if nothing else I gotta give him kudos for that much.

I love reading impressions from people after they've finished 'The Troop'. They always fall into a few specific categories, them being they couldn't finish the book on account of the turtle chapter, or that the chapter featuring the chimpanzee caused their time with the book to come to a sudden halt.

The turtle bit didn't really tend to register with me much, but man, the chimp chapter was some of the best literature I've read this year. I would love to see more stuff like that.

[bondagebimbo]

LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.

and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠

I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.

I’m just. I give up.

this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭