#everything is easier when i have them in mind

[prettieinpink]

LITTLE WAYS TO LIVE HEALTHIER IN 2025

INCREASE YOUR N.E.A.T. Neat stands for non exercise activity thermogenesis. So, basically any daily activities we do when not exercising or sleeping. It's important for you to have a high N.E.A.T because it can be the difference between having a sedentary lifestyle or being moderately active. 

Ways to increase NEAT is to do more heavier chores everyday (vacuuming, mopping, dusting), taking the longer routes when walking, stand for 10 minutes each hour, pace back and forth while calling someone, march while you’re brushing your teeth, etc. 

DRINK HERBAL TEAS. Herbal teas can help you in a variety of areas of life, and are a great substitute for other processed beverages. 

ADD SUNLIGHT IN YOUR MORNING. Exposing yourself to sunlight early in the day helps with resetting the circadian rhythm, which in return helps for waking up easier and going to sleep easier. 

EAT WITHOUT DISTRACTIONS. You’ll savour your food so much more and it’ll be easier to tell when you’re satisfied. 

CREATE A PLAYLIST FOR WHEN YOU WIND DOWN. Once you get into the habit of listening to this playlist, it’ll become like a trigger to your body that it’s time to sleep because listening to that playlist  should be followed by settling into bed. 

 REGULARLY GO TO YOUR GP. Especially if you’re feeling a bit out of it. It is always better to make those regular visits and catch something before it becomes out of hand. 

STOP WAKING UP SO EARLY. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but waking up at 5am is unnecessary if not required. While I do believe that waking up earlier does have benefits, that extra hour of sleep probably has more. 

IF YOU’RE STRUGGLING, TAKE IT SLOWER. In this day and age, we don’t have time to process a lot of things. Everything is so fast paced, that if we fall behind, we tend to feel less than. 

Especially if you’re someone who can’t keep pace with the crowd due to disabilities or mental health. Take things at your own pace, and do what you can will yourself to do. 

GET SPIRITUAL. Lots of studies show that people who commit themselves to their beliefs are a lot happier in life than those who don’t. This doesn’t mean that you have to commit to a religion yet, but I would explore your spirituality side and see what  resonates with you. 

WEAR YOUR SPF. Skin cancer is no joke, and our earth is only getting hotter. Protect yourself, including your body! 

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH GOOD PEOPLE. People who radiate love and are always looking for the goodness around them, that rubs off on you and in return you’ll develop similar traits. Being with them will stimulate growth in all aspects of your life. 

I'm not telling anyone to ‘fix’ anyone, but it means a lot to other people if you can be that person in their life. It's a very rewarding and fulfilling lifestyle.  

TAKE MAKEUP BREAKS REGULARLY. Give your skin a break from products, and ideally take a week off each month to spend it makeup free. You’re saving time and your skin. 

ADD IN FRUITS, HERBS OR LEMON IN YOUR WATER. This will help with extra hydration and improve digestion. 

PRIORITISE FIBRE. As much as protein is good for you, fibre has just as much importance but it's not as heavily prioritised. Ideally, half of your meal should be fibres. However, that can be a hard change for some people, so start with having it on the side. 

It's great if you can incorporate ‘hidden’ fibre into your meals as well!

CURATE YOUR SPACE TO SUIT YOU. Add in little notes of reminders or quotes, place around photos or awards of your achievements, remove anything that impacts you negatively. You want the area that you’re in 24/7 to support that growth, not stifle it. 

Keep your area clean and decluttered as well. Try to minimise the amount of stuff that you have. You only need one of each thing, two is one too many. Having too much clutter affects the clarity of your mind.

it is numbered oddly because of the way I pasted this from google docs to tumblr. apologies!

[leovenuslatina]

ETERNAL DESIRE⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°

!!THIS READING IS 18+ MDNI!!

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what makes your FS feel desired?

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₊˚⊹ ᰔ౨ৎ₊this is just a reminder that tarot isn’t permanent or set in stone YOU decide how your life goes no one or nothing else now take a deep breath and choose the pile that calls to you ₊˚⊹ ᰔ౨ৎ₊˚⊹

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PILE 1 -

King of Pentacles & The Magician

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Your FS like to feel confident pile 1. he likes when stroke his ego make him feel good and you build him up i mean of course everyone does but he mainly likes it when you do it. it means the most to him when you do it especially when you two are making love and you whisper all things he’s doing makes you feel good he’s obsessed with that. Outside of the bedroom your FS likes knowing that you depend upon him that anytime you need him or anything that you come to him. he likes when you make him feel like a “real man” you know chopping wood lifting heavy shit and stuff like that. your FS is OBSESSED with making you feel safe protected and comfortable. whether it’s when some creep is hitting on you and making you feel uncomfortable or his just hold you in his arms. he likes knowing that you trust him completely with everything: soul and mind but especially body. Your FS does put a lot of his identity in what he does and his job so he maybe like really important where he works or in his field. he has a lot of respect which indirectly helps his confidence especially with you he likes to buy you nice things and taking you on trips and luxurious experiences. Lastly your FS LOVES ! communication and hearing words of affirmation from you it does wayyyyy more than you think it does.

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PILE 2 -

Two of Wands & Six of Pentacles

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Immediately pile 2 your FS means business! they love to get shit done they have a long list of goals and they intend to achieve everything on that list and they don’t let anything or anyone stop them. that makes them feel really desired and important and impressive. they like when you challenge them i’m getting that the chase is like a good motivation for them. in the weirdest way what makes them feel wanted is when you act like you don’t want them 🤭. when you tease them and act like a brat for lack of a better word. your FS def wants what they can’t have and when you tell them not right now or no he LOVES IT ! (side note lol): i was having a conversation with my man the other day and i asked him why he kept pursuing me even when i acted like i didn’t want him he said because he was so used to girls throwing themselves at him that when i didn’t he was intrigued and when he got me he felt accomplished. Your FS is the SAME way he’s probably like handsome or really charismatic and when you don’t immediately want him he’s obviously obsessed with you !honestly just being in a relationship with you makes him feel the most desirable. because he views you as the highest prize he could ever win. he sees you as a goal he wants to achieve (not in a bad way!!) he just knows he has to work his hardest to get you and make you happy and keep you happy and that makes him feel really good about himself. he feels like he won at life just because he’s with you 🥰. because they are very goal oriented they LOVE when you give them tasks to do for you like helping you move or helping you with some car troubles. they are a HUGE acts of service kinda guy and he’s the type to do stuff for you before you even asking like filling up your water bottle or washing your car for you or just anything to make your life easier. it’s the same thing in the bedroom. he likes when you tell him what you like and what to do and when he does that and makes you pleased he’s extremely happy with himself.

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PILE 3 -

Knight of Pentacles & Six of Cups

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Your FS prides himself on being who you lean on. He’s ambitious and he’s a GOOD man savanna!!! he’s loyal and faithful if you care about that stuff he is a religious man (only of that applies). What makes your FS feel desirable is knowing that you see him and that you know all he does. he’s the type of guy that doesn’t brag he’s not boastful about all he does. he’s very humble. he’s not in it for any type of praise or recognition. but you truly see him and you’re thankful and appreciative of everything he does for you and that makes him happy literally he’s a simple kinda man it really doesn’t take much to make him happy or feel. your FS is an extremely patient and supportive man he’ll do anything for you even if you have trauma or past experiences that cause you anxiety he’ll be right by your side. this FS is the perfect person for someone who needs a lot of patience and attention and love. he’s very caring and soft and loving. and the look on your face when he hold you or when he sees you happy that is the ultimate compliment to him. like all he wants to do is be a good MAN for you !

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[47lake]

need me

synopsis: you’re on a road trip when you run into eva at a gas station, it’s getting late and she invites you to her place. things quickly grow hot and heavy as the magnetic stranger lures you in further.

‼️: dom!eva, sub!reader, manipulation, coaxing, smut, cursing, oral, fingering, controlling, praise, idk they’re fucking w/c: 2.4k

you scanned the gas station shelves, carefully eyeing over the small selection of snacks. you were stuck between some m&ms and some takis, a pros and cons list forming in your mind of each option. the question of ‘which would be easier to eat for another 63 miles?’ danced through your head.

you were deep in thought as the smell of warm vanilla ran through your nose. you turned around, scanning the store for the culprit.

that’s when you spotted her, her gaze already even with your own, like she had carefully handpicked you out of everyone in the small, crowded room.

her eyes held yours just above the shelves, her bright blue stare and blonde locks the only thing visible overtop the bright bottles.

you felt your feet leading you across the aisles, it was like she was luring you in.

once you got to her chosen aisle you stoped, now face to face with the captivating girl.

“hi.”

she turned away from the array of drinks in front of her.

“hey, what’s your name?”

her voice oozed with invitation, it was like she was pulling your darkest secrets out of your throat without the need to even ask. everything about her seemed so sweet, so warm.

your name left your lips before you could realize you had opened your mouth, your hand flew to cover it, like you could put it back somehow.

“what a beautiful name, you can call me eva.”

you smiled, scanning her over in an attempt to figure out why you felt so drawn to her.

she turned her back to you and made her way to the register, to no surprise you followed right on her heels.

“so, what brings you into town? i can see you aren’t from here.”

your eyes danced around the store as you took in her newly formed perception, looking for an answer that would pique her interest while also making yourself appear relaxed.

“just passing through, i’m on a road trip of sorts.”

she nodded along as she stepped up to the register, motioning for you to put your m&ms down next to her items.

“oh, you don’t have to..”

your sentence trailed off as she pulled them gently from your hand.

“i insist.”

her hand lingered on yours as you listened to the barcode scan.

“that’ll be 11.78”

her touch left just as quickly as it appeared, somehow you already missed her warm and soft skin.

you looked around the register, eyeing the extensive collection of magnets that came from all over, several countries and states with beautiful designs. each magnet unique in its own way.

“well, are you coming?”

you snapped away from the suddenly unimportant magnets and saw her waiting in the doorway, the bell over the door ringing out as it swayed back and forth. you told the cashier thank you and hurried out behind her.

“it’s getting a little late and there’s not any hotels near by, you should come stay at my place.”

you stopped in your tracks and met her gaze again, thinking it over, or you were trying to. it was hard to focus with her gaze seeping into your skin.

“that’d be great! ..unless you’re like gonna kill me or something..?”

she smiled and laughed as she fished your m&ms out of the plastic bag in her hand.

“i promise i won’t ‘like kill you or something’.”

she pointed down a winding road with dark trees lining each side, a street light flickered in the distance, she turned to be sure you saw her.

“i’m right down this road, just follow me.”

she walked over to her car as you got back into your own, gripping the steering wheel as you started it up.

were you really about to go spend the night with a stranger?

well, at least she’s a pretty stranger.

you watched across the small parking lot as she began to drive off, you followed closely behind her, per usual.

after a short drive you arrived a rather large house, far too big for just one person. you shrugged it off and parked, turning the car off and hopping out.

“this is all for you?”

she smiled and admired the grand structure.

“oh, no. i live with a few friends but they’re all away on a retreat right now, they won’t be home for a few more days.”

you nodded and gathered your belongings out of your trunk, locking your car as eva led you inside.

as your foot passed the threshold of the doorway you were greeted by a smell you couldn’t quite place, something sweet and nostalgic yet earthy almost.

you took in the spacious interior as your eyes danced around the open floor plan.

“follow me.”

two simple words, somehow silky smooth yet firm, in a way that you obliged without a second thought.

at this point she could practically put you on a leash the way you followed her around like a moth to a flame.

she gave you a simple tour of the place, the bathroom, the room where you’d stay, the kitchen, the whole nine yards.

you ended the tour at the end of a lined hallway, a dark oak door pulled shut, warm light peering just under the edge.

“this is my room, just in case you need something in the night.”

the pushes the door open and you slowly step inside, taking in the warm ambient lighting coating the off-white walls, the space somehow simple yet intricate. wood accents flowed throughout, perfectly contrasting the pale paint. greenery bloomed in corners, housed in beautiful pots and vases.

various art pieces were scattered around, each piece unique yet somehow on the same plane as the others. one wall covered completely by a dark bookshelf, housing dozens of novels and stories as well as vinyl for miles. an antique record player sat in the corner, it was something you could tell was personal to her.

“like what you see?”

you smile and turn to her, not realizing how enamored you had become with the space.

“sorry, i just love what you’ve done in here.”

she nodded and ran her hand over your shoulders, goosebumps now adorning your skin.

“i appreciate that, look as long as you like.”

her hand drops and your heart rate follows close behind, returning to a normal and steady pace.

you walk over to the grand bookshelf, eyes dancing around the colorful spines as you look over her vast collection.

“you can borrow one if you like.”

you shake your head, yet smiling at her offer.

“thank you, but i’m not a big reader, i envy people like you that are.”

that’s when you make your way over to her vinyl, this array somehow seemed larger than the previous one.

you could tell she took good care of her music, artists ranging from the beetles to tyler, the creator.

“this must’ve taken years to collect.”

your fingers run along the shelves as you take guesses as to just how many albums there were in front of you.

“oh yes, i’ve been collecting since i was a young teen.”

you nod along and start to head towards the door.

“i’m sorry for encroaching on your space, i-“

she places a soft hand on yours, cutting off your sentence, her other hand grasping your now rosy cheek.

“don’t apologize, you’re welcome any time, love.”

your eyes meet for a second, she only pulls her focus away to study your features, like she was putting a puzzle together in her mind.

“so gorgeous..”

the words as quiet as a whisper, just under her breath but loud enough for you to hear. her thumb gliding gently over the soft skin of your cheek. your face went hot as you fully understood what she had said.

“oh, shit. sorry, i didn’t mean to say that.”

her hand dared to pull away from your face at her realization, you brought your hand up quickly and placed it over hers, ensuring it stay in place.

“no, it’s okay.”

your eyes locked again, those blue eyes washing over you like warm waves in the evening sun. her light freckles painted her nose and her ever so slightly pink cheeks in perfect constellations.

that’s when your lips met, you hadn’t even realized you were leaning in until you felt her plump lips on your own. it felt as though you were unwrapping a present on christmas eve, timid at first, careful and cautious. quickly it became all you could focus on, filling your senses entirely. you wanted to peel back the layers and find out what hid inside.

your arms wrapped around her neck as hers found home on your hips, she quickly took control of the the kiss, you happily let her, of course.

the feeling of her touch, the way she smelled, the desperation between the two of you, it was consuming you entirely. you were drowning in her and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

her grasp on your hips became firm as she walked you backwards towards the bed, your knees quickly hit the edge and you fell back against it. your lips disconnected as you hit the comforter, she was now standing over you, a sly, proud smile painted all over her face.

“i’ve been wanting to do this since i first saw you.”

her lips melded to the sensitive parts of your neck, you tucked your lip between your teeth to keep your composure.

“you just seemed so sweet, so easy, like a lost fawn.”

her stamps of adoration traveled to your collarbone as she spoke, low and gravelly.

“i know you want this, that sweet face tells on you.”

your hands ran through her hair as she teased you. grasping for handfuls when she hit a sensitive spot.

her lips left your poor skin with a pop, she was now inches away from your face, eyeing you over like prey.

“tell me how badly you want me.”

her hand ran gently between your legs, eliciting a small gasp from your lips as she applied pressure.

“so bad, i want you so bad.”

she pulled your loose hoodie up over your head, revealing your bare chest. her foxy grin returning as she runs her fingertips gently across the exposed skin.

“so pretty like this, all for me, isn’t that right?”

you nod and squeeze the fabric beneath you as she rolls your nipples between her index and thumbs. shocks course through your veins like electricity, she was making you feel good and she knew it.

“poor thing, you would’ve been so lost without me, so lucky that i found you.”

wet kisses cascade across your chest, close enough to make you gasp yet far enough to make you whine.

you can feel her smiling into your skin, pleased with the mess she was making of you. slowly but surely she makes her way down, running her tongue just above the waistline of your sweats.

you push your hips up, eager for the relief only she could bring.

“patience sweetheart, you can take it.”

her warm fingers creep under the elastic and she pulls them down torturously slow, kissing your hips tenderly all the while.

once they were fully off a teasing, cocky smirk tugged at her lips. your impatience clearly collecting in your navy underwear.

“you’re doing so well, i know how badly you need me.”

her thumb pressed firmly against the puddle and into your core, your back arches off the bed at the contact, already aching for more. her fingers work slow circles against your sensitive bud through the fabric.

a loud gasp erupts from your throat at the sensation, the fabric giving you much needed friction. your hips rolling against her touch already, she can’t tear her eyes away from the sight.

she meets your gaze finally as she lowers her head down, biting the edge of the fabric and pulling it off with her teeth, her eyes never leaving yours.

“prettier than i could’ve ever imagined.”

she ran her tongue through the coating of need, pulling it away quickly, she was such a tease. she hummed in approval.

“so sweet, perfect for such a sweet girl.”

you huffed and angled your hips closer to her face, desperate for more. you whined and whimpered as she watched, her hands remained firm around your thighs, squeezing them tightly.

her tongue slowly broke you open, sinking deeper inside of you as you moaned out. her eyes remained locked on you as you squirmed beneath her, relishing in the pleasure she was giving you.

she pulled you closer as her tongue darted in and out, eager to see you unravel further. her nose hitting your clit with each stroke never failing to make you gasp.

she traveled up to your clit, running circles around it and taking it between her lips, basking in the loud moans as she coaxed them out of you.

she slipped one finger in, your slick desire letting her in with ease. you tightened around her as she moaned against you, slipping another finger in simultaneously.

“tell me how good i make you feel, i want to hear you say it.”

her fingers sped up as she waited for a reply, making sure your words would come out in between choked moans.

“feels, good.. you feel.. so good..”

you could hardy speak with the way she was pulling loud moans from you like it was nothing. you couldn’t think with how focused you were on the satisfaction she was so generously giving you.

“no one makes you feel this good, isn’t that right?”

her lips returned to your clit as she moaned against you, urging a response from you.

a long string of rushed ‘mhm’s came as you bit your lip, trying to keep your ever approaching release at bay. she pulled away again and instead brought her other hand to your clit, tracing quick circles against you as she applied pressure.

“very good.”

her pace suddenly became inhumane, the room became hazy and the world grew quiet as she fucked into you. she knew you were getting close and you could hardly hold back anymore.

“ev- i’m!-“

you heard her cocky laugh and then she spoke.

“i know, so precious, let it all out for me. you can do that can’t you?”

you let go and your orgasm rolled over you like a tidal wave, engulfing you entirely. you shook in her grasp as you slowly came down from your high. falling against the bed as you heaved, catching your breath.

“so .. good..”

she smiled as she laid next to you, pleased with your relaxed state.

“yeah? what do you think you should say then?”

“thank you, eva.”

hope you guys enjoy this !! 🖤

i think i’ve FINALLY escaped writers block thank GOD.

thank you for the req! send any requests to my inbox ! 📥

(i’ve been kind of slow with them but i promise they’re coming soon!!)

💋: @vharperr @brat-at-the-disco-deactivated20 @thechipbetweenyourcarseat @dollyvuu @greenbttrflyy @eilishslut @karaeilishh @moralesluvr @anna-geeeezzzz @certifiedwomenlover @asterisk-eyes @mseilishmwah @eeuni @ohdoyoustillcry @bilsdillldough @amara-eilish @chrissv4mp @vijaxx @drunkinyourbenz @adinda-eilish @bxllxebxtch @mybluebossanova masterlist taglist

[practicalgauntlet]

~You're still my person. Even if I'm not yours.~

Part two

"We kept crossing paths, near misses and almosts, when all I ever wanted was for us to collide." -Jessica Katoff

Synopsis - Some time has passed, and you think you've healed. But when you're shot by an unsub, old wounds are ripped open for all to see.

Category- Angst, hurt/comfort, happy ending.

Notes - Hurt/comfort, you get shot, Canon typical violence, blood and gore, angst, self-loathing, self-blaming, a year has passed between this and part one, gender-neutral reader (I only use They/Them pronouns because I know everyone likes Spencer not just the girlies), I'm so sorry this is so long, you're a trooper if you get through all of this. The fic started writing itself :/

A/N- this is for @bloodredrubyrose and everyone else who wanted the happy ending. I hope this is okay.

WARNING- This one-shot has violence similar to the cases in the show, but I wanted to bring attention to what transpires and is mentioned in this fic. The case revolves around murdered pregnant women and their fetuses. If the topic is too sensitive for you or can trigger anything, I suggest not reading this.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

A year has passed since J.J.'s wedding.

You still find yourself hurting, lying awake at night thinking of the possibility of "What if?". You still have to shake away the thoughts of inadequacy, of not good enough.

Sometimes, when you're particularly tired or inebriated, you find yourself still unable to look away from him.

It was three weeks and two days after the wedding when Spencer invited you to hang out with him again. It was a month, two weeks, and eleven hours when he greeted you with a genuine smile again.

It was eight months, three weeks, six days, and two hours when you felt like you could breathe again.

Everything was back to normal. It wasn't bright, shiny rainbows and glittery kittens like Penelope said it would be once you healed. But it was normal.

It was easier to ignore the festering pit in your stomach during the day, easier to look your team in the eye, say, "I'm okay." and mean it. It was easier to watch Spencer heal the same way you were.

You were so proud of him. It felt like your Spencer was back. His long-winded speeches about something that didn't seem relevant but ended up helping the case drastically, his magic tricks in the bullpen when Hotch was in his office, and his goofy authenticity. All of it was back, at least partially.

He still got quiet when J.J. was around and closed in on himself. But compared to those days after the wedding, he was making immense progress. You just wished he let you in so you could help.

"I don't think they're listening."

You barely hear Morgan's voice over the bubbling thoughts that threatened to take control and invade your mind.

"Oh, sugar they're definitely not listening."

Penelope's hand was slamming down on your desk, startling you out of your reverie.

"What's on your mind, honey pot?"

She asks, propping herself up on the table. With her quirked eyebrow and intense look in her eye, you knew what she was asking.

"Are you still hurting?"

She was right to be worried, right to involve herself in case you got worse again. But instead of thinking about Spencer and how you'll never be on the receiving end of his affectionate gaze, you were actually thinking about the case.

There was a lull in leads, the ones you had only took the team to a dead end. Dead body after dead body and still nothing.

"I'm fine, Pen. This case is just taking a lot out of me."

And it was true. The BAU had been called in because a dead body had been unearthed by a gardener somewhere East. A heavily pregnant woman had been murdered, her unborn child ripped from her body and buried with her.

It was horrifying, to say the least, the brutality of the unsub turning your breakfast sour. But it had been seven hours since the team landed in the small town, and you were still no closer to finding the culprit.

"Why don't we get something to eat, hmm?"

Penelope suggested, hopping off the table and holding out her hand for you.

"If you're getting food, get me a little somethin'. I'm in the mood for Chinese!"

Morgan yelled from across the room, his hip propped against the clear board Spencer was mumbling at.

"I guess we're getting Chinese."

You chuckle, standing up and following Penelope out of the makeshift conference room the local police allowed you to use. As you were passing Spencer, you turned to him and called his name.

"Do you want anything specific?"

He looks to you, eyes reluctantly leaving his equations as he's pulled from his thoughts.

"What?"

There was a surge of affection at the sight of his pursed lips and furrowed brows. The way his hands fiddled with the marker, clicking the lid on and off the end.

"We're getting the team Chinese takeout. Do you want anything?"

"Just a fork."

You nod your head, peeling yourself away from his attentive gaze. When you and Penelope get in the car, she places a hand on yours. You didn't take your eyes off the road, but you could tell that she was looking at you with that look again.

"How have you been, sugar?

It felt good to have someone watching over you, someone in your corner, to ask if you were okay even after time had passed and you were healed.

"I've been doing good."

She was the only one to know of your breakdown on Rossi's front porch. She was the only one you allowed to see what it did to you those weeks afterward. How depressed you were, how hopeless. Penelope Garcia was your best friend, and she was the only one to know you were still unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Spencer Reid.

"Are you sure about that? I know this case is a doozy but I know that look in your eye."

You briefly take your eyes off the road once you reach a red light, patting the hand that now rested comfortingly on your thigh.

"Yes, I'm fine. It doesn't feel like the world is ending anymore. Plus, life is unfair sometimes. I just need to roll with the punches."

She looked at you, her knowing eyes always privy to the storm that rolled beneath your skin. In one final attempt to comfort her worry, you flash her your most believable smile.

Penelope quirked an eyebrow and looked away, not at all convinced but persuaded to leave it be for the time being.

The trip for food was brief. You got various dishes in case the team was in the mood for a certain thing. You were back at the station within twenty minutes, walking into the conference room to something you never wanted to see.

Your team was gathered around the table, faces grim as they spoke towards the phone sitting in the middle.

"Another body..."

Penelope whispers, catching the eyes of Morgan as he shakes his head solemnly. Hotch was already giving the team their orders.

Morgan and Emily were dispatched to question the family as the local police had already ID'd the girl. She was a well-known and loved woman; she was a part of the PTA, led the neighborhood watch, and hosted bake sales for all parts of the community.

J.J. was asked to stay behind and deal with the journalists and news anchors that suddenly surrounded the station.

That left you and Spencer to follow up with the police at the scene of the crime. Spencer drove the two of you there, your knee bouncing in the passenger seat as you watched the scenery pass by.

"I don't get it..."

Spencer mumbles. When you look to him for an explanation he was already glancing at you.

"Why pregnant women? Why take the baby out and bury it with the mother? It makes no sense."

You flip down the visor, both because you need to get the sun out of your eyes and to do something with your hands.

"Maybe they're surrogates for his real target? A mother? Maybe he's upset at his mom and taking the baby is a way to give mercy to his inner child."

"Or maybe," Spencer counters, long fingers drumming on the steering wheel as he pulls into the crime scene. "They're surrogates for a wife."

The scene before you was gnarly. And unfortunately, the unsub had changed M.O.

The woman was buried in a shallow grave like the others, dressed in a thin white gown, poised perfectly like Snow White with her child tightly swaddled in a towel and tucked safely in her arms. The only difference was the lack of blood, the lack of brutality. That, and she had blonde hair whereas the other victims were brunettes.

"He's devolving."

You mutter, feeling sick at the sight of her.

"Or he's getting close to what he's wanting to do."

You look up at him from your squatted position, taking in Spencer in all his glory. He looked so good in his FBI vest, with his sweater and tie peeking out from the collar.

You shouldn't be thinking of him like that. Not when a woman and her child had lost their life and they lay decaying in front of you. Not when you should already be over him.

"What do you mean?"

"She looks perfectly preserved. Sure, she's laid out in the same outfit and the same position. The color and the way she's laid are meant to symbolize purity. So we know he isn't murdering for hatred. He feels sympathy for these women. But look at this,"

He crouches next to you, the movement sending your heart into overdrive. His sleeves were rolled up as he shoved his hands into some blue surgical gloves. You could even smell his cologne.

"Her hair," He picks up a strand. "Her hair had been styled. There's a texture to it that means he used hairspray. And while the others' hair was wild and unkempt, most likely because he kept them for some time or they fought back, her's is washed and curled."

"So we know this woman is a surrogate, but he's not acting on any sexual or vengeful impulse?"

Spencer turned to you, looking at you from above his sunglasses.

"I think we're ready to give the profile."

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

"We are looking for a white male in his mid to late thirties."

Morgan starts as he leans against one of the desks, his arms folded against his chest. Emily stepped up, continuing on as she stared each and every officer down to make sure they were taking this as seriously as it was.

"Look for someone who had recently lost a wife and child during the birth, someone who is most likely blue collar. He would have been a normal man up until his loss. Now, he would be agitated and easily riled up. Getting into fights or arguments when he normally wouldn't. "

You step in, delivering the line you rehearsed in your head over and over on the ride back to the station.

"He's kidnapping pregnant women so he could relive the birth. So he could hold his child and kiss his wife. But he's desperate, so he is taking the babies out prematurely and amateurly that neither victim survives. He would need a space to do all of this, a garage, a second home, or a place of work. Somewhere concealed enough to not draw attention but spacious enough to perform the c-section."

It was now Hotch's turn to deliver the final line of the profile.

"He will continue to take women until he gets what he wants. We need to make sure Kate Smith is his last victim."

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

You found him. Carl McGregor, a welder for a construction company. His wife of six years died giving birth to his child, and he went off the rails.

You sympathized with him, knowing that he was in so much pain. But that didn't excuse what he did to those poor women and the families they were a part of.

Carl was hiding out in his garage, a woman in the last week of her second trimester strapped to the table; screaming for help.

You were the first on the scene, your legs carrying you just a bit faster than the others. When you opened the garage door, you had to put every ounce of will not to tackle the guy to the ground.

"FBI! Put the scalpel down Carl!"

Carl was hovering over Debbie Park, a young mother of three and a half. He had her strapped to a makeshift stretcher and her terrified screams broke your heart.

"No!" Carl said with a crazed look in his eyes. "My wife is about to give birth, give her space!"

You lower your gun so the barrel isn't aimed straight at his skull but keep it raised just in case. When you spoke, you made sure you sounded as calm and understanding as possible.

"Carl, your wife died three weeks ago giving birth to your son. Let Debbie go so her husband doesn't experience the loss you did.

You don't know how or when Spencer made it into the garage but he suddenly appeared in the shadows, his gun aimed at Carl.

"No, please!" Carl was focused on you, his shaking hands still holding Debbie down. "This is my wife! Why are trying to take her away?"

You lower your gun entirely, feeling safe with Spencer there to have your back. You approached Carl slowly, keeping your body crouched as if you were approaching a scared and wounded animal. Because that's exactly what he was. A scared and wounded animal.

"Carl?" You put a hand on his shoulder. He winces but doesn't attack. "Debbie has a family, she has three kids and a husband who are worried sick about her. Do you want to put her husband and kids through the same pain you're feeling?"

It all happened so fast. First Carl was lunging at you, a gun you didn't know he had raised before you could pull your own. Debbie's screams mixed with yours as Spencer fired his gun and took Carl down.

There was a sharp sting to your chest, your right shoulder to be exact just under your collarbone. Upon Carl's death, his finger squeezed the trigger and put a bullet three inches from your heart.

Spencer was in front of you before you could collapse, cradling your head to save it from bashing against the concrete ground.

"I need a medic!"

Spencer yelled into his com, his face wild with worry as he pressed his hands into your wound.

It hurt, sending a blazing fire throughout your body. In the back of your mind, you heard yourself scream from the pain, your throat raw and ragged. Your hands uncontrollably gripped Spencer's vest, clutching him closer to you as you tried to breathe around the sharp, boiling pain.

"You're going to be okay, the medic is on his way."

Spencer's voice sounded far away, garbled and hazy like he was underwater. Panic soon tore across your body, thrumming through your veins as you tried to ignore the sticky warmth pooling through your shirt.

"No, no, stay with me. Stay with me please!"

You barely felt Spencer's cold hands patting your cheek. You had to say it now, as you were dying. This was your last chance to tell him how you feel. You already felt yourself slipping away.

"Spence..."

Your mouth felt so dry, your tongue sticking to the roof of your mouth. He was shaking above you, pulling your body into his lap as he rocked you back and forth.

"I'm here, I'm here. I'm not leaving, you'll be okay."

You felt he was saying that more for himself than he was for you.

It was hard to unfurl your fingers from his vest but you did it, lifting your hand to cradle his cheek. It was now or never.

"Before I dye, I need you to know-"

"No!" Spencer seethed. You had never seen him so emotional before, so upset he looked feral. "You are not going to die! Where's my fucking medic?!"

"I need you to know, that I love you."

He smoothed his hands over your face, brushing the sweaty strands of hair away from your eyes. "I love you too, you're my best friend."

You let out a breathy, strangled, humourless chuckle. Of course he'd make you spell it out for him.

"I'm in love with you, Spencer..."

Black was edging your vision, your ears ringing as you watched Spencer blink once, twice, before the medic pushed him away.

Faintly you felt your body being moved, that white-hot pain once again rendering you speechless as you finally succumbed to the darkness that was calling to you.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

Spencer couldn't breathe. Couldn't think. Couldn't taste, or hear, or feel. Frantic, animalistic worry overpowered every other emotion. Logic be damned, facts be damned.

"Reid, calm down or you're gonna wear a hole in the floor."

"There is a high chance the bullet nicked a vital vein or artery. It took us fifteen minutes and thirty seconds to get her to the hospital and another six minutes for the doctors to start operating. There is a higher chance that she lost too much blood and will need a transfusion. If she needs a transfusion there is a chance she could have a Febrile non-hemolytic transfusion reaction or a Transfusion-related acute lung injury. There are so many possibilities to think over and every time I think I've found a way to stop them another one pops up. Do not tell me to calm down!"

Morgan backed off, holding his hands up in mock surrender.

"My bad, man."

Emily was next to approach him and he had to look away from the worry on her face.

"Only thinking about what could go wrong will only cause you more stress. Maybe you should go home and take a shower."

"Stop telling me what to do."

He didn't recognize his voice, and he knew his friends didn't recognize him. So he backed off, settling himself in the uncomfortable waiting room chairs, and put his head in his hands.

Emily was right. Derek was right. But if he thought about anything other than the complications that could take you away from him all he would focus on were the last words you uttered before blacking out.

"I'm in love with you, Spencer."

He didn't know what to do with that information. After J.J. he didn't allow himself to even look a second longer at someone that was out of his league. Which was everyone. Especially you.

You were so kind and gentle with him. You let him go on his rants, asking him to finish what he was saying if the team not so subtly told him to shut up or bluntly interrupted him. You loved his endless facts and knowledge and you told him often.

You were like a beacon of light when you entered the room, his gaze unconsciously looking for you wherever he was. You were his best friend; you knew everything about him and still treated him like a human being. Not some computer, not some freak.

Spencer let out a shaky breath, adrenaline still pumping through his veins. His hands were shaky and he couldn't keep still to save his life. He had never felt like this before, not when a gun was pointed in his face, not when the bureau was infiltrated. Not even when Emily was in the hospital.

He'd never been this scared shitless before.

And then it hit him.

He was in love with you.

He had been for a while. Maybe after J.J., maybe before. Spencer didn't know when it happened or how deeply it had been buried. All he knew was that it was now so fucking obvious.

It felt so natural. He had always thought you were going to be a permanent fixture in his life. Always thought that you'd be a phone call away when he needed you and he'd be the same. Whenever he thought of something you were always there, in the back of his mind like you belonged there.

He faintly heard a commotion, the sound of chairs scraping against the ground and footsteps running away. He looked up from the floor, his body fuzzy from the realization.

Spencer bolted from his seat the moment he saw the doctor standing in front of his team. He gently shoved aside Morgan and J.J. needing to hear the news as close as possible.

"They're stable and awake. It had just barely missed their heart, but they will heal with no permanent damage."

Spencer could have dropped to his knees with relief, his body sagging and his lungs deflating.

"Can I- we see her?"

"Of course, but we still need to take their vitals frequently. And a room full of people would not be best stress-wise so I suggest one to two people at a time."

Morgan clapped him on the back, a knowing look on his face before shoving him forward.

"We're going to get something to eat. You check on our sunshine."

After all the attitude he threw their way, he was dumbfounded that they would give him such a precious opportunity.

"Thank you,"

"No problem, Pretty Boy."

When Spencer entered your room, it was like he walked into a different reality. You were usually so bright and shining, carving a path of light and kindness wherever you stepped, but now you were lifeless. The tubes and wires hooked up to you made you look so uninhabited; pale, and sickly from the blood loss.

Spencer approached the bed, being careful not to make any noise that would startle you awake. Your eyes were closed and he assumed you were probably in and out of consciousness due to the pain meds they were pumping into you.

He hated seeing you like this.

"Spence?"

He hadn't realized you had awoken, too focused on all the machinery you were hooked up to.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

Spencer didn't know what to do with his body so he just stood there, willing his emotions into submission and picking at the skin of his thumbs.

"I feel like I just got hit by a train."

You groan and he is at your side immediately, checking the monitors and making sure your pain meds are working. They were, but he needed to make sure.

"What no fact about processing pain or how it affects the body?"

You were looking up at him now, a pained but genuine smile on your face. In the hour that he worried relentlessly about you, he feared he'd never see that again.

That smile faded into something akin to concern when he didn't respond.

"What's wrong Spence?"

"I thought you were going to die."

He sounded so small, even to his own ears. Weak, scared. Like a child.

You waved him over closer, and he listened. If you told him to, he would follow you to the ends of the earth. It surprised him when you grabbed his hand and placed it over your heart, the roughness of the gauze grazing his shaking fingers. He tried to pull away, but you kept him there so he could feel your heartbeat.

"I'm still here, Spencer. You can't get rid of me that easily."

"Do you-" He couldn't stand not knowing anymore. The probability of people saying things they didn't mean while bleeding out was too high for him to think clearly any longer. "Do you remember what you said to me?"

He watched your face turn sad, your lips turn inward and your eyes drop to the hospital-grade blanket. You also dropped his hand, the limb numbly swinging back by his side.

"Yes," You refused to look at him. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have put you in that situation, it was unfair of me."

"No, I-"

"I understand if I've ruined everything. I don't blame you if you don't want to be friends anymore."

Before he could think and rehearse a thought-out sentence, his mouth moved and spoke for him. "I don't want to be friends."

He realized his mistake not a second later. And to make up for it, to take away the pain on your face, he gently grabbed your chin and made you look at him.

"I love you too, so much so that the idea of you dying turned me into an illogical and emotional mess."

Tears lined your wide eyes as you stared up at him, your cheeks regaining some color. Now that he's said it out loud, he couldn't keep his mouth shut even if he tried.

"I love you so much, that I want to take away all your pain. All the bad memories and shitty feelings that take away that pretty smile. I'd do anything for you."

You reached up and cupped his cheek, much like hours before, your lip quivering.

"I'd do anything for you too, Spence."

"I know."

It felt natural to kiss your forehead, to settle into the small hospital bed, and tuck you gently into his side. It felt natural to, days later after you were discharged, take you on a proper date and call you his.

A/N- Realistically I know there would be more turmoil, less trust, and more self-doubt during the confession part but this is fiction of fiction so let's just pretend okay:) I'll save that stuff for the full-length stuff. Also along the lines of reality, I know that there is such a thing as a bulletproof vest, but I needed drama so forgive me.

[thecosmicangel]

Practice& Repetition

Yes manifestation is instant it happens instantly but it all comes down to your assumption about instant manifestation & the desire you have. Everyone got to be a master manifestor by repeatedly affirming(thinking) what they want or that they are a master at manifesting. Some had it “easier” than others because they only had to shift a few thoughts/ assumptions.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t be robotic affirming or using any method to manifest. Practice makes perfect.

Even the best athletes in the world practice their skills before a competition, they even practice affirmations to help them be in a state of winning. Famous celebrities have affirmed to get to where they are. Affirming is what you do everyday. Affirmations are a STATEment. I personally see affirmations as prayers. All religions believe in prayer. You will never stop thinking even when you finally receive your manifestation your still going to keep affirming/ thinking , so stop asking when you get to stop affirming or how much affirmations you have to do in order for things to manifest. That’s not the issue the issue is keeping your mindset (set of thoughts) aligned with who you want to be & what you want to experience. Affirmations don’t have to be the same repetitive sentence over and over just make sure whatever you’re affirming is in your favor. The repetition & practice is that you stay consistent with the story/ state you want to be in. You are training your mind to think a certain way so don’t be hard on yourself. Everything you have manifested in your life has been through some type of repetition. The things you worried about manifested because you persisted in worrying about it. Even the things society has repeatedly put in your face somehow you now have assumptions because of it. The way your parents raised you or if they repeated a certain behavior or beliefs was programmed into you. The good thing is now we are aware and can make our own decisions on what is true for us.

-⭐️🪽

[ashton-sano]

Too close to the stars, I Never knew somebody like you, somebody~

Now Playing🎼♬ ♪ ♫:

Blue lock boys in: Your Loving Boyfriend Husband who has a soft spot for you

Characters included: Itoshi Rin, Itoshi Sae, Shoei Barou

There’s less characters so more words, yey :3 (lowercase intentional)

Itoshi rin is a weird guy all things considered. he prides himself in his calm and cool demeanor and refusal to engage in his emotions for the most part, no bachira doesn’t count, he’s a moron. He says this and lives it to a T daily, so it’s always funny to see how fast he forgets to be calm and collected Itoshi rin when you get your hands in his hair. it’s weird to see in action. he hates everything and everyone when he’s practicing, brushing off his teammates and waving off hanging out with them if asked.

“as if id hang out with lukewarm trash.”

he plays mean and harsh and yet always melts into your touch when he gets home, he goes on about how “lukewarm” practice went, the idiocy of his teammates irritating him. he says it bitterly yet with how his face is pressed into your stomach, it sounds more like slow incoherent mumbling into your skin. he hardly notices how his fingers sink into the plush of your legs, kneading like second nature. you nod along but your focus is mainly on how docile he looks while grumbling, his eyelashes fluttering as he struggles to keep awake against your warmth.

some time between highschool and now must’ve given you enough time to soften him out, he doesn’t even know how you got him in the matching onesie. he swore he was still passed out on your bosom, how the hell did you have him posing for silly pictures. to be fair he looked more dazed than anything in the photo so it was hardly a pose. didn’t matter, you were smiling wide so he didn’t question how it looked or where it’d go. (the teasing at practice tomorrow made him slightly regret that)

Itoshi sae didn’t mind indulging your requests, silly as they were indeed. try as he might, no matter how much he steels himself over and swears not to, he caves under your gaze and sweet voice. before he knew it, he was doing everything he just said he wouldn’t because it’s like sacrilege to tell you no. from stupid amusement parks to clay making and running his blood sugar stupid high with sweets that he’ll definitely hear about from his dietitian. speaking of, he’s totally firing that moron; who does that guy think he is telling him not to consume more sweets under his wife’s request?

“unhealthy? try unemployed, you useless pain. my wife says it’s fine, so it is.”

it’s probably worse than he thought. there’s not a thing he does that doesn’t have your name in it. even when you’re nowhere to be seen, you’re his best excuse to leave interaction.

‘meeting be damned, i need my wife more so reschedule.’

‘tell that lady to wait, my wife is calling.’

‘im waiting for my WIFE, yes, im MARRIED.’

if you actually saw it, you’d still be awestruck. he never opens his mouth to tell you about this but everyone you meet knows you. the store workers, his manager, everyone who knows him will know you’re his wife. he’s the kindest person for you, everyone else can wait.

Barou shoei is peak househusband, argue with the wall. everyone sees him as the toxic and red flag type but he’s nothing if not considerate for you. don’t openly point it out, he will deny. he loves his family hard and plenty, so once you’re a part of that such extends to you. his sisters love you, truly and he’s grateful for that, his favorite girls getting along does make him content.

he never bothers just telling you he loves you, it’s easier to see when he interacts with you. actions are better in that regard so it makes sense. he gives you nothing but the best. he’s always cleaning up and such, you never have to worry about it when you come home. AND the laundry while cooking dinner? is there something he can’t do? he grumbles but never complains even when you forget to clean for the millionth time, or accidentally mess up dinner or stain the carpet with some harsh juice. you’re his wife, of course it’s okay to make mistakes. he actually insists on doing all the chores, he claims that it’s only because he does it better but he’s whipped. what man lets his wife do all that work while he lazes? Inadequate

“just worry about your work, don’t even think about a chore. hey! you’re thinking about it, aren’t you?”

a king is nothing if his queen is unhappy. that’s how he justifies it anyway. it almost makes you feel bad with how he works all day at practice then comes home and cleans tirelessly. when you asked his sisters, they assure you that it’s his love language and you’d argue with that but he seems content being so helpful so you leave it be. . a bit of help here and there doesn’t hurt though. don’t let him catch you though, he’ll chastise you back to bed like a mother hen. so maybe no chores, heh.

-> Property of ©ashton-sano; Don't post my content on any other platform without credit; much love^^

[tetedurfarm]

I know I just have goat fever right now daydreaming, but I would love to hear about your goats. What's their purpose, most annoying trait, anything at all

i am so sorry in advance because i am always brutal when people want animals that i own and they ask me for my opinion. it's a personality flaw. but i need people to understand why animals suck before i say why they are fun lmao

why goat:

my goats are for milk mainly. i have a nigerian dwarf, a mini nubian, a mostly-nigerian 'mini-nubian', and a kinder. their milk is actually really good, all of them, and their production is good for my needs. i expect each to make about half a litre or so a day at peak production this year, going off of numbers from last year. it will be violet's third freshening, and phoebe's second, and they generally increase in production every year for the first three or four years before levelling off. i am not planning to breed hallow unless i find someone with a nigerian buck that they don't mind letting me borrow, cos derek is just way too big for her i fear. turnip will be on her first freshening. i prefer the mini nubians and kinders to the nigerians because they have more ground clearance and bigger teats so it's easier to use a machine on them. hand milking the itty bitty titties isn't awful but i try not to hand milk if possible lol

i do eat kids because i can't sell them, and they are dairy goats so they aren't exactly the meatiest things on the planet, but it's food. i like the taste of wether and doe but buck is stanky.

what i hate about goats:

crime. i know it's the joke but genuinely goats are little shits and your new favourite hobby is now fence the second you put one on your land. literally any sort of weakness in their enclosure they will get through. cannot overstate. if you use electric fence as their primary enclosure (if you want them to mow a weird spot for you or something) they have to be net and they have to hit hard. provided it's grounded right, my net fence with a 1 joule solar charger can hit around 4k max and they will ignore that if they want something on the other side bad enough. however they will usually respect it if they have plenty to eat within the legal zone. you cannot tie a goat because they will strangle themselves trying to eat something outside of their range or slip their collar and do whatever they want.

they will climb on anything they possibly can, including buildings and enclosures. they will also rub on things which is fine sometimes if it's a brush mounted on a pole and bad sometimes when it's your fence. also if they can stick their head through a fance they will do so and if they have horns they will get stuck. sometimes they will get stuck without horns. the issue i have the most with them sticking their heads through fence is they push on it so hard it can warp cattle panel fences and stretch tension ones so i just have to make sure they aren't overly mcfucking everything every now and then.

speaking of horns it is sort of a personal preference on whether or not you do horns. horns look sick af and help them thermoregulate in hotter climates but also horns suck ass and make a lot of things difficult if you are milking them. horns don't always fit into milking stanchions, and i have had enough situations with a bitchy nanny on the stand where if horns were involved i would have been pretty badly injured. they will press them against things because it feels good and again that's fine if it's a post and bad if it's you. my horned goats don't seem to headbutt things like my ram does, and my goats are little so they can't push me over when they press on me, but if they were normal sized goats we'd be having words. trying to medicate horned goats is a pain because i can't just pop them between my thighs unless i want really wicked bruises. i did not want horned goats. the only reason i have two is because one i didn't go deep enough when i was dehorning him, and the other i didn't plan to keep so i didn't bother. there is a nonzero chance i will replacing the horned doe with a daughter this year just because i don't want to deal with it :/

feed-wise they aren't too bad but they are ruminants and have ruminant problems. but you have rabbits and a lot of the same things apply so it's not a huge deal. they need roughage constantly which means if you don't have grass you have to buy hay, and if you can't get it cheap then get fucked. everyone's feeding methods and routine is individual to their needs and herd but mine have free-choice local hay, and i give them a flake or two of alfalfa a day depending on their condition (less in summer when there's grass, more in winter when there isn't.) i give a little grain twice a day; i personally find it less expensive and better and keeping condition on them than just alfalfa, plus it serves as a great incentive to get them all back in the shed when i need. same as the alfalfa, they get less in summer and more in winter, just kinda eyeballed and adjusted as needed to keep condition. the buck and his wether get less grain and their alfalfa is pelleted because it just works a little better with how their feeders are set up. speaking of feeders - goats LOVE standing in feeders and will shit and piss in them and then decide the food is inedible. we screwed 2x4s about six to eight inches over their troughs to prevent this but it makes the horned ones' lives harder so we will need to adjust them. in general goats will not eat food once it touches the ground. it's really fucking annoying because they will waste so much fucking hay that way if you don't have some kind of solid bottom to their feeders. this is An Problem with alfalfa because they ONLY eat the leaves and rarely eat the stems, but the leaves just fall out of normal hay racks and onto the ground. which is lava, obviously. also, they will get addicted to alfalfa and grain. and if you do not give them these things every day they will make your life hell. which is like, fine, if that is part of your feeding plan, but let's just say it took beetlebug over a month of constant screaming before he finally adjusted to his new diet of not being free-fed alfalfa like he was at his old home. he nearly was returned to sender x:

my goats are not huge fans of treats/cookies for some fucking reason and will only eat them if they're apple flavoured. most people do not have this problem.

this is only really a con for me because i also have sheep, but because sheep can't have copper in their mineral i have to bolus my goats a couple of times a year as needed which is a pain in the ass. the fig newton trick does not work because of aforementioned 'we only eat apple cookies' reasons so i have to do it the hard way and it's a rodeo every single time and i hate it. you know they need copper because their fur will get kinda dull and sometimes curly, and they will get what's called a 'fishtail' where they will start going bald on the tip of their tails. it's more a problem for me in winter because we have good copper in the soil, but when there's no grass they need a little help.

goats have soft feet that don't grind down well so you have to trim them which isn't a huge issue but just like, an issue. it's hard on my body particularly so i don't do it as often as i know i should. a trimming stanchion is worth the money. also make sure you get good quality shears because shitty ones will kill your hands.

goats do not suffer in silence and much like cats their definition of suffer is sometimes not actually suffering at all, and is just like....you did not give them alfalfa at Exactly the same time one day so you get to listen to shrieking until you do it. my nursing mamas sleep in a different area that is closer to the house and they will get Real Mad for a couple days the first few times i put them in there at night, and then also every morning if they run out of hay.

if it matters to you, the milk is naturally mostly homogenised and it means if you want to make cream or butter or whatever you have to have a cream separator which are complicated, expensive, and annoying to clean. the milk will separate a little bit on its own, so i guess if you really wanted to you could just skim it every day but you still won't get all of it without a separator.

and lastly, if you keep a buck then you get to deal with Buck Issues™️. famously, bucks stink. my old buck stank all the time, but derek is actually not so bad. outside of horny season he has very little smell but even when he's pissing on himself to appeal to the ladies he isn't nearly as fragrant as orion was. orion you could smell from a mile away. they are also rough on fences and gates for goat reasons but also for horny reasons if there's a doe on the other side. make sure your gates latch Real good. they also need less fat in their diets, can be pushy, and need a companion of some variety or they will get sad. derek lives with beetlebug, who is wethered, and they get along well. some people can keep bachelor groups but it seems to be the exception, and i personally have no need for multiple bucks so i can't give you any firsthand experience.

what i like about goats:

milk milk milk milk milk. it's real good. at least my goats' milk is; not all breeds have tasty milk. to me my goats' milk just tastes like slightly above 2% cows' milk, with a little bit of a grassy or piney taste depending on what they've been eating. mini nubians are nigerian/nubian crosses so their milk is very high in fat and very sweet. kinders are pygmy/nubian crosses so they are a little meatier and the milk is sweet but a little less high in fat.

they are very personable animals and usually will eat out of your hand even if they aren't fan of being pet and cuddled. bottle-raised ones can range from 'dog you can do anything to and likes hanging out with you' to 'trying to climb you constantly and eat your hair' but i have never had that last problem because i don't allow climbing or constant pestering. the worst i've had with a bottle-raised kid was daisy being really like...sexually aggressive towards me and that's why she's in the freezer now. they have big personalities and they are very fun to watch do their little goat thing and there is constant pecking order politics happening to spice things up.

they come in lots of pretty colours and you can mix and match pretty easily to find a breed or cross you really enjoy. like i said, i like the mini nubians and kinders because they are on the smaller side - around 60, 70lbs or so for the does i would guess? and their heads are right at bellybutton range for me who stands 5'8" - bit still have a lot of space between the udder and the ground so they are easy to milk. the nubian in them also helps their teats be a good size and their milk to stay rich.

them being browsers is sort of a blessing and a curse. they are awesome for clearing areas of brush, which is a pro for me who lives in himalayan blackberry hell, but if you want them to mow their lawn they'll only eat grass if there's nothing else. browsing is also why they are so rough on fences and why they tend to eat more shit they shouldn't, they just stuck their head through fence and try whatever they can. the browsing is why i like running sheep with them; the sheep graze and the goats clear.

in conclusion

i know that cons list is huge but i do genuinely like my goats. and i think we all know that i just like animals that make my life objectively worse. i don't know why i'm like this. they do really suck ass sometimes though and i absolutely understand why so many people hate goats. they are absolutely not for everyone. if you drink a lot of milk you are honestly probably better off getting a cow if you want an animal that probably doesn't make you want to pull your hair out at least once a month. if you just want lawnmowers, get sheep. they aren't as personable or friendly usually but they are content to eat grass and shit and don't cause near the amount of crimes.

[pearbearr]

let me help you

my first fan fic, so sorry if this is rough lol

you are a cleric for sleep who gets a visitor every night. he watches you play piano for him, but you grow frustrated this time.

gn reader x vessel

I knew it was late, but I had no one awaiting my arrival at home so I continued my decipher. I had been pulled away from my studies as I heard shuffling in the distance. I looked at the clock and it read exactly 3:00 am. The sound was nothing new for me to hear at this hour. As much as I had always felt alone, I knew I wasn’t.

A pair of eyes watch me from the dark hallway as I call out for them. It was no use, I never got a response. I set the book down and walked towards the piano at the back of the church. I played a few notes while I heard familiar shuffling behind me. He was always nearby, but he chose to only make himself known when the clock struck three. He knew that it would only be us in the small church at this hour.

I wasn’t sure what to do at first, but I realized he liked it when I played piano for him. It had grown to become a part of my routine when I stayed at the church late. The only issue being that I was new to playing the piano. I brought out old sheet music and tried, but I never did the piece its proper justice. This night in particular I was having trouble playing the piece all together. I felt embarrassed as I knew I had an audience. My frustration was growing and I couldn’t hide it anymore. 

“I’m sorry. I know you come to listen to me play, but I can’t learn with you around…” I felt like a fool waiting for a response; I was simply speaking to the cold air around me. “You make it hard for me to learn, you know. I grow nervous when you are around.” 

I played a few notes from a song I had grown slightly familiar with. drag me under. It was one of my favorites to play because it was slightly easier to learn than the rest that stayed on the shelf, untouched. 

I heard him move closer behind me, this was something he had never done before. 

“What are you doing?” I turned to look around, but before I could someone gripped my chin and kept me from looking back at him. 

“I… who are you?” I felt his body being pressed against my back now. His figure was large.

For the first time he spoke, his voice was low. “Don’t worry about who or what I am, just let me help you.”

A shiver went down my spine as his cold hands wrapped around mine. I looked at his hands, they were painted black and he wore several rings. One in particular caught my eye as it had the church’s symbol on it.

“What song do you want to play, my love? Show me the piece and I’ll show you how to play it.” While he spoke I felt his breath against my ear. 

“I want to learn BloodSport. I can’t seem to grasp the piece all together.” 

I go to reach for the sheet music, but he keeps my hand in place and uses his other hand to reach for it. 

“Let’s take a look at it” He goes silent for a moment before letting out a soft chuckle. “I remember writing this one… not one of my happiest times as you could probably tell, huh?” 

“You wrote it? Wait, did you write all of these pieces?” 

“Most of them. Very few pieces were written by other vessel’s, but I am the author and songwriter of most of the writing and songs you study.” 

“Other vessels? So you are a vessel then?” 

“Yes my love, but enough of that. That's not important right now, let me teach you.” 

“My love”  his words echoed in my mind. I had no idea who he was beside the being that came to me each night, but now I felt so drawn to him. I have always known him through his music. Everything about him seemed to allure me. I hadn’t felt a crave like this before. 

I had been so caught in thought that I hadn’t noticed he sat closely to me now. We shared what felt like the now small bench. I turned to look at him and he was beautiful. His white and red mask stood out against the black paint that laid on his body.

“Am I too much of a distraction for you now?” 

I snapped back to reality and realized I was staring. I felt myself glow pink in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, your just a sight to be seen” 

He smiled and chuckled at my reddened face. “I could say the same about you, my love.”

I stayed quiet, I felt myself wanting to know him, to study him. He has altered my brain.

He played a few notes, it had been the intro to bloodsport. My eyes followed his every move, I was starting to understand his movements as he explained each time he changed chords. Then came his singing. His voice was unreal. I felt like I was following a siren into the ocean, each lyric pulling me into his tides. I couldn’t focus on his movements for any longer, I stared at him in awe. He sang his lyrics raw and vulnerable. I heard his soft cries while he sang. I reached out to hold his arm, letting him know that I was still here, listening to him. The last note rang out when he shifted himself to look at me.

“You.. you were amazing.” I cup his face and wipe away his tears. Black paint smeared across my skin, but I didn’t care. I would continue to wipe away his tears if it meant I would get stained in the progress. 

He reached for my hand and intertwined it with his own. “Thank you” he said in a soft whisper. He regained his composure before I could say more. “You entertain me, it was the least I could do in return for the countless sleepless nights we have shared.” 

I gave him a soft smile. “I wouldn’t mind sharing sleepless nights if they're with you.” 

[just-some-user-hunny]

Your post is making me think of Nikto with a reader who is just, a total sunshine and lover girl coded, so empathetic and loving and kind and concerned with doing good to and by others, generous with expressing appreciation and affection but their heart is actually pretty guarded. Like just doesn’t expect to be loved back, doesn’t know how to accept compliments, is quiet about their interests and joys even with friends. Yes Nikto has bared out his soul to you but what if at the core of things, you’re the one who is afraid of others getting close to you at all, romantically speaking? DO YOU SEE MY VISION??? I love your Nikto posts they fuel something in me heal something in me build me up and I check the tags everyday just to see if there’s anything new. I finally have a blog dedicated to fics so hopefully I can contribute to this tag!!!

Anon you have dissected my very soul and I adore you for that 💕😭 this ask is so very important to me.

Yes this is exactly what I have in mind! He's a troubled soul himself, so when he's confronted with someone so soft and warm and kind he wants to eat up every single part of them- even the 'insignificant' parts of them and the parts that they shield and hide out of fear.

He has bared everything to you. His face. His scars. His voices. His nightmares. Don't you know you're the safest you could ever be in his hands? That he'd do anything for you? You've managed to love his soul, loving you will be easier than breathing. It'll be the easiest thing he's ever done- and there's no stopping it. You have been unconditional with him- allow him to return the favour :( 💕

I'm so beyond happy you like my nikto stuff :') check out @fishsinsareacknowledged and @charliemwrites , they write excellent nikto content!!! :3 I'll keep chipping in on dear Nikto now and then!

[t1ts-4-donaldson]

alien!art you are on my mind… no matter what length or colour ur hair is u know he’s messing with it!!! u braid it, even just a simple one?? oooh he wants to touch. just let him feel. you have longer hair and can mess with it so it gets voluminous n big?? he really likes that, the intentional messiness is so different to the kinds of specimens and ppl he’s used to.

i personally love alien art with that Stanford Era curliness, but maybe he just grows his out and THEN he gets his Stanford Curls (gives you a reason to play with it more, wash it for him, put stuff in it that smells good 😍😍😍 completely unintentional consequence ofc..) ((something in him tells him that matching = intimacy n he doesn’t understand why)

you're so right, it's another layer of being close to you, smelling like your hair products copying your styles is another step to being yours and he loves it. He's beyond hyper fixated on your hair, if you dye it you bet he's going to be in there trying to help you, blending everything messily on accident it comes out a splotchy mess but you honestly don't mind, he was having so much fun with it

you have curls he's going to be playing with them all the time, tugging the ringlets until the pop back up to place even twirling pencils in them, paintbrushes anything. You make him quit after it turns into a knotted mess you had to go in and chop chunks out with your scissors

will run your hair through his lips, likes how smooth it is in his mouth he will coat your hair in spit you wouldn't really notice since he'd mostly stick to the back of your head.

Like you said he came to earth with shorter hair but wants to see how long it can get and what it will look like eventually, his curls get wild and he refuses to cut them will get defensive and push you away the minute you have a pair of scissors in your hand, you try to coax him into it "Art you need a trim it will be healthier, and easier to manage." He'd grumble and flinch away before you could even get a good snip in.

will copy your routine slathering mouse in his hair cause he wants it to sit like yours, tries to use the hair dryer of course he fails and just looks like he was electrocuted

The first time he wanted you to do anything with his hair was when he stumbled into the bathroom while you were showering, it scared the shit out of you.

You were so lost when he stripped down stepping in under the shower head and bending his sopping wet head down. "Art what the fuck?" you gasp confused he'd just stick your hands in his locks then shove a shampoo bottle in your direction "do my hair please" he'd ask matter of fact as if he didn't just interrupt your everything shower.

It just turns into a the most special routine, showering together taking your time massaging his hair, shampooing it, just doing everything he likes. It makes him go under a trance his eyes shut closed a pur like sound leaves his lips. He'd lean limp onto your body trapping you against the wall transfixed with the sensation, you'd never mind.

[phoenixblaze1412]

I've been reading your works now and then, and i gotta say its all really enjoyable. This is my first time making a req, but i've always imagined dottore not wanting to let his wife go even in death, so he when she dies bcuz of a fatui mission or smth dottore goes 'no☠️' and just revives she and makes her some kind of zombie?? Its the type that has stiches around their body. So dottore can go like 'hey bbg r u hurt let me fix u up!!🥰❤️'

This is based on my oc x canon so don't mind me if im weird. Thank you so much for everything you do!

The Fatui headquarters was eerily silent, save for the faint hum of machines in Dottore’s lab. He stood hunched over a surgical table, his gloved hands trembling slightly as he worked with meticulous precision.

You lay there, lifeless yet beautiful, even in death. The wounds from the failed mission that claimed your life were gruesome, but to him, they were merely challenges to overcome.

"No," he muttered to himself, voice laced with desperation. "I won't let you go. Not now. Not ever."

His segments watched from the shadows, each with varying expressions. Theta tilted his head, curious and unbothered. Omega, the eldest and most stoic, crossed his arms but said nothing. Zeta adjusted his glasses, clearly uneasy but unwilling to interrupt.

“Is this wise?” Zeta finally dared to ask.

Dottore didn’t even glance up. “Wise or not, it’s necessary. She belongs with me.”

The process took days. Dottore refused to rest, his focus singular. He replaced damaged organs, stitched torn muscles, and mended broken bones with care that bordered on obsessive.

Finally, the moment came. With a surge of electro energy coursing through your body, your chest rose as if taking in a breath for the first time. Your eyes fluttered open, hazy but alive. Dottore leaned over you, his mask discarded for once, his crimson eyes burning with intensity.

“Welcome back, my love.”

At first, waking up was disorienting. Your body felt different, your movements were stiffer and the faint pull of stitches reminded you of your altered state.

“I… I’m alive?” you asked, voice hoarse.

“Yes,” Dottore said, a rare softness in his tone as he cupped your cheek. “You’re alive, and you’re mine once more, forever.”

You looked down at your hands, noticing the faint lines of stitches trailing across your wrists. “What… what did you do, Dottore?”

“I saved you,” he said simply, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. “You didn’t think I’d let you leave me, did you?”

Despite the situation, you couldn’t help but stare at him, still processing your current situation. “But I'm.. different.”

“So? You’re still perfect as ever,” he countered, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

The segments, of course, had varying opinions about your resurrection.

Theta held your hand and placed it along his cheek, grinning as he stared at you in awe. “Does this mean she’s indestructible now? Can I test it?”

He earned a sharp glare from Dottore and a flick on the forehead from you.

Omega tilted his head and hummed. “It’s unnatural, but.. I suppose it was inevitable, given his obsession. Either way, as long as I am able to see them again. I am fine with it."

Zeta smiled as he handed you a glass of water to drink, looking over the stitches the doctor has done and nodded in satisfaction at how methodically well it was stitched. “At least she seems to be adjusting well. And.. she does make the lab feel more cheerful.”

You smiled and laughed at their bickering, grateful for their unique personalities and happy to have them with you. Dottore deciding to ignore his segments as he focused his gaze on you, caressing your cheek adoringly.

----------

Living as a stitched-together version of yourself was an adjustment but Dottore’s unwavering love made it easier.

One evening as you sat in his lab patching up a tear in your arm, he walked over with a smirk.

“Hello, my love,” he teased, crouching in front of you as he held up a needle and thread up in his hand and grinned. “Are you hurt? Let me fix you up.”

You rolled your eyes but handed him the needle. “You’re so dramatic.”

“And yet, you adore me for it,” he replied, his hands deftly repairing the stitches with the same care he’d shown during your resurrection.

----------

Though your body was different, your love for each other remained unchanged. If anything, it deepened. You had always known Dottore’s devotion ran deep, but seeing the lengths he’d go to keep you by his side was overwhelming.

One night, as you lay together in his quarters, his arms wrapped around you protectively, you traced a finger over the stitches on your stomach.

“Does this bother you?” you asked softly.

He frowned, pulling you closer. “No. It reminds me that you’re here. With me. That’s all that matters.”

You smiled, pressing a kiss to his jaw. “You’re crazy.. going this far as resurrecting me is ridiculously mad.”

“And what of it? You’re mine. Even in death, we shall never part,” he whispered, his voice filled with uncharacteristic tenderness as he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

In Dottore’s eyes, you were perfection, stitched together, alive, and irrevocably his and only his.

[gottencents]

012: my favorite coworker pt.2

synopsis. SM Entertainment would’ve loved for FALLEN ANGELS and aespa to never share a stage — especially with Chanel possibly "corrupting" their prized “it girl,” Karina.

____________ ____________ ________ ____________

Chanel had been thinking about this moment for weeks, replaying it over and over in her mind. She wanted everything to be perfect—no, not perfect, but meaningful. She knew Karina was special, but expressing it in a way that conveyed how much she truly cared? That was the tricky part.

It was a tuesday afternoon when Chanel impulsively found herself in a quaint little flower shop downtown, browsing through bouquets that spoke of love, admiration, and deep affection. She didn’t exactly have a plan yet, but something about picking the right flowers, candles, and the perfect ambiance felt like the right starting point. She wanted it all: something intimate, something simple, but still memorable.

By the time Chanel arrived at the rooftop, hours had been spent setting everything just the way she envisioned. The fairy lights strung across the edges cast a warm, romantic glow. The table was adorned with a simple yet elegant arrangement—a mix of roses, ranunculus, and her favorite blooms Karina had mentioned once in passing. She even made sure there were two glasses, two plates, two everything—like this night was all about them, and them alone.

The scent of vanilla candles filled the air, and soft acoustic music played from her phone, the melodies creating a soothing backdrop. Chanel was nervous. Her hands fumbled slightly with the last-minute adjustments, and even though she had imagined this moment countless times, it didn’t seem any easier now that she was standing there, alone with her thoughts.

“Okay,” she whispered to herself, “you got this.”

The elevator doors opened, and Chanel’s heart skipped a beat as Karina stepped onto the rooftop. Her heart swelled the moment she saw her. Karina was effortlessly stunning, her dark hair cascading over her shoulders, wearing a simple yet elegant white dress that made her glow even brighter in the evening light.

“You did all this?” Karina asked softly, her eyes wide with amazement as she took in the scene before her.

Chanel smiled nervously, rubbing the back of her neck. “Well, yeah. It’s, uh… kind of for you.”

Karina stepped closer, her expression softening. “This is beautiful,” she murmured, her voice full of warmth. “You didn’t have to do all this.”

“But I wanted to,” Chanel said quickly. “You deserve it.”

For a moment, there was only the quiet hum of contentment between them. Chanel could feel the weight of her words, and from the way Karina was looking at her, she knew it resonated.

“You’re always so thoughtful,” Karina said, taking a seat at the table. “It’s one of the many things I like about you.”

Chanel blushed, and for the first time, she could feel her nervousness begin to ease. “Yeah?” she asked softly, sitting across from Karina.

“Yeah,” Karina confirmed, giving her a gentle smile.

Dinner passed with easy conversation. Chanel found herself giggling at Karina’s stories, and Karina laughed at Chanel’s awkward attempts at making small talk. There was no pressure, no need to impress, just them, lost in the simple moments that felt full of meaning.

At one point, Karina leaned back in her chair, looking at Chanel with a warm intensity. “You’ve been so quiet today,” she teased. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

Chanel grinned sheepishly, swirling the wine in her glass. “Just… overthinking, as usual.”

“You?” Karina said with a teasing smirk. “You’re always so put together.”

“I’m always put together because you make me nervous,” Chanel blurted, her voice quieter than she intended.

Karina tilted her head slightly, studying her. “Nervous? Why?”

“Because,” Chanel started, trailing off. “Because you’re you, and you’re amazing, and I’m just… me. And this whole thing feels important, and I don’t want to mess it up.”

Karina smiled gently, reaching across the table to take Chanel’s hand in hers. “You could never mess this up,” she said softly. “Just being here, with you, is more than enough for me.”

Chanel’s breath hitched. She felt an overwhelming sense of warmth, of peace. Karina was right there, holding her hand, looking at her like she mattered. And in that moment, Chanel realized how lucky she truly was.

The evening carried on, and soon it was time for the final act of Chanel’s plan. She knew it was time, her heart pounding harder with each passing second. She cleared her throat nervously and stood up, taking Karina’s hand and guiding her to the edge of the rooftop, where the view of the city stretched out before them.

“Okay,” Chanel said, taking a deep breath. “Here goes nothing.”

Karina looked at her with soft, curious eyes. “What are you doing?”

“I just…” Chanel started, stumbling over her words. “I wanted to say… more. About us.”

Karina smiled encouragingly, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “Go on.”

“I know we’ve been doing this for a while now, and it’s been amazing, but I don’t want it to just be fun and casual,” Chanel said, her voice steadying. “I want more. I want you. And only you. So…”

She took a deep breath, her voice steady now, her gaze locked on Karina’s.

“Karina, will you be my girlfriend?”

Karina’s eyes widened in surprise, her lips parting slightly. “Chanel…”

“Yes or no,” Chanel said quickly, still holding her breath.

“Yes,” Karina whispered, a soft smile playing on her lips. “Yes, of course I will.”

A wave of relief washed over Chanel, and before she could second-guess herself, she leaned in and kissed Karina.

The kiss was slow and sweet, filled with months of unspoken emotions and promises they hadn’t even fully realized they were making. Chanel’s heart raced, and Karina’s hands found her face, cradling it gently as they shared a moment that felt entirely their own.

When they finally pulled back, their foreheads pressed together, breath mingling in the cool night air.

“I’ve been waiting for that,” Karina murmured softly.

Chanel laughed quietly, her cheeks flushed. “Yeah?”

Karina nodded. “Yeah.”

For the rest of the night, there was only the quiet hum of their laughter and the warmth of each other’s presence, as they soaked in the realization that this, right here, was theirs.

After the kiss, the room felt warmer, quieter. They pulled back just slightly, both smiling softly, their foreheads gently pressed together.

Chanel let out a quiet breath she hadn’t realized she was holding, her heart still racing. “That was—” she started, but couldn’t find the words.

“Perfect,” Karina finished for her, her voice barely a whisper.

The moment lingered. For a while, neither spoke, only soaked in the intimacy that seemed to stretch between them like a shared secret.

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this,” Chanel murmured after a while, her voice steady but laced with awe.

“Like what?” Karina asked gently, brushing her thumb over Chanel’s cheek in a tender touch.

“Like… like this could be real. Like I’m not just imagining this moment.”

Karina gave a soft chuckle, leaning back to meet Chanel’s gaze again. “You’re not imagining anything. I’m right here.”

They shared another quiet moment, neither in a rush to speak. Instead, they simply enjoyed the warmth of each other’s presence.

Later, as the night stretched on, they sat close on the couch, watching a movie in the dim glow of the room. The tension from before had settled into something more comfortable—a shared quietness, filled with stolen glances and lingering touches.

Chanel, ever the dorky one, tried to focus on the film, but she kept getting distracted by Karina’s laugh, her small smiles, and how warm her hand felt in hers. Every so often, Karina would steal glances at Chanel, her gaze soft and admiring.

“You’re staring again,” Chanel whispered playfully after catching Karina looking at her for what felt like the hundredth time.

“Can’t help it,” Karina replied with a teasing smile. “You’re really distracting.”

“Oh, so now it’s my fault?” Chanel teased, grinning as she nudged Karina’s side.

“Yes. Absolutely your fault.” Karina leaned in slightly, her voice lowering. “But it’s a good thing.”

Chanel flushed at that, the warmth from before returning in full force. “You’re too much,” she mumbled, though her smile gave her away.

“You’re just right,” Karina said simply.

And for the rest of the night, the world felt a little smaller, a little brighter, knowing that they had something real—a bond deeper than any words could describe.

____________ ____________ ________ ____________

A/N: texts made to all be incoming on purpose for u to know who talking better <333

Taglist ( closed ) : @saysirhc @awkwardtoafault @yjiminswallet @gtfoiydlyj @1luvkarina @womanl0ver @hazel-tanthamore22 @deuxae @arihiu @spidrgamer @goofymickeyr

[sanlangkiss]

having a hard evening so im coping by thinking about hualian dealing with xie lians selective mutism. i imagine they communicate by writing on each other's hands when needed. hua cheng doesn't talk so he doesn't stimulate xie lian any further. he keeps xie lian company, making sure to understand what he needs and what he wants. i love them so much

[coquelicoq]

the virginia woolf reading experience

oh god what is this syntax. brb i need to apologize to the french

[stare off into space thinking about free indirect speech and her utter mastery of narration and the complexity of thought she is able to transfer, and how the absolutely batshit syntax is part of how she achieves this]

[stare off into space thinking about the nature of consciousness]

the books that are masterpieces to me are those that cause a feeling of such profound unity in every paragraph that you want to run into the street and shout its sentences to people (to say, hey, this author gifted me a piece of the world's substance made manifest in language, and i received it, look at me receive it, and now you receive it, let me watch you receive it), but are nearly impossible to extract from because to remove any passage from the ecosystem the author has created for it/out of it would be to remove its potency. because the content and the form are so inextricable from each other and from all that comes before and after

[stare off into space thinking about the miracle and limits of human connection to other humans & the void & mystery & death & history & posterity & suffering & love & understanding & smallness & bigness & entropy]

[cry]

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

why is everything (showing other people respect. being patient and kind. not flying off the handle about stupid things. emotional regulation and self-control. et cetera.) so easy when I'm not around my parents and so so so so hard when I AM around them?

[crownrots]