#but she’s got people relying on her and she’s not a quitter … was never allowed to be

[crownrots]

[sepublic]

Enforcing Weakness

Needless to say, I imagine Lilith appreciated and found it novel at first, being protected by her younger sister; But as she got older and her confidence in her abilities waned, there was likely that underlying current of shame at not only failing Eda as an older sister- But also needing to be taken care of and protected by Eda as well. Obviously we know now that Lilith is genuinely powerful and skilled as a witch- But as a young kid she likely had her bullies who taunted her over needing to be saved by Eda... Perhaps Lilith was a bit of a late bloomer who only found her potential with the kind of resources that the Emperor’s Coven provided? Still, never mind that Eda was a genuine prodigy in her own right; It was probably humiliating to Lilith.

I suspect that being part of the Emperor’s Coven would’ve reassured Lilith that she wasn’t just good, but outright better than others... Because to Lilith, her issues may have come from feeling like she needed to be better than Eda- So there was that sense of vicariously living out that power fantasy. As an older sister, I think Lilith wanted to have that sense of power from being someone else’s protector... And I have to wonder if she low-key enjoyed being the one to look after Eda following the curse, and if there was some smugness on her behalf. Obviously it was a smugness that she then mentally reprimanded herself over- But as the years passed and Lilith felt more frustrated at Eda, and began to feel more entitled... Eventually, she began to feel a lot less guilty about her thoughts.

It’s as if after Eda began to suffer from the curse and needed help coping with it, it made Lilith feel proud of herself for being the one to look after her sister this time- This was how it was supposed to be! So maybe it frustrated her when Eda proved herself to be independent, and capable of living with the curse- Maybe Lilith wanted to infantilize Eda, and discourage her from taking the steps to adapt. Perhaps Lilith wanted Eda to remain that scared, desperate child who couldn’t handle the curse on her own, and needed Lilith to protect and care for her... Because what else could Lilith find meaning from? What else could she be good for...

And so when Eda DID leave, because of her issues with the system- Lilith found refuge in the Emperor’s Coven, which likely played into her feelings of being unappreciated by reassuring Lilith that she was better than the rest. It allowed her to indulge in the power fantasy of being the teacher who instructed the finest students of the next generation, to actually be wiser and in charge for once! And with Eda- I guess there was that feeling on Lilith’s behalf, that she was the one that had to save her poor little sister from her degenerate lifestyle! That she’s the one to save Edalyn this time, rather than the other way around...

But as we see- It was really Eda and Luz who rescued Lilith in the end. And it was Lilith who was the most in danger, to the point where Belos threatened to execute her for failure. I think Lilith has a lot to reflect about now, about being a failure and constantly needing others’ help, and how this inescapable realization has caught up to her even after all of these years of believing otherwise. Maybe Lilith will feel the need to be more independent, to stand on her own- But Eda will reassure her that there’s no shame in asking for help. Just as there’s no shame in Eda taking elixirs to deal with the curse, or no shame in Luz learning magic a different way than others.

Eda, Luz, and King will help Lilith work to grow and mature- But right now, she needs to relax and not try to impatiently speedrun through her progress. Lilith needs to not get immediately frustrated and look for an easy way out, the way Luz did when she relied on the Training Wand instead of learning about glyphs at first... Lilith is now in an environment where she won’t be judged for her lack of immediate progress- There’s no expectations, so any step forward she makes will always be a pleasant surprise that the others applaud and encourage!

It’d likely be so much more supportive than what Lilith is used to, and there’s no more shame in asking for help, or about showing ‘weakness’. Lilith can finally perform the painstaking progress of learning to mature and grow, without seeking an easy way out by cheating- Nor by making others weaker than her (be it through a curse or coven bindings), just so Lilith can arbitrarily be stronger on a relative level. After all, the Coven System restricts the magic of others, creating a false superiority amongst the Emperor’s Coven that is artificial and enforced. People have their magic restricted to feel dependent, to feel weak- And I feel this all ties into this show’s themes of neurodivergent people feeling infantilized, and not given the chance to grow and explore themselves in order to be their own people, and develop their own confidence.

It’s how people and systems can make neurodivergent people feel dumber than they are, or constantly put them on handicaps to prevent growth, in order to make them dependent and in some ways weaker and subservient, for whatever reason... And there’s that instilled fear of trying, because that means opening oneself to making mistakes, and getting harshly judged for them. And so it means a lot to me, I feel, that in the Owl House, people like Lilith and Amity can feel free to slowly explore and grow themselves, as their own pace, without fear of being judged, without any expectations, without being forced to- And there’s no shame in asking for help. I guess it fits Eda to have the Quitter’s Badge as a reassurance to whoever is trying, then...

[julianxhwang]

Julian Hwang // Intro

Hello ! My name is Backy (she/her) ヾ(＾∇＾)❀ I'm 25 years old and I live in Canada!  ❀ Feel free to like this post or drop me a message on discord if you're interested in plotting. I'd love to get to know you and your muses! (｡’▽’｡)♡ ❀ 

Without further ado, here's Julian Hwang (fc: Bang Chan (2010) // Im Siwan (2020)), my overworked friendly bean ❀

✮ Spotify playlist:  Julian Hwang ✮ Pinterest: C: Julian 

( Bang Chan & Im Siwan ) bopping along to I’m Yours by Jason Mraz is Julian Hwang, the twenty-one year old cismale thrown back to their business days with some of his memories. voted most likely to live in a library, Julian was known for being studious & self-destructive, go figures you’d always find them taking 15 minute power naps on top of a book, but grew up to be hard-working & fanatical . 

♦ The Basics ♦ 

↣ Name: Julian Hwang ↣ Nickname: J, Kangaroo ↣ Age: Twenty-One // Thirty-One ↣ D.O.B.: October 3rd, 1988 ↣ Education: Third Year @ RVU (Business Management)  ↣ Sexuality: Pansexual 

↣ Occupation(s): Tutor, waiter, odd-jobs ↣ Languages: English & Korean ↣ Drinking, smoking, & drugs: Yes (socially), no, & yes (study drugs)

↣ Quirks: Drinks coffee with way too much sugar, randomly obsessed with knitted things, bites nails when stressed, left-handed, & has a horrible sense of direction ↣ Likes: Coffee, tea, spicy food, mangos, swimming, the stars, the colour orange, the ocean, & cooking ↣ Dislikes: Being late, bitter food, tequila, violence, horror movies, cold weather, flying, & cleaning

♦ background (then & now) ♦ 

↣ Hometown: Adelaide, Australia ↣ Nationality: Australian ↣ Ethnicity: Korean ↣ Parents: Namsung (Nora) & Chongyol (Jamie) Hwang // Step Dad: Flynn Caldwell 

O1 x. Then - Originally from Australia, Julian moved to the states on a sports scholarship for swimming while taking his degree in business at SVU. His parents were less than thrilled to send him away but after a lot of reassurance that he was going to eat three meals a day & get plenty of sleep, the deal was sealed. Of course, Julian doesn’t do either of those things but what his parents didn’t know won’t kill them. Sleeping doesn’t earn scholarships, after all.  O3 x. Then - However, sometime after being admitted to SVU, his parents got a divorce and Julian’s mom moved to the states to be closer to him. She had nothing left for her in Australia and considered it a fresh start. His dad stayed behind to run the family business, a small traditional Korean restaurant. Julian’s still close to both of his parents but considerably more so his mother. He couldn’t exactly afford to jet off to visit his dad every other weekend and even on a scholarship, Julian was working multiple jobs to pay his bills so as not to burnden his mother. 

O2 x. Now - Julian graduated SVU, one of the top of the class, and moved into a job as a financial advisor for small and large hospitals alike. He frequently travels but still comes back home on occassion to visit his family. It’s been 10 years and Julian’s mom, Nora Hwang, is remarried to Flynn Caldwell. He’s also gained a step brother in the process, Austin Caldwell, who just so happens to have attended the same university as him.   O4 x. Now - Julian can’t say that he necessarily dislikes the Caldwell’s but there’s some resentment there. Him and Austin led two very different lives growing up and couldn’t be more dissimilar. It wasn’t so much that Julian was never allowed to be a teenager, it was just never an option that crossed his mind considering their financial burdens. Of course, now with a financially stable husband, Julian feels as though his mom doesn’t rely on him as much anymore. It should be a relief, honestly, but what about all of his hard work? All those years he gave up? The many, many jobs he’d worked to make sure she’d never pay a dime for his education? It all seems so pointless now but what else can he do but keep working? 

♦ personality ♦ 

↣ Good Traits: Hard-working, companionly, kind, & patient ↣ Neutral Traits: Quiet, frugal, paternal, responsible, & a perfectionist ↣ Bad Traits: Self-destructive, fanatical, uptight, & a pushover 

O1 x. Self-Destructive - Has a bad habit of sacrificing himself for everything & anything else. Sleeping, eating, & socializing are no match for studying, clubs, & work. If he’s stressed, he’ll work himself into a tizzy about it until the job is done or he’s burnt out. Rarely fails at completing tasks, but has been known to spell his own demise by getting stress-sick or otherwise working himself up too much. Sometimes (read: all the time) he’s convinced he’s going to fail, drop out, & become homeless. Has a hard time looking at the silver lining when it comes to his own life, even if he is generally uplifting of others. These days he’s chilled out considerably since university but still tends to forget to take care of himself. 

O2 x. Fanatical - Becomes obsessed with tasks, no matter the subject. Kind of a perfectionist & will work himself until he can’t anymore. Sometimes scares people with just how much he cares about things. Tends to go over & beyond what is expected or even wanted sometimes. It has landed him a couple of nice promotions up into the present day though. The only thing that’s changed since his university days is that he almost needs something to obsess over or he’ll remember how pointless it all really is. 

O3 x. Hard-Working & Studious - Can be depended on to put in the proper effort & do it right. Rarely spends time not doing something productive and frequently multitasks. It’s not that he’s particularly giften in the brain department, he’s about average really, but the constant studying earned himself A’s throughout school and now a pretty swaggin job. Definitely not a quitter and pretty stubborn about finishing things and doing it right. 

O4 x. Companionly - A good and trusting friend through and through. That mom friend at the party making sure you stay hydrated. Enjoys spending time with others no matter the occasion, wether that be his sports friends or study buddies. Loves his friends a little too much & tends to be really touchy. Expect many hugs & cuddles. Would do anything for his friends, sometimes a little too much, even if they don’t ask for it. Easy to get along with if you can handle his eccentricities. These days, Julian is still the same old friendly guy but with a more professional vibe. 

♦ (wanted) connections ♦ 

Past (2010) O1 x. Drugdealer - Julian is usually pretty responsible but his need to work as much as possible has led him down a dangerous path, study drugs. Looking for someone who can deal him the good stuff to get him through on minimal sleep. Might involve a bit of debt.  O2 x. Bad Influence - Julian is pretty goody two shoes but I’d love to have someone pull him out to parties (get him out of the library) - make him live a little and not totally regret working through his best years.  O3 x. Mom? - Julian is pretty well known for being that mom friend, so if you need some good influencing, you’ve come to the right place! Just looking for some people he can take care of and be overbearing on.   O4 x. College Sweetheart - Someone he’ll lay down the books for unconditionally, really. He may be a workaholic but he’s also a romantic at heart. Open to any gender.  O5 x. Platonic Cuddles - Julian is just really touchy in general so someone he can just cuddle with without it being weird would be chill. Need some of that wholesome stuff in my life.  O6 x. Good Influence - Julian is usually the good influence but I was thinking someone who brings him food, reminds him to eat, reminds him to sleep, and all that good self care shit he probably needs help with.  Present (2020)  O1 x. Significant Other - Someone he comes home to at the end of the day. Can be married, but maybe not. Take care of my dumbass. Open to any gender. Maybe they dated in uni, doesn’t really matter. Not really set on any details here so let’s talk about it!  O2 x. Uni Friends - People he still hangs out with. Julian mostly stuck around the LA area so anyone else around hit a brother up ✌️  O3 x. Unresolved Tension - Idk maybe someone he had a crush on or vice versa? Make it awkward and weird because I love that. Bring up old memories and feelings.  O4 x. Why weren’t we friends before? - Someone he wasn’t friends with in uni, but somehow met after the fact or maybe they were enemies. Someone he butted heads with but now they’re basically best friends?? 

These are really just some thoughts I had & I might add more later but I’m open to anything and everything so let’s talk about it!! Ofc I’m still looking for more generic plots like friends, hookups, enemies, etc, etc. The possibilities are endless! 

And that’s the end! If you read it all you’re the coolest but it’s also okay if you didn’t because that was a whole lot of bullshit tbh.