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my acid reflux issues had improved sooo much these past 8 months, I only took a rennie (equivalent of tums) every three weeks or so (usually the week before my shot or my "period", funnily enough), but these past couple of weeks I need to take one every couple of days 😭😭😭 why me......
no more space in tags so i'll just write it here: also around the time I did the ct scan (for my nerve-something pain that I'm getting an MRI for at the end of the month....third MRI in less than a year 🙄) the guy made me take ibuprofen three times a day for five days so he also had me take PPI blockers again for 10 days.....and boom two weeks later I have acid reflux again!! WEIRD TIMING!!!!!
also I still drink 99% water. I really feel victimized by this situation.
#i don't have my period anymore but you know. that time in the cycle#beelio rants#also i had a ct scan of that whole area a little over four weeks ago iirc#for something unrelated#but the report mentioned a bunch of my organs like kidneys liver pancreas etc#and it said Nothing about my stomach#so if there was something bad they would've seen it right......#honestly i'm just assuming I have some mild form of gerd at this point#it's always some time after i eat something#except it's super inconsistent??? like I'll eat one thing one day and I'll have reflux#and then i'll eat it again the next day (leftovers you know) or another time completely and I'll have Nothing#make it make sense#it feels so random#though usually the culprits are pastries and greasy stuff (not fries cooked twice in oil for whatever reason)#but again it doesn't happen every time!!!#EUGH#everything else is super random#spicy food is fine#pizza is fine 50% of the time#i don't know!!!!#i'm just so tired of this#i'm scared it'll damage my oesophagus ;a; or i get an ulcer....#but i don't want to go back on PPI blockers that stuff sucks long term#and i think i had some side effects and it's so hard to get off them properly#this is what got me into this shit in the first place!!#got oesaphagitis whatever it's called#went on PPI blockers. didn't go off them properly. boom acid reflux issues for months and months and had to stay on a lower PPI blocker dos#and take rennie every few days on top of it#until i tried to get off it and it worked even if my stomach was never the same :')#and now here I am again!!! FUCK!!!!
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#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw negative#cw health issues#‘You’re such a heartless and hateful person.’ well have you ever considered that i’m not really a hateful person and i just hate You#like. call me whatever you want to i guess. im definitely selfish and probably heartless but hateful? idk abt that.#i only feel like i hate people that have given me good fucking reason to. sorry i dont have an infinite supply of tolerance & forgiveness??#but im a wee bit fucking stressed so you’ll have to forgive me for being a bitch. well no one Has to forgive me. do whatever you want#‘That 10-day old pasta salad is making me feel sick.’ MF that was made TODAY. IT’S FRESH AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT#if you feel sick how about you look down at the fifteen empty beer cans on the floor next to you and ask them what they think did it#dumbass. whatever man i have bigger problems than your self-induced tummy ache#i feel sick too but i know it’s my fault so i’m not bitching about it. i gave you fresh food while I ate the old stuff to keep from wasting#food. because you act like you’re fucking allergic to leftovers. and yeah it had probably gone off and that’s why I feel sick#but what you ate tonight was fresh as could be so we’re sick for two Very different reasons. and i know how to admit when it’s my fault#everything is my fault. my teeth and gums hurt and that’s My fault for not taking care of them. apparently 3 root canals wasn’t enough#for me to learn my goddamn lesson. i never do. so i’ll have to spend more money on that soon and thats My fault. the dog’s teeth need#cleaning too and that’ll come out of my pocket and i guess that’s My fault for not taking care of him either#i think i have another goddamn UTI and that’s definitely My fault so another $100 trip to urgent care it is i guess!#my Random Nerve Pain has moved to my hands so i can’t use them too much or it fucking hurts and i guess that’s my fault???#my neck pain is back and thats my fault for not clearing my bed off enough to sleep in a comfortable position#my eye keeps twitching and i guess that’s my fault too. i don’t know anymore i just wanna throw in the towel man im so tired#god the UTI tests i wasted money on are arriving tomorrow and if they’re packed in a way that shows what’s inside then i’ll have to explain#That to whoever brings in the mail. great great something else to worry about all night#the living room floor is caving in so now there’s Two room’s floors that need fixing so that’s super fucking fun! 😃#i need to talk to my bank and i need to talk to a tax professional and i need to learn to drive and i need to get an autism diagnosis#well i don’t Need the last one but i want it so bad. but im scared. that i’ll go to all this trouble and they’ll say i don’t qualify#and god it’s NYE now. Besties i’m not gonna get that NMbD NYE fic ready in time. i just can’t make myself write these days. i’m sorry.#i doubt anyone is gonna be That disappointed but I Am. in myself. 3 fucking years now i’ve failed to finish it. w h y. i Want to write but#there’s just too much on me rn. but when is there Not. sigh. idk what i’m gonna do but something needs to change. in my life. soon.
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have to admit it following that last post, if we're shipping im 9/10 times rereading the media and looking at certain parts through a ship tinted glass set. i put it on the dash sometimes rather than dms because i'm extremely nervous that i'm going to come off as too much but, you know, i'm working on that.
#❛ 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 ⧽ — ooc.#not to get too deep on main but i always worry not messaging as opposed to posting on dash makes me seem less interested#but its more like me wanting to express it in a way my partner knows im constantly thinking of them and their muse :^) i wanna get more int#sending fanart / hcs / things that make me soft bc then it stops me from wroking with a 50+ bookmark section dgfhdjsdhss#shipping means a lot to me because in turn the other muns portrayal / oc becomes even MORE important to me than before. and my muse as well#this is why i become hesitant if it feels like someone is shipping more for just the /character/ than my portrayal of them.#( which is super valid btw! you should inact everything on your blog for you. not someone elses taste! )#it just. really doesn't work well with me and i usually would take a step back if thats how you felt#the reason why i have so many random oocs or very large rel pinterest boards bc i am constantly thinking of them#if i messaged my partners as much as i thought about them id worry theyd end up with so many messages itd feel overwhelming#i blame old friends but if thats something people like ... then maybe ...#i have a few messages to get to so i might spend the rest of the night working on those <3
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Here is my gift for @chewyguts / @aroacedindjarin for the @starwars-arttrade-2023 !! A painting of various Boba Fett related things. I like to imagine that Boba has a wall he puts various pictures on to display what he finds important hehe. Believe it or not it was actually pretty difficult to get a decent photo of this, so under the cut are some zoomed in shots for a better look : ]
Translations for the Aurebesh can be found in the Alt Text.
#my post#my art#star wars#star wars art trade#star wars art trade 2023#boba fett#jango fett#din djarin#grogu#the mandalorian#the book of boba fett#attack of the clones#return of the jedi#severely underestimated how long I'd spend on this#i got like. super into it man#i wanted to be goofy. but also angsty#so the main photo is yaknow some fun little father son stuff#i thought i was so funny when i made jango cut off at the head#i think it would have been better cut off at the neck but i didnt want to sacrifice the facial emotion i could depict#meanwhile everything else is just random and i hope.you like it#had to get mando in there ik you like him#and then by consequence grogu had to be there#anyway. if u are reading this. sorry for being a bit late. did not want to rush anything#i wish i could run this thing thru a scanner unfortunately i do not have access to one#so i apologize for the light glare
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Morty never feared the dive. Not until he learned how it felt to drown.
>>> Next <<< Previous (Destiny Bond; a Pokémon fancomic --- pt.1, pt.2, pt.3, pt.4, pt.5, pt.6, pt.7, pt.8, pt.9, pt.10, pt.11, ???)
#Destiny Bond comic#/claps hands/ that's all folks he's dead /j /j#AN UPDATE LONG TIME COMING.#half for how insane I felt while making it#(and half bc of all the random stuff the universe threw at me in the process skdjfsndfs but we made it!!!!!!!)#now we get to the . Spicy stuff. hehe#as if everything else hasn't been spicy already aksjdansd but fr we getting there...... slowly and surely..............#super thankful for everyone who's been patient with this part and those who gave me strength throughout some really difficult weeks ueueueu#I go sleep nows goodnight y'all ily all sm#sacredshipping#morty/eusine#morty x eusine#morty pokemon#gym leader morty#eusine#mystery man eusine#eusine pokemon#pokemon#pokemon hgss#pokemon heartgold#pokemon gsc#pokemon fancomic#fan comic#comic#art#pokemon art
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An incomplete collection of my Christmas trees (and cats) through the years.
Merry Christmas!! ^_^
#the last one is my first fullsize tree ever#we had a lot of disposable income back then so EVERYONE got multiple presents#everything else is in a completely random order based on completely random file names#and the super grand one is at my old job and I did it all by myself#christmas#christmas trees#bren's cats#bren's pics
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trying to find avpd posts on this site is a nightmare bc it's such a rarely discussed disorder yet personality disorders arent (that) rarely discussed so searching for avpd stuff leads me to find 75 percent generic pd/stigmatized mental illness "u r loved🥺💗" positivity posts that slapped avpd in as a last thought bc it's a pd My sister in christ I am trying to find posts from people going through what I go through plsss stop it's starting to feel shallow
#tqxicfqcility#text post#did i have a text post tag i forgot#but like plssss !! i want to find posts about my experience to feel seen. i dont want a random post that says i am seen i want to feel seen+#through reading the experiences of others that ive also gone through#IF I SEE THAT GOD DAMN BUGGS BUNNY IN A SUIT MEME ONE MORE TIME. god damn#like positivity posts are great!!! theyre lovely!! but when its drowning out everything else they start feeling SO SHALLOW#especially when its clearly intended for a certain disorder or cluster of pds like#i get the point but please dont tag it if its not super relevant#sighhhh i jusy wish more ppl talked abt avpd. whateevr#avpd#avoidant personality disorder
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I hate horror (i am so easy to scare that it's impossible for me not to hate it), but Man-Thing and some other 70s monster comics don't scare me. Really, man-thing is just so pitiful (and due to seeing him in lego form first, he's also oddly charming). A scientist designing a new super-soldier serum for shield, but who was ambushed by aim. He injected himself with his serum, fell into the swamps and became the mindless, empathic monster we see in the comics. And honestly...a mindless, largely non-violent monster is the best possible thing to have come from a eugenics style program like a revived super-soldier serum. The character of Barbara Morse will be forever tainted to me for her association with all this (but that's probably a topic for another post later).
#it's proof of my contradictory nature probably#that these old 70s monster comics aren't scary#but everything else in the horror field is#maybe i should thank the comics code authority?#man thing#ted sallis#i hate the super soldier serum concept#and barbara morse's association with it#marvel#comics#my thoughts#random thoughts#marvel 616
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You know there’s something incredibly comforting about how everyone’s lives are happening at the exact same time.
#tw death mention further in the tags#I come onto tumblr just at random. I scroll. see some cool ideas about vampires or an awesome drawing or a fandom headcanon#and it’s just normal#it’s like stepping into a bubble#when the world ends everyone here is still writing about Danny Phantom in DC and posting pictures of their pets and talking with their other#friends even the ones I don’t interact with super regularly anyway#it’s nice#a close family member just died#everything has changed. I’m worried about his son who I’m closer with than my own siblings#he’s 4 and loved his dad so much.#I’m worried about my aunt who’s now got custody of him thank god so he’s not going anywhere bad#she’s so strong and kind#I love them so much.#but then I come on here and life is just happening for everyone else#one day this will be something else#and they’ll be okay too#because that’s true for them too
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ummmm
#oh mika there is beauty in life~ look at your future! everything will be worth it in the end~#my favorite image on this device btw ^#cw negative#cw vent#you know where this is going. apologies my mind is a mess and i really just need to get it out because i find its better than-#-writing a semi formal email to that One (1) emotional support organization and i’m afraid to make a call so#but i just genuinely believe things would be better off if i weren’t alive. a bit of a silly thing to jump to i know but#my tuition fees aren't cheap and i'm not even that great of a student or a daughter or a sister and i-#-have no talents or remarkable feats. i’m not impressive in any way. and i hate hearing shit about how ^_^ its okay! we all have something-#-special about ourselves! for example maybe you have really good hand writing and thats good enough ~ but that doesn't work for me because-#-i have nothing. my handwriting isn't good my singing isn't good i'm not artistically gifted i don't have some random affinity for puzzles-#-i'm not charming or somehow really good at calculation or super creative or a really comforting friend i really have nothing at all#i don’t want to die. i have no plans on doing that sort of thing anytime soon— don’t misunderstand me#i just wholeheartedly believe i don’t deserve to be here anymore not because i’m not loved. i just can’t stand myself and my teenage years-#-feel so long and i'm so fragile how much longer do i have to tolerate. i'm contributing nothing. why should my family have to feed and-#-clothe a burden like me who provides nothing. why should my friends care for someone like me. i’m not really that funny or sweet or great-#-with advice giving or pretty or helpful in any way. why is it that life is genuinely easier for others. what did i do? what can i do?#how much longer must i tolerate this? would you believe me if i said i really did try to change my mindset this time?#i have no one in real life to talk to. therapists are pricey and i don’t think mine was helping me in any way anyways. she was nice though#so every night i sleep hoping i wake up somewhere else. somewhere where i'm happier and i can live all my silly fantasies where i'm a fun-#-and lovely person who has everything she wants and nothing goes wrong ever!!#how much longer must i hang onto the little things. i’m in such an exruciating amount of pain that i want to kill myself without dying? lol#everyone repeats the same stuff. get bit#i can't rely on the joy of having coffee every morning or persevere for the sake of seeing cute cats on insta. nothing will ease the burden
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i take constant psychic damage at this job….
#personal#god i wanna quit but i know i’d hate myself…#i’m never given complete instructions#i’m given no concrete guidelines#(what the hell is a purée supposed to look like?? everyone just tells me to eyeball it — wth does that mean???)#i’m told to just follow this binder but it has conflicting; out of date information#everything is in random order; no rhyme or reason so i have to jump around between tasks#i take a super long time to do anything but that’s because everyone else who works here has been doing the same thing several times#a week for a decade — they have all the names and arbitrary rules memorized#like sorry for complaining all the time but god!#i’m willing to work and everything but i hate having to constantly ask questions#and also a lot of this legit just stuff that i’ve never been told at all!
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just saw aye for scotland's face for the first time. why is he scottish travis mcelroy?
#red said#i unfollowed him a couple of years back partly bc he was kind of shitty about an interaction with my sibling and their then partner#mostly bc that was a tipping point for finding this specific flavour of didactic leftposting I'm The Most Left And Everyone Else Is Idiots#debate streamer white dude everything i do is leftist bc i do it and disagreers just don't understand the Working Class Experience vibe#but tbf like he still does useful posts about Scottish politics his posting just super rubs me up the wrong way#idk apparently I've just decided to go in on this random guy. sorry. that's shitty of me.
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i can feel house md rewiring my brain in real time
#the feeling is so strong like im SO into this show it literally had me googling what does a hyperfixation feel like bc i just felt so#weirdly intense about it. and i don’t think it is bc i don’t have adhd or anything#but like damn#I’m at the level rn where i can pretty immediately recognize any hameron scenes what episode and the context they’re from if a see a random#gif of them (of the episodes I’ve watched)#i love being able to do this i remember being able to do it for a lot of root and shaw scenes when i was first really into POI#but like the way I’ve changed so much of my social media accounts’ layouts to hameron or cameron images#ALSO IJBOL I FKRGOT I CHNAGED MY ONLINE NAME#well. added a new one#also i can list a lot of the episodes I’ve seen in order#i spent the latter half of the semester repetitively writing house md s1 episode names in the margins of my notebooks until i could#memorize them and list them off the top of my head unprompted#i miss this feeling i love getting super into a show#it’s like this user on Reddit said where it’s like super saturated and everything else is in black and white#like genuinely that was soooo me during the semester#also bc college schoolwork kind of makes me miserable lol#but like whatever i loooove fandom and house md is my new Bright Shiny Object#can we bring that term back btw i discovered it a few months ago in the depths of fanlore and its so perfect like yeah it’s my bright shiny#object it’s my ball of yarn im throwing it in the air im mesmerized watching it glint in the light#god i literally love being a fangirl so much nothing has ever felt more right#Saf speaks#**house
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Like everything is pissing me off rn
#it’s like my body recognized the unspeakable amt of random sadness didn’t fix anything so now she has to make me hate literally everything#the just like backseat background constant dysphoria over not having any e in my body is like. sickening it makes me feel awful#and I’m starting to really properly run up against the cost of hrt for the first time which is SUPER awesome too#and ofc there’s stress over this STUPID!! FUCKING!! ACTING PROJECT!!!!!#and that makes me want to kill someone#but there’s also stress about like everything else. and world situation isn’t doing anything#and also everyone around me makes me angry#and also everyone makes me angry.#like if anyone’s reading this genuinely go fuck urself u have no ability to help me and you’re really!! really stupid for thinking you have#ANY#idea what it feels like for me rn. and let’s be real you don’t have a solution either so what’s the point#i really really reeeaaaaalllyyyyyyyyy just want to rip someone’s throat out if I can be real#god i need to get any kind of sleep at all#EVERYTHING SUCKS. GENUINELY EVERYTHING SUCKS. ITS BAD!!!! ITS BAD!!!!!!!!!#i like actually want to cry#& every time i start thinking abt it contextually like actually I don’t have it so bad and all of these feelings are transient or whatever#i want to rip someone’s throat out even more#& ofc that anger also turns inwards but for the most part I can just call that as stupid and move on#but like: why the fuck am i treating a Tumblr blog where none of the readers actually care abt me as if it were a fucking confessional#i don’t even want to think abt sleeping bc i know thatll suck too I’ll have some horrible stress dream#god I’m gonna start crying again actually yall i fucking hate emotions can I be real
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Dare I say the new wayv is my favorite full nct project in a looong time
#since hello future for sure maybe even since neo zone#istj is a killer single but everything else this year came and went for me#well not pado but that’s a random bside so#love that song though#anyway this album actually felt like a new commitment to adding force to the rnb sound that I thought had gotten super stale#so yay#words of mine#still mad at baggy jeans and fact check though. how dare you phone that sound in sm
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i watched One wrestling (wrestledream. much to say abt it. god willing i keep watching from that episode forward) and then 4 bungo stray dogs w brother (finished s3 fucking finally my god and saw the first from s4. it was really bad) after the most fucked up week i've had in a while
#i saw kota's signed like officially full time... easy way to get a girl ready for catch up (real this time not clickbait)#bsd s3. is so bad. not that everything else's my favorite necessarely but like. it gets really bad my dudes. it was bleak#a while ago brother said he was interested in knowing more abt ranpo and s4 starts w ranpo & president centric flashbacks so i#thot he'd be happy to see that but the last few s3 episodes get So Bad they sucked all the joy out of us both good lird. it was bleak#dazai's in the hospital chuuya's in a book they're trying to pretend atsushi and akutagawa are as cool as them again... girl help.#and what's w the cat. i'm so confident it's never gonna be brought up again and it's driving me insane. i sort of knew abt the cat but#not enough to be prepared. and the timing is so bad#why did we have Three episodes abt chuuya and dazai age 15 (answer is that they're the best part of this show and they know)#then random episode where the main takeaway i got is that gin is revealed to be hot (i knew.) like complete waste of my time imo#then One episode where kyoka has to share backstory reveal w even more atsushi trauma like ?!?!?!?#i can't take much more of atsushi whining. that's all he does. from episode one. and the second kyoka has her moment we cut to#atsushi whining again i don't CARE that the guy from the orphanage is dead shut UP#like who thought this was a good idea.#and then in the last 3 shitty episodes they wanna do all that ???#old men yaoi backstory ???? you need more time for that. hello. cat is god. huh#introduce New Evil Guy w power that seems to be super insane and he's defeated by kid wearing his boyfriend's clothes ????#like it was too much. for nothing. not even counting all the pointless random convenient things that happen that aren't accounted for#at All#like. you're telling me atsushi can enter the cave at the speed of light and the guards can't notice him but then he can't fucking catch the#virus guy 1m away from you in a little cart. i'm going to kill everyone involved w making this anime i'm tired. i need to finish killa killa#And made in abyss. bsd s3 so bad it makes you wanna start jjk as soon as possible#anyway now let's talk abt my traumatic week#oh nay
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