#everything costs so much fucking MONEY!!!
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Just to let y'all know, I'm running out of depression meds and I got a 50 hour week coming up 👍🏾 so if I sound like I wanna end my life by Thursday, it's because I do 👍🏾
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so there's a reason my new job got back to me so quickly about my application and that's bc it's an absolute fucking shambles like actually perfect timing for me to decide to rewatch the bear bc i have never more felt like ive been thrown into a broke on-its-knees establishment trying to crawl its way up the ladder where i am somehow a godsend to them. my old job was crazy and shambolic in the sense that the industry is just Like That but this one?????? insanity. every 5 mins i am questioning what im doing with my life. ive already had a walk-in fridge moment
#so i explained before that there's 3 venues and on my very first shift they had me doing the restaurant venue for 2 hours#which was FINE like i was a bit cautious bc my manager is VERY stressed all the time and the place generally feels like it's falling apart#not the building itself just. the way it's run like it's just got new owners and the previous manager apparently#EMPTIED THE TILLS AND TRASHED THE PLACE like cost them THOUSANDS of pounds and on top of that#there was beef with the head chef and the new owners that meant he left and took the ENTIRE BACK OF HOUSE WITH HIM#THERE ARE NO KITCHEN STAFF ATM. I HAVE TO LIE AND TELL CUSTOMERS WE DONT HAVE FOOD ATM BC OF 'REFURBISHMENT'#WHEN IN ACTUALITY THE /RESTAURANT/ DOESNT HAVE CHEFS. DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY THAT IS#and then the front of house staff are very lacking aside maybe 2 people we're ALL NEW and all of them EXCEPT ME#LIKE LITERALLY JUST ME IM THE ONLY EXCEPTION. ALL OF THEM ARE UNTRAINED#so when i applied with bar training coffee training and very solid waitressing skills they genuinely treated me like a saviour#like i am FENDING off shifts tbh im in a v good position bc they need me too much to get shitty w me if i refuse hours but i can literally#have as many as i want bc they will just give me them. like they're obsessed w me im rota'd for over 60 hours this week#but anyway that very first shift after 2 hours in the restaurant i then walked to the mini golf venue on the OTHER SIDE OF TOWN#and my manager stayed for 30 MINUTES. IF THAT. and showed me around the place + how to close THEN LEFT ME THERE#FIRST DAY HE GAVE ME THE KEYS AND LEFT ME TO RUN AN ENTIRE VENUE. IT'S NOT SMALL EITHER IT'S A WHOLE BAR#AND I HAD TO CLOSE ON MY OWN TOO and ironically the shift itself went rlly well like it was so chill#it was kinda boring but honestly i kinda rated it it's v easy money and the close went perfectly nothing cropped up that i was unsure about#and then. AND THEN. i havent even ranted to my mutuals about this yet bc i was acc so horrified by it but i locked the front doors#and went to lock the gate AND THE KEY GOT STUCK IN THE LOCK. WOULD NOT COME OUT. HELLA VS KEYS ROUND 3927593#my mum even showed up and tried to help me wrestle this thing out i called my manager and he literally told me to just snap it#bc he'd rather a snapped key that NO ONE could get out than just leave it there overnight but bc of my recent house key moment#i was like AM I FUCK SNAPPING THIS KEY. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING. so i had to just leave it and at the time#i was realllyyyyyyyyyy beating myself up but my manager is actually rlly nice he's just stretched v thin#and ive also had time to be like uhh actually they shouldnt have left a random 21 y/o girl alone with the keys on her first day#omg i havent even talked about what happened on saturday. ACTUAL SHAMBLES#LIKE THIS /\/\ ISNT EVEN CLOSE TO EVERYTHING! IM RUNNING OUT OF TAG ROOM! IM GONNA REBLOG THIS TONIGHT W MORE PROBABLY!#BC GUESS WHO IS WORKING A CLOSE LATER AT THE NIGHTCLUB THEN OPENING THE RESTAURANT AT 8AM. GUESS#hella slaves to capitalism
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Everyone talks about how expensive rent is but i dont ever see anyone talk about how expensive furniture and house stuff is. Saving up for like, a couch is insanely expensive. Buying one nice thing is fine but if you need several things suddenly the price builds up sooo high like I want to have a nice table and some nice chairs and maybe a nice lamp and suddenly that can all run me for 800eur easily at the cheapest.
#i went into a store the other day because i needed a lamp and they had so many nice looking things#i want to have a nice house but i dont have the money#literally a direct result of me buying my first ever furniture thing. my shelf. has made me hyperaware of how expensive everything is#and it was from ikea which is the cheapest ever!! i cant even imagine things that arent from ikea how much they'd cost!!#now whenever furniture gets destroyed in movies I always go NOOOOOOOOOOOO#who cares about the fucking protagonist or whatever getting punched that table was solid oak with a resin top AND hand carved legs!!$#thunderclap
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First time staying at the hotel of a theme park (against my will, but that's a long story) and... it's so weird??????
Like I feel like I am not supposed to be here, how do I put it... it screams luxury but I a... childlike/childish way????
And I feel restless, like something is wrong. Uncanny.
#this vacation is weird#maybe i feel restless because it cost me too much...#little rant here because i am still bitter about this okay...#look 8 days in spain and EVERYTHING: 2 hotels/3 flights/several museums/foods and drinks/souvenirs/transportation/small useless trinkets#cost us like € 800? more or less?#like okay could have been less but that’s a darn good price counting small useless luxuries and good meals right?#i feel no regrets spending that amount of money on *that*#i was one of the people organizing it#i knew where my money went before it went there so if something was a waste of money is my fault right????#BUT THEN#i was thrown into this other small 4 day vacation here at one of the theme parks in italy#first day we arrive fourth we go 2 days at the park and the only things we DON'T pay for are breakfast and dinner#fucking €600#and I was occupied with my exams when the other person organized this trip so the moment they called me.and said#“okay already anticipated the money it's 600 per person :D”#i cried#liek i am not exaggerating i literally cried because wtf#600 euros I'd have stayed a week in france#I will never let someone else organize a vacation without my supervision ever the fuck again.#steel rambles#*cries* 1200 € for two peple and 2 and 2 days at the theme park+ 2 days of train is not fucking reasonable mate 😭
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going to the dentist tmr for the first time in 5 years. and at 8am no less
#in my worst fears they will remove all my teeth bc theyre too far gone (not true) and be soooo mad at me or give me 1000 fillings or some#shit like that bc okay i know my teeth arent great bad genes + plus i rlly struggle w taking care of my teeth but I TRY!!!!! i really do#anyway just nervous. my anxiety has been so bad lately im certain its bc my lack of enrichment in my enclosure (been unemployed since oct#despite my best efforts) and so i havent really been out of the house much bc everything costs fucking money which i dont have but i do#believe that it is taking its toll!!!#h
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looked at my bank account. i want to kms
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Considering the. Ahem. Ways this year has gone, I've not been thinking about it all that much, but. I did start this year with the motto of Year Of Unfucking My Life. With a few goals involved in that.
I got an official adhd diagnosis, as well as a diagnosis for PCOS. Other diagnoses in progress. Gotten adhd meds and birth control to regulate periods. I've gone back to school and I'm keeping up with it better than ever before. I've even been working on practicing driving, something I've been largely neglecting since I first got my driving permit, um... 11 years ago...
I just need to actually Get my license. And I need to get it before the end of the year. If I can accomplish that, then I'll say the Year Of Unfucking My Life was successful.
#speculation nation#i had some pretty major negative And positive influences for this goal of mine.#primary negative influence of course being my dad abruptly dying.#but that also led to the primary positive influence of the life insurance payout that's letting me just focus on school for my final year.#it's like a monkey's paw curl kind of moment. i got a genuinely astounding amount of money#more than enough to live off for a year+ and pay off the rest of my schooling.#with this i have finally exited the purgatory of part time school full time work to pay my way through school#a setup that led to endless stress (both physically and mentally) and suffering grades.#failing some classes and taking longer bc part time Anyways. locking me into years and years of this perpetual fucking Hell.#ive escaped it. school is so so so much more manageable when i dont have to work a job. im actually keeping up with my assignments.#for once theres no uncertainty about passing any of my classes. i Will pass them all. and i expect As in most if not all of them.#it's been fucking Amazing. everything i couldve wanted. and it came with the low low cost of losing my father when i was only 26.#... 'low' being sarcastic here of course. he was the 2nd worst person i couldve lost in my life. second only to my sister.#the 2nd worst grief i will Ever experience. bc he was my Good parent. hes the very reason i have a future at All.#and losing him fucked me up Severely. im still working on recovering. i kind of figure i always Will be.#thank god id already been taking spring semester off bc that would've been Horrible to go thru while in school.#i honestly probably would've just withdrawn from the semester. theres no Way id have kept up with it#given how damned BUSY those first few weeks after were. between funeral prep and inventorying and packing up his house.#so fucking much involved in settling an estate. and im the lucky one in that my sister's been handling all the legal shit.#so i simultaneously was dealt one of the most severe blows i ever Will be dealt#while also being given probably the biggest boost i'll ever get in my life.#if everything goes well with graduating and getting an IT job then i'll never want for money again.#considering there was a time early last year when i got as low as literally $7 in my bank account. this is a pretty big deal.#it's just... strange. the ways things go in life. this has been a very strange year for me.#just doing my best to use this boost to the best of my ability. even if it feels like im taking advantage of his death.#it's what he wouldve wanted me to do.
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Wanting more homoeroticism in the tension between the show’s leads as the narrative introduces greater intimacy and higher stakes between them, especially in a landscape that lacks queer representation who isn’t a villain or dies within one or two episodes, but also recognizing that core values/motivation for these characters lie in their relationships with one of two major female characters in an on screen sausage fest where the only other woman is a morally reprehensible femme fatale and erasing and/or vilifying female leads in favor of conventionally attractive males is a common practice observed in fandoms that’s rooted in misogyny and justified under the guise of rejecting heteronormativity, thinly veiled double standards, or claiming the woman is simply not interesting enough and not wanting to bolster that mindset
#the worst of evil#you know who’s not interesting enough? haeryeon!! bibi’s acting the hell out of her and slaying while doing it#but idk anything besides she’s willing to subvert her dad for dick and values money over everything else#and also she’s hot which is great for me!! but also the male gaze#and I also get it - we don’t know much about euijeong in her limited screen time besides her relationships to junmo/kicheol#but she is given so many traits that are silently conveyed like compassion and bravery and sacrifice#she brought a fucking gun to her date with kicheol like the conflicts and motivations here are SO JUICY#her exasperation guilt and despair with the investigation; esp after listening to the voicemails#what’s the self respecting thing to do; do I still love my husband if he loses himself; can I continue a game I never wanted to play#at the cost of my life or my family’s life?#even though a lot of her choices are for her marriage she’s using whatever agency she has in her own terms#kicheol works to be an honest man and make a difference partly bc of her#not trying to place the burden of fixing men on her but ignoring her impact in the boys’ lives is wild#ship whoever you want hate whoever you want but don’t deride a woman just cuz ‘she’s in the way’ ya know#all this being said; kicheol bringing junmo home after he RAMPAGED seemingly on his behalf - literally who else is doing it like them#the yearning all around - I get it now; we need gangster mob!throuple to get any shit done around here (and for all 3 to stay alive 🫣🙏)#but the reality next week is gonna be so so bitter
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#im so worried about this cat#every time I've been in the bathroom with him he'd use the litter box#and have diarrhea#and im afraid to know how much of it is actually blood#I'm so afraid of how this vet visit is going to go#how much its going to cost me#im not made out of money#i know it might seem like that#but im not#i try to be good about to when I buy something#i don't know what's going to happen#my credit limit is decent but not unlimited#and I'm afraid of what they'll say#that it's too late for him#that everything drug on too long for treatment to happen#im so furious about it#every 2 doors i try to open just gets slammed in my face#fuck the fucking er vet clinic that didn't do shit on Sunday#fuck the fucking county shelter with their stupid broken website#honestly fuck this vet clinic a little for refusing an exam nearly a month ago#and a big triple fuck you to the former owner for causing this mess#and honestly some more fuck yous to the county one they really really peeved me off#im just crying tears of frustration and sadness right now#this cat doesn't fucking deserve this shit#he's the best thing to happen to me all year#i don't want to lose him too
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its very hard to exist in the modern world when youre still of the opinion that a snack or treat should only cost $1
#grymms spectacular fucking posts#now it's like $2.50 for a bag of m&ms#i have so much money anxiety and i dont even have to buy my own necessities yet#everything costs so much
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FUCK 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣
#i burdgeted SO CAREFULLY so thatbi would hsve money to buy breakfasts and also.to get train home.#i FORFOT. ABOUT AUTOMATIC PHONE BILL PAYMENTS#FUCK 🗣 🗣 🗣 🗣 🗣 I KINDA WANT. TO HAVE MONEY FORNFOOD I WANTED YHAT.#FANCY FUCKASS OFFICE JOB IS NOT PAYING MEEEEEEE. I HAVE RAN OUTNOF MONEY IT IS VERY BAD#IT WILL BE FKNE PROBABLY. I WILL SURVIGEVIT WILL BE NORMAL#EVERYTHING AT WORK COSTS SO MUCH BECAUSE THEY ALL ASSUME YOU HAVE BEEN GETTING ENGINEERS SALARY FOR 7BYEATS ALREADY#I AM ON!!!!!! EMERGENCY TAX RATE!!!!!!!! FOR NONFUCK REASON#THERES NOT WVEN ANYONE K CAN TEAR TO SHREDS TO FIX PROBLEM. GHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG#I WILL BE FINE. I NEED TO BITE SOMETHING#THATS A LIE I NEED TO SLEEPNI NEED TO CALM.FOWN#FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#TEXT
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how to make business plans: spend 2 weeks looking for a website to make a visual plan guide that you can collaborate with business partners, but you end up nowhere because all of them require paid subscriptions to do more than a few basic things. except you don't want to pay for these because you don't have a business yet and therefore no money!!!! but you need more than basic features (basically you can only put 50-100 items on your board with free account and i will definitely need more)
#WHY DOES EVERYTHING ON THE INTERNET HAVE TO BE SUBSCRIPTION NOW#i miss the days where you could use a website and all the features for FREE.#or at best only have one-time fee or subs for advanced stuff only profitable big businesses need and can also afford#the average person is starting to get locked out of the internet. we already pay for the internet itself. everything is too expensive#i need to make my own business so i can afford to live but everything to mae a business costs too much!!!!!!!#im too autistic for this shit. “this shit” being “a profitable member of society”#i cant get a big cool job to make a ton of money and then afford to easily become a millionaire#i bet most millionaires and all billionairs didnt work a day in their life to afford to start their businesses#and if they say they did they lie#lee rambles#i found a free unlimited one but you have to download the program and save everything locally#so it doesn't look like you cam collab with other people which defeats the purpose of what im trying to do 😭#i wanted to use milanote or whatever its called because i liked how you can link separate pages to keep things clear/uncluttered#but i dont want to pay $12 a month i think it was? to put more than 100 items on the boards. that goes so fast#but i might have to use it and just cram things together in a messy fashion to not hit that limit......#you can double the amount by referring people to make an account but still. i hate bekng limited#and being forced to pay to not have limits!!!! let me be free and only pay for advanced stuff i can live without for fuck sake#i dont know what im doing. but im making an attempt to business or something
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anyways sry its not srs eventually ill get it together . and be a person again. one day
#its just like atm everything that i need is like . not possible. which is oartially my brain being like We have to do this before we this#which sometimes isnt true but sometimes is#like i cant get medicated again or back seeing a psych or back on t until i get a job again#but i cant get a job again utnil i get my ged <- partially untrue but ged would make it a lot easier#but i cant get my ged until i have a job bc it costs money <- if i asked my parents they would probably help me If they had money 2 spare#since like. yk. they want ne to be able to work again so i have money again and ill be another source of income and they care abt me also .#affirmations . ppl donot just see me as a piggy bank they do see me as a person im not judt someone to squeeze money out of thats not how#ppl view me and its fine its fine its fine its fine . it feels so stupid being scared abt that i feel like a rich person whos like She only#likes me for my money 😭 like stfuuu annoying ass. i just ummmm. have a massive fear of debt and like. ppl demanding money from me#unexpectedly or expecting i am going to give them money. not in like a Ohhh fucking ppl want me to donate not it at all im happy to donate#but in like. god this is dumb. eveeytime i got birthday or christmas money as a kid i had to give it to my parents so they could buy food or#gas or whatever. and it never got paid bsck and it felt like shit. but i couldnt ever say no bc then itd be My fault we didnt have food that#week . yk. my first paycheck i had to give it all to my mom for groceries and we got in a fight in the store bc she was like Ok im gonna go#buy pop and my dumbass got upset abt it bc like. my mom told me itd be Necessities nd like. yk. wtvr. it was fucking stupid my entire family#r caffeine addicts so pop is a necessity i was just. rly upset and it felt like my parents saw my money as just. theirs but they had to ask#abt it so i wouldnt get pissy. yk. and they ask me for money a lot usually for food and i dont mind but it like. idk im rly paranoid abt#being a provider and ive got a Lot of guilt abt like. anytime we dont have enough food it feels like my fault bc it was my fault when i wasa#kid if i didnt give up my christmas money for pizza. or whatever. idk its so dramatic like i didnt need the money i was 8 it was selfish of#me to wanna buy fucking. toys or whatever that wasnt more important than My parents being able to get to work or my siblings being able to#fucking. literally eat. or paying bills. like its selfish that im like wahhh wahhh but i wanted to buy vibeo game wif my bday money i#shouldve judt been fucking grateful i was able to help my family. wtvr. I hate connor. wtvr#n then the shit with ugh last year like. yk. and stuff. and then the them stealing 1000 from me not getting into it b4 i get mad. idk.#and im just lazy now i need to get a job again but all the shit like. as i was saying earlier b4 i started whining. idk. i should be happy#that i get to help w bills and stuff that was my dream as a kid#like ever since i was 5 when i was fantasizing abt my future i was like Im gonna marry a prince and then ill be able to afford to pay all of#my families bills and my parents and siblings will be able to go to college and be happy and maybe never have to work bc ill be able to#handle it and ive always like. yk. when i was a dumbass kid i was like Ill go to college so i can get a good job and be useful. of course i#cant ever go to college bc im fucking. useless. and itd just be another burden on my family if i was in debt bc i couldnt help them as much#if i had debt and itd be selfish. and it doesnt matter bc im too stupid to go to college anyway. idk. i wish i could just fix everything#it just feels awful rn im literally just a drain and my family doesnt say it to me yk like. ik theyre happy imback i think they are
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Fully regretting joining the esthi program 😩
#I’m so fucking tired cause I work in the morning and then have class and don’t come home until 11#everything cost so much money#I was waitlist so I didn’t have enough time to receive my material by this week and stuff is already do Monday#some pls shoot me#also I’m like 30 minutes from the school#and it’s so scary driving at night cause I can’t see properly
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Everything’s happening at the same time man
#my cat has cancer#my teeth are fucked#my apartment is a mess#my rent is going up#I should think about moving#I should think about buying a house#but how much is the cat going to cost me so how much money will I have left for a down payment#I should be dilating more I should be eating better I should be exercising smarter#I should practice violin but also I should quit violin#I haven’t gone grocery shopping in weeks#I’m not even working right now what am I supposed to do in September#everything feels like I need to be fixing it and I can’t because I don’t know what to do#I just spend all day paralyzed on my phone#I want my mom#I want her to tell me what to do#and I want a hug tbh#anyway I’ll be 30 in two months and my life is fucked!
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How much have you spent on w101? Because BROOO I'm embarrassed of how many crowns I've bought 😭😭😭
Listen my brother you are NOT alone 😭😭😭😭 my wizard hyperfixation has cost me well into the hundreds. I haven't been counting so I don't know the numbers specifically but I literally wasted all my allowances and birthday money on Wizard101 when I was younger and everyday I want to kick myself in the ass for it
#i could have used that money for OTHER THINGS. LIKE OTHER GAMES /j#i remember how many crowns i spent on the hydra pack bc the hydra mount was my dream. (shudders)#i always bought the 13 thousand crown pack and that was like 20 dollars? which was my allowance back then#and sometimes i saved up to get the next crown tier which i forgot was like maybe 50 dollars? i did this for months#i wasted so much fucking monry on the hydra ALONE#and then there was the baba yaga house mount....... which i still never got#and who can forget the gamestop wizard bundles??? the ones that cost like 30 dollars each????????????????#i got.... too many of those#and then my dumb fucking dummy dumbass would basically just recycle the items from the bundles i didnt want-#so THAT was basically an even MORE colossal waste of money#this is why im broke today. this is why.#also contributed to me not playing w101 anymore its too expensive LOL#you cant do shit without membership and basically everything new costs crowns so#this isnt like a new thing to say but being a f2p in wizard101 sucks ass#ANYWAYS. yeah i sold my firstborn for wizard101 /j#wizard101#w101#wiz101#asks#bubba609
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