#everyone say thank you robin for being aware of the plot and helping us get there!!

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ch 2 of time travel with sabo! in this chapter we sit down and introduce ourselves like we are in kindergarten again. except half the group doesn't do that. and multiple people try to pick a fight.

[cebwrites]

Hello! What if in an alternate path, Kaku joined the Straw Hats (Franky still joins)? To me, he seems the most likely to swap to pirate, and he seemed to actually enjoy his job at the docks. How would he handle the crew? What role would he have? Thank you!!!

a/n: dunno if anon would still see this answer at this point, though i finally came around to this idea - maybe it’s the holiday season 🎄

What if Kaku joined the Strawhats

slight zosan/usonami word count: 1.5k

He definitely does seem to be the type to switch sides, I feel like in his mind, given more freedom, Kaku would like to align himself with whatever seems the most interesting even if not entirely conducive to coming out on top - in canon the latter part is more important but something tells me he made his way into CP0 partly on a whim, to see watch what would become of the new era from a higher perch

Say for the sake of argument he gets cast aside entirely by the WG after the events of Enies Lobby (afaik the CP9 agents had a short romp in a cover story about raising funds to get back on their feet so maybe this was during then), he’s desolate and paranoid at every turn because in the back of his mind, even the kindest of civilians could be someone sent to keep an eye on him post-failure

So Kaku turns to the people he has no doubt would never hide anything from him, the only kid forthcoming enough who had the gall to march into a government island and declare war on the whole world - Luffy was the last person who’d be sneaky about his feelings and that’s exactly what Kaku needed right now, good old fashioned honesty

And it’s honesty he gets, when Luffy tells him that he doesn’t like this Usopp imposter (after needing a reminder as to who he was and complaints from Sogeking himself) for hurting Robin and that he should leave - as straightforward an answer as Kaku could get

Due to extenuating circumstances, though, be it the Grand Line’s unpredictable weather, enemies getting in the way, or plain old, “ah well, we can’t just drop him in the sea, that’s a bit too cruel” though certain members would beg to differ, and bonds would slowly be formed over the course of spending time together

Imagine there it takes longer for them to get to Thriller Bark or Sabaody where other plot things happen or something shdfbshtgndf

Considering his fickle (to outsider eyes) nature however, among other more important reasons, it’s difficult for the Strawhats to take as well to him as Luffy’s go with the flow attitude - although it has to be said that a former enemy who did hurt their own in the past eventually becoming nakama isn’t entirely out of the blue, given Vivi and Robin herself

Kaku is aware of this, he’s been aware of people’s mistrust in him since he was a child, always with too-wide eyes for the adults around him and a smile that never quite reached it, so he’s used to being held at arm’s length

It’s the unsurprisingly the youngest of the crew that warm up to Kaku first - Chopper tending to his wounds after Kaku helped the SHs in battle, he quickly becomes endeared with the little reindeer’s antics and complex about compliments, Usopp being very skittish at first but eventually spinning Kaku the long, tall tales he does to everyone else, and Luffy’s unwavering kindness that leaves little else to be said.

That, and Luffy’s endless amusement at his Zoan form, that seem to entertain the other kids on board as well. The next is Sanji, silently showing his care through his cooking while still being very verbally hostile, being one of the first to threaten Kaku during the first week that he was stuck on their ship due to unforeseen circumstances that if he dared to hurt another hair on Robin’s, or anyone else’s for that matter, head then being out of house and home - how he came to them - would be the least of Kaku’s worries; the cook still fed him though, and to Kaku, that was more than could be said about others he often found himself around before the Strawhats. Zoro follows soon after, laying down the fact plain and simple that he didn’t like him but if they were to cohabitate per captain’s orders, things would go much smoother if they learned how to get along sooner rather than later, Kaku doesn’t make the jab that it seems that Zoro and Sanji still don’t get along to this day in the moment, but over time he’d learn that the two of them shared something beyond anything Kaku himself has had, or even allowed himself, to experience. Zoro puts Kaku through the wringer day after day with sparring, only resting when Chopper yells at Zoro for overexerting himself since he’s keeping the newbie on his toes while still picking fights with Sanji and getting injured that way, so Kaku has to find other ways of making himself useful on a ship as lively as the Sunny.

It’s here that he finds himself helping out with Usopp’s tinkering, listening to the lad talk about grand would-be fantasies, helping him with parts of his inventions, and teasing him about the shy yet longing glances Usopp sends their lovely navigator when it seems like she’s not looking, not quite noticing Franky’s encroachment into the workshop until their resident Cyborg is firmly seated in his usual spot. Franky’s just a blunt as Zoro is, he’s up front about his feelings on the situation regardless of Usopp’s presence - when Sogeking tries to sneak away from a potentially very tense and awkward interaction Franky tells him to sit his tuchus down and get back to work.

Franky is painfully, well, frank, about the anguish Kaku’s previous allegiances have caused this crew and he states that it’ll be an uphill battle to earn everyone’s trust truly, let alone the Funkfreed in the room that Kaku’s only barely managed to avoid interacting with too much during his stay, but also says that he sees how hard Kaku’s trying, and that deserves recognition more than anything else. Nami doesn’t offer any leeway when Kaku finally gathers the courage to face Robin, determined to protect her friend at any cost when their lanky, tweedy new crewmate (but distinctly not nakama) makes his way up to the table under Nami’s mikan trees that the girls often lounged under - before Nami can rip into him too hard, though, Robin puts up a hand and asks for a moment of privacy between the two of them - Nami’s unhappy about it but acquiesces. 

Within the few short interactions Kaku’s had with Robin previously on this ship, it’s either been with tempered ire, suspicion, and then jabs said with her calm but characteristically unnerving smile, showing clear (warranted) apprehension to his very presence around her nakama, so he bears his soul - Kaku doesn’t spin a sob story or make grand gestures that would attempt to garner sympathy like his pathetic excuse for a former boss, but plainly and simply states his intentions, his anxieties, his remorse, in a very Zoro-esque way, one would even say.

Kaku knows that more than anyone here, Robin had suffered the most at Enies Lobby, he had been conducive to that suffering, and here he was, begging for a place to exist on the same crew that took her in, the very one that he’d been ordered to take out like nothing a few months ago; the small crew that the World Government severely underestimated and paid dearly for. 

He’d say he knows it wouldn’t mean much to her, nor does he have the audacity to ask for her forgiveness, but for what it’s worth Kaku is sorry.

Being under Robin’s scrutinizing gaze burns but Kaku doesn’t waver, he faces her head on even though through even passing second, it feels like this woman wants to explode his head with her mind. Almost like some strange, unspoken game of chicken to test his mettle against her, the direct consequence of his own actions. And Kaku blinks. He tries to excuse himself, to hide away in some dark, cold corner of the ship where he can bottle up all these thoughts again and manage his guilt in silence.

But he’s not allowed to. Of course not.

Robin says, just as he turns to leave, that obviously even if he were to get on his hands and knees to grovel like the worm that he was, eyes unemotive, he would never gain forgiveness, much less hers, that way. Only a fiery grave awaited those who were so spineless. She says that she doesn’t know if she’ll ever be able to forgive the things he’s done as a person, a former government agent. A dog to cruel masters. Her eyes follow the bob of his Adam’s apple as she takes a long, calculated sip of her tea.

But she wouldn’t be unwilling to start over with whoever Kaku made of himself now, as a potential ally. Not a friend yet, not nearly close to nakama, but it was a start and, smiling, Robin was interested in seeing what he’d become on the journey to get there. 

Contradictory to what anyone had to say, Kaku did not cry that day.

[0aurelion-sol0]

"There's no place like gnome."

Stranger Things 3: The Game.

Gnomes 1-10. 🧙‍♂️

IT'S FINALLY HERE!

It's no secret that the Duffers take a lot of inspirations from Pop Culture. From the most well known movies to the more obscure comics, they are always able to sneak a reference somewhere everytime. And they are also able to make it connected to the story.

I've bragged about how the Stranger Things expanded universe in media is one of the best out there compared to many others. I think that the Duffers, the writers or people in the highest places of the marketing are really paying attention to what comes out of the ST franchise because there is no way to have such content with so many details without someone looking into them.

And ST3: The Game is a very good example of that.

So let's start! The first 10 Gnomes out of 50 that you have to find in the game.

BE AWARE THAT THERE ARE SPOILERS BELOW!

"There's elements that could please those who makes metas/analyzes or theories. Especially things related to possible future plot points, easter eggs, references in previous seasons mainly season 3 like unsolved mysteries or unanswered questions and for future seasons such as season 4 like foreshadowing or teasers, trailers or as of lately the sneak peek."

If you have anything you'd like to add, might think I have missed or think it might be referencing something else don't hesitate to share it by commenting or reblogging.

(Say thanks to @hawkinsschoolcounselor for having helped me with some of them. )

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Gnome #1: Johnny

"He's here... with an axe."

Overall plot:

"The film's central character is Jack Torrance, an aspiring writer and recovering alcoholic who accepts a position as the off-season caretaker of the isolated historic Overlook Hotel in the Colorado Rockies. Wintering over with Jack are his wife, Wendy Torrance, and young son, Danny Torrance. Danny is gifted with "the shining", psychic abilities that enable him to see into the hotel's horrific past. The hotel cook, Dick Hallorann, also has this ability and is able to communicate with Danny telepathically. The hotel had a previous winter caretaker who went insane and killed his family and himself. After a winter storm leaves the Torrances snowbound, Jack's sanity deteriorates due to the influence of the supernatural forces that inhabit the hotel, placing his wife and son in danger."

So I assume a lot of you know The Shining by Stanley Kubrick. A movie which was adapted from the novel of the same name by Stephen King in 1977.

There's a lot of things that could have served as an inspiration for ST.

A boy/child who has psychic abilities = Eleven has psychic abilities such as telekinesis. Will has his True Sight which consist in seeing what the MF was seeing and feeling.

Now there's also the theme of family and parenthood that is also a big theme in Stranger Things. Especially abusive parenthood such as Brenner, Lonnie and even Hopper to a smaller degree.

In Shining, Jack tries to kill his family with an axe due to supernatural forces that are in the hotel but there's a difference between King and Kubrick. While King specifically said that Jack was heavily influenced by the Hotel, Kubrick shows that Jack always had that sinister violence in him even before they arrived at the hotel.

It's interesting to draw a parallel to Billy and Will, both characters called William who tried to kill their families and other people while being possessed. But Billy compared to Will was shown to have been abusive even before that. Dacre Montgomery also said that he was inspired by Jack Nicholson's performance in the Shining for his character Billy.

Joyce and Jonathan were shown to get ready to fight the monsters by taking an axe.

It's also interesting to note that Jack dies in the snow while a blizzard is happening outside the hotel. Much like the storm of the Mindflayer who is in the Upside Down, the same Mindflayer who "likes it cold". While in the book, the Overlook explodes and burn.

(Cold vs Fire much like everything Upside Down related not liking Fire.)

Also "Johnny" = "Jonathan", it's kind of similar and Jonathan did wield an axe before. Maybe this is teasing parts of Jonathan storyline next seasons ?

The gnome was also found in Mike's basement, Mike who wants to be a writer when he's older just like Jack.

Let's just hope that Jonathan and Mike don't get the same fate as Jack.

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Gnome #2: Christine

"Two bright, beaming lights for eyes."

Overall plot:

"Written by Bill Phillips and based on Stephen King's 1983 novel of the same title, the movie follows the changes in the lives of Arnie Cunningham, an awkward and unpopular teenager, his friends, his family, and his teenage enemies in Rockbridge, California after Arnie buys a classic red and white 1958 Plymouth Fury named Christine, licence number CQB 241, a car that seems to have a jealous, possessive personality – and a mind of its own, which has a bad influence on Arnie. After working on a car in a junkyard owned by Will Darnell, Arnie drops his glasses, starts dressing like a 1950's greaser and develops an arrogant and paranoid personality. He than decides to invite and date the most beautiful girl in highschool, Leigh, who will soon become the next victim of Christine."

I was actually quite surprised by how this story parallels Stranger Things a lot.

First off, Christine is very much like The Mindflayer, a dangerous supernatural being set out to destroy anyone who is in her way, the people who tries to take the things that she thinks belongs to her or threatens her. This is very much relevant to The Mindflayer who after being hurt by the Fire created by the Hawkins Lab was upset and attacked everyone he could. Or as Will putted "Not me, everyone else."

This is very much like Christine who tried to kill Leigh because she was taking her place in the life of Arnie. Christine also tried to kill the bullies of Arnie who after a conflit with him, tried to destroy the car which angered Christine heavily.

The Mindflayer has been described someone who views himself as superior to other species and wants to conquer them, even if it's not his real "goal", the description fits anyone who is possessive and paranoid.

Both the MF and Christine are associated with the color red. Red storm = red color of the car.

Arnie ressembles Will and Billy alot. Will is an awkward and unpopular teenager who after being possessed by the Mindflayer became very different and more violent. Billy was shown to be paranoid, jealous, violent and his look even ressembles the one Arnie takes after repairing Christine.

Both of these boys have the same name as Will Darnell, the owner of a junkyard. Just like the boys in Season 1 who takes shelter in a junkyard, or in season 2 where they fight the Demodogs.

Billy dies, killed by the Mindflayer just like Arnie who was completely possessed by Christine who tried to kill Leigh and Dennis, his best friend after they tried to destroy the car when they realised the supernatural nature of it.

Billy's car ressembles a lot Christine with those lights on. Especially with shots like in the Void or at Starcourt during the night.

Chrissy, a new character that will be in season 4, the most popular girl in Hawkins High like Leigh, has a name that is the diminutive of Christine. It is said that under the perfect surface lies a dark secret. Much like the car Christine, while a beauty is actually a dangerous supernatural being. We'll see if the both of them actually connects in the show.

Also it is set in California where Billy and Max come from and has been rumored by many people due to set leaks (The Surfer Boy Pizza Van.) that it is where the Byers went. I won't get into it in this post but this could be a tease or hint of that IF the set leaks ARE true and not fake to mess with people and the fandom.

Arnie also dies in a car crash having been completely possessed by the evil powers of Christine which is something we see in the sneak peek of ST4. It also reminds of Carrie who has a bully named Chris who she kills in a car crash with her boyfriend Billy aka William.

So will someone die from that car crash ? Who is it ? Chrissy, Joyce, Lonnie ? We can only speculate.

The gnome is also found outside the Wheeler's house where Karen lives near the community pool where Billy works and where the car of Billy is located during the first few chapters of the game. Again, a "bad boy" hitting on the beautiful girl in town. (with a lot of creepy subtext all over it.)

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Gnome #3: Doc

"Always mumbling something about being late."

Overall plot:

"Set in 1985, in the town of Hill Valley, California, the story follows Marty McFly, a teenager accidentally sent back to 1955 in a time-traveling DeLorean automobile built by his eccentric scientist friend Doctor Emmett "Doc" Brown. Trapped in the past, Marty inadvertently prevents his future parents' meeting—threatening his very existence—and is forced to reconcile the pair and somehow get back to the future."

So I don't think I need to explain why this is here given how much it has been shown and mentioned in season 3. But few things are interesting here, the fact that California is mentioned is a big deal for me again. I know you are aware of the set leaks just as I am aware, if we can trust them than this could be a hint of that location.

Next, we have the theme of Time. Now ever since ST4 was announced, clocks and times have been a key feature in the promotion. Who know what this might mean but again, we're not going to develop that in the post.

There is also the whole funny scenes of Robin realising that indeed Marty's mother had tried to "bang" her own son. Now given the nature of the shown, certain images in the show during certain events and certain stories, you know to what it connects and to which theories it connects. Won't develop further on it but it can be used as an element that can go into those theories.

The gnome is also found outside of Starcourt Mall where Robin and Steve talk about "Back to the Future". It is also where Billy has his "Back to te Future" moment with his car going extremely fast just like the DeLorean.

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Gnome #4: Indiana

"Master of Adventure."

Overall plot:

"After arriving in India, Indiana Jones is asked by desperate villagers to find a mystical stone and rescue their children from a Thuggee cult practicing child slavery, black magic, and ritualistic human sacrifice in honor of the goddess, Kali."

Fun fact, on Twitter for ST3 promo, a parody poster of this same movie has been posted here of the official ST account.

Jim is obviously Indiana Jones, the look speaks for itself and when he is in the Tunnels in season 2, there's a lot of Indiana Jones imagery.

And of course Kali as 008, a Hindu goddess but as we will see here, it parallels more the Mindflayer.

In 1935, Indiana Jones survives a murder attempt by Lao Che, a crime boss in Shanghai who has hired him to retrieve the remains of Emperor Nurhaci. With his young orphaned Chinese sidekick, Short Round, and the nightclub singer, Willie Scott, in tow, Indy flees Shanghai on a cargo aircraft. While the three of them are asleep, the pilots (employed by Lao Che) dump the fuel and escape via parachute, leaving the plane to crash over the Himalayas. The three narrowly manage to survive by jumping out of the plane on an inflatable raft.

(I wonder if this could be something we see in season 4 with Hopper where he tries to escape on a plane and ends up crashing somewhere or is betrayed by someone who he asked the help of. Now it's a trio and in season 3, Jim, Joyce, Alexei and Murray are the main group that fits this trio. Jim for all the fighting and crazy shit, Joyce and Alexei are kind of like Short Round, they are the sidekicks of Hopper. Murray the role of Willie Scott since she speaks Chinese and him Russian and that Jim just like Indy finds annoying sometimes. Alexei is also kind of like Willie since he kinda goes along with them.

But if we also look at season 2, El is alot like Short Round since she is kind of an orphan too and has a father figure later on. It could also be Will since Hopper is with him a lot of times through season 2. Also Willie did felt out of her element like Alexei because of course he is Russian. Willie in itself doesn't have a lot in common with Joyce but still it's another connection to Will since she has a name close to the one of her sons. Something that does fit a bit more is Jim and Hopper both escaping death, of course Hopper at the end of season 3 but also during season 3 at the farm where he's being shot at by Gregori and than the car doesn't work and explodes and they have to make their way through the forest.

Willie Scott could also be referenced when El disguise herself as this pretty blonde girl in season 1.

Now however, Scoop Troops does fit certain parts of these trio. All the fighting with Steve like Indiana Jones but Robin got his brain because she cracked the code. Dustin and Erica are kinda like short round (especially Dustin who has kind of the same hat as short round.) and are referenced with all the others as children by Robin. Steve doesn't feel in his element like Willie with the three of them who are nerds just like Erica who also doesn't want to accept it. And Robin just like Willie speaks some languages.)

They ride down the mountain slopes and fall into a raging river, eventually arriving at the village of Mayapore in northern India. The villagers plead for their aid in retrieving the sacred stone (shivalinga) stolen from their shrine, along with their missing children, by evil forces in the nearby Pankot Palace. Indy agrees to do so, hypothesizing that the stone is one of the five Sankara stones given by the gods to help humanity fight evil. (It's kinda like Alexei who turns his back on the Russians, for his life of course and agrees to help Hopper close the gate to save Hawkins and their kids before monsters start to appear or may attack one of their kids. Now the stone could be something similar to the promethium or the two keys who opens the gate and is a highly valuable ressource. It also may be the Flayed who are needed to create the monster for the Mindflayer.)

The trio receive a warm welcome at Pankot Palace and are allowed to stay for the night as guests, attending a lavish, but revolting, banquet hosted by the young Maharajah. The officials rebuff Indy's theory that the Thuggee cult is responsible for their troubles. Later that night, Indy is attacked by an assassin. After Indy kills him, he discovers a series of tunnels hidden behind a statue and sets out to explore them, overcoming a number of booby-traps.

(This could be like when Hopper, Joyce and Murray disguised themselves as Russian soldiers but was than discovered by Grigori who attacks them.

The tunnels could be both groups discovering that there is a secret russian base underground and a gate which explains why there are monsters again in Hawkins but it also be the Source, Brimborn Steel Works, where the Mindflayer is lurking underground where he has cult-like followers who makes sacrifices for him to grow bigger and bigger.

It's also like the Tunnels in season 2 who explains why the soil of Hawkins seemed to literally rot. )

The trio reach an underground temple where the Thuggees worship Kali with human sacrifice. They discover that the Thuggees now possess three of the Sankara stones and have enslaved the children to search for the last two, hidden in the palace catacombs. As Indy tries to retrieve the stones, he, Willie, and Shorty are captured. Thuggee high priest Mola Ram forces Indy to drink a potion that puts him into a trance-like state in which he mindlessly serves the cult. (It's very much like Robin and Steve who after discovering the gate are catched by the Russians and than drugged to answer their questions. But also like the Flayed who drinks the chemicals and serves the Mindflayer like a mindless cult.)

Willie is prepared for sacrifice, while Shorty is put to work in the mines with the other children. Shorty escapes and returns to the temple, where he first frees Indy and, later, the Maharajah from the effects of the potion. Indy saves Willie and retrieves the stones. After freeing the children, Indy fights a hulking overseer and leaves him to be killed by a rock crusher. (Basically Dustin saves Steve and Robin. Willie being prepared for sacrifice is kind of like El prepared for sacrifice by Billy in 3x08 but also frees Billy from the effects of the Mindflayer by making him remember his mother, a pretty blonde woman like Willie and sacrifices himself. And Hopper fights Gregori, a "hulking overseer" and kills him.)

The trio escape from the temple, pursued by Thuggees, and barely escape Mola Ram's attempt to flood them out. They are again ambushed by Mola Ram and his henchmen on a rope bridge above a crocodile-infested river. Indy cuts the bridge, causing several of the henchmen to fall to the crocodiles and leaving the survivors to hang on for their lives. As Mola Ram and Indy struggle, Indy invokes the name of Shiva, causing the stones to glow red-hot and burn through Indy's satchel. Two of them fall out; Mola Ram tries to catch the third, but burns his hand and falls from the bridge and into the river, where he, too, is eaten by the crocodiles. (This can be connected to all the kids fighting in Hawkins with the Spider Monster. But the bridge could also fit for the key in the secret base where Hopper and Gregori fights. The gruesome death of Mola Ram is similar to the gruesome death that Gregori has.)

Indy catches the stone safely and climbs up just as a company of British Indian Army riflemen, sent by the Maharajah, arrive and open fire against the Thuggees to drive them away; the surviving Thuggees are soon cornered and arrested by more soldiers. Indy, Willie, and Shorty return safely to Mayapore with the stone and the missing children. (While it may end well in the movie, we know Billy and multiple people die, the Thuggees unlike the Russians have been captured while the Russians where all able to flee before the US Army arrives and Hopper is presumed dead. Only the children in both stories are alive but are probably traumatized for life.)

All in all we can see that this movie might have had a big influence on the plot of season 3 through many characters and more. It may have some hints about possible events for Hopper in season 4 or even beyond but that's about it for. It's a nice package of comparaisons and references though.

The gnome is found in the Hawkins Community Pool where Billy is. The same Billy who obeys mindlessly the Mindflayer and sacrifices people to it. Just like the Thuggees with Kali.

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Gnome #5: Chunk

"Posed in some odd dance maneuver."

Overall plot:

"In the film, a band of kids who live in the "Goon Docks" neighborhood of Astoria, Oregon, attempt to save their homes from foreclosure and, in doing so, they discover an old treasure map that takes them on an adventure to unearth the long-lost fortune of One-Eyed Willy, a legendary 17th-century pirate. During the adventure, they are chased by a family of criminals who want the treasure for themselves."

So first, let's get this out of the way, Sean Astin who play Bob Newby, our beloved who plays a character named Mikey.

The Goonies is a 1985 American adventure comedy film co-produced and directed by Richard Donner from a screenplay by Chris Columbus, based on a story by executive producer Steven Spielberg. In the film, kids who live in the "Goon Docks" neighborhood of Astoria, Oregon, attempt to save their homes from foreclosure and, in doing so, they discover an old treasure map that takes them on an adventure to unearth the long-lost fortune of One-Eyed Willy, a legendary 17th-century pirate. During the adventure, they are chased by a family of criminals who want the treasure for themselves.

I wonder if this might hint at some Season 4 plot right here. The Hawkins gang faces the threat of Hawkins becoming a literal ghost down and might need to find something to save it. Also Willy like William, again Will is still there.

The Goonies include optimist lead Goonie Mikey Walsh, his older brother Brandon, the inventive Data, the talkative Mouth, and the overweight klutz Chunk.

Rummaging through the Walshes' attic, they come across a 1632 doubloon and an old treasure map purporting to lead to the treasure of legendary pirate "One-Eyed Willy", believed to be located somewhere nearby. Mikey considers One-Eyed Willy to be the original Goonie. (It kinda reminds me of Mike who got mad at Max in season 2 and told her they didn't need another party member. And he mentionned Will first right after him.)

The kids overpower and bind Brandon and make their way to an abandoned restaurant on the coast that coincides with the map; Brandon soon follows alongside Andy, a cheerleader with a crush on him ( there has been cheerleaders that have been reported in season 4 such as Chrissy.); and Stef, Andy's friend. The group quickly discovers the derelict restaurant is a hideout of the Fratelli crime family: Francis, Jake, and their mother. (Maybe it is both a reference to the Russians in season 3 who have a hideout under the mall who have many restaurants. Or the Lab who OBVIOUSLY does a lot of illegal activities. )

The Goonies find a tunnel in the basement and follow it (like the tunnels made by the Mindflayer in season 2), but when Chunk flags down a motorist to go to the sheriff’s station, he gets abducted by the assailants and imprisoned with their hulking, deformed, younger brother Sloth. (This is obviously like Dustin who befriends Dart in season 2, a literal Demogorgon in the making.)

The Fratellis interrogate Chunk until he reveals where the Goonies have gone, and begin pursuit. Chunk is left behind with Sloth, but befriends him. After Sloth frees both of them, Chunk calls the sheriff, and both follow the trail of the Fratellis. (This is very reminiscent of Hopper in season 1 who gets interrogated by Lab agents or Steve and Robin by the Russians.)

The Goonies evade several deadly booby traps along the tunnels, while staying ahead of the Fratellis. Finally, they reach the grotto where Willy's pirate ship, the Inferno, is anchored. (Will also has a ship, the rainbow ship he drew for Joyce, also Inferno literally means Hell just like what Hawkins has been called.)

The group discovers the ship is filled with treasure, and they start filling their pockets, but Mikey warns them not to take any on a set of scales in front of Willy, considering that to be their tribute to him. As they leave the ship, the assailants appear and strip them of their loot. They start to bind the Goonies and make them walk the plank, until Chunk arrives with Sloth and distracts the assailants long enough for the Goonies to jump overboard and swim to safety. (It's the opposite of the season 2 finale, where Dustin has to distract Dart so that the other could pass through the tunnels.)

The Fratellis proceed to grab all the treasure they can, including those on Willy's scales; this triggers another booby trap that causes the grotto to cave in. With Sloth's help, the Goonies and Fratellis barely escape.

The two groups emerge on Astoria's beach, where they reunite with the Goonies' families and the police. The Fratellis are arrested, but Chunk prevents Sloth from also being taken; he invites Sloth to live with him, which Sloth accepts. ("Unfortunately", Dart compared to Sloth probably died.)

As the kids describe their adventure to their parents, the Walshes' housekeeper, Rosalita, discovers that Mikey's marble bag is filled with gems he took from the ship and had not been seized by the Fratellis. Mikey's father triumphantly rips up the foreclosure papers, declaring they have enough money to negate the foreclosure. As the Goonies celebrate, they see the Inferno, having broken free of the grotto, sailing off on its own in the distance. (Could it be hinting at a possible happy ending for Stranger Things ?)

So Fratellis, is similar to fratello which means "brother, fellow, neighbor" which perhaps could be a reference to the Mindflayer who is kind of our neighbor since he is basically in the same places but in the Upside Down. The Mindflayer also has been paralleled to Billy and other abusive father figures. Billy who is the brother of Max. He has also been paralleled to Kali through his anger and him attacking people who hurted him or might hurt him. Could in itself The Mindflayer should be taken or seen as some sort of family figure ? Maybe him being always associated with Will The Wise especially in 2x04 or someone who has the name Will like Billy is a connection. The same Billy who also parallels Russians who just like the Fratellis have secret hideouts.

Though the Fratellis are more motivated by greed which fits Brenner, Lonnie (who tried to use his son's death to gain money.) or Russians most.

Now Willy, Willy is a captain. Maybe it could be hinting at the fact that Will has more importance to the story than we think. There's also Inferno, "Hell" which is Hawkins but also the name of the ship. And Will has a rainbow ship... Could Hawkins be the ship of Will where his adventures are taking place ?

As for the dance... well as you've seen upper in the post: it's the "Truffle Shuffle Dance". It's something that Chunk has to do before entering Mikey's house. It's similar to what Dustin do at the beginning of season 1 to the bullies when he makes his bones crack due to his medical condition, cleidocranial dysplasia.

As for where this gnome is located, it's in Weathertop where Cerebro is located which is fitting since Dustin has a lot of Goonies as inspiration for his character.

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Gnome #6: Elvis

"He's not dead!"

"Elvis Aaron Presley (January 8, 1935 – August 16, 1977), also known simply as Elvis, was an American singer and actor. Dubbed the "King of Rock and Roll", he is regarded as one of the most significant cultural icons of the 20th century. His energized interpretations of songs and sexually provocative performance style, combined with a singularly potent mix of influences across color lines during a transformative era in race relations, led him to both great success and initial controversy." - Wikipedia.

It is a lot known that people in the 80's thought that Elvis Presley was still alive due to his status and the aura he had as a celebrity. However, no matter how appealing this myth may be, he died of an excessive usage of prescription drugs which reminds me of Nancy who said she thought Tom was on drugs when he fired her and Jonathan while he an the Flayed were drinking chemicals. He also died in 1977, the same year "Heroes" by David Bowie came out which is a song that was used two times when we thought a character died when he was actually alive which are Will and Hopper. Will and Hopper both have a lot of rock in their Spotify playlist.

Also, I personally think that Steve has kind of an Elvis Presley aura to him especially in season 1. After all, Steve has a nickname "King Steve" and Elvis Presley is often nicknamed "The King" and both were popular with girls.

Fun fact: Dacre Montgomery who plays Billy who literally becomes the new "King" of Hawkins will play in the biographical music drama "Elvis" about Elvis Presley where he will play a character called "Steve Binder".

Also actor David Harbour also got married with singer Lily Allen by Elvis in Las Vegas.

It's also found hidden behind bushes near the Public Library. Maybe indicating that Elvis is still out there in the world and hiding.

Which also may be a reference to Brenner who has a similar haircut but also about the novel "Suspicious Minds", a prequel of ST taking place in the Lab when Brenner was doing his sinister experiments which is the same title as one of the songs of Elvis. Like Elvis, Brenner is still out there, hiding in Hawkins.

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Gnome #7: Jack

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull gnome."

Again another reference to Shining. So what you are seeing here is a proverb, it means:  "It means that without time off from work, a person becomes both bored and boring."

In Shining, it represents Jack's slow descent into madness. But it could be a reference to Joyce, Jonathan and Nancy who all work their asses off and don't take a lot of time for themselves and so don't have the time to explore anything else than work which also cause for them not to be there when Will got kidnapped. It may also represent Jonathan's words to Nancy in season 1 where he "called out" the boring life she will have and that she will live like her parents so in this case the proverb becomes about societal norms.

Mike just like Jack is an aspiring writer, Mike just like other members of his family falls into these societal norms that are expected like work and overworking in this instance which makes them boring in the eyes of people like Jonathan. "No play" may also reference D&D which Mike started to ignore in season 3 and worried more pointless and superficial things.

Again, hope it doesn't foreshadow anything for these two characters.

This gnome is found in the Library which is fitting considering Jack wants to be a writer.

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Gnome #8: Flynn (Flynn Rider from "Tangled" (2010))

"Looks like he rides well."

Overall plot of Tangled (2010):

"The film tells the story of Rapunzel, a lost, young princess with magical long blonde hair who yearns to leave her secluded tower. Against her abusive foster mother's wishes who kidnappee her when she was young, she accepts the aid of an intruder to take her out into the world which she has never seen."

This story is literally what the boys was arguing about at the end of season 1.

1)The lost knight...

Flynn Rider is actually the son of a king and queen that were from a kingdom that got destroyed by a powerful opal. He was evacuated and placed in an orphanage. He made his reputation as thief.

So Mike and El both parallels this guy, well Mike is a palladin in D&D and he is the son of a wealthy family so he is basically a night. El however also lost her parents like him and has more attributes of a knight in season 1 than Mike.

Flynn is arrogant, which Mike can be a bit sometimes but the both of them can be extremely courageous and care a lot about the people they care about though they are not very strong, nor athletic. Maybe Flynn a bit more.

Also fun coincidence Flynn = Finn, the name of the actor who plays Mike. (almost the same name).

Both him and El run into each other in the woods. Just like Flynn who discover Rapunzel while trying to enter Rapunzel's tower but is knocked out by her who is none other than the...

2)The proud princess...

Well first Rapunzel = Eleven. Both of these girls have magical powers and are used by an abusive and evil parental figure who needs them for their own interest, Mother Gothel used the powers of Rapunzel to stay young forever (like an addiction, a drug) and Martin Brenner aka "Papa". They are both locked away somewhere. El in the lab and Rapunzel in the tower which they both seeked to escape out of. Both believed that these parental figures loved them while it was not true. El also has long blond hair in season 1 like Rapunzel. And both quickly form a relationship with a boy they just met. Both don't know who their real parents are and wants to find them. While Rapunzel has long blonde hair, El had a shaved head.

Also in season 2, El is locked in a cabin in the woods because of Hopper because he believe it is not safe out there which is exactly what Mother Gothel tells Rapunzel. Just like her El disobeys and seeks to discover who her true parents are.

Rapunzel seeks to know what are those floating lights that always appear on her birthday, it is actually her parents who are the king and queen of a kingdom not so far away that do that every year hoping one day she will come back to her. She is a "lost princess". It is very similar to Terry Ives who was communicating through the lights to El.

Rapunzel's power comes out of something that is also connected to something famous in ST.

3) Weird flowers in the cave...

Rapunzel's power come from a flower called "Sundrop flower". = Sunflower which is said by Terry Ives.

This flower can pretty much heal anything including mortal wounds. The Queen got pregnant with Rapunzel but was also terribly sick so she took this flower to heal herself and while doing so, Rapunzel got this ability.

This is very reminiscent of Terry Ives who was pregnant with El and took part in the MKUltra experiences that gave her these powers including certain drugs. She is also "ill" in a way as she is now stuck in a loop. At least from what we saw.

But Rapunzel also parallels another character.

Will Byers. Will could communicate through lights to his mother, just like the parents of Rapunzel and Terry Ives.

The weird flowers could be referencing the sort of vines that entered inside of him in the Upside Down which gave him his "now-memories".

Both had abusive parental figure that would lock them somewhere for whatever reason. (Lonnie with Will in his trunk.)

(Also Hopper may have tried to separate Mike and El but he wasn't like what a Lonnie or Brenner would have been. This is why yes, the situation in season 2 parallels but Hopper truly wished good for El while Brenner and Mother Gothel didn't care for any of these two.)

Same is for Lonnie, he doesn't care about Will.

Since Will is a cleric, both him and Rapunzel have the same time of power. Powers that El doesn't have:

To heal the sick and injured

To revive the dead

To work as a shield

Given this story, it may hint at the fact that Brenner and Lonnie may try to take El and Will for their own greed and purposes.

Since Rapunzel parallels both Will and El, you know what that means for Flynn who parallels Mike.

Flynn in the movie is stabbed by Mother Gothel and dies before cutting the hair of Rapunzel killing Mother Gothel in the process. Rapunzel mourns him and one of his tears heal him.

If Flynn parallels Mike, than something bad could happen to him. If Will does have powers and has feelings for Mike, a supposed death may reveal his powers.

And if he has the same powers as his cleric role, than he could heal those who get hurt or even bring the dead back to life.

If Lonnie sees Mike around Will, given he is homophobic. He may try to hurt him so that he doesn't go near Will again which could lead to him being in grave danger.

Of course all of that is just speculation.

This gnome was found on the parking lot of Starcourt where El decided to break up with Mike and we saw Will smiling in the background.

Also I don't know but... "Looks like he rides well", I mean there's certain undertones to that which are... I don't know how to process that but from what you've just read, Mike apparently rides well. I mean I have nothing against gay sex jokes but still...

Even if it's unintentional, it's how it'll sound on the internet.

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Gnome #9: David

"At 399, he's the oldest gnome around."

So this gnome was already in the first ST official mobile game. And this reminds me a lot of The Lord Of The Rings and The Hobbit but also and of course; Dungeons & Dragons.

The World of David the Gnome, originally titled David, el Gnomo (also known as David, the Gnome), is a Spanish animated television series based on the children's book The Secret Book of Gnomes, by the Dutch author Wil Huygen and illustrator Rien Poortvliet. The series was originally created in Spain by BRB Internacional (who were also responsible for the Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds franchise (Like Dart in season 2 and Mike, Lucas and Dustin where very much like the Three Musketeers in season 1.) and other cartoons such as Bobobobs and Around the World with Willy Fog)

The series presents the gnomes as a kind species, of 15 centimetres (6 inches) of height, and between 250 and 300 grams (8 and 10 ounces) of weight depending on gnome body mass. According to their habitat, different types of gnomes are distinguished: the ones of the forest, the ones of the garden, the ones of the farm, the ones of the house, the ones of the dunes, those of Siberia (David = David Harbour = Hopper = Hopper is in Russia), and nomadic "gypsy" gnomes (commonly looked down upon by other gnomes). A gnome's lifespan is usually 400 years, though there is one example of a couple in the Balkans living 550 years.

Gnomes such as the main characters live in pairs in comfortable caves or holes under trees [kinda like Hobbits] (in their case in the company of a pair of mice and a cricket). Their diet is mostly vegetarian. They are helped by the animals of the forest (kinda like Radagast who is the password to Castle Byers who is located in the woods) when travelling long distances or when they need to arrive quickly at a specific location. Gnomes work in various ways to repair the damage inevitably caused by humans. They also have the power of telepathy and mind control. (kinda like El or the Mindflayer, or even Galadriel in The Lord Of The Rings.)

Their main enemies are the trolls, malevolent and clumsy creatures who always make trouble for the other inhabitants of the forest, as well as gnome poachers. They have supernatural powers that are really strong but they have a weakness, if the sunlight gets on them, they turn to stone.(could be referencing all the Upside Down creatures who don't like sunlight and everything hot.) [Also very much like the Hobbit.] Also one of the trolls was voiced by someone who had the name Henderson, like Dustin Henderson. I also think it references a comic where some bullies attack Will and Mike calls them trolls.

Here are the most important characters:

David is a gnome of the forest. David is 399 years old, making him the oldest gnome around (since gnomes live no more than 400 years exactly, except Franklin, the gnome from the west, who lived 550 years), although he possesses exceptional constitution. David is a doctor, and he uses his knowledge of many fields, such as hypnosis and acupuncture, to heal his patients, usually animals, such as his faithful friend Swift the fox, or other gnomes. David also befriends a bird that, when he whistles, immediately arrives to quickly transport him to wherever necessary. For longer trips, he sometimes travels in a basket attached to the neck of the bird. (It may be a reference to clerics who are known to heal their allies and travelling with birds reminds me of Gandald who sometimes has the help of Eagles in some stories.)

Paul is David's twin brother. Not only does Paul have a normal moustache in contrast to David's handlebar moustache but his jumper is a darker shade of blue, he has a bigger nose, his gnome hat is dark blue whereas David's is red, and his trousers and boots are an inverse of David's: David's trousers are brown and his boots are beige, while Paul wears beige trousers and dark boots. (Of course this is a reference to Will and El who have been compared a lot of times throughout the show and who a lot of people in the fandom consider them siblings and twins, Will has a lot of Red in his wardrobe while El has a lot of blue.)

This gnome was found in a secret Russian base underground in Weathertop where Dustin discovers the Russian transmission coming from their main base located under the mall like a cave (like where gnome lives.). There are also gnomes in Siberia and having the name David, the name of Hopper's actor creates a connection since right now Hopper is in Russia. It may also be a nod to the group of kids who are all little gnomes running around the forest with their magical powers.

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Gnome #10: Baskin

"Robin's favorite gnome."

Now this is a funny one.

This is a reference to the famous Baskin-Robbins which is a chain of ice cream restaurants that did special ice creams for Season 3 because of Scoops Ahoy. It is Robin's favorite gnome because they literally share the same name.

Baskin could also be a reference to the film of the same name where Five police officers, Remzi, Arda, Yavuz, Apo, and Seyfi, are dining at a restaurant, during which they have a discussion. Their meal is interrupted when they receive a distress call from Inceagac, a town known for being the focus of strange rumors. During the trip Seyfi has a terrifying vision of a bloody figure and accidentally drives their van into the water. Stranded, the officers eventually make their way to Inceagac, where they find themselves in an abandoned building (back in the Ottoman days, this used to be a police station), captured by cult members and are subjected to a number of increasingly bizarre and surreal scenarios. In the end, they realize they have all inadvertently wandered into Hell.

It has alot of similiraties with stories like Silent Hills or Hellraiser, two stories that inspired Stranger Things especially Hellraiser for Stranger Things 4. And it fully embraces the satanic imagery and themes which is something we are going to see with the satanic panic and also has the theme of time, dreams and visions.

We'll see how much season 4 decides to use those sort of elements in the show.

Well this gnome is easy to find. It's in the Scoops Ahoy parlor next to Robin. USS Butterscotch seems to be very popular there

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Gnomes 11 - 20 coming soon.

[wits-writing]

What’s so Funny About Vengeance, the Night, and Batman? – Two Superhero Parodies in Conversation

Back in 2016, the first trailers for Director Chris McKay’s The Lego Batman Movie hit. A spinoff of the take on the iconic hero, voiced by Will Arnett, from 2014’s The Lego Movie. Those trailers spelled out a plot covering how Batman’s life of crimefighting is turned upside down when Robin unexpectedly enters the picture. It was a funny trailer, promising another insightful comedy from the crew behind The Lego Movie. A promise it handily delivered on when it came out in February 2017 with an animated feature steeped wall-to-wall jokes for the sake of mocking Bruce Wayne’s angst filled crusade that can only come from understanding what’s made the character withstand the test of time.

But there was a thought I and others had from seeing that trailer up to watching the actual movie:

“This seems… familiar.”

Holy Musical B@man! is a 2012 fan-made stage production parody of DC Comics’ biggest cash cow. It was produced as the fifth musical from YouTube-based cult phenomenon Starkid Productions, from a book by Matt and Nick Lang, music by Nick Gage and Scott Lamp with lyrics by Gage. The story of the musical details how Robin’s unexpected entrance ends up turning Batman’s (Joe Walker) life of crimefighting upside down. Among Starkids’ fandom derived projects in their early existence, as they’ve mainly moved on to well-received original material in recent years, Holy Musical B@man! is my personal favorite. I go back to it frequently, appreciating it as a fan of both superheroes and musicals. (Especially since good material that touches on both of those isn’t exactly easy to come by. Right, Spider-Man?)

While I glibly summarized the similarities between them by oversimplifying their plots, there’s a lot in the details, both major and minor, that separates how they explore themes like solitude, friendship, love, and what superhero stories mean. It’s something I’ve wanted to dig into for a while and I found a lot in both of them I hadn’t considered before by putting them in conversation. I definitely recommend watching both of them, because of how in-depth this piece goes including discussing their endings. However, nothing I can say will replace the experience of watching them and if I had included everything I could’ve commented on in both of them, this already massive piece would easily be twice as long minimum.

Up front, I want to say this isn’t about comparing The Lego Batman Movie and Holy Musical B@man in terms of quality. Not only are they shaped for vastly different mediums with different needs/expectations, animation versus stagecraft, but they also had different resources at their disposal. Even if both are in some ways riffing on the aesthetic of the 1990s Batman movies and the Adam West TV show, Lego Batman does it with the ability to make gorgeously animated frames packed to the brim with detail while Holy Musical often leans into its low-fi aesthetic of characters miming props and sets to add extra humor. They’re also for different audiences, Lego Batman clearly for all-ages while Holy Musical has the characters cursing for emphasis on a regular basis. On top of those factors, after picking through each of these for everything worth commenting on that I could find, I can’t say which I wholly prefer thanks in part to these fundamental differences.

This piece is more about digging through the details to explore the commonalities, differences, and what makes them effective mocking love letters to one of the biggest superheroes in existence.

(Also, since I’m going to be using the word “Batman” a lot, I’ll be calling Lego Batman just “Batman” and referring to the version from Holy Musical as “B@man”, with the exception of quoted dialogue.)

[Full Piece Under the Cut]

Setting the Tone

The beginning is, in fact, a very good place to start when discussing how these parodies frame their versions of the caped crusader. Each one uses a song about lavishing their respective Batmen with praise about how they are the best superheroes ever and play over sequences of the title hero kicking wholesale ass. A key distinction comes in who’s singing each song. Holy Musical B@man’s self-titled opening number is sung from the perspective of an omniscient narrator recounting B@man’s origin and later a chorus made up of the Gotham citizenry. Meanwhile, “Who’s the (Bat) Man” from Lego Batman is a brag-tacular song written by Batman about himself, even playing diegetically for all his villains to hear as he beats them up.

Holy Musical opens on a quick recap of Batman’s origin:

“One shot, Two shots in the night and they’re gone And he’s all left alone He’s just one boy Two dead at his feet and their blood stains the street And there’s nothing, no there’s nothing he can do!”

We then get a Bat-dance break as the music goes from slow and moody to energetic to reflect Batman turning that tragedy into the driving force behind his one-man war on crime. Assured by the narrator that he’s “the baddest man that there’s ever been!” and “Now there’s nothing, no there’s nothing he can’t do!” flipping the last lyric of the first verse. For the rest of the opening scene the lyrics matter less than what’s happening to establish both this fan-parody’s version of Batman and how the people of Gotham (“he’ll never refuse ‘em”) view him.

Lego Batman skips the origin recap, and in general talks around the death of the Waynes to keep the light tone going since it’s still a kids movie about a popular toy even if there are deeper themes at play. Instead, it continues a trend The Lego Movie began for this version of the character writing music about how he’s an edgy, dark, awesome, cool guy. While that movie kept it to Batman angry-whiteboy-rapping about “Darkness! NO PARENTS!”, this one expands to more elaborate boasts in the song “Who’s the (Bat) Man” by Patrick Stump:

“In the darkest night I make the bad guys fall There’s a million heroes But I’m the best of them all!”

Batman singing this song about himself, as opposed to having it sung by others aims the crosshairs of parody squarely on the hero’s ego. His abilities make fighting his villains effortless, like this opening battle is more an opportunity to perform the song than a life-or-death struggle. Even Joker’s aware of that as he shouts, “Stop him before he starts singing!” This Batman doesn’t see himself as missing out on anything in life, even if he still feels that deep down. Being Batman is the coolest thing in the world that anyone would envy. He’s Batman, therefore everyone should envy him.

The songs aren’t only part of the equation for how these two works’ opening scenes establish their leading hero. While both songs are about Batman being cool, they’re separated by the accompanying scenes. Lego Batman keep the opening within the Joker’s perspective until Batman shows up and the action kicks in. Once it does, we’re shown a Batman at the top of his solo-hero game. Meanwhile, Holy Musical’s opening is about B@man building his reputation and by the end of the song he has all the citizens of Gotham singing his praises with the titular lyrics. Both are about being in awe of the title hero, one framed by Joker’s frustration at Batman’s ease in foiling his schemes yet again and the other about the people of Gotham growing to love their city’s hero (probably against their better judgement.)

That’s woven into the fabric of what kind of schemes Batman is foiling in each of these. Joker’s plan to bomb Gotham with the help of every supervillain in Batman’s Rogues Gallery is hilariously high stakes and the type of plan most Batman stories, even parodies, would save for the climax. Neatly exemplified by how that’s almost the exact structure of Holy Musical’s final showdown. Starting with these stakes works as an extension of this Batman’s nature as a living children’s toy and therefore the embodiment of a child’s idea of what makes Batman cool, his ability to wipe the floor with anyone that gets in his way “because he’s Batman.” It also emphasizes Joker as the only member of the Rogues Gallery that matters to Lego Batman’s story, every other Bat-villain is either a purely visual cameo or only gets a couple lines maximum.

The crime’s being stopped by B@man are more in the “Year One” gangster/organized crime category rather than anything spectacle heavy. Though said crimes are comically exaggerated:

Gangster 1: Take these here drugs, put ‘em into them there guns, and then hand ‘em out to those gamblin’ prostitutes! Gangster 2: Should we really be doing these illegal activities? In a children’s hospital for orphans?

These fit into that model of crime the Dark Knight fights in his early days and add tiny humanizing moments between the crooks (“Oh, Matches! You make me laugh like nobody else!”) in turn making the arrival of B@man and the violence he deals out a stronger punchline. Further emphasized by the hero calling out the exact physical damage he does with each hit before warning them to never do crime again saying, “Support your families like the rest of us! Be born billionaires!” Later in the song his techniques get more extreme and violence more indiscriminate, as he uses his Bat-plane to patrol and gun down whoever he sees as a criminal, including a storeowner accidentally taking a single dollar from his own register. (“God’s not up here! Only Batman!”)

A commonality between these two openings is how Commissioner Jim Gordon gets portrayed. Both are hapless goofs at their core, playing more on the portrayal of the character in the 60s TV show and 90s Burton/Schumacher movies than the serious-minded character present in comics, Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy, and other adaptations. Lauren Lopez’s portrayal in Holy Musical gets overwhelmed by everything thrown at him, eventually giving up and getting out of B@man’s way (“I’m not gonna tell Batman what to do! He’s Batman!”) Hector Elizondo’s Gordon in Lego Batman clearly reached the “stay out of Batman’s way” point a long time ago, happy to have “the guy who flips on the Bat-signal” be his sole defining trait. While the characterizations are close, their roles do end up differing. Lopez’s Gordon sticks around to have a few more comedic scenes as the play goes on, where Elizondo’s exist to set up a contrast with his daughter Barbara and her way of approaching Batman when she becomes Police Commissioner.

These opening sequences both end in similar manners as well; the citizens of Gotham lavishing praise on their respective Batmen and a confrontation between Batman and the Joker. Praise from the citizenry in Holy Musical comes on the heels of a letter from B@man read out on the news about how much they and the city of Gotham suck. They praise B@man for his angsty nature as a “dark hero” and how they “wouldn’t want him any other way!”, establishing the motif of Gotham’s citizens in Holy Musical as stand-ins for the Batman fandom. Lego Batman uses the praise of the Gotham citizens after Batman’s victory in the opening scene as a lead in to contrast their certainty that Batman must have an exciting private life with the reality we’re shown. Which makes sense since Lego-Batman’s relationship to the people of Gotham is never presented as something at stake.

Greater contrast comes in how the confrontations with the Joker are handled, Lego Batman has an argument between the hero and villain that’s intentionally coded as relationship drama, Batman saying “There is no ‘us’” when Joker declares himself Batman’s greatest enemy. The confrontation in Holy Musical gets purposefully underplayed as an offstage encounter narrated to the audience as a Vicki Vale news report. This takes Joker off the board for the rest of the play in contrast to the Batman/Joker relationship drama that forms one of Lego Batman’s key pillars. While they take different forms, the respective citizenry praise and villain confrontation parts of these openings lead directly into the number one common thematic element between these Bat-parodies: Batman’s loneliness.

One is the Darkest, Saddest, Loneliest Number

Batman as an isolated hero forms one of the core tenants of the most popular understanding of the character. Each of these parodies picks at that beyond the broody posturing. There’s no dedicated segment in this piece about how these works’ versions of the title character function bleeds into every other aspect of them, but each starts from the idea of Batman as a man-child with trouble communicating his emotions. Time’s taken to give the audience a view of where their attitudes have left them early in the story.

Both heroes show their loneliness through interactions with their respective Alfreds. Holy Musical has the stalwart butler, played by Chris Allen, try to comfort B@man by asking if he has any friends he enjoys being around. When B@man cites Lucius Fox as a friend he calls him right away, only to discover Lucius Fox is Alfred’s true identity and Alfred Pennyworth was an elaborate ruse he came up with to protect Bruce on his father’s wishes. Ironically, finding out his closest friend was living a double life causes Bruce to push Alfred away (the play keeps referring to him as Alfred after this, so that’s what I’m going to do as well.) After he’s fired he immediately comes back in a new disguise as “O’Malley the Irish Butler” (same outfit he wore before but with a Party City Leprechaun hat.) That’s unfortunately the start of a running gag in Holy Musical that ends up at the worst joke in the play, when Alfred disguises himself as “Quon Li the Chinese Butler” doing an incredibly cringeworthy “substituting L’s for R’s” bit with his voice. It’s been my least favorite bit in the play since I first saw it in 2012 and legitimately makes me hesitate at times to recommend it. Even if it’s relatively small bit and the rest holds ups.

That disclaimer out of the way, that conversation between B@man and Alfred leads into the title hero reflecting on his sadness through the musical’s I Want Song, “Dark, Sad, Lonely Knight.” The song’s split into two halves, the first Alfred reflecting on whether he played a part in Bruce’s current condition and the second B@man longing for a connection. The song does a good job balancing between the sincerity over the hero’s sadness and getting good laughs out of it:

“Think of the children Next time you gun down the mama and papa Their only mama and papa Because they probably don’t have another mama and papa!”

The “I Want” portion of the song coming in the end with the repetition of the lryics “I want to be somebody’s buddy.”

Rather than another song number, Lego Batman covers Batman’s sadness through a pair of montages and visual humor. The first comes after the opening battle, where we see Batman taking off all his costume except for the mask hanging out alone in Wayne Manor, showing how little separation he puts between identities. Compared to Holy Musical where the equivalent scene is the first we see of Bruce without the mask on, which may come down to practicality since anyone who’s worn a mask like that knows they get hot and sweaty fast. Batman is constantly made to appear small among the giant empty rooms of his estate as he eats dinner, jams on his guitar, and watches romantic movies alone.

Ralph Fienne’s Alfred coming in at the end of this sequence witnessing Batman looking at a photo of himself as a boy with his parents for the last time. Alfred outlines Batman’s fear of being part of a family again only to be met with Batman denying he has any feelings ever. Pennyworth’s role as a surrogate father gets put into greater focus here than in Holy Musical, as we get glimpses of Alfred reading a book titled “How to Deal with Your Out-of-Control Child.” Also shown in smaller scenes of Alfred dealing with Batman’s insistent terminology for his crime fighting equipment, like calling his cowl an “armored face disguise.”

Batman’s denial of his pain contrasts how B@man wallows in it. Though he’s forced to confront it a little as the Joker’s plan ends up leaving him with no crimefighting to fall back on to ignore his issues. This montage gets set to the song “One” by Harry Nilsson and details Batman, unable to express his true feelings, eventually letting them out in the form of tempter tantrums. There’s also some humor through juxtaposition as Batman walks solemnly through the streets of Gotham City, rendered black and white, as the citizens chant “No more crime!” in celebration, while flipping over cars and firing guns into the air.

A disruption to their loneliness eventually comes in the form of a sensational character find.

Robin – The Son/BFF Wonder

Between both Bat-parodies, the two Robins’ characterizations are as close as anyone’s between them. Each is nominally Dick Grayson but are ultimately more representative of the idea of Robin as the original superhero sidekick and his influence on Batman’s life. The play and movie also both make the obvious jokes about Dick’s name and the classic Robin costume’s lack of pants at different points. Dick’s origin also gets sidestepped in each version to skip ahead to the part where he starts being an influence in Batman’s life.

Robin’s introduction to the comics in Detective Comics #38 in 1940, marking the start of Batman’s literal “Year Two” as a character, predating the introduction of Joker, Catwoman, and Alfred, among others. Making him Batman’s longest lasting ally in the character’s history. His presence and acrobatics shift the tone by adding a dash of swashbuckling to Batman’s adventures, inspired by the character’s namesake Robin Hood, though both parodies take a page out of Batman Forever and associate the name with the bird for the sake of a joke. Robin is as core to Batman as his origin, but more self-serious adaptations (i.e., the mainstream cinematic ones that were happening around the times both Holy Musical and Lego Batman came out) tend to avoid the character’s inclusion. These two works being parody, therefore anything but self-serious, give themselves permission to examine why Robin matters and how different characters react to his presence. Rejection of Robin as a character and concept comes out in some form in each of these works, from Batman himself in Lego Batman and the Gotham citizens in Holy Musical.

The chain of events that lead to Dick becoming Robin in Lego Batman are a string of consequences for Batman’s self-absorption. A scene of Bruce barely listening as Dick asks for advice on getting adopted escalating to absentmindedly signing the adoption paperwork. Batman doesn’t realize he has a son until after his sadness montage. Alfred forces Batman to start interacting with Dick against his will. The broody loner wanting nothing to do with the cheery kid, played to “golly gee gosh” perfection by Michael Cera, until he sees the utility of him. Batman doesn’t even have the idea to give Robin a costume or codename because he clearly views the sidekick’s presence as a temporary measure for breaking into Superman’s fortress, made clear by how he lists “expendable” as a quality Dick needs if he wants to go on a mission.

This makes Robin the catalyst for Batman’s shifting perspective throughout Lego Batman. When Robin succeeds in his first mission, the Dark Knight is hesitant to truly compliment him and chalks up his ward’s feats to “unbelievable obeying.” Other moments have Robin’s presence poke holes in Batman’s tough guy demeanor, like the first time Batman and Robin ride in the Bat-mobile together, Robin asks where the seatbelts are and Batman growls “Life doesn’t give you seatbelts!”, only for Batman to make a sudden stop causing Robin to hit his head on the windshield and Batman genuinely apologizes. They share more genuine moments together as the film goes, like Batman suggesting they beatbox together to keeps their spirits up after they’ve been imprisoned for breaking into Arkham Asylum. Robin’s representative of Batman gradually letting people in throughout these moments.

On the exact opposite end of the spectrum, B@man needs zero extra prompting to let Robin into his life. Nick Lang’s Robin (henceforth called “Rob!n” to keep with this arbitrary naming scheme I’ve concocted) does get brought into his life by Alfred thanks to a personal ad (“‘Dog for sale’? No… ‘Orphan for sale’! Even better!”) but it’s a short path to B@man deciding to let Dick fight alongside him. The briefest hesitance on the hero’s part, “To be Batman… is to be alone”, is quelled by Rob!n saying “We could be alone… together.” Their first scene together quickly establishing the absurd sincerity exemplified by this incarnation of the Dynamic Duo. An energy carried directly into the Act 1 closing number, “The Dynamic Duet”, a joyful ode between the heroes about how they’re “Long lost brothers who found each other” sung as they beat up supervillains (and the occasional random civilian.)

That song also ties into the contrast between the Batman/Robin dynamic and the B@man/Rob!n one. While Holy Musical is portraying a brotherly/BFF bond between the two heroes, Lego Batman leans into the surrogate son angle. While both are mainly about their stories’ Batman being able to connect with others, the son angle of Lego Batman adds an additional layer of “Batman needs to take responsibility for himself and others” and a parallel to Alfred as Batman’s own surrogate father. It also adds to the queer-coding of Batman in Lego Batman as Batman’s excuse to Robin for why he can go on missions is that Bruce and he are sharing custody, Robin even calling Batman’s dual identities “dads” before he knows the truth.

In the absence of the accepting personal responsibility through fatherhood element, the conflict Rob!n brings out in Holy Musical forms between B@man and the citizens of Gotham. “Citizens as stand-ins for fandom” is at it’s clearest here as the Act 2 opener is called “Robin Sucks!” featuring the citizens singing about how… well, you read the title. Their objections to Rob!n’s existence has nothing to do with what the young hero has done or failed to do, but come from arguments purely about the aesthetic of Rob!n fighting alongside B@man. Most blatantly shown by one of the citizens wearing a Heath Ledger Joker t-shirt saying Rob!n’s presence “ruins the gritty realism of a man who fights crime dressed as a bat.” It works as the Act 2 opener by establishing that B@man and the citizens conflicting opinions on his sidekick end up driving that half of the story, exemplified in B@man’s complete confusion about why people hate Rob!n (“Robin ruined Batman? But that’s not true… Robin make Batman happy.”)

Both Robins play into the internal conflict their respective mentors are going through, but what would a superhero story, even a parody, be without some colorful characters to provide that sweet external conflict.

Going Rogue

Both works have the threat comes from an army of villains assembled under a ringleader, Zach Galifianakis’s Joker in Lego Batman and Jeff Blim as Sweet Tooth in Holy Musical. Both lead the full ensemble of Batman’s classic (and not so classic) Rogues at different points. As mentioned before Joker starts Lego Batman with “assemble the Rogues, blow up Gotham” as his plan, while Sweet Tooth with his candy prop comedy becoming the ringleader of Gotham’s villains is a key turning point in Act 1 of the play. Part of this comes down to how their connections to their respective heroes and environments are framed, Sweet Tooth as a new player on the scene and Joker as Batman’s romantic foil.

Lego Batman demonstrates Batman and Joker are on “finishing each other’s sentences” levels of intimate that Batman refuses to acknowledge. Shown best in how Joker’s plan only works because he can predict exactly how Batman will act once he starts playing hard to get. When he surrenders the entire Rogues Gallery (without telling them) and himself to police custody, he describes it as him being “off the market.” He knows Batman won’t settle for things ending on these terms and tricks the hero into stealing Superman’s Phantom Zone projector so he can recruit a new, better team of villains for a take two of his masterplan from the start. Going through all this trouble to get Batman to say those three magic words; “I love hate you.” Joker as the significant other wanting his partner to finally reciprocate his feelings and commit works both as a play on how the Batman/Joker relationship often gets approached and an extension of the central theme. Batman is so closed off to interpersonal connections he can’t even properly hate his villains.

Sweet Tooth, while clearly being a riff Heath Ledger and Caesar Romero’s Jokers fused with a dash of Willy Wonka, doesn’t have that kind of connection with B@man. Though there are hints that B@man and his recently deceased Joker may have had one on that level. He laments “[Joker]’s in heaven with mom and dad. Making them laugh, I know it!” when recalling how the Clown Prince of Crime was the one person he enjoyed being around. This makes Joker’s death one of the key triggers to B@man reflecting on his solitude at the start of the play.

What Sweet Tooth provides the story is a threat to B@man’s new bond with Rob!n. Disrupting that connection forms the delicious center of the Candy King of Crime’s plan in Act 2. He holds Rob!n and Gotham’s people hostage and asks the citizens to decide via Facebook poll if the sidekick lives or dies (in reference to the infamous phone hotline vote from the comic book story A Death in the Family where readers could decide the Jason Todd Robin’s fate.)

With the rest of the villains under the leadership of the respective works’ main antagonists, there’s commentary on their perceived quality as threats. When Holy Musical has Superman talking to Green Lantern about how much B@man’s popularity frustrates him, he comes down especially hard on the Caped Crusader’s villains. Talking about how they all coast by on simple gimmicks with especially harsh attention given to Two Face’s being “the number two.” Saying they’re only famous because B@man screws up and they get to do more damage. Which he compares to his own relationship with his villains:

Superman: You ever heard of Mr. Mxyzptlk? Green Lantern: No. Superman: No, that’s right! That’s because I do my job!

Lego Batman has commentary on the other villains come from Joker, recognizing that even all together they can never beat Batman, because that’s how a Batman story goes. The other villains get portrayed as generally buffoonish, struggling to even build a couch together and described by Joker as “losers dressed in cosplay.” Tricking Batman into sending him to the Phantom Zone provides him the opportunity to gather villains from outside Batman’s mythos and outside DC Comics in general. Recruiting the likes of Sauron, King Kong, Daleks, Agent Smith from The Matrix, and the Wicked Witch of the West, among others. When I first saw and reviewed The Lego Batman Movie, this bugged me because it felt like a missed opportunity to feature lesser-known villains from other DC heroes’ Rogues Galleries. Now, considering the whole movie as meta-commentary on the status of this Batman as a children’s toy, it makes perfect sense that Joker would need to go outside of comics to break the rules of a typical Batman story and have a shot at winning.

The Rogues of Holy Musical get slightly more of a chance to shine, if only because their song “Rogues are We” is one of the catchier tracks from the play. They’re all still more cameo than character when all’s said and done, but Sweet Tooth entering the picture is about him recognizing their potential to operate as a unit, takeover Gotham, and kill B@man. The candy-pun flinging villain wants all of them together, no matter their perceived quality.

Sweet Tooth: “We need every villain in Gotham. Cool themes, lame themes, themes that don’t match their powers, even the villains that take their names from public domain stories.” (Two Face’s “broke ass” still being the exception.)

Both Joker and Sweet Tooth provide extensions of the shared theme of Batman dealing with the new connections in his life, especially with regards to Robin. However, Robin isn’t the only other ally (or potential ally) these Dark Knights have on their side.

Super Friends(?)

The internal crisis of these Caped Crusaders come as much from how they react to other heroic figures as it does from supervillainous machinations. In both cases how Batman views and is viewed by fellow heroes gets centered on a specific figure, Superman in Holy Musical and Commissioner Barbara Gordon (later Batgirl) in Lego Batman. Each serves a vastly different purpose in the larger picture of their stories and relationship to their respective Batmen. Superman reflecting B@man’s loneliness and Barbara symbolizing a new path forward for Batman’s hero work.

Superman’s role in Holy Musical runs more parallel to Lego Batman’s Joker than Barbara. Brian Holden’s performance as the Man of Tomorrow plays into a projected confidence covering anxiety that nobody likes him. Besting the Bat-plane in a race during B@man’s Key to the City ceremony establishes a one upmanship between the two heroes, like Joker’s description of his relationship with Batman at the end of Lego Batman’s opening battle. Though instead of that romantically coded relationship from Lego Batman, this relationship is more connected to childish jealousy. (But if you do want to read the former into Holy Musical B@man, neither hero has an onstage relationship with any woman and part of their eventual fight consist of spanking each other.)

B@man and Superman’s first real interaction is arguing over who’s the cooler hero until it degrades into yelling “Fuck you!” at each other. B@man storming off in the aftermath of that gets topped off by Superman suggesting he should get the Key to the City instead, citing his strength and longer tenure as a hero (“The first hero, by the way”) as justifications. This only results in the Gotham citizens turning on him for suggesting their city’s hero is anything less than the best, which serves both as a Sam Raimi Spider-Man reference (“You mess with one of us! You mess with all of us!”) and another example of the citizens as stand-ins for fandom. Superman’s veil of cocksureness comes off quickly after that and stays off for the rest of the play. Starting with his conversation with Green Lantern where a civilian comes across them, but barely acts like Superman’s there.

One of the play’s running gags is Superman calling B@man’s number and leaving messages, showing a desperation to reach out and connect with his fellow hero despite initial smugness. Even before the first phone call scene, we see Superman joining B@man to sing “I want to be somebody’s buddy” during “Dark, Sad, Lonely Knight” hinting at what’s to come. The note it consistently comes back to is that Superman’s jealousy stems from Batman’s popularity over him. This is a complete flip of what Lego Batman does with the glimpse at a Batman/Superman dynamic we see when Batman goes to the Superman’s fortress to steal the Phantom Zone projector. The rivalry dynamic there exists solely in Batman’s head, Lego-Superman quickly saying “I would crush you” when Batman suggests the idea of them fighting. Superman’s status among the other DC heroes is also night and day between these works. Where Lego-Superman’s only scene in the movie shows him hosting the Justice League Anniversary Party and explaining he “forgot” to invite Batman, Superman in Holy Musical consistently lies about having friends over (“All night long I’m busy partying with my friends at the Fortress… of Solitude.”)

Superman’s relationship to B@man in Holy Musical develops into larger antagonism thanks to lack of communication with B@man brushing off Supes’ invitations to hang out and fight bad guys (“Where were you for the Solomon Grundy thing? Ended up smaller than I thought, just a couple of cool guys. Me and… Solomon Grundy.”) His own loneliness gets put into stronger focus when he sees the news of Rob!n’s debut as a crimefighter, which makes him reflect on how he misses having Krypto the Super-Dog around. (The explanation for why he doesn’t have his dog anymore is one of my favorite jokes in the play and I won’t ruin it here.)

Where Superman’s a reflection of B@man’s loneliness, Rosario Dawson as Barbara in Lego Batman is a confrontation of Batman’s go it alone attitude. Her job in the story is to be the one poking holes in the foundation of Batman as an idea, starting with her speech at Jim Gordon’s retirement banquet and her instatement as commissioner. She has a by-the-book outlook on crimefighting with the omnicompetence to back it up, thanks to her training at “Harvard for Police.” Babs sees Batman’s current way of operating as ineffectual and wants him to be an official agent of the law. An idea that dumps a bucket of cold water on Batman’s crush he developed immediately upon seeing her, though that never fully goes away.

Her main point is that Batman “karate chopping poor people” hasn’t made Gotham better in his 80 years of operating. A contrast to Holy Musical’s Jim Gordon announcing that B@man has brought Gotham’s crime rates to an all-time low (“Still the highest in the world, but we’re working on it.”) She wants to see a Batman willing to work with other people. A hope dashed constantly dealing with his childish stubbornness as he tries to foil Joker’s schemes on his own, culminating in her arresting Batman and Robin for breaking into Arkham to send Joker to the Phantom Zone.

Barbara’s role as the one bringing grown-up attitudes and reality into Batman’s world does leave her in the role of comedic straight woman. Humor in her scenes comes from how she reacts to everyone else’s absurdity rather than anything she does to be funny. This works for the role she plays in Lego Batman, since she’s not there to have an arc the way Superman does in Holy Musical. She’s another catalyst for Batman’s to start letting people in as another character he grows to care about. Which starts after she lets the Dynamic Duo out of prison to fight Joker’s new army of Phantom Zone villains on the condition that he plays it by her rules. Leading to a stronger bond between Batman, Robin, Alfred, and her as they start working together.

The two Batmen’s relationships to other heroes, their villains, Robin, and their own solitude each culminate in their own way as their stories reach their conclusions.

Dark Knights & Dawning Realizations

As everything comes down to the final showdowns in these Bat-parodies, the two Caped Crusaders each confront their failures to be there for others and allow themselves to be vulnerable to someone they’ve been antagonizing throughout the story. Each climax has all of Gotham threatened by a bomb and the main villains’ plans coming to fruition only to come undone.

Holy Musical has Sweet Tooth’s kidnapping of Rob!n and forcing Gotham to choose themselves or the sidekick they hate sends B@man into his most exaggerated state in the entire play. It’s the classic superhero movie climax conundrum, duty as a hero versus personal attachment. Alfred, having revealed himself as the “other butlers”, even lampshades how these stories usually go only for that possibility to get shot down by Bruce:

Alfred: A true hero, Master Wayne, finds a way to choose both. B@man: You’re right, Alfred. I know what I have to do… Fuck Gotham, I’m saving Robin!

B@man’s selfishness effectively makes him the real villain of Holy Musical’s second act. Lego Batman has shades of that aspect as well, where Batman gets sent to the Phantom Zone by Joker for his repeated refusal to acknowledge their relationship. Where the AI running the interdimensional prison, Phyllis voiced by Ellie Kemper, confronts him with the way he’s treated Robin, Alfred, Barbara, and even Joker:

Phyllis: You’re not a traditional bad guy, but you’re not exactly a good guy either. You even abandoned your friends. Batman: No! I was trying to protect them! Phyllis: By pushing them away? Batman: Well… yeah. Phyllis: Are they really the ones you’re protecting?

Batman watches what’s happening back in Gotham and sees Robin emulate his grim and gritty tendencies to save the day in his absence makes him desperately scream, “Don’t do what I would do!” It’s the universe rubbing what a jerk he’s been in his face. He’s forced to take a look at himself and make a change. B@man’s not made to do that kind of self-reflection until after he’s defeated Sweet Tooth but failed to stop the villain’s bomb. He’s ready to give up on Gotham forever and leave with Rob!n, until his sidekick pulls up Sweet Tooth’s poll and it shows the unanimous result in favor of saving the Boy Wonder. Despite everything they said at the start of Act 2, the people want to help their hero in return for all the times he helped them. All of them calling back to the Raimi Spider-Man reference from Act 1, “You mess with one of us. You mess with all of us.”

Both heroes’ chance at redemption and self-improvement comes from opening themselves up to the people they pushed out and dismissed earlier in their stories. Batman takes on the role he reduced the Commissioner down to at the beginning of the movie and flips on signals for Barbara, Alfred, and Robin to show how he’s truly prepared to work as a team, not just with his friends and family but with the villains of Gotham the Joker pushed aside as well. Teamwork makes the dream work and they’re all able to work together to get Joker’s army back into the Phantom Zone but like in Holy Musical they fail to stop the bomb threatening Gotham. Which he can only prevent from destroying the city by confessing his true feeling to Joker

Batman: If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have learned how connected I am with all of these people and you. So, if you help me save Gotham, you’ll help me save us. Joker: You just said “us?” Batman: Yeah, Batman and the Joker. So, what do you say? Joker: You had me at “shut up!”

The equivalent moment from Holy Musical comes from B@man needing to put aside his pride and encourage a disheartened Superman to save Gotham for him. This happens in the aftermath of a fight the two heroes had where Superman tried to stop B@man before he faced Sweet Tooth, B@man winning out through use of kryptonite. That fight doesn’t fit into any direct parallel with Lego Batman, but it is important context for how Superman’s feeling about B@man before Superman finally gets his long-awaited phone call from the Dark Knight. Also, the song accompanying the fight, “To Be a Man”, is one of the funniest scenes in the play. What this speech from B@man does is bring the idea of Holy Musical B@man as a commentary on fandom full circle:

B@man: I forgot what it means to be a superhero. But we’re really not that different, you and me, at our heart. I mean really all superheroes are pretty much the same… Something bad happened to us once when we were young, so we dedicated our whole lives to doing a little bit of good. That’s why we got into this crazy superhero business. Not to be the most popular, or even the most powerful. Because if that were the case, hell, you’d have the rest of us put out of a job!

This speech extends into an exchange between the heroes about how superheroes are cool, not despite anything superficially silly but because of it. Bringing it back to the “Robin Sucks!” theme that started Act 2, saying “Some people think Robin is stupid. But those people are pretentious douchebags. Because, literally, the only difference between Robin and me is our costumes.” The speech culminates in what I genuinely think is one of the best Batman lines ever written, as B@man’s final plea to Superman is “Where’s that man who’s faster than a gun?” calling back to the trauma that created Batman across all versions and what he can see in someone like Superman. So, B@man sacrificing his pride and fully trusting in another hero saves Gotham, the way Batman letting Joker know what their relationship means to him did in Lego Batman.

Each of these parodies ends by delivering a Batman willing to open himself up to a new team of heroes fighting at his side, the newly minted Bat-Family in Lego Batman and the league for justice known as the Super Friends in Holy Musical. Putting them side by side like this shows how creators don’t need the resources of a Hollywood studio to make something exactly as meaningful and how the best parodies come from love of the material no matter who’s behind them.

If you like what you’ve read here, please like/reblog or share elsewhere online, follow me on Twitter (@WC_WIT), and consider throwing some support my way at either Ko-Fi.com or Patreon.com at the extension “/witswriting”

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Marinette did not sign up for this part 10: Mari plots plotting

So long time no post. I live. Ish. Also finally figured out readmore on mobile, so yay. Will take forever to edit posts now though. Explanation at the bottom First part here previous part here. Ao3 here

Marinette wanted to go on record that Mandeliev did not, in fact, give her an extra day or so to study for the test. Why? Instead, she was told she may do a paper on the application of physics in gymnastics and principles of evasion in urban areas and how to combine the two to maximize one’s ability to run away from akumas and other dangers.

Or as Nino put it: “I am tormenting you into running better, the eight page essay.”

Alya dubbed it the “Run Better Paper.”

Aurore said it should include more formulas when Marinette showed her the draft. (as Adrien would complain about lack of theories and how she should have used this advanced formula she’d never heard of instead and then Marinette would have to forcibly stop him from taking over her paper. Again.)

Kim had taken to keeping her in his hoodie, escorting her to the bakery and didn’t leave her alone until Adrien said it was his “Marinette Anxiety Watch” shift.

Which she would like to go on record, is just plain mean to say. She has Liar 100% under control when world ending things and metaphorical bomb drops aren’t happening to her constantly.

—-

Bruce tried to contact Diana and Arthur again. Hal was off world, and therefore useless.

Why?

As his missing son hadn’t contacted them yet. Was still in the Miraculous team’s custody. And he saw the footage of Robin—Damian—being hunted by a lving shadow, an element casting swordswoman, and a strategist that seemed to know exactly what to do to keep Robin cornered in battle. The living shadows—Chat Noir—tried to kill his son with Cataclysm.

That was when they were in public, and had Hal watching over them.

He didn’t want to think about what the kids might do unsupervised to someone that tried to kill Ladybug, openly stalked her civilian self, and apparently tried stalk her again, in broad daylight. And possibly may have revealed her secret identity…

From the comments, it seemed that the Parisians hadn’t connected his sons aliases to the pair, writing it off as “Copy-cat Vigilantes” thankfully. And none of them were revealing more than “so the Fashion Disaster tried to go after Chat and Ryuko’s civvie… Not A Smart CopyBird” was the most he was able to get.

His children, on the other hand…

——

“I Fucking KNEW IT!” Tim yelled. “I knew it was her!”

“But,” Jason smirked. “You didn’t tell us.”

“Soup girl, baby bat!” Cass said gleefully.

“Wait, we both talked to her—and you didn’t say you thought it was her either Cass!”

“So what I’m hearing, if my ears don’t deceive me,” Jason continued. “Is that you all lost too.”

“What—“

“Wait a minute!”

“No way—”

Cass shrugged. She was the least invested in winning. She got to meet soup girl, who is very nice and her parents are safe for Baby Bat.

“We don’t have proof,” Dick pointed out. “Didn’t you say something about her being a mouse?”

“I—”

“Well—”

“Yes.” Cass cut through Tim and Stephanie’s waffling. “She is.”

Dick rubbed his forehead. “How many secrets can one kid have?”

“Five?” Jason said without much thought. “Limit is definitely five.”

—-

“Let me get this straight,” Miss Sting began, watching Ladybug very, very carefully. Rena and Carapace were busy that night and couldn’t act as the team’s Common Sense Filter in person. and texts only went so far.

So the job fell to Aurore. To talk (probably Marinette) Ladybug out of a Very, Stupendously, Inconceivably Bad Idea.

“You want to trust Robin—the kid who tried to kill you—to contact his mother—an assassin—to talk strategy about how to take down Hawkmoth’s civilian life’s business, not kill him, and trust that they won’t kill you?”

“…I’m bringing Chat with me.”

“Ladybug.”

“What, do you want me to use a Lucky Charm to prove this is our best bet?”

“You know what?” Miss Sting threw her hands up. “Yes, yes I do.”

“Fine.” Ladybug threw her yoyo skyward. “Lucky Charm!”

A red, spotted ball with an 8 on it came down.

“… you have got to be kidding me.”

Ladybug shrugged. “Uh, Magic Eightball, is it okay to trust Robin with this?”

One shake later and the floating die window read “Without a Doubt.”

“Give me that.” Miss Sting scowled, shaking as she asked. “Should she bring someone besides Chat and Robin—like someone from our team or Wonder Woman or Aquaman?”

The ball answered “Outlook not so good.”

Miss Sting glared at the magic eight ball. “I can’t believe this!”

Ladybug shrugged. “Lucky Charms are Lucky Charms—and I gotta go.”

Miss Sting checked her beeping spinning top. Someone was just akumatized.

“Re-charge first!” Miss Sting yelled before swinging ahead.

—-

“Oh, hey, when’s Demon Spawn going to contact us?” Jason asked as other bats calmed down.

“He’s not answering his communicator.” Bruce growled. “Hal took it earlier.”

The bats paused at that.

“Well then. Trackers?”

“Disabled—what? We didn’t need anyone crashing the apology and he ran off before I could stop him,” Dick defended. He is not Damian’s keeper. Just his Batman (as yes Bruce, he is Damian’s Batman and Damian is his Robin. Current masks not-withstanding).

“Then how are we supposed to find him?” Stephanie asked as the room grew uneasy.

No one answered that.

“How’s this,” Tim began. “Me, Steph and Cass agreed on who Hawkmoth probably is, each of us has a different set of evidence for it—and I’m counting breaking into his evil Liar and the cameras catching him mid-act a few minutes ago as absolute proof.”

“I’m sorry, you did what!” Stephanie leaned over Tim’s shoulder to see. “Oh shit. Isn’t that guy—”

“One of her friends? According to their private Instagram accounts, more like partner in crime and possible Chat Noir. I mean, he’s the one that calls her his “everyday Ladybug” and voices Chat Noir in everything." Tim answered idly. “My money’s on him not knowing at all.”

Bruce twitched. Then began to add ‘stalking social media feeds’ to his to-do list tonight.

“So,” Tim stepped forward. “I suggest we send this to the Wonder Woman and ask for Robin’s comm to be returned, and failing that, I bugged the video so anything they play it on, we get access to its IP and can find where they are.”

“Have Oracle go over the bug, just in case,” Bruce told them. “In the mean time, the rest of you suit up for the night. Gotham needs its vigilantes.”

—-

Marinette wanted to go on the record that her plan (to keep the bats away) was going well. Deciding what to do with Mu—R—Damian. Damian. Damian and his offer, was a challenge.

For obvious reasons, Green Lantern, Wonder Woman and Aquaman were against her asking a bunch of assassins for their help. Chat has more than a few reservations. Carapace, Rena and Miss Sting gave her looks for that plan.

But.

But it would work. She needs more information on how to make the plan burning in the back of her mind work. It’s a lot of chaos (and she may thrive in chaotic battles but this wasn’t her usual battlefield, and her team didn’t know who they were going up against for once). And Marinette? She needs to know its not just her doing this when its so out of her depths.

So despite literally everyone and their disagreements she had Chat on her right side with Damian on her left, meeting up with his Crazy, Semi-Immortal mother. And possibly his Immortal, former Black Cat candidate, grandfather.

Why?

As Marinette isn’t trusting the likely cult that makes up the Gotham Ghost Gang (Batfam if you like them) when she can get real advice and vague directions to immortal and allied (loyal and terrifying) assassins.

And yes, she wasn’t sure if Liar was wrong or right when they said it was a bad idea too.

But fuckit she’s already got Kaalki at her shoulder, looking a bit bored at the deserted rooftop that Kaalki chose for their meeting.

“داميان*,” the woman smiled at her son. “It’s good to see you.”

“Mother,” Robin greeted. “This is Ladybug and Chat Noir. Ladybug wished to speak to you about potential strategies to take down an enemy outside of battle without violence,” Damian stressed.

“I am well-aware of the Kwami and their Chosen, اِبْن.**” The woman spoke calmly. “The League of Assassins formed to act as the Black Cat to restore the world to balance and un-burden the Order with its maintenance.” The woman offer Ladybug her hand. “I am Talia al Ghul, and I am at your service, with or without violence Ladybug.”

Marinette took her hand. “Thank you Talia. Our target being directly exposed like I planned would have…” Ladybug trailed off, thinking over the ramifications not only to Adrien, but to the whole of Gabriel’s brand, workers and all that worked with them. “Some intense ramifications I’d rather avoid.”

Talia nodded her head, waiting for more information.

“I believe its possible to topple them without affecting their employees by uncoupling them from their business, but doing so is, well, stocks and economics isn’t my strongest point.” Ladybug admitted a bit sheepishly.

“I would suggest,” Talia began, “to create a bit of chaos in the stock market. Perhaps a rumor here and there, let investors pull out and grab the abandoned stocks quickly. Consolidate them under one owner and become the company’s owner.”

Marinette twitched a bit at that. “That… sounds complicated.”

“Oh, but it isn’t. My son knows just how to that, or did you forget our lessons?” Talia asked coolly.

Damian twitched at Marinette’s side. “I did not.”

“You know,” Chat chimed in. “I do know a few things about those things. If its general chaos, well…” Chat’s face twisted in a way Marinette forgot he could do after that Chat Blanc episode.

“… I will take that into consideration.”

“Anything else?” Talia asked, watching Ladybug and her son. Specifically, how her son seemed glued to the girl’s side. “I am certain my son is able to take out your target, if all else fails.”

Damian scowled at Marinette’s side.

“However, I do believe that whatever is happening, whatever has you active, might require a more… experience hand.”

Damian brushed against her side. Code for ‘Possible Danger.’

“Thank you for the offer,” Chat moved in front of Marinette. “But mi’lady and the Guardians have that much handled.”

Talia’s eyes shifted from Chat to Ladybug, staying on her. “Is that so?”

“Yes. I merely needed more information on how to execute this type of plan, that’s all!” Ladybug almost, almost slipped into Marinette while Liar, while silenced for the moment, prodded the back of her mind. “I want to minimize collateral damage as much as I can, to everyone. The kwami already said they get to chose the target’s punishment.”

“Ah, I see.” Talia relaxed then. “You are following the kwami’s wishes. I will respect their wishes as well, Chosen.”

Marinette categorized this interaction as one of the “not too horrible, but will avoid a repeat” once they left.

—

*Damian in arabic

**son

so we have Talia now as a Player, sort of. she plays by her word pretty well so hopefully its a cameo more than anything else.

any ideas on how JL will handle the video, and if Miraculous Team should see it and freak out or only LB and keep on the dl while JL assissts in her Chaos Plot?

End of update. Will have to repost from ao3 on my phone now as desktop tumblr is being exceptionally rude. Tags always open, just takes me a bit to do—sorry to vixen for vanishing from tags

TAGS:  @heldtogetherbysafetypins @laurcad123 @raisuke06 @chaosace @jeminiikrystal @toodaloo-kangaroo @kris-pines04 @bisha43rbs @izang @dreamykitty25 @emu-lumberjack @vixen-uchiha

[wordsfromthesol]

Safety Precautions (2/2)

Author: @wordsfromthesol Taglist: @zphilophobiaz @malfoys-demigod Pairing: Dick Grayson x Reader Summary: Things got a little complicated and the bats definitely know way too much about your personal life now. Too bad they are necessary in stopping your past.  Warnings:  Fighting, wounds, cursing, all the good stuff. Word Count: 2.1k

Part One

“Well, where is she?!” You almost screamed as you rushed into the batcave, only to realize no one was there. 

“Give Red Robin time, we don’t know how far away she was.” Nightwing tried to settle you down, as Red Hood disappeared in the elevator.

“Shouldn’t have been more than 2 hours. That’s what we agreed on.” You paced back and forth as Red Hood reappeared with Alfred.

“Miss Y/N. May I check your wounds? I hear there was another scuffle.”

You glared at Hood, but ultimately complied. Alfred had just finished putting fresh bandages on when you heard footsteps. You raced over, enveloping Lily in your arms.

“He found you. Oh thank god, I thought I may have been too late.”

“I was hesitant to come with the brat, but then…he’s back?”

“Back with a vengeance. Though I suppose he never really left.”

“No, but we escaped.”

“Some of us.”

“Sister, you can’t keep blaming –” Lily cut off as she realized the three vigilantes staring at the two of you. “Maybe we should discuss this somewhere private.”

“Oh, uhm, of course.” Nightwing stuttered and motioned for you to follow him into a room. As the door shut he raced back out, to find Red Robin had already pulled up the video and audio feed from the room.

“You know they are probably still listening.” You chuckled out.

“Yes, but I can pretend. And hopefully still get some real answers from you. You didn’t meet up with me. That day.”

“I, uhm,” you looked around, hoping to find the listening device before you had to tell your story. You sighed when nothing caught your eye and continued. “I didn’t get out. I had to make sure the girls did. Helios did not let me go. After that, he made sure I was always injured, never able to get too far from him. That day…he ruptured my femur and branded me.” You tugged at your shirt to reveal his mark burned into the skin over your heart. “He said this way I would know that I was always his. He made a slight error 6 months ago, that the simple pain of a dislocated shoulder and some bruised ribs was enough to keep me there. I made allies with those out there almost as soon as I escaped, I think that’s the only reason he didn’t attack sooner. Once he saw I enlisted there help to find you, he knew he had to act soon.”

“How do you know he hasn’t gone after the girls?”

“Sister, he wishes for you and I. He knows we were Eclipse. That we got the other girls to safety.”

“But I wasn’t Eclipse.”

“Maybe not all the theatrics, but you helped form the plan. You gave me courage and you gave me hope. I could not have donned the persona without you. And I thought I had lost you, my beautiful sister.”

“You forget that bastard trained me as well.”

You smirked, “and he unknowingly brought upon his own demise with that.” The two of you walked out of the room, well aware that the costumed men before you heard every word. “Alright, we need to find him. He wants me, I’ll be bait.”

“Like hell you will.” Nightwing said almost before you finished your sentence.

“I agree. He wants me more. I’ll do it.” Lily spoke up.

“I can’t really agree with that either. You are a civilian.” Nightwing played along as if he hadn’t heard your conversation.

“I’m hardly a civilian. Now, let’s head out.”

**

You stood on the nearby rooftop gazing down at your sister when Nightwing came to your side.

“You can’t be okay with this.”

“I do not like it, but it’s the right play. I trust her to keep herself safe, just as she trusts me to take out Helios.”

“Hm –” Nightwing’s words were cut short when Tim came over the comms.

“I see movement coming from the south. Be ready.”

Helios was there in seconds. Grasping for Lily when you swooped down, kicking him back. Red Robin, Red Hood, and Nightwing landing just behind you.

“You didn’t really think I would leave her here alone, did you?”

“No. In fact I was hoping you’d be here, to see my work.”

“Your work?” Just as the question left your lips 6 girls appeared behind Helios. “No,” a gasp escaped from your throat.

“Oh yes, now. I’ll take Lily.”

“Wait!” Helios tilted his head, an invitation for you to continue. “You can have me. Just let Lily and these girls go. Let them have a choice and I’ll be yours again.”

“Deal.” Helios raced over and grabbed you before anyone could protest. “Girls, you are free once I am.” They all nodded and turned towards the heroes before them. However, as soon as Helios was out of view they collectively stopped. Without hesitation Nightwing sped after you. One of the girls looked at remaining people, settling on Lily.

“She was Eclipse.”

“She was.”

“We all thought she was but a myth.”

“Who are you all exactly?” Tim questioned.

“I’m not sure –” Lily was cut off by the girl.

“It is not a happy tale, but perhaps it will help your friend find Eclipse. So I will tell it.” Red Hood nodded in agreement, passing his earpiece over.

“So Nightwing can hear.”

The girl took it from him and placed it securely in her ear before beginning. “I’m sorry,” she looked towards Lily, “if this was not meant to be shared. Helios trains us, molds us. Beginning at the age of 8 he is a benefactor, supplying our family with the means to make us succeed in both school and athletics. By 10, if we are deemed good enough, he slaughters our family and takes us under his tutelage. A school of assassins. Eclipse, however, was different. She was not under observation; her older sister was, Lily.”

A cracked sigh came from Lily as the young girl mentioned her name. Tim passed her his earpiece in an instant. She continued the story, looking at the girl.

“I am her. Lily.”

“Helios did not kill you?!” The girl was shocked, clearly the myth of Eclipse had been distorted over time.

“No, but Eclipse made sure everyone thought he had. To keep me safe. I took our mother’s maiden name, to distinguish us even further. Eclipse was only 6 when I was to be taken. When she was to be murdered, along with our parents. Helios slayed our parents in front of her, but when he turned the knife on her…well she did not go down easy. The frightened child he expected was not present. So instead, he took her as well. Eclipse was born that day. His best student. She plotted against him from the day he brought her in. I don’t even think he knows how many girls were saved from his wrath because of her.”

“The count, in the stories passed, is over three thousand. We were being trained in a two-story wooden house 16 and a half miles from this location.” Tim quickly pulled up a map and showed it to the girl. “Here.” As she pointed Tim sent the location to Nightwing, motioning back for his earpiece.

“Nightwing, is that where they are headed?”

“Looks like it. You coming to join the party?”

“Always. Me and Hood are on the way.”

“And me. She’s my sister. My baby sister.”

Red Hood looked at her dead in the eyes, “Be ready for a fight.”

**

Helios slung you against the wall as you entered the building. “You know they are going to follow me, right?” You wiped the blood from your lip.

“Of course, but I don’t plan on keeping you alive long.”

“All of this just to kill me?”

“All of this?! Your little persona has created chaos in my schools. They think there is some savior coming to rescue them. They’re wrong. Once I have that stupid mask as a trophy, they’ll all know.”

You screamed as you charged at him. Both of you dodging and throwing punches, knowing each other’s exact moves. It felt more like sparring, after all, you’d done this thousands of times before. Helios pushed you back towards the door, as he did you heard the faint sounds of a motorcycle. Nightwing. Suddenly, you charged at Helios, vaulting over him and forcing him to keep his back to the door. Watching the door creak open, you slid to the ground hitting Helios’ legs as Nightwing jump kicked his back. Scrambling you pinned him, his face pressing into the ground. You knew you couldn’t hold him long, so you pulled out a dagger and lodged it into his bicep and the floorboard below. You then focused your strength to holding him down.

“Do you even know their names?!”

“Of course not. I know them by what matters, their rank. Still no one has been able to surpass you, number one.”

“Don’t call me that.” You gritted through your teeth. If Nightwing wasn’t standing there, you would’ve killed him by now. Instead, you planted one final punch. Hearing his skull crack as it embedded itself further into the flooring. Just as you were standing, Red Robin, Red Hood, and Lily came through the door. You ran to your sister, enveloping her in a hug and pulling her away from this place. It was too similar to your own childhood in Helios’ clutches.

Nightwing looked at his brothers, “We need to get him to Arkham.”

“Heh, well don’t ask me. If I’m alone with that bastard, I will put a bullet through his skull.” Red Hood commented as he sauntered out to meet up with you and Lily. “So you’re a legend now?”

“Heh, tragic backstory and all.” You chuckled out. “At least those kids have a say now. We didn’t get one.” You blinked trying to contain the tears brimming at your lids. “Caden didn’t get one.”

“Woah, I thought it was a girl’s only school…” Red Hood questioned you.

“Yeah, he was our brother. Four years old. Helios took Lily to the school and then came back for us. We were both forced to watch as he slit our parent’s throats. As he came towards me, I bit him and yelled at Caden to run. I would’ve bit his finger off, but he slung he across the room and ran after Caden. When I caught up to him, his fingers were wrapped around Caden’s throat. He forced me to watch the life drain out of our brother’s eyes.” You had forgotten the comms were still on. Nightwing’s voice rang in your ears.

“I’ll kill him!” You looked back at the house, as Red Robin was attempting to hold NIghtwing back.

“I better go get him.” Hood commented.

“You never told me that before…” Lily whispered to you after Hood left.

“I didn’t want it to burden you, as it has me. I always think, if I had been a little faster, or brought a knife with me, or I don’t know. Done something different.”

“The result would’ve been the same. You were six. You should’ve never had to endure that to begin with.” You looked up from your sister and watched Nightwing exit the building.

“Hey, uhm, can I bring you home?” He mumbled.

“Lily, will you be alright?”

“I’ll be fine. I’m not leaving this bastard until I see him surrounded by steel.”

You nodded and followed Nightwing to his bike. The two of you rode in silence to your apartment, but when you got there, you couldn’t seem to dismount the bike. You sat there, arms tightly wrapped around Nightwing’s waist, unwavering. After a few minutes he finally spoke.

“I’m going to take you to my place, is that okay?” You still didn’t speak, just nodded. Once he felt the movement of your head on his back, he took off. Even at this unfamiliar place, it took you several minutes before you got the courage to let go of him. He didn’t press you, just took your hand in his and led you in the right direction. Before you realized, you were sitting on his bed, him in sweatpants, a tshirt, and no mask sitting next to you.

“It’s over.” You finally stuttered out. You turned towards him and collapsed in his arms.

“I’ve got you. You can rest now.”

[terreisa]

Love Down the Line: Chapter 10

The last thing Indie musician Emma Swan needs is a gigantic wrench thrown in the workings of her biggest tour to date weeks before its launch.  When her backing guitarist that caused the problem says she has the perfect solution Emma is skeptical but left with little choice but to accept.  Unfortunately she isn’t really prepared for said solution to be former Rock Star and leading man of Emma’s teenage fantasies, Killian Jones.  With no other options and a month of performing across the country ahead of her Emma just hopes she doesn’t come to regret letting Killian onto her stage and into her life.

Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5, Ch 6, Ch 7, Ch 8, Ch 9, AO3

~*CS*~

On the road between Oakland and Portland, May 27th

Emma felt the mattress dip slightly behind her.  She curled in on herself but there wasn’t much room in the bunks of the bus for her to completely avoid whomever it was.  It didn’t mean she wasn’t going to try though, stubbornly keeping her gaze fixed on the wall and not making a peep.

“I’m not going away until you tell me something,” Ruby sighed.  She shifted and Emma felt her stretch out next to her, “You can’t avoid it forever.  It might help to talk about it.”

“What’s there to say?” She asked dully. “It’s all over the internet.”

From the moment she’d stormed out of the office building she’d been hounded by paparazzi.  Her Instagram was full of comments that ran the gamut from cussing her out for kicking Killian off the tour to cussing her out over the leaked, and very edited, audio from her ranting at Walsh.  Will had informed her with an impressed grin that she’d been trending on Twitter for two days along with the hashtag MissHighandMighty.  The only good thing that had happened was Regina was too busy putting out fires to rail at her in person over what she probably saw as her failings and shortcomings.  Instead she’d received and ignored multiple texts that clearly communicated Regina’s increasing frustration with her.  She’d blocked Killian’s number completely.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” Ruby chided.  She paused, “He’s been calling me, asking what happened.  I’ve been letting them go to voicemail, mostly because I don’t know if you want me to answer or what really happened actually, but even if I did I wouldn’t say anything.  Chicks before dicks and all.”

Emma felt herself smile, her first real one in three days, “Yeah, but that’s how you like it.  Dorothy okay with you being out here?”

“Eh-” she could feel Ruby’s shoulders lift behind her in a shrug, “She knew I’d be touring when we first hooked up.  We just got a few extra weeks before it actually happened.  She wasn’t too happy with the drop everything and catch a red eye to LA part of it all, though.  We were about to go on a date, by the way, so thanks for that.”

“Sorry,” she whispered, feeling a bit guilty.

“You can make it up to us later,” Ruby said matter of factly. “Nice attempt at a deflection by the way.”

“Thought I’d try,” she muttered.

“And if I was Tink it might have worked but I’m not so it didn’t.  Time to spill.”

She closed her eyes.  It was just one of the many moments she’d been dreading since seemingly everything in her life had imploded.  In a sort of grim twist of luck it was going to be one of the easier of the conversations she knew needed to happen.  With a resigned sigh she opened her eyes and turned onto her back, though she kept her gaze trained on the underside of the bunk above her.

“How much did you know?” She asked, trying and failing to keep the accusation out of her voice. “Did Regina tell you I’d only go for it if you were the one to bring him in?  Did he flirt and flatter his way into getting you to agree to helping him re-jumpstart his career through me?”

Ruby let out a harsh burst of air, clearly surprised by her question.  She could almost feel the glare aimed at her but kept her eyes focused upward.

“If you really thought that you wouldn’t have made me fly all the way out here to replace him,” Ruby said harshly.  Then she sighed, “I didn’t know what plans Regina had for him or his career but I did know that he’d signed with her.  It’s why she didn’t put up a fight when I suggested he take my place on the tour.  I thought you knew that.”

“No.  I clearly didn’t,” she said shortly.

Ruby sighed again, “Okay, but to be fair it also wasn’t this big secret.  He was just a substitute guitarist, you even told him that.”

“Yeah, well, he turned out to be more,” Emma muttered, hating the catch in her throat.

“Emma-” Ruby lifted herself up on her elbow and hovered over her, her eyes wide, “Did you fall for him?”

“No. We were just…”

She couldn’t force the words ‘having fun’ off her tongue.  Instead she gave a one shoulder shrug, hoping Ruby would get the idea.  That Ruby’s first instinct was dead on wasn’t something Emma wanted to dive into.

Ruby narrowed her eyes and studied her before smirking and flopping back down beside her, “Whatever you two were ‘just’ doing it definitely wasn’t ‘just’ fucking.”

Emma couldn’t help twitching at Ruby’s matter of fact statement.  She hadn’t known that Ruby was a goddamn psychic.  Looking over at her suspiciously she was annoyed to see Ruby looking like a cat that got the canary.

“What did Tink tell you?”

“Oh, it wasn’t Tink,” Ruby said with a sing-song tone, “Will has been complaining non-stop about having to share a room with Tink.  Apparently glitter ruins a man’s reputation.”

“He’s with Belle, he shouldn’t be worrying about his reputation,” Emma grumbled.  Then she sobered, “He’s not telling everyone about that is he?”

Ruby’s grin faded, “You know he wouldn’t do that.”

“I don’t know what anyone wouldn’t do anymore,” she whispered.

“Emma-” Ruby turned onto her side and grabbed her hand, squeezing it, “I’m on your side, always, but you haven’t even given Killian the chance to explain himself.”

She scoffed, “You haven’t heard what Walsh actually told me.  He said that Regina was the one that told him to bring up Killian getting back into music.  She had to have planned it all out with Killian at that goddamn lunch, gotten his okay to do it that way.  There’s fucking pictures of them shaking on it right before Regina came to the studios.”

That had been the final blow.  She had been in line at a grocery store the day after the disastrous interview, waiting to buy emergency Milk Duds and microwave popcorn.  Killian had been calling and texting her with increased frequency and she’d ignored them all.  Her phone had started buzzing in her hand again and in her fumbling to pull it out of her pocket she’d dropped the Milk Duds.  When she’d bent to pick them up her gaze had caught on a tabloid with a blown up picture of Killian, Regina and Robin seated on the patio of a restaurant, the remains of their meal strewn across the table.  Killian and Robin had been shaking hands while Regina looked on in satisfaction.  Emma had dumped the candy and popcorn into a basket of french bread and fled the store, blocking Killian’s number as she did.

“There’s pictures of them sharing a meal,” Ruby said, being annoyingly pragmatic, “And that was a paparazzi shot, so you don’t know that they were plotting anything.”

“He never told me Regina was going to be there,” she said harshly. “I was almost willing to hear Killian out, eventually.  He kept calling and texting and I thought maybe I should give him a chance to explain.  Then I saw that fucking picture.  I asked him what he was going to do that day and he lied straight to my face.  He said he was hanging out with Robin and his son.  No mention of Regina or lunch meetings or that he had even started recording again.  He’s lied to me at least twice that I know of and I have no idea how many more he’s told me since we met.”

She was breathing heavily and as much as she wanted to yell, scream out her frustrations and heartbreak, she was all too aware of the others on the bus waiting for her to do just that.  Tink and Will had been watching her closely for days and while deep down she knew they’d never blab to reporters or post anything on social media they also weren’t the ones she wanted to talk to.  Ruby had been her friend the longest and should have been the perfect person to unload on but Emma still felt like a powder keg, ready to explode.  With a heavy heart she realized that the one person she wanted to vent to was the one person she wanted absolutely nothing to do with.

“So you’re just going to ignore him?  You never want to know what was really going on?” Ruby asked incredulously.

“I can find that out from Regina.  She’s underhanded and does things on her own terms but she never lies about it.  At least not when you ask her straight up,” she said bitterly.

“And don’t you think Killian would too?”

A week earlier she would have been absolutely sure how she would have answered.  Instead she felt as though the rug had been pulled out from beneath her and she’d yet to find her footing.

“I’m just not ready to talk to him yet,” she hedged, knowing Ruby would keep at her like a dog with a bone. “Can we just… not talk about it at all anymore?”

“Okay,” Ruby acquiesced after a small pause where she’d merely looked at her, “but can I ask one more thing?”

Emma rolled her eyes and huffed, “Fine.  What?”

“Were you happy?”

Her breath hitched in her throat and her heart clenched in her chest.  She thought back to the couple of times that she’d woken up before him, able to look at him without a suggestive wag of his eyebrows or salacious twinkle in his eye.  There were the nights they stayed up too late, either on the bus or in their room, talking about everything and nothing.  He’d made soundchecks less of a chore as he joked around with Will or teased Tink about the romance novel that was always sitting on top of whatever flat surface was nearest.  Then there’d been the moments when she’d look at him only to find him already watching her with a soft smile that she was helpless to return.

The memories only made the sting of his betrayal hurt all the more.

“I really, really was.”

For the first time since her world came crumbling down she let herself cry.  She’d held herself together with nothing more than stubborn will and ignoring everything that didn’t have to do with the next show.  As she curled into Ruby’s arms with heaving sobs she vaguely realized it might not have been the best strategy.

Slowly, and nearly a whole box of tissues later, Emma regained control of herself.  Ruby was still curled around her, gently rubbing her back.  She was vaguely aware that at some point Ruby had been whispering to her but she had no idea what she’d been saying.  It didn’t matter much, not when just being there meant more to her than anything Ruby could have said.

“I’m sorry,” Emma murmured, her voice wavering and her nose sounding stuffed.

“Nothing to be sorry for,” Ruby said, tugging on a lock of her hair, “You’re just lucky this was a tour shirt you ruined with all your snot and tears.”

Emma snorted and pulled back but only got an inch away before Ruby crushed her back to her.  She sighed in annoyance even though she hadn’t really wanted to leave the comfort of her embrace.

“You’re going to have to let me go eventually,” she said, even as she relaxed.

“Eh, there’s still a few hours until it’s absolutely necessary,” Ruby said, squeezing her harder.

“What if I have to pee?”

“Babe, you just cried out all of your bodily fluids.  If anything you’ll need a Gatorade but I’ll just yell at Will until he brings it to us-” Ruby scoffed.  Emma felt her tense slightly before she asked quietly, “Do you want me to block Killian’s number?”

Her knee jerk reaction was to say yes.  She felt like she should want to cut Killian out of her life completely.  To make him feel even a sliver of the hurt and uncertainty she was feeling.  However there was something deep inside her that recoiled from that idea, that despite the hell she was going through she still cared enough about him to want to minimize his pain.

“No,” she sniffled, “He’s your friend too.”

“Not right now he’s not.  I mean, I still think you should hear him out but maybe he kinda deserves the cold shoulder for a week or two.”

She shrugged, knowing that Ruby would probably ice Killian out for a month instead.  Which, of course, meant that after that she would most likely put all her energy in encouraging him not to give up.  Then Ruby would simultaneously be wearing her down to get her to call him.  Even thinking about that probable future had her wanting to delete Killian’s number completely, if only to stave off the inevitable.

She fished her phone out from under the tangle of blankets.  While she hadn’t turned it off completely she’d put it on silent and had pretty much ignored every text and email notification since the Walsh audio had leaked.  Regina had told her she’d take care of it and Emma trusted her just enough to believe that she would.

After unlocking it she was greeted with the continued barrage of messages she’d been expecting.  Unable to hold back her frustrated sigh she gave up the pretense of trying to hide what she was doing and pulled out of Ruby’s arms to prop herself up to deal with the never ending tidal wave of texts and emails.  She could feel Ruby’s gaze over her shoulder but made no move to hide her screen, even in the best of times it was hard to keep her from snooping.

Scanning through the emails first she was glad to see that most of it was spam.  A few were from Mary Margaret or David and she suspected that half the texts would be from them too.  There was only one from Regina, though it had been sent at the beginning of the shit hitting the fan telling her to keep a low profile while everything was dealt with.  With grim satisfaction she proceeded to delete the spam, glanced over the ones from Mary Margaret and David with a touch of guilt at their concern and her lack of communication with them.

The texts were another matter completely.  She had been right in thinking that half were from Mary Margaret and David, reiterations of the support and concern from their emails but a touch more frantic as they progressed.  After sending them a quick message that she was alive and would call them once they got to the hotel she grimaced at the ten unread messages from Regina.  Having one message go unread from her was bad enough and Emma knew that when she finally responded Regina would probably reach through the phone and rip her heart out.

The first couple were innocuous, more warnings for her to lie low and to ignore whatever reporters might show up at her hotel or the venue.  Several were updates on how things weren’t progressing with the fight against Walsh.  Then there were the admonishments and disappointment at her continued insistence to keep Killian off the tour.  The final text was a directive: Answer your goddamn phone, that had Emma wincing and noticing for the first time the little indicator that she had voicemails to listen to.  Throwing Ruby a worried glance she tapped on the icon and prepared for the worst.

You have six new voice messages.  To listen to your messages press one- 

Message one:

“It doesn’t look like we’ll need to take legal action but be prepared for the possibility that we will.  We also need to discuss the Jones fiasco.”

End of message. To erase this message press seven.  To listen to your messages press one-  

Message two:

“I don’t appreciate having to leave another voicemail along with the unanswered texts.  Walsh has agreed to issue an apology and his employer is sending him on an unpaid leave of absence for a month.  I would have preferred a firing but they will be generously donating to a charity of your choice and will be giving you final say in your future interviewers if we ever decide to return.  We still need to discuss the Jones fiasco.”

End of message. To erase this message press seven.  To listen to your messages press one- 

Message three:

“Reviews for last night’s show could have been better.  This wouldn’t have been an issue if Ms. Lucas had more than twenty-four hours notice to begin rehearsing.  I am still waiting to hear what happened with Jones.”

End of message. To erase this message press seven.  To listen to your messages press one-

Message four:

“Emma, sweetheart, I just want you to know that David and I both love you very much and we’re here for you.  Call either of us back when you can.”

End of message. To erase this message press seven.  To listen to your messages press one-

Message five:

“I am beginning to lose my patience with you, Miss Swan.  You are not my only client and neither is Mr. Jones.  I cannot do my job if you do not answer your phone.”

End of message. To erase this message press seven.  To listen to your messages press one-

Message six:

“I will be flying up to Portland to discuss matters with you in person.”

End of message. To erase this message press-

Emma hung up and dropped her hand to her lap.  She was screwed.  Regina was a nightmare to deal with when she was irritated but still in a forgiving mood.  In the last message she had sounded beyond pissed and was likely to be even more so by the time they were in the same room together.  Especially since she had told her that she wasn’t intending to rejoin the tour until the final show in Vancouver.

“From the look on your face you probably didn’t hear any good news,” Ruby said cautiously.

“Sorta,” she murmured, “Walsh is going to publicly apologize but he’s really only getting a slap on the wrist as punishment.”

“Asshole,” Ruby snarled.

Humming her agreement she turned her phone over and over in her hands.  She contemplated calling Regina to try and get some of the yelling that was bound to happen over with.  The only problem was if Regina was meeting them in Portland then she was most likely on a flight and wouldn’t be able to answer her phone.  There was no way she was going to play phone tag and end up pissing her off even more than she already was.

“There’s something else, isn’t there?” Ruby was watching her with narrowed eyes. “Is it Killian?”

“Blocked his number, remember?” She sighed tiredly. “I’m pretty sure Regina’s going to murder me when we get to Portland.”

“Regina’s going to be in Portland?  I thought her royal ass wasn’t going to be around until Vancouver.”

“Well, looks like I’ve made her mad enough to change her plans.”

“Shit,” Ruby breathed, “Sucks to be you.”

She huffed out a half-amused laugh, “Thanks.”

“Welcome,” she chirped, gleefully. “So, you’ve got at least a few more hours left to live.  Wanna see how much money we can take Will for?”

“Blackjack or Hold-Em?” She asked, already crawling over her to get out of the bunk.

“Hold-Em,” Ruby said with a devious grin, following her, “He has the most obvious tell I’ve ever seen.  Someone should really tell him.”

A few hours, a couple of hundred miles and one pissed off Will Scarlet later the bus pulled up to their hotel in Portland.  For the most part Emma was able to keep her mind off of everything that had been dragging her down.  It helped that her focus had to stay on her cards while ensuring that Will’s boasting morphed into irritated grumbling until he’d finally thrown down his final hand in disgust and stomped off to his bunk a few more dollars poorer.

As she tallied up her half of the take she warily eyed the front entrance of the hotel.  She’d almost convinced herself that Regina would have been waiting for her, pacing like a caged tiger, ready to strike.  Instead she found herself looking at a couple of bored valet attendants and a few of the other guests entering and leaving, some slowing to gape at the bus as it came to a stop.  To her great relief there were no reporters or paparazzi in sight, unlike their hotel in Oakland.

“I’ll let the front desk know we’re here,” Tink volunteered, popping out of her bunk like a jack in the box.

Before Emma could thank her she had already skipped down the stairs and was making her way into the hotel.  Shaking her head at Tink’s boundless energy she stood herself, stretching out her road weary muscles.  Just as she was about to move to gather up her stuff to take up to the room she caught sight of Regina striding out of the hotel’s entrance.  The furious look on her face made Emma’s stomach drop to her toes.

“Uh, you guys should go,” she called out, keeping her eyes on the advancing Regina.

“You already drained me dry and now you’re makin’ demands?  I’ll go when I’m good and ready,” Will scoffed, his voice muted.

She felt Ruby come up behind her, “I’ll just wait for- oh.  Will, let’s go!”

“What the bleedin’ hell for?” He growled, she heard him drop from his bunk and stomp towards them, “It’ll take Tink at least twenty minutes to get everythin’ all sorted out and since I’m bunkin’ with the crew, thanks to you and that wanker havin’ a row-”

“If your accommodations aren’t to your liking Mr. Scarlet-” Regina said icily as she ascended the stairs into the bus, “I can arrange for something more suitable, a Triple A recommended motel perhaps?”

Looking over at Will she saw his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard before grinning cheekily, “Ah, won’t be necessary, luv, seein’ as motels never have a decent bar.  Shall we, Red?”

Ruby looked torn.  Emma nodded, giving her the okay to leave even though she desperately wanted her to stay.  Unfortunately she knew that Regina would lay into her no matter who was there to witness it.  Regina had already made it clear that she was annoyed that Ruby had replaced Killian.  If Ruby stuck around she’d most likely fight on Emma’s behalf and get sent back to Maine for her trouble.  The last thing she wanted was to give Regina the opportunity to bring Killian back on.

Will had already left the bus and Ruby followed reluctantly, her gaze narrowed at Regina’s back until she disappeared out the door.  Steeling herself Emma waited for the oncoming tirade.

“Have a seat Miss Swan,” Regina said icily, brushing past her and sitting down at the bus’ small table.

“A please would be nice,” she muttered, low enough to not be heard while doing as she was told.

Regina watched her silently.  Emma fought against the urge to fidget, feeling a lot like she was an unruly student about to be reprimanded by the principal.

“Mr. Hoakley’s apology has been released-” Regina began without preamble, “His producer and the company have also issued their statements.  Unfortunately, the edited audio is still being circulated despite the original recording and a transcript being released and you’re still trending negatively on Twitter.  We haven’t seen any major drop in overall sales or requests for ticket refunds but there has been a dip.  Enough of one that the label is insisting that you release a statement of your own.”

“What?  I-”

“I am talking Miss Swan, you will only listen,” Regina said sharply.  She paused, clearly waiting for her to try and argue.  When she didn’t she continued, “I have already written the response which will be posted to your Instagram today along with a photo from the tour.  You will also be doing a live session tomorrow morning to answer fan questions.  The questions will be chosen and looked over beforehand to prevent any more mishaps.  If everything goes well we should see a solid bounce back by the time we reach Vancouver.

“Now, concerning Mr. Jones-”

“I could have kicked him off the tour at any time, we put it in the fucking contract,” she said hotly, annoyed at having been dressed down and feeling defensive over the decision she still wasn’t sure about.

Regina’s brown eyes flashed, “Yes, which saved you from being dropped from the label entirely.”

“Wh-” Emma could feel the blood draining from her face, “What?”

“Despite what you may think you are not as indispensable to them as to take the liberties you already have.  The fiasco with Mr. Hoakley was bad enough and while you were in the right the label saw your combativeness as a strike against you.  Dropping Mr. Jones from the tour at the same time was a misstep that jeopardized both your careers.  Yours more so than his.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?  How is that fair?” She asked in disbelief, feeling irate heat crawling up her neck.

“It isn’t, but that’s how this industry works, Miss Swan,” Regina said flatly. “Mr. Jones is an established artist with a built in fan base and therefore guaranteed record sales.  His past troubles are well documented and any misstep he could make wouldn’t come as a surprise even with his turnaround and the years spent in reclusivity.  You, on the other hand, have only begun to bring in returns on the investments the label has made.  Having Mr. Jones on the tour was his tacit endorsement of you and could have drawn a new demographic of listeners to your music.  Instead you’ve made it appear as though you were doing him some great favor instead of the other way around.”

“I don’t need his or anyone’s help,” she growled. “I’ve already made it this far on my own.”

“You made it to open mic nights and small bookings at bars on your own.  A world you are closer to returning to than you think,” Regina warned. “I suggest addressing how thankful you are that the label has been supporting you during this time.  It’ll be a step towards getting back in their good graces.”

“This is ridiculous-” she threw up her arms in frustration, “I did nothing wrong and I’m getting punished for it.”

“Again, this is how things work and you are not the only one being reprimanded for your behavior,” Regina snapped.

She frowned, “What do you mean?”

“I have been in meetings and taking phone calls for the past three days fighting on solely your behalf-” for the first time Regina seemed to soften, a wry twist to her lips. “There is nothing worse than trying to convince a group of old, out of touch, decidedly male record executives to consider for a moment what a young woman in the industry has to deal with on a daily basis.  Let alone trying to explain the capriciousness of social media trends.  Regardless what you may think, I am on your side Emma.”

“Wait, I’m confused-” she sat back, crossing her arms over her chest, “You just spent the last fifteen minutes chewing me out.”

“And you spent the last three days ignoring my calls-” Regina said pointedly. “If you’d actually answered any of them I might have been more patient in explaining everything to you.”

“So if I’d answered you would have been less of a bitch?” She asked sardonically.

Regina pursed her lips and glared at her, “Seeing as I’m the one currently keeping your ass out of the fire I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.”

“So, I post my statement and do an awkward live thingy to get things back on track,” she said in lieu of apologizing.  There was no way in hell she was going to give Regina the satisfaction. “Anything else?”

“We still need to discuss what happened with Jones,” Regina said with a raised eyebrow, folding her hands together on the table.

“Jesus,” she muttered under her breath.  Dropping her head back she sighed, “Do we really or can we pretend we did and go get drunk at the bar instead?”

There was a pregnant pause before Emma heard Regina shifting in her seat, as though she were uncomfortable.  Curious she swung her head back down and was surprised to see an almost concerned look on Regina’s face.  She must have let her confusion show because Regina rolled her eyes.

“We may not exactly be friends, Emma, but I do have your best interests at heart.  What happened with Jones the day of the interview? You were eager to be done with the day and back with him as soon as possible, then a few hours later you dropped him from the tour and cut off all communication.  As your manager I need to know if there’s going to be any issues in the future that can be quietly dealt with now-” the concerned look returned, “As someone who worries about you I want to know that he hasn’t done anything to hurt you.”

Emma burst into laughter, unable to help herself.  She should have known that Regina would have no clue why she’d practically fallen apart.  In Regina’s mind she was merely doing her job of getting her clients’ careers to the next level.  It wouldn’t have occurred to her that she might have been the reason for it all going to shit.

Catching sight of Regina’s bewildered stare threw Emma into a fresh gale of laughter.  As tears of mirth streamed down her face she fought to catch her breath and wondered almost idly if she’d finally lost her damn mind.  Several minutes passed before she was finally able to get ahold of herself and look Regina in the eye.

“Are you quite finished?” Regina asked, clearly exasperated.  At her nod she leaned forward, “Now, will you please tell me what it is I said that had you laughing like a madwoman?”

“Do you worry about me or my career?” She said instead of answering, quirking her lips in a wry smile.  Regina’s brows drew down in consternation and Emma sighed, knowing they were only heading towards a fight, “Killian didn’t do anything.  He got what he wanted out of touring with me so it was time for him to go.  End of story.”

“That sounds more like the middle of the story-” Regina leaned forward, “Explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain,” she sighed, completely over the conversation. “Being on tour got him back in the saddle or taking that first giant leap or whatever.  He’s working on new, amazing stuff with the hit-maker Robin Locksley, which is what you want from a new client.  Right?  So I let him go and we’re both moving onto bigger and better things.  Everyone’s a winner.  Can I please go get a drink now?”

Regina had slowly straightened in her seat during her small tirade.  She was sitting rigidly, looking at her with an unreadable expression.  After a moment she shook her head, Emma somehow felt it was in disappointment, and stood from the table.

“I’ll send you the statement to post and options for the photo to go along with it.  The live Q and A needs to happen before nine tomorrow morning, I will be sending along the pre-approved questions as well.  Stick to those and hopefully you’ll come out of this relatively unscathed.”

Emma stared up at her, almost annoyed she hadn’t pushed the Killian issue further, “Okay…”

“Have a good evening, Miss Swan.” With that Regina strode off.  Emma watched her go, flabbergasted by the abrupt departure when Regina stopped at the top of the stairs leading off the bus and turned back, “Just so you know, Mr. Jones is refusing to do any work on the album the label has him on contract for.  Mr. Locksley, a close, personal friend of his I believe, is having difficulties convincing him to even pretend to work on it to appease the label.  He is perilously close to being in breach of contract with them and is refusing to answer my calls as I try to salvage what’s left of his career.  But everyone's a winner, right?”

Regina didn’t wait for her to answer, stepping down off the bus without any further acknowledgement.  Emma sat there with a growing sense of unease, staring blankly at the spot that Regina had been standing.  The part of her that hadn’t wanted to see Killian in pain was trying to twist Regina’s words into lies, make everything she’d said another ploy to boost sales or something, anything to keep her mind clear of the idea that Killian was sabotaging himself for her.  Yet the longer she sat there the more her unease grew, knowing that what Regina had said was exactly something that Killian would do.

Antsy she got up from the table and paced between it and her bunk.  She no longer wanted a drink, just the thought of drowning her sorrows and problems had her remembering Killian’s hard fought for sobriety to face his own issues head on.  With each pass she made in the small space she teetered back and forth between believing Regina and vilifying her, both of which would have her making decisions she wasn’t ready to make.

Groaning in frustration she dove into her bunk, wanting nothing more than to hide away there and hope that everything would just fix itself.  Her self pitying was interrupted by a phone buzzing at her hip.  Reaching underneath her she pulled it out, expecting to see her old, battered but still functional phone and instead found her fingers wrapped around Ruby’s practically new iPhone in its protective red case.  Surprised that she’d left it behind Emma flipped the phone over to see who was calling.  When she saw Killian’s name on the screen she nearly threw it across the bus.

She eyed the still buzzing phone like it was a snake about to strike.  There were a million reasons for her to ignore it, to let it go to voicemail and have Ruby give her the gist of the message.  There was only one reason for her to answer and it was that that had her swiping up and pressing the phone to her ear before she could think better of it.

“Thank god,” Killian sighed in relief, the sound shooting straight to Emma’s heart, “Ruby, lass, I don’t know what’s going on and I won’t ask but please, just tell me that Emma’s alright.  I’ll stop calling, anything, I just... please, I just need to know.”

Her breath had backed up in her throat at the plea in Killian’s voice.  He also sounded exhausted, his accent dragging across the words much like they had when they’d stayed up too late, nose to nose talking the night away.  The memory had her breath hiccuping out of her in a half sob.

“What’s wrong?  Is it Emma?  Ruby, is she okay?”

His panicked questions had her biting her cheek to get a hold of herself.  She closed her eyes and gripped the phone as though her life depended on it.

“I’m okay, Killian.”

“Swan?” He breathed and she could hear his unfolding hope in the single word, “Love, is that you?”

“It’s me,” she whispered.

“Swan, Emma, I…” he huffed in either frustration or disbelief she wasn’t sure, “Dammit, love, I had so many things I wanted to say and now I can’t think of a single thing.”

She took in a shuddering breath, “Just tell me why.”

“Why?  Why what?”

“Why didn’t you just tell me that you were trying to get your big comeback?  That’s all this was, wasn’t it?  You could have just told me that.  You didn’t have to lie to me,” she had tried to keep her tone even, unaffected, but had ended on a growl nonetheless.

“I never lied,” he said vehemently.  She scoffed and he made a strangled noise, “Emma, listen to me, when have I lied?  Yes, I admit, being on the tour may have begun as a stepping off point but it became more than that.  We became more than that.”

“A lie by omission is still a lie, Killian,” she said emphatically.  She couldn’t focus on how heartfelt he’d sounded when talking about them, not when he’d also confirmed everything she’d been worrying about. “It’s not like it matters anyway, you got what you want.  Your name’s back out there, people are interested.  Congrats on the record contract by the way.”

“None of that bloody matters to me,” he snapped. “If you’d just listen-”

“No,” she said, cutting him off, “You had your chance to explain when you first auditioned.”

“Emma-” his voice cracked, “please.”

“I- I can’t take the chance that I’m wrong about you-” her voice wavered, tears lodged in her throat, “I’m sorry.”

She cut off the call but not before she heard him say her name once more.  The phone immediately began buzzing in her hand but she swiped to ignore the call, quickly shutting off the phone completely to resist the temptation to answer.  She then curled into a ball and gave into her tears.

[remnantoforario]

Unmerry Men AKA The Problem With Robyn Hill

I’ve been sitting on this rant for a while. I’m sure there are people who have talked this topic to death since Volume 7 ended, and did a much better job than I am about to, but I still feel the need to throw my hat in the ring (or shoot my arrow at the target given the subject matter) and say definitively and without question: that Robyn Hill is a terrible character. 

Get some snacks. This is going to be a long one. 

Let me preface this rant by saying I don’t hate Robyn HIll...in CONCEPT. That last word is very important. 

The idea behind her character is a sound one: Atlas is characterized as a country with a VERY clear disparity between the rich (Atlas)

and the poor (Mantle)

So it makes perfect sense that there would be a Robin Hood (see what I did there) type character that would bridge this gap between the two and seek to make things equal, or at least a little less lopsided. As an idea this is great, but the problem (as with most everything in RWBY) is in the execution. 

Outside of Forrest extolling her praises in the back of a cop car in Chapter 2, the first time we see Robyn is when she stops Clover, Ruby, Qrow, and Penny from reaching the Amity tower site. 

During this introduction, she tries to coerce Clover into disclosing classified government information via her Semblance, and Penny has to expose her ambush tactics. Not the best first impression.

Now in a vacuum, this scene isn’t really that bad. Thanks to (clunky) exposition, we are already aware that there is friction between the military and the Happy Huntresses. As such it makes sense that we the audience first meet Robyn as an antagonistic force against RWBY and their allies.

The thing with this though is that all four of the writers of this volume forgot to lift the perception of Robyn being an antagonist until around the final third of the volume. Objectively, there is no reason anyone outside of her own group to want to trust or follow her. 

The M,K,K, & E are trying to position Ironwood and Robyn in the roles of the Sherriff of Nottingham and Robin Hood respectively. The main problem with this is that they fail to establish Ironwood as a tyrannical threat on par with the Sherriff. 

Does he make questionable decisions? Certainly. Are his choices morally wrong? In some cases, yes. But they are more often than not written in a way where the choices he makes are OBJECTIVELY best for everyone (even if they try to frame it otherwise). 

Closing the borders, hiding the Amity plan, diverting resources to FINISH said plan, and his other tactics (while at times misguided) were done in order to protect as many people as he could from Salem and her forces. They were all calculated risks that clearly took a mental and emotional toll on him. He’s a severely broken man trying to keep whatever he has left from falling apart, but everyone is working against him (including his own allies but that’s another story). 

This brings me back to Robyn. She is hailed as the “Hometown Hero of Mantle”, but all we ever do is see her take shots at Ironwood and Jacques and talk about how much the former ISN’T helping Mantle. My question to her, her hardcore cans, and CRWBY is “What has Robyn done to help Mantle?”. RWBYJNR and various talking heads mention how Robyn is helping the people of Mantle, but because the volume (seemed) so rushed to get to Salem’s arrival, we never see her doing anything that’s not directly tied to the plot. 

She’s not working on Mantle’s wall, she’s not in the streets talking to people, handing out medical supplies, giving away food, or anything that actively helps Mantle. We don’t even see her fight Grimm in the streets until the FINAL episodes of the volume. All she and her group do is actively antagonize the military and steal (which we never see them give to the poor). For someone hailed as the town’s hero, she doesn’t seem to really be doing anything to earn that title.   

After the election night massacre, she openly declares war on Ironwood essentially and begins stealing resources needed for the Amity project, until she is ultimately stopped by Blake and Yang. 

Now in theory I have no problem with Yang and Blake telling her about the Amity plan; my main hang up about it is that Robyn has done nothing to earn this trust. 

Until this point Robyn has been getting in their way as they try to reestablish global communications, but now they suddenly feel comfortable telling this sensitive information to a complete stranger and risking a leak even when they KNOW Tyrian is in the city? Instead of telling her that, why not tell her about Tyrian instead? I’m sure she would want justice for the people he killed. 

Then she is later invited to the Council meeting (despite not being a member) and made aware of classified information that she shouldn’t know of, as well as make a complete ass of herself and show why she probably shouldn’t have won in the first place. 

This leads to her finally believing Ironwood, but eventually that gets tossed out the window at the end of the volume where her actions almost directly lead to Clover’s death.  

As she, Qrow, and Clover are transporting Tyrian back to Atlas, Ironwood’s order to arrest RWBYJNRQO is issued. Now there are three things that are very important to keep in mind here after this order is issued: 

1. Clover is clearly conflicted about following this order. 

2. Qrow is calmly trying to talk things out. 

3. Robyn is NOT under arrest. 

Let me repeat that. ROBYN IS NOT UNDER ARREST.

So as Qrow is level headedly suggesting they all talk it out, Robyn (who again is NOT under arrest) starts a fight that results in Tyrian escaping his restraints, the plane going down (after Tyrian kills the pilot and co-pilot), Robyn herself being unconscious, and Clover being ultimately being murdered. 

Now tell me after all the information is presented, why we are supposed to care for this character? What have the writers done to position her as someone we should invest in? 

A lot of her accomplishments are told to us rather than shown, and whenever we do see her onscreen she’s mostly a nuisance that makes pretty much any situation she’s in worse. Yes, I know this is just one volume and she will obviously be a central character in V8 and possibly 9, but the damage has been done. Any attempt to salvage her will just be cleaning up the fall out from V7. 

Now since I’m not one of those people that likes to complain for the sake of it, I’ll voice my opinion on how Robyn could have been written better. 

The first thing we do is distance her from the Happy Huntresses. She will still be the leader, but that information won’t be revealed until AFTER the election. It’s not really a good look for a vigilante to try and run for a public office if they are still breaking the law. That’s like Bruce Wayne running for mayor of Gotham AS Batman (though the people would likely still vote for him). 

So as far as the public (including Ironwood and RWBYJNRQO) are concerned, Robyn is a normal Mantle city official and Joanna Greenleaf is the leader of the Huntresses. For those of you who don’t remember who she is (and I don’t blame you), this is Joanna Greenleaf: 

The second thing I’m going to do is give her a more established connection to Ironwood. My idea? Former military. Robyn was once a part of the Atlas military’s intelligence and recon division because of her lie detecting semblance. When she discovers corruption within the system (lets say something having to do with Faunus, the mines, Mantle, or the SDC) she exposes it but quickly becomes disillusioned with military life and is discharged. She then begins living in Mantle and becomes their representative. We can say this happened maybe five to ten years before the series itself starts. 

She served under Ironwood and has a deep respect for him, but does not agree with his decisions as defacto head of the Council. This is what leads to the friction between them. 

Next, we change up how she and the Huntresses are introduced in V7. When RWBYJNRQO arrive in Mantle the election race has only barely begun (we’re pushing it back). We see posters for Robyn and maybe hear snippets of an interview she is giving to a news station on one of the TVs. 

When the Grimm attack, instead of RWBYJNRQO running out to help immediately, they are cut off by the Happy Huntresses who quickly get rid of the monsters. Ruby and the others wonder who they are before the Huntresses scatter when Penny and the Ace-Ops arrive. The heroes are still arrested for stealing an airship and violating Atlas airspace (as they should have), but now there is some intrigue about who that group of women were. 

Forrest still gives his exposition, but leaves out Robyn because no one knows she’s their leader. 

When the gang arrive at the school they meet with Ironwood and Winter, but hear Ironwood complaining about “that woman” after having just finished a call on his scroll. 

Fast forward to the mine mission. Instead of Jacques showing up, this is where we gets their first full appearance from Robyn. She is brought via airship to the mine (along with an exasperated Winter and Penny) and begins to badger Ironwood about ducking their meeting, stating that Mantle still hasn’t received the supplies he promised days ago. You could also have her briefly greet the kids and Qrow before going back to argue with Ironwood. 

Things proceed as normal, but inbetween some of the bigger story events we see news reports of Robyn helping people around Mantle. Feeding the poor, cheering up the miners, handing out supplies, giving speeches, and other things to show that she really is the hero of the people. Not everything has to be directly tied to the plot, you can use extra devices like tv news and the like to expand on characters. They tried this in V7 but they didn’t go far enough with in my opinion. This would inform us more on Robyn’s character without her being the direct focus as well as give the audience an actual reason to get behind the things she says. 

The main aspect of Robyn’s character that I would focus on would be her relationship with Ironwood. Nothing romantic, just how their ideologies align (or don’t) and how they view each other. They respect one another. Robyn knows Ironwood is a good man, but she doesn’t fully understand why he’s doing the things that he is doing. She doesn’t know why he’s being so secretive. She wants to give him a chance, but he keeps denying her. 

On Ironwood’s part he knows that morally Robyn is in the right and genuinely wants to help everyone in both cities, but his paranoia will not allow him to simply tell her what is really going on. Salem’s reach is far and if she was able to turn Lionheart (one of Ozpin’s closest confidants) then she can get to anyone and that is frightening. 

This is why Robyn utilizes the Happy Huntresses. They are able to move outside the law and do the things she can’t (similar to Jim Gordon and Batman). She doesn’t want to condemn Ironwood because of all the good he’s done, but people are suffering and something needs to change.

Neither are wrong, but they can’t find common ground.  

I’d position Robyn more as a fringe type of character. She doesn’t directly intervene in the plot, but you know she’s always there bidding her time until she can be more prominent.

I have more ideas for her, but this post is long enough as it is so let’s just end it here. 

TLDR; Robyn Hill is a good character concept with horrible execution. Hopefully she will be somewhat better utilized in future volumes, or kill her off at the start of V8. At this point I’m good with either. 

[writerseven]

hey if you're still doing commentaries could you maybe do one on the conversation dick and alfred have in the most recent chapter thanks

 I am always down to do commentaries!

This got long, so I will put my rambles about this bit from brother chapter two under the cut:

so when plot was just starting to happen in the series, I actually debated for a bit whether or not Alfred would know, and how much. Ultimately, I felt like him knowing would make more logical sense and feel more grounded, and some version of that reveal has been in my outline ever since I had an outline. I have been waiting for the chance to write that, like, five second moment of one of the kids having a stomach-dropping realization that alfred has known this whole time. I think early on it was much later in my outline and it was Tim? But in terms of plot machinations and where things are headed and characters emotional states, it ended up fitting perfectly for Dick in this moment.

Setting that up was tricky. I figured some people would already suspect, but I still wanted it to be potentially shocking for readers who anticipated a nicer Alfred? I really tried to figure out how to tune that entire chapter to feel like it was building up to Good Guy Alfred, and add in little mentions from Dick’s PoV of Alfred being great/kept in the dark/etc that would set expectations without being too obvious as red herrings.

Honestly, I’m not sure I really succeeded on that, but as long as that moment is still horrifying and awful, that’s more important that being shocking. If I were to go back and edit this series as a whole, I would probably try to set that up for longer to really pull the rug out from under people.

asdfjk I’ve written a bunch and I haven’t even gotten to the actual convo you asked about yet

OKAY. So Alfred doesn’t have a lot of lines because it’s not a very long scene all things considered, so I tried to really be thoughtful about what he did say. Right before Dick “tells” Alfred, we get this:

Alfred doesn't complain, glancing over his shoulder. His mouth gives a wry twist at the display. “Ah, well. You know Master Bruce. It does not matter what logic or decency or I say when he's determined to wallow in guilt.” 

They’re talking about the Jason Robin suit display, but that’s also setting up everything that comes after.

“Were I capable of stopping Master Bruce from every foolish idea that gets into his head, he wouldn't be gallivanting about each night to risk his life dressed as a flying rodent,” says Alfred, pushing the kettle back into its designated place. “I can protect him from many things, but not himself.”

And that’s kind of the basis of Alfred’s feelings here. He doesn’t approve of Bruce abusing the kids; of course he finds it indecent and misguided and perhaps, if he can admit it to himself a tiny bit, wrong--but it’s not his doing, and, gosh, well, he’s tried his best to steer Bruce right and you can’t win ‘em all, right?

He’s also, like, super focused on Bruce above all others. Alfred calls Batman a foolish idea because of the way it endangers Bruce, and even frames the idea of stopping him from being a pedophile as “protecting him from himself.” Alfred cares about his pseudo-grandkids and would rather not have to chose, but Bruce is his baby and will always come first.

A lot of enablers of this kind of abuse are romantic partners, and because of the unusual way the Robins were raised, that’s not a far off comparison from their side of things; Alfred took somewhat of a parental role for Dick and Jason especially. But in terms of Alfred’s psychology, I think of this more like an enabling parent--the kind who wants their kid to be good and well-raised, but ultimately just cannot accept the concept of their precious child having done something truly bad. And if that kid ever did, they’d be helping bury the body instead of asking questions.

Alfred's eyes are low—No. Alfred's eyes are averted. His lips are still pinched, brow still creased. Dick doesn't get it at first. But something cold creeps into his chest. “Alfie...?”

[fixed typo count: 1. how am i so bad at this]

One of the most annoying things about describing facial expressions (or body language) is that you can describe it textbook-perfectly for a particular emotion, and still have it not convey the emotion you mean it to. Part of that is that we only have so many words for the ways faces move, part of it is that individual facial movements can convey multiple expressions (e.g. frowning can be for irritation, disapproval, disappointment, sadness, etc), and part of it is that if you’re not using words that convey obvious emotion (’scowl’ ‘smile’ ‘grimace’ etc) readers kinda have to take a second to actually picture what you’re describing before they can discern an emotion from it.

...on the flip side, if you want characters and/or readers to misunderstand an expression, that means you can still get away with a lot of describing.

All that lowered eyes, pinched lips, creased brow could be the sign of someone taking in horrible news and trying to suppress a strong reaction, which is what Dick thinks at first--and then a little word choice of flipping the vaguer “lowered” to the distinctly guilty “averted” and Dick starts to get it.

“Perhaps,” Alfred says, carefully selected words, “you should let it not be true.”

And there we get to, like, the entirety of Alfred’s justification. Love for Bruce is why he lets this continue, but the how is just a straight up I Do Not See It. From a little later:

“There are things in his life,” Alfred says tightly, refilling his cup, “in any loved one's life, that are simply separate from our own.”

I don’t know if this is ever going to come up, so I don’t mind mentioning it here though it hasn’t been explicitly shown in the story--but this is the first time Alfred has ever really discussed this with anyone. Dick is the only person who is fully aware Alfred knows.

If you go back, you can actually see brief mentions in Bruce’s PoVs of keeping things hidden from Alfred, e.g. debating if he could convince Alfred that short-shorts for Robin are a tactical decision. I think I dropped that in the first time before I had actually considered Alfred’s role in a longer story, but I ended up liking the idea that not even Bruce is certain whether Alfred is aware of his abuse. He goes back and forth between thinking maybe Alfred doesn’t know and he must hide it (because clearly Bruce is such Clever Genius Sneaky Man that no one could ever learn his secrets), and suspecting closer to the truth: that Alfred knows, but the silent condition for his enabling is that Bruce never ever brings it up and lets Alfred feign ignorance.

I realize I’ve talked a whole bunch about Alfred here and said almost nothing about Dick, but to be fair, we’re already in Dick’s PoV so there’s not as much new stuff to cover.

What if he doesn't? Dick can say something stupid instead, watch Alfred's face clear and that smile return. They'll go upstairs, maybe, have tea with Jason, laugh and reminisce. Bruce and Tim will return later, change back in the cave, and come upstairs where they can all be together. This little messed up family in the kitchen, happy and unbothered. Alfred won't have his heart broken, and Jason can warm up again, and Bruce will smile at Dick, and Tim won't resent him. And all Dick has to do is pretend he was wrong and never say anything, until he starts to believe it himself.

They could be a good, happy family. The blissful life of ignorance.

I feel WEIRD talking about my own feelings on my writing (because what if they’re completely off base from how it reads??) but I think this was the most crushing bit to me. Dick so badly wants the good family that he deserves, wants his dad to love him, wants everyone to be happy. And, without knowing it yet, he’s basically described what Alfred actually did. Dick is going to push past this moment of weakness, do the right thing instead of pretending, say something so incredibly hard--and then find out it was all pointless because someone else already made that choice.

Sad. Alfred looks sad. Dick doesn't understand, he doesn't understand. It's the wrong sadness. And Alfred's—being—gentle.

“Let's get you some tea and a chat,” Alfred says. Dick means to refuse that too, but the words get choked up and the next thing he knows Alfred is guiding him up that long staircase. That hand on his shoulder is so gentle and the words are so gentle and the pace is so gentle and Dick can't seem to resist any of it and he doesn't know where his—body has gone.

I kind of realized after I wrote the previous chapter that I would never be allowed to use the word “gentle” in Dick’s PoV without it carrying a very specific connotation. And on the bright side, I can just drop a single word and have already established the emotion behind it!

Alfred is now placed alongside Bruce (and Catalina Flores, and the BPD, and those appeared-for-two-seconds traffickers...) He has the upper hand, and has no need to be cruel.

(also that “he doesn't know where his—body has gone” my dudes, Dick must have, like, so many issues with bodily autonomy after all the shit he’s been through, even in a ‘verse where Bruce isn’t an abuser, and I could do a whole post about that y’all)

Alfred gets him some tea. Dick stares at it until a soft sound and Alfred sipping his own in demonstration stirs him to follow suit.

They're sitting at the kitchen island. Dick is sitting at the kitchen island, dangle of his legs off the bar stool making him feel like a kid again. Alfred stands on the island's other side, patiently watching him. Tea. Kitchen. Alfred knows. Dick has the vaguest presence of mind to wonder if they passed Jason on the way up. He's pretty sure they didn't; Jason must have moved.

[dissociation intensifies] adjf honestly I was like “oh no am I using dissociation too much in this series” because part of me always wants to highlight the different ways people can react, but IN MY DEFENSE dick has a canonical history of reacting to traumatic events like this so. yeah. Errbody dissociating.

(For the record, Jason did indeed move and they did not pass him.)

There’s a middle bit to this conversation that I don’t have to much to say about where Dick is just trying to come to terms with the revelation and completely failing to understand how Alfred can not do anything. because Fundamentally Good Person Dick Grayson reigns supreme in my heart.

and then that tension escalates to:

Dick hands clench on the tiny teacup. “He's raping kids.”

“Richard.”

From getting to chat a bit in the comments, it’s not just me, but I’ve always found that initially naming a thing can feel more shocking than the thing itself. Bruce grooms his victims (Dick included, though Bruce never raped him), and gradually submits them to more and more discomfort, and gaslights them, and that sort of slow ramp up can make things seem...less awful, or less definable, or less abusive than they actually are.

I’ve always found things seem a lot clearer in retelling (or, for fiction, in telling at all), when in the moment, in real life, there’s a lot of second guessing and ‘is this really happening?’ and ‘what exactly is happening?’ and ‘is this really what i think it might be?’ And then you don’t want to get it wrong and be jumping to conclusions.

So there’s also a power in my mind of being able to name things? The first time is really shocking and hard, but then suddenly there is this title you can group it under. And maybe you don’t know what to do about “my adoptive father who i love but is sometimes difficult is maybe carrying on a sexual relationship with my not-brother who swears that it isn’t happening and also seems to want to be there, and i don’t want to hurt anyone,” but you probably have a much clearer reaction to “this man is raping children.”

I think it takes a lot from Dick to name it as such--And there’s a reason why that is the moment Alfred snaps. “My employerson who I love has a complicated relationship with his kids” is a lot easier to be willfully ignorant towards.

Finally, the end of the conversation is just Alfred laying out why Dick can’t do anything about it and how no one will help. And also trying to guilt Dick into believing this is for the best. Alfred is happy to have all four of his boys around, and he would prefer that illusion of being whole and happy to losing any of them for the sake of helping the others.

...and, I’ll be honest, that ending explanation is also for me the author to be able to explain it. If you’ve got a purely logical viewpoint here, there’s a question of, like “why doesn’t Dick just ask Diana to use her lasso, or ask a telepath to read Bruce’s mind?” etc etc, and my hope is that it will be clear to everyone that emotion is about a million times more important than rationality when it comes to trauma reactions, and that Dick actually does even have good reason to doubt talking to any of those people would help!

Because the person he trusted most in the world to have his back re: Bruce already knew, and doesn’t want to change anything.

[shireness-says]

Election Day

Summary: This is, arguably, the stupidest thing her best friend has ever done. So how in the hell did Charlie Jones get dragged into it? A 5B Divergence 'verse future snippet. ~1.8K. Rated T for language. Also on AO3.

A/N: @snidgetsafan and I plotted this out a couple of months ago, and it remains an absolutely ridiculous idea. Hopefully in a good way. I love the dynamic of these two idiots.

Tagging: @thejollyroger-writer, @profdanglaisstuff, @captainsjedi, @ultraluckycatnd, @superchocovian, @snowbellewells, @killianjones4ever82, @ohmakemeahercules, @let-it-raines, @lifeinahole27, @kmomof4, @scientificapricot, @spartanguard, @courtorderedcake, @justanotherwannabeclassic, @teamhook, @thisonesatellite

Enjoy, and let me know what you think!

~~~~~~

“This is the stupidest thing we’ve ever done,” Charlie grumbles to her best friend - former best friend? That may depend on the next two weeks - from their table in front of the town gazebo. Their campaign table. For the mayoral campaign that Vera decided to stage.

You can’t make this shit up.

Honestly, it fucking figures that this is how Vera Mills-Locksley would stage a bout of teenage rebellion. Vera had inherited none of the malevolence but all of the attitude of her mothers - biological and adopted. Generally, that means she’s more bark than bite, more prone to mouthing off than actually doing anything (or at least doing anything genuinely shitty - Charlie’s found herself helping with more than her share of insane ideas over the years). There had been an incident last month about curfew, though, after they and Gideon French had got home a little late from a bit of post-football celebrating. Okay, an hour late. Charlie kind of understands why Aunt Regina had blown her top - this was Storybrooke, after all, where anything could happen. It definitely didn’t help that they hadn’t called or texted. It was probably a small miracle that Fitz or Dorothy hadn’t stopped them in the cruiser.

Still. Vera was… well, Vera, and even if the town agrees that she’s generally a good kid, Charlie knows from long experience that she doesn’t like being told what to do. The really unfortunate moment had come when the redhead had realized that she’d turn 18 only two days before the mayoral election - the election that, until then, Aunt Regina was running unopposed in. For an office that would allow Vera to change the curfew time. 

And when you phrase it like that, it’s almost too easy for a teenager with an attitude and an interesting concept of justice to decide that she’s going to run for mayor and drag her best friend along with her.

The Demon Teen in question (title patent pending, and possibly subject to change if it turns out that Charlie can achieve a new level of frustration before the actual election) hums skeptically. “Is it though? What about the time we borrowed your dad’s boat for that party?”

“Ship,” Charlie answers automatically after years spent in the Jones household. Unfortunately, Vera has a point; it definitely wasn’t one of their brighter moments, though in Charlie’s defense, Christian Erikson was just as good a kisser as he was cute. Still, she’d ended up grounded for a month and scraping barnacles, plus treated to a great safe sex refresher course after her dad had discovered Vera and Gideon trying to get things going in one of the crew cabins. All in all, a goddamn shit show. “But fine, second stupidest thing we’ve ever done. You do admit this is stupid, though?”

“Oh, undeniably,” Vera scoffs. “It’s only stupid if we don’t win though.”

“Ok, that is not how it works.”

“Hey, it’s my plan, it works however I want it to. Jeez, it’s almost like you don’t want to be my vice-mayor.”

“Gee, I wonder why,” Charlie mutters under her breath, before continuing less subtly. “That’s not even a thing.”

“Again, my plan, so I say it is.” As some poor unsuspecting townsperson walks by, she quickly plasters on a grin. “Would you like a campaign button?” she calls. “Vote Mills-Locksley for Mayor on November 4th!”

“Okay, so if it’s a thing, what does a ‘vice-mayor’ even do?” Charlie continues once Mr. Harris is out of earshot. 

“Fuck if I know,” Vera admits flippantly. “Look, it’s a good campaign decision. You’re a Jones, and a Charming for that matter. That means something in this town. I may be more charismatic and better suited —” Charlie squawks in protest at that - no one would ever claim that Vera is well suited to be mayor in any reality - but her best friend plows on ahead “— but you’re more…”

“Trustworthy?”

“That’s the one.” You had to give Vera that - she was always fully aware of how people might see her, considering her bloodline, and somehow still managed not to punch people for it. That was more Charlie’s job, anyways. “Now try to look happy, someone’s coming.”

Charlie squints into the distance, only to recognize the familiar gait. “That’s just Dad.”

At least he comes bearing coffee cups from Granny’s. “There’s my favorite candidates!” he calls as he approaches.

“You know I can’t actually serve any office, right?” Charlie questions wryly (not snaps or snarks or any other adjective the look on her father’s face suggests - just questions). “I won’t be eighteen until May. I am literally just a campaign tactic, and a pretty obvious one at that.”

“Play nice, Bean,” her dad murmurs as passes Charlie a travel cup before changing back to a normal volume. “Now, that’s a hot chocolate for you, sweetheart, with cinnamon of course. And Vera, a s’mores mocha for you.”

“Thanks, Captain Jones,” Vera smiles with that politician smile she’s perfected in the past few weeks. Honestly, for a girl who’s never shown a lick of interest in politics in her life - and Charlie’s been there for the vast majority of it, she would know - the redhead sure has adapted quickly.

“I believe that’s more respect than you’ve ever showed me in your life, Miss Mills-Locksley,” the pirate replies with that same wry tone Charlie uses. She had to learn it somewhere, after all. “It would have been much more appreciated when I found you and Gideon French trying to defile my ship, but beggars can’t be choosers, as the saying goes.”

“I think they also say ‘better late than never’,” Vera points out. “Also, ‘what’s done is done’.”

Charlie turns to look at her friend in disbelief. “Really helping your cause, aren’t you?” 

“Out of necessity, diplomacy has become my greatest strength.” God, Charlie hopes she’s kidding. Or being sarcastic. Or literally anything but meaning that sincerely, because the truth of the matter is that there’s only so much a human being can believe and a diplomatic Vera Mills-Locksley isn’t one of those things. 

“Yeah, sure it has,” Charlie settles for mumbling under her breath. Mutinously seems like a good descriptor, here, if she’s looking to become even more like her dad than everyone already claims she is.

(It’s the hair and the ears and maybe a bit of the face, honestly. The eyes and the attitude are all from her mom.)

Vera shoots her a bit of a dirty look, but the plastered-on smile is back only a moment later to schmooze Charlie’s dad. “What can we do for you today, Captain?” she makes sure to emphasize, probably to throw them both off. It would be totally in character, honestly. 

“I was hoping to procure some more buttons please, future Madam Mayor.” 

“Oh my God,” Charlie groans. “How could you have possibly gotten rid of all of those so quickly? We gave you, like, 50 a couple of days ago.” Her dad is arguably - hell, definitely the biggest supporter of this poorly planned campaign. Mom had just kind of rolled her eyes, though Charlie could spot a smile too; Uncle Robin mostly seemed conflicted between pride at Vera’s ambition and disappointment at her effort to spite her mother. And Aunt Regina was flat out pissed, and trying not to show it so that Vera couldn’t accuse her of undermining the sanctity of the election (they were cut from the same cloth, nurture over nature, and Vera totally would). Dad, though… Dad clearly thought that this unexpected campaign was the best and funniest thing to happen in Storybrooke in ages, a callback to his chaos pirate days or something. He handed out buttons at the docks, and at the Sheriff’s station, and at Granny’s - especially if Aunt Regina was there to see it. 

“I’m just here to support the cause,” he says smoothly. Not that Charlie believes that for a second; even though she’s sure he is proud, in his own weird way, it’s definitely for his own entertainment too. She halfway remembers him running for mayor one year when she was a kid just to piss Aunt Regina off. Maybe she’s carrying on the world’s stupidest family tradition or something. 

“Now tell me, Madam Mayor,” he continues, deftly ignoring Charlie’s irritation and general foul mood - seriously, you’d think he’d be more considerate of his daughter - “what will you do first, once you’re elected?”

“Oh, we’re so not winning the election,” Vera snorts.

“Now lass, I wouldn’t be so sure of that. I’m told that the democratic system is full of surprises - ��

Despite Dad’s best attempts at encouragement, Vera just keeps laughing. “Oh no. I won’t. I’m a friggin’ teenager running for mayor, it’s not going to happen. And even if it does, I’ll resign after a week at most. I’ve still got high school and college and drama club, I don’t have time to be mayor.”

“So this is just to get back at your mother, then?” Dad asks. “On the one hand, I’m always happy to see Regina sweat a bit, but as a parent I feel like I shouldn’t encourage this kind of mutiny, lass.”

Charlie takes a sip of her hot chocolate, leaning back to watch the show. Frankly, this looks like it will be the most entertaining part of this whole idiotic affair.

The half a grimace that Vera pulls in response sure is a look, at least. “I mean, kind of? But mostly I’m hoping to get some bargaining power. I figure, if I concede - or at least resign and give the office back to Mom… maybe we can negotiate an extended curfew.”

It’s diabolical, truly. Charlie’s kind of impressed, not that she’ll ever admit it. Her dad clearly is, too, as he barks out a laugh and grins back at Vera. “That’s quite the plan you’ve concocted, Miss Mills-Locksley. A pirate after my own heart. You have my vote.”

“Thanks, Uncle Kil; I’ll be counting on that the Tuesday after next.”

——— 

They do lose, of course; they’re a couple of teenagers running for office, one more willingly than the other. It was inevitable, no matter how many campaign buttons Killian Jones hands out everywhere in town.

There is a negotiation, however, where Vera agrees to give a concession speech supporting her mother’s re-election in return for a revised curfew. The extra hour on Friday and Saturday nights isn’t much, but it feels like a big victory now that all is said and done. Charlie’s just glad it’s over; she certain won’t be pursuing a career in politics. 

(The button, however, stays on her dad’s desk in a special little frame Mom bought just for him. She’s never going to outrun the whole fiasco, but as far as Dad’s concerned, maybe that’s not all bad.)

[smolbeandrabbles]

Selfish Pt.3 - Sheriff of Nottingham x Reader (Robin Hood 2018)

Part 1 / Part 2

Author’s Note: Michael Buble lyrics...?! Yeah! Her home town may or may not be heavily influenced by my trip to Norway back in March... and the fact that we had a bunch of lectures on Vikings. ...And the show Vikings itself...!  I apologise for the length of time it’s taken to get this one out to you - basically I wrote all of it, then not only was it far too long, but I was attempting to get all the characters into their places for Part 1 / 2 (future state!) right away. Where as I realised I was allowed to do that bit by bit! Therefore I had to decide which went where... And opted for this order! (That means you may well get the other parts quicker, but I’m making no promises!)

Disclaimer: Characters not mine, his name was not my idea. It’s all Wikipedia’s fault! (More on that below!)

Premise: With an arranged marriage on the cards, all she wonders is who he is and what she could be getting into. Determined to use her strengths to his advantage, the Sheriff has a proposal for his bride-to-be...  Words: 6606 Warnings: None (Depending on your feelings for Arranged Marriage!)

I'm not surprised Not everything lasts I've broken my heart so many times I've stopped keepin' track. Talk myself in, I talk myself out I get all worked up than I let myself down. I tried so very hard not to lose it I came up with a million excuses I thought I thought of every possibility Oh I might have to wait, I'll never give up I guess it's half timing and the other half's luck Wherever you are, Whenever it's right You'll come out of nowhere and into my life And I know that we can be so amazing And baby your love is gonna change me And now I can see every possibility And somehow I know that it'll all turn out And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out And I promise you kid I'll give so much more than I get I just haven't met you yet And I know that we can be so amazing And being in your life is gonna change me

--- Quick note on his name: I did a fair amount of research when I began writing this. Because she would address him by name. And I wondered if there was a record of what his name should be... Turns out noone really knows. But , Wikipedia seems to have an idea? And also when I looked him up you get this nice piece of information: William de Wendenal (also William de Wendeval) was a Norman baron probably born during the mid-12th century. He was one of the highest officials left in charge of the Kingdom of England when King Richard the Lionheart was away at the Third Crusade to reclaim the Holy Land from the control of Saladin of the Ayyubid dynasty.

And considering our Sheriff and his big “plan” I thought it played perfectly.  Look out for future plot points ;)

--- The journey to England was far longer than she thought it would be. Though, that could be perhaps she was in nervous anticipation. Her father was doing this in order for his kingdom to strengthen. To create bonds and international ties; trade perhaps... Being the eldest daughter, however, she was to be married off to a King. Perhaps. If that’s how the people of England called it. Several of her sisters and brothers were making the trip too, and they clocked in at just under 20 strong. For Norsemen that was a formidable force.

She wasn’t particularly against the idea of arranged marriage. She had expected nothing less, given her upbringing. Still it was strange for her to think about marrying a man she barely knew. What would he have her do? Give everything she loved up? She had to prepare for that scenario. Or would he let her be herself. She wondered many other things about his personality, and his looks. What would he look like? How old would he be? 

She worried sometimes... but, was thankful that she knew her father wouldn’t marry her off to just anyone. He was a valiant warrior who earned the right to his kingdom and held the respect of everyone. He was a good family man too. She thought that a man like he would make an agreeable husband and only hoped her father would think the same. 

*

 The King listened seriously to Eskil’s proposal. He sighed; “It is regrettable for me to give you the news that myself and my sons are unfortunately spoken for. However, I would not lose hope. Your proposal is certainly not one I would have England pass up. You are most welcome here... We have many jurisdictions in our fair country of wide scope. They will not be Kings, as such, but they will run their land in a similar manner. Fine, respectable, men...” He thought on it for a moment. Who, though? He studied her very carefully. He had to make the right choice. To send her to the right part of the country. He couldn’t start this off on the wrong foot... it may end badly for everyone involved. Most Lords were old, ailing, through several wives and strings of children already. 

Eskil had travelled from the North to offer his eldest daughter. To offer trade and a treaty. The King began to narrow his options, the man had to clearly be single... or at least ACT single... for a trade to take place and the fact that the Norse Kingdoms all relied on ships, it would have to have a good water network. Coastal or by river... He titled his head, regarding her. She was young... all her best years ahead of her, she looked like she was what they called a Shield Maiden. Even if she was prepared to give that up, she was likely a free spirit. Which meant she’d need someone with some new age thinking...  Most of the real warriors were at war. So that narrowed his options down even more... hmmm... decisions, decisions... One of his advisors leant in “Your highness... I have a suggestion...” “Please, do...” if he was on the Kings list... “Why not send them to Nottingham.” .... Nottingham!? To William!? The King didn’t quite laugh; that silver-fox known playboy?? A string of 5 or 6 different women every other week? A man not to be tied down... just enough under the thumb of the church? He wasn’t sure sending him a wife for an arranged marriage would stand him in good graces with the Sheriff. However, when he thought about it, the man did fit the bill. He was old-er... but his management of Nottingham has been nothing short of incredible during this war effort. It could certainly be classed as a little new age management...

The King nodded, a fine suggestion. Maybe a woman such as her could finally whip that loose cannon into shape. She could be just what he needed. “There is a man who I can certainly send you to. His name is William de Wendenal. And I would not send you his way if I did not think he would be a good man for your daughter. He resides in Nottingham. It will be a few days ride North from is here in London, but it will be worth the trip. I shall send him a letter right away to inform him of your impending arrival. He is a Sheriff... a little more elected than a King... but he holds a wide jurisdiction none the less and it will be no less impressive. Enjoy the English countryside. And Nottingham itself is a spectacular city.” 

*

 The King has allowed them to stay in London to prepare for their ride North. But she spent the majority of it nervously pacing... William... William... the Sheriff of Nottingham.... she didn’t doubt that the King would keep his word and he would be a fitting match. A good man. But she knew nothing about him other than his name and title... she could only pray that she would like him... though she might have little choice on that... However, whenever she managed to get the King on his free time; he would sit her down and tell her stories about this man in Nottingham. He sounded like a good person, who did plenty of good things. She liked that, even though she hadn’t met him the King was allowing her to get a sense of the man she was likely to now marry. It made her excited to meet him in person, she couldn’t deny she might have feelings based on all these great stories… She hoped against hope that he might live up to them… In the Northern territory that the Sheriff commanded the feeling could not have been any more different. A letter from the King arriving made his heart swell at the honour, until he cracked the seal and read. “ARRANGED MARRIAGE-!? ME---!?” He turned to Tuck; his blue eyes hard “What is this-!? A jest-!?” Tuck gave a shrug “I wouldn’t have through the King would… joke about something like this Sir…” The Sheriff’s sigh was angry “Do we know anything about her!?!” “Besides what is in the letter for you? No. I wasn’t even aware of the content Sir…” His face pulled into an angry frown as his eyes scanned the parchment, hand to his forehead “Oh…” that groan didn’t sound all that pleasing to Tuck either “…She’s from the Nordics… Marrying me off for trade it seems. Well, she better be worth it.” The friar looked heavenward; Please God let it be good trade at least…!! The Sheriffs frown turned inquisitive for a second “Oh-! Her father is a King of a Norse Kingdom… I suppose that makes her a princess…” He pressed the corner of the letter to his lips curiously “…Does that make me… married up?” William threw the letter onto the table and turned back to Tuck; “Well. I suppose we best be getting Nottingham ready for their arrival.” Tuck decided there could be no better time to try a last-ditch effort; “Do you have to accept?” otherwise the Sheriff would be in a foul mood all week until they arrived. And if she wasn’t exactly right he’d be in a bad mood for life. That didn’t seem like something the people of Nottingham would want. Especially in the middle of this War. The Sheriff chuckled, darkly; “It’s from the KING, Tuck. There’s nothing else to say. Of course, I must accept.” ** Her sisters stood together giggling. The general consensus of their whispers was that whoever he was, the Sheriff was likely to be the worst one amongst them. She was determined to ignore that until she knew for sure. But the procession from Nottingham castle almost left her disheartened. And her sisters didn’t help. It got worse the most Lords that appeared. This was awful… This wasn’t what she wanted. Or expected. She should have known to keep her expectations low – hell, maybe her expectations were low and at this point they should have been through the floor. The line was still for a moment and she had a hard time not reaching out for her father to call it off. Her brothers all seemed to be uneasy as it was. None of them were likely to want her married to just anyone… She was glad for a moment that they might fight for this, instead of her. But then the doors opened again, and one last man swept out. Tall, lean, older by his grey – but neat – hair. He looked finely groomed, the type of man who would not tolerate one single thing out of place. He stepped in front of the line. Nope. THAT had to be him. Looking like a badass in a long grey leather trenchcoat. She found herself smiling and her eyes flicked to her sisters; tongues all held and regretting their words. William scanned the girls quickly. It was hard to tell the oldest… He was apparently being given the oldest. Only, he also felt he might get to choose. The King surely couldn’t expect him to marry one he wasn’t interested in. He was surprised the King expected him to marry at all. If this is your idea of reigning me in you have another thing coming… All of the females in front of him had their heads bowed forwards politely. Save for one. Standing slightly away from the others, she was placed with the men of the family. She intrigued him by how she was essentially stepping out of the line of respect. He found himself smiling internally. He liked her.  Askel was unconvinced “Dad he doesn’t even look like a warrior.. I don’t know about this!” She glared across at her brother, jabbing his arm with her elbow, she hissed “Be quiet! Askel!” Askel raised an eyebrow with a smirk “oh! She likes him already?!” Then his face fell, his eyes hard “Y/N! You haven’t even met the guy! You don’t know him!” She remained glaring at him, but Eskil, hearing his children bicker merely chuckled. If she had feelings for him already, it meant the King had probably made a good choice.  The Sheriff nodded politely to the Norse King. Respect was everything at this game. And if he would play it like a game, he would win it. “Eskil, King of the Northern Realms of the Northmen. Or… Southern realms from what I have gathered.” Geographically speaking, Eskil presided over a kingdom in the Southern part of his country. “The honour is mine. My name is William de Wendenal – The Sheriff here in Nottingham…” “Sheriff.” His English was spoken in an accent but was still understandable “We have heard much about you! And I certainly appreciate your willingness to see us.” The Sheriff didn’t think he had much of a choice, but held his tongue with the appropriate smile. “I believe we may have much to discuss…” “Certainly…” His curious blue eyes flicked to the row of girls now peaking at him from under their lashes, and then to the single woman alone. Her inquisitive stare respectful, like she was weighing him up. He thought she could be standing alone because she was not to be selected… Now he felt that she might be the woman he was here for. He asked the question by looking back to Eskil. “Ah-! Sheriff, of course. My daughter… Y/N…” He stepped to the side and held an arm out to bring her forward. Although her step seemed hesitant and shy, he could tell by those eyes that she really wasn’t. William offered her his hand, which she took. Allowing him to kiss the back of her palm; “Y/N…” OH-! To hear him say her name. He had an accent; one that fit with the English words she knew how to speak perfectly. Where every word was pronounced properly and without effort. And the blue eyes he was casting upon her were gorgeous, up close and in the sun like this… She prayed… Harder than maybe she ever had before that he was as good a man as he had been made out to be. “…It is a pleasure to finally make the acquaintance of such a woman as you… This is a great honour you are doing me…” He let her go, all too soon, with a respectful bow of his head and turned back to her father; “Eskil, you make an excellent point. There is much to attend to! Without further ado-! Please… Do step this way…” William took a step backwards, but did not turn his back on the King, his arm outstretched, reaching towards the doors he had just walked from. *** The sheriff considered the proposal carefully. As if he had a choice, he’d already read it whilst scoffing about the letter from the King. Because as if he’d get married...But now it was being spelt out for him. Now this girl... woman, he corrected himself, she’s a woman. ... was standing in front of him he was beginning to scrap all resistance. Marriage still wasn’t his thing. He would hold off from that as long as he was able. Just another way he could stay under the thumb of the church he had no doubt. But courting her...? She was respectfully quiet as her father set the terms.  They were good terms. They also meant that she would not be the only Norseman to stay. Her brother would set both her father and her at ease... and the Sheriff himself on edge. That was the point. Well, William wouldn’t argue with that one. He nodded along gently. “It all seems to be in order...” He stood, drawing himself to height. “I would gladly accept your proposals King Eskil. Nottingham and its rivers will welcome trade of any kind with your kingdom. I will also allow safe passage to continue your travels further into my jurisdiction, toward the farther reaches of the North of England. No trouble for you and your people of course. Adding your son, Askel to the guard of my fair city would give it power and guidance unlike it had seen before. And of course... his priority over Y/N will be respected...”

 His blue eyes flicked to her, this time her head was gently lowered. She was tense. He assumed she understood every word he was saying... if her father spoke English this well he would assume she could too... at least he hoped so. Communication was likely to be important here... The Sheriff took a step away from her father as he turned his attention to her, making her heart jump in her chest. “... As for the marriage proposal... on that I do accept all terms...” now those gorgeous hazel eyes met his. She looked a little fearful. A little hesitant. And the first thing he wanted to let her know is that he would not force this upon her. “... But I would wish to court your daughter first. Get to know her a little...” Her lips parted but whatever she was going to say got lost as she clamped her mouth shut with her lips. He turned back to Eskil “I will marry her. But it will be under the correct conditions.” Eskil gave a curt nod “I accept those terms Sheriff. I believe the King has made an agreeable choice.” He held out his hand, to which William had to smile, “I do my best.” “Yes. As you should.” That was much more a threat than Eskil’s smile gave away and the Sheriff knew it. Lay one finger on her when she didn’t want it and he’d be dead. Dead and likely to bring the wrath of a Norse kingdom raining down on Nottingham City. If not England. 

Kings be damned… 

***

 She watched her family leave. It had been a few days of the Sheriff allowing them to stay, for her to get accustomed to the principles of an English city. Askel had grumbled a lot, but she knew how much he really didn’t mind. This assignment would allow him to step out of their older brothers’ shadows. And he would enjoy it once he got used to it. 

But she had not spent any time alone with the man she was supposed to marry yet. And it made her exceedingly nervous. He was attractive, certainly more so than she could have hoped for, and he spoke with an authority that could be soft when he addressed her. He cared. He wanted to get to know her. He could have had her sitting next to him in silence for the rest of her life, but he didn’t seem like the type. Still, she didn’t know him. Did it matter that he looked so good if he was a monster? She left her window as soon as her family were out of sight. Tears stinging at her eyes. It was painful. She was independent, but it was still painful. Askel was up at her room before she got to the door. She turned; how did he get up here so fast?? “Didn’t you....?” “Wait? I said goodbye. I’m now concerned about you.” “Why.” “I don’t trust him. And I’m your only protection.” “... Well will you let me get to know him?” “Only because if you are to marry him you must...” he shook his head “I can’t believe father agreed to this.” She sighed gently “…I feel I could have done a lot worse.” “He’s not a warrior. By his age he never will be. What is he offering you? In return for all you have to offer him. It really is injustice.” “Askel...!! Right now I don’t know do I? I don’t know him... but you need to give me that CHANCE. Before I do have to marry him.” “Well that’s even worse. What if he decides never to marry you!?” “Well... maybe he won’t.” “I’ll have his head.” “Askel!!!” Her eyes widened and she looked up and down the corridor for those who might be listening, even though they were both speaking Norse. She didn’t want talk like that, she needed to believe this was all going to work. She needed to get to know him; which meant having her brother on side. This had to be successful. For both of them. Maybe he was forgetting that...

Maybe he was also forgetting that there was one of him, and a whole host of Nottingham guards that could take him on... On second thought maybe that Norse overconfidence was a good thing. 

*

She knocked gently at the door to his office. Her brother had been sceptical enough to have followed her here but she forbid him to enter the room. “Come.” It was single worded and harsh. As if he didn’t wish to be interrupted. She took a deep breath and opened the door, closing it behind her with another warning look to her brother. Stay out or else. “Oh. Y/N...!” He rose from his desk, papers almost instantly forgotten “... I apologise I did not expect to see you here so soon... I had thought you would want some time alone...?” The Sheriff crossed to her slowly, his body language open, calm... he remained at a respectful distance constantly. He spoke every word with great care too. Both in the ones he chose and the way he spoke them. She smiled; it was still not done in a way that made it sound like he was belittling her, only to make sure she understood. “Now my family are gone... I felt it necessary for us to spend some time together.” “... Alone?” His eyes flicked uncertainly to the door. She followed his line of sight “My brother is outside... but... I was just thinking... perhaps it would be best alone. I would very much like to get to know you...” He smiled then, “I would like to get to know you too, Y/N... is that the correct way to address you? If it should be something else...” She shook her hand “Y/N is fine...” then immediately took his prompt “...How should I address you.. Sheriff?” He smiled “That is your choice. Sheriff, Sir... William... it will naturally progress to Wil... always spelt with a single L... if you are to write to me. I pray that does not need to happen often...” he wouldn’t like to be far away from her whilst getting to know her, but he may need to deal with something outside of Nottingham from time to time. He thought on it for a moment. It would be much easier to take her with him. Then she would learn of his true reach. The power he controlled, that she would preside over with him. He had no doubt looking at her that this would be no ordinary marriage. William found that thought had him nodding to himself. Ordinary would not be what he was ever after as it was. He may not know about her yet, but he was certain the woman in front of him - looking at him with uncertainty in her eyes (that he would change. With time. He would make sure he was a good choice.) - would put him through his paces. ** She loved talking to him. She couldn’t deny that. How when he had finished attending to his duties, he would walk with her around the corridors of the castle. He liked to see her in sunlight she knew that by the way, depending on the time of day it was, he would look for and subsequently follow the sun. He seemed like a very private man, he showed emotion where appropriate but in all kept his cards close to his chest. He could get angry easily. She’d seen it, but he tried – if she was in the room and he knew she was present – to curb that. But that was all part of the job. And his work was not his private life. To her, he could open up a little. He told her about his family, where he had grown up with his parents in a town just outside of Nottingham. In the country. His father was a Lord of the Manor so, that paved the way for him to become Sheriff, and in his youth he’d moved around until he ended up in Nottingham. Then he had worked diligently to be in office. And here he was, and certainly not intent on giving up. Although, he did add when she questioned him, that he could leave… And he would likely go back to his family’s house if necessary. She told him about growing up in Stavanger – the capital of her father’s Kingdom – based on the sea with the towns spread into the country and she spend a lot of time growing up with her brothers. He loved hearing her talk about her siblings because it was a relationship he’d never got to have. And with one of them here, he hoped to get Askel to warm to him. It wasn’t the easiest thing to do. Clearly her older brother was here to protect her, and was therefore weary of the man that had been chosen. But he wanted to give Askel a good life. To prove himself. He had suggested that he begin training and sparing with the Nottingham guard. And apparently that hadn’t been a bad idea. At least Askel had smiled when she had translated it. On this particular day talk had awkwardly progressed to religion. He’d noticed her staring at the church more than once, and always hoped she wouldn’t ask. Inevitably today as they walked, she paused. Staring up at the structure visible from the courtyard “…What is that?” She asked like she knew it had significance. The Sheriff was hesitant; “OH… It’s…” She caught the movement of his head the shrug of his shoulders and the way he stretched his back. “…It’s a church. I mean, that one is slightly more significant than a lot of the little ones you might see… But… It is… the house of our God.” She raised an eyebrow; “A place of… worship?” “Yes, that’s exactly what it is.” “Oh.” She turned towards it again; “…God, singular. I have heard this notion…” “…Does it bother you?” He wanted to kick himself as soon as he said it. At the same time, he’d made a fair point – The North, from what he knew, had many Gods. To be expected to marry him, she would have to at least accept the idea of just one. The Church wouldn’t have anything less “No... But I would need to learn more…” She turned back to him expectantly and this time he tried his best to stutter through a sentence to no avail; “W-Well I – I – Uh… I Could-” He could not have been saved at a better time by a better man. “SHERIFF!! Sorry-! Sorry-! My apologies-! I just wanted to.. oh-! You have company…!” TUCK! The Sheriff turned on his heels with a genuine smile “Tuck! No! Not at all. Come here. You can help me with this…” The friar couldn’t help his look of surprise; “Oh! Of course-! Sir…!” He hurried down the corridor to them both “How may I assist.” “Tuck, this is Y/N… I have mentioned her a number of times but I believe I have not yet introduced the two of you…” “Oh! The girl from Stavanger! YES!” He took her hand excitedly “It is a pleasure to meet you- Now, forgive me if I get any of this wrong but…” Suddenly it was the Sheriff’s turn to be surprised as Tuck lapsed into Norse. William only recognised it from hearing her talk to her brother – and she was just as shocked as he was. But he watched the way that she lit up, hearing someone else speak her own language. That wasn’t happiness she’d yet shown around him, and he found himself disappointed. Tuck was giving her someone to talk to in her own language that wasn’t her brother, that wasn’t someone she knew. He’d made her happier in 5 seconds than the Sheriff had managed to make her in weeks. She laughed, and responded in kind. The natural way those words rolled off her lips – and she got animated. He wanted to watch this exchange go on all day… He found himself not only smiling but laughing – which turned the two of them back to him, with a pause in conversation. The Sheriff folded his arms “You wouldn’t happen to be able to explain the church in her own language now, Tuck, would you?” “Oh! Is that what you were asking me for Sir? I would certainly be happy to! Of course-!” “What did you want me for?” “Oh-! Sir, yes, Um… Pembroke said it was important. Something to do with the war effort. Though, I wouldn’t want to take you away from Y/N…” “No no…” He waved away the suggestion and turned back to her; “She is in good hands…” He bowed gently “You must forgive me my dear.” She gave a nod back; “I understand… you have work to do.” “I wish I did not.” “Hopefully you can hurry back.” “…Indeed…” He turned back to the friar “Thank you… I pray not to be long!” “Don’t worry, I’ll keep her company, Sir…” With that the Sheriff took off down the corridor – eager to return to the image of her he now couldn’t get out of his head. He paused, before he turned to run through the door, turning back to the two of them. Now lost back in Norse conversation. He smiled to himself; he would have to learn it. He vowed to learn it. It was the very least he could do… *** William had heard the term Shield Maiden mentioned far too many times now to believe that she wasn’t one. She’d even mentioned it herself, but said it wasn’t something they used. Women were warriors just as much as men were, if they wanted to be. Just because she was content to walk around the castle here as if she was a fair maiden – didn’t mean that was who she was. And he was concerned that she might become bored of it. 

“I have a job for you…” “Like a real job?” She sat back in her chair with a quizzical look “Yes. Like a real job.” “Isn’t my place here?” “Well, it could be… But, I want to put your skills to use… And I think you’ll enjoy it.” “My ‘job’ is to be a good woman, is it not?” He chuckled “If your father really sent you over here to get married and have children – nothing more – I have a feeling he sent the wrong daughter.” He waved a roll of parchment at her “I want you to take a look at this. Offer some fresh perspective.” He unfurled it “This is a map of Nottingham. What I would like you to do, if you want to, is head up our Security; our guards and defences. And I happen to think you’re the right person for the job.” She took to the map instantly, but her eyes flicked to his, and it was a tentative look. Was he serious? Her? He presented some more sheets to her; “This is a list of every man currently enrolled. Put them to good work.” “Why are these men not in the War?” She held a small teasing smile on her face that he didn’t miss. “Perhaps they should be – but someone has to defend Nottingham! Keep the peace at home too!” She laughed “Maybe I can free a few up for your effort…” Then looking to the map again she bit her lip “…I’m not forcing someone out of a role… Am I?” “Certainly not. Our Master of Arms has been on the way out for some time – I should think he would welcome this…” ** “So... tell me about her.” Lucien was always one to cut straight to it. “Y/N.. What do you need to know? I believe she will be more than competent at succeeding you…” “Ah-! She is from the North, of course. Formidable! And also female! It will certainly be a change. I am confident, however, that my men will handle it with respect…” “I am a little concerned with your men.” The Sheriff wondered how the majority would react being led by a woman. Even one like her. “They will treat her with respect so long as she does them, I will make sure. But I doubt that you would have seen her in combat.” “I would take a Shield Maiden at nothing less than her word.” “Oh. I do not doubt, Sheriff. Is she commanding?” “I would also suspect. She doesn’t take any nonsense from anyone. Not even her own family. She’s... possibly a little more outspoken than she comes across. She’s... trying to become a proper lady.” “Would you rather she wasn’t?” “Do you know another man in all the kingdoms who has had this privilege? I intend to make her, not break her.” “As long as you wise up to what may break her, Wil.” “Meaning-” Lucien looked at him with slight contempt “This one will not put up with your games for longer than she feels she must. You think a Shield Maiden would give anything of herself to a man who will not even give her his full attention?” Lucien’s words were sharp but true. “Do not. For the love of God, William, let this one return home. Because she will. I have no doubt. It might take her a while, if she has feeling for you at all. But eventually, she will know she is worth more than you think she is.” 

She was standing at the far end of the corridor, sword on her hip and bow across her body. He liked her already. He gave William a significant look – that conversation would come around again before long; the Sheriff knew. “My Lady. I am Lucien. Master of Arms. It is a pleasure to meet a Shield Maiden such as yourself.” She bowed gently “Y/N… Please… And it is an honour for me to meet the man who had served Nottingham for so long.” “Alright- what’s be been telling you!?” Lucien grinned, looking to the Sheriff, whose amused look told him he simply wouldn’t say. “And Nonsense! Honour! These boys deserve the real honour. They are tried and true. They will prove that to you themselves, but I can make you the promise that they will not let you down.” Lucien spent the next few minutes giving her a high level overview of how things in the guard worked. Similar to the information she had gathered from what William had already given her. She nodded along with everything. It was all as she expected it to be; it was nice for it all to be reaffirmed. “Any questions?” “Sir, I would very much like for you to transition me in. It would not feel proper of me to simply take this from you…” “Oh-! Miss.Y/N!” Lucien looked like he hadn’t expected it; she studied the Sheriff’s expression carefully – but it was reading as agreeable. “It would be my pleasure. We’ll have them up to scratch and following you to the letter in no time!” *** She’d been watching him for some time. And Marcus knew. It was starting to make him nervous. He wasn’t sure if it was with disapproval. But he was about the only one she didn’t offer a smile to as she watched.

She. Y/N… That was an interesting choice, but Marcus wasn’t deterred by that. In fact he saw it as refreshing; what would she bring from the Nordics that could help out Nottingham. She was the greatest gift in his book. The King was a fool not to use her in London. And Marcus hoped he’d never found out and pulled her back. However, she looked far less impressed with him than everyone else. She would tsk every so often, she would give a small shake of her head, she would ask Lucien questions and her eyes would flick to him and it made him nervous. This was all he had. There were several reprimanding reasons why Marcus couldn’t join the war effort. If she wasn’t impressed, the new head of Nottingham’s guard and security would surely throw him to the streets.

Apparently today, was such a day. After one final sigh she marched down the row of practicing soldiers to him and dragged him out. She was smaller than him. But her strength was incredible. “What??!” She pointed to the door “Leave.” “What?! Why I!” “Leave. Go, now.” Her English only held a slight accent, but it was almost icy. “But- my lady- I-! Please I-!” “I don’t want you here. Leave. Go.” “Lucien-!” Marcus pleaded. He had nothing. And the master at arms knew this. This was pretty much his life’s work. Even though he was young, what work could Marcus really do after this? “You heard her. Y/N is in charge now...” he didn’t even seem sympathetic. “But Sir...” She flicked her head again, and this time he obliged… one step at a time; “Where do I go...?” “The Sheriff’s office would be a good start. Marcus.” Lucien looked grave and Marcus suddenly felt cold - no! No, no, no! That was a guarantee to be banished from Nottingham and its surrounding counties. Not good enough for the guard. Not good enough for anything. The shield maiden looked across to Lucien and they both shared a look that Marcus could explain. Before she stepped towards him again and took his arm in her vice like grip. Geez! She was so strong!

The next thing he knew he was being literally dragged to the Sheriff’s office. “Wait here.” She pushed him to the wall and knocked; upon the Sheriff’s beckon she stepped inside. Marcus thought about stepping over and pressing his ear to the door. But he knew the wood was thick and it would look even worse if he was caught. He didn’t know how long he was standing outside anxious and alone with thoughts he didn’t like chasing themselves around his head. Long enough for training to clearly be over as Lucien appeared, refusing to acknowledge him as he stepped into the Sheriff’s office too. That was final then. Marcus’ life was almost guaranteed over. Eventually the door opened and Marcus was faced with Lucien again. “Sir I-” “Come in, Marcus.” He swallowed hard and entered. The Sheriff was sitting behind a desk fingers laced together pressed against his lips. She was standing just in front of it; arms folded. That same unreadable expression. Marcus turned to the Sheriff expectantly. Who shifted; “Marcus. Tell me how long you have been part of the guard here?” His eyes flicked between the three of them; no such luck. None was giving an inch “... since my late teens I suppose, Sir... over 15 years. But, I suppose as a real useful contributor, around 7 or 8.” He seemed to be trying to implore her, he hoped it was working. “And tell me why exactly you were not drafted?” Marcus found this an odd question for the Sheriff to ask. He would know, he was in charge of drafting. A good number of the guard had been drafted. But, Marcus had a reckless streak. Sometimes what he had to do came before what he was told to do. “I believe I was told I was too unruly for war... Sir.”

Then she smiled, it was small, bordering a smirk; and she turned to her lover with a raised eyebrow.. He nodded in confirmation and she turned back to Marcus with a renewed smile this time genuine, friendly; “Marcus. I have a proposition for you.” “A... proposition...? I’m... you’re not kicking me out?!” He couldn’t keep the surprise out of his voice or the relief off his face “Told you he’s think that.” Lucien couldn’t help his chuckle. She unfolded her arms “No. The fact that you did not complain, get wound up, or protest even once despite me doing what I was doing further cements it. When I take control of security I’m going to need a right hand man. Someone I can trust.... I think I can trust you. You come highly recommended. You sound like the kind of man I need... I only hope that you will accept my offer?” “—! Me!? Your...” Marcus shut his mouth in order to compose himself “My lady I would be... honoured. To accept.” He gave a firm nod “I will not let you down.” “And he means it.” Lucien nodded to her “He’s a good choice.” She gave her own nod and walked forward. “Marcus. You do not have to address me so formally, please, Y/N is enough.” She held her hand out, and he knew immediately it was to shake, not kiss “...Y/N.” He shook it firmly with a smile, to which the Sheriff laughed. “This is going to be a great partnership.” She turned to him with a smile “Sir. We will endeavour to ensure your city is safe.” “Oh.” He leant back, and despite the other people in the room, gave a smirk meant only for her “That you will.”

--- GIF CREDITS: @dennismitchell & @benmendo 😘

@dennismitchell @krnncsbtch @happyskywhale #MendoTagSquad.

[jeremiahwasajoker]

5x01 (Year Zero): A Review

Hey guys! As you know, Gotham’s first episode of season 5 debuted on Thursday, and I AM SHOOK BEYOND BELIEF! I felt it was necessary to document my thoughts and reactions for this episode, so here I am. I wanted to gather all my thoughts on the episode in one place, just to clear my head out a bit and to share some theories and thoughts!

WARNING: This includes spoilers. If you have not seen the episode yet and want to avoid seeing any information about it, I would advise you to not look at this until you have done so. Without further ado, let’s get started!

So, first thing’s first: I want to give a shout out to Danny Cannon and Jessica Lucas. This was Danny’s last episode as an executive producer on Gotham, and the show would not be the same without him. As we all know, this is Jessica’s last episode, too, as Tabitha died. She was a strong, outstanding character that added that much pizazz to the show, and she will be deeply missed by not only me, but so many other fans who enjoyed her development and presence. 

Also, I think it’s necessary to say thank you to all the departments of design, whether it be for the costumes, cinematography, etc.  The costumes were to die for this episode! The visuals were stunning and movie-like! I can’t wait to see what else they do for these next 11 episodes coming up.

Next, I would like to review what I thought about some of the arcs of major characters and scenes that were incredible throughout Year Zero. They are in no particular order! Here we go!

“If it’s the last thing I do...”

Wow. Just wow. Erin Richards really did give me the chills with this scene. Her shouting into the camera was absolutely perfect, as we can see that she really conveyed Barbara’s grief of Tabitha’s passing in these twelve seconds. I was blown away. Not only by this scene, but even in the big fight scene that I’ll get to later. I know Barbara is not on the top of everyone’s list as their favorite, but I can say that I am so excited to see the rest of her arc. This scene really took the cake for me.

“Hope”

I would first like to say that I am a huge fan of Jim’s inspirational speeches throughout the series. This one was really a unifying moment for the GCPD, as they decided that they were going to do the best job they could, no matter what, to save the citizens of Gotham from the wrath of the villains. I think this was a really strong way to end the episode, and it makes me really hyped to see Jimbo doing the best for the citizens of the city.

The Shootout

R.I.P. Tabitha Galavan. This whole scene, whether it be Bruce sneaking in, Jim and the GCPD fighting off Penguin and his men, the struggle between Oswald and Tabitha, or even Barbara’s rage was perfect. Jessica and Robin did a phenomenal job in this scene, as they showed that there wasn’t just a feeling of vengeance between the two, as their past has been pretty rocky. Barbara’s war cry gave me the chills, along with Oswald screaming in pain after being shot in the leg. (OW! That must’ve hurt a lot). This scene will definitely go down as one of Gotham’s most iconic. 

Selina’s Suicide Attempt

This HURT so much. After hearing that she would have a suicide attempt this season, I was saddened, and assumed she would try to kill herself a different way than the way she did. I love Jeremiah so much, but the pain that Selina was going through was not worth whatever he was looking to do. Also, if she’s going to try to get revenge on him...oof. It makes me feel so conflicted! I know Camren said that this scene was one of the hardest to shoot, and I would like to say that she did an outstanding job with her performance. It made me so sad. Also, that nurse is creepy! There’s no way she’s not a Jeremiah follower in some capacity. (Look at her eyebrows!)

Ecco

A queen? She literally had the shortest scene in the episode, but shook me to my core. I was not expecting her outfit/hairstyle! I’m so used to seeing her with her hair in a bun, and I really like the look of the high ponytail for her. Also, the simplified version of the mummer costume was cool, it looks like just a leather jacket. She was so sneaky, and she doesn’t seem unhinged yet. It makes me wonder what will cause her to switch. Maybe it’s just a façade. Also, I love the jingle bells! I’m also glad she was doing work for her man, and I will say that her drawing was pretty good. Why the Jerome logo, though? I guess we’ll find out.

Since there were too many scenes for me to have the time to cover, I’ll have some honorable mentions! Edward the dog, Bruce vs. Scarecrow’s men, Scarecrow in general (he scared me), the flashforward to day 391, Bruce and Selina, Bruce and Jim, and the Riddler waking up everywhere. 

Now is the time for a few comments and questions I have for the latest episode!

Who shot down the chopper? (I’m aware that literally everyone is asking this). Okay, so we only know three people who have access to an RPG: Penguin (who it wasn’t), Zsaz, and Jeremiah. Zsaz is actually a pretty good guess, I’d say, but something tells me it might have something to do with Jeremiah. I’d doubt it would be he himself, as he is a bogeyman this season, hiding within the shadows of Gotham’s discontent. (See what I did there?) I think it was Ecco. Maybe she needs to stock up on ammo, or needs to get food for her and Mr. J. She had access to the GCPD, so maybe she heard about it there? It’s a great distraction to steal stuff from Penguin or Babs, so I think it most likely was her. Also, she is doing Jeremiah’s dirty work, so it’s not out of possibility.

Who’s the Witch? I think the witch is Ivy. I mean, she’s been confirmed for 5x02, and she would have a motive for helping Selina. How that weird nurse would know? I have no clue. I used to think that when I read the synopsis for the next episode that Ecco would be the witch, as she kinda had those vibes with the mask and cloak on, but after seeing the stills and cast for “Trespassers”,  I think it's Ivy.

Shoutout to my boy Jeremiah! I love the imagery of the map with the laughing face on it, as it kinda signifies that he’s literally ruling the city from underneath. I also love that his presence was felt throughout the episode, despite not being there for any of it in person. He’s going to be such an amazing villain this season, I just know it.

Who was the lady calling Jim? I heard things about a Theresa Walker this season, and apparently she has a big impact on the plot. Jamie Murray (who apparently plays her) was listed as one of the guest stars, but we didn’t see anything that had to do with her. Maybe it was her calling Jim? I don’t know. 

If I had to sum up the episode with one Jeremiah Valeska mood, it would be:

I’m very happy with how this episode turned out! 

What a strong way to start out the season. I know that I’ve seen most of the footage in Year Zero in trailers, stills, etc., but it still blew me away. My parents were also very impressed, and really amazed with how the episode turned out. (Which also made me happy!) I really can’t wait for next week. 

Thank you for reading this! I hope you all had a wonderful time watching, too! I think I’m going to do one of these for each one that comes out. I’m so excited for the rest of the season! I hope you enjoyed!

[holyhikari]

The Wayne-Todd Literary and Tea Society

In which Damian and Jason bond over books and complicated feelings.

Batman (Comics) one-shot. Characters: Damian Wayne & Jason Todd.

Word count:  2695. For General Audiences. No pairings. 

Read on Ao3:  The Wayne-Todd Literary and Tea Society by Beatriz Caelum

When Damian sees Jason Todd, he is always tempted to ask a few questions.

You see, differently from most, what he wishes to say usually isn’t about the killing that happens when Jason puts on the infamous red helmet. That he is capable of understanding. Damian didn’t use to kill for anything related to ethics  — a natural aspect of his birthright more than anything else —, as grey as morality can get in both sides of his family, but he has blood on his hands nonetheless.

There isn’t much to say about dying, either. They’ve both been there, at different times, in almost different worlds, clinging to what Bruce Wayne once meant, but Death is timeless and the same to everyone it touches. (It is life that is different. Damian woke up to love and Jason to absence.) 

Sure, there were some scattered talks about it over a rooftop or two, mostly questions, “What do you remember of it?” and  “Do you feel wrong when you breathe?”, that were met with, “I’m not sure,” and “Being alive to me has always felt somewhat unsettling,” but it wasn’t long before they realized that it was the last thing they wished to talk about, even with someone who could understand.

Good thing they can work just fine with silence.

Even though almost a full year has gone by after Damian was bought back to the unfortunate land of the living, he still catches the Red Hood looking out for him more than what is necessary whenever they happen to meet under Gotham’s night sky. It’s something he does even when they are in different sides of a fight, “not opposite sides,” Hood would say, “you know what I want for this hell of a city is the same that you want, too.”

(Damian supposes it is the same in more ways than it is not, but Father has a more abrasive opinion on the matter.)

Regardless of how many times Damian has snarled for him to stay out of his way — like a little brother would be upset rather than an acquaintance or an ally —, that he does not need the extra protection, especially not from him, the Red Hood is insistent. Merciless even about this.

Father’s face twitched when he mentioned the gesture. Drake teased, “you complain when we don’t like you, you complain when we try to help.”  Richard gave him a sad smile that Damian couldn’t shake off for days; Nightwing is also prone to reckless protection around Robin, closer to endangering himself than he would be otherwise.

It makes it harder to work. It makes it more painful to love and be loved by Richard. It makes him more sensitive to what persisted of Father’s grief. But, right now, Damian can only think of how it makes him more curious about Jason Todd  — he could write a list. How can you be so ruthless, yet so caring? How much of your idiocy is staged? How was Father before he lost you? Do you truly not realize the hole you left inside his heart?

But, most of the time, he wishes to ask him about Mother.

Damian knows they spent some time together. What of her that he knows that her own son doesn’t? He wonders, sometimes, what would have been of their weird brotherhood — if you could call it that — if Mother was to tell him about the ex-Robin’s leap into the Lazarus Pit. They could’ve met. He was very young then, but his tender age had never been an issue to the League. Perhaps, after probably trying to murder Jason for planning to hurt the Batman of all people, he would grow to admire that… unique determination.  Like he does now, although reluctantly.

However, what actually pulls the trigger and has Damian swallowing his pride has nothing to do with blood — in any sense of the word.

“What do I own the visit?”

The way Damian stiffs, full on Robin gear and with only one foot into the apartment’s window, could only be caught by someone trained under his Father. The Red Hood snorts, a sound distorted by the helmet’s voice modulator.

“I assume you let me in,” he chooses to say. “Otherwise your security methods could be compared to the skillset of a babbling infant. And that is me being polite.”

“It sure is,” Hood sits down, couch worn out and small like most of his safehouses, reaching for a mug resting on a table. The room smells like cheap coffee — the kind that offends Drake to a personal level —, but Damian suspects that this is tea. “Alfred called. Like, a few minutes ago. Said that if I let my window open I might catch a bird.”

Damian clicks his tongue, “I didn’t tell Pennyworth to inform you of my arrival.”

“Are you embarrassed?”

He presses the bag he is holding a little too forcefully to his chest. “No.”

The Red Hood hums and takes off the helmet. Then, Jason Todd blows on his drink.  “You must have noticed by now, but Alfie kinda does what he wants.”

(Damian has very much noticed.)

“Were you about to go out to do any of your nonsense?” He asks. Then, more shyly:  “I could come back another time.”

For a moment, Todd looks like he’s about to ask what Damian wants from him, but instead, he raises an eyebrow. “You don’t get to boss me. Weren’t you supposed to be getting ready to patrol now, baby bat?”

Damian frowns at the nickname. “We’re going in later tonight for a specific mission, but, for once, I am not here to discuss any crime-related activity. It is more… personal.”

“Oh, no.” He groans louder than Damian wants to hear. “Is this any kind of family meeting? I know I have been on kinda-friendly terms with most of you for a while now, but I’m not in the mood for anything personal. ”

“It is not a family meeting.”

“Whatever it is, go to Dick.”

He clears his throat. “I think it will be of your interest.”

“Surprise me, then.” Todd sighs, stretching his arms. The mug is now empty and there’s probably more where it came from, but he doesn’t offer any beverage to Damian. Rude. “Do your worst, but you know I’m badder.”

He refuses the urge to roll his eyes at the insulting use of the English language — Todd is above this! — and drops his bag’s content onto the living room table with little to no ceremony, almost pushing the mug off. Jason curses at him.

Then, nine bangs. One from each Sherlock Holmes book colliding with the wood.

Todd's expression shifts in a way that Damian knows he wishes he still had the helmet on.

“These are mine,” he draws out, slow.

“Indeed.”

“You —,” Todd narrows his eyes, the greenish blue glowing accusingly. “You stole my books?”

Damian bristles, “I am above stealing.”

“I don’t remember giving them to you,” he points out. “Or letting you borrow them.”

“They were in the Manor’s library,” he says. “With some other books that also belonged — belong to you, I believe. They had a special place just for them.”

“Wh—”

“Pennyworth.”

Todd’s shoulders are still tense, but the lines around his eyes soften at Alfred’s name. Damian can see that there’s some sort of internal struggle by the way Jason’s body carries itself in what he recognizes as the most unforgiving self-discipline; as if his fingers itch to run through the books’ covers, open them, press gently to the pages’ margins to see — to feel — if the notes he took so fervently all those years ago are still intact, but he doesn’t want to have this moment in front of Damian.

“You came here to tell me you found out Alfie is a good person,” Todd deadpans, but Damian catches the constipated emotion nonetheless. “Amazing job, Detective.”

“I came here,” he hesitates, “because I saw your notes.”

Todd wrote on all the nine volumes, a  rushed, clumsy but determined calligraphy squeezed between the edges and Arthur Conan Doyle’s words, mostly untouched with the exception of a few phrases carefully circled by Alfred where Todd had made a grammar or spelling mistake. By the end of each and every book, there’s Father’s handwriting complementing Todd’s observations and theories about the plot, the mysteries and the characters throughout the pages.

It made Damian heart’s ache when he saw it all. Younger Todd’s excited rambling about what he was reading was very, very bright. More often than not, he grasped even the more obscure clues and foreshadowings Doyle left within the narrative — a detective in making. A natural.

Damian had imagined Jason Todd as this dense, unruly kid that would only pick up a book if someone made him. Someone who worshipped senseless violence. It’s what almost everyone says. It’s what Todd himself tells people.

I was Robin. The bad one.

“And you’re here to tell me how stupid they were? How much better you were at my age?” Todd scowls, getting up a little too fast, already walking towards him. “Because I don’t want to hear any of it. Get out.”

“Thank you,” Damian blurts out before the most Al Ghul part of him shuts his mouth and before Jason pushes him out of the window. “It was a privilege to read them.”

Surprise bursts into Todd’s face and he almost loses his balance when his steps come to an abrupt stop. “What?”

“You were — I saw your other books,” he says. “You have excellent taste in Literature and your notes were filled with very pertinent insights.”  

“You’re complimenting me.”

“Yes,” Damian rolls his eyes. “It would be foolish of me not to admit it.”

Todd opens his mouth, then closes it. He repeats the action a few more times.

“You’re welcome, I guess?” He says, exasperation coloring his tone. “I wish I had a camera.”

“Only the Sherlock Holmes collection had notes on them,” Damian decides to push his look. “I checked it twice.”

Todd’s lips twitch, forming a thin line. A sort of bitterness clings to him and Damian is suddenly too aware of the fact that the boy who wrote what he read is lost to more than time itself.

“B gave me them so the deductive skills part of training wouldn’t be so boring,” he sits down again, not looking at anything specific. “He — we decided to make it a sort of game. The notes were for him. So he could see my progress.”

“We don’t do this sort of activity,” Damian finds himself saying. He swallows, hand to his throat. The words hurt to pass through.

"I'd offer you tea, but I just ran out of it."

"Next time."

Todd’s smile is tired, “You can just ask Bruce to do stuff like this with you, gremlin.”

“I suppose I could,” he mumbles. Then, louder: “There are many clean books.”

“Don’t touch my stuff,”  he snaps, but there’s no venom to it. “You hadn’t read Sherlock Holmes before?”

Damian’s back straightens. He puffs his cheeks involuntarily, “Of course I had. I wanted to re-read it. Who do you take me for? I’ve read the most celebrated literary works to date from authors all across the world!”

“To Kill a Mockingbird?” He challenges. “One Hundred Years of Solitude? Beloved? Fahrenheit 451? The Color Purple? The Left Hand of Darkness?”

“Please,” Damian scoffs. “I could’ve written an award-winning analysis on all of these when I was four.”

“What’s the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything?”

“42.”

“Impressive.”

He shoots back at Todd a list of his own and isn’t all that surprised that Jason only stops him once, “Dom Casmurro? Never heard of it.”

“It’s from Machado de Assis,” Damian for once in his life tries not to sound arrogant when explaining something. “Brilliant writer from Brazil.”

“They’ve got Clarice Lispector too,” Todd’s eyes widen in recognition. “I’ll look it up.”

“No need,” Damian waves his hand in a dismissive gesture. “I’ll have a copy delivered to you in no time. We can discuss it later if Capitu did or did not cheat on Bentinho and why it is unclear to this day.”

“I don’t know who these people are, but I bet she didn’t and, if she did, he deserved it.”

Damian almost smiles, “Good guess.”

“Uh,” he blinks. “Are you okay, Damian?”

“Do I not seem in a good condition to you?”

“You want to spend time with me,” Todd says, pointing to himself. “With me. ”

Damian tries to mask the disappointment that creeps up on him with his usual scowl. “If you find it unpleasant and does not wish to—”

“I’m just surprised,” he interrupts. “God. Did I wake up looking like Dick Grayson and no one told me?”

“You’re not entirely impossible to be around, I’ll give you that, but you aren’t Richard either.” He smirks wolfishly. “But you do have a chance to prove to me that you can discuss art better than anyone else in our family.”

The last two words envelop the room in a heavy sort of silence. No one dares to move for far too long, and, despite the stillness of it all, despite how little effort one has to make in order to unveil the exact pace of their heartbeats and what they hide, no noise from the outside is brave enough to interrupt whatever flows between Damian and Jason in this instant.

Damian doesn’t know if Pennyworth keeping the books made him sentimental, or if the Bat Signal is shining behind him for Father, or if the way he said our family was just like Richard says it, or if something about his careful way of approaching reminds Todd of how he and Drake started sorting out their own issues, or if the act of sharing words and finding meaning in it makes Todd’s mind wander off to Cain. Damian has no idea.

But, somehow, they’re all here. With them.

And Todd could run away. He could — and he doesn’t.

His hand finally finds its way to one of the books, with such care and devotion that, if it wasn’t for the bat plastered on Todd’s chest and the gun attached to his waist, no one would believe he’s the Red Hood.

“These stories,” Todd’s voice is not above a whisper, “made me feel like I had a home when you guys couldn’t.”

Damian’s eyes burn behind Robin’s mask. “You can have more than stories now. If you wish.”

The look in Todd’s eyes carries the kind of intensity that makes people afraid to live another day. Damian waits, without as much as breathing, for something to shatter; for having to turn his back and walk out with Todd’s rejection at his trail.

Instead, “Damian Wayne wants me to join his book club.”

Stunned, he almost falters. “If you want to put it that way.”

Todd turns away to put on his helmet before Damian can get a better look at his expression, but, if there’s anything feigned about Todd’s agreement, he isn't able to see. He seems to be getting ready for the night, back turned to Damian and a serenity to his movements that wasn’t there before.

“The things I do for art,” the voice modulator makes his dramatic sigh sound like static.

“I only expect the best,” Damian warns. “I choose the books.”

“Always?” Todd protests. “But then we’ll never know in which Hogwarts house you’re in, or who is your godly parent and if you’re in Camp Half-Blood or Camp Jupiter, if you’re Team Edward or Team Jacob, and I won’t get to see your face when Prim goes boom, or —”

Damian is almost regretting this already.  “What even is this nonsense?”

“Oh, I’ll let you know.” Todd has one foot out of the window. “This is going to be priceless.”

“I won’t read any garba—”

“See ya in the Slytherin common room!”

“Where?”

Damian still has many questions to ask, but he is already gone, of course, and Robin is completely alone in the apartment.

But nowhere near as lonely as the other times Jason walked out on a conversation.

[dcarevu]

The Last Laugh

“When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping!”

Hey, guys. This is Collin. I know that we’re only four episodes into this blog now, and things are just starting to roll…but unfortunately, I’ve decided that the stress of college and work is too much, so I’m going to have to go on an indefinite hiatus…

April fools!

SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT

Villain: The Joker Robin: No Writer: Carl Swenson Director: Kevin Altieri Animator: Akom Airdate: September 22, 1992 Episode Grade: B

The Joker’s back on the show already, and again, he has formulated an overly-complicated plot which seems to be designed specifically to lead Batman directly to him. We start by seeing a boat full of repulsively green trash chugging through the Gotham river. It’s emitting an absolutely foul stench, and while we aren’t sure if this is a typical occurrence, knowing this city, I wouldn’t doubt it one bit. Char, my girlfriend and watching-buddy got the impression that Gotham is indeed an old, dark, gothic city, but this was her first exposure to the griminess that is often associated with it. This time, however, the griminess seems to be a little bit more pleasant; in fact every citizen who notices it seems to burst out laughing! The garbage is emitting a powerful laughing gas that doesn’t just cause a rush of giggles, but it also seems to send its victims completely out of control, and they start ignoring all of their surroundings altogether. It’s like they’re not even aware of their laughter, as the fumes get them as high as a kite.

Meanwhile, still in Gotham, but away from the city, we cut to a really great shot of Wayne Manor. Inside, Bruce is sprucing himself up, and we discover that it is April Fools’ Day thanks to Alfred once again being the lovable savage that he seems to be. Offering to “draw” Bruce a bath, he quite literally draws him a picture of a bath, hoping to at least get a smile out of him. But alas, when he’s not reaching for his rich playboy persona, we see that Bruce is actually quite the stick in the mud. I love Kevin Conroy’s way of creating two voices for the character, something that had never really been done before this show. I actually believe this was Kevin’s idea, which is no surprise given his acting background. He somehow does it in a way that makes the Bruce Wayne persona seem even more fake, despite that voice being closer to Kevin’s actual voice.

Bruce Wayne dedicating himself to living a lie like that must truly be tough. Think about how that must hamper his relationships, and it starts to explain the social state that he finds himself in later down the DCAU timeline. I’m someone who is an introvert, and sometimes the amount of energy required to socialize is more than I would like to admit. But if I had to pretend to be someone I’m not every day when my true self is as dark as Batman’s character (and let’s be real, Batman is our main character, Bruce Wayne only exists as a name on his legal documents), it would be a lot worse. The seeds were planted this early, and it shows the thought, consistency, and understanding that Radomski, Timm, and co had for the character right away. This wasn’t your average Saturday morning version of Batman.

Obviously as more and more people throughout the city begin to become affected by the laughing gas, it does not go unnoticed by news outlets. Bruce immediately comes to the same conclusion as many of us watching; The Joker. It’s merely a matter of finding him and figuring out what he is up to. Meanwhile back in the city, we find out just that; The Joker and two of his goons are using the gas-induced obliviousness of the citizens on the street to rob them right under their noses. Even police officers are in tears, not paying the least bit of attention. The Joker, of course, is cracking comments and laughing his ass off the whole time. Some of his lines are legitimately hilarious in this episode, I’ve gotta say! While he was entertaining as all hell in Christmas With The Joker, it was more in a simple whacky, over-the-top, cartoon way. He still has some of that aspect here, but a lot more of it comes from genuinely clever writing. Some of his most well known lines from the show come from this episode. “So we’ll just punch some air holes!” and “YOU KILLED CAPTAIN CLOWN!” to name a couple, the latter being downright legendary.

So far, this episode gives the simple vibe of a fun Joker romp without much meat on its bones, and much of it is. But the stakes do raise as we cut back to the Batcave. Batman is analyzing some of the gas, and learning that it causes “permanent insanity”. We’ll come back to this a little bit later, but obviously he has to do something. Not just because of the robberies and accidents happening, but also just because of the mental health factor. Insanity? Not particularly good for you. All of a sudden, however, we hear a crash come from upstairs when he attempts to call Alfred down into the cave. He runs upstairs, and here we see Alfred, smashing artifacts and furniture with a broom as we hear him belt out cackles unlike anything we have heard from him. The gas is inside the house. Batman immediately dons a gas mask and heads out to stop it, presumably taking care of Alfred first. Alfred, and Wayne Manor in general, being the thing in danger isn’t an element the show does a lot, and I think the moderation allows it to stand out a lot more. It can immediately turn a silly episode like this into something much more serious. Char was gasping and worrying the entire time, not wanting Alfred to be hurt. I think she’s growing to really like him. This is helped by the fact that Alfred was recast for this episode, and his new actor, Afrem Zimbalist Jr (unfortunately no longer with us) would remain for the entire rest of the DCAU. Both of us like this change a lot. I think this new voice helps with Alfred’s miniature character evolution, as it just suits this personality more. The first voice (Clive Revill) wasn’t bad by any means. Paired with the version of Alfred that’s a bit more stereotypical “5-star restaurant waiter”, it felt pretty natural. But Afrem…he brings the character to life like no one else can. There’s no way I can picture Clive laughing maniacally the way that Alfred did here. Also…and maybe it’s just me…but even though for the first three episodes Alfred was voiced by a man who was actually English, it sounded more like a fake accent than Afrem’s! And maybe this is because I’m an ignorant American who doesn’t hear English accents every day, nor am I aware of all the regional variations. I don’t know. But virtually everyone who talks about this new portrayal absolutely loves it, so I’m likely not alone with this aspect either.

Back in the river, we see that the garbage boat is fake. Below the water, what looks like the top of a boat is being carried by a submarine. Looking through the periscope of the sub, the Joker catches sight of Batman’s eyes, staring back at him through the lens. Then, BAM. Batman smacks it, causing the entire thing to rattle, and sending the Joker to the floor. Boy are we getting some great drawings in this episode. Batman’s face through the lens looks amazing! We also had some fun, yet purposely ugly shots of people laughing on the streets earlier, and then the Joker getting knocked away from the periscope is gold. After this, we see that Batman is towing around the “boat” with his own Batboat (its first appearance), which pisses the Joker off. So we get a fight scene between the goons and Batman, which is one of the better action scenes we’ve gotten up to this point. Is it still a little bit stilted? Yes, most definitely. But is it Spider-Man the Animated Series level? Not a chance. I did get some excitement here, and the big hunk of metal known in this episode (and throughout the Internet) as Captain Clown is a robot, so we got a little bit of extra fun here. The Fox censors were not as sensitive if the beating was not being done to an actual human being (even if it’s hard to tell whether or not it's human just by looking), and we got to see Batman throw an actual hard punch. The fight against the other two gives me the impression of martial arts and self defense, which also makes sense given Batman’s background (which will be covered later). The scene ends, however, with Batman being locked in a container and thrown into the water, with the container leaking in through the many holes that the Joker stabs into it with a knife. Seeing the Joker whip out a knife like that and puncture it with Batman inside is really jarring given that this is episode four, and we hadn’t really seen that kind of near-violence prior. Yeah, Batman dodged the stabs, but if one of those had hit, he’d be done. Another glimpse into the dangerous psychopath aspect of a character you don’t always expect to fear. To be clear, this was jarring in a good way.

Situations like this are hard to write for, because you have to be able to come up with a solution that isn’t anticlimactic or complete bullshit. Here Batman calls his Batboat with his utility belt and has it slice the container up with its laser gun blast. It was thinking outside the box a little bit (no pun intended), and having the laser miss during the first shot was a good touch. Granted, I also don’t recall this laser getting much use later down the line (you would think a powerful tool like this would be heavily utilized, hinting at it being added just because of this predicament, but then again, welcome to the world of Batman’s gadgets), so overall I don’t think it was perfect. Pretty cool, though, and I’m not gonna complain. I wasn’t expecting it, and I did find it exciting. Also, 12 words: Batman’s anger once he manages to swim back up to the surface.

To speed things up a little bit, Batman gets to the service, finds where the Joker has gone, defeats the thugs by exposing them to their own laughing gas, and even manages to decimate Captain Clown in a trash compactor. After this, the rest of the episode is pretty much just a chase sequence, and it almost reminds me of a video game. Batman is basically going through an obstacle course. We get a couple more really great shots here, one of the Joker creepily riding a conveyor belt through the shadows, and one of Batman sliding down the garbage shoot. I’m surprised this was animated by Akom, as I specifically remember their animation being generally C-tier when I watched the entirety of Animaniacs (with TMS obviously being the best). Perhaps it was all in the storyboards. The more detailed they are, obviously Akom has more to go by with less room to mess things up. Batman ends up confronting the Joker on a walkway above a vat of molten metal, where Joker throws some razor sharp playing-cards at him. He misses once, and then for the second card, Batman manages to catch it. This is a scene that makes you audibly go, “Awww shit”, and you can tell Joker is thinking the same thing. Char brought up something interesting here. The Joker constructs these incredible plans to disrupt Batman’s day. I swear, he plans everything. But only up until a certain point, because he banks too much on certain aspects. He swore that throwing Batman into the river would have finished him. It’s like the SpongeBob episode where Plankton says something like, “I never thought I’d get this far”. Once Batman makes contact with that card razor, Joker panics and immediately tries to run away, ultimately defeating himself as he trips himself up with a rope. He plays with Batman one step too far. He doesn’t realize when to stop. He pokes the bear, and although he may ultimately be a glorified, crazy mobster, he’s not a fighter. Despite this realization of Char’s, which I totally vibe with, just two episodes ago we had the Joker tripping, falling, and being caught by Batman. So overall I do consider this ending a little cheap. A low point to an otherwise entertaining episode.

Well, I guess it’s not quite the ending. Because after this, we are back with Bruce Wayne and Alfred. Alfred seems to be feeling healthy again, but he is distraught since he broke a priceless artifact earlier when he was exposed to the insanity gas. Bruce tells him not to worry, and that it can simply come out of his paycheck, but also assures him that he’s joking, and it’s all an April Fools’ joke. Bruce even chuckles about it. I love this segment, and even though Bruce can be a stick in the mud as I said, every once in a while he can let himself have a little bit of fun.

For some additional things that didn’t quite fit in with the previous paragraphs, I found myself wondering what Joker was exactly planning on accomplishing after the robberies. I almost think that he was honestly expecting to be caught by Batman, or he was at least not planning past the stage of killing him. But I guess with such an unpredictable maniac, you’d have to be able to read his thoughts to really understand a lot of it. Also, Batman’s computer specifically said that the gas causes permanent insanity. Yet at the end, everyone seems to be fine. Does it require more exposure? Does it mean that it’s permanent for just as long as it’s being inhaled? Was it simply wrong? I was a little confused by this. Mark Hamill’s performance was amazing as always, and as I explained the way that Mark tends to almost visually morph into the character while he voices him, Char mentioned something about him and the Joker becoming one like with the Venom symbiote and Eddie. Accurate observation. And lastly, she mentioned something about how this Joker is someone where you never know when you’ll be on their bad side. I got flashes of a certain early scene from Return Of the Joker here, and I cannot wait for her to see that film.

Char’s grade: A

Major firsts: The Batboat, a form of Joker’s laughing gas

Next time: Pretty Poison

By the way, I’m still messing around and trying to figure out the best format for these blog entries. I don’t think I’ve quite found something that works for me yet, so for a bit, the posts may be a little inconsistent in how they’re laid out. Experimentation! I want to try and make them a little bit less like summaries, and more discussion/reaction-based. Thanks for bearing with me! Also, any constructive feedback is appreciated!

[yukiwrites]

Morgan to the Rescue!

Thank you so much for commissioning me, @xpegasusuniverse ! This one got a bit longer than expected, but please feel free to tell me your thoughts about it! :D

Summary: It’s been five years since Owain’s disappearance, his family worry about him a constant subject in their lives. One day, his sister, Morgan, finally had enough and decided to go look for him herself.

Commission info HERE and HERE!

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4  - Part 5

Peace had been ruling over the ylissean land for the past five years -- Robin had returned two years after his sacrifice so he could finally reunite with his wife Lissa and young Owain.

Only to realize that the Owain who had come from the future, Inigo and Severa disappeared one day to never come back.

"That idiot! I swear I'll give him the biggest ass-kicking ever once he comes back!" Lissa grumbled as she walked with Morgan through the corridors of the castle. "Can you believe he never even left a note?! Nothing?! He wasn't even here to see his father coming back! Auughhh, the nerve!"

Morgan held her preferred tome over her chest, silently nodding, her brow furrowed. "Yeah..."

Lissa went on. "Look at Olivia! She cries every other day about her lost son! Poor young Inigo always cries with her too, it's like I'm watching an opera whenever the subject comes around." Then, she pointed to nowhere in particular, feeling the need to gesticulate so as to burn all the energy that was making her upset. "And Cordelia? It's like she's taking tripping lessons with Sumia! She thinks no one can see when she trips, but she was never good on keeping secrets. She can't stop thinking about her daughter, too!" The princess held her own head, stomping the floor as she walked. "I SWEAR he's grounded for LIFE the next time I see him!"

Morgan still followed silently, her mind elsewhere.

Lissa turned to her daughter, her face red with rage and her cheeks puffed. "Don't you have anything to say? You agree with me, right, Morgan?"

The apprentice tactician blinked, finally being pulled out of her own head. "Sorry, Mother, what were you saying?"

"Mghgh!! Uwarghh! Listen to me when I'm complaining, Morgan!"

"Heehee, sorry again, Mother. I know how worried you are about my brother..." which is why Detective Morgan is on the case! She thought with a sly smile. I know Father has had contact with some people trying to find out Brother's whereabouts, but two heads think better than one!

Lissa looked down after Morgan spoke, deflating and pouting. "Doesn't he know how worried we are? Humph..." she kicked some dust on the ground and walked as she looked down.

"C'mon, Mom, cheer up!" Morgan took both of Lissa's hands in hers, her eyes shining with the prospect of bringing her brother back and helping her parents. "Owain knows how to take care of himself. Plus, he has Inigo and Severa with him!"

"Humph," Lissa puffed her cheeks once again, "he has no business elsewhere after we finally reunited..."

Morgan snorted, then squeezed her mother's hand. "Then what do you want me to tell him once I find him? I'm planning on going to--"

"NO!" Lissa shouted before Morgan could even begin to think about leaving. "No, no, no! You're absolutely FORBIDDEN to go away, you hear?" Her hands slightly trembled, her heart still so hurt from having lost Robin for so long while young Owain was still an infant. The scar still bleeding from not hearing anything regarding the son she had taken as her own so many years ago. "Don't you dare leave your Mother behind, too..." She leaned on her daughter's shoulder, her lips trembling.

"I... I'm so sorry, Mother." Morgan widened her eyes and wrapped her arms around her mother's shoulders, suddenly aware of the deep pain she had awakened in her heart. "I promise I'll think of something else."

Lissa sniffled, then dried her eyes before lifting her face. "Alright, then." She tried to flash a big smile, but the shadow of pain was still fresh over her mien. "Let's get going before baby Morg starts crying!"

Morgan didn't want to hurt her mother, nor did she want to worry her father, but Owain's disappearance had left a whole inside their family nothing could mend. He had worried so much about her in the past; trying to make her remember their childhoods together or simply making new memories with her -- teaching her what it was like to have a big brother to rely on and put the blame on, too, like with the pitfalls.

Their time together had been the most fun she had ever had: He was silly sometimes, with all of his naming things and stuff, but he was her silly older brother. Teaming up with their mother to play pranks on him was also the highlight of their days.

The day he disappeared, she thought he had just gone to help a nearby village or something. He wouldn't just, you know, leave. Not Owain. Then the days turned to weeks that turned to months and years. She kept on believing he was just on an heroic quest, since that was something he mentioned wanting to do in times of peace -- to help those in need in a cool way.

But... she felt lonely. Even after finally finding their father, their family wouldn't be the same without Owain. She wanted to tell him how much his young self looked like him without barely meeting him. How baby Morg had the chubbiest cheeks and that he might remember her own chubby cheeks from when she was a baby.

She didn't want to make her mother feel the loss of yet another child, but she, too, couldn't stand being apart from her big brother without knowing what he was doing and if he needed the help of his genius little sister.

"See? I'm right, aren't I? He never even met you yet, Owain-boo." Morgan had been thinking aloud as she messed around with her little older brother in his room, the boy barely comprehending what she was saying since she spoke so fast and with so many long words.

"Don't call me that! My name is Odin Dark!" Young Owain turned away from Morgan's head pat and fetched his toy sword.

The princess snorted. "Yeah, sorry, I forgot. 'Odin Dark', do you want to see your big brother? You do, right? I need to think of ways to bring him back..."

Owain had long since stopped listening to his sister, his eyes focused on the figure behind her: "Dad!" He opened his arms and ran towards the door at the same time Morgan felt her heart fall down to her feet.

"Hey there, little champion! How's my Owain Dark doing today?" The former tactician picked his son up as he entered the room, watching how Morgan slowly raised her shoulders, trying to hide herself away.

"It's O-D-I-N Dark, Dad!" Young Owain kicked his feet with a pout, smacking Robin on the head with his wooden sword.

"Ow, ow. Sorry about that, buddy." He laughed. "So, Odin Dark, what are you and your sister plotting behind our backs?" He smirked as Morgan flinched, slowly turning to face her father.

Owain's sibling instinct kicked in and he looked from Morgan to Robin, shrugging right after. "It's secret, Dad! Only Justice Cabal members can know it!"

Morgan mentally saluted her little older brother, the resolve inside her heart strengthening. The boy really was growing up to be the exact same older brother she remembered and loved.

However, Robin had heard more than half of his daughter's monologue -- a bad habit she inherited from him -- and smiled. "Good one, Son," he praised Owain before turning to Morgan. "I know what you're thinking, Morgan, and even before you did -- I see you going from corner to corner of the castle, lost in thought and looking for any clues you can about Owain's whereabouts.

Little Owain complained about his name being Odin, but Robin swayed him with one arm and continued talking. "I know your mother's been difficult since your little sister was born -- it hasn't been half a year yet -- so I understand that you're worried about leaving us behind."

"Father--"

"But you don't have to be. I wish I could go in your place, but I can't leave Lissa on her own again, especially not now with a small baby... Or rather, not AGAIN with a small baby." He mocked in spite of himself, the guilt of leaving everyone behind never fading, even if it had been to save them from a future doom. Morgan felt her chest hurt and meant to interrupt again, but Robin pressed on. "Of course, I won't let you leave without properly arming yourself with knowledge first -- you'll need to know WHERE to look or else me and your mother will simply be short of another child wandering aimlessly."

Morgan brought both hands to her chest. "C-can I really? Will you help me, Father?" She took an uncertain step forward, remembering how vehemently her mother had reacted the other day.

Robin closed in the distance and patted his daughter with his free hand. "Of course I'll help. And when the time comes for you to go, you won't have to worry; I'll handle your mother."

"Oh, Father! Thank you so much!" She smiled brightly, her eyes itching with tears as she threw herself in his arms (hugging Owain as well). "Where should we begin?"

First they sent word to the future children whose whereabouts were known to them. Brady had travelled with Inigo for some time as they performed across the land, but even he still had no idea where their friends could have gone. Morgan remembered something her father didn't consider, however.

"Father! What if we ask Naga?" She slammed her hands on the table, so sudden did the idea cross her mind as they were going through some papers inside Robin's study.

Robin spurted the tea he had just sipped. "Y-you want us to ask the divine dragon?" He coughed drying his face with his coat.

"Well, she did bring us from the future, right? She might, I don't know, feel his presence or something. Since we're not from this world and all." She wriggled her fingers around herself, as though gesturing a force field of some kind.

"Hm..." Robin placed one hand over his chin in thought. "You know, that might just work! You're a genius, Morgan." He laughed, ruffling her short blond hair. "Let's send word to Lady Tiki at once! As The Voice, she might be able to convey Naga's words to us."

Morgan placed one closed fist over her palm, as though she had remembered something. "Oh yeah! Soon after you disappeared, Nah went with Tiki to the Mila tree to learn the Way of the Voice or something. She might still be there!"

"Haha, one more point for genius Morgan!" He held her cheeks and kissed her forehead. "The future's looking up!"

"Let's get to writing, Father!" She rolled up her sleeves and took a quill from its inkpot, a wide smile painted across her face. Just you wait, Brother! I'm coming!

The news they heard back from Nah were promising: She said that Naga had felt someone making use of the power naturally stored at the Mila tree to do a strange type of magic some three, four years ago. "She said that she might know what it was for, but it will take some time." Morgan read, her heart thumping. "That's around the time Owain disappeared!"

Robin frowned, one hand over his mouth in thought. "Did he go to an Outrealm or something? But if so, he could've just called Anna to open the gate..." He thought aloud, fearing for his son. Someone made use of the Divine Dragon’s power? "... Gods, never have I wanted so much to go and hear all of this first-hand." His shoulders sagged, Robin's face of a tired and worried father as he pressed the bridge of his nose.

"Father, are you feeling okay?" Morgan circled the table, patting her father's shoulder as he sat back on his chair.

He flashed her a weak smile, much like the one she saw her mother give her not too long ago. "I'm fine, Morgan, thanks for worrying. I just want you to promise me one thing." He looked deeply into his daughter's eyes.

"Of-of course, Father. What is it?" She sat on a nearby chair, her eyes wide.

Robin touched Morgan's shoulder, gripping at it. "Please... please don't do anything reckless. Don't go diving into danger and come back as soon as you hear anything about your brother's whereabouts. We can plan our next move together." His voice was so deep, his words so sincere. They overflowed with love for his family -- and fear. Such a strong fear of losing them as well. He finally had had a second chance; he wouldn't be able to bear if something happened to them -- or if he learned that something had gone terribly wrong wherever Owain was.

Morgan hardened her chin. It teared her heart apart to see her father like that, so raw and powerless. She smiled, puffing her chest. "Of course, Father! Leave it to me, my second name is Careful-Planning, after all!" She giggled, trying to lighten the mood.

A small smile creeped at the corners of Robin's lips, the frown slowly fading across his brow. "Thank you, Morgan. Let's send a letter ahead of you and prepare for your trip. I'm sorry you'll have to leave as though you're running away..."

"Oh, psh, Father! It'll be like my own adventure!" Her eyes sparkled, but then her shoulders drooped. "I'm just scared of the whooping Mother will have planned for me when I come back..."

"Pfft..." Robin snorted, finally being able to laugh. "Yeah, I won't be able to protect you from that without being caught in it, as well."

Morgan smiled, content in finally seeing her father back at his cheerful self.

There wasn't much she could do on the day she left -- or rather, on the night she left. They had arranged a carriage to take her until the capital’s border, where she would take a horse to Ferox, restock at the castle and head to the port towards Valm. From there, Nah would pick her up and take her to the Mila tree.

After that, she would find out where her brother went and would come back. Easy.

Robin gave her the tightest hug she'd ever gotten, and that's counting her brother and mother, batting her on the shoulder right after. "Be well and come back quickly." He managed to say and keep the tears away and she giggled and hugged him back.

"Don't worry, Father! You'll see how nothing really happened and Owain's probably just playing hero around Valm or something!"

The truth she learned at the Mila tree, however, was that first, the tree had seen better days -- the water around its roots was nowhere to be seen and its leaves were in a permanent autumn color. Second, that the one who used the power of the tree -- inadvertently drying it up -- was someone from another world. Owain, Severa and Inigo had made some sort of pact with them and left after knowing that their wish had been fulfilled.

Naga could feel, across the bounds of time and dimensions of worlds, how their original world had also returned to peace -- and how the souls of the departed were appeased by the person who opened the portal.

"Their wish was simply that -- to grant peace to the ones who were lost to Grima in exchange to fighting to protect someone." Nah had conveyed Naga's words at the foot of the Mila tree, around the same area the portal had been opened years ago.

Morgan felt her heart ache.

"Is... is that world they're in a safe place?"

Nah slowly shook her head. "They fight for their lives everyday in a three-way war against humans and shadows."

"That stupid brother!" Morgan stomped her foot on the root under her. "Can you open the portal there? I have something Mother told me to tell him once we meet again!" She squeezed her hands, her heart beating fast inside her chest.

She didn't want to make her mother worry.

She didn't want to break her promise with her father.

But above all, she had to make sure her brother was okay. And she also needed to pull his ear so hard he would be mistaken by a manakete after she was done.

Nah spoke for herself before conveying Naga's words. "Are you sure, Morgan? From what Naga said, it looks like a terrible world."

The apprentice tactician nodded solemnly. "... I am. I can't let my brother fight alone, not after all we went through together."

"Hm..." Nah bobbed her head to the side as she closed her eyes, awaiting instructions. "She says she can send you there, but not bring you back. And that Owain has the key to come back."

Morgan's smile grew. "So I just need to find him to come back? Haha, that's just what I was planning to do, anyway!"

Through Tiki's and Nah's dragon forms, Naga's voice could be heard as a whisper to Morgan's ears, though indistinguishable. Both manaketes repeated the words, making use of their combined powers to open a rift in space-time for a short while.

She didn't hesitate. The moment the bluish portal opened, she jumped inside, immediately remembering that she had forgotten to ask Nah to send a letter apologizing to her father. "Oh well, I can apologize when I come back!" She whispered as she felt a strange staggering sensation.

Then, she opened her eyes (she didn't even notice she had closed them), Morgan finding herself in a world with the biggest sky she had ever seen -- literally! It was everywhere! There were floating islands and ruins of buildings at every corner!

"That's so unfair, brother! You got sent to such an interesting world!" She looked around, mesmerized. "Ooh, I wonder what kind of plant that is?" She reached out to a strange purple root, but her reflexes made her body jump sideways. "W-what was that?" She looked around.

She wasn't alone.

No. She definitely had company, and hostile company, but she couldn't make out where. She slowly touched her favorite tome under her coat and jumped out of the way the moment a flying axe landed with a thud where she stood. "From my hand to the group of enemies before me!" She started the incantation. "THORON!!" A swirl of lighting left hand, landing on three semi-transparent figures in front of her. "Eek, what are those? Are these the risen of this world?"

The mysterious figure didn't give her time to talk to herself and threw itself against her, but now she could already make out where these strange ghost-zombie-like things were. "Time to even the odds! From the sky, to the group of enemies before me! THORON!!"

Not too far from the small island Morgan landed at, a mixed group of elite fighters were being led through magical bridges by a young page. "Augh, these bridges are so annoying! And these monsters? Pfft, so last season." Selena complained after she crossed the second bridge Lady Camilla had erected by using a nearby Dragon Vein.

"Don't lose focus, love." Laslow scrutinized the area, his hand always over his sword's hilt. "They're hard to spot, so it's easy to get surrounded."

"Oh, c'mon, I remember how-"

"Shh!" Odin lifted his hand, looking at nowhere in particular. "Did you guys hear something?" He glanced back at his friends, the bridge behind them disappearing as Azura activated another DV on the other side. "It sounded like... ‘Thoron’?"

Both Selena and Laslow blinked. "Thoron? But that's a tome from--" She looked around, making sure no one could hear them. "From back home. No one here carries it."

Odin's heart couldn't stop thumping, his palms starting to get sweaty. "Yeah, but..." he was sure he heard it. It was Morgan’s voice.

The silence that entailed allowed all three of them to hear it clearly this time: Morgan was actively activating her tome somewhere nearby.

"Morgan?!" Laslow and Selena gasped in surprise, looking at each other. "Impossible!" She looked at where Odin was, but he had started to run towards the voice. "Odin, hey! We can't leave our posts!"

"My bad, but cover up for me! I need to make sure I'm not hearing things!" He huffed without looking back, feeling his heart ache. It couldn't be his little sister, it couldn't! But that voice...

Selena and Laslow moved uncomfortably, then looked back at their lords who were busy issuing orders left and right. "Ahh, no way I can stay here and wait! What if it really was Morgan?!" Selena said. "C'mon, are you going with me or not?"

Laslow gulped and flashed a nervous smile. "Of course, let's get going."

"Oh, for Naga's sake, this is endless!" Morgan complained, frying one enemy after the other with her powerful tome, her breath failing her. "Has my brother been fighting against this for all these years?"

"MORGAN!!" Odin yelled from a nearby isle, never stopping his running. He reached a DV and activated it at the same time his foot touched the newly-formed bridge, jumping at the last step of it so as to use his own magic: "From the sky, to the group of enemies before me!" His power surged from around himself, Morgan and the peebles around them, altering gravity around them, making him float. "Eldritch smackdown!"

The mysterious enemies shrieked in pain as they disappeared in purple smoke, Odin carefully landing on the ground.

"BROTHER!" Morgan huffed, running to where he landed. "That's you, right? Owain! Why's your hair blonde? Why are you using magic? You're Owain, righ--whoa!"

Amidst her mountain of questions, Odin hugged his sister with everything he had, immediately taking Robin's place on the strongest hug Morgan had received. He squeezed her until she started slapping his back in search for air, then as quickly as he hugged her, he let her go, holding her by her shoulders. "What ARE you doing here, Morgan?" He yelled, his face red and his breathing uneven. "How did you find this place? Why aren't you back home with Father and Mother-owow!"

"That's my line! How come you're in such a strange world? Dressed like this? Are you a cabaret dancer? Why are you using magic? Do you KNOW how upset Mother is about all this? She's gonna whoop your ass so hard you'll never be able to sit again!" She pulled his ear with everything she had, so unbelievably happy from having finally found him safe and sound (although his choice in clothes was questionable at BEST).

Odin laughed weakly. "Haha, yeah... guess I'm in for a big scolding, huh? WAIT, that's not it! How come YOU'RE here? Did 'him' bring you here too?"

"Oh, you mean the guy who used Naga's power to bring you guys here?" She waited for him to nod before smiling and saying: "Never heard of him! I asked Naga and she brought me here."

"Oh, gods, it really was Morgan!" Selena's voice sounded from the nearby bridge, Laslow running close behind her. "What're you doing here?"

"Whoa, why are you two dressed properly? I thought all three of you were working undercover on a cabaret or something." She said with a smile, then patted her brother's arm. "Alright, now that we're all here, let's go back home! Everyone's worried sick about you guys."

The moment the words were out of her mouth, Morgan knew that it wouldn't be that easy. All three of them shared glances and it was up to Odin to say: "We can't go home now, Morgan. We made a promise; besides, we have comrades here who count on us."

"Oh, well. Alright." She shrugged with a relaxed smile, taking the air out of Owain's sail. "Count me in, then."

"What? Get real, Morgan. You need to go back. How are we gonna explain Odin's sister showing up out of thin air?" Selena crossed her arms.

"But that's what I did, right?" Wait, Odin? I heard it wrong, right? "Besides, Naga said that Owain has the key for us to go back, so I'm stuck here as much as you guys anyway, heehee!"

Laslow, Selena and Odin placed their hands on their faces, sighing in unison. Then, Odin laughed. "'Twas Fate itself that brought the Exalted siblings together!" He put one arm around Morgan's shoulder, suddenly feeling pumped to defeat another dragon of destruction, now that his sister was by his side. "We'll come up with something, Morgan." He grinned. "Now that we're together, we're invincible!"

Morgan smiled widely, giddy with happiness. Finally they were reunited! "Of course!"

[bloodunderthebridge]

The Magic of Postmodernism in How I Met Your Mother

We all know (and if you don’t, you should know) that How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM) is a comical t.v series that went off the air after its ninth and final season in 2014. But, for those of you who have not enjoyed the future storytelling plot that is HIMYM, here is a quick recap of what takes place in the t.v show composed of nine amusing seasons. The first main character is Ted. Ted is the guy who narrates the entire story to his teenage kids of how he met their mother. Ted tells the story of his journey to finding a wife in 2030 and each season takes the audience through another year of Ted trying to find his wife with his best friends/sidekicks adding to the drama prior to 2030. For the second, third, fourth and fifth characters, you’ve got Lily and Marshall who have been together since college, but have their ups and downs that result in marriage and a baby. You have Barney who has a sketchy job that makes an absurd amount of money and spends most of his time dating as many girls as possible while asking them out in extreme, impossible ways and then you have Robin. Robin brings her daddy issues, t.v broadcasting skills and rough Canadian lifestyle to the streets of New York City. Combined, these characters date each other, date an uncountable number of other people, succeed along with tons of failure and in the end, create a t.v show that reaches a large audience with its sarcastic tone and unrealistic, but relatable circumstances.

So now that I’ve throughly discussed the characters and their role in HIMYM (for those of you who have watched HIMYM and for those of you who's my detailed description is good enough), what comes to mind when we think of the show? Perhaps how uneventful and upsetting the end of the series was or how Barney and Robin should have never broken up and like why did Tracy have to die? Whatever the reason, it probably wasn’t the postmodern aspects of the t.v show. In-between Barney’s multiple conquests, Robin’s foreign Canadian phrases, Lily and Marshall’s never ending relationship and Ted’s seemingly forever lasting search for love are techniques typically used in postmodern works of literature and in this case, good t.v. But since there is a handful of ways in which HIMYM can be looked at through a postmodern lens, I’m going to focus on three specific techniques, metafiction, magical realism and intertextuality. Now although metafiction and intertextuality may sound boring in comparison to watching t.v and even though magical realism seems to entail more fun, each technique adds a level of depth to HIMYM.

T.V, I’m pretty sure everyone has watched it at least once, but what happens when we’ve watched all the shows that interest us, do we exit our box and try a new show or do we watch a series over again? I’m voting for the latter. Whenever I watch something for a second or third and sometimes a fourth time, I notice different things about the show or whatever episode I’ve re-watched. “I could have sworn that storm trooper wasn’t there before”, I notice the smaller details when I re-watch shows and that’s why looking at HIMYM while keeping the postmodern techniques in the back of my mind, helps understand the t.v series more accurately. It’s an underlying layer that you don’t notice at first, but contributes to how the show is perceived by the audience. Imagine HIMYM having modern aspects, rather than postmodern, would more or less people watch it? Would the meaning and perception change? My guess is yes, of course it would change because even though it’s only a small number of aspects that I am looking at, those small parts are what make up the whole and changing enough of those small parts will eventually change the whole.

Okay, so now that I’ve convinced you that looking at HIMYM through a postmodern lens is important, what specifically does metafiction, magical realism and intertextuality mean? Meta fiction is the act of writing about writing or making readers aware of the fictional nature of the very fiction they're reading, or in the case of HIMYM, when the characters know they are in a t.v show. This is commonly know as “breaking the fourth wall”. Magical realism is the introduction of impossible or unrealistic events into a narrative that is otherwise realistic which is pretty explanatory and an easy definition. And lastly, intertextuality is the acknowledgment of previous literary works within another literary work or when a t.v show references a movie or book or vice versa. Each of these three techniques are actively used in HIMYM and now that you know what they mean, time to dive into a close viewing of HIMYM.

Metafiction, breaking the fourth wall, if you will, is not something I am typically a fan of. I think some shows use it well, like Jane the Virgin, but than shows like House of Cards, I can’t stand, but then again, the majority of people I know like House of Cards, so maybe thats just me. Anyways, Jane the Virgin and House of Cards use metafiction many times throughout each episode, but that’s not the case in HIMYM. There are only a number of instances in the entire series of HIMYM where metafiction is used, it is a technique that is used in addition to many other techniques, but not alone. Okay so to give an example so everyone can see what I'm blabbing on about, I’ve looked at season eight, episode four titled “Who Wants to be a Godparent?”. In this episode, Lily and Marshal, now married and pregnant, are hosting a game-show-like competition between Ted, Barney and Robin to see who should be the Godparent of their first child. Towards the end of the scene, when the game is almost over, Marshall looks directly at the screen and says “we will be right back after a message from our sponsors” (00:11:40 - 00:11:50). This was a clear cut, easy example of meta fiction. Another example just for good measure, but not as obvious as my first example is in season seven, episode six, “Mystery vs. History”. Barney, Ted and Robin are all sitting on the couch in Ted’s apartment and Ted is rambling on about breaking the fourth wall in Annie Hall (this is also intertextuality, but that’s for later) and then, out of nowhere, Robin turns to the camera and says “can you believe this guy?” and motions her thumb in Ted’s direction. Personally, Robin breaking the fourth wall is my favourite out of the two just because it was less expected in that scene than in the other one, you know. Okay well, I think that’s enough about metafiction for now… on to magic……al realism!

When I first heard of magical realism, I thought, yes finally some magic being taught in university. This is not the case, but also it sort of is the case. Let me explain. Magical realism is when events and stuff happening in a t.v show or movie or whatever are unrealistic, but they are shown in a realistic setting, therefore making it somewhat believable to some people (maybe?). Now, magical realism is so important that even Oprah talked about in her book club. On Oprah’s website an article is posted saying “magical realism sets magical events in realistic contexts, thus requiring us to question what is "real," and how we can tell” (Parkinson Zamora), which is my opinion, nicely summarises why magical realism is like magic. So thank you Oprah for also seeing the importance of magical realism and talking about it, but now to bring the magic to life in HIMYM, we need to look at season seven, episode seven titled “Noretta”. I know I’ve already explained a bit about Barney’s role in the t.v show and if you’ve watched HIMYM, you already know for yourself, but Barney is addicted to asking as many women out as possible. Like I’m pretty sure that’s all he does, it is his life mission to sleep with a record number of people. Not the most attractive quality in a person/character, but it does make for good t.v. “Noretta” is a prime example of far Barney will go and magical realism all in one! Background: Barney is on a date with an attractive British women he has been dating. They have not slept together yet, but in episode seven, Barney was determined to change that. While skating, Barney’s date fell down on the ice and completely lost a tooth, but somehow Barney managed to convince his date to not give up on the night. After his date fell, Barney also looked up to the roof (aka the sky, aka God, aka magic) and said “I can turn this around” (00:05:40 - 00:06:11). Magical realism? Yes, an extreme example of it? No, but the saga continues, finally back at Barney’s apartment, they go on the balcony where Barney and his date witness a man jumping from a roof committing suicide. Barney again says, “I can turn this around” and despite his date crying “I want to go home”, he manages to win her over (00:09:30 - 00:10:12). What makes this magical realism, if it isn’t clear enough, is that Barney still managed to sleep with his date despite her losing a tooth (which must have been insanely painful and ugly to look at) and that she witnessed death. Those two things happening don’t really set the mood for most people. That is one example of an episode of HIMYM where there is magical realism, but you could find magical realism in probably more than half of the episodes of HIMYM because the technique is used too often when it comes to Barney’s character.

Now finally, we get to discuss intertextuality, my personal favourite. You may be thinking, why is intertextuality my favourite? Especially compared to a technique that is magic adjacent, but when I understand a reference to another movie or book, I just feel like I know more, you know. The important thing to note about intertextuality though is that “much of the show’s humour relies on the reader’s recognition of common tropes” (Levine 67). This directly relates to HIMYM because if the viewer doesn’t understand the reference, they may also miss the humour which would be unfortunate and HIMYM uses intertextuality as humour more often than not. To illustrate intertextuality in HIMYM, I am going to use Star Wars as an example. Star Wars is my all time favourite movie series and therefore I like to take every opportunity to force my obsession upon everyone else and lucky for me, it seems that the characters of HIMYM love Star Wars the same as me!! So here we go, example number one, season nine, episode seventeen, “Sunrise”, Ted argues with his fiancé about what CP30 is made of and he also mocks her by saying “You know what’s weird? Not seeing Star Wars until you’re thirty” (00:03:15  - 00:03:47). Example number two, season nine, episode fifteen, “Unpause”, Barney gets so drunk the night before his wedding he mimics Jabba the Hutt. Example number three, season nine, episode two, “Coming Back”, Barney speaks like Yoda to Marshall, “there is no try” (00:16:18 - 00:16:26). Example number four, just kidding, I won’t keep going with the Star Wars intertextuality references because if you don’t get the point by now, you probably won’t ever get it. That was rude, if you didn’t get the point though, its that if you don’t understand or know Star Wars, HIMYM won’t make any sense. Just kidding, but it definitely won’t be as funny.

We all know now that How I Met Your Mother is a comical t.v series that went off the air after its ninth season and that the producers of this t.v show employ the use of the postmodern techniques metafiction, magical realism and intertextuality. So if anyone ever asks you for examples of magical realism in HIMYM, hopefully now you will be able to give them at least one answer. But in all seriousness, looking at pop culture or anything with a certain lens in mind (in my case, postmodernism) helps read between the lines of whats going on. I find that closely viewing movies and t.v shows or even literature gives a different perspective and shows the layers that can be hidden and I encourage everyone to stop watching HIMYM for a good laugh, but to really learn from the show.