#everybody: and prayers. you're going to need them

[mischiefy]

NOBODY is hearing mc out on this one god i miss you acor you were so funny

[cruel-as-sin]

take the weight off his shoulders | logan howlett

pt. 2

↳ summary: you're a stripper and old man!logan comes into the club where you work- so you decide to show him a good time.

word count: 3k

song: older | isabel larosa

pairings: old man!logan x fem!stripper!reader

content warnings: 18+ content (MDNI), smut, porn w/o plot, prostitution/strip clubs, age gap (readers age is unspecified but she is an adult), praise kink, gentle sex, striptease and lapdance hehe, size difference, protected p in v, grinding, handjob, lingerie mentioned, the glasses stay on, practice safe sex everyone (lmk if i missed anything!)

↳ a/n: ao3 saw this first and it took way too long for me to move it over to tumblr but. here it is lmao. as i said there old man logan does something CRAZY to me so it was only fitting i wrote about him, enjoy! also this is not proofread so apologies for any mistakes :’)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Logan's not sure why he goes into the club across the street.

Maybe he needs to feel young again. Maybe he's bored. Maybe the adamantium poisoning the rest of him has finally managed to get to his brain and turned his thoughts into some sort of horny, befuddled shit show.

Or maybe, just maybe, he really is just that fucking desperate.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

It's past midnight when he walks through the door. You've been busy all night, but things are finally starting to wind down, the customers that frequent the small establishment slowly trickling out until only a few remain. None of them are your regulars, and given how empty the doorway has been, you're honestly considering calling it a night and going home early. The past few days have been hellish, full of people who didn't do a damn thing to turn you on, and you'd love nothing more than to sink into a warm, cozy bed and drift off to sleep. Tonight, you've been roaming the floor for the past hour without getting anything- everybody is either interested in another one of the workers or entirely fixated on the dancers.

It's not that you don't like your job- you do. Sure, being a stripper isn't the most flattering form of work, but the bills are paid. That's all that really counts these days. Your pride has long since been discarded in favor of earning hefty tips from the sleazy guys who are dumb enough to believe that you'd actually be into them. You put on a good show, of course, but if it weren't for the money? Not a fucking chance.

You like it that way. Hardly any of your clients go beyond the intimacy of a private dance, mainly because you don't let them, reserving that for your favorites. But you haven't met someone who turns you on in a long while, and without the occasional thrill of a real good time from a customer, you're starting to get bored. The days are blurring together, nothing separating the good days from the bad ones, if there even is such a thing anymore.

You're on your way to ask your boss if you can get off early when you hear the bell ring. You groan internally, realizing that you're the only one on the floor who isn't occupied, meaning if this client is interested, they're yours.

Damn it.

So much for an early night.

You're midway through praying to whatever God is out there that this client tips well when you turn and actually lay eyes on them. The moment you do, your mind goes blank, your prayers long forgotten as your thoughts become consumed by him.

He's older- much older. Pushing sixty, at least. It's not inherently a bad thing, but typically the older they are, the more entitled they become.

You're not usually into older men, finding them self-centered, greedy, unable to keep up with your desires; but you're not even ashamed to admit that this stranger could ask you to do just about anything and you'd probably agree in a heartbeat.

The man is tall, big, his muscular form obvious even underneath the suit and tie he wears. His salt and pepper hair is short, accompanied by a scruffy beard you're certain would feel like heaven against your thighs. His tie is loose, his top button undone, and he's got on a pair of dollar-store glasses that he hasn't even pulled the tag off of. There's a weight to him, an exhaustion that seems to have infiltrated the deepest parts of his soul, as if he's seen things you couldn't even begin to fathom- and yet, he's here, seeking some semblance of relief.

Lucky for him, you know exactly how to give it to him.

He looks around like he's lost, the colorful lights and sultry music overwhelming, the center stage where your coworkers get dollar bills thrown at their feet foreign to him. By the time you've made your way over, your legs moving of their own accord, he's turning to leave. "Hey." You call out, and he stops, turning back around to face you.

He's even bigger up close, and his eyes roam over your form almost shamefully before finally meeting your own. "I was just leaving." His voice is rough, a little scratchy, and while you're sure it's supposed to be intimidating, all it does is further fuel the heat pooling between your legs.

"So soon?" You look up at him with a doe-eyed gaze you're well aware makes men weak in the knees.

"I shouldn't be here." He says, but he doesn't walk away from you.

You move a little closer so your breath is fanning across his neck, your voice dripping with suggestion. "I could show you a good time."

"Listen, sweetheart, I've got-"

Sweetheart.

"Let me take care of you." You lean up to whisper in his ear. Your breath is hot against his skin, your mouth tantalizingly close, and you can feel the way he twitches slightly- an exercise of self-control.

A moment passes, two, and he lets out a long breath. "Fuck, darlin'." He reaches out, hesitant to touch, as if he's not sure how this works, doesn’t want to cross some invisible line he hasn’t learned exists. You take his hand, guiding it to your waist, reaching up to put one hand on the back of his neck. "You sure know how to get a guy wrapped around your finger."

In response, you give a coy smile, taking his tie in one hand and giving it a soft tug. He allows you to guide him, pulling him along by the tie you're sure he has a million ideas of what to do with.

You lead him into a private room, pulling the curtain closed behind you, letting his tie slip out of your grasp. His eyes dart around for a moment, but then you're in front of him again, reaching up and sliding his blazer off of his shoulders. You hang it up on the wall, then return, now slowly guiding him backwards and giving him a gentle shove into the leather chair near the wall. He raises an eyebrow as you circle him, leaning in from behind to whisper in his ear. "Just relax." You murmur, letting your lips graze his neck before pulling away. He leans back, eyes following your every move, a stare that feels like it could set you on fire.

You put on a good show for him- dancing, teasing, tantalizingly close, but never touching. Not yet. You can see the hunger in his gaze, the restraint it takes for him not to pull you down into his lap and keep you there. You give him a strip tease, taking off your bra and letting your breasts go free. His eyes roam over you, a murmured word, "Beautiful," leaving his lips, and that makes your already soaked panties drenched.

Then you give him a lap dance- and unlike most of the men you meet, he doesn't touch, doesn't paw at you. Instead he waits, lets you set the pace, doesn't do anything without your permission. Your hands go to his tie, undoing it at a speed you know is killing him, tossing it aside.

Finally, you rest yourself entirely on his lap, and whisper in his ear. "You can touch now, if you want to."

His hands immediately settle on your hips, like they belong there. You grind down against him, feeling him tense beneath you at the friction against his clothed cock. You repeat the motion, relishing in the groan it elicits from him. His grip on your hips tightens slightly, and he begins to guide your motions, pressing you down against his thigh in a way that makes you moan. It's a small, soft sound, but it still makes him smile. “Atta girl, that’s it.” He huffs approvingly. You keep going, feeling yourself almost get lost in the rhythmic movement before you come back to your senses.

Your hands move to the collar of his shirt, slowly beginning to undo the buttons, revealing his toned chest. You only get about halfway down before his hands are gripping your wrists, and your protest dies on your lips when he leans up and kisses you.

He tastes like cigar smoke and whiskey, a blend that should be uncomfortable but is somehow pleasant. His tongue slips into your mouth, tangling with yours as he pulls you closer. By the time he finally pulls away for air, you're dizzy, flushed.

A kiss- almost as personal as a name.

You've never met a man who could make you feel like this- and certainly not without getting all your clothes off first.

His words snap you out of your breathless haze. "Let me touch you, baby." His voice is both a plea and a demand, and who are you to deny him such a request?

A simple nod is all it takes before his hands are on you, roving over your breasts with an appreciative groan. You can't help the way your hips rock against him, and one of his hands goes down to your ass, encouraging you to grind against him again. His other hand rolls your nipple between his thumb and index finger, while his mouth leaves sloppy kisses along your neck, down to your breasts.

You bury your face in his neck, breathing him in. His head comes up from your chest to whisper in your ear as he keeps your hips moving back and forth, his other hand alternating between your breasts. His skin muffles your moans, but you know he won't let you hide those pretty sounds from him forever. "You're so perfect." His words don't exactly do you any favors in the 'keeping your composure' department. "Sweet, pretty thing like you..." He nips at your earlobe, making you gasp softly. "You got no idea what you do to me."

Those words snap you back a little, remind you of your promise to take care of him. You raise your head up, leaning back a little to meet his eyes. "Then show me." Your hands reach down towards his belt, and this time, he doesn't stop you. Instead, his gaze roams over you as you unbuckle it, slowly pull it out of the loops of his pants, toss it aside, letting it join the other discarded articles littering the floor. You undo the buttons, then pull his pants down.

Even through his boxers, you can clearly see the outline of his aching hardness. You gently take him in your palm, running your hand along him through the fabric, watching the way his eyes flutter. Then you adjust yourself so you're grinding on him again, thin layers of clothing the only thing separating the two of you.

You go on like that for a little while, keeping track of every little sound he makes, every hitch of his breath and shudder that goes through his body. Then you lean back, pulling his boxers down, freeing his cock from the confines of his clothing.

Immediately, your mouth waters. He's huge, the biggest you've ever seen, and you find yourself wondering if you even can take him.

You push that thought aside for now, swiping your thumb across his tip, smiling to yourself at the groan that leaves him. You repeat the motion, letting precum gather on your fingers as you begin to move your hand up and down, up and down. You start slow, stroking him gently, then gradually increase your pace. Midway through, you grab a condom with your other hand, keeping eye contact as you open the wrapper with your teeth. You roll it onto him in one smooth motion, earning a startled grunt. His head falls back, his breaths coming unevenly, and it takes him a while before he can manage a coherent sentence.

"Fuck, you treat every guy like this?" Even with all the energy he can muster, the words are still a little short.

Your smile widens, and you lean in to press a kiss against the vein of his throat. "Only the good ones."

His mouth opens, as if to argue with the notion that he's anything good, but your ever-faster movements silence any protests that could have come from him.

You can tell he's getting close, and you slow down, letting him breathe a little slower as you whisper a soft question. "Where do you want me? You want my mouth, you want-"

Your words are cut off by his hand cupping your clothed mound, a gasp escaping you. "I want this." His voice is rough, and this time, it's not a plea. He leans in, his breath hot against your ear as you unconsciously begin to move against his hand, chasing any friction he can give you. "I think it's a little unfair, seeing how I'm all out in the open and you've still got these," His thumb hooks in the waistband of your panties. "Separating me from you, hmm?

You don't even answer, just raise your hips up slightly so he can tug your lingerie down your legs until it falls and hits the floor. Immediately, his gaze lands on your exposed cunt. "Jesus, you're soaked." He murmurs, running his fingers through your slick. You whine as he brushes against your clit, and he chuckles. "Need me that bad, huh?"

"Need you." You whine. You can tell he wants to take it slow, to tease you, and by god do you want to let him- but you're impatient, your own teasing having riled you up too much to do anything but fuck him. Luckily, he picks up on your silent request, raising your hips to hover above his cock. His gaze searches yours, waiting for permission, and you nod. "Fuck me." You say softly, and it takes everything in him not to come completely fucking undone at that sweet tone of voice.

Slowly, painfully slowly, he lowers you down onto him. It burns, in a delicious way you've come to love in your years here. Even with the sheer amount of wetness coming from you, it's still a struggle to make him fit- but he does. When you've finally sank all the way down onto his cock, he lets you breathe for a moment. "You can take it, baby." He murmurs reassuringly- a support and a chance for you to back out. You close your eyes, breathing in and out, resting your face in the crook of his neck again.

Then you start to move.

It takes him by surprise, and you like the grunt that comes from him. For someone of his age, you're sure not much can catch him off guard anymore, so that makes it all the better when you lean back to see the look on his face. He catches your small smirk and returns it with one of his own, letting you move yourself up and down, over and over. Your pace slowly increases as the two of you adjust, and the room is soon filled with soft noises and the sound of flesh against flesh.

It's slow, almost sensual, but despite the circumstances that should have you turning this in another direction, you like it. You feel that familiar coil building in your stomach, your soft whimpers turning to moans now.

"You gonna come for me, baby?"

All you can do is nod, and he rocks his hips up into yours. The way he fills you up is mind-numbing, until you can't think of anything else but him and how fucking good he's making you feel, how badly you need to come undone on his cock.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck-" Your voice takes on a sharp pitch as he thrusts up into you, and your vision goes white for a moment as your orgasm hits you, unending bliss shaking your whole body. He rides out your orgasm for as long as he can, but the tight feeling of your cunt clenching around him soon sends him over the edge too. You can feel him twitching inside you, only prolonging the aftershocks of your own pleasure.

Eventually, you both come down. You're breathing heavily, trying to scramble together any semblance of thought. He stands suddenly, picking you up like you weigh nothing and setting you down on the chair. His cock slips out of you at some point during the process, leaving you feeling empty. You sit there for a moment before opening your eyes, finding him pulling his pants up and buckling his belt. He meets your gaze with a hint of a fond smile, bending over to grab his tie.

You stand up to retrieve your own clothes, pulling them back on while he shoves his arms through the sleeves of his blazer and rifles through his pockets, eventually pulling out his wallet. "Um, how much do I owe you?"

He looks almost embarrassed, and you find it kind of adorable. You flash him a smile, saying words you never thought you'd dare to let pass your lips. "Nothing. It's on me."

Immediately, his eyebrow shoots up. "No, I can't... I can't let you do that, pretty girl."

You shake your head. "I insist. Nobody's ever fucked me like that, and certainly not any of my clients." You see the way your words boost his ego- good. He deserves it. "Besides, if you hadn't showed up, I'd have gone home anyway." You say nonchalantly, taking a few steps over to him. You reach up and put a finger to his lips before he can continue to argue. "It's on the house."

Although he still looks conflicted, he reluctantly nods. "Okay. Next time, then."

Next time.

You feel a thrill run through your body as he brings up the prospect of a next time, and your smile widens. "Next time." You affirm. You step back, letting him be on his way.

He moves towards the curtain, pausing before he goes. "See you around, sweetheart."

And just like that, he's gone.

But you don't miss him- because you know he'll be back.

So when you finally make it home and climb into bed after that warm shower, there's still a fond smile on your face as you drift off to sleep, dreaming of the weary stranger and his wonderful words.

[moonstruck-poet]

His Love Language

Pairing - Kaz Brekker x reader!

Summary - This fic depicts Kaz and the subtle ways in which he shows his love.

Warnings - curse words, injury, wounds, blood, fight.

Kaz Brekker noticed everything. Whether it be someone cheating in a game of cards, enemies tailing him during his walk, or even his crows being unlike their usual selves.

Because he always paid more attention to what a person is doing than what they're saying. Talk may thrill, but action reveals.

He had an eye for taking in the details. It was both terrifying and beautiful.

Terrifying for his rivals of course. He knew exactly what to pull off and how to pull it off for them to go insane.

And beautiful for his love, his one and only. Him having such a knack for remembering the littlest of things helped him immensely in his relationship with you.

Not many people noticed it before, not even you yourself. But as time passed, you learned that his love language were actions. Not physical touches, words of affirmations, gifts and presents. No.

But it was all about those small acts showcased by him that made you fall deeper for the bastard of the barrel. Your heart now always took notice whenever he did the most mundane things for you. It immediately took up its pace and reminded you of the exact reason why it still kept on beating.

Your fellow crows took a hell of time to gather just how deep the love of Kaz Brekker was. But once they did, saints were they both shocked and ecstatic.

All of them had their own doubts when they came to know of your relationship. Nobody was a stranger to the fact that both of you were extremely closed off people. Not opening more than what was necessary, and in the case of Kaz, not opening up at all.

But one look at the way you two understood each other without even having to express, made them believe that you two would make each other happy.

===============================

Dirtyhands had struck another deal with a man named Arken Viking. The plan seemed quite simple, understandable even when it was explained.

And naturally everybody was feeling good knowing that they had a hundred percent chance of survival as it wasn't a difficult mission by any means. It just had a lot of steps that needed to be followed and so all seven of them were heavily involved.

Jesper, Wylan, Kaz and Matthias were waiting for the other girls to arrive. It was the final task of the day and they would then carry on again tomorrow.

Jesper was the one to pace around, unable to sit still in one place. He hated waiting more than anything else. Ask him to put up some money for a gamble? It would be done without wasting a second. Task him with shooting something impossibly far away? He'd have it completed before you could say shoot. But staying put in one place, he couldn't do it.

It was only for Wylan engaging with him that he even sat for ten minutes.

"Where did they go?" He grumbled and finally got up, stretching his legs and walking to stand near the two men who stared ahead, their expressions tight.

"They're late," Matthias muttered, trying his best to hide the worry he felt for a specific one but it was useless, all of them knew about his feelings but him.

"It'll be fine, they'll be here soon," Wylan said, standing next to Jesper and blushing very slightly when the tall boy leaned his shoulder against his and let out a sigh.

"You're sure that there's no danger right, Kaz?" Jesper asked and looked at his boss who didn't look away. His eyes firmly set on the road in front of them.

"Yes," he spoke, sure of himself. But there was this slight, very tiny nagging in the back of his mind that something had gone terribly wrong and he clenched his jaw.

But all of their worries dissipated at seeing the silhouette of three women walking towards them.

Matthias let out a sigh of relief once he saw Nina's bright face, him sending a quick prayer to Djel for looking over the three.

Kaz felt himself lighten instantly, his previously tensed posture relaxed as he saw you looking positively unscathed. His eyes found yours instantly and you sent him a smile, while quickly closing the distance between you two.

"You're late," was all he said, his eyes sweeping over everyone before landing on your figure which was leaning against the wall, right next to him.

"Let us live a little, Brekker," Nina rolled her eyes while Inej shook her head, though she too smirked.

"We were worried," Wylan was the one to speak that was on the tip of everybody's tongue.

"All of you?" She said with a raised eyebrow, looking pointedly at Kaz who merely glared at her sharply.

"Obviously!" Jesper exclaimed. "Now that you're all here, we can finally get some well deserved rest. Kaz let's take a room somewhere, yeah?"

"We can't," he said, turning his eyes away from you, rather unwillingly actually.

"What do you mean we can't?"

"Use your eyes, Jes," Inej said with a teasing smile. "Do you see any shops, hotels or anything nearby?"

"Then where the hell are we sleeping?" Nina said with a incredulous look. "I am not going to lie down in the middle of the street!"

Jesper too looked alarmed at the prospect and whipped his head around to stare at their leader.

"You think I'd let everyone sleep on the roads?"

"Can't put anything past you at this point," she grumbled and you laughed making Kaz give you a disbelieving expression.

"There's a warehouse ten minutes from here, we'll stay there for the night".

All of them groaned loudly at the thought of walking once again but soon started their small journey. And once they had reached the place, Jesper quite literally threw open the doors and scanned the area.

"Clean enough," he shrugged and laid the small blankets they had brought onto the floor. "Good night then," he waved lazily and Wylan followed his lead but not before gazing fondly at him for a few seconds.

"You failed to mention this in you plan, Kaz," Nina shot him a look and dragged her belongings to the corner of the room, accompanied by Inej and Matthias.

"Let's sleep, shall we?" You said softly and he nodded, taking off his coat while you arranged the sheets and removed your shoes, sighing at finally being able to rest.

He laid down himself, his body close to yours so your arms brushed a little. "You're okay, aren't you?"

"I'm all good," you turned your head to face him, taking in his features that you so loved. From his dark brown eyes that softened at your reply to his hands placed in front of him, the pale skin shining under the minimum lighting present.

He gave a curt nod and scanned your face once before closing his eyes, depriving himself of your addictive beauty.

"Night," you whispered and turned on your side, one hand under your head for support and the other lying in front. He didn't reply but instead reach ahead to brush his thumb against your forearm and interlocking your little fingers together.

You smiled, him being the last thought in your mind before sleep overtook you.

The rest of the night passed in peace before it was time for the sunrise. Naturally Kaz, Inej and Matthias were the first ones to wake. The rest were all sleeping soundly and soft breaths echoed in the room.

Kaz was looking over the layout of the building once again, making sure that everything would go on without any problems or worries when suddenly your knee brushed against his.

He stiffened at the contact for a second before turning around to see you pulling your legs up to your chest and curling into a ball. He immediately spotted the goosebumps that littered your arms and an unnoticeable shiver pass through you.

His eyes searched for a spare blanket somewhere but found none as all were used as mattresses for everybody to lay on. A small frown marked his lips as his mind raced and landed on a conclusion.

He took his coat that he had used as a pillow and dusted it before gently putting it over your body. Your curled figure made it easier and he adjusted it, making sure the warm jacket covered you completely.

You involuntarily grabbed the collar, your eyes still shut and cuddled into it.

While he felt himself ease up with satisfaction and he shot you one last look, unable to keep the fondness away from his gaze and returned to check the papers.

Matthias who had been watching the unspoken exchange felt his insides warming up at seeing the cold and distant demeanour of Kaz Brekker melting a little for you.

===============================

Predictably, the heist was successful and no one had expected anything less. In fact, it had gone a little more than satisfactory. They had no troubles waiting for them inside the building and no distractions outside too.

So to conclude, everybody was high on the fact that they had managed to pull it off with such stealth.

They were all given their paychecks when they returned back home.

"Saints," Jesper sighed and lovingly twirled the kruge in his fingers while Wylan unknown to anyone else but you shot tiny daggers at those pieces of money.

You hid your smirk, keeping the check in your pocket and walked over to your friend, "I understand, Wy," you patted his shoulder sympathetically while he became red.

"What do you understand?" He asked hurriedly and avoided eye contact.

"Oh come on," you chuckled. "I know about your not so little feelings. You fancy him, don't you?"

"No I don't," he mumbled and rubbed the back of his neck. "Maybe just a little," he added as an afterthought.

You just brought him in a comforting side hug, quite endeared by the boy and ruffled his already wild hair. "I hate to say it, but he's more oblivious than anyone".

"I know," he groaned in exasperation, resting his head on your shoulder as you were considerably taller than him.

"Planning to steal her from Brekker?" Nina's playful words broke their conversation making the others laugh.

"Who's stealing what from me?" The man himself entered, as usual being perfect in his timing of showing up at the most unnecessary of times.

Wylan immediately removed your arm from his shoulder but Kaz being himself obviously glimpsed it. His expression did not betray anything, it was carefully kept stoic and calm. But he couldn't fool you, there was a reason why he'd let you walk fearlessly into his locked up heart.

His eyes seemed sullen for just a fraction of second. He wasn't reacting on the joke, of course not. He was now used to the crows trying to make him jealous. But rather the thing that had made him feel lost, was touch.

His inability to provide you with every bit of himself was killing him inside. For heaven's sake he couldn't even bear to embrace you without feeling as though he were on the edge and one small step would make him fall deeper into the oceans.

He swallowed and averted his gaze making you stare at him even more, trying to figure out what was bothering him.

You got up from your place and went over to sit in a chair beside him, keeping the distance because you weren't sure if he was okay with the proximity or not. But then he himself shifted his chair, and your legs brushed making him pull away quickly.

"Kaz," you said worriedly, moving back a little. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he lied and you frowned. He knew very well that you could tell he was being untruthful.

He willed his mind to focus on you rather than his surroundings and took your hand in his, taking a deep breath despite the barrier of his glove.

But it wasn't enough, he felt the strange need to be even closer to you despite his brain screaming in denial. And for the second time in his life, he decided to go with his heart and looked you in the eyes, noticing your evident concern as you approached him cautiously.

He gave his surroundings a quick scan. It was only the seven of them and they were all minding their own business. He made a split decision and started taking the glove off of his right hand.

You didn't say anything, finally understanding that he needed your touch and you were more than happy to provide.

He stopped in his tracks after pulling it off, staring at his pale, vulnerable hand.

"It's okay," you whispered softly, fighting the urge to lean over yourself. "I'm here. It's just you and me. You can do this".

He looked unsure but slowly extended it towards you. It wasn't like he hadn't done it before, he had, but it had been quite a long time ago.

He gently brushed his fingertips over your palm and relaxed when no waters rose. He nudged his little finger with yours and looked up to see you before locking them.

Your face held a small, adoring smile. It was so simple, yet so complex. You squeezed gently once and he returned it instantly making you laugh softly.

He felt strange in a good way, as if he had accomplished everything he wanted when he had only heard the sound of your laughter.

"Okay you two stop your gossiping, it's dinner time," Jesper broke the moment and was rewarded with a threatening glare. He just grinned in return when his eyes fell on a hand, Kaz's hand to be specific and his mouth hung open slightly.

"Never seen a hand before?" Kaz raised an eyebrow and swiftly pulled on the glove.

He looked away, his mind still trying to figure it out as he grabbed the plates.

You stood up from your seat much to Kaz's displeasure who shot a heartbroken look your way that you missed. But Jesper caught on as he was sitting right opposite.

He'd never thought that he would live to see the day when Dirtyhands would look sad like a lovesick puppy. He was debating with himself whether he even saw it happening because the look was gone in less than a second, replaced by his usual dark gaze.

But he was cut off from his thoughts when you smiled at him, keeping a plate of food on the table. "Enjoy".

"Yeah, 'course love".

All of them were now sitting at the table for the first time in months. They just never seemed to have a time fixed that would match everyone's schedule. And for most part, they were all lazy as well.

You were sitting at the corner of the table with Nina at the opposite side, her having every bit of your attention at the moment as she chatted away happily much to the disappointment of the man sitting to your right.

"The cake is great, Nina," Inej complimented her and she gave her a wink in return.

"It is nice," Matthias agreed making the said chef blush despite her smirk.

"Yeah I love it," Wylan smiled brightly.

"Oh damn," you winced as the spoon fell down with a loud clatter, breaking the conversation for a bit before it resumed again.

Inej watched you with amusement, laughing at your resigned expression when you bent down to retrieve it with a sigh. But then her eyes widened in surprise.

Kaz Brekker, the most ruthless man she'd ever met was maybe not that uncaring. She merely watched as his hand went to cover the sharp corner of the table as if it was an everyday occurence.

And you got up, putting the spoon away to take a new one when you stopped mid-action to see a gloved hand had been placed inches above your head that would have definitely rubbed against the edge.

At the moment all that existed for you was the person sitting right next to you. You stared at him blankly, planting holes on the side of his face.

He, sensing it turned to look at you, raising his eyebrows as though to ask, 'What?'

But you just shook your head and offered him a small smile and you swore you saw his lip twitch slightly.

===============================

"Ready Inej?" You asked, as softly as you could muster though you were shaking inside, knowing that you two only had one shot at this.

"All ready," she whisperer back and crouched down slightly, preparing to jump.

A gunshot was heard and the guard was successfully distracted by the sound giving Inej some time to slip in between the shadows and enter the room.

You had no choice than to shoot a bullet and now they were all alarmed which would make escaping very difficult.

Your eyes squinted in the darkness as you surveyed the room, hoping no one caught a glimpse of you and praying to whichever Saint there was for Inej to finish her job.

"Come on," you muttered to yourself, your legs shaking with anticipation as it had easily been ten minutes since she had disappeared. "Where the hell are you?"

Just then you spotted some movement going on further to your left and loaded your gun while also keeping one hand on the scabbard tied around your waist. Your footsteps were barely heard as they travelled softly on the wooden floor.

Someone had definitely seen you and were on a hunt, all you could do was make sure to stay hidden perfectly. The darkness was surely an ally but an enemy too.

A loud thud was the only warning you had before someone knocked the air out of your lungs making you skid backwards. You gasped, hands pressed to your chest while taking in deep breaths and moving away from the man, buying yourself time. It didn't feel like your ribs had broken but it hurt nonetheless.

You wracked your brain for a sign of another presence but it was only him. "Viking," you growled in anger after he stepped into the light. "I should've known".

He simply chuckled darkly, "You didn't though. Even Brekker failed. So I think I did my work to perfection, yeah?"

"Who else have you got?"

"No one!" He said, sounding strangely happy and you believed him to be a psychopath. "But the same can't be said for you, am I right?"

But you just shrugged, knowing if you spoke he'd be able to distinguish because of your voice. You should think about asking Kaz to teach you how he managed to always control his tone perfectly. But that would only be possible if you got out of here alive.

Not saying another word you charged, knowing using a gun would prove to be dangerous for you if he snatched it from you. Unfortunately, one of your downfalls was thag you didn't have much of a strong grip. And so you took two knifes and attacked him from both sides.

He took on a few cuts, some going deep and you were scarred too. A small one painted your cheekbone, one on the side of your neck and some on your arms.

You fought for quite a time, both being bloody with sweat dripping off your bodies. It was only when you pretended to hit him from your left and he fell for the basic trick, blocking your attack and in turn giving you easy access to wedge your knife straight into his abdomen. You shot him too for safety measures and double checking.

"Motherfucker," you heaved a sigh, wincing after feeling the burn of the cuts littering you and the stickiness of blood. "Fucking finally!" You exclaimed when your friend came into view, panting slightly and you knew she had gotten into a fight as well.

"Atleast we're matching," she said with a smile and pointed at the similar scars on your forearms.

"Yeah sure," you laughed and quickly moved out, not wanting to personally invite trouble.

The journey back the the Slat was a peaceful one, as it always was with Inej. You talked about Arken's betrayal, the documents she'd found and copied and some amounts of kruge that was just lying on the desk.

"Well despite everything, atleast we got it done," you grimaced slightly and opened the door, immediately walking over to the bar to get yourself a shot atleast. You needed the liquor desperately.

"Oh you're h- Saints!" Wylan sputtered, taking in the bloody sight when you turned. "You're drinking whiskey?!"

"Wy," you said, trying to explain before you faced his wrath. "I needed it".

"Like hell you did," he shook his head and called Nina so urgently that anyone would think you were dying.

"Don't- Wylan-" you cut yourself off after seeing his glare.

"Calm your potions, she's not dying" Nina Zenik said after one glance at your figure lounging in the chair.

"But she's injured!"

"Injury and death don't mean the same thing! And she looks alright to me except for a few cuts. Oh you and Inej have matching tattoos now," she said with a laugh.

"Jesper!" You summoned your gunslinger and he appeared right before you. "Take your man away or I'm going to actually die".

The boy got out of his haze of sering you all bruised and bloodied up before smirking a little and throwing a wink. He took hold of Wylan's arm and dragged his away.

"Matthias get me some bandages would you?" Nina asked as she healed the cuts and Matthias who had finished dressing Inej's arm walked over to you.

"Ouch woman!" You groaned and threw your head back, squeezing your eyes shut.

"It's the size of a paper cut! You don't shout this much when you have a literal bullet in your shoulder".

"They hurt more".

She rolled her eyes though a smile was present on her face as she cleaned the blood from your neck and healed the long cut there.

"Where's Kaz?" You asked, not wanting to admit that you had missed him and wanted to be in his presence.

"He's out somewhere, probably finding another deal," Matthias sighed and bandaged your palm.

After some time you were all healed though the scars were as clear as day. You didn't mind them at all because you were convinced they made you look even more terrifying and beautiful.

"You all okay?" You questioned Inej who was sharpening her collection of knives.

"I always am," she smiled and took your knife to sharpen making you give her a grateful look.

It was now almost past eleven at night and you were sitting on the bed in Kaz's room waiting for him. You wanted to see him, had longed for him after being away for almost an entire day.

And the Saints did answer your plea albeit a while later. You heard the familiar tap of his cane and heavy footsteps as he climbed the staircase and opened the door. His eyes sharp but relaxing upon seeing you.

"Mission went well?" He asked and took off his coat and hat while walking towards you and slumping down on the bed.

"Yes, though Arken's betrayal was a great bit of surprise," you said and sat up, unconsciously putting weight on your elbows and arms in doing so and hissing hissing angrily, clutching your sore muscles.

"What's wrong?" He asked immediately but when you didn't answer, he got up to turn on the lights and saw your scrunched up face.

And one by one he took notice of the bruises that were turning black and blue, bandages being wrapped around your palm and bicep and a thin but prominent scar on your neck. He swallowed the unfamiliar restlessness, fighting the urge to wrap you in his arms and kill the man who had injured you so badly.

"You're hurt," he stated as though you weren't aware of it and closed the distance, sitting as close to you as possible. "You're hurt," he repeated, his eyes flicking from every part of you back to your eyes.

"I was, I'm okay now".

"Who?" He all but spat out, his insides burning with hatred.

"Arken. But I killed him, don't worry".

He eased a little and removed his gloves, cautiously reaching forward to hold your bandaged palm in both of his hands. His breath hitched at the coldness and you made a move to pull away but his grip tightened and he shook his head firmly.

Slowly but surely he relaxed again, feeling comfortable as he unknowingly cradled your hand with such gentleness that you closed your eyes. His fingers traced the edge of the white material, rubbing slow circles.

He suddenly looked up and your breath got caught in your throat at the sheer proximity between you two. You were so close that you could feel the air he heavily exhaled and a faint blush was quick to rise on your cheeks. His dark brown irises staring intently into yours with a flame of possessiveness.

His eyes dipped down to your lips before moving to the scar on your cheekbone and his eyebrows furrowed just a tiny bit. He raised his hand once again, he had only done it once before and the feeling was a huge rival to drowning.

His jaw tightened when the tip of his index finger touched your jaw as softly as a feather. Despite wanting to stay still, you couldn't help it and leaned into his hand, conveying the message that you needed more.

He understood and gritted his teeth, carefully sliding his palm upwards to cup your cheek. His chest expanded as he released the pent up frustration.

This feeling, it was a rival to heaven.

Now that he had touched your skin, he craved more. His thumb softly caressed the scar like it may disappear under his brush. The finger moved at a leisurely pace, soaking in the beautiful feeling for as long as he could hold on.

You couldn't bring yourself to talk after witnessing the tenderness that oozed from his touches and caresses. It was like nothing you had experienced before. The moment felt so precious and for good reason.

You smiled at him, your eyes displaying the immense love that your heart held only for him and also silently thanked him.

He noticed. Of course he did.

And he offered you a gorgeous smile of his own. His lips stretching though not too wide but it was perfect for you and you fell for him yet again.

You found home in his smile and he saw love in your eyes.

===============================

[iheartz4starzz]

EMBARRASSMENT 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚

dazai osamu x f.reader (gakuen au)

SYNOPSIS: reader is sitting alone at lunch, a certain bandage for brains decides to sit with them.

NOTE: so like... i'm back <3

Embarrassment is always a feeling that would kick you in the backside every time it got the chance to, which is probably most frequently.

Take class today, for example. Your classroom was taking a 'surprise' quiz from your teacher which, by the way, you are totally going to fail because you didn't understand half the shit the questions said. You didn't know why, but the melody from 'Symphony' kept ringing through your brain. This resulted in you having to read the questions over and over again.

Before you knew it, half the class was already finished with their quiz. And on top of that, you were hungry as hell. Probably to the point where you could eat your test paper. While trying to focus on your test, your stomach began to grumble loudly. It sounded as if a battle horn was being played. And get this, the whole class was quiet! Everybody turned to you with a questionable look, while some people giggled or snickered.

Sinking into your seat, your face began to heat up from embarrassment. That is, until you were saved by the loud ringing of the bell. Students fled from the classroom with their friends to their well-deserved lunch break.

You let out a sigh of relief and sat up from your desk, grabbed your bento box, and made your way to your normal, lonely bench for lunch.

You're used to sitting by yourself at lunch for the most part. People come and go from your table, yet you remain the only one that stayed. You sat down, opened your bento box, whispered a quick prayer before beginning to dig into your meal. God, how you've been waiting for this the whole day.

But before you could even take even a bite from a piece of food, a voice interrupted your peace. "Hey, you're (Name), right?"

An irk mark appeared on your forehead as closed your eyes in annoyance. You were about to eat, and someone interrupted you before you could even take a bite! Man, how disrespectful people can be.

You turned the voice and was in the process to give them a piece of your mind before your eyes widened to see none other than one of the most popular kids, Dazai Osamu. He's loud, sociable, and most definitely handsome. He's also often described as the class clown and player in your grade.

You looked around, wondering if he was talking to somebody else who's named (Name). There had to be someone else in this school name (Name), right?

"Me. You're talking to me?" You asked, pointing at yourself as you stared at brunette, dumbfounded.

Dazai could only laugh at your clueless expression, a smirk tugging on the corners of his lips. "I think so. Unless your name isn't Mai."

"Nope, yeah! That's me! Sorry. It's not everyday when the one of the popular kids at this school talks to me, y'know?" (Name) chuckles awkwardly, rubbing the back of her head in embarrassment about the stupid mistake she made. Of course he was talking to you! His gaze was literally directed onto you. This was your one chance to make a good expression, and you already blew it.

Dazai raised an eyebrow before snickering, then letting out a laugh. "You're funny! Mind if I sit here?"

You motioned to the spot beside you. Dazai scooted next to you, causing you to blush at the close proximity he created. You cleared your throat and stuck your hand out for Dazai to shake.

"I'm (Name), by the way. Though, you already know that because..." You stopped halfway before you could say anything else in attempt to save yourself from embarrassment. You expectantly failed and cursed under your breath.

Dazai smiled at your flustered and embarrassed expression. He found it cute. He noticed the hand you pulled away and grabbed it, pulling it back and shaking your hand firmly.

"No need to stop! I appreciate the reintroduction." Dazai chuckled and let go of your hand.

"R-Right."

"Anyways, about the quiz today." Dazai started and rested his cheek in the palm of his hand, his elbow propped onto the table. "You seemed to be having trouble on it. It's pretty easy, to."

"I'm just a bit... distracted." You replied, looking away from Dazai. You didn't want him to think you were stupid because the melody of 'Symphony' was one of the many things that lived in your mind rent free.

"You must've been hungry by how loud your stomach growled in class." He added.

"Don't even start with that!" You wailed, burying your red face into your hands.

Dazai laughed. "We have those times, don't sweat it. Plus, I'm pretty sure everybody was feeling the same way to." You still were embarrassed from the situation, though you picked your face up from your palms and continued to eat your lunch.

You and Dazai continued to chat through the lunch period, laughter filling the area as he told jokes and teased you. Though it embarrassed you mostly, you couldn't help but laugh along to it.

"Hey Dazai, how come you decided to sit with me?" (Name) asked and closed her bento box.

"Hm? Why did I?" Dazai recalled and cupped his chin with his point and thumb finger, thinking. He then smirked and leaned closer to you. "You looked lonely, after all. Plus, I thought you look pretty cute all flustered."

You blushed at Dazai calling you cute and how close he was to you, which caused you to smile in a giddy way. Just then, your guys conversation was interrupted by the school bell, informing everyone to get back to class. You sighed and stood up, smiling at Dazai.

"Thanks for sitting with me." You thanked the brunette, and to which he nodded in response.

A silence engulfed the conversation. Beginning to rock your heels back and forth, your lips pursed as you then muster up the courage to say the next thing. "Would it be crazy if we maybe hang out after school sometime? Maybe go to the arcade and get some ice cream?"

Dazai blinked his eyes, registering the information. A small blush dusted across his cheeks as he then smiled. "Yeah, sure. How about this weekend?"

"Cool, cool, yeah of course." You replied in a chill tone, but your inner self was actually screaming and jumping up and down with excitement. "Uhm, I'll catch you later, then!"

You backed away, bumping into a trash in the process. You quickly caught the bin before it could topple over, and smiled awkwardly at Dazai before running off.

The brunette held his hand to say something else, but it was to late. He let out a sigh and chuckled, shaking his head and stuffing his hands into his pockets before approaching the same door you went through.

'Silly girl. Doesn't she remember we're in the same class?' He thought to himself and walked inside the building.

[eretzyisrael]

Dear American Jews,

I don't pretend to know what's going to happen in the US, but I can tell you stories from France.

In hindsight, it was after the 1970s PLO and FPLP great terror waves, but when more Arabs began living and feeling at home in France. 

Between them and the "GUD", some extreme-right militia/student group which somehow also got more active . the harassment in synagogues and Jewish cultural centers began rising.

The wide, ornate XIXth century wooden door of our quiet synagogue closed except for a few hours a year, when MANY policemen were around. Its internal panel was reinforced in steel. The beautiful stained glass windows were covered from the outside, and small electric lights installed behind them.

We got used to come in via the small service entrance, where 2-3 volunteers opened only on demand, and came out to "chat" with any unknown person requesting entry before giving the OK.

The lackadaisy, grey-haired cop in front, who used to chat up the kids and whistle cartoons tunes for us, disappeared. In his place came either a small van with 5 "CRS" (the "assault" cops) in it, or only 2 CRS, twice as big as our old friend it seemed, with ceramic vest and actual rifles.  

They never ruffled our hair , but looked severe and intent. Barely accepted the plates of food us kids would bring out for them from the synagogue buffet (that one did get to thaw them, though. They liked the food).

The crowd in front of the entrance disappeared, too. Either our security or the cops would order us to "disperse" quickly after the service.

Then came "incidents" in a few other places, and after them the parking interdiction before the door was extended almost all over the block. Didn't make us many friends with the neighbors, I can tell you.

Then a few kids were accosted when they crossed the street, and after many discussions with the municipality a cop appeared there, too. 

Then, as we got a little older, many kids were recruited for the security duty. We had krav-maga and "calling in the MORE serious police" procedures lessons,  and such.  I think if you're not a religious Jew, it's difficult to understand the feeling of a religious teenager actually switching a walkie-talkie on, on a Saturday morning before prayer, under the eyes of the rabbi , IN THE SYNAGOGUE.

 Something akin to spitting on a crucifix but knowing it's ok? Dunno. You feel both important and wrong. Mainly wrong. 

Then, somewhere, a car came on to a synagogue and the guys inside opened fire on the entrance, which was left open (there. There. In our place it wouldn't have happened). The cops before the door just went splat on the pavement and waited for it to be over, and it was the civil volunteer, a middle-aged dad with a belly, who closed the door.

Mucho honor to the security volunteers, mucho stress. That was around the year we almost called the SWATs on the  cousin of a friend, who looked Middle Eastern, rode in the quiet street too fast on his big bike, and pretended to come in with his helmet on (the stupid, stupid macho stupidness of 19yo boys).

On and on. Year after year it's become worse. Now you need a special password to read the synagogue's website, and there's a digicode at the entrance, ON TOP of the security volunteers and the cops.

Now nobody needs to tell the crowd to disperse, everybody says their goodbyes inside and leaves quickly.

I haven't been back since October 7, but my friends tell me of graffiti and threatening flyers, of parents who've taken the kids out of the Sunday school.

They're resigned, but I've become too much an Israeli already. I'm angry.

Now I know we should have hired frightening rent-a-cops back then already, the kind the hoodlums don't approach if they know what's good for them.

We shouldn't have burrowed inside and kindly asked the police for perhaps another cop on  the other side of the street, but stormed the accosters and given them hell.

In the 90es, protecting a Jewish outdoor fair, I became  familiarized with the "wonderful" uses of a soda can full of rocks and kitchen knives, courtesy of the Paris suburbs "shabab" (didn't know the word back then). 

We should have seen it coming. Now it's your turn.

[nerdygaymormon]

Meeting with the Renlunds 2024

On my trip to Utah for the 2024 Gather Conference, I had an opportunity to meet with Elder & Sister Renlund.

Gather Conference and Gatherings

I shared with them that I was in town for the Gather conference, which is for LGBTQ people, regardless of whether still in or out of the church, who are spiritual as the conference focuses on Christ. This year, in addition to having a big conference, Lift+Love began something called "Gatherings" where people host a group in their home, and to help them there is a guide with scriptures, stories & questions, and it follows the Come, Follow Me schedule. Later, I emailed the Renlunds the September guide and a link to the website showing Gathering locations.

Stake Executive Secretary

It came up that my calling is still stake executive secretary. Sister Renlund commented, "You've served in that capacity for a long time." Yes I have, 9 years. Elder Renlund shared this a calling that he covets because there's something appealing about being at the nerve center but not in charge of making the hard decisions. It's good to be the helper, to make a difference by organizing things and creating order out of chaos. By making things predictable, it takes some of the load from the stake presidency.

Elder Renlund told me that the executive secretary to the First Presidency is Elder Brook Hales, and he's able to get things done without interposing himself, he is respectful of the First Presidency's desires. I commented that is how I approach my calling, I am not the president nor the counselors, I'm there as the secretary, but my stake president is clear that anyone in the room can receive inspiration and should share it. If time has gone by and I haven't said anything, the stake president will call on me and ask what I think. Elder Renlund then said, "Revelation is scattered."

Elder Renlund commented that when the stake president is anxious to hear from everyone in the room, that usually indicates he is a good one. The person who presides has to set that tone to encourage others to share. Those who don't preside should share their thoughts but not argue and make it difficult on the one who presides and make him feel he needs to negotiate or compromise. Then Elder Renlund added that if I’m doing a good job, "I think he's pretty wise to keep you on all this time."

Everybody is Equivalent when it comes to Revelation

The music text team for the new hymnal had asked if there is a notable author, like Janice Kapp Perry, whose song is going to be included, should those lyrics be treated the same as the rest of the hymns? Elder Renlund directed them to treat all identically.

Years ago President Nelson wrote a hymn titled "Our Prayer to Thee," and the choir has sung it at General Conference. With living authors, they won't make changes without their approval. The music text team proposed 12 minor changes to the lyrics along with explanations, and brought them to Elder Renlund.

President Nelson could have said, "Dale, you shouldn't even be asking. I was inspired to do it this way, I can't believe you're even suggesting this." Instead, President Nelson reviewed the changes and proclaimed that these made it better, and accepted 11 of the proposed alternatives. A leader should be humble enough and confident enough to accept correction. Elder Renlund used this example to illustrate his point that everybody is equivalent when it comes to getting revelation, but there's one person who is different, which is the person who presides.

The New Hymnal

Elder Renlund mentioned Elder James E. Faust's lyrics for "This is the Christ" which says, "How many drops of blood were spilled for me?" It's not doctrinal that each individual has a few drops of Christ's blood directly shed for them. Elder Renlund, the cardiologist, says that if there's drops for everybody, that would exceed the amount of blood in the human body. Sister Renlund then commented that it's poetic, it's a metaphor to ponder what did I contribute to His grief.

Next Elder Renlund spoke about the hymn "Love at Home" and how there's some lines that could be uncomfortable to sing if a person doesn't have the kind of home described in the song. Just as with the drops of blood, Elder Renlund shared another example of concrete thinking with the line "Roses bloom beneath our feet," and said if they're underneath your feet, you smash them. The lyrics have been changed to "Roses bloom around our feet." Elder Renlund actually didn't want this song included in the hymnal because it was used in minstrel shows of the 1800's to say that life for slaves on America’s plantations was full of joy and love. Elder Renlund felt that alone should disqualify the song from being included in the new hymnal, however the committee overruled him. I agree with Elder Renlund, I’ll never think of that song the same way and will probably decline to ever sing it again.

Translating each one of the 450 or so songs into every language version of the hymnal is a large undertaking and some were concerned about the cost. While saying it's important that every member have access to the same songs, it’s a matter of equity, he added that the cost of translation is "probably no more than installing 5 scoreboards at the BYU campus." 😂 The impact of the new hymnal on the church will be universal if it's done in each of the languages.

Music Invites the Spirit

Elder Renlund stated that for him there's very few things which invite the Spirit more than music, it has the ability to set the right tone. I responded that I think music has a key to our hearts that words alone don't. At weddings or funerals, someone may or may not cry at other times, but if they are going to cry they will do so when the music plays.

Sister Renlund shared that they are traveling to Houston, TX and will meet with the missionaries. They invited questions be submitted ahead of time, and one they received is "How do we invite the Spirit into our lessons more?" In addition to prayer, scriptures, and an expression of gratitude, she will suggest music is a great way to invite the Spirit. Whether it's singing or using the phone to play music, it's a way to quickly set the tone for a spiritual message.

Elder Renlund shared that years ago he was in Edmonton, Canada and visited the home of a family. Two sister missionaries sang "Where is Heaven" by Janice Kapp Perry, and the non-member dad felt the room flood with the spirit. Any concerns, any doubts, just disappeared. The music opened his heart.

I commented that at last year’s conference I met Janice Kapp Perry and she had written a song for the conference which I find moving. Elder Renlund said, if you bump into her, tell her that her music has an impact.

All Are Alike Unto God

The song for last year's conference is titled, "All Are Alike Unto God.” Janice wrote the music and Megan Decker, a lesbian member of the church, wrote most of the lyrics, which are generic enough that they could apply to anyone, but for people in that room it touches on themes we often wrestle with, such as "Am I enough? Am I loved? Am I wanted?" As we sang this song at the conference, I felt the Spirit so much.

Elder Renlund queried, "In the song, does she reach a conclusion, is there an answer to those questions?" "Yes it does." "That's right, the answer is 'yes.'"

He then said, "The one thing I absolutely know is that anything that's unfair in life will be made right by the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I don't know how, but it will."

In the follow-up email I sent with information on the Gatherings, I let them know the song “All Are Alike Unto God” was released on streaming platforms, and included a link to Spotify.

Cambodia

They were in Cambodia earlier this year and made a visit to the killing fields where about 1 million people were executed by order of Pol Pot. There were stacks of skulls along with notes of what kind of farming implement killed them because the regime was trying to save bullets. It's a demonstration of absolute evil, yet Elder Renlund felt absolute peace as he felt the message that "We don't need to worry about these people, I've [Christ] got them." The atonement is infinite. We may have questions we don't have answers to, we have situations which aren't fair and which are difficult, but people who do the best they can are going to reap great rewards.

The Book of Queer Mormon Joy

At the end of our visit I gifted them a copy of The Book of Queer Mormon Joy. Being in this space of being LGBTQ and a Latter-day Saint is difficult, but there is joy, too. These aren't simple stories of joy, they're complex and the joy has to be worked for. A lot of the stories are of people choosing to change their situation, changing what they think is possible for their life, or what they want for their life.

There was a song from the 1960's, "Turn! Turn! Turn!" based on Ecclesiastes 3, which says there's a time for joy and a time for sadness. We think of it as separate times, but often we experience joy while we deal with hard things, we don't have the luxury of waiting for the hard times to pass.

I bookmarked the story I wrote of my friend Kris who is trans masc. I also bookmarked my good friend @loveerran’s story of her first time going to an LDS family ward and attending Relief Society presenting as her feminine trans self and how meaningful that was for her. I mentioned she had given me a ride and was waiting for me downstairs.

They promised to read both stories.

Then, they handed me a book they had written and asked if my friend Erran would accept a gift, they'd like her to have it as a thank you for bravely sharing her story💗 and for giving me a ride😆.

[adharaantheia]

This is for everyone who is facing unfair treatment:

The Gods will avenge you.

It may takes time, you may have to take the first step. But they WILL avenge you.

They love you, and they see how much you're suffering. And they are going to bring the people who hurt you DOWN.

How could they not avenge their devotees when we're important to them? Because yes, we are important to them, doesn't matter how much people say we aren't special and are just a grand of sand. We are their grand of sand.

They love us, how many times do I have to say that? They listen to our prayers, they take our offerings and devotional acts.

And the Gods are protective of what's theirs, doesn't matter if they may not be with us our entire life, we are with them now, and that's what truly matter.

We'll be avenged, we'll be protected and everybody will see that we shouldn't be messed with.

Now go drink some water, lovebug. You need a lot of hydration to see your enemies fall💕

[ty-bayonet-betteridge]

ive been watching a lot of Pitch Meetings and playing a lot of Earthbound so um

---

SCREENWRITER GUY: So all the kids are gonna fight with silly weapons instead of normal RPG stuff, like Ness is gonna use a baseball bat and Paula is gonna use a frying pan- PRODUCER GUY: Oh, cute. SG: And Jeff has a gun- PG: Sorry, did you say a gun? SG: A gun, yeah, he has like a little toy air gun. PG: Oh, okay, it's a toy- SG: For a little bit, and then he gets a death ray and a bazooka. PG: The thirteen year old boy gets a bazooka? SG: Yeah, plus Poo has a sword. PG: Okay so like, we're supposed to release this game in America too my guy, we're not gonna be able to have kids wielding guns and swords, you know what America is like about that stuff. SG: I figure we just shove a bunch of other stuff in there for NoA to worry about, so they'll get distracted censoring the rest of the game and let the kids with lethal weapons through. PG: Oh, like what kind of stuff? SG: Drugs! PG: Oh my god. SG: Yeah, just a whole bunch of drug references, like there's a whole level that's a hallucinogenic dream sequence in the back room of a bar, and then another part where Ness eats a "magic tart" and gets a hallucination of a kingdom floating in some pink clouds, then there's two different points where he can have a cup of a nice hot beverage that's definitely spiked with something. PG: Is there any stuff that's not about drugs? SG: Oh yeah, at one point Porky's dad says he's gonna straight up beat his kids, so they're gonna cut that out, and they're gonna have to take the red cross off of all the hospitals- PG: Oh, well that all seems pretty reasonable. SG: Yeah plus they're gonna have to change the sprites to not reference the Klu Klux Klan. PG: Oh my god.

---

SG: So they're gonna have to visit all these different towns to find the spots, they're gonna go to Onett, Twoson, Threed, Fourside- PG: Ohh, I see what you're doing here- SG: Winters, Summers- PG: Oh, I mean it seemed like you were building up a naming convention there and then you just switched to a different one. SG: Tenda Village, Saturn Valley, Dalaam, Scaraba- PG: Ope, I think those last two might be racist. SG: Yeah but it's the 90s, so it doesn't matter if we're a little racist, I mean it's not like this game is still gonna be popular in thirty years when it's not acceptable to be casually racist anymore. PG: That's a good point. Plus you'd have to be a real killjoy to point out the flaws in a thirty-year-old nostalgia property.

---

SG: So then the zombies take them prisoner and keep them in a little room under the graveyard. PG: Wait the zombies take them prisoner? SG: That's right, sir. PG: Well why would zombies do that, why would they not just kill them? SG: Well do you want the game to end here? PG: Of course not, that'd be really unsatisfying. SG: Then I'm gonna need you to get aaaaaaaall the way off my back about the zombie logic, okay? PG: Oh, okay, lemme get off of that thing!

---

SG: So it turns out Ness is like this chosen one guy from a prophecy made by something called the Apple of Enlightenment. PG: Oh the Apple of Enlightment, huh, tell me more about that. SG: No. PG: Oh, dangit.

---

PG: Oh wow, well I imagine it's gonna be difficult for a bunch of thirteen year olds to destroy the ultimate evil power. SG: Actually, it's gonna be super easy. Barely an inconvenience. PG: Oh really? SG: Yeah they're all going to discover the power of prayer. PG: Of prayer? SG: Yeah, Paula loses all hope so she starts praying, she gets down on her knees and starts to pray, because she really just needs faith right now. PG: What is going on? Is she Christian? SG: Maybe! And then because she's psychic, her prayer reaches a bunch of people from earlier in the game, and they all start to pray for the kids to succeed. PG: Oh well that's sweet, hey wait aren't they a bunch of years in the past right now? SG: Well I guess her psychic powers reach through time, sir. PG: Oh, okay. SG: Yeah so everybody's families start to pray for them, Ness's mom hears the prayers and Paula's dad and all the other kids from Jeff's boarding school- PG: Ohh, what about Dr. Andonuts? Does he hear the prayer and start to pray for Jeff? SG: No sir he doesn't, remember he's literally the worst dad. PG: Oh right, somehow I forgot. SG: Yeah so they get everybody's families, they get the Runaway Five, they get that random knife-wielding gang leader that Ness met back in Onett. PG: Aw, what a nice moment. Hey what was that last one?

[lousypotatoes]

♪Playlist♪

i got bored, and i decided to make a playlist for this series <33 im gonna be doing that for all my fanfics for now on

Singin' In The Rain - Cliff Edwards 

"I'm singin' in the rain

Just singin' in the rain 

What a glorious feeling

I'm happy again~"

I Did Something Bad - Taylor Swift 

"I never trust a narcissist, but they love me 

So I play 'em like a violin

And I make it look oh so easy~"

When A Man Loves A Woman - Percy Sledge 

"Well, this man loves a woman 

I gave you everything I had 

Trying to hold onto your high-class love

Baby, ooh, please don't treat me bad~"

Dangerous Woman - Arianna Grande

"I wanna savor, save it for later

The taste of  flavor, 'cause I'm a taker

'Cause I'm a giver, it's only nature 

I live for danger~"

Ain't Misbehavin' - Fats Waller

"I know for certain

The one I love

I'm through with flirtin'

It's just you I'm thinkin' of~"

you should see me in a crown - Billie Eilish 

"Count my cards, watch them fall

Blood on the marble wall

I like the way they all

Scream~"

All Alone - Al Jolson

"All alone, I'm so all alone

There is no else but you

All alone by the telephone

Waiting for a ring, a ting-a-ling~"

Killing Butterflies - Lou Bliss 

"Shiver like a leaf

Once you take a piece 

With your big old teeth

You will never sleep, no~"

Everybody Loves My Baby - Jack Palmer

"It's my sweetie, can't you guess?

Wild about her, I'll confess

Does she love me?

Oh yes~!"

Looking At Me - Sabrina Carpenter

"I could make it nice and easy

I'ma take the lead

They ain't even looking at you, baby

They're looking at me~"

Always - Irving Berlin

"I'll be loving you always 

With a love that's true always.

When things you've planned

Need a helping hand,

I will understand always.

All Around Me - Flyleaf

"Take my hand, I give it you

Now you own me, all I am

You said you would never leave me

I believe you, I believe~"

I Can't Believe You're In Love With Me - Jimmy McHugh

"Your eyes are so blue 

Your kisses too

I never knew what they could do

I can't believe you're in love with me~"

Need A Favor - Jelly Roll

"Hangin' in there just barely

Throwin' up prayers like Hail Marys

If You're still there, Lord spare me

Oh, my God, oh, my God, Hail Mary~"

I Wanna Be Loved By You - Bert Kalmar

"I wanna be kissed by you, just you,

Nobody else but you,

I wanna be kissed by you, alone~!"

A Sky Full Of Stars - Coldplay

"'Cause you're a sky, you're a sky full of stars 

Such a heavenly view

You're such a heavenly view

Yeah, yeah, yeah, ooh~"

The Song Is Ended - Irving Berlin

"The song is ended

But the melody lingers on

You and the songs are gone 

But the melody lingers~"

Dusk Till Dawn - ZAYN, Sia

"I'll hold you when things go wrong

I'll be with you from dusk till dawn

I'll be with you from dusk till dawn

Baby, I'm right here~"

The Night We Met - Lord Huron

"I had all and then most of you 

Some and now none of you

Take me back to the night we met~"

Crazy = Genius - Panic! At The Disco

"Other boys you may have dated

Serrated your heart with a slice 

But the cut of your love never hurts 

Baby, it's a sweet butter knife~"

Don't Stop The Music - Rihanna

"Do you know what you started? I just came here to party

But now we're rockin' on the dancefloor, actin' naughty

Your hands around my waist, just let the music play

We're hand in hand, chest to chest, and now we're face to face~"

Control - Halsey

"And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me"

I can't help this awful energy 

God damn right, you should be scared of me

Who is in control~?

Good For You - Selena Gomez, A$AP Rocky

"Gonna wear that dress you like, skin-tight

Do my hair up real, real nice

And syncopate my skin to your heart beating~"

You're Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile - Donald Craig

"Your clothes may be Beau Brummely 

They stand out a mile 

But brother

You're never fully dressed

Without a smile~!

Sway - Micheal Bublé

"Like a flower bending in the breeze

Bend with me, sway with ease

When we dance you have a way with me 

Stay with me, sway with me~"

Strange Fruit - Billie Holiday

"Here is a fruit for the crows to pluck 

For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck

For the sun to rot, for the tree to drop

Here is a strange and bitter crop~"

Fly Me To The Moon - Frank Sinatra

"All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true

In other words, in other words

I love...you~"

[jollyreginaldrancher]

The yellowjackets as cousins (for the sake of shipping let's pretend the ones that date are second cousins and Yellowjackets is set in Alabama)

• Natalie's parents drop her off before the event starts and go off to do some last minute shit. She runs up to your room and jumps on you while you are still asleep to wake you up. She's that fucking cousin that doesn't let you have a moment of peace from the moment they show up to the moment they leave. Lowkey you love them though.

• Jackie is that cool older cousin who's home from college and is constantly checking her phone. She smells good and gifts everyone those showel gel/loofa/bath salts sets (not so much the bath salts anymore, since that time Natalie tried sniffing them)

Gets teased about having a clingy bf but she's texting Shauna the whole time.

• Shauna is the broody cousin who doesn't even wanna come to this stupid thing, she's not even gonna have fun so why can't her parents let her stay home? She ends up having fun and her parents have to drag her back to the car to get home at the end of the day.

• Taissa is the one that decides to take on babysitting or help out around the kitchen or whatever and usually has to be told to let loose and have fun because she's so type A she tries to organise shit she has no authority over. The smaller cousins do stacks on Taissa. Van usually starts the dogpile.

• Van is the laid-back cousin who sets up the video games and is beloved by all the tiny cousins. She clears everyone at Mario kart and smash bros and is the only one who can get Taissa to unwind. Taissa is the only one who can clear her in smash.

• Misty is that cousin who hangs out with the adults and tries to help around the kitchen all the time until her aunt forcibly drags her to the rec room (at the rich relatives' house) where everyone is playing board games and stuff. She finds a puzzle or a deck of cards and tries to get a game of solitaire going but some younger cousins decide to mess with her and she retaliates and ends up in a prank war.

• Mari is the younger cousin who fucks with everybody. Brings gag gifts and tries that fucking stick of chewing gum prank every. Goddamn. Holiday. You know which one I mean:

On the upside she packs a fucktonne of snacks which she shares if you're chill.

Her gum prank snapped one of Jackie's fake nails off once so Shauna retaliated by popping her inflatable duck. It was a whole thing.

• Lottie is petting all the pets. She's running around the house chasing the cat. She's not gonna pull its tail, she hasn't done that since she was two, but she will feed the dog under the table to try to win him over. She's the reason you have ants.

• Laura Lee's family is the one that insists on saying a prayer before every meal. Everyone else is messing around at the kids table but she's actually paying attention, or if it's in a different room, she's the one leading it. She's that one that hangs around the back of the group and acts like a moral compass. "Yeah Mr Sharpe's may have run over your bike Natalie but I don't think it's right to paint his dog red".

• Javi is the baby of the family and everyone is super protective and he is that kid that is just chill and will sit down and colour for fun and he gives out handmade gifts like macaroni necklaces and you all have matching friendship bracelets courtesy of Javi Martinez 🥹

• Travis is that asshole who takes his shit out on everyone else and ruins the vibe. His little brother tries to hang with him but he thinks he's too cool to give him the time of day and just pushes him away, and ends up sitting alone cause no one likes that he's an asshole. Most of the cousin jokes are about how he just needs to get laid. He usually just hogs some prime real estate on the couch and heckles everyone playing video games. Won't play anymore because the few times he tried after talking shit he got his ass summarily handed to him so now he just sits there and sooks and brags about how he could beat everyone if he wanted to, he's just taking it easy on everyone because he's nice. He's the biggest asshole there.

[y-rhywbeth2]

So I had a dream that I was a theological scholar trying to piece together the history and timelines of the dead three, including their ascension as mortals and rise to power and naturally upon learning that they were actually currently in faerun and not their own planes, i decided the best way to do this was to….hunt them down and interview them myself. I woke up shortly after finding myrkul so the dream didn’t actually go very far but now I’m wondering just HOW MUCH of the dead three’s history actually IS common knowledge?

And also how do you think the different edge lord losers would react to the request for an interview? Who would lie through their teeth and tell the best story that would make them seem more powerful than the other two? Who would kill me because how dare you even speak to me? And so on lol

From what I know: What is common knowledge about the Dead Three is the aims of their faith (domination of the living, violence and murder, and dominion of the dead) and the story of how they broke into Jergal's house and demanded his throne and then they had to draw straws to decide who got what portfolio (this story is also apparently propaganda covering up the fact that they got there because Jergal put strings on them and shoved them into godhood or something, and at least one of them (Bane), if not all three, was already long dead by this stage - no mortals know that one). Nobody can actually agree on the date of when the Dead Three ascended, and there are apparently several conflicting timelines for it in-universe.

What mortals know about the gods is always a mess of conflicting propagandas and rumours - pick your poison. There are stories that say Shar and Bane are siblings (they're canonically not, but the story persists). There are stories that say Bane had a thing with Loviatar's sister, but there's also lore that suggests that Bane ascended after the fall of Netheril (and thus after Kiputytto died... unless he was fucking the original goddess of plague as a mortal...). 267 DR is named the 'Year of Bane's Shadow' but nobody can agree why: it's either the year the Dead Three ascended to godhood or the year Bane fucked Iyachtu Xvim's mother (Xvim was born long after that year, so if that's true then Bane basically put the lady's pregnancy on pause until he felt like having a son and switched the embryonic development back on). Or maybe it's neither, who knows.

'Who would lie through their teeth?' All three of them. Lying to make yourself look better than everybody else is the gods' day jobs (alongside the usual making the concept you embody spread through the world and etc).

Deities are generally comfortable with mortals - or at least, their priests - researching them and their origins, but they do demand that whatever information you spread paints them in nothing but positive light. Stories about being some powerful being from the dawn of time are vastly preferred over anecdotes about their mundane mortal lives, even if the former is a lie. Scholars who uncover more truth than the deity is comfortable with can expect smiting.

'Such sages may be smitten with divine fire or a wasting, wizening curse, struck blind, or scared by visiting servitors of the gods (think of the three Spirits who visit Scrooge in A CHRISTMAS CAROL) who demand that the sage recant, in print, offering instead THIS approved version - or suffer the fatal consequences of failing to do so.'

Gods also direct their followers to hunt down and destroy all record of this 'sacrilege' to ensure that only the stories of the deity the god approves of exist.

The key to getting a god's attention is to show that you're a) useful, b) interesting/amusing, and c) lots and lots of valuable offerings. Sacrifices, prayer, and convincing other people to worship them. You need to be more valuable alive than dead - especially when talking to the Dead Three.

I think you'd have the hardest time interviewing Bhaal, in large part because you'd have to find him first and he's a god-level rouge who doesn't want to be found: from observation he doesn't seem to like talking, aims to be as laconic as possible, and doesn't enjoy being perceived (look at the 'artwork' and tremble in fear/awe, not at the artist it seems). There's also the fact that he'll really, really want to kill you and might fuck up his will save not to give in to the urge to kill you (or not bother rolling at all). If you want to interview Bhaal I recommend offering him a really creative and skilfully executed murder-sacrifice first, it might content/impress him enough to talk to you. You want Bhaal in his 'cold and ruthlessly calculating' moods, not the violent rampage mood.

Taking into consideration what's been said about his personality and having played a game where you do get to chat with Myrkul, I'd say he's the easiest to interview and the least impulsive and violent. He loves to talk about himself. ('In everything you do you glorify me...') He haunts people's nightmares, he sends avatars to crash funerals to make sure people pay attention to him... Myrkul enjoys attention and sometimes finds hubristic mortals amusing, in a cold sadistic way. Show suitable fear and reverence: 'Myrkul is a proud, vain being; style is important to him.' Also he's probably going to dig out all the emotional damage he can find and throw it back into your face for the joy of seeing you in pain. Enjoy the psychic damage.

Bane's somewhere in the middle. He loves bragging and peacocking, but he doesn't need the validation of a being he considers as far beneath him as a random mortal. He can be calculating and pragmatic, but he can also be an impulsive murderhobo (which is also how Bhaal is described, curiously). There is a chance he'll snap your neck without breaking stride as he straight walks past you. Far more willing to manifest than Bhaal, but still rarely seen in avatar form and he has levels in rogue and wizard, so tracking him down if he doesn't want to be seen may be a challenge. You might well be talking to him through intermediaries. Uhhh... try conquering a nation and providing loads of sacrifices to get his attention or something, I guess. Bane seems to be the hornier of the three, so maybe dress sexy idk? I don't know what his type is, but there's rumours he's into Loviatar so fetish goth style and sadism seems to appeal. Also moustaches, looking at Fzoul and Bane's uncharacteristic attachment to that particular member of his Chosen. Loviatar is blonde, and Fzoul is often depicted as blond - maybe bleach your hair if that's not your natural shade.

[lessnearthesun]

And if I asked you to assign four Taylor songs to each Classics department member 🫶🏻🫶🏻

I hope you all know how LONG I spent on this, and how much thought I put into my choices. So if you disagree I don’t care and I don’t want to hear it ✋ talk to the hand…..anyway enjoy <3

The Greek Class (Taylor’s Version):

Richard:

• I look in people’s windows

Standout lyric: So I look in people's windows/Like I'm some deranged weirdo/I attend Christmas parties from outside

• mirrorball

Standout lyric: I'm a mirrorball/I can change everything about me to fit in

• Florida!!! (except it’s about Hampden)

Standout lyric: I need to forget, so take me to Florida/I've got some regrets, I'll bury them in Florida/Tell me I'm despicable, say it's unforgivable/At least the dolls are beautiful, fuck me up, Florida

• Wonderland

Standout lyric: Ooh, didn't it all seem new and exciting?/I felt your arms twisting around me/It's all fun and games 'til somebody loses their mind

Charles:

• Innocent

Standout lyric: I guess you really did it this time/Left yourself in your warpath/Lost your balance on a tightrope/Lost your mind tryin' to get it back

•This is me trying

Standout lyric: They told me all of my cages were mental/So I got wasted like all my potential/And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad/I have a lot of regrets about that

• Dear reader

Standout lyric: So I wander through these nights/I prefer hiding in plain sight/My fourth drink in my hand/These desperate prayers of a cursed man

• Don’t blame me

Standout lyric: Don't blame me, love made me crazy/If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right

Camilla:

• Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve

Standout lyric: If you'd never looked my way/I would've stayed on my knees/And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil/At nineteen/And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven

• right where you left me

Standout lyric: 'Cause I'm right where/I cause no harm, mind my business/If our love died young, I can't bear witness

• seven

Standout lyric: Please picture me/In the weeds/Before I learned civility/I used to scream ferociously/Any time I wanted

• Carolina

Standout lyric: Oh, Carolina creeks/Running through my veins/Lost I was born, lonesome I came/Lonesome I'll always stay

Henry:

• Mastermind

Standout lyric: What if I told you I'm a mastermind?/And now you're mine/It was all by design/‘Cause I'm a mastermind

• Look What You Made Me Do

Standout lyric: I don't like your little games/Don't like your tilted stage/The role you made me play of the fool/No, I don't like you

• Everything Has Changed

Standout lyric: All I know is a simple name/And everything has changed

• Robin

Standout lyric: Strings tied to levers,/slowed down clocks tethered,/all this showmanship/To keep it, for you,/In sweetness/Way to go tiger

Francis:

• Anti-Hero

Standout lyric: It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me/At tea time, everybody agrees/I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror/It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

• The Archer (fun fact, this was originally on Richard’s, but I wanted to avoid repeats, so I switched it for Florida!!!. #soulmates)

Standout lyric: I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost/The room is on fire, invisible smoke/And all of my heroes die all alone/Help me hold onto you

• I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

Standout lyric: They shake their heads saying, "God, help her"/When I tell them he's my man/But your good Lord doesn't need to lift a finger/I can fix him, no, really I can

• You’re Losing Me (Booooo loser!!!! Kys!!!!)

Standout lyric: And I wouldn't marry me either/A pathological people pleaser/Who only wanted you to see her

+ Bonus one (1) ☝️ Bunny song because I felt bad for not including him:

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things:

• This is why we can't have nice things, honey (oh)/Did you think I wouldn't hear all the things you said about me?/This is why we can't have nice things

[glitterfairy-21225]

I had way too much fun with this incorrect quotes generator.

These are my favorite results. Possibly ooc but this is just for fun.

Mari: You don’t deserve me.

Jackie: At your worst or your best?

Mari: I don’t have a worst.

Jackie: Because you’re already at your worst?

Lottie: What do you want for breakfast?

Misty: I WISH TO DEVOUR THE UNBORN.

Tai:

Tai: She wants eggs.

Nat: Ladies, gentlemen, and Travis, I want to show you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld!

Mari: A llama?

Nat: No.

Mari: A baby llama?

Nat: No!

Mari: A baby llama with a little hat on?

Nat: NO!

Misty: You have Crayons?

Ben: Yes, I have—

Misty: You're— how old are you?

Ben: YES I AM AN ADULT AND I HAVE CRAYONS, I HAVE A BOX OF EMERGENCY CRAYONS IN THE CABINET UNDER THE TV BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS SOMETIMES, OKAY? EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS.

Jackie: I'm very scary. 
Melissa: You're about as scary as a wet kitten. 
Jackie: Wet kittens are cute, at least I've got that going for me. 
Melissa: And small. 
Jackie:
Jackie: ...Yeah, yeah. I guess.

Shauna: I regret nothing!!! 
Jackie: I regret everything!!!

Mari, grinning: Before you were what? 
Van: Before I was- 
Mari: What? 
Van: Before I was inter- 
Mari: Before you were interrupted? 
Van: Cut me off one more time and I swear I'll- 
Mari: What? 
Van: *makes frustrated sound* 
Shauna, nervously: Stop that. Before she hurts you.

Crystal: Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute person but I'm not! 
Travis: Crystal, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday. 
Crystal: It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it! 
Melissa: ...It was a bug. 
Crystal: It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not! 
Travis: ... 
Melissa: ... 
Crystal: Stop looking at me like that!

Nat: If we lose, you’re out of the will.

Shauna: I was in the will?

Jackie: You're smiling. What happened? 
Misty: What? Can't I smile just because I feel like it? 
Ben: Mari tripped and fell down the stairs today.

*Bullying Prevention Day at school* 
Teacher: Misty, what would you do if one of your classmates viciously teased you again and again? 
Misty: Oh, that’s easy. I’d take a pencil out of my pencil case— 
Teacher: To write something to your teacher? 
Misty: —make sure that it’s really sharp, and ram it into their eye at full tilt! My mom always says the pencil is mightier than the sword because they can’t outlaw bringing pencils to school! 
Teacher: *internal screaming*

Van: We’ll find another route, it’s not safe for amateur adventurers. 
Nat: That sounds like a challenge. 
Van: I have to stress, that is not a challenge. 
Nat: ...Is exactly what you say to dissuade the weak of heart from accepting the challenge. Well, challenge accepted! 
Van: There is no challenge!

Melissa: How do ethical philosophers feel about murder? 
Travis: Well, it’s frowned upon. 
Melissa: Okay, but what if the reason you want to murder someone is to make your life easier? 
Melissa: That’s okay, right?

Misty: Lol. Heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you’ll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this.

Akilah: What did you do Misty?

Misty: a Mistake.

Melissa: It's locked. You got a lock pick?

Jackie: Yeah-

Nat: *kicks in the door*

Lottie, staring at Mari in a cage: ...Why is she in a cage?

Shauna: Because she growled at me.

Ben: I hope you all make it to adulthood! 
Gen: That’s a great prayer. 
Travis: A needed one. 
Gen: A needed one indeed.

Van: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, its “intelligent” and “really cool”. 
Van: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.

Nat: I have the sharpest memory here - name one time I forgot something!

Lottie: You left me, Melissa, and Shauna in a Walmart parking lot at 2am a day ago.

Nat: I did that on purpose, try again.

Akilah: What makes you think it's okay to watch Hannibal given its subject matter?

Mari: Sometimes, I watch television shows for entertainment purposes.

Gen: Because I condone murder and cannibalism.

[locitapurplepink]

I've been listening music so much until reminds me of my few fave star wars characters / relationships lately. I wanna share these with you guys.

Taglist : @photogirl894 , @leosardonyx18 , @commander-tech , @trapezequeen , @catcucumber-salad , @cassie-fanfics , @zaya-mo , @genericficerblog , @twinsunstars , @orion-tyche , @fulltimecatwitch , @aesira-of-orion , @kanerallels , @thebadbatch2022

1. The Bad Batch-Photograph

2. The Bad Batch-Dynasty

3. Hunter and Omega-Ready, Set, Don't Go

4. Hunter and Omega-At All Costs pt. 1

5. Hunter and Omega-At All Costs pt. 2

6. Echo, Omega & Emerie-Wind Beneath My Wings

7. Yeager-Gone Too Soon

8. Echo and Omega-Been Here All Along

9. Echo and Emerie-Gift of A Friend

10. Kaz-Gotta Go My Own Way

[colloquialbitchisms]

VILLAIN VIBES ( PART 1 )

prompts from songs on my muse's villain playlist. feel free to change pronouns/tenses/etc as needed, or even combine any of them.

THE OTHER SIDE — MARGØ

“i think it's kind of funny that i make you run & hide.” “why am i a villain if i speak what's on my mind?” “now you're on your knees, say a prayer for me.” “please explain to me how an enemy could ever look this good.” “give me your secrets.” “they say i'm the devil. so i painted my heart black.” “i'm never turning back.” “yeah, the world is cruel, but i promise you i'll never lie again.” “you know you can trust me, right?”.....“sike.” “i'll see you on the other side.” “maybe someday we could be friends.” “i wouldn't trust me.”

VILLAIN — JESSIE PAEGE

“protagonist, antagonist. two sides; both wear a mask.” “so heroic, villainous.” “i'm blessed. i'm cursed. i'm both.” “am i the superhero, or am i the villain?” “how do i save myself from this kryptonite within?” “it's dark here, shield on my back.” “i'm battle ready when the demons come.” “these tears will be my warpaint.” “fighting with my shadow.” “the battle is inside my head.” “he won't surrender when his world is crumbling down.” “i won't surrender while i still have my human heart.”

I DID SOMETHING BAD — TAYLOR SWIFT

“i play ‘em like a violin & i make it look oh so easy.” “this is how the world works.” “i don't regret it one bit ‘cause he had it coming.” “they say i did something bad, then why's it feel so good?” “i'd do it over & over again if i could.” “i let them think they saved me.” “you gotta leave before you get left.” “they're burning all the witches even if you aren't one.” “they got their pitchforks & proof, their receipts & reasons” “it just felt so good.”

DEVIL'S WORST NIGHTMARE — FJØRA

“i felt heaven, shaking hands with angels.” “i've met monsters; drank from the well of poison water.” “i'm coming for your sons & daughters.” “just ‘cause i look like an angel, don't mean i won't get down in the dirt.” “just ‘cause i look like a good girl, don't mean i won't do the things that hurt.” “i'm the devil's worst nightmare.” “i've tasted fire.” “i've felt the burn of bittersweet.” “i don't mind all the chaos, it keeps me alive.” “something wicked this way comes.”

THE DEVIL IS A GENTLEMAN — MERCI RAINES

“he don't always come at midnight, burning red & talking sin.” “he knows how to play it just right if you're gonna let him in.” “he's always got the words to say just enough so you don't notice.” “you ain't nothing but his prey.” “sometimes the worst of them have the best disguises.” “he'll go as far as it takes to stay in hiding.” “don't you know ‘bout the devil?” “he's a gentleman.” “think you know just where to find him.” “high atop his fiery throne.” “but it's the places you ain't lookin’ that he likes to make his home.”

DEVIL INSIDE — CRMNL

“set fire to the altar, middle finger to the sun.” “no one to save you when i'm done.” “in the dark i stay.” “there's no good in the place i'm going.” “pray for light.” “we all got a little devil inside.” “tearing you apart in the middle of the night.” “they could bury us alive with the things we hide.” “i stared down the hell fire.” “it's been keeping me awake.” “maybe i was born a sinner.” “i might never be a saint.” “it's ice cold in the shadows.” “one foot in the grave.”

GOOD FOR HER — MOTHICA & EMLYN

“they say she lost it.” “found your switchblade in her pocket.” “everybody should be scared when they're calling it hysteria.” “think you're getting too emotional.” ”you're only gonna make it worse.” “if you stand in her way, she's not gonna behave.” “i'm ready for how she makes it hurt.” “it's what you deserve.” “she'll watch you stand in the corner and cower.” “she puts her first now, good for her.”

KILLER — VALERIE BROUSSARD

“walking alone, you know it's okay.” “‘cause my tongue is sharper than a switchblade.” “you've been tryna elevate my heart rate, but you can't scare me no more.” “they told me you're a killer.” “i saw your collection of hearts and i shoulda known better.” “i've got no doubt that the only way out of this thriller is if i am a killer too.”

VENDETTA — UNSECRET & KRIGARÈ

“fool me once and it's shame on me.” “but, you know, you better tread carefully.” “fool me twice, i'm your enemy.” “if you push, i push back.” “try to hide, but i'll hunt you down like a maniac.” “you'll go down.” “so, if you hide, i'm gonna hunt you down.” “run. you better run.” “kindness never looked good on me.” “never been one to sit quietly.”

BIG BAD WOLF — ROSES & REVOLUTIONS

“living like kings comes with a price, don't it?” “funny how it all works out in the end.” “you're playing with fire.” “when the big bad wolf comes running around, you better get yourself right out of town.” “everybody's got a big debt to pay.” “some lost souls never get found.” “stuck in the head, falling deeper down.” “you dance with the devil & you lose your head.” “gonna shoot you dow.” “wasted youth lies in the ground.” “pack your things & run away.”

[hurricanek8art]

So a lot of people have seen my Star Wars posts the last couple of weeks. I only have a handful of followers and I'm still pretty new to all of this, and it's been fun and kinda mind blowing. I would love to talk about Star Wars or other nerdy stuff more than anything right now, but... I have something I have to get off my chest.

My dog Lucy died this afternoon.

It was sudden, like this developed at some point in the three months since she was at the vet last, and there was nothing we could do. I can't bring myself to really talk about it. I don't think I ever will be able to. It's too much. Because Lucy was my everything.

I'm not posting this because I'm looking for sympathy or prayer. I mean I'll take it if you're comfortable giving it, but that's all really complicated stuff, y'know? Not everybody has a great relationship with grief or religion—heck I don't always have an easy relationship with either of them sometimes, but I'm working on it. I'm not digging for commiseration or "poor sweet baby"s or anything. I just... don't have many people to talk to in my life. And this is gonna be really hard for me going forward. Not that anyone needs me to tell them that, everyone who's been where I am knows this. I'm not ready to grieve. I've grieved half my life, really, for different reasons, different people. It's... complicated. I'm complicated. So I'm going to do what I learned how to do to cope with my grief as a child. I'm going to tell you a story.

It's a story about love and unexpected journeys. Of finding who you are through someone else. Of a girl and her dog, who found each other and were who the other needed in just the right moment. I want to tell you a story because if even one person reads this, just reads it, doesn't even reblog or like or anything, the story is carried on. And the story lives forever. And in a way, Lucy lives forever. Because she already does in my heart, and she always will. So I'm going to tell the world our story not because I'm looking for followers or likes or sympathy or whatever. I'm telling it because I want at least one person to know even a fraction of how much I love her. If you don't or can't read this because it's too much, too close, too anything, I understand more than anyone that it can be overwhelming or painful. But if you do read this rambly ode that I wrote last night in sort of a haze... I thank you, for carrying the story on.

I met Lucy when I was thirteen. My family had been looking into training a service dog for me for a few months. We thought that it would help with my autism, alongside the PTSD I was dealing with in the aftermath of my father's death a little less than a year before. Because we already had one wonderful lab mix, the local training organizations had turned our applications down, citing that it would be too complicated to integrate the dogs. A friend of our family who did occupational therapy through animals suggested we find a dog and train it ourselves, with her help and help from people she knew, so off to the local shelters we went. This trip was our third try, and it was the same shelter we found our lab in—third try's the charm, right? And it was.

My mom wanted me to look at the puppies down a different row of kennels. Easier to train when they're younger, and she has a fondness for labs. But I walked down the righthand row, waving and smiling and wincing at the noise as excited dogs barked, wanting to see why new people were there, and I saw her. She was in the middle of the row of kennels. She never barked, but her big brown eyes were bright. I knelt down to say hello because she was the only one not barking in my face, and she leaned against the chain link to get closer for me to scratch, still looking at me with those beautiful eyes. I didn't realize it in that moment, but that was the moment she moved straight into my heart. I wanted to at least visit with her in the introduction room. Yes, the puppies were cute, but I had a feeling this time, y'know?

When they brought her into the room, I was sitting on the floor. She about dragged the shelter volunteers across the room, making a beeline for me. Sniffing all over. No licking—she's never been a licker. That's alright. We played a little, my mom and brother watching kinda surprised because this dog didn't want to look anywhere but me. She sniffed curiously around the room a few times, sure, but otherwise, she was right there. Stayed right there. And then she did this.

I was a goner. Because I found my dog.

___

They told us they thought she was a dalmatian mix, estimated to be about one and a half, which was amazing because we did the math later and realized she was likely born around my birthday in December. Asked me what I wanted to name her. I was on a Narnia hyperfixation at that point. Lucy, because she was so sweet and curious. Later the name evolved into an homage to Lucille Ball, because she was wacky and goofy and fun. I don't care where the name came from. She was Lucy and she was my dog. We had to introduce her to our other dog the next day, at the dog park. It went fantastic. All she wanted to do was romp and play, and our other dog went from acting her age of 8 and sorta arthritic to a happy two year old again. Surprisingly, the shelter worker handed us the leash and said "she's yours for the weekend, we'll talk on Monday". Trial run I guess. I was fine. I was ready.

It was Friday, April 13th, 2012. My brother likes to make jokes that the date should've been a clue that she'd be a handful, but I don't care. A Friday the 13th was one of the best days of my life. Even if it didn't feel like it at the time.

(I swear she and our lab got along, that one is just one of the few pictures I have of them together at the moment 🤣 I have so many pictures, but I can't go through them yet. These are just the ones I feel comfortable sharing right now.)

___

She was not a dalmatian mix. We figured that out that night when we put her up in my room to sleep. I was too buzzed with excitement, so I was in the living room when I heard it. This bay from my room. Not a bark, a full on hound bay. I remember looking at my mother in shock, and she just shook her head, eyes wide. "That is not a dalmatian."

It turned out there was an foxhound breeding/hunting place a few miles out in the boonies from us. They don't actually fox hunt, it's more of a horse-riding club where you go out riding with a whole flipping herd of foxhounds, English and American, to exercise the dogs. The shelter had found her about a month before running around in the woods, no collar, no chip, nothing. We don't know if that really is where she was lost from, or how long she was a stray. No one from there came looking for her if she was theirs. She had some scars on her face, thin scratches you could only really see when you squished the loose skin on her face. I loved squishing her face so much. Lucy had pretty clearly never been raised around non-working dogs. Or humans. Or anything, really. The world of the suburbs was new and confusing to her, but she knew how to chase, and run, and scent-track. Never had a problem with wild animals trying to get into our yard again at that house. Lucy was here to protect her new people.

(I should be clear that there was nothing in this tree. No squirrels or anything. I think this photo really captures some of her essence, though 🤣)

Service dog training went out of the window pretty quickly. My mother, who'd had dogs for decades, had never adopted a dog as old as her before, and Lucy was a lot. Hyperactive, intense prey drive, stubborn and hardheaded and loud, oh my gosh she was so loud. And settling into a new routine after losing her husband while trying to raise two autistic kids, while we all dealt with PTSD, was a lot. She got overwhelmed and kinda shut down after a while. My brother didn't know how to train dogs either, so he shut down, too. I don't blame them at all, we were all grieving and they came back around eventually, but I was thirteen years old with a dog I had no idea how to train, and I felt alone. I was grieving and scared, and for a while I was terrified that it wasn't going to work out. Every time our family adopts an animal, we swear right then—that animal is a part of our family, no matter what. But it was so much, and we were dealing with so much.

But then Lucy would look at me with those big brown eyes. And I'd feel okay. Because she was my dog. And I was her person. And I wasn't going to give up. So I squared my shoulders, I went over everything I knew from what my mother had taught me over the years, and I trained my dog.

(this was from 2016, and it's the day I knew she and my brother actually did get along, despite all the headaches and banged-up knees from her not dodging around him quite in time that she caused)

Things have never been easy. But we got through it. We moved out of my childhood home, a little over a year after returning from everything that happened with my father. (It was a saga I really don't know how to share) My PTSD and trauma stuff got worse, and my now-regular panic attacks really got started, and I dropped out of therapy like an idiot, but through it all she was there, always, always. When it felt like no one else was. When it felt like I was drowning. I never got suicidal thoughts until the pandemic hit, and have never been anywhere near wanting to even think about following through on them, but even when I was in really dark places, no matter what, Lucy was there, listening to me with her big floppy peanut butter colored ears and her big brown eyes and her freckly-looking spots. Lucy saved me from fully spiraling into a grief-filled, depressed fog I wouldn't be able to find a way out of more times than I can count. As far as I'm concerned, she saved my life. She was never cuddly—I think she tolerated my attempts at affection more than anything sometimes, but that was okay. I'm pretty touch-averse when it comes to humans and hugs and stuff. Dogs, no, humans, yes. I understood, and I knew when she'd had enough and when to step away, and I did my best to respect that. She was fine with being independant, with just being near me. And I realized I was fine with it too. Because she was there. And I was there for her.

(She heard me open a snack container in the first pic; behind that bush was one of her favorite spots in the summer even though it drove me crazy when I couldn't find her 🤣)

Over the past few years, it felt like we'd really settled into where we were supposed to be. She never slowed down with age. She just... matured, I think? Especially after our lab mixed died in 2016 and it was just her and us humans. Realized she didn't have to constantly chase the next smell, be on the lookout for the next squirrel or bird or rabbit. When I took her out for our hours of hanging out on the back porch in the sunshine, as soon as the weather would turn warm, she went from constantly running around the yard to taking breaks to hang around my chair. Laying near me, sometimes even next to me. A few times she laid her head on my feet, or next to them, or against my legs when I was sitting on the ground. I almost cried every time because it made me happy she was so comfortable with that. (Scratch that, I did cry) My favorite was when we were out there in the evenings, and she'd fall asleep as it got dark, deep enough to snore. She felt safe enough to do that, comfortable enough, content enough to let herself fall that deep asleep, because she knew we were there to protect her, be there for her. Because I was there. And if you've never heard a hound howl in their sleep because they were dreaming about chasing things, you've missed out, it's possibly one of the funniest sounds you'll ever hear, and I got to hear it on a nightly basis. I heard it last night. Even when it kept me awake sometimes as her snores rattled the windows, I have treasured that weird yodel-y sound as it fluttered through her flappy lips.

Those summer days will be in my heart forever. And when the weather would turn cold, and my seasonal depression would get bad, I felt better because she'd let herself become a couch potato with time, and realized "Hey, I can sleep on Kate's bed when she's not on it! Score!" She was content, at last, after years of us working so hard to find a balance. That's what I've held onto all this time, what I'll hold onto in the coming months, years, decades. That she's content, and happy, and she knows that she is loved more than anything in this world.

I've grown and changed with her. It's been eleven and a half years, we had to have. I've lost family and gained family. Drifted apart from friends like an idiot when I should've held on. Sometimes I don't know if the person I've become is who I want to be, or need to be, but when I'm with her, it's fine. Because I was who she needed. I became an adult. I found new interests and hobbies; I found writing, I re-found art, I found music and making friendship bracelets and a little bit of sewing recently, though I'm bad at it. I found historical subjects, mythologies and folklore, stories I never knew existed, that fascinate me. I found Lord of the Rings and Captain Marvel and Paramore and Taylor Swift with her. I still don't always know who I am, but I found myself. And every bit of that, Lucy was next to me, watching me as I discovered it, listening to me sing to her and ramble on about whatever I was doing on the days we sat out on the porch or in my room, just us, and I needed someone to talk to. She was always a good listener.

I'm still struggling with my mental health, everyone in my family is. And I know the next few months are going to be hard. But every bit of my life with her, I've been happy, even when it got hard. Because Lucy was my dog, and I was her human, and we were Kate and Lucy. My only regret is how long it took us to find our balance, find out how to coexist when we were so different but the same at the start. I will always regret how long it took, even if I was a confused child for half of it, but I never gave up. I couldn't. Because she never gave up on me, even when I had no idea what I was doing. Anything else—the grief, the frustration, the fear—I regret none of it. I never will.

Because through it all, I had Lucy. And Lucy had me. And now, if you've read all this, as I rambled my way through our story, trying not to cry and laughing at some of the memories, maybe you know her a little bit too. Everything on the internet is forever, right? Well, now our story is forever. Lucy is forever.

And she will be in my heart forever, too. I love you, Lucy. My Goose, my Goober, my Goofus, my Lucy-Goosey Mongoose, my "no, no, stop that, please stop eating stuff you find in the yard!". I love your squishy face and your droopy lips and your floppy ears. I love your loud barks and your window-rattling snores and your incredibly weird sleeping positions. I love your big brown eyes and your goofy grin and your misunderstanding of the word 'gimme five' regularly leading to you enthusiastically smacking me in the face with your big ol' paws. I love how I had to show you how to chew apple slices with your back teeth because you'd never had one before, and how you'd mooch for a carrot that was supposed to go to the horses only to spit it out three seconds later and then immediately try mooching for another. I loved teaching you to boop me with your nose when it was clear you weren't comfortable with kisses as a way to show affection, despite the numerous times you almost broke my nose. I love you. I love you. I love you. You have been part of me since April 12, 2012. You always will be part of me. One of the best parts.

And now you're forever.