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happysparklingshadows · 1 day ago

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Currently half way through chapter 9 and I can’t wait to see what y’all think!

A Certain Hunger (8/?)

Chapter 7 ✿ Chapter 9

Summary: It is a never-ending night for the reader. She is in the eye of the storm of the drama going on in the wilderness, and fully succumbs to the sexual tension of it all. The adult reader is having a shattering night of confrontation and religious guilt.

Pairing: Surviving!Poly! Yellowjackets x reader (slow burn)

Warnings: HORNYYY, Wilderness Sexual tensions at an ALL TIME HIGH, Angst, manipulative reader, Making out, groping, readers being a little bit of a hoe, Weapionized religion (not from our girls don't worry), Alcohol/drug use, Homophobia, Gore, Tree Lady strikes again, Ghost Jackie, Heartbroken Jackie, Canon moved a little where Jackie reads the dairy before people leave instead of the night of, Thigh riding, almost fingering, and talks of mental illness.

Notes: Another headcanon chapter on the night before Taissa and the others leave to try to find rescue. I moved some canon events to make sense for the reader to know some infortmation but I think it makes sense! I love this show and I hope it gets renewed!

Word count: 16.3k

❀ A03 ❀ wattpad ❀ spotify playlist ❀

‘96

“Javi, come over here.” You say as you sit on the porch alongside Mari and Laura Lee. We anxiously sewed another layer of fabric onto Javi’s and Travis’s socks. Natalie gave you some old shirts she found in the plane and some old, stained ones of the boys, but you and Laura Lee have been making as many clothes as possible. Mari started sewing with the two of you this weekend to mend all the holes in her clothes, which made everyone go through their hole-ridden clothes and add it to her pile.

The quiet boy comes over to you obediently and smiles. He looks on at your handiwork with awe. “Are they warmer now? What if I sweat too much?”

You chuckle and shake your head, ��Little dude, you can take your shoes off, you know. Just-”

“Just keep your feet dry, I know, (y/n).” Javi rolled his eyes playfully as he put the socks on his feet beside you. You shake your head as you feel for a moment like your father, who drilled it into you to keep your feet dry and always mend clothes to keep them dry, and now you become the one to drill those things into the others.

Laura Lee says, keeping her eyes on her hands as she continues to thread, “Javi, you should give Travis his socks.”

You smile as you feel her getting softly annoyed at the presence of the boy in her focused crafting. You say as you shoot a look to the pair behind you, “Yeah, here, you go, Javi.”

Javi lingers around the three of you in silence as he holds the socks awkwardly until he puts them in his khaki shorts.

“Aren’t you cold in those?” You ask him with a little smirk, pointing your needle at his pants..

“Yeah, don’t boys' balls shrivel up when they're cold?” Mari added with a snarky mock. She snorted at her joke. You roll your eyes as you cut the thread with Laura Lee’s small sewing kit scissors.

Javi stutters for a moment, and you chuckle, “Ignore her, Javi. I don’t wanna hear about cold balls.”

Javi laughs and quickly leaves, feeling overwhelmingly awkward in his own skin. You felt a soft spot for the youngest among you because he was truly a gentle sweetheart. He felt like your little brother in moments like these, and you couldn’t fully understand how Travis was his older brother.

The comfortable silence comes back to blanket over the three of you as you all sew and sew and sew. There was a quickness to each one of you, and you can recognize why. You all felt cold. You all knew what was creeping up on you. Mari was getting snarkier, Laura Lee had been quieter, and when she spoke, it was usually about the private plane or God. She even baptized Lottie last week. You've been hearing about this from Lottie lately, when you two find time. You were all feeling the buzzing dread hanging over your heads, but you could find comfort with the two friends beside you.

“Oh, my God. Meat. Fuck yeah!” Van stood from her spot by the fireplace as she stared at Travis and Natalie lugging a shedding deer.

Laura Lee snaps up with a praise, “Oh, thank you, Lord!” and walks over to the two carrying the animal with a skip in her step. Mari follows her lead with a big smile. The dread is forgotten at this moment.

You couldn't help but smile as a growl from your stomach turned at your waist. You stand, “Good job, you guys!”

You come over to Natalie and Travis with the crowd that was now circling them. “Whoa. That thing is gnarly.” Van stated as she looked at the meaty antlers on the buck. You say, “It’s shedding season for deer. It’s normal, don’t worry.”

“It’s like Freddy Kruger and Bambi had a baby.” Akiliah mumbles as she comes closer to your side. She grabs your arm, almost like she is shielding herself from the antlers. You stand in front of her and smile at the touch; you don’t respond. Javi does the same on your other side, looking over your shoulder with a twist of disgust on his lip. “I’m not eating that, " he states.

“Guys, relax.” As he comes closer to the group on his crutches, Coach Ben says, “Deer shed their antlers every season. (Y/n) is right; this is normal.” He looks over at the buck with interest. “Shauna, do the honors?”

Shauna nodded her head as she slowly leaned down with her knife. She stabbed into the deer’s stomach and quickly, with disturbing ease, sliced up its navel.

Immediately, a rotten smell fills the camp, permeating the air with a deathly scent. Maggots fell out from inside of the deer, as if it had been dead for weeks inside its own body; its organs were a dark browned red. The fur of the flesh looked greased with illness or hunger, and the smell sent a gag through you as you looked closer.

“Oh-” You sigh as you cover your mouth and nose, trying to keep whatever was left in your hungry stomach down. “Jesus Christ.”

The coach slowly comes closer in disbelief at what he's seeing. Natalie looked like she was going to burst out in tears at the maggots. Shauna grabs the maggots in confusion, and the bugs surround her hand and wriggle on her flesh. She shakes them off with disgust as she starts to gag. Shauna desperately grabs for a rag when you come to her with a rag on a seat around the fireplace, and you move your hand on her shoulder. You feel her swallowing her dry heaves.

“Are you okay?” You ask quickly as Shauna rubs the brown blood off her hand.

“Yeah.” She quickly shoots as she tries to slow her breathing.

“Is that normal, too, Coach?” Jackie snarkily replies as she glares at the man, she was expecting this to happen.

“I’m not crazy,” Lottie says to herself, behind you and beside Laura Lee now. You don’t turn back as you listen to the girls behind you.

“No. You have a gift,” Laura Lee reassured. You glanced at them as she wrapped an arm around Lottie’s waist.

“She’s right. You've seen this before.” You agree quietly to the other girls, with a sadness crashing against you. You wanted to sob as your lip quivered. Hopeless.

Shauna’s pregnant. There is no food. There are no resources. You would never go home if you wait any longer because there hasn’t even been a sign of people trying to find you. No one was going to save you. Everyone was looking to you for guidance in the wilderness, but in this moment, you realize that you have given all you can give, and you can’t will the winter to stay put any longer.

“We cannot keep fucking doing this, you guys,” Taissa stressed, pacing by the fire in an angry restlessness. A sob was ready to escape her lips. “What happens when winter gets here? We fucking starve to death or freeze?”

You felt tears welling up in your eyes without knowing they were forming. Taissa is saying all your worries and anxieties outloud, and you didn’t need to stop her. Javi, Akiliah, Mari, Jackie, and Laura Lee look to you as if expecting you to stop the pessimistic words, but you find yourself at a loss. You look on at Taissa in silent agreement.

“We can’t count on getting rescued anymore.” Taissa agreed as she nodded her head, looking at everyone eyes as she continues, “All of us know that is not going to happen! We have to save us! That’s why I am going to get help. I’m leaving in the morning.” she states with emotions painting her every word, she storms to get inside of the cabin as she adds, “Come with me if you want to get out of this fucking hellhole.”

You wipe the tear from your eye as you look to the others; you meet their scared eyes and feel so much pressure on your shoulders as you say, “Taissa is right. We need to try to just walk out of here. And we will send for help. We—” You stop yourself as you calm your words. You needed to be strong for everyone—for Shauna, the underclassmen, your friends, just all of them. “We need to work together to save ourselves. We can’t just sit down and let ourselves die; we haven’t so far, and we’re not going to now. I am going.”

“No.” Jackie shuts down with a shake of her head, a deep frown on her lips. She crosses her arms and looks away as if you were betraying her. “Nope. Not happening.”

“Are you going?” Javi asks quietly before Shauna speaks over him by accident. “(Y/n), you can’t go,” Shauna says as she stands up and holds your arm. She tries to pull you to look at her, but you can’t allow her to move you.

“I am going.” You look at each of the girls’ eyes as you say, “I know the most about the forest, and it would be the smart move if I went with Taissa.”

“No, because what about us?” Jackie snaps as she moves her arms, looking at you with a frown that is exacerbated and stressed. “You’re just going to leave us in the dark? Who will make the announcements or tell us what we need to do? You just said it’s almost winter. What if we’re left here without you?”

Jackie’s words stab into your heart and let you bleed as you stand tall for all the girls to listen. You feel the power shift that has never happened before with Jackie. Jackie sees you as her leader, not the other way around. You weren’t following her command or bending to her desires anymore. It felt scary. This wasn’t your childhood friendship anymore. This was something new and unexplored.

You take a deep breath and evenly say, “I’ve given all I know to you all.” You look around at everyone's eyes, which are laced with worry and fear for themselves and you, and say, “I am not leaving you helpless. I know you all will be fine for the time being.”

“Jackie’s right, (Y/n), you can’t just leave, no one can do what you do.” Natalie butts in as she looks on at you with soft concerned eyes.

“It's going to be okay because I leave it to you, Nat.” You say it evenly, as you look her in the eyes and communicate something you don’t know. You knew as soon as you saw Natalie that she was the only one out of the girls who was the best fit to be the stand-in leader while you were gone. She knew how to hunt, the lands around the cabin, and the importance of your projects. Her compassion and fairness only added to your reasoning, no matter the tension between you. “You have the most knowledge about wilderness survival besides me. Please make the announcements while I am gone.”

Coach Ben, quiet as he looked to the ground in dissociation, added, “(Y/n), I understand you want to follow Tai, but in your condition, is it a good idea? You passed out in the woods for hours.”

Natalie’s jaw dropped as her eyes widened, surprised that you gave her this responsibility after everything you went through together. You felt Shauna’s hand slip from your arm as she looked down, defeated. She scoffed and walked away from the circle. You tried to suppress your frustration at Shauna leaving, but you had to continue, “No one is stopping me, not even you, Coach,” you said, meeting Coach Ben's gaze. “I know you will handle things while I'm gone and that you will be safe. Safer than just waiting for some fucking miracle we all know isn’t going to happen.”

You now notice the tears you had earlier are still falling down your cheeks, collecting on your chin, as you sniff back snot in your nose. You wipe your cheeks. “I don’t care if I am not going to be okay out there because you guys will be saved.” You choke back. You don’t want to look weak, but you want to be honest. “I would die for you guys.”

“No one is letting you die, (y/n),” Van says as she approaches you with a hand on your arm. Jackie comes forward and hugs you deeply, rubbing your back.

“I don’t plan on it, but I plan on getting us saved.” You cry as the others look on with concern, and the others try to comfort you. You push them off lovingly as you try to sniffle back the tears, “I need to leave to get help, even if I will pass out. I’m sorry I’m crying so much. I don’t like the idea of being away from you all.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Van comforts you as she rubs your back. She looked like she was going to cry.

“I have to go. There is no opinion. I need to at least try for you guys.” You confess as your voice returns to normal. “I can’t live with myself if I don’t try with Taissa tomorrow. I love you guys. I have grown to love everyone here… Even Travis.” You chuckle at the end as everyone laughs at the small joke. Travis has the biggest laugh. Everyone knows Travis gets on your nerves to high heaven, and he even eggs you on to yell at him or slap his chest.

Everyone quiets as they wait for you to speak again, and you feel importance placed on your head like a crown. You breathe and say, “We'll head south for three days, and if we don’t see anything, we'll head back home.” You felt bile come up your throat as you called the cabin your home. But it was. “And then, we will plan for what is to come. And we will survive what we can.”

The second morning announcement ends as you nod your head and are the first to leave the situation. You walk slowly away to the porch where you were before with your all-familiar dread hanging over you. You see Van run off inside the cabin, and Jackie walks to the meat shed to comfort Shauna.. You feel your hand tremble as you pick up the sock you are making. You take a slow, shaky breath in, starting back where you began with the soft fabric.

“Yeah, um, you got a minute?” Natalie comes to you with her hands in her jean pockets. She is as nervous as the sky is blue. She doesn’t look inside your eyes when asked, “What do you mean I am doing the morning announcements? I am not good with people like you.”

You look up at Natalie as you rest your hands, the sock, in your lap. You look at her for the first time in a few days, to be honest, and she looks very ashamed. You don’t know if you care to know what for, but you assumed it was because of how she treated you. As painful as it was for you to stop yourself from being petty or angry, you felt content and okay with what had happened at this moment. It doesn’t matter right now.

“I know you can be cagey, but you’re not bad with people. You just have to listen to yourself and follow through with what you say. It’s not hard, you just kinda help with everything, and if you don’t know, you just let someone else shine.” You reason as you pick your sock back up to sew, “You’re not happy I picked you or something?”

“No! No, I—” she blurts and looks you in the eyes for the first time. “I didn’t think you would pick me, is all.”

“I didn’t either until you spoke, " you chuckle as you look back at the fabric. “But I know it’s the right decision. You are very compassionate when you want to be.”

Natalie stands silently as she looks at you. Now, her hands are out of her pockets, and you see them shaking as she just stands there. She seems stunned by the ending of your sentence.

“I don’t know why you’d think I wouldn’t pick you.” You say with a soft shake of your head, as you keep moving your fingers.

“I didn’t think you wanted to talk to me again,” Natalie confessed as she looked back at the ground. She looked back at you, sighing, “I don’t know what I am doing.”

“I didn’t think you wanted to talk to me again.” You retort with a raised eyebrow. You glance behind her shoulder to see if the others were in earshot; they were not. “You gave me the cold shoulder for weeks after.”

Natalie shrugged as she looked at you with almost pleading eyes, like she just wanted you to read her mind instead of her explaining. She says softly, “I didn’t know how to talk to you, I didn’t think you wanted to look me in the eyes again.”

You rolled your eyes as you said, “Dramatic. I would never be like that, and you know that.”

“Well, I never did anything like that before, okay.” She looks around herself, double-checking if anyone could hear. “I don’t even know what came over me and-and I feel like I ruined everything between us.”

You pause for a moment as you think about her words. You don’t even want to unpack the meaning of.

You look at her and ask, “Are we still friends? I don’t want this to stop us from being friends, okay? I trust you, Natalie. Not with my heart but with my life, and that's good enough for me.”

Natalie looked surprised again and a little lost, as if she thought you were more heartbroken than you were. “Yeah-Yeah, we’re still friends.”

You force a smile as you nod, “I am happy with that. No need for all these messy feelings right now, we can work those out later when we’re more ready, okay?” You say that as you look back at your sock, you felt your hands shake with nerves as you continued to thread the needle.

“Okay,” Natalie says with a blank face and a shallow nod. She steps back and goes into the cabin.

You let out a shaky sigh as you continue working to keep your mind off the dread for a moment.

You sigh as you rub your clammy hands on your jeans and try to find the right words. You know Jackie’s not mad at you, because when you were sulking on the porch she sat next to you and told you that you should probably talk to Shauna because she is having a bitch fit. When you asked her why, she scoffed and said, “Do you need me to spell it out? You picked Natalie over her. Shauna is just as skilled as her; she is just not the hunter.”

“She thinks I picked Natalie over her? It wasn’t like that-”

Jackie shook her hand as she leaned on her elbows on the porch, “Don’t worry to much about it, it’s just a bitch fit. You know her. She’ll just sulk around for a bit and get better.”

You sigh softly as your eyebrow raises in concern, a wrinkle forming on your brow as you put down the new sock you were making. You look down at your feet. “Is she really mad at me?”

Jackie looks over to you with a soft smirk, she nudges your shoulder with her own, “You know, we can’t stay mad at you… Or, you know, you’ll cry like a baby like you did when we went to Clueless.”

You gasped and hit her shoulder, “You and Shauna left me in Bath and Body Works! I don’t even remember what we were fighting about, but you left me!”

“You were being a bitch.” Jackie giggled and shrugged her shoulders, as if she found it funny to remember you crying at the mall because you thought your friends hated you. “Hey! I sent Shauna to go get you!”

“Still so mean!” You say playfully as you continue to beat on her shoulder, your lips curling. “Jackie you’re such a dick!”

“I sent her to get you!” She giggled as she watched you stand up from the porch. You hand her your sock with the needle safely stabbed through the top, and you shake your head.

“You’re so wrong, you still don’t see it.” You giggle as you wave away from her, “I’m going to talk to Shauna.”

Jackie snorted as she moved the fabric away from herself. “Good luck!”

You take a deep breath with each step towards the meat shed. You need to prepare for groveling for forgiveness, knowing you will have to do so with Shauna, given your years of friendship. When you round the cabin, you find Shauna cutting into an aged fish to pull out its spine, and she glances behind herself when you approach.

“What are you doing here?” Shauna curtly asks as she continues to cut into the meat. She doesn’t even want to look at you.

“Because I wanted to see you.” You say easily when you come beside her, looking at her handiwork and how clean it has become over the summer.

“That shocks me.”

“Why? I always want to see you, " you say softly as you look her over. She holds her composure, acting as if she's unbothered, and says nothing in response. You then look at her face harder, trying to have her look you in the eyes. You touch her shoulder softly to pull her attention.

She dramatically slams the knife into the wooden log, you gasp at the sudden noise, and she snaps her body to face you. She says, “Why are you even here? Clearly, you find Natalie better than me.”

You quickly reason, “I don’t think she’s better than you-”

“Then why did you pick her? I have been working my ass off and I do everything around here just like you, why Natalie fucking Scatorccio.” Shauna spat as her brown eye bore into yours as if she was holding herself back. Her hands curled into tight fists as she took breaths in like an enraged bull.

“I picked her, Shauna,” you say as you put your hands on Shauna’s arms and look into her eyes as softly as you can. “Because you are pregnant. I didn’t want to add to the endless list of stresses on you right now.”

Shauna takes in your words, and her eyebrow furrows, offended.

“Shauna, I don’t want something bad to happen. God forbid, if you had a miscarriage,” You stopped yourself as you moved a loose hair of hers behind her ear, you didn’t want to say it outloud. “I need to get us to safety so you can get an abortion in a clinic with a professional. Or have them if you want, but you need to have a professional, either way, Shauna. And I will be right there for you the whole time. I just can’t put more stress on your body than it already has.”

Shauna's eyes softened at the words as she let herself take your affection; she was melting from her cold rage. You added a lie: “I only picked Natalie because she was the second option. And I know that you will guide the others like you are now. Please, don’t think I didn’t want you as the leader or that I like Natalie more than you.”

Shauna’s lip quirked softly as she looked to the ground, unconvinced but enjoying the praise.

“Shauna, you're my best friend, I would always pick you. But, it’s not the right time.” You concluded as she rested her hands on your shoulders in a loose hug, looking into her brown eyes with almost a plea to be believed. You chuckle, “If it makes you feel any better, Jackie was definitely never going to get picked.”

Shauna laughed as she finally looked into your eyes, and she circled her arms around your waist. She pulls you into a hug and snuggles her nose into your neck.

“Do you hate me still?”

“Debating on it.” Shauna chuckled as she shook her head. She pulls away as she said, “You’re a dick still, but I still love you.”

“Yay!” You cheer as you hug her from behind, making both of you laugh.

After you and Shauna made up, Misty and Krystal came to you, telling you that everyone was going to bathe in the lake together and to go swimming for a bit. You both agree, knowing you both smell more than you can tell anymore, and head inside the cabin.

You and Shauna talk about nothing as you enter the cabin. You see Jackie alone by the attic ladder, as if she were about to go looking for the two of you.

You smile at her before she cuts in the conversation with her fists on her hips, “You’re finally going to tell me what the hell is going on.” Jackie says as she crosses her arms, her pout coming to her agitated face.

You pause as you look at her with a quirked eyebrow, “What?”

Jackie shook her head, annoyed, “No, not you. Shauna. What are you hiding from me? From us? (Y/n), Do you know what Shauna is hiding?”

You felt yourself almost vomit from anxiety inwardly as you kept your face surprised, “What are you talking about? Shauna?” You lie, you turn your face to look at Shauna. She looks at you softly as she looks down. She wasn’t mad that you lied because both of you knew Jackie would be even angrier if you had known before her.

“What? What are you talking about?” Shauna asked. Jackie shook her head unconvinced as she pursed her lips, “Jackie, nothing is going on.”

Jackie’s heart breaks silently as she nods her head, she bites her tongue, “Okay… Liar.”

Shauna rolls her eyes as she turns to walk past Jackie, who hasn’t even looked at you, as she runs to the ladder to stop Shauna. “No! No. You do not get to…” Jackie pleads as she tries to lift the ladder over to the attic. “Oh, my god! Why are these so heavy?”

You quietly lean in the doorway, concerned as you look on at Jackie's struggle, Shauna asks, “Are you done?”

“No! I’m not done!” Jackie yells back. Her temper is boiling over as tears brim in her hazel eyes, “You’re obviously hiding something from me, and it’s making me feel crazy!”

Shauna quiets as she crosses her arms slowly around her waist. You feel yourself looking at her with concern as you look back at Jackie.

“Remember when your parents first separated and you told us your dad wasn’t around as much because he got a new job as the president at Hello Kitty?” Jackie says as she talks with her hands, pointing a finger at Shauna. “That was more convincing than you’re being right now.”

Jackie comes close to Shauna’s face as she glances towards you and back to Shauna, Jackie pleads with her eyes and her wavering voice, “Shauna, I’ve seen you sneaking around and whispering with Taissa. Not to mention you acting all distant and weird for weeks, so… Spill.”

You look at Shauna as if you were expecting her to reveal something, as you try to calm your racing heart. Shauna just looks at Jackie with watery eyes and words dead in her throat.

“Are you really going to keep something from us out here?” Jackie pressed, her eyes almost breaking, and her voice becoming small. “What did I do? When did you want to stop being my best friend?”

You felt yourself want to sob as your lip quivered with Jackie’s, fat tears spilling from your eyes at the pain your best friend has been feeling in silence for weeks.

“I’m pregnant,” Shauna confesses as she looks to the ground. You felt your eyes become buggy as you gasped at her truth.

Jackie’s eyes widen and her jaw drops, “What?”

“Taissa figured it out when she caught me faking my period.”

“I mean…” Jackie says as she looks at you, and your face, stuck in a surprised expression, convinces her enough. “How—how did this happen?”

Shauan looks away and rolls her eyes softly as she jokes, “Well, when a man and a woman-”

“No!” Jackie scoffed, “I mean… You lost your virginity without telling me. W-with who?”

“Uh, Randy.”

“Randy?” Jackie asked in disbelief. She said it as you asked Shauna, “Randy Walsh?”

“Wow. Okay. Uh… okay.” Jackie accepts the reality given to her, “Virginity.” She chuckled as she felt hurt that Shauna didn’t tell her about losing it. Reminding you how angry she would be knowing about you, how shocked she would be to know it was Natalie fucking Scatorccio no less.

Shauna, ashamed, looks away from Jackie to the ground as Jackie nods her head, “Randy. Baby. I have a lot of questions. I mean-”

Jackie shut herself up to send a smile to Laura Lee, who came inside the cabin. You kept your eyes away from the scene to hide the tears.

“Don’t worry.” Jackie reassured as she grabs Shauna’s hands and looks into her eyes compassionately, “We’re going to get through this together.” She whispers as she smiles at Shauna. She melts all the tension in the air as she pulls Shauna into a hug.

You come into the hug like second nature as Jackie gently cups your cheek and wipes away your tears. “Jeez, (y/n)’s still such a crybaby.”

Everyone giggles for a moment as the tensions ease for just a moment.

The three of you found yourselves giggling and sitting on the forest floor, trying to have some privacy to talk about Shauna’s pregnancy. You weren’t talking about sex but about high school, rumors, and funny stories from parties and lunch table chatter that you couldn’t help but let yourself get consumed by.

“Soo…” Jackie smiles as she sits, hugging her knees. She looks at Shauna, waiting for her to spill her guts. “Tell me everything.”

“Yeah, Shauna, what was it like?” You asked as you looked on at the brunette. You push her shoulder playfully as you chuckle, “Was it any good?”

You may have known about Shauna’s pregnancy and the father of the child, but it didn’t mean Shauna told you any more than she had to. She never talked about where it was or when, how it was, or if she liked it. You didn’t dare to ask until now, probably having been freed of holding the secret.

Shauna shrugs her shoulders and looks down at a leaf that she was breaking, “I don’t know, uh… It was just this one time. It hurt a little. It only lasted, like, three minutes.’’

Jackie scoffs a laugh, “Oh, Randy.” She shook her head as she cringed at a thought, “Oh god, I can picture it now. Just- Like his little butt.” Jackie confessed as she pulled her hands out like she was cupping someone’s cheeks. Shauna laughs as she looks down. You laughed hard as you leaned against the log you all sat around, “Oh my god, not Randy ass!” You giggle.

“How big was he?” You asked Shauna with a smirk.

“I don’t know, uh,” Shauna says as she lets go of the leaf to use her hands as a measurement. She puts a space between them, around 4 inches, making everyone laugh more.

“When did this happen?” Jackie asks, looking over at you and sharing a look of confusion. “How could I have possibly missed this?”

“I have a life outside of you, you know.” Shauna retorts with a smile, teasing Jackie.

Which only makes Jackie chuckle and she throws a hand towards you, “You missed it too, right, you didn’t know she wasn’t a virgin.”

“Dude, I am just learning all of this with you.” You giggle at Jackie as the two of you look to Shauna, expecting her to say where.

“Uh, it was the night of Mari’s birthday party. You and Jeff bailed early, remember?” Shauna says, Jackie’s eyes widen with realization as she nods her head, Shauna adds, “And then I had too much Malibu and Milk-”

“Ew.” You say quickly with a shake of your head to the drink, at the same time Jackie says over you, “I told you to stop drinking that. And mostly because it’s disgusting, not because I thought it would lead to the conception of you and Randy Walsh’s love child.”

Shauna softly nodded her head as she said, “Duly noted.”

“Are you sure it was the night of Mari’s birthday party?” Jackie asked as her eyes looked away in thought, “Uh, ‘cause I could have sworn that was the night, I had to go back and give Randy a ride home ‘cause he puked in the pool.”

You laughed as you looked at Jackie, taking her attention for a moment as you lie for Shauna, “Jackie, Randy seems like the person to fuck someone and then puke in a pool.”

Jackie and Shauna chuckled. You then say, “Where did you have it then, Shauna? The pool shed, the bathroom, Mari’s room-” You widen your eyes as a burst of laughter comes from your lips, “Tell me you didn’t on Mari’s bed!”

Jackie rolls back her head in deep laughter, forgetting her train of thought as you planned, and Shauna looked like a deer in the headlights. She knows you are covering for her and helping her make a lie believable to tell. You both read each other's eyes in that moment, and you both knew what you said. We want to stay friends with Jackie; she doesn’t need to know the truth.

“Um, it was in the bathroom. I thought I was going to puke because of the milk, and Randy followed me… I don’t know, it was so fast and I didn’t know what to do, so I thought if I just wiped, you know-”

You cringe beside Jackie, “the jeez?” You say.

“Yeah, I thought if I peed and wiped good, I wouldn’t get pregnant. And, well, we’re here now..” Shauna says as she looks away from both of you, you can tell she was telling the truth in some ways in this moment. You guess Jeff and Shauna fucked that night, and they did it right under both of your noses. It made you feel disgusted by Shauna, but you tried to push that thought away. “We were pretty drunk, I guess. So much for making it special, right?”

“Right.” Jackie and you softly chuckle, unsure how to process the information. You looked over at Jackie, worried, when Shauna looked down. You told her that you were more worried about how she got pregnant. You felt yourself getting emotional again as you saw Jackie come to the same thought you had when you learned of it: fear.

“What are we gonna do, Shauna?” She asks in a now solemn mood, not knowing how much the two of you have talked about this. Not knowing the nights of anxiously whispering plans if something went wrong, or nights of talking Shauna down from a panic attack, or not knowing you promised you would be the one to hold Shauna’s hand if she gave birth, definitely not knowing you were holding Shauna while trying to have an abortion. You felt your body shake with anxiety.

You wanted to cry as you thought about all the lies piling up on Jackie and how betrayed she would be with you. You knew Jackie like the back of your hand; you've known her since kindergarten, and she will be hurt more by you hiding this secret than just having one. But Shauna would have been betrayed if you exposed her pregnancy or the fatherhood; she would never talk to you again.

“Honestly? I have no fucking clue.” Shauna confessed as she was about to cry to Jackie, Jackie puckered her lips and hugged Shauna. You leaned forward and joined in the hug, just like you always did.

“We’ll get through this together. Like always.” Jackie says as she rubs Shauna’s back. You nod your head as you try not to cry.

“I’m going to get help. We’re going to be okay.” You promise Shauna as you rub her back just like Jackie. You just want to keep your best friends, and you want them to be best friends. You refuse for this loving friendship to end, even for rightful reasons. You know you’re an asshole for it, but you couldn’t help but foolishly cling to the idea that everything will work out if you’re all together.

'21

You sit in your kitchen as a stylist circles you with a curler. Ashley, who was about 20ish, was kind enough as she styled your hair. Your publishing house requested that you give the book a "romantic" look because the panel will be livestreamed on a YouTube streaming service, as there are many talks about adapting romance novels into movies right now. You didn't want to pass up the chance to dress up and feel beautiful; you had done this before for your other novels. You sip your coffee as you scroll through your phone. Your publisher, Anderson, is on a call with you to prep for the panel, and Aimee, your assistant, has started sending out tweets from an iPad at the kitchen island.

The scene was a calm chaos and focused energy. You ask, "Okay, so just to ask again, is there a movie deal or what? Because I am hearing some things on Twitter-"

"Oh yeah, just be coy about it, act like you wouldn't be opposed, but you are open to doing one. Especially because you're the only explicitly queer author on the panel, I think it will give you an edge if their basing it on attention."

You smile as Ahsley walks in front of you as she starts to curl your bangs, "Okay, okay, I'll see you at the event. I already want a nap." You joke as you sip your coffee again.

Anderson chuckles on the other end of the phone as he says, "See you at 10, and I'll give you some cards."

You chuckle and say before you hang up, "Thank you."

Ashley smiles at you as she lifts a lock of hair in the air, "You're hair is so beautiful and healthy."

You smile at her again and feel some blush come to your cheeks, and it's been a while since someone complimented you like that, "Oh! Thank you!"

She nods as she continues to work on your hair; it smells of expensive perfume.

Aimee walks beside you with the iPad and asks as she presents a tweet, "Is this good?"

You glance over the post, and you nod your head, "Yes, good job."

Aimee smiles and pauses, putting a hand on your shoulder, "You doing okay? Nervous?"

You shake your head softly, not to disturb the stylist, "I'm doing okay. Nervous always before a panel, but I am not spiraling... yet."

Aimee laughs and rubs your shoulder before she leaves to go back to her chair, "Oh, by the way, happy late birthday. I was away on vacation, and you haven't called me since last April. I completely forgot to call."

You look at her again with a smile, you roll your eyes, "It's so okay, don't worry about it. I'm 43 now, it's not like I threw a birthday party."

Aimee gasps as she gets in the chair, "What? You're not ancient, you can still have a birthday party."

"I know, but I don't have any kids or a spouse, so I kind of just get cake with my dad and get a yummy dinner." You said with a smile, and Ashley paused as she finished the front of your hair. "Honestly, I have had way worse birthdays. I'm grateful for my quiet one. I love when people remember it, though, thank you, Aimee."

Ashley looks at you as she lifts the hair behind your head, gulps a little as she looks at the thick pink scar on your neck, "I don't mean to be rude, but what happened to your neck? I noticed you had scars on your scalp. Did you have a car crash?"

You pause as you glace behind, you felt like the wind as been sucked out of you, "Yeah, pretty much like that. I had a lot of surgeries for my neck."

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Aimee gets up to answer the door for you as you try to catch your breath. You say softly to Ashley, "Make sure it's covered. It's a little distracting."

"I'm sorry, I was only curious. Your hair is so thick it hides everything." She says as she keeps working on your hair. You want to peel your skin off as you feel her fingers run through your hair.

Aimee comes back into the room with a blooming smile, holding a huge, colorful bouquet and a jar of honey. The jar had a note attached with a purple string, and a thick piece of honeycomb was inside. "This was delivered for you! It's so sweet!" Aimee gushed as she placed the items in front of you on the table.

You blink for a moment as you shift in your chair. You felt a cold chill go down your spine as you grabbed the jar of honey. You pulled the note, as if it were the only thing that could soothe the itching in your soul.

Best blessings to your panel and for your good health, babe. Love 🖤

You blink slowly as you put the jar back on the table. You don't even look at the items. You lean back in your chair and drift away from the sounds of Aimee talking; you let Ashley finish her job on your hair. You didn't want to feel like this.

"Who was at the door?"

"Some handsome fellow with a purple outfit. I think he was just a deliverer. He didn't say anything when he handed them to me."

You didn't want to think about it too much. You just take the answer Aimee gives you.

‘96

After everyone came back from the beach, they decided to forage for some food tonight in case people were leaving the next day. You agreed, as it was about 6, and all that everyone had to eat for dinner was two small gray fish, split between 18. Everyone teamed up to look in different areas. The river for berries, the forest by the plane for nuts, and the brook for Labrador Tea leaves and Mushrooms. You decided to go to the brook for some quiet after your intense few hours.

Lottie smiles as she volunteers to come with you. She links her arm with yours while everyone else teams up on their own. Misty looked a little upset when Lottie spoke before her, but she went along with Mari and Akiliah to look for Nuts. Lottie smiles at you as the two of you walk towards the brook. She tells her about another vision or daydream, as she has for weeks now.

Honestly, it was nice to talk about anything other than lulling dread or the needs of the others, just silly things like daydreams and dreams.

She tells you she saw a tree that waved to her, and a bird flew out. She believes it means we will leave soon, as if the wilderness is saying goodbye. You tell her that you think that would be good, but the wilderness is more devious than that.

“What do you mean? The wilderness has been kind to us so far.”

“Yeah, because we have a cabin and it’s the summer. We’re not going to think it is so kind in the winter, Lottie. I know I will be bitching the whole time because I didn’t pack for the cold.”

Lottie chuckled and shook her head, “You need to have hope, the wilderness gives me hope. It’s providing for us while people are searching for us.”

You nod your head in thought, becoming quiet as the wind blows in the leaves, making the leaves fall to the ground. “It could be the summer saying goodbye, you know.”

Lottie nodded her head and said, “Maybe, but I have a good feeling about this one.”

You stop as the crisp breeze blows over your face. It's cold and fresh, with a scent of pine. “You are right, though. We’ve done well so far because of how kind it has been. We haven’t even come across a bear or wolves yet, heard them? Yes, but they haven’t even come our way.”

“Why’d you do that?” Lottie asks as she stares at you in wonder, scanning over your face. She stopped moving when you stilled for the breeze, her wavy brown hair flows softly in the wind.

“What? The animals?”

“No, why did you stop just now?”

“Uh,” You say as you blink for a second, trying to understand her behavior, “I wanted to hear the wilderness.”

“What do you mean?” Lottie asks you as she hangs onto every word that comes from your lips, like it is something important.

“I was talking badly about the wilderness, and I heard the breeze, and it made me think. I knew the wilderness heard me, so I listened to the wilderness. It hasn’t been all bad; it was like reminding me,” you explain, confused why Lottie needed you to explain, a pause, confused why she looked at you so intensely.

“See?” She says as she points at you, stepping closer as she comes to your face, “You hear it, don’t you?”

You step back as you let her come to you, you just look at her and nod. “Yeah, everyone hears the breeze.”

Lottie chuckles as she comes up to your face, kissing your lips unexpectedly. You gasp into the kiss as she cups her hands around your neck, locking you inside the kiss.

You desperately try to breathe, but Lottie surrounds your face to connect her lips. She was obsessed with the feeling. Electricity.

”Lottie!” You gasp as you try to take a breath, and you feel your back pushed to the ground. You fell to the ground with a soft thud, and you looked up at Lottie as she hovered over you. She pants as she looks over at you with lust.

You felt yourself take a deep breath as you were about to speak, but you felt yourself locked in her gaze. You felt tingling in your body and heat building within you as Lottie dropped to her knees towering over you, she asks, “You feel it, don’t you? How free it feels.”

She rubs her hands over your shoulders as she takes a deep breath of you in, her eyes half closed. Lottie runs her hand down your shoulder to your breast, a moan leaves you without you realizing what you were doing, as she rambles, “It feels good out here. No judgments or sins here. No one to tell us it’s wrong just to be and exist as God made us. Just love and want, need. I think that’s what it wants. Something greater than me or you. It wants us to be closer.” She snaps her head up and kisses you as her knee is between your legs, a gasp escapes your lips as you kiss her back.

You lean forward in hunger as your lips smack against hers; you want to taste her. You wanted to know what Lottie’s lips felt like and how it felt to be… desired? Lusted after? Wanted? Needed? It didn’t matter anymore. You just knew you wanted it.

You moaned into Lottie’s lips as she snuggles her body closer into yours, her hands groping your breasts possessively as she kisses your lips. Her top teeth catch your lower lip as she kisses the fatty flesh with a smirk in her kiss, she pulls another soft groan into the air.

She pulls away with dramatic pants as she growls lowly to you, “I want to hear all the sounds you make.”

You pant as you scan your eyes over her face as you say, “Lottie, Touch me-”

A sudden snap of a branch made the pair of you scramble away to straighten your clothes and hair; panic rushed through you as you saw a curl of blonde hair bounce closer to the two of you.

Misty was walking down the same path, as she was looking at her shoes, you correct yourself as Misty snaps her head up, “Oh! I didn’t see you guys there- I wanted to help look around. Mari is such a drag.” She cheers and animates her face a bit too much for you to believe her.

Lottie’s back was turned to both of you, and you could feel the anger steaming from her. As you came closer to Misty, you said, “Oh! Good! I was wondering when you were going to show up.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you are the best at finding things, Misty.” You say as you try not to let the blush on your cheeks, “You are the best at finding mushrooms; we haven’t had any luck so far.”

Lottie turns and looks at neither of you, and she softly bumps into Misty. She states, “I’m getting lightheaded.”

You just watch as Lottie leaves. Misty scoffs at the shoulder check as she looks at Lottie's retreating. You yell to Lottie’s, “Not cool!”

“Sorry, Misty, you didn’t deserve that; it’s not your fault we can’t find anything.” You say as you look at a defeated Misty. She almost starts to cry as she looks down at the dirt.

“I-I’m sorry! I’m not wanted, I’m sorry!” Misty blurts as she starts to sob. You quickly rub her back as you feel yourself inwardly sigh. You reassure, “No, no, it’s okay! I want you here!”

Misty shivers as she lets out soft, whimpering sobs. She leans into your body, landing on your chest. She says, “I don’t know why I’m so unlovable!”

“Misty, stop, please don’t think that!” You pat her back as you try to hug her back, “You’re not unlovable!”

“Why is everyone so mean to me? I haven’t done anything.” Misty cries as she wipes her eyes, calming down as you comfort her. Almost too quickly in your mind.

“You’re just an easy target, you don’t fight back.” You say as you pull her from your body to look at her, “I don’t get bullied, and I am the fattest in our class, why don’t I get bullied? I fight back. It’s not your fault you're small or quiet, but you make it easy when you don’t hit them back with something to hurt their feelings.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, like, when Mari says something bitchy or anyone, you hit them back with, “At least my pussy doesn’t stink up the room.””

Misty scoffs a laugh as she hits your shoulder, “I can’t say that!”

“Sure, you can. You just need to stand up for yourself, and I promise to make sure they're not on your back. You know, you can come and tell me anything, right?”

Misty nods her head and smiles widely, “Thank you, and yes, I know I can come to you with anything.”

Misty and you collected as many dried Labrador tea leaves from the almost dead bushes, and as many mushrooms as you could find. You haven’t had much luck yet. You and Misty talked and separated to scope the area more. You giggled as you asked, “Okay, so please be honest with me.”

Misty knelt on the ground as she picked up the small mushrooms that were used for Ben’s medicine. She told you they were called Honey Mushrooms and could be used for pain. You were looking for Chanterelles, which were, oddly enough, common in the woods you live in. “Okay, bestie, I’ll always be honest with you.” She smiles as she plucks the fungi from their root.

“What is the deal with Coach Ben?” You asked as you looked around the roots of the trees around you. Trying to see any yellow or orange hues to clue you in to where the mushrooms would be.

Misty blushes deep red as she pushes her glasses up in her signature way, and she shakes her head, “Nothing.”

You giggled as you turned to look at her for a moment, you are acting like you have been friends with her for years in the moment of comfort, “Nothing? Sure, girl, spill.”

Misty sighs as she tries to stop the smile from spreading to her lips. She hides her cheek for a moment as she stands up, “I-i don’t know. I know he wants me back, and I want him more than anything-”

“Whoa, easy killer!” You hold up your palm as you look at her in shock, “What do you mean you know he wants you back?”

“He told me not to tell anyone, but,” She says as she looks at you like you were now in on her dirty secret, “He told me he liked me back but because he’s a teacher and I’m not 18 yet that we have to wait until we are rescued.”

You look at her for a moment in shock as you think about whether this happened and if that was something Coach Ben would ever say to her. You couldn’t make yourself believe that Coach would say that to her unless it were to make her stop her advances. You blink slowly as you nod, “Okay… Okay. But you can’t be seriously going after a 28-year-old? He is such a loser if he was trying to be with a teenager, you know.”

“I know, but he makes me feel special. He’s not a loser, he just thinks I’m mature for my age.” Misty smiles softly as she walks a little bit to kneel again to pick more mushrooms. “That’s why I’m getting these for him. I don’t want him to be in pain. I’m stocking up everything for him to have medicine before we leave tomorrow.”

You turn to her in shock as you ask, “You’re coming with us tomorrow?”

“I’m going with you. You’re my friend, and friends stick together.” Misty states as fact that she looks up to you and smiles.

You smiled back as you felt your heart melt at how sincere she was about you being her friend and needing to make sure you two stuck together. You nodded as you could help but feel loved in this moment by Misty. A little bad in a way that she thinks of you as her best friend and you think of her a your weird friend. You felt yourself grow more room for her in your heart as the two of you talked about birds, her favorite topic.

After, the two of you walk back to the cabin in good spirits. You felt at ease with the drama going on around you after your needed distraction with Misty. Shauna’s baby and Jackie learning, your lying, the Natalie situation, and the growing situation with Lottie.

As you are walking down the trail, both you and Misty discover a great find. On the oak tree's backside, off the trail, there were three huge Chicken of the Woods on it. The yellowish hue and smell of meat came from it, and you both happily giggled at the find. You and she help each other reach the bracket-like growth that was too high for both of you. You used a stick, and Misty caught the large bulb of the mushroom. It was enough that everyone with the berries and little dried fish would be full tonight for the first time in weeks.

When you and Misty finally had the last mushroom harvested, you heard a sniffling from behind you. You turn yourself around and you see a small lantern in the distance, a soft sobbing going off in the background. You don’t even listen to the excited yapping of Misty as you try to piece together who was there. Something within you told you that you already knew who it was.

You take off your foraging bag and hand it to Misty. You say softly, “Bring it home, and I’ll be right back-”

“Where are you going?” Misty asks, a crinkle in her brow. She didn’t want you to leave yet. Your urgency made your legs move.

“I have to see what's going on over there, do you hear that?” You ask as you start heading towards the light, “I’ll be right behind you. I can’t wait to eat that!”

Misty almost stands still as she watches you leave. She holds your bag in her fist as she turns in the direction you were heading.

You march into the woods to the sounds of crying, which gets louder and louder as you get closer. You come to find yourself recognizing those cries. You knew who was crying.

“Jackie?” You asked as you circled a tree that hid her from view; a low, sobbing sound was leading you to the back of the tree. Jackie, sitting against the tree, covers her mouth as she is sobbing into her palm, fat tears rolling down her cheeks, a red leather-bound journal lying on her lap. It was Shauna’s journal.

“Jackie? What's wrong?” You ask as you come closer to Jackie, kneeling beside her and touching her shoulder.

Jackie doesn’t speak as she weils into her palm as she leans forward into your arms. She is shivering and shaking, and she could stop her sobbing. You pull her into your arms as you rub her back, and you can’t help but know why she was crying. She knew Jeff was the father of Shauna’s baby. You don’t know if she knows you know, but you need to do whatever you can to save face.

“Jackie, please-”

“I don’t wanna live anymore! I can’t keep going-” Jackie weils hysterically into your chest as she fists the fabric of your flannel, she sobs, “I don’t want to live anymore- why?!”

You couldn’t help but feel tears come to your eyes at her words, at the helplessness and the heartbreak, “Don’t say that! Jackie, what is going on?”

She sobbed harder as she covered her eyes with her shaking palm, her lips curled in an ugly cry. Jackie whimpers out, “Shauna-Shauna is lying to us.”

“What?”

“Shauna is a liar! I knew it! I fucking knew she was hiding more then she said!” She ranted as she became animated, she pulled her hands off her face to grab the journal, she pointed her finger as she sobbed, “Randy’s not the father! Jeff is!”

You widen your eyes that she knows now, and she found out on her own in Shauna’s journal. You don’t know what Shauna said in it or what she said about you knowing, but you know in this moment, you need to keep the lie going.

“What?!”

“Yeah, as i guessed, she fucking lied to you too! You were asking about the Randy thing, and I remembered both her and Jeff-” She sobbed as she crumbled into her hands, “left for a while-oh god!”

You pause as you remember. There was a moment when they were gone for a long time at Mari’s birthday party. When they changed into their swimsuits. Shauna left to go to Mari’s bedroom bathroom, and Jeff went to the basement. You and Jackie sat together and talked and talked, even swam, before the two of them came back. Now that I think about it, Shauna came in just a few minutes before Jeff. And he was quiet the whole night. You wanted to bag. She did it right under both of your noses and neither of you suspected a thing. Shauna could have done that a million times under both of your noses without you noticing, because the two of you trusted Shauna with your whole hearts, and she used it to her advantage. In this moment, you know it isn’t about Jeff or even the cheating; it's the fact that it was Shauna, out of anyone.

“No-”

“Yes, (y/n), Shauna fucked Jeff.” Jackie hissed as she slammed the journal closed, as she couldn’t stop the river of tears leaking out of her eyes. Her lip quivered as she collected her thoughts that ran circles in her mind. You blink a few times before you scooch closer to her and wrap your arms around her shivering form.

“I don’t know what to do.” Jackie sobs into your shoulder as she clings onto your body, “I don’t want to live anymore.”

‘21

You giggle in your hand as the other women on the panel laugh at the joke, the author, Amanda Lister, answers, “I mean, who doesn’t want to have a man who is a supernatural fuckboy?”

“I don’t.” You cut in on the mic, making the room roar with another wave of laughter. You snicker to yourself as you sip on your second coffee of the day. “I think the answer is who doesn’t want to be sucked on by a vampire.”

You felt yourself sigh inwardly with relief at how smoothly the panel was going, the flow of the conversations, and the openness of the other women when they spoke about experiences that inspired their stories. It felt welcoming and kind, and you felt yourself being as much yourself as you can let.

The line of fans was long at one point, but now it only had three people standing, with impatience on their faces, smiles on two, but the one in the middle looked flushed. You mentally noted the middle-aged stout woman, but you smiled at the young woman who now stood at the mic.

“HI! I am Abby, and I am your biggest fan (Mother’s name) Taylor!” The young woman beams with a smile as she makes eye contact with you. She almost shakes as she asks, “Do you have plans for making any movies based on your Mushroom Circle series? Also, the political lore and the fairy world were so well-developed and thought through. Was there any inspiration for your world of Earirdal? I love Mushroom Circle so much and it’s inspired me to write my own Fantasy novel!”

You still have a hard time recognizing when someone uses your Pen name, your mother's name, and Jackie’s last name as your own sometimes. It makes you pause before you can fully process the words the fan said.

You felt a bloom of warmth spread in your chest as a wide grin grew on your lips, “Thank you for the question! Um, I wouldn’t be against it, but I would need a lot of control to make sure they represent the fantasy of Earirdal. My main inspiration was Tolkien and, of course, Game of Thrones for the political underlying to every event.” You ranted as you rubbed your fingers together and you flipped your hair, your neck ached in the back of it, “I love your enithuaim! You’re so adorable, if you ever get published, send it my way!”

Abby glowed with a blush as she nodded her head. She says into the mic before leaving, “Love you!”

“Love you too!” You call back to the fan with a big smile. The stout middle-aged red-faced woman comes to the mic, abruptly and loud,“I have a question for you too, (Mother’s name)!”

You smile and nod to the woman, “Yes, ma'am?”

“Okay, so, I wanted to ask if you had any influence in your real life on your stories?” The red-faced bullet-chested woman asked with no enthusiasm. She almost asked, as if she wanted to provoke you in some way, narrowing her eyes at you and crossing her arms, standing dominantly. “Blood Oath, Mushroom Circle, and Three Wishes?”

You pause for a moment and smile, you say, “Yes, and no. I would say I have been most inspired by my own romances throughout my life and, you know, fantasies.”

“You said once you were inspired by your teenage years for your stories,” She asks into the mic, and it almost makes you feel cut off.

You can tell from the looks on the people in the audience's faces that cringe at her boisterous voice, an almost collective tension building among the middle-aged women. Her voice had the quality of someone who is strained from yelling but it was her resting pitch. It put you on edge like she was going burst out into a scream any moment. You pause as you narrow your eyes at her, not understanding what she meant.

“I have?” You asked into the mic as you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. You now notice how the woman didn’t introduce herself, or how unkind she was. It felt like you were in trouble, but you didn’t know how or why.

The other panelists were on the edge of their seats at the strange fan interaction. The three other women almost leaned forward to cut in and make the woman leave, but there wasn’t anything too offensive yet to make it acceptable.

The blonde woman bluntly stated, “Didn’t you on Febuary 1998, have a craniotomy, anterior cervical discectomy and fusion, and facial reconstruction? And, in your first panel for Blood Oath, you said you were heavily inspired by that to write your novel?”

You felt your heart drop to your stomach at the memory of your medical treatment in ‘98 and ‘99, you felt internally like you were going to cry, but you kept a flippant attitude, “Uh, What ma'am?”

“In your first Q&A, you said your time in the hospital was your biggest inspiration.” She states with almost a drawl to it, you couldn’t place if she's drunk or too self-righteous.

“Oh, okay, well, I got the idea for a Lesbian Vampire story-”

“I’ll stop you right there-”

“Miss, can you please let her speak?” Amanda Lister cuts into the mic with scathing eyes. “She has the right to answer your question.”

You pause as you look at Amanda and back at the woman on the microphone, “I came up with the idea in the hospital because I was there for two years.”

“Well, no!” The woman snaps as she waves her arms out and points them to her flopping buxom chest, her mouth wide open as she demands, “You told me in 2011 that it’s because of your surgeries, and you have proven yourself an immoral person that wants to corrupt others with Satan!”

“I told you this?” You blurt out with wide eyes in shock, you can’t even believe she was saying this to you right now. She is fucking crazy.

“Are you completely insane? What in the fuck are you talking about?” Fiona Misture, the author on the other end of the table, snapped into the microphone as the host tried to get security to pull the lady away from it.

You snapped back to the back of your chair in shock, you couldn’t help but gasp at her words out of nowhere, and in this moment, after all the adoring fans, it took you aback with feelings of being an outcast. It felt like the spotlight was solely on you, and the sound of your heartbeat in your neck started to cloud your hearing.“Uh-”

“Uh-” She mocked as she looked at you as she stabs daggers into you, her thin lip quivers, “For your second Blood Oath Novel, did you not write, 'A kiss is the start of cannibalism’? You weren’t inspired by your time as a Yellowjackets survivor as inspiration? Did you like the taste of human meat?”

“How disgusting are you to bring up her trauma like that? She wrote a story about a Vampire and a girl dying of cancer?” Amanda Lister is defending you on your behalf, as she points to the woman. The crowd is now wild, with people yelling at the woman and calling out to the authors on the panel, “Shame on you!”

You felt your heart sink to your stomach as you realized everyone in the room knew about the incident. They knew your real name. If they didn’t before, they will now. You slowly close your eyes and rub your forehead to ward off a headache approaching.

“Shame on all of you! You are glorifized Pornstars! And, (Y/n) (L/n), Not (Mother’s name) Taylor, is a fucking cannibal and is trying currupt the youth of america! My daughter is now a lesbian because of your books, and you can’t stop it, can you? You ate your friends, didn’t you! Why can’t they find their bodies!? YOU’RE A FUCKING CANNIBAL! SATANIC MURDER!”

You're frozen in your seat as the crowd goes into chaos, the woman continuing with her rant. You felt completely at a loss as your worst fear came true, and you were confronted with the truth. Religious psychosis was the liquor of choice the woman had before coming into the panel room.

You flinch as you look away from the woman, the scar on the back of your neck ached.

She wasn’t wrong.

“How fucking disgusting are you?” Fiona Misture yelled at the woman.

A soft giggling behind your ear, you felt your ear flinch at the ghostly Jackie whisper, “Who would imagine that? Someone finally asked about my remains.”

You felt a wind of anger come over you as you leaned back to speak to her as security came into the room, “I am not a cannibal. I explained my story during my recovery from my craniotomy, about the yellowjackets, with half my skull deattached to my head-”

“You were ordained a medical miracle! God saved you, and you still chose to be evil! You wasted it to spend homosexuality to the masses-”

“Ma’am, I don’t know what you want me to say?” You snapped, yelling, at the woman as your eyebrow raised as the others in the room completely came undone with anger, “I was gay when I saved? I was gay during my time in the wilderness, and I was gay when I was a child. God saved me after I did, in your eyes, unforgivable. Isn’t that a good thing? The everlasting love of god? You’re saying god didn’t save me-”

“You took your chance to be saved and wasted it on making this smut!” The woman yells as the two thick men come up behind her and grab onto her shoulders to escort her out of the room. “FUCKING MURDER!”

“Ma’am, I don’t need to defend myself because I’ve already explained 25 years ago what happened to me and my friends! I’ll be praying for you and keep you in my thoughts, but I didn’t turn your daughter gay. I guess that makes me a murder.” You say as you wrathfully take a breath in.

The audience roars with laughter. The crowd cheered happily as the woman was being dragged away from the mic.

The middle-aged woman struggled with the officers who were pulling her away from the room. Amenda Lister yells into the crowd, “Get that bitch out here! Karen!”

The crowd then chants “Karen” to the woman as she is being pulled out of the room. People stand from their seats to get a glance at what is happening, and others cringe in their seats as they look at the panel table. The host calls out to settle the crowd, and the poor teenager who had been behind the woman now returns to her seat, pressured to silence herself so as not to cause more chaos. It has become a whole spectacle.

You wanted to sob as everything you thought was going to happen had now happened, but you kept a calm and nonchalant face as best you could, as there was a mocking giggling behind you.

“Crybaby.”

The distant sounds of people walking and talking at the convention could be heard echoing in the service's private bathroom. After the panel, people were praising you for remaining kind, even though you didn’t feel that way, and the other authors asked about the yellowjackets situation a few too many times. You ran away as soon as you could slip away from your fellow authors, feeling like you had ruined the event by simply being there and feeling like a failure.

You sit on the toilet in the private bathroom with your hands covering your face as you heave sobs out of your gut. Your lips curled ugly as snot collect at the bottom of your nostrils, your body shakes pathetically in its seat.

No matter what you did, you couldn’t outrun your past.

No matter how far or how much you did. You were always a yellowjacket.

You were always a girl lost in the woods.

A girl that ate her friends.

You could hear your pitiable sobs and cringe at yourself. You hated yourself in this moment. How vunderable you felt in your skin in the cold bathroom. Your phone vibrates violently yet again with another call from your publisher or your assistant, but you couldn’t bare to look at the phone. You know, there's a clip of you telling the woman off that's already making its rounds on BookTok and Twitter because of how hysterical the woman was and how calm you kept yourself. You couldn’t bare to see how people are reacting to it all. I mean, who wouldn’t watch a clip of a woman calling someone a cannibal for a vampire book.

You were notified of at least 80 tweets before you put your Twitter on DO NOT DISTURB. You couldn’t pull yourself out of this hopeless spot, you couldn’t stop hearing Jackie’s voice lately, and hearing her earlier only added to your grief in this moment.

You felt your phone vibrate again, and you growled in frustration. You girlishly whine as you pull your phone out of your purse. You see that you have missed a few calls from your publisher, but it was actually Natalie spamming you right now.

Before you could answer it, she hung up again. She had called you four times now. She sends you a text before you can look away from your bright screen.

Natalie: ANWSER THE DAMN PHONE You: I’m busy rn You: What? Natalie: We got the fucker. Meet me here at 10. Don’t be late. Natalie: We’re going to get this blackmailer even if we have to hunt them down for answers. You: Got it 👍

Hunt

Your eyes lock onto the single word in the blue text box. You couldn’t help but feel a pale sweat collect on your forehead as you felt yourself almost be pushed inside your body like you were watching real life through glass.

You weren’t here, were you?

You shouldn’t be here.

You felt your eyes staring at your reflection through the black screen. You've seen your crazed face. You see the feral rage inside your tearful eyes as your hands shake with the intensity building inside of you. You could hear your heartbeat in your eardrums.

You slowly move your gaze from your phone to the mirror that faces you in the small bathroom. It covered most of the wall.

Staring back at you was youth. You seen your wrinkle free face with color still in it, your overweight body, your hair style in its way of the 90s. You were a kid again.

You weren’t 43 anymore, you were just a kid again in the mirror.

You didn’t even blink as you collect yourself from your panic. It’s not real. It’s not real.

You slowly stood up from the toilet and walked towards the sink. You turn on the faucet, not caring about your makeup in this moment, and you lean forward to splash cold water on your cheeks.

A breeze comes from the bottom of the door and crawls up your ankle.

You felt it before you could look back up. You knew it was with you in the room.

You look back at only branches and lime-green leaves.

A smiling birch tree stands behind you, its curves of a womanly form towering above you from its height. It was almost crouching to fit inside the tiny room with you. The being moved slightly like it rushed inside behind you, the rustling of the leaves, and the sound of small nutlets falling onto the porcelain floor. Before you could open your mouth to scream, the collection of twigs, which you assumed to be the Tree Woman’s hands, rushed in front of your eyes to blind you.

Le sang est toujours dû.

Her hands were really in front of your eyes. It didn’t feel like a hallucination or a moment lost in reality because of stress. The Tree woman who haunted your youth was behind you, wiggling her branches infront of your eyes, almost like she was going to press the wood into your eyesocket. Like she did all those years ago.

You snap your eyes closed painfully as your let your horror consume you.

“AHHH!!” You scream as you flail your arms out with balled fists. You wanted it to be away from you, you wanted to hurt it, you wanted it to go away.

You swing wildly into the air in front of you as you crunch your face to keep your eyes closed, and you hysterically sob. You punch out of fear at anything and everything.

Your fist connects with the porcelain sink, the door, the faucet, and finally, the flat surface of the mirrored all.

You didn’t care.

You kept swinging your mighty fist out of anger until you heard a crack in your knuckle.

You snap your eyes open to the feeling of the rush of warmth coming down your arm to your elbow. Your bloody fist held glass shards and pieces in the cracks of your skin, your fingers were abused and felt hot in your skin—a throbbing pulsing throughout your limb.

The mirror cracked down the middle, with shards still attached to the wall, and a few large pieces lay on the counter of the sink. You felt yourself pant in fear as you looked behind yourself, scared the creature would attack you while your vulnerable looking away, but nothing stood there. The mirror showed your modern face and body, the now stained clothes, and your mess of a face. The mirror shows reality now.

You blink at your crimson blood dripping down to the ground, and you quickly reach out for your purse. A present Jackie’s mother gave you after you graduated from college was a Kate Spade scarf that you tied to the handle of any purse you have. You quickly rip the fabric off your leather bag, and you start to pull out the big pieces of glass from your knuckles.

When it was enough for you to tie yourself up, you wrapped the scarf around your wounded hand and quickly tied it tightly on your palm. You will hold your bandage tight with your fingers, and you quickly leave the bathroom.

You needed to go home. You needed to leave before someone called about your screaming or the shuddering of glass; you couldn’t take it. You slip out into the service tunnel of the convention center, the same one you ran away into after the panel, and run out the exit door with reckless abandon.

You felt your blood drip onto the pavement as you stormed towards your car. You wiped away another tear that fell to your cheek. You now realized you had been sobbing the whole time as you rushed past some workers for the event. You hold your head down as you try to hide the tears and your bloody fist inside your pocket, and you rush away to your car.

Once you fling yourself into the driver's seat, you thrust your key into the ignition to leave the parking lot. You pause for a moment as you feel your body become overwhelmed with the pain and emotions you were bottling up in your body.

“Fuck!” You bellow into the metal walls of your car, your hand bleeding down the circular wheel as you grip it in a vise.

Why won’t it leave you alone?

‘96

You lie beside Jackie’s, now sleeping, body as you pet her blonde hair. You have been comforting her all night since she found out. You forced her to eat dinner and to try to sleep, and she softly cried into her pillows without the others noticing. Shauna tried to protest you sleeping downstairs, but you reasoned with her that the others want to spend more time with you before you leave tomorrow. Shauna seems annoyed at you, but you knew she would understand if she had heard Jackie earlier. She would understand why you didn’t want to be next to her after learning the extent of her cheating with Jeff went. So, you went downstairs to sleep next to Jackie for the night, and it seems to be nothing less than a restless night. You kiss her forehead lovingly as you move a hair behind her ear with care, you need to smoke a joint. You felt like a bomb ready to explode. A boiling pot spilling over.

You gently hold Jackie's head up as you lay her heavy head on the pillow, then slide out from under the blankets on the shared bed. You softly tiptoe away from the bed to your purse, hook the strap around your shoulder, and slip out the door as if it were second nature. Your purse was like your lifeline out here anymore. It held your journal, your little crumbles of jerky, your water bottle, and of course, your last pack of cigarettes and your bag of weed.

Since everyone knew you had it, they always asked for a smoke circle, and you would decline and tell them to save it for when we needed it. You shouldn’t have to explain that right now, you were in an emotionally hard place. This place made you feel trapped in your skin more than being marooned in the Canadian Rockies, and in this moment, you felt like smoking a small joint for yourself and journaling all your emotions. Journal a confession—a vomiting of something more than the little in your stomach.

You took your restless self down the trail towards the lake, you wanted to hear the waves and feel the breeze as you relaxed alone. You planted yourself on the sand with little care as you opened the bag and started to roll something for yourself.

The night was at the beginning of dusk as the moon lit up the evening. The darkness of the woods had grown normal, not scary, as the weeks marched on with no sign of rescue. The sounds of birds and small animals moving around, crickets loudly mating throughout the night, and lonely cicadas crying against a tree animate the autumn breeze.

You pulled your hair, now longer than you remember, into a claw clip. You put the joint behind your ear as you pull out your journal and pen. You settle yourself against the rock in the sand.

“Hey, what are you doing out there?” Lottie asks as she walks towards you from the trail, her arms crossed at the crisp air outside.

You paused as you softly sighed to yourself, you turned your head to face her and smiled at her like nothing is wrong, “Nothing much, just going to write in my journal. You want to sit with me?”

Lottie smiles as she sits next to you without a second thought. She hugs her knees and says, “I saw you leave and I wanted to see you again… I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

You felt yourself blush as you smiled at Lottie. You said, “Honestly, everyone has been talking to me today, and I can’t help but think about you too in the moments between.”

You did. Flashes of what the two of you were doing against the forest floor with her hands groping your breasts and her body connecting with yours in this intense way. It kept creeping into your mind.

Lottie's eyes soften as she looks over at you, a redness coming over her face and collarbone, as she scooches closer, “I have feelings for you. I’ve felt them ever since we kissed the first night in the cabin.”

You look at her with wide eyes as you couldn’t find words. You’ve never heard someone say that to you and mean it so sincerely as she looks back at you with bated breath. You haven’t had an opportunity to talk about your feelings, or even if you wanted to have something serious out in the wilderness, but as you look at her eyes wanting only for you to say the same, you don’t stop your lips. “I feel the same, Lottie.”

Lottie smiles as she moves her hand to your ear, pulling the joint from behind your ear, “What’s this, silly girl?”

You blush at the nickname and smile. You chuckle, “It’s a little joint. Wanna share?”

“You snuck off to smoke a joint? All alone?” Lottie asks as she hands the joint to you to light, and she's excited. You felt flattered by emotions and had never known what it was like for someone to have feelings for you, so you decided to just be yourself out of exhaustion. So, quietly, the two of you smoke on the small joint with small coughs, and the breeze whistles in the leaves.

You pause as you let the smoke leave your lungs; the rustling leave sounds like breathing to you. Like you blowing out the cloud from your body, the whistling was like the trees breathing with you. In sync like breathing in pace with the person beside you.

“You feel that too?” Lottie asks as she puts her hand on your arm, her fingers caressing your skin, her eyes bloodshot from the smoke. She leans towards your face as you stay still in your haze. “Yeah.” You say softly as you close your eyes, leaning into her warmth again.

Lottie looks on in wonder as a tingling sensation comes over her, the cold wind traveling up her arms. The goosebumps are a sign to Lottie.

The Wilderness approves of you, approves of the two of you in this moment alone. Lottie felt reassured as she came closer to your body.

Her hand snakes from your shoulder down to your breast, she feels the hardened bump from the wind, and she pinches your nipple.

Her shift movement left you no time to respond as you felt a wave of pleasure and pain come from your left breast, a gasp left your lips as Lottie crowded your face like she did earlier in the day. She comes into your face and asks, her hot breath hitting your lips, “Do you hear the wilderness, too?”

You yelp as her fingers keep your nipple in its grasp, she extends her hand to groping the whole of your breast. She toys with the nipple as she grips onto the fatty flesh, “Lottie-”

Lottie doesn’t wait until she pulls your nightgown collar down to expose your bra. Her finger traces the seam of lace as she then hooks the fabric down to see the soft flesh that lies beneath. Her breath hitches at the sight of your intimate body as she sinks her head down, her lips kissing down your collar to the mounds on your chest.

You gasped as you found your hands in Lottie’s brown hair, you looked up into the starry night sky in a lost haze at why she was touching you the way she was, but you couldn’t help but like it.

You liked the way she possessively grabbed onto your body, she claimed your breasts with her being. Lottie leaves wet kisses down your sternum to your breast. She opens her mouth and bites the sensitive flesh. Underneath was a purple mark lying in her wake. Her brown eyes look up to yours, a smirk coming to her lips as she craves more.

Her teeth caught the worn fabric of your nightgown, she pulls it completely off your breasts, now exposed to the autumn wind, your nipples harden, and your legs twitch in anticipation. You stare down at her in submission, your posture curled to her body in this moment as you let your legs wrap around her pelvis. A wetness collects in your panties as you feel your hips inadvertently roll against Lottie’s—the hem of the gown rides up your thighs as you feel goosebumps.

Lottie snaps back up to kiss your lips, giggling. You kiss her back with one on yours.

Lottie, out of breath, looks down at your breasts and back to your eyes, “I don’t know how someone could call this a sin, it feels so pure.” She says as she leans down and puts her lips around your nipple finally and started to suck.

Your back arched as you lay down on the sand, you let Lottie come over on top of you, she suckled onto your flesh like it was her lifeline back to reality.

You moan into your fist as you try to stay quiet in this intense moment of teeth and flesh, your other hand is wrapped in her dark curls as she moves her attention to your other neglected breast. Your body shakes under the pleasurable touches, the attention and worship Lottie was giving you; you couldn’t help but completely succumb to the want. Her hands roughly hold you down by your waist as her cheeks feel the softness of your breasts. She mumbles lustfully, against your chest, “I see it now. I see what we’re meant to be doing.”

You moan as you felt her hand travel down your stomach to touch your covered pussy. She feels your heat from your underwear. She can feel how ready you were. You gasp as Lottie pulls back so her face is in yours, “Don’t you feel it? The love that is all around us? What does the love of the wilderness wants us to have? It’ll set us free. No one to stop us, no parents, no fucking pills, nothing to stop us from each other now.” She rants, her eyes intense with lust and greed, she bears her teeth as she smiles, her hands come under the hem of your gown.

Your eyebrow scrunches as you lean your forehead against hers, you're gone in the lust of the moment, even to respond, your hands rubbing her shoulders as she readies herself to enter you with her slender fingers. “I want you, I want to own you solely, if the wilderness allows.” She vows as she studies the little changes of pleasure in your face.

You gasp as you hear her words, you don’t stop yourself as you try to push your hips against her fingers. You wanted her inside of you. You wanted her to claim you. You wanted her to claim you more than Natalie did. You wanted her never to leave you.

“Kiss me.” You demand in response, you pull Lottie by her hair back to your lips. You kiss her harshly as you roll your hips desperately to relieve the overwhelming sensation in your pants.

You feel her bite your lower lip as her hands possessively roam along your body. She caresses your sides like she had never felt something so soft before, she leaves the roundness of your hips with tender threading as she starts to pull your underwear down.

Lottie moves her lips down your neck, she kisses down your heart beat as she sucks onto the tender flesh wanting to mark you for herself. You moan openly into the air at the feeling of her lips against your flesh. You only wanted more and more.

Snap!

You gasp as you snap your head towards the woods. You see, in the distance, against a tree, someone is looking on at the two of you together in the sand. You and this person look at each other in the dark, you can’t make out anything other than the silhouette as they turn around and run away into the woods. Panic comes over you as you push Lottie back by her shoulders, “Lottie! Lottie! Get up, Someone was watching!”

Lottie doesn’t react as she kisses down your neck, she licks the sweat off your chin, “It doesn’t matter-”

“They’re going to tell everyone!”

Lottie says in a low whisper, “It doesn’t matter anymore, babe,” as she then sinks her teeth into your neck. She holds you down as you squirm away from her; she doesn’t care; she leaves a dark red mark on the left side of her neck. “It’s as it should have always been.”

You blink at her as you pant, you don’t know what to do. She doesn’t make any sense as she speaks in vague absolutes, as if the two of you in the sand were a part of some greater plan; you just look at her as she caresses the flesh. You felt numb and lost in this moment, “Lottie, they could be telling everyone.”

“Let them. What will they do? Reverse what has already happened?” She says with an almost cheerful chuckle, her eyes sharkle when they look up at yours. Her hands softly caress your sides as she says, “You’re right, though. We should head back before anyone makes a mess of this.”

You nodded, still lost in the moment as you slowly sat up. Your clothes hanging from your body made you realize the situation you were in, and you couldn’t help but feel foolish. You don’t even know what to say, but you knew you had to say, “I’m still leaving tomorrow.”

“Huh?” Lottie asked as she started to straighten out her shirt. She looks at you with a wide eye, “What did you say?”

“I’m still leaving tomorrow to find rescue… I know I have feelings for you, and I know that I still need to go.”

Lottie looks a little hurt, like this was her plan to stop you from going tomorrow, but she covered it up with a forced smile. “I know. I-” She pauses as she stops redressing herself, “I just have a bad feeling.”

“I do too. But, I have a bad feeling about staying too.”

Lottie looks at you for a moment as she moves her hand to caress your cheek, her thumb comforts your soft skin, “I’ll be praying for you. I’ll be here waiting for you, I won’t stop you, but I wanted you to know I cared about you.”

You stared into Lottie’s eyes for a moment as you let yourself feel the comfort of her hand. You lean your cheek into her hand. In the morning, you would be leaving, so you savor this moment. “Okay, thank you… I appreciate that, Lottie. A lot.”

You finally find yourself climbing up the ladder steps to the attic. It felt like it was two in the morning. You decided not to sleep next to Jackie because you didn’t want to wake her, and you didn’t want to sleep next to Lottie because you didn’t want to be convinced to stay in the morning. You wanted to find some rest before the big expedition. You hung your purse on your back as you crept up the attic. You saw Shauna sitting in her makeshift bed, quickly scribbling in her journal. Her shoes were muddy as she rested them off the side of her blankets, her bed shirt wrinkled as she took deep, angry breaths.

Jackie must have put it back without you noticing.

You felt Shauna’s brown eyes bore into your head as you came into the room. She had a scowl resting on her lip with bitterness as she asked, “What are you doing up here?”

“Going to bed, Shauna.” You sighed, bone-weary, as you came to your bed. You could see Shauna in the corner of your eye, just scowling away at you.

“Don’t you want to sleep with Jackie?” Shauna hissed as she kicked your makeshift bed beside her in anger.

You pause and purse your lips in frustration, “What?”

Shauna shot out of bed as she confronted you, her hot breath on your face; you were overwhelmed by the whole event. “You don’t want to be around me, just go away, (y/n).”

“Shauna, I’m so tired, stop it-”

“No! You want to sleep with Natalie, don’t you? You don’t even want to be here before you leave tomorrow, like I don’t even matter!” Shauna hissed in your face as she poked your chest, pushing you back a step with each point. She says to you with fire in her eyes, “Why are you running off with other people? Why aren’t you sleeping here tonight?”

“Shauna, stop! You are spiraling, everyone wanted to see me.” You reasoned as you held your hands out to Shauna, “I’m going tomorrow for you! For your baby, can’t you see that?”

“No, I don’t feel that! You’re just wanting to be everyone’s friend!” Shauna hissed at you as she came closer, now the second person today to get in your space and your face. Shauna grabs your chin as she looks into your eyes, “Where have you been? You weren’t downstairs?”

“I-” You try to speak but found yourself becoming overwhelmed, you held onto her shoulder to hold her back in this moment, “I was at the lake. I was journaling, a lot happened today.”

Shauna hums in response. She doesn’t believe you as she pulls your face to the side and scans over your skin, looking down. She sees on your sternum where the small purple mark Lottie left on your body was. Shauna almost growls as she asks, “Who did this? Huh? Did your journal give you this?”

Shauna points harshly at the lovebite. You couldn’t help but feel a rush of excitement come through you as Shauna grows jealous, as you didn’t come up with any words. You didn’t need to explain yourself. You only panted as Shauna grabbed you harshly on your shoulders, “You want to sleep with Natalie tonight?” she asked again, this time with a dangerous undertone lining the words.

You almost bit your lip as you whispered, “No. I’m okay here.”

You felt your heart beating in your neck as you looked on at Shauna’s angry lip quiver; you knew what she was going to do. You have done this a million times, it felt like.

Shauna grabs you from the back of your neck and pulls you into a hungry kiss, she puts her other hand on your back and to pulls you against her body. Your head was spinning as you leaned into the kiss without control, and you moaned into her lips. Shauna groans as she pulls the hair at the back of your head, as she possessively pulls you to the ground. “You’re my best friend.” She growls as she continues to attack your lips.

Your head was spinning from the lust and longing Lottie has for you, but Shauna’s makes you feel drunk. You liked the feeling of being desired. You loved it when many people desired you, you’ve discovered. Your body feels on fire as Shauna crawls over you, kissing your lips like she owns them.

“No one else is allowed to touch you like this, but me, got it?” She growls as she pulls you into her body, her legs wrap around your thigh on the ground. The sleepovers over the years have been known for this: Shauna or Jackie practicing on each other and you. Both wanted, and you knew from them the truth of your attraction, “(Y/n), Move your leg up.”

Note 2: Le sang est toujours dû means blood is still owed

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#yellowjackets #yellowjackets x reader #a certain hunger asks #a certain hunger #shauna shipman x reader #shauna shipman #taissa turner x reader #taissa turner #vanessa palmer x reader #Van Palmer #natalie scatorccio x reader #natalie scatorccio #jackie taylor x reader #jackie taylor #lottie matthews x reader #lottie matthews #laura lee

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