happysparklingshadows

[happysparklingshadows]

Sorry for my late chapters! The drama that I mentioned last chapter got worse and I had a little mental health episode but I think things are getting better so chapter will be rolling out soon sorry! The very emotionally charged chapters got a little heavy on my psyche!

[happysparklingshadows]

٠ ࣪⭑ suburban legends

‎pairing: clark kent x bombshell!reader (part two) (3.0K words)

summary: as one of the daily planet's most popular gossip column writers, clark is surprised to learn you're a genius when it comes to superman. he's also surprised to learn you aren't all heels and makeup..

so how do you react to finding out he's the superhero you're utterly obsessed with?

warnings & content: bombshell!reader, female reader, not technically bimbo reader but others assume so, clark is whipped from the start and somehow becomes more whipped, reader double majored in stats and journalism go smart girls go!

٠ ࣪⭑ this is a part two to mastermind! i hope you love this one as much as the first! // requests for clark are currently open!

If you would’ve asked anyone at the Daily Planet newsroom how long it would’ve taken for you and Clark Kent to get together, they would’ve said you already were. Of course Lois and Jimmy had made bets, too.

Lois was right. As usual.

It wasn’t that the two of you had been flirting exactly. Not in the obvious way. It was just the way Clark always found your favorite pen when it went missing. The way your desk was next to his, even though technically yours had been assigned across the room. The way you’d always pass him a post-it when he forgot his press badge, and he always brought you coffee without asking how you took it—because he already knew. He way he’d make a stupid joke and you’d laugh, or how his day visibly brightened when you gave him attention..

And now? Now that it was official? That you’d actually gone on a date and kissed him and fallen asleep on his shoulder during a movie you picked but didn’t finish? Well, nothing had really changed.

Except everything had.

“You two are disgusting,” Lois said, sipping her coffee without looking up. Seeing you two graze hands at the printer and blush several times a day was ingrained in her mind already. Not that she really minded.

“We’re not even touching,” you replied, flipping through your printouts.

“Exactly,” she deadpanned. “You’re radiating soft couple energy from opposite sides of the bullpen. It’s oppressive.”

Jimmy leaned over from his desk, whispering loudly, “Did you kiss him?”

You didn’t look up. “Jimmy.”

“I bet you kissed him.” You didn’t reply. “You totally kissed him.”

From across the room, Clark looked up from his monitor and smiled at you—that smile, the one that made your knees go funny even when you were sitting down. You tried very hard not to melt into your chair.

Lois sighed. “And that’s my cue to go find a real story.”

Jimmy leaned over again. “Was it good?” You picked up a rolled newspaper and bopped him on the head without breaking eye contact. “Worth it,” Jimmy grinned.

“Tell me,” Steve rolled over in his chair. “Is this the kind of story you’d post about in your column? About the date with the office nerd and how you out-nerd him on a day to day basis?”

You turned slowly toward Steve, eyebrow arched like you were deciding whether to laugh or end his entire career. But instead of firing back with something sharp, you just smiled. “No,” you said simply, voice calm. “Because it’s not gossip. It’s mine.”

Steve blinked, caught off guard by the sincerity. So was Jimmy, actually. Even Lois paused mid-step, glancing over her shoulder. Clark looked up from his desk, a soft crease forming between his brows. Like he wasn’t sure if he should step in or let you handle it. (Spoiler: you always handled it.)

You turned back to your laptop, fingers tapping at the keys. “Besides,” you added without looking up, “if I were going to write about someone in this office, it’d be the guy who still hasn’t figured out how to use the shared printer.”

Steve grumbled something under his breath and wheeled away.

“Real talk,” Cat interrupted. “What about that Superman article you were talking about posting?”

You perked up slightly, spinning your pen between your fingers as you leaned back in your chair. “It’s almost done. I just want to fine-tune some of the analysis. I added a new section on his flight patterns—based on the velocity shifts I tracked last week.”

Jimmy, now safely two desks away, visibly winced. “Please tell me you didn’t break into another security feed.”

You smiled innocently. “I prefer the term borrowed temporarily.”

Cat raised an eyebrow. “You’re seriously going to publish an article with that much math?”

“It’s not just math,” you said with a light shrug. “It’s data-backed storytelling. I’m not trying to make people fall asleep. I’m trying to show them the truth. That he’s not reckless. That there’s precision in what he does. There’s science to it. Intention.”

Clark’s pen slipped from his hand. You didn’t notice, but Cat did. And so did Lois, who appeared back in the room just in time to catch Clark doing the world’s worst job at pretending he wasn’t completely floored by you.

Cat smirked and turned back to you. “You’re something else.”

You glanced up, blinking. “Good something else or..?”

“Definitely good,” she said. Then, nodding toward Clark, “And clearly not going unnoticed.”

Clark, red-faced and trying to recover, coughed lightly. “I think it’s a great idea for a piece,” he said quickly. “The public could use more informed perspectives.”

“See? Clark gets it,” you folded your arms over your chest.

“Because he’s head over heels—” Jimmy was interrupted by Lois smacking him with a newspaper, making him swat her away like a fly.

You bit back a laugh, then glanced over at Clark. He was already watching you, a little dazed and dreamy, like someone who’d forgotten the rest of the world existed. The second your eyes met, he blinked and gave you a small wave, almost sheepish. And despite everything, despite the teasing and the headlines and the very real article on your desktop detailing Superman’s aerodynamics, you blushed.

Jimmy groaned. “Oh my god, you’re both twelve.”

But Lois just smiled quietly, sipping her coffee as she turned back toward her notes. Because for all the chaos and caffeine-fueled headlines, for all the alien invasions and metahuman drama, something in this newsroom had finally settled.

That night, you sat on Clark’s couch, laptop on your lap as your back rested comfortably against his side. His arm closest to you clung around your collarbones; the most gentle of headlocks. A loving one. Sure, you and Clark had only been on one date, but it didn’t feel like you needed more. 

Here you sat, Clark by your side in a sweatshirt and sweatpants. You, without makeup, hair undone, wearing one of his old shirts and your old sleep shorts, nothing else felt better.

Sure, getting dolled up every day was a true joy, and you wouldn’t have it any other way, but being so bare like this for Clark was something else.

It was a kind of quiet intimacy you hadn’t expected to come so easily. The kind that didn’t need fanfare or flowers or fancy dinners. Just shared space, shared warmth, and the soft brush of his thumb against your arm every few seconds—like he needed to remind himself you were really there.

Clark rested his chin lightly against your head, eyes half-lidded behind his glasses as the evening news murmured low from the TV. He wasn’t watching it. Neither were you. The screen of your laptop cast a soft glow over the both of you as your fingers idly tapped at the keyboard.

“You working?” he asked, his voice quiet, more vibration in his chest than sound in the air.

“Mhm,” you hummed. “Polishing the Superman piece. Just tweaking the structure a little.” You had paused, craning your neck to look back at Clark. “Do you think Perry will take this seriously?”

Being a gossip columnist was great until you wanted to post a story like this.

Clark tilted his head, looking down at you with that soft, thoughtful gaze he always seemed to wear when it came to you. His fingers gently brushed your arm in quiet reassurance.

“I think,” he said slowly, “Perry will read it twice. Once as your editor. And once as someone who knows you don’t write anything unless it matters.” You blinked at him. “And if he doesn’t,” Clark added, a small smile tugging at his lips, “I’ll talk to him.”

You let out a soft laugh, half-exasperated, half-grateful. “You don’t have to go full.. Superman on my editor.”

If you would’ve looked closer, you would’ve seen how Clark nearly flinched at the words. You were only joking. You didn’t know. Phew.

“I wouldn’t.” He shrugged, trying to play off the surprised look he was sure he just flashed. “Just full Clark Kent. Turns out he’s surprisingly persuasive.”

You rested your head against his chest again, the sound of his heartbeat calm and steady beneath your cheek. “I just want people to know what I see. That he’s—” You paused, smile curling at the edges of your mouth. “That he’s more than what they say. That all the things he does—how he calculates impact zones, how he measures air displacement to avoid hurting people—it’s all intentional. It’s all done with care.”

Clark’s hand found yours, fingers threading between yours. “Then write it,” he murmured. “Exactly like that. Exactly how you see it.”

You turned your hand over, palm to palm, your fingers curling softly around his. “You know, you’re the only story I never want to twist.”

He kissed your forehead gently. “And you’re the only reporter I’ve never tried to avoid.”

That was the night Clark decided he wanted to tell you the truth. About who he was, what he could do, where he came from. That he was Superman.

But how do you go about telling the woman you’re falling in love with that you have a double life? That you’re, to put it plainly, from another planet. That you’re the person she’s been fawning over for ages now. That’s not something to just admit over dinner.

It wasn’t the kind of thing you slipped in between bites of spaghetti or during commercial breaks on movie night. Not when you were sitting in his sweatshirt, warm and real and tucked into his side like you’d always been there. Not when you’d just told him—with so much gentleness and trust in your voice—that you didn’t want to twist his story.

Clark stared down at you that night as you drifted off, your fingers still lightly curled around his, laptop dimming to sleep on the coffee table. Your breath evened out. You sighed softly in your sleep. And he just watched. Heart full. Terrified.

Because the truth wasn’t just about who he was. It was about who you were becoming to him.

He’d had plenty of close calls. Plenty of maybe this is the moment conversations lined up, planned in the back of his head, rehearsed like a press briefing. But none of them had ever made it out. Because what if you looked at him differently? What if your voice changed when you said his name? What if you stopped smiling when you saw him flying overhead?

What if knowing he was Superman changed the way you saw Clark?

But that night—watching you there, curled up against him in a way that made his life feel smaller, sweeter, less lonely—he realized he wanted you to know him. All of him. The writer. The hero. The man who somehow, impossibly, was lucky enough to love you.

So no, it wouldn’t happen over dinner.

But it would happen.

Because if there was one person in the world he could trust with the truth, it was the one person who already saw him more clearly than anyone ever had.

Clark hadn’t meant to come straight to you. Not like this. Bloodied lip, bruised ribs, heat radiating off his skin like the fight was still clinging to him. He was supposed to be more careful. More invincible. He wasn’t supposed to scare you. He especially wasn’t supposed to tell you like this.

But the moment he stumbled onto your fire escape—barely hovering before collapsing onto the floor of your apartment—you didn’t panic. You didn’t scream. You didn’t even look surprised.

You looked concerned.

“Superman?” Your voice was soft, a whisper above the hum of the city below. You dropped to your knees beside him instantly, hands fluttering near his chest. “You’re hurt.” Your eyes scanned all over him worriedly, almost as if you had your own x-ray vision. 

He gave a weak smile. “Hi, angel.”

“How did— oh, Clark.” You said his name so softly, the realization hitting you. You were already reaching for the first aid kit you kept under the sink. 

“I’m okay,” he said. “It’s just—night. No yellow sun. Slows the healing down.”

You froze for a second, processing, then frowned. “So you can’t heal right now?”

He shook his head once.

You looked at him—really looked. His eyes were glassy but focused, his chest rising a little too fast, jaw tight. He was clearly in pain. His eyes scanned your face like it was his last ever sight. And still, somehow, your biggest concern was him.

“Okay,” you said, like it was the easiest decision in the world. You rolled up your sleeves, grabbed gauze, and pressed a towel gently against the gash on his cheekbone. “Then it’s my job to fix you up.”

Clark blinked. “You’re not.. surprised?”

“I mean, a little,” you admitted, biting your lip as you dabbed the blood away. “Of course I’m surprised. Never could have guessed that Superman would come to me for help.” Your brows creased and furrowed as you focused on gently wiping away any crimson from his face. “But mostly I’m just mad someone hurt you.”

His heart could’ve burst right then and there.

“I also think I figured it out two weeks ago. You being Superman.”

Clark blinked, then blinked again. “Wait—what?”

You didn’t look up right away. You were too focused on the scrape along his jaw, cleaning it with practiced, careful hands. “The flight patterns. The voice. The way you disappear from the bullpen every time Superman shows up. You’re not as subtle as you think, farm boy.”

“I—” he started, but you gently pressed a bandage to his cheek.

“And then there was every single time you stared at me like I hung the stars when I defended Superman or wrote about him...”

Clark groaned softly, dropping his head back against the wall. “I knew you’d eventually notice. Just.. not this soon.”

You smiled, finally meeting his eyes. “I was waiting for you to tell me. I figured it had to be something big if you hadn’t said anything.”

“It’s not that I didn’t want to,” he said quickly, eyes searching yours. “I was going to. I am going to. I just—didn’t know how. Or when. Or how you’d react, because you could’ve reacted really badly.”

“And now?”

“Now I’m.. bleeding on your rug and you’re still here.” His voice dipped, warm and quiet. “I think that tells me everything I need to know.”

You leaned in, gently brushing his hair off his forehead. “It does,” you murmured. “But I want to hear it from you anyway.”

Clark smiled. Soft, real, a little tired. “I’m Superman.”

You kissed his forehead. “You’re Clark Kent. Superman’s just your second night job.”

“What’s my first?” Clark curiously asked.

You brushed that soft curl away from his forehead. “Being my boyfriend.”

Clark’s breath caught in his throat, just for a second. That quiet, golden second where time didn’t quite move. Then, he smiled. Big this time. The kind of smile that made the corners of his eyes crinkle and his whole face light up like sunrise. “Best job I’ve ever had,” he whispered.

You leaned in closer, your forehead resting against his. “Even better than saving the world?”

He grinned. “Way better. The world doesn’t kiss me goodnight.”

You laughed, soft and warm, and kissed him again—this time on the lips, slow and steady, like you had all the time in the universe.

And for once, neither of you was rushing off to chase a headline or stop a satellite from falling out of orbit. No breaking news, no alarms, no distractions. Just the hush of nighttime and the steady beat of his heart under your palm.

You pulled back just enough to whisper, “You should really let me fix that cut now.”

Clark smiled, still dazed, still starry-eyed. “Only if I get another kiss after.”

You rolled your eyes fondly and reached for the first aid kit. “You drive a hard bargain, Kent.”

“You got an interview with Superman?” Steve’s face looked genuinely bamboozled. “Of all people? You?!”

You didn’t even flinch. Just kept sipping your iced coffee through a straw, glossy lips curving into the softest smile.

“Yeah,” you said easily. “He trusts me.”

Jimmy wheeled over like he was front row at a soap opera. “Wait, when did this happen?! You’ve been sitting at your desk all morning.”

You shrugged. “Scheduled it for last night. He came right after his fight. He’s a busy guy.”

Lois raised an eyebrow over the top of her coffee mug. “And let me guess—you met him somewhere discreet, middle of the night, barely any witnesses? Or maybe he flew you to some rooftop where no one could see or hear you for the maximum privacy?”

“Something like that,” you said lightly, clicking through your draft on screen.

Steve scoffed. “You? Interviewing Superman? No offense, but you write about celebrity scandals and hair products.”

You turned to face him, voice sweet as honey. “And yet, I still managed to land the most elusive interview since Clark interviewed him. Wild, huh?” Clark, from his desk across the bullpen, choked on his water. Jimmy looked over. Lois didn’t even try to hide her smirk.

Cat Grant passed behind you, gave your shoulder a light pat, and muttered just loud enough for Steve to hear, “Get used to it. She’s been leaving all of us in the dust since day one. But my fashion breakdowns will always be superior.”

You smiled, gaze flicking to Clark. “Guess some people just have the right sources.”

And Clark—bless him—was trying not to grin like an idiot. He failed. Spectacularly.

“This interview is going to be.. super.”

“Oh, no.”

“God, please, no.”

“I hate you.”

[happysparklingshadows]

(Superman Spoilers)

Lois Lane ragebaits Superman during an interview, pours half a container of sugar into about 4 ounces of coffee and dictates an article taking down lex luthor while driving a hovercraft. They nailed her. We are so back.

[happysparklingshadows]

so is nat like conflicted..? does she like reader AND travis? Or is she just distracting herself with travis?

She likes them both. Reader in this moment on her life doesn’t realize anyone could like her actually and Natalie hasn’t expressed her feeling to her, Reader is thinking she is only a distraction for Natalie. Natalie likes both Travis and Reader equally don’t worry! It’s more of a miscommunication and understanding.

Reader been knew she was gay. Natalie is just realizing she is bisexual.

[happysparklingshadows]

ann i’m starving..

I know I keep getting busy baby I am so sorry!! I am writing and soon be posting soon!

[happysparklingshadows]

Who's ready for heartnumbing Adult Reader angst that I've ever written before, and it's just the reader talking about the loss of Jackie?!?! Literally, Chapter 10 is so far the most emotional in my opinion, and I am getting it cooking for y'all!!

A Certain Hunger (9/?)

Chapter 8 ✿ Chapter 10

Summary: The Reader's dreams come true before her eyes. And as an Adult, she is haunted by the dreams she starts to experience again, but she does bond with all the survivors once more.

Pairing: Surviving!Poly! Yellowjackets x reader (slow burn)

Warnings: Young Reader's CompHet, Angsty foreshadowing with Jackie that made me cry my eyes out, Alcohol and Cigerette use, BIG TIME FORESHADOWING CHAPTER!, kidnapping, and spiritual and Supernatural occurrences.

Word count: 15.6k

Notes: Sorry for the late chapter last month because of some family drama! I am back and I am coming back with another chapter in 10 days! Love you guys and please tell me all your thoughts!

UNEDITED

❀ A03 ❀ wattpad ❀ spotify playlist  ❀

‘93 

You sat in anxious excitement, your knees crossed over as you squeezed your thighs together. You giggled into your hand. It’s 2 a.m. at Jackie’s house. It was your second sleepover at her house, and the two talked about this all night. “Practicing boyfriends”. 

Shauna was leaning into Jackie’s face as Jackie caressed Shauna’s cheek. You stare at the two in titillation, leaning in awe. You know your feelings are wrong; they are your best friends, but maybe, how close you were, it felt like the only people you could feel this way for. The pair explained that because we were all friends and girls that aren’t gay, it didn’t mean anything if we kissed each other when Jackie’s parents were deep asleep. Jackie emphasized how all of you kissing wouldn’t make you gay if it was just practicing for guys, and you just nodded your head, lost in thought at the possibility of seeing two girls kissing. 

They do that?

 You have touched yourself before, but you have never experienced something so erotic in your 15 years of life. You bite your tongue as the two pull apart and turn to you, 

“So, that’s what we’re talking about.” Jackie chuckles as her hand touches your arm. The three of you sit cross-legged on Jackie’s queen bed. Your throat dries as you shyly nod your head to her, “Don’t be so nervous! This is exactly the point of doing this, so when you go out with James, then you won’t be shaking like a leaf!” 

You agreed to go on a date with James Lewison, Jeff and Randy’s third friend, because Jackie asked you to. She wanted to have a double date to see True Romance and eat at the new Taco Bell at the Wiskayok mall. And you didn’t want to disappoint Jackie, so you couldn’t find it in yourself to say no. Even if you didn’t know James or like him that much, you still said yes for Jackie’s sake. I mean, it’s Jackie. 

“Okay.” You chuckled and felt your cheeks burn as you held in your readiness. 

Shauna giggles as she turns her body more towards you, a teasing smirk on her lips when her fingers pinch your chin towards her. Shauna recklessly leans into your lips.

It felt odd. It felt slightly hot and dirty kissing your friend. It was aggressive, and Shauna’s tooth grazed your lip. You've never seen a person’s eyes or nose grow larger when they enter your face. You let your body lead you as you lean into your best friend’s lips, your eyes closed. You liked it. 

Jackie giggles as she pushes your shoulder back, and Shauna’s, “Alright, alright, you're too eager looking.” 

“I am?” 

“Yes! And guys are gross, so try this,” Jackie says as she leans into your space, grabs your wrist, and puts your hand to her cheek. She leans in and kisses you as well. Shauna sits to the side as she stares down at the two of you. 

You kept your eyes open as you looked at Jackie’s face. How beautiful and clear her skin was. It was so soft against your cheek. She was soft and slow.  You discovered that you enjoy kissing.

Jackie pulled back and smiled. She then said, “Okay, try that on Shauna so I can see.” 

You nodded and turned to Shauna. She almost greedily took your lips again as she pressed herself against you. You caressed the side of Shauna’s face like Jackie told you. You felt a burning in your chest, and you held your breath to keep kissing their hot lips. 

You finally pull away for air and look at Jackie's face as she watches you kiss Shauna. It was almost bitter. Jackie quickly covered it up as she came closer to Shauna. She says, “Don’t be greedy, (Y/n), friends share. We’ll all get a turn.” 

You stood on your porch after your date, your hands clenched together and your eyes closed tight, as James' tongue plunged deeper into your mouth. You discovered you didn’t like kissing; you liked kissing girls. 

The movie was good. James held your hands, paid for your popcorn and the arcade, and even walked you home after you were all dropped off at Jackie’s like a gentleman. Until it was time to say goodnight, he leaned in for a kiss without warning. 

You made an “Oh!” before you leaned into the wet, cold, foreign, and fleshy when James kissed you. But you found yourself unable to stop him from using his penetrating tongue. His wide hands grabbed your shoulder, and he felt almost trapped as he leaned your body towards him; it felt like it should have been romantic. You didn’t stop yourself. 

“Do you want to go on another date next Saturday?” James asks, breathless in excitement. He looks down at you with almost desperation and fear. 

You felt yourself smile and nod, not saying a word. 

He leaned down and kissed you again. This time, his body weight pushed you against the porch wall, causing a bump to be heard in the house. The sound of your mom and dad getting up from their recliners in the living room scared James off you, and he smiled boyishly at you as he backed away from the porch. 

“Goodnight, (Y/n), I had an awesome time!” 

“Goodnight, James!” You smiled, and you felt your cheeks blush at his clear attraction to you. You didn’t feel the same. It wasn’t an awesome night. It felt like you were hanging out with Jackie’s boyfriend’s friends. 

You didn’t even like the kiss. 

You didn’t like kissing Jackie or Shauna as much. 

You didn’t want to accept that. As you entered your home through the screen door, you smiled and waved at James, “See you Saturday, James!” 

‘96

You look down at Shauna as she sleeps softly against your chest. You rub a lazy finger against her cheek and push her baby hairs behind her ear. Last night, Shauna rubbed herself against you like she did a few times on your solo sleepovers but she didn’t cum last night. She stopped after she felt comforted from the making out, and she asked if she could sleep on you. You couldn’t find it in yourself to say no. 

You didn’t feel used as much as you felt wrong for doing this with Shauna after everything that had happened in the last few weeks. You don’t know what's wrong with you. Why can’t you tell people no, or push people away from you in moments of intensity? You did Lottie wrong. Lottie told you she liked you and wanted to be something more with you, and you, within an hour, are making out with your best friend in the attic. And, you did Jackie wrong. You did Jackie so wrong. 

You wanted to run away. And you were. You were going to be away from them finally. 

You softly move Shauna off your chest, onto the soft ground, and get up to change. You couldn’t find it in yourself to even care if she woke up. You didn’t feel right. 

Shauna shifts behind you now as you throw off your shirt and put on the outfit you planned the night before. You hear her stretch and yawn, and your lip curls in disgust at what the two of you did. 

When you were nearly finished getting dressed, Shauna asked, “What's up with you?” 

You ignore her as you button your pants. You glance over to her and shrug. 

“Seriously?” She asks as she then looks around the attic, just you two still, and whispers, “Best friends do this kind of thing, it’s not wrong. I don’t know why you get so twisted about it-”

“Oh, are you and Jeff besties, now?” You ask with a hiss lining your words. You wanted to run away. But you did it now. 

“What?” Shauna demanded as she stood up. 

With your head held high, you turn around and say, “Shauna, best friends don’t do what we do.” 

She stops herself as she looks at you with shock, her eyebrow crinkling. “What do you mean by Jeff?” 

You scoff and turn your head away, tears coming to your eyes as you feel confronted with something you didn’t want to explain. “Shauna, we kinda had sex. You and Jeff had sex. You rubbing yourself on me-”

“But you weren’t inside of me? We’re not gay.”

“Shauna!” you snapped as you looked at her deep in her eyes, your hair stood on end as you felt a heat coming from your spine, your fingers curling into wicked fists, “Do I have to explain myself? I thought I was your best friend, or at least when you want to see me as that, and you still haven’t figured it out? You seriously have no idea?!”

“What the fuck are you talking about, (Y/n), your making no sense!” 

“I’m gay.” You state as you look at her. “I have never seen what we did as just what best friends do. James, or any other boy you made me date, felt the same as you. Or Jackie. Jackie knows because she hasn’t done this with either of us in years! You want to have sleepovers with me, so you and rub yourself on my thigh and call me-”

“Stop it, (Y/n)! STOP IT!” Shauna panics as tears well up in her eyes. 

“Jackie.” You cry a little bit as you wipe your face of your fat tears. Your face was hard, and you couldn’t help but let your frustrations out on Shauna. “So yeah, Shauna, I don’t think what we did was friendly. Just because we don’t penetrate or get naked, you got off to it, Shauna. You do.” 

Shauna just stands there, ashamed as she looks at you with pinched lips, “I’m not gay.” 

As you leave the attic, you roll your eyes, “Whatever you tell yourself. I’m gay now, and you need to act like I am.”

“Are you seriously leaving like this?” Shauna says as she is now crying, her hands wave to you as she says, “I didn’t mean for this to happen! I’m serious, I wasn’t thinking last night.” 

“I wasn’t either, I didn’t think. I didn’t know how to tell you to stop or how to feel!” You huff to her, your body shakes softly as you feel upset at the thought of the others and their feelings. “Lottie likes me-”

“What?” Shauna shakes her eyes, her breath panting as her eyes widen in shock. She looked like she was on the edge of losing everything. 

“Lottie likes me, that’s why I was away. That’s why I have been away. I sneak away with Lottie, and we kiss. Not like us, Shauna.” 

“What do you mean? Not like us?” 

“She doesn’t kiss me because I am her best friend.” You spat back at her with a grimace coming to your lips. You're becoming increasingly enraged as you continue; you can feel it in your body. You didn’t know why you were getting so angry, but you knew you were going to confront Shauna.

“I wasn’t thinking! Don’t make it out like that!” Shauna says again, and it just makes you snap. 

You pause and turn to look into her eyes. Your lips curl as you spit out the brutal truth to Shauna: “As you don’t ever! You just do whatever urge you get, no matter the consequences or fault, because you’ll just not accept that you did that! You did gay shit! You tried to hide that you were pregrant; on top of that who the fucking daddy was!” 

“Fuck you, bitch, you don’t know a single thing about me if that is what you think!” 

“There you go again! Making it my fault for showing you a problem that only you can fix! Just stop acting like you didn't do things because you didn't want to do them! Just stop acting like you didn’t mean for any of this because you did, you just didn’t realize someone would notice you did something.” You rant at her as you point at her, and you storm closer to her. You get in her face and stand level with her, and for the first time in your life, you hold authority over the situation.

This was an honest-to-god fight with Shauna. You’ve never been like this before. 

“Fuck you,” Shauna says as she hugs herself, she stares tearful daggers at you. She doesn’t move or say anything as she just watches you stare back at her. 

You don’t say anything as you pant in your angry breaths. “I’m going to leave now to get you help.”

“Good, because I never want to see you again,” Shauna bitterly spat at you. You could tell in this moment she meant it, but in a few hours, she wouldn't regret it. But you could only feel the dagger that stabbed into your heart. You took it because you were sure Shauna got a few more stabs than you did today. 

“Good.” You say back as you storm out of the attic; you find that most of the girls are asleep, but Misty, Krystal, and Laura Lee sit in the kitchen area, preparing the small smoked fish for the day. They heard everything from above them. You couldn’t find it in yourself to care when you get outside of the cabin. 

Let them all know. There isn’t much else to lose. 

You sit between Akilah's legs as her fingers gently braid the hair on your scalp back because she emphasized how our hair will get matted if we just go out into the woods without some kind of protective hairstyle. You didn’t do much, but nodded your head in exhaustion from the morning. You let her comb through your hair as best she could and start tightly braiding it from your crown to your neck. She made them pig tails because she noticed how you had been doing them more lately. 

You felt a lot calmer now, with the quiet and kindness of Akilah’s gentle braiding, and you couldn’t help but feel as if you were numb to a multitude of emotions. But somewhere inside you was a blooming acceptance. 

Taissa and Van were getting loud as Taissa led a morning announcement about the expedition; you couldn’t help but find yourself unable to engage with all of them in the moment fully. 

“Tai, everyone thinks this is a bad idea.”

“Well. We have to do something!” Taissa retorted with a groan. She doesn’t want to explain herself again. “We’re starving. We have nothing to hunt or fish. We have scraps, but what will happen when there is nothing?”

Misty, knee on the log in a lazy stretch, “The animals might be migrating.”  

“That’s probably why the only game we’ve seen in weeks was the one sick deer.” 

You blankly mumble to Akilah, “The poor thing knew it was dying. He wanted to be alone.” 

“And it’s just gonna keep getting colder. And not “better put on a coat” cold. We’re talking about “dying feels like falling asleep” cold.” 

A pregnant solemn pause. 

You felt a chill run down your spine as you pushed the thought of dying from the elements. You had to push the thoughts away if you wanted to leave today. 

Everyone at camp is silent for the moment. Deep in thought of their reasons, but we all knew the one answer to Taissa. It’s that she was right, and you are all on death's waitlist. 

“What do you think, Lottie?” Laura Lee asks the girl beside her on the log. 

Lottie looks shocked by the question, as everyone quietly glanced at her, wondering what she would say. Crazy or not. 

“I don’t know,” Lottie admits. 

“Look, guys, anyone who wants to come with me is welcome, but I’m going.” 

“You’re gonna want to take stuff with you, right?” Mari asked with her arms crossed, anxiously leaning on one foot to the other. “Like food and supplies? That’s not up to you.” 

“Well, you can’t just send them out there with nothing.” Shauna scoffed. 

“This is insane. We don’t know where we are, just that big ass mountains surround us.” Van says, exasperated by the whole conversation.  “What are you now, Edmund fucking Hillary?” 

“Who?” Mari asks, clueless on who Edmund fucking Hillary was. You couldn’t help but chuckle at the conversation going haywire; you didn’t even know who he was. 

“Like, I said,” Taissa spat to the group, Akilah finished with your tight pigtail braids and pats your shoulders. “We’re not on an island. If we go south, we’ve got to run into something eventually. A road, a town, anything.”

Natalie shakes her head as she says softly, “No. You’re not taking the rifle. I’m all for what you're saying, Tai, but the gun has to stay.”

 “Okay,” Taissa says quietly back to Natalie and nods her head. “Fine. I could bring some things we don’t use every day. One of the axes, the compass-”

“There is a flare gun in the dead guy’s plane,” Jackie says as she looks towards the direction of the passenger plane. 

Everyone is shocked, looking at Jackie with wide eyes. Van, beside her, sits, “Don’t tell me that you, of all people, are on board with this.” 

Jackie pursed her lips and said, “What she’s saying makes sense. I mean, if she’s willing to go, then…”

“What if you're wrong?’ Laura Lee asks with a slight shake of her head, “What if there’s nothing?” 

You felt a pause within yourself as you nodded. You wouldn’t doubt it with all of your luck. 

“I don’t know,” Taissa admits with a shrug of her shoulder. 

Lottie turned her head sharply to Taissa and said, “You do know.”

“Yeah.” Taissa nods her head, and she looks a little hurt to say it. “If I’m wrong, I’ll die out there.” 

Everyone pauses again as the gravity settles on shoulders and minds; you couldn’t help but nod your head, knowing you hadn’t changed your mind. You’re leaving. 

“I’m leaving in an hour,” Taissa added as she walked away to the back of the cabin to escape the other judgment or discouragement. 

‘21

You lean against the tree in front of Natalie’s hotel room as you suck on your short cigerette. You went home. You have been a mess lately, but when you got home from the convention, you collapsed on the floor of your doorway and sobbed. You took a bath with your bloody hand, it stung and hissed at you when the wound touched the steaming water, and you dressed it. You then went to Natalie’s. You felt empty and angry in a way, and you couldn’t fully figure out why you were so angry. 

Maybe it was because of the erratic woman screaming at you that you were an evil woman?

Maybe it was because you thought no one would do that to you in that panel?

Maybe because the wilderness never leaves you enough room to forget about it. 

Maybe it was because you were still unable to tell reality from hallucination?

You did know you were getting frustrated with waiting for Taissa and Shauna.

“I need to see my neurologist.” You sigh to yourself as the smoke billows out of your mouth around your face. 

You notice car doors closing before you see Taissa and Shauna coming up to the two of you. You threw your cigarette under your foot as they were lectured by Natalie, “What part of 'Hurry up' did you guys not understand?” 

“It takes you getting blackmailed to care about being late?” Taissa shot back with a coy, small smirk.. 

“I’m sorry, but we all have families and lives, right? We can’t just sneak out a window, whatever… Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” 

“That we could all lose if we don’t deal with the problem, right?” You shot back at Shauna with a little fire in your eyes; you didn’t understand why, but all people, none of them, were being so blasé about the idea that someone knew what you all did. “Where is the money?” 

Shauna put down a childish homemade bag on the picnic table, and Natalie naturally moved to place the money in the open bag. “Right here.” 

“That's 50 grand?” Shauna asks in disbelief, "The small size of the stack of bills was somewhat amusing." It was just enough to hold in your hand like a brick, but not enough to fill the small duffle bag. 

“Yeah. In $100 bills.” Natalie states with a deadpan tone. 

“A little bit disappointing, by heist movie standards.” Shauna earnestly says back as the size underwhelmed her.  

You couldn’t help but chuckle at the ridiculousness of the situation. You rubbed your fine hand on your forehead and pinched your nose. You were standing here, talking about how small $50,000 looked, and earlier, you were getting yelled at about how sinful you were; it felt unreal. 

“You got the tracker?” Taissa asks. 

“It’s one of Amazon’s Top Sellers. Apparently, secretly tracking people is really huge right now. ” 

“Alright, we should put the tracker in the middle of the bills.” Natalie says as she points to the center of the stack. 

“No,” Shauna says as she picks it up and scowls at the lightness. “When they go to count the bills, they would see it.”

Taissa adds, “Uh, they see it in the bag.” 

“So, you big idea was shit?” Natalie snarkily smiles at Shauna, a mocking tone lining her words. 

“It’s not shit. I just thought the money would be bigger… Okay, we just have to fill the bag with some other stuff. Like you know-”

You stopped her as you grabbed the bag, you touched the fabric, and you saw a small pocket on the inside with a zipper. You say, “I’ll sow the tracker inside the bag. I’ll do it while we get there. I’ll cut the pocket and put the tracker on the inseam.” 

You open the pocket and finger the size as you look back at the three others, they look at you with soft smiles and relief at the problem. You put the bag down as you go inside your purse for your travel sewing kit, you mentally remember the summer days you used Laura Lee’s when you grab the small box. 

“Where did you get that sad Etsy reject bag from, anyway, Shauna?” Natalie asks in a dry, snarky tone. 

“My daughter made it for Father’s Day back when she was cute. I took it from Jeff’s like, “Special keeps”.”

“You’re not as sentimental as your hubby?” 

You paused as you felt your body prickling with a memory, not from your mind but your body. It felt tense and familiar, your neck stabs at you from your oldest scar. You felt a chill of fall come over your body when you grabbed the small scissors in the kit; you felt like you were back in the fall when the two of them were on each other's necks, using you as an element of their power. 

“I’m trying to help you guys,” Shauna states clearly over Natalie’s behavior towards her. 

“Can we go now?” Natalie asks, she puts her hand on your tense shoulder as you cut at the seam of the pocket without letting the blackmailer know there is a tracker in the back, “I can’t wait to meet FuckFace.” 

‘96

Jackie softly rolled your blanket; she was helping you pack the last little bit you needed before you left. She was quiet and tearful, her lip quivering and her eyebrows narrowing as she helped you gather the things you needed. She hated that you were leaving. She protested it. But lately, she has grown tired of protesting for it, only to see it happen anyway. She knew she couldn't change your mind. She knew why you were going. She wanted Shauna to get help, even if it meant betraying the two of you. 

“Jackie?” 

“Yes?” She sniffed as she wiped a fat tear that rolled down her cheek. She was about to sob. She was scared that we would be separated and never see each other again. You were, too. 

You crawl closer to her as you put down your change of clothes on your makeshift bed, and you wrap your chubby arms around Jackie’s shoulders. Jackie softly cried as she couldn’t find words in this moment, completely in need of you as her support, but knowing you had to get them out of these woods. 

“Jackie, we’re going to get out of this, together. We’re going to get help.” You whisper to her as you rub the back of her head. All the years of childhood hopes and dreams seem to be crashing in front of both of you. The thought of never seeing each other again was making you both inconsolable. You cried as you petted Jackie’s blonde hair, “It’s going to be okay. Jackie. Listen to me.” 

Jackie couldn’t look at you as she started to sob internally, holding her breath. 

You put your forehead against Jackie’s and say, “Jackie, look at me.” 

Jackie slowly opened her eyes, and her green ones looked deeply into yours. She softly panted as she grieved your relationship in front of you. “I love you.” You tearfully cry to her, “You’re my best friend, and if anything happens, I am coming back here. If-If-” You stutter and stop yourself from crying out the end of your thoughts. 

“We’re going to make it out of here together. We’ve never been apart. Even when life got in the way, you know I was always there for you.” Jackie cries and whispers to you as she holds your hand. Memories of the sandbox in kindergarten come to mind, as well as the sleepovers throughout middle school, and how much you have been there for her since she was a child. Even in Jackie’s worst moments, you were there for her. You were always a good friend to her. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t there for you more when your mom got sick. I was scared. I didn’t know how to talk to you about it, and I-i” She paused as she sniffed her nose, wiping her chin that collected these tears. Her lip quivers when she says,  “I just wanted everything to be how it used to be.”

You both know that it means so much more now than it ever did before the plane crash.  

You softly bite your lip and nod your head, eyes full of tears that don’t seem to stop. Your voice wobbles,  “I know, it’s okay. It’s okay. I know. I was sad and stayed away because my mom was sick. Our friendship never diminished. You are always my best friend. We’re going to survive being stranded in the wilderness.” You chuckle at the end at the ridiculousness of the reality you live in. She does too. 

Jackie pulls away and wipes her wet face, sniffling a load of snot in her nose. “Ugh, I am so gross.” 

You giggle together as you shake your head, “Never, Jackie. You’re wonderful, don’t say that.” 

You two finish packing your bed and pillow tightly on your backpack with the homemade ropes Taissa had made for this exploration. 

“I don’t think I’ve cried this much since James cheated on me with Jill.” You joke to Jackie as the two of you wipe away your drying tears, your eyes puffy and red. You remember your one and only boyfriend, he was more your friend, but it ended like a lot of relationships, he cheated on you with a girl who would give out. You felt relieved when it happened. You were only with him because Jackie wanted you to be coupled up, and you wanted to hide behind him. No one thinks you're gay. No one knew your secret. They thought you were shy and chubby, so you didn’t get much game, but you had a boyfriend. You aren’t ashamed of your younger self being scared of the world. You felt like you had been freed from that shame somehow since the crash. Not having to feel weird when you acted like you were a couple, and you acted beaten up about it for weeks. You wonder for a moment what James was thinking and feeling about you being missing for so long. He probably is drowning in pussy, and you can’t seem to blame him because you were in the same situation.  

Jackie snorted a chuckle, “You were way worse for me. I am more important than that loser James.” 

“That’s true. You were always more important than he. Honestly, I was only with him because you coupled us up and the double dates.” You joke as you start to fold your clothes again. She laughs, arms crossed, as she calms the shaking in her hands.. 

“Sometimes, I think that’s why I was with Jeff for so long. I got attached.” 

You nod your head, “Yeah, me too. It was hard not to for 2 years with me and James, I can’t imagine 4.” You lie and look away at your clothes. 

Jackie starts to help you pack again as the two of you fall into a silence. You were deep in thought and feeling. You knew this was going to be hard, but it felt so much harder because of your fight with Shauna. Shauna was your best friend, but Jackie was always better at comforting you and making you feel unjudged. In this moment, you felt like Jackie was the closest person you had with your emotions, even if you had to hide some other parts of yourself from her still. 

“Please be safe,” Jackie begs softly as she straightens out her clothes, truly concerned over your safety. You're the only thing she is worried about. She takes off her golden necklace, which Shauna had given back to her a few days ago, and smiles weakly at you. “Wear this.” 

“I will be.” You say again as you push a hair behind your ear, you take the unclasped necklace around your neck, and smile at her. You look at your nails, feeling like a horrible person, “How are you doing, Jackie? How are you going to hold up when I’m gone?” 

“Uh-” Jackie starts as she looks away, pensive and hurt, “I’m not sure. I don’t think I can process this all without you by my side, and I don’t think I can survive any of this without Shauna. I don’t know if I am ready yet to confront it, you know.” 

You take a moment to look over her face and think about what has happened. “The most important thing is that all of us get out of here. I want everyone to survive and stop starving; it’s all we need to focus on right now, especially because we are at the finish line. We’ll figure out what to do and how to confront this when we are back home and safe.” 

Jackie nods her head, her eyes tired and almost shineless as she hugs her body. She says, “Yeah. I don’t want Shauna to die. I still love her… Even after everything.” 

You nod your head too, “Yeah, I do too. She does need to do a lot to be our friend again, though.” 

“Oh, hell yeah.” 

You stand off to the side with your backpack in your hand, and you shake your head softly. “Why are you cutting your hair? You could have just braided it tight or something.” 

“I don’t care,” Taissa states to you as she continues to clip the curls off her head carelessly. 

“It’s pretty hot.” Van blurts out with a nod, staring affectionately at Taissa. You giggle and roll your eyes at the couple, you knew she would act that way towards Taissa. Van would think Taissa taking off her shoes was hot. 

Taissa doesn’t respond as she cuts the lost section of her hair and throws it in the bowl of water. 

She doesn’t even look at Van as she whispers, “You’re not going to talk me out of this.” 

“Yeah. I know.” 

You felt like you weren’t even there when they spoke, and your hands and feet somewhat tingled for a reason. It felt like a filter was separating you from feeling things as you should; it felt like you were in a dream, yet you were still able to touch and interact with things. You didn’t recognize how much they were comfortable being intimate with you in their presence, though. 

“That’s why I’m coming with you,” Van added, glancing over at you and giving you a forced smile. You smile back. 

Taissa snaps her head over to Van, “Stop.” 

“You know, I’ve only been to New York once.” She says as she looks over to Taissa, who now looks stunned at the admission, “It was my seventh birthday. All I wanted was a Soft Pretzel and one of those horse-and-cart rides in Central Park. It’s lame. I was seven.” 

You sit down beside Van and listen to her talk this thought out; you push your now long flyaways behind your ear. “I got taken to see Cats. Fucking Cats.” Van chuckles, and you all chuckle in return. 

“I want to go back to New York, Tai. I want to go back to New York with you, and you, (Y/n),” Vans says as she gets a little emotional as she thinks about being back home and in civilization. “And I want to buy us all a fucking Soft Pretzel and go on a Fucking horse and cart ride in Central Park.”

“Van…” 

“I know I don’t have to go with you. I need to.” 

You nod your head and look at Taissa, “Let your girlfriend go, it’s okay. The more people we bring, the safer it will be.” 

“I’m not going to die out here without trying to get out of here. You know, who knows? With you as our fearless fucking leader, we might be able actually to get out of here.” Van says as she stands up with a grin, looking at Taissa. She knows she has convinced her way in. She didn’t even really need to fight. 

The two smile for a moment as you watch on. Mari and Akilah come over to the three of you with their backpacks on, all packed and ready. 

“Hey!” They both say as they come over, Taissa, “ We’ve talked and… we’re coming, too, okay?” Mari finished for the two of them. 

You stand up with a grin on your face, very proud of the underclassmen. You come over and hug the two of them and rub their backs, “Okay, that’ll work fine! We’ll be safe in numbers.”   

You are packing up some rations for the six of you who are leaving for the exploration. You had only a fish to share, along with some dried berries and nuts, and dried tea made from mushrooms and leaves that you had collected. You hoped that there would be mushrooms or more foragables to eat, because you all didn't have a gun to hunt. You hoped you wouldn’t see a deer. It would be the only thing your hungry mind would think about, and you would kick yourself for not killing it. 

Van behind you takes her rations and starts to pack them inside her bag. She takes out the bulky compass she snagged from the plane, “Hey, Mari, you wanna hold on to this?” She asks as she hands over the metal piece to the younger girl, trying to make room for her food. Mari smiles, almost beaming at the fact that an upperclassman gave her something important; she quickly puts it in her backpack. 

“Akilah, can you fill up all our water bottles and get one of the small pots for us to boil water, real quick?” You ask as you start to pull apart the jerky for her rations. 

She quickly shoots up and nods her head, “Yeah, I’ll be back.” 

Lottie comes up the porch with a mission in her step; she looks puffy-eyed and almost pale as she approaches the two of you. “Hey, if you two are going to leave, will you at least take this?” 

You turn your head to see her holding a handmade necklace out of leather string and a spinal bone. You quirk your eyebrows as you look at it and take it in your hands. Vans asks Lottie, “Yeah, what is it?” 

“Just take it.” Lottie insists. “I think it will keep you safe.” 

You slowly put it around your neck; you didn’t need much reason to wear something that someone you liked had made for you. You smile at Lottie as you softly touch the clean white bone. 

“Like a… Lucky rabbit’s foot?” Van asks, and you seem to nod at the thought of it being a charm. 

Lottie took a deep breath and said, “I had a dream last night. There was… I don’t know. Red smoke and… A river of blood. Just promise me you won’t lose it, okay?” 

You paused as you felt uncomfortable at the words coming out of Lottie’s mouth. They sounded just like the dream you had not too long ago; you had forgotten about it until Lottie spoke about a river of blood, like a vein in the forest. Van looks behind her at the underclassmen to make sure they didn’t hear Lottie’s words. She was used to her erratic words. 

Van nods her head and says, “Yeah, sure. Thanks, Lot.” 

Lottie pulls Van and you into a hug as she runs her hand down your back softly to get your attention. 

Lottie pulls away from the hug, and she walks away slowly. She looks over to you once again. You look over to Van and motion to the rations, “Can you do the rest? I-I need to see Lottie for a second.” 

You felt your body pushed against the tree before you could collect your thoughts. Lottie’s lips slam against yours as she holds onto your waist. You followed Lottie to the back of the cabin, and she didn’t say anything to you until you were both hidden in the treeline. 

Her hands caress the sides of your body as she softly kisses your lips, lower to your jaw. You take in a few breaths as you let yourself feel lost in Lottie’s touch. She was obsessed with you; it felt like this when she touched you. 

A soft giggle comes from your lips as Lottie’s lips tickle the soft spot below your ear. You run your hands from her shoulders to her arms, you look up at her as you say, “You need to let me say goodbye to everyone else, too, you know, you can’t be so greedy.” 

“I am greedy.” Lottie says back as she kisses your lips again with an urgency that felt like fire. 

You giggle in your kiss as you feel yourself getting warm and fuzzy. Lottie has been growing on you since you started seeing her and kissing her. Last night made it clear that she wanted something you wanted too. 

“Lottie, seriously, we need to go.” You say as you softly push her off of you. Lottie pouts softly as she pecks your lips again as if she could get enough of your touch. 

“Okay. Please be safe, baby, I need you to be safe for me.” Lottie says as she pets your hair, moving behind your ear. 

“I will be, don’t worry. I’ll come back for you, Lottie. And we can go on a proper date. How about that?” You ask Lottie as you rub your hands on her shoulders, still, your hands curling up to massage the back of her head, messing with her thick, dark locks of hair. 

“I’d love that. I’ll take you out to The Ryland Inn and let the whole world know you’re my girl.” 

You blush as you look at Lottie with warmth in your eyes, “You would do that for me?” 

“I would do anything for you.” 

You giggle again, bashful as you slap Lottie’s shoulder, “Stop it, you’re making me a mess. Come on, I've got to get us to the rescue.” 

The two of you slowly leave the back of the cabin, now in higher spirits and having said your goodbyes. You felt very secure with how you had left things with the others, and you didn’t want to leave on bad terms. You felt like you needed to speak to Shauna again before leaving, but you knew she was still angry, and you weren't ready to hear her just yet. 

When you both come back to the front of the cabin, everyone is circling the fireplace, getting ready to leave. Your rations and water bottle were sitting on the porch next to your bag, and the small pot was tucked inside your blanket for easy carrying. You smiled as you put on your backpack and came over to the circle of hugging friends. 

Jackie comes over to you with Shauna, who is hugging herself and looking away, and hugs you deeply. 

“I love you, stay safe.” 

“I love you, too. I will be safe.” As you reply, you hug Jackie again today, but it doesn’t feel like there are enough goodbyes to say to her. 

Shauna comes over and hugs you. She doesn’t say anything, and neither do you. You didn’t even want to look at her, but you both forced smiles and knew that if anything did happen, you would regret not saying goodbye. 

“Wait! Wait for me!” Misty yelps out as she rushes out of the cabin with a backpack prepared. You narrow your eyes softly as you stay quiet. Was she acting like she just decided to come with you guys? “I’m coming.” 

Everyone looks at Misty as she slowly enters the circle, coming closer to the coach, “Uh, Ben, Uh-Coach, please don’t talk me out of it, okay? I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I just- I feel like my team needs me right now.” 

You couldn’t help but curl your lips into a smirk as you held in a deep laugh. You couldn’t help but find it funny how desperate Misty was for the Coach, and you stopped yourself before you hurt her feelings.

“Oh. Wow.” Coach Ben says as he stands in front of her, looking away. He couldn’t be more uninterested and uncomfortable. “Well, that’s, uh… You know what, that’s really brave, Misty. I can do my best without you.” 

“I’ll come back for you. I promise.” She says back to him with full sincerity. You bit your lip to stop yourself from cackling. You make eye contact with Natalie and share an internal laugh. 

“Okay,” Ben replies, and Misty lunges into a hug, and he hugs her back. Everyone tries to hold in their mocking laughs and smirks, but you couldn’t help but smile. 

“Okay, goodbye, Natalie, be safe.” You say to her and quickly hug her; you didn’t let her speak before asking you to move over to Taissa after she was done hugging Shauna. “Let’s head out?” 

Everyone says goodbye one more time, not wanting to separate from the people we've all been bonded with over the last few months, and then you all start heading south away from the cabin. 

‘21

You lean on the door of Shauna’s minivan as you smoke your now 9th cigarette of the day, you were on a hairline trigger all day. You felt like you were on the brink of losing your mind; you were nervous to hear Jackie’s voice again or see a tree move with the wind. 

There was a quiet lull in the conversation, and the car felt peaceful, the calm before a storm. You felt a curling in your stomach as you puffed away on the white stick with a vice grip. No one has asked about your hand, or your smoking, or your quietness. You don’t know if you want them even to know, but a small question crawls around your head. 

Who sent me honey and flowers?

You look through the mirror at the two women sitting in the front and slowly glance at both of them, weighing the likelihood that either would send you something. 

“Hey, Shauna, I wanted to thank you for the gift you got me.” You say as you ash your cigarette in a bottle cap of your drink. 

Shauna crinkled her eyebrow, and her nose wrinkled as she glanced towards you, “I didn’t give you a gift?” 

“You didn’t?” You asked as you turned to Taissa, “Did you? I was sent honey and flowers, saying good luck on my romance panel.” 

“Oh shit, that was today! I’m so sorry, (Y/n), I was so focused on this, I didn’t even get to watch you live! How was it?” Shauna asks, almost ashamed she forgot your event, but you knew she wasn’t that beaten up about it. 

Taissa chuckled and glanced back to the two of you with a smirk, “I didn’t know you were so famous, (Y/n), live TV?” 

“Oh, ha ha, Taissa, I’m not going on live TV to debate people for a spot in the US senate.” 

Taissa chuckles again and softly shakes her head, her eyes then light up when she remembers something, “Simone loves your Mushroom Circle series. She read it in her book club last year, and she is hoping they are making it into a Game of Thrones show.” 

You smile, feeling genuinely warm from hearing that, as you say, “Oh, that's so sweet! I’m happy to hear that!” 

“How was the panel? Horny old women?” Taissa jokes, and Shauna chuckles with her as they share a look. 

You pause for a moment as you collect your racing heart, being reminded of the panel. You knew deep down that not confessing anything about what happened today would upset them to hear people mocking and confronting you about something that affected everyone. But you knew that you couldn’t tell them anything about what you saw and heard in the bathroom and panel, and why you were a nervous wreck tonight. The only ones who would understand you might be Misty and…

 You blow out your smoke and quickly say, “Uh, yeah, horny old women and people not liking the endings to things.”

“Oh, was anyone bad to you? Misery by Stephen King happened to you today?” Taissa continued, taking your lies as truth, that the day was uneventful. 

“Yeah, but you know, it’s not hard to tell people a story they want to hear.” 

When the words left your mouth, everyone paused. They all remember when you said those words last, and they haven’t thought about it since. 

You just took a puff of your cigarette and pushed the memory down like all the other unpleasant ones that have been popping up in your mind today. 

“She tells us not to take forever. How long does it take to drive a block?”  Taissa stressed, her eyebrows furrowed close together and a deep wrinkle now permanent on her forehead, to Shauna in the passenger seat. You took a deep breath out as you felt your heart beat frantically, you are holding your wounded hand on your lap with a tight grip.

 “Maybe she stopped to score drugs?” 

Taissa chuckles, you scowl to yourself as you look out the window, “Oh, God. I hope not. “

You glance in the mirror to see Shauna’s snarking mock of concern for Natalie, and she shakes her head. You felt a small taste of disgust in your best friend as you puffed on the end of the cigarette. 

“Ah, the pay cut I took for my run for senate isn’t gonna fund another stint in rehab.” Taissa sighs out the words with a shake of her head. 

“Fuck, Tai, did you really?” Shauna asks, real concern shining through, she leans against her seat and looks on at Taissa with sympathy. 

Taissa nods her head softly, almost solemnly, “Yeah.” 

“I hope she did. I would need some right now.” You chuckle as you lean your head back on the seat, you chuckle and say, “Not really. I don’t hope she did. I think she will be stronger this time around… But god, what I couldn’t give to have a blunt right now.” 

Taissa and Shauna chuckle as they both smile in the memory of their time shared with you with weed. They remember how wonderful the times spent out in the woods were when it was just you all in a circle talking shit about high school and hope in your hearts. Moments of much-needed relief for a few hours in your youth. 

Shauna asks, after a moment of silence, “Why do you, Taissa? You’re just enabling her to repeat the same pattern. She needs to learn how to handle her own shit.”

“And if she never does?” Taissa asks Shauna earnestly, and Shauna scoffs and shrugs. “Shauna. Don’t you think about it? I’ve got Simone and Sammy. You’ve got Jeff and-and Callie. (Y/n) has best sellers and book deals; her career is her child. Did we do something to deserve that? It’s just fate that gave us that, right? Who does Natalie have? Other then Travis, which we all know was a fucking train wreck, who does she really have?” 

You couldn’t help but take a deep puff of your cigarette as you threw it outside of Shauna’s window, and you bumped yourself back into your seat. You bit your lip as you thought ot yourself, “We don’t deserve anything after what we did.” 

“No one.” Shauna answers, humbled, looking down at her hands on her lap. 

“And now she has less.” You say quietly as you look out your window to the alleyway, looking at every detail of a dirty dumpster. 

“We wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for her.” Taissa states. You felt yourself nod in agreement wholeheartedly, knowing more than both of them about the truth behind that statement. “So I do what I can. Not just for her, for me.”

You look at Shauna for a moment as you let yourself feel something you haven't in a while. Sadness. You look away to avoid thinking about the ending of everything that happened, pushing it aside as you have for so many years. You don’t know why you have been thinking of nothing else, but it has been making you remember things you didn’t want to remember. 

Not her. 

Not now. 

Stop it. 

Stop it. 

It’s Shauna. It’s Shauna. 

Taissa sighs, and you look out the window, completely numb to your racing mind, Shauna quiet and humble for a moment. 

The side door slides open quickly as Natalie flings herself inside the back, beside you. You snap your head at the sound, slightly startled, but you remain calm as Natalie smiles at you. 

“The fuck took you so long?” Taissa hissed at Natalie as soon as she entered. 

“I stopped at a gas station.” 

“Oh.”

“And I couldn’t find any cups.” Natalie says as she pulls a bottle out of her jacket pocket. Handing the bottle to Shauna. 

It was far too big to fit inside her jacket, but Natalie always found a way to conceal her liquor somehow. 

It was Amber Teqilia in a wide, curved bottle. 

It makes you snort out a laugh as you lean into your seat, and your bandage loosens slightly as you move. You tuck in the bandage and make a quick mental note to dress your wound as soon as you can.

“Where did you find a gas station in New Jersey that sells booze at 2 a.m.?” Shauna asks as she looks at the label of the drink. 

“I bought it off the clerk. How else do you think they get through the night shift?” Natalie says as she adjusts herself in her seat. 

“Did you see anyone at the drop?” Taissa stressed as she glared behind her at Natalie. 

“If I saw somebody, I would’ve told you, Tai.” Natalie says as she shakes her head softly, she leans forward to grab the bottle, “Pass that to me.” 

 Natalie starts to take the plastic off the top of the bottle, and Taissa Stares at the phone that is showing the tracker and where you all were in the Van. 

“Come on, FuckFace, take the money.” 

Natalie opens the bottle and takes a healthy gulp of the liquor. There was a small cringe in her jaw and lip, but she held it well. She offered it to you with a soft smile, and you smiled back at her, “Thank you, babe.” You say as naturally as air. You take a much-needed drink. It burns and it feels like a forbidden act, and you licked your lips as you took a second swig in bravery. You cringed and passed it to Taissa. 

“Let’s get our old asses loosened up for this. I’m too tense, drink. Drink.” You insist that they be in the front. You smile when Taissa takes a big twig and grimaces.

‘96

The day went by quickly and without anything eventful happening. You all were farther than you have ever been past the crash site, and you were still heading down a trail naturally made in the forest. It was a calm and not too hot day; the sun kissed your tan skin without any bite. A breeze that caressed the baby hairs out of your face and dried your sweat. It was the perfect autumn day in the forest of pine trees. Birch and oak tree leaves litter the forest floor, and the pine stands tall with its needles a deeper green than in the summer days. 

You croch on the forest floor as you stab into an Osyer mushroom that grows along a tree, when your knife stabbed into the white fluffy top, black dust flowed out like smoke from the wound. 

You snapped away from the dead Mushroom with a defeated sigh. You wipe your dirty hands on your pants and return to the trail with the others. You softly touch the necklace Lottie made for you with reverence. 

Lottie made you feel desired and wanted. She makes you feel everything you have ever wanted. You think about how soft her lips are on yours and how much you liked how you felt when you were with her. You were falling in love with her, and you knew it. 

You walk behind Van as Mari and Akilah giggle together, Misty lingering beside them, as they talk about some sophomore you didn’t know about. 

“What the hell is that?” Taissa asks as she looks at the Bone necklace Van wore. Her eyes narrow more when she sees that you're wearing one too. “Dude, what the hell?” 

“Lottie gave it to me,” Van says as she softly holds the necklace in her hands protectively. 

“Seriously?” 

“What?” Van snorted as we all walked forward on the path. 

“I’m just saying, you know, if this were a horror movie, she would be the villain,” Taissa says with almost a nonchalant attitude. 

“Hey! Don’t say that!” You felt yourself get protective over Lottie as you say, “She hasn’t done anything wrong. We all know she doesn’t have her psych medication, she can’t help she says some weird shit sometimes.” 

“If this were a horror movie, you would be the first to die.” Van says to Taissa and looks over to you and says, “You’d be the final girl. You’re too smart to die.” 

“Why, because I’m black?” Taissa asks Van, monotone. She sounded out of it like she was lost in a dark thought. 

“No, because you’re the skeptical one. They always go first, leaving the rest of us to keep doing dumb shit and die in unnecessarily brutal deaths.” Van explained, with a small, cute smile curling on her pale pink lips. You look down at your dirty shoes.

“Mm-hmm,” Taissa replies, disinterested. 

“I think if we were a horror movie, the villain would be the wilderness and not Lottie, you know. Extensional horror. Or like a fucked narly monster crawling around. picking us off one by one.” 

“Can we stop talking about horror movies this deep in the woods?” Taissa stressed, her eyebrows furrowed close together, forming a wrinkle between her hairline and her brows. 

“Wait, hang on, why doesn’t the black character always die first?” Van asks, absentmindedly as she looks around at the greenery of the trail. 

“Systemic Racism. Duh.” You respond with a flick of your hand. 

“Anyways, for the record, Lottie predicted prom queen last year, and the whole Mr. Jerkins Scandal.” Van defends her friend again with a smile growing on her lips, you smile and giggle as Taissa shoots Van a look of annoyance. “What? She did! Chill out. Oh, my god. You get so serious about this shit.”

You felt yourself taken over by a deep yawn, you scratch your arms out and say to the other, “We should rest up in the clearing ahead for the night. We need to keep our energy up, and save what daylight we have left.” You say as you start to move in front of the group. 

You set up camp beside the river and under a nice natural canopy of trees, and you lay out the beds beside the fire. You all eat your rations and drink all your water for the day, you sit beside the fire boiling some more water for the next day of traveling, as Van animated tells the story of ‘While you were Sleeping’ in her own unique way. 

“So, get this, after Bill Pullman falls in love with Sandra, his fucking brother wakes up!” Vans says, as she stretches her limps out. The other gasp in shock and in awe at the ridiculousness of the story, you smirk as you look at the redhead continue on. Van points, “It’s a whole ass mess. I mean, this dude actually thinks that Sandra is his fiancee, but she not, so just-”

A howl rips through the camp like a stabbing in the back. Everyone is silent as they listen to the distant howling of a pack of wolves. You could hear maybe three, but that doesn’t count the ones who weren’t speaking. The only comfort was that they sounded a few miles off in the distance. Everyone’s heads move back and forth in fear as we listen as closely as we can. 

It was the first time we felt truly alone. We were a small pack, but we were vulnerable. We all knew that, too. 

The other looks over to Taissa. You look down at your pot of boiling water. You felt exhaustion in your bones, shivering in your hands, and a gnawing hunger in your stomach. But you knew that you were in for a longer night. You pull the pot off the fire.

“We’re fine. Wolves are afraid of humans. Besides, it doesn’t sound like they’re very close.” Taissa reasoned with the group; she sat with her knees hugged to her chest. 

Mari and Akailh glance over to you as if you could comfort them somehow, you could add something to help them feel at ease. You sigh. 

“Okay, when we go to bed, we will need to keep watch. I’ll do it tonight, I have to write and read another chapter of Dune to get through before I get to bed.” You say, as you start to cool off the pot, off to the side of the camp. You get up, forcing yourself to be brave, and say, “I’ll get us some sticks around here and make some sharp points to make us feel better.” 

“We can take turns taking watch, just to be extra safe, but I don’t think we should worry about it,” Taissa says back to you as you get up to find some heavy sticks. 

You wipe your hands off on your pants and you roll your eyes, “It’s better to be prepared and foolish, than worry about it later' your way out of something.” 

Mari, Misty, and Akilah look anxious as they shift in their beds, bite their lips, and look around the clearing. You smile as you force yourself to be the adult, “Don’t worry, you guys, we’ll all have little spears by the end of the night. I’ll keep us safe, don’t worry.” 

“You know who needs to worry?” Van cuts in with a cheeky grin, “Our girl Sandy.”

You start to look around for thicker sticks around your torso height, as you listen on, “Because she does not know this man, and he’s never seen her before. He’s like, “Who is this girl?” And the Doctor is like, “Well, he must have amnesia because you don’t remember your wife-to-be.”

“I found a stick!” You beam to the group and show them the perfect stick to make into a spear. 

They clap and cheer softly, still anxious from the howling, and Mari says, “Fuck yes.” 

‘21

 “This is unacceptable. Blackmail us, fine, but it’s 3:34 am. Like, why have us show up at 2:00 and then keep us waiting? It’s like…” Shauna complained 

“Maybe they’re scouring the area, making sure we’re not waiting.” Taissa reasoned that her mood loosened from the burning sips of the tequila.

Natalie and you sit in the back, patiently waiting for the bottle to be passed to you. 

Shauna sighs, “Okay. Then find us already. I’m not impressed.”

Natalie looks over at Shauna with almost a glossiness in his eyes, “Maybe slow down?” 

“Hm. What for? It’s already a train wreck.” 

Taissa passes the bottle behind her to Natalie, as she replies, “Yeah, no,  it will be, at this rate.”

“All right, you’re right.” Shauna agrees with Taissa, clearly feeling the tingling in her body. Natalie takes another swig of the bottle as she looks on at Shauna, making sure Shauna doesn’t do anything. “We should make the most of this quality time. Tai, how are your wife and kids?” 

You chuckle softly as you take the bottle from Natalie, taking another swig. The burning amber flows down your esophagus, drying out your throat and warming up your chest. You felt a lot lighter than you did before entering the car with the girls. Drinking away the nerves of being all together again, praying you wouldn’t have another freak out in front of Natalie again. 

“Fine.” 

Natalie softly chuckles beside you, and you look over to her to share a look of amusement. You both hold in the laugh. “How’s the campaign? Also fine?”

“Mm-hmm,” Taissa mumbled as she looked out the window. It seems like everything is not fine. You decide to intervene in the conversation to alleviate the tension.

“How is Callie, Shauna? The last I heard, she was fighting with her boyfriend, uh, Matt?” You slurp as you take another great gulp of tequila. 

“Who? You mean, Kyle?” Shauna corrects as she chuckles softly. “Yeah, uh, my daughter isn’t small and cute anymore. She’s mean and 17, with a new boyfriend, and is always “sleeping over” her best friend's house. It’s… yeah.” Shauna sighs as she explains her relationship with Callie. It made you sad to hear how distant it sounded, how it always sounded even when Callie was young. 

“What s-uh what’s wrong with your hand?” Shauna asks Taissa, who you can't notice has a light, white bandage wrapped around her hand. Not as severe as yours, which was also wrapped with a scarf. 

“Oh,” Taissa says as she notices the bandage herself. “Uh, nothing. It’s just…it’s nothing.” 

Shauna softly nods, growing annoyed with how standoffish Taissa was becoming. 

“What happened to you?” Natalie asks as she points at your bandage, her eyes narrow as she grabs the bottle and then your hand to examine it. 

You pause for a moment as you look at her looking you over, you sigh and say, “I cut my hand pretty deep when I was leaving the convention today. Don’t worry, it’s all wrapped up.” 

“Okay.” Natalie nods softly as she puts your hand gently back on your lap as if you were delicate. You look on at her softly as she looks over at you in concern. 

“How did that go? The convention. Was it for writers?” 

“Yeah, in a way. It was a romance novel convention, and it’s pretty lame.” You chuckle softly as you feel yourself look down at the bandage and play with the tied ends of the scarf, almost to keep your eyes off Natalie’s intense ones. You sounded like you were a teenager again for a moment. 

“Well, I assumed that because you were going there.” Natalie teased with her tongue poking out from between her teeth, and she smiled at you warmly. 

“Whatever, bitch.” You joke back and playfully push her shoulder, giggling a little. The whole car filled with giggles for a moment from your joyful, drunk comeback. “How are you doing, Natalie? Doing okay?” 

“I’ve been… If anyone wants to know about this, I’ve been fucking Kevyn Tang.” 

You laugh out loud with a snort coming out on accident, and everyone laughs loudly at the exciting news. It was like girls at the lunch table talking about boys. 

“Kevyn Tang!” Shauna exclaims as she turns herself around to face Natalie. Taissa does the same thing as she looks on at Natalie with wide eyes of recognition. “The goth kid?”

“Well, he’s a cop now.” 

Taissa's eyes shoot out into saucers as she gasps, “You got to be kidding?” 

“Uh, yeah. And he has two kids, and-”

“Oh dear. That sounds complicated.” Shauna blurts out as she listens on. 

“Not to me.” Natalie defended quickly, disturbed that Shauna would say something about this, “He’s, uh, I mean, he’s actually kind of… nice.” 

Taissa smiles at Natalie, happy her friend has finally found a new love and is doing better. Shauna looks on with polite happiness for Natalie, but you could see underneath that she didn’t believe this. 

“I am so happy for you, Natalie.” You say to Natalie and put your hand on her shoulder, giving a comforting squeeze. “I’m sorry I was a bitch about it when I first found out.” 

Natalie snarky chuckles and takes a swig of the booze, “It’s fine. It wasn’t any better at different points. You’re fine.” 

You know your relationship with Natalie was unique and complicated from years of layers being added to what was once a pure friendship. You always rely on the fact that, whatever you two were, you were friends. Trauma bond or no, you were always friends. Even in the most painful and hurtful ways, the things you have said to each other weren’t even a fraction of all the pain you two have experienced together, so it truly became water under the bridge. It relieved you that she didn’t hold a grudge against you for the evil moments. She would shove you away and make you feel horrible, and you would make her feel small in return. But somehow, you both come back together and still laugh. 

The tracker app on Taissa’s phone starts to ding. Everyone straightens their backs, alert now, and puts on their seatbelts. Shauna puts the keys in the ignition. 

“Oh, no, no, no. Actually, I shouldn’t drive ‘cause if we die, we’ll never find out who’s doing this.” Shauna says as she pants a little, her hands out in surrender. 

Taissa throws her seat belt off, “Okay. Get out! I’ll drive”, and throws herself out of the car door. 

Natalie offers her hand out, beaming, “I’ll drive!” 

Everyone in the car joins a chorus of “No" to her.

You giggle a little, feeling a small rush of excitement racing through you, and you put your seat belt on as Taissa comes to the driver's seat. 

Taissa turns the corner sharply, and you try to hold your eyes open. You brace yourself against the driver’s seat. The wheel squeals as it rubs against the wet ground.

Shauna, the passenger, drives as she looks at the phone for directions and gets back on the road. Taissa is tense and focused. Taissa stresses as a moving truck comes down the road, “Is this what's supposed to happen? What’s going on?” 

You look through the glass to see that the moving truck is slowly backing up into the building. 

“Uh, the driver must be in on it.” Natalie says as she leans in beside you, and Tissa sighs, she has to slow down on the road to give the truck driver backup. 

Taissa comes to a stop. 

“Okay. What are we going to do?” Shauna asks as she anxiously bites her cuticle. 

Natalie jumps out of the car. 

“Natalie!” Both you and Shauna shouted out to her as she rushed over to the truck, backing up. 

“Okay, I guess we’re going,” Taissa says as she unbuckles her seatbelt and quickly gets out of the car to follow. You shoot yourself out of the car, and you put your sunglasses over your face to hide some of it. God, if this is caught on camera. 

“No, no, no.” Shauna shook her head as she followed the three of you. 

“It’s a go. Let’s go.” 

“Ugh. shit,” Shauna whines as she runs behind all of you. 

Before you even know it, Natalie pushes the driver against the door with a gun in his face, “You’ve been blackmailing us, or you know how it has been. Which one is it?” 

You gasp and hold your hand over your mouth, eyes staring on. 

“No, I-I-I just work here!” 

“Don’t LIE to me!” Natalie tightens her grip on his collar and points the gun more into his cheek. 

“Natalie, stop!” Taissa stresses to her. 

“Natalie, please put down the gun.” Shauna pleaded. 

“Please don’t shoot me. Take the truck. Just take it.” The driver whimpers as he puts the keys on the ground; he is sweating bullets.  

Suddenly, the back of the moving car pops open, and a man dressed in all black and a mask dashes out and into the building. 

You gasp again as you throw your sunglasses over your hairline to get a better picture. The man was athletic and quick. Something within you urged you to chase after him. 

Taissa and you come closer to Natalie as she starts to tail the man, Taissa throws the keys to Shauna and says, “There he is, there he is! Take the keys. Drive to the front!” 

You throw your purse to Shauna, and she awkwardly grips it after it falls to the floor; you take off. Taissa overtakes you as she bolts past you. 

You run into the building to see the other two just ahead of you, cutting into another room at the other end of the industrial hallway. There were workers pushed to the side, quincing at hurt hips, and shooting daggers at you all, their clothes racks pushed on top of them. 

“Take the wing!” Taissa orders Natalie, and she says, “I’ll take him like at States.” 

You pant and nod your head, not know what the fuck they were talking about. You just pick your pace back up, and you all run into the storefront of the warehouse. Racks and racks of clothes that the man was now pushing through and jumping over.

 You come over to the left side as Natalie takes the right, Taissa was right on him. 

The man throws a rack to the ground to slow her down. Taissa outmaneuvers him and gets right on him again. She then tackles him to the ground, and the two start struggling against each other. 

You start to come over to help her overpower him, but he elbows Taissa right in her nose. She is stunned for a moment, and the man gets up. You come over to help her up before pulling her back into a run after him.

Something has come over you that feels exhilarating. Full of energy. 

You turn your head to see him; he runs into a summer sales table that had a bowl of pink glitter on display, and he collapses on top of everything. The glitter is splattering everything in the area. 

Your leather shoes have sprinkles of pink shine on them as you try to approach him. The man quickly gets up off the ground before you can reach him; glitter flows off of him as he runs. 

His hands hit the doors, and you shout, “STOP!” as you follow behind him. 

You wished you had kept your purse to throw it over his head to stop him. Behind you, Natalie sprints out of the doors, and then Taissa. 

You pant as you try to see where he is. A black Ford Fusion pulls through with the man still wearing his mask. 

Natalie pulls out her gun and aims for the back of the window. 

“No!” 

Taissa and you rush on Natalie and make her point the gun to the ground before she took her shot. 

The ringing of the gun goes off in your ear, and you cringe; you feel triggered. You felt like a kid again in a way that made you feel small. You wanted to cry. 

“God, Natalie!” Taissa shouts at her. She is angry. “Fuck!” 

Natalie is tense and stressed, realizing what she did.  

Shauna pulls up in her van. She is stressing out too, as she looks at the mix of emotions on all of your exhausted faces, “Natalie, what the hell?!” 

Natalie doesn’t say anything as she pants, leaning on a metal rail. For a moment, you all processed what had happened and what you would do next. You lost $50,000, and someone knows the most evil parts of you. 

Taissa groans as she holds her nose. You come over as you look at Shauna, “Get my purse, I have tissues in there,” and you turn back to Taissa, “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She replies, Shauna hands you the bag, and the two of you share a look of shared frantic panic, you pull out tissues and put them to Taissa’s bloody nose. “Oh, god.” She groans. 

Natalie moves to walk towards the trash that has been thrown out of the bag. She looks defeated and angry. 

“What now?” Shauna asks no one in particular. 

“Well, he throw out all our shit.” 

The tracker should still be in the bag, but it appears to have broken when he crashed on top of it while falling on the glitter. Because it wasn’t showing up on the app anymore, and there was an error message. 

“We look for a motherfucker covered in glitter.” 

Natalie signs as she tucks the gun into her bra.  

The car was quiet and tense since we left the building. We all felt the meltdown of the adrenaline high come down, and you were smoking another cigarette. You smelled like a walking cigarette. You didn’t mind. You’ve smelled much worse. You nurse your throbbing hand and your cigarette, looking out the window. 

Shauna was white-knuckling the steering wheel. Taissa looked out the window, biting her nails. Natalie anxiously picks at her jeans, looking like a kicked puppy. 

“I wasn’t going to kill him.” Natalie mumbles beside you. 

Shauna snaps softly, “Oh really? What was your plan? Shoot him in the leg, through the back of his windshield? ‘Cus it sure felt for a moment there like we were all going away for murder.” 

Taissa shoots a look at Shauna, and you grimace. 

Natalie says what you were thinking, “Like we haven’t done a lot worse.” 

“You know what, speak for yourself, Natalie. I-” Shauna snaps at her with more venom. You couldn’t help but scoff that Shauna, of all people, dares to not feel shame for what happened out there. “Don’t drag us into your endless fucking pit of gulit.“

You softly narrow your eyes at Shauna from behind as you take a slow puff of your cigarette. You look over to Natalie, who is slowly stewing. 

Taissa, ignoring Shauna, “At least we know FuckFace is a man.” 

“No. No, we don’t. He could be working for someone. Including that, like, annoying fucking reporter.” 

“Whatever they are, they now have 50 grand, and they know we’re onto them,” Taissa added, her brow wrinkling again. “What if they spill our secrets just to spite us?” 

Natalie, ashamed, looking down at her lap again, mumbles, “I’m not going to let that happen.” 

“Oh, you’re not going to let that happen?” Shauna mocks softly as she narrows her eyes in annoyance. “Okay, um, are you going to grab a flamethrower and just go up and down Route 9, knocking down doors?” 

Natalie takes a sharp breath in and she leans in, “Pull over.” 

You frown and look over to her, not wanting her to leave. Your cigarette, with a long line of ash lining the end, was forgotten for a moment. 

“What?” 

“Pull over, or I’ll jump out,” Natalie threatens. 

“Oh, god.” Shauna groans as she pulls over. 

“You don’t get it, do you!” Natalie points at Shauna when Shauna stops the car, “This isn’t for us. This is for Travis!” 

“Nat, we’re not even sure Travis’s death is related to any of this.” Taissa replied, trying to calm her down.

“The fuck it isn’t!” Natalie snapped at Taissa with fire, she shook her head softly, “You guys don’t know Travis like I do. He wouldn’t kill himself!” 

You couldn’t agree with Natalie, but you did add, “It is odd that he dies and then someone blackmails us.” 

Natalie cries, “He wouldn’t do it!  And I know you think I’m crazy, but what do I see? You guys are just as fucked-up as I am!” 

“You’re just better at lying to yourselves! You’re not healthy!” Natalie continues, she uses her fingers to quote, “You’re not stable! You’re all living on the brink, just like me. If you don’t want to help me with the plan, then I’ll do it myself.” 

“Natalie!” Shauna softly protested, feeling bad for being so hard on her. 

You don’t stop yourself when your body shoots out of your seat and follow behind Natalie. 

Natalie softly sobbed, she covered her quivering lip for a moment before realizing you were following her. 

“Hey, hey! Natalie. It’s okay.” You say lovingly to her and come behind her, your hand on her arm. 

She turned around to look at you, and you pouted at her hurt face, which was curled with her sobs. You pull her into a hug, you put her head in the crook of your neck, and you rub her back, “It’s okay. I’m right beside you, Nat. Always. We’ll figure it out.” 

She groans softly, pushes you away from her, wipes her tears angrily, and almost growls at you. “Go away.” 

She turns and starts to walk away. You sigh softly as you turn to the minivan. Taissa rolls down her window for you to speak to them, “Hey, I’m gonna get Natalie an Uber home. I love you two, be safe, and please text me to let me know when you're home. Bye guys. Exciting night.” 

“Bye,” Taissa says quickly. 

Shauna sighs and nods her head, “Okay, bye. Love you too, call you later.” 

“See ya!” You quickly say as you rush after Natalie. Not worrying about the blood dripping down your hand onto the ground. You follow behind Natalie, giving her some space as you walk. You then start ordering the closest Uber to her hotel room. 

‘96

The second day of the exploration went without incident. There was a calmness in the sunlight, and the path ahead was clear; all they did was talk and laugh about the girls at the cabin. You were more exhausted than you had felt in a long time. Your whole body aches for you to rest, and your eyes grow heavy as the hours drop by, but you still have a little more energy to get to nighttime. 

There was a cold chill that came over you as the group came upon a river in the path. It was a metallic red color, with a strong smell of plants and iron in the air. Everyone was silent as they came closer to the river. You stood still in a spot, silent, as Van's anxious looks at you. She remembers the dream you told her a week ago and the one Lottie told you two about before you left. 

You felt paralyzed in fear as you stepped back to lean against a tree. You didn’t feel right. This wasn’t right. 

Misty crouches on the river's edge. She cups her hands to see the color of the water; it retains its brownish-red color. “Definitely shouldn’t drink it.” 

“No shit. It smells weird.” Mari says back as she crosses her arms over her chest. 

“What did Lottie say was in her dream? A river of blood?” Akiliah asked the group nervously, hugging herself tightly. 

“A cloud of red smoke,” Mari added as she started to look more scared than before. 

“Yeah. And last night, I dreamed I went water-skiing with Princess Diana, so…” 

Van crouches by the riverbend too; she's nervous and touches the necklace Lottie made for us. You don’t move an inch from the tree you hold onto with a vice grip. 

“I think that mineral deposits can change the water. Iron, maybe?” Misty reasons as she looks at the water. 

“I’m sure that’s what it is,” Taissa says strongly to end the conversation of dreams and superstitions. 

As Taissa spoke, your eyes looked at her face. Off to the left, the cliffside you dreamed about was behind her in the same position as you remembered. You wanted to scream. How could you have known how any of this looked?

Mari looks on at Taissa with a hard look of disbelief at the explanation. Not pleased. 

Taissa grows frustrated at Mari and says, “Come on, this has been a fun little detour, but we should keep moving.”

Taissa then pulls her bag closer to her shoulder and turns around to continue on the trail. 

Mari pouts as she looks down at her compass, her eyes widen in fear as she calls out, “Um, guys?

You come closer to Mari, putting a hand on her shoulder to look over it. You see the compass moving in all directions like she was spinning in circles, and you couldn’t help but stare at the compass. 

Something was seriously wrong with this place. 

Mari shows off the compass, going crazy with the group, and Van nods her head to it, drawing Taissa closer to investigate. 

Taissa says with a worried brow, “The iron must be messing with the compass, right?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Misty replied with almost a lost look in her eye. 

“It’ll probably work again when we get away from the water.” Taissa reasoned that she sounded like she was coaxing a child away from a fire. She turns again to tell everyone to follow her and get away from the water. You move to follow her. 

“We’re getting tired and scared. It’s okay. Let’s go set up camp, come on guys, it’s okay, we have water.” You try to coax Mari to move again with a gentle shove of her shoulder, but she stands still. All three of them do so in fear and deep thought. 

“Seriously? What?” Taissa snaps at the group when they don’t follow her. 

“Should we… I don’t know, think about heading back?” Mari blurts out as she looks at Taissa and then at you. For a moment, you feel like you should, but your mind is made up. 

“We just need to get away from here.” Taissa calmly says, trying to get them away from the river. 

“Wait! Let’s think about this!” Van blurts out, holding onto her necklace with reverence. 

“Think about what?” 

“Yeah, guys, come on, let's just keep going. The river is corrupted, it’s not going to stop us from getting to rescue.” You reasoned that you felt your face unable to animate itself because you were so tired. “It’s scary, but, guys, it’s not going to kill us.” 

“I don’t know. This stream? It’s a pretty big coincidence that Lottie dreamed about it. And now the compass is acting weird-” 

“What did Lottie say when we found the plane?” Mari asked the group with wide eyes, with fear. 

“It didn’t want him to leave.” Van, almost tearfully, admits. 

“You have to be fucking kidding me?” Taissa snaps again. 

“I’m just saying-” 

“What? What are you just saying?! That the fucking woods don’t want us to leave?” Taissa hisses at her girlfriend as she fans her arms out to make her point. “Do you know how insane you sound? The woods don’t give a shit. And all this nonsense about Lottie’s dreams and omens and whatever the fuck that is.” She rants and then points at Van’s necklace. 

Van keeps caressing her bone necklace as she stares daggers at Taissa.

“We can survive without a compass. We’ll use the sun to travel south, and we can place cairn stones or something under the trees. There is a solution ot everything! An explanation for everything! Now, that said, nobody forced you to come with me. Anyone who wants to head back, go ahead by all means, but I’m losing daylight. ” Taissa presses on and turns around in a puff and starts to march ahead south. 

Van turns away with a scoff, looking at the red water. 

You softly come to her and put your hand on her shoulder, “Come on, let’s get going, Van.” 

She comes with you, as do the others. They start to follow Taissa to a clearing where the camp had been set up. You quickly start to roll your bed out and Taissa quietly comes over to you, “Hey, how are you holding up?” 

“Fine.” You sigh as you force a smile to her.

“I’m going to keep watch tonight. You look like shit.” 

You chuckle and smile, “Thanks. I’ll try to not be hurt by that. Wake me up when you get tired, okay?” 

“Okay.” Taissa says as she moves to her own spot by Van. Van dramatically takes her bed and places it beside yours and Misty’s. 

“Okay, if I sleep here tonight?” 

“Yeah, anytime.” You yawn as you lay down on the makeshift bed. Everyone was still tense from the river and quiet in thought, you were too tired to care much for it. 

You let yourself fall asleep beside the fire, feeling safe that Taissa was keeping watch.  

‘21

Misty watches on at the screen with a deep frown and murderous eyes. She watches on as a frumby middle-aged woman called you a murderer and a cannibal. She shook her head with a deep sigh. 

“Don’t like them being mean to your girlfriend?” Jessica asks snarkily in her bed, bound. 

Misty glances over to her with a grimace. “No. I don’t.” 

Jessica swells on her dry spit in her mouth as she panics softly. “It’s not fair that you guys have been so judged by people who don’t understand you.” 

“No, it’s not. Especially if people knew anything, (Y/n) is the last person you would call that.” Misty snorted as she shook her head. She looks over at you sitting at the panel table with a stern, serious face, like the woman's hurtful words meant nothing to you, and she looks over the sharp outfit you wore. 

She looks at the lining of your shirt and notices how your skin looks more like that of a 30-year-old than a 40-something. She always thought you were so beautiful. She thinks it's horrible how mean someone was to you, as you looked so good. 

She then noticed the small wince of pain on your face, the woman says Laura Lee’s name, and it makes Misty feel a sharp pain of violence through her. She wanted to hurt this woman if Jessica wasn’t in the basement, then that crazy woman would be. 

Knock! Knock! Knock! 

Misty pauses as Jessica’s eyes widen with hope. Jessica lets out a blood-curdling scream for the person at the door to save her.

Misty doesn’t react as she pulls out her phone and sees her ring doorbell, only to find you standing at the door.

Misty’s heart flutters as she quickly stands up from her spot. She hisses at Jessica and says, “They can’t hear you! Stop trying, it’s annoying!”

(Y/n) would never find Jessica, and you wouldn’t hear her, but it stressed Misty out to think that you could hear Jessica’s voice in the house.

Misty rushes up the stairs to the basement and closes the door behind her. The screaming muffled beautifully from the soundproofing ceiling she installed. Misty turned the key to lock the door, and she left it in the door to rush to the front door to meet her beloved (Y/n).

You wince in pain, the wound on your hand reopened when you chased the blackmailer through the store. It was throbbing worse than it had earlier, and you didn’t think about a better place to be than Misty’s.

You and Natalie took an Uber to Natalie’s hotel room, you hugged her again, and got pushed away again. But you left, and you got McDonald's because you still felt a little drunk. You were craving meat.

You stand in front of Misty’s front door with a bag of McDonald's in your hand, with a drink carrier hanging weakly on your fingers.  

“Oh!” Misty is shocked to see you at her doorway. You beam at her with a wave of your hand at the food.

“Hey, Misty!” 

“What are you doing here? I don’t mean I don’t want you here, but it’s nearly 2 in the morning.” Misty stressed with a concerned look in her eyes, 

“I have a cut on my hand and I didn’t want anyone but you to touch it.” You confess and look at her with a plea in your eyes, “Seriously, I didn’t want anyone else.” 

Misty gasps as she looks at your bloody hand wrapped up carelessly now because it has been in use and has not been maintained. “Oh my god, what happened to you?” 

“I cut my hand when I was leaving the convention.” You shy a little as you look down at your glitter-covered shoes. “As you can see I had a long night of press and stupid shit sent my way.”

“The one you didn’t invite me to?” Misty says with a narrowing of her eyes, she pushes her glasses up in her prissy way. “I didn’t appropriate that after our night of love making.”  

“I know. I knew it would get hairy, and it did. A very mean person asked questions today on the panel… And, yeah, I’m happy no one came or watched. I was pretty bad. I’m sorry, I probably would have been better and not cut my hand.” 

You couldn’t help but be honest in most parts of Misty. You knew why you didn’t invite everyone on purpose, and you were right. You didn’t want the others to be getting unnecessary flashbacks like you went through. 

“It’s okay, come inside. Let you eat-” 

“I got you something too. I got you a fillet-o-fish and a root beer.” You say and lift your hand with the meal in it, and you smile widely. 

“You remember my order.” Misty was shocked, and she softly shook her head; her glasses slid down her nose. 

“How could I forget all the times we went out for McDonald's when I was getting used to the outside. I remember somethings.” 

Misty manically giggled and snorted. She pushes her glasses up again. “Okay. Come inside. I was getting hungry anyway.” 

You smile as you come inside Misty’s old house. You knew this was her grandmother’s home, and the decor had barely changed since you were a kid. Misty just put down more bird decor and placed all the crosses. 

The house smelled like baked apple pie from a wax burner, and there was soft classical music playing from her Alexia. Her bird squeals when you walk past the living room. You wave to him, pleasing Misty, “Hello, Caligula.” 

You come to the kitchen with Misty, and she pulls out a table chair for you. 

“Okay, you stay here, and I will clean your wound, then we can eat. Then we can gossip!” Misty lists off with a little giggle in her throat. 

You nod your head and eat a fry, “Okay! I’ll tell you all about it!” You lie. 

Misty rushes upstairs to find her first-aid kit. You sat at Misty's dining room table while the music played. 

You lazily pick at the fries in your bag, eating them as much as you can. You were starving. You look over at her finely painted walls and see the beautiful decorative plates on the wall that have cats painted on them. You heard a soft bumb against the wall. 

Your eyes look to the wall in front of you as you look at the door. You notice how there was a key with a keychain hanging in the door. A chill went up your spine when you remember that was the basement if your memory serves you well. Why was there a lock on the basement?

“Okay, so I don’t have any numbing cream, so you just have to be strong for me.” Misty says as she brings forward a large red first-aid kit. 

You play stupid and say, “Okay. I am so excited to get this cleaned. It reopened in the car.” 

Taglist: @zhivaxo @h-doodles @homopheli @bigtimesalt8196 @juniperjean @scatorccioz @juniperjean @yaakooi @lottieswebs @juchily @freezinggay @deathly710-blog @ghostoflesbianism @marvelous-wandanatangel @errriiie @anskkks @deathvidal @slutforhotpeople @thursdayygrrrl @day-ziez @evewasheretoday @mayasaurusss @captainbabybear @eleanormall @mommyeater2000 @leonchef @mikititta @tigersarrcool @nyasbae @dykepvppy @jax1118 @oakwave @mmiah @dvrkhcld @swiftin0f @opheliadeservedbetter-27 @psychicdreamwonderland @pinkmoonzzz @under-your-bed-not-in-it @sadsapphic-rose @fictitious-sapphic @gayandfairycore @modernvenuss @livil589 @sifodiesilasca

[happysparklingshadows]

i love the way you write so bad like actually you put sm detail and it shows that u genuinely put work into the story ilysm don’t go bald

BALDD!!

LMAO!!! I LOVE YOU THAT WAS SO OUT OF POCKET!!! Thank you for noticing my attention to detail and how much work it takes into making each chapter!

[happysparklingshadows]

thank you for letting reader THINK FOR HERSELF.

Thank you! Reader herself is complicated and messy but she has a good head on her shoulders. The reader is looking out for everyone and just wanting to survive man, she is not going to be strongarmed away from her doing what she thinks is right. With that being said, she is a messy 18 year old. And as an Adult, no one can tell the bitch anything. She couldn't be told anything wrong without her correcting someone gently. I love my smart Oc/Reader so much!

[happysparklingshadows]

i know it is going to happen but I am not prepared to start crying when Jackie dies. It made me cry in the show and I know you are going to make me cry when you write about it.

I'm having a hard time getting through the more emotional scenes because they make me cry, thinking about my best friends and wondering if I would be in that situation if I were in their place, which was a lot on my mind when I was writing the last few chapters. Jackie always makes me cry, and I love how she haughts the narrative, but I hope you all know that (Wuthering Heights reference) Jackie is Catherine to Readers Heathcliff. Jackie is a haunting phantom for the reader after Jackie's death because of all the regrets and lost opportunities, but the Reader would never wish for Jackie's ghost to go away because it's the only thing she has left of her best friend. The reader is unnerved by Jackie's spirit, but she is comforted knowing that Jackie still chooses to linger around her after all these years. Reader feels like she deverses the scares from time to time for the moments of sweetness.

[happysparklingshadows]

i literally cannot wait for the doomcoming cause i alr know reader is gonna be the baddest at the function

OHHH GIRL I have a big plan for doomscoming that will change the dynamics of the group drastically from the show. I'm nervous, but I have hope that everyone loves the way I work out the scenes and the high the reader has. The reader is the baddest bitch in the club

[happysparklingshadows]

god i fucking love you. you are so talented

Thank you so much for your support and your kind words! You make me feel so motivated to write! I fucking love you too

[happysparklingshadows]

I can’t see Van and Tai crushing on reader lol they are so cute, but in my head, they are made for each other. can u give us a spoiler about it? Also, how about mari, gen, akilah and the others? do they have a crush on reader too?

Okay so for Van and Taissa, the romance with them is still developing, but you are right. Those two seem to be made for each other. For them, both are separately developing small crushes on reader but they are communicating about it and they think it’s because she is the only “gay” girl out there with them. Obviously, things are different once they’re out of the woods, because Van and reader have a confirmed committed relationship they were in as adults. Please trust me when I say that things will show themselves as time progresses, especially because these two are so locked in at this point. Reader’s envy of them will come back and low-key might want join them (throuple) ??? I don’t have it thought out but give your thoughts on that

All the underclassmen girls have crushes in reader at different degrees but the reader is not pay attention to any of them showing interest. We have to keep in mind these girls are still very much put together still. They aren’t going to be as brave as they will be in season three. Mari is crushing hard on reader in particular and Melissa but reader has not given them more mind them keeping them alive and being their friend (reader views all the underclassmen as “young ones” to keep an eye on and teach them a little more then the other seniors)

[happysparklingshadows]

A Certain Hunger (9/?)

Chapter 8 ✿ Chapter 10

Summary: The Reader's dreams come true before her eyes. And as an Adult, she is haunted by the dreams she starts to experience again, but she does bond with all the survivors once more.

Pairing: Surviving!Poly! Yellowjackets x reader (slow burn)

Warnings: Young Reader's CompHet, Angsty foreshadowing with Jackie that made me cry my eyes out, Alcohol and Cigerette use, BIG TIME FORESHADOWING CHAPTER!, kidnapping, and spiritual and Supernatural occurrences.

Word count: 15.6k

Notes: Sorry for the late chapter last month because of some family drama! I am back and I am coming back with another chapter in 10 days! Love you guys and please tell me all your thoughts!

UNEDITED

❀ A03 ❀ wattpad ❀ spotify playlist  ❀

‘93 

You sat in anxious excitement, your knees crossed over as you squeezed your thighs together. You giggled into your hand. It’s 2 a.m. at Jackie’s house. It was your second sleepover at her house, and the two talked about this all night. “Practicing boyfriends”. 

Shauna was leaning into Jackie’s face as Jackie caressed Shauna’s cheek. You stare at the two in titillation, leaning in awe. You know your feelings are wrong; they are your best friends, but maybe, how close you were, it felt like the only people you could feel this way for. The pair explained that because we were all friends and girls that aren’t gay, it didn’t mean anything if we kissed each other when Jackie’s parents were deep asleep. Jackie emphasized how all of you kissing wouldn’t make you gay if it was just practicing for guys, and you just nodded your head, lost in thought at the possibility of seeing two girls kissing. 

They do that?

 You have touched yourself before, but you have never experienced something so erotic in your 15 years of life. You bite your tongue as the two pull apart and turn to you, 

“So, that’s what we’re talking about.” Jackie chuckles as her hand touches your arm. The three of you sit cross-legged on Jackie’s queen bed. Your throat dries as you shyly nod your head to her, “Don’t be so nervous! This is exactly the point of doing this, so when you go out with James, then you won’t be shaking like a leaf!” 

You agreed to go on a date with James Lewison, Jeff and Randy’s third friend, because Jackie asked you to. She wanted to have a double date to see True Romance and eat at the new Taco Bell at the Wiskayok mall. And you didn’t want to disappoint Jackie, so you couldn’t find it in yourself to say no. Even if you didn’t know James or like him that much, you still said yes for Jackie’s sake. I mean, it’s Jackie. 

“Okay.” You chuckled and felt your cheeks burn as you held in your readiness. 

Shauna giggles as she turns her body more towards you, a teasing smirk on her lips when her fingers pinch your chin towards her. Shauna recklessly leans into your lips.

It felt odd. It felt slightly hot and dirty kissing your friend. It was aggressive, and Shauna’s tooth grazed your lip. You've never seen a person’s eyes or nose grow larger when they enter your face. You let your body lead you as you lean into your best friend’s lips, your eyes closed. You liked it. 

Jackie giggles as she pushes your shoulder back, and Shauna’s, “Alright, alright, you're too eager looking.” 

“I am?” 

“Yes! And guys are gross, so try this,” Jackie says as she leans into your space, grabs your wrist, and puts your hand to her cheek. She leans in and kisses you as well. Shauna sits to the side as she stares down at the two of you. 

You kept your eyes open as you looked at Jackie’s face. How beautiful and clear her skin was. It was so soft against your cheek. She was soft and slow.  You discovered that you enjoy kissing.

Jackie pulled back and smiled. She then said, “Okay, try that on Shauna so I can see.” 

You nodded and turned to Shauna. She almost greedily took your lips again as she pressed herself against you. You caressed the side of Shauna’s face like Jackie told you. You felt a burning in your chest, and you held your breath to keep kissing their hot lips. 

You finally pull away for air and look at Jackie's face as she watches you kiss Shauna. It was almost bitter. Jackie quickly covered it up as she came closer to Shauna. She says, “Don’t be greedy, (Y/n), friends share. We’ll all get a turn.” 

You stood on your porch after your date, your hands clenched together and your eyes closed tight, as James' tongue plunged deeper into your mouth. You discovered you didn’t like kissing; you liked kissing girls. 

The movie was good. James held your hands, paid for your popcorn and the arcade, and even walked you home after you were all dropped off at Jackie’s like a gentleman. Until it was time to say goodnight, he leaned in for a kiss without warning. 

You made an “Oh!” before you leaned into the wet, cold, foreign, and fleshy when James kissed you. But you found yourself unable to stop him from using his penetrating tongue. His wide hands grabbed your shoulder, and he felt almost trapped as he leaned your body towards him; it felt like it should have been romantic. You didn’t stop yourself. 

“Do you want to go on another date next Saturday?” James asks, breathless in excitement. He looks down at you with almost desperation and fear. 

You felt yourself smile and nod, not saying a word. 

He leaned down and kissed you again. This time, his body weight pushed you against the porch wall, causing a bump to be heard in the house. The sound of your mom and dad getting up from their recliners in the living room scared James off you, and he smiled boyishly at you as he backed away from the porch. 

“Goodnight, (Y/n), I had an awesome time!” 

“Goodnight, James!” You smiled, and you felt your cheeks blush at his clear attraction to you. You didn’t feel the same. It wasn’t an awesome night. It felt like you were hanging out with Jackie’s boyfriend’s friends. 

You didn’t even like the kiss. 

You didn’t like kissing Jackie or Shauna as much. 

You didn’t want to accept that. As you entered your home through the screen door, you smiled and waved at James, “See you Saturday, James!” 

‘96

You look down at Shauna as she sleeps softly against your chest. You rub a lazy finger against her cheek and push her baby hairs behind her ear. Last night, Shauna rubbed herself against you like she did a few times on your solo sleepovers but she didn’t cum last night. She stopped after she felt comforted from the making out, and she asked if she could sleep on you. You couldn’t find it in yourself to say no. 

You didn’t feel used as much as you felt wrong for doing this with Shauna after everything that had happened in the last few weeks. You don’t know what's wrong with you. Why can’t you tell people no, or push people away from you in moments of intensity? You did Lottie wrong. Lottie told you she liked you and wanted to be something more with you, and you, within an hour, are making out with your best friend in the attic. And, you did Jackie wrong. You did Jackie so wrong. 

You wanted to run away. And you were. You were going to be away from them finally. 

You softly move Shauna off your chest, onto the soft ground, and get up to change. You couldn’t find it in yourself to even care if she woke up. You didn’t feel right. 

Shauna shifts behind you now as you throw off your shirt and put on the outfit you planned the night before. You hear her stretch and yawn, and your lip curls in disgust at what the two of you did. 

When you were nearly finished getting dressed, Shauna asked, “What's up with you?” 

You ignore her as you button your pants. You glance over to her and shrug. 

“Seriously?” She asks as she then looks around the attic, just you two still, and whispers, “Best friends do this kind of thing, it’s not wrong. I don’t know why you get so twisted about it-”

“Oh, are you and Jeff besties, now?” You ask with a hiss lining your words. You wanted to run away. But you did it now. 

“What?” Shauna demanded as she stood up. 

With your head held high, you turn around and say, “Shauna, best friends don’t do what we do.” 

She stops herself as she looks at you with shock, her eyebrow crinkling. “What do you mean by Jeff?” 

You scoff and turn your head away, tears coming to your eyes as you feel confronted with something you didn’t want to explain. “Shauna, we kinda had sex. You and Jeff had sex. You rubbing yourself on me-”

“But you weren’t inside of me? We’re not gay.”

“Shauna!” you snapped as you looked at her deep in her eyes, your hair stood on end as you felt a heat coming from your spine, your fingers curling into wicked fists, “Do I have to explain myself? I thought I was your best friend, or at least when you want to see me as that, and you still haven’t figured it out? You seriously have no idea?!”

“What the fuck are you talking about, (Y/n), your making no sense!” 

“I’m gay.” You state as you look at her. “I have never seen what we did as just what best friends do. James, or any other boy you made me date, felt the same as you. Or Jackie. Jackie knows because she hasn’t done this with either of us in years! You want to have sleepovers with me, so you and rub yourself on my thigh and call me-”

“Stop it, (Y/n)! STOP IT!” Shauna panics as tears well up in her eyes. 

“Jackie.” You cry a little bit as you wipe your face of your fat tears. Your face was hard, and you couldn’t help but let your frustrations out on Shauna. “So yeah, Shauna, I don’t think what we did was friendly. Just because we don’t penetrate or get naked, you got off to it, Shauna. You do.” 

Shauna just stands there, ashamed as she looks at you with pinched lips, “I’m not gay.” 

As you leave the attic, you roll your eyes, “Whatever you tell yourself. I’m gay now, and you need to act like I am.”

“Are you seriously leaving like this?” Shauna says as she is now crying, her hands wave to you as she says, “I didn’t mean for this to happen! I’m serious, I wasn’t thinking last night.” 

“I wasn’t either, I didn’t think. I didn’t know how to tell you to stop or how to feel!” You huff to her, your body shakes softly as you feel upset at the thought of the others and their feelings. “Lottie likes me-”

“What?” Shauna shakes her eyes, her breath panting as her eyes widen in shock. She looked like she was on the edge of losing everything. 

“Lottie likes me, that’s why I was away. That’s why I have been away. I sneak away with Lottie, and we kiss. Not like us, Shauna.” 

“What do you mean? Not like us?” 

“She doesn’t kiss me because I am her best friend.” You spat back at her with a grimace coming to your lips. You're becoming increasingly enraged as you continue; you can feel it in your body. You didn’t know why you were getting so angry, but you knew you were going to confront Shauna.

“I wasn’t thinking! Don’t make it out like that!” Shauna says again, and it just makes you snap. 

You pause and turn to look into her eyes. Your lips curl as you spit out the brutal truth to Shauna: “As you don’t ever! You just do whatever urge you get, no matter the consequences or fault, because you’ll just not accept that you did that! You did gay shit! You tried to hide that you were pregrant; on top of that who the fucking daddy was!” 

“Fuck you, bitch, you don’t know a single thing about me if that is what you think!” 

“There you go again! Making it my fault for showing you a problem that only you can fix! Just stop acting like you didn't do things because you didn't want to do them! Just stop acting like you didn’t mean for any of this because you did, you just didn’t realize someone would notice you did something.” You rant at her as you point at her, and you storm closer to her. You get in her face and stand level with her, and for the first time in your life, you hold authority over the situation.

This was an honest-to-god fight with Shauna. You’ve never been like this before. 

“Fuck you,” Shauna says as she hugs herself, she stares tearful daggers at you. She doesn’t move or say anything as she just watches you stare back at her. 

You don’t say anything as you pant in your angry breaths. “I’m going to leave now to get you help.”

“Good, because I never want to see you again,” Shauna bitterly spat at you. You could tell in this moment she meant it, but in a few hours, she wouldn't regret it. But you could only feel the dagger that stabbed into your heart. You took it because you were sure Shauna got a few more stabs than you did today. 

“Good.” You say back as you storm out of the attic; you find that most of the girls are asleep, but Misty, Krystal, and Laura Lee sit in the kitchen area, preparing the small smoked fish for the day. They heard everything from above them. You couldn’t find it in yourself to care when you get outside of the cabin. 

Let them all know. There isn’t much else to lose. 

You sit between Akilah's legs as her fingers gently braid the hair on your scalp back because she emphasized how our hair will get matted if we just go out into the woods without some kind of protective hairstyle. You didn’t do much, but nodded your head in exhaustion from the morning. You let her comb through your hair as best she could and start tightly braiding it from your crown to your neck. She made them pig tails because she noticed how you had been doing them more lately. 

You felt a lot calmer now, with the quiet and kindness of Akilah’s gentle braiding, and you couldn’t help but feel as if you were numb to a multitude of emotions. But somewhere inside you was a blooming acceptance. 

Taissa and Van were getting loud as Taissa led a morning announcement about the expedition; you couldn’t help but find yourself unable to engage with all of them in the moment fully. 

“Tai, everyone thinks this is a bad idea.”

“Well. We have to do something!” Taissa retorted with a groan. She doesn’t want to explain herself again. “We’re starving. We have nothing to hunt or fish. We have scraps, but what will happen when there is nothing?”

Misty, knee on the log in a lazy stretch, “The animals might be migrating.”  

“That’s probably why the only game we’ve seen in weeks was the one sick deer.” 

You blankly mumble to Akilah, “The poor thing knew it was dying. He wanted to be alone.” 

“And it’s just gonna keep getting colder. And not “better put on a coat” cold. We’re talking about “dying feels like falling asleep” cold.” 

A pregnant solemn pause. 

You felt a chill run down your spine as you pushed the thought of dying from the elements. You had to push the thoughts away if you wanted to leave today. 

Everyone at camp is silent for the moment. Deep in thought of their reasons, but we all knew the one answer to Taissa. It’s that she was right, and you are all on death's waitlist. 

“What do you think, Lottie?” Laura Lee asks the girl beside her on the log. 

Lottie looks shocked by the question, as everyone quietly glanced at her, wondering what she would say. Crazy or not. 

“I don’t know,” Lottie admits. 

“Look, guys, anyone who wants to come with me is welcome, but I’m going.” 

“You’re gonna want to take stuff with you, right?” Mari asked with her arms crossed, anxiously leaning on one foot to the other. “Like food and supplies? That’s not up to you.” 

“Well, you can’t just send them out there with nothing.” Shauna scoffed. 

“This is insane. We don’t know where we are, just that big ass mountains surround us.” Van says, exasperated by the whole conversation.  “What are you now, Edmund fucking Hillary?” 

“Who?” Mari asks, clueless on who Edmund fucking Hillary was. You couldn’t help but chuckle at the conversation going haywire; you didn’t even know who he was. 

“Like, I said,” Taissa spat to the group, Akilah finished with your tight pigtail braids and pats your shoulders. “We’re not on an island. If we go south, we’ve got to run into something eventually. A road, a town, anything.”

Natalie shakes her head as she says softly, “No. You’re not taking the rifle. I’m all for what you're saying, Tai, but the gun has to stay.”

 “Okay,” Taissa says quietly back to Natalie and nods her head. “Fine. I could bring some things we don’t use every day. One of the axes, the compass-”

“There is a flare gun in the dead guy’s plane,” Jackie says as she looks towards the direction of the passenger plane. 

Everyone is shocked, looking at Jackie with wide eyes. Van, beside her, sits, “Don’t tell me that you, of all people, are on board with this.” 

Jackie pursed her lips and said, “What she’s saying makes sense. I mean, if she’s willing to go, then…”

“What if you're wrong?’ Laura Lee asks with a slight shake of her head, “What if there’s nothing?” 

You felt a pause within yourself as you nodded. You wouldn’t doubt it with all of your luck. 

“I don’t know,” Taissa admits with a shrug of her shoulder. 

Lottie turned her head sharply to Taissa and said, “You do know.”

“Yeah.” Taissa nods her head, and she looks a little hurt to say it. “If I’m wrong, I’ll die out there.” 

Everyone pauses again as the gravity settles on shoulders and minds; you couldn’t help but nod your head, knowing you hadn’t changed your mind. You’re leaving. 

“I’m leaving in an hour,” Taissa added as she walked away to the back of the cabin to escape the other judgment or discouragement. 

‘21

You lean against the tree in front of Natalie’s hotel room as you suck on your short cigerette. You went home. You have been a mess lately, but when you got home from the convention, you collapsed on the floor of your doorway and sobbed. You took a bath with your bloody hand, it stung and hissed at you when the wound touched the steaming water, and you dressed it. You then went to Natalie’s. You felt empty and angry in a way, and you couldn’t fully figure out why you were so angry. 

Maybe it was because of the erratic woman screaming at you that you were an evil woman?

Maybe it was because you thought no one would do that to you in that panel?

Maybe because the wilderness never leaves you enough room to forget about it. 

Maybe it was because you were still unable to tell reality from hallucination?

You did know you were getting frustrated with waiting for Taissa and Shauna.

“I need to see my neurologist.” You sigh to yourself as the smoke billows out of your mouth around your face. 

You notice car doors closing before you see Taissa and Shauna coming up to the two of you. You threw your cigarette under your foot as they were lectured by Natalie, “What part of 'Hurry up' did you guys not understand?” 

“It takes you getting blackmailed to care about being late?” Taissa shot back with a coy, small smirk.. 

“I’m sorry, but we all have families and lives, right? We can’t just sneak out a window, whatever… Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” 

“That we could all lose if we don’t deal with the problem, right?” You shot back at Shauna with a little fire in your eyes; you didn’t understand why, but all people, none of them, were being so blasé about the idea that someone knew what you all did. “Where is the money?” 

Shauna put down a childish homemade bag on the picnic table, and Natalie naturally moved to place the money in the open bag. “Right here.” 

“That's 50 grand?” Shauna asks in disbelief, "The small size of the stack of bills was somewhat amusing." It was just enough to hold in your hand like a brick, but not enough to fill the small duffle bag. 

“Yeah. In $100 bills.” Natalie states with a deadpan tone. 

“A little bit disappointing, by heist movie standards.” Shauna earnestly says back as the size underwhelmed her.  

You couldn’t help but chuckle at the ridiculousness of the situation. You rubbed your fine hand on your forehead and pinched your nose. You were standing here, talking about how small $50,000 looked, and earlier, you were getting yelled at about how sinful you were; it felt unreal. 

“You got the tracker?” Taissa asks. 

“It’s one of Amazon’s Top Sellers. Apparently, secretly tracking people is really huge right now. ” 

“Alright, we should put the tracker in the middle of the bills.” Natalie says as she points to the center of the stack. 

“No,” Shauna says as she picks it up and scowls at the lightness. “When they go to count the bills, they would see it.”

Taissa adds, “Uh, they see it in the bag.” 

“So, you big idea was shit?” Natalie snarkily smiles at Shauna, a mocking tone lining her words. 

“It’s not shit. I just thought the money would be bigger… Okay, we just have to fill the bag with some other stuff. Like you know-”

You stopped her as you grabbed the bag, you touched the fabric, and you saw a small pocket on the inside with a zipper. You say, “I’ll sow the tracker inside the bag. I’ll do it while we get there. I’ll cut the pocket and put the tracker on the inseam.” 

You open the pocket and finger the size as you look back at the three others, they look at you with soft smiles and relief at the problem. You put the bag down as you go inside your purse for your travel sewing kit, you mentally remember the summer days you used Laura Lee’s when you grab the small box. 

“Where did you get that sad Etsy reject bag from, anyway, Shauna?” Natalie asks in a dry, snarky tone. 

“My daughter made it for Father’s Day back when she was cute. I took it from Jeff’s like, “Special keeps”.”

“You’re not as sentimental as your hubby?” 

You paused as you felt your body prickling with a memory, not from your mind but your body. It felt tense and familiar, your neck stabs at you from your oldest scar. You felt a chill of fall come over your body when you grabbed the small scissors in the kit; you felt like you were back in the fall when the two of them were on each other's necks, using you as an element of their power. 

“I’m trying to help you guys,” Shauna states clearly over Natalie’s behavior towards her. 

“Can we go now?” Natalie asks, she puts her hand on your tense shoulder as you cut at the seam of the pocket without letting the blackmailer know there is a tracker in the back, “I can’t wait to meet FuckFace.” 

‘96

Jackie softly rolled your blanket; she was helping you pack the last little bit you needed before you left. She was quiet and tearful, her lip quivering and her eyebrows narrowing as she helped you gather the things you needed. She hated that you were leaving. She protested it. But lately, she has grown tired of protesting for it, only to see it happen anyway. She knew she couldn't change your mind. She knew why you were going. She wanted Shauna to get help, even if it meant betraying the two of you. 

“Jackie?” 

“Yes?” She sniffed as she wiped a fat tear that rolled down her cheek. She was about to sob. She was scared that we would be separated and never see each other again. You were, too. 

You crawl closer to her as you put down your change of clothes on your makeshift bed, and you wrap your chubby arms around Jackie’s shoulders. Jackie softly cried as she couldn’t find words in this moment, completely in need of you as her support, but knowing you had to get them out of these woods. 

“Jackie, we’re going to get out of this, together. We’re going to get help.” You whisper to her as you rub the back of her head. All the years of childhood hopes and dreams seem to be crashing in front of both of you. The thought of never seeing each other again was making you both inconsolable. You cried as you petted Jackie’s blonde hair, “It’s going to be okay. Jackie. Listen to me.” 

Jackie couldn’t look at you as she started to sob internally, holding her breath. 

You put your forehead against Jackie’s and say, “Jackie, look at me.” 

Jackie slowly opened her eyes, and her green ones looked deeply into yours. She softly panted as she grieved your relationship in front of you. “I love you.” You tearfully cry to her, “You’re my best friend, and if anything happens, I am coming back here. If-If-” You stutter and stop yourself from crying out the end of your thoughts. 

“We’re going to make it out of here together. We’ve never been apart. Even when life got in the way, you know I was always there for you.” Jackie cries and whispers to you as she holds your hand. Memories of the sandbox in kindergarten come to mind, as well as the sleepovers throughout middle school, and how much you have been there for her since she was a child. Even in Jackie’s worst moments, you were there for her. You were always a good friend to her. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t there for you more when your mom got sick. I was scared. I didn’t know how to talk to you about it, and I-i” She paused as she sniffed her nose, wiping her chin that collected these tears. Her lip quivers when she says,  “I just wanted everything to be how it used to be.”

You both know that it means so much more now than it ever did before the plane crash.  

You softly bite your lip and nod your head, eyes full of tears that don’t seem to stop. Your voice wobbles,  “I know, it’s okay. It’s okay. I know. I was sad and stayed away because my mom was sick. Our friendship never diminished. You are always my best friend. We’re going to survive being stranded in the wilderness.” You chuckle at the end at the ridiculousness of the reality you live in. She does too. 

Jackie pulls away and wipes her wet face, sniffling a load of snot in her nose. “Ugh, I am so gross.” 

You giggle together as you shake your head, “Never, Jackie. You’re wonderful, don’t say that.” 

You two finish packing your bed and pillow tightly on your backpack with the homemade ropes Taissa had made for this exploration. 

“I don’t think I’ve cried this much since James cheated on me with Jill.” You joke to Jackie as the two of you wipe away your drying tears, your eyes puffy and red. You remember your one and only boyfriend, he was more your friend, but it ended like a lot of relationships, he cheated on you with a girl who would give out. You felt relieved when it happened. You were only with him because Jackie wanted you to be coupled up, and you wanted to hide behind him. No one thinks you're gay. No one knew your secret. They thought you were shy and chubby, so you didn’t get much game, but you had a boyfriend. You aren’t ashamed of your younger self being scared of the world. You felt like you had been freed from that shame somehow since the crash. Not having to feel weird when you acted like you were a couple, and you acted beaten up about it for weeks. You wonder for a moment what James was thinking and feeling about you being missing for so long. He probably is drowning in pussy, and you can’t seem to blame him because you were in the same situation.  

Jackie snorted a chuckle, “You were way worse for me. I am more important than that loser James.” 

“That’s true. You were always more important than he. Honestly, I was only with him because you coupled us up and the double dates.” You joke as you start to fold your clothes again. She laughs, arms crossed, as she calms the shaking in her hands.. 

“Sometimes, I think that’s why I was with Jeff for so long. I got attached.” 

You nod your head, “Yeah, me too. It was hard not to for 2 years with me and James, I can’t imagine 4.” You lie and look away at your clothes. 

Jackie starts to help you pack again as the two of you fall into a silence. You were deep in thought and feeling. You knew this was going to be hard, but it felt so much harder because of your fight with Shauna. Shauna was your best friend, but Jackie was always better at comforting you and making you feel unjudged. In this moment, you felt like Jackie was the closest person you had with your emotions, even if you had to hide some other parts of yourself from her still. 

“Please be safe,” Jackie begs softly as she straightens out her clothes, truly concerned over your safety. You're the only thing she is worried about. She takes off her golden necklace, which Shauna had given back to her a few days ago, and smiles weakly at you. “Wear this.” 

“I will be.” You say again as you push a hair behind your ear, you take the unclasped necklace around your neck, and smile at her. You look at your nails, feeling like a horrible person, “How are you doing, Jackie? How are you going to hold up when I’m gone?” 

“Uh-” Jackie starts as she looks away, pensive and hurt, “I’m not sure. I don’t think I can process this all without you by my side, and I don’t think I can survive any of this without Shauna. I don’t know if I am ready yet to confront it, you know.” 

You take a moment to look over her face and think about what has happened. “The most important thing is that all of us get out of here. I want everyone to survive and stop starving; it’s all we need to focus on right now, especially because we are at the finish line. We’ll figure out what to do and how to confront this when we are back home and safe.” 

Jackie nods her head, her eyes tired and almost shineless as she hugs her body. She says, “Yeah. I don’t want Shauna to die. I still love her… Even after everything.” 

You nod your head too, “Yeah, I do too. She does need to do a lot to be our friend again, though.” 

“Oh, hell yeah.” 

You stand off to the side with your backpack in your hand, and you shake your head softly. “Why are you cutting your hair? You could have just braided it tight or something.” 

“I don’t care,” Taissa states to you as she continues to clip the curls off her head carelessly. 

“It’s pretty hot.” Van blurts out with a nod, staring affectionately at Taissa. You giggle and roll your eyes at the couple, you knew she would act that way towards Taissa. Van would think Taissa taking off her shoes was hot. 

Taissa doesn’t respond as she cuts the lost section of her hair and throws it in the bowl of water. 

She doesn’t even look at Van as she whispers, “You’re not going to talk me out of this.” 

“Yeah. I know.” 

You felt like you weren’t even there when they spoke, and your hands and feet somewhat tingled for a reason. It felt like a filter was separating you from feeling things as you should; it felt like you were in a dream, yet you were still able to touch and interact with things. You didn’t recognize how much they were comfortable being intimate with you in their presence, though. 

“That’s why I’m coming with you,” Van added, glancing over at you and giving you a forced smile. You smile back. 

Taissa snaps her head over to Van, “Stop.” 

“You know, I’ve only been to New York once.” She says as she looks over to Taissa, who now looks stunned at the admission, “It was my seventh birthday. All I wanted was a Soft Pretzel and one of those horse-and-cart rides in Central Park. It’s lame. I was seven.” 

You sit down beside Van and listen to her talk this thought out; you push your now long flyaways behind your ear. “I got taken to see Cats. Fucking Cats.” Van chuckles, and you all chuckle in return. 

“I want to go back to New York, Tai. I want to go back to New York with you, and you, (Y/n),” Vans says as she gets a little emotional as she thinks about being back home and in civilization. “And I want to buy us all a fucking Soft Pretzel and go on a Fucking horse and cart ride in Central Park.”

“Van…” 

“I know I don’t have to go with you. I need to.” 

You nod your head and look at Taissa, “Let your girlfriend go, it’s okay. The more people we bring, the safer it will be.” 

“I’m not going to die out here without trying to get out of here. You know, who knows? With you as our fearless fucking leader, we might be able actually to get out of here.” Van says as she stands up with a grin, looking at Taissa. She knows she has convinced her way in. She didn’t even really need to fight. 

The two smile for a moment as you watch on. Mari and Akilah come over to the three of you with their backpacks on, all packed and ready. 

“Hey!” They both say as they come over, Taissa, “ We’ve talked and… we’re coming, too, okay?” Mari finished for the two of them. 

You stand up with a grin on your face, very proud of the underclassmen. You come over and hug the two of them and rub their backs, “Okay, that’ll work fine! We’ll be safe in numbers.”   

You are packing up some rations for the six of you who are leaving for the exploration. You had only a fish to share, along with some dried berries and nuts, and dried tea made from mushrooms and leaves that you had collected. You hoped that there would be mushrooms or more foragables to eat, because you all didn't have a gun to hunt. You hoped you wouldn’t see a deer. It would be the only thing your hungry mind would think about, and you would kick yourself for not killing it. 

Van behind you takes her rations and starts to pack them inside her bag. She takes out the bulky compass she snagged from the plane, “Hey, Mari, you wanna hold on to this?” She asks as she hands over the metal piece to the younger girl, trying to make room for her food. Mari smiles, almost beaming at the fact that an upperclassman gave her something important; she quickly puts it in her backpack. 

“Akilah, can you fill up all our water bottles and get one of the small pots for us to boil water, real quick?” You ask as you start to pull apart the jerky for her rations. 

She quickly shoots up and nods her head, “Yeah, I’ll be back.” 

Lottie comes up the porch with a mission in her step; she looks puffy-eyed and almost pale as she approaches the two of you. “Hey, if you two are going to leave, will you at least take this?” 

You turn your head to see her holding a handmade necklace out of leather string and a spinal bone. You quirk your eyebrows as you look at it and take it in your hands. Vans asks Lottie, “Yeah, what is it?” 

“Just take it.” Lottie insists. “I think it will keep you safe.” 

You slowly put it around your neck; you didn’t need much reason to wear something that someone you liked had made for you. You smile at Lottie as you softly touch the clean white bone. 

“Like a… Lucky rabbit’s foot?” Van asks, and you seem to nod at the thought of it being a charm. 

Lottie took a deep breath and said, “I had a dream last night. There was… I don’t know. Red smoke and… A river of blood. Just promise me you won’t lose it, okay?” 

You paused as you felt uncomfortable at the words coming out of Lottie’s mouth. They sounded just like the dream you had not too long ago; you had forgotten about it until Lottie spoke about a river of blood, like a vein in the forest. Van looks behind her at the underclassmen to make sure they didn’t hear Lottie’s words. She was used to her erratic words. 

Van nods her head and says, “Yeah, sure. Thanks, Lot.” 

Lottie pulls Van and you into a hug as she runs her hand down your back softly to get your attention. 

Lottie pulls away from the hug, and she walks away slowly. She looks over to you once again. You look over to Van and motion to the rations, “Can you do the rest? I-I need to see Lottie for a second.” 

You felt your body pushed against the tree before you could collect your thoughts. Lottie’s lips slam against yours as she holds onto your waist. You followed Lottie to the back of the cabin, and she didn’t say anything to you until you were both hidden in the treeline. 

Her hands caress the sides of your body as she softly kisses your lips, lower to your jaw. You take in a few breaths as you let yourself feel lost in Lottie’s touch. She was obsessed with you; it felt like this when she touched you. 

A soft giggle comes from your lips as Lottie’s lips tickle the soft spot below your ear. You run your hands from her shoulders to her arms, you look up at her as you say, “You need to let me say goodbye to everyone else, too, you know, you can’t be so greedy.” 

“I am greedy.” Lottie says back as she kisses your lips again with an urgency that felt like fire. 

You giggle in your kiss as you feel yourself getting warm and fuzzy. Lottie has been growing on you since you started seeing her and kissing her. Last night made it clear that she wanted something you wanted too. 

“Lottie, seriously, we need to go.” You say as you softly push her off of you. Lottie pouts softly as she pecks your lips again as if she could get enough of your touch. 

“Okay. Please be safe, baby, I need you to be safe for me.” Lottie says as she pets your hair, moving behind your ear. 

“I will be, don’t worry. I’ll come back for you, Lottie. And we can go on a proper date. How about that?” You ask Lottie as you rub your hands on her shoulders, still, your hands curling up to massage the back of her head, messing with her thick, dark locks of hair. 

“I’d love that. I’ll take you out to The Ryland Inn and let the whole world know you’re my girl.” 

You blush as you look at Lottie with warmth in your eyes, “You would do that for me?” 

“I would do anything for you.” 

You giggle again, bashful as you slap Lottie’s shoulder, “Stop it, you’re making me a mess. Come on, I've got to get us to the rescue.” 

The two of you slowly leave the back of the cabin, now in higher spirits and having said your goodbyes. You felt very secure with how you had left things with the others, and you didn’t want to leave on bad terms. You felt like you needed to speak to Shauna again before leaving, but you knew she was still angry, and you weren't ready to hear her just yet. 

When you both come back to the front of the cabin, everyone is circling the fireplace, getting ready to leave. Your rations and water bottle were sitting on the porch next to your bag, and the small pot was tucked inside your blanket for easy carrying. You smiled as you put on your backpack and came over to the circle of hugging friends. 

Jackie comes over to you with Shauna, who is hugging herself and looking away, and hugs you deeply. 

“I love you, stay safe.” 

“I love you, too. I will be safe.” As you reply, you hug Jackie again today, but it doesn’t feel like there are enough goodbyes to say to her. 

Shauna comes over and hugs you. She doesn’t say anything, and neither do you. You didn’t even want to look at her, but you both forced smiles and knew that if anything did happen, you would regret not saying goodbye. 

“Wait! Wait for me!” Misty yelps out as she rushes out of the cabin with a backpack prepared. You narrow your eyes softly as you stay quiet. Was she acting like she just decided to come with you guys? “I’m coming.” 

Everyone looks at Misty as she slowly enters the circle, coming closer to the coach, “Uh, Ben, Uh-Coach, please don’t talk me out of it, okay? I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I just- I feel like my team needs me right now.” 

You couldn’t help but curl your lips into a smirk as you held in a deep laugh. You couldn’t help but find it funny how desperate Misty was for the Coach, and you stopped yourself before you hurt her feelings.

“Oh. Wow.” Coach Ben says as he stands in front of her, looking away. He couldn’t be more uninterested and uncomfortable. “Well, that’s, uh… You know what, that’s really brave, Misty. I can do my best without you.” 

“I’ll come back for you. I promise.” She says back to him with full sincerity. You bit your lip to stop yourself from cackling. You make eye contact with Natalie and share an internal laugh. 

“Okay,” Ben replies, and Misty lunges into a hug, and he hugs her back. Everyone tries to hold in their mocking laughs and smirks, but you couldn’t help but smile. 

“Okay, goodbye, Natalie, be safe.” You say to her and quickly hug her; you didn’t let her speak before asking you to move over to Taissa after she was done hugging Shauna. “Let’s head out?” 

Everyone says goodbye one more time, not wanting to separate from the people we've all been bonded with over the last few months, and then you all start heading south away from the cabin. 

‘21

You lean on the door of Shauna’s minivan as you smoke your now 9th cigarette of the day, you were on a hairline trigger all day. You felt like you were on the brink of losing your mind; you were nervous to hear Jackie’s voice again or see a tree move with the wind. 

There was a quiet lull in the conversation, and the car felt peaceful, the calm before a storm. You felt a curling in your stomach as you puffed away on the white stick with a vice grip. No one has asked about your hand, or your smoking, or your quietness. You don’t know if you want them even to know, but a small question crawls around your head. 

Who sent me honey and flowers?

You look through the mirror at the two women sitting in the front and slowly glance at both of them, weighing the likelihood that either would send you something. 

“Hey, Shauna, I wanted to thank you for the gift you got me.” You say as you ash your cigarette in a bottle cap of your drink. 

Shauna crinkled her eyebrow, and her nose wrinkled as she glanced towards you, “I didn’t give you a gift?” 

“You didn’t?” You asked as you turned to Taissa, “Did you? I was sent honey and flowers, saying good luck on my romance panel.” 

“Oh shit, that was today! I’m so sorry, (Y/n), I was so focused on this, I didn’t even get to watch you live! How was it?” Shauna asks, almost ashamed she forgot your event, but you knew she wasn’t that beaten up about it. 

Taissa chuckled and glanced back to the two of you with a smirk, “I didn’t know you were so famous, (Y/n), live TV?” 

“Oh, ha ha, Taissa, I’m not going on live TV to debate people for a spot in the US senate.” 

Taissa chuckles again and softly shakes her head, her eyes then light up when she remembers something, “Simone loves your Mushroom Circle series. She read it in her book club last year, and she is hoping they are making it into a Game of Thrones show.” 

You smile, feeling genuinely warm from hearing that, as you say, “Oh, that's so sweet! I’m happy to hear that!” 

“How was the panel? Horny old women?” Taissa jokes, and Shauna chuckles with her as they share a look. 

You pause for a moment as you collect your racing heart, being reminded of the panel. You knew deep down that not confessing anything about what happened today would upset them to hear people mocking and confronting you about something that affected everyone. But you knew that you couldn’t tell them anything about what you saw and heard in the bathroom and panel, and why you were a nervous wreck tonight. The only ones who would understand you might be Misty and…

 You blow out your smoke and quickly say, “Uh, yeah, horny old women and people not liking the endings to things.”

“Oh, was anyone bad to you? Misery by Stephen King happened to you today?” Taissa continued, taking your lies as truth, that the day was uneventful. 

“Yeah, but you know, it’s not hard to tell people a story they want to hear.” 

When the words left your mouth, everyone paused. They all remember when you said those words last, and they haven’t thought about it since. 

You just took a puff of your cigarette and pushed the memory down like all the other unpleasant ones that have been popping up in your mind today. 

“She tells us not to take forever. How long does it take to drive a block?”  Taissa stressed, her eyebrows furrowed close together and a deep wrinkle now permanent on her forehead, to Shauna in the passenger seat. You took a deep breath out as you felt your heart beat frantically, you are holding your wounded hand on your lap with a tight grip.

 “Maybe she stopped to score drugs?” 

Taissa chuckles, you scowl to yourself as you look out the window, “Oh, God. I hope not. “

You glance in the mirror to see Shauna’s snarking mock of concern for Natalie, and she shakes her head. You felt a small taste of disgust in your best friend as you puffed on the end of the cigarette. 

“Ah, the pay cut I took for my run for senate isn’t gonna fund another stint in rehab.” Taissa sighs out the words with a shake of her head. 

“Fuck, Tai, did you really?” Shauna asks, real concern shining through, she leans against her seat and looks on at Taissa with sympathy. 

Taissa nods her head softly, almost solemnly, “Yeah.” 

“I hope she did. I would need some right now.” You chuckle as you lean your head back on the seat, you chuckle and say, “Not really. I don’t hope she did. I think she will be stronger this time around… But god, what I couldn’t give to have a blunt right now.” 

Taissa and Shauna chuckle as they both smile in the memory of their time shared with you with weed. They remember how wonderful the times spent out in the woods were when it was just you all in a circle talking shit about high school and hope in your hearts. Moments of much-needed relief for a few hours in your youth. 

Shauna asks, after a moment of silence, “Why do you, Taissa? You’re just enabling her to repeat the same pattern. She needs to learn how to handle her own shit.”

“And if she never does?” Taissa asks Shauna earnestly, and Shauna scoffs and shrugs. “Shauna. Don’t you think about it? I’ve got Simone and Sammy. You’ve got Jeff and-and Callie. (Y/n) has best sellers and book deals; her career is her child. Did we do something to deserve that? It’s just fate that gave us that, right? Who does Natalie have? Other then Travis, which we all know was a fucking train wreck, who does she really have?” 

You couldn’t help but take a deep puff of your cigarette as you threw it outside of Shauna’s window, and you bumped yourself back into your seat. You bit your lip as you thought ot yourself, “We don’t deserve anything after what we did.” 

“No one.” Shauna answers, humbled, looking down at her hands on her lap. 

“And now she has less.” You say quietly as you look out your window to the alleyway, looking at every detail of a dirty dumpster. 

“We wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for her.” Taissa states. You felt yourself nod in agreement wholeheartedly, knowing more than both of them about the truth behind that statement. “So I do what I can. Not just for her, for me.”

You look at Shauna for a moment as you let yourself feel something you haven't in a while. Sadness. You look away to avoid thinking about the ending of everything that happened, pushing it aside as you have for so many years. You don’t know why you have been thinking of nothing else, but it has been making you remember things you didn’t want to remember. 

Not her. 

Not now. 

Stop it. 

Stop it. 

It’s Shauna. It’s Shauna. 

Taissa sighs, and you look out the window, completely numb to your racing mind, Shauna quiet and humble for a moment. 

The side door slides open quickly as Natalie flings herself inside the back, beside you. You snap your head at the sound, slightly startled, but you remain calm as Natalie smiles at you. 

“The fuck took you so long?” Taissa hissed at Natalie as soon as she entered. 

“I stopped at a gas station.” 

“Oh.”

“And I couldn’t find any cups.” Natalie says as she pulls a bottle out of her jacket pocket. Handing the bottle to Shauna. 

It was far too big to fit inside her jacket, but Natalie always found a way to conceal her liquor somehow. 

It was Amber Teqilia in a wide, curved bottle. 

It makes you snort out a laugh as you lean into your seat, and your bandage loosens slightly as you move. You tuck in the bandage and make a quick mental note to dress your wound as soon as you can.

“Where did you find a gas station in New Jersey that sells booze at 2 a.m.?” Shauna asks as she looks at the label of the drink. 

“I bought it off the clerk. How else do you think they get through the night shift?” Natalie says as she adjusts herself in her seat. 

“Did you see anyone at the drop?” Taissa stressed as she glared behind her at Natalie. 

“If I saw somebody, I would’ve told you, Tai.” Natalie says as she shakes her head softly, she leans forward to grab the bottle, “Pass that to me.” 

 Natalie starts to take the plastic off the top of the bottle, and Taissa Stares at the phone that is showing the tracker and where you all were in the Van. 

“Come on, FuckFace, take the money.” 

Natalie opens the bottle and takes a healthy gulp of the liquor. There was a small cringe in her jaw and lip, but she held it well. She offered it to you with a soft smile, and you smiled back at her, “Thank you, babe.” You say as naturally as air. You take a much-needed drink. It burns and it feels like a forbidden act, and you licked your lips as you took a second swig in bravery. You cringed and passed it to Taissa. 

“Let’s get our old asses loosened up for this. I’m too tense, drink. Drink.” You insist that they be in the front. You smile when Taissa takes a big twig and grimaces.

‘96

The day went by quickly and without anything eventful happening. You all were farther than you have ever been past the crash site, and you were still heading down a trail naturally made in the forest. It was a calm and not too hot day; the sun kissed your tan skin without any bite. A breeze that caressed the baby hairs out of your face and dried your sweat. It was the perfect autumn day in the forest of pine trees. Birch and oak tree leaves litter the forest floor, and the pine stands tall with its needles a deeper green than in the summer days. 

You croch on the forest floor as you stab into an Osyer mushroom that grows along a tree, when your knife stabbed into the white fluffy top, black dust flowed out like smoke from the wound. 

You snapped away from the dead Mushroom with a defeated sigh. You wipe your dirty hands on your pants and return to the trail with the others. You softly touch the necklace Lottie made for you with reverence. 

Lottie made you feel desired and wanted. She makes you feel everything you have ever wanted. You think about how soft her lips are on yours and how much you liked how you felt when you were with her. You were falling in love with her, and you knew it. 

You walk behind Van as Mari and Akilah giggle together, Misty lingering beside them, as they talk about some sophomore you didn’t know about. 

“What the hell is that?” Taissa asks as she looks at the Bone necklace Van wore. Her eyes narrow more when she sees that you're wearing one too. “Dude, what the hell?” 

“Lottie gave it to me,” Van says as she softly holds the necklace in her hands protectively. 

“Seriously?” 

“What?” Van snorted as we all walked forward on the path. 

“I’m just saying, you know, if this were a horror movie, she would be the villain,” Taissa says with almost a nonchalant attitude. 

“Hey! Don’t say that!” You felt yourself get protective over Lottie as you say, “She hasn’t done anything wrong. We all know she doesn’t have her psych medication, she can’t help she says some weird shit sometimes.” 

“If this were a horror movie, you would be the first to die.” Van says to Taissa and looks over to you and says, “You’d be the final girl. You’re too smart to die.” 

“Why, because I’m black?” Taissa asks Van, monotone. She sounded out of it like she was lost in a dark thought. 

“No, because you’re the skeptical one. They always go first, leaving the rest of us to keep doing dumb shit and die in unnecessarily brutal deaths.” Van explained, with a small, cute smile curling on her pale pink lips. You look down at your dirty shoes.

“Mm-hmm,” Taissa replies, disinterested. 

“I think if we were a horror movie, the villain would be the wilderness and not Lottie, you know. Extensional horror. Or like a fucked narly monster crawling around. picking us off one by one.” 

“Can we stop talking about horror movies this deep in the woods?” Taissa stressed, her eyebrows furrowed close together, forming a wrinkle between her hairline and her brows. 

“Wait, hang on, why doesn’t the black character always die first?” Van asks, absentmindedly as she looks around at the greenery of the trail. 

“Systemic Racism. Duh.” You respond with a flick of your hand. 

“Anyways, for the record, Lottie predicted prom queen last year, and the whole Mr. Jerkins Scandal.” Van defends her friend again with a smile growing on her lips, you smile and giggle as Taissa shoots Van a look of annoyance. “What? She did! Chill out. Oh, my god. You get so serious about this shit.”

You felt yourself taken over by a deep yawn, you scratch your arms out and say to the other, “We should rest up in the clearing ahead for the night. We need to keep our energy up, and save what daylight we have left.” You say as you start to move in front of the group. 

You set up camp beside the river and under a nice natural canopy of trees, and you lay out the beds beside the fire. You all eat your rations and drink all your water for the day, you sit beside the fire boiling some more water for the next day of traveling, as Van animated tells the story of ‘While you were Sleeping’ in her own unique way. 

“So, get this, after Bill Pullman falls in love with Sandra, his fucking brother wakes up!” Vans says, as she stretches her limps out. The other gasp in shock and in awe at the ridiculousness of the story, you smirk as you look at the redhead continue on. Van points, “It’s a whole ass mess. I mean, this dude actually thinks that Sandra is his fiancee, but she not, so just-”

A howl rips through the camp like a stabbing in the back. Everyone is silent as they listen to the distant howling of a pack of wolves. You could hear maybe three, but that doesn’t count the ones who weren’t speaking. The only comfort was that they sounded a few miles off in the distance. Everyone’s heads move back and forth in fear as we listen as closely as we can. 

It was the first time we felt truly alone. We were a small pack, but we were vulnerable. We all knew that, too. 

The other looks over to Taissa. You look down at your pot of boiling water. You felt exhaustion in your bones, shivering in your hands, and a gnawing hunger in your stomach. But you knew that you were in for a longer night. You pull the pot off the fire.

“We’re fine. Wolves are afraid of humans. Besides, it doesn’t sound like they’re very close.” Taissa reasoned with the group; she sat with her knees hugged to her chest. 

Mari and Akailh glance over to you as if you could comfort them somehow, you could add something to help them feel at ease. You sigh. 

“Okay, when we go to bed, we will need to keep watch. I’ll do it tonight, I have to write and read another chapter of Dune to get through before I get to bed.” You say, as you start to cool off the pot, off to the side of the camp. You get up, forcing yourself to be brave, and say, “I’ll get us some sticks around here and make some sharp points to make us feel better.” 

“We can take turns taking watch, just to be extra safe, but I don’t think we should worry about it,” Taissa says back to you as you get up to find some heavy sticks. 

You wipe your hands off on your pants and you roll your eyes, “It’s better to be prepared and foolish, than worry about it later' your way out of something.” 

Mari, Misty, and Akilah look anxious as they shift in their beds, bite their lips, and look around the clearing. You smile as you force yourself to be the adult, “Don’t worry, you guys, we’ll all have little spears by the end of the night. I’ll keep us safe, don’t worry.” 

“You know who needs to worry?” Van cuts in with a cheeky grin, “Our girl Sandy.”

You start to look around for thicker sticks around your torso height, as you listen on, “Because she does not know this man, and he’s never seen her before. He’s like, “Who is this girl?” And the Doctor is like, “Well, he must have amnesia because you don’t remember your wife-to-be.”

“I found a stick!” You beam to the group and show them the perfect stick to make into a spear. 

They clap and cheer softly, still anxious from the howling, and Mari says, “Fuck yes.” 

‘21

 “This is unacceptable. Blackmail us, fine, but it’s 3:34 am. Like, why have us show up at 2:00 and then keep us waiting? It’s like…” Shauna complained 

“Maybe they’re scouring the area, making sure we’re not waiting.” Taissa reasoned that her mood loosened from the burning sips of the tequila.

Natalie and you sit in the back, patiently waiting for the bottle to be passed to you. 

Shauna sighs, “Okay. Then find us already. I’m not impressed.”

Natalie looks over at Shauna with almost a glossiness in his eyes, “Maybe slow down?” 

“Hm. What for? It’s already a train wreck.” 

Taissa passes the bottle behind her to Natalie, as she replies, “Yeah, no,  it will be, at this rate.”

“All right, you’re right.” Shauna agrees with Taissa, clearly feeling the tingling in her body. Natalie takes another swig of the bottle as she looks on at Shauna, making sure Shauna doesn’t do anything. “We should make the most of this quality time. Tai, how are your wife and kids?” 

You chuckle softly as you take the bottle from Natalie, taking another swig. The burning amber flows down your esophagus, drying out your throat and warming up your chest. You felt a lot lighter than you did before entering the car with the girls. Drinking away the nerves of being all together again, praying you wouldn’t have another freak out in front of Natalie again. 

“Fine.” 

Natalie softly chuckles beside you, and you look over to her to share a look of amusement. You both hold in the laugh. “How’s the campaign? Also fine?”

“Mm-hmm,” Taissa mumbled as she looked out the window. It seems like everything is not fine. You decide to intervene in the conversation to alleviate the tension.

“How is Callie, Shauna? The last I heard, she was fighting with her boyfriend, uh, Matt?” You slurp as you take another great gulp of tequila. 

“Who? You mean, Kyle?” Shauna corrects as she chuckles softly. “Yeah, uh, my daughter isn’t small and cute anymore. She’s mean and 17, with a new boyfriend, and is always “sleeping over” her best friend's house. It’s… yeah.” Shauna sighs as she explains her relationship with Callie. It made you sad to hear how distant it sounded, how it always sounded even when Callie was young. 

“What s-uh what’s wrong with your hand?” Shauna asks Taissa, who you can't notice has a light, white bandage wrapped around her hand. Not as severe as yours, which was also wrapped with a scarf. 

“Oh,” Taissa says as she notices the bandage herself. “Uh, nothing. It’s just…it’s nothing.” 

Shauna softly nods, growing annoyed with how standoffish Taissa was becoming. 

“What happened to you?” Natalie asks as she points at your bandage, her eyes narrow as she grabs the bottle and then your hand to examine it. 

You pause for a moment as you look at her looking you over, you sigh and say, “I cut my hand pretty deep when I was leaving the convention today. Don’t worry, it’s all wrapped up.” 

“Okay.” Natalie nods softly as she puts your hand gently back on your lap as if you were delicate. You look on at her softly as she looks over at you in concern. 

“How did that go? The convention. Was it for writers?” 

“Yeah, in a way. It was a romance novel convention, and it’s pretty lame.” You chuckle softly as you feel yourself look down at the bandage and play with the tied ends of the scarf, almost to keep your eyes off Natalie’s intense ones. You sounded like you were a teenager again for a moment. 

“Well, I assumed that because you were going there.” Natalie teased with her tongue poking out from between her teeth, and she smiled at you warmly. 

“Whatever, bitch.” You joke back and playfully push her shoulder, giggling a little. The whole car filled with giggles for a moment from your joyful, drunk comeback. “How are you doing, Natalie? Doing okay?” 

“I’ve been… If anyone wants to know about this, I’ve been fucking Kevyn Tang.” 

You laugh out loud with a snort coming out on accident, and everyone laughs loudly at the exciting news. It was like girls at the lunch table talking about boys. 

“Kevyn Tang!” Shauna exclaims as she turns herself around to face Natalie. Taissa does the same thing as she looks on at Natalie with wide eyes of recognition. “The goth kid?”

“Well, he’s a cop now.” 

Taissa's eyes shoot out into saucers as she gasps, “You got to be kidding?” 

“Uh, yeah. And he has two kids, and-”

“Oh dear. That sounds complicated.” Shauna blurts out as she listens on. 

“Not to me.” Natalie defended quickly, disturbed that Shauna would say something about this, “He’s, uh, I mean, he’s actually kind of… nice.” 

Taissa smiles at Natalie, happy her friend has finally found a new love and is doing better. Shauna looks on with polite happiness for Natalie, but you could see underneath that she didn’t believe this. 

“I am so happy for you, Natalie.” You say to Natalie and put your hand on her shoulder, giving a comforting squeeze. “I’m sorry I was a bitch about it when I first found out.” 

Natalie snarky chuckles and takes a swig of the booze, “It’s fine. It wasn’t any better at different points. You’re fine.” 

You know your relationship with Natalie was unique and complicated from years of layers being added to what was once a pure friendship. You always rely on the fact that, whatever you two were, you were friends. Trauma bond or no, you were always friends. Even in the most painful and hurtful ways, the things you have said to each other weren’t even a fraction of all the pain you two have experienced together, so it truly became water under the bridge. It relieved you that she didn’t hold a grudge against you for the evil moments. She would shove you away and make you feel horrible, and you would make her feel small in return. But somehow, you both come back together and still laugh. 

The tracker app on Taissa’s phone starts to ding. Everyone straightens their backs, alert now, and puts on their seatbelts. Shauna puts the keys in the ignition. 

“Oh, no, no, no. Actually, I shouldn’t drive ‘cause if we die, we’ll never find out who’s doing this.” Shauna says as she pants a little, her hands out in surrender. 

Taissa throws her seat belt off, “Okay. Get out! I’ll drive”, and throws herself out of the car door. 

Natalie offers her hand out, beaming, “I’ll drive!” 

Everyone in the car joins a chorus of “No" to her.

You giggle a little, feeling a small rush of excitement racing through you, and you put your seat belt on as Taissa comes to the driver's seat. 

Taissa turns the corner sharply, and you try to hold your eyes open. You brace yourself against the driver’s seat. The wheel squeals as it rubs against the wet ground.

Shauna, the passenger, drives as she looks at the phone for directions and gets back on the road. Taissa is tense and focused. Taissa stresses as a moving truck comes down the road, “Is this what's supposed to happen? What’s going on?” 

You look through the glass to see that the moving truck is slowly backing up into the building. 

“Uh, the driver must be in on it.” Natalie says as she leans in beside you, and Tissa sighs, she has to slow down on the road to give the truck driver backup. 

Taissa comes to a stop. 

“Okay. What are we going to do?” Shauna asks as she anxiously bites her cuticle. 

Natalie jumps out of the car. 

“Natalie!” Both you and Shauna shouted out to her as she rushed over to the truck, backing up. 

“Okay, I guess we’re going,” Taissa says as she unbuckles her seatbelt and quickly gets out of the car to follow. You shoot yourself out of the car, and you put your sunglasses over your face to hide some of it. God, if this is caught on camera. 

“No, no, no.” Shauna shook her head as she followed the three of you. 

“It’s a go. Let’s go.” 

“Ugh. shit,” Shauna whines as she runs behind all of you. 

Before you even know it, Natalie pushes the driver against the door with a gun in his face, “You’ve been blackmailing us, or you know how it has been. Which one is it?” 

You gasp and hold your hand over your mouth, eyes staring on. 

“No, I-I-I just work here!” 

“Don’t LIE to me!” Natalie tightens her grip on his collar and points the gun more into his cheek. 

“Natalie, stop!” Taissa stresses to her. 

“Natalie, please put down the gun.” Shauna pleaded. 

“Please don’t shoot me. Take the truck. Just take it.” The driver whimpers as he puts the keys on the ground; he is sweating bullets.  

Suddenly, the back of the moving car pops open, and a man dressed in all black and a mask dashes out and into the building. 

You gasp again as you throw your sunglasses over your hairline to get a better picture. The man was athletic and quick. Something within you urged you to chase after him. 

Taissa and you come closer to Natalie as she starts to tail the man, Taissa throws the keys to Shauna and says, “There he is, there he is! Take the keys. Drive to the front!” 

You throw your purse to Shauna, and she awkwardly grips it after it falls to the floor; you take off. Taissa overtakes you as she bolts past you. 

You run into the building to see the other two just ahead of you, cutting into another room at the other end of the industrial hallway. There were workers pushed to the side, quincing at hurt hips, and shooting daggers at you all, their clothes racks pushed on top of them. 

“Take the wing!” Taissa orders Natalie, and she says, “I’ll take him like at States.” 

You pant and nod your head, not know what the fuck they were talking about. You just pick your pace back up, and you all run into the storefront of the warehouse. Racks and racks of clothes that the man was now pushing through and jumping over.

 You come over to the left side as Natalie takes the right, Taissa was right on him. 

The man throws a rack to the ground to slow her down. Taissa outmaneuvers him and gets right on him again. She then tackles him to the ground, and the two start struggling against each other. 

You start to come over to help her overpower him, but he elbows Taissa right in her nose. She is stunned for a moment, and the man gets up. You come over to help her up before pulling her back into a run after him.

Something has come over you that feels exhilarating. Full of energy. 

You turn your head to see him; he runs into a summer sales table that had a bowl of pink glitter on display, and he collapses on top of everything. The glitter is splattering everything in the area. 

Your leather shoes have sprinkles of pink shine on them as you try to approach him. The man quickly gets up off the ground before you can reach him; glitter flows off of him as he runs. 

His hands hit the doors, and you shout, “STOP!” as you follow behind him. 

You wished you had kept your purse to throw it over his head to stop him. Behind you, Natalie sprints out of the doors, and then Taissa. 

You pant as you try to see where he is. A black Ford Fusion pulls through with the man still wearing his mask. 

Natalie pulls out her gun and aims for the back of the window. 

“No!” 

Taissa and you rush on Natalie and make her point the gun to the ground before she took her shot. 

The ringing of the gun goes off in your ear, and you cringe; you feel triggered. You felt like a kid again in a way that made you feel small. You wanted to cry. 

“God, Natalie!” Taissa shouts at her. She is angry. “Fuck!” 

Natalie is tense and stressed, realizing what she did.  

Shauna pulls up in her van. She is stressing out too, as she looks at the mix of emotions on all of your exhausted faces, “Natalie, what the hell?!” 

Natalie doesn’t say anything as she pants, leaning on a metal rail. For a moment, you all processed what had happened and what you would do next. You lost $50,000, and someone knows the most evil parts of you. 

Taissa groans as she holds her nose. You come over as you look at Shauna, “Get my purse, I have tissues in there,” and you turn back to Taissa, “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She replies, Shauna hands you the bag, and the two of you share a look of shared frantic panic, you pull out tissues and put them to Taissa’s bloody nose. “Oh, god.” She groans. 

Natalie moves to walk towards the trash that has been thrown out of the bag. She looks defeated and angry. 

“What now?” Shauna asks no one in particular. 

“Well, he throw out all our shit.” 

The tracker should still be in the bag, but it appears to have broken when he crashed on top of it while falling on the glitter. Because it wasn’t showing up on the app anymore, and there was an error message. 

“We look for a motherfucker covered in glitter.” 

Natalie signs as she tucks the gun into her bra.  

The car was quiet and tense since we left the building. We all felt the meltdown of the adrenaline high come down, and you were smoking another cigarette. You smelled like a walking cigarette. You didn’t mind. You’ve smelled much worse. You nurse your throbbing hand and your cigarette, looking out the window. 

Shauna was white-knuckling the steering wheel. Taissa looked out the window, biting her nails. Natalie anxiously picks at her jeans, looking like a kicked puppy. 

“I wasn’t going to kill him.” Natalie mumbles beside you. 

Shauna snaps softly, “Oh really? What was your plan? Shoot him in the leg, through the back of his windshield? ‘Cus it sure felt for a moment there like we were all going away for murder.” 

Taissa shoots a look at Shauna, and you grimace. 

Natalie says what you were thinking, “Like we haven’t done a lot worse.” 

“You know what, speak for yourself, Natalie. I-” Shauna snaps at her with more venom. You couldn’t help but scoff that Shauna, of all people, dares to not feel shame for what happened out there. “Don’t drag us into your endless fucking pit of gulit.“

You softly narrow your eyes at Shauna from behind as you take a slow puff of your cigarette. You look over to Natalie, who is slowly stewing. 

Taissa, ignoring Shauna, “At least we know FuckFace is a man.” 

“No. No, we don’t. He could be working for someone. Including that, like, annoying fucking reporter.” 

“Whatever they are, they now have 50 grand, and they know we’re onto them,” Taissa added, her brow wrinkling again. “What if they spill our secrets just to spite us?” 

Natalie, ashamed, looking down at her lap again, mumbles, “I’m not going to let that happen.” 

“Oh, you’re not going to let that happen?” Shauna mocks softly as she narrows her eyes in annoyance. “Okay, um, are you going to grab a flamethrower and just go up and down Route 9, knocking down doors?” 

Natalie takes a sharp breath in and she leans in, “Pull over.” 

You frown and look over to her, not wanting her to leave. Your cigarette, with a long line of ash lining the end, was forgotten for a moment. 

“What?” 

“Pull over, or I’ll jump out,” Natalie threatens. 

“Oh, god.” Shauna groans as she pulls over. 

“You don’t get it, do you!” Natalie points at Shauna when Shauna stops the car, “This isn’t for us. This is for Travis!” 

“Nat, we’re not even sure Travis’s death is related to any of this.” Taissa replied, trying to calm her down.

“The fuck it isn’t!” Natalie snapped at Taissa with fire, she shook her head softly, “You guys don’t know Travis like I do. He wouldn’t kill himself!” 

You couldn’t agree with Natalie, but you did add, “It is odd that he dies and then someone blackmails us.” 

Natalie cries, “He wouldn’t do it!  And I know you think I’m crazy, but what do I see? You guys are just as fucked-up as I am!” 

“You’re just better at lying to yourselves! You’re not healthy!” Natalie continues, she uses her fingers to quote, “You’re not stable! You’re all living on the brink, just like me. If you don’t want to help me with the plan, then I’ll do it myself.” 

“Natalie!” Shauna softly protested, feeling bad for being so hard on her. 

You don’t stop yourself when your body shoots out of your seat and follow behind Natalie. 

Natalie softly sobbed, she covered her quivering lip for a moment before realizing you were following her. 

“Hey, hey! Natalie. It’s okay.” You say lovingly to her and come behind her, your hand on her arm. 

She turned around to look at you, and you pouted at her hurt face, which was curled with her sobs. You pull her into a hug, you put her head in the crook of your neck, and you rub her back, “It’s okay. I’m right beside you, Nat. Always. We’ll figure it out.” 

She groans softly, pushes you away from her, wipes her tears angrily, and almost growls at you. “Go away.” 

She turns and starts to walk away. You sigh softly as you turn to the minivan. Taissa rolls down her window for you to speak to them, “Hey, I’m gonna get Natalie an Uber home. I love you two, be safe, and please text me to let me know when you're home. Bye guys. Exciting night.” 

“Bye,” Taissa says quickly. 

Shauna sighs and nods her head, “Okay, bye. Love you too, call you later.” 

“See ya!” You quickly say as you rush after Natalie. Not worrying about the blood dripping down your hand onto the ground. You follow behind Natalie, giving her some space as you walk. You then start ordering the closest Uber to her hotel room. 

‘96

The second day of the exploration went without incident. There was a calmness in the sunlight, and the path ahead was clear; all they did was talk and laugh about the girls at the cabin. You were more exhausted than you had felt in a long time. Your whole body aches for you to rest, and your eyes grow heavy as the hours drop by, but you still have a little more energy to get to nighttime. 

There was a cold chill that came over you as the group came upon a river in the path. It was a metallic red color, with a strong smell of plants and iron in the air. Everyone was silent as they came closer to the river. You stood still in a spot, silent, as Van's anxious looks at you. She remembers the dream you told her a week ago and the one Lottie told you two about before you left. 

You felt paralyzed in fear as you stepped back to lean against a tree. You didn’t feel right. This wasn’t right. 

Misty crouches on the river's edge. She cups her hands to see the color of the water; it retains its brownish-red color. “Definitely shouldn’t drink it.” 

“No shit. It smells weird.” Mari says back as she crosses her arms over her chest. 

“What did Lottie say was in her dream? A river of blood?” Akiliah asked the group nervously, hugging herself tightly. 

“A cloud of red smoke,” Mari added as she started to look more scared than before. 

“Yeah. And last night, I dreamed I went water-skiing with Princess Diana, so…” 

Van crouches by the riverbend too; she's nervous and touches the necklace Lottie made for us. You don’t move an inch from the tree you hold onto with a vice grip. 

“I think that mineral deposits can change the water. Iron, maybe?” Misty reasons as she looks at the water. 

“I’m sure that’s what it is,” Taissa says strongly to end the conversation of dreams and superstitions. 

As Taissa spoke, your eyes looked at her face. Off to the left, the cliffside you dreamed about was behind her in the same position as you remembered. You wanted to scream. How could you have known how any of this looked?

Mari looks on at Taissa with a hard look of disbelief at the explanation. Not pleased. 

Taissa grows frustrated at Mari and says, “Come on, this has been a fun little detour, but we should keep moving.”

Taissa then pulls her bag closer to her shoulder and turns around to continue on the trail. 

Mari pouts as she looks down at her compass, her eyes widen in fear as she calls out, “Um, guys?

You come closer to Mari, putting a hand on her shoulder to look over it. You see the compass moving in all directions like she was spinning in circles, and you couldn’t help but stare at the compass. 

Something was seriously wrong with this place. 

Mari shows off the compass, going crazy with the group, and Van nods her head to it, drawing Taissa closer to investigate. 

Taissa says with a worried brow, “The iron must be messing with the compass, right?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Misty replied with almost a lost look in her eye. 

“It’ll probably work again when we get away from the water.” Taissa reasoned that she sounded like she was coaxing a child away from a fire. She turns again to tell everyone to follow her and get away from the water. You move to follow her. 

“We’re getting tired and scared. It’s okay. Let’s go set up camp, come on guys, it’s okay, we have water.” You try to coax Mari to move again with a gentle shove of her shoulder, but she stands still. All three of them do so in fear and deep thought. 

“Seriously? What?” Taissa snaps at the group when they don’t follow her. 

“Should we… I don’t know, think about heading back?” Mari blurts out as she looks at Taissa and then at you. For a moment, you feel like you should, but your mind is made up. 

“We just need to get away from here.” Taissa calmly says, trying to get them away from the river. 

“Wait! Let’s think about this!” Van blurts out, holding onto her necklace with reverence. 

“Think about what?” 

“Yeah, guys, come on, let's just keep going. The river is corrupted, it’s not going to stop us from getting to rescue.” You reasoned that you felt your face unable to animate itself because you were so tired. “It’s scary, but, guys, it’s not going to kill us.” 

“I don’t know. This stream? It’s a pretty big coincidence that Lottie dreamed about it. And now the compass is acting weird-” 

“What did Lottie say when we found the plane?” Mari asked the group with wide eyes, with fear. 

“It didn’t want him to leave.” Van, almost tearfully, admits. 

“You have to be fucking kidding me?” Taissa snaps again. 

“I’m just saying-” 

“What? What are you just saying?! That the fucking woods don’t want us to leave?” Taissa hisses at her girlfriend as she fans her arms out to make her point. “Do you know how insane you sound? The woods don’t give a shit. And all this nonsense about Lottie’s dreams and omens and whatever the fuck that is.” She rants and then points at Van’s necklace. 

Van keeps caressing her bone necklace as she stares daggers at Taissa.

“We can survive without a compass. We’ll use the sun to travel south, and we can place cairn stones or something under the trees. There is a solution ot everything! An explanation for everything! Now, that said, nobody forced you to come with me. Anyone who wants to head back, go ahead by all means, but I’m losing daylight. ” Taissa presses on and turns around in a puff and starts to march ahead south. 

Van turns away with a scoff, looking at the red water. 

You softly come to her and put your hand on her shoulder, “Come on, let’s get going, Van.” 

She comes with you, as do the others. They start to follow Taissa to a clearing where the camp had been set up. You quickly start to roll your bed out and Taissa quietly comes over to you, “Hey, how are you holding up?” 

“Fine.” You sigh as you force a smile to her.

“I’m going to keep watch tonight. You look like shit.” 

You chuckle and smile, “Thanks. I’ll try to not be hurt by that. Wake me up when you get tired, okay?” 

“Okay.” Taissa says as she moves to her own spot by Van. Van dramatically takes her bed and places it beside yours and Misty’s. 

“Okay, if I sleep here tonight?” 

“Yeah, anytime.” You yawn as you lay down on the makeshift bed. Everyone was still tense from the river and quiet in thought, you were too tired to care much for it. 

You let yourself fall asleep beside the fire, feeling safe that Taissa was keeping watch.  

‘21

Misty watches on at the screen with a deep frown and murderous eyes. She watches on as a frumby middle-aged woman called you a murderer and a cannibal. She shook her head with a deep sigh. 

“Don’t like them being mean to your girlfriend?” Jessica asks snarkily in her bed, bound. 

Misty glances over to her with a grimace. “No. I don’t.” 

Jessica swells on her dry spit in her mouth as she panics softly. “It’s not fair that you guys have been so judged by people who don’t understand you.” 

“No, it’s not. Especially if people knew anything, (Y/n) is the last person you would call that.” Misty snorted as she shook her head. She looks over at you sitting at the panel table with a stern, serious face, like the woman's hurtful words meant nothing to you, and she looks over the sharp outfit you wore. 

She looks at the lining of your shirt and notices how your skin looks more like that of a 30-year-old than a 40-something. She always thought you were so beautiful. She thinks it's horrible how mean someone was to you, as you looked so good. 

She then noticed the small wince of pain on your face, the woman says Laura Lee’s name, and it makes Misty feel a sharp pain of violence through her. She wanted to hurt this woman if Jessica wasn’t in the basement, then that crazy woman would be. 

Knock! Knock! Knock! 

Misty pauses as Jessica’s eyes widen with hope. Jessica lets out a blood-curdling scream for the person at the door to save her.

Misty doesn’t react as she pulls out her phone and sees her ring doorbell, only to find you standing at the door.

Misty’s heart flutters as she quickly stands up from her spot. She hisses at Jessica and says, “They can’t hear you! Stop trying, it’s annoying!”

(Y/n) would never find Jessica, and you wouldn’t hear her, but it stressed Misty out to think that you could hear Jessica’s voice in the house.

Misty rushes up the stairs to the basement and closes the door behind her. The screaming muffled beautifully from the soundproofing ceiling she installed. Misty turned the key to lock the door, and she left it in the door to rush to the front door to meet her beloved (Y/n).

You wince in pain, the wound on your hand reopened when you chased the blackmailer through the store. It was throbbing worse than it had earlier, and you didn’t think about a better place to be than Misty’s.

You and Natalie took an Uber to Natalie’s hotel room, you hugged her again, and got pushed away again. But you left, and you got McDonald's because you still felt a little drunk. You were craving meat.

You stand in front of Misty’s front door with a bag of McDonald's in your hand, with a drink carrier hanging weakly on your fingers.  

“Oh!” Misty is shocked to see you at her doorway. You beam at her with a wave of your hand at the food.

“Hey, Misty!” 

“What are you doing here? I don’t mean I don’t want you here, but it’s nearly 2 in the morning.” Misty stressed with a concerned look in her eyes, 

“I have a cut on my hand and I didn’t want anyone but you to touch it.” You confess and look at her with a plea in your eyes, “Seriously, I didn’t want anyone else.” 

Misty gasps as she looks at your bloody hand wrapped up carelessly now because it has been in use and has not been maintained. “Oh my god, what happened to you?” 

“I cut my hand when I was leaving the convention.” You shy a little as you look down at your glitter-covered shoes. “As you can see I had a long night of press and stupid shit sent my way.”

“The one you didn’t invite me to?” Misty says with a narrowing of her eyes, she pushes her glasses up in her prissy way. “I didn’t appropriate that after our night of love making.”  

“I know. I knew it would get hairy, and it did. A very mean person asked questions today on the panel… And, yeah, I’m happy no one came or watched. I was pretty bad. I’m sorry, I probably would have been better and not cut my hand.” 

You couldn’t help but be honest in most parts of Misty. You knew why you didn’t invite everyone on purpose, and you were right. You didn’t want the others to be getting unnecessary flashbacks like you went through. 

“It’s okay, come inside. Let you eat-” 

“I got you something too. I got you a fillet-o-fish and a root beer.” You say and lift your hand with the meal in it, and you smile widely. 

“You remember my order.” Misty was shocked, and she softly shook her head; her glasses slid down her nose. 

“How could I forget all the times we went out for McDonald's when I was getting used to the outside. I remember somethings.” 

Misty manically giggled and snorted. She pushes her glasses up again. “Okay. Come inside. I was getting hungry anyway.” 

You smile as you come inside Misty’s old house. You knew this was her grandmother’s home, and the decor had barely changed since you were a kid. Misty just put down more bird decor and placed all the crosses. 

The house smelled like baked apple pie from a wax burner, and there was soft classical music playing from her Alexia. Her bird squeals when you walk past the living room. You wave to him, pleasing Misty, “Hello, Caligula.” 

You come to the kitchen with Misty, and she pulls out a table chair for you. 

“Okay, you stay here, and I will clean your wound, then we can eat. Then we can gossip!” Misty lists off with a little giggle in her throat. 

You nod your head and eat a fry, “Okay! I’ll tell you all about it!” You lie. 

Misty rushes upstairs to find her first-aid kit. You sat at Misty's dining room table while the music played. 

You lazily pick at the fries in your bag, eating them as much as you can. You were starving. You look over at her finely painted walls and see the beautiful decorative plates on the wall that have cats painted on them. You heard a soft bumb against the wall. 

Your eyes look to the wall in front of you as you look at the door. You notice how there was a key with a keychain hanging in the door. A chill went up your spine when you remember that was the basement if your memory serves you well. Why was there a lock on the basement?

“Okay, so I don’t have any numbing cream, so you just have to be strong for me.” Misty says as she brings forward a large red first-aid kit. 

You play stupid and say, “Okay. I am so excited to get this cleaned. It reopened in the car.” 

Taglist: @zhivaxo @h-doodles @homopheli @bigtimesalt8196 @juniperjean @scatorccioz @juniperjean @yaakooi @lottieswebs @juchily @freezinggay @deathly710-blog @ghostoflesbianism @marvelous-wandanatangel @errriiie @anskkks @deathvidal @slutforhotpeople @thursdayygrrrl @day-ziez @evewasheretoday @mayasaurusss @captainbabybear @eleanormall @mommyeater2000 @leonchef @mikititta @tigersarrcool @nyasbae @dykepvppy @jax1118 @oakwave @mmiah @dvrkhcld @swiftin0f @opheliadeservedbetter-27 @psychicdreamwonderland @pinkmoonzzz @under-your-bed-not-in-it @sadsapphic-rose @fictitious-sapphic @gayandfairycore @modernvenuss @livil589 @sifodiesilasca

[happysparklingshadows]

Ann feed me i’m starving

You'll be feed tonight babies don't worry!!!

[happysparklingshadows]

i cannot WAIT for the tension shauna and reader are gonna have now

Girlie you got some things in store for the next chapter and the next 100 chapters of the tension between Shauna and Reader! It's wild.

[happysparklingshadows]

it’s been 12 days without you ann 💔..

I'm sorry I had you missing me babygirl

[happysparklingshadows]

ann stop edging me

I can't stop lol I will be posting in the next few days for chapter 9!