#every time they do something cool they immediately proceed to fuck it up!!!

[reyturnofbensolo]

FUCKING STUPID LF!😒

[saucyexe]

Imagine:Lab Partner Viktor.

Lab partner Viktor: who is already not delighted about the project but he’s definitely not excited about being paired up and sitting next to somebody he doesn’t even know.

Lab partner Viktor: when you first meet him and exchange numbers for then project proceeds to leave your message asking when you should meet up on read for hours. Only to respond at 2:37 am with, tomorrow.

Lab partner Viktor: who ignores your entry to the study hall and your wave until you are standing right next to him, Hi Viktor I’m happy we were able to work tod-, I think I should do the research and you should do the slides.

Lab partner Viktor: who looks at you so plainly as if he didn’t just basically call you stupid. Where does he find the nerve? Sure he may be top of the class but that doesn’t mean you’re an idiot! You almost wanted to slap him then and there but you kept your cool, deciding it wasn’t even worth it. Sure viktor, that sounds delightful.God he looked so smug.

Lab partner Viktor: who meets up with you several more times, not understanding why you were so interested in every tiny detail about him, you might as well being asking for his diet as well. He shuts you down of course giving short blunt responses

Lab partner Viktor: who can’t understand why his mind is plagued with the thought of you, of your smell, your hair, the swell of your hips as you walked, the arch of your back as you leaned over the table, and the curve of your smile when he said something you thought was funny. His mind was filled with thoughts of you, and his body was filled with reactions to these thoughts.

Lab partner Viktor: who thinks if he just throws himself into the project and ignores your presence, that it will all go away, so he does. He works and works and yet all he can think about is you.

Lab partner Viktor: who decides it’s time to finally own up to it, so he decides to text you and see what you’re doing.

Viktor stared at the phone in his hand, he had proof read the message multiple times; no spelling errors or grammar mistakes, and yet he struggled to press send. His lips held firm in a straight line, he was an inventor who had overcome so much in his life, he could message one pretty girl, so he did. As his finger finally pressed the send button he reread the message, Would you be able to meet up tomorrow? He clicked his phone off and set it down on his nightstand as he played back in bed when his phone started to ring. He picked it up to see it was your contact, he definitely wasn’t expecting you to answer immediately, he picked up the phone and pressed it to his ear,

Hello?, he was meet with a weird clapping noise until he heard a man’s voice

Why are you texting her? Are you her boyfriend or something? The unknown voice said.

No, I’m sorry who is this?

The voice chuckled, I’m the man that’s balls deep in your girl friend right now.

Viktor jaw dropped, balls deep? Were you being? It all made sense, the clapping noise. God, you were being fucked right now.

He heard a shuffling sound as the man spoke up.

Tell him how much you love it. A woman’s voice, you spoke up. I-I love it. A pornographic moan followed after which viktor quickly hung up.

He placed his phone on his bedside table as he tried to relax, his raging boner noticeable under his sheets. God, why did that turn him on so much. You sounded so blissed out he could imagine that your face was probably in the pillows as you arched up. His hand traveled to his pants as he continued to think.

Your lips were probably parted and your face tear stained. Your hair snarled from being tugged on and your ass read from being slapped. He could imagine the way your mewls and moans would get louder as the thrust got deeper and quicker , his strokes getting faster, and faster. Your little pleas the way you would say his name when you cum. He groaned as he imagined the way your body would convulse as your released wrecked through you, his own releases coming causing him to spill onto his hand with your name on his lips.

As he looked down at his cum stained hands his resolve hardened even more, he needed to talk to you tomorrow.

[kawareo]

My Durge's stats pre-tadpoles are absolutely insane so I've been thinking what it'd look like if Orin failed to lobotomize him... Like the fight with him a Tav would have to win?

It'd be a bitch but there'd be fun options to make it easier and winnable

Him and Gortash would be working together still but what'd complicate things would be that Bhaal would've grown impatient and reduce Durge to a mess that would've dragged hinself in his temple and stay there. When Tav talks to Gortash, Gort has a massive fresh scar over his neck where Durge nearly killed him last time they were together. Gortash sends Tav to the temple but he fully expects/hopes they would die and that that could bring Durge back to his own mind.

If Orin would still be alive? Tav could make a deal with her that she'd help them find the temple, where she'd eventually need help in the combat with Durge, but if Tav would've helped her, that'd initiate a fight with the entire temple and with Orin, who'd be furious that you intervened.

Then, fight with Durge would be a bitch to win, but there would be some ways to get around and make it easier. Most of all would be useful a Persuasion or Deception proficency, and also going around Baldur's Gate and finding information about him - what would be Tav's best option would be to provoke Durge to a degree that he loses his already fragile cool and Bhaal forces a Slayer form on him - that way he loses his spellcasting abilities and also the double attack he gets from his fighter levels, and his paralysis weapons!

Options for that would get him to lose his shit would be

- [Deception] Gortash has sold you out, you mad dog. You've grown too unpredictable after what happened, we're here to put you down.

Has Advantage if Tav found notes between them or used Detect thought when talking to Gortash and asking him about his injury. He lies to Tav's face but thinks about how Durge mauled him last time they fucked and Gortash had to fight him off of him

- [Persuasion] Look at what you've became; Chosen of Bhaal, yet fighting His gifts? Your own Kin died for what you're rejecting so.

Only available if the above mentioned Orin thing happens. Durge stares at her corpse for quite a while, then proceeds to sort of... Give up. Accepts the Slayer and surrenders himself fully to his Father.

- [Persuasion] [Unholy Assassin] You think you know better than your own god, Chosen? You, who has failed him so in every way?

He starts to yell at Tav that he didn't fail, then as if something hit him, clutches his head and starts begging Father for forgiveness (reciting some parts of Prayer of Forgiveness). While he prays, he cuts himself, the blood drips down his arms and draws itself into the circle of Summoning for the Slayer.

When Tav wins, Durge lays there dying for just a bit longer, stares into nothing and clutching at his wounds and begging Father to forgive him because "im not done yet, Father, please, I can do better, plea-!" And then his eyes roll up suddenly and he dies in a moment, when Bhaal chooses so. His body falls apart and leaves behind only the Stillmaker, his Netherstone, and a half-writen letter that's like Prayer of Forgiveness, but adressed to Gortash and one Durge never got to finish.

The idea is very rough but essentially I love the thought that Bhaal is the one who fucks it all up because he can't be patient for two minutes, and Gortash is still delusional enough for him to hope Durge can go back to normal. If you win and kill Durge, Gortash will be upset and surprised, but will kind of shut off the grief in the moment to focus on dominating the brain. If you would've lost, the canon ending would be that Durge pulls through with the stones, him and Gortash get the Brain under control, and then Durge almost immediately slaughters both of them, leaving Toril to the Brain's mercy.

Another bonus option in the dialogue would be to tell him that you killed Gortash, but if you lied or didn't have Gortash's head to prove it, he would just laugh at you. That option wouldnt be a good idea in any way, because if you wouldn't pass the deception check (DC20) or wouldn't have the head, the laugh would clear his mind enough for him to focus on the fight (not as a Slayer) and if he WOULD believe you, he'd get so angry that he would start a fight with an extra feature that would be an absolute bitch to deal with.

[yourgrantaire]

im rewatching the smosh liveshow and i wanted to keep track of my favorite moments so they are below the cut

angela's tippy tappy toes of joy at amanda's new jersey voice

amanda's "LOOK IT UP" for increasingly unrealistic things, and ending it with "are you at peace are you at peace are you at peace hello areyouatpeaceareyouatpeaceareyouatpeace anthony areyouatpeace DON'T GOOGLE ME"

tommy's "only a tragic life could lead to looking like if a motorcycle was gay ... i can say that, i'm a motorcycle" and him saying the meaning of anthony's tattoos was so that he could fuck goth girls. oh and how could i forget describing angela as an "amber alert on rollerblades"

the cool ass music when the guests came on, made by tommy bowe i think? i honestly would listen to the music from the show all on its own

brandon rogers' "let's. eat. anthony!" and then making a very emphatic pitch as to why it would be a great idea

THE HALF-TIME SHOW OF COURSE. i know that they mostly won't post the show on youtube but i really really hope they post the half-time show

also a detail i just noticed is josh playing that escalating carnival "do do do do!" when chanse and keith got iced

dan and phil's extremely explicit video message with dan's repeated references to jerking off onto anthony's sexy calendar

courtney as bikini girl while still wearing doc martins. and there's something about the rhythm of "get you a girl who can do both two things two one time! :D" that is so funny, as well as "women are so scawwy ooohh!! what's under your blouse, two perfectly round GUNS? OHH!!"

rhett and link showing up standing menacingly in the doorway, and their tag line being "A Jesus and a Lesbian Woman"

the multiple "ian loves drinking breast milk" jokes

the chosen: "you're probably wondering why i look so badass right now. its because we are on the cusp of the greatest battle in the entire history of the universe.

and also i got queso on my three wolf moon shirt.

and i fell off my razor scooter on the way here."

i am glad that even though they made him look cool as fuck, shayne still emphasized that the chosen is not nearly as cool as he thinks he is.

"worst of all, anthony padilla HAD SEX!" and then quoting the star wars prequels lmao

also shayne singing without any self consciousness was very funny to me, but i can't put my finger on what the song was

ian saying i love you but having to say it in a silly voice (and in the after show anthony saying he can say i love you back to ian because unlike ian, he's actually said it before)

anthony's joke about how he expected everyone to roast him about his "dick piercing" and the entire audience going "wait wait, go back to that, what did you just say" and him moving on with no further comment

anthony to shayne: "i won't talk about how you were once known for your promising tv career and now you're known for wearing a t-shirt with limes on it''

chanse just full on horror movie screaming when anthony said arasha was in an ad for a republican dating app. also arasha's faces for everything were so great

keith full on responding whenever someone addresses him (and sometimes reacts out loud just because), he did this in the other funerals as well but it delights me every time

anthony saying chanse slides into his dms all the time, and chanse immediately replying "you respond, bitch!" (and then later anthony saying that chanse can go with mythical and he "can call link daddy now" but "watch out, [chanse] dms")

i loved anthony's reference to tommy's show serving cunt

anthony to amanda: "you're like if jessica rabbit drove a mini van"

anthony to ian: "one thing we all know about ian is he might have some trouble showing emotions" ian proceeds to stare deadpan into the camera. it was fun watching ian's reactions because often he wouldn't react to a lot of it or he would react as part of the bit, i've already forgotten the one thing that he really reacted to, fuck so i might have to rewatch it again

and then my favorite part of the aftershow was amanda and tommy continuously leaning in to make out and then saying "no save it for the parking lot, save it for the parking lot", and no they were not going to go anywhere, they were going to stay in the parking lot at smosh and make out in the car

[parad-ice-lostandfound]

Things that come in my head as I play through Diasomnia's chapter (chp 1- 37):

[Potential spoilers below darlings, proceed with caution!]

Lilia using his hatchet, which by Sebek's reactions we can assume is basically at the same level of significance as a magical artifact used by say, one of the great Seven, to cut wood. He even justifies it by saying the hatchet might feel better being used even if for mundane things than sitting and gathering dust somewhere. Is that a metaphor for himself? Is he referring to himself and how he busied himself with raising his sons? To how from a weapon in war, one that brought devastation with every swing of his blade, he softened into a someone, who despite his doubts managed to be a father and mentor to both his sons? Does he think of himself as an object to be used, first in the war and then as a caretaker for Malleus?

Silver losing his cool and shouting that yes, Malleus needs to be there to say goodbye to Lilia. We've seen how Silver constantly wants to be useful and do something to sort of 'justify' Lilia taking him in and raising him as his own. I feel like he doesn't see himself as Lilia's son despite calling him "Father"; he sees Malleus as more deserving of that title, and so every time he's shown some resistance against Lilia going away, he puts it as if he's speaking on behalf of Malleus' feelings. Whereas Malleus believes that he must not be selfish and stop Lilia from leaving just because he doesn't want him to. He's trying to be mature about it all, even if it eats him up inside. Just... why can't these idiots realize how much they love each other?? Also, Lilia asking where Silver got his stubborn streak from like sir, have you seen yourself and Malleus? Both of yall are so stubborn that I'm surprised Silver isn't more stubborn than just this.

Malleus and Silver are so similar in so many ways that it actually hurts. Both are losing their father figure, their mentor. And they're both trying to be so incredibly brave and mature about it. Malleus' general dislike of being compared to a child (even though Lilia says that the Draconias achieve their maturity when they're 1000 years old and are still children at 200 years) and Silver saying that he'll be coming of age the next year when Malleus tells him that all children cry... Both are children, but they don't want to be seen as children. These boys are gonna make me cry istg-

Gonna take a break from the dia boys for a sec because how cute are the first years??? Oh my god I love them all so much. Also, weird freaky things happening to the Prefect... could it be a side effect of being stuck in Twisted Wonderland for so long? Or maybe even an effect of the Prefect starting to become "aware" of how the great seven are the people they see in their dreams? Hm... Also have I told you how much I love Adeuce? Because I love them. Very much. The way Ace shows concern about the Prefect feeling under the weather, and the way Deuce immediately agrees that they should leave after saying their greetings just makes me so happy (and it reminds me of my friends.... i think i just realized why im so fond of the idiots...) Okay now back to our regularly scheduled program...

Love how Lilia basically said, "If people here were well-adjusted individuals who knew how to ask for help gracefully and take the help offered to them gracefully they wouldn't have been chosen by the Dark Mirror" because he's soo right, but also, dear sir, if you recall, you were chosen to attend this very same institute yourself <3

"I haven't the slightest intention of being friendly–" shut it lightning boy we're gonna KO you with the power of friendship and life-or-death bonding situations

LILIA HOW DARE YOU TRY TO LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE TO YOUR KIDS ISTG IM GONNQ BITE YOU YOU STUPID OLD MAN THEY FUCKING LOVE YOU HOW DARE YOU SHSVWIDVWYDGWIDVEYWGDGEUDGDH

Oh shit the iconic Maleficent entry– I love you Malleus but Jesus christ you are scaring me rn with that smile–

First battle of the chapter.... wish me luck... Oh wait I was supposed to lose? Ah that's fine, I didn't wanna be stuck on that chapter for the next six months-

Oh god the utter pain in Lilia's voice when he yells out to Malleus.... oh this hurts more than hearing Silver cry.... why can't these idiots just fucking talk and tell each other how much they love each other?!?!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HELLO?!?!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT–Malleus' voice is so pretty while humming the song– BUT HOLY SHIT WHAT WAS THAT?!?! THE FUCKING PROTAGNONIST OF YOUR OWN STPRY?? THE TEISTED WONDERLAND SORT OF TITLE SCREEN THINGY WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK I— WHDYEHWGDGDYW

[clarajohnson]

the magicians s1e9

not enough said about quentin addressing his reply to "j," not julia, not jules. did they call each other q and j. did they really decide to hurt me like that.

i find richard and his world so interesting and i wish he stuck around longer

"they get mean and take everything away"

again i just think alice is the most wonderful character, interjecting q's rambling to push toward a solution (so you lost something, what do you do when you lose something?), almost instantly as familiar with q's fillory as he is himself. i really struggle, at this point, to buy into their relationship but i totally think they're on the same wavelength.

"i'm literally becoming less cool with every word you speak" penny is very funny actually

i like that julia fucking up quentin's brain turns into "experienced in mental projection" like yeah this guy stabbed me two weeks ago he's got experience in surgery

"no, not a question, more of a correction"

eliot's little "shall we proceed, criminal element?" whew!

it's so wild how q sits down at plover's desk and he immediately starts opening up, like we literally get his first "my brain breaks sometimes" because he's just suddenly so emotional he has to contextualize himself

christopher plover is a very interesting character. i like when they deal with him, i'm not sure they even grapple with him enough.

do we know what julia went to school for? like regular school i mean. was it business?

love the fillory map i love it i love it i love it so much

martin is also a very interesting character! shit's fucked.

me every time plover is on screen: haha it's the guy from the nanny! oh mr. sheffield!

the way alice cares for/about beatrix kind of fucks me up

the world never did help a smart girl why would it!

cripes i forgot about the assisted suicide stuff with richard. i say it again! really interesting character!

guys was there a third chatwin kid or did i fully invent that. no i will not google.

this is such a good eliot episode

julia has chemistry with fuckin everybody. good for her. good for her!

never let it be said that the magicians won't fuck around with a gross dead body

yeah yes alice and children is an intriguing thread. girl hates arbitrary suffering! she loves to believe in a solution!

also alice's way of processing strong emotions being sitting ramrod straight with her arms crossed and refusing comfort... character of ALL TIME.

[toastess-with-the-mostess]

Let's Rewind! Toast watches Voltron: Defender of The Universe (1984)

Season 1, Episode 35: Doom Boycotts the Space Olympics Season 1, Episode 36: Lotor's Clone

Episode 35 Doom Boycotts the Space Olympics I realized the text was hard to read in the long post so here's some color so you can tell which episode is being watched

wild that whoever made the choices for the space Olympics really thought hard and said "yes we're absolutely having it on Arus, where it's currently at war and has a weekly occurrence of giant fucked up robots fighting each other"

Is soccer actually an Olympic sport or is the world cup the biggest even for them?

Oh so doom IS actively boycotting the space olympics, I know It's for evil reasons but i have to agree just based on the fact THAT ITS ON A PLANET IN ACTIVE WAR AND ROUTINELY HAS GIANT MECHA FIGHTS

why are the boys in an army barrack 😭 the castle is right there is it not

Allura this is why you KNOCK walking in on the team showering in only towels is your fault entirely LMAO the boys are ragging on nanny for trying to make it their fault svsiodv woman just sit down and leave the food at this point

"I'm sorry I meant to surprise you!" "You did!" Keith that was adorable omg, I know you guys can't hear it, but his tone was the cutest

I love this show because in every other one it's hunk looking after Pidge, but originally it was Lance instead T-T He's currently very concerned about Pidge eating two kabobs at once, at least he isn't talking with food in his mouth

I'm sorry when did haggar get blueprints to voltrons wiring??

are they about to make a decepticon out of the beefed up bulldozer the team has outside to build the stadium?? Oh my god they are

man the only reason the team finds out about lotors plan is because one of the kids that was tagging along with hunk this entire time needed to take a leak outside 💀

haggar described her weird virus for that bulldozer as like a chip,,, it is not a chip it's a tiny robeast that takes over the entire machine just by standing onto the hardware i know they were making it easier to understand for kids but c'mon that had to be confusing for them, kids are real smart anyway

The boys: kid you were dreaming, nothing attached itself to the bulldozer (bulldozer proceeds to turn on and wreck their barrack) the boys: O-O guys please listen to the children, they're so upfront with everything they see its wild

PIDGE WHY ARE YOU JUMPING STRAIGHT ONTO THE BULLDOZER well at least he found out nobody was driving it UNTIL IT THREW HIM OFF, he's a gymnast (ninja) though so of course he lands on his feet anyway like a goddamn CAT

why do they always make hunk grunt like that? wild somehow they figured out it was lotor, i mean i feel like itd be obvious once they knew nobody was in it but still

OH SO PIDGE DOES ACTUALLY REFER TO HIMSELF AS A GYMNAST, THATS ACTUALLY SUPER COOL still doesnt make it any less insane that pidge LEPT ONTO THE ROOF OF THE BULLDOZER

WHY IS HE SO LONG IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT, IT LOOKS LIKE THE PASTED HIS HEAD OVER LANCES BODY he didnt even stop the thing i think lotor just told it to stop to lull them into a false sense of security

that same kid was yelling about not being listened and immediately punched the control panel with started up the bulldozer again 💀 I think you're old enough to know how to regulate your emotions my dude oh also he and two others are trapped inside now, dire stakes indeed

hunk and pidge got thrown off the bulldozer, how high up were they?? ft older brother lance again because he was making sure pidge was okay in the background

at last a lion comes out to actually do something NOT BEFORE THE BOY GOT BURIED ALIVE THOUGH WHAT THE FUCK THEY SHOULD BE DEAD

I don't think this is the first time lotor has told allura his plans for her, but it's good that he actually tells her so she doesn't get a worse idea

the team is free after allura creates a goddamn tsunami in the stadium ft MORE OLDER BROTHER LANCE BECAUSE HES HOLDING PIDGE NEXT TO HIM IN THE WATER

immediately after being freed the kids just sit there and do nothing UNTIL THEY GET TRAPPED IN IT AGAIN god this show makes so many characters stupid

all-scan?? Are you telling me you fuckers could've done that before, and you just haven't?? I'm gonna say you just recently learned it for my own mental health

the kids are out after Hunk bashed his way inside without a lion i love seeing scenes like these because the pilots are actually skilled outside of being inside the lions!

Ooh so I was right, it was a mini robeast who could interact with machines, and then it just combines with it to make it an actual robeast well they could've just said that earlier >:/

voltron is formed and definitely is spewing propaganda for the olympics but at least hes able to damage the robeast LMAO

holy shit easiest fight ever, they barely even did anything to the guy before pulling out blazing sword and skewering it

time to rebuild the stadium and gym using the lions my question is why they only gave one of those beefed up bulldozers to the team

/episode end

Episode 36 Lotor's Clone

Episode opens with Zarkon yelling at Lotor, this oughta be good lol

"quit sending robots to arus and destroy voltron yourself!" my guy how the FUCK is one dude gonna do that, you kind of need another big guy to help weaken him first

"you mean really lead? Like from up front?" "Where else you idiot!" LMAOO

I know they make the doomites robots so the show can skirt past ratings but do not give robots that much sentience and still say they're not people these fuckers were talking about defecting and living on Arus!

oh so this episode's robeast is just another lotor because he doesn't actually want to do the work HAHAHA

"but beware, whatever you know he will know" foreshadowing?

onto planet arus, the team is doing some lion training

Pidge: it feels like my head is on backwards! Keith: I always knew that! THE KID JUST FELL OUT OF THE SKY KEITH BE NICE LMAO

Pidge: did you know your nose wiggles when you're upset Keith: my fist wiggles too! KEITH PLEASE-

mystery power surge huh, at least we can tell that the castle actually has employees since they're running around trying to fix stuff

oh never mind the drules have an actual robeast that's fucking with the castle, the lotor clone is just so lotor doesn't have to do any of the work expected of him LOL

Keith has a plan but i can't remember the sleds/boats he mentions having used before with the team maybe they're just making it up to show that the pilots actually hang out on their off time fnvsdoi

"some of these parts are older than nanny!" GET HER ASS LANCE

it's good to know that the pilots are all slightly mechanically inclined, definitely a skill they gotta have to actually stay alive on Arus

Not lotor complaining that his clone isn't working hard enough for his hero image 💀 no wonder this man always gets his ass kicked

secrets out, keiths been fighting the clone this whole time and because of lotor having a telepathic argument with it, he knows it's not the real him anymore

Damn he was so offended by the clone calling him Lotor used the robeast to blow his ass up 😭 Keith's right, this was his only chance at winning

did they just fix up that sled thing to not actually use it?? What a waste of time oh never mind lance is using it while the others use the lions

"if you're gonna lie around the beach all day I'll come back later" i don't think any other show can replicate the absolute sass dotu lance brings

I like that hunk is the defacto leader when its him pidge and allura, I know allura has no experience so she wouldn't be but i wouldn't be surprised if they tried to pull something like this with pidge lol

voltron is formed, haven't seen lion head attack in a while so it's nice to see it back man that robeast just stoof there and took the beating, are they just giving up at this point soidns

ooh scene reuse, this is definitely from the bridge episode that i cant remember the name of, everyone is joking about how another clone of them would be good for the universe lol

/episode end

[hetaari]

I challenge you to badly summarize each and every one of your fics

You know what. Ok.

Backstage (Hetalia): bit of backstage homosexuality innit

Buon San Valentino except it’s Switzerland instead of Germany (Hetalia): self-explanatory

Imaginary (Hetalia): local German has been having vivid hallucinations for basically a century

Your Name (Hetalia): “you don’t need to know what my name is. You can try tho.”

The entire True Colors series (so far white, brown, yellow, and green) (Hetalia): “hey bro what’s your favorite color”

The Proposal (Hetalia): *aph china voice* “the fuck you mean japan asked you guys to marry him too??? I don’t wanna be part of a polycule!”

Distrust (Hetalia): *aph poland voice* ‘his vibes….they’re rancid. Untrustworthy.’

Bothered (Hetalia): *aph veneziano voice* “I am not having a good time rn”

To You, With Love (Hetalia): “hello girl it’s been a while hasn’t it”

Marooned (Hetalia): Japan commits murder-suicide

The Thumping (Hetalia): The Tell-Tale Heart but worse

Baking (Hetalia): Germany is physically incapable of doing anything without being even vaguely homosexual

A Happy End (Hetalia): “we’re all going to die but I’m fine with it”

Eyes Wide Closed (Hetalia): having your eyes open like a normal person is too fucking personal tbh

Let Go (Hetalia): Yao Wang should see a therapist

In Your Arms (Hetalia): Spain is the ceo of hugs

Consumption (Hetalia): “you’re so cute I just want to eat you up!”

Fascination (Hetalia): you must have balls of steel to break into someone’s house and act like it’s normal to be there

Colorful (Hetalia): “yes I paint with my eyes closed. But it’s fine bc it’s like a nice little surprise at the end.”

The Hills Are Alive (Hetalia): clearly the land around Lithuania’s house is more than just haunted

Bright (Hetalia): you know when someone’s so beautiful that you can barely make visual contact with them

“Tú eres mi media naranja.” (Hetalia): *aph spain voice* “mi amor I cannot live without you”

Dropping By (Hetalia): your weird boyfriend has come to visit

“Can’t Wait to See You Again.” (Hetalia): “see you soon girl <3”

My Wife, The Sea (Hetalia): tfw you can’t marry people but you can marry a literal body of water

Hurt (Hetalia): those two should really seek therapy

The Handmade Chocolates I Recieved Are まずい。(Hetalia): how do you tell someone their cooking sucks without hurting their feelings?

“Welcome Back.” (Hetalia): local German forgets an important facet of his existence, proceeds to be proper fucking miserable upon finding out about it for the next four and a half decades

Not In That Way (Hetalia): this could’ve been avoided with better communication skills

Closer (Hetalia): “I want to lie on your chest and listen to your heartbeat <3 without all the skin in the way <3”

Dead Battlefield (Hetalia): “we’re the only ones alive here. For now.”

Misdiagnosis (Hetalia): this is why you shouldn’t swallow seeds

Blue Hour Marshmallows (Vocaloid): Bros comforting bros

The Great Outdoors (Hetalia): Alfred is lowkey a scaredy-cat

Dead Weight (Hetalia): “yes I know he’s dead so it wouldn’t matter what happens to him. No I’m not leaving him behind even if doing so guarantees my own survival.”

The Very Beginning (of Something Great) (Vocaloid): *hatsune miku voice* “uwu a new friend??? Yes please”

The Way It Started (Vocaloid): *kaito voice* “oh god oh fuck I need him to think I’m cool so we can be friends immediately”

A Chat About Us (Vocaloid): telepathic convo

Acceptance (Hetalia): “oh so I’m gonna die? Fair enough.”

Kisses (Hetalia): Spain is also the ceo of kissing

Sunset (Hetalia): studies show that the sunset is the best time to be gay

Golden Hour Tangerines (Vocaloid): Bros comforting bros 2: the turn tables

Setting Up (Vocaloid): everybody in that house is extremely unobservant

Rain and Silence (Classicaloid): “hmm. Today I will enjoy the peace and quiet.” (clueless)

Stuck (Vocaloid): stupid idiot gets stuck

Ill (Hetalia): this is why you shouldn’t walk through random doors you find in the basement

Solitude Summer (Hetalia): “I know this is no strings attached but I’m actually kinda in love rn”

Part of You (Classicaloid): “wow he is so cool. I wish he would eat me.”

Hey, Hey, Mamma (Hetalia): lots of Italian men are mama’s boys, aren’t they?

Vene Collezione (Hetalia): the same guy getting railed over and over again

An Unconventional Sort of Employment (Vocaloid): had there been monetary transactions involved, she would’ve been sold to hatsune miku

Do You Love the Color of the Sky? (Vocaloid): “yeah bro actually. The sky is always beautiful because you’re by my side”

Dyed in White: The Return (Hetalia): the Pictonians are back and this time it’s personal

First Sound of the Future (Vocaloid): “everything I know and love is no more and I don’t understand what is happening”

W Academy School Idol Club (Hetalia): “wow that looks interesting. Time to form my millionth club.”

[knightsofsomethingorother]

Starting off with Episode 2, A Knight's Quest!

The football team is running through the forest and they have this giant battering ram that I thought was an elephant at first. It's not :(

It occurs to me that this is an Isekai. Also Arthur's horse has scoliosis. Everyone's talking about how weird all of this is and Arthur and Lance come to the conclusion that this is important because there's a pretty girl in danger and also the future is in trouble or something... Whatever.

Look at this top-down view of the forest.

They find a tree glowing red (goes unexplained for the rest of the episode) and get attacked by some guys and this line is said by our lead:

"It's time for Arthur King to go forward as King Arthur once and for all."

I am 2 minutes into episode 2.

Anyway they summon their magic weapons from their tits. They also just... magically know how to do this. Also they magically know how to ride horses. Also fight. Maybe their high school had really good extracurriculars.

The bad guy has a tit snake he can summon and it occurs to me that this is an Extended Toy Commercial so I need to check something.

Yeah that's about what I had in mind. Moving on! What did I mi-

A hole in the ground opened up and swallowed two of the football boys.

A HOLE IN THE GROUND OPENED UP AND ATE LANCE AND ANOTHER GUY.

Also the villains just... fuck off? Leave. OKAY.

In this pit is Morgana. OKAY. SURE. This paced and written like a fever dream.

She demands that they answer her questions, then tells them to shut up, then says 'A few years in the dungeons and maybe you'll answer my questions'.

Don't ask what happened to this screenshot. Anyway Arthur's having a pity party. Yay. Have I mentioned it's been only FIVE MINUTES??? Now he's off to save them on his own because he's 'Got to do it himself'. And honestly if they had this characterization for the Fake-Lancelot I'd commend it for being very true to the character.

Cheeked up.

Oh and his shield summons a dragon.

He then goes to Morgana's castle on his own. Immediately. After unlocking a bunch of powers. Tension? Pacing? WHAT'S THAT?

So yeah Arthur bodies two guys, a giant bat, and a Giant Fucking Rock and saves everyone no issue. NO PROBLEM. DID YOU DOUBT HIM?

I do have to give them credit for having Morgana be a Saturday morning cartoon villain. It's what she was always meant to be. I mean it... IS a Saturday morning cartoon but shut up.

Stuff proceeds to happen and then they go home.

And then Guinevere's eyes change color in the same shot the end.

So if you want a drinking game, watch this episode and take a shot any time a fully-cheeked ass is the focus of a shot. It will kill you. I'm going to have to give this episode two ass cheeks out of five. There's a lot of little details I'm leaving out for brevity's sake, but good lord this episode gave me whiplash every other minute. And I can't do an analysis or anything without just playing the episode because it's just 'and then this happened' over and over again. This is war though and there's no time to question this shit so onto the next episode!

Episode 3, The Unbeliever.

It opens with me and the mutuals hunting down a peasant running towards Camelot. He runs and runs and runs but never seems to get any further. They also reuse a lot of animation of this guy looking over his shoulder.

There he goes! Anyway he's revealed to be placed there by Morgana and Evil Man. He says that a dragon has one of the Macguffins that they need and then one of the knights goes 'lol dragons aren't real' when LAST EPISODE Arthur SHAT A DRAGON OUT OF HIS SHIELD.

AND THEN THEY PROCEED TO ARGUE ABOUT IT SOME MORE???

Now they just... have squires. Cool? Why is he here? Ladywoman who is apparently named 'Elaine' also tells them she had a bad dream that they died on this mission and everyone brushes her off.

Which, you know. That one's close to the source materials. I'll give them that.

They get into a fight with the baddies. One guy summons a wall from his battle tower. Blah blah blah...

Guinevere tells Merlin something's up, he brushes her off entirely. Then Arthur tells that little boy with no armor or weapons that he should help them fight the dragon that definitely does exist and is just hanging out on top of a church.

Oh what do you know, it's a trap. And the dragon is an illusion. The guy who raised a stink about dragons being fake despite ARTHUR SUMMONING ONE FROM HIS SHIELD is correct.

They're then stuck at the top of the tower with baddies swarming in from the bottom. The solution is clearly to build a hang glider.

As one does.

Back at Camelot that peasant guy tries to burn the round table which appears to be made of stone and he gets his ass handed to him by one of the squires and he's blasted with Merlin's finger lasers.

Then there's ANOTHER fight... I should note here that for every fight they play the same music and the same audio of dudes shouting. I have never once seen a cartoon so thoroughly suck the joy out of the concept of fight scenes but here we are.

During this fight Dragon Skeptic summons an eagle from his shield meaning he DEFINITELY SAW ARTHUR'S DRAGON but I guess that doesn't count as a REAL ONE??? I GUESS???

AND NOW HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND? OKAY??? SURE! WHY NOT?

Also nobody directly apologized to the women. Just a 'I sure should've listened to you' to Guinevere. Nobody apologized to Elaine.

Gooooddddd that one was annoying. The only highlight was watching a child beat the shit out of a grown man. Episode 2 was at least campy fun at times. This was just dull. 0 dragons out of 5.

[waxwing-cedrorum]

I think one of my favorite things at the art store I work at is when old women come in who are textile artists but repeatedly tell me they aren’t artists and I get to be like:

Ma’am you are an artist, you have always been an artist, and I have seen some of the most insanely cool art that was made with quilts/costumes/embroidery/etc.

Because let me tell you. THE MINUTE YOU SAY THAT, THEIR EYES FUCKING LIGHT UP.

One memorable conversation was with a woman who came in looking for spray paint for quick coverage on some foam armor. At first we started out normal, just her asking for opinions on how to do it since she’s not used to such a shiny surface. She mentions a little bit in that she’s not an artist but that she works as a costumer at a local small theater.

I look at her straight in the eyes in slight shock because honestly the word “costumer” and “not an artist” do not compute in my brain, and tell her that she is an artist and that I think that’s an insanely cool medium to work in because I have NO CLUE how it works but I know costumes that are absolutely stunning work.

She immediately gets super excited and asks if I want to see some of her work.

OF COURSE I SAY YES

She proceeds to show me not only wonderful outfits from various productions at her local theater but also A WHOLE ASS TWIRLING BREAK AWAY TRANSFORMATION DRESS SHE MADE FOR ONE OF THEM.

I get extremely excited and ask if she has videos which she does and she shows me them while looking proud as fuck of her work. She tells me how long she’s been doing this (VERY LONG TIME) and all about various productions she’s done and how she did this or that costume.

It wasn’t that long of a conversation but it truly stuck with me.

I love this art store, I love the people that come through here more than anything else. Everyone needs a little boost in confidence once in a while and everyone is always at different steps of their artistic journey.

I will get hype for a child showing me their doodle in the large demo sketchbook we keep out. I will always say yes when anyone asks me if they can show me what they’re working on. I will enthusiastically tell you what part of your work is my fav. And yes I will most definitely tell you you’re an artist no matter where you think your skill level is at or whether or not you even believe you’re an artist.

This world is fucking bleak sometimes. Things are getting really dark. Reading the news is terrifying and I just did price changes on some items that jumped $20 in one go. You may think art isn’t important in times like these. But god if you can find the time to just pick up a pencil and give art a shot please do. I don’t care what skill level you’re at I love to see it and it’s worth making.

Make embroidery, make quilts, make silly doodles in the margins of your school notes, make costumes WITH BREAK AWAY TRANSFORMATIONS, make an OC, make paintings, use chalk, use pastels, use oils or acrylics or watercolor or gouache. Mess around and mix mediums together, do calligraphy or make pottery. Pick up a pencil and draw a shit ton of eyes because right now that’s all you feel confident in. Your art matters and I fucking love to see it no matter what it is. It makes every day brighter when people excitedly ask me if I want to see their work when trying to explain to me what they’re looking for doesn’t work.

Your art is your’s and it’s something so uniquely you that it always deserves to exist. I’m not good with words and never have been. But in dark times art is so important even if you never share it and you make it just for your own eyes. Its wonderful.

Please just keep creating and know you’re an artist no matter what level you’re at. I’m getting really sappy now and I’ll probably look at this post tomorrow wondering wtf I was doing but please know your art matters no matter what the world tries to tell you. That wonderful old lady had been making costumes for a significant amount of her life and deserves to be proud of her art just as much as you do. She didn’t even consider herself an artist and that’s a shame.

And if you aren’t sure if you’re an artist or if your art matter I’ll be here in my silly little store t-shirt standing behind the counter to tell you yes it does, and yes it is.

[afrustratedmom]

A single parent in a relationship

My partner promised me he would take care of our daughter today. I am with her 24 hours a day and I'm exhausted. I'm over having her attached to my hip. But it's hard to take care of your own kid when you spend all night playing video games which is exactly what he did. So I spent all of last night breastfeeding her. When it hit around 8-9 AM and she started waking up crying, I thought, "Well, it's his time to shine." That is not what happened. He continued to sleep as she got louder and louder. So I woke up instead and got her a bottle. He also promised me the night before that the dishes would get done. I wake up to not one but TWO sinks full of dishes. I sit on the bed and I guess that wakes him and he sees me get the baby ready and I begin to feed her. He pretends like he's going to feed her and take over instead but then tells me hold on and hangs out in the bathroom instead. I tell him about the dishes, which he claims he was going to do RIGHT NOW (what a coincidence). How obnoxious that I have to remind a grown ass man (again) to do the fucking dishes. I ask if it's cool if I go play some video games (something I don't get to do often) while he just takes her. In my head I'm thinking it's time for redemption. He says sure. So there I am playing and almost immediately she starts fussing. She whines, fusses, and eventually cries for the next 45 minutes. I'm wondering what's going on. I get up and head to the room where HE'S FALLEN ASLEEP AGAIN and just put her back in her crib as if it's okay to just leave her in there all day. I get pissed and take her with me and try to play with her in my arms, breastfeeding and trying to get comfortable. I decide to wake him up because I'm not going to be the sacrificial lamb once again. I'm sick of doing all of the work. He wakes up startled, I told him this is my only day off from having her every moment of the day and to please just fucking have my back. That I feel like a single parent with him. I hand him the baby, kick them both out of the room, and proceed to take the first nap in ages. I slept for 4 hours and only got woken up because he obviously got aggravated and came into the room, said something (knowing I'm a light sleeper), and it woke me up. I can't wait for the day I don't have to be with him anymore. For the day that I'm either truly a single parent so I can stop feeling like one in a relationship or get with someone else who actually pulls their weight. Sincerely, A Frustrated Mom

[dystopian-reverie]

Making two random Marvel characters meet #1

The Moon Boys and Kamala Khan

Warning: Mentions of trauma only if you squint, nothing else.

This is just a headcanon that's been running around my mind for a while. I just think that they all would have a cool character arc together.

Of course, the headcanons have next to no chance of happening anyway.

This was written before the Ms. Marvel series was even completed, so this is pretty vague and contains no plotlines or might not be in sync at all with what might happen in MCU's future.

A/n: Felt physical pain knowing that Muslims don’t usually celebrate Raksha Bandhan (pls do correct me if I’m wrong because I learnt this from Google) because I’d give right about anything for Kamala to tie Rakhi on Marc’s wrist and him not taking it off for the whole day.

Tag list: @jakelcckley @wowifinallymadeanaccount @devilish-mirage @later-gators12 @wast3ofurtim3

The way I see it, this duo could be the next “grumpy yet cool dad figure adopting an over-eager teenager with who they bonded quite a bit, and would definitely screw up anyone who hurt them” dynamics in MCU, following Tony-Peter and Stephen-America.

If their first-ever meeting was during super-heroing, whoever is fronting would most definitely go "Who the FUCK is letting a 16-year-old fight crimes around here? I'd like to have a word with them" and proceed to draw all the attention to him so she doesn't get hurt.

Let's say it's Marc who met her first. Fast forward a few minutes, he is clearly getting his ass handed to him and Kamala swoops in to save the day. They decide to team up, and after a messy, but successful mission nevertheless, they'd go get ice cream or a drink.

Kamala would immediately bombard him with questions, about his superhero origin story and how long he's been doing this because "Trust me, I know right about everything there is to know about the Avengers and you're not one of them."

"Far from it, kid," he'd grumble. "I'm the avatar of the Egyptian God, Khonshu" He'd explain how being an avatar works as she'd listen intently, taking in the fact that Egyptian mythology was indeed very real, as the Norse ones. "So, as I said earlier, I don't do team work, I'm better off alone,"

"But what you did back there was awesome!" She'd exclaim in dismay. "And the suit changes mid-fights? One moment you have this long cape fluttering behind you wherever you go and the next second you look like you're going to a serial killer met gala,"

That's when Marc truly laughs. It wasn't every day he met someone who doesn't want to kill him, let alone someone who was filled with life and enthusiasm and doesn't keep him on the edge all the time.

He could see Jake smiling in the reflection. "I like this kid. She's got spunk," He'd say, getting a warning glare from Marc.

He could see Steven in the back muttering something about "Serial killer met gala" and couldn't stop smiling to himself.

"The suit changes because the person who is wearing it changes, kid," he says and proceeds to explain about Steven and Jake, all the while she listens to him dumbfound.

"So, in a way," She'd smirk, "You're already doing teamwork. You just don't like being around other people,"

"Can't argue with that," he'd shrug. "Right. Don't you have any normal work to do? What do you kids your age do? Study, party? Why are you here?"

When he learns about her story, he realizes how much of her family and her ethnicity's history is bestowed upon this little kind. A part of him was impressed, and another part was mad that a teenager had to bear the mantle of representing an entire community, and if she ever messed up, bad people were going to come not only after her but her people too.

He'd feel his heart breaking for her because she was so young and innocent, she hadn't yet seen the fate of what happened to people who chose this path or what toll being a hero would take on her.

"That's her decision, Marc," Jake would chime in.

"She's just a child, Jake," Both he and Steven would hiss, their headspace immediately breaking into chaos.

I think there is so much potential for an awesome dynamic here.

Kamala and Marc would be the ultimate sunshine and sunshine protector TM duo ever. Layla would sometimes tease him about him basically being her brother figure, but he'd brush it off, grumbling about how he's just not letting that kid get into anything stupid.

It'd take him hours of convincing and some expensive chocolates to keep her from making a video about him and posting it on her youtube channel.

"Dude, it has like 5 subscribers anyways, and all of them are my friends," She'd whine, but would finally agree to keep his identity a secret.

Whenever Kamala would rant about her family, Marc would listen to her, wishing he could tell her how lucky she is to have a family that cares for her and loves her so much.

Kamala would sometimes be tip-toeing around that topic. Ever since Marc told her about his DID, she'd been researching about that and it came to her knowledge that this disorder develops in little kids who have gone through extreme trauma. She couldn't for the life in her imagine what would've happened. Abusive parents? Rough childhood and foster care system? He'd never talk about any of it and Kamala never tries to push it.

Marc would explain to her what having DID was like, and how he found out that he wasn't alone and shared his adventures with her. He wasn't great at narrating stories, so Kamala had to do most of the work, pulling sentences from him that would paint the perfect picture of the story he was trying to tell her.

She'd also brush up on her knowledge of Ancient Egypt and whenever she tried to geek about it, Marc would chuckle. "Steven's not available at the moment, try again later."

Muneeba's cooking was Marc's favorite. He'd traveled nearly all around the globe and had to eat a lot of dishes from various cultures, but he's always had a knack for Desi food, he found out, no matter how spicy it was. He'd huff and puff through it, his face red and hot but he'd be too proud to admit that the food's a bit too spicy.

Kamala would smirk, and tell him how she finally has a companion other than Bruno and doesn't have spice tolerance either.

If Kamala ever gets injured mid-fight, better take it for granted that whoever was responsible for that is going to get shredded to pieces. He would fight with such violence and vigor, not in front of her of course, that even Jake would be impressed.

Marc would feel less like a mistake and try to enjoy the lightness the kid brings whenever they hung out.

"Look, kid, if you want to survive out in the world with the kind of powers that you have, then you have to learn to physically fight too, alright, don't always rely on your superpowers, you never know what might happen," He had finally said one day, after Jake pestering him for a week straight.

"Jake, Steven, and I are gonna help you, and teach you how to fight," He'd say and be met with an over-enthusiastic and excited Kamala.

He'd soon realize how much he underestimated the kid because even without using her powers, with all the fighting, the kid has gotten physically and mentally stronger. Maybe she can survive this after all.

He couldn't help but worry at times about the inevitable- she's going to lose somebody close to her. An unsettling feeling would take over him, as he realized how much it would break him to see the kid in pain.

Kamala and Steven are probably the softest and most enthusiastic duo who aren't family related in the MCU.

Usually, when Steven is fronting, nearly the whole time would pass by as they both take turns sharing their knowledge on different things that interest them.

Muneeba doesn't understand how Kamala is sliding in random Egyptian facts in everyday conversation and doesn't remember buying her that large Encyclopedia of Egypt that sat heavily on her study table. Probably a gift from Bruno, she had shrugged it off.

If Steven ever got the chance to meet her family or already knows them in the story, he'd definitely help Muneeba around the house with all the work. Breaking through a Desi mother's doubts and initial distrust was probably his greatest achievement, he'd tell Marc and Jake.

This man would have ZERO tolerance for spice and the family would try to stifle their laughs as Kamala brings him cold water and curd to ease the burning. Muneeba made a note to go easy on the chili whenever Steven was around.

Steven Grant was a patient man, and Kamala liked to test that by going "Alright what's all this then," and "It's chewsday, innit?" in a terrible English accent all the time. Jake and Marc adored her for this very reason.

And let us not forget about Kamala's dad and Steven watching cricket matches together!! Those two would lose their minds during every sixers and fours, and wicket. They'd often get into heated discussions about the players and their styles, and historic cricket matches. They both would put the match's commentators to shame.

Kamala might ask for Steven's help whenever she had a history test, and Steven would spend hours teaching her the study materials and helping her memorize all the dates and places and major events fast because he was easily the best teacher Kamala has ever encountered in her life.

When she jokingly mentioned that, Steven felt so proud of himself, not something he was used to feeling.

Kamala is the best wingman for The Boys and Layla. They might be divorced, or complicated or working through it, but whenever Kamala was around, she would, in her own ways, try to help the boys out.

Whenever a mission was getting out of hand, his first priority would always be getting Kamala to safety, though as time went on, he learned to let her fight beside him because she was equally, if not more, stronger and powerful than him.

Kamala and Jake would be the definition of a disaster duo that raised the blood pressure of anyone and everyone around them.

He mostly never fronted when any of Kamala's family members were around. He had met Bruno tho and promptly traumatized that kid with his gruesome stories. Kamala would shove him in the ribs to make him stop, but he'd only keep smirking as he watched Bruno fumble around him.

He'd have zero verbal filters around the kid, earning him a string of warnings from both Steven and Marc which he blissfully ignored. He'd also not bother about beating guys to a pulp whenever she was around, unlike his other alters who were always careful to not use too much violence. Though it made Kamala queazy sometimes, she wouldn't say anything because Jake was the only one who she felt treated her like an adult who can handle things instead of a child who didn't know what she was doing.

Jake would be the one to spoil Kamala so much. He'd buy her whatever she wants on one condition: she exceeds in her superhero training program (but he just buys the random stuff she asks for anyways).

Kamala would try to learn Spanish from Jake, and he'd try to learn Urdu from her. It wasn't a thing they did voluntarily, they didn't set up classes or did it on purpose. They both would say something in their mother tongue and the other would ask what it means and they would go on teaching and learning for minutes together.

One time Jake even gave Kamala and Bruno a ride to their school in his infamous "SPKTR" Limousine that had the whole school turn around and look at them. "Enjoy the attention for the day," He'd say and drive off.

He'd often ask her if he wants to meet Khonshu knowing damn well Kamala can't see him (or can she, with her having Noor ancestry) but never got the chance to because he'd brush it off as a joke- a result of Marc, Steven and Khonshu yelling in the back for him to stop.

Jake usually steered clear out of the way of emotions and feelings. To him, existing while having fun and being wild was all that mattered. At least that was how he planned on spending his days. One day, he was flipping through Kamala's infamous sketchbook that was filled with superheroes and her friends, fictional characters she loved, or basic landscape sketches, and found illustrations of him, Marc, and Steven, fighting or just their basic character profiles.

He'd marvel at Kamala's talent. She really had the hands of an artist. That's when his eyes flicked to the captions beside or beneath every image that'd describe their superpowers or how she viewed them.

He could recognize his sketch pretty easily. The bloke with a boy cap and a suit, leaning over his limousine and a gun in his hand and mouth turned up in a smirk.

'Kid truly captured my essence,' He'd think. "Partner in Crime," He read the caption scribbled beside the illustration, smiling to himself a bit. "Coolest, deranged, uncle figure"

He never cared for much in this world, really. But if there was one thing he was good at, it was fighting for people he cared for. The list didn't have anyone other than Marc and Steven and only a couple of other people he'd seen in his short life, and Kamala was right beside the two idiots he shared his body with.

The Moon Boys and Kamala would be a fun and dangerous duo who have one of the most unique dynamics in the MCU, with so much potential for joint character development and arcs.

[kalims]

✉ ⋮ idk I just had an urge to do this because my mind decided to remember my obsession with quanxi and her gfs. <3 I HATE THIS BYE

fem!reader reveals that she's into girls to their admirers/freind. ft. not all genshin men and itto being dumb as hell. not everyone likes reader romantically.

fluff, angst perhaps, one-sided crush on diluc and kaeya's part.

diluc

"oh."

he immediately pieces things together the moment he processes your words. he's speechless and doesn't know how to react so he just blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.

it takes a few whole seconds for him to regain his composure that is currently reduced to an embarassed, shocked mess. embarassed because why couldn't his blinded eyes see it? he could clearly see the difference between the way you converse with him and a certain blue haired vengeful woman.

you're more attentive, listening to the half hearted spews of vengeance spilling from her mouth. and he's never seen you look so.. what's the word? excited, happy maybe? he doesn't know how to explain.

he apologizes profusely, giving you a drink and saying it's on the house tonight. the only thing on his mind was to recognize boundaries and get over his little crush immediately.

kaeya

"that's quite the surprising revelation.."

let's get this straight, he may seem cool and understanding but he's legit panicking inside his head. lighty scolding himself to keep it together, he can't force love that doesn't even have attraction!

kaeya gets over it pretty quickly and starts teasing you, saying sometimes along the lines of: "heh, don't you think rosaria would like it too?" mentions her name in every sentence and makes it so fucking obvious that there's an inside secret going between the two of you.

rosaria only stares at him, unimpressed and exhausted because it's kaeya. she doesn't like things being kept from her either way so she asks you ONCE on 'what's his deal' and scoffs quietly when you look close to having a seizure.

kaeya wingman era.‼️

kaedehara kazuha

"I've known for a while now, when are you telling captain?"

this mf, this mf right here. HE KNOWS. says unintentionally concerning things like, he's known from the first time your gaze landed on her 'high and mighty silhouette'. low key got poetic.

tells you that he hopes to get TWO mothers soon and you have so pinch his arm when beidou comes strutting in with a curious raise of her brow and a grin appearing in her mouth.

best wingman ever if he ever gets over his teasing phase, he's smooth as HELL. "captain beidou, I've noticed that miss (name) has been feeling under the weather, I remember her saying something about home sickness." "really? huh... they never mentioned anything about that.. I'll go ahead and help her then."

gorou

"H-HER EXCELLENCY-- I-I.. mean, thank you for informing me of these.. uh--"

turned bright red, keeps tripping over his words and pausing as if he's realizing that he's supposed to be the strict, calm and composed general.

drinks respect women juice TM. gets all starry eyed when he spots you and kokomi taking a walk together in watatsumi Island, ALONE. becomes a fanboy for a minute before realizing. 'oh no!! her excellency and miss (name) might be in danger!! D:'

he gives me overprotective vibes so he proteccs the lesbians. 😇

arataki itto

"hUUuuH? does that mean you're into oni?" "no. arataki."

feels like his brain is frying from trying to comprehend your sentence so his mind goes like: so she's into oni..! that's good cuz' I'm the resident oni in town! 😎

when you begrudgingly explain to him that you're interested in girls rather than boys. he says 'OHHH' so loudly then proceeds to scream 'OHHH??' more loudly again because he realizes you have something for his .arch.enemy. 👺

calls you his enemy now cause there ain't no way you LIKE LIKE the tengu warrior he LOST to, like? out of all girls out there why u gotta like her. >:(

"that tengu girl?? really?? talk about shit taste." "can you shut the fuck up, do you want the whole city to know??"

[bubbleteaimagines]

Giving him head while he’s on a Zoom call

Haikyuu Boys Headcanon

NSFW CONTENT

Sakusa, Atsumu, Bokuto, and Suna

SAKUSA KIYOOMI

Omi is onto you the minute you saunter into the room, a mischievous grin on your face but he tries not to let it get to him. Instead, he ignores you and give you the benefit of the doubt, continuing to talk to the MSBY trainer about his new nutrition plan.

It’s only when you suddenly drop to your knees and crawl in front of his cock does Kiyoomi react, stopping mid-sentence to glare at you and lightly push you away.

While your head is hidden from the frame, you take the opportunity to start teasing him. You tug on his shorts and successfully free his cock, Omi apologizing profusely as he starts stuttering.

He doesn’t wanna draw attention so he tries to act normal, but the minute you take him into your mouth he’s suddenly putty in your hands, not a single coherent thought running through his mind. Eventually, he has to apologize again and make up some excuse to end the call. Once he does, you know you’re in deep trouble once he yanks you away and gives you the firmest glare you’ve ever seen.

“Bedroom. Now.”

——————————— ☁️ ——————————

MIYA ATSUMU

Atsumu is randomly nodding along to the words of how coach, barely paying attention as it is when you come into the room. Of course, you’re more interesting than anything the old man has to say so he immediately becomes focused on you, smiling as you walk over.

However, his smile turns serious once he sees you drop to your knees, a knowing look on your face, and Atsumu quickly prepares himself as he rushes to put himself on mute.

“Baby, not here,” He says sternly, but you’re not listening. You gently push his hand away and Atsumu’s breath hitches once you free his cock from his pants, grinning devilishly before taking him in your mouth.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit.”

Poor baby can barely keep it together behind his camera, shifting wildly on his office couch and trying to keep a poker face. However, all that fails the minute you take him deep in your throat, and Atsumu has to hang up before his team visibly sees him bust a nut on camera.

He’d make up some half-assed excuse later, something about his connection being poor, but in that moment he’s not even concerned as he sits back, pouting at your innocent face and shaking his head.

“Yer gonna pay for that one, you hear me? Yer not getting away with this sweetheart.”

——————————— ☁️ ——————————

BOKUTO KOUTARO

Bokuto is always excited to see you, so it’s not surprise when he lights up as you walk in during a team meeting. Sitting with him during a call is a pretty common occurrence, so he has no trouble ushering you over and patting the seat next to him.

However, you have a different plan in mind and he’s confused when you sink to your knees, blinking up at him before reaching for the hem of his shorts.

“Huh?” Bokuto quickly mutes himself, blocking out whatever Atsumu was saying to pay attention to you. “Baby? What are you doing? You can’t- I’m on a call, babe!”

“But Kou!” He’s a sucker for your whining and puppy dog eyes- and you know it. “I just wanna make you feel good baby. Can I do that? Please?”

He can’t resist. The offer is too tempting, especially when he’s wound up from sitting too long. He does need something to ease his tension- Bokuto was never good at sitting for too long- he hastily nods but he begs you to be quick.

“O-Okay baby. But please...keep it low key, alright?”

“Of course Kou!”

You make your promise, keeping hidden from the cameras view but the minute you get started and wrap your mouth around him, you find that it’s Bokuto that needs to be more lowkey.

It’s painfully obvious that something is happening on his screen, Bokuto shifting all over the place the more you suck him off. As you lick a more sensitive part of his cock, taking him deeper into your throat, Bokuto is unable to keep still, jerking his hips to the point where the boys on the screen can catch a glimpse of your hair.

“And in the last game, we had to- wait, is that Y/N, Bokuto?”

Atsumu stops mid-sentence to stare at his teammate, eyes narrowed in suspicion as the latter frantically shakes his head, pushing you down further.

“W-What? No! I-It was my cat,” Bokuto tries to play it cool, but his voice cracks and you smirk as he looks down to meet your eyes.

“Sureee,” Absolutely no one on the team is convinced. Sakusa looks disgusted as he puts two-and-two together, but Bokuto is still trying to claim his innocence while Atsumu stifles a laugh.

“I-It’s not- Y/N’s not-”

“Whatever. Join us when you’re finished,” Atsumu laughs and then he proceeds to kick Bokuto out of the chat, the latter now staring at himself in the black screen.

“Way to ‘keep it lowkey,’ Kou,” You tell him, pulling away, and Bokuto whines- both at the loss of contact and at your words.

“Oh come on-! That’s totally not fair!”

——————————— ☁️ ——————————



SUNA RINTARO

Suna Rintaro is absolutely bored out of his mind. You can tell by the text he sends you- ‘Y/N pls come save me I’m abt to fucking die listening to this call,’ and by the exasperated sighs from down the hall.

You decide to take pity on your boyfriend, knowing how much he hates Zoom calls. You know he’s in need of something much more entertaining, so when you enter the room you decide to tease him a little.

Sinking to your knees, you already have Suna’s attention but now he’s focusing intently on you as you tug down his shorts, body tensing up. Hastily, he takes a quick glance at the screen in front of him but he makes no move to stop you when you lightly wrap your fingers around his cock.

“Poor baby. Maybe this’ll work better for you,” You tell him, before leaning down and taking him in your mouth.

Suna is grateful that his microphone is already on mute, because the moan he let out would definitely cause disruption. Sucking in a breath, he snakes his hands down to your hair and tugs lightly, a single he wants you to take him deeper.

If he’s being honest, he didn’t really give two shits if you were giving him head. This was a much better option than hearing his coach drone on and on about strategies and tactics.

Suna was tired of hearing about that stuff but what he’d never get tired of was your mouth, and how you took him so well every time.

“That’s right kitten. Fuck- you’re doing so good. Gonna make me cum baby if you keep that up- God I should have called you here sooner.”

[poiseuns]

➠ 2 FA$T 2 FURIOUS ! ★

THEM AS STREET RACERS || FT. DRAKEN + SANZU + INUI + HAITANI BROTHERS ꕤ :: PART TWO HERE ★

➤ WARNINGS ꕤ :: illegal shit + kinky shit + oral (f+m receiving) + car sex + degrading + cockwarming (while driving) + exhibitionism

➤ TERMINOLOGY ꕤ :: pot money ($$ to be won by the racer who wins) pink slips (racing to win and keep the opponent’s car)

➤ NOTES ꕤ :: moodboards and visuals are included for each character !! i was literally inspired by this sexy ass fanart i saw of sanzu + the haitani bros as street racers on twt and now i have major brainrot 😵‍💫

➠ KEN RYUGUJI || track 01

how do things go when draken is dating the hot flagger for every race?

draken’s favorite thing to see at the start of every race is you, holding a large flag to signify the cars. your attire, your movements, your body glowing from his corvette’s headlights— it was enough to motivate him to win. he’d rev at you a couple times, a smirk stretching across his face and eyes set on the road as he was ready to show off and win for you. sometimes you’d distract him on purpose by acting all pretty and showing off in front of everybody, wishing that he could just pull you by the waist and kiss you right there.

draken didn’t care much about pot money or pink slips. just being with you was his beautiful reward for every race. whenever he wins, you’d run up to him and crash your lips onto his. a sweet make out session, boosting much more of his adrenaline it turned him on. from caressing you all over to grabbing your ass, you immediately knew where this was going.

when races are over, the two of you park at your favorite spot. a hilltop with the best view of the city at night, gleaming lights and skylines that you would admire for hours. just the two of you sweet talking while sitting on the hood of his car, from subtly flirting to passionately making out with you. draken would gently set you on your back of his corvette’s hood and lift your mini-skirt to kiss your clit. your hips stutter and squirm from how skillful his tongue is as he proceeds, inserting his fingers that immediately nudges right at the spongey spot of your cunt. strings of arousal coat between your thighs, whimpering so desperately for him. you slap your hand over your mouth and pant heavily, eyebrows furrowed from the struggle of not screaming.

“you weren’t this shy when you teased your ass for me at the starting line. c’mon, wanna hear you. you make such cute sounds.”

by now you’ve lost count to how many times you’ve came on his mouth and fingers— just like how draken lost count of how many times he’d win these street races. he’s reduced you to nothing but a messy little slut that holds a flag, and hell you did not complain. getting fucked on his corvette’s hood so harshly, the adrenaline flourishing through your veins. . . together, the two of you were made for thrills and risks.

➠ SANZU HARUCHIYO || track 02 + art link

a pink slip with sanzu was something you never thought you’d worry about. looking to your right at the starting line, you noticed the car sanzu drives is a lamborghini estampida— and hell, it looked so fucking cool to you. shoving away your doubts and distractions, you forced yourself to stay confident and know that by the end of the race, you’re gonna take that estampida home with you. but unfortunately, sanzu was way too unpredictable. even the vicinity, the managers, the flagger and recruiters were greatly astonished by his reckless driving skills.

after the race, the two of you were alone in the parking garage complex. it was like an underground facility for illegal street racers like you, the vicinity bundled up to host all races and manage the pot money. sanzu was apart of the underground world of street racing as well— a mysterious and reserved man that would sometimes flirt with you, yet ridicule you for your driving skills.

“that’s a nice gtr you’ve got there. seen you play around with it all the time. shame that you’ll never get to see it again.” sanzu mused with a devilish smirk as he approached you.

“the race was bullshit,” you retorted. “how would someone like me get paired up with you? we don’t even share the same skills.”

sanzu shrugged lazily, his face just mere inches away from yours. “doesn’t matter now. your gtr belongs to me whether you like it or not. hand it over.”

“or what?” you smirked. “what if i don’t want to give it to you?”

“princess.” sanzu’s slender fingers gently grazes the side of your cheek, subconsciously leaning so close to you that you could feel his sweet breath brush your top lip. “you know i never leave a race empty handed. you gotta gimme something in return.”

an unexpected heat bloomed in your chest and you wondered if sanzu felt the same. the way he gazes at you was like he was in need of something. obviously he wanted your car, but could it be more than that? the space between grew inevitably thin, leaving you pressed against the gtr’s trunk and your eyes flickering between his mouth and doe eyes.

“fine then. i’ll give you something you’ve been obsessing about. . . ever since the race three months ago when we met.” you slowly unbutton the blouse you wore, purposefully revealing your cleavage that sanzu paid attention to. the way you seduced him slowly seemed to rip apart his inhibition so slowly, digging into the depths of his mind.

“and that is?”

“. . . letting you fuck me however you want on this car.”

sanzu was turned on by your chivalry. even though he’s seen you showcase it to others during races, experiencing it up close and personal was the hottest thing you’ve ever done to him. before you know it, you find yourself bent over the trunk of your nissan gtr and sanzu roughly smacking his hips against yours. you struggled to take every inch of his cock, pawing desperately for something to clutch onto but nothing could withstand the way he’s fucking you so undeniably good. you even managed to switch positions, your face pressed against the passenger seat window while he pounds merciless into your cunt. perhaps his attraction for you was obvious, wanting to translate your hatred for him then bend you over and fuck you till your cunt becomes so sore.

“god. i must’ve been missing out,” sanzu panted as he spanked your ass. “a little slut that’s good for nothing but a fuck. isn’t that what you are?”

➠ INUI SEISHU || track 03

“baby, eyes on the road. we have a race to win, remember?”

inui just couldn’t keep his hands off you whenever you’re in the passenger seat beside him. one hand would be over the steering wheel while the other caresses your thigh. sometimes he would play with your cunt when you show up with nothing underneath— all while driving. a great multitasker he is. you didn’t mind this at all, until, it would cause the downfall of your race. losing or falling behind because of pulling over to make out and have sweet sex in the backseat. but was it all worth it? absolutely.

“sorry. you’re so beautiful, you know that?”

the two of you didn’t exactly view these illegal street races as a competition. more of an escape, a high on adrenaline the more inui speeds up and drifts. the screaming of his mclaren 720s on the asphalt makes your heart pound by the high-speed thrill of it reveling past. you also loved when the engine roars, sending a massive rush within your blood like sky-sprung electricity through your veins and wakes up your brain, igniting you, like a call for adventure. being with inui, a man that screamed danger on the streets, was enough to fulfill that.

driving was you and inui’s getaway. both of you love to drive. both of you love cars. both of you are criminals in love. you take pleasure, joy, and thrill from it. a dirty little secret, an addiction, an intoxication. . . after all, it's reckless, irresponsible. one that leaves an adrenaline rush so much stronger than any other drug to you. that’s what gotten inui so madly in love with you; he loved your recklessness on the road, he loved your recklessness when you made love with him.

but what’s more intoxicating than the way your body melts on his every night? instead of riding the mclaren, you’re riding him in the backseat. the hem of your mini dress would caress his stomach and thighs as you smothered onto his cock, your body coiling from how amazing he feels. inui attentively watches the way your body reacts as his cockhead hits every right spot. you’d tremble, you’d shake, you’d shudder from the mind-blowing feeling lavishing your body. he’d hold your waist and guide you, until, he positions himself to thrust roughly and wildly into you, refusing to slow his movements until you’re a squirming mess all over him. don’t you just love whenever inupi goes fast?

➠ RAN HAITANI || track 04 + art link

this beautiful feeling, this beautiful sense, this basking of pleasure knowing that Ran is completely yours. and without a doubt, you’re completely his. it fills you to your limit— just like his hard cock filling your taut walls while driving.

ran is a sucker for the way you cockwarm him during a race. after letting you sit on his lap, he was also kind enough to fill your needy cunt. your face was pressed against his neck while his cock was burried deep inside you so good, struggling to keep your hips from moving and had to restrain yourself for him. you certainly did not want him to be distracted too much. you certainly did not want him to lose, either.

“how’s my little slut doing, hm? if you do anything and we end up losing, you know how that’s gonna end for you.”

so all you could do was whine and find ways to keep yourself busy. sometimes you’d suck on his neck, sometimes you’d watch the downtown lights from afar as you passed by. you also loved to melt into his warm, sweet body. since ran drives a hennessey venom spyder, the steady wind blows through your face, and cars passing by could easily see you sitting on him.

but little did they know how nice it was to have a warm little pussy sheathing his dick while his eyes were on the road. how adorable your little gasps were from his cock unconsciously twitching in you, wanting to already fill you with his cum already.

“looks like we’re winning tonight, darling. ready for me to fuck your brains out in the backseat later?”

➠ RINDOU HAITANI || track 05 + art link (suggestive)

who would’ve thought that a sweet girl like you would fall into the dark and dangerous depths of illegal street racing? what you thought was just a harmless race for reputation, you end up in the underground world that hides dark secrets, sex, money, and power. the madness swirls around like a dangerous drug, and you have people pursuading you to join.

that was all when rindou haitani, the mysterious lead racer and recruiter, took you under his wing. the one that drives a mighty bmw i8 roadster with a convertible top. the one that thrives off of money and power. the one that keeps all his foreign cars for display and never for races— only to show off.

but little did he know that he would have an eye for you only. you’d blindly follow him, unaware of his sinister mastermind. he was, after all, a very powerful man that runs the underground world of illegal street racing. you had nobody to trust. nobody to leave to. only him.

and that was the death of your older self. now, you’ve been reborn, an entirely different woman with power and glory that thrives off recklessness. rindou was obsessed with the way you turned out, the way how he’s your first everything. first partner in crime, first love, the first man to fuck you so good. he took sick pleasure in all of it— everything that he has done to you and corrupted your mind.

during races, rindou is a sucker for road head. it helped boost the adrenaline as well and he found it quite adorable of you to do it voluntarily. it was just so precious to see; leaning over from the passenger seat to his crotch, lifting up your skirt to show off your ass while you suck him off. the tight circle of your lips rolled upwards and downwards on his thick cock, leaving Rindou trying so hard not to lose focus on the road. he would even force your head down just to hear you choke so violently and loudly, struggling to breathe. he wanted to come right there.

when he finally let go, thick lines of cum splattered over your face, followed by shallow breathing. when you smiled at him, he couldn’t help but smile back, too. what a beautiful and exquisite sight for him to see, his masterpiece of a ruined little slut.

© poiseuns 2021– please do not steal, copy, modify, repost! all drabbles belong to me!

[lesbianjunimo]

That time you and your demon boyfriend went viral

hi yes hello obey me fandom!! my name is Gabbi and i have never played a single second of the actual game but i have read enough fanon content for the past year to have this idea swimming around in my head and now i am finally letting this accursed thing out of my brain and putting it in yours

also i’m only doing the brothers because any more than that and i’d have an aneurysm probably. oh and shoutout to @obeythebutler and @beels-burger-babe for inspiring me with their works to feel brave enough to write for this fandom

Lucifer:

You and Lucifer go viral on Asmo’s Devilgram story!

You’re in the kitchen helping Asmo with dinner duty and singing along to one of your playlists of human realm music that you like to show him.

Asmo starts filming your cute little dance while you stir the pot on the stove because you are just adorable!

About ten seconds into him filming, Lucifer appears in the doorway with quite the stern look on his face. You know, the one that comes right before a “MAMMOOOOOON” and strikes fear into the heart of all those with functioning eardrums. That one.

He opens his mouth, presumably to tell y’all to shut the fuck up, but then there’s a lull in the music and the eldest can hear your voice ever so slightly above the song’s vocalist and he freezes.

Man stops in his tracks like someone just smacked him in the face with a midair volleyball.

Asmo can be heard stifling a laugh behind his phone.

Lucifer’s face gets so soft and he almost, almost, loosens his metal-rod-through-the-ass posture before you notice him and give a little wave and ask if you and Asmo were being too loud like the considerate darling you are.

Lucifer clears and his throat and says something like, “No, you aren’t. I was just coming to check on how dinner is coming along,” and leaves, after which Asmo immediately presses the post button.

Screenshots of Lucifer’s heart eyes for you go absolutely viral because every demon on Devilgram goes absolutely feral for seeing the eldest demon brother lose his dignified composure. It becomes a meme template. “Get you someone who looks at you like Lucifer looks at MC” and “me at the delivery demon when he shows up with my spicy bat wings” posts become commonplace. (Asmo thinks the memes are totally worth getting strung up with Mammon for laughing at them.)

Mammon:

Much like Lucifer, you and Mammon end up going viral off Asmo’s Devilgram. (Noticing a pattern here?) 

He pulls a silly prank on your asses and honestly I don’t know how you fell for it. But hey, they say “idiots in love” for a reason, so...

You and Asmo are sitting in the common room of the House of Lamentation just chillin. Well, he’s chillin, you’re on the floor studying for an upcoming exam.

The video starts in the middle of a conversation you and the avatar of lust were having.

“No, Asmo,” you say. “Mammon and I don’t use pet names for each other.” Now that’s just a darn lie, and every demon and crow within ten miles of Mammon and you together knows it.

“Really? I find that very hard to believe, MC.~” 

You sigh in response to Asmo’s teasing. “Okay, he has a lot for me but I’m just not much of a pet name person, y’know?” The rest of the exchange goes like this:

“Oh, I totally get it.” *pause* “Hey MC, what do human world bees make again?”

“Honey.”

Cue a sheepish Mammon sticking his head in the doorway at the bluntness of your tone when you answered Asmo.

“Yeah, babe?” he looks like a puppy left on the side of a highway oh my god hUG HIM-

Asmo turns the camera back to his smug ass face and in the background you can be heard tripping on the damn carpet trying to get up and hug your mans. (”MAMMON GET OVER HERE SO I CAN HUG YOU” “W-WHAT? I THOUGHT YA WERE MAD AT ME?!?!?!?!”)

Leviathan:

Streamer Levi? Streamer Levi.

You guys go viral the first time you make an appearance on one of Levi’s weekly (insert cool Devildom streaming service name here) streams. 

It’s completely unintentional. You had been asking him for weeks to play with him on there, but he’s the avatar of envy after all. He doesn’t like sharing his partner, even if it’s with random strangers who have no real access to you.

However, he has his stream on a Thursday instead of a Friday one week, and you come into his room carrying dinner because 1) You didn’t realize he was streaming and 2) No matter what he was doing, the boy needed to eat. It wasn’t unusual for you to bring him dinner, so you had no idea why he was blushing and stammering even more than usual this time in particular. Boy was speaking in beached whale trying to tell you what was wrong.

Then you notice his screen. Oh! “Hi chat!” You wave, setting Levi’s food down on his desk in front of his keyboard. “M-MC!” He full-on whines, slamming a hand over his mouth afterwards when he remembers his viewers could hear that.

Honestly, they’d meme the fuck out of him if it weren’t for the fact that they are FINALLY SEEING HIS HENRY!!! THE MYSTERIOUS MC!!!

Chat is bombarding you with questions while you make Levi eat dinner. And by make him eat dinner, I mean literally feeding this man forkfuls/spoonfuls while he games because you love how flustered he gets when you do that. 

Does it impact his score? Absolutely. Does he care? Not really when you’re pampering him like that.

You start answering chat’s questions about you while he’s chewing so he can’t tell you to stop LMAO-

You’re a natural on stream. The VOD becomes the most popular on Levi’s account in a matter of hours and soon cute highlights compilations of you and him on that stream start making the rounds on Devildom Twitter.

Satan:

There was buildup to Satan going viral, similar to Levi in a way. 

Satan does have a Devilgram, but it’s basically a white woman’s Instagram with added book reviews for variety. Unless you’re a reader his account is pretty boring: candles, books, fireplaces, and cats.

However, after you two started reading together fairly often he began posting pictures of your legs draped over his while you sat together. They’d always be captioned with vague ass pretentious literary criticism. 

This goes on for months, and he gains a lot of (horny) followers after the leg pics start up. He doesn’t really get why but you both joke that it’s because you have some damn nice legs and I mean neither of you are complaining about the new following.

You two go viral when he finally shows your face, entirely by accident.

The post is a video, which is already strange for him and grabs attention. In it, you’re scoffing and reading an excerpt of a book, mocking its understanding of female anatomy.

“I’m quoting here, Satan: ‘her breasts bouncing around like giant pacmen.’ I’M SORRY?? THAT ISN’T HOW BOOBS WORK SIR. WHY ARE MEN ALLOWED TO WRITE?” 

(fun fact that is a very real quote from a very real book I really read last month pls save me)

Originally the camera is focused on your body, with your head out of frame to protect your privacy, but your righteous anger made Satan laugh. Like, a real laugh. The one that makes you and everyone in earshot wonder if he truly was never an angel cause he sure as hell laughs like one but anyway-

When he threw his head back, his DDD angled up just a tad without him noticing, and your face was in view for like .2 seconds. Screenshots of it are making the rounds on Devilgram almost immediately: FINALLY THE LEGS’ OWNER HAS BEEN FOUND.

Satan apologizes profusely but you honestly find it funny and you two opt to just start taking selfies while reading with both of your faces in them from now on. 

Asmodeus:

I’m gonna be real with you: you and Asmo go viral all the time. Pretty much everything Asmo posts can be considered viral because of his social media following and his status as one of the seven avatars of sin.

However, there are some fairly cute highlights to be pointed out among the times you were both featured in a post that blew up.

Your favorite is probably that time Asmo livestreamed on of you guys’ ‘Nail Nites,’ as you call them.

You’re both on the floor, doing your nails and kicking your feet back and forth while talking to chat. A lot of the questions are about your relationship, and there’s a lot of flirting back and forth between the two of you.

A particular clip of the stream does blow the fuck up on Devilgram, though, when someone screen records it and posts it with a bunch of heart emojis edited over it.

“’What colors do you think best describe each other?’ Ooo, that’s a good one, chat!” Asmo claps his hands together excitedly, making sure to be  careful of his nails.

Pretty much everyone expected you to say pink, but you surprised both your boyfriend and your viewers when, after a pensive few moments, you replied with “Hmm...probably yellow or orange.”

“Can I ask why, darling?” Asmo tilts his head in confusion. I mean, yeah, those colors look good on him, but he doesn’t wear them often so he’s wondering about your thought process. 

“Well, in the human world those colors often represent happiness, optimism, and positivity. You’re always the cheerful presence I need in my life when things get hard, so you have the vibe of those colors.”

Asmo proceeds to burst into tears and hug you, messing up both of your nails and prolonging the stream since you both have to start over. But neither of you particularly care. 

Fun fact: Asmo has the clip that demon made of that portion of the stream saved on his DDD and watches it whenever he feels sad.

Beelzebub:

Beel and you probably go the most viral out of everybody. Like this moment is an entire phenomenon across the Devildom internet. 

It’s a video, or well, multiple videos, taken at the end of a Fangol game that Beel’s team had just won. Everyone is cheering and going crazy, yourself included, and you just really wanted to congratulate your boyfriend.

So, like the rational person you are, you elect to climb up onto the railing of the bleachers and wave to get his attention. 

You were absolutely fine up there, and sat all comfortably motioning Beel over to you. He notices, of course, and jogs over, standing right beneath you and looking up. (Back where you were sitting, Mammon is screeching like a hyena in heat and Belphie, who is laying down, has one eye open to glare at him. The youngest knows Beel would never let you hurt yourself; you’re fine.)

A bunch of assorted demons at the game has started filming while you were sat atop the railing since you were rather noticeable. Therefore, there’s a shit ton of different angles of the adorable events that follow:

You slide off the railing, landing right in Beel’s waiting arms bridal style. You’ve got this brilliant smile on your face as you pull his helmet off. None of the DDDs filming can hear it over the crowd noise, but Beel asks you why you just went through all that trouble and you tell him it’s because you wanted to tell him how proud you are.

Soft boy’s chest puffs up and he smiles this big cheesy smile at you reach up to run a hand through his hair. You feel him practically purr at the contact, and with a laugh you pull him in and plant a big ole smooch on him.

The crowd, at least those of them that can see, scream. Everyone is running high on adrenaline and happy emotions; something that cute causes a ruckus!! When you pull away Beel proceeds to put you on his shoulders and you celebrate with him and the rest of his team.

The videos of you two being adorable go completely viral and there are some threads dedicated to stockpiling every single angle taken of the event. Beel is completely oblivious to the attention but you have a lot of them saved on your DDD.

Belphegor:

If you think Belphegor has any sort of social media presence whatsoever then you are sorely mistaken. (Well okay he actually does run some anonymous troll accounts to meme on Lucifer’s posts but that’s neither here nor there-)

Therefore, naturally, you two go viral off of Asmo’s Devilgram. 

Okay so someone in the obey me tag the other say headcanoned that Belphie will go out of his way to nap in ridiculous places and my brain really took that and RAN WITH IT.

So what happens is that Belphie will fall asleep in the fucking weirdest places. I’m talking on top of the fridge, underneath the dinner table, on top of bookshelves...you name it, he has slept there, no matter the effort it takes to get there in the first place. 

And, ever since you two started dating, you would join him. Sometimes it involved putting yourself at risk of great bodily harm, but the little smile he gave when you he saw you fucking scaling the countertop to reach him made it worth it.

So anyway, since Beel adores the both of you to no end, he takes pictures whenever he sees you two napping together, whether or not it is in a crazy place. He sends these to the family group chat because he thinks they’re adorable.

Over a span of weeks to months, Asmo has built up a stock of images of you and Belphie cuddles up in seemingly impossible places. Once he has about ten or so, he posts a compilation of them to his Devilgram with some cheesy ass caption like “The things we do for love <3″.

They become a meme SO QUICKLY. Like UNBELIEVABLY quickly. 

The picture of you and Belphie sleeping on top of a bookshelf, in particular, is a big hit. Memes abound.

“If my girl doesn’t climb up a bookshelf to cuddle my ass, she don’t love me.” “Get yourself a partner who scales bookshelves just to be with your ass.” Etc etc...Belphie doesn’t give a shit but you laugh at a lot of them so he sees that as a good outcome.