#every time they do something cool they immediately proceed to fuck it up!!!

[reyturnofbensolo]

FUCKING STUPID LF!😒

[saucyexe]

Imagine:Lab Partner Viktor.

Lab partner Viktor: who is already not delighted about the project but he’s definitely not excited about being paired up and sitting next to somebody he doesn’t even know.

Lab partner Viktor: when you first meet him and exchange numbers for then project proceeds to leave your message asking when you should meet up on read for hours. Only to respond at 2:37 am with, tomorrow.

Lab partner Viktor: who ignores your entry to the study hall and your wave until you are standing right next to him, Hi Viktor I’m happy we were able to work tod-, I think I should do the research and you should do the slides.

Lab partner Viktor: who looks at you so plainly as if he didn’t just basically call you stupid. Where does he find the nerve? Sure he may be top of the class but that doesn’t mean you’re an idiot! You almost wanted to slap him then and there but you kept your cool, deciding it wasn’t even worth it. Sure viktor, that sounds delightful.God he looked so smug.

Lab partner Viktor: who meets up with you several more times, not understanding why you were so interested in every tiny detail about him, you might as well being asking for his diet as well. He shuts you down of course giving short blunt responses

Lab partner Viktor: who can’t understand why his mind is plagued with the thought of you, of your smell, your hair, the swell of your hips as you walked, the arch of your back as you leaned over the table, and the curve of your smile when he said something you thought was funny. His mind was filled with thoughts of you, and his body was filled with reactions to these thoughts.

Lab partner Viktor: who thinks if he just throws himself into the project and ignores your presence, that it will all go away, so he does. He works and works and yet all he can think about is you.

Lab partner Viktor: who decides it’s time to finally own up to it, so he decides to text you and see what you’re doing.

Viktor stared at the phone in his hand, he had proof read the message multiple times; no spelling errors or grammar mistakes, and yet he struggled to press send. His lips held firm in a straight line, he was an inventor who had overcome so much in his life, he could message one pretty girl, so he did. As his finger finally pressed the send button he reread the message, Would you be able to meet up tomorrow? He clicked his phone off and set it down on his nightstand as he played back in bed when his phone started to ring. He picked it up to see it was your contact, he definitely wasn’t expecting you to answer immediately, he picked up the phone and pressed it to his ear,

Hello?, he was meet with a weird clapping noise until he heard a man’s voice

Why are you texting her? Are you her boyfriend or something? The unknown voice said.

No, I’m sorry who is this?

The voice chuckled, I’m the man that’s balls deep in your girl friend right now.

Viktor jaw dropped, balls deep? Were you being? It all made sense, the clapping noise. God, you were being fucked right now.

He heard a shuffling sound as the man spoke up.

Tell him how much you love it. A woman’s voice, you spoke up. I-I love it. A pornographic moan followed after which viktor quickly hung up.

He placed his phone on his bedside table as he tried to relax, his raging boner noticeable under his sheets. God, why did that turn him on so much. You sounded so blissed out he could imagine that your face was probably in the pillows as you arched up. His hand traveled to his pants as he continued to think.

Your lips were probably parted and your face tear stained. Your hair snarled from being tugged on and your ass read from being slapped. He could imagine the way your mewls and moans would get louder as the thrust got deeper and quicker , his strokes getting faster, and faster. Your little pleas the way you would say his name when you cum. He groaned as he imagined the way your body would convulse as your released wrecked through you, his own releases coming causing him to spill onto his hand with your name on his lips.

As he looked down at his cum stained hands his resolve hardened even more, he needed to talk to you tomorrow.

[kawareo]

My Durge's stats pre-tadpoles are absolutely insane so I've been thinking what it'd look like if Orin failed to lobotomize him... Like the fight with him a Tav would have to win?

It'd be a bitch but there'd be fun options to make it easier and winnable

Him and Gortash would be working together still but what'd complicate things would be that Bhaal would've grown impatient and reduce Durge to a mess that would've dragged hinself in his temple and stay there. When Tav talks to Gortash, Gort has a massive fresh scar over his neck where Durge nearly killed him last time they were together. Gortash sends Tav to the temple but he fully expects/hopes they would die and that that could bring Durge back to his own mind.

If Orin would still be alive? Tav could make a deal with her that she'd help them find the temple, where she'd eventually need help in the combat with Durge, but if Tav would've helped her, that'd initiate a fight with the entire temple and with Orin, who'd be furious that you intervened.

Then, fight with Durge would be a bitch to win, but there would be some ways to get around and make it easier. Most of all would be useful a Persuasion or Deception proficency, and also going around Baldur's Gate and finding information about him - what would be Tav's best option would be to provoke Durge to a degree that he loses his already fragile cool and Bhaal forces a Slayer form on him - that way he loses his spellcasting abilities and also the double attack he gets from his fighter levels, and his paralysis weapons!

Options for that would get him to lose his shit would be

- [Deception] Gortash has sold you out, you mad dog. You've grown too unpredictable after what happened, we're here to put you down.

Has Advantage if Tav found notes between them or used Detect thought when talking to Gortash and asking him about his injury. He lies to Tav's face but thinks about how Durge mauled him last time they fucked and Gortash had to fight him off of him

- [Persuasion] Look at what you've became; Chosen of Bhaal, yet fighting His gifts? Your own Kin died for what you're rejecting so.

Only available if the above mentioned Orin thing happens. Durge stares at her corpse for quite a while, then proceeds to sort of... Give up. Accepts the Slayer and surrenders himself fully to his Father.

- [Persuasion] [Unholy Assassin] You think you know better than your own god, Chosen? You, who has failed him so in every way?

He starts to yell at Tav that he didn't fail, then as if something hit him, clutches his head and starts begging Father for forgiveness (reciting some parts of Prayer of Forgiveness). While he prays, he cuts himself, the blood drips down his arms and draws itself into the circle of Summoning for the Slayer.

When Tav wins, Durge lays there dying for just a bit longer, stares into nothing and clutching at his wounds and begging Father to forgive him because "im not done yet, Father, please, I can do better, plea-!" And then his eyes roll up suddenly and he dies in a moment, when Bhaal chooses so. His body falls apart and leaves behind only the Stillmaker, his Netherstone, and a half-writen letter that's like Prayer of Forgiveness, but adressed to Gortash and one Durge never got to finish.

The idea is very rough but essentially I love the thought that Bhaal is the one who fucks it all up because he can't be patient for two minutes, and Gortash is still delusional enough for him to hope Durge can go back to normal. If you win and kill Durge, Gortash will be upset and surprised, but will kind of shut off the grief in the moment to focus on dominating the brain. If you would've lost, the canon ending would be that Durge pulls through with the stones, him and Gortash get the Brain under control, and then Durge almost immediately slaughters both of them, leaving Toril to the Brain's mercy.

Another bonus option in the dialogue would be to tell him that you killed Gortash, but if you lied or didn't have Gortash's head to prove it, he would just laugh at you. That option wouldnt be a good idea in any way, because if you wouldn't pass the deception check (DC20) or wouldn't have the head, the laugh would clear his mind enough for him to focus on the fight (not as a Slayer) and if he WOULD believe you, he'd get so angry that he would start a fight with an extra feature that would be an absolute bitch to deal with.

[bicheetopuff]

Prompts for puff:

I have a few prompts you might like to write about! Some follow cannon, others are AUs (I don’t know if you have a pref o_O) Feel free to edit these to your own ideas

Pirate AU: Class 1a are pirates, taking on the seven seas. But what happens when the League of Voyagers (a vicious rival pirate group) attack them, leaving them stranded on a mysterious island?

Shojou manga! Izuku finds Katsuki’s collection of shojou manga and reads it. Izuku discovers that Katsuki had been using phrases/tropes in the manga when talking to him. With this info, Izuku resorts to flirting the hell out of Katsuki. (Aka, Izuku finds out that Katsuki is in love with him and proceeds to romance him to the grave)

Villain Deku AU (hear me out), but it’s told from the perspective of Izuku from cannon who fell into the villain AU and helps Nedzu, Tsugauchi & Class 1A find and take down !villain Deku, all while Katsuki (from cannon) is finding ways to get him back. (Bonus points if !Villain Au Baku makes Izuku realise he is in love with him)

Hatsume’s rings of doom: in which hatsume makes thought-sharing rings using quirk technology & makes Izuku + Katsuki test them out. The rings do not come off. Help them.

RealityTV AU: Where the promising young heroes of Class 1A get a segment on the hit show HEROES 4 HIRE: a reality show in which heroes are called to do domestic jobs like babysitting and beach cleaning. Izuku and Katsuki have been paired and will spend the entirety of the show bound together by the hands (at least when the cameras are running).

Streamer AU: (def not original but whatever) Katsuki is a famous streamer, known for shaking up the gaming world with his aggressive play style and notorious attitude, but how will the sweet, funny and precious cinnamon roll that is Deku react when he gets placed into a raging tournament with katsuki? (Extra: Izuku is a badass and creates one of the most influential dynamics with Katsuki, who is ecstatic that someone can match his freak)

My personal fav TIME TRAVEL AU: This prompt can go many ways (AND I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS OMGSVFSNBDJSVS) but I’ll just pick one: Somehow, Izuku (who just got done fighting Muscular for the first time) gets transported to his middle school class, chaos ensues. (Katsuki is beyond concerned for Deku, but needs to get his head out of his ass before trying to reach out) How will Izuku handle being ripped from his time?

Hope these help. And it sucks that you are surrounded by Trump supporters, honestly fuck them. I want to cremate him and put him in a firework that explodes and says “EQUAL RIGHTS”, or smth like that.

(p.s. you are one of my favourite authors EVER and I go insane when I read your stuff. Literally frothing at the mouth rn)

Hi, thank you for the prompts! It makes me really happy that you like my fics <3

I probably won’t use all of these (at least not immediately because I’m kind of a slow writer. But I also do have a preference, I like to write canon compliant stuff so I don’t think I’d have the skill set to write the pirate, villain deku, and streamer AUs, though I do think they’re cool ideas to keep in mind for later!), but the Shoujo Manga, Ring of Doom, and Reality TV AUs sound hilarious, I’m definitely using those.

I really like time travel AUs, but I will say I do already have one planned. It’s like a continuation of another fic but I plan on making it long so I’m not working on it rn. I’m not sure how long exactly, but at least over 50k words so it’s definitely something for the future!

And yeah I think I can speak for every queer person of color who lives in the south, being here right now is kind of spooky if you don’t live in a big city. Luckily, I do live in the city, but my city is big enough to still have its fair share of bigots. I’m worried, but at the same time I have a lot of faith in our community, and I’m sure we’ll all make it out okay. I will say though, I’ve had to unfollow and block so many friends from high school over the past few days… it’s unfortunate but I’d rather that than have someone in my life who doesn’t believe I deserve to exist. But other than that, writing and creating stuff is a good distraction for now :)

[karizard-ao3]

Clueless Teens all grown up headcanons

I guess technically as the author I could declare this all fic canon but I think it's more fun to leave it open-ended so people can imagine their own things. Still, this is what I was picturing for them in the future. (Actually, for some of the couples, the kids I imagined for them got recycled over to my single parents au. Not Eremika's kids, but the other ones for the most part.)

Historia and Ymir have one daughter who they spoil the fuck out of. They also plan elaborate vow renewals approximately whenever they feel like it. When I was considering writing a one shot of them all grown up it was going to be everyone gathered at one of Yumihisu's destination vow renewal ceremonies.

Reibert. Oh gosh. They were going to "no homo" their way right to the altar and be very happy together.

Connie. He does not end up with Mina. I was of two minds with him: Either he is trying to find a milf to settle down with, or he is married to Sasha's cousin and they are struggling with fertility so he's the cool uncle with all the dogs and the secret pain of wishing they could have a child. I don't know why this is the case. It's just what I feel. Connie would be pretty much the ideal stepdad, imo.

Nicosasha. Again, I was of two minds! It's not realistic to have this many high school couples end up together in long term relationships/ marriages, but I also don't want to make anyone break up. Still, I can see Sasha and Nico having some kind of separation for a few years. Maybe getting married and then divorced and then marrying each other again ten years later or some shit. Why? I don't know. They are clearly very much in love, but that doesn't always last. Still, out of everyone I can see Sashe remarrying her first husband, with maybe a second husband in between. Greedy.

Aruani. These two go on their little date after Armin graduates and then proceed to not get together for another four years. Like, they still talk all the time and probably hook up when they see each other but they're like, "Meh, let's not do long distance. Let's keep it casual and if we still want to be together after college, we'll move in together immediately." It works for them and they eventually have a little boy, but Eremika are absolutely scandalized because they could never be so hands off.

Eremika. As you know, they have four kids super close in age. Mikasa makes a living streaming (she's the breadwinner. She's got that Azumabito business sense and Ackerman gaming skill) and Eren does civil rights law. So they have a pretty comfortable life and they spend a lot of time with their families. Eren walks around shirtless a lot, which is very popular on Mikasa's streams and he likes to come up and read the chats while she plays. If anyone tries to hit on her or says something sexual, he immediately loses his shit and starts threatening to find them and kick their asses. Mikasa is very pleased when she finally makes enough money to be able offer to fund Armin's dreams of opening a comics and games shop.

Pokkopiku. I think they also are the type to be parents to an only child. I'm thinking a girl. Pieck is very busy with her journalism career and Porco is living the stay at home dad dream. Maybe he becomes an influencer. He definitely keeps taking photos at every opportunity and he's got a bit of an online following. I think he might manage to book some gallery shows. When their daughter gets older he might get back into doing photojournalism again, and eventually they become a journalistic team once more, kind of like when they were in high school except this time with globe-hopping. I could see Pieck deciding to homeschool their kid so the whole family could go on assignments with her. In single parents au, I gave Porco twins, though (he's only in a couple scenes and we never meet his family, but he mentions them), and so I also kind of like the idea of Clueless Teens Pokkopiku having boy/girl twins. The point is, Pieck is willing to delay her career advancement long enough for one pregnancy and no more than that, so if they're going to have more than one kid, it has to be a multiple birth.

Am I forgetting anyone? I feel like I'm leaving someone out. I don't know! It's getting late and I have a few more things I want to work on before I go to be, so let me know who- Jeanmarco.

8. I don't really know if I think Jean and Marco end up together. I don't think they ever admit they have any kind of romantic feelings for each other because Jean is not totally comfortable with admitting to being bi at this juncture in time. I think they stay friends but Marco eventually moves on with a nice guy and Jean meets a nice woman who didn't know what a skeeze he was in high school and settles down with her and then eventually comes out when he's older and it's less taboo. He also does not revert back to being a creep.

Okay, now I think that's everyone. But let me know if I left anyone important to you out!

(Read Clueless Teens here)

[yourgrantaire]

im rewatching the smosh liveshow and i wanted to keep track of my favorite moments so they are below the cut

angela's tippy tappy toes of joy at amanda's new jersey voice

amanda's "LOOK IT UP" for increasingly unrealistic things, and ending it with "are you at peace are you at peace are you at peace hello areyouatpeaceareyouatpeaceareyouatpeace anthony areyouatpeace DON'T GOOGLE ME"

tommy's "only a tragic life could lead to looking like if a motorcycle was gay ... i can say that, i'm a motorcycle" and him saying the meaning of anthony's tattoos was so that he could fuck goth girls. oh and how could i forget describing angela as an "amber alert on rollerblades"

the cool ass music when the guests came on, made by tommy bowe i think? i honestly would listen to the music from the show all on its own

brandon rogers' "let's. eat. anthony!" and then making a very emphatic pitch as to why it would be a great idea

THE HALF-TIME SHOW OF COURSE. i know that they mostly won't post the show on youtube but i really really hope they post the half-time show

also a detail i just noticed is josh playing that escalating carnival "do do do do!" when chanse and keith got iced

dan and phil's extremely explicit video message with dan's repeated references to jerking off onto anthony's sexy calendar

courtney as bikini girl while still wearing doc martins. and there's something about the rhythm of "get you a girl who can do both two things two one time! :D" that is so funny, as well as "women are so scawwy ooohh!! what's under your blouse, two perfectly round GUNS? OHH!!"

rhett and link showing up standing menacingly in the doorway, and their tag line being "A Jesus and a Lesbian Woman"

the multiple "ian loves drinking breast milk" jokes

the chosen: "you're probably wondering why i look so badass right now. its because we are on the cusp of the greatest battle in the entire history of the universe.

and also i got queso on my three wolf moon shirt.

and i fell off my razor scooter on the way here."

i am glad that even though they made him look cool as fuck, shayne still emphasized that the chosen is not nearly as cool as he thinks he is.

"worst of all, anthony padilla HAD SEX!" and then quoting the star wars prequels lmao

also shayne singing without any self consciousness was very funny to me, but i can't put my finger on what the song was

ian saying i love you but having to say it in a silly voice (and in the after show anthony saying he can say i love you back to ian because unlike ian, he's actually said it before)

anthony's joke about how he expected everyone to roast him about his "dick piercing" and the entire audience going "wait wait, go back to that, what did you just say" and him moving on with no further comment

anthony to shayne: "i won't talk about how you were once known for your promising tv career and now you're known for wearing a t-shirt with limes on it''

chanse just full on horror movie screaming when anthony said arasha was in an ad for a republican dating app. also arasha's faces for everything were so great

keith full on responding whenever someone addresses him (and sometimes reacts out loud just because), he did this in the other funerals as well but it delights me every time

anthony saying chanse slides into his dms all the time, and chanse immediately replying "you respond, bitch!" (and then later anthony saying that chanse can go with mythical and he "can call link daddy now" but "watch out, [chanse] dms")

i loved anthony's reference to tommy's show serving cunt

anthony to amanda: "you're like if jessica rabbit drove a mini van"

anthony to ian: "one thing we all know about ian is he might have some trouble showing emotions" ian proceeds to stare deadpan into the camera. it was fun watching ian's reactions because often he wouldn't react to a lot of it or he would react as part of the bit, i've already forgotten the one thing that he really reacted to, fuck so i might have to rewatch it again

and then my favorite part of the aftershow was amanda and tommy continuously leaning in to make out and then saying "no save it for the parking lot, save it for the parking lot", and no they were not going to go anywhere, they were going to stay in the parking lot at smosh and make out in the car

[parad-ice-lostandfound]

Things that come in my head as I play through Diasomnia's chapter (chp 1- 37):

[Potential spoilers below darlings, proceed with caution!]

Lilia using his hatchet, which by Sebek's reactions we can assume is basically at the same level of significance as a magical artifact used by say, one of the great Seven, to cut wood. He even justifies it by saying the hatchet might feel better being used even if for mundane things than sitting and gathering dust somewhere. Is that a metaphor for himself? Is he referring to himself and how he busied himself with raising his sons? To how from a weapon in war, one that brought devastation with every swing of his blade, he softened into a someone, who despite his doubts managed to be a father and mentor to both his sons? Does he think of himself as an object to be used, first in the war and then as a caretaker for Malleus?

Silver losing his cool and shouting that yes, Malleus needs to be there to say goodbye to Lilia. We've seen how Silver constantly wants to be useful and do something to sort of 'justify' Lilia taking him in and raising him as his own. I feel like he doesn't see himself as Lilia's son despite calling him "Father"; he sees Malleus as more deserving of that title, and so every time he's shown some resistance against Lilia going away, he puts it as if he's speaking on behalf of Malleus' feelings. Whereas Malleus believes that he must not be selfish and stop Lilia from leaving just because he doesn't want him to. He's trying to be mature about it all, even if it eats him up inside. Just... why can't these idiots realize how much they love each other?? Also, Lilia asking where Silver got his stubborn streak from like sir, have you seen yourself and Malleus? Both of yall are so stubborn that I'm surprised Silver isn't more stubborn than just this.

Malleus and Silver are so similar in so many ways that it actually hurts. Both are losing their father figure, their mentor. And they're both trying to be so incredibly brave and mature about it. Malleus' general dislike of being compared to a child (even though Lilia says that the Draconias achieve their maturity when they're 1000 years old and are still children at 200 years) and Silver saying that he'll be coming of age the next year when Malleus tells him that all children cry... Both are children, but they don't want to be seen as children. These boys are gonna make me cry istg-

Gonna take a break from the dia boys for a sec because how cute are the first years??? Oh my god I love them all so much. Also, weird freaky things happening to the Prefect... could it be a side effect of being stuck in Twisted Wonderland for so long? Or maybe even an effect of the Prefect starting to become "aware" of how the great seven are the people they see in their dreams? Hm... Also have I told you how much I love Adeuce? Because I love them. Very much. The way Ace shows concern about the Prefect feeling under the weather, and the way Deuce immediately agrees that they should leave after saying their greetings just makes me so happy (and it reminds me of my friends.... i think i just realized why im so fond of the idiots...) Okay now back to our regularly scheduled program...

Love how Lilia basically said, "If people here were well-adjusted individuals who knew how to ask for help gracefully and take the help offered to them gracefully they wouldn't have been chosen by the Dark Mirror" because he's soo right, but also, dear sir, if you recall, you were chosen to attend this very same institute yourself <3

"I haven't the slightest intention of being friendly–" shut it lightning boy we're gonna KO you with the power of friendship and life-or-death bonding situations

LILIA HOW DARE YOU TRY TO LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE TO YOUR KIDS ISTG IM GONNQ BITE YOU YOU STUPID OLD MAN THEY FUCKING LOVE YOU HOW DARE YOU SHSVWIDVWYDGWIDVEYWGDGEUDGDH

Oh shit the iconic Maleficent entry– I love you Malleus but Jesus christ you are scaring me rn with that smile–

First battle of the chapter.... wish me luck... Oh wait I was supposed to lose? Ah that's fine, I didn't wanna be stuck on that chapter for the next six months-

Oh god the utter pain in Lilia's voice when he yells out to Malleus.... oh this hurts more than hearing Silver cry.... why can't these idiots just fucking talk and tell each other how much they love each other?!?!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HELLO?!?!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT–Malleus' voice is so pretty while humming the song– BUT HOLY SHIT WHAT WAS THAT?!?! THE FUCKING PROTAGNONIST OF YOUR OWN STPRY?? THE TEISTED WONDERLAND SORT OF TITLE SCREEN THINGY WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK I— WHDYEHWGDGDYW

[haemosexuality]

memories i have of being a child and a lesbian:

-first week of 3rd grade, i walked in class and thought "ok i need to pick a boy to have a crush on this year". i thought that was just what you did. picked one bc i thought he had a cool haircut, proceeded to never have a conversation w him

-thinking "girls are naturally so much prettier than boys. this is common knowledge"

-being really jealous of the Cool Girl in my 4th grade class that was One Of The Boys. she played football with them. she sat really relaxed in chairs. she doesnt care about being pretty. isnt that just so cool? starts consciously trying to imitate her. also, even before that i always made sure to INSIST that my favorite color was blue and i did NOT like pink!!!!

-playing barbies with my cool, older cousin (she mustve been like 11? 12? i was around 8). her barbie was a mess because she had just broken up with her other barbie. i was confused. she explained to me what lesbians were (i knew men could be gay, but not women). immediately after that every single doll i had was a lesbian in a relationship. after figuring that it was probably a bit weird i was so obsessed with making my dolls lesbians, i came to the conclusion i would "probably like girls when i grow up". decided to tell my other, deeply religious cousin about this. she went "WHAT" and i went "HAHA JUST KIDDING IT WAS A JOKE" and never thought about it again

-a year later me and the deeply religious cousin were making ever after high dolls fuck. i was the one that came up w that idea (i also didnt know women could have sex at that point, i thought i had invented lesbian sex) and this haunted me for years bc i thought that that cousin had become homophobic after we grew up. recently found out shes also gay, good for her

-being just Really obsessed with marceline from adventure time for some reason. whenever i saw her on tv my heart would beat really really fast. wonder whats up w that 🤔

-being grounded for like, 5 months when i was 10 because my mom found out i was watching youtube videos from a lesbian couple. and also some videos with sex jokes. i wish i remembered that the lesbians channel was so bad

-i also watched lubatv. hes a brazilian youtuber famous for being openly gay. he introduced me to the concept of shipping, because ppl shipped him with another youtuber, t3ddy. he (plus facebook, and the cool older cousin from before) also introduced me to social activism

-asking permission from my parents to put a rainbow filter on my facebook pfp, in support of gay people. i thought i was such a good straight ally. i dont remember what happened but i think something negative mustve bc a lot of ppl were doing that in 2015. wait fuck now that i think about it that mightve actually been in 2016 because of pulse

- (we are still in 2015 im still 10) watching clips from Steven Universe Season 1 Episode 53 Jailbreak on youtube. they were (badly) subtitled bc i didnt speak english yet. i was absolutely shocked and could not believe they would show two girls kissing in a childrens cartoons, not bc i thought that was bad but bc i was like. would cartoon network really allow this??? i proceed to memorize the entire episode (again i didnt even speak english. and i watched it so many times i memorized it anyways lmao)

-being 11, and having my friend introduce to me this cool new thing she had found online, "fanfics". she linked me a college au fanfic of marceline and bubblegum from adventure time. it had a fade to black implied sex scene. i was hypnotized

-i was a very anxious child and every morning before getting to school i would prepare step-by-step what i would do when entering class. one day my internal monologue went "walk in, say good morning to teacher, kiss [previously mentioned girl best friend] on the mouth, say hello to- wait. where did that come from". start wondering if i was really Just A Really Good Straight Ally

-few days later, me and my friend group were discussing gay people. one of them asked "like i wonder if any of us are gonna be gay?". i thought for about 2.5 seconds and said "i think im bi", being the first one on my class to come out. they were all p chill ab it. i am not bi but its the thought that counts

-cutting off 30 inches of my really long hair and shaving one side at 11. my dad was mad at me for a week and he told me "i dont understand why you did this. you're looking like a dyke". originally i had planned to cut all of it really short "boy style" but the hairstylist insisted on at the very least letting half of it be longer. i did think half shaved hair was Cool so i was fine with that

[clarajohnson]

the magicians s1e9

not enough said about quentin addressing his reply to "j," not julia, not jules. did they call each other q and j. did they really decide to hurt me like that.

i find richard and his world so interesting and i wish he stuck around longer

"they get mean and take everything away"

again i just think alice is the most wonderful character, interjecting q's rambling to push toward a solution (so you lost something, what do you do when you lose something?), almost instantly as familiar with q's fillory as he is himself. i really struggle, at this point, to buy into their relationship but i totally think they're on the same wavelength.

"i'm literally becoming less cool with every word you speak" penny is very funny actually

i like that julia fucking up quentin's brain turns into "experienced in mental projection" like yeah this guy stabbed me two weeks ago he's got experience in surgery

"no, not a question, more of a correction"

eliot's little "shall we proceed, criminal element?" whew!

it's so wild how q sits down at plover's desk and he immediately starts opening up, like we literally get his first "my brain breaks sometimes" because he's just suddenly so emotional he has to contextualize himself

christopher plover is a very interesting character. i like when they deal with him, i'm not sure they even grapple with him enough.

do we know what julia went to school for? like regular school i mean. was it business?

love the fillory map i love it i love it i love it so much

martin is also a very interesting character! shit's fucked.

me every time plover is on screen: haha it's the guy from the nanny! oh mr. sheffield!

the way alice cares for/about beatrix kind of fucks me up

the world never did help a smart girl why would it!

cripes i forgot about the assisted suicide stuff with richard. i say it again! really interesting character!

guys was there a third chatwin kid or did i fully invent that. no i will not google.

this is such a good eliot episode

julia has chemistry with fuckin everybody. good for her. good for her!

never let it be said that the magicians won't fuck around with a gross dead body

yeah yes alice and children is an intriguing thread. girl hates arbitrary suffering! she loves to believe in a solution!

also alice's way of processing strong emotions being sitting ramrod straight with her arms crossed and refusing comfort... character of ALL TIME.

[lesbiancolumbo]

Now you have to tell a story about embarrassingly iconic run in with david ehrlich at your first festival! 😎

pov: you are me. it is your first festival. you are like 20 and in college and volunteering. you have never been anywhere near The Industry until now, so you're very excited. you and your friends are in line for the first film of the festival, some ambiguous looking film directed by two guys both named daniel. you are young and love movies, so you are still at the point in your life where you worship film critics and are a bit starstruck. you think you see david in line with you (because you are STOOPID and don't realize most press people have an express line) and point this out to your friend. your friend says are you sure? and to check, you pull out your phone, zoom in on ol' dave's profile picture, and show her. you are convinced that this is david, get excited, but move on and go to the movie, which is wild.

pov: you are still me and after getting out of the movie, you want to know what everyone else thought of it. cuz how cool, you're at a world premiere of a film. anyways ol' david has tweeted alright. he was not in line with you, but another critic who shall remain anonymous (but works at polygon now and this makes you laugh every time you think of it) sent him this image:

david and anonymous critic are gently, lovingly ribbing you a little. david jokes that this image is the best film at the festival. everyone in the industry that you look up to and respect is commenting on this image. you, a twenty year old idiot, are mortified. you immediately run home to your condo and skip the last movie of the night (directed by some up and comer named taika something, but not relevant), then decide to shrug it off and move on.

pov: you are still me and it is your last day at the festival because you have to go back to college. you are wrapping up in your office and on twitter. david tweets that he is in the same building as you. like, for real this time. he is actually on your floor! you are flooded with embarrassment, but quickly "pretend to walk to the office across the building". yep, there he is. you go back to the office and proceed to die. you tell your colleagues the whole story. they laugh at you and tell you that you need to approach him. you will regret it if you don't, they say, it's the perfect end to this movie. you decide not to. you let ten minutes pass. then you say fuck it and approach him.

pov: you are still me and you are approaching that guy. you ask, playing dumb, hi are you by chance david. david says yes i am. you say do you know who i am? david says i don't think so. you say yes you do and show him the photo. he recognizes your pink phone case and immediately starts to laugh. he says it's the most flattering thing that has ever happened to him, and thank you so much for tracking him down. he'd been wondering about you! you tell him how embarrassed you were and how it was just because yknow. starstruck. you love those videos he makes. he asks you if you've been to the festival before, you tell him your whole budding cinephile life story, which he appreciates. he tells you what films he's been enjoying (to this day i can't remember any of them lol) and asks you about yours. he asks you if he liked the movie you were both at! which you found sweet. you ask for a photo with him and he agrees. you immediately text it to all your friends and become a fucking legend lmao.

[toastess-with-the-mostess]

Let's Rewind! Toast watches Voltron: Defender of The Universe (1984)

Season 1, Episode 35: Doom Boycotts the Space Olympics Season 1, Episode 36: Lotor's Clone

Episode 35 Doom Boycotts the Space Olympics I realized the text was hard to read in the long post so here's some color so you can tell which episode is being watched

wild that whoever made the choices for the space Olympics really thought hard and said "yes we're absolutely having it on Arus, where it's currently at war and has a weekly occurrence of giant fucked up robots fighting each other"

Is soccer actually an Olympic sport or is the world cup the biggest even for them?

Oh so doom IS actively boycotting the space olympics, I know It's for evil reasons but i have to agree just based on the fact THAT ITS ON A PLANET IN ACTIVE WAR AND ROUTINELY HAS GIANT MECHA FIGHTS

why are the boys in an army barrack 😭 the castle is right there is it not

Allura this is why you KNOCK walking in on the team showering in only towels is your fault entirely LMAO the boys are ragging on nanny for trying to make it their fault svsiodv woman just sit down and leave the food at this point

"I'm sorry I meant to surprise you!" "You did!" Keith that was adorable omg, I know you guys can't hear it, but his tone was the cutest

I love this show because in every other one it's hunk looking after Pidge, but originally it was Lance instead T-T He's currently very concerned about Pidge eating two kabobs at once, at least he isn't talking with food in his mouth

I'm sorry when did haggar get blueprints to voltrons wiring??

are they about to make a decepticon out of the beefed up bulldozer the team has outside to build the stadium?? Oh my god they are

man the only reason the team finds out about lotors plan is because one of the kids that was tagging along with hunk this entire time needed to take a leak outside 💀

haggar described her weird virus for that bulldozer as like a chip,,, it is not a chip it's a tiny robeast that takes over the entire machine just by standing onto the hardware i know they were making it easier to understand for kids but c'mon that had to be confusing for them, kids are real smart anyway

The boys: kid you were dreaming, nothing attached itself to the bulldozer (bulldozer proceeds to turn on and wreck their barrack) the boys: O-O guys please listen to the children, they're so upfront with everything they see its wild

PIDGE WHY ARE YOU JUMPING STRAIGHT ONTO THE BULLDOZER well at least he found out nobody was driving it UNTIL IT THREW HIM OFF, he's a gymnast (ninja) though so of course he lands on his feet anyway like a goddamn CAT

why do they always make hunk grunt like that? wild somehow they figured out it was lotor, i mean i feel like itd be obvious once they knew nobody was in it but still

OH SO PIDGE DOES ACTUALLY REFER TO HIMSELF AS A GYMNAST, THATS ACTUALLY SUPER COOL still doesnt make it any less insane that pidge LEPT ONTO THE ROOF OF THE BULLDOZER

WHY IS HE SO LONG IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT, IT LOOKS LIKE THE PASTED HIS HEAD OVER LANCES BODY he didnt even stop the thing i think lotor just told it to stop to lull them into a false sense of security

that same kid was yelling about not being listened and immediately punched the control panel with started up the bulldozer again 💀 I think you're old enough to know how to regulate your emotions my dude oh also he and two others are trapped inside now, dire stakes indeed

hunk and pidge got thrown off the bulldozer, how high up were they?? ft older brother lance again because he was making sure pidge was okay in the background

at last a lion comes out to actually do something NOT BEFORE THE BOY GOT BURIED ALIVE THOUGH WHAT THE FUCK THEY SHOULD BE DEAD

I don't think this is the first time lotor has told allura his plans for her, but it's good that he actually tells her so she doesn't get a worse idea

the team is free after allura creates a goddamn tsunami in the stadium ft MORE OLDER BROTHER LANCE BECAUSE HES HOLDING PIDGE NEXT TO HIM IN THE WATER

immediately after being freed the kids just sit there and do nothing UNTIL THEY GET TRAPPED IN IT AGAIN god this show makes so many characters stupid

all-scan?? Are you telling me you fuckers could've done that before, and you just haven't?? I'm gonna say you just recently learned it for my own mental health

the kids are out after Hunk bashed his way inside without a lion i love seeing scenes like these because the pilots are actually skilled outside of being inside the lions!

Ooh so I was right, it was a mini robeast who could interact with machines, and then it just combines with it to make it an actual robeast well they could've just said that earlier >:/

voltron is formed and definitely is spewing propaganda for the olympics but at least hes able to damage the robeast LMAO

holy shit easiest fight ever, they barely even did anything to the guy before pulling out blazing sword and skewering it

time to rebuild the stadium and gym using the lions my question is why they only gave one of those beefed up bulldozers to the team

/episode end

Episode 36 Lotor's Clone

Episode opens with Zarkon yelling at Lotor, this oughta be good lol

"quit sending robots to arus and destroy voltron yourself!" my guy how the FUCK is one dude gonna do that, you kind of need another big guy to help weaken him first

"you mean really lead? Like from up front?" "Where else you idiot!" LMAOO

I know they make the doomites robots so the show can skirt past ratings but do not give robots that much sentience and still say they're not people these fuckers were talking about defecting and living on Arus!

oh so this episode's robeast is just another lotor because he doesn't actually want to do the work HAHAHA

"but beware, whatever you know he will know" foreshadowing?

onto planet arus, the team is doing some lion training

Pidge: it feels like my head is on backwards! Keith: I always knew that! THE KID JUST FELL OUT OF THE SKY KEITH BE NICE LMAO

Pidge: did you know your nose wiggles when you're upset Keith: my fist wiggles too! KEITH PLEASE-

mystery power surge huh, at least we can tell that the castle actually has employees since they're running around trying to fix stuff

oh never mind the drules have an actual robeast that's fucking with the castle, the lotor clone is just so lotor doesn't have to do any of the work expected of him LOL

Keith has a plan but i can't remember the sleds/boats he mentions having used before with the team maybe they're just making it up to show that the pilots actually hang out on their off time fnvsdoi

"some of these parts are older than nanny!" GET HER ASS LANCE

it's good to know that the pilots are all slightly mechanically inclined, definitely a skill they gotta have to actually stay alive on Arus

Not lotor complaining that his clone isn't working hard enough for his hero image 💀 no wonder this man always gets his ass kicked

secrets out, keiths been fighting the clone this whole time and because of lotor having a telepathic argument with it, he knows it's not the real him anymore

Damn he was so offended by the clone calling him Lotor used the robeast to blow his ass up 😭 Keith's right, this was his only chance at winning

did they just fix up that sled thing to not actually use it?? What a waste of time oh never mind lance is using it while the others use the lions

"if you're gonna lie around the beach all day I'll come back later" i don't think any other show can replicate the absolute sass dotu lance brings

I like that hunk is the defacto leader when its him pidge and allura, I know allura has no experience so she wouldn't be but i wouldn't be surprised if they tried to pull something like this with pidge lol

voltron is formed, haven't seen lion head attack in a while so it's nice to see it back man that robeast just stoof there and took the beating, are they just giving up at this point soidns

ooh scene reuse, this is definitely from the bridge episode that i cant remember the name of, everyone is joking about how another clone of them would be good for the universe lol

/episode end

[hetaari]

I challenge you to badly summarize each and every one of your fics

You know what. Ok.

Backstage (Hetalia): bit of backstage homosexuality innit

Buon San Valentino except it’s Switzerland instead of Germany (Hetalia): self-explanatory

Imaginary (Hetalia): local German has been having vivid hallucinations for basically a century

Your Name (Hetalia): “you don’t need to know what my name is. You can try tho.”

The entire True Colors series (so far white, brown, yellow, and green) (Hetalia): “hey bro what’s your favorite color”

The Proposal (Hetalia): *aph china voice* “the fuck you mean japan asked you guys to marry him too??? I don’t wanna be part of a polycule!”

Distrust (Hetalia): *aph poland voice* ‘his vibes….they’re rancid. Untrustworthy.’

Bothered (Hetalia): *aph veneziano voice* “I am not having a good time rn”

To You, With Love (Hetalia): “hello girl it’s been a while hasn’t it”

Marooned (Hetalia): Japan commits murder-suicide

The Thumping (Hetalia): The Tell-Tale Heart but worse

Baking (Hetalia): Germany is physically incapable of doing anything without being even vaguely homosexual

A Happy End (Hetalia): “we’re all going to die but I’m fine with it”

Eyes Wide Closed (Hetalia): having your eyes open like a normal person is too fucking personal tbh

Let Go (Hetalia): Yao Wang should see a therapist

In Your Arms (Hetalia): Spain is the ceo of hugs

Consumption (Hetalia): “you’re so cute I just want to eat you up!”

Fascination (Hetalia): you must have balls of steel to break into someone’s house and act like it’s normal to be there

Colorful (Hetalia): “yes I paint with my eyes closed. But it’s fine bc it’s like a nice little surprise at the end.”

The Hills Are Alive (Hetalia): clearly the land around Lithuania’s house is more than just haunted

Bright (Hetalia): you know when someone’s so beautiful that you can barely make visual contact with them

“Tú eres mi media naranja.” (Hetalia): *aph spain voice* “mi amor I cannot live without you”

Dropping By (Hetalia): your weird boyfriend has come to visit

“Can’t Wait to See You Again.” (Hetalia): “see you soon girl <3”

My Wife, The Sea (Hetalia): tfw you can’t marry people but you can marry a literal body of water

Hurt (Hetalia): those two should really seek therapy

The Handmade Chocolates I Recieved Are まずい。(Hetalia): how do you tell someone their cooking sucks without hurting their feelings?

“Welcome Back.” (Hetalia): local German forgets an important facet of his existence, proceeds to be proper fucking miserable upon finding out about it for the next four and a half decades

Not In That Way (Hetalia): this could’ve been avoided with better communication skills

Closer (Hetalia): “I want to lie on your chest and listen to your heartbeat <3 without all the skin in the way <3”

Dead Battlefield (Hetalia): “we’re the only ones alive here. For now.”

Misdiagnosis (Hetalia): this is why you shouldn’t swallow seeds

Blue Hour Marshmallows (Vocaloid): Bros comforting bros

The Great Outdoors (Hetalia): Alfred is lowkey a scaredy-cat

Dead Weight (Hetalia): “yes I know he’s dead so it wouldn’t matter what happens to him. No I’m not leaving him behind even if doing so guarantees my own survival.”

The Very Beginning (of Something Great) (Vocaloid): *hatsune miku voice* “uwu a new friend??? Yes please”

The Way It Started (Vocaloid): *kaito voice* “oh god oh fuck I need him to think I’m cool so we can be friends immediately”

A Chat About Us (Vocaloid): telepathic convo

Acceptance (Hetalia): “oh so I’m gonna die? Fair enough.”

Kisses (Hetalia): Spain is also the ceo of kissing

Sunset (Hetalia): studies show that the sunset is the best time to be gay

Golden Hour Tangerines (Vocaloid): Bros comforting bros 2: the turn tables

Setting Up (Vocaloid): everybody in that house is extremely unobservant

Rain and Silence (Classicaloid): “hmm. Today I will enjoy the peace and quiet.” (clueless)

Stuck (Vocaloid): stupid idiot gets stuck

Ill (Hetalia): this is why you shouldn’t walk through random doors you find in the basement

Solitude Summer (Hetalia): “I know this is no strings attached but I’m actually kinda in love rn”

Part of You (Classicaloid): “wow he is so cool. I wish he would eat me.”

Hey, Hey, Mamma (Hetalia): lots of Italian men are mama’s boys, aren’t they?

Vene Collezione (Hetalia): the same guy getting railed over and over again

An Unconventional Sort of Employment (Vocaloid): had there been monetary transactions involved, she would’ve been sold to hatsune miku

Do You Love the Color of the Sky? (Vocaloid): “yeah bro actually. The sky is always beautiful because you’re by my side”

Dyed in White: The Return (Hetalia): the Pictonians are back and this time it’s personal

First Sound of the Future (Vocaloid): “everything I know and love is no more and I don’t understand what is happening”

W Academy School Idol Club (Hetalia): “wow that looks interesting. Time to form my millionth club.”

[knightsofsomethingorother]

Starting off with Episode 2, A Knight's Quest!

The football team is running through the forest and they have this giant battering ram that I thought was an elephant at first. It's not :(

It occurs to me that this is an Isekai. Also Arthur's horse has scoliosis. Everyone's talking about how weird all of this is and Arthur and Lance come to the conclusion that this is important because there's a pretty girl in danger and also the future is in trouble or something... Whatever.

Look at this top-down view of the forest.

They find a tree glowing red (goes unexplained for the rest of the episode) and get attacked by some guys and this line is said by our lead:

"It's time for Arthur King to go forward as King Arthur once and for all."

I am 2 minutes into episode 2.

Anyway they summon their magic weapons from their tits. They also just... magically know how to do this. Also they magically know how to ride horses. Also fight. Maybe their high school had really good extracurriculars.

The bad guy has a tit snake he can summon and it occurs to me that this is an Extended Toy Commercial so I need to check something.

Yeah that's about what I had in mind. Moving on! What did I mi-

A hole in the ground opened up and swallowed two of the football boys.

A HOLE IN THE GROUND OPENED UP AND ATE LANCE AND ANOTHER GUY.

Also the villains just... fuck off? Leave. OKAY.

In this pit is Morgana. OKAY. SURE. This paced and written like a fever dream.

She demands that they answer her questions, then tells them to shut up, then says 'A few years in the dungeons and maybe you'll answer my questions'.

Don't ask what happened to this screenshot. Anyway Arthur's having a pity party. Yay. Have I mentioned it's been only FIVE MINUTES??? Now he's off to save them on his own because he's 'Got to do it himself'. And honestly if they had this characterization for the Fake-Lancelot I'd commend it for being very true to the character.

Cheeked up.

Oh and his shield summons a dragon.

He then goes to Morgana's castle on his own. Immediately. After unlocking a bunch of powers. Tension? Pacing? WHAT'S THAT?

So yeah Arthur bodies two guys, a giant bat, and a Giant Fucking Rock and saves everyone no issue. NO PROBLEM. DID YOU DOUBT HIM?

I do have to give them credit for having Morgana be a Saturday morning cartoon villain. It's what she was always meant to be. I mean it... IS a Saturday morning cartoon but shut up.

Stuff proceeds to happen and then they go home.

And then Guinevere's eyes change color in the same shot the end.

So if you want a drinking game, watch this episode and take a shot any time a fully-cheeked ass is the focus of a shot. It will kill you. I'm going to have to give this episode two ass cheeks out of five. There's a lot of little details I'm leaving out for brevity's sake, but good lord this episode gave me whiplash every other minute. And I can't do an analysis or anything without just playing the episode because it's just 'and then this happened' over and over again. This is war though and there's no time to question this shit so onto the next episode!

Episode 3, The Unbeliever.

It opens with me and the mutuals hunting down a peasant running towards Camelot. He runs and runs and runs but never seems to get any further. They also reuse a lot of animation of this guy looking over his shoulder.

There he goes! Anyway he's revealed to be placed there by Morgana and Evil Man. He says that a dragon has one of the Macguffins that they need and then one of the knights goes 'lol dragons aren't real' when LAST EPISODE Arthur SHAT A DRAGON OUT OF HIS SHIELD.

AND THEN THEY PROCEED TO ARGUE ABOUT IT SOME MORE???

Now they just... have squires. Cool? Why is he here? Ladywoman who is apparently named 'Elaine' also tells them she had a bad dream that they died on this mission and everyone brushes her off.

Which, you know. That one's close to the source materials. I'll give them that.

They get into a fight with the baddies. One guy summons a wall from his battle tower. Blah blah blah...

Guinevere tells Merlin something's up, he brushes her off entirely. Then Arthur tells that little boy with no armor or weapons that he should help them fight the dragon that definitely does exist and is just hanging out on top of a church.

Oh what do you know, it's a trap. And the dragon is an illusion. The guy who raised a stink about dragons being fake despite ARTHUR SUMMONING ONE FROM HIS SHIELD is correct.

They're then stuck at the top of the tower with baddies swarming in from the bottom. The solution is clearly to build a hang glider.

As one does.

Back at Camelot that peasant guy tries to burn the round table which appears to be made of stone and he gets his ass handed to him by one of the squires and he's blasted with Merlin's finger lasers.

Then there's ANOTHER fight... I should note here that for every fight they play the same music and the same audio of dudes shouting. I have never once seen a cartoon so thoroughly suck the joy out of the concept of fight scenes but here we are.

During this fight Dragon Skeptic summons an eagle from his shield meaning he DEFINITELY SAW ARTHUR'S DRAGON but I guess that doesn't count as a REAL ONE??? I GUESS???

AND NOW HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND? OKAY??? SURE! WHY NOT?

Also nobody directly apologized to the women. Just a 'I sure should've listened to you' to Guinevere. Nobody apologized to Elaine.

Gooooddddd that one was annoying. The only highlight was watching a child beat the shit out of a grown man. Episode 2 was at least campy fun at times. This was just dull. 0 dragons out of 5.

[kira-the-whump-enthusiast]

5, 6 and 9 for the writer asks! 🫶

Tysm for the ask!! Always love seeing you in my inbox <2

From this ask game :D

5. What fic of your own won’t you read?

I'd say like, anything I posted before Blindsided, with the exception of Pinned. So like, that's Scorched Earth and One Bite I think. They're still up on my blog, they're just like really old and I'm slightly embarrassed by them 😭

6. What’s the hardest part of the writing process for you?

Like, actually doing the writing lmaoooo. I write in like 1k word bursts every month or two weeks or something. So not a lot lol. All the stuff in's my head, just in raw idea form. Close second is editing though. I honestly don't know how to edit shit. But I have amazing whumpblr friends who beta read my stuff <2 @whump-in-the-closet @whump-queen @soheavyaburden mwah I love you guys :D

9. What’s your writing process like?

It's a little bit insane. It's like:

I come up with an idea, and then immediately proceed to not write it for like 6+ months. Just like rolling it around in my head and adding all the little details.

This gets to the point where I'm pretty much just writing prose in my head.

Then at a random time, generally in the evenings or like 11:30 pm just before I'm about to sleep, I suddenly develop the motivation to write it out, and usually I complete a chunk of the story before stopping. Sometimes if it's shorter I'll finish the entire first draft.

From then on, whether and when I finish the story is up to fucking god. If the stars align in my favor, then maybe I continue it in like 2 weeks to a month.

And then there's editing! Come back to the writing after a few days, make some changes after I've thought about it for a bit. Run it through grammarly for like spell check and stuff.

Then I just like, send the doc to my very cool whumpblr friends for beta reading, make some final changes, and post :D

Anyways I have so much writing I need to do. But my writing process is very sporadic and slow lmaooo. One day. I will have lots of stories. I still have some now tho!!!

[afrustratedmom]

A single parent in a relationship

My partner promised me he would take care of our daughter today. I am with her 24 hours a day and I'm exhausted. I'm over having her attached to my hip. But it's hard to take care of your own kid when you spend all night playing video games which is exactly what he did. So I spent all of last night breastfeeding her. When it hit around 8-9 AM and she started waking up crying, I thought, "Well, it's his time to shine." That is not what happened. He continued to sleep as she got louder and louder. So I woke up instead and got her a bottle. He also promised me the night before that the dishes would get done. I wake up to not one but TWO sinks full of dishes. I sit on the bed and I guess that wakes him and he sees me get the baby ready and I begin to feed her. He pretends like he's going to feed her and take over instead but then tells me hold on and hangs out in the bathroom instead. I tell him about the dishes, which he claims he was going to do RIGHT NOW (what a coincidence). How obnoxious that I have to remind a grown ass man (again) to do the fucking dishes. I ask if it's cool if I go play some video games (something I don't get to do often) while he just takes her. In my head I'm thinking it's time for redemption. He says sure. So there I am playing and almost immediately she starts fussing. She whines, fusses, and eventually cries for the next 45 minutes. I'm wondering what's going on. I get up and head to the room where HE'S FALLEN ASLEEP AGAIN and just put her back in her crib as if it's okay to just leave her in there all day. I get pissed and take her with me and try to play with her in my arms, breastfeeding and trying to get comfortable. I decide to wake him up because I'm not going to be the sacrificial lamb once again. I'm sick of doing all of the work. He wakes up startled, I told him this is my only day off from having her every moment of the day and to please just fucking have my back. That I feel like a single parent with him. I hand him the baby, kick them both out of the room, and proceed to take the first nap in ages. I slept for 4 hours and only got woken up because he obviously got aggravated and came into the room, said something (knowing I'm a light sleeper), and it woke me up. I can't wait for the day I don't have to be with him anymore. For the day that I'm either truly a single parent so I can stop feeling like one in a relationship or get with someone else who actually pulls their weight. Sincerely, A Frustrated Mom

[dystopian-reverie]

Making two random Marvel characters meet #1

The Moon Boys and Kamala Khan

Warning: Mentions of trauma only if you squint, nothing else.

This is just a headcanon that's been running around my mind for a while. I just think that they all would have a cool character arc together.

Of course, the headcanons have next to no chance of happening anyway.

This was written before the Ms. Marvel series was even completed, so this is pretty vague and contains no plotlines or might not be in sync at all with what might happen in MCU's future.

A/n: Felt physical pain knowing that Muslims don’t usually celebrate Raksha Bandhan (pls do correct me if I’m wrong because I learnt this from Google) because I’d give right about anything for Kamala to tie Rakhi on Marc’s wrist and him not taking it off for the whole day.

Tag list: @jakelcckley @wowifinallymadeanaccount @devilish-mirage @later-gators12 @wast3ofurtim3

The way I see it, this duo could be the next “grumpy yet cool dad figure adopting an over-eager teenager with who they bonded quite a bit, and would definitely screw up anyone who hurt them” dynamics in MCU, following Tony-Peter and Stephen-America.

If their first-ever meeting was during super-heroing, whoever is fronting would most definitely go "Who the FUCK is letting a 16-year-old fight crimes around here? I'd like to have a word with them" and proceed to draw all the attention to him so she doesn't get hurt.

Let's say it's Marc who met her first. Fast forward a few minutes, he is clearly getting his ass handed to him and Kamala swoops in to save the day. They decide to team up, and after a messy, but successful mission nevertheless, they'd go get ice cream or a drink.

Kamala would immediately bombard him with questions, about his superhero origin story and how long he's been doing this because "Trust me, I know right about everything there is to know about the Avengers and you're not one of them."

"Far from it, kid," he'd grumble. "I'm the avatar of the Egyptian God, Khonshu" He'd explain how being an avatar works as she'd listen intently, taking in the fact that Egyptian mythology was indeed very real, as the Norse ones. "So, as I said earlier, I don't do team work, I'm better off alone,"

"But what you did back there was awesome!" She'd exclaim in dismay. "And the suit changes mid-fights? One moment you have this long cape fluttering behind you wherever you go and the next second you look like you're going to a serial killer met gala,"

That's when Marc truly laughs. It wasn't every day he met someone who doesn't want to kill him, let alone someone who was filled with life and enthusiasm and doesn't keep him on the edge all the time.

He could see Jake smiling in the reflection. "I like this kid. She's got spunk," He'd say, getting a warning glare from Marc.

He could see Steven in the back muttering something about "Serial killer met gala" and couldn't stop smiling to himself.

"The suit changes because the person who is wearing it changes, kid," he says and proceeds to explain about Steven and Jake, all the while she listens to him dumbfound.

"So, in a way," She'd smirk, "You're already doing teamwork. You just don't like being around other people,"

"Can't argue with that," he'd shrug. "Right. Don't you have any normal work to do? What do you kids your age do? Study, party? Why are you here?"

When he learns about her story, he realizes how much of her family and her ethnicity's history is bestowed upon this little kind. A part of him was impressed, and another part was mad that a teenager had to bear the mantle of representing an entire community, and if she ever messed up, bad people were going to come not only after her but her people too.

He'd feel his heart breaking for her because she was so young and innocent, she hadn't yet seen the fate of what happened to people who chose this path or what toll being a hero would take on her.

"That's her decision, Marc," Jake would chime in.

"She's just a child, Jake," Both he and Steven would hiss, their headspace immediately breaking into chaos.

I think there is so much potential for an awesome dynamic here.

Kamala and Marc would be the ultimate sunshine and sunshine protector TM duo ever. Layla would sometimes tease him about him basically being her brother figure, but he'd brush it off, grumbling about how he's just not letting that kid get into anything stupid.

It'd take him hours of convincing and some expensive chocolates to keep her from making a video about him and posting it on her youtube channel.

"Dude, it has like 5 subscribers anyways, and all of them are my friends," She'd whine, but would finally agree to keep his identity a secret.

Whenever Kamala would rant about her family, Marc would listen to her, wishing he could tell her how lucky she is to have a family that cares for her and loves her so much.

Kamala would sometimes be tip-toeing around that topic. Ever since Marc told her about his DID, she'd been researching about that and it came to her knowledge that this disorder develops in little kids who have gone through extreme trauma. She couldn't for the life in her imagine what would've happened. Abusive parents? Rough childhood and foster care system? He'd never talk about any of it and Kamala never tries to push it.

Marc would explain to her what having DID was like, and how he found out that he wasn't alone and shared his adventures with her. He wasn't great at narrating stories, so Kamala had to do most of the work, pulling sentences from him that would paint the perfect picture of the story he was trying to tell her.

She'd also brush up on her knowledge of Ancient Egypt and whenever she tried to geek about it, Marc would chuckle. "Steven's not available at the moment, try again later."

Muneeba's cooking was Marc's favorite. He'd traveled nearly all around the globe and had to eat a lot of dishes from various cultures, but he's always had a knack for Desi food, he found out, no matter how spicy it was. He'd huff and puff through it, his face red and hot but he'd be too proud to admit that the food's a bit too spicy.

Kamala would smirk, and tell him how she finally has a companion other than Bruno and doesn't have spice tolerance either.

If Kamala ever gets injured mid-fight, better take it for granted that whoever was responsible for that is going to get shredded to pieces. He would fight with such violence and vigor, not in front of her of course, that even Jake would be impressed.

Marc would feel less like a mistake and try to enjoy the lightness the kid brings whenever they hung out.

"Look, kid, if you want to survive out in the world with the kind of powers that you have, then you have to learn to physically fight too, alright, don't always rely on your superpowers, you never know what might happen," He had finally said one day, after Jake pestering him for a week straight.

"Jake, Steven, and I are gonna help you, and teach you how to fight," He'd say and be met with an over-enthusiastic and excited Kamala.

He'd soon realize how much he underestimated the kid because even without using her powers, with all the fighting, the kid has gotten physically and mentally stronger. Maybe she can survive this after all.

He couldn't help but worry at times about the inevitable- she's going to lose somebody close to her. An unsettling feeling would take over him, as he realized how much it would break him to see the kid in pain.

Kamala and Steven are probably the softest and most enthusiastic duo who aren't family related in the MCU.

Usually, when Steven is fronting, nearly the whole time would pass by as they both take turns sharing their knowledge on different things that interest them.

Muneeba doesn't understand how Kamala is sliding in random Egyptian facts in everyday conversation and doesn't remember buying her that large Encyclopedia of Egypt that sat heavily on her study table. Probably a gift from Bruno, she had shrugged it off.

If Steven ever got the chance to meet her family or already knows them in the story, he'd definitely help Muneeba around the house with all the work. Breaking through a Desi mother's doubts and initial distrust was probably his greatest achievement, he'd tell Marc and Jake.

This man would have ZERO tolerance for spice and the family would try to stifle their laughs as Kamala brings him cold water and curd to ease the burning. Muneeba made a note to go easy on the chili whenever Steven was around.

Steven Grant was a patient man, and Kamala liked to test that by going "Alright what's all this then," and "It's chewsday, innit?" in a terrible English accent all the time. Jake and Marc adored her for this very reason.

And let us not forget about Kamala's dad and Steven watching cricket matches together!! Those two would lose their minds during every sixers and fours, and wicket. They'd often get into heated discussions about the players and their styles, and historic cricket matches. They both would put the match's commentators to shame.

Kamala might ask for Steven's help whenever she had a history test, and Steven would spend hours teaching her the study materials and helping her memorize all the dates and places and major events fast because he was easily the best teacher Kamala has ever encountered in her life.

When she jokingly mentioned that, Steven felt so proud of himself, not something he was used to feeling.

Kamala is the best wingman for The Boys and Layla. They might be divorced, or complicated or working through it, but whenever Kamala was around, she would, in her own ways, try to help the boys out.

Whenever a mission was getting out of hand, his first priority would always be getting Kamala to safety, though as time went on, he learned to let her fight beside him because she was equally, if not more, stronger and powerful than him.

Kamala and Jake would be the definition of a disaster duo that raised the blood pressure of anyone and everyone around them.

He mostly never fronted when any of Kamala's family members were around. He had met Bruno tho and promptly traumatized that kid with his gruesome stories. Kamala would shove him in the ribs to make him stop, but he'd only keep smirking as he watched Bruno fumble around him.

He'd have zero verbal filters around the kid, earning him a string of warnings from both Steven and Marc which he blissfully ignored. He'd also not bother about beating guys to a pulp whenever she was around, unlike his other alters who were always careful to not use too much violence. Though it made Kamala queazy sometimes, she wouldn't say anything because Jake was the only one who she felt treated her like an adult who can handle things instead of a child who didn't know what she was doing.

Jake would be the one to spoil Kamala so much. He'd buy her whatever she wants on one condition: she exceeds in her superhero training program (but he just buys the random stuff she asks for anyways).

Kamala would try to learn Spanish from Jake, and he'd try to learn Urdu from her. It wasn't a thing they did voluntarily, they didn't set up classes or did it on purpose. They both would say something in their mother tongue and the other would ask what it means and they would go on teaching and learning for minutes together.

One time Jake even gave Kamala and Bruno a ride to their school in his infamous "SPKTR" Limousine that had the whole school turn around and look at them. "Enjoy the attention for the day," He'd say and drive off.

He'd often ask her if he wants to meet Khonshu knowing damn well Kamala can't see him (or can she, with her having Noor ancestry) but never got the chance to because he'd brush it off as a joke- a result of Marc, Steven and Khonshu yelling in the back for him to stop.

Jake usually steered clear out of the way of emotions and feelings. To him, existing while having fun and being wild was all that mattered. At least that was how he planned on spending his days. One day, he was flipping through Kamala's infamous sketchbook that was filled with superheroes and her friends, fictional characters she loved, or basic landscape sketches, and found illustrations of him, Marc, and Steven, fighting or just their basic character profiles.

He'd marvel at Kamala's talent. She really had the hands of an artist. That's when his eyes flicked to the captions beside or beneath every image that'd describe their superpowers or how she viewed them.

He could recognize his sketch pretty easily. The bloke with a boy cap and a suit, leaning over his limousine and a gun in his hand and mouth turned up in a smirk.

'Kid truly captured my essence,' He'd think. "Partner in Crime," He read the caption scribbled beside the illustration, smiling to himself a bit. "Coolest, deranged, uncle figure"

He never cared for much in this world, really. But if there was one thing he was good at, it was fighting for people he cared for. The list didn't have anyone other than Marc and Steven and only a couple of other people he'd seen in his short life, and Kamala was right beside the two idiots he shared his body with.

The Moon Boys and Kamala would be a fun and dangerous duo who have one of the most unique dynamics in the MCU, with so much potential for joint character development and arcs.