afrustratedmom

[afrustratedmom]

This is what I asked for...

Whoever said it was the terrible twos, obviously lied. It's the threes when they really start getting into their own personality and pushing back.

I asked for a strong daughter, and holy shit, did I get one.

Signed, A Frustrated Mom

[afrustratedmom]

It is so exhausting being poor. It's so hard living paycheck to paycheck and every pay day watching your money go down the drain in less than 12 hours. Here we are waiting for the next pay day so we can do the same.

Here is our today's pay day went. We received $1,500 in pay between the two of us. We had $1,200 in regular bills. This doesn't include food, diapers, wipes, and random ends that we need in the house. Food shopping took hours because we are trying to find the cheapest deal and go over our list and see what we can do without for the next 2 weeks.

It's been like this for too many years. We did the right thing. Went to college, got an education, stayed in a field and received more education and skills. And yet we can't move up. We can't make more money. Our checks don't stretch the way they used to.

We struggled today to buy simple things like sidewalk chalk and crayons for our kids to have something to do over the weekend. We would take them somewhere but we can't afford a car that fits all of us and we need to conserve gas and even if we had a bigger vehicle with gas, where would we find the money to take them places?

What is the point of survival and never thriving? I'm so tired. I'm so disappointed in myself and in my life and my kids deserves better than this. I deserve better than this.

Signed, A Frustrated Mom

[afrustratedmom]

I'm So Tired

I'm not sure if this is happening to other parents that work from home are STAHM/F, but I am exhausted. Not physically per se but mentally I cannot bring myself to do anything.

My baby takes up all of my time and I am with her 24 hours a day. It never stops. It's gotten to the point that I don't work full days because all she does is whine and cry and require that I entertain her.

Yet if I lay down, I don't have the urge to fall asleep. My body still feels exhausted nonetheless. This feels like forever. This feels like it will never stop. That I will always have her stuck to me like glue and that she's sucking all the energy out of me.

7 months gone by, how many more to go?

Signed, A Frustrated Mom

[afrustratedmom]

Things have been okay

Things have been okay. Financially we are trying to climb out of the hole but with a little more wiggle room we noticed that we are at our happiest when we break the monotony of the week. Going to free outdoor malls and spaces isn't hard when you live in Central Florida. I'm hoping we can continue making fun little memories for the kids and for ourselves. Sincerely, A Frustrated Mom

[afrustratedmom]

The baby is going through her 6 month sleep regression. She woke up and cried every 1-1.5 hours last night. I woke up cranky, exhausted, and with a stiff neck. I spend ALL day with this baby. I never get a break. My ONLY breaks are when she finally goes to bed at night and sleeps throughout the night. Now, even that is not safe and I am just miserable. God I just a fucking break and a nap. Sincerely, A Frustrated Mom

[afrustratedmom]

Change Is Hard

I've accepted my fate that my job is changing. I will no longer be in charge or hold a management position. Part of me, I assume my ego, is upset about not being able to prove myself. That in less than a year it all went to shit. I'm losing my title and professionally that meant a lot to me. On the flip side, being a boss is HARD. Everything fell on me. I had to have all the answers. I'm relieved in a way to just be a regular employee leaving all the crap up to everyone else. Now all the important decisions? Someone else's problem. Here's hoping there is more positive out of this change than anything negative. Sincerely, A Frustrated Mom

[afrustratedmom]

I have been struggling to get back to work. Between the passing of my partner's mother, dealing with his grief, and the crumbling of my organization, I've all but given up. The anxiety is overwhelming. I just answered one email, checked one social media message, I have a scheduled call, 1 meeting, a book club I have to attend, and scheduled 1 social media post, and I'm trying to talk myself down from a panic attack. What happened to me? Who have I become? 2 months ago I was hitting the ground running every day with a baby by my side and today I had to remind myself to change her diaper and feed said baby at the appropriate time and to finally open up my email and be responsible. I'm not sure what to do or what's wrong but this has never happened to me. I know I'm depressed but I'm usually high functioning in that regard. This feels very different. Sincerely, A Frustrated Mom

[afrustratedmom]

My partner's mother died a week and a half ago. Her and I did not get along but it was heartbreaking to see her slow death nonetheless. My heart breaks to see anyone I know die. It breaks to for my partner. It breaks for the rest of her family because I know the pain of losing someone all too well. The grief can be overwhelming. Between this crap with my job and the grief being felt throughout the home, which has settled like a thick blanket of fog, I had no choice but to take a week off from work. If not, I know I would have had a mental breakdown. My children need me, my partner needs to lean on me, and I need me. I put my self care first. But the anxiety and the burn out has caught up to me. I tried going back to work but I went from being able to do several projects at once and answer 20+ emails to maybe 4 or less and not without an explosion of anxiety in my chest. I'm not sure how to get back to normal. I'm not sure the old normal exists. I have to pave a new normal. So does my partner and so does our family. This death has really made my partner and I evaluate our lives. We work too hard, are still broke, still underpaid, and stressed out of our minds. We wake up every morning at 5:30 AM and hit the ground running until 9 PM. We are exhausted constantly and the anxiety feels suffocating. We just cannot keep this up anymore. The only time we get any rest is when we sleep. We wake up, rinse, and repeat. We need to take more time off, time for ourselves, and time for each other. We want more out of life than just working and it meaning nothing and then we die. We deserve better than that and so do our kids. When my dad died the grief was deep but I only had myself to contend with. This time there is a relationship involved and several children. It's complex and messy and just...a lot. The grief process has just started but it's going to be a messy one. Pray that we come out of this on the other side in one piece and at peace with ourselves and the world around us. Sincerely, A Frustrated (and Grieving) Mom

[afrustratedmom]

Eczema

Welp, I'm a terrible parent. I know that my daughter has eczema and for a while was using eczema specific body wash that I always got her. I upgraded from that to baby body wash that had some perfume in it and her skin did fine with it. I bought some fruity body wash with camomile and lavender thinking she would still be okay and immediately I realized how wrong I was. As soon as I pulled her out of the tub she had red bumps all over her stomach. I panicked and realized the mistake I just made. I send her to school lathered up in eczema lotion and the school calls me later on saying she's itchy and covered in red bumps all over her face down to her legs. So basically every part of her body that made contact with the body wash. I get her home, give her some allergy medicine for kids, lotion her up, and put her to bed to make sure.

The daycare was not lying. She was COVERED in red bumps that had gotten worse within a 12 hour period. She woke up and the redness was gone but the bumps were still there. Like tiny little pustules. I felt so bad. I know it will take a week or so for the bumps to go down and she will be okay and never remember this but my lack of judgment meant a shitty parenting moment. I am not proud of this moment. Sincerely, A Frustrated Mom

[afrustratedmom]

How do you all feel more alive? Less trapped in the never ending cycle that is parenthood? I feel so suffocated by it. The day to day of getting up early, working all day, taking care of daily chores, taking care of the kids, never having any time to just do anything but the mundane. I have to plan everything just to get some dopamine. Just to have a moment of spontaneity. Of fucking joy. I hope it gets better. I hope one day I'm able to go on a vacation again. Or even just a date night. Or just time to head to my favorite bookstore and browse around. At the moment I can't even do that. I just want to feel free again. Sincerely, A Frustrated (and Depressed) Mom

[afrustratedmom]

I can barely get any work done because this baby will not stop crying. Whether I carry her, put her down, let her breastfeed, cuddle her, etc. she just doesn't calm down. I've tried changing her formula to see if it's reflux, feeding her more, feeding her less, changing her diaper, or putting her down for a nap. But nothing works. I cannot work like this but I also cannot afford child care. If it wasn't for me I'm not sure where this baby would go and what my baby daddy would do. I'm not sure what I was thinking having another child. Sincerely, A Frustrated Mom

[afrustratedmom]

A single parent in a relationship

My partner promised me he would take care of our daughter today. I am with her 24 hours a day and I'm exhausted. I'm over having her attached to my hip. But it's hard to take care of your own kid when you spend all night playing video games which is exactly what he did. So I spent all of last night breastfeeding her. When it hit around 8-9 AM and she started waking up crying, I thought, "Well, it's his time to shine." That is not what happened. He continued to sleep as she got louder and louder. So I woke up instead and got her a bottle. He also promised me the night before that the dishes would get done. I wake up to not one but TWO sinks full of dishes. I sit on the bed and I guess that wakes him and he sees me get the baby ready and I begin to feed her. He pretends like he's going to feed her and take over instead but then tells me hold on and hangs out in the bathroom instead. I tell him about the dishes, which he claims he was going to do RIGHT NOW (what a coincidence). How obnoxious that I have to remind a grown ass man (again) to do the fucking dishes. I ask if it's cool if I go play some video games (something I don't get to do often) while he just takes her. In my head I'm thinking it's time for redemption. He says sure. So there I am playing and almost immediately she starts fussing. She whines, fusses, and eventually cries for the next 45 minutes. I'm wondering what's going on. I get up and head to the room where HE'S FALLEN ASLEEP AGAIN and just put her back in her crib as if it's okay to just leave her in there all day. I get pissed and take her with me and try to play with her in my arms, breastfeeding and trying to get comfortable. I decide to wake him up because I'm not going to be the sacrificial lamb once again. I'm sick of doing all of the work. He wakes up startled, I told him this is my only day off from having her every moment of the day and to please just fucking have my back. That I feel like a single parent with him. I hand him the baby, kick them both out of the room, and proceed to take the first nap in ages. I slept for 4 hours and only got woken up because he obviously got aggravated and came into the room, said something (knowing I'm a light sleeper), and it woke me up. I can't wait for the day I don't have to be with him anymore. For the day that I'm either truly a single parent so I can stop feeling like one in a relationship or get with someone else who actually pulls their weight. Sincerely, A Frustrated Mom

[afrustratedmom]

I wanted to travel before I had kids. Had all these plans to just get up and go. I even got accepted into the Peace Corps. But then life happened, and my dad got really sick, he passed, and then life happened again. I had kids. I know that dream of mine isn't over yet. I still want to travel. I still want to explore. I just think I need to put those dreams on hold (like every other dream I have) just to get by. One day. Hopefully one day soon. Signed, A Frustrated Mom

[afrustratedmom]

This situation with my job has really knocked the wind out of my sails. I have locked myself in the den and only take care of the baby. Besides that, very little work has gotten done on my end. I spend hours and hours playing video games because the crazy amount of stress I have been feeling for the last 2 years has mounted and the dam has finally burst. I feel like I've totally checked out and I'm so anxious about getting anything done that I choose to do nothing at all. Y'all I don't even like video games but here I am staring at the tv. The constant fighting in my relationship has gotten to me. Taking care of 3 kids under 5, with a baby stuck to my hip 24 hours has exhausted me. Financial issues that I can never get ahead of has angered me. The job I worked so hard for where I got totally screwed over has depressed me. I don't want to be strong anymore. Sincerely, A Frustrated (and Broken) Mom

[afrustratedmom]

There is a possibility that my job and entire organization are going bye bye. To make a long story short we are paying the price for the previous ED's lies and illegal activity within the organization. My Board failed to mention this and thought if they hired me I could be the one left holding their bag of bullshit. So I tried asking for help and my honesty essentially got us all sacked. My depression is growing and my anxiety is through the roof. I never thought this would happen. My first time as an ED has been horrendous. I am not joking when I say that this has been the job from hell. I am also not exaggerating when I say I have to put out fires in this organization every day since I started 6 months ago. Seriously. Every. Fucking. Day. In 6 months I've tried turning around years and years of mismanagement and neglect. I always have a plan but not this time. This time I've done all I can do and nothing felt like enough. I hit wall after wall. I feel devastated, like a failure, and like a loser. Somehow I have to explain to my children how I let them down. I know there is a silver lining somewhere but I'm in the middle of the valley versus at the top of the mountain looking down. Signed, A Frustrated (and Depressed) Mom

[afrustratedmom]

The maintenance guy must think I'm such a dick

Maintenance guy fixing another problem in our apartment: So, how's everything going? Me: Oh, you know, just living the dream. *mentally kick myself because who the fuck still says that* Maintenance guy: Well, that's great. And the baby is getting bigger and bigger every time I see her! Me: Yeah, she's super precious. *Maintenance guy goes about doing his job* *Baby proceeds to puke all over me for the 14th time that morning* Me: You little motherfucker I swear to god you enjoy doing this. *Baby smiles and laughs like she does every time she pukes on anyone* *Maintenance guy stares at me like I'm a monster*

[afrustratedmom]

My partner walked in today during his lunch hour. Something we have tried doing since we moved in. The other day without anyone having to tell me, I went to a restaurant I knew he liked and got him all this food that I knew he would appreciate. My mindset was, he works hard, get him something that will be comforting to him, pick it up, surprise him with it, and pick him up from the office even though the building we live in is like 3 buildings away from the office. Don't create any extra work for him. Make this as easy as possible for him and cater to him. He loved it. He was so happy. We had a great lunch. Here comes today. I've had a hard morning with the baby, he took the car and I was too tired to walk and get it from him. I haven't eaten all day because we haven't really bought groceries. He walks into the apartment and I must have fallen asleep with the baby fussing next to me because I was startled awake by him. He walks in the door and he says he already ate. Someone at the property bought lunch for everyone. Okay, that's cool. But I thought we would eat together? Oh, well, I already ate so I thought we could just hang out. Except, I haven't eaten. Well, I couldn't expect my coworker to get you something. I'm not asking them to get me something. I'm telling you I have NOT eaten so what should I do in this instance? Because hanging out isn't going to feed me. Oh, well, we can go and get you some food. We? Why we?

Because you said you are hungry so get dressed and get the baby ready and we can get you something to eat.

No WE don't need to do anything. YOU should have had enough sense to go and get me something, the way I do for you. This is the part where he doesn't see what the big deal is and proceeds to mock me in a baby voice to the baby. So you don't want to hang out with me? First, you think it's funny to make fun of me even though I'm super annoyed with you. Second, why would I want to hang out with you? Why are you even fucking here at this point? Walk your ass back to work. I just didn't think it's a big deal is all. And that's the problem. You didn't think of me AGAIN and so it's not a big deal. You instead want to create more work for me instead of just doing me a solid and getting me food and bringing it back. Well, I don't really know what you like. We have a baby together, we are engaged, we have been together for over 2 years, and you STILL don't know what I like? Silence. Staring at me in fear and confusion. You want to know why I'm really mad? Because you never just do something for me to make my life easier. Everything still requires work from me. You never close out the circle. That circle still has to be closed by work that I put in. Silence. Staring at me in fear and confusion. A perfect example. For the first time in our relationship, you bought me flowers last month. But you failed to buy me a vase. So guess who had to cut the ends, find a container to put them in because they were just dying on the table, add the powder that keeps them going for a bit longer, and water them. Me. I did. Because your "gift" was really just more work for me. I guess I'll try harder? Are you asking me or are you telling me? Umm, telling you. I was wrong. Sorry. More silence. Soooo, I know you are keeping the car but can you drive me back to work? Please walk yourself back to your fucking office and stop talking to me. I don't know why I even bother. Signed, A Frustrated Mom